Original subtitles

- Hello, Schwab's Drugstore?

This is Harriet Nelson.

Say, would you please include a couple of large bottles

of Listerine with our order?

Yes, please.

It's just wonderful for keeping those colds away.

Listerine antiseptic, Listerine toothpaste,

and Prophylactic toothbrushes present

America's favorite family comedy, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

So settle back in your easy chairs

and enjoy another delightful half hour with all the Nelsons.

Ozzie Nelson, of course, plays the part

of the head of the Nelson household, Ozzie.

And here is his lovely wife, Harriet Nelson,

who keeps the family on an even keel.

Hello, Harriet.

The smiling young teenager we now see

is David Nelson, older of the two Nelson boys,

and played by David Nelson.

And here we have the youngest of the Nelsons,

the little guy with the twinkle in his eye,

Ricky Nelson, played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door neighbor, Mr. Thornberry,

better known as Ozzie's pal Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- And there are a couple more pancakes

here, if you guys are ready.

- They sure do taste good, Mom.

- Yeah, they sure do, Mom.

- Would you pass me the syrup, please, Rick?

- Boy, nobody can make pancakes like Mom.

- Nobody can eat 'em like Pop.

- Just a second, young fellow.

You're doing pretty well yourself for such a little guy.

- Well, I'll keep making them as long

as you guys keep eating them.

- They sure are good, Mom.

- Well, that's what I like to hear.

What's the verdict from dear old dad?

- Well, evidently you haven't been counting

or you'd know that dear old dad took on about five pounds

of pancakes this morning.

I'll take another one right now. - Can I have a couple more, Mom?

- Yes, you bet you can.

Help yourself.

You know, I really hate to admit this,

but I can't take all the credit for these pancakes

this morning.

- Well, all we did was eat 'em.

- Well, what I mean is I didn't exactly make these myself.

They came already prepared.

- Oh?

Is this something new?

- Well, this is the first time I've ever

tried to make them this way.

You don't have to mix any pancake batter.

It's already mixed for you.

- Oh.

No wonder they taste just a little bit different.

- Well, you mean you don't like them?

- Oh, yes, yes, they're fine.

It's just they're not quite as good

as the ones you usually make.

- Oh, really?

- Gee, I didn't notice any difference.

- Oh, no, no, don't misunderstand me, David.

These are fine.

It's just that your mother makes pancakes that

are even better than these.

- Maybe it's the syrup.

- No, no, this is the same syrup we always use.

- Maybe it's the power of suggestion.

- The what?

- The power of suggestion.

It's like our teacher said.

Somebody told you the milk was sour,

you'd start to wonder whether it was or not.

- Oh, David, that's crazy.

- What do you mean?

- Well, who's talking about milk, anyway?

- Well, that's just an example.

It shows you how milk can taste sour when it really isn't.

- You'd have to be pretty dumb to fall for that one.

- Well, it's the power of suggestion.

- I've got a powerful suggestion for you.

- No, no. Come on.

Take it easy, will you, fellas?

- I can't understand about the pancakes.

I made them according to the directions on the box.

They were swell, Mom.

- Well, it says here they should be feather-light,

golden cakes that melt in your mouth.

Well naturally, they have to say something like

that to sell this stuff, Harriet.

- What's this about money? - Where?

- Right here on the box.

- "If you are not absolutely satisfied

that Hasty Tasty makes the finest pancakes you have ever

eaten, then return the unused portion,

and we will cheerfully give you double your money back."

Double your money back?! - Oh, boy!

We're rich, Pop!

It's lucky we didn't like them, huh?

- Now, wait a minute.

Not so fast.

- I thought they were pretty good myself.

So did I.

- Well, I guess we split the dough, huh, Pop?

Well, not exactly, Ricky.

You don't quite understand this.

I said these pancakes were delicious.

They were fine.

It's just that your mother makes pancakes

that are so good that they're even better than this.

- He's right, though, Pop.

It says right on the box it's supposed to be

the finest you've ever eaten.

- Oh, well, David, you're not supposed

to take those things seriously.

That's just another way of saying

the pancakes are supposed to be very good, which they are.

- Do you think they'd pay off, Pop?

- Oh, I imagine so, if you want to make an issue of it.

I certainly can't imagine anybody going through all

that trouble, though.

- The package only cost $0.47 to begin with.

- Yeah, but it says double your money back.

Two sevens are 14.

Carry one.

Two fours are eight.

Hey, that's $0.81.

- $0.81? Are you kidding?

It's $0.94.

- Heck, that's even better.

- I'm sure there's more than $0.94

worth of trouble involved.

- Yeah, but they tell you to do it.

It says so right in the box.

- Well, that's just standard advertising procedure, Ricky.

You're not supposed to give those things

a literal interpretation.

- He probably doesn't even know what that means.

Oh, yeah?

- OK, what does it mean then?

- It means you got it and you're stuck with it.

- Oh, it's talking silly anyway.

I'll bet if I hadn't told you guys about this,

you'd have never known the difference.

- Just like I said, it's the power of suggestion.

- Oh, David, that stuff's a lot of bunk.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Well, look, fellas, why don't you finish your milk?

Go ahead.

You too, David.

- Hey, Mom?

- Yes, dear?

- You think I could have another glass of milk?

This tastes kind of sour.

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Where are you bound for?

- Oh, I'm just going down to the market to pick up a few things.

- Well, I hope you don't mind, but I

have a little neighborly complaint to make.

- Oh, what's that?

- Well, it's nothing serious, Oz.

Just that I wish you'd keep those darn windows

closed in the mornings.

- What's the matter?

Does my snoring bother you?

- No, it's nothing like that.

Just those darn pancakes Harriet makes.

- Oh, oh.

Well, why should that make you sore?

- Well, Oz, it really just maybe a little envious.

So I immediately suggested to Catherine

that she makes some pancakes, too.

Now, that was where I made my mistake.

- Oh, and you mean then you discovered later

you really don't like pancakes?

- No, no, I do, but you've never tasted them

the way Catherine makes them.

- Oh, not so hot, huh?

- Oh, Oz, it was a terrible thing to do,

but I actually had to sail a couple of them

right out through the back window.

- Oh!

So that's what it was.

- That's what what was?

- Well, Ricky claimed he saw a couple of flying saucers.

- You know, it's a lucky thing I didn't hit anybody.

Gee, I don't know, Oz.

It's the strangest thing.

Catherine is usually a terrific cook,

but she just can't make good pancakes.

- Well, there's quite a knack to making good pancakes, Thorny.

- Sure wish she'd find the knack.

Wish she could make them like Harriet does.

- Yeah, Harriet's usually very good at pancakes,

but, uh, I must confess, this morning's weren't quite up

to her usual high standards.

- Are you kidding?

They really smelled good.

- Oh, yeah, well, they were OK, but, see,

she usually mixes her own batter.

And this morning, she tried some new stuff, the Hasty Tasty

Pancake mix.

You know, it's already pre-mixed.

- Yeah.

Gee, I wonder if that's the stuff Catherine used.

- Well, I don't know.

Like I say, you know, they were good,

but they weren't quite up to the high standards,

and they didn't meet the claims that the company made

on the box.

- Oh, you mean one of those "if you aren't entirely satisfied,

we'll gladly refund your money"?

- No, they went a little further than that.

They said, "If the Hasty Tasty Pancakes aren't

the finest you've ever eaten, we will cheerfully give

you double your money back."

- Double!

- Yeah, it's quite an extravagant claim, isn't it?

- Well, if you ask me, somebody ought to take them up on that.

- Thorny, you're getting all worked up over nothing.

Actually, they weren't that bad.

Besides, the stuff only cost $0.47 in the first place.

- Well, Oz, I know, but twice that is--

- 94.

- Please, Oz, no coaching.

- Besides, what the heck can you do with $0.94 these days?

- Well, Oz, that's not the point.

The money isn't important.

There's a principle involved there.

- No, no, no, no, no, Thorny.

The whole idea is that these are just advertising claims.

You're not supposed to take that stuff literally.

Besides, as I say, they were pretty good.

Can you imagine somebody walking all the way down

to the grocery store saying, your pancakes weren't

the finest I've ever eaten, I want double my money back?

- And why not?

Actually, you'd probably be doing the Hotsy Totsy

Company a big favor.

- Not Hotsy Totsy, Hanky Panky--

- All right, whatever it is.

They'll probably be going on for years making soggy batter,

unless somebody has the courage to call them on it.

- Thorny, I told you before they were OK.

They weren't quite as good as Harriet makes, but they're OK.

- You said you were on your way down to the market anyway,

didn't you?

- Yes, but I'm not on my way down to the market

to ask for double my money back.

- You admitted yourself that their pancakes weren't as good

as Harriet's.

- Forget it, Thorny.

- OK, Oz, be a coward.

Shirk your duty.

Well, I'll see you later, old boy.

- No, no, no, wait.

While you're down there, how about picking

a box of that stuff up for me?

- Oh, you mean you want to try them and then

not like them and demand double your money back?

- Well, on a second thought, maybe you better not get any.

I wouldn't qualify.

- What do you mean?

Anybody qualifies.

- Well, let's face it, Oz.

No matter how bad they are, they've

got to be better than those manhole covers Catherine makes.

- I'll be right with you. - Oh, that's OK.

I'm in no hurry.

- Price of article, $0.47.

Amount to be refunded, 47 times 2.

47 times 2.

2 times 7--

- 94.

- 2 times 7 is 94?

- No, no, no, no.

2 times 47 is 94.

- Oh.

Are you sure?

- Yes, it is.

- That's not what I get, and I've worked it

out three different ways.

- What do you get?

- Well, I get 56, 83, and 110.

- Well, I'm sure you'll find 94 is the correct answer.

I'm rather familiar with that problem.

- So...

Yeah, so it is.

Oh, it's too much work.

My first day on the job and I have

to get involved in something like this.

It's just too much responsibility for a new man.

- Uh, just what is it you're doing?

- Well, it's a very discouraging problem.

Somebody doesn't like Hasty Tasty Pancake mix

and they want double their money back.

- Oh, really?

- That's why I have to make three copies of all this

and take photostats and I don't know what-all.

It's just how-- Pardon the expression,

it's a darn nuisance.

- I know what you mean.

- Frankly, I'm not suited to this type of work at all.

I'm more of an outdoor type.

I like a job that keeps me out in the fresh air, something

that's rough and rugged and--

- Are you all right?

- Yes, thank you.

Somebody must have left a window open.

There was never any of this complicated paperwork

when I was at the malt shop.

I'll tell you that. - Oh, yes!

The malt shop.

I thought you looked familiar.

Was that the Varsity Malt Shop?

- Yeah, and that was a very pleasant job, too.

With all that ice cream around, I just

started gaining too much weight.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

I was getting hog fat.

I'm in good shape now.

- Yeah?

You know, it's quite a coincidence you were mentioning

about this Hasty Tasty Pancake mix, because on the way

down here, I was talking with my neighbor, and both of us

felt that the Hasty Tasty Company don't quite

live up to the extravagant claims they make on the box.

- Now, wait a minute.

You're not going to ask for a refund, are you?

- Oh, no, no, no, no, nothing like that.

No. - Good.

- No, I just came down here with a list of things

my wife wants me to pick up.

If you gather them together, I'll pick them up later on.

- Yeah, fine.

- And for now, I think I'd like to have a couple of pieces

of this bubblegum.

- Yeah, they're three for $0.05.

- Well, I just want two.

- Only two of them?

I have to figure this out.

- Oh, well, that's OK.

I'll take three.

- Bless you, sir.

- Well, I'll be back a little later for the groceries.

- Bye.

Bye.

- Bye.

Harriet?

- I'm in the kitchen.

- Hey, guess what? - I don't know.

What?

- Somebody returned a package of Hasty Tasty Pancake mix

to the store and called their bluff.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, the clerk just told me about it.

Now the company is going to have to make good.

- Oh, well, I hardly think a $0.94

loss will throw them into bankruptcy.

- Well, it isn't the money so much as the principle involved.

I mean, after all, when a company makes

extravagant claims, it's up to somebody to call them on it,

I think. - Oh, I don't know.

It seems like an awful lot of trouble to me.

- You see, that's just it.

People let things slide by because they

think it's too much trouble, or they're

afraid of what people are going to say,

or they just don't have the courage of their convictions.

- Who was it? Did he say?

- No, I seen that on the way home.

Wish I knew.

I'd like to meet the man and shake them by the hand.

- Who's that, Pop?

- Oh, hi, Rick.

I was just telling you mother somebody

came into the grocery store down there

and demanded double his money back,

didn't like the pancake mix.

I just said I'd like to meet the guy and shake him by the hand.

- Honest, Pop? - Well, sure.

- Put it there, old buddy.

- You mean you were the guy?

- Sure!

I keep telling you, I don't mess around, boy.

"Ozzie and Harriet" will be back in just a moment.

- Hey, Oz!

Wait!

Oz, I want to shake your head.

Oh, by golly, I want to shake both your hands.

Believe me, Oz, it's a real honor

to have you for a neighbor.

- What are you talking about? - Oh, now come on, Oz.

Don't play it so cozy.

You know darn well what I'm talking about,

and I want to humbly apologize for ever doubting your courage.

- Well, Thorny, if you're talking about what I think

you're--

- Oh, you know darn well what I'm talking about, Oz.

And I'm real proud of the way you made that Hinky Dinky

Pancake-- - No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hasty Tasty.

- Well, whatever, Oz, I'm real proud of the way

you made that company tow the mark.

And I'll bet it's the first time anyone's had

the nerve to call their bluff.

- Well, uh, Thorny, all this is very gratifying,

but I think I should straighten out one little detail.

- Yeah?

What's that?

- I had absolutely nothing to do with the whole thing.

It was Ricky.

- Ricky?

- Yeah, sure.

He handled it all by himself, handled the whole deal.

I didn't know a thing about it.

- Well, then why have I been pounding you on the back

and telling you what a big man you are?

- I don't know.

- Well, I'm ashamed of you.

That's a real chintzy thing to do.

Now, don't give me the big blue-eyed innocent stuff.

To think you'd try to steal the glory from a little boy,

and your own son, too.

For shame, Oz, for shame.

- Well, that's just the way I am, Thorny.

I'm a cad.

- Well, I hope you're going to have the decency

to let him keep the money.

I think I will.

After all, he was a guy who earned it.

Imagine that little son of a gun.

- Well, I still think he was right.

- Oh, well, technically he was, I guess.

After all, they said, if these aren't the finest

pancakes you've ever tasted, and he liked his mother's better,

so there you are.

- Well, yeah, there you are.

He was within his rights.

If that Honky Tonky Pancake Company ever--

You heard what I said, Oz?

If the Honky Tonky Pancake Company--

- Yes, I heard you.

That's the name of the outfit, the Honky Tonky Pancake

Company.

- I think Ricky was well within his rights.

Believe me, Mr. Nelson, I think you have an airtight case

there.

- Well, thank you, counselor.

- Very good.

Oh, I, uh, think I heard the mailman stop at your place.

Maybe he brought some good news about the Hokey Pokey Pancake

Company.

- Thorny, it's not Hokey Pokey.

It's Hurkey Turkey.

Well, I'll see you later, Corny--

Uh, Thorny.

- I wonder if the mailman's been here yet.

- Yeah, he was here a little while ago,

but there's nothing for you.

- Well, that pancake company sure

is taking their time about it.

- He'll get around to it after a while.

- I sure wish they'd hurry up.

- What are you going to do with the money

after you get it anyhow?

- I'm gonna invest it.

- How can you invest $0.94?

- I'm going to buy two more boxes of Hasty Tasty Pancake

mix.

- Hey, now, wait a minute.

This can get out of hand, you know.

- Heck, you can make a fortune.

It says right on the box that you get double your money back.

- Yeah, I know what it says on the box.

But after all, if you bought the pancake mix once

and you don't like it, why buy anymore?

- Well, how else am I going to get double my money back?

- Ricky, look.

Once is OK, but after that, it gets slightly

on the fraudulent side.

- What's this?

- Oh, Ricky figures he's got a good thing going for him here

on this pancake deal, and I was just telling him

that once is enough.

- Once is more than enough.

I just hope it doesn't cause us any embarrassment.

- Oh, I don't think it'll cause us embarrassment.

After all, just send them a form letter with a check enclosed.

- It's OK with me, boy.

- Of course, you're going to split with your old pal,

aren't you, buddy?

- Are you kidding?

- Heck, it wasn't even your money in the first place.

- What do you want?

I did all the work.

- OK, cut it out, fellas.

- Mr. Nelson?

- Yes.

- My name is Bailey, Alfred K. Bailey.

- Oh, oh--

- I'm president of the Hasty Tasty Pancake Company.

- Oh!

Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

This is our sales manager, Mr. Crawford--

- Mr. Crawford.

- --and his assistant, Mr. Witherspoon--

- Mr. Witherspoon. - --and Mr. Plymmerton.

- Mr. Plymmerton.

- --and my secretary, Ms. Formley.

- And Ms. Formley.

You really shouldn't have gone through all this trouble.

- Oh, it was no trouble at all, Mr. Nelson.

As a matter of fact, we were just passing through on our way

to a sales convention, when Mr. Crawford popped up

with a very splendid idea that we stop by and pay you a visit.

- Thank you, AK.

- You see, Mr. Nelson, our business is

built on satisfied customers.

And if a customer isn't satisfied,

we want to find out why.

- Oh, well, it isn't it that we weren't

satisfied with your pancakes--

- Oh, but you have to be completely satisfied,

Mr. Nelson.

- Pardon the interruption, AK.

We have a little slogan around the shop, Mr. Nelson;

"a customer who isn't completely satisfied

isn't a completely satisfied customer."

- Here, here.

That would be a lot of truth in that remark.

- If you don't honestly believe that Hasty Tasty Pancakes are

the best pancakes you ever tasted, then by George,

we want to know about it.

Oh, by the way, I have a check here for you.

- Oh, now that isn't necessary.

- Oh, no, no, that's our agreement,

and we want to stand by it.

As it says on the package, we will cheerfully

give you double your money back.

Are we ready, gentlemen?

Here's your check.

- Oh!

Well, that's very sporting of you, gentlemen,

but, really, I wasn't the one who returned the pancake mix.

- You mean you're not Mr. Ricky Nelson?

- No.

Ricky Nelson is my son.

- Oh.

- Uh, just-- uh, Ricky?

- Yes, sir.

- Oh, here he is right here.

And this is my wife.

These folks are from the Hasty Pasty Pancake Company.

- Uh, Hasty Tasty.

- Hasty Tasty.

This is Mr. AK Bailey, Harriet, the president of the company.

- How do you do?

- Oh, how do you do?

- So this is the young man who isn't completely satisfied

with our pancakes? Is that right?

- Yes, sir.

- Won't you gentleman come into the living room?

- Thank you.

- Oh, yeah, here let me take your hats.

- Thank you.

- You shouldn't go to all this trouble, Mr. Bailey.

Really, the pancakes were just fine.

- Well, thank you, Mrs. Nelson, but we

like to feel that every member of the family

is really sold on Hasty Tasty.

You see, we're constantly striving to improve our recipe,

so naturally, we're most eager to hear any complaints.

- Well, I don't think you'd call this a complaint.

Honestly, I think you're giving the matter more importance

than it deserves.

- If I may interject a thought, AK.

- Yes?

- We have a little saying around the office, Mrs. Nelson.

Any complaint's an important matter

when it helps our firm make a better batter.

- Oh yes.

- Oh, well, that's a very fine attitude.

- Yes, and we're willing to pay for it.

If you don't honestly believe that Hasty Tasty Pancakes are

the finest pancakes you've ever tasted,

then we cheerfully give you double your money back.

Ricky Nelson, here is your certified check

for the sum of $0.94.

- Gee, thanks a lot.

- Oh, just one moment.

There's a camera in the case, Walter.

- Yes, sir.

- Would you mind if we snapped a picture of this, Mr. Nelson?

- No, no. Go right ahead.

I'd be delighted.

- This will only take a moment now.

Let's see.

Oh.

Would you mind stepping right over here by the bookcase,

please, Ricky?

- Yes, sir.

- Oh, that's fine.

Now, AK, if you please.

- Thank you.

I'll be handing him the check.

- Oh, my, that looks fine.

Now, big smile, Ricky.

Hold it.

There we are.

- Well, I think that about does it, except for one thing.

I wouldn't feel right leaving here

without making sure that Ricky was in there rooting

for the Hasty Tasty team.

Hey, Mrs. Nelson, could I use your kitchen?

Well, certainly, Mr. Bailey.

- Fine.

Ricky, would you lead the way?

Gentlemen.

- The usual procedure, AK?

- Yes, yes.

No offense, Mrs. Nelson, but I think maybe

I can sell Ricky on our product.

Now, Ricky, I'm going to whip you

up the finest batch of pancakes that you've ever eaten.

- Gee, that'd be swell.

- Can I get you an apron, Mr. Bailey?

- Oh, no, no.

I think I have all the necessary paraphernalia.

- You've got the short sleeves, AK?

- Oh, yes, Walter.

All prepared.

Here we are.

Thank you.

- This is certainly very nice of you, Mrs. Nelson.

How are you coming, AK?

- Oh, fine, fine.

- The best part of the Hasty Pasty Pancake mix

is no fuss, no muss.

Everything all right, AK?

- It is all set.

- Boy, some teamwork, huh, Mom?

- Yes, what a wonderful surprise.

- Thank you, Ms. Formley.

Mm, Tasty, tasty.

- Mr. Bailey, I must compliment you on your organization.

It's really a pleasure to watch you men in action.

- Well, thank you, Mr. Nelson.

We try to please.

Oh, pardon me.

Ricky, I'd like to ask you a question.

Do you like strawberry jam?

- Oh, yes, sir.

- Strawberry jam.

Now, do you like chocolate ice cream?

- Oh, boy. That's my favorite.

- Yeah, I thought it would be.

It is with most little boys.

Chocolate ice cream.

- Gee, you're a regular magician, Mr. AK.

- How are we doing there, boys?

- Coming along fine, AK

- They certainly do smell good, Mr. Bailey.

- Oh, yes, Plymmerton and Witherspoon

are a sterling combination.

- All ready, AK.

- Oh, good, good.

Now, Ricky, you get yourself all set for a Hasty Tasty

golden brown delight.

A real super production.

Here, put it right on here.

Here we are.

Mm, that smells good.

Crawford.

- The ice cream, please.

- Ice cream.

- Here we are.

Strawberry jam.

- Strawberry jam.

- Good.

Now the whipped cream.

- Whipped cream.

- Ah.

Ms. Formley?

There we are.

Now, sink your fangs into that, Ricky.

Well, Ricky?

What's the word?

- This is absolutely the finest pancake I've ever tasted.

Hear!

Hear!

- You have my congratulations.

- Thank you, Mr. Nelson.

Thank you very much.

- Here's your money back, Mr. AK.

- Oh, no, no. You keep that.

- Gee, thanks a lot!

- Say, I--

I wonder if it'd be all right if I had one of those.

It looks delicious. - Yes, me too.

- Well, of course. It's our pleasure.

There's plenty for all of you.

- Let's all have one.

"Ozzie and Harriet" will be back in just a moment.

Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- Where are you bound for?

- Oh, just down to the grocery store.

Like to come along?

- Well, I won't get involved in a big shopping session, will I?

- No, no, no, no, nothing like that.

Just going to buy some ice cream and some chocolate syrup

and some bananas and some strawberry

preserves and some whipped cream and some sliced peaches.

- Well, it sounds like you're going to have

quite a dessert for dinner.

- No, no, no, no.

It's not dessert.

This is in the nature of a little experiment.

I think I've discovered a wonderful way to get

Ricky to eat his spinach.

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Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

Will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint for the finest first.

Frank Nelson was AK Bailey.

The part of Mr. Plymmerton was played by Ray Hyke.

Hal Smith was Mr. Crawford.

Vera Marshe played the part of Ms. Formley.

And Sterling Holloway was the grocery man.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.