Original subtitles

- Hi, everybody.

I'm Harriet Nelson.

I certainly have a lot of leisure time these mornings.

Our Hotpoint washer and dryer save a lot of time.

Save a lot of money, too.

- Ah, very good.

- Where'd you come from?

- Oh, I get around.

- Hotpoint Quality Appliances present

America's favorite family comedy, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet," starring the entire Nelson

family, Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

- Yes, here we all are.

Out in the kitchen.

It's breakfast time, as you can see.

That's me, Harriet, back there bustling around.

And, of course, those other three guys

represent the male contingent of the Nelson household--

Ozzie, David, and Ricky.

Ozzie looks as if he's just gotten an inspiration.

- Hey, I just got an inspiration.

Why don't we go on a picnic today?

How about it, Harriet?

- Oh, I'm afraid I can't.

- Oh, sure you can.

Come on, it would be a lot of fun.

You pack a few sandwiches and find some wooded glade

near a cool mountain spring.

I'll hold your hand and whisper tender words

the way I used to up in Springdale Park.

- Well, that's very romantic, dear, except for one thing.

You never took me to Springdale Park.

- I didn't?

Oh, well, then it must have been some other--

Some other park.

- Boy, you're really living dangerously now, Pop.

- Well, how about the picnic?

Come on, what do you say?

- Oh, I'd love to, dear, but I have too much work to do.

I'll be happy to pack a lunch for you and the boys, though.

- Well, what do you say, fellas?

- Well, gee, I'm sorry, Pop.

I promised to help a friend of mine with some homework.

- Oh, that's kind of strange, David.

It's usually a struggle to get you to do your own homework.

- Well, this is a pretty good friend of mine.

- Yeah, a pretty cute one, too.

- Oh, is this a girl?

- I'll say.

Her name is Margie--

- OK, Walter Winchell.

Nobody's asking you.

- Nobody has to.

I see all, hear all, know all, and blab all.

- OK, Ricky.

You say you promised to help this girl

with her homework, David?

- Yes, sir.

I told her I'd help her with her chemistry notebook.

- Oh.

Well, Rick, looks like it's up to you and me

to go on the picnic together.

- Gee, Pop, Iggy Schwartz and I were supposed

to go to the movies today.

- Well, Ricky, you don't want to sit in a stuffy theater

on a beautiful day like today.

- It's an awful good picture, Pop.

- Oh, gee, I know.

Well, you folks aren't in, so it looks

as though I'll have to go on the picnic all by myself.

- Ooh, careful, dear, you're spilling the coffee.

- Oh, well, this darn table is so shaky.

- I know.

The leg's broken.

Remember?

You promised to fix it for me.

- Oh, yes.

I'll fix it.

Why don't you just put a little less coffee

in the cup, Harriet.

And then when the table shakes, it won't spill into the saucer.

- Oh, now that's a clever solution.

That's much more practical than fixing the table leg.

- OK, I promise you, I'll fix it.

But I don't want to waste a beautiful day

like this, Harriet.

Come on, can't I coax you go to the picnic with me?

- No, I'm sorry, dear.

It's very tempting, but I really can't go.

- Well, gee, can't you help this girl

with her chemistry notebook tomorrow, David?

- Well, gee, Pop.

I promised to help her today, and I don't want

her to get any madder at me.

- Well, is she mad at you now?

- No, but I kind of think she will be when she finds out

I don't even take chemistry.

- How about you, Rick?

- Well, Iggy's kind of depending on me

to go to the movies with him, Pop.

- Well, looks as if I'll have to--

- As you see, Ozzie tried his best,

but somehow he couldn't get any takers in the kitchen.

However, if you know Ozzie, you know

Ozzily doesn't give up easily, or something.

So next we find him out in the backyard,

approaching his good friend and neighbor, Thorny, better known

as Don DeFore.

Or should I say better known as Thorny?

At any rate, Thorny has some surprising news

to convey to Oz.

No wonder he has those carpentry tools with him.

- I'm going to night school now.

- Ah.

What do you have to do, build your own desk?

- Nah, nah, no.

I'm taking woodcraft.

And boy, you should see the terrific new lathe I've got.

It is a honey.

And that motor too.

It's a 1/4 horsepower, belt drive, 1750 rpm, 110 volts--

- Say, wait a minute, there's just a possibility

that Thorny may talk Ozzie into something.

- Well, tonight's my fourth night.

And believe me, Oz, it's wonderful.

You know, I never realized there was

so much of my spare time I was wasting.

Why, I'm learning to make a lot of things

now that I'm saving a lot of good money on.

Now, you take that salad fork for instance.

It'd cost you about a dollar and a half down at the emporium.

- Yes, I must admit, Thorny soon convinced Ozzie.

And so my fond husband strolled back into the house

to sell me on his new idea.

- Uh, Harriet?

- What is it, dear?

- I-- I want to talk to you about something.

- What'd you say? Excuse me.

- Uh--

- Oh, thank you, dear.

I was just about finished with it anyway.

- Oh.

Well, I was just thinking about the way we waste so much

of our time.

- Yes, you may be right.

- Well, of course, I wouldn't worry too much about it

because, after all, we're not the only ones who

fritter our lives away with carefree pleasures.

- Well, I'm glad to hear that, dear.

Would you hand me that carefree rag and that happy furniture

polish? - Oh.

- Woodshopping with his lathe and his tools.

Thorny's learning something useful.

He's looking forward to the future, progressing,

building, working--

- Of course, he warmed up to the subject gradually.

But I know him pretty well, so about 10 minutes later, I

caught on.

Are you trying to tell me that you'd like

to go to night school, too?

- Well, I think I kind of would.

Would you mind?

- Well, I think it'd be a wonderful idea If you took up

woodcraft, maybe you'd fix that table leg for me.

- Are you kidding?

I'll set up a workshop in the garage

and make you an entire new table.

- A new leg will be just fine.

So after a little more of this carefree banter,

we found ourselves down at the high school

to register for the adult night classes.

- Is this where we register for the adult education courses?

- Yes, it is.

Would you like to enroll?

- Yes, my wife and I both would.

- Oh, how nice.

Have you decided on the courses you'd like to take?

- Well, yes.

I think I'd like to take psychology

and advanced knitting.

- Oh, that's an interesting choice.

- And have you decided, too?

- Yes, I think I'd like to tackle that woodcraft,

you know, the fixing of table legs

and the making of the salad forks with mayonnaise on them?

- Oh, how about something else too?

Here's the list.

- Oh, thank you.

Let's see.

Woodcraft, I've already decided on that.

Say, how would you like to have me read to you in French?

That's a very pretty language.

Or should I say, a "langauge"?

That is pretty, dear.

- All right, I think I'll try that, then,

the wood crafts and the French.

Is that OK?

- Oh, yes.

French is such a beautiful language, so colorful.

You know, they say French is supposed

to be the language of love.

- Well, I'm principally interested in the wood crafts.

The French is just incidental.

- Somehow, a man who speaks French

has that certain debonair quality about him.

Suave, sort of dangerous.

Well, yes, as I say, I am principally

interested in the wood crafts.

The French is-- you say "the language of love"?

- Yes.

Frenchmen have that certain charm about them.

Women just can't seem to resist them.

- Well, as I say, I'm going to devote most of my time

to the wood crafts.

I'm thinking about doing a lot of zings around zee house.

- Like fixing zee table leg?

- Oh!

Cheri, zee table leg, she will be fixed.

What are you laughing at?

- I was just thinking how funny our kitchen table is going

to look with a Louis XIV leg.

- Hey, what's going on in here?

- Shhh, Mom and Pop are studying.

They're going to night school.

- Do they have to?

- Heck, no.

They're just doing it for fun.

- Gee, that sun must've been hotter than it felt today.

- Ricky, please, we're trying to concentrate here.

La plume est sur la table.

- What the heck is that?

- That's French.

I'm studying French.

- Your father is studying French,

and I'm taking psychology.

- Where was I?

- Something about the plums.

- Plums?

La plume-- la plume est sur la table.

La plume est sur la table.

La plume est sur la table.

- La plume est sure la table.

- La plume est sur la table.

- La plume est sur la table. - Oui.

- La plume est sur la table.

- Ozzie and Harriet will be back in just a moment.

- Each evening at precisely 7 o'clock,

Ozzie and I hurry out the door with books under our arms.

Come on, Oz.

No time for that.

You'll be late.

There we go.

At about 10:30, we return.

In case this sounds a bit mysterious,

let me explain it to you.

We've been attending special adult classes at night school.

Ozzie labors at woodcraft and French,

while I work on knitting and psychology.

Each progressing, each learning, each advancing.

After our first night, Ozzie came home a better Frenchman

by one sentence.

- La plume est sur la table.

- I had the start of a pair of argyle socks,

and Ozzie had a table leg well under construction.

Two nights passed.

Our education went on.

Ozzie began to speak French quite fluently.

- La plume est sur la table.

- I had the start of a pair of argyle socks,

and Ozzie had a table leg well under construction.

A week goes by.

By now, one would take Ozzie for a native of Paris.

Poised, assured, as he glibly recites--

- La plume est sur la table.

- I had the start of a--

Yes.

And Ozzie had a--

Yes.

- Still working on your psychology?

- Well, I'm struggling with it.

It's pretty confusing.

- Oh?

What does it say?

Maybe I can explain it to you.

- "The symptom of actual neurosis

is frequently the incipient stage

of the psychoneurotic system.

The connection is observable between neurasthenia

and conversion hysteria, and also

between hypochondria and paraphrenia."

- La plume est sur la table.

- Can't you learn to say anything besides that one word?

- Well, Harriet, it's not just one word.

It's an entire sentence.

La plume est sur la--

Yes, dear, I--

I've heard it.

It's about the only thing I have heard for the past week.

What does it mean?

- Oh, it means, "the pen is on the table."

- Wish you'd spend a little more time on woodcraft.

- Well, don't you like my French?

- Well, yes, dear, but in your native tongue,

la broken leg is sur la table.

- Well, I was going to save it as a surprise,

but I might as well tell you now.

I'm making an entire new leg for the kitchen table.

- Really?

- Yeah, as a matter of fact, this is the second one.

I finished one the other day, but I

had a little accident with it.

- Oh, what happened?

- Well, after I finished, I noticed it was a little too

wide, too thick.

And so I figured I'd put it on the lathe

and sort of shave it down a little.

So I shaved it a little bit.

And then, I shaved a little more.

And then I put it on the lathe again and turned it

and shaved it a little more.

Wanted to make sure it was just the right width,

and so then I shaved it a little more.

And I turned it and shaved it a little more,

and the darn thing disappeared.

How are you doing with your knitting?

- Oh, pretty good.

Knitting a little surprise for you.

- Oh, wonderful.

What is it?

- Oh, I can't tell you.

It's a surprise.

- Aw.

- You know, I'm really proud of you, dear.

I didn't think this educational urge would last more

than three or four days, and here it's been a week now.

- Oh, I'm enjoying myself.

It's a wonderful way to spend your spare time.

- Yeah, the Dunkels had a wonderful party last night.

- Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

I understand Mary Dunkel made one

of those big delicious chocolate pies she makes so well.

- Mm-hmm.

Thorny told me.

- You know, speaking of Thorny, I

haven't seen him down at that night school since we started.

Oh, yes, he stopped by one evening

to see if he could borrow my bowling ball.

- I heard they played party games

and they had a dance contest.

Gee, I bet they had fun.

- Aw, well, let them stuff themselves

with sandwiches and cake.

Let them play their silly games.

I just can't wait to see the expression on their faces

when I come in there spouting French like a native.

Oh, well, back to the old books.

La plume est sur la table.

- Hi, boys.

- Hi, Mom.

- You fellas better wash up.

Dinner's just about ready.

- You and Pop going to night school again tonight, Mom?

- Oh, sure.

We wouldn't miss school.

- I wouldn't miss it either.

Even if I didn't have to go for a whole year,

I wouldn't miss it.

- Well, high school's very interesting, Ricky.

- You learn anything yet, Mom?

- Oh sure, I've learned a lot.

- Like what?

- Well, for one thing, I've learned I can't knit.

- I thought you were knitting pop a pair of argyle socks.

- Well, I was trying to.

I follow the instructions, but somehow

the heel always turns out to be longer than the toe.

- Maybe you've just been studying too hard, Mom.

You know, it's not good too study to hard.

- Yeah, David's right, Mom.

I bet you just need a good rest.

- Well, it has been quite a while since I've

spent a quiet evening at home.

- How about a quiet evening at the movies?

- Yes, it's been quite a while since I've been to a movie,

too.

- Well, there's a swell picture playing at the Bijou, Mom.

- Yeah, it's very quiet and restful,

real soothing to the nerves.

- What's the name of it?

- "Jet Bomber."

- Yes, I can see where that would be very soothing.

- Come on, Mom.

We'll even treat you.

- Yeah, be our guest, Mom.

- Well, I must admit that I'm tempted.

But how would I explain this to your father?

- Well just explain it the way Ricky

and I explain these things.

- How is that?

- Just don't say anything about it.

- I'd be playing hooky, you know.

- Oh, if you're worried about that,

we'll write a note to your teacher.

- Yeah, and I'll even sign it.

- Well--

- Come on, Mom.

"Jet Bomber" sounds like a swell picture.

- Yeah, come on, Mom.

- All right, men.

Prepare for Operation Hooky.

Our target for tonight is the Bijou Theater.

- Thanks a lot, Mom.

- But remember, now, not a word about this

to General de Gaulle.

- Oh hi, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, hello there, Emmy Lou.

- I just heard about your going back to school.

And I want you to know that I think

it's wonderful, just wonderful.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

- What are you studying?

Engineering, architecture, chemistry, medicine?

- Uh, French.

Say something in French, Mr Nelson.

- Uh, uh, what type of thing?

- Something romantic.

- Well, la plume est sur la table.

Mr. Nelson!

- Donne-moi la plume.

Mr. Nelson!

What does it mean?

- It means "the pen is on the table.

Give me the pen."

- Oh, that's so cultured and European and cosmopolitan.

- Yeah, the only thing though, I find it's

awfully difficult to work into a conversation.

Very, very difficult.

- Doesn't it thrill you to go back to school again though?

- Uh, can you keep a secret Emmy Lou?

- I don't know until I find out if it's worth telling.

- Well, frankly, I'm just bored stiff with the whole idea.

I mean, ever since I enrolled in this darn course,

I haven't even had a chance to get out of the house.

I haven't seen a moving picture show.

I haven't had a chance to go bowling.

I haven't been to a lodge meeting.

Even at home, I haven't had a chance to watch television.

Golly, I've just been studying, studying, nothing

but study ever since I enrolled.

And tonight is my bowling night too.

- But you're getting an education.

- Oh, some education.

Woodcraft?

- Woodcraft, using precision tools,

carving, sawing, surely you've got something out of that.

- Well, I've learned how to open a Band-Aid with one hand.

- But think of your French, Mr. Nelson.

Someday you may visit Paris, and you'd

be able to speak the language.

- I don't know, Emmy Lou.

Let's face it.

How many tables can there be with pens on them?

Tonight is my bowling night.

I wish I could go bowling.

- Why don't you play hooky?

- Oh, Emmy Lou, I couldn't do that.

- Why not?

- Well-- say, maybe I could, at that.

I'll bet I could work out something

so Mrs. Nelson would never know about it.

How does this sound?

I'm awfully sorry dear, but I have to go down to school

a little early tonight to work on the table leg, so

why don't you go down by yourself and take the car.

Is that all right, dear?

- I think you're trying to play hooky.

- Play hooky?

- Oh, yes, you are.

You just want to go bowling.

- Whatever gave you an idea of that sort?

- Emmy Lou told me.

- Emmy Lou!

Well-- oh, don't do that to me, Emmy Lou.

- Of course I won't, Mr. Nelson.

Actually, I think it sounds fine.

- Yeah, so do I. I think it may work.

I guess I'll try it.

- Well, as the Spanish say, "Hasta la vista."

- Oh!

Wait, Emmy Lou!

Sur la table.

- Here's the morning paper.

You want to see it?

- Oh, well, thanks a lot.

Did you enjoy night school last night?

- But-- did you?

- Oh, everything went along about the same as usual.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Uh, Harriet.

- Yes, dear?

- I have a little confession to make to you.

You'll find out sooner or later, so I might as well

tell you now.

- Hmm, this sounds very sinister.

What have you done?

- I didn't go to night school last night.

I played hooky, in a manner of speaking.

- Oh, Ozzy, aren't you ashamed of yourself?

- Go right ahead.

Lay it on me.

I deserve it.

- Well, I have a little confession to make, too.

- What's that?

- I knew you didn't go to night school last night.

- Well, how did you know?

- Well, I've been taking psychology.

I could read the signs.

- What kind of signs?

- Oh, the averted face, the cast down

eyes, the foot tracing a pattern on the kitchen linoleum,

you're bowling ball, where you left it in the bushes

last night.

- Uh, Harriet?

- Yes, dear?

- How did you enjoy the movies last night?

- Now, how did you find that out?

- Oh, the boys.

They let it slip to me when I was buying them a soda

so that they wouldn't let it slip

to you that I let it slip to them that I played hooky

last night.

You know, Harriet, we've been enjoying this night school

tremendously and it's been a wonderful way

to use our spare time.

But don't you think it's been selfish of us?

- Yes, I do, dear.

I agree with you 100%.

It's been very selfish.

- Very selfish.

- How?

- Well, for one thing, the boys have

been missing my companionship.

Do you realize it's been nearly a week

since I stretched out under the shade tree

and watched them play baseball?

- Yes, I do.

And the lunches have been very poor, too--

A couple of sandwiches and a glass of milk.

- After all, what have I learned?

"La plume is sur la table."

A sentence I'll probably never get

to use if I live to be 100 years of age.

And this woodcraft.

Harriet, I just have no talent for that sort of thing.

I've taken two cracks at a table leg,

and each one has turned out badly.

- Oh, no, dear, the table leg's a huge success.

Haven't you heard?

- No, no, it's no good at all.

I tried the second one yesterday, and it's too short.

- Oh, well, for a table leg maybe.

But David wrapped some tape around it,

and Ricky hit two home runs with it.

- Oh, by the way, what about the surprise

you were knitting for me?

- I'm afraid to show it to you.

I'm afraid you might laugh.

- No, no, honest, I won't laugh.

- Or worse still, I'm afraid you might cry.

- No, no, I won't.

Let me see it.

- All right, they're right there in the desk drawer.

- Oh!

Oh, Harriet, how unusual, a pair of hand-knit laundry bags.

- They're socks.

I've been knitting them for your feet.

Pretty terrible, aren't they?

- Oh, oh, no, no, these are excellent,

considering you've been knitting them with your feet, you say?

- No, I didn't.

- I think they'll fit me perfectly.

I really do.

You see, I have a very thin heel and I have a very long big toe,

very fat toes.

These will be fine.

They'll be fine for me.

- Well, that's very generous of you, dear.

- Gee, there's one thing bothering me, though.

I mean, if we're going to quit night school,

I'll have to go down and tell the teacher.

That's going to be awfully embarrassing.

- Well, why do you have to go down there?

- Well, I mean, I think that they're

entitled to know about it.

We can't just quit.

- Well, why don't you just drop her a note in the mail?

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

That's the most cowardly--

I mean, convenient way of doing it.

- What are you looking for?

- My pen.

I usually keep it right on the desk here.

- Ozzie.

- Yes, dear?

- "La plume est sur la table."

- How do you like that?

Probably the only time in my life

I'll get a chance to use that sentence,

and she beats me to it.

- Ozzie and Harriet will be back in just a moment.

- You know, Harriet, I've been thinking.

You're absolutely right.

It wasn't Springdale Park where I used to take you on picnics

and hold your hand.

I remember now.

It was Mountain View Park.

- Oh, well, that's very interesting, dear,

but I've never been to Mountain View Park either.

- You sure?

- Positive.

Do you want to know where it was?

- Well, yes.

Please tell me.

- Inspiration Park.

- Oh!

Harriet, I've never even heard of Inspiration Park.

- Are you sure?

- I'm positive.

Harriet.

- Yes, dear?

- Who used to take you to Inspiration Park?

- Go to sleep, dear.

- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

will be brought to you by Prophylactic Toothbrushes,

Listerine Toothpaste, and Listerine, the most widely

used antiseptic in the world.

The part of Emmy Lou was played by Janet Waldo.

The registrar was played by Joan Shawlee.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.

- There are more than 550,000 cerebral palsied in America.

They need the help of all of us to help them lead

happier, more useful lives.

Today, only a fraction of these half million

are receiving treatment or help.

Please give to United Cerebral Palsy in your community today.

Your help is their hope.