All language subtitles for OK Nerone

O.K. NERO

- Chief.
- Quiet!

Soon you'll be entering Rome.

You have been chosen for this visit to
the Eternal City for your excellent work,

and your good seamanship
during the recent maneuvers.

Remember that you are American
citizens visiting a foreign country.

And you must keep a
sense of responsibility,

especially in your relationship
with the local population.

I ask for the maximum
politeness and warmth,

while you are representing...

Silence! Who interrupted me?
- It must have been those two there.

Hey! You! Stand up!

What are your names?

One at a time!

- His name's Jimmy Gargiulo...
- And he's Fiorello Capone.

But how were you two stowaways
choosen in the first place?

They're Italo-Americans.
They're the cook's helpers abroad..

- They were sent as interpreters.
- Interpreters?

As you were!

Hurry.

Before we arrive in Rome, I must have
the signatures of everyone present.

Ay, ay, sir!

Hey, fellows! There's Rome!

There! There!

- City of the Doges.

- No, that's Novara.

Wake up, you tin heads. Sign this!

- Where?
- Here.

- Chief?
- What is it?

- Is this your signature?
- My writing too fancy? - With an X?

- It's a nice X, look!
- So you're illiterate!

Fine interpreters, you're illiterate!

No, he's illiterate!
I just can't read!

- What's happened.
- A puncture.

Come on lads, all out.

Hey, get that stone, and
put it under that wheel.

What's that stuff over there?

Old stuff, antique Roman stuff.

Old ruins, old Roman ruins.

So those stones...

Two thousand years old.

If I take one home with me to Winesburg,

the neighbours will die from envy!

Hey, you two.

You two!

- Him?
- Both of you.

- Fetch me a fine Roman stone.
- Yes, Sir!

I saw it first.

Hey, the stone!

Guard those two idiots well!

Yes Sir.

Photos, postcards from Rome...

Take it easy, see you later.
Keep your eyes on those guys.

What'ya doing?

Oh, I have to stay here,
and guard those two idiots.

They're all going to Rome, except us.

We're locked up here...

Your fault, for taking that stone,

that was in front of the bus.

- Postcard of Rome?
- No.

We need a plan.

A plan?

A plan of escape.

But that watchdog can't be distracted!

Postcard of Rome?

Souvenirs of Rome.

Ciao, Johnny!
- Hello!

Hey, come with us.
Come on!

If only...

100 lire. One dollar.

One dollar, no?

Photos, artistic,
scientific, anatomical.

Very interesting.

2,000 lire

- 2,000 lire.
- Here, let me have it.

Thank you very much.

Hey Joe!

- What is it?
- Ziegfeld Follies, look.

- What is it?
- Look at this, look at this!

Look at her! - And her!

Now look at this one!

And this beauty.
- Wait for me!

What are you doing?

What are you doing, stop!

They're not as old as I thought.

It's true.

There aren't even any skyscrapers.

That's because the houses here are lower.

Hey, Jimmy.

What's with all these ruins?

What a stupid question: It's
the bombing from '41, isn't it?

- They must be over ten years old.
- No, that was September '43.

- Eight years.

- They're ten years old.
- Eight years.

See how dusty they are.

Hey, these ruins, how old are they?

2,000 years.

- Well anyway, I came the closest.
- Take us to the Colosseum.

It looks like a Swiss building.

- Why?
- It's full of holes.

Like your head.

It's like a circus.
Look how beautiful it is!

Then there must be lions.

Jimmy...

We oughta get outa here cause some of
them might still be running around loose.

Get down here!

Because if any of
them are still around...

Come here.

- Hey, Jimmy!
- What now?

- Did ya hear that? - Me, no.
- I heard a roar.

We'd better call for help,
and get the cops to catch them!

They've found our hideout!
They'll have us arrested!

We'd better stop them.

I want to get away from dis place, 'cos
somepin about it gives me da creeps!

Why is it ya can't appriate da beauty
of dis great place?... It's hysterical!

I've seen better buildings
than this that were condemned.

Oh, what do you mean? Dis was
the Madison Square Garden of Rome!

Why just shut ya eyes, like I'm doing.

Look don't it seem like we're
back in anciet times?...

I see dem chariots racing around...

I see dem Romans wearing their long,
double breasted bed sheets...

Can't you see dem buildings, dem columns?

Ah, if we could go back in those
famous times... That'd be somepin!

Like in the movies, when some wizard
waves his wand lightly at my head.

Look, Muzius, another one
of those strange signs,

that those dirty christian
slaves are making everywhere!

And they call it a cross!

I wonder what they think they're doing,
dirtying the walls up in this way?

Ah, I guess they must be trying
to drive Emperor Nero crazy.

Judging from the way our Chief of Police
is behaving, I think they're succeeding.

But they're also going
straight into the lion's mouth.

Only yesterday our chief, Pannunzius,
condemned 300 more christians to death.

And today it'll probably be doubled!
There was another raid last night.

- Look!
- Who are they?

What strange clothes!

What are you doing here?

Dat wizard dat did this must
use a crowbar for a wand.

Hey, Fiorello!
Fiorello!

We've got company...

Hey, wake up!
No, it ain't no dream fella.

Whatya mean it's no dream? Did you
ever see guys wearing skirts before?

That's only for Halloween.
My dream's much better!

Use your head for a change.

Ya've never hoid of two people dreaming
da same thing at the same time!

Look, Jimmy, I don't wanna get
mixed up in your dreams.

I don't like the looks of those guys...
I don't know nothing, just wanna sleep.

Wake up, will ya, and stop
talking like a darn fool!

Can't ya see dat dese
two guys are for real?

Who? Those two dere?
Go on, I've seen them before!

They're in all Stalin pictures.
Hey, scram!

Oh yeah?... Have ya forgotten what
what we was wishing for earlier?

Maybe some magician overhoid us,
and transformed us,

by hitting us on the heads,
with his magic wand.

Well, give me dis satisfaction,
come here. Touch him! Feel this?

This is flesh, flesh and bone!
Go on! Touch him! Well?

Ah, all right. Just ta please you!

So you think that dese
two guys here are real?

Owwww!
- Ya know, I think yer right.

Shap it up! You lowly insolent pigs!
Get along! Hey, Fiorello! Look!

Are they having a Roman fish boy?
- Quiet! Keep moving and shut up!

You won't act so cocky when our chief of
Police Pannuntius, gets through with you!

Keep your hands off me. I'm a
Republican, but I've got friends.

These christians are getting
to be worse than vermin.

Death. To death. How many more are there?

There are still three or
four hundred, Pannunzius.

Enough! I can't stand another one.
Throw them to the lions.

But Pannunzius the lions are overfed
as it is. They have eaten so much,

they are walking on their knees.
Their belch is mightier than their roar.

Well then have them thrown to the dogs,
to the cats, to the vultures.

Do whatever you like with them.

Invent a new kind of torture.

But I want each and evary one of these
trouble making christians rebels to die.

I don't ever want to see even one
sign of the cross in the capital again.

Take them to the river and
drown them. Boil them in oil.

I can't stand the sight of them.
Get them out of my hair.

Wait...by Jupiter, who are these two?

We have no idea Pannunzius.

But the strange costume that they wear,

the lack of respect they show us,

and the foreign language they
speak, is most suspicious.

That's a bum rap.
Ah, good morning your Excellency.

I can explain this easy.
We just didn't know there was any law

against sleeping on steps.
I'd never break a law.

Well, where have you come from?
What are you doing here in Rome?

And make your explanation short and to the point.
I'm a busy man. Explain yourselves, go on.

Well pal... - Stand up.

Well judge, me and me pal
arrived yesterday on a flat top.

A what...?

Aircraft carrier? - Yes, an aircraft carrier.
Would be a ship on which there are airplanes.

Indeed, if you want to visit it,
we can let you fly.

Me, fly? Am I maybe a flying bird?

But how dare you teasing the tangerine,

to the first prefect of rome, Pannunzius?

No, he was saying, if you want to visit it,
it's interesting, you know,..

it's a floating city.
- A floating city?

Now there are also cities that float?!

Maybe even made out of iron? Right?
And they float, iron made...

they don't sink. - They don't sink.
- It moves by itself, huh?

Nobody rows... Bravo, bravo, bra...

Guard!

Take them away from my sight,
before I slay them myself personally.

Wait, wait! - Wait! Excellency!

Hands off... Excuse me,
excellency, listen.

Maybe he doesn't like aircraft carriers.
You know, a dislike... It can be.

Excellency, if you don't like the
aircraft carrier, we'll carry you,

on a cruiser! - A cruiser. a cr...

A cruiser. Something...

Are you...of the cross of christians?!
(following) Or am I mistaken?

No - Let me tell him, will you? It's
all simple. You see we're out of towners.

Visitors? And where do you come from?

The East, I mean, New York

New York? Why is it every summer
we're always flooded with tourists?

Why must they be either christians,
or worse yet: school teachers.

No your Honor, we're rotarians.

we wanted to come and see the
magnificent city of Rome,

which we heard was so well administered
by Police Commissioner Pannunzius.

What a coincidence.
I'm Commissioner Pannunzius.

So you've heard about me?
A pleasure to know you.

Likewise. Hya.

You know I must have some children,
so I can tell them about this.

They're tourists, harmless tourists.
we must show them every courtesy.

But sir...he gave me a kick in the shin.

Oh well forget it. He just wanted
to straighten your legs out.

The most important thing is,
they're not christians or spies.

Ah Commissioner, you're a real doll.

In the name of the emperor, Nero,

I hereby welcome you to the city
of Rome and the Quirinal.

Thanks governor. So long Commissioner.

Just a moment, just a moment please.
Don't go away.

You have to sign this, just a formality,
sort of a statement, sign on the bottom.

Er, what's it Judge?

It's an agreement, that you will
respect the Roman Laws;

that you'll pay all the taxes;
uphold and respect the official religion;

and you won't park your chariot on a one
way street. Just a matter of form. Sign it.

There you are pal.

By Mercury. It's the cross.
They're insolent arrogant christians.

Arrest them! Can you imagine?
They made the sign of the cross to me.

Let's go in here quick.

Look out!

You three search there.

Hey Fatso. Has anyone come in here?

Come in gentlemen, and see for your-
selves that I have no one hidden in here.

I could have sworn they came into this tavern.

Are all your casks filled with wine?

Yes sir... All full to the top.

Listen... Hear that? So is this one.

And this one... Yes sir.
Full as the new moon.

Besides, there's only one window:
That one there.

They'd break their legs if they
jumped from there. Look around gentlemen.

Those two christian dogs won't get far.

We've got the whole city surrounded.

Wait. What is this noise?
- It's the wine aging, it's so old it creaks.

If you see them let us know. Let's go.

Get busy, you shiftless slave.

Boy this is great. These Romans
sure know how to take a bath.

Fiorello... Fiorello...
Help me get out of here.

Don't get yourself upset pal.

I wouldn't leave you in the drink, Jim.

Well, don't just stand there,
do something will you?

You betcha. Now don't go away pal, Jimmy,

I'll be right with you,
you wait for me now, hhu!

Hey, but which is the right one?

Jimmy, the right one is the one on the left.

The left is the right one.

No, I said the right one is the left one.

You know, you're so right.

Listen to me, Jimmy, I got an idea Jimmy.

After all we've been through today,
what we ought to do,

is to get out of these wet clothes,
and find ourselves a dry drink.

You want gin, rummy?

Who is?

Don't you realize that we
both are in a lot of trouble?

Do you know where we are?

You just told me...
We're in a lot of trouble.

But where? Where are we right now?

You're in a wine cellar.

A wine cellar? Whose wine cellar?

You're in a wine cellar underneath Burbo's tavern.

Well button my hatches.

Hey, this dreamboat sure has some cargo.

You must be the two christians
that the guards are looking for.

We all know, what you've done.

Wonderful... Come with me.

Now just a minute Miss,
we're United States sailors.

we're very shy when it comes to
following beautiful girls. -Yeah

Oh I know you wouldn't harm anyone.
But you'll be persecuted just the same.

I'm also a christian.
I'm going to try and help you.

It'll be hard getting out of this
tavern. It's full of gladiators.

Of what!

Gladiators... They're the slaves,

who amuse the nobles and the
Roman people in the circus.

Oh the circus... They're clowns.
-Oh yeah... The funny guys,

with the red noses and baggy pants.
- Sure, some go quack, quack, quack.

Oh no, you don't understand.
The gladiators are brutal people.

They kill a christian every five minutes.

Yeah, I'd like to know how he stands it.

Don't jest.

Unfortunately there are very few
of us christians left in Rome now.

Oh! Zat so? Maybe because it's vacation time.

Tell her not to let that worry her,
they all gotta come back in two weeks.

There isn't any time to lose. You've got
to get out of here before they find you.

All right... but how we gonna do it?

Follow me.

Let's go.
- Let's go.

This is some armor that
belonged to two gladiators,

who were killed in a fight here last night.

That's kinda cheerful.

Burbo, my master has hidden them down here,

so the Praetorians won't know what happened
in his tavern. There, put it on.

(MUFFLED VOICE) It fits perfect.

This way you'll be able to leave the tavern.
Nobody will notice you if you wear this.

Isn't that dangerous?
- Don't worry. They're all drunk.

Nero is a tyrant!

I wish I could tear his arms off!

Don't talk like that.

We risk our lives for him why don't
we try risking them against him?

Shut up, you! Do me that favor...
Oh, there you are, good for nothing!

What am I not paying you for!

I've had to work here by myself
to serve these drunken fools!

I had to attend to something in the cellar.

What's that?...And is this
all the wine you brought me?

Forgetting my orders now, eh?

Why should I bother with a slave like you?
I'm going to sell you at the slave market!

Sell her and you'll lose all your customers.

With customers like you,
I'm losing my toga anyway.

Go on! You know that, after Nero,
you're the only one,

who makes money on our carcasses!
That dog makes his by having us die,

like flies at the circus, and
you by selling us this rotten wine!

Stop speaking against Nero in here!

If anyone hears you, they'll
close my place and skin me alive!

Ah, that would be a sight to see
with that soft, flabby hide of yours.

Now stop being so scared!
- Who me?...Why...

Hey! Did you hear what he said?...
Come over here...

Burpo doesn't want us to talk
against our beloved Emperor.

Oh, he doesn't! Ha! Ha! Down with Nero!

Let's cut that slimy worm's head off!
- No! No! Quiet!

Death to all the friends of Nero!

Are you listening? Just try
defending that maniac Nero,

and you'll end up like those two
gladiators that I killed last night,

the ones you buried so carefully
in your wine cellar... Ha! Ha! Ha!

No, I'm not any friend of Nero.

I only want to be able to
stay in business, that's all!

Ha, ha, ha... All right!

Hail! Hey, did you knit that yourself?

I think you dropped a stitch.

Hold on there! Don't leave yet.
Today I'm buying drinks for everybody!

Well, since he insists...

This afternoon I squeezed
4 men to death at the circus.

Oh swell! - Oh, that's nothing.

I don't like to boast, but I squeezed
4 girls in the tunnel of love,

and I was only 16!
- And he was rowing at the same time!

Are you being funny?

Quiet!...Calm down!...Take it easy!...

You'll have all day tomorrow
to tear each other apart.

Burpo! Bring us something to drink!

You've been drinking, eh?

You two seen to talk pretty big,
but I don't remember ever seeing you fight.

Ah, we don't fight very much.
- We get along well together see!

You must be new around here. They're amateurs

Hiya!

Well, we'll see now just
how good you really are.

Hold on.

Gee, whata way to shake hands!

Here's the wine you ordered.
- Give it here.

No! No! No!

Give it here! You light some torches.
Can't you see it's dark?

Now he even wants more light!
I wish he'd drop dead, twice!

Well, as of today,
I've killed sixty-five men!

And I seventy. And I've beaten
up at least a hundred!

When I was an executioner,
hatchet man, you understand,

I'd lop off at least thirty
heads a day, Zac! Zac!

Why, any child could do that.
I... Ahhhh!

Who was the rat that did that to me?
I don't go for that kind of funny business!

Now, Madam Butterfly, don't get excited!

You shut up and sit down!
- Well okay.

Down! Ahhh! - What's going on here?
- It's a challenge.

Ah, I'll skin him alive!
- Tell me who'se doing it!

How should I know? Gee, I was just
sittin down, minding my own business,

when all of a sudden...

Why you... Let me at him!
I'll kill him! I'll murder him!

(Making sound like a machine gun)
Ta-ta-ta-ta...

Dis is my territory, see?
I'm taking over, see? Ta-ta-ta.

Fiorollo! Stop it! They're gonna kill ya!
Have ya gone batty?

Stop! Stop! It's nothing!
He's kidding! Come on, boys!

Over here! Free drinks for everyone!
I'm buying, hear?

On me, on me, I'm paying...
Come on, men! Drink up! Allya want!

To the health of good old Nero!

To whose health?
- What did you say?

To the health, of the honest, greatest,
and most popular Emperor Nero!

Oh, they'll kill him! Do something to save him!
- Who?

Why your friend over there!
He's underneath them!

But what are they beating him up for?
He didn't do anything.

Because he spoke well of Nero.
- Because he's spoken well of Nero?

As long as I'm the Emperor, you
understand, you'll do as I say.

Of course I will, Nero,
but I can't understand,

why you want to disguise yourself,
and run so many risks.

My dear Tigellinus, you
don't understand anything!

Oh, here is the armor...

Well, hurry up, don't be a
coward as usual. Get dressed!

I think it's dangerous for us
to go to Burbo's Inn by ourselves,

just to see what's going
on among the gladiators.

It would be better if I had them
all slaughtered, the stupid brutes!

I should use the methods
I use on the christians,

then maybe they'd stop
trying to start rebellions!

If you wish, I can have them all killed.

Why are you always such an idiot?

If I wished to have them killed,
why should I dress as a gladiator?

No, the gladiators are indespensable
for the Circus, they amuse the people.

I only have to find out who it is,
that's stirring them up against me.

When I find out who'se responsible,
I'll have him buried alive!

A magnificant idea, Caesar!
- "A magnificent idea, Tigellinus!"

If I'm the only one who has any ideas in
this place, then your existence is useless.

But very existence is
useless, compared to Nero's!

Everything is ready, Caesar.
- All right. Let's get dressed.

Where does it hurt you pal? Here?

Uh! Yeah, there! Well than.
How's that?...feel better?

Oh, sure, much! ...much!...
But da whole thing's your fault.

Why is it my fault?
You said what a great guy Nero was!

How could I... I never even met him!

Oh, now don't quarrel.
You'd better leave now.

And remember, when you're
with the gladiators,

always speak badly of Nero!
Don't forget that!

Why, didn't you say so before! Oh!

Don't worry sweetheart.
We ain't praising that bum anymore!

Farewell. - Bye. - bye.

No, come and have a drink with me.

You're my guests! Come along.

Ah, I've had a wonderful day!

Why, whadya do champ, rob a blood bank?

Huh? Oh yes, I suppose when
you've fought as many men,

as I have, there's bound to
be some bloodshed. But not mine.

Pig! It's him!

Pass the word around to everybody that Nero
and Tigellinus are sitting at that table,

over there with those two dumb gladiators.
Remember, not a word against him,

or the government, because the
Praetorians are sure to be outside!

What did you say?
Nero is here? Where?

Certainly, we gladiators lead
a tough life, eh?

Ya telling me? And ya wanna
know, whose fault it is?

Whose?
- It'd be a lot better,

if you'd shut up and let me explain
everything to this gentleman here.

It's all da fault of that
nutty tone deaf fiddler, Nero!

How dare you insult the
Emperor Nero like this!

Oh it's useless, trying to
defend that fat melon head,

see, because we all know Nero
is a fat pig, full of baloney!

You seem to know the Emporer very well.
- Oh no, but we happen to know,

from a good source, that
Nero wears a girdle, the fatso.

That's right. - And you wanna
know what that Nero looks like?

What? - A porker!

He's lounging at his palace now,
with an apple in his mouth,

and that sea weed all over his head!

Take back what you've said,
and say: "Long Live Nero!"

Yeah? And then I suppose
you'll even want us ta toast him?

It wouldn't be a bad idea.
- Ok, we will. A toast!

Sure thing! We're going ta
make a toast! Well then:

Here's ta da health of Nero, and
everybody who thinks he's a great guy!

Bottoms up!
- Ahhhhhhhh!

Didya see what we did ta dis
guy who wanted ta toast Nero!

Ah! Ah!

There they are!
Arrest them!

The traitors! Catch them!
They're over there!

Where did they go?

Arrest them, you fools!

Take them dead or alive!

They're traitors!
Hurry before they get away!

You should see yourself!

Ah, dis disguise is great huh?
If anybody stops us, we kin tell 'em,

we've been woiking very hard
in King Solomon's Mines.

Yeah, we won't attract attention this way.

Course not! - Hey, where we going, Jimmy?

Whady mean? I was following you...

No, I was following you following me...

Well, what difference does it make after all?
Let's follow each other.

Because I was afraid for
a minute we was lost,

'cause we didn't know where we was going...
- Look out.

Hey, Fiorello! Say, well look who's here!
- Why sure, it's her!

Hey, sweetheart...don't ya recognize us?
- Why the odd make-up?

The cops are after us,
so we put on this disguise.

Say, where does dis bus go?
- To the market.

Citizens! The slaves we're selling today,
are among the most beautiful in the world!

We have combed the Empire, to bring
you the best from every land!

I invite you to make your bids quickly.

We'll begin with the youngest,
most beautiful we have in the market.

Bidding will start at twenty sesterces.
- Twenty! - Twenty-five.

Thirty sesterces!

Thirty! Thirty, once! Thirty, twice!

Sold to the gentleman for thirty sesterces!

Oh you can push, but don't shove!
Some people are so rude.

Quiet!

They're young, they're healthy.
They've got good arms and fine legs.

Here's a bargain, gentlemen.
Twenty sesterces is the starting bid.

Who'll offer me more? - Twenty-eight!

Come on, citizens! Twenty-eight, once!
Twenty-eight twice!

Sold for twenty-eight sesterces!

Now here's a big, strong, girl, whose
starting price is twenty-five sesterces.

Say, what's going on over there?

You mean you don't understand yet?
This is the slave market.

You'd better tell the man
over there, we don't want any.

Forty! - Forty-five! - Forty-five!
Once!... Forty-five, twice!

Forty-five... Sold! She's yours!
- Thank you, my lord!

I don't get it. Dat guv'll kill her
with woik, yet she thanks him.

All slaves not sold will be fed
to the lions at the Circus!

Do I hear more than twenty sesterces?
- Twenty-five.

Hey, Jimmy... We gotta figure out
a way so as not ta get sold, huh?

We could tell him that Smiling
Horatius the slave dealer,

has put a down payment on us.
- Yes, that's it!

We're not fully paid for.
That's the best idea you've had.

All right, you! You're next!

Hey, watch it!
Huh! What manners!

These men are all the same!

Now, here is one of the prettiest
slaves to ever be put on this block.

Rarely are you able
to buy such a beauty.

But her price will go high.

We'll start at twenty sesterces!
Twenty sesterces!

Twenty-five!
- Twenty-eight sesterces!

Thirty sesterces!
- Thirty-two!

Thirty-five!
- Forty!

Forty! Citizens, that's still very little!

Come, come gentlemen, let's bid!
- Fifty!

Sixty!
- Sixty! Come on, citizens!

She's worthy of being in the Emperor's
Palace! Come, come gentlemen!

Don't I hear even a little more?
Sixty, citizens, is still very cheap.

Sixty once...sixty twice...
- Seventy! - Who's he?

It's no use trying to bid against that
fellow. He's one of Nero's officers.

We've now reached seventy,
thanks to Captain Marcus,

a connoisseur of feminine beauty!
Seventy! Who offers more?

Eighty sesterces!
- Very well, Menenius Lentulus!

One hundred sesterdes!
- By Hercules! He can have her.

The slave, Licia, to Captain Marcus,
for one hundred sesterces!

Ha, you've spent your money well, Marcus!

Come on, you two!
Hurry up, there! Move along!

Ok, don't get yer steam up!
- Don't you dare touch me, sir!

Where did you find those
two hags, Terenzius?

Who wants to buy these two Nubian
Slaves? Five sesterces apiece.

Oh no, we're not worth that!

It would be money thrown away.

Keep quiet! How do you ever
expect me to sell you to anybody?

I guess they'd rather
be eaten by the lions!

Come on now.
They're only fooling!

Five sesterces!
- Bring on the other slaves, Terenzius!

We wouldn't know what to do with them!
What are they good for?

All slaves not sold will be
fed to the lions at the Circus.

Come now, doesn't anyone want
these two even for one sesterce?

- No! To the lions!

Jimmy! Did you read what that said?
What are we gonna do?

Just a minute, mister auctioneer.
We was just fooling before.

Why just look at us,
and see how good we are.

Why sure! We...we kin do
anything. Why, we kin cook,

even iron all yer shoits,
and wax da floors, and chase da doit,

I kin sew, and make a stew,
and fix yer old togas just like new.

You'll be sure of a clean room,
'cause I'm an expoit with a broom!

And I'm a wonder with the kids.
They love the way I swing their cribs.

Where in da whole world would you find,
a baby sitter half so kind?

Why I just loves dat kitchen life,
put me to work, and save your wife.

I make da best baked crocodile,
that you will find along the Nile.

If it's service that your craving,
we're the finest slaves for slaving.

And to make it easy,
we'll pay teensy-weensy!

We're at your service,
for everything that you may desire.

We're always ready,
to make living so easy for you.

We're at your service,
for everything that you may desire.

We're always ready,
to make living so easy for you.

If you're feeling down and out,
and your pals are not about,

All ya gotta do,
is clap your hands for us.

If you're tired, and kinda blue,
and you're stumped with what to do,

we'll be glad to make
your troubles fly away.

When affairs of State are bad,
and you're angry, sad or mad,

don't jump in da Tiber,
until you've called on us!

We're at your service,
for anything you may desire.

We're always ready,
to make living so easy for you.

We're at your service,
for anything you may desire.

We're always ready,
to make living so easy for you.

Citizens! Have you seen what these
two are able to do?

They're workers, big and strong,
who even sing and dance.

Now, who'll buy them for fifteen sesterces?

Did ya hear dat? Our price is going up!

Twenty sesterces! - Twenty-five! - Thirty!
I'll put them to work digging potatoes.

Did ya hear? Digging potatoes?

We'll end up all black.

Thirty sesterces! Will anyone offer more?

Master, won't you please buy them?
- Fifty sesterces! - Thank you.

Fifty sesterces... Once! Fifty sesterces...
Twice!... Fifty sesterces...

Sold! The two Nubian servants to
Captain Marcus for fifty sesterces!

Take these three slavewomen
to the Empress Poppea's suite.

Thanks - Thanks - See you later.
- The auction will continue...

Come on, Cleopatra, let's go
see what's cooking at da palace.

To dream like this,

with just the two of us,

to hear our hearts beat together,

this could be ours!

To hold you close,

to kiss your lips,

and say, you're

mine, mine alone, forever,

is all that I ask.

If you'd only tell me,

that you care,

then I'd know the Gods,

brought love divine!

Then I would know the joy of love again!

Your warm embrace,

the way you frown your face,

makes my heart start singing!

I've fallen in love!

What time is it?

Well, look.

It doesn't work.

Well, no wonder, it's busted...
It's all full of sand!

It is the fourth hour, Divine Poppea.

You two are the new slaves, aren't you?

Yes, M'am...we're 2 new members, we just
joined local 802 of the Pantheon Union.

We just paid our dues, yesterday!

Scuse me, but what's all that white
liquid doing down there in that pool.

Milk, it's donkey's milk. It's the
bath of the Gods... A divine bath!

You could you jackass!

Schmo!

Tell me girls, how do you
like it here in the palace?

Great, and the help
around here is cute also.

Do you know how to massage?
- Of course we do, Poppea.

All right then, show me what you can do.

Ahhhhh! Shut your eyes!

Come on then, just don't
stand there, massage me.

Why sure we will, but I just want
to make sure my left hand knows,

what my right hand is doing!
- All right, then start.

Not that way, it's tickling me too much!

Ah, that's much better!

But you must use the perfumed oils.
You'll find them on the table.

Divine Poppea, he's here!
- Who, Tullius? - Yes.

Oh!...He must be mad! Where?
- In there.

Hurry up! Quickly, cover me.

Tullius!

Why are you so reckless?
Why have you come?

Sweet Poppea, don't you love me anymore?
Oh, of course I love you. You know that.

But if Nero should see us! If Nero should
find us here together, you'd be torn apart.

Nero's too busy chasing after
those christians to worry over us.

Poppea? What do you like best, oil or cream?

- Oil!

I'm not asking you Aida.
I was asking the divine Poppea.

Cream. - What an unmistakable voice!
So warm, so passionate!

Oh, my dearest one, after my
massage, I'll send them all out.

Then we'll have the
night for ourselves.

What are you doing?
- I'm massaging you, Divine Poppea.

You are?
- Why? Am I rubbing too hard?

Nero is here! He knows everything!

Someone's betrayed me! Tell him to escape
through the window leading to the gardens.

Hurry, the Emperors coming. My new gown!

Do we have to massage him, too?

No, it's Nero...remember?

Maybe he's spotted us!
What are we gonna do?

We gotta hide ourselves someplace!

The Emperor!

Don't anybody move!

Where is the Empress?

Where is she?
I want to see her at once!

Did I hear my husband, Nero, call me?

Is there a man in here, Poppea?
There's more than one, Caesar.

The noble Tigellinus,
the Centurions and yourself!

You know who I mean!

I know beyond the shadow of a doubt,

that a man entered here,
less than fifteen minutes ago.

Search everywhere!

And if you find any men... Kill them!

Stand up!

Hey, you! On your feet!

Carefull. You put your foot in my eye!
- Oh!

You wouldn't dare do that to him,
if he was a man, you ruffian!

There's no men in the house, Caesar,
other than your regular escort.

We haven't found a man anywhere, Caesar.

All right, not a sign of a man around.

But I want to be sure that the man I'm
looking for isn't disguised as a woman.

Take your clothes off everyone!

And hurry up about it, or,
you'll be impaled on hot irons!

Impaled on hot irons?
Who does he think he's talking to?

Who knows? And I ain't
interested in finding out!

All right, you there!

Good!

You, woman, come on.

You? Huh!

Come on you, uncover!

Hm! You...

Come on! Come on!

You, hurry up!

Come on, come on, uncover!...Hm?

You, remove it!

Very well.

All right, are these all of your women?

Well, there are those two Nubians
that were sent to me this morning,

but you don't suspect them, do you?
And where are they?

Aren't they here?
- Search for them!

Hey, what's happening there?

The milk's becoming black

Captain!

Do you see that?

Ah! Praetorians! Grab them! Catch them!

They're the gladiators who
insulted me in that tavern!

Catch them! Catch them! Catch the-!

Oh, my Caesar! Save the Emperor! Save him!

I want to see them die!
Tomorrow in the Circus!

Torn to pieces in the arena!

The game will now begin!

Throw out ya chest.
Throw out ya chest!

Ave, Caesar! We who are
about to die, salute you!

Ave!

Each gladiator,

will battle with the
gladiator who is facing him,

and the fight...will be finished,

only when one of the two
contestants has been killed.

Dirtbag.

Start fighting!

Your mother's calling ya!

I'm going to die of boredom!

These fights which you organize,
are as bad as the wrestling matches!

But Caesar...
- That will do!

Get up.

Feel better? Good!

Oh hey!

Oh hey!

Say, who are we supposed ta fight here?

It's that guy with the
horns on his helmet!...Oh!

Hey, is dis da one ya mean?
Yeah, dis is it.

It's dis one here!

Jimmy! Jimmy!

Enough!

Come over here.

These games are becoming
duller and duller every Saturday!

But sire, there are at
least twenty dead already!

Quiet, Seneca! We've got to get
some action into these games

We've got to put some
pep into these gladiators!

Give me that jug!

Gladiators!

Listen carefully!

Before I am forced to let loose
some wild tigers, lions and leopards,

to liven things up, I'll
give you one more chance.

Do you see this wine jug?

Well, whoever succeeds in capturing
it, and can bring it back...

shal be set free!
I will free him from slavery,

and reward him with a
thousand gold pieces!

Well, not so bad, eh?

Fiorello!

I don't know when I've had so much fun!
This game has a future!

Magnificant! Marvelous!

It's hard to believe those two
have never played the game before!

Those two boys down there are
certainly good insurance against boredom!

I want to award them properly.
Bring them to me at the palace!

Why not invite them to dinner, my dear?

Give me a rose.

A rose for us too.

Bring us some wine!

My friends! Let us lift up all our cups,

in honor of my most welcome guests:

Those two fine foreigners,

who have revolutionized the
life and habits of our palace.

The friends who are closest to my heart!

Long live, Jimmy and Fiorello!

Nero, you seem to have forgotten,
that those two men are conspirators.

You're the conspirator!
- I, Caesar?

Yes, you!

You should be my master of ceremonies, instead,
you've been trying to kill me with boredom.

Those two boys however, have really
brightened up my dull existence.

I'm expecting great things from them.

Hey, hurry up, there!

The banquet is almost finished.

Hey, there! You musicians!

When are you going to play something?
- Right away, Caesar.

Ya want us, Nero?
- Hya, Neersie!

Er, how do you like this music?
I wrote it myself.

Oh, it's terrific, simply dreamy.

And what about you?
What do you think of it?

Oh, dis kind of stuff makes me cry...

Really?
- ...cry of boredom. It's lousy!

Oh it is, eh? Praetorians!

Oh, no, no, Nero. He's kidding. Er, he
really means to say dat it's beautiful.

Oh, come now. Only it's slowly
putting everybody ta sleep in here.

It's like a lullaby.
There! Look at �em! See?

All right, get up!

Let's see what you're able to do.

But if, within ten minutes,
they aren't all wide awake,

I'll have you hung by the earlobes.

Diabulus facit fare
pentolam sed non coperchium!

Now Seneca, be careful,
because you're old enough,

to know better than to use that
kind of language. So watch out boy.

We gotta liven things up around here.

Look at those squares
playing in dat orchestra!

If we only had a band like
we got back in the states.

Sure...But where we gonna find one now?

All we really need is da instruments.
- Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute, pal!
- Whatcha doing? Don't start eating now!

Ya hear dat beat, man?

Hm, permit me, dear lady?

Hey Jimmy! Dig dis!

Hey, watch!

What are those boys concocting now?

Oh, let them alone, Nero darling!

Step right up, folks, and join the fun.
Ride the Chariot-coaster,

and the Sphinx-go-round.
See Augustus half-man, half-crocodile.

Watch Tessius and her daring toga-tease.

It's a Roman Holiday,
and all for 10 sesterces.

Nothing can hold a Roman candle to it!

Make way for the Emperor!

The Emperor!

The Imperial March!

Hi there, Seneca! How's tricks?
Hey, Tiggellinus!

Hiya fellows! Well Nero, glad ta see ya, Chief!

Hail, my divine Poppea! May I?

Stop that now, Fiorello!
- Go ahead. He's impulsive.

Hey! Hiya everybody! Nero,

how do you like the theme song I wrote for you?
- OK!

We're glad yer royal highness
took a whirl on dis.

Allow us to dedicate dis
Sphinx-go-round ta ya Chief!

You boys are wonderful!

I'll have to make you my
ministers of Entertainment!

Thank you, boys! Great,
isn't it? Ah, there he is!

Applepolisher!

I'll fix them!

Ah, here is my Divine Poppea!
Come over here and see,

if the noble Nero is strong enough,
to hit the bell on this gadget.

Please, step over here.
Move aside folks. It's absolutely free!

OK, Nero! It's a scientific test
of strength and skill. Go on, try it!

Quiet, everybody! Go on, push it!

It's poifectly safe.

It's made entirely of iron, try it!

One...two!...and three! Nice going, Nero!

That's using da old head, Tiggy!

Ah, hiya Poppea baby. Step right up!

May I offer ya what we call a lollypop?
- Thanks.

You'll have ta lend me three sesterces.

Put in da foist one... Follow
with a second... Then we hope!

It's amazing! But how
does this machine work?

It's got an imported, complicated mechanism
inside. A dark secret which only I know.

It's incredible! Even faster than Mercury!

But now I'll have to be going.
See you at the palace.

Goodbye, sweetheart! Goodbye,
sweet pea! Goodbye, sweet!

You think you can get away with
it because Nero like you, eh?

You panther!...

Fork it over!

Ah! And what is this called?
- A shooting gallery with prizes. Ya wanna try?

I want to try everything.
And just what are the prizes?

For three bull's eyes, one of those
beautiful slave-girls!

They're finest quality! For you, Nero.

Quick, young lady, the arrows!
I'll pick them out for you...

No...Not this one...This one?

Take this one... Pull back...

All right... There.

Stretch it!...Shoot!

OK, I'll take all of them away from you!

Oh, Nero! Too bad! Nice try!
But don't get discouraged, try again!

Dat's right! Ah, darn nice! Ah, Nero,
you're a regular Robin Hood! Shoot!

Ah, that's all of them!
What do I get for one bull's eye?

This fine little midget!

Well, you boys certainly deserve
a prize for your outstanding ingenuity!

But Caesar, think how angry
the gladiators are going to be!

This sort of thing cannot go on!

The gladiators... It's just
the punishment they deserve!

They thought I couldn't do without them,

but instead, I will close the Circus!
Here, you carry him!

Oh, don't forget...
He only drinks short beer!

'Scuse me, but is this child yours, lady?
Coochy-coo! Ow!

Ha! Ha! He won him as a booby prize!

Hey, so long, boys!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Come on, let's go!

Hey, you!

Come here!

I know, it's quite safe to talk to you,
because you're christians like me.

Like me and like my friends.
We owe our lives to both of you.

Ever since you invented all these
strange new forms of amusement,

Nero doesn't bother about
having us eaten by lions!

Thank you, thank you!

Glad ta help! Ha, ha!

But, but, we christians are starting
to be very worried about Licia.

the girl who helped you escape from
Burbo's tavern...the other evening.

That's the ore we saw when
we went for our slave ride...

Ah, she's at da palace.
- Safe and sound.

But, you see, Licia has fallen
in love with Captain Marcus.

One of Nero's most trusted officers.
But he doesn't even notice her,

because she's only one of the many slaves
in the Emporor's Palace, the poor girl.

Don't ya worry. I'll talk ta Marcus.
- If he don't want her, I'll take her!

Oh, if you can save her!

We'll do it.
- Ah, you're so powerful!

I'm da one who's powerful! He's my leg man.

We knew we could count on you to help us.
Ave!

Ave.

Oh, it's you! Come in.
- Ave servant.

Come on in.
- Good morning, Triscillus Manutius.

These are yours, as much as they are Nero's.
- Thanks, good man.

What are you doing here?
- We came to take you away.

Why? - Because it's getting dangerous here.
- But I cannot go away.

I don't want to go away.
- Come on...

I think exactly like her.
- You shut up and quit joking!

No, look Licia, listen to me, think about it.

You understand, here, you can be
sentenced to death at any moment.

I don't care. I'm ready to die for him.
- Him, who?

Nero?
- Oh, no!

For him.

But who? That one there?

The first one.
The one leading the Praetorians.

But that is Marcus, the centurion.
The one who bought us at the market.

You believed it, huh? That I'd fall.

But, then, he will marry you,
will bring you to his house.

Oh no. He never deigned to glance at me.

To him, I'm nothing more than Nero's slave.
- So then?

So, I stay. Better death near him,
than life without him.

But it's a folly!

Maybe. But it's the first time that
I'm really in love, and love means hope!

Then, you're determined?
You won't change your mind?

No, I can't.

But, look!

Fiorello, quit fooling around.
Come on, let's go!

Oh yes. It's really a big trouble!
- Oh yes. It's really a big trouble!

Don't copy me all the time!
"Trouble", I said it first.

And I, what do I say?
- Say, "It's a messy situation.".

Oh my God, it's really a big trouble!
- It's a messy situation.

There's nothing worse, than
falling in love with someone,

who's not willing, to fall in
love with you. - Nothing worse!

All the more so, when the person you
love, is not aware that you love him.

So he doesn't bear to you the love,
that you're forced to bear,

as more to make up for the love,
that he doesn't bear.

I didn't understand that last bit.
- My God!

Why isn't it possible, to pour half of
our extra love, to one who doesn't love us?

And who's calling?
- No-one. I don't call

Me neither, I'm not calling.
- Then let's call.

Jimmy! Fiorello!
We called on us.

Sorry, friends,

By chance I overheard your conversation.

Yes? Then, by chance, forget it.

One minute, don't take umbrage.

Sometimes, chance is a source of
happiness. "Casus fons laetitiae est."

Come on, speak French!
- Shut up, don't interrupt him.

He's a venerable old man.
Can't you see his beard?

We must hold him in respect. Go on, sir.

I am Seneca, the philosopher!

Chance had it, that I
heard your conversation.

I gather that you suffer for love.

You're a pre...perspicacious person.
- Please! Let me finish.

For a woman who doesn't reciprocate you,
there is only one remedy!

Look, you're mistaken...
- Shut up, idiot!

What's this remedy?
- The sorceres Sophonisba.

The sorceres Sophonisba?!

Don't worry, Tigellinus.

Just a few drops of this anti-Nero
hate potion that I'm fixing for you,

and even his mother will want to see
him die in the worst manner possible!

Excellent! Then I shall be able
to got rid of those two foreigners,

who have wormed their way into Nero's favor!

Jimmy!
- What is it?

Do we really need dat love potion?

Dat's what we came here for.

Yeah, it's da only way we kin gat
Marcus ta fall in love with Licia...

OK, go foist.
- Ya coming? Yeah...

Gee! What mosquitoes!

Shall I knock?
- Sure.

There's nobody home...

Shall we go in anyway?

Oh, no. We can't go in a strange house
unless someone says, "Come in"!

Well, wait a minute...you knock, huh?

Come in! Oh, thanks!

Huh, eh! Hey, look! Queer, huh?

Well, good evening, Judge!

Cut it out. Well, there's nobody around here.

Shall we holler?
- OK, you call her.

What a crazy place! Hey Mrs. Witch!

Dat's no way ta call! Hey, Miss Witch!

Who's there? I'll be back in a minute.

What is it? - Er, we'd like ya
ta fill a prescription for us.

A prescription? That's easy.

Er, it's a potion...
- For love. - Yeah, for love.

For love...oh, I see...Do you have the money?

Not till you give us the potion, Smudge Pot.

Alright, I must prepare it.
You'll have to wait a bit.

About how many sand grains?
- Oh!

Fio, what time have you got?
- It's kinda hard ta tell, my sand's running slow!

In a few minutes your potion will be ready.

Hello there! Owl!

Ah, so you're one that likes
ta play rough, eh? Heh, heh!..

Heh! Heh! Ya gotta know,
how ta handle these boids

Hey, leave dat stuff alone!
What are you doing?...

Now don't start fooling around!

Don't move, see?

Stop it now. No! Will ya stop?

I'm gonna rub ya out, ya rat!
Pa-pa-pa-pa!

Ah, ah, na! Stop it, huh?
Stop acting like a kid! Oh!

Hey, Jim! Jimmy! Where are ya?

Here ya dops! Here I am.

Can't ya see me? I'm right here?

Jimmy!

This is a foul trick ya played on me!

Jimmy! Dat's not really you? Is it?

Yeah! It's me all right! What a buddy!

Ah, Jim...Gee pal...
I never thought...Hey, Jim!

Don't stay like dat always!
Gee! Change back again!

Please, Jim! I didn't mean
it, pal! Jimmy! Jimmy!

Well get me outta dis!

Jimmy! Wat's happened to ya, pal?
What's happened to ya?

What's happened to ya? Jimmy?
Jimmy! Jimmy! Oh, what did I do?

Jimmy! Ya not gonna stay like dis?
Jimmy, da apple of ma eye!

I've always known, dat da wonderful
friendship dat we've had,

would someday bear fruit...and here it is!

And I'll plant da seed of
friendship deep inside me.

I'm going to have ta eat ya, pal.
Hope ya ain't got any worms...

Jimmy...so long!
- Owwww!

Ya cannibal!

Gee whiz, pal, did I hoit ya?
- I'll say ya did!

Oh, darn it! Ahhhh!
- Where did I bite ya?

Where did ya bite me?
Where do ya think?

Sure are some mighty strange
things going on around here.

Here's some tonic ta give ya energy.
Try some. It'll make ya fell better.

How do you know? - Says so here.
Don't worry, take some!

Ah! - Drink some more!
- No... Why, yer right!

Why I feel...I feel strong as a bull...
Aiiiiii, Yaaaaaaaa, Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Well, Tigellinus... Here is your hate potion.

I guarantee you will be very satisfied.

Come this way. This stairway
leads to a secret exit.

No one will see you leave... Go up
these steps then turn to your right,

and you'll come out near the palace...Go!

Thank you, Sofonisba. I won't forget you!
- Bye.

So this is what happens, if I
leave you alone for a minute!

Now look what you've done to my place!

It's dangerous to play with magic!

Sofonisba! Sofonisba! Sofonisba,
stop us! Stop us, Sofonisba!

Shhhhhhsssss!
Abra cadabra beisa...

Habius...corpus...

Now who's going to pay for this damage?

Now, just say some of them magic
words and make a bunch of sesterces.

That's counterfeiting.
- Well, don't listen to what you're saying.

Nevermind, let's have da love potion, heh?
The passion juice, da magic stuff!

One moment then.

Wait here for me!

99 bottles of beer on a wall...

99 bottles of beer...

Gee whiz! What an odor!
- Phewww!

It sure smells.
- Take a taste of it.

Huh! Ya must be crazy! Huh!
It's a love potion, ya know!

Well, it's liable ta make me...
make me fall in love with you.

Me fall in love with you!... The idea!

Say, Marcus'll never drink
stuff dat smalls like dis!

Let's spike it with a little wine.

Yeah, dat's what I was thinking!
Hey! Let's spike it with a little wine.

Good idea!

Hey, dat's da spirit! Smell it.
- Ah, what a highball!

What's this? One of your new inventions?
- Eh, yeah, the latest.

Lovely! Let me be the first to try it!
- Na, na lady. We can't serve minors.

Oh, why not? I'm over twenty-one.

Na... Besides, da bar ain't open yet.

Why it doesn't seem to be
very unusual... But wait!

Why, yes!. Say there is something new in me!

It's something marvelous!

A force that takes hold of me!

Ah!... It's passion!
I like you both! I love you!

He's the best looking...
- Na, lady... He's much better than me!

I snore at night!
- But it's such a musical snore!

It's not musical...I play by nose.

Sweetheart! You're mine, you!
You're mine!

Jimmy!... Hold her back!
Now, lady! Please!

Look, lady... Say, lady, take it easy!
Think what people will say!

What does it matter?
Come to me!... Kiss me!

Hey! What room are those
two foreigners living in?

The room belonging to the two wizards?
That one.

Come on, let's lock ourselves up in our room!
- Yeah, hurry!

Whew! It was lucky we got rid of her!
- I thought I was a gonner for a minute!

Boy! Dat potion works like magic!

Ya know I only put in
two or three drops of it?

Well, let's make sure we give
Marcus a big slug of it!

Say... What ya do with da bottle?

It's here... I've lost it!

No, look! It's on da table. Ya must be
flipping yer wig. Pour it in da wine.

We gotta step on it cause it's
getting kinda close ta dinner time, eh?

It should be easy ta slip Marcus
a triple shot of dis lover's atom bomb.

There! Let's go!
- Yeah, I'm hungry!

We'd better change our hats!
- Yeah. - Let's go.

Three and six.
- Eight.

Hello, Marcus.
- Hello.

Four.

Six.

Nine.

Hey there, Marcus!

We've come ta have a little snort
with ya and wish ya all da best, pal!

Why, thank you, my friends!
Best of luck to you both!

Ya see dat? He drank all of it!

Yeah, now he'll fall in love with Licia...
Ha, ha!

And take her outa here!

I feel so--strange...
What's happened to me?

Where is that fat tyrant, Nero?
Where is he hiding?

Don't just stand there
you fools, help me!

The filthy swine!
Ah, the yellow dog!

Why, what's gotten into him?
Let me have some of dat!

Aren't you chicken-livered fools
sick of that bloated idiot's rule?

I'll kill him with my bare hands!

Where is he? What are you
waiting for, you cowards?

Come on, let's put an end to that pig!

Tastes pretty good...

Villiams! Cowards!
Come on, let's kill the Emperor!

What are you saying, Marcus? Have you
gone mad? - Get a hold of yourself, sir!

You're all the slaves of the worst butcher
who ever walked the face of the earth!

Marcus, what's wrong? Have you gone crazy?

Poor frightened little mice!
Vermin! Slaves of that murdering madman, Nero!

Why don't you leave this soft, worthless
life and help me to kill that stupid ox?

Stop, Marcus! Wait! You'll be killed!

I see! Isn't there anyone with enough courage,

to take up his sword,
and help me kill the tyrant?

We will! - Us!

By Hercules! Then let's get that
conceited butcher, and when we find him,

we'll avenge his victims!
- Marcus! Wait!

Let me go! Get out of my way!
No one can stop me now!

Nice shot! - Magnificent!
- This really is a most diverting game.

Those two foreigners are simply diabolical!
Every day they come up,

with something new! Nothing they
do would surprise me anymore.

Here they are, the heros of the day!

Ah, come right in, my good friends!
Before going to dinner, I'd like you,

to teach me some new shots...
Some of the fine points of the game.

Did ya hear dat, Jimmy? He wants
fer us ta loin him some new shots!

Well, he wants to loin
some new shots, does he?

Why, sure! Nero, I'll show ya myself!
Right waway, right away!

Say, ya know how ta make a hole
in one with a cue ball? - No.

No? Well, come over here then and I'll show ya.

Put ya head down... More...
Dat's it... Like dat! Like dat!

Right in!

Nice shot!... Four pernts fer us!

But what in...
- Don't move!... Stand still!

Huh? What's dat? What?

Oh sure, sure!
I get ya, pal... Your coin.

Beautiful! Another four fer us!

Villians! You'll pay for this!
Praetorians! Capture these dogs!

I want them flogged to death!
Grab them quickly! You traitors!

Tigellinus!

Command me, my sire!

Tigellinus! Arrest these assassins immediately!

They have insulted our Caesar! Arrest them!

You cowards! Catch them!

Not through here! This way!

Oh, my sweet licia! You have risked
your life for me! - Hey, hurry up!

They're coming! - You'd better go
in that chariot! You come with me.

Hey, it's only got two wheels!
- Yeah, it's a Roman hot rod.

Come on!

They'll catch up to us!
- Hey!

Quickly!

Calling all chariots! Calling
all chariots of the Imperial Roman Police!

Converge at once on Via Appia!

Calling all Praetorians!

Be on the lookout for two grey chariots
containing three men and a woman.

They are wanted dead or alive. That is all!

Capture the following chariots:
number 8153 and 2384.

Attention all cars!

Pick up chariots numbered 8153
and 2384, heading southward.

Come on Hopalong Casius,

there's a drag net on the Appian Highway!

There they are!

Let's go faster! Hurry!

Ow! Gee, ya hoit me!

Hey! Where ya going? We oughta be
going in dat direction, with Marcus!

We'll take dat road there and
that way da cops won't follow them!

OK!

Quick! Silver!

High-ho, quick-silver!

There they are!
Come back here, you traitors!

Get down! Come on, duck!

They're gaining on us!
I'll use my machine gun!

Hey, wake up you two!
Hey! Wake up! On your feet!

We've been looking all
over town for you guys!

Hey, where's Tigellinus?
- And Nero?

What are you talking about? The old
man is hopping mad at both of you!

He thinks he's gonna scare us! Ha, ha!
- After all dat we've been through! Ha, ha!

Hurry up and get moving! Get the lead out!

You'll probably each draw a couple
of months in the brig for this!

Ok, we're coming... What's da hurry?

Commander! - Yes? - Here are
the two men who were missing.

We found them on the stairs, passed out!
Shall we bring them back to the ship, sir?

OK!