Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

SOME OF YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO SEE ME

DRESSED AS A FRANCISCAN VICAR, FIDDLING ABOUT WITH A PRAM.

SOME OF YOU MAY BE EVEN MORE SURPRISED TO LEARN

THAT THE BABY IN THE PRAM IS NONE OTHER THAN MY WAITRESS,

MIMI LABONQ.

MAY I SPEAK?

NO.

ALL THIS IS A SIMPLE RUSE TO RECOVER THE GENUINE PAINTINGS

OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP,

AND THE CRACKED VASE WITH THE BIG DAISIES BY VAN GOGH,

BOTH OF WHICH PAINTINGS I HAVE NOW CONCEALED

IN THE NAPPY OF MIMI LABONQ.

I WILL HAVE TO BLOW THE TALCUM POWDER OFF

WHEN I GET HOME.

THE FORGERIES, I SHOULD ADD,

ARE CONCEALED BEHIND THAT BEAM UP THERE.

NOW, THE GERMAN COLONEL AND THE ITALIAN CAPTAIN

WERE JUST ABOUT TO CREATE A DIVERSION

SO THAT I COULD ESCAPE,

WHEN, UNFORTUNATELY, THEY WERE AMBUSHED

BY THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE AND CAPTURED.

AND THEY ARE NOW, EVEN AS I SPEAK,

BEING LED HERE BY THEIR FEARED LEADER,

DENISE LAROQUE, WHO IS, OF COURSE,

MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME.

( door opening )

LOOK OUT, LIE BACK, AND BEHAVE LIKE A BABY!

( belches )

Captain: HEY. HEY!

MIND WHERE YOU POKE THAT THING.

STAND OVER THERE!

HOW DID YOU GERMAN PIGS FIND OUR SECRET HEADQUARTERS?

WE WERE LED HERE BY THE OLD PIANO PLAYER.

YOU ARE A TRAITOR TO FRANCE,

AND YOU WILL BE SHOT IMMEDIATELY.

NO, NO, NO.

PLEASE, THEY MADE ME DO IT.

I WILL DIE FOR FRANCE.

BUT YOU DID NOT DIE.

I WILL, I WILL...

EVENTUALLY.

MA'AM, MAY I INTERCEDE ON BEHALF OF THIS FRAIL,

OLD, PIANO TUNING, PEASANT?

HE HAS NEVER GROWN UP.

HE HAS THE MIND OF A FIVE-YEAR-OLD.

HE HAS A CONDITION KNOWN IN THE MEDICAL WORLD AS--

"GAGA."

BE CALM, MY SON, NO HARM WILL BEFALL YOU.

THANK YOU, FATHER.

WHY DO WE WASTE TIME TALKING?

WE SHOULD TAKE THESE ENEMIES OF FRANCE OUTSIDE,

PUT THEM UP AGAINST THE WALL OF THE BARN,

AND BUMP THEM OFF.

YOU A BEAUTIFUL LADY.

WHY YOU SO DAMNED AGGRESSIVE, EH?

YOU SHOULD NOT MAKE THE WAR,

YOU SHOULD MAKE THE LOVE.

DOES ANYBODY FANCY THIS ITALIAN,

BEFORE WE SHOOT HIM?

HE COULD BE QUITE AMUSING, I SUPPOSE,

FOR AN HOUR OR TWO.

I HAVE THE LAST REQUEST.

Denise: WHAT IS IT?

I MUST WEAR THE BLINDFOLD.

BEFORE YOU ARE SHOT?

BEFORE I MAKE THE LOVE.

WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF SHOOTING?

IF WE ARE CLEVER,

WE CAN GET FOR THE GERMANS A LARGE RANSOM.

SPEAKING FOR MYSELF,

I THINK THAT WHAT THE HOLY FATHER IS SAYING

IS VERY SENSIBLE.

WELL, I SAY GET RID OF THEM.

SHOOT THEM!

NO, NO, NO. LET US NOT BE HASTY.

NOW LOOK, WE ARE ALL GOOD COMMUNISTS,

WHY DO WE NOT FORM A COMMITTEE?

HAVE A DEBATE?

PUT A MOTION ON THE TABLE?

YOU NEED PARTY FUNDS.

WE COULD START A NEWSPAPER,

ADVERTISE FOR NEW MEMBERS.

HE IS RIGHT.

THIS WE WILL DO.

THANK YOU, FATHER.

MAY I KISS YOUR RING?

THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY.

THE THANKS WILL BE ENOUGH.

CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING, HERR FLICK?

PASS ME THE BINOCULARS.

YES, HERR FLICK.

NOT THE MICKEY MOUSE BINOCULARS--

THE POWERFUL GESTAPO BINOCULARS.

YES, HERR FLICK.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

THE COLONEL, THE LIEUTENANT, AND THE ITALIAN CAPTAIN

HAVE BEEN TAKEN INTO THE SAWMILL

BY ROUGH, WORKING CLASS WOMEN WITH GUNS.

WE MUST ASSUME THAT THEIR PLANS HAVE FAILED.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WHEEL ME BACK TO MY HEADQUARTERS.

YES, HERR FLICK.

AND DO NOT GO OVER ANY BUMPS,

AS I WISH TO GO TO THE POTTY.

HOW MANY KILOS DO YOU WISH?

NO, I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND.

SHE'S CHANGED HER MIND, SHE SAYS.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I SQUEEZE YOUR GRAPEFRUIT

AND CHANGE MY MIND?

GOOD MOANING.

GOOD MORNING, OFFICER.

I WISH TO GIVE YOU A MASSAGE.

COME INTO THE CAFE.

I SAY, CARSTAIRS,

CRABTREE, THE BRAVE ENGLISH AGENT, APPROACHES.

OH, GOOD SHOW.

MAYBE HE'LL HAVE WIND OF AN ESCAPE PLAN FOR US.

I HOPE NOT. IT'S RATHER A NICE DAY AND I'M ENJOYING THE WINE.

GOOD MOANING.

WHAT A NICE DO IT IS, WITH ALL THIS SIN.

WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S SPEAKING FRENCH AGAIN.

SORRY, CHAPS.

ANY ESCAPE PLANS?

WELL, NOT TODAY I'M AFRAID. BUT WE'RE WORKING ON IT.

THEN COULD YOU LEND US A BOB OR TWO?

WE THOUGHT WE'D GO TO THE PICTURES THIS AFTERNOON.

HERE YOU ARE,

GO EASY ON THE POPCORN.

( sobbing )

WHAT ARE YOU SNIVELING FOR, CHILD?

OH, IT IS RENE.

SO LONG HE HAS BEEN AWAY.

DO NOT BLOW YOUR NOSE ON THE PAPER NAPKINS.

THEY COST MONEY.

GOOD MOANING.

PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR A SHICK.

RONNIE AND THE GERMANS AND THE ITALIAN COPTAIN

HAVE BEEN KIPTURED BY THE KIMMUNIST RESOSTANCE.

OH, NO!

OH, NO!

PUT THESE SMELLING SILTS UNDER YOUR NEESES,

AND HAVE A GOOD SNAFF.

RENE HAS BEEN CAPTURED.

YES, WE JUST HID THE NOSE.

SHE MEANS HEARD THE NEWS.

LISTEN, EVERYBODY.

MONSIEUR RENE HAS BEEN CAPTURED.

I ALRODY TILLED THEM.

I HAVE A PLAN.

WE MUST AT ONCE GET ON THE RADIO TO LONDON.

FOLLOW ME.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

AH!

( record music playing )

( operatic singing ) ♪ THEY CALL ME MIMI ♪

♪ BUT MY NAME ♪

♪ IS ♪

♪ LUCIA ♪

♪ MY STORY ♪

♪ IS A SHORT ONE ♪

- ♪ BUT-- ♪ - ( needle scratch )

SHORTER THAN I THOUGHT.

AH!

OH, OH.

OH, THOSE STAIRS, MY DICKY TICKER.

'ALLO, LONDON, 'ALLO, LONDON.

I WISH TO SPEAK TO KINGFISHER.

Male voice: 'Allo, 'allo,

this is London calling.

Who is talking?

THIS IS BLUE TIT.

Kingfisher is having lunch.

Call back in 10 minutes.

WHAT IS THIS PLAN YOU HAVE?

WE HAVE THE HATED GERMANS AND THE COMMUNISTS

UNDER ONE ROOF.

IT IS AN IDEAL OPPORTUNITY TO ELIMINATE THEM.

I'M CALLING UP THE R.A.F.

TO DROP THEIR BOMBS ON THE SAWMILL.

BUT MY RENE IS THERE.

THE BOMBS FROM THE BOMBER COULD KILL HIM.

GOOD.

BUT WHAT IS THE SACRIFICE OF ONE LIFE,

WHEN WE CAN GET RID OF SO MANY OF OUR ENEMIES?

BUT MAM'ZELLE,

ARE THE COMMUNISTS NOT FRENCHMEN?

YES, BUT IF WE DO NOT GET RID OF THEM,

THEY WILL TAKE OVER AFTER THE WAR.

I CAN NOT LET YOU DO THIS TO RENE.

HE WOULD BE PROUD

TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF FOR FRANCE.

I WOULD NOT BE TOO SURE OF THAT.

IF I MAY SAY SO,

I THINK HE WILL DIE A HAPPY MAN,

KNOWING THAT I WILL MARRY YOU,

DEAR LADY,

AND LOOK AFTER YOU TENDERLY FOR THE FEW YEARS

REMAINING TO ME--

BEFORE LEAVING TO YOU THE VAST AMOUNT OF MONEY

I HAVE IN A SWISS BANK ACCOUNT,

THE NUMBER OF WHICH I WILL GIVE YOU,

JUST BEFORE WE BLOW OUT THE CANDLE

ON THE NIGHT OF OUR HONEYMOON.

IT IS A GOOD OFFER. TAKE IT.

HERE IS YOUR DINNER, PIGS.

LOOKS LIKE DOG FOOD.

IT IS DOG FOOD.

HOW DO WE EAT IT, WITH OUR HANDS

TIED BEHIND OUR BACKS?

HOW DO DOGS EAT?

SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL LADY,

BUT WHAT A COW.

THIS SITUATION IS GETTING

MORE AND MORE SERIOUS EVERY MINUTE.

FORTUNATELY, THEIR LEADER SEEMS TO BE

ON VERY GOOD TERMS WITH RENE.

WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN HIM WHEN THERE IS ME?

WITH THE FIGURE,

THE UNIFORM WITH THE MEDALS,

THE HANDSOME FACE WITH THE BROAD SMILE

AND THE STRONG WHITE TEETH?

PERHAPS SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE DEAD CHICKEN ON YOUR HEAD.

I HAVE PERSUADED THEM NOT TO KILL YOU.

OH, THANK YOU, RENE.

I SHALL BE FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT.

THEY HAVE ASKED ME TO NEGOTIATE FOR YOU A RANSOM.

HOW MUCH ARE THEY ASKING?

1,000,000 FRANCS FOR THE GERMANS.

HOW MUCH FOR THE CAPTAIN OF THE BRAVE ITALIAN ARMY?

10 TINS OF BAKED BEANS.

HAVE YOU RECOVERED THE REAL PAINTINGS

FROM THEIR SECRET HIDING PLACE?

UM, NOT YET, NO.

GO AND GET THEM. NOW!

YES, COLONEL. KEEP CAVEE.

I HAVE THEM, COLONEL.

PUT THEM DOWN GRUBER'S TROUSERS.

WOULD YOU LIKE THEM DOWN THE LEFT SIDE,

OR THE RIGHT?

I THINK, IF IT IS ALL THE SAME TO YOU,

ONE ON EACH SIDE.

THIS IS THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES

BY VAN CLOMP.

THIS IS THE CRACKED VASE WITH THE BIG DAISIES.

OOH, OOH.

I HAD NOT FORMERLY REALIZED

HOW COARSE WAS THE CANVAS

USED BY VAN GOGH.

HE PROBABLY PAINTED IT ON THE SKIRT

OF SOME OLD NATIVE.

LET US HOPE HE WASHED IT FIRST.

I HEAR THEM COMING.

OH!

GOOD LUCK, MY BRAVE, CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART.

YES.

IF THE RANSOM IS PAID,

YOU WILL BE RELEASED MORE OR LESS UNHARMED.

IF NOT--

BANG,

BANG,

BANG.

THE GENERAL WILL PAY.

EMBRACE ME.

OH, YES.

EMBRACE ME, ALSO.

THIS IS MY MAN,

AND I WILL KILL ANY OTHER WOMAN

WHO TRIES TO COME BETWEEN US!

YOU AND WHO ELSE?

JUST GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM.

LADIES, LADIES, PLEASE.

YOU HAVE HAD A HARD DAY.

THE KETTLE IS ON, NOW JUST CONTROL YOURSELVES.

THIS OVERWEIGHT FROG,

WHAT'S HE GOT, EH?

WHY ALL THE GIRLS GOT THE HOTS FOR HIM?

IT IS BECAUSE HE IS ALL MAN.

FAREWELL, FAREWELL.

WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I TOOK WITH ME

THE OLD PEASANT AND THE BABY?

IS IT YOUR BABY?

NO, I FOUND IT ON A DOORSTEP.

I WAS JUST GOING TO LEAVE IT OUTSIDE THE NUNNERY

WHEN I SUDDENLY THOUGHT ONE OF THEM MIGHT BE BLAMED.

I WILL JUST DROP IT OFF AT THE ORPHANAGE.

NO. NO, IT IS BETTER

THAT THE POOR CHILD BE LOOKED AFTER BY WOMEN.

BUT SURELY IT WOULD GET IN YOUR WAY

WHEN YOU ARE KILLING GERMANS AND BLOWING THINGS UP?

WE HAVE MANY SYMPATHIZERS.

IT WILL BE WELL CARED FOR.

WHO KNOWS,

IN TIME,

YOU AND I MAY ADOPT IT,

AND BRING IT UP AS OUR OWN.

THAT IS A VERY NICE THOUGHT, DENISE.

BUT WOULD IT NOT BE EASIER IF I JUST WENT

AND CHANGED IT FOR A PRETTIER ONE?

NO, THE WORRY OF BEING AN ORPHAN

HAS ALREADY MADE HER LOOK OLD BEYOND HER YEARS.

GO NOW. YOU HAVE A MISSION TO FULFILL.

OH, YES. COME, MONSIEUR.

YES.

'SCUSE.

( phone rings )

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN SPEAKING.

DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?

No.

GOOD.

IN THAT CASE, I CAN TELL YOU

THAT COLONEL VON STROHM, LIEUTENANT GRUBER,

AND CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,

HAVE BEEN CAPTURED BY THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE,

AND UNLESS YOU PAY A RANSOM OF 1,000,000 FRANCS,

THEY WILL BE SHOT.

LET THEM BE SHOT.

'ALLO? HE HAS HUNG UP.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE SAID, "LET THEM BE SHOT."

OH, HOW RUTHLESS ARE THESE GERMANS.

IF HE DOES NOT CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM,

WHY SHOULD WE?

THEY ARE THE ENEMY.

AND MICHELLE HAS ARRANGED FOR THE R.A.F.

TO DROP BOMBS ON THEM TOMORROW NIGHT.

HANG ON, HOW DID YOU KNOW

THAT I WOULD NOT BE THERE?

IT IS WAR, MONSIEUR. WE HAD TO TAKE A CHANCE.

BUT I HAVE LEFT MIMI THERE,

AND SHE HAS GOT THE REAL PAINTINGS WITH HER.

MICHELLE, YOU MUST STOP THOSE BOMBERS.

I CANNOT.

THE BATTERY ON THE RADIO IS FLAT.

BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO FIND 1,000,000 FRANCS FOR THE RANSOM?

DEAR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

ALL THE MONEY IN YOUR SWISS BANK ACCOUNT,

COULD WE NOT BORROW IT?

SUDDENLY I'VE FORGOTTEN THE NUMBER,

AND THE SWISS BANK

IS CLOSED FOR THE BANK HOLIDAY,

AND MY DICKY TICKER IS ACTING UP AGAIN.

I CANNOT FORGE

A MILLION FRANCS BY TOMORROW.

I HAVE IT, IT IS SIMPLE.

WE WILL STEAL IT FROM THE VAULT IN THE BANK.

STEAL IT FROM THE VAULT IN THE BANK, SHE SAYS.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE BANK?

WE HAVE HERE THE GREATEST SAFECRACKER IN ALL FRANCE.

WE WILL BLOW THE SAFE,

TAKE 1,000,000 FRANCS,

PAY THE RANSOM, AND SAVE THE LIFE OF MIMI.

IT IS DECIDED.

I AM NOT GOING TO ROB A BANK!

I WOULD GET LIFE--

OR EVEN LONGER.

IN THAT CASE, WE WILL NOT BE ABLE

TO RECOVER THE PAINTINGS, AND WE WILL BE POOR FOREVER.

OH, RENE,

THINK OF WHAT YOU COULD DO WITH THE MONEY.

OH, THIS GREED WITHIN ME,

IT IS LIKE BEING SHACKLED TO A MADMAN.

I WILL DO IT.

MADEMOISELLE, I ALSO HAVE MONEY IN THAT BANK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WILL NOT BE STEALING MINE?

YOU WILL BE COMING WITH US.

WE WILL MEET AT THE BANK AT MIDNIGHT.

YOU ARE LOOKING VERY PENSIVE, HERR FLICK,

AND YOUR BROW IS FURROWED

LIKE A PLOWED FIELD.

WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THIS?

I AM HATCHING A PLOT.

I WAS INTENDING TO OBTAIN THAT PAINTING,

TO SELL AFTER THE WAR, IN ORDER TO MARRY YOU.

CORRECT.

THERE IS, HOWEVER,

A SWIFTER WAY OF OBTAINING MONEY.

WHAT IS THIS, HERR FLICK?

BY PRETENDING TO BE A MEMBER

OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.

I WILL TELEPHONE THE GENERAL

AND DEMAND HE PAY A RANSOM

FOR THE RETURN OF THE GERMAN OFFICERS.

IT IS A DEVIOUS AND BRILLIANT PLAN, HERR FLICK.

I KNOW.

'ALLO, 'ALLO.

IS THIS GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN?

SPEAKING.

I AM A FRENCH PEASANT, WORKING FOR THE RESISTANCE.

IF YOUR GERMAN OFFICERS ALIVE YOU WISH TO SEE,

YOU WILL A RANSOM OF 2,000,000 FRANCS PAY.

YOU FOOLISH FELLOW.

IF I WILL NOT PAY A RANSOM OF 1,000,000 FRANCS,

WHY SHOULD I PAY 2,000,000?

HE WILL NOT PAY.

THESE GERMAN GENERALS,

THEY ARE RUTHLESS SCOUNDRELS.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

I SHALL KICK VON SMALLHAUSEN WITH MY GOOD LEG.

WHAT WRONG HAS HE DONE?

NONE.

BUT I SHALL FEEL BETTER FOR IT.

THERE IS THE DOOR OF THE VAULT.

BREAK IN, I WILL KEEP WATCH OUTSIDE.

SHOULD ANYONE APPROACH,

I WILL HOOT LIKE AN OWL.

LOOK, YOU STAY HERE,

I WILL HOOT LIKE AN OWL.

LILY-LIVER.

I AM THE BOSS,

YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD.

I THINK IT IS A VERY STRONG DOOR.

IT WILL NEED A LOT OF EXPLOSIVE.

IT WILL BE A BIG BANG.

DO NOT WORRY.

I HAVE SEEN THESE DOORS BEFORE.

I OPENED ONE IN DIJON, IN 1931.

A BANK?

NO, THE MUSTARD FACTORY.

SH, SH, SH, SH!

WHAT CAN YOU HEAR?

RUST.

HURRY UP.

( owl hoot )

MY GOD, THE OWL.

SOMEBODY IS COMING.

GOOD MOANING.

DO IT TAKE IT YOU ARE RIBBING THE BONK?

YES, WE ARE RIBBING THE BONK.

BUT THAT IS AGAINST THE LOO.

IT IS LICKY FOR YOU THAT I AM ON YOUR SAWED.

EVERYBODY,

I HAVE DONE IT.

BUT, THIS IS A BIGGLARY,

A VERY BOG BIGGLARY.

LOOK, YOU GO OUTSIDE AND KEEP WATCH WITH MICHELLE.

ANYONE APPROACHES, I WILL HOOT LIKE AN EEL.

GET TO WORK ON THESE BOXES.

NO, NO! NOT THAT ONE. IT IS MINE.

I WILL CHECK IT WHILE I'M HERE.

THIS ONE IS FULL OF PAPERS.

IT IS SOMEBODY'S WILL.

THIS ONE IS EMPTY.

IT IS THE BAKER'S.

OH, HE HAS LEFT NOTHING TO HIS WIFE;

ALL TO HIS MISTRESS.

I THINK IT IS ALL HERE.

( creaking )

QUICK, THE DOOR!

Rene: MY GOD!

OH NO. WE ARE TRAPPED!

HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?

WE CANNOT.

IT IS ON A TIME SWITCH.

WE MUST WAIT FOR THE BANK TO OPEN.

MY GOD, I WILL GET LIFE FOR THIS.

OH MY, I AM GETTING THE CLAUSTROPHOBIA.

RENE, HOLD ME.

MY POOR CHILD. TAKE-- TAKE DEEP BREATHS.

( breathes heavily )

NOT THAT DEEP. YOU ARE USING UP ALL THE AIR.

QUICK, I HAVE AN IDEA.

I STILL HAVE THE PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE.

WE CAN BLOW OPEN THE DOOR.

QUICK, BEFORE WE ALL SUFFOCATE.

OH, MY DICKY TICKER.

GIVE TO ME THE STETHOSCOPE.

( wheezes )

OH, GOD.

IT HAS STOPPED. I AM DEAD.

YOUR END HAS FALLEN OFF.

OH NO!

Edith: THE LIGHTS, THEY ARE DIMMING!

Leclerc: WHAT IS HAPPENING?

I CANNOT WORK WITHOUT LIGHT.

AH! I HAVE THE MATCHES.

- GIVE THEM HERE, QUICK. - HERE.

LIGHT, LIGHT.

WHO PUT ALL THE DEAD ONES BACK IN THE BOX?

QUICK, IT IS GOING!

OH!

THERE IS ONLY ONE MATCH.

AND I MUST HAVE THAT

TO LIGHT THE FUSE.

Rene: OH MY GOD.

Leclerc: AH, NOW I CANNOT SEE

TO PUT THE PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE.

LIGHT, I MUST HAVE MORE LIGHT.

QUICK, KEEP IT GOING.

GIVE ME SOME PAPERS.

- HERE, HERE. - OH MY GOD!

THAT IS MY DEPOSIT BOX.

MY MONEY! THEY'RE BURNING MY MONEY!

PLEASE, THESE ARE 5000 FRANC NOTES.

I'M SORRY, MONSIEUR,

BUT WE NEED THE LIGHT.

OH BUT MADAME, IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN,

BURN THE 1000s!

OH MY GOD, MY NEST EGG.

MY LIFE'S SAVINGS.

NEEDS MUST, MONSIEUR, NEEDS MUST.

BUT MADAME, THINK OF OUR FUTURE.

BURN YOUR KNICKERS.

THEY ARE TAKING A LONG TIME.

DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A POKE?

A POKE?

A POKE TO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING.

I AM READY NOW TO LIGHT THE FUSE.

THANK GOD.

ANOTHER THREE MINUTES,

I WOULD HAVE BEEN BANKRUPT.

LOOK, I HAVE FOUND A BOX FULL OF MONEY.

EVERYBODY, STAND BACK.

BACK, STAND BACK.

CAN YOU HEAR ME INSOD?

IF YOU CAN HEAR ME,

GIVE ME A SOGNAL.

( explosion )

( coughing; gasping )

( theme music playing )