Original subtitles

- What's going on here? - I'm doing a commercial.

Get out of here. - Oh!

So sorry!

- I want to show everybody our wonderful new Hotpoint

Refrigerator.

In this great freezing compartment,

we have a new deal this year.

It's a shelf, and it's for holding

small cans of frozen foods.

Look, for instance, this holds 10 packages

of frozen vegetables.

Isn't that wonderful?

We just love ours.

Why don't you ask your dealer to show you one?

- Hotpoint Quality Appliances presents

America's favorite family comedy, "The Adventures

Of Ozzie And Harriet," starring the entire Nelson

family, Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

So settle back in your easy chairs

and enjoy another delightful half hour with all the Nelsons.

Ozzie Nelson, of course, plays the part

of the head of the Nelson household, Ozzie.

And here is his lovely wife, Harriet Nelson,

who keeps the family on an even keel.

Hello, Harriet.

The smiling young teenager we now see

is David Nelson, older of the two Nelson boys,

and played by David Nelson.

And here we have the youngest of the Nelsons,

the little guy with the twinkle in his eye,

Ricky Nelson, played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor, Mr Thornbury,

better known as Ozzie's pal, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Oh, hi.

I've been looking for you.

- Oh, yeah?

- Would you help me paint the chairs?

- Oh, gee, I'd like to, Harriet, but I have quite a few things

I have to do.

- Oh, come on, it'll only take a minute.

Grab a brush.

- Oh, well, gee, I'd like to but I have to--

Well, I have to wash the car.

- Don't tell me you're going to wash the car.

- Well, no, I'm not going to wash it all by myself,

but I was figuring on driving it down to the garage.

They always do a much better job.

I'll be back in time to help you finish the chairs, though.

- How long will you be?

- Uh, how long do you think it'll take you to paint them?

- OK, I know when I'm licked.

- Why don't you ask the boys?

I'm sure they'd be happy to do it for you.

- Oh, David's out selling tickets to some charity bazaar.

- Oh, really?

Who talked him into that?

- Well, it seems as though Nancy Baker had to sell 20 tickets

to win a prize or something, so she asked David to help her.

- Isn't remarkable how little boys always

let little girls talk them into things like that?

I should think David would be too smart to fall

for stuff like that, though.

- You mean girls?

- No, but, obviously, she flattered him into it.

You know, that's been going on since time began.

Every time a gal wants a guy to do something for her,

she just butters him up a little,

gives them the old flattery routine.

The first thing you know, another sucker gets hooked.

- Oh, I don't know, dear, maybe David volunteered to help her.

You know, he's a lot like you in so many ways,

so generous, kind-hearted.

- Well, I thought you said she asked him.

- Well, she did.

She asked him, then he volunteered.

I think David's too intelligent to fall for flattery,

as I'd say he's a lot like you.

- Well, yeah, but I mean, he's also

pretty naive and pretty young, and she

might have been subtle about the way

she approached the whole deal.

- Oh, no, I don't think so.

He's just being helpful like his kind, good-natured father.

Oh, be careful, dear.

I don't want to splash any paint on that new tie.

- New tie?

- Yes, isn't that a new tie you're wearing?

- No, no, I've had this quite a while.

You like it?

- Oh, very much.

You should wear it more often.

It brings out the blue in your eyes.

- Oh, really?

- Say, have you been working out in the yard recently?

- Well, I was out there fooling around with the sprinklers

this morning.

Why?

- I thought so.

Your face is getting so nice and tan.

- Oh, really?

Thanks.

- I just love the way that little lock of hair

falls over your forehead.

It looks so rugged.

No, Harriet, it does not.

- It does so.

You know, I've got a pretty handsome husband.

- No, cut it out.

- Well, I have.

Well, I better not stand here talking.

I better get at these chairs.

- Oh, never mind.

Here, I'll paint them for you.

- Oh, you really don't have to, dear.

- No, oh, no, I think I should.

After all, you've worked hard enough for it.

- Oh, good morning.

- Good morning, young man.

Is the lady in?

- No, I'm sorry.

She just stepped out for a few moments.

May I help you?

- Well, I usually talk to the lady.

- Is something the matter?

- No, nothing, just these darn old bunions of mine.

That's quite a hill you've got out there.

- Oh, yes, it is.

Isn't it?

Say, why don't you come in and relax for a while.

I'm sure my wife will be right back.

- Oh, that's very sweet of you.

I could use a breather.

I guess I'm not as young as I used to be.

- Wait a minute, I'll get that suitcase.

It looks pretty heavy.

- Oh, thank you, kindly.

- Just sit right down over there.

That's one of our more comfortable chairs.

- Thank you so much.

Oh.

Oh, my, this really is good.

- Yeah, I guess this door to door selling

must be pretty fatiguing.

- Oh, I rather enjoy it.

One always meets such nice people.

Uh, do you mind if I just take off my shoes for a little bit?

- Oh, no, no, make yourself right at home.

Make yourself comfortable.

- Thanks a million.

- Say, why don't I get you a nice, cool glass of water?

- Oh, no, no, they'll be all right.

I'll just like them wiggle a little.

- Oh, no, no, I was talking about yourself.

- Oh, no, please don't bother.

I'm fine.

I just get a little tired trudging from door to door.

- Oh, sure.

What are you selling?

- Oh, I have a very wonderful and guaranteed spot remover.

I have a few samples here in the case,

if you'd care to look at it.

- Oh, yes, I'd be very interested.

- Well, then you just open it right in the front there,

that little catch there.

- Oh, yes, I see.

- I make the stuff myself.

- Oh, fine.

Widow Whistler's Spot Remover.

Oh, are you Mother Whistler in person?

- Yes, I am. - Oh, well, congratulations.

Oh, thank you.

- Yes, this looks like very nice stuff.

How much does it sell for?

- Well, I'm making a special introductory offer

to the people of this neighborhood--

Only $0.50 a bottle.

- Oh, say, that sounds very reasonable for such a good spot

remover.

Uh, may I buy some?

- Just help yourself.

- Oh, fine.

We have kind of a sloppy family here.

Isn't everybody, these days?

- Maybe I ought to buy two bottles, eh?

- Well, it's very good stuff to have

around the house, especially where there's children.

- Yeah, well, we have a couple of growing boys here.

Say, why don't I buy four bottles.

That's a bottle for each member of the family,

then nobody will be using somebody else's spot remover.

- Come to think of it, I have a pretty darn sloppy neighbor

too, a Mr. Thornberry.

I think I'll buy a bottle for him.

- My, that's a lot of spot remover.

Are you sure you can use five quarts?

- Oh, sure, very easily.

- Oh, see, wait a minute.

I don't think I've got all that with me right now.

See, these are my samples.

- I see.

- I'll tell you what, you keep that, and I'll bring the rest,

deliver it this afternoon sometime.

- Oh, that'll be fine.

I'll just put this over here, so we won't get it mixed up.

- That's right.

Now, if you'd give me my order book, there in the little room

there, please. Uh, now--

- No, no, no, no, you relax.

I'll take care of everything, Mother Whistler.

Oh, well, thank you.

- Just tell me what to do.

- Well, put your name, and your address,

and the amount of the order.

- I see.

That's, uh, five bottles Mother Whistler's Spot Remover

at $0.50.

Five times $0.50.

Five times 5 is 25.

Zero times 0, carry the-- that's a zero.

That's, uh, $2.50.

I better put down here that I've taken one bottle.

- Oh, well, that's--

- A receipt for one bottle.

I'll just initial that. - Mm-hmm.

- Does that look--

Oh, no, mark it C.O.D.

- Yes, yes.

- C.O.D. Not only a salesman, I'm a juggler as well.

- Look OK?

- Oh, that's very good.

- Oh, fine.

- There.

Well, I guess I'd better be running along.

- I'm glad you stopped by, Mother Whistler.

- Oh, so am I.

- This reminds me one of my old saxophone cases.

I used to be a musician in my younger days.

- Really?

Oh.

- Say, just noticed you have a little bit

of a spot on your coat here.

Why don't I get some of your spot remover

and I'll take it right off in a jiffy.

- Oh, no, no, no, I'll wait until I get home.

A little soap and water will take care of it.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Hi, Oz.

- Hi, Thorny.

Here, I got a little present for you.

- Oh, I see she stopped by your house too, eh?

- So you've seen the young lady, eh?

- Oh, yeah. - Quite a gal, wasn't she?

- Yeah, sure was.

- How'd you like that blond hair and those big blue eyes, eh?

- Oh, now, Thorny, I don't think it's

nice to joke about a poor old woman who's

trying to earn a living.

- Poor old woman?

Well, she wasn't a day over 23, and what a beauty.

- Oh, Thorny, that's not a nice thing to joke about.

- Well, who's joking?

She was a very attractive young girl.

You saw that yourself.

- Thorny, I bought this from a very nice old woman.

- Say, wait a minute.

What kind of a story you trying to cook up?

I've seen the girl.

She had flashy blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a very lovely

orange sweater.

- Thorny, I don't know who you bought this stuff from.

But I bought mine from a very nice old woman.

That's the truth. - Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Oz, you sly old dog.

For a minute there, I thought you were serious.

- I am serious.

- Sure you are, Oz, sure.

I forgot we'd have to explain this to our wives.

You know, Oz, at times, you show a flash of true genius.

- What the heck are you talking about, Thorny?

- Your story, Oz, is perfect.

We felt very sorry for the poor old woman so we--

- Now, wait a minute, Thorny.

Cross my heart, I bought this from an old woman.

- Sure, Oz, so did I. Now, just so we'll tell the same story,

let's figure out what she looked like.

- Oh, this is futile, Thorny.

I'll see you later.

- Oh, OK.

Oh, by the way, Oz, what are we going to call the woman?

- Well, her name happens to be Mrs. Whistler.

Very appropriate.

Very appropriate.

- What's appropriate?

Her name, Mrs.

- Oh!

- Oh, hi, Pop.

- Oh, hi, boys.

- You want to buy a ticket to the charity bazaar?

Only $0.50.

- Only 1/10 of $1.

Your salesmanship is better than your arithmetic.

I'll take one.

- Oh, thanks, Pop.

That makes 11 tickets I've sold today.

- Good for you.

- He's selling them for Nancy Baker.

- Oh, keep quiet, will you?

- It's a pretty smart game, if you ask me, boy.

- Nobody's asking you.

- You never see me getting stuck like that.

- Who's getting stuck?

I'm just playing it smart.

That's all.

- You look pretty dumb while you're doing it, boy.

- What's everybody doing in the house?

- Oh, hi.

Well, the boys are just having a rather lively discussion

about David's selling ability.

He's been doing very well.

- There's been quite a bit of selling

going on around here this afternoon.

You should see the cute sales girl

that Catherine Thornberry and I saw.

- Was she's selling tickets to the charity bazaar?

- No, she was selling spot remover.

Has she been by here, by any chance,

or did I get home in time?

- Well, you say she was a young girl?

- Yes, very attractive, too.

A little on the sharp side, but pretty cute.

- Well, Harriet, this is a remarkable coincidence.

- Well, then I didn't get home in time.

- Evidently, there were two women selling spot remover

in this neighborhood.

You see, this woman came to the door--

- A nice elderly lady.

And you felt sorry for the poor old dear

and wanted to help her out.

- Well, yes, how did you know?

- That's the same story that Thorny tried to tell Catherine.

- One question.

- Mm-hmm?

- Did it work?

- No, I wouldn't try it if I were you.

- Harriet, it's the truth, so help me.

- I saw the woman, Mom.

- There you are.

Ricky saw her.

She was an older woman, wasn't she, son?

- Heck, yeah, she was about 21.

- Well, what did she look like, Ricky?

- Well, it's not polite to whistle at the table.

- Harriet, I tell you, I bought this spot remover

from an elderly woman.

- Well, it doesn't make any difference, dear.

If I'd have been a man, I'd have probably bought some, too.

How many bottles did you buy?

Four?

- Oh, of course--

I, I bought five.

- She really did all right for herself, didn't she?

- Harriet, I tell you, I wasn't hooked

by any attractive young girl.

- Oh, who were you hooked by, dear?

- By an elderly woman.

She came to the door selling the spot remover.

I felt sorry for the poor old-- - It's all right, dear.

If you say she was an elderly woman,

she was an elderly woman.

- OK, then you go right on believing

that I got taken in by some young siren

in an orange sweater.

- Wait a minute.

Who said anything about an orange sweater?

- Did you say she was a shapely young blond

with an orange sweater?

- No, but she was a shapely young blonde,

and she was wearing an orange sweater.

It doesn't make any difference, dear.

It's probably very good spot remover.

- Does it really remove spots, Pop?

- Ricky, every once in a while, a man finds himself on a spot

and nothing can remove him.

- Ozzie and Harriet we'll be back in just a moment.

- Oh, Harriet, I'm glad you came in.

Will you sit down a second?

- Mm-hmm.

- I have a feeling that you're still not

convinced that I bought this spot

remover from an elderly woman.

- But, dear, I don't care.

Honestly, I don't.

- Now, wait a second.

She's coming over here later this afternoon

to deliver the rest of the stuff.

Why don't you stay around here and meet her,

and see her for yourself.

- Well, OK, if you insist.

- I do.

Oh, Harriet, this is ridiculous.

- That's what I've been telling you.

- Look, if you have anything else to do this afternoon,

you go ahead and do it.

- Oh, trying to get rid of me, eh?

- What's this?

- You didn't think I'd take you up on it.

But I fooled you, didn't I?

Why are you trying to get me out of the house?

OK, you don't believe I bought the bottles from

an old lady.

- But I do, honestly.

I believe you bought the spot remover from an elderly woman.

- What makes you so sure?

- Well, because you say so, and I don't doubt your word.

You never fibbed to me yet.

- Haven't I?

- Have you?

- No, of course not.

- Don't you know that a wife can always sense when her

husband's telling the truth, and when he isn't?

- Well, yes.

But I just didn't want you to think that I was taken

in by a pretty, young girl.

- Do you think I'd be jealous or something?

- Oh, aren't you?

No, of course not.

- I mean, when you knew that this shapely young gal was

working her way through the neighborhood,

weren't you just a little worried?

- Well, certainly not.

I thought running home would be good exercise.

- Did you say she was an attractive young girl?

- Oh, yes, very.

- Isn't that a strange coincidence

that there should be two women working

in the same neighborhood, selling the same stuff.

One, a nice old lady, and the other, this attractive,

shapely young girl.

Luckily, I drew the old woman.

Harriet--

- Yes, dear?

- --what's so lucky about that?

- Yes? - Are you Mr. Nelson?

- Uh, yes, I am.

- Oh, I've been so anxious to meet you, Mr. Nelson.

Mother told me how nice you were to her.

- Your mother?

- Uh-huh, Mrs. Whistler.

- Oh!

- I brought your order of spot remover.

May I come in?

- Oh, well, yes.

Uh, come in for just a moment.

- Oh, my, what a beautiful home.

- Oh, thank you, very much.

I don't want to keep you.

- I stopped by earlier but I guess you weren't at home.

- Uh, no, I was next door, talking with my neighbor.

Well, here, I'll take these off your hands.

- Oh, thanks.

And thanks for buying so much.

Oh, aren't those drapes lovely?

- Oh, yes, well, my wife takes care of all

of the interior decorating.

She's my wife and she'll be back any minute now.

Oh, I want to pay you.

There's $3, I believe.

Or $2.50, was it?

- $2.50 out of $3.

- Oh, thank you, very much.

- Well, I, I know you want to be on your way, so it's nice--

- Oh, no, there's no hurry.

This is my last stop for today.

Do you mind if I sit down for a moment?

- Well, to be honest with you--

- Oh, my, what a nice comfortable chair.

- Oh, well, thank you, very much.

- You know, you made quite a hit with my mother this morning.

I can see why, too.

You're such a nice, friendly type man.

- Oh, well, thank you very much.

Your mother's a very nice person.

- Yes, isn't she?

Poor mother, she has to work so hard.

I hope I'll be able to take care of her

when I graduate from college.

- Oh, do you go to college?

- Well, I plan to start this fall.

That is, if I win the contest.

- What contest is that?

- The magazine subscription contest.

Are you familiar with the Badger Publications?

- No, I don't believe I am.

- They're probably some of the leading magazines.

Well, they're giving this contest,

and the girl who sells the most subscriptions wins $5,000.

- Oh, gee, isn't that--

- If I win, I plan to go to medical school.

- Oh, that's a very laudable ambition.

- Oh, oh, my goodness.

- Something wrong?

- I seem to have caught the back of my sweater in the chair

here.

- Oh, it's probably one of those little buttons in--

- Could you help get it?

Yeah, could you loosen it for me?

I don't want to tear it.

It's down the back.

Right back here, see?

No, a little lower.

There, right, that's it.

Oh, Mr. Nelson, you're tickling me.

- Oh.

- Dear?

- Oh!

Oh, this is-- uh, this is Ms. Whistles-- uh, uh, uh,

Whistler.

Uh, this is my wife, Mrs, uh, uh--

- Nelson.

- Uh, Nelson.

Now, Harriet, this is the girl I wasn't telling you about.

- Hello.

- How do you do?

Oh, yes, I believe you were here this afternoon, weren't you?

- No, no, it was this morning.

That is-- no, she was here this afternoon.

But she came to see me and I wasn't in, you see?

- I came by to deliver Mr. Nelson's order of spot remover,

and also to thank him for being so nice to my mother

this morning. - An el--

- Your mother? - Mm-hmm.

- An elderly woman.

- Yes, he was so kind.

He even bought five bottles.

- Oh, yes, I know.

He told me about her. - She's an older type woman.

- Hey, Mom!

- Yes, David? - Can you come here a minute?

- Oh, will you excuse me a minute?

They're paging me upstairs.

- Oh, sure.

- I want to thank you again for your kindness, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, oh, well, that's perfectly all right.

- Your wife's very charming.

- Oh, yes, she is. Isn't she?

- You are, too.

Oh,

- Did you call me, Dave?

- I sold all my tickets to the charity bazaar.

- Well, that's wonderful, dear.

- Nancy Baker won first prize and she gave it to me.

- Well, that was generous of her.

Only thing, though, what am I going

to do with a charm bracelet?

Well, what did Nancy suggest that you do with it?

- Well, she said it would make a nice gift

for some girl on her birthday.

- Oh, she have somebody special in mind?

- Yeah, I think so.

She said it's her birthday tomorrow.

- Why don't you give it to her then?

- Yeah, I think that's the general idea.

- Hey, did you hear the news?

David sold all the tickets.

- Yes, so I hear.

- Nancy Baker kissed him.

- Oh?

- Right in the face, too.

- How about that.

- You should keep your big mouth shut, Ricky.

- She kissed him twice.

He let her kiss him, too, and he's bigger than she is.

Stop snitching.

- Pretty disgusting, boy.

You do a favor for a girl, and right away she kisses you.

Eww.

All right, you two.

Cut it out.

- Talk, talk.

Why don't you keep quiet?

- Aren't you even going to wash your face?

- Well, I hope you enjoy college life.

- I'm sure I will, Mr. Nelson.

Well, thanks, again, for everything.

- Oh, you bet. It's a pleasure.

- Well, bye.

- Bye.

- Is she going to college?

- Oh, Harriet-- yes, she is, if she wins the contest.

- What contest?

- Well, they have this magazine subscription selling contest.

And they have a first prize of $5,000.

- Oh?

- You see, they give so many points for each magazine

subscription the girl sells.

For instance, if she sells a year's subscription

to the "American Indian," a fine magazine, by the way,

that's good for 20 points.

- The "American Indian"?

- Uh, yes.

It's very popular.

Yeah, I imagine it is with Indians.

- No, no, it's very interesting, Harriet.

It had some wonderful pictures in it, and some good stories.

I think Dave and Ricky will like it.

- Don't tell me you took a year subscription.

- Well, yes, it gives the girl 20 points, Harriet.

- Oh, how much wampum did it cost?

- Oh, only $3 a year.

Well, this is a very reputable firm we're dealing with.

That is, it seems to me, I've heard of the Badger

Publications, haven't you?

- No, but I've heard of the badger game.

- Oh, Harriet, don't say that.

She's a very nice, little girl.

- Oh, please, dear, the mother may be an elderly woman,

but the daughter is not a little girl.

- Well, then she's a nice, big girl.

But after all, this has a twofold purpose.

Not only get a lot of very interesting reading material,

but we help send the girl through school.

You'll feel different when you see your first issue

of "Glorious Womanhood."

- What?

- Uh, "Glorious Womanhood."

That's 20 points.

So I got this issue of "American Indian" for David and Ricky,

and a subscription for "Glorious Womanhood" for you.

- And what did you get for yourself?

- Uh, it was sort of an outdoorsy thing, a farm type

magazine.

It's called "Poultry Life."

That sounds as though it ought to be worth at least

30 points.

- Uh, uh, 40.

- I can hardly wait to read them.

The "American Indian," "Glorious Womanhood," and "Poultry Life."

- Well, yes, but doesn't it make you

feel good to know that we're sending

a girl through medical college?

- Yes, but I wish she'd operate on somebody else.

- Well, I guess you think I have no sales resistance.

- Well, I don't know.

You don't seem to have much trouble when it comes to men.

They've never been able to sell you anything.

- Well, now, wait a minute. That isn't true.

After all, I bought a ticket to the charity bazaar from David.

- Oh, well, that's different.

Three magazine subscriptions and five bottles of spot remover.

I think somebody else better answer the door from now on.

- Starting right now.

Ricky, will you get the door, please?

- OK, Mom.

- Would you like to buy some cookies from the Girl Scouts?

- I thought the drive was all over.

- Well, it is, but we have a few boxes left.

- How much are they?

- $0.50.

- Gee, I don't know.

- Are you Ricky Nelson?

- Yes, I am.

- My, you're nice looking.

- Maybe I will buy a box.

- You're handsome, but you're generous, too.

- I might as well buy two boxes.

- Thanks.

You know, I like the way you comb your hair.

It's very unusual.

- Yes, very unusual.

- Oh, I might as well buy all the boxes.

I can borrow some money from my father.

- Gee, thanks. - Gee, thanks.

- Ozzie and Harriet we'll be back in just a moment.

- Hi, Oz. - Hi, Thorny.

- Hey, what's so funny?

- Well, you know the old "he who laughs last" business?

Looks as if I have the last laugh on Harriet.

Yeah?

How's that?

- Well, you know, of course, I have

absolutely no sales resistance.

I mean, a nice, old lady came in and I bought all this spot

remover from her.

And the gal came in and I subscribed to magazines,

and Harriet's been getting the pants off me, you know?

- Well, you're awful cheerful about it.

- Well, now, listen, Harriet went downtown today.

She's the smarty one, you know.

So she went down there, and this sales girl, probably

very sharp, sold her practically the whole store--

A couple of new hats, a couple of new dresses, unmentionables.

- Really?

- So now I have the last laugh on Harriet.

She's the one who is so smart, and she buys all those things.

Hey, what am I laughing about?

I've been hooked again, Thorny.

- Next week, "The Adventures Of Ozzie And Harriet"

will be brought to you by Pro-phy-lac-tic Toothbrushes,

Listerine Toothpaste, and Listerine,

the most widely used antiseptic in the world.

Verna Felton played the part of Mrs. Whistler.

Mrs. Whistler's daughter was played by Mary Beth Hughes.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures Of Ozzie And Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.