Original subtitles

- Listerine Antiseptic, Listerine Toothpaste

and Prophylactic Toothbrushes present

America's favorite family comedy,

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Can I help you carry out the dishes after dinner, Mom?

- Well, that's very thoughtful of you, dear,

but I think you better get on your homework.

I can take care of the dishes.

- Well, gee, if you won't let me help you,

I can't ask you this favor.

- What favor is that?

- I was kind of hoping I could go over

to Will Thornberry's tonight.

- Well, don't you have any homework to do?

- Oh sure, but I can do it in school tomorrow.

- No, I think you better do your homework tonight

and see Will tomorrow.

- Gee, that's what I always do, homework.

- Well, we've all been through it.

- Well, you know what they say.

All homework and no Will makes life a bitter pill.

- Hey, wait, will ya?

I don't want any of that corn to rub off on me.

- He's a dan, dan, dandy.

- The answer is, if you've got an unpleasant task to do,

do it right away.

Don't keep putting it off.

I've told you that 100 times.

- Yeah, but that's always a hard thing to do.

- Which reminds me, don't forget your dentist appointment

tomorrow.

- Holy smokes, not again!

- Well, wait a minute, Ricky.

You talk about the dentist as if he were an executioner.

- He's a nice man but golly.

- Look, you may have a couple of uncomfortable moments

but the only thing to do is take it like a man.

Just set your teeth and see the thing through.

- Well, if you say so.

- I hate to break in here, but I don't want this

to get too far out of hand.

- Well, don't you think what I'm saying makes sense?

- Yes, I do, and I'm glad to hear

you say it because the appointment isn't for Ricky,

it's for you.

Yes, sirree.

- But I thought--

I mean, didn't Dr. Smith go East for the dental convention

or something?

- Yes, but Dr. Taylor is handling his appointments.

- Dr. Taylor?

I've never even heard of him.

- Well, he's a young dentist here in town.

Very good, too, I understand.

- Well, Harriet, I'm certainly not going

to have some Johnny Come Lately sticking

his clumsy hands in my mouth.

- Well, I'm sure he's a very capable man

or Dr. Smith wouldn't recommend him.

- Well, I know but I don't see any sense

in going to a strange dentist.

Besides, I probably have no work to be done.

- Well, he said Dr. Smith sent your x-rays over to him.

- You're making a big production out of nothing.

- Aren't you going to go, Pop?

- Your mother made the appointment.

Evidently I don't have any choice.

- Maybe the dentist won't show up.

- I don't want to change the subject

but have you got anything planned for Saturday evening?

- I don't think so. Why?

- I mean, you're coming home for dinner?

- Well, yeah. Did you invite somebody over?

- Yes, I did.

I met the cutest girl over at Mary Dunkel's the other day,

and she's new in town, doesn't know very many people.

- Oh, what are you going to do, throw a big party for her?

- Oh, no.

I just thought you might know some attractive young man.

- Oh, Harriet, for goodness sake's.

Why do you gals always have to be matchmakers?

- She's a very cute girl and you won't even meet her.

- Well, I'm sure she is but, gosh,

I don't know anybody to invite over.

- Well, we really don't have to have anybody else.

- Besides, aren't you starting a little early this year?

The mating season doesn't start until after April Fools Day,

does it?

- She's a very attractive girl and it

would be nice if we had somebody to introduce her to.

- You could introduce her to me.

- I think you better introduce yourself

to that homework, young fella.

- So do I.

- It sure takes a guy a long time to grow up.

- Well, maybe so, but it takes an awful short time

to grow old, so enjoy it while you can, boys.

- Oh, speaking of enjoying yourself,

and I use the term loosely, what time is my dental appointment

tomorrow?

- 3 o'clock.

That OK?

- Oh, yes.

I guess I don't have much choice.

- Well, now, don't start worrying about it.

- Well, I'm not worrying about it, Harriet.

Probably won't have anything you done anyway.

Maybe just a little cleaning of my teeth.

Besides, as Ricky said, maybe the dentist

might not even show up.

- Good afternoon.

My name is Nelson.

I have an appointment with Dr. Taylor.

- Oh, yes, I know. Mr Nelson.

I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you.

Dr. Taylor was called away on an emergency.

- Oh, really?

How about that?

- He just called and said he'd be

gone the rest of the afternoon.

I'm so sorry.

It was most unexpected.

- Oh, that's perfectly OK.

- Won't you sit down?

- Right here?

- Oh, well, I'm afraid I can't make

another appointment for you.

Dr. Taylor hurried away before I was

able to check his appointment book with him.

- Oh, that's really OK.

- Well, I certainly hope the rest of the patients

are as understanding as you are.

I've only been with Dr. Taylor a few days

and haven't really had a chance to get acquainted.

- Oh, well, I'm sure the others will be understanding.

- They will be if they're all understanding

young men like you are.

- Well, thank you, but I'm really not so understanding.

- Now, I hope you won't think I'm too bold,

but isn't that one of those new suits

with the natural shoulders you're wearing?

- Oh, well, yes, it is.

- Oh, well, it looks perfectly stunning.

You know, all the really smart young men

were wearing those when I left home.

- Oh, is that so?

Thank you very much.

- It's so silly to wear those big shoulder pads

when a man is naturally broad shouldered like you are.

- I'm not really so, so understanding.

- That color is most becoming, too.

What is that?

- Oh, this is--

Sort of-- I guess you would probably call this "gray."

- Well, it certainly goes perfectly with your blue eyes.

They are blue, aren't they?

- Oh, yes, they are.

Nice of you to notice.

- In fact, I'm knitting a pair of socks that would

go perfectly with that suit.

- Oh?

- Here they are.

How do you like them?

- Oh, yes, they're very nice.

- Unfortunately, I've already promised

this pair to my brother back home,

but if you really like them I could

get some more of the material.

- Oh, thank you very much, but I received several pairs of socks

similar to that for Christmas.

- Oh, well, if you should change your mind, just let me know.

- Oh, well, thank you.

That's very nice.

Well, I guess I'll be going then.

- I'll make another appointment for you

as soon as I check with Dr. Taylor.

- Oh, OK.

Oh, I tell you, there is one thing you could do for me,

if you would.

Dr. Taylor has some x-rays of mine he was going to look over

and I am kind of anxious to know sort of what's in store for me.

- Well, he's going to call back here later on.

I'll tell you what.

I'll ask him about them and then you can call me at home.

My number is Gladstone 3974.

- Oh, thanks a lot but I wouldn't want

to put you to all that trouble.

- Oh, it's no trouble at all.

That number is Gladstone 3974.

- Yes.

Well, on second thought, I think possibly it might

be better if I didn't know.

That is, about the X-rays.

- Why don't I write my number down for you just in case?

- Well, it's really not that urgent.

- Oh, well, if you should change your mind,

you can call me at home.

That number is Gladstone 3974.

- OK, well, if I get a chance, I'll call you

and if I don't I'll contact the office

at the beginning of the week.

- You be sure and do that now, you hear?

And it's been such a pleasure meeting you.

I can't remember when I've met such a charming gentleman.

- Oh, gee, thanks.

Well, goodbye.

You all.

- Hi, Thorny old boy.

- Hi, Oz.

- Where have you been?

- Down at the dentist's office.

I had an appointment with him.

- What did he give you, laughing gas or something?

- No, no.

I got a wonderful break though, Thorny.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, it seems the dentist was called out on an emergency

and I spent a delightful time chatting with his very charming

receptionist.

- Well, Oz, you lucky dog.

- Of course, it was all very innocent and everything,

but you know, Thorny, she seemed to--

Well, now, of course you know I'm

not the guy who goes around--

And I'm sure she was probably just kidding about the socks

but--

- Well, come on, Oz, don't stop there.

It's beginning to sound interesting.

- Well, she was knitting this pair of socks, Thorny,

and she offered to knit a pair for me, too.

- You're kidding, Oz.

- As a matter of fact, she was going

to give me the pair she was knitting

but she said she'd already promised those to her brother.

- Well, that was probably just an excuse.

What was the matter?

Was it the wrong size or wrong color, maybe?

- No, no, no, the color was fine.

As a matter of--

Well, this is kind of embarrassing

but she said she thought they'd go perfect with my blue eyes.

- Blue eyes?

Wowee!

You must have really turned on the charm, doll face.

- I warn you, Thorny, I don't want you to get the wrong idea.

I mean, this was nothing serious.

- Imagine having this babe fall all over you!

Well, tell me, what line did you use?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

Don't be silly.

I didn't say a word.

- I see, you used the strong silent approach.

- No, no, no.

- Well, what approach did you use?

- Well, I just walked--

No, no, no, no Thorny, I didn't approach her at all.

- Oh, she approached you.

- No, no.

- Wait a minute.

It's obvious that one of you is not telling the truth.

- If you'll excuse me, Thorny, I'm going in the house.

I don't have to stand here and--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oz, but just out of curiosity,

what was the girl's reaction when you told her

you were married?

- I didn't tell her I was married.

- You didn't tell her?

- Well, of course not, Thorny.

The subject didn't come up.

Now look, this girl was a receptionist--

- Oz, Oz, please, I'd rather you wouldn't tell me

any more about it.

I just don't want to get mixed up in anything like this.

- Go ahead, have your fun.

- All I got to say is, Oz, you just better watch your step,

you sly old dog.

- Ozzie and Harriet will be back in just a moment.

- Hi!

What you doing?

- I'm just trying on a couple of neckties

for color combinations.

How does maroon go with blue?

That goes OK, doesn't it?

- Yes.

What have you got on that's blue?

- Well, my-- well, don't I have a dark blue suit?

I think I used to have a dark blue suit?

Then I have a couple of blue shirts.

- Yes, and don't forget your baby blue eyes.

- Just a second, Harriet.

Has Thorny been over here by any chance?

- Well, yes, as a matter of fact,

he was a little while ago.

- I thought so, the big blabbermouth.

Well, Harriet, for goodness sake's

you certainly must realize there was absolutely nothing

between this girl and myself.

I never saw her before in my life,

and there was absolutely nothing between us

except a perfectly innocent conversation.

I mean, the girl was a little lonesome,

and I perhaps seemed understanding

in a fatherly sort of a way.

But chances are I'll never see the girl again

the rest of my life.

And as for Thorny, I'm surprised at him

for starting such a ridiculous rumor.

- What has Thorny got to do with it?

- Wasn't he the one who blabbed the whole thing?

- Well, no, he came over to borrow a pack of cigarettes.

So what's this about you and some girl?

- Well, how come--

Well, why doesn't Thorny--

Well, how did you find out about my blue eyes?

- Well, you've always had blue eyes.

Now, what's this about a girl?

When did this happen?

- Well, you remember I told you I made this appointment

with the dentist and when I went over there he didn't show up?

- No, you didn't tell me he didn't show up.

- Oh, well, I intended to tell you.

Well, anyway, Thorny and I got kidding around.

You know how Thorny and I do?

You know, making mountains out of molehills?

- Well, for goodness sakes, dear,

you don't have to explain.

If I can't trust you after all these years...

- Oh, well, yes.

Darn that Thorny anyway!

- What's the matter with Thorny?

- Well, why can't he buy his own cigarettes

instead of coming over here and bumming them off of us?

- Hadn't you better get dressed?

- What for?

- Remember, I told you Kathy's coming to dinner tonight.

She's that little girl from out of town.

I told you about it.

- Oh, Oh, yes.

I believe you did mention something about it

the other night at dinner.

What did you say your name was?

- Cathy.

Cathy Calhoun.

Calhoun?

Well, that's a southern name, isn't it?

Yes, she's from South Carolina or Georgia

or someplace down there.

She has the cutest southern accent.

Wait until you meet her.

Which reminds me, I better phone and see

if she has any way of getting over here.

- Well, maybe if she has no way of getting over here

she'd feel better if we forgot the whole thing

or made it another night.

- She doesn't have a car.

You can drive over and pick her up.

- No, I'm sure she wouldn't want to put us to all that trouble.

- It's no trouble.

- Yes it is, Harriet.

- No, it isn't.

- Well, who is picking her up, you or me?

- You are and it's very kind of you.

- Harriet!

Harriet.

- Just a minute, dear.

- What was that number again?

Gladstone 39-- 39--

- 74.

- Well, that's right.

How did you know?

- How did I know what?

- Her phone number.

I said "Gladstone 39" and you said "74."

- Oh, that.

Well, it's only natural that when you say "39"

I'm going to say "74."

- I don't get it.

- Well, 9 and 3 is 12 and 7 and 4 is 11 and 1 is 12.

- Well, I never was very good at arithmetic.

- It would be funny if she forgot all about it,

wasn't even home.

- Hello, Cathy?

Harriet Nelson.

You haven't forgotten that you're having dinner

with us tonight, have you?

- She's probably made other plans.

- Oh, that's good.

- Oh, sure, it's better that way.

- Ozzie, please.

- Oh, wonderful.

I'm anxious to hear all about it.

Would you like my husband to pick you up?

He's very good at that sort of thing.

Well, fine, Cathy.

We'll look forward to seeing you.

Goodbye.

- She's coming over?

- Yes, she's already ordered a cab.

She says she's just bursting with news.

She's got this new job and she's got this terrible crush

on somebody.

She wants to tell me all about it.

- Harriet, let me get this straight.

Now, you say this girl has just been in town for a few days,

she's from the South, and the number you called

was Gladstone 3974?

- Yes, that's right.

- Did she say who she was working for?

- No, she just said she was a receptionist for some dentist.

Something the matter, dear?

- I think I'll go upstairs and kill myself.

- Ozzie, where are you going?

You act as if you're afraid to meet this girl.

Hello, Cathy.

- Harriet, honey, it was so sweet of you to ask me over.

- Well, it's such fun to have you.

I want you to meet my husband.

- Now, let's be sensible about this.

- I'm Cathy, how do you do?

- Oh, how do you do?

- Your charming wife has been telling me so much about you.

- Oh, thank you,

- Is something the matter with your face, dear?

- Oh, no.

I just thought I'd call the boys.

David, Ricky.

- They're at your mother's for dinner.

- Oh. - Let me take your coat, Cathy.

- Oh, thank you, Harriet.

- We're so glad that you could come over.

- Well, I hope I'm not interrupting.

- Why don't you tell me all the news?

I'm just dying to hear about it.

- Well, I must admit I certainly have been enjoying myself

in your fair city.

- Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- Dinner's practically ready.

Ozzie, would you mind carving the roast, please?

- Oh, it's out in the kitchen.

- Mr. Nelson, I hope you'll forgive my staring

at you like this but--

Wait a minute.

Of course, now I remember!

- Remember what?

- There was a boy I used to go with back home who

wore a necktie just like that.

- Oh, well...

Good for him.

- And this is David when he was three years old.

- Oh, my.

He certainly looks like his daddy, doesn't he?

- Boy, I guess he does.

- Oh, I wonder who that could be.

Will you excuse me for a minute?

- Oh, Dr. Taylor. Come on in.

- Thank you.

I thought I'd stop by and show Mr. Nelson his X-rays.

Hope I'm not interrupting.

- Oh, not at all.

Ozzie, this is Dr, Taylor.

- Oh, how do you do Dr. Taylor?

- Mr. Nelson.

Sorry I missed you at the office yesterday.

I was called out on an emergency.

- Yes, I know.

Your receptionist told me about it.

In fact, this is a bit of a coincidence.

- Miss Calhoun!

What a surprise.

- Well, for goodness sake.

- You two know each other?

- Oh, yes, indeed.

Miss Calhoun's my receptionist.

And a very good one, too.

- Won't you sit down, Dr. Taylor?

May I take your hat? - Oh, thank you.

I can only stay for a moment.

- You know, Mr. Nelson, something just occurred to me.

- Oh, what's that?

- Well, all evening I've had the strangest feeling I've

seen you before.

- Oh?

- Yes, and it suddenly dawned on silly little old me.

We met in Dr. Taylor's office.

You were the 3 o'clock appointment yesterday.

- By golly, you may be right.

You know, come to think of it, you look sort of familiar

to me, too.

- Well, I have such an awful memory for faces.

But then so many people come in to Dr. Taylor's office.

He's very popular.

- Well, I try to do my humble best.

- Dr. Taylor? - Oh, Mrs. Nelson.

- Oh, no, no, no, stay there. May I get you a cup of coffee?

- Oh, no thank you.

Thank you, Mrs. Nelson, but I really only stopped in to--

- To tell Mr. Nelson about his X-ray.

- Yes, that's right.

And what a surprise finding Miss Calhoun here.

A very pleasant surprise, I might add.

- Oh, thank you, Dr. To tell you the truth,

I hardly recognized you in that new suit.

- Oh, do you like it?

- Oh, it looks perfectly stunning.

All the really smart young men were

wearing those when I left home.

I especially like those natural shoulders.

- I'm glad you approve.

- Oh, yes.

I think it's so silly to wear those big shoulder pads

when a man is naturally broad shouldered like you are.

- Thank you.

- In fact, I'm knitting a pair of socks

that will match that suit.

- Well!

- Oh, my goodness.

Look at the time.

Oh, Harriet, I'm afraid I have to be running along.

- Oh, so soon, Cathy?

- Well, I hate to leave but I wouldn't

want to miss that last bus.

It's so cold tonight and I hate standing on that corner

so long.

- Miss Calhoun, I'd be happy to drive you home.

- Oh, Dr., I wouldn't think of taking you

so far out of your way.

- Nonsense.

It's no trouble at all.

- Well, if you're sure.

- Let me get your coat.

- Thank you, Dr. Isn't he charming?

Oh, Harriet, I had a perfectly wonderful time.

- Thank you so much.

- I'm glad you could come, Cathy.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight, Mrs. Nelson.

- Good night, Dr. Taylor.

- And Mr. Nelson.

- Goodnight, Dr. Taylor.

- Goodnight, and thanks again.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Cathy.

- Did you enjoy yourself?

- Oh, yes, yes, I had a very nice evening.

That Calhoun girl really pours it on, doesn't she?

I'm a little surprised at Dr. Taylor.

- In what way?

- Oh, you know, falling for that corny stuff.

- What corny stuff?

- Well, you know, that routine she handed him

about the big broad shoulders and knitting

him the pair of socks.

It's such obvious flattery.

- I wouldn't say that.

- You mean you think she meant all that?

- Well, maybe she did.

Remember, she told me on the telephone

that she'd met somebody she was crazy about.

I think it was Dr. Taylor.

- Well, that's possible.

On the other hand, this could just

be a routine that she hands every guy she meets.

- Oh, I don't think so.

She strikes me as being too smart for that.

- This is marvelous.

- What are you marvelousing about?

- Well, Harriet, I have news for you.

When I met Cathy yesterday in Dr. Taylor's office

she pulled the same routine on me, word for word,

and that was yesterday.

So she came here to dinner tonight

and she didn't even recognize me.

What do you think of that?

- I think she's a pretty smart girl...

Blue Eyes.

What do you think?

- I think women are very confusing.

- Ozzie and Harriet will be back in just a moment.

- Harriet?

- Yes, dear.

- Doesn't it strike you as being quite a coincidence

that Dr. Taylor just happened to stop by here tonight

when this gal was here?

- Well, he said he had your X-rays.

- Well, if he stopped by to tell me about the X-rays,

why didn't he tell me?

- Probably slipped his mind.

- Now I don't know whether I have any work to be done

or not.

- Well, if will make you rest any easier,

according to the X-rays your teeth are perfect.

You have nothing to be done at all.

- Who told you this?

- Dr. Taylor.

- Just a second.

I didn't hear him say a word.

- Oh, he told me over the phone.

- When was this?

- About an hour ago when I sneaked out to phone him.

- You phoned him?

- Well, sure.

How do you suppose he found out Cathy was here?

- Gee, women sure are confusing.

Oh, I said that before, didn't I?

Well, good night.

- An old fashioned girl and her toothbrush.

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- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

Will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint for the finest first.

- Shirley Mitchell played the part of the receptionist.

Dr. Taylor was played by Glen Lions.

- Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.