Original subtitles

Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

Cornelius, come get your dinner.

Cornelius.

Cornelius, are you deaf?

What in the hell do you think you're doing?

Cornelius!

Oh, oh, Cornelius!

What are you doing?

What the hell!

Cornelius!

No, no, no, no, no!

- Was that a bear?

- I think it was a man.

- A Man-bear?

- No, just a man.

- Oh m' God, oh m' God.

- Goddammit, Woody.

I thought you said you was straight to drive, man.

- What was that?

- I think it's under the truck.

- This is just like that movie,

where they ran over that dude

and they thought they killed 'im, but they didn't,

and then he came back next summer and then he killed them.

Shit, that's gonna happen to us.

We're gonna die!

- Goddammit, Woody, we ain't gonna die.

Now back this fuckin' truck up,

so we can get can get the fuck outta here.

What the fuck?

Fuck this.

- Yes, Sir.

With a long-anticipated senior year

around the corner,

I think it's time to join the secret society

of sleep addicts.

Who'm I kidding?

I dream loudly, but I have to buckle down if I want to get

into a good college.

I don't wanna jinx myself.

Forget school for now.

After today, it's officially beach week and I can't wait.

I'm going with my BFF since grade school, Carrie

and her stupe-ass boyfriend, Freddy.

- Spring break, bitches.

I swear, one day,

I hope he knocks himself out doing that pose.

- Have a seat, Fredrick.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, buddy.

Then there's Jason.

He's my half-cousin.

Which doesn't stop him from trying to put the moves on me.

Barf.

Brooklyn, my other BFF, Samara's douche-boyfriend.

He moved here in the sixth grade but still claims New York.

Ew, I wish he would move back.

Which brings me to Samara, she's in geometry,

probably chewing gum and playing with her hair.

So, pen's off to you, dear journal,

let's make this one black, white, red and awesome.

All over.

- Okay, class, settle down.

I want you to spend the remainder

of the class reading Chapter 13 on moving proteins

into membranes.

- I've got some protein that needs moving.

- You can move yourself to the Principal's office,

if you like.

That's what I thought.

Now begin reading, class.

� I woke up one morning

� And I kicked my dog

� I beat my neighbor's head in

� With a big maple log

� Then I called his big fat hairy wife

� A big fat hairy slob

� I had the blues

� The mean motherfucker blues

Yes, Pamela?

- May I be excused to the restroom?

Hey soldier.

- Hey, you.

- Miss me?

- Oh, a little.

- You ass.

- Okay, okay.

I missed you.

- Get me the fuck out of here.

Fuck school!

- Quiet down.

What happened?

- I should have dumped his ass a long time ago.

What did he do this time?

- Don't cock-block me at the beach?

- You have gotta go, it's not gonna be the same without you.

No chance.

Hey, Christine.

- Hey. - Did you talk to Samara?

- Yeah, she's not coming.

- How many times is she gonna put up with his shit?

- A million.

- I hope that kid falls.

Yo.

Smell this.

Dank

- Stank killah killah.

Can I smell?

- These aren't cut up Twinkies, Jason.

Fuckin' lard ass.

- Oh my God, what the fuck is he doing here?

What's he doing here?

Samara's not coming.

I told him he could still come.

- Why do you do that?

- Because he has the weed.

Get off my nuts.

- Hello?

- Bathroom?

It's around back.

- Woody, Woody.

Woody, Woody.

- What now?

- Hey man.

Go pay for petrol, man.

- This isn't enough to get to Mexico on.

- Hey, asshole, what the fuck you lookin' at?

- Let's get the fuck out of here.

- What the fuck'd you do, Woody?

- Road beers.

- Oh shit.

Continue on this route for 87 miles.

- Yo, can that GPS tell us where we could get

some dank nugs?

I wish.

- So, what's the first thing you guys are gonna do

when you get to the beach?

- I'm gonna get fuckin' drunk.

- I can't wait to just lay out.

- Me too and take a dip in the ocean.

- Yeah, I can't wait to part that mother-fucker.

- Yeah, swim, for sure.

- You gonna swim with your shirt on again, Jason?

- What, I get sunburned easy.

- Yeah, it's not 'cause of your mits?

- Mits?

- Yeah, man tits.

- Shut up, Freddy.

I told you I was born with an extra thyroid.

- And two stomachs like a cow.

- Cows have four stomachs, dumb ass.

- Don't be jealous 'cause Jason has bigger tits than you.

- Fuck you, Freddy.

- Don't be a dick.

- What?

- Cool, weed.

What, I can get down.

- Hey, so, why did Samara bail again?

- Oh, she had crabs, she didn't wanna give it to everybody.

- Smart ass.

Yeah, right.

- Yeah, I need to take you small-town peeps to BK,

show you how we get down for real, for real.

- Yeah, I could go for a Whopper.

- No, man, I'm talkin' about Brooklyn, fool.

- I thought you said you were from Syracuse.

- Well, yeah, I mean I am but I hung out in Brooklyn a lot.

That's where my cousins stay at.

- Aren't they like, really far apart?

Like hundreds of miles?

- Yeah, I live like right on the line.

What are you, The Riddler or somethin'?

Stop askin' me so many questions.

I'm tryin' to roll this blunt.

You know, this shit right here is the truth.

- What the fuck?

- Oh, shit, what.

Yo, this dude got a hard-on, yo.

- No, I don't.

- Fuckin' perv.

- Gross!

- What, I don't even know what you guys are talking about.

- I have to go to the bathroom.

Hey, Jason, bring me back a sweet tea.

- Hi, where is your bathroom?

- Who wants to know?

- Uh, me?

I really need to use your bathroom, miss.

- It's around back, darlin'.

Thank you.

- Honey, ain't you forgettin' somethin'?

You need a key.

- Oh.

Thanks.

- Don't you be goin' and flushin' your bloody tampons

down that toilet and leavin' 'em all which-away,

you throw 'em in the goddamn trash, you hear?

- Um, okay.

- All you high school girls bleed like Dracula fucked

Willy Wonka and formed a blood factory

and slaughtered all those Oompa Loompas

and made a buncha bloody Marys.

Vagina Coyote Uglies.

A lot of Draculas' wives went out on a night on the town

and went to a bachelor party and all had their periods

at the same time.

- Yes, ma'am.

Oh my God.

What the fuck?

Alright, you guys ready?

Just zoomin' out.

- This is so fucked up Freddy.

- Shut up or I'm gonna get you next.

Ready.

There it is.

You better not get me this time.

- You're safe, for now.

- What the fuck is she doing?

Dropping the kids off at the pool

and giving them swimming lessons?

- You're so gross.

- That fucking bitch!

I knew I couldn't fucking trust her.

Goddammit, I knew it!

Just relax, Dirk, you don't wanna Hulk out.

It's been six weeks since you've been laid,

just, just be cool.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's wrong, you look like somebody killed your cat.

- Cat?

I don't have a fucking cat.

Are you mistaking me for someone else?

- It's an expression, what's your problem?

- Express this, bitch.

- Hello, Dirk?

- Cat?

I'm a fucking dog person, don't you know me at all?

- Whoa, whoa, what the fuck?

- Pull over! - Oh, my God, Carrie!

Freddy, pull over.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, what did you eat?

Shut up, Freddy.

Oh, Shit!

- Maybe she just needs to eat some grass or something.

- Really, Freddy?

- Well, that's what my dog does when his stomach gets upset.

You don't look bad.

I feel better.

Are you sure?

- Yeah, I think it was just something I ate.

School cafeteria, I don't know.

- Yeah, looks like Friday's corn dogs.

Let's get out of here.

- [Freddy] Why don't you shut up, Jason?

- Holy shit-hole.

Alright, Jason, let's go.

- For what?

- Because I said.

I have something important to tell you.

- No you don't, you're just gonna tell me something dumb

when we get in there.

- Guys, just go.

- Yeah, go, Freddy.

- Get the fuck outta the car.

- Okay, God.

- Hey, how are you feeling?

Better, just having some major cramps.

Are you starting?

No, I already had it.

Yeah, baby, choke me.

Come on, baby.

Go easy, baby, not so tight.

That was hot.

You never got kinky like that, baby.

Are you on the rag?

Yeah, sorry.

We've done it when I'm ragging before.

Not with me.

What can I do you for?

We'd like two rooms.

- King size it is.

Smoker or non?

- No, we'd like two rooms.

- Two rooms?

Are you guys with another couple?

- No, they're for us.

- Well, you know those don't connect, right?

- We're not gay.

- Weren't you holdin' his dick on the way in?

Because I don't like cleaning blood off the sheets

And shit off the ceilings.

- No, sir.

Okay, two non-gay rooms.

That'll be 69.35.

Check-out is 11 a.m.

You wanna lick my balls?

- What?

- Do you wanna lick my balls?

- Excuse me, sir, one more time?

- I said do you want a wake-up call.

- Oh, no, we're good.

You're all set.

Those rooms are at the end of the building on the left.

- Thank you.

- Oh, and guys?

Enjoy your stay.

- Thanks.

Hey, look, I know we got two beds,

but why don't you go ahead and sleep out in the car, buddy?

- What? No.

I paid for one of those rooms.

- Come on, I'm just tryin' to get

some alone time with Carrie.

- No, man, forget that.

Plus, dude, she smells like corn dogs and throw up.

- Just gimme 10 minutes, I'll wave you in when I'm done.

- No, man, I'm tired.

- How about I break off your butt plug?

- Alright, fine, 10 minutes, Freddy.

We at the beach yet?

- No, we're stopping for the night.

Jason, what are you doing?

- I think he wants to jerk off or somethin'.

- No, Freddy said I had to sleep in the car

so he could have sex with Carrie.

You fat fuck.

You're unbelievable.

You are such a dick, Freddy.

Now see what you made me do?

And if I see you step one foot

inside that room, I will fuck you up.

Freddy! What, I'm not doin' nothin'.

Babe, are you still upset because of what fat-ass said?

'Cause I'll kick his ass if you want me to.

What, I will, for you.

I'm not gonna let anyone disrespect my girl.

Oh, come on, Freddy.

- No, I'm for real.

You can't let little punks like that get to you.

Throughout your life you're gonna come across people

who constantly wanna knock you down

because you're a good person.

I know, because I'm good people.

- Freddy, I'm not having sex with you.

- What sex?

That's the furthest thing from my mind.

Unless you want to.

No, I don't feel well.

- Babe, I got blue balls.

- Good, I hope they fall off.

- How can you say that?

Our twins are in there, Fredrick the second and Fredrina.

- I'm sick here.

Are you seriously still talking?

There's no such thing as blue balls,

it's just something guys say to get laid.

- It's not just blue balls,

the men in my family have a long history

of producing 10 times the amount of testosterone

of the average Greek God or gorilla.

We have to have sex every day,

preferably 10 times a day.

- Yeah, so you've told me.

- Then you know it could be leading

to explosive penis syndrome.

Rumor has it the last Pope died from it.

- Freddy, if you don't get the fuck out of my face

with that shit, you'll be lucky to get any this trip.

Your fuckin' loss, bitch.

Can I at least jerk off on your ass?

- Get out!

- Fuckin' blue balls.

You alright, boy?

- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just takin' a leak.

Our bathrooms smells kinda funny.

- Well, you know if you shake it more than three times,

you're playin' with it.

- Yeah, I've heard that.

But I'm only on the second shake, so I'm good.

Okay.

- Yes, right there, right there.

Carrie, come here, get on my left testicle.

Oh, clever girl, oh, just like that.

Jason, get the fuck out.

Carrie, oh, yeah.

Goddamn charlie horse.

- Ah!

Ah! Ah, Carrie!

There's someone or something out there.

I think she wanted my shoes.

Are you okay?

- Why?

Do I not look okay?

- No you, you look great.

Your hair is pretty.

- I need you to do me a favor.

- Yeah, what?

- I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.

- What?

- I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.

- Fuck it.

- Why are you smoking that in here?

- To get rid of the smell of sex.

- It doesn't smell like sex in here.

- Not yet.

- I'm not having sex with you.

- Aight, aight, aight, how 'bout a nice blow job

for a big red apple?

- What? Ew, no.

- So you'll do it for free, then?

- Are you stupid?

We're not hooking up.

- Okay, Sherlock, why do you think we are conveniently

here in the same room together?

- This was supposed to be me and Samara's room.

- And Samara invited me.

- And you and Samara aren't together anymore.

- That's why she ain't here.

- City was better the first time.

- But I hear Pat's, like shakin' and shit.

You couldn't hear that 300 pound hit

on top of the hood.

Fuck you

Move your big ass mother-fucker.

Well, look, for real?

They say that a little bit.

What? Man, fuck her.

- Who are you texting?

- Just one of my friends.

- Mmhm.

Guy or girl?

- Girl.

She's sending me pics of her new puppy.

- Oh really?

- Yeah.

- Lemme see.

- I had to delete it, my in-box was full.

Are you being jealous?

- Fuck this.

- What the fuck is wrong with you?

- When you say puppy, do you really mean big fat dick?

- I don't even know what you're talking about.

- Oh, really? - Really.

- I saw the pictures on your phone, Pam.

- You went through my phone?

How crazy are you?

- Not crazy enough to be with you.

- Fucker.

Dirk, you better get back here, you pussy

or I'm never gonna fuck you again.

- I've had better sex in boot camp.

- Dirk.

- Damn, boy, you like you're a fart away

from shittin' yourself.

I'm sorry, sir.

- Everything all right with your room?

- Yeah, room's fine, it's just the bitch that's in it.

- Hey, dickbag.

- Excuse me?

- You got a bloody hitchhiker riding with you.

Hold still while I flick it off.

(squelching)

- Thanks.

Don't mention it.

Fuck me.

I am.

Fuck me I am

Carrie?

Carrie?

Carrie?

Oh, what the fuck?

Oh, fuck!

- Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Right there, oh, this is awesome.

Yeah.

- I was wonderin' when you were gonna come to.

- Oh, what the fuck?

- That's a pretty nice goose egg you got on your noggin.

Why don't you put your peter back in your pants?

Follow your chicken-chokin' ass with me

and I'll have the missus fix you up.

No, I'm alright, man.

What the fuck.

Carrie?

What's up with the lights?

Carrie?

Oh, there you are.

And you're naked.

What a nice surprise.

You been waitin' for me?

What can daddy do for you?

I know.

Freddy will fix you right up.

Oh, yeah.

I've been waitin' for this all week.

You're a little dry.

I'm gonna be wettin' you up with my tongue.

You're a bit stinky tonight baby,

but, I love it when you're stinky.

Some of your dinner slipped down into your lunchbox, babe,

but I love peanuts, too.

Man, your clit is so swollen it's like two clits.

And a banana.

Let me get little Freddy in there,

I mean big Freddy in there, now.

You're a little extra tight, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck.

Ah, this feels good.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna have to hit you up on the recharge.

- Brooklyn, I invited Samara, she invited you.

You two aren't together anymore, yet,

you're here and she's not.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

- So, what you're saying is.

I make you feel safe.

- What?

Where would you get an idea like that?

- It's aight, it's aight, I know what you meant.

I'll protect you.

You see these?

These are considered deadly weapons.

They are registered in all 65 states.

I shouldn't even be wearin' these right now.

Why you think I had to move out of Brooklyn?

'Cause I was banned.

You wanna know what my warrior name was?

Big Fat Dick Deadly Hands.

I can't even jerk off with these bad boys no mo'.

I'm going for a walk.

- Cool, can you bring me back a sweet tea

and some Ginger Snaps?

- Yeah, sure.

- Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, you still got a good grip on me.

Feels like someone's ready for round two.

(groaning)

Oh, fuck.

You like that, baby?

Yeah, you do like that.

Oh.

Okay, I'm gonna go again.

Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Oh.

Okay.

Carrie?

Come on.

Come on, loosen up, Carrie.

Come on, I can't pull it out.

Carrie, come on.

Come on, you gotta let go.

Carrie?

What the hell?

Oh, what the fuck?

Oh, no no no no no no.

Fuck you fat faggy fuck.

Come on, come on.

Get off me, you fat, fat, fuck.

Oh, no, no no no no, get the fuck off me,

you fat, fat, fuck.

Fuck, no, no no no no no.

No, no, no.

- Thanks.

You're welcome.

- Broke stranger with manners?

- I'm just trying to change the rogue strangers are bad rep.

- I'm sorry, are you hitting on me?

- What?

- You're Pamela's boyfriend, aren't you?

- I was.

But I just found out she's been cheating on me.

- God, I'm sorry.

I feel like such an idiot.

- No, it's cool.

Don't worry about it.

- Wait.

I'm Christine.

- I'm Dirk.

- So are you headed to the beach, or

- I was.

Not so sure now, though.

You?

- Yeah, me and my BFF.

- That's cool.

- Um.

So you're in the Army, right?

- Yeah, I was, up 'til a couple weeks ago.

It's a long story, bad ending.

- You're really on quite the roll, aren't you Dirk?

Yeah, that's for sure.

- You wanna talk about it?

- Mm, no, that's cool.

- I won't judge you.

- Okay.

- Were you overseas?

- No, local.

I just got outta boot camp and realized

it wasn't really my thing.

- No?

- Na, that's more or less my dad's dream.

Did you know, on average, 12 people a year die

from vending machines falling on them?

- Do vending machines just randomly fall onto people?

- Oh, no.

Most of the time, people just get pissed.

They lose their money or their snack and they shake it.

The other ones are random, though.

Like, fluke earthquakes.

- And why are you putting your vending machine expertise

on display for me?

Are you trying to impress a girl?

- Well, dangerous vending machine, dark motel,

late at night.

Shouldn't you have your boyfriend take care of this?

- Well, I don't have a boyfriend.

- Oh, no?

No.

- Cool.

So you are hitting on me.

- What if I was?

- That depends.

Are you a psychotic rapist?

What if I was?

I mean, no, no, I'm nothin' like that at all.

- I don't think you would tell me if you were.

No, no, I'd say something.

Psychotic rapists take a solemn oath.

- Well, Dirk, go ahead and hit on me.

See where it takes you.

Alright

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Goddamn, you are one hefty motherfucker.

Oh.

What the fuck?

Get the fuck off me!

Get the fuck off.

Lights out.

This is the worst spring break, ever.

So after I graduate,

I'm gonna go to veterinarian school.

Oh, so you like animals?

No, I hate them.

Duh.

My dad's a vet, too.

Oh, your dad was in the war?

Shut up, Dirk.

But yeah, I'm a bit of a daddy's little girl.

- Oh, well, I'm a bit of a daddy's girl, too.

- You are such a smart ass.

- Okay, okay, cut it out.

No, me, I'm more of a momma's boy.

- What does your dad think about you leaving the Army?

- Well, he doesn't know I left.

He thinks I graduated, he even bought me a gun

as a graduation present.

Just really haven't had the heart to tell him I left.

- Well, I'm sure he'll understand.

- So, are you a cat or dog person?

- Well, I love all animals, but since you're so eager

to categorize me, I would have to say I'm a cat person.

- Oh, lame.

- What?

- No, you cat people, you're just weird.

- We are not.

No? No

- No, really, you are.

Did you know, on average, that 12 old ladies a year

die by their cats?

Eaten alive.

- Here's the stats man again.

- No, really, I'm serious.

I'm not talking about the ones who just horde like 78

of them in their single-wide trailer.

Sometimes, it's the ones that just have one or two of 'em.

They forget to feed 'em one night

and the the next thing you know,

Kitten chow.

And you cat people are notoriously violent.

- No. - Yes.

And another thing, cats are just so dumb.

Now dogs, that is a smart animal.

- Cats are way smarter than dogs.

- Oh, really? - Mmhm.

- And how many drug-sniffing cats have you heard of?

12 Oh

What was that?

- Sounded like it was Carrie.

- Carrie?

- Stay with me.

- Dirk! - I'm sorry!

It, it was a reaction.

Fuck, run!

Go!

- Get the keys, get the keys, get the keys.

Quickly, go, go, go, go, go.

- Alright, alright, alright!

Shit.

What are you doing?

Oh my God!

Yo, zombie bitch.

Carrie what happened to you?

You were my BFF.

Why? Why?

- Something tells me she's not your friend anymore.

- What the fuck is going on?

- I don't think we should stick around to find out.

Fuck!

- Dirk, Dirk!

- No, no, no!

Ah, God.

Get off!

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I think so.

Are you okay?

- No, what the hell is going on and why wouldn't

that guy just die?

- I don't know.

- My God, I'm calling the police.

Hi, yes, police?

You gotta send someone quick.

My best friend just tried to kill me.

I think it's something she ate or she's on her period.

The Redwood Motel.

Christine.

Yes, please, hurry.

- Have you seen my keys?

- Oh, Carrie.

- Come on, come to daddy.

- Oh, Carrie.

- Wha, no no no, no no!

- Dirk!

- Carrie, please let go of me.

Carrie, please let go of me.

- Kick her in the vag.

- Are you okay? - No!

Fuck.

Go, go, go, go.

- Yo, shorty, where's my Ginger Snaps?

- Brooklyn, I'm gonna need you

to listen to me very carefully.

- Who the fuck invited John McClain?

And what's with the burner, John.

- It's for protection.

And you need to listen to your friend.

- Yo, only pussies carry guns.

You see these right here?

Yo, you see these?

- Brooklyn!

Carrie's dead and she's trying to kill us.

- Who the fuck is Carrie?

- She's still out there.

- Are you guys for real?

- No bullshit.

- Take a look for yourself.

- I don't see no dead bitch.

Fuck, fuck, oh, what the fuck?

Get me out, get the fuck out.

- Hey, relax!

We have to stay calm, alright?

- And who the fuck are you?

- I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass.

Call me Dirk.

- What?

Is this guy for real?

Hey, dispatch?

What was the address on that location, again?

713 Brandel Road, so roger that.

Yeah, roger that, I'm on location.

I don't see any signs of disturbance.

- Come on, come on, little Freddy, let's get outta here.

Yeah, I'm not gay, I'm not gay,

this could happen to anybody, right?

Oh, what am I gonna tell my priest?

Oh, fuck.

Who is it?

- [Officer] Police, open up.

- Really?

Yeah, really, open the door.

- Just a minute.

Sir, open the door.

Just one more second.

Open the door, now.

Open the door, now!

- I'm kinda busy right now.

If you'll leave your name, your number at the tone,

I'll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible, beep.

- [Officer] Alright, sir, I'm gonna give you a count

of three and then I'm gonna kick the door in.

One. - Hold on, one minute.

Two.

Three!

What's goin' on in here?

- Nothin' man, we were just sleepin'.

Sir

- Sir, he's dead tired.

Why are you guys so close together?

- Um, we just finished, you know.

You guys from like California or something?

- No, man, we're just headed towards the beach

and we just stopped here for the night.

- Yeah, well what happened to your head?

- I got caught on a zipper?

- Did you guys hear any other kind of noises or anything?

Like screams or somethin'?

Besides us?

No, not really.

- Well, how 'bout you keep it down, then, huh?

- Yes, Sir, thank you.

- What was that?

- Nothin', he's just having a bad dream.

Isn't that right, baby?

Oh, come on, go to sleep.

- You guys just be safe.

- You too, sir, have a good night.

How could I think your balls were two clits?

- Freeze!

- Thank God, officer.

- Why don't you put that gun down, right now.

- Yo, he's Dirk. - Quiet!

- Your gun, sir. - Okay.

I'm putting it down.

- We're the ones that called you, Sir.

Nice and easy, here you go.

Someone or something is trying to kill us.

- Back away slowly.

Keep your hands where I can see 'em.

- Why aren't you listening to us?

- Miss.

Hands where I can see 'em.

Hey, Dispatch.

- Sir?

Go for dispatch.

- Dispatch, yeah, I'm over at the motel

and I don't know what the hell's goin' on over here.

Yeah. Miss!

Back up, stay vertical.

- Zombies is what's going on!

You mother-fucking prick.

So tell them to send for the fucking SWAT team

and bring your mother-fucking Army.

- Christine?

- And, between all of those fucks, tell them to pray

for a fucking miracle that I don't

shove a fireball up your ass!

- Christine! - What!

- Young lady, do not move!

- Sir?

- This-- - Sir?

- What?

- Behind you.

- What the fuck?

Yo, put that shit away.

- Hey, freeze!

- I'm never jerking off again.

- Oh, what the fuck?

What the fuck, this sucks so bad.

Worst spring break, ever.

Jason, what the fuck dude?

What the fuck?

Stop.

What the fuck.

No.

Jason, what the fuck, man?

Jason, what the fuck are you doin' man?

Jason, stop.

Jason.

No, Jason!

You will not go out that door.

No, I will not be seen like this.

No! Stop it!

You're not gonna make me gay!

No, Jason, stop!

Stop!

Ah, I'm not gonna die like this.

I'm not gonna die like this.

Come on

- Come on, the keys, the keys.

Come on, the keys!

I'm fucked!

- Run! Run!

- Wake up!

Pam?

- Fuck me.

- You've been fucked.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

- You know, it's a good night for America.

- What?

- Now, I don't know what you kids want here, but I like it.

I feel you.

You know what I could go for right now?

I could go for some fresh finger food.

How 'bout you, honey?

- One each!

- Everybody sucks.

What the hell?

- Shoot him in the brains!

Shoot him in the other brain.

Come on!

C'mon, gimme the keys, go!

Let's check the fuck out.

No, no, no

- Fuck you, bitch.

- Penis, penis, penis, I want penis.

Penis in my butt, I want penis in my butt, in my

Fucker

- I wanna go home.

- I'll drive.

- Hey, I just wanted to say thank you.

You're welcome

And hey, thanks for ah

Oh my God! - What?

What is it?

What did you do to me?

- I didn't know!

I must be immune.

- Stay away from me!

- Christine!

Christine!

Stay away from me, you stay a

- Are you one a them?

Are you one of them?

No

Oh, shit!

Was she one of them?

She was pretty.

- Yeah she was.

Where you headed?

- South.

That's where my family is.

- We just came from south, man, it's fuckin' chaos.

- Fuckers are everywhere.

- Is there anyone left?

- A few

Where you goin'?

South.

Didn't you hear what we just said, man?

Ain't nothin' down there.

- I'll take my chances.

What exactly do you think you gonna do?

- Earth just Googled hero, and I came up number one.

What the

� And there was nothin' left to do but die.

� But now I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� Through the crack in my coffin

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� And my soul is gonna be alright

� Because I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� Through the crack in my coffin

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� And my soul is gonna be alright

� I was already packed and all ready to go

� When the reaper came a-callin

� I was prayin' to the Lord

� Please come and save my soul

� While my body was a-thawin

� My body is deceased

� My body is deceased

� My body is deceased

� And the worms are gonna feast

� My body is deceased

� My body is deceased

� But I think I finally see the light

� Oh yeah

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� Through the crack in my coffin

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� And my soul is gonna be alright

� I was already packed and all ready to go

� When the reaper came a-callin

� I was prayin' to the Lord

� Please come and save my soul

� While my body was a thawin

� My body is deceased

� My body is deceased

� My body is deceased

� And the worms are gonna feast

� My body is deceased

� My body is deceased

� But I think I finally see the light

� Oh yeah

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� Through the crack in my coffin

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� And my soul is gonna be all right

� Yeah

� I was already packed and all ready to go

� When the reaper came a-callin'

� I was prayin' to the Lord

� Won't you come and save my soul

� While my body was a-thawin'

� Well they put me in the ground

� They put me in the ground

� The preacher said a prayer

� As they were lowerin' me down

� They put me in the ground

� They put me in the ground

� But I think I finally see the light

� Well, I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� Through the crack in my coffin

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� And my soul is gonna be alright

� Because I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� Through the crack in my coffin

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� I think I see the light

� And my soul is gonna be alright

� And my soul is gonna be alright

� And my soul

� I woke up one mornin'

� And I kicked my dog

� I beat my neighbor's head in

� With a big maple log

� Then I called his big fat hairy wife

� A big fat hairy slob

� I had the blues

� The mean motherfucker blues

� I stole this car and I headed downtown

� Saw the paperboy

I ran that little bastard down

Threw it in reverse

And squashed his brains into the ground

I had the blues

The mean motherfucker blues

I was doin' 90 and I heard that siren wail

Cop pulls me over, says he's takin' me to jail

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