All language subtitles for T A O O a H S01E23 The Speech 1080p AMZN WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-WhatsBeyond (1)_track3_[eng]

- Now, the makers of
Hotpoint Home Appliances

are happy to bring you a repeat
performance of one of the best

liked of "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course his lovely wife
Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

- The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

His younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next
door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- They cannot be overestimated.

- Did you call me, dear?

- Oh, no.

I was just talking to myself.

- Oh, did you have
a nice conversation?

- Well, I wasn't exactly
talking to myself.

I was just trying to figure
out a subject for my speech

tomorrow.

- What speech is that?

- Well, you know, the big one
at the Chamber of Commerce.

Dunkle is the chairman
of the committee.

- Oh, sure.

I didn't realize
that was tomorrow.

- Yeah.

The big luncheon.

- You mean you haven't even
picked out a subject yet?

- Well, I have a system
that never fails.

It works for any kind of
a speech you want to make.

- I don't want to
make any, thank you.

But I must admit you've
aroused my curiosity.

- Well, it's kind of an outline.

You see, you use
the same beginning

regardless of what the topic is.

The beginning goes like this.

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people,

Theodore Roosevelt replied,
"It is a lack of thoroughness."

A good example of
this is, and then you

see you insert your topic.

For instance, suppose
you were discussing,

oh, safety on the highways.

- You'd say, when asked
what is the greatest

fault of the American people,
Theodore Roosevelt replied,

"It is a lack of thoroughness."

A good example of this is
safety on the highways.

We can make the
highways much safer.

We can prevent many accidents
if we will pass one law.

Make driving illegal for women.

- Hey, wait a minute!

- You see, you get the
general idea of it.

I mean, you see, if you
have a good beginning

and a good ending to
a speech, then you

can sort of flounder
around in the middle of it

and nobody realizes it.

- Sounds logical.

How do you end it?

- Well, then you see, you
work the deal around to where

you say, here is the opportunity
to correct the problem

that you've been discussing.

See, that gives you a chance
to work in this little joke

about opportunity.

Would you like to hear it?

- I probably have.

- Well, anyway, it's kind
of an amusing little joke.

It seems that this
nightwatchman was making his way

through the park and this young
couple, this boy and girl,

were sitting on the park bench.

And the nightwatchman was
carrying this lantern.

- A lantern?

- Well, it's a pretty old joke.

Anyway, the nightwatchman comes
up to the boy and the girl

and he says, "Say young fella,
are you kissing that girl?"

And the young boy
is kind of scared

and he says, "No, sir, no, sir."

And the old guy says, "Well,
here, son, hold my lantern."

- I didn't realize you went
to high school that long ago.

- It's not a terrific joke but
it puts them in a good mood.

See, and then from
there you say,

and here is the opportunity
to alleviate whatever

the condition is that
exists and you discuss that

and then you go into the finish.

For the finish you recite that
immortal poem, "Opportunity."

- "Master of human destinies,
am I. Fame, love and fortune--"

- Yes, I remember.

Yeah.

- It's got a stirring finish.

I like that old poem.

"But he who hesitates
or doubts is condemned

to failure, penury and woe.

Seek me in vain and uselessly
implore my answer not.

And I return no more."

- It is rather overpowering.

- Yeah, it's one of
those things where

even though you don't know
what the guy is talking about,

it sounds pretty good.

- Well, it does have an
important ring to it.

It's quite a plan.

- Yeah, and the beauty
of it is, it can be

used for absolutely any topic.

- Well, I can see that.

Reminds me of a woman who spoke
at our club the other day.

- Somebody say something
about a speech?

- Oh, hi, boys.
- Hi, Mom.

- Hi, Pop.
- Hi, fellas.

- Please don't mention
the word speech.

I have to make one in
English class tomorrow.

- So what?

- What do you mean so what?

I'd like to see you do it.

- That's how much
you know, wise guy.

So happens I'm making a
very important speech.

- Now, isn't that something?

Oh, it's really nothing.

- You're not kidding.

It'll be nothing if you give it.
Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Before you guys
run out of breath,

I think you should both
know that you're not

the only one that's going to
make a speech around here.

Your father's going
to be the main speaker

at the Chamber of Commerce
luncheon tomorrow afternoon.

- How about that?

- Yeah, for some reason
they selected your old man.

- Are you going to make
a political speech, Pop?

- Oh, well, I'm not sure.

Not necessarily.

I haven't decided yet.

- Well, I'm making
a political speech.

- Oh, good for you.

- What office is
your man running for?

- He's going to be
our next president.

- Say, this sounds interesting.

Could we have his name?

- Sure.

Iggy Magoo.

- Iggy for president?

- Sure.

He'll be the best president
our home room will ever have.

- He has to get elected first.

- He can't lose.

I'm handling the champagne.

- I think he means campaign.

- I mean champagne.

We're serving ginger ale
right after the speech.

- You guys sound like you're
doing this in big style.

- Oh, sure.

Just like the politicians.

We're even going around
kissing all the babes.

- You mean "babies."

- Who's running
this show, anyway?

- There doesn't seem to
be much doubt about it.

- Our platform is no homework.

- Do you want to have
a campaign slogan?

You know, like "Tippecanoe
and Tyler, too"?

- Oh, we have all that stuff.

- What's your slogan?

- "Iggy Magoo and
Loverboy, too."

- Loverboy?

Who's Loverboy?

- Please, no
embarrassing questions.

- Well, I must admit
that confidence

seems to run in the family.

Your father hasn't even decided
on a subject for his speech

tomorrow.

- Aren't you nervous, Pop?

- Oh, not especially, David.

I'm not too worried about it.

- How come?

- Well, I've got a little
gimmick that makes it easy.

- You mean you give away stuff?

- No, no.

Nothing like that.

So, I was just telling
your mother before,

back in high school
our English teacher

taught us sort of an outline
that works for just about

any speech you want to make.

- Is it hard to learn?

- No.

In fact, it's very easy.

You see, you begin every
speech the same way.

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people,

Theodore Roosevelt replied,
"It is a lack of thoroughness."

A good example of this
is traffic accidents

on the highway.

- Look out, now.

- Or whatever subject
you may choose.

- That sounds neat, Pop.

- Then you finally
work the conversation

around to "Opportunity,"
then you tell a little joke.

- How do you work it
around to "Opportunity"?

- Well, you do it
very subtly of course.

For instance, you could say,
"And speaking of opportunity,"

and then you go on to say
that this is the opportunity

to correct whatever
situation you're discussing.

- That sounds neat, Pop.

- Anyway, and then you say,
"And what is opportunity?

Master of human destinies am I."

- That's fine, dear.

- It's a very final poem.

It has a wonderfully
strong finish, too.

"Seek me in vain and uselessly
implore, I answer not

and I return no more."

- Vote for Iggy Magoo!

- When asked what
is the greatest

fault of the American people--

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people--

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people--

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Hey, what's this I hear about
you're going to make a speech?

- Oh, it's really nothing.

Just going to give
a little talk over

at the Chamber of Commerce.

You know that big special
luncheon they're having?

- Yeah.

- I'm going to be
the chief speaker.

- Oh, that's a shame.

Can't you get out of it?

- What do you mean
get out of it?

Well, you know, you can
tell them something.

Tell them you lost your voice.

- Oh, no, Thorny.

I want to make the speech.

- You want to make it?

- Well, of course.

- Well, in that case
tell them the truth.

Tell them you snapped your cap.

- What are you talking about?

- Oh, Oz, now, you're not
really serious about this thing.

- Well, I am, too.

- OK, Oz, suit yourself.

But you couldn't get
me to stand up in front

of that bunch for $1 million.

I've seen some pretty big
men lay some awfully big eggs

at those lunches.

- Oh, Thorny, don't be silly.

- OK, Oz.

But when you're up there
shaking like a leaf,

don't say I didn't warn you.

- There's nothing to be
nervous about, Thorny.

They're all good friends.

- Uh-huh.

Well, Herb Dunkle didn't
look nervous either

until he poured himself
a glass of water

then almost drowned
himself trying

to drink out of the pitcher.

- Well, you must admit it
was good for a big laugh.

- Remember the day Joe
Randolph made the speech?

- Yeah.

- His knees were knocking
so loud I got up 3 times

to answer the door.

Oh, believe me, Oz, if I were
you I'd try to duck this thing.

- Well, what about
the guy last week?

He was very well received
from what they tell me.

- Well, sure.

As a matter of fact,
he was terrific.

Weren't you there?
- No, no.

I couldn't make it.

- Oh, sure, but he was
a professional speaker.

Had a regular set
routine and everything,

which is another thing.

He's going to be
pretty tough to follow.

- Oh, well, what you
don't know, Thorny,

is I have sort of a
set formula myself.

It's been good for years.

Really surefire.

- Yeah?

What's that?

- Well, it's a set
introduction that

can be used for any occasion.

"When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people,

Theodore Roosevelt replied--"

- Theodore Roosevelt?!

- "Theodore Roosevelt replied."

- Oh, Theodore Roosevelt
was a great guy in his time

but this group is
modern, up to date.

- Thorny, I told you before,
I've used this routine

successfully for many years.

- Oh, please, you're going to be
speaking to intelligent people.

You can't use some corny
high school routine.

- Oh, it's corny, now, is it?

- Oh, now wait a minute, Oz.

Don't get excited.

I'm only trying to tell
you this for your own good.

- Well, please don't
trouble yourself.

I'm sorry I mentioned it.

- You're just jealous
because you weren't

selected as the main speaker.

- Oh, sure, that's it exactly.

- Well, you know darn
well I'll go down there

and I'll put on a
great show for them.

- I'm sure you'll
put on a great show.

- I'm not the type of guy who
quits on a thing like this.

I'll make a good
speech if it kills me.

- I'm sure it will.

And, Oz, I couldn't think of
a more horrible way to die.

- I think I've said
about enough for now.

But if I think of anything
else I'll give you a call.

- Don't bother.

I might not be home.

- Now, wait a minute.

- Yeah.

- There is one more
thing before I leave.

- Such as what?

- Good luck, Oz.

My blessings go with you.

- Ozzie and Harriet will
be back in just a moment.

- Last night, while
the town slept,

there was no sleep
for Ozzie Nelson.

From the early evening hours
to the early morning hours,

he worked feverishly on
his speech for the Chamber

of Commerce luncheon.

- Time slips quickly by
as Ozzie sits in the den

writing and rewriting.

- Mr. Chairman and friends.

- The clock strikes one.

But Ozzie is going
to write that speech

if it takes him all night.

- Mr. Chairman and
fellow citizens.

- 2 o'clock.

A lesser man would
have given up long ago.

But not Ozzie Nelson.

He moves into the dining
room and tries again.

- Gentlemen of the
Chamber of Commerce.

- And yes, the spirit is
willing but the flesh is weak.

And so at 4:30, Ozzie, fatigued
from his gallant efforts,

gropes his way upstairs and
after some tossing and turning

finally falls into
a troubled sleep.

- When asked, what
is the greatest

fault of the American
people, Theodore Roosevelt

replied, "Here, you
hold the lantern."

- Good morning.
- Hi, Pop.

- Good morning, Dear.
How do you feel?

- Well, considering
the fact that I only

had about four hours
sleep, I feel pretty bad.

- I think a little
breakfast will help that.

- Is your speech
all set yet, Pop?

- Well, pretty nearly, David.

Not exactly all set but I
have some ideas pretty well

lined up.

- I think I have a pretty
good speech for school today.

- Oh, that's good.

Say, would you like me to
look it over for you and--

No, never mind.

I guess there's nothing
there I could copy anyway.

- I got a couple of
jokes you can tell, Pop.

- Pop's already
got a joke to tell.

- He could tell
another one can't he?

- What is it?

- It's in the form
of a question.

- Did you hear what the skunk
said when the wind changed?

- It all comes back to me now.

- OK.

OK fine.

- That's an original joke.

- Have you got your
speech you all set, dear?

- Well, as I was
saying to David,

it's not exactly set, Harriet,
but I have my ideas pretty well

formulated.

- Well, how about that
outline your high school

teacher taught you?

That sounded pretty good to me.

- Well, I've been
thinking that over,

Harriet, and after all these
are pretty intelligent men I'm

going to be talking to
today and I'm not sure

that a corny old high
school routine like that

would be very effective.

- Well, it sounded good to me.

- I thought of a couple of
good beginnings last night.

There was one of them
just before I fell asleep.

Gentlemen, we are here today--

We are here today--

- And gone tomorrow.

- Gentlemen, I am here today--

- To get a free lunch.

- Stop interrupting your father.

- I don't know, dear.

Do you think you
ought to tackle this?

- Well, sure, Harriet.

I mean, this thing
takes a little time,

but it's worthwhile.

I'll get my ideas
all straightened out

in just a minute.

What was that other
beginning I had?

Gentlemen, I am here today to
make a speech on why people

should never make speeches.

- Gentlemen, I know you're
wondering why I'm here today.

- Come in.

- Hello, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Dunk.

Say, you're a little
early, aren't you?

The luncheon doesn't
start until 12:30.

- I--
- Sit down.

- Thank you.

I want to speak to you
about the luncheon, Oz.

Oh, dear, this is terribly
embarrassing, too.

- What's embarrassing?

- Well, I'm sure you've heard
of Lieutenant Colonel Rex

Farnsworthy.

- Well, I believe so.

He's in the Army, isn't he?

- Yes, that's the fellow.

Anyway, he's passing
through town today

on his way to
Washington, just returned

from a very hush-hush
mission overseas.

You know, top
military secret stuff.

He's written a
book all about it.

- He sounds like a
very important man.

- Oh, yes, he is.

You can imagine what a
busy man he must be, too.

And you can also
imagine what an honor

it would be to get a person
like Colonel Farnsworthy

to speak at the luncheon.

- Oh, yes, of course.

- Well, we got him.

- But I thought you said he'd
just be in town for today.

- That's right, Oz.

We thought that since
the Colonel would only

be in town today and since
you live here all year--

- Oh, you mean you'd
like to cancel my speech?

- Oh, certainly not, Oz.

- Oh, then you mean you don't
want to cancel my speech.

- Well, yes, we are
but we won't like it.

I really feel dreadful
about this, Oz.

- Oh, that's OK, Dunk.

- You don't mind?

- Oh, no, no, no.

It's perfectly all right.

- Well, whatever you say, Oz.

I want to apologize again for
this last minute cancellation.

- Oh, forget about it, Dunk.

After all, I'm sure you'll
find the Colonel much more

interesting.

- Well, this is very
sporting of you, Oz.

I just want to say you've
been bully about this.

- Oh, thanks, Dunk.

- Oh, you've been
more than just bully.

You've been bully, bully, bully.

Bully of your own bully
bully and a bully wide.

- Ozzie?

Ozzie?

Dinner's almost ready.

- Dinner?

For goodness sake.

I thought I'd lie down here and
rest my eyes for a few minutes.

I must have slept
most of the afternoon.

- Well, I thought I'd better
wake you up before dinner.

Besides, I wanted to tell
you about the meeting.

- Meeting?
What meeting?

- The meeting at
the woman's club.

- Oh, Oh yes.

How did it work out?

- It couldn't have been better.

Now ask me what they decided
about the playground.

- OK, what did they decide
about the playground?

- They're all for it.

But it took a short impromptu
speech by Mrs. Ozzie Nelson

to turn the tide.

- Wait a minute.

You made a speech?

- Yes, I did.

And if I do say so myself,
it went over very well.

- Well, good for you.

- How about your speech?

- Oh, never mind mine.

Tell me more about yours.

- Well, I began it like this.

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people,

Theodore Roosevelt replied--

- You mean you gave my speech?

- Yes, I did.
Most of it.

I hope you don't mind.

- No, no, of course not.

I'm glad it went over so well.

- Might be pretty embarrassing
if any of the women

are married to members of
the Chamber of Commerce.

- Well, I wouldn't
worry about that.

- Hi, Mom.
Hi, Pop.

- Hello, David.

How did your speech
go in school?

- Oh, swell.

The teacher said it was one
of the best she'd ever heard.

- Why that's wonderful, David!
- Oh, good.

- The joke about the lantern
really got a big laugh.

- Oh, you used my joke.

- Heck, I used practically
your whole speech.

- Hi, everybody.

- Oh, hi.

- Wait until you
hear what happened.

Iggy Magoo won by a humana--

He won by a unana--

He got all the votes.

- Well, good for him.

- Well, that's wonderful, dear.

Did you make a good
campaign speech?

- I sure did, boy.

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people,

Theodore Roosevelt said,
"Iggy Magoo for president."

- That isn't what
Theodore Roosevelt said.

- So what?

Nobody in our class knew him.

- That routine of mine
got quite a workout today.

Your mother used it
and David used it.

- He did?

- Yes.

Very successfully, I understand.

- Hey, what's the idea of
using my speech, David?

- Your speech?

It's Pop's speech.

- Say, we all seem to have
forgotten about your father.

- Yeah, how did you do, Pop?

- I bet you did terrific, boy.

- I'll bet he did, too.

- Oh, well, to tell the truth I
didn't have to give my speech.

- Why not?

- Well, Dunk stopped by and
explained the whole thing.

It seemed the committee
decided they'd rather

have Colonel give a speech.

Heck, he wasn't even a Colonel,
just a Lieutenant Colonel.

- Well, I think that's awful.

Do they know that you
stayed up half the night

preparing that speech?

- No.

Well, after all, Harriet,
it's probably just as well.

Frankly, I'm just as
glad they didn't call me.

I was a little relieved
to get out of it.

Oh, come to think of
it I was worked up

to just the proper pitch.

- Well, I think it's a shame.

Well, dinner is
just about ready.

Will you boys set
the table for me?

- Sure, Mom.
- Yes, ma'am.

- And I'll help, too.

- You know, relax, dear.

I'll call you when
dinner's on the table.

- OK.

- Come on in, Thorny.

- Hi, Harriet.

Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Thorny old boy.

- Oz old pal, I want
to ask a favor of you.

- Anything except money.

- I know it's an imposition
to ask you to make

two speeches in one day.

- What's this, Thorny?
You want me to make a speech?

- Well, now look,
Oz, if it's going

to work any hardships on you
I don't want you to do it.

- Oh, no, no, I'd
be happy to, Thorny.

- Oh, Oz, that's
wonderful of you.

Ordinarily I wouldn't
bother with this

but it's such a big occasion.

You see, it's a dinner speech.

- Now, wait a minute.

I think I've read about
that in the paper.

It's a banquet at the
Elks Club, isn't it?

- No.
No, no.

That's another affair.

- Oh, I know.

No, it's that big
wing ding their

having over the Men's club.

Oh, who's chairman
of the committee?

Oz, let me explain
it to you will you?

- Well, go ahead.

- Now first, you know
Charlie McGillicuddy.

- Charlie...

Oh that's right.

His son is graduating from
college at the midterm.

Say, Thorny, don't tell me they
want me to make the main speech

at the graduation exercises.

- No, no, no, Oz.

Will you listen a moment?

- OK, go ahead.

- Now, I'm sure you've
eaten at Charlie's diner.

- Well, certainly.

I've been there lots of times.

- Well, this is a big
night in Charlie's life.

He just added three more stools
at the counter and a booth

for ladies.

Tonight at 10 o'clock
is his grand opening.

- You mean this
speech is supposed

to be given in Charlie's diner?

- That's right.

And there will be
free hamburgers in it

for both of us.

- I thought you said this is
supposed to be a dinner speech.

- Of course!

A lot of people will
be eating dinner.

After all, it is a dimer.

- I know, Thorny, but
this is ridiculous.

- Oh now, Oz, I promised
Charlie you'd make the speech.

- Well, you can just
tell Charlie that--

I mean, of all the
silly things, Thorny.

After all, making a speech--

When asked what is the greatest
fault of the American people,

Theodore Roosevelt replied,
"It is a lack of thoroughness."

Although at first
blush it may seem

to belie the dictum of
this famous statesman,

nevertheless our own
Charlie McGillicuddy

has left no stone unturned,
has seized every opportunity

to make this delightful
little establishment

the finest in our community.

- And speaking of
opportunity reminds me

of a little story
you might enjoy.

It seems a night watchman
was going through the park.

- Ozzie and Harriet will
be back in just a moment.

- My speech went off OK?

- I think it was wonderful.

- Oh, gee, thanks.

- Oh, I'll get it.

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Oh, you did?

- Who's that?

- I thing some fella who
was at the diner tonight.

Oh, thank you very much.

Next Saturday afternoon?

Sure.
Yes.

Sure I can make it.
Be glad to.

Sure.

OK.

Goodbye.

- What was that all about?

- He's the man who owns
the Tidy Didy Laundry.

- Oh?

- Yeah, it seems that they're
adding three new washtubs

Saturday and he wants me to
officiate at the launching.

- Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

will be brought to you by
Prophylactic toothbrushes,

Listerine toothpaste and
Listerine, the most widely

used antiseptic in the world.

- Joseph Kerns played
the part of Mr. Dunkle.

- Don't forget that a
completely different episode

of "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday
night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for
time and radio station.