Original subtitles

- Hi, everybody.

I'm Harriet Nelson.

You know, I think one of the most wonderful features

of my Hotpoint range is the thrift cooker that can

be used for deep fat frying.

It's just wonderful for frying donuts

and French fried potatoes and oh, so many things.

- It's good for frying shrimps too, isn't it, Mom?

- Don't get personal, David.

Hotpoint quality appliances, present

America's favorite family comedy,

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife, Harriet, is Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson,

and his younger brother, the irrepressible, Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- More coffee, dear?

- Oh, uh, no thanks.

I have enough left right here.

- You didn't finish your eggs, did you?

- Oh.

Well, I ate most of them.

How come you fried the eggs this morning?

- Oh, I don't know.

You've had boiled eggs every morning for so long,

I just thought I'd fry them, give you a little change.

You didn't like them, did you?

- Oh, yeah.

They were OK.

It's-- I ate most of them.

- Yes, but you didn't like them.

I could tell.

You didn't smile.

- Oh, well, I don't very often smile when I'm eating eggs.

Not unless it happens to be a wide egg sandwich, and then

I kinda--

- I'm sorry.

I just thought I'd give you something a little different

for a change.

- Oh. I liked them.

They were OK.

It's just that I usually have boiled eggs,

and I don't think there's any reason

to change just for the sake of changing, you know.

- I suppose that's a masculine attitude.

Personally, I like things a little different once

in a while.

Gives you a fresh outlook.

Maybe I'm just in a reckless mood today.

I've even been thinking about having my hair cut.

How do you think I'd look as one of the new shorter cuts?

- Well, I wouldn't want you to get a crew cut.

- Don't be silly.

I wouldn't get a crew cut--

At least until the middle of summer.

I'm surprised you haven't noticed though dear,

most of the girls are wearing their hair

with a shorter hairdo.

- You know, it's a funny thing about women.

Practically all men like women with their hair

long and their skirts short, and look what happens.

- Reverse psychology.

Women do the opposite to get things they want.

Look at the attention women have had in the past two years.

- Well, OK.

I mean, if you like people staring at you

as you walk down the street.

- Not especially.

It's the reason they lengthened the skirts.

- And what about your hair?

I mean, you couldn't wait til it grew back in,

and now you want to chop it all off again.

- Well, evidently, you don't want me to.

- Well, I don't care.

It's your head.

- Funny thing.

I noticed that when I was brushing my teeth this morning.

- Oh no-- but you asked me how I liked your hair.

And frankly, I don't care.

You cut it any way you want.

As I say, it's your head.

No-- I already said that, didn't I?

- It's funny how men get set in their ways.

It seems to be a masculine trait to resist change of any sort.

For instance, you like my hair this way,

so you don't want me to cut it any shorter.

You like boiled eggs, fried won't do.

- Well, it isn't a question of men being set in their ways--

At least I'm not.

I happen to like my head boiled--

I mean, my eggs boiled.

I've liked them that way for years.

Just because I like the same thing year after year

doesn't mean I'm set in my ways.

- And what does it mean?

- It means I'm stubborn.

I mean-- it means that I'm a fellow

of average, normal tastes.

Lots of people like extraordinary things.

They like unusual things.

I happen to be conservative and I like things just sort

of average.

- It's nothing to get excited about.

- No, well I mean, I'm sorry.

I'm not getting excited.

It's just that I am an average type of guy

who likes things average.

That's all.

A man of average tastes.

Do we have any more sugar, dear?

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- Oh, don't touch the wet paint.

- Didn't you just paint this fence last fall?

- Well, this is Catherine's idea.

She had me paint it white before because she expected a lot

of snow during the winter.

Now she wants it green to match the lawn.

- Women get some crazy ideas, don't they?

- You never know what they're going to think of next.

- So darn changeable.

They're never satisfied to leave things go the way they are.

- I think that's feminine nature, Oz.

- Let me ask you this.

How do you like your eggs cooked?

- Sunny side up.

We going to eat right here in the yard?

- Oh, no.

I was just thinking of something.

For years, I've been enjoying a couple of medium boiled eggs

for breakfast every morning.

Been enjoying them for years.

All of a sudden this morning, without a word of warning,

I get fried eggs.

- Well, I hope you didn't take it sitting down, Oz.

If I were you, I'd object plenty.

Why don't you put an ad in the paper?

"I will not be responsible for any eggs fried by my wife."

- No, it's not only the eggs, Thorny.

It's the whole idea.

What would you say if your wife suddenly walked up to you

and said, I want to get my hair cut right now?

Would you object?

- Well, I certainly would.

Put my foot right down.

- Absolutely.

Because you like her hair the way it is.

Nice and long.

- Well, not necessarily long, Oz.

I just want her to have hair.

She just had it cut yesterday.

- Just because I like Harriet's hair the way

it is, because I like my eggs boiled, right away,

I'm set in my ways.

Does that mean that I'm set in my ways?

Am I an old fuddy duddy?

Am I a stick in the mud?

Am I narrow minded?

The answer is no.

- Oz, if you ask me a question, let me answer it.

- You feel you're set in your ways, Thorny?

- Well, not necessarily.

- Of course not.

But women don't see it that way.

Because a guy enjoys boiled eggs in the morning,

they want to change him.

Switch to fried eggs.

Does that make any sense?

No.

- There you go answering again.

- We go bowling the same night every week.

Does that mean that we're--

- No.

- Our way is no.

- Beat you that time.

- I'm on my way down the drugstore right now.

I'm going to buy two quarts of ice cream.

Quart of chocolate and a quart of vanilla.

Because I happen to like vanilla and chocolate.

Does that mean that I'm set in my ways?

Of course it doesn't, Thorny.

- You know Oz, I think I'll walk down to the drugstore with you.

I think the new "Esquire" magazine is in.

- There you are.

You always walk down the drugstore with me

around the end of the week because that's when

"Esquire" magazine comes in.

Doesn't mean you're set in your ways.

As a matter of fact, you don't have to buy "Esquire."

You could buy the "Housewives Gazette."

- Yeah, if I were a housewife.

- I mean, if you really wanted to,

you could buy the "Housewives Gazette" instead of "Esquire,"

because you aren't set in your ways.

- Oz, I like "Esquire."

- Well, yes, I know.

But you could buy the "Housewives Gazette" instead,

though.

That's the point I'm trying to make.

- Oz, I just changed my mind.

I don't think I'll walk down to the drugstore with you today.

- Why not?

- I have a feeling I'd come home with a "Housewives Gazette."

- Hello?

- Oh, hello, Harriet.

It's Mary Dunkle.

- Oh, Mary.

How's your cold?

- Oh, I'm nearly back to normal.

The doctor gave me a shot of a wonderful serum yesterday.

Fixed me up overnight?

- Well, that's fine.

- 'Course, I still cough a little and sneeze a little

and wheeze a little.

- I thought you were all fixed up.

- Well, the hives are gone.

- Hives?

- Yeah, the hives from the first shot.

- Oh, you had two shots?

- Well, yes.

You see, one for my cold.

But my system had a negative reaction.

So I broke out in hives.

Then he gave me a second shot for the hives.

- What did he do for your cold?

- Well, I'm going over to see him in a few minutes.

Of course, he's working under a handicap.

He's sick in bed with a cold himself.

- How are Ozzie and the boys?

- Fine, thanks.

- Oh, I almost forgot.

Remember you told me you were looking for a rug?

Well, listen to this.

On the way downtown this morning,

I saw the most beautiful brown rug in the Emporium window.

Just perfect for your living room.

- I'm way ahead of you, Mary.

- You've seen it?

- Yesterday.

In fact, I'm having it delivered tonight while Ozzie's

at the bowling alley.

- You're going to surprise him, huh?

- In a way, yes.

You know how men resist any changes around the house?

Well, I figure if he walks in and there it

is in familiar surroundings, he's much more apt to like it.

- Just like Herb.

I remember I wanted new kitchen linoleum once,

so I had the man put it down, had it

all waxed before Herb came home.

- Did he like it?

- Well, I think he would have if he hadn't broken his arm when

he walked in and slipped on it.

But I think you're doing the smart thing, Harriet.

- I hope so.

I figure it's worth trying, anyway.

- Let me know how it turns out.

- OK, Mary.

Goodbye.

- Yoohoo, Mr. Nelson!

- Oh, hi, Emmy Lou.

- I just had to stop you, Mr. Nelson.

Be sure and go down to the bijou this week.

They have a picture there that is simply terrific.

- Oh, fine. I'll get down and see it.

- Oh, it's so good.

It's a return engagement of a rerelease

of a remake by special request to the manager.

- I say, that sounds pretty interesting.

What's the name of it?

- Farley Granger.

- Oh.

Yes, yes, that's a nice name for a picture.

- Oh, it's such a wonderful movie, Mr. Nelson.

Somebody ought to make a book out of it.

It's about a man.

A man who was completely irresponsible.

Oh, I just adore irresponsible men.

And the woman in the picture, she was irresponsible, too.

- Oh.

An irresponsible woman?

- What carefree lovers they were.

They kissed on the street.

They kissed on the bus.

They kissed in crowded railroad stations.

They wanted people to see them kissing.

Even when the hero took the heroine home,

he'd strike a match so people could

see them kissing goodnight.

- Well, that's very interesting, Emmylou.

Think I'd better get down to the drug store.

- Oh, he was so romantic, so unpredictable.

Toward the end of the picture, he held the girl in his arms,

and everyone in the theater thought

they were going to get married.

But they didn't.

He didn't even kiss her.

- Well, maybe he ran out of matches.

- You should have seen it.

He wouldn't work, he was undependable, he was fickle.

He had bad habits, he beat her.

He was irresponsible.

He didn't earn a living.

He borrowed money from her.

He stole, he lied, he gambled.

Gee, he was cute.

- Now, wait a minute.

You mean to say women actually like a man of that type?

- Well, of course they do.

What fun is a man who does exactly the same thing

every day?

What fun is it when you know exactly when your husband is

coming home?

- Oh, that reminds me, I'm late now, Emmy.

- It takes all the joy out of life

to be married to a dull, stodgy, conservative husband.

Women like thrills, excitement.

They like a man who's impetuous, gay, devil-may-care.

- Watch your language, Emmy Lou.

- Be like a wild life with an exciting man.

A man who does fantastically imaginative, unpredictable

things.

I imagine you were like that when you were young,

weren't you, Mr. Nelson?

- Oh.

Why, I mean, when I was young, Emmy Lou.

Golly, I'm not so predictable.

I'm not set in my ways.

Nobody knows what I'm going to do next.

Look at this necktie, for instance.

See those ends?

One much longer than the other.

- How exciting.

Well, I don't want to keep you, Mr. Nelson.

Where did you say you were going?

- Down to the drugstore to get a couple of quarts of ice cream.

- Oh yes, a quart of chocolate and a quart of vanilla.

- That's where you're wrong.

I'm going to get three quarts of tutti frutti.

Oh, Mr. Nelson, you're so unpredictable.

- Ozzie and Harriet will be back in just a moment.

- The average husband is a pretty predictable fellow.

He comes down to breakfast at the same time every morning,

drinks his orange juice, picks up the morning paper,

eats a couple of eggs--

--drinks his coffee, and hurries out the front door.

He then remembers that he's forgotten

to kiss his wife goodbye, hurries back into the house

and kisses her goodbye, and hurries out again.

Ozzie Nelson, being a typical husband,

has followed pretty close to the pattern up until now.

But something tells me he's liable to become unpredictable

any minute now.

- Three quarts of tutti frutti.

- Oh, Dave, have you seen your father?

- No, I haven't, Mom.

- I wonder what's keeping him.

- Oh, Mr. Miller sometimes runs out of vanilla.

Maybe Pop had to go to a different drug store.

- Well, he should be back by now.

He's always home at 6:00.

- You don't suppose Pop had an accident?

- Oh, don't be silly, Ricky.

Pop wouldn't have an accident on his bowling night.

- Well, he'd better hurry up.

I've got the roast set for 6:30.

- Oh, you know Pop.

He's never late for dinner.

Did you tell him about the rug? - No, I haven't.

And don't you either.

I want to surprise him.

The man's coming from the store to put the rug down

while your father's bowling tonight.

So don't you tell him, now, and spoil the surprise.

- That's pretty good.

How'd you think of that, Mom?

- Well, I don't mess around, boy.

Ozzie?

- Hi, everybody.

- Oh, there you are.

I was beginning to get worried about you.

- Oh, well, first of all, I decided not to take the car.

I decided to walk down there.

And it turned out to be such a beautiful, balmy, evening--

You know how unpredictable I am--

Well, I decided to walk home the long way.

So I went all the way down to Brinkerhoff Street,

and then I strolled over by Mount Vernon Street.

Then I came around there by the park,

and then I turned down Maple and went back to the drugstore.

- Why'd you go back to the drugstore?

- The ice cream had melted.

- What kind of ice cream is this, Pop?

- Oh, that's tutti frutti.

- What's tutti frutti?

- Well, it's ice cream with pieces of fruity in it

and a lot of little chunks of tutti all the--

- I'm not sure whether I'm going to like tutti frutti.

- Well, you'd better like it.

If you don't eat your tutti frutti ice cream,

you won't get any dessert for dinner.

Didn't sound right.

Harriet, if the boys don't eat their dessert,

what don't they get?

- They don't get any carrots.

- That sounds much better, huh, Dave?

- I'll say.

- Let's sit down, dear.

I'll bring you a glass of tomato juice.

- Oh, I don't think I'll have any tomato juice tonight,

Harriet.

I think I'll have a glass of champagne instead.

- Champagne? - Yeah, don't you remember?

I bought us a bottle of champagne for our anniversary.

- Oh, well, we used that six months ago.

Don't you remember the Dunkles and the Thornberrys

came over and helped us celebrate?

- Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah.

- I'll bring you a glass of ginger ale.

The bubbles go up your nose the same way.

- No, no, no.

That's OK I think I'll go upstairs and change my clothes.

- Well, you look fine to me.

- Well, yes.

But you just mentioned the Randolphs,

and it reminded me of that wonderful time we had

at their New Year's Eve party.

Remember, we were dressed formally

and I had on my tuxedo?

I thought I'd put it on again now and sort of

relive it up a little.

I'm sorry to be so unpredictable.

You just never know what I'm going to do next, do you?

- Oh yes, I do.

You're going to hurry up, because dinner's almost ready.

- OK.

I'll be right back.

Sure is nice of you to put up with these crazy, changeable

moods of mine.

In fact, you know what I think I'll

do right after I wash my hands?

- Can't imagine.

- I'm going to dry them on hers.

- I wonder what's come over Pop.

- Crazy, mixed up kid.

- Gee, I wonder what's keeping Pop, Mom.

- Oh, he's getting dressed for dinner.

- You mean he's getting dressed up?

- That's right. - How come?

- Oh, I don't know.

He had such a nice time at the party last New Year's Eve

that he wants to wear his tuxedo again.

I think it's a nice idea.

- He's going to look pretty crazy down at the bowling

alley.

- Well, I'm sure he'll change before he goes bowling.

You boys go ahead and start eating.

- Harriet?

- Come on, dear.

Dinner's all ready.

- Harriet, have you seen my cufflinks any place?

- For goodness sakes, where did you get that outfit?

- Well, while I was upstairs changing my clothes,

I suddenly remembered I'd had an even better time

at the party at Halloween.

- I hope you don't plan to sit down

to dinner in those awful rags.

- Oh, what do you mean?

This is a rather formal outfit, Harriet.

I'm wearing a necktie.

How do you like it?

- And a pretty crazy outfit, Pop.

- Yeah, this is my casual outfit.

It's very nice for lounging around the freight yards.

You just don't know what I'm going to do next,

do you Harriet?

- No, but I know what you're not going to do next.

You're not going to sit down to dinner in those awful clothes.

- Oh, Harriet.

You heard me.

Hit the road, Beau.

- Funny thing when a man can't even

be unpredictable in his own home.

- Oh, Harriet, have you seen my banjo any place?

- Your banjo?

I didn't even know you had one.

- Oh, yes.

I have an old banjo around here.

I thought I might strum a few tunes this evening.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

- Well, aren't you going bowling tonight?

- Oh, no, I don't think I'll go.

- Well, you've got to go bowling tonight.

- Why?

- Well, because it's your bowling night.

- Well, I suppose it is my bowling night.

You know me, I'm so moody and unpredictable--

- Oh look, you wouldn't want to disappoint Thorny.

Now look, I've got all your bowling things right down here.

You don't even have to go upstairs.

Not go ahead.

- Darn family's getting unpredictable.

- Hey, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny. - What happened?

I thought you were going to stop by for me.

- Oh, well, I'm a little late. So what?

The guys can wait. - Well, come on.

I told them we'd be there at 8:00.

- Doggonit. - What's the matter?

- I'll be right back.

I left my bowling shoes in the house.

- Whoa.

That's the first time I've ever seen a pair of shoes

that follow you out the door.

- What's going on around here lately?

- Well, come on. Let's go, Oz.

Hey, Oz.

Oz.

Do you know that guy?

- What guy?

- Well, the guy that's coming toward us

with a body over his shoulder?

- Oh, excuse me, gentlemen.

Could you-- aren't you Thornberry?

- Well, yeah, but I don't know--

- Don't you remember me?

Mulligan.

I was the other end man at the Elks minstrel show.

- Oh, what do you know?

Sure, of course.

How are you?

This is Mr. Nelson.

- Yeah, I remember you.

You were the ringmaster in the big circus number, too.

- Yeah, that's right.

- Frankly, the head of the show.

- Oh, go on.

It wasn't much.

- What are you doing in this neck of the woods?

- I came over to deliver this rug.

Some woman had to have it put down tonight.

Her husband's a bonehead.

He don't like things changed around.

- What's the name on it?

- Name's Nelson.

Say, do you happen to know him, Mr. Nelson?

- Nelson?

Gee, we're the only Nelsons on this block.

- Oh, well, then you must be the--

No offense from what I said, Mr. Nelson.

I didn't know you were the bonehead.

- Hey, no wonder Harriet was so anxious to get me out

of the house, Thorny.

She practically pushed me out.

- Pulled a fast one on you, huh?

- Yeah.

That's what she thinks.

- Well, I just thought of a terrific gag

we could pull on her.

Would you care to join us, Mr. Mulligan?

- Thanks. I'd be glad to.

You better make mine a short one, though.

You know, during working hours.

- No, no, no.

I mean in the gag.

Listen to this, see.

Harriet thinks she's going to pull a real surprise.

She bought the rug, and I didn't know anything about it.

Now, you fellas have heard the old expression,

snug as a bug in a rug, haven't you?

- Yeah.

- Here's my idea.

You and Thorny carry the rug in, you see?

And you unroll it on the living room floor.

- Ricky, give me a hand with this.

- When's the man going to get here with the rug, Mom?

- Oh, any minute now.

I'm glad he didn't get here any earlier.

I had a tough time getting your father out of the house.

Here, put that in the dining room.

I want the floor as clear as possible in here.

- Where do you want this chair, Mom?

- Oh, put that in the dining room, too.

- Gee, the dining room's beginning

to look like the living room.

- Or the attic.

Where do you think you are, Atlantic City?

- Come on, boy. Chop chop.

- Just a minute.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Mulligan.

Yes, bring the rug right in here.

Well, Thorny, what are you doing?

- Well, I met Mulligan outside and thought I'd

give them a hand with this rug. They're pretty heavy sometimes.

- Oh, I'm sorry about making you deliver it tonight,

Mr. Mulligan. - That's all right.

I wasn't doing anything in particular.

Just eating dinner.

- What makes the rug so lumpy?

- Oh, that.

Well, you see, well--

When they-- what does make the rug so lumpy, Mr. Thornberry?

- Mothballs.

- Right.

It happens all the time.

If you'll just tell us where you want it now, Mrs. Nelson,

we'll unroll it for you. - Oh no, Mr. Mulligan.

Don't unroll it.

Just stand it over there in the corner.

- Well, we can't stand it in the corner.

I don't remember which end is the head--

I mean, the top.

- I know, but Thorny, if Ozzie doesn't like it,

Mr. Mulligan would just have to come back again in the morning

and roll it up.

No, just throw it over there in the corner

until I find out how Ozzie likes it.

- Believe me, Harriet, he's going to like it a lot better

unrolled.

- But he's such an unpredictable person.

He may not even want a new rug.

- Aw, let them unroll it, Mom.

- Yeah, come on, Mom.

We want to see it.

- Well, all right. Unroll it.

- OK, Mulligan.

Let's go.

- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I got to make my speech.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the wonder of the ages.

You are about to witness the only time in history

that a man, cold sober, mind you has been

rolled in his own living room.

Come on, Thorny. Let's go.

- Heave ho.

- Surprise.

- How unpredictable.

- Aw, Harriet, don't you think it'd be a nice idea

to tell the folks that this is our last television

show until the end of the summer,

but that we'll be back September 18 for our same two

fine sponsors, Hotpoint and Listerine?

And that in the meantime, our place

will be very ably taken by a wonderful show called "Summer

Theater," which is a series of pictures especially designed

and produced for television, and starring

some of our leading motion picture actors?

- Yes, I do.

And I think it'd be a good idea to tell them, too,

that Don DeFore is the star of one of those plays.

- Oh. - Hi, Harriet.

Hi, Oz.

- Hi, Thorny.

- Don DeFore...

Isn't that funny, that the name rings a bell?

But I can't seem to--

Do you know anybody by the name of Don DeFore, Thorny?

- Are you kidding, Oz?

That was my maiden name.

- Oh.

Oh, gosh.

Well, you may like the rest of the series, folks.

- Why, you better.

- Oh, yes, the boys had to go to a dance at the Y tonight,

and they said to say goodbye, too.

- Oh, yes.

Well, I have a wonderful idea, Thorny.

Why don't we go over to your house

now and have something to eat? - Well, wait a minute, Oz.

You sure you're hungry?

- Want it to be real nice.

Well, goodbye, folks.

We'll see you in the fall.

- Janet Waldo played the part of Emmylou.

Mary Dunkle was Paula Winslowe, and Herb Vigran

played the part of Mulligan.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.