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1
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George didn't love shrinks.
2
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But he also knew when
he was in over his head,
3
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and such was the case
4
00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:08,540
when Noah announced his undying love for...
5
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Carmen.
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Great.
7
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And...
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Uh, C... Carmen wrestling a snake.
9
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Mm-hmm.
10
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All right.
11
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Carmen as a butterfly...
12
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making love... to a dragon's face.
13
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Al Jarreau.
14
00:00:33,738 --> 00:00:35,545
Wait, wait, wait.
15
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Al Jarreau straddling Carmen.
16
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Fantastic.
17
00:00:41,538 --> 00:00:44,179
Oh. Are you writing a prescription?
18
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Yes.
19
00:00:45,976 --> 00:00:47,401
Yes, I am.
20
00:00:47,651 --> 00:00:49,027
Okay.
21
00:00:50,714 --> 00:00:52,907
Hey. How... how... how is he?
22
00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:55,230
The man is obsessed, quite frankly,
23
00:00:55,276 --> 00:00:56,974
with Carmen, his former housekeeper.
24
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I knew it. I knew it. This is a mess.
25
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He thinks he's in love with her.
26
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But he's not. It's a midlife crisis,
27
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and it is incredibly
common, and it will pass.
28
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Okay. You sure?
29
00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,252
- It's classic caregiver transference.
- Uh-huh.
30
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:12,379
Triggered, perhaps,
31
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by being married to an icy, strident,
32
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self-important, castrating W.A.S.P.
33
00:01:17,321 --> 00:01:18,979
So you've met Jill?
34
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I've met everyone.
35
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Right. Well, there... there's
gotta be something I can do.
36
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Well, there is. Keep his mind off of Carmen
37
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- and redirect those thoughts.
- Mm-hmm.
38
00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:31,530
Introduce some fun new hobbies,
39
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great food, perhaps.
40
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I know this fantastic place for baklava,
41
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if he partakes in something like that.
42
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:44,370
You may also want to employ
a little light smack talk.
43
00:01:44,378 --> 00:01:47,975
Offer up some disparaging
remarks about Carmen.
44
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,344
Hmm. Will that work?
45
00:01:49,344 --> 00:01:50,536
It may.
46
00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:53,172
For example, um...
47
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"Carmen isn't even that pretty."
48
00:01:55,627 --> 00:02:00,446
Or, "if you ask me,
Carmen isn't too pretty."
49
00:02:00,974 --> 00:02:03,664
Or, "there are a lot of
other girls out there"...
50
00:02:03,672 --> 00:02:05,503
Aah!
51
00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:08,101
Passion, when expressed non-violently,
52
00:02:08,115 --> 00:02:10,054
- can be beautiful.
- Noah!
53
00:02:10,054 --> 00:02:12,072
But just because you're
passionate about something,
54
00:02:12,401 --> 00:02:15,545
doesn't necessarily mean that
others share your passion.
55
00:02:15,795 --> 00:02:20,174
Oh, Tessa, just look how the
sunlight kisses each crystal
56
00:02:20,214 --> 00:02:22,882
and sends all those
refractions just flyin'.
57
00:02:23,002 --> 00:02:26,595
Oh, isn't it just a thing of wonder?
58
00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:29,637
Tessa, do you or do you not
59
00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:32,429
feel like you're doing
the rumba inside a rainbow?
60
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,374
Oh. Yeah. Totally.
61
00:02:36,392 --> 00:02:38,201
Sorry, Dallas.
62
00:02:38,209 --> 00:02:40,844
I'm just really stressed
about this whole college thing.
63
00:02:40,883 --> 00:02:42,526
I mean, watching Ryan go through it,
64
00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:44,817
I can't stop thinking about next year.
65
00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:48,407
My grades are fine, but I'm
not sure that's enough anymore.
66
00:02:48,884 --> 00:02:50,221
I need to be more impressive.
67
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,841
Impressive? Tessa, you're very impressive.
68
00:02:52,961 --> 00:02:55,187
After all, how many high school students
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00:02:55,211 --> 00:02:56,454
can boast to being named
70
00:02:56,478 --> 00:02:59,575
senior vice president of prismatic affairs
71
00:02:59,606 --> 00:03:01,366
at a crystal cup of crystals?
72
00:03:01,397 --> 00:03:02,875
I don't think the schools I'm looking at
73
00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,158
are gonna care about that.
74
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:08,193
I... I need a credential
with more substance.
75
00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:12,252
Dallas, may I post a
flyer in your shop window
76
00:03:12,245 --> 00:03:13,253
for my book signing?
77
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:16,319
As you may recall, I'm a published author.
78
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,455
And as such, I find my readers
79
00:03:19,471 --> 00:03:21,903
really do relish the
opportunity for face time.
80
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:22,967
Excuse me, Mrs. Werner.
81
00:03:22,998 --> 00:03:25,767
I'd be happy to post
flyers for you around town,
82
00:03:25,798 --> 00:03:28,035
or help you with anything
else you may need.
83
00:03:28,058 --> 00:03:30,506
- Interning for a published author...
- Which I am.
84
00:03:30,506 --> 00:03:32,532
Would look really good
on my college application.
85
00:03:32,563 --> 00:03:35,714
An intern. What a novel idea.
86
00:03:35,706 --> 00:03:39,108
Pun intended, constructed,
and delivered impeccably.
87
00:03:39,898 --> 00:03:41,243
You'll start at once.
88
00:03:41,228 --> 00:03:42,666
You don't mind, right, Dallas?
89
00:03:42,697 --> 00:03:43,698
I mean, it's been pretty slow around here.
90
00:03:43,706 --> 00:03:45,129
I'm sure you can manage without me.
91
00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:47,663
Manage? Don't be silly. A
monkey could do this job.
92
00:03:47,703 --> 00:03:50,440
Oh. Absolutely. That's
what I've always said.
93
00:03:50,416 --> 00:03:52,942
I'll just go ahead and place
an ad for part-time help...
94
00:03:52,926 --> 00:03:53,904
at the zoo.
95
00:03:53,896 --> 00:03:55,460
Sensational.
96
00:03:55,478 --> 00:03:57,563
Tessa, you're hired. You have the job.
97
00:03:57,587 --> 00:03:59,738
And I use that term loosely,
because there is no pay.
98
00:03:59,753 --> 00:04:02,333
- Understood.
- I'm tough, but not fair.
99
00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,261
Mr. Wolfe?
100
00:04:15,799 --> 00:04:17,182
What are you doing?
101
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:19,151
Oh, Dalia, don't mind me.
102
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,472
Since Chef Alan adulterated
our relationship,
103
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,162
I've decided to throw
out absolutely everything
104
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,675
that reminds me of him.
105
00:04:30,246 --> 00:04:32,068
Which is absolutely everything.
106
00:04:32,076 --> 00:04:33,851
What about the microwave?
107
00:04:34,164 --> 00:04:35,392
What about the microwave?
108
00:04:35,512 --> 00:04:37,652
Doesn't the microwave
remind you of Chef Alan?
109
00:04:37,684 --> 00:04:38,497
Not really.
110
00:04:38,536 --> 00:04:41,391
But the microwave cooks
food, and so does Chef Alan.
111
00:04:41,511 --> 00:04:43,002
No, I see your point.
112
00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:44,605
You should throw out your microwave.
113
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Okay. I know. It's just...
114
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I use my microwave...
115
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a lot.
116
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,794
Yeah.
117
00:04:53,302 --> 00:04:55,605
And besides, Mr. Wolfe,
118
00:04:55,656 --> 00:04:57,025
getting rid of all your stuff
119
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isn't gonna make you feel better anyway.
120
00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:02,147
It isn't? Well, what is?
121
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:05,782
122
00:05:17,422 --> 00:05:18,345
- Mmm!
- You like it?
123
00:05:18,329 --> 00:05:19,744
I love it!
124
00:05:19,864 --> 00:05:21,864
Almost as much as I love...
125
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,811
Don't say it. Come on.
126
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Don't... don't even say her name.
127
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You need to wipe every thought...
128
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She was good at wiping stuff.
129
00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:30,060
Noah...
130
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:32,916
She was. She wiped everything.
131
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,496
My counters, my windows,
132
00:05:35,616 --> 00:05:38,304
and you should have seen
the way she polished a knob.
133
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She loved it.
134
00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,363
It wasn't a chore.
135
00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:44,131
She was greedy for it.
136
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,625
Hmm.
137
00:05:45,937 --> 00:05:50,083
She was a sorceress. A playful sorceress.
138
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:51,795
She invented this great game
139
00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:54,509
where she would disappear into thin air.
140
00:05:54,845 --> 00:05:57,958
And the moment that Opus
and I began to get nervous,
141
00:05:58,078 --> 00:06:00,695
she would reappear!
142
00:06:00,815 --> 00:06:01,610
It was a miracle.
143
00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:02,814
It was peek-a-boo.
144
00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:04,363
It was pure magic.
145
00:06:04,386 --> 00:06:06,685
I'm trying to help you here, Noah.
146
00:06:06,716 --> 00:06:08,523
You're a married man.
147
00:06:08,643 --> 00:06:10,454
My body may be married.
148
00:06:10,574 --> 00:06:13,247
But my soul... it runs free,
149
00:06:13,286 --> 00:06:15,702
through the night, into the thicket,
150
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,816
where warm Carmen awaits,
151
00:06:20,504 --> 00:06:22,545
in the damp, salty night air.
152
00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:23,257
Hey!
153
00:06:23,304 --> 00:06:25,791
You need to stop indulging
this fantasy and move on.
154
00:06:25,911 --> 00:06:27,550
- Move on?
- Yes.
155
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,943
Ever since Carmen left, I
haven't been able to sleep.
156
00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:32,048
I haven't been able to eat.
157
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:33,283
Really? Seem... seems like
158
00:06:33,307 --> 00:06:35,043
you're doing just fine with the baklava.
159
00:06:35,317 --> 00:06:37,608
Yeah, well, this happens to be delicious.
160
00:06:38,218 --> 00:06:40,502
As you can see, I moved my desk in here,
161
00:06:40,510 --> 00:06:42,927
on the front lines. This allowed me
162
00:06:42,911 --> 00:06:46,298
to observe my subject
in its natural habitat.
163
00:06:49,373 --> 00:06:51,256
- Tessa, I beg you.
- Sorry.
164
00:06:51,376 --> 00:06:54,462
In any case, the more I studied the baby,
165
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:59,264
the more I realized he has
no idea what he's doing.
166
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,913
Babies are born into this world
167
00:07:00,913 --> 00:07:03,174
with their heads up their diapers.
168
00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:05,340
They have no idea how to be a baby.
169
00:07:05,387 --> 00:07:07,194
Hence...
170
00:07:07,946 --> 00:07:09,329
my latest book.
171
00:07:09,364 --> 00:07:11,692
"How to be a baby: You're out, now what?"
172
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:12,841
Wow.
173
00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:18,069
How brave of you to target a
demographic that doesn't read.
174
00:07:18,189 --> 00:07:18,997
You know what?
175
00:07:19,051 --> 00:07:21,158
They'll never learn if
you coddle them, Tessa.
176
00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:22,426
Never.
177
00:07:23,981 --> 00:07:26,810
Now as my intern, your main duty
178
00:07:26,818 --> 00:07:29,438
is to nurture and support
my creative process
179
00:07:29,718 --> 00:07:30,765
and to count out
180
00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:33,671
my daily nutritional allotment of almonds.
181
00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:35,088
Six almonds.
182
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:38,075
No more, even if I beg.
183
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:41,428
You are not to give me
a single almond over six.
184
00:07:41,624 --> 00:07:42,679
Think I can handle that.
185
00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:44,548
That's only because
you've never seen me beg.
186
00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,083
Six almonds.
187
00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:48,107
- What if I'm starving?
- So what?
188
00:07:48,162 --> 00:07:49,147
Six almonds.
189
00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:51,595
Bravissima.
190
00:07:51,861 --> 00:07:53,112
Oh, wait a minute.
191
00:07:53,401 --> 00:07:56,717
It actually says here
serving size is seven almonds.
192
00:07:56,837 --> 00:07:58,586
So let's make it seven almonds.
193
00:07:58,641 --> 00:08:01,269
"Seven almonds."
194
00:08:01,511 --> 00:08:02,199
Got it.
195
00:08:02,207 --> 00:08:04,553
Add one more almond to the pile,
196
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,360
and we're all set.
197
00:08:06,915 --> 00:08:08,464
Coming right up.
198
00:08:14,462 --> 00:08:16,072
Thank you, Tessa.
199
00:08:16,192 --> 00:08:17,815
Aah!
200
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:19,535
You imbecile.
201
00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:22,321
You gullible, malleable fool.
202
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,066
I just tricked you into
giving me another almond.
203
00:08:25,186 --> 00:08:27,186
I tricked you!
204
00:08:27,553 --> 00:08:29,383
You have to be ready.
205
00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:31,369
- But...
- Butts are for people
206
00:08:31,369 --> 00:08:33,669
who eat more than six almonds in a sitting.
207
00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:36,288
And as you can see from my butt,
208
00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:37,837
that ain't me.
209
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,954
Pun intended.
210
00:08:46,980 --> 00:08:50,343
So that's why he's been so
upset over Carmen leaving?
211
00:08:50,392 --> 00:08:54,340
I had no idea Noah is in love with Carmen.
212
00:08:54,347 --> 00:08:55,904
Okay, okay. Da... Dallas,
213
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,687
not a... not a word to anyone.
214
00:08:57,710 --> 00:09:01,040
And you cannot say anything to Jill.
215
00:09:01,075 --> 00:09:03,122
I can't imagine how she'd feel.
216
00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:04,373
Or if she'd feel.
217
00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:05,914
Jill tends to resist feeling.
218
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,228
For instance, she felt nothing
219
00:09:07,259 --> 00:09:09,566
when she stole your
daughter from my employ.
220
00:09:09,589 --> 00:09:10,974
Okay, well, I think... I think Tessa
221
00:09:10,942 --> 00:09:12,602
thought that was a good opportunity.
222
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:16,186
Hey, as rewarding as the
crystal field has been for you,
223
00:09:16,605 --> 00:09:19,256
it's probably not where she
sees herself in five years.
224
00:09:19,303 --> 00:09:21,860
No? I guess she sees herself residing
225
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:25,215
in the frigid, flaky recesses
of Jill Werner's tailpipe.
226
00:09:25,207 --> 00:09:27,483
Wow. You really paint a picture.
227
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,360
But truthfully, that coldness, I think,
228
00:09:29,376 --> 00:09:30,244
is part of the problem.
229
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:32,970
I mean, Carmen... she was warm with Noah.
230
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:37,079
I know. She's the best. She's numero uno.
231
00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:38,244
Yeah, but the timing.
232
00:09:38,295 --> 00:09:41,114
I mean, they have a new baby.
They have to stick together.
233
00:09:41,161 --> 00:09:42,357
Right, and it's not exactly
234
00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,867
like Carmen's expressed the
same feelings towards him.
235
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,377
Since she's been here,
236
00:09:46,431 --> 00:09:48,942
she has not mentioned Noah's name once.
237
00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:52,008
Noah? If I may ask, how is he?
238
00:09:52,128 --> 00:09:54,597
- Oh. Uh, he's... he's good.
- He's good.
239
00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,369
- He's doing real good.
- Real good.
240
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,816
Please give this to him for me.
241
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,430
He always forgets to wipe down
the touch screen of his phone.
242
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:08,362
It tends to get so greasy.
243
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:12,765
I... I will... see that he gets this.
244
00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:15,150
Thank you. On a lighter note,
245
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:18,294
I pulled three handfuls of yellow wig hair
246
00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,672
from the drain in the downstairs bath.
247
00:10:21,477 --> 00:10:24,004
I'll talk to Dalia.
248
00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:25,810
He needs a new look,
249
00:10:25,818 --> 00:10:27,973
one that says, "you cheated on me,
250
00:10:27,977 --> 00:10:28,610
you're a cheater,
251
00:10:28,602 --> 00:10:30,229
drop dead, you homosexual cheater."
252
00:10:30,253 --> 00:10:31,535
But without losing a lot of length.
253
00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:34,015
How about some daring magenta tips?
254
00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:35,133
Ooh, like that.
255
00:10:35,253 --> 00:10:36,956
But do daring magenta tips say,
256
00:10:36,985 --> 00:10:38,719
"I hope you stop breathing in your sleep"?
257
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,045
Mm, no. But they do say,
258
00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:42,022
"I'm fun. You're not.
I hope you get S.A.R.S."
259
00:10:42,057 --> 00:10:43,340
'Kay.
260
00:10:43,374 --> 00:10:44,933
This is exciting.
261
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,111
No, Mr. Wolfe.
262
00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:49,447
This is war.
263
00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:51,972
Okay. I stuffed your face
in all these envelopes,
264
00:10:52,092 --> 00:10:53,568
cubed your bedtime gouda,
265
00:10:53,568 --> 00:10:55,859
and ordered refill bags
for the diaper genie.
266
00:10:55,979 --> 00:10:58,369
Is there anything else you'd like me to do
267
00:10:58,377 --> 00:10:59,277
before I head out?
268
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,341
Tessa, why did you take this internship
269
00:11:01,359 --> 00:11:02,772
working for me? It's funny.
270
00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:04,876
I was actually just asking
myself the same question.
271
00:11:04,876 --> 00:11:06,291
I think I know the answer.
272
00:11:06,411 --> 00:11:07,833
I think that there's a part of you
273
00:11:07,872 --> 00:11:10,533
that dreams of one day
being a published author.
274
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,931
You know, maybe you're...
275
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,054
Of course I'm right.
276
00:11:14,088 --> 00:11:16,704
Which is why I'd like to give you
277
00:11:16,693 --> 00:11:18,288
a little creative writing assignment.
278
00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:19,626
Really?
279
00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:24,731
That's great. I mean, thank you.
280
00:11:24,765 --> 00:11:27,048
You are very welcome.
281
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,821
So what's the assignment?
282
00:11:31,855 --> 00:11:34,298
I'd like you to help Opus
283
00:11:34,314 --> 00:11:36,769
write a review for my new book.
284
00:11:37,473 --> 00:11:38,710
Wait, what?
285
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:41,157
It'll take a little
creativity on your part,
286
00:11:41,181 --> 00:11:43,777
and a willingness to try on his.
287
00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:48,822
Don't think I understand.
288
00:11:48,856 --> 00:11:50,879
He will speak without words,
289
00:11:50,999 --> 00:11:53,178
and you will listen without ears.
290
00:11:53,232 --> 00:11:54,093
I have ears.
291
00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:57,150
Then you heard how... poetic that sounded.
292
00:11:57,270 --> 00:11:58,981
Let me get this straight...
293
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,437
You want me to ask Opus
what he thought of your book,
294
00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:05,847
and then transcribe his
incoherent babbling...
295
00:12:05,863 --> 00:12:09,257
Into a review that you post on Amazon.
296
00:12:09,377 --> 00:12:10,556
If there's another printing,
297
00:12:10,579 --> 00:12:12,159
it may even wind up on the jacket.
298
00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:14,130
I'll be your first published piece,
299
00:12:14,169 --> 00:12:16,023
and my first five-star review.
300
00:12:15,999 --> 00:12:17,946
How do you know Opus is
gonna give you five stars?
301
00:12:18,066 --> 00:12:21,043
He connects with the
material. See for yourself.
302
00:12:25,884 --> 00:12:28,355
And I just thought some fresh air
303
00:12:28,389 --> 00:12:30,807
and a new hobby, like tapping syrup,
304
00:12:30,841 --> 00:12:32,718
would help get your mind off of...
305
00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:33,923
Tapping Carmen?
306
00:12:33,978 --> 00:12:36,207
I get it. You're a good friend.
307
00:12:36,261 --> 00:12:38,209
Well, I'm just trying
to look out for you, man.
308
00:12:38,329 --> 00:12:39,933
I can tell you from experience,
309
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,666
the single parent thing is not easy.
310
00:12:41,689 --> 00:12:42,925
And neither is marriage,
311
00:12:42,886 --> 00:12:45,572
but you can't just bolt
when things get hard.
312
00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:48,165
- No. You're right.
- Yeah.
313
00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:52,662
My place is in Jill Werner's
bony, punishing arms.
314
00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:55,039
Besides, if Carmen felt the same,
315
00:12:55,071 --> 00:12:56,377
she would have reached out by now.
316
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,481
Some small gesture, but she hasn't.
317
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:01,170
Yeah.
318
00:13:01,439 --> 00:13:03,790
L... let's go home.
319
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,825
- Yeah?
- Let's take our sap,
320
00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:08,529
run it through the reverse osmosis filter,
321
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:12,368
boil it, evaporate it, bottle it...
322
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,331
and then go home.
323
00:13:24,365 --> 00:13:26,096
My only question is,
324
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,931
is it gay enough?
325
00:13:27,982 --> 00:13:29,399
Absolutely.
326
00:13:29,847 --> 00:13:31,634
I think it's naughty.
327
00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:32,669
It is.
328
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,437
Thank you guys for the pick-me-up.
329
00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:36,239
I really needed it.
330
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,730
Where do I pay?
331
00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:40,366
You don't pay. Chef Alan pays.
332
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,587
Actually, he does pay.
333
00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:46,881
Fine. You pay, and then Chef Alan pays.
334
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:48,875
This is only phase one, Mr. Wolfe.
335
00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:49,892
Phase one?
336
00:13:49,939 --> 00:13:52,300
You look better, but you don't feel better.
337
00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:53,747
And in order to feel better,
338
00:13:53,778 --> 00:13:55,650
you need to make Chef Alan feel worse.
339
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,588
You need to find his sad
button and his mad button,
340
00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:00,190
and push them both...
341
00:14:00,224 --> 00:14:02,676
like, 15 times in a row.
342
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:04,688
How do you know all this?
343
00:14:04,808 --> 00:14:06,550
Dalia, did someone break your...
344
00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:09,549
What's that noise?
345
00:14:09,567 --> 00:14:11,195
She's crying.
346
00:14:11,485 --> 00:14:12,819
Crying?
347
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:15,763
Are you sure? There are no tears.
348
00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:18,859
Yeah. She taught herself
to dry cry years ago
349
00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:20,324
to avoid ruining her makeup.
350
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,861
It'll run its course.
351
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,904
It often stops just as suddenly as...
352
00:14:23,865 --> 00:14:26,148
Do you guys wanna get Sushi?
353
00:14:33,235 --> 00:14:34,909
"The only thing that stinks
354
00:14:34,948 --> 00:14:37,841
more than this book is my diaper.
355
00:14:38,404 --> 00:14:40,688
All the wipes in the world
356
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,378
won't freshen up this turd.
357
00:14:43,498 --> 00:14:47,077
Signed, Opus Werner."
358
00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:49,399
Throwing Opus under the bus, aren't ya?
359
00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:52,027
Uh, I'd like to think Opus and I
360
00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:53,338
are of the same mind on this.
361
00:14:53,458 --> 00:14:57,502
Well, it sounds like somebody
has mastered how to be a baby.
362
00:14:59,544 --> 00:15:01,663
It's not me. It's her.
363
00:15:01,679 --> 00:15:04,345
Jill Werner is the most
vapid, self-obsessed narcissist
364
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:05,401
I have ever met.
365
00:15:05,385 --> 00:15:07,247
Well, nobody's perfect.
366
00:15:07,591 --> 00:15:08,866
Why are we eating syrup?
367
00:15:08,986 --> 00:15:10,750
Well, I didn't get the Greens.
You want some on your Greens?
368
00:15:10,758 --> 00:15:11,658
- The Greens?
- Yeah.
369
00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:13,003
No, dad, I don't.
370
00:15:13,018 --> 00:15:14,567
We can choose to bask in the negativity
371
00:15:14,598 --> 00:15:16,530
because somebody had a
bad day at the office,
372
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,859
or we can happily guzzle
373
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,416
the sweet, Amber fluid of the lord.
374
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,066
There. Now it's on your Greens.
375
00:15:22,105 --> 00:15:24,084
- George, the woman is a monster.
- Okay.
376
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,595
I honestly don't know how
Noah stays married to her.
377
00:15:26,642 --> 00:15:29,732
Part of me wants to
slip him a note that says
378
00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:32,054
"run. Run for your life."
379
00:15:32,077 --> 00:15:33,086
Please do not do that,
380
00:15:33,094 --> 00:15:34,596
because I have been working very hard
381
00:15:34,627 --> 00:15:35,581
to keep that from happening.
382
00:15:35,597 --> 00:15:36,464
Look, I'll admit
383
00:15:36,449 --> 00:15:38,748
that Jill is not like most
of the moms in Chatswin.
384
00:15:38,868 --> 00:15:40,007
But she's a career woman.
385
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,149
I thought you of all people
would appreciate that.
386
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,682
I thought you looked up to her.
387
00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:45,959
I did, until I got to know her.
388
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,281
Have you seen how she conducts herself
389
00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:49,439
around a plate of almonds?
390
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:50,839
Well, she's got a lot going on.
391
00:15:50,885 --> 00:15:52,591
Have you ever written a body of work
392
00:15:52,711 --> 00:15:54,092
you were extremely proud of?
393
00:15:54,115 --> 00:15:55,677
I imagine it takes a lot out of you.
394
00:15:55,695 --> 00:15:59,527
Oh, my God. George, why
are you defending her?
395
00:16:00,075 --> 00:16:01,411
And then I thought,
396
00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:03,633
my God, George, why are you defending her?
397
00:16:03,938 --> 00:16:05,506
And I realized
398
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:08,395
that it's impossible for me
to hear you talk about leaving
399
00:16:08,794 --> 00:16:13,166
without remembering what
it felt like to be left.
400
00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:16,250
I'm Jill.
401
00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:20,321
I'm an unpublished Jill
Werner, 17 years out.
402
00:16:20,673 --> 00:16:21,854
Grim.
403
00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:23,582
I wasn't being objective,
404
00:16:23,621 --> 00:16:25,389
or a good friend.
405
00:16:25,999 --> 00:16:28,173
I... I have no right telling you...
406
00:16:28,453 --> 00:16:31,021
Look, don't beat yourself up, buddy.
407
00:16:31,055 --> 00:16:32,529
Carmen and I weren't meant to be.
408
00:16:32,537 --> 00:16:34,602
Like I said, if she felt anything for me,
409
00:16:34,722 --> 00:16:37,010
she would have reached out by now.
410
00:16:37,044 --> 00:16:37,978
Yeah.
411
00:16:38,012 --> 00:16:41,218
Well, that's the thing.
412
00:16:43,932 --> 00:16:44,999
Where did you get this?
413
00:16:45,119 --> 00:16:47,154
From Carmen. She asked
me to give it to you,
414
00:16:47,138 --> 00:16:48,496
and I didn't, because...
415
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,180
I knew it.
416
00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:51,658
I knew it.
417
00:16:51,692 --> 00:16:53,760
She does care.
418
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:56,363
I am leaving my wife...
419
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,846
for Carmen!
420
00:17:01,419 --> 00:17:03,937
- Whoo-hoo!
- Noah? Darling?
421
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:10,116
Well, today's pain is
tomorrow's best-seller.
422
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,492
Am I right?
423
00:17:17,101 --> 00:17:18,885
Sweets...
424
00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:21,737
When your strike reaches
its intended target,
425
00:17:21,729 --> 00:17:24,576
there's something
bittersweet about the moment.
426
00:17:24,696 --> 00:17:28,620
On the one hand, it's great
to watch your tormentor fall.
427
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:30,677
On the other hand,
428
00:17:30,864 --> 00:17:33,820
watching them fall reminds
you that they're human.
429
00:17:34,047 --> 00:17:35,152
Jill...
430
00:17:35,908 --> 00:17:38,122
I'm sorry about that.
431
00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:40,531
I can't understand what went wrong with us.
432
00:17:41,086 --> 00:17:42,963
I know how painful this must be.
433
00:17:42,971 --> 00:17:44,723
Oh, I looked like a fool today.
434
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,867
Meaning I... I think maybe Noah has been...
435
00:17:47,921 --> 00:17:49,751
Noah? I'm talking about you.
436
00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:51,792
I asked you to do one thing for me.
437
00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:55,655
Craft a five-star ok review
from my child's point of view.
438
00:17:55,687 --> 00:17:56,461
- And what you...
- Hold on.
439
00:17:56,581 --> 00:17:57,602
Are you really telling me
440
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,964
that you're more upset about
the book review I posted
441
00:17:59,957 --> 00:18:03,187
than you are about...
the end of your marriage?
442
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:05,861
Look, Noah leaving me for Carmen
443
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:07,793
is a real crap sandwich.
444
00:18:07,913 --> 00:18:09,200
But you know something?
445
00:18:09,224 --> 00:18:11,155
It came on ciabatta.
446
00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:15,543
What's this? You already
started a new book?
447
00:18:15,663 --> 00:18:18,288
A new chapter.
448
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,487
Ahh.
449
00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:23,598
Mm.
450
00:18:23,718 --> 00:18:25,827
Maybe this one will be worth a damn.
451
00:18:26,031 --> 00:18:27,845
And then it occurred to me...
452
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,199
no matter what I thought of Jill Werner,
453
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,622
it would never be as bad
454
00:18:31,638 --> 00:18:33,694
as what Jill Werner thought of herself.
455
00:18:36,864 --> 00:18:38,424
Hey, Dallas.
456
00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:40,074
Tessa. How are you doing?
457
00:18:40,092 --> 00:18:42,845
Have you climbed your way
up the literary food chain
458
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,714
and secured the college
credential of your dreams?
459
00:18:44,721 --> 00:18:46,474
Actually...
460
00:18:47,401 --> 00:18:50,403
I'd really like to come
back and work for you,
461
00:18:50,437 --> 00:18:52,405
if you'll have me.
462
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,090
Well, I don't know, Tessa.
463
00:18:54,124 --> 00:18:56,257
No college admissions director
464
00:18:56,377 --> 00:18:57,844
- is gonna look twice...
- I don't care.
465
00:18:57,878 --> 00:19:00,418
Working for Jill might
look better on paper,
466
00:19:00,441 --> 00:19:05,418
but she can't teach me anything
about being a good person.
467
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,934
And... who can, exactly?
468
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,944
Okay, now you're just fishing.
469
00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:13,309
Well, go on, let me catch something.
470
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,028
You, Dallas.
471
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:18,097
I can learn about being
a better person from you.
472
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,949
Who?
473
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,819
I like the way you say that.
474
00:19:29,612 --> 00:19:31,262
Where is she?
475
00:19:31,382 --> 00:19:33,483
Carmen.
476
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,444
Carmen!
477
00:19:35,564 --> 00:19:37,933
In the bathroom!
478
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,851
It better be number one, woman,
479
00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:43,251
'cause I'm coming in.
480
00:19:43,494 --> 00:19:45,621
This can't wait! Ahh!
481
00:19:45,741 --> 00:19:49,618
Mr. Werner!
482
00:19:52,222 --> 00:19:53,841
Don't move a muscle, Carmen.
483
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,422
I want to remember you just like this.
484
00:19:56,542 --> 00:19:58,056
It's going to cause a flood.
485
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,341
I don't care! Let it!
486
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:06,504
Why didn't you contact me?
487
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,856
I waited every day for you to contact me,
488
00:20:08,864 --> 00:20:09,944
and you never did!
489
00:20:10,064 --> 00:20:11,805
I wrote you 42 e-mails,
490
00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:14,237
one e-mail a day for 42 days.
491
00:20:14,222 --> 00:20:15,731
What address did you use?
492
00:20:15,851 --> 00:20:17,929
The A.O.L. one.
493
00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:20,815
I don't check that account.
494
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,193
It's too late now.
495
00:20:24,313 --> 00:20:26,312
It's over.
496
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,244
It's not over.
497
00:20:28,364 --> 00:20:30,317
It's never over!
498
00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:37,535
What the hell?!
499
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,788
I thought you said you missed me.
500
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:43,846
I miss working for you.
501
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:47,584
I'm sorry, but I only like you as a boss.
502
00:20:48,218 --> 00:20:50,095
What about the chamois?
503
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:52,300
It was for wiping things.
504
00:20:55,107 --> 00:20:56,554
No. No. I won't go.
505
00:20:56,674 --> 00:20:59,357
No, this is too easy, Carmen!
506
00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,293
I didn't fight for you last time.
507
00:21:01,566 --> 00:21:04,094
I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice.
508
00:21:05,086 --> 00:21:06,978
I have a lot of mopping to do.
509
00:21:07,098 --> 00:21:10,467
Well, then, I'm gonna
stand right here beside you,
510
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:11,858
and I'm gonna watch you mop.
511
00:21:11,978 --> 00:21:14,299
Well, I can't if you're
in the middle of the floor.
512
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:17,169
Well, I have to show you that
I'm not giving up on this.
513
00:21:17,161 --> 00:21:18,561
Where do you want me to stand?
514
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,462
I don't know. On the toilet?
515
00:21:20,517 --> 00:21:23,080
Fine. Just...
516
00:21:32,724 --> 00:21:35,032
You're beautiful.
517
00:21:37,916 --> 00:21:43,900
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