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1
00:00:00,358 --> 00:00:03,925
Social media can be confusing
if you're super old and dumb.
2
00:00:03,978 --> 00:00:06,121
Why did you just favorite that
tweet? She called you ugly.
3
00:00:06,168 --> 00:00:07,268
Because she's a hater.
4
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:09,439
I love my haters. They make me famous.
5
00:00:09,486 --> 00:00:11,921
- You're not famous.
- I am in the Twitterverse.
6
00:00:11,989 --> 00:00:13,222
I see. And your favorite thing
7
00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:14,690
is when people insult your looks?
8
00:00:14,758 --> 00:00:16,259
Well, it's not my favorite thing.
9
00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:17,693
Yet, you're favorited it.
10
00:00:17,761 --> 00:00:19,996
Favoriting an insult is a way
of showing it doesn't hurt you.
11
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,731
But it should hurt you.
12
00:00:21,799 --> 00:00:24,000
And maybe if I was still ugly, it would.
13
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,369
Having haters online
means that you made it.
14
00:00:26,437 --> 00:00:29,305
Okay, but having haters in real
life means that people hate you.
15
00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:55,872
I'm sorry, but did you
see what she was wearing?
16
00:00:55,904 --> 00:00:58,339
I have cotton briefs that cover more.
17
00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,074
I can't believe
H.R. hasn't cited her
18
00:01:00,141 --> 00:01:01,480
for inappropriate office attire.
19
00:01:01,511 --> 00:01:04,190
Please... she's probably
slept with everyone in H.R.
20
00:01:04,221 --> 00:01:06,472
How do you think she got to
be the number-one sales rep?
21
00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:08,483
You're killing me!
22
00:01:09,776 --> 00:01:11,377
Can't be that funny.
23
00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:13,045
It's like, "hey, there,
sweet potato. I'm on to you.
24
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:14,113
"You're not a French fry,
25
00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:15,281
stop showing up with my burger."
26
00:01:16,799 --> 00:01:19,989
You're hilarious. You should be president.
27
00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:22,889
Eliza, may I speak with you
for a moment in my office?
28
00:01:32,143 --> 00:01:34,629
- Charlie, hold my calls.
- Uh, no one called.
29
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:36,599
Good. Let's keep it that way.
30
00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:39,097
I can't control who calls the office.
31
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,297
Charlie, I beg.
32
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,302
Okay.
33
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,337
Okay.
34
00:01:50,216 --> 00:01:51,774
What do you think you were doing out there
35
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,979
with that guy from business affairs?
36
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:55,350
Guys like it when you laugh at their jokes
37
00:01:55,362 --> 00:01:56,496
and make them feel powerful.
38
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,182
President... like that
guy could be president.
39
00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,685
You're right. Oh, God, you're so smart.
40
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:02,681
You know, you should
be on the supreme court.
41
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,285
Well, I do consider
myself fair and impart...
42
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:06,930
That is not gonna work on me.
43
00:02:06,955 --> 00:02:09,060
And while we're at it, do you
think that these tight tights
44
00:02:09,098 --> 00:02:10,892
and those short shorts
and those high high heels
45
00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:12,450
are appropriate office attire?
46
00:02:12,475 --> 00:02:14,617
You sound like
Joan and the fuggalos.
47
00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:16,101
Eliza, this isn't the Twitterverse.
48
00:02:16,138 --> 00:02:19,004
You have to think about how you
are perceived in this office.
49
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,839
No, I have to think about how I'm perceived
50
00:02:20,906 --> 00:02:22,989
outside this office, which is hot,
51
00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:24,876
which is what helps me sell
drugs to repressed, old doctors,
52
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,978
which is how I got to be
the number-one sales rep.
53
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,647
Well, people are gonna
get the wrong impression.
54
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:30,315
When you dress like this
and you act like this...
55
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:32,784
People are gonna assume
56
00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:35,186
that you're sleeping with
president sweet potato.
57
00:02:35,254 --> 00:02:36,554
I am sleeping with him.
58
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,189
I sleep with him all the time.
59
00:02:38,257 --> 00:02:41,031
- Since when?
- Let me check.
60
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,595
Oh, here.
61
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,468
First text from Freddy... "You are hotter
62
00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:48,496
than the bottom of my
laptop"... 2 1/2 weeks ago.
63
00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,835
2... 2 1/2 weeks ago, and
you're already intimate?
64
00:02:50,903 --> 00:02:51,870
"Intimate"?
65
00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:54,205
Is that how old people say "sex"?
66
00:02:54,243 --> 00:02:56,386
No. Yes.
67
00:02:56,423 --> 00:02:58,467
Eliza, this is your
second office relationship
68
00:02:58,517 --> 00:03:00,512
in the short time that I've known you.
69
00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,394
And I use the word
"relationship" very loosely.
70
00:03:02,444 --> 00:03:03,977
Okay, don't get all slut-shamey on me
71
00:03:04,014 --> 00:03:05,817
just 'cause you don't get my generation.
72
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,139
It just so happens we're
a lot more cas about sex
73
00:03:08,176 --> 00:03:09,688
than you baby boomers.
74
00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:12,110
I'm not a... I'm not a baby boomer.
75
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,069
Yes, you are.
76
00:03:13,094 --> 00:03:15,649
I fall squarely within the
parameters of generation "x,"
77
00:03:15,711 --> 00:03:16,807
thank you very much.
78
00:03:16,845 --> 00:03:18,216
But, Henry, this is one area
79
00:03:18,253 --> 00:03:20,994
where I'm not sure you
should be advising me...
80
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:23,638
I mean, you're so out of touch,
you're not even on Facebook.
81
00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,532
Hey, I'd rather be out of touch
82
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:28,124
than touching everything that walks.
83
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:35,747
See?
84
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,916
It hurts when girls
don't laugh at your jokes.
85
00:03:38,981 --> 00:03:41,224
Eliza, you... you asked me
86
00:03:41,274 --> 00:03:43,322
to help you cultivate
meaningful relationships.
87
00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:45,490
Is that what you think
you're doing with Freddy?
88
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,784
Could be.
89
00:03:46,821 --> 00:03:48,660
Do you two ever make advance plans?
90
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,161
Kind of.
91
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:54,299
_
92
00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:56,968
Have you and Freddy ever
been on an actual date?
93
00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,536
Basically.
94
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,117
_
95
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:06,211
Come on, Eliza.
96
00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:09,314
Have you and Freddy even
been outside together?
97
00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:11,015
For the most part.
98
00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:14,619
Does his wraparound terrace count?
99
00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:21,630
I hate to break it to you, but I'm gonna.
100
00:04:22,976 --> 00:04:25,892
You are what Jamie Foxx and
other men of my generation
101
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,147
refer to as a Booty call.
102
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,854
And if your behavior persists,
103
00:04:29,892 --> 00:04:31,588
that is all you will ever be.
104
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:33,644
Whatevs.
105
00:04:33,656 --> 00:04:36,572
If I wanted more, there
could totally be more.
106
00:04:36,622 --> 00:04:38,902
But the truth is, I wasn't so sure,
107
00:04:38,927 --> 00:04:40,608
so I decided to feel Freddy out
108
00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:42,515
after he was done feeling me up.
109
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:45,979
Welcome.
110
00:04:48,833 --> 00:04:51,990
Hey, uh, what do you think
of our relation thingy?
111
00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:53,980
I think it's awesome.
112
00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:55,625
How many favorites my
"sweet potato" tweet got?
113
00:04:55,637 --> 00:04:56,796
Six.
114
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,164
But seriously, would
you ever want to, like,
115
00:04:59,201 --> 00:05:02,756
go outside... With me?
116
00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:05,370
Hmm. Never really thought about it.
117
00:05:05,437 --> 00:05:08,912
Guess I, uh, kind of
like what we have inside.
118
00:05:10,619 --> 00:05:12,811
Hey.
119
00:05:12,878 --> 00:05:15,213
Want to take an after-sex pic?
120
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,614
Sure.
121
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:23,188
Eardrops.
122
00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:26,354
Hear-drops. No more
teardrops with eardrops.
123
00:05:26,404 --> 00:05:27,824
Don't fear drops.
124
00:05:27,887 --> 00:05:30,030
The ear pops. The pain stops.
125
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,647
Sir? Uh, my parents are in town.
126
00:05:32,672 --> 00:05:35,184
Charlie, it's back to square one now.
127
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,101
I don't hear my voice...
I only hear your voice.
128
00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:39,334
Should we just these "my
parents are in town" drops?
129
00:05:39,384 --> 00:05:41,091
Does that sound like a good name?
130
00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:44,275
Just kidding. You can go now.
131
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,578
But you really did ruin
my train of thought.
132
00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:49,047
Okay.
133
00:05:52,718 --> 00:05:54,686
Eardrops.
134
00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:55,720
F...
135
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,288
What are you still doing here?
136
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,823
Here? Work. I'm working.
137
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,158
What are you doing here?
138
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,660
Oh, well, we are
pre-partying down in the lab.
139
00:06:02,728 --> 00:06:04,195
You coming tonight?
140
00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:05,396
It's Sharon from I.T.'S birthday.
141
00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:07,232
Oh. Uh, no, I got work to do...
142
00:06:07,299 --> 00:06:09,861
Plus, uh, I don't really know
Sharon, so I wasn't invited.
143
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,431
Nobody knows Sharon.
144
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:13,471
She's just an idea.
145
00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,575
I'm sorry. I am really drunk.
146
00:06:17,612 --> 00:06:19,444
Um, everybody knows Sharon,
147
00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:21,746
and she sent out a Facebook invite.
148
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,918
- Oh. I'm not on Facebook.
- Wait.
149
00:06:23,955 --> 00:06:26,454
How do you know who from
high school's gotten ugly?
150
00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:29,320
You're just walking around,
not knowing who's ugly?
151
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:32,223
I-I have my suspicions.
152
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,105
Uh...
153
00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:36,058
Henry's not on Facebook. You know that?
154
00:06:36,108 --> 00:06:37,590
- What?!
- I'm on... I'm on Linkedin!
155
00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:38,874
Did you tell them I'm on Linkedin?
156
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,065
- Oh, don't make it worse.
- No.
157
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,034
- Uh, no.
- I have a Linkedin profi...
158
00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:54,901
All right. Fine.
159
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,331
Let's see who got ugly.
160
00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:00,018
Wow.
161
00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:03,955
Smelly Terry from camp
really turned it around.
162
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:04,884
Is that his wife?
163
00:07:04,921 --> 00:07:07,325
My God! She looks like a boat-show model.
164
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,270
Maybe 'cause she's standing on a boat.
165
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,664
Mm. Smelly Terry has a boat.
166
00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:15,199
Geez.
167
00:07:22,548 --> 00:07:25,750
My first friend is my
mom, just like in life.
168
00:07:27,108 --> 00:07:31,425
Facebook... mildly entertaining,
certainly not all-consuming.
169
00:07:31,474 --> 00:07:35,253
♪ Who will save your soul ♪
170
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,724
♪ if you won't save
your own? ♪
171
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:46,631
Yes! I've always felt that.
172
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,067
Okay, you were right.
173
00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:50,753
Freddy doesn't want to go outside with me.
174
00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:52,709
He just likes what we have inside,
175
00:07:52,784 --> 00:07:55,873
which means you and
Jamie Foxx have a point.
176
00:07:55,941 --> 00:07:57,342
Are you okay?
177
00:07:57,409 --> 00:08:00,678
Mm. Yes. I was just up all night working...
178
00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:03,047
Here at work, on work stuff.
179
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:04,048
Well, work on me.
180
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,450
Should I be trying
181
00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:07,285
to get Freddy to take me
more seriously or whatever?
182
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,654
I mean, I'm fine with the
Booty-call status for now,
183
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:12,357
but at some point, I'm gonna
want to be first lady, you know?
184
00:08:12,424 --> 00:08:13,691
To president sweet potato?
185
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:14,959
Not necessarily.
186
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,494
I just want to know that I'm on the ballot.
187
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,029
First ladies aren't on the ballot.
188
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,998
Well, it's just an honor to be nominated.
189
00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:22,400
Oh, God. If you're serious,
190
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:24,569
stop responding when he texts, "'sup?"
191
00:08:24,636 --> 00:08:26,137
If he wants to know 'sup,
192
00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,873
he can stop by your desk
and form a full sentence.
193
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,208
Totes.
194
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,378
Ally.
195
00:08:35,394 --> 00:08:36,378
No.
196
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,150
He needs to know 'sup.
197
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:41,152
No.
198
00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:51,662
That was for my mom, I swear.
199
00:08:54,217 --> 00:08:55,586
You have to break the cycle.
200
00:08:55,654 --> 00:08:57,321
Freddy will never see you any differently
201
00:08:57,389 --> 00:08:59,090
if you keep sexting and sucking on pens...
202
00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:00,324
What are you doing sucking
on that pen like that?
203
00:09:00,392 --> 00:09:02,627
That is toxic.
204
00:09:02,694 --> 00:09:03,828
Sorry.
205
00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:05,663
I thought Freddy was looking over here.
206
00:09:05,731 --> 00:09:07,498
That's exactly what I'm talking about...
207
00:09:07,566 --> 00:09:09,667
Not everything you do
should center around Freddy.
208
00:09:09,735 --> 00:09:11,736
You have to foster other interests,
209
00:09:11,804 --> 00:09:13,004
think about other things.
210
00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:14,472
What were you doing before
you two got together?
211
00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:17,675
Oh, um, I-I think I was doing...
212
00:09:17,743 --> 00:09:19,610
Troy?
213
00:09:19,678 --> 00:09:20,678
Oh, God.
214
00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:22,447
You need to become the kind of person
215
00:09:22,514 --> 00:09:25,883
who doesn't spend all her time
thinking about the opposite sex.
216
00:09:25,951 --> 00:09:28,352
So, like, a lesbian?
217
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:31,055
No. Just a person with varied interests.
218
00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:32,824
Oh. Like, what interests?
Can you be more specific?
219
00:09:32,891 --> 00:09:34,692
Like, any interests...
220
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,496
Science, politics,
woodworking, books, nature...
221
00:09:38,564 --> 00:09:41,299
Literally anything besides fixating on men.
222
00:09:41,366 --> 00:09:43,167
Find a hobby. Join a club.
223
00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:46,070
I knew just where to start...
224
00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:50,274
With my neighbor Bryn, who ran
a book club for adult virgins.
225
00:09:50,342 --> 00:09:51,442
Bryn?
226
00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,911
Girl, I haven't seen you in forevs.
227
00:09:53,979 --> 00:09:55,580
I saw you at the mailboxes yesterday.
228
00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:58,049
You dropped all your Victoria's
secret catalogs on the floor,
229
00:09:58,116 --> 00:10:00,518
even though there's a
recycling bin right there.
230
00:10:00,586 --> 00:10:01,719
You should have said hi.
231
00:10:01,787 --> 00:10:03,454
So, I've been thinking a lot about you
232
00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:05,089
and your interests and your hobbies,
233
00:10:05,157 --> 00:10:07,992
and it's weird we aren't closer,
234
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:09,093
given how much we have in common.
235
00:10:09,161 --> 00:10:10,361
How much who has in common?
236
00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:11,429
You and I.
237
00:10:11,497 --> 00:10:13,564
Like, that book you're reading,
238
00:10:13,632 --> 00:10:16,767
"The curious incident of
the dog in the night-time"...
239
00:10:16,835 --> 00:10:18,069
I'm reading that, too.
240
00:10:18,136 --> 00:10:19,837
- You're reading?
- Yeah.
241
00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:21,172
Yeah, with the dog
242
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,941
and the night-time and the curiosity
243
00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:26,577
and, like, the incident
and the dog of it all.
244
00:10:26,645 --> 00:10:29,146
I'd love to talk way
more about it sometime.
245
00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:30,548
- You would?
- Yeah.
246
00:10:30,616 --> 00:10:33,150
There's a lot of stuff you
guys don't know about me.
247
00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:34,819
What do you think, Bryn?
248
00:10:34,887 --> 00:10:37,870
No one's ever asked to be
in your book club before.
249
00:10:39,091 --> 00:10:41,792
Be at my place tomorrow night, 8:00 P.M.
250
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:42,994
Oh, my God. Thank you.
251
00:10:43,061 --> 00:10:44,395
I will definitely be there
252
00:10:44,463 --> 00:10:46,097
instead of having sex with someone.
253
00:10:46,164 --> 00:10:47,064
Thanks.
254
00:10:47,132 --> 00:10:48,032
Okay.
255
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,567
While I was picking up a book,
256
00:10:49,635 --> 00:10:51,736
Henry was trying to resist the one book
257
00:10:51,803 --> 00:10:54,438
that's impossible to put down.
258
00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:56,107
He was figuring out what every grandmother
259
00:10:56,174 --> 00:10:59,377
had figured out four years
ago... Facebook is crack.
260
00:11:05,617 --> 00:11:07,552
Go on and turn up
261
00:11:07,619 --> 00:11:08,786
that bass-line selector!
262
00:11:08,854 --> 00:11:11,622
Really, Charlie? Palm
Springs with a fake patois?
263
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:14,625
Me know
your parents not in town.
264
00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:15,793
Henry? We're facetime'ing.
265
00:11:15,861 --> 00:11:17,128
Oh, yeah, how about that?
266
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:19,864
Um, so I just wanted you to
know that I took your advice,
267
00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,032
and I joined a book club.
268
00:11:21,099 --> 00:11:22,500
I'm at the salvation army right now
269
00:11:22,568 --> 00:11:24,669
looking for an asexual
ensemble to wear while reading.
270
00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:25,870
What do you think of this?
271
00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:27,238
Shouldn't you be reading the book
272
00:11:27,306 --> 00:11:28,706
instead of worrying about what to wear
273
00:11:28,774 --> 00:11:29,840
while reading the book?
274
00:11:29,908 --> 00:11:31,976
Well, I'm eight pages in. It's not good.
275
00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:33,844
Oh, but I forgot to tell you...
276
00:11:33,912 --> 00:11:36,047
I haven't responded to Freddy all day,
277
00:11:36,114 --> 00:11:38,516
and he texted me like
five times last night.
278
00:11:38,584 --> 00:11:41,052
It's like, desperate much?
279
00:11:41,119 --> 00:11:42,687
Why does my mom keep poking me?
280
00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:45,356
Hey, are you... are you
on Facebook right now?
281
00:11:45,424 --> 00:11:48,526
Okay, so, I might have
also taken your advice
282
00:11:48,594 --> 00:11:51,395
and engaged in some light Facebook-ery.
283
00:11:51,463 --> 00:11:53,097
Oh, that is so cute!
284
00:11:53,165 --> 00:11:55,066
Look at you, using Facebook on your desktop
285
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,334
like it's 2011 again.
286
00:11:56,401 --> 00:11:58,369
You know there's an app...
Right?... for your phone.
287
00:11:58,437 --> 00:12:00,371
Really?
288
00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:04,442
On my phone... What a waste of time.
289
00:12:04,509 --> 00:12:05,576
Well, have fun.
290
00:12:05,644 --> 00:12:06,711
Just don't start stalking your exes.
291
00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,846
You don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
292
00:12:08,914 --> 00:12:09,847
Trust.
293
00:12:09,915 --> 00:12:12,516
Oh, I trust... Me not to do that.
294
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:13,551
Okay.
295
00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:16,120
Well, read your book. Bye, Eliza.
296
00:12:16,188 --> 00:12:17,154
B...
297
00:12:17,222 --> 00:12:18,756
But it was too late.
298
00:12:18,824 --> 00:12:21,192
Once the option of stalking
your exes is presented,
299
00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:22,560
- you can't not do it.
- Oh.
300
00:12:22,628 --> 00:12:23,894
- It's like crack.
- Ohh.
301
00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:26,397
It's weird how much stuff is like crack.
302
00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:28,933
Olivia had a baby?
303
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:30,001
What's that?
304
00:12:30,068 --> 00:12:33,304
Why's my name... Why am I a baby?
305
00:12:33,372 --> 00:12:34,605
What?
306
00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:37,241
No, no, no, no.
307
00:12:37,309 --> 00:12:38,876
No. No.
308
00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:44,181
No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No.
309
00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:45,750
Undo, damn it.
310
00:12:45,817 --> 00:12:47,551
Undo.
311
00:12:47,619 --> 00:12:50,354
You undo, damn it.
312
00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,493
She's not.
313
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:56,994
Did you guys already start?
314
00:12:57,062 --> 00:12:58,429
I got hung up at goodwill.
315
00:12:58,497 --> 00:13:00,464
You look amazing.
316
00:13:00,532 --> 00:13:02,733
Sorry if I smell like dead people.
317
00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:04,201
We all do.
318
00:13:04,269 --> 00:13:05,670
That's how you know it's vintage.
319
00:13:05,737 --> 00:13:07,838
Okay.
320
00:13:07,906 --> 00:13:10,274
Ah, ah, ah.
321
00:13:10,342 --> 00:13:11,709
No cellphones at book club.
322
00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:13,010
Silent, please.
323
00:13:13,078 --> 00:13:14,845
I'm sorry.
324
00:13:14,913 --> 00:13:17,782
- Homemade pop-tart?
- You made these?
325
00:13:17,849 --> 00:13:19,116
It's really not that hard.
326
00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:20,885
You just need your standard
flaky pastry recipe,
327
00:13:20,952 --> 00:13:22,420
a double boiler to make the filling.
328
00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:24,522
I did chocolate hazelnut
and raspberry minted walnut.
329
00:13:24,589 --> 00:13:25,823
Then, you know, a fluted cutting wheel,
330
00:13:25,891 --> 00:13:28,292
parchment, and, of course, baking sheets.
331
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,094
But they also have them at gelson's
332
00:13:30,162 --> 00:13:31,729
and sometimes even rite aid.
333
00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:33,831
Or is that not the point?
334
00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:36,367
Okay, ladies, let's get
this book club started.
335
00:13:36,435 --> 00:13:38,269
I'd like to throw it to Bryn.
336
00:13:38,336 --> 00:13:39,270
Bryn?
337
00:13:39,337 --> 00:13:40,871
I would like to begin
338
00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:44,241
by expressing how struck I remain
339
00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:46,243
by Haddon's use of language.
340
00:13:46,311 --> 00:13:49,547
Why is your bookmark
only like two pages in?
341
00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:53,250
Oh, uh, well, actually,
it's eight pages in,
342
00:13:53,318 --> 00:13:55,219
so no spoilers.
343
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,420
I knew she didn't read the book.
344
00:13:56,488 --> 00:13:58,222
Give me that pop-tart back.
345
00:13:58,290 --> 00:14:01,092
Eliza.
346
00:14:02,194 --> 00:14:03,828
Is this a "Jerry Maguire" moment?
347
00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:07,064
I have been in this book
club for three years,
348
00:14:07,132 --> 00:14:09,400
and she gets a "Jerry Maguire"
moment on her first night?
349
00:14:09,468 --> 00:14:11,368
Uh, Henry, what are you doing here?
350
00:14:11,436 --> 00:14:13,604
Is it that she completes you?
351
00:14:13,672 --> 00:14:15,206
No, it's that I tagged myself
352
00:14:15,273 --> 00:14:17,908
as an ex-girlfriend's
breast-feeding baby on Facebook.
353
00:14:17,976 --> 00:14:20,605
Did somebody die in here?
354
00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:24,348
Could we... Can I...
355
00:14:24,416 --> 00:14:25,282
Yeah.
356
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:28,519
There's a...
357
00:14:28,587 --> 00:14:30,488
- I don't want to say, "I told you so."
- But you told me so.
358
00:14:30,555 --> 00:14:31,689
There. That's done.
359
00:14:31,757 --> 00:14:32,957
Now, please, untag me.
360
00:14:34,126 --> 00:14:35,926
Untagged.
361
00:14:35,994 --> 00:14:37,194
Thank you!
362
00:14:37,262 --> 00:14:38,996
Thank you.
363
00:14:39,064 --> 00:14:40,698
Maybe she didn't see it.
364
00:14:40,766 --> 00:14:42,700
No. Yeah. She definitely saw it.
365
00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:43,801
You get an alert.
366
00:14:43,869 --> 00:14:44,969
An ale... An alert?
367
00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:46,337
Why would they do that?
368
00:14:46,404 --> 00:14:47,605
To keep track of the pervs?
369
00:14:47,672 --> 00:14:49,306
See, this is why I didn't
want to join Facebook.
370
00:14:49,374 --> 00:14:50,541
Because you knew you'd act like a perv?
371
00:14:50,609 --> 00:14:51,542
J.K.
372
00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:52,910
Oh, just text her "J.K."
373
00:14:52,978 --> 00:14:54,345
No. No.
374
00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:56,046
More impersonal communication
that can be easily misconstrued
375
00:14:56,114 --> 00:14:57,047
is not the answer.
376
00:14:57,115 --> 00:14:58,616
That's how I got into this mess.
377
00:14:58,683 --> 00:15:00,885
- I'm going in.
- Wait.
378
00:15:00,952 --> 00:15:02,419
Henry, I think these girls are on to me.
379
00:15:02,487 --> 00:15:03,788
And truth told, I hated the book.
380
00:15:03,855 --> 00:15:04,955
And hanging out with these nonsexual,
381
00:15:05,023 --> 00:15:06,423
farm-to-table mini-grandmas
382
00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:08,459
is not keeping my mind off
Freddy, who keeps texting me.
383
00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:10,795
Eliza, my ex thinks I
have a lactating fetish.
384
00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,129
Can we regroup on this?
385
00:15:12,197 --> 00:15:14,565
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
386
00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:19,403
Hey.
387
00:15:21,502 --> 00:15:23,346
Thanks for agreeing to see me, Olivia.
388
00:15:23,371 --> 00:15:25,564
Henry, what's going on?
You broke up with me.
389
00:15:25,627 --> 00:15:26,694
Three years pass.
390
00:15:26,762 --> 00:15:28,162
I haven't talked to you since then,
391
00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:30,298
until you tag yourself as my
breast-feeding baby on Facebook.
392
00:15:31,185 --> 00:15:32,619
I know it's weird.
393
00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,721
That's why I wanted to
come over here in person
394
00:15:34,789 --> 00:15:36,857
to explain that it was an accident.
395
00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:39,025
I didn't want you to think I was...
396
00:15:39,093 --> 00:15:40,093
What?
397
00:15:40,161 --> 00:15:41,495
That you were thinking about me?
398
00:15:41,562 --> 00:15:42,596
Don't worry.
399
00:15:42,663 --> 00:15:44,297
No, no.
400
00:15:44,365 --> 00:15:46,733
I was thinking about
you, just not in that way.
401
00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:48,135
In what way, then?
402
00:15:48,202 --> 00:15:51,438
No, in an, um, "I wonder how she's doing.
403
00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:53,607
I hope she's well," way.
404
00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:55,108
Oh, well, I'm great. Yeah.
405
00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,911
The minute I realized you
were never gonna care about me
406
00:15:57,979 --> 00:16:00,814
as much as your job, I moved on.
407
00:16:00,882 --> 00:16:03,016
I met a really great guy.
408
00:16:03,084 --> 00:16:05,385
- Great.
- And you?
409
00:16:05,453 --> 00:16:08,054
- You look good.
- Oh.
410
00:16:08,122 --> 00:16:09,189
Last time I saw you,
411
00:16:09,257 --> 00:16:10,824
you were rocking those frosted tips.
412
00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:12,359
I frosted one tip.
413
00:16:12,426 --> 00:16:13,994
Because you loved Mark McGrath.
414
00:16:14,061 --> 00:16:15,629
I didn't love Mark McGrath...
I admired his resilience.
415
00:16:15,696 --> 00:16:16,830
Mm.
416
00:16:16,898 --> 00:16:18,465
Pop culture asked him
to leave, and instead,
417
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:20,500
he rose like a Phoenix
from the ashes of Sugar Ray.
418
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:21,635
Ohh.
419
00:16:21,702 --> 00:16:24,171
I take it you're still single.
420
00:16:24,238 --> 00:16:26,940
Yes, yes. For the moment, I am.
421
00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:29,910
Um... Better get cracking, though.
422
00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:31,111
According to Facebook,
423
00:16:31,179 --> 00:16:33,480
every single person I
know is married with kids.
424
00:16:33,548 --> 00:16:34,648
When did that happen?
425
00:16:34,715 --> 00:16:36,716
Probably when you were at the office.
426
00:16:39,056 --> 00:16:41,858
After Bryn's book whores kicked
me out of their nerd club,
427
00:16:41,925 --> 00:16:43,926
I had no choice but to eat my feelings,
428
00:16:43,994 --> 00:16:46,596
- which were covered in...
- Mochi. And kiwi.
429
00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:49,499
Just five gummy bears... Red ones.
430
00:16:49,566 --> 00:16:50,533
One green.
431
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:51,701
And some butterfinger.
432
00:16:51,769 --> 00:16:55,542
Charmonique? Charmonique, it's me.
433
00:16:55,592 --> 00:16:57,693
Eliza, what's with the getup?
434
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,595
Oh, I was just trying to change my image
435
00:16:59,662 --> 00:17:01,797
and be seen as something
other than a Booty call.
436
00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:02,898
Oh.
437
00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:04,066
Have a kid.
438
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:05,500
No one will ever call your Booty again.
439
00:17:05,568 --> 00:17:06,802
Just kidding.
440
00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:09,238
But seriously, it is a deterrent.
441
00:17:09,305 --> 00:17:10,439
Not to everyone.
442
00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:12,574
But to a lot of people.
443
00:17:12,642 --> 00:17:15,878
I'm man poison.
444
00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:17,446
Well, it's cheat day.
445
00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:18,580
Got to get to it.
446
00:17:18,648 --> 00:17:20,749
Cheat day. Of course.
447
00:17:20,817 --> 00:17:22,651
You have to give in to your urges
448
00:17:22,719 --> 00:17:24,553
if you're gonna stay on the diet.
449
00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:27,990
Can I get a half-cake batter,
half-mint chocolate cheesecake?
450
00:17:28,057 --> 00:17:29,725
If I have sex with Freddy right now,
451
00:17:29,792 --> 00:17:32,160
it'll give me the strength
to not have sex with Freddy
452
00:17:32,228 --> 00:17:33,462
for the rest of the week.
453
00:17:33,529 --> 00:17:36,231
Guuuh!
454
00:17:36,299 --> 00:17:38,934
Besides, if texting Freddy
was the wrong thing to do,
455
00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:41,169
I'm sure the universe would give me a sign.
456
00:17:44,941 --> 00:17:47,009
It didn't even hurt.
457
00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:49,645
I'm fi... aah!
458
00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:52,714
The irony of falling into a manhole
459
00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,183
while texting Freddy was not lost on me.
460
00:17:56,753 --> 00:17:59,254
Eardrops. Fear drops.
461
00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:02,557
Career drops.
462
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,593
"For the baby you'll never have
463
00:18:04,661 --> 00:18:06,828
because you spend too
much time at work" drops.
464
00:18:06,896 --> 00:18:10,399
Henry felt alone, but instead
of reaching out to a friend,
465
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:12,734
he reached for his wireless mouse.
466
00:18:35,692 --> 00:18:38,093
Eliza...What happened? Are you okay?
467
00:18:38,161 --> 00:18:39,561
Oh, it's not a big deal.
468
00:18:39,629 --> 00:18:42,497
I just got hit by a smart
car, dislocated my tailbone,
469
00:18:42,565 --> 00:18:44,800
fell down a manhole, fractured my pelvis,
470
00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:47,035
banged my head, got a
concussion, saw the white light,
471
00:18:47,103 --> 00:18:49,871
ran into Tupac and Biggie, who squashed it.
472
00:18:49,939 --> 00:18:50,872
I knew they would.
473
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:56,712
Boy, I'm glad you're okay,
'cause...I was at work,
474
00:18:56,779 --> 00:18:58,947
as usual, and I saw that you were hurt.
475
00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,782
And I just, um, I wanted to...
476
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,584
- Freddy?
- Hey.
477
00:19:02,652 --> 00:19:04,853
- What are you doing here?
- Yeah, what?
478
00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:06,822
Just came by in case they needed
someone to identify the Booty.
479
00:19:09,225 --> 00:19:10,625
That was legitimately funny.
480
00:19:10,693 --> 00:19:11,827
Here.
481
00:19:11,894 --> 00:19:13,462
I brought you a charger. Dead phone, right?
482
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:16,365
That is why you weren't returning my texts.
483
00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:18,033
How about, "Eliza, are you okay?
484
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,368
I was worried"?
485
00:19:19,435 --> 00:19:20,802
Sorry.
486
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:24,072
Um, I've just been kind of
busy with other interests.
487
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,121
Ow. It hurts to wink.
488
00:19:27,189 --> 00:19:28,389
Subtle.
489
00:19:28,457 --> 00:19:30,258
So, uh, are they gonna
let you go home soon?
490
00:19:30,325 --> 00:19:32,660
I could, uh, you know, give you a lift.
491
00:19:32,728 --> 00:19:33,728
Uh, sure.
492
00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:35,296
I mean, I have an aircast on my foot
493
00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:37,331
and I have to be woken up every hour,
494
00:19:37,399 --> 00:19:40,134
but as long as you
don't put all your weight
495
00:19:40,202 --> 00:19:41,736
on my fractured pelvis...
496
00:19:41,804 --> 00:19:43,738
Oh. I-I didn't mean to hook up.
497
00:19:43,806 --> 00:19:46,307
I just thought I could
drive you to your place,
498
00:19:46,375 --> 00:19:47,809
walk you to your door.
499
00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:50,645
- Outside?
- Yeah.
500
00:19:50,712 --> 00:19:52,113
Unless you know another way to get there.
501
00:19:52,181 --> 00:19:54,749
No. No.
502
00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:56,551
Outside is great.
503
00:19:56,618 --> 00:19:59,587
I love that you want
to walk outside with me.
504
00:20:02,191 --> 00:20:04,325
Ow. Thumbs-up hurts, too.
505
00:20:04,393 --> 00:20:05,626
You don't have to signal me...
506
00:20:05,694 --> 00:20:07,395
Observing all this in tandem with you.
507
00:20:07,462 --> 00:20:10,231
Ow!
508
00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:11,265
Okay.
509
00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:15,136
Well, I will leave you to it.
510
00:20:15,204 --> 00:20:16,337
Rest up, Eliza. Feel better.
511
00:20:16,405 --> 00:20:18,005
Oh, hey, uh, Henry.
512
00:20:18,073 --> 00:20:20,174
You know you tagged yourself as the bedpan
513
00:20:20,242 --> 00:20:22,113
in my hospital pic, right?
514
00:20:25,314 --> 00:20:27,315
Damn it. I hate Facebook.
515
00:20:29,182 --> 00:20:30,832
I tried to message you on Facebook.
516
00:20:30,869 --> 00:20:31,956
Did you take down your account?
517
00:20:31,994 --> 00:20:35,382
- That's exactly what I did.
- Oh, man. Why?
518
00:20:35,423 --> 00:20:37,347
Well, I'm an old-fashioned guy.
519
00:20:37,385 --> 00:20:39,785
I've decided that from now on,
if I want to check up on people,
520
00:20:39,797 --> 00:20:41,397
I'm gonna do it the old-fashioned way.
521
00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:43,597
Well, thanks for checking up on me today.
522
00:20:44,847 --> 00:20:46,310
You're most welcome, Eliza.
523
00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:48,114
Now get some sleep.
524
00:20:49,951 --> 00:20:51,727
- And, Eliza.
- Yeah?
525
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,664
I'll call you in an hour
to wake you up, okay?
526
00:20:54,124 --> 00:20:59,437
Sync and corrections by madhatters
www.addic7ed.com
37511
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