Original subtitles

Humans?

So tiny!

Why poke my foot?

Monk Tang, over here!

Monk Tang

Over here!

You've been asleep for ages

We wanted to wake you...

We have good news...

Sorry

Sorry

Sorry

Monk Tang, we have great news to tell you

Congratulations!

You're in the place...

...you've always dreamed of

This is India?

Correct!

India

I've reached my destination at last

Sorry

Master

You've shrunk too?

Master, why are you in India too?

Monk Tang, you haven't let me down

You wanted 22 sutras

They're loaded on 10 horsecarts

They're yours if you want them

Help yourself

But the main reason I'm here today...

...is to give you an award

What award?

For living this long

Try it on

What an honor

I like it

Discreet or bold...

You control it

The right side is brighter, you see?

You can even it up

May we ask for a few words?

I need to think about it

Master!

What...is going on?

Have fun!

Monk! Pay your way...

...or the boss will throw you out

I know

Blindfold knife-throwing! Amazing physical feats!

Roll up, roll up! Don't miss this!

Our guest stars are travelers heading west...

The pig, the fish and the monkey

Greatest show on earth

Only two cents per person

How about half price?

Buy one, get one free?

It's a deal

Thank you

Show time

The gorgeous...Pigsy!

Woman...

What's your name? Your age?

Crazy!

The great fish monster...

...Sandy!

How dare you scare my kid! Shame on you!

Money back!

Money back?

Making me angry?

Money back!

Give us another chance!

We have more to show you

Give us another chance!

If we don't like 'em...

You pay everyone back double!

All right

His Excellency...The Monkey King!

Fake! Money back!

Monkey, do some somersaults!

Paying back double will clean us out!

All right...

Your generosity will keep us fed for several days

Take it back

Boss, this monk cheats!

He can't pay us back! Throw him out!

You're a disgrace to my circus! Scram!

Boss, we're not circus people

We are Buddhist monks

Our road is long and hard, we are hungry

And I'm sick!

My body aches

It's been days since I last ate

So pitiful? Come...

These two buns...

...are for righteous men

Men who deserve help

Are you worthy?

We're really from the Great Tang Dynasty

We conquer demons

Monkey, show them your skills

Hit me

Hit me

I can't do that, Brother Monkey

I'm not suicidal

Shall I hit you then?

I'd like that even less, Brother Monkey

Fine, you only live once, I'll hit you

Brother, you're hard as a rock!

It's as if my whole arm is shattered!

Pretty boy, have you no shame?

Watch some more before you complain

And stop poking me

I need to

Hit me...Master wants us to perform

I'm hungry, I have no strength

Again

That's no excuse for shirking

Hit me, stupid!

I've heard there are fake demon-vanquishers around

They've left many people hurt

You must be the ones!

Yes, we're guilty

The problem is that my disciples are too strong

Sure, you just keep on bragging...

One blow is enough

Stop now

That'll do for now

You're so desirable!

Let me stoke your fires a little

No! Get off me!

Monkey, don't just squat there

Do something about it!

I'm so sorry, that's really all from us

No charge for what you've just seen

Great sir

Your performance is more than impressive

Say no more, try this candied fruit

Let us be brothers

Brother, now you've seen what they can do

I wish they could control themselves better

We really do conquer demons

Of course you do

Monkey, come and apologize

Pick up your head-band

Put it on

Wear it properly now

I'm doing it

You talk while chewing a twig? Bad monkey!

I won't if you don't like it

But stop calling me 'Bad monkey'!

I can call you that if I want to

Bad monkey

Bad monkey

Great!

Say it just one more time...

I'm scared

It's horrible! Makes me so scared!

Aren't you all afraid?

Even if he throws tantrums

You can't be lenient

Let's all scold him together

1, 2, 3...

Bad monkey!

"My boy, my boy..."

"Why are you so bad?"

"Bullying, cheating..."

"Why make me so sad?"

"Learn to be a good boy"

"Learn to love"

"Care for others"

"Fill your heart with color"

"My good boy..."

"Hurry back to me"

"My embrace..."

"My good boy..."

"Be sincere"

"You're the one I love most"

Master, ours is just a small enterprise

What you see is all we have

If it's not enough for you...

...then all we can is offer our lives

Stop

First, I'm not here to extort anything from you

Second...

Never mind, I won't say it

JOURNEY TO THE WEST: THE DEMONS STRIKE BACK

When did your mother...

...start behaving like this?

A few days ago

I don't know why

Soon after we moved here...

...she began talking nonsense

If I approach her...

...she scratches me like a mad thing

I have no idea why she's like this

I'm completely exhausted

Luckily my two daughters...

...help me take care of my mother

It wears them out

They're your daughters?

God-daughters

How old are they?

They just turned sixteen

They look a little haggard

They've been working too hard

They were radiant before

How horrible!

Grandma, have some congee

You haven't eaten all day

Another fit?

Ma, are you all right?

Ma, Ma, Ma...

It's me...Calm down

Quick! The exorcism mirror!

Coming right up!

Ten thousand gods send down thunderbolts...

...to reveal the hidden demons!

Show yourself!

All demons, be revealed!

Nothing?

But the whole room smells foul

If it's not her body, then...

...maybe she has second sight

She sees the demons in others

That's why she's so scared

Could it be those two?

I've put up with them for too long

All demons, be revealed!

Too bright! I can't see anything!

What? Not them either

Could it be...

A hairy crab!

You bad monkey!

You bad monkey!

Bad monkey!

Look at that

Master's whip is really strong today

That whip has kept Monkey under control for 500 years

It needs to be strong

You knew those two were shape-shifters

Why didn't you stop them?

You asked me to perform

So I did

And what did you perform?

I asked for a couple of somersaults

And you destroyed a family!

Then you shouldn't have called me "Bad monkey"

You know that makes me go berserk

I didn't mean to call you that

Everyone knows I don't mean it

Such a small thing and you try to kill me?

Such ruthless

Open your mouth!

Wider! You want my life

Now I'm offering you my life

Bite! You're a coward if you don't

Hey, something to see here!

Bite!

Do it

Why did you treat me like that?

Speak! Say something!

Why do you keep doing it?

Cheating me! Provoking me!

Hurting me! Torturing me! Mistreating me!

It seems our days of conquering demons...

...have come to an end

Let's disband

"Disband"?

Does "disband" mean he wants to kill us?

Master!

I understand why Master does these things

But please drink this medicine first

From now on...I'll be obedient

What are you saying? I'm not punishing you

Master, you surely know...

My brothers and I...We are all of one heart

If you punish Brother Monkey... Then my heart aches too

And my heart...

...is really aching

That's so true

When I hit you

My heart really aches

Master, try it if you don't believe us

When I punish you...

I suffer heartache too

If I'd set off to find the sutras on my own...

I'd have got there long ago

Having you with me doesn't help at all

I can subdue one hundred foes...

...single-handed

Do I need to tell you this?

I've mastered Buddha's Palm

Do I really need to tell you this?

So it's not that you're helping me to find the sutras

I'm helping you to make merit and learn Buddhism

Do I make myself crystal clear?

Do you get it?

Yes, we do

That's enough for now

Go to bed, we've got much to do tomorrow

"Sinful monkey!"

"I'll show you my Buddha's Palm!"

Did you miss me?

He's even teasing Brother Monkey

Master's mind has reached such a high level

That's not Brother Monkey he's embracing

It's someone else

Amitabha, Amitabha

Master, you seemed happy last night

We were happy to see you happy

But we won't tell on you

What are you on about?

No water left

Second Brother, fetch some water

Why do I have to do it?

How did you come up...

...up with that idea?

Stop quarreling, I'll go

Alms giver, excuse me...

I was just passing

May I trouble you for water to boil rice?

There's no need for that

You're welcome to eat here

I'm vegetarian

What luck!

We're having vegetarian food

We're devout too, we share the same path

It's natural for us to share our meal

And you can stay after eating

We'll be able to compare notes

He's ill, won't he taste bad?

Never mind, we can heal him first

It would be impolite to refuse

No need to cook come and eat here

What about my congee?

I prepared it this morning

Your congee will be burnt

Go back and watch the fire

Alms giver, your medicine works a treat

I feel better already

These three are my delinquent disciples

Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you

Don't flirt

Nice to meet you

To hell with that, what's nice about it?

Sandy, what are you saying?

I was cooking congee

What are you up to?

"Nice, nice, nice..."

What do you all think you're doing?

I'm sorry, my disciple is a touch simple-minded

It doesn't matter

May I just ask you...

Are there any demons here?

Master, please don't scare me

Why would there be demons here?

You're going too far

Why ask such a question?

Actually...

We conquer demons

I did wonder...Really?

You've been so hospitable...

But we have nothing to repay it

All I can offer is a one-off exorcism

Really? You're terribly kind...

But, sad to say...

There are no demons here

See my face?

Hit me

Come on, quick!

If you don't, I'll beat you to death

Really?

Why?

I told you to hit me, scum

I'll ask you again

Hit me, you asshole!

Have you lost it again?

I'm not an asshole

You definitely are

But I was calling her an asshole, not you

Damn you!

You assholes take me as your Master?

Clear out of here

Clear out of here

Sorry about that

Get out, all of you

She kindly invited us to eat

You bang her table and ask her to hit you

And call her an asshole

Go and face the wall

Contemplate what you've done

What have you ever contributed to society?

Don't come back until you figure it out

Come back!

Master, we haven't figured it out yet

Don't give it any more thought

Come back!

Still contemplating it

She's caught me!

Rake

Up, up!

Up, up!

Quick, up!

You can stop now

Master, time to show your hand

You're so kind

Beauty!

Such long legs...

- What're you doing? - I like them

I'm a spider!

You must be kidding!

I'm just a pig

I wasn't kidding

Your resistance makes me stronger

Don't go, I am talking to you!

What's that noise?

Don't worry, it's Sandy

Sandy, are you all right?

A bit poisoned, a bit dazed

Seems like time for me to step in now

Conquering demons takes sincerity

Lead them to benevolence

No violence necessary

"Without a knife, a butcher can be a Buddha"

Stop!

Monkey...

You are too rude

Only a coolie needs to use such strength

Go away

Let me handle this

Brother Monkey, be more gentle

I've only just got started with her

She has such long legs

A rare species though

Quiet

Let go

All done, Master

What?

You finished her before I had a chance

What were you thinking?

What, don't you know you were in great danger?

She coulda swallowed you whole

You're lucky I strike fast

I took her out with one blow

How many times have I told you?

To conquer a demon, educate it

Didn't you see the smile on her face just now?

Smile?

She smiled at the prospect of eating you

Outrageous!

That smile was so sincere

My smile is even more sincere

Guess: do I love you?

Or will I kill you?

Who the hell are you?

How can I help you?

Did you see that? He's so handsome

You're almost better-looking than me

You know that?

Of course, you can't stand it?

Can you?

Of course not, how about you?

What's Baldy doing up there?

Thinking

About what?

About Miss Duan

I don't care who he's thinking about

I can overlook this baldy's propensity for violence

But he's started going too far

Lying beside me, swaying and fondling...

Asking if I miss him...

Just thinking of it gives me goosebumps

Well, that needs to stop

Why not just kill him?

Forget it

You always dance to Baldy's tune

You can do nothing

I'll pull out his tongue...

...and tie it in a knot!

What kind of tune would he sing then?

He still knows the Buddha's Palm technique

I'm not scared

If I break his arm...

...how can use Buddha's sodding Palm?

Master, how long have you been standing there?

Just now

I came to see how you're doing

Don't worry, I heard nothing

Master...

How come you lost your voice?

I haven't

Out here in the wild...

...we shouldn't disturb others by being loud

Really?

For sure

Have I ever...lied to you?

All right, you all relax, I'll just relieve myself

Buddha, Buddha

My three disciples are unruly

I have failed to teach them well

I know three hundred songs for children

But nothing else

I've been pretending to be capable

How can I go on like this?

Now they are plotting to kill me

And I've lost my singing voice

Be merciful, Buddha

Teach me your holy Buddha's Palm

Your follower will be forever grateful

I beg you, please

Buddha, do your hear me?

Give me a sign please

Even a little fart would do...

Pigsy, how long have you been there?

Not long, I didn't see what you were doing

Don't worry, I didn't hear anything either

I've been good to you

You know what you should do

What should I do?

All I can do is be myself

What I was getting at is...

"Silence is golden"

Master, all I did was break wind

But all your threats and pressures...

...weigh on me heavily

So that's your game

You should watch out

I know where your family is

Understood

Monkey, what are you doing?

You're the one who needs to watch out

I'd like to experience...

...my Master's holy Buddha's Palm

What are you talking about?

You didn't get it?

I want to compare strength with you

You run?

"My boy, my boy"

"Why are you so naughty?"

"Bullying, cheating..."

"Why behave that way?"

"Learn to behave better"

"Closeness, love"

"Be tender in your heart"

Damn Baldy, enough with the singing

Fight me!

"Good child..."

Where can you run to?

All right

If that's what you really want, I'll indulge you

So it's clobbering time

Wait, give me a moment

I was just toying with you, Master

Just working up a sweat

You scared me to death

What on earth are you up to now?

None of your business

You're so handsome, you've gone bald...

Do you mean that?

I'd be a pig if I lied

How did it go?

Did you tear Baldy to shreds?

Was his blood running everywhere?

Wait, have you really killed him?

You tricked me

Pigsy, have you learnt what "Silence is golden" means?

I just did

Now you're poisoned, I have to pull you

Will you please stop dousing me?

I caught a cold, my nose is runny

Caught a cold? Bullshit! You'd better die now

Less trouble for me that way

Monkey...

When do you think Sandy will turn back into a man?

No idea, I have never paid attention to that

Master, you really want to know?

Maybe...

...not

"Bi-Qiu Kingdom"

The Minister is here

Hail, your eminence

Master Tang is an eminent monk indeed

His bearing is graceful

My admiration is heartfelt

It's a pleasure to meet you

May I ask how your eminence knew I was coming?

I am flattered...

Most flattered

Master Tang's reputation precedes him

And your three brilliant companions...

...are also awe-inspiring

I learned that the four of you...

...would pass by here

The king sent me to greet you here

Let's go to the palace

We can chat there

Neat trick

It's just a trifle

Don't play any more tricks

It wasn't me, I didn't do anything

What did I do?

Bloom

Hey presto

Your eminence...

There's something which puzzles me for a while

Are your magic tricks...

...intended to seem fake?

Master, we both know that in this world...

...magic tricks are illusions

Why care whether they seem real or fake?

Let's go

Cultivating oneself is different from playing tricks

The crucial thing...

...is what's in the heart

Master...

You are bottling something up

What's on your mind?

There's someone in your heart, you yearn for her

You can't forget her

I'm afraid you're wrong, there's not

Learning humanity...

...is like having religious faith

Following your heart will keep you young

A person who can't be honest with himself...

...is hypocritical

That's why I cultivate myself...

...according to my heart's desires

So what 'cultivation' means to you is...

Doing what I damn well like

What are they kneeling for?

It's a game, losers have to kneel

The king has lately taken rejuvenation pills

Now he behaves like a child

It's as if he took my counsel about following his heart

The king is easily coaxed

Simply fawn on him and you'll be well rewarded

I'll expect my cut, of course

Let's split it by 50/50, ok?

That's...

I'm just joking, you didn't think I was serious?

Look, our beauties are greeting you

Impressive, I like it

Your Majesty...

Honorable guests are here

I am Tang

I am crossing your great country

My three disciples and I are here to pay our respects

Hug, hug

Splendid

Look, this king is sillier than our Master

No way

No-one is sillier than our Master

Hug, hug

Please respond in kind to the king's high protocol

Too late, he's too stuck-up

Here

I hear that you conquer demons

It's true

Don't believe it, show me some tricks

I think Your Majesty is confused

Conquering demons is not an acrobatic trick

You will do as I order

You will speak...as I order

If you don't obey

You insult my dignity

Now I'll have your head chopped off

And hand it on the door

Great, this king has brilliant ideas

My kind of king

Men

Off with his head!

Don't worry...

Really, Minister?

It's a joke

I see...

It doesn't seem so

Doesn't seem what?

Your Majesty

We can perform a bit for you

Monkey, show His Majesty a few tricks

You ask a nobody to entertain me?

That's a deliberate insult!

Death penalty!

Your Majesty, I must show you my tricks

Don't try to talk me out of it, I'll do it

Just give me a moment and I'll be with you

Get a move on

Master, are you really going to perform?

Do I have any choice?

He can't get through

What should we do?

No big deal, just show them your Buddha's Palm

It's not a parlor trick

How about I take Master's form?

I can perform something for the king

You just want to have your way with the maids

Go now if you have the guts

Stone, paper, scissors

Stone, paper, scissors

I know what...

Use the talisman of obedience

That again? That's an old idea

New ideas are thin on the ground, boss

It will have to do

Stick it on him...

And he'll do whatever I do

Identical movements

Damn it, chop him up

I'd be doomed if you do striptease again

I'm not going to do this

You don't trust me

I don't

I'm sincerely trying to help

And you really don't trust me?

I don't

If you find that something goes wrong you can always stop me

You won't cheat me?

I look like a cheat?

Have I ever cheated you?

More times than I can remember

You're right

You're an asshole

Good

Stop it

Where is he?

You want to make me lose face again?

Move

Out of the way...

Poor Master

I specialize in striptease

Master isn't as good as I am

Brother Monkey

Where did he go?

Stop

Don't stop

No stopping

If you shout 'Stop' again, I'll have your head

You are joking?

He's not joking

If you shout 'Stop' again, you'll lose your head

Go on then

Great! Any more tricks up your sleeve?

Go to hell

"Go to hell"

Go to hell again!

"Go to hell again!"

He hit me

He hit me!

Hurry! Quick!

You must flee right away if the king cries

Master, I did my best to help you

But after what just happened...

I'm afraid that...

Your reputation cannot be repaired

Attendants

Here's some expenses money

Use it on your travels

Don't show up here again for 8 to 10 years

How can I accept, after all that...?

Don't mention it, I know it's hard for you

Meetings are hard

But partings are harder

You and I may not meet again

Take care

Tang Tang

The Minister fancies you

You have a good chance with her

You always get so many dates, I envy you

You're really charming, so it's understandable

You bad monkey!

How dare you say this to me?

I feared it might go wrong

But I didn't expect to risk my life

Now kneel to me

I'll beat you until you kneel

Kneel

Beat away

Did you ever think how it feels to demean yourself in front of people?

Now you know what crazy dancing feels like

So you know how bad I feel

You always make me...

...kneel like a dog before you

You know how shaming that is?

You're right

I did manipulate you

So that you'd know how indignity feels

I see

Now that you've said all that...

I'll finish you off with one slap

Go ahead!

I'm ready for it

I'd rather die than suffer this torture

All I wanted was to tell you...

"Do unto others as you'd wish them..."

"...to do unto you"

I'm sorry, I'm at fault

Stop, don't try that on me

You're right, we should be considerate for each other

I've punished you by making you dance

By taking away your dignity in public

Now I realize what a loss of dignity feels like

How miserable it is

I've been wrong to call you 'bad Monkey'

I've beaten and scolded you all day long

I've been oblivious to your feelings

The problem here is me

Not you

I'm the one who spreads unhappiness

Now I realize my mistakes

Please forgive me this once

Give me one more chance, forgive me

Master's conscience is awakened at last

Don't you see he's using "Advance by retreating"?

To admit a mistake at the right time...

...can win people's hearts

You see, it worked so well on brother Monkey

Master often seems silly

But he knows how to manage risk

Master...

I guess I overdid it

Please get up

I actually care a lot for you

I just didn't know how to express it

Master, I know in my heart...

...how you feel about me

From now on, though...

Don't ever make me do crazy dancing

But frankly speaking, Monkey...

You're good at it

Don't even think that, Master

Never again

Please stop calling me 'Master'

We're sworn brothers for life

So just call me 'Elder' from now on

Elder...

Elder...

See how well it works?

They're all but kissing

Impressive, no?

No entry to the palace, on pain of death

Pardon us

Master...

Why are you back?

Minister

I've been thinking

I need to restore my reputation

I can't leave things as they were

Master, please get away while you still can

If you come back, there'll be carnage

Minister, I value my reputation

How can I be a good monk with a bad rep?

How dare you return!

Your Majesty, please calm down

Monk Tang has something to say

Your Majesty

What happened before had nothing to do with me

It was all caused by my errant disciple

So I've brought him to apologize to you

And while we're about it...

We'll conquer a demon or two

Monkey...

Hit me

Are you a pervert?

Brilliant

A game is just the thing to appease the king

Master Monkey...

Let me run through the rules of this game

Master...

Don't you think you're doing a bit too much?

You haven't eaten yet

Can't you do it harder?

Is that it?

Out of the way!

Danger!

Red Boy

Monkey

You show your true face at last

I saw from the start there's something odd about you

According to legend...

You own the long Firecloud Spear

And move on...

The flaming Golden Wheel! Well met!

So you're the Monkey King...

...who has great strengths

Show your senior...

...the best you can do

Playing foul?

You ain't seen nothin' yet

Master, over here

Three-tier Fire!

Take that!

The palace...

It's in ruins

Ruins...

Stupid monkey...

Don't hide!

Come out to face me

My turn!

Help!

Help!

What happened?

Was there an earthquake?

Your Majesty...

Wait

Let me do it

What a cute little monster

I've subdued it, keep it as a souvenir

I will chant sutras day and night

Until its evil nature is defeated

I'll do my best

The king...

Your Majesty!

Thank you, your reverences

We have our real king back at last

We've prepared lavish gifts for you

See for yourselves

The palace's 3000 beauties

Choose which you like

All for me?

Too few? You can have the throne too

Calm down, Your Majesty

His Majesty is offering...

Ladies-in-waiting for your journey

So it is

I'm grateful for his generosity, but I...

You think we're the types to accept such a gift?

Women make us seriously ill

Put me in change of them...

And see how badly I treat them all

Come on, the fish is getting very dry

Put that to good use

Your saliva smells bad

Don't be picky

Better than nothing

It's good to have someone for help

- Please pick one or two - Yes

Don't fight with me, I'll handle them one by one

If Your Majesty insists on repaying us...

Maybe I can suggest something?

Could you free these ladies?

Sure, no problem

Anyone who wants to leave can leave

No blame attached, you have my word

Your Majesty, so...

I feel like crying

All those women in my harem are ugly-looking gluttons

They eat really a lot

They eat 7 meals a day, better send them away

You can go, you're free

Are you out of your mind?

Being imperial concubines is just fine

Why would we want to leave?

Damned bald monk, who do you think you are?

If you stir thing up, we'll sort you out!

You think we're vain?

Damn you, we're here for love!

Monk Tang, get out! Protect our love!

Monk Tang, get out! Protect our love!

Monk Tang, get out! Protect our love!

Monk Tang, get out! Protect our love!

See how they love you?

I'll crush your balls

- I'm sorry... - Sparing on effort!

Calm down, you can all stay

I want to die

That one...

You...You...

- Me? - Yes!

The one in black behind you

How come I've never seen you before?

This lady is a newcomer

She's a songstress

What's your name?

Felicity

Since you're a songstress...

Give us a quick song

To send the Masters on their way

Yes, sire

Fatso, am I afraid of you?

"Yesterday, today"

"The past has slipped away"

"Without make-up..."

"...colors fade"

"All through history..."

"...love endures"

"Your love awaits your return"

"Wandering beyond the clouds"

"Love-sickness..."

"...begets sorrow"

"In this world..."

"...fate is immutable"

"Let it go"

"We cannot be together"

"Is this truly our destiny?"

Splendid! Her artistry is magnificent

Master...

What is it?

His Majesty asks if you'd like to have Felicity...

...for your travels?

Out of the question!

I go to the west to find sutras and cultivate myself

She couldn't make such an arduous journey

I have burned incense and prayed to Buddha

I am a devout Buddhist

We must brave the elements with little to eat

A young woman couldn't endure it

I'm not afraid

My family was poor

I've done household chores since I was young

I'm accustomed to hardship

Wonderful!

What touching words

This songstress...

She can sing, dance, cook and wash

What a resource, at home and on travels

Still...

Master, you really don't want her?

I don't

You won't regret it?

No regrets

Master, please take time to reflect

I'll ask you once again

You don't want her?

I don't

You must be kidding! Such a charming girl!

Why don't you want her? You're weird!

Minister...

Please arrange this

I want the girl sent to my chambers ASAP

Your Majesty...

We'll take our leave now

Attendants, see them out

Help them with the fish too

Come with me

When you've suffered pain...

...you know the pain of all sentient beings

When you've insisted...

...you know how to let go

When you've cared for others...

...you know how to move on

That's what spiritual attainment is all about

But me...

I'm just an ordinary man

Your Majesty...

The Master is back again

Master, you have broken your journey

What trouble did you encounter?

I've been pondering

I don't think I should reject...

...Your Majesty's great generosity

Please allow Felicity to join me on my journey

You can do that, right?

I can, but...

But what?

I had my way with Felicity

Tell you what...Choose someone else

Master...

I sympathize, but there's nothing I can do

You mean...But I don't mind

Your Majesty has favored Felicity

That makes me all the more honored

You don't mind?

Definitely not

You don't mind...

But I mind

The fact of the matter is...

Felicity resisted him last night

She refuses to be a concubine

She says she'd rather die than be forced into it

Then...

Yes!

I lied to you

So what?

Yesterday I asked you eight times...

And you refused

Now you come back and change your mind

How reckless!

Don't get worked up

Put down the drum

All the women in the harem...

...look like they've been struck by lightning

But this one is good-looking

You won't grant me this one morsel?

That's right

You bastard!

Now that Master has made up his mind

And since Felicity refuses to be a concubine

Let's move towards a happy ending

Attendants

Fetch Felicity

Thank you, Your Majesty

Master

Drink some water

You first

Thank you

Monkey, what are you doing?

Taking a leak!

In front of a girl? What's got into you?

Go over there!

- Felicity... - Master, come with me

I don't need to go

Yes, you do!

Come

One moment, I'll be right back

My dear...

Who are you?

I'm Second Brother

Isn't my true face...Completely irresistible?

Sometimes...

When I look in the mirror, my beauty stuns me

Second Brother...

Brother Monkey is watching you

So I can't look in the mirror

When I accidentally do...

I would feel dizzy

Extreme!

Mistress, go get a whip

Lash me, correct me...

Insult me, beat me, punish me...

You're laughing at me

You're coughing, Third Brother

Drink some water

What's blocking your nose?

That's more comfortable!

So you get back human form when you sneeze

You should've said, it's hard work pulling you

Master

Try to pee just a little even if you don't want to

Make a puddle to look at your reflection

I'm handsome, does that bother you?

You're not, you don't even have hair

Felicity is quite good-looking

Why did she pass up being a queen...

To follow you instead?

What's on your mind?

She's actually a demon, she plans to eat you

Don't do that!

Why didn't you tell me this earlier?

There are many kinds of demon

Some are easy to spot

Others aren't easy at all

So you have no proof

It's not hard to check

You've let her looks blind you

Get on her case

Do I have to tell you how?

Aren't you a professional demon-hunter?

What are you looking for?

A mirror

I have one

Thank you

What a shining bronze mirror!

Doesn't it work?

It's fine

Have you finished?

I'll help comb your hair

What are you doing?

A demon's blood will vaporize...

...on the mirror

That's impossible!

Nothing happened

Shut it, demon-hunter

- Let's calm down - Where are you from?

I'm from Rivermouth Village

Rivermouth Village

It's on the other side of that hill

I dare you to take me there

I've never known a demon with a family

I'll go!

"Rivermouth Village"

Felicity, it's so long since you visited us

Ma, I'm following a monk west to find sutras

See how nice her family is?

You'd better apologize to them now

Apologize? Dream on!

Dad!

Demon girl, you hired a big supporting cast

No expense spared

I don't know what the misunderstanding is

But please let my mother go

Spare the lives of my family

Don't be rash! Let her go

Ma

Brother Monkey, Master likes this young woman

But he still loves you too

Don't be jealous

Jealous?

Will you shut up?

Ma, Run

How many times must I tell you?

This woman is really a demon

They're in league to do you harm

They're a family, three generations!

And you keep slandering them!

You're the one doing harm

You're the demon

So you believe her rather than me?

Yes

Fine

Then I'll kill her

How dare you smite me as a demon?

All the women that I like

Such as Miss Duan before her

You want to kill them all?

He finally said it

So you haven't forgotten

Of course I remember

I'll always remember

The way you beat her, beat her to death!

I thought you were really treating me as a brother

Brother?

Since I'm stuck with a mad killer like you, day in, day out...

...I have to pretend to get along with you!

If you died ten times, it wouldn't be enough

I wish you'd go to hell and be damned forever

I see

If you're not my friend in this world...

You're my enemy

We've been enemies all along

Get out!

Go away as far as possible, while I'm in a good mood

So you're in a good mood?

Listen, all of you

For all the demon I killed...

...on this journey...

I did it for him

My constant headaches...

The lash-scars all over my body...

That's all his doing

Whatever I owed him...

I've repaid it in full

Whatever he owes me, no need to repay

From now on, our master-disciple bond...

...is at an end!

- Brother Monkey! - Let him go

Dad

Felicity, how's your family?

They're recovering, they'll be fine

Please don't blame yourself

Who's Miss Duan?

Miss Duan was also a demon-hunter

We faced life or death struggles together

I loved her a lot

But I dared not admit it

Until the day I saw...

...the way Monkey beat her

Beat her to death

And then it was too late

I let her down

And if you meet someone else you like...

...will you let her down again?

I never wanted too much from life

Just find the right man...

Get married, have a baby...

Settle down

I've found that man...

It's you

Master, it's a crisis!

Brother Monkey has gone mad

He killed everyone in sight, we couldn't stop him!

Pigsy, Sandy...

See if anyone can be saved

Ma!Dad!

Dad! Ma!

You can smile after killing so many?

You're possessed by the devil

Those I killed were all demons

So I won't waste words

You don't believe anything I say

I'll kill the last one

And have done with it

Don't force me

You'll give your life to protect a demon?

I won't let you hurt any more...

...of the people I love

You're possessed! Out of my way!

That's enough!

Enough?

You want to die, so be my guest

"Child, child, why..."

"Child, child..."

"Why are you so bad?"

I'll sing it for you

Buddha's Palm?

Buddha's Palm? Still pretending!

You can't do it!

Don't believe me, asshole?

No!

Please don't strike your Master

Stop, I beg you

That's very touching

I'll kill you first

Baldy, you're worth nothing

Don't hit him!

I'll admit it, I'm a demon

I'm a demon

My real form is a skeleton

I conjured up the illusion of this village

You need to hear her say it again?

My beloved and I were waylaid by mountain brigands

My love abandoned me and fled

I was horribly abused

The brigands raped me and left me to die

I turned into a heap of bones

But my grievances have never died

In truth, I'm nothing but bones

I'm sorry

Heavens! Master is dead! We can forget those sutras!

Hurray!

Case closed!

Minister, you're so great!

You had provoked Monkey's demonic nature

He's even gobbled up his Master

See how Buddha rages in the western sky

Shut up!

I have a dream

I want all the world's liars

and monsters to show...

...their true colors

Felicity, no need to hide

Come on, show yourself

Your stratagem of sowing discord was smart

I know you have true feelings for the monk

You're following your heart

My very own path to supreme wisdom

So this is the legendary Monkey King?

So cute!

Like a banana?

Fine, we can adopt him as our pet

Why not!

Six hands

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

My turn!

King of demons?

All I did was cough

And you were terrified

I'm your new Master

You'd better obey me

Or you'll be spanked

So you're finally revealing your foxtail

My tail?

No, I keep it well hidden

Monk...

You're the one who stands exposed

All that canoodling with skeleton-demon here...

Worldly desires are back?

Felicity hasn't lost her virtues

I'll make it possible for her to reincarnate

Your stratagem is to sow discord

But we have a counter-stratagem

You thought we were fooled by Felicity

You thought she could sow discord...

...between Monkey and me

But you underestimated Monkey's vision

The skeleton-demon conjured up the village

We knew it at the beginning

And we pretended to be fooled by it, as you hoped

We tricked you into revealing yourself

Minister...

I'll tell you one more thing

I'm actually very wise!

Wise?

Comfort yourself with your illusions

Let's see what you can do to me

Strike!

All right!

Master, grasp my tail

Felicity!

Take care! Stay clear!

I'm the Monkey King!

Demon, you cannot flee!

Bad monkey, he's such a stupid monk

Is it worth dying for him?

Master, she knows you too well

She says you're stupid

Don't listen to her, I'm very wise

See my moves

Ward me off?

You think you can?

Monkey...

Your nemesis is here!

Buddha!

Even Buddha is invited! Giving you real face!

It's not possible

It's an imposter

Yep, looks like he's had a nose and chin job

Monkey...

You've felt Buddha's power

Come closer for the full effect!

Fine, try my Anchoring Pole

No wave-swell can match the East Sea itself!

Master, shelter in my ear-lobe

Two Buddhas!

Monkey, Monkey...

Immortal gold vulture

You have cultivated yourself beside me

Yet you do not understand

No wonder you spread sophistry in the world

Lord Buddha

I live for you

I've been by your side for so many years

But did you ever notice me?

Say no more

Immortal gold vulture, show your true self

Try to stand, Felicity

I will try to exorcise your demonic traits

There's too much demon in me

Even if you save me...

I can't be sure I won't harm humans again

You conquer demons

And I am a demon

Free my soul

She's right

Her acrimony runs too deep, she has to burn

Felicity...

The greatest obstacle in the world is love

She...is always here in your heart

She fills it

If only...

I could...Remain as a trace in your memories...

I'll be content

Don't look at me

Clean up your own mess

I don't want you saying I've killed your girl

Let's go

The truth is...

I really have fallen for you

Do you like me at least a tiny bit?

Sorry...

My heart...

...has no space for anyone else

I'm so silly, aren't I?

I knew that

But I still asked

Felicity...

I'm going to send you on your way

Master, we should talk...

Did you ever have feelings for Felicity?

I'm asking you...

Did you ever have feelings for Felicity?

Of course not!

You're the only one in my heart

Only me?

Brother Monkey...

Your headband was once Miss Duan's

The memory of her still haunts Master

So he sometimes takes you for her

You can see it in his smile, look!

Impossible!

Really?

You don't trust even me?

So did she ever touch your heart?

Of course not, it's a meaningless question

Did you really think I'd say yes?

You women always ask the same question

So you did, you lowlife!

Lowlife!

This can't go on, I'd better get back the headband

Or she'll ask again

What are you doing?

Give back the headband

Are you crazy? You gave it to me

It doesn't suit you, it makes you look awful

You should have said so before, you can have it

Hand it over! Why are you running off?

I said i will give back to you and you don't trust me?

Stop talking, give back to me

I've given it to you

No, you just said you would

Right, I said I would

You said you would, but you haven't done so

Haven't I? Are you sure?

I'm sure! Believe me for once!

I don't

Let's go

Hang on, there's probably more after the credits

No need to wait, there's no post-credits scene

Please be sure to take all your belongings

Exit on the right side, thank you

Hey, blockbusters always have a post-credits scene!

This isn't a blockbuster

So there isn't one

I repeat

It's not a blockbuster

So there isn't one

If this were a blockbuster

There'd be one