Original subtitles

You're watching "The Gay Minute"

on HuffPo Live, now with an all-gay crew.

- Concern.

This week in gay news,

the indie drama "Night Nurse," now starring Edie Falco,

Beanie Feldstein, and Cary Dubek,

is finally set to premiere three years later

after the most COVID delays of any movie.

Also in gay news, Laura Dern--

Oh, sorry, one sec.

- Hey! - Hey, uh, can I borrow

a shirt for the premiere tonight?

All my clothes are still wrinkled,

and this guy just used the one I had out to, uh...

- clean up. - What's on it, C, P, or B?

I think C and, um, P.

Oh, fun,

but no, sorry,

I'm coming straight from work.

Oh, right.

- How's it been going? - Great.

We just hit a thousand eps.

- Ah!

I'm so happy for you.

You're really killing it.

Aw, thanks, pal.

Oh, and you should just wear your suit

with no shirt tonight. You're an actor in the movie.

- You gotta bring it. - Ah, maybe.

I'm already doing little chain and--

Oh, hey, I gotta go.

- Okay. - Bye.

Hey, would you be mad if I went somewhere anti-gay

for my honeymoon?

Uh, hello, sweet sister.

All of the good places are anti-gay.

Well, what does your fiancé think?

No, Car, I would never do that to you.

Lance, I honestly do not care.

My dream in life is to be able to afford a trip

somewhere anti-gay.

Wait, hold on. What are you wearing tonight?

I don't know, maybe something crazy.

You should, absolutely, and then I'll go more subdued,

'cause I don't wanna draw any attention from you.

This is your night!

Okay, this is insane.

Yeah, this is nice and subtle.

♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪

Excuse me, excuse me. I'm with Sony.

Excuse me, Sony coming through.

Thank you. So how are we feeling?

Good. Nervous, you know?

I just really want tonight to go well.

- It's been so long. - It'll be perfect.

Just make sure to say how fun the movie was to shoot,

and if anyone asks,

the entire art department all died of cancer.

- Right, of course, yeah. - Chase, hey!

You've been killing it these last couple years.

- Thanks. - You and your nail polish,

your cell phone company,

your natural gas pipeline...

And most importantly, I released my sophomore album.

Wait, you did?

Yeah, he's a singer. He wanted to sing,

we heard him, and we let him.

Oh, when did it come out?

Uh, January 6, 2021.

Yeah, it went live on Spotify

right as the Capitol was being breached.

Tough break. Now, I gotta ask the question

on everyone's mind:

how old are you these days?

I'm 18.

Oh, my God, fuck me.

No! Almost 18. It's in a few days.

Oh. Well, good to see you, cutie.

- Thanks. - And now, I have

one of the real stars of the night, Cary Dubek.

Thanks, yeah, I had so much fun

shooting this movie, and you know,

it was my first-ever acting role.

And was it exactly everything you thought it would be?

Okay, cameras rolling.

Whenever you're ready, Cary.

Cut! Everyone, outside, now!

There has been a positive! Out!

Yeah, yeah, it was, uh, very fun

and, uh, chill.

And it's just so nice

that this movie celebrates the real heroes:

nurses.

Yeah, but haven't they also been celebrated enough?

I mean, we banged pots for, like, two weeks.

We did that for a year...

I just think they get it, you know?

Like, it's 2023. Enough with the nurses.

So, uh, what does your fiancé do?

Oh, he's a fashion designer, right?

No, uh, he was,

but he left the industry during the whole pandemic,

- so... - And what does he do now?

Hey! This is so legit.

Oh, my God.

Sorry, again, I didn't wear a tux, babe.

You know I gotta go straight to my shift.

- Oh, no, of course. - It's fine.

I just wanna say thank you so much

for your service. You were on the front lines,

keeping this country running,

risking your life?

And I think one of the most fun parts was

just hanging out with the cast--

you know, Edie Falco and Beanie...

We live for Beans.

I bet y'all were always yucking it up at lunch.

Hey, Beanie,

mind if I sit with--

Too close! Back away!

- It is not safe! - Okay.

The air is not safe!

Yeah, that is what happened, yeah.

Well, color me jeal, and thanks so much

- for your time tonight. - Thanks, okay.

Hold on. Uh, keep the cameras rolling.

Streeter Peters, DreamTeam Management.

As you know, I represent ChaseDreams, Pat Dubek.

But now I also represent

some new and, some might say, better...

Talent.

That's right. I made a few

"impulse purchases" on TikTok

during the pandemmy,

and now I represent some really fun people

that I'm so passionate about,

like the Barbacado family!

Oh!

And what do they do?

What do they...?

What do they do?

Well, they are a family.

Yeah, and the four in the back, they dance together,

and the little one, she just tumbles

in front of 'em. Yeah.

Okay, that's great, thank you.

So where do you think

they would go,

you know, in culture?

Oh, wait, hold on.

I also have a TikTok beekeeper lady.

Hey!

Yeah, is she something?

I just think the last three years,

a lot of people felt compelled to make a change, you know?

And with nursing, I thought I could

really make a difference.

I guess I just found a new calling.

all: Aw...

But nursing school's hard, yo.

Like, seriously, how long did it take, B?

I feel like when I started, you were on season two

of "Survivor," and by the time I was done,

you watched all 40 seasons

and "Grey's Anatomy" plus all of "The Circle."

Oh, God, I watched so much pandemic TV,

but I couldn't do "The Circle."

Yeah, yeah, no,

I didn't watch "The Circle."

Yes, you did, babe.

Remember I was studying for the TEAS exam,

and you couldn't get Netflix to load?

And you would just, like, scream, and you'd cry.

You're like... "I just wanna

watch 'The Circle.'"

Remember?

Yeah, well, fuck me straight to hell.

I guess I did watch "The Circle."

But I don't only watch TV,

- for the record. - Yeah, no, that's--

that's not what I meant at all.

Brooke's still killing it as a manager.

Her partner's here, actually.

He's right there.

No, I did not bring 2,000 bees to this premiere.

I brought 2,000 clients to this premiere.

Ah!

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna go to the restroom.

So in conclusion, acting is,

so far, everything I thought it'd be.

And you're done. That's everybody.

You can go get a drink if you want.

Oh, I actually wanna go do "Age, Net Worth, Feet,"

- real quick. - And let's see

those little piggies.

Oh, no, you don't have to do that one.

It's okay. He's my friend.

Cary? Cary!

- Hi, honey. - Mom?

Where are you?

In here, inside my new security detail!

You look so handsome!

Oh, wait.

Aw, you do look handsome!

Thanks, and your eye looks lovely.

Where's Brookie?

Um...

Ugh, great,

you're a nurse too?

No, I'm a waiter.

They just made us dress like this,

'cause "Night Nurse."

So you look like a nurse,

but you're just a waiter. Perfect.

Everyone, please take your seats.

- Here we are. - The screening is about

- to begin. - Oh, my God, ChaseDreams, hi.

- Hi. - Such a fan.

- Thanks. - And how old are you now?

18.

On Monday, bitch.

Oh.

Well, enjoy the movie, cutie.

This fucking industry...

Sorry. Sorry, excuse me, sorry.

Hi, everyone,

my fiancé is about to sit down,

and he is dressed like a nurse,

but he's just one of the waiters.

Yeah, he is merely in the service industry.

- So... - Hi, babe.

Hi, your wife just told us what you do.

Thank you for your service.

You were on the front lines,

keeping this country running,

- risking your life-- - Oh, my fucking God.

Whoo! Hello, and good evening!

Thank you all for coming to the premiere

of "Night Nurse," which comes out on VOD tomorrow

after a very, very long road.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, please, it is us

who should be thanking you,

and as a token of my gratitude,

I would now like to give to you

the Barbacado family!

- Oh, let's go, Barbacados! - No.

♪ ♪

Sorry, no. Um, I think we've all waited

long enough for the movie.

Whoo-hoo!

So what do you say? Let's get to it!

Aw, Car, it's happening.

It took 33 years, but tonight,

you get to watch people watch a movie you're in.

This movie has been a real labor of love,

and I'm so grateful to finally share it with you all,

and in a big, beautiful movie theater!

Remember those?

'Cause let's be honest:

movie theaters have taken quite a beating

these past few years,

and it's just so special-- oh, what?

Okay, I'm hearing this movie theater has been sold.

Everyone needs to leave. This is now a Starbucks.

Let's go!

You're trespassing! Get out!

Wait,

what the fuck? Is this real?

What?

Oh, my God, this is so insane.

But it would be nice to have a Starbucks here.

Coming, coming, coming, coming!

Happy Your-Movie's-on-VOD Day!

I brought my friends. So we have a full house.

Oh, thank you for coming.

I know it's dumb,

but I just still wanted to try to make this into something.

Of course. It is something.

Yeah, and honestly, it's better

watching movies on TV.

I mean, like, is it just me,

- or do movie theaters suck? - They--

Totally. People kicking your seat.

Yeah, I'm sorry, but $8 for a tub of popcorn?

It's like I gotta put a down payment down

- just to get a soda. - Uh-huh.

Okay, well, look, you're all full of shit, but sure.

Um, no, for real, TV's great.

I mean, "Friends" was on TV,

and now, 20 years later,

your movie can be the new "Friends."

Okay.

Yo, what's the runtime on this bad boy, Car?

- 89 minutes. - Mm, perfect!

Lance and I just have to leave

for a party at his hospital in 90,

so this is gonna time out great.

All right, everybody ready?

Let's get this viewing party started!

- All right. - Okay, what is my password?

I think it's, uh...

I feel bad we had to leave

before Cary even figured out his password.

I know, me too.

But this party's very important to me.

No, yeah, of course.

I wouldn't miss this.

But also, what is this?

It is a going-away party

for one of our sign language interpreters.

She's moving to Bolivia to start a school for the deaf.

Pretty cool, right?

Yup, yes. How good of her.

Yeah. Yo, what's up, everybody?

Lance!

- Ah! - Hey!

Let's go get it!

Yes, I, too, am this beloved at work.

Oh, did you see?

They got the new mattress in the break room!

Oh, hell yeah. The old one was killing me.

I know. So bad, right?

- It was the worst, right? - The worst.

- The springs were-- - What?

That thing was crazy.

Hey, Damien Davis, the basketball player?

Um, not sure if you remember me,

but we fucked in early 2020, and you sued me to death.

Oh, right. How are you?

Yeah, good.

Good, and I see that you're also dating a nurse now too?

Real talk--

doesn't being around them make you wanna

kind of blow your brains out?

Oh, no.

I'm actually a nurse now, myself.

- What's that? - Well, I'm in nursing school.

I got a long road ahead,

but I don't know, the last few years

just sort of shifted my priorities.

I'm sorry.

Did every person in the industry

just, like, change careers and start "doing good?"

- Shh, she's coming. - Quiet, quiet.

She's coming.

all: Surprise!

Oh! Oh, what?

Aw, this is too much.

Wait, Pitzi Pyle?

Yes!

I did it!

I'm in Hulu!

You are? Yay!

- Yeah! - Yes!

It's weirdly the first password I tried,

but with an exclamation point.

Okay. Now I just need to find

"Night Nurse," and we can watch it.

Is "Night Nurse" not on Hulu?

Okay, baby boy.

We have, unfortunately,

reached the end of this road for me.

No, I wanna watch it with other people

so I can watch them watch.

I love you deeply. I really do,

but I have go host "BagelBites TV."

So maybe tomorrow? Okay.

Mom! Hey, uh,

I was just wondering if I could, maybe, come over

and watch "Night Nurse" with you?

Sure, honey.

We can have a little movie premiere

of our own.

It'll be even better

than the one yesterday.

I just need to figure out

which remote does what

and, also, how to turn on

my screen, and--

Oh, my God, never mind, Mom, bye.

Oh, my God.

Yes...

Sorry, thank you for talking.

I just--I'm confused.

You're a sign language interpreter now?

You were one of the worst people in the entire industry.

You once called my brother the F word

twice in one meeting.

Whoa, that does sound like me--

the old me. And I was wretched, sick.

I was deformed, deformed.

Every morning, from the industry,

I would wake up like this.

Why? What did it give me?

It only took--it only took--

it only takes.

I mean,

the industry's not

- that bad. - Oh, it is.

Brooke, it makes you ill,

physically, mentally, spiritually.

I was becoming a bad person.

I sued my nephew.

After the last two years, I realized I have to do

something meaningful with my life,

and now, I wake up in the morning, and guess what.

- What? - I start bawling...

out of joy.

Right when you wake up?

Immediately, yeah.

Eyes open, tears fall, it's wild.

Life is wild.

It's a gift, and it's never too late to heal, Brooke.

I'm healing. I'm healing!

That's great. I'm really,

- really happy for you. - Ugh, thank you.

I just-- I think I need to be alone,

go for a walk.

Oh, if you need to take a walk to be happy,

then take that walk.

- Kay. - Be well!

Oh, sorry, this is "goodbye" in sign language.

Oh, God...

- Move, move, move! - Oh, Jesus.

She's a fucking liability, and everyone knows that.

I know it, you know it,

and every patient here--

- Okay, here you go. - Mm, thank you.

- What are we watching? - This movie, "Night Nurse."

- It just came out tonight. - Oh, I don't know if I have

a whole movie in me tonight.

Maybe we can just watch 30 episodes of "Friends."

Yeah! That's better.

Okay, she clocks in for work--

Crap. Fucking "Friends."

A'ight, let me see.

What am I in the mood for?

Oh, I have been wanting to watch the one

- with all the nurses. - Yes!

Now, this guy has taste.

Okay, here we go, season four, episode seven:

"The One with All the Nurses."

Damn it.

What?

God, this app is so glitchy.

Fine, I'll just watch this.

Success!

Hey, B, what happened?

Everybody was asking where you went.

I mean, it's fine. I made up an excuse, but--

Wow!

How good of you, Lance.

Well, I guess you're great,

and I'm just a fat piece of crap.

Whoa, whoa,

- what the hell? - You know, just FYI,

you're not that great.

I bet all your friends at work

wouldn't be so quick to, like,

dab with you if they knew

that you...

never clean the sink!

Like this fork

that's been sitting in here since God knows when!

We're living in filth, Lance,

'cause of you!

Okay, I feel like

whatever's going on is not actually about me.

And don't even get me started

on the sex!

Always like, "Did you come?"

And "I just wanna make sure you came."

Like, mind your own business, dude!

And there are so many other examples too!

I just--you know, I don't wanna share them right now,

because I have to--

I have to go to the bathroom!

And I hope to God

that your piss

isn't all over the seat again!

B, I really don't mean to fight,

but that is 100% your piss.

There is no way that every person I know

is now doing good.

Uh...

Brooke Dubek?

Long time, no talk!

Hey, just thought I'd call

and see how you were doing after all these years,

make sure you're still in real estate

like you should be.

Oh, no. I actually left real estate.

You did?

Yeah, I just felt like we only sold

to the super rich, and that wasn't

sitting right with me anymore.

- Uh-huh. - It's like, why should

they get the nice apartments

when they're the ones covering up

those pedophile rings?

What's that, now?

She's showing up drunk every night.

She's a fucking liability.

Everyone knows it.

I know it, you know it,

and every patient here who's not sedated--

So good...

- Yes! - Ooh, yeah...

Give me more, Nurse.

Oh, my God, he is really loving "Night Nurse."

Fuck, yeah.

Fuck that little fucking twink nurse.

Wait, what?

- Hey! - Hey!

What the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?

You're supposed to be watching "Night Nurse,"

not porn. Also, I've seen this porn,

and it's not even good. The one guy's dick

is limp the entire time, and then all of a sudden,

he's coming? Please!

Okay? There was no care

put into this, but there was so much care

put into "Night Nurse."

It took three years to come out.

Our entire art department died--

the short one, the mean one, the man--

and just no part of making it was how I thought it'd be,

but I figured, at least, when it came out,

I would get to watch people watch it

and then hear them tell me how good it was

and how proud of me they were,

and I don't know, maybe they'd even stand up

and all chant my name in unison.

That's a very specific want.

- It's just-- - Oh, yeah...

It's my first ever real thing

and also the only thing I've done

in the last three years except this dumb fantasy show

I shot in Croatia for eight months called "WindWeaver"

that no one will ever see--

or, at least, I hope they won't see,

because I play a literal elf with no lines--

Oof.

Do you have, like, elf ears?

You know, I do, dude.

So could we please, I beg you,

just watch "Night Nurse"?

Okay.

Sure.

- Wait, really? - Yes.

- Oh, thank you. - If we can watch my movie too.

It just came out on Apple.

Wait, so you just didn't watch it?

No, I didn't have two movies in me.

- That makes sense. - That's fair.

But thank you all

for now giving up a third day

of your lives to try and watch it with me.

We're happy to.

Oh, and I also invited my friend Jo.

I just haven't seen her in a few years,

and I thought it might be fun to see what she's up to...

in front of everyone.

Well, I hope Mom has

all of her remotes figured out.

Although, I don't have high hopes,

because I couldn't even figure out how to play it on my TV.

Wait, have you not been to Mom's new house yet?

No, she moved when I was in stupid Croatia,

but--are we almost there?

Yeah, almost.

Is this a helicopter?

Yes!

Aw, my kids are here!

Hi, Mom.

- Hi. - Hi?

How was the helicopter?

Isn't the pilot nice?

So much better than the last one.

Sorry, this is your new house?

I know, right?

I'm worth almost a billion dollars now, Cary.

- You are? - Yeah, isn't that insane?

I felt plenty rich when I had my own talk show,

but apparently, the real money is in having your own network.

- Who knew? - Okay, well, I don't mean

to be forward, but may I have $1 million?

Curtis, you're so funny.

Holy shit.

And don't worry, Car, I did figure out my remotes--

or my projectionist did.

So I figured we'd head up to the theater around 7:00,

that is if I can finally find it.

I know it's on one of these floors.

You have a full home theater?

Oh, and are you guys gonna want snacks for the premiere?

- What do you kids like? - You know I need

Ree-sees Pee-cees.

Ooh, yes! Okay.

"When it comes to snacks,

"there's nothing my family and I love

more than @reesespieces."

In five,

four--

What is happening?

Hi, Pat, just dropping off some RP swag

since we heard you're a fan.

Thanks so much.

Isn't this fun?

Last week, I tweeted

the upstairs toilet won't flush--

Why would you tweet that?

Well, that one was supposed to be a text to Streeter,

but now I have a lifetime supply of Liquid-Plumr.

It really is so convenient to be powerful.

Hmm.

Oh, and also, I hope you don't mind, Cary,

but I invited a few extra people tonight.

- You did? - Yes,

I just thought it'd be more fun that way.

There's my security detail--

they legally have to be here--

- plus Shuli and Chasey. - Hey, guys.

- Hey, Chase. - Hi, Chase.

And then my sweet neighbor, Tony.

Wait, Tony? That is the full head

of Sony Pictures. I don't even think he was there

- on Friday. - Well then, I guess

this really is gonna be better than the premiere.

It actually literally is.

But I don't know who that woman is.

She just showed up and has been saying

some really intense things about the vaccines.

Oh, no.

I guess the last few years have really changed her

for the worse.

Let's go see what else might come out of her mouth.

- Jo! - Hi.

- Nice digs, Mama D. - Thank you.

Ooh, welp,

I finally got the Barbacados to sleep.

They needed four stories.

Wait, sorry.

Streeter, your new clients live here?

Yup. There hasn't been much demand

for a dancing family of five

as I thought there might be.

So until that changes,

they're shacking up here at Casa Dubek,

- them and the bees. - The bees?

- Yeah. - And it's, like, not

"everyone" at the insurrection

was "racist."

I mean, I should know. I was there.

- Oh... - Oh, my God...

Uh, but keep saying more.

The media just wants to paint this picture

of all of us, and it is not true!

I mean, I wouldn't have believed it myself

three years ago, but if you look at Fauci's emails--

Sorry, we're on Fauci now?

Yeah, we seem to be on Fauci.

It is all connected.

I actually have some printouts.

I can go grab them if you want.

- No, that's fine. - No, no, that is...

I think I speak for all of us

when I say please get those printouts.

Great, there are lots.

Man, she is bad, huh?

Pretty much the worst one here by a mile.

I'd say, compared to her,

we're all...

A-okay.

Excuse me,

- Mr. Streeter? - Ah...

My mommy wants to ask if she can have a glass of wine.

She doesn't want a glass

of wine. She just wants me

to come back up there.

That's the Barbacados for you!

Oh, my God,

enough with the fucking Barbacado family!

Honey, I completely agree,

but why are you so upset?

It's always Barbacado family this,

Barbacado family that.

Like, I know my last album was a flop,

but do you not want me as a client anymore?

What?

No, Chasey, I don't give a flying fuck

about the Barbacados.

No offense, Charlotte.

I only signed those losers

because I thought you were gonna drop me as a manager.

You're almost 18, and that's...

When they leave, you know?

That's when...

they always leave me.

- Really? - Yes!

My God, who cares if your album was a flop?

No one here cares about your singing

- at all. - Uh, yes, we do!

Yes, we care about it, we love it,

- and we support it. - No, of course, of course.

But you can also do so much more.

You are so, so fiscally valuable to me, Chasey--

especially now that you're 18!

My God...

I could cover your body in tattoos and then have them

removed six months later so your body is always

just a little bit blue forever.

I could put you in a Selena Gomez video

where you kiss her bare stomach.

I can "accidentally" film you smoking weed

so you can then sell weed!

I mean, the possibilities are endless!

Hey.

I effing love you, ChaseDreams Dubek,

and I will never ever drop you as a client.

Wait, you're still 17, right?

- For five more hours. - Okay.

Okay... why don't we all

head up to the theater and watch Cary's movie?

- Oh. - I mean, sure, but I honestly

don't know if it will be as moving or full of pathos

as what that just was.

Okay, guys. Let's put your stuff down

and follow me. Let's go upstairs.

All right, let's do this.

Hey, have you seen Jo?

I just wanna make sure she sits right in front,

because I think she will have

some interesting things to say

about the nurses.

Come with me for a sec, okay?

Okay...

Where are we...

- hi. - What's up, man?

What?

Okay, so I sent Jo home.

What? Why would you do that?

Because you clearly invited her here

just to make fun of her

for some reason, and that is unkind.

So I thought it would be best if she left.

- Fuck you. - What?

No, don't do this, baby.

No, fuck you. That was my guest.

Go fucking fuck yourself, Lance.

- No, fuck this. - Please just stay here.

- Just talk to me. - No, I don't wanna

talk to you. I just--

I want you to fucking leave.

You want me to leave?

- Yes. - Like, right now?

Just leave this house? No, I'm not gonna do that.

No--yes, I want you to leave this house right now.

I just...

This is insane, B.

Okay, well then, I guess I'm fucking insane.

So then I'll just see you at home?

I don't know. It's far, so I might--

I might just stay here tonight.

'Sup bitches! We're here on the red carpet

with "Night Nurse" star Cary Dubek.

Cary, how old are you?

- Um, I'm 33. - And what is your net worth?

Um, 150,000.

- Whoa... - Aw...

Right, yes, because that is low,

and finally, can we get a peek at those little piggies?

Okay.

Oh... whoa! all: Oh!

Okay, well,

that's all for me. I'm Curtis Paltrow.

Back to you, Yazleen!

Thank you, friend. You are sweet.

Well, you gotta do "Age, Net Worth, Feet."

Oh, I was so mad, the press lady at the premiere

told me not to.

And now, at long fucking last,

let's watch "Night Nurse,"

or, um,

you guys will watch it,

and I will watch you watch it.

Enjoy!

Code blue, we have a code blue.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

It was so good!

It was so good.

Cary!

♪ ♪

Cary! Cary!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪