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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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As always, it's been a
challenging week for news.
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We deserve to hear
something heartwarming.
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What have you got, Corky?
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I've got just the thing.
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Tomorrow is National Adopt a Pet Day!
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Millions of dogs and cats need homes.
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So maybe we can shine a
light on the situation
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and get these furry friends adopted.
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And did you know that Donald Trump
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is the only president since McKinley
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not to have a pet?
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Well, people in glass houses, Murphy.
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I had a dog when I was a kid.
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Its name was Lassie.
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Was it real... or was it stuffed?
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It was real to me.
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Anyway, I'll be broadcasting
live tomorrow morning
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from the 14th Street Animal Shelter.
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So come on down, see the animals,
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and meet me and...
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Murphy Brown.
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What?
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Oh, you know what? I
see we're out of time.
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So let's make sure to
tune in tomorrow for
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Murphy in the Shelter!
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Wait, what just happened?
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00:01:09,139 --> 00:01:10,708
And we're out...
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Another show without a
black correspondent.
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I'm just saying.
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And don't think you can
fire me, 'cause you can't.
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I looked it up.
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I'm doing great in school, and
I'm all settled in upstairs.
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I love you.
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Your parents are such
good people, Miguel.
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I can think of a dozen
characters in this town
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that I'd rather see deported,
and that's just the Cabinet.
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My parents also said to thank you
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for letting me stay in
your spare room upstairs.
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Hey, it's yours as long as you need it.
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I appreciate that.
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Although I am curious about where
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all those creepy clown
paintings came from.
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They're great, aren't they?
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Did you know they were all
painted by men on death row?
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No, I did not.
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Hey, buddy. We're not open yet.
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Be a good customer and come
back in a few minutes.
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I'm not a customer. Fred Noonan,
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supervisor of the D.C. Safety
and Hygiene Service Division.
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- You're the health inspector?
- Here in compliance
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with the FDA Federal Food Code.
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Your safety certification
is almost expired.
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Is this because I refused
to serve Mitch McConnell?
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It... It's not for the obvious reasons.
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He always comes in
without an umbrella...
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and leaves with one.
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Just doing my job, ma'am.
Checking for the following...
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Risk of fire, flood,
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interruption of electrical
or water service,
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sewage backup, potential
for food-borne illness,
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and signs of insect and/or
vermin infestation.
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And if you find something?
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I'll have to close you down.
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This place has been in my
family for three generations.
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My father and brother gave
their lives for this bar.
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So you're saying someone died here?
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No! Not lately.
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I'm gonna start at the ice machine.
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When was the last time
you cleaned the filter?
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Uh...
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I think the answer you're looking for
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is "never."
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I'll handle this.
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Remember, I grew up on a food truck.
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Why don't you refill the
salt and pepper shakers,
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fold the napkins, and...
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get your bras out of
the sink in the back.
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Okay, sure.
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The kitchen is this way.
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I can't believe you ambushed me
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on the air, Corky!
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I am working on a huge
Chinese tariffs story.
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I don't have time to go
to an animal shelter.
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I understand, Murphy, but
if you come to the shelter
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it could really help draw
attention to the cause.
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We're on the air five
days a week, Murphy.
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There's no reason you can't
report on Chinese tariffs
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while you're petting a Schnauzer.
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I'm having trouble picturing you
in an animal shelter, Murph.
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It's like picturing
Pence at a gay wedding.
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You know, you are enjoying
this way too much.
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And if you think it's such a good idea,
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why don't you go in my place?
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First of all, I'm not on-air talent.
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And secondly,
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I'm not a dog person.
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I had a girlfriend in college who had
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one of those giant poodles.
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He used to follow me into the bathroom
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and stare at me while I
was taking a shower.
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Judging.
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The first time my
girlfriend and I had sex,
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it thought I was killing her,
and it tried to attack me.
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I could never spend the night at
her place because I had a sense
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that the dog was just waiting
for me to fall asleep...
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so it could eat me.
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No, I am not a dog person.
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I was a single working mom.
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I traveled a ton.
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Avery asked me constantly for one,
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but I knew the
responsibility of the dog
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would land on me.
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Do not say the word "d-o-g."
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- Hey, guys.
- Hey, hey.
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- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
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How's everybody doing on
this very fine morning?
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Well, you're in a good mood.
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Yup, yup, because I have
got some very big news.
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- You ready?
- I am no longer
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gonna be on the air opposite you.
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Because... they are moving
"Avery Brown's America"
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to 10:00.
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That's 10:00 P.M.,
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00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,431
as in following John Haggerty's show.
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00:05:05,456 --> 00:05:07,026
- Wow!
- Whoa, kid!
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00:05:07,051 --> 00:05:08,341
You just went from the minor leagues
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all the way to the big show.
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Haggerty is the top draw in cable news.
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00:05:12,769 --> 00:05:14,316
That is one huge lead-in.
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That's incredible. Isn't it, Murphy?
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Your baby's in prime time.
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00:05:18,703 --> 00:05:20,811
Remember when we were in prime time?
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Cars used to pick us up.
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00:05:23,484 --> 00:05:25,727
Our faces were on buses.
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00:05:25,974 --> 00:05:28,682
I didn't have to share
a bathroom with Frank.
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Phyllis, can I get a vodka
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Make it two.
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I'm busy.
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You know, I don't believe
I've heard a reaction
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from you yet, Mother.
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00:05:41,539 --> 00:05:44,373
Avery, I think you know how I
feel about the Wolf Network.
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00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:46,352
You just can't admit it, can you?
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You were so sure that me working there
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was gonna end in some massive
failure, and it hasn't.
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You did get your lights
punched out not long ago
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by rabid fans of your own network.
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00:05:57,744 --> 00:05:59,511
Yeah, that's precisely because
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00:05:59,536 --> 00:06:01,156
I didn't compromise my
vision for my show.
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00:06:01,181 --> 00:06:04,336
I let America speak on
both sides of the issues,
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00:06:04,361 --> 00:06:05,895
and you know what? I'm
being thanked for it.
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00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,147
- I think you're being naive.
- Naive?
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00:06:08,172 --> 00:06:10,840
Yes, now that you have
this important time slot,
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00:06:10,967 --> 00:06:13,224
you're going to have
to toe the party line.
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00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,124
I heard they're starting
to ask their anchors
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00:06:15,149 --> 00:06:18,498
to read editorials on the air
that push a far-right agenda.
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00:06:18,523 --> 00:06:20,477
No, no, no, no. You know what? The...
The network brass and I
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00:06:20,502 --> 00:06:23,244
have already had that
discussion, and I shut it down.
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There is no way that's going to happen.
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- I'm the independent guy.
- Okay, okay.
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Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I am.
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Now, would you please
let this freshly-minted
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00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:33,352
prime time superstar buy you all lunch?
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Love it!
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That was a rare pleasure.
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No cockroaches lurking in the corners,
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no rotting chicken in
the walk-in freezer.
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Oh, the things I've seen.
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I don't eat at restaurants anymore.
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Might as well just lick a sewer grate.
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_
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Good morning, everyone.
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We're here at the 14th
Street Animal Shelter
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in Washington, D.C., and
we want to encourage
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everyone out there to adopt, not shop.
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With me is my co-anchor, Murphy Brown.
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This place is off-the-leash.
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Also with us, Maha Bijan,
the shelter director.
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Good morning, Maha.
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00:07:15,298 --> 00:07:16,831
Tell us a bit about where we are.
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Well, this is Washington's
most crowded shelter.
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We have rooms full of dogs and cats
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that need loving homes.
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Would you like to meet some of them?
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Absolutely. How about you, Murphy?
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Oh, yeah, sure.
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Uh, okay.
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00:07:30,045 --> 00:07:32,345
Well, this little beauty is Gisele.
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Named after the supermodel.
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00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,209
And what about this handsome guy?
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00:07:36,234 --> 00:07:37,752
His name is Cary Grant.
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00:07:37,777 --> 00:07:39,436
Oh, I bet I know why.
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His black and white fur
makes him look like
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00:07:41,262 --> 00:07:42,629
he's wearing a tuxedo.
195
00:07:42,654 --> 00:07:44,254
Now, who wouldn't want a companion
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00:07:44,279 --> 00:07:47,015
who's always award show ready, huh?
197
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,422
Oh, he's wagging his tail.
I think he likes you.
198
00:07:49,447 --> 00:07:50,619
Yeah, I get that a lot.
199
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:53,220
So, why are there these big letter E's
200
00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:54,925
over some of the kennels?
201
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:56,814
The "E" is for Euthanasia.
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00:07:56,839 --> 00:07:59,193
It means that the animal has
been here for a long time
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00:07:59,218 --> 00:08:01,127
or is difficult to place.
204
00:08:01,152 --> 00:08:02,742
Wait a minute.
205
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:04,581
Are you saying that these animals
206
00:08:04,606 --> 00:08:06,425
are going to be put down?
207
00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:09,745
What kind of a death factory
are you running here, lady?
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00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:10,800
Murphy,
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00:08:10,956 --> 00:08:12,489
this is why we're here.
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00:08:12,514 --> 00:08:14,115
Shelters don't have space
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00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:16,140
for all these beautiful creatures.
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00:08:16,165 --> 00:08:18,582
Dogs that can't find
homes, unfortunately,
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00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:19,829
are put to sleep.
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00:08:19,854 --> 00:08:22,813
670,000 of them a year.
215
00:08:22,838 --> 00:08:25,939
What? That is outrageous.
216
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:28,712
I mean, Cary Grant can't be put down.
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00:08:28,737 --> 00:08:31,919
He's wearing a tuxedo, and he likes me.
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00:08:32,609 --> 00:08:34,309
Well, you know, Murphy,
219
00:08:34,774 --> 00:08:37,971
you could do your part
by taking a dog home.
220
00:08:37,996 --> 00:08:38,775
Ah.
221
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,928
Think about the pride you'd feel,
222
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:44,040
knowing that you saved a life.
223
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,955
You. Murphy Brown.
224
00:08:49,377 --> 00:08:50,955
Y-You know what?
225
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:53,414
I'm... I'm gonna do it.
226
00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:58,047
But if I'm going to do it,
I'm going to really do it.
227
00:08:58,072 --> 00:09:01,019
I would like you to give me
the next dog up on death row.
228
00:09:01,044 --> 00:09:02,495
It would be an honor.
229
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,738
Ah!
230
00:09:04,223 --> 00:09:07,042
Isn't this exciting, America?
231
00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:10,893
This is such a wonderful
thing that Murphy's doing...
232
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:11,572
Yeah.
233
00:09:11,597 --> 00:09:13,578
And on live television.
234
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:15,443
How do you feel?
235
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:17,175
I feel pretty good.
236
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,518
In fact, I feel great.
237
00:09:21,187 --> 00:09:23,612
What's that squeaking sound?
238
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,822
Uh, just... Uh, w-what is that?
239
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:34,348
This is number 256.
240
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,425
His chances were so low,
241
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,079
I couldn't bring myself to name him.
242
00:09:37,104 --> 00:09:40,471
Congratulations, Murphy.
243
00:09:40,629 --> 00:09:42,959
This is your dog.
244
00:09:42,984 --> 00:09:44,397
Oh.
245
00:09:44,904 --> 00:09:48,835
And I'm Corky Sherwood,
reporting alongside
246
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:51,425
new dog owner, Murphy Brown.
247
00:09:51,646 --> 00:09:54,212
A true American hero.
248
00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:57,142
Over to you in the studio, Frank.
249
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:58,009
Oh...
250
00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:02,869
What? I've got my curry.
251
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,470
You've got your own food
252
00:10:04,495 --> 00:10:07,107
in that nice new bowl in the kitchen.
253
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:10,463
Ugh, let's just go into the kitchen...
254
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:14,416
and put some of this in your bowl.
255
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:21,999
Hello.
256
00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:24,321
It's me,
257
00:10:24,346 --> 00:10:27,820
Mr. Prime Time Avery Brown.
258
00:10:28,184 --> 00:10:31,541
Oh, is that chicken curry?
That's perfect on a cold night.
259
00:10:31,566 --> 00:10:32,999
Oh, you're back.
260
00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:35,086
- Hey.
- I've got something to tell you.
261
00:10:35,111 --> 00:10:36,424
Oh, yeah, me, too.
262
00:10:36,449 --> 00:10:39,070
I settled on my first topic for
my first prime-time episode.
263
00:10:39,095 --> 00:10:40,428
So, my team and I...
264
00:10:40,453 --> 00:10:41,802
I've got a team now...
265
00:10:41,827 --> 00:10:44,003
we decided to cover the
"hardening" of our schools,
266
00:10:44,028 --> 00:10:45,555
you know, whether or
not teachers should
267
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:47,879
carry firearms in the classrooms.
268
00:10:47,904 --> 00:10:49,849
Excellent choice. Timely and important.
269
00:10:49,874 --> 00:10:51,192
Yeah, what did you want to tell me?
270
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,423
Well, we broadcast from an
animal shelter this morning.
271
00:10:54,448 --> 00:10:55,964
You were at an animal shelter?
272
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,577
That's like Pence being
at a gay wedding.
273
00:10:58,856 --> 00:11:01,334
And I adopted a dog.
274
00:11:04,853 --> 00:11:06,415
We got a dog?
275
00:11:07,255 --> 00:11:08,714
Did we get a dog?
276
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,413
We got a dog? We got a dog?!
277
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,020
Is it here? Where is it?!
278
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,450
Is it a boy or a girl? Don't tell me.
279
00:11:14,475 --> 00:11:16,974
I just want to see him.
280
00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:18,703
Come on. Here you go.
281
00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:21,721
256, meet your brother, Avery.
282
00:11:21,746 --> 00:11:25,374
Avery, this is 256. There you go.
283
00:11:29,292 --> 00:11:31,058
I love him.
284
00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,704
I love him! Hi!
285
00:11:32,729 --> 00:11:34,384
Oh, thank you so much! What the hell?
286
00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:36,030
We got a dog?
287
00:11:36,055 --> 00:11:38,545
- Hi, hi, hi!
- Now that you're nearing 30
288
00:11:38,570 --> 00:11:40,492
and you have your own TV show,
289
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:42,850
I thought you could handle
the responsibility.
290
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:46,433
Okay, yes, aren't you a handsome boy!
291
00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:48,425
What's his name, really? What's 256?
292
00:11:48,450 --> 00:11:50,849
256 is what they called
him in the shelter
293
00:11:50,874 --> 00:11:52,311
before I saved his life.
294
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:54,049
I'm an American hero, you know.
295
00:11:54,074 --> 00:11:54,864
Mm.
296
00:11:54,889 --> 00:11:57,571
We got to give you a
proper name like, um...
297
00:11:57,898 --> 00:12:00,551
Uber. No. Scooter.
298
00:12:00,733 --> 00:12:01,833
No.
299
00:12:01,858 --> 00:12:03,305
You know what I'm gonna call him?
300
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,985
Your responsibility.
301
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,551
You're gonna make sure that he's fed
302
00:12:06,576 --> 00:12:08,764
and walked and taken care of.
303
00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:10,685
That's totally fine. I
got to leave for Texas
304
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:12,946
first thing in the morning.
We've got a lot of prep to do
305
00:12:12,971 --> 00:12:14,004
before our first show on Monday,
306
00:12:14,029 --> 00:12:15,699
but I can probably be back, uh,
307
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:16,887
to walk him on Tuesday.
308
00:12:16,912 --> 00:12:18,954
What?! I work, too, you know.
309
00:12:18,979 --> 00:12:20,720
What am I supposed to
do while you're gone?
310
00:12:20,745 --> 00:12:22,531
Oh, we'll figure it out. Come on.
311
00:12:22,556 --> 00:12:24,830
This is the greatest day ever.
We got a new family member.
312
00:12:24,855 --> 00:12:26,254
Come on, Mario Andretti!
313
00:12:26,428 --> 00:12:28,281
Too many syllables. I'll make it work.
314
00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:29,676
Come on. I want to show you my room.
315
00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:38,477
Oh, that's right.
316
00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:40,733
Hang on. Hang on.
317
00:12:40,758 --> 00:12:43,092
You know what, Mom? We got
to get a stair chair.
318
00:12:43,117 --> 00:12:45,806
And more yard! We're
gonna have to move.
319
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:57,183
Oh, geez.
320
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:02,134
Come on.
321
00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:04,511
It's called an elevator.
322
00:13:04,879 --> 00:13:07,351
You get on, you get off.
You just got off.
323
00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:09,019
Look who's here!
324
00:13:09,044 --> 00:13:11,811
Murphy, you didn't tell
me you were meeting
325
00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:15,025
with the head of the
Hot Wheels Club today!
326
00:13:15,326 --> 00:13:18,323
- Does he have a name?
- Well, I was pushing for FDR,
327
00:13:18,348 --> 00:13:19,473
but I got vetoed.
328
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:22,246
Aww, what a cutie!
329
00:13:22,621 --> 00:13:24,161
Who's a good boy?!
330
00:13:24,186 --> 00:13:27,871
You know, Corky, you have such a
natural rapport with animals.
331
00:13:27,896 --> 00:13:29,550
How would you like to take care of him
332
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,975
for the next few days
'til Avery gets back?
333
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,593
You know what? I'd love to,
334
00:13:33,618 --> 00:13:36,464
but I already have a
dog and three cats.
335
00:13:37,114 --> 00:13:39,674
Murphy, we're not allowed
to have dogs in the studio.
336
00:13:39,898 --> 00:13:42,499
Look, Miles, I can't leave him home.
337
00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:44,259
What if he blows a tire?
338
00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:48,210
He can call Roadside Assistance.
339
00:13:48,808 --> 00:13:52,126
You can make an exception.
He has a disability.
340
00:13:52,151 --> 00:13:54,292
And I am an American hero.
341
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,835
Wow, you actually adopted the dog.
342
00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:58,204
I assumed it was a publicity stunt.
343
00:13:58,229 --> 00:14:01,191
Pat! You're a vegan. You like animals.
344
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,929
How would you like to
take this little beauty
345
00:14:02,954 --> 00:14:04,522
for the next few days?
346
00:14:04,547 --> 00:14:06,274
You know, I would,
347
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,986
but in my culture, we
believe animals contain
348
00:14:09,011 --> 00:14:10,713
the spirits of our dead ancestors,
349
00:14:10,738 --> 00:14:13,992
and I can just feel my
grandfather inside him
350
00:14:14,017 --> 00:14:17,159
rolling around in his
wheelchair, biting people.
351
00:14:18,155 --> 00:14:19,827
I can't relive that.
352
00:14:20,414 --> 00:14:21,874
Nice try, Pat.
353
00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:23,399
Okay, fine.
354
00:14:23,424 --> 00:14:25,674
- My building doesn't allow dogs.
- Not buying it.
355
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,959
- I live in a fifth floor walk-up!
- You do not.
356
00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:29,247
Fine! I'm a compulsive liar!
357
00:14:29,272 --> 00:14:31,524
Is that the kind of person you
want taking care of your dog?
358
00:14:33,212 --> 00:14:36,015
- Where is the dog?
- I was just in my office.
359
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,529
For some strange reason,
360
00:14:37,554 --> 00:14:39,060
it smelled like curry.
361
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,761
I looked around, and then
right in front of my desk,
362
00:14:41,786 --> 00:14:44,834
I see a nice, big,
steaming pile of poop!
363
00:14:44,859 --> 00:14:47,250
Are you saying my dog did it?
364
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:51,144
Because Andy in accounting
is not your biggest fan.
365
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,125
There were tread marks!
366
00:14:57,704 --> 00:14:59,804
Hello, and welcome to
"Avery Brown's America"
367
00:14:59,829 --> 00:15:02,064
in our brand-new 10:00 P.M. time slot.
368
00:15:02,089 --> 00:15:03,445
We are coming to you live from
369
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,403
High Plains Elementary
School in Lubbock, Texas.
370
00:15:06,428 --> 00:15:10,031
Now, Texas is one of our
most gun-friendly states,
371
00:15:10,056 --> 00:15:12,804
so where better to discuss
the controversial idea
372
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:16,242
of bringing weapons and military
tactics into our classrooms?
373
00:15:16,287 --> 00:15:18,454
Local area teachers
share their thoughts.
374
00:15:18,479 --> 00:15:21,187
Now, Lisa, you're a
veteran teacher, right?
375
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,429
How's all this sitting with you?
376
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:24,352
Not so good.
377
00:15:24,528 --> 00:15:26,720
Teaching junior high is hard enough.
378
00:15:26,815 --> 00:15:28,622
You don't want to make me stand all day
379
00:15:28,647 --> 00:15:31,683
inside a cloud of Axe Body
Spray and also hold a gun.
380
00:15:32,155 --> 00:15:34,608
Even if you were getting
paid more money to do it?
381
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:37,596
The president said he'd pay
teachers extra for gun training.
382
00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:39,012
I could use the money.
383
00:15:39,037 --> 00:15:40,470
Look.
384
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,387
I'm a retired Marine,
385
00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:46,153
and I've spent a lot
of time around guns,
386
00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:48,545
and I can tell you that even
with the best training,
387
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:51,772
most shooters only hit their
targets one out of 10 times.
388
00:15:55,459 --> 00:15:57,078
And what about you, Barbara?
389
00:15:57,103 --> 00:15:59,106
You've been a music teacher
your entire career.
390
00:15:59,131 --> 00:16:01,184
I'm guessing you would not
like to see arts programs
391
00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:03,295
cut back in order to finance guns?
392
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,253
Well, they wouldn't
have to buy me a gun.
393
00:16:05,278 --> 00:16:06,622
I've got my own.
394
00:16:06,647 --> 00:16:08,948
And if a shooter came
into my classroom,
395
00:16:08,973 --> 00:16:12,350
all I'd need to do is grab my glasses.
396
00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:14,747
Oh, no. These are my readers.
397
00:16:14,772 --> 00:16:17,904
Probably left my other
glasses in the car again.
398
00:16:18,298 --> 00:16:21,007
Then I'd have to load my gun.
399
00:16:21,032 --> 00:16:23,365
I keep the bullets in my desk drawer.
400
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:25,264
Or did I move them to the locker?
401
00:16:25,683 --> 00:16:28,668
Anyway, once I find
them it's only a minute
402
00:16:28,693 --> 00:16:31,021
to load up and then, pow!
403
00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:34,661
You chose the wrong classroom, bad guy!
404
00:16:35,775 --> 00:16:36,879
Okay.
405
00:16:37,157 --> 00:16:39,213
I think we're gonna take a
quick commercial break.
406
00:16:39,238 --> 00:16:41,276
You are watching "Avery
Brown's America"
407
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,459
in prime time.
408
00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:45,065
And we're clear. Back in 60 seconds.
409
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:47,331
Avery, this was fantastic.
410
00:16:47,356 --> 00:16:48,476
- Oh, great.
- Couldn't have gone better.
411
00:16:48,501 --> 00:16:49,725
Management called in a few minutes ago
412
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:50,964
and gave you a big thumbs-up.
413
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:53,463
They said when Haggerty goes
on vacation next month,
414
00:16:53,488 --> 00:16:55,135
you'll be filling in for him.
415
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,192
At 9:00... the crown jewel slot.
416
00:16:58,334 --> 00:17:00,180
Wow, Rachel, that's...
417
00:17:00,205 --> 00:17:01,453
- That's huge.
- Yeah.
418
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,739
- That's great.
- They just have one suggestion.
419
00:17:02,764 --> 00:17:03,239
Yeah.
420
00:17:03,264 --> 00:17:05,428
Instead of your usual closing thoughts,
421
00:17:05,453 --> 00:17:07,345
they want you to read
something they wrote.
422
00:17:07,966 --> 00:17:09,298
They wrote something?
423
00:17:09,323 --> 00:17:11,016
Yeah, it's good. It's fine.
424
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:12,856
You know what? I think there's
been a miscommunication,
425
00:17:12,881 --> 00:17:15,688
because I've already had this
discussion with the brass,
426
00:17:15,713 --> 00:17:17,995
and they know I'm the
lone wolf on the network.
427
00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:21,159
Yeah, in the morning, but
in the 10:00 P.M. slot,
428
00:17:21,379 --> 00:17:24,614
nationwide prime time,
right after John Haggerty,
429
00:17:24,639 --> 00:17:26,343
the greatest lead-in in cable news,
430
00:17:26,368 --> 00:17:27,884
they want you to read what they wrote.
431
00:17:27,909 --> 00:17:29,401
Everybody's agreed to do it.
432
00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:32,105
- So they basically lied to me.
- Come on, Avery.
433
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,383
You're running with the big dogs now,
434
00:17:33,408 --> 00:17:35,415
and there are certain expectations.
435
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,323
- Yeah, but...
- Look, it's on the teleprompter.
436
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,514
Just read it.
437
00:17:38,539 --> 00:17:40,842
Don't blow this huge opportunity.
438
00:17:47,002 --> 00:17:50,911
Coming back live in three, two...
439
00:17:52,518 --> 00:17:55,695
An interesting thing about
news is how quickly it spreads
440
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,238
and how often it's not only
incorrect, but also...
441
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:01,445
fake.
442
00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:06,748
Many news sources hide their bias
443
00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:08,685
by burying it deep within stories.
444
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,717
That's why you should question
445
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,071
whatever the mainstream...
446
00:18:13,612 --> 00:18:15,044
media...
447
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:18,299
No, I can't do it.
448
00:18:18,324 --> 00:18:19,831
You know what?
449
00:18:19,856 --> 00:18:22,409
You should question whatever
the Wolf Network tells you,
450
00:18:22,703 --> 00:18:25,504
because they will feed
you any amount of BS
451
00:18:25,529 --> 00:18:27,129
that you are willing to believe.
452
00:18:27,154 --> 00:18:29,376
See, here at Wolf, we
don't care about facts.
453
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:30,523
All we care about at Wolf
454
00:18:30,548 --> 00:18:32,556
is shilling for this
current administration.
455
00:18:32,581 --> 00:18:34,275
You know what? Actually, you
guys would save a lot of money
456
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,436
by firing your so-called journalists
457
00:18:36,461 --> 00:18:38,548
and just bringing out a
ventriloquist's dummy,
458
00:18:38,573 --> 00:18:40,500
sitting it right there on
the knee of the President
459
00:18:40,525 --> 00:18:43,090
and just letting him reel off
whatever he wants you to hear.
460
00:18:43,115 --> 00:18:46,417
You know, I stuck with
this place because...
461
00:18:47,108 --> 00:18:49,144
God, I thought I could change
the culture around here,
462
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,836
but believe me... I can't.
463
00:18:50,934 --> 00:18:52,423
That's not gonna happen,
464
00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:54,353
not unless you out there
get up off your couch
465
00:18:54,378 --> 00:18:55,712
and you let the powers-that-be know
466
00:18:55,737 --> 00:18:57,288
that you are not gonna take it anymore.
467
00:18:57,313 --> 00:19:00,663
This is Avery Brown signing
off, taking my soul with me.
468
00:19:04,904 --> 00:19:06,361
Wow.
469
00:19:06,386 --> 00:19:09,027
You're not the only one
who won't roll over.
470
00:19:09,052 --> 00:19:11,695
He's gonna really need you
when he gets home tomorrow,
471
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,740
so, for God's sake, don't take
a dump in his room tonight.
472
00:19:20,829 --> 00:19:23,990
How about that? All the
way around the block,
473
00:19:24,015 --> 00:19:26,392
and not one moving violation.
474
00:19:28,021 --> 00:19:30,673
- Hey.
- You're back from Texas.
475
00:19:30,698 --> 00:19:31,931
Mm-hmm.
476
00:19:31,956 --> 00:19:33,595
Listen, before you use
what happened to me
477
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:36,563
as some kind of teachable moment,
478
00:19:36,588 --> 00:19:38,347
let me just put it out there and say
479
00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:40,455
congratulations, you were right.
480
00:19:40,571 --> 00:19:41,932
And this is one time
481
00:19:41,957 --> 00:19:44,825
I take absolutely no pleasure in it.
482
00:19:44,964 --> 00:19:47,111
They put you in an
impossible situation,
483
00:19:47,136 --> 00:19:49,223
and you did the only thing you could.
484
00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:50,646
You mean I took an amazing opportunity
485
00:19:50,671 --> 00:19:52,634
and just shoved it down
the garbage disposal?
486
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:53,406
Yes.
487
00:19:53,431 --> 00:19:56,391
But an opportunity with
that many strings attached
488
00:19:56,416 --> 00:19:58,295
- is not worth it.
- Come on.
489
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,447
I mean, I went off the
rails on live television.
490
00:20:00,472 --> 00:20:02,507
That kind of thing could
follow me around forever.
491
00:20:02,532 --> 00:20:04,116
First of all, in our business,
492
00:20:04,141 --> 00:20:05,952
there is no forever anymore,
493
00:20:05,977 --> 00:20:08,246
and if half the people
think you're nuts,
494
00:20:08,271 --> 00:20:10,123
the other half think you're a hero,
495
00:20:10,148 --> 00:20:11,347
so how about that?
496
00:20:11,372 --> 00:20:13,626
Two American heroes under one roof
497
00:20:13,651 --> 00:20:16,858
and their mascot, 256.
498
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,472
Yeah, some hero.
499
00:20:18,497 --> 00:20:20,623
I'm unemployed, I live with my mother,
500
00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:22,719
my dog has wheels.
501
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:26,001
Yes, but in a noble way.
502
00:20:26,026 --> 00:20:29,649
Like a champion. Like
he's driving a chariot.
503
00:20:29,674 --> 00:20:31,758
Like Ben-Hur.
504
00:20:32,017 --> 00:20:34,512
Hey, wait. That's... That's
actually pretty good.
505
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:36,109
Ben-Hur Brown. Benny Brown!
506
00:20:37,761 --> 00:20:40,085
I think he likes it.
507
00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:42,037
Either that or Timmy's down a well.
508
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,409
Come on, Benny. Let's go
get something to eat.
509
00:20:45,434 --> 00:20:46,784
You know, I think I saw
510
00:20:46,827 --> 00:20:49,533
some leftover Indian
food in the fridge.
511
00:20:49,558 --> 00:20:51,570
Oh, no! My rugs!
512
00:20:54,483 --> 00:20:55,483
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37748
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