Original subtitles

Hotpoint Quality Appliances presents

America's favorite family comedy,

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

Something new has been added to the Nelson backyard.

Yes, sir.

It's a regulation basketball hoop,

and it's been attached securely to our garage.

There's a rather interesting story about this.

I think I'd better start a couple of days

ago and bring you gradually up to date.

You see, once each year, we have an interesting little affair

at the school auditorium.

It's called Fathers Night, and the fathers

have to put on the entertainment all by themselves.

Well, as usual, Ozzie was trying to figure

out, rather unsuccessfully, something he could do.

It's been years since he played his saxophone,

so of course that was out.

I suggested that he make shadow pictures on the wall,

but that seemed to be too mild, especially

since our next-door neighbor, Thorny, was practicing a tap

dance to 16 special choruses of Casey Jones.

- Hey, there's an idea.

Let me have one of those eggs.

And-- yeah, let me have a towel, would you?

- What do you want towels for? - Now stand right over here.

- Where? - Right over here.

You're the audience.

This old trick I used to do in high school.

The hand is quicker than the eye, makes the egg disappear.

Now, you just gave me this egg.

It's a regular household domestic egg, right?

- Right.

- OK.

Take the egg thusly throw in the towel over the egg.

Feel the egg is still there, right?

- Yeah.

- Now I say the magic words.

Alakazoo, alakazam.

1, 2, 3, 4!

- Find the egg on the kitchen floor.

- It used to work every time.

Something is missing from the trick.

- A good magician, maybe?

- My coat is supposed to be buttoned.

That's the key to the whole thing.

Let me have another egg, would you, please?

- Oh, you can't do this with onions, huh?

- No, no, no, watch.

Take the egg thusly.

An ordinary domestic household egg you just gave to me,

remember? - Yeah.

- All right, take the egg here.

The hand is quicker than the eye.

Throw the towel over the egg.

Now, feel the egg is still there.

Right? - Right.

- OK, now I say the magic words.

Alakazoo, alakazam.

1, 2, 3, 4!

- Hey, Pop?

- Now, Ricky, why did you have to come stomping in like that?

I was just in the middle of a trick.

- What's wrong?

- Well, I was just showing this trick to your mother.

Golly, I don't know what happened.

- You dropped the egg and it broke.

- Yes, yes. I know.

I wanted to show that the hand is quicker than the eye.

- I guess the egg was quicker than the hand.

- It's been quite a while.

Take a little brushing up.

- You'd need a mop for that one. - Here you are, dear.

Start mopping.

- Oh, Mom's got you working, huh, Pop?

- Oh, yeah. - Hello there, stranger.

- Hi, Mom.

- Isn't this a little late for you to be getting home

from basketball practice, Dave?

- I just stayed a little later, Pop.

I was shooting some baskets.

- He was getting a little worried there.

- What do you mean?

- Well, Thornberry looks pretty sharp, boy.

- What's Will got to do with it?

- He and I are trying out for the same position.

- Well, that sounds fine.

A little competition is a very healthy thing.

Makes you work harder.

- Well, that reminds me, David.

How did you make out with that composition

you did for English today?

- Oh, yeah.

- Guess I have to go.

Time to beat out old Will.

- David?

- Oh, hiya, Mom. Can I help you with dinner?

- How'd you make out with the composition?

- Let's talk about it after dinner, huh, Mom?

- Oh, now wait a minute, wait a minute.

I take it you didn't exactly get an A?

- No, ma'am.

- No, sir.

- Why don't you start from the other end of the alphabet?

- Now, wait a minute, David.

Don't tell me you flunked English.

- Oh, just the one composition, Pop.

- Oh, David, that's ridiculous.

- It sure is, boy.

- Quiet, mutton head.

- Mutton head?

- I mean, after all, David, you're

supposed to get straight A's in English.

It's the language you speak every day.

- See, David?

From now on, you'd better watch your language.

- Ricky, would you please stay out of this?

- Well, David, I think you'd better

give up sports for a while and concentrate on your schoolwork.

- Well, golly, Mom.

It's just this one composition.

- Well, I know, David, I think your mother's right.

I think from now on, you'd better just

come straight home from school and get at those books.

- Well, golly, Pop.

- Why, I know, but you don't want

to flunk the most important course in school.

If you make up the work, then you

can go out for basketball again.

Just tell the coach you'll be back in a few days.

- Well, heck, he'll kick me off the squad.

I won't even make the team.

- Well, David, look, basketball is fine,

but your schoolwork is more important.

- I guess you're right, Mom.

- I think you boys better wash up for dinner now.

Hey, Oz.

Hey, Oz, over here!

Oh!

Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- Hey!

For a minute there, I thought you didn't recognize me.

- Oh, for a minute there, I thought

I might get away with it.

- Just practicing up for Wednesday night.

- Oh, good for you.

- Yeah, got a couple of new choruses.

Want to hear them? - Well--

- OK, if you insist.

Casey Jones...

- Thorny, Thorny, Thorny.

- What's the matter?

Don't you want to hear me sing?

- Well, uh, you see, if I hear the new choruses now-- yes,

that's a good one-- well, then I'll lose the thrill of hearing

them on Wednesday night.

- Well, in that case, I'll sing one of the old ones.

Casey Jones--

- Uh, Thorny.

- Oh, now, look.

You just don't want to hear me sing.

Now go ahead and say it.

- Well, I--

- Ah, don't you dare.

You're just jealous, that's all.

- Jealous of what?

- You're just jealous.

Tell me, Oz, what does it feel like to have no talent?

- By golly, Thorny, you ought to know.

- Oh, Oz, I shouldn't be kidding you this way.

You probably feel bad enough about David.

- What do you mean about David?

- Well, my boy Will told me.

David told him all about it in school today.

- Told him all about what?

- Oh, Oz, now don't be coy with me.

David quit the basketball team.

Will beat him out for the position.

- Well, now just a second.

David quit the basketball team, yeah,

but Will had nothing to do with it.

He quit because of me.

- Oh, why, Oz, I didn't even know you were trying out.

- Come on, Thorny.

David's marks were a little shaky,

so Harriet and I decided it'd be a good thing for him to give up

basketball until he brought his marks back up.

- Well, I can't say I blame you for making excuses for the boy.

- This is no excuse!

It's the absolute truth, Thorny.

- I kind of figured Will would get it.

He sort of takes after his old man.

You know, I hate to admit this, but I was quite a basketballer

in my day, too.

- You, Thorny?

- Well, sure.

Why do you think they called me Buckets Thornberry?

- Because of your shape.

- Oh, that's very unkind.

- Well, as long as you brought the subject up,

might interest you to know I was a pretty fair basketball

player myself in school.

- You?

- Yes, me.

Tell me this much Baskets...

- Buckets.

- Uh, Buckets.

What's the greatest number of points

you ever scored in one game?

- 22.

- 25 for me.

What was the longest shot you ever made from the floor?

- About 40 feet.

- 45.

Tell me this, what was the--

- Oh, no you don't.

Now it's my turn to ask the questions.

- Look, before we get off the subject of basketball,

let's get one thing straightened out right now.

Will had absolutely nothing to do with David's quitting

the basketball team.

- Oh, Oz, don't be such a sore loser.

- I'm a sore loser?

- Oh, David's a good kid and a good athlete,

but when it comes to basketball, Will is just a little better.

He's shiftier. He's faster.

He's a better shot.

Uh, by the way, did you know that Will can shoot baskets

equally well with both hands?

- Uh, just a second, Thorny.

I hate to interrupt this parental boasting,

but do you happen to know where the stores are open

late tonight? - The stores?

- Yeah.

- Well, yeah, I guess so.

Say, do you know what I think I'll do?

I think I'll write a couple of verses in Will's honor.

- Oh, good for you, Thorny.

- Yep, I think I'll start it this way.

Thorny's boy, oh, what a basketballer.

Thorny's boy, he could shoot with either hand.

How do you like that?

- Uh, that's OK for now, Thorny, but I

have a hunch in a couple of days,

you'll be singing a different tune.

I'll see you later, Basket.

- Buckets.

- Ozzie?

- Yeah, it's me.

David! - Where have you been?

- Downtown. By the way, where's David?

- He's upstairs doing his homework.

What have you got there? - Wait till you see this.

- Did you call me, Pop? - I did, son.

Take a look at this.

- Oh, boy!

A basketball! - Yes, sir.

Isn't that a beauty?

Now hold it up a little, son.

You're blocking your mother's face.

Regulation boots, regulation net, the whole works.

Change your clothes.

We're going to start work right now.

- You mean you want to practice tonight?

- You bet I do.

We'll show that old windbag Thornberry--

- I thought you said David had to put

more time in on his schoolwork.

- Well, he can do that a little later on.

I'll help him with his studies, Harriet.

It's important he make the basketball team, too.

Besides that, it isn't as if he were flunking the whole course.

It's just one composition he got sort of a low mark on.

Go ahead.

Change your clothes, son.

Oh, Thorny thinks he's so smart.

I think I'll change my clothes too, Harriet.

Uh-huh.

Great.

Now break this way, David.

Atta-boy, Dave.

Ah!

Show Will Thornberry who's going to make that team.

Atta-boy, Dave!

Ah!

Take it again.

Oh, that's a beauty, Dave.

Now let's try a couple of set shots from right over here,

left-handed and then right-handed.

- Gee, I'm awful tired, Pop.

- I know, Dave, but the game of basketball

is like the game of life.

The man who wins is a man who gives it

that little extra effort.

That's the difference between winning and losing,

the difference between success and failure,

that little extra effort.

- Yes, sir.

Ozzie!

- Uh, yes, dear?

It's getting awfully late.

Don't you think David ought to be coming in now?

- Well, OK.

I guess maybe your mother's right, Dave.

We'll get out here again tomorrow night

and we'll really practice.

We'll show those Thornberrys.

- I think this is about as far as I can go, dad.

- Oh, that's OK, son.

Just sit down and we'll discuss this right here.

Now, Dave, what seems to be your main difficulty

with this schoolwork?

- I guess I haven't been working hard enough.

- Well, this composition you were telling your mother

and me about, just what did you select for your subject matter?

- The basic difference between the aesthetic form

of art during the Renaissance period compared

with 20th century art.

- Well, just, uh, how much do you

know about the aesthetic difference between the--

The, uh, basic, uh, Renaissance, uh,

of the, uh-- just, uh, how much do you know about the subject?

- I guess I don't know very much about it either.

- Well, you see, Dave, the main thing in writing a composition

is to know your subject matter well.

There's so many people that get in difficulty because they

try to write about subjects that they're actually

not familiar with, and, as a result,

the composition shows it.

It's the same thing as if a man is making a speech, or even

ordinary conversation.

Your mother will bear me out.

How many times have you been in a room,

and somebody starts to talk about something,

it's immediately obvious this man knows his subject.

Everybody perks up and listens.

Here's a man who has great knowledge of what

he's talking about.

On the other hand, every once in a while,

somebody will get up and start to talk about something.

And before he's proceeded two or three sentences,

it's obvious that here's a man who

doesn't know his subject well, doesn't

know what he's talking about.

So what happens?

The audience starts to lose attention

and starts to become listless and--

David?

Will you help me carry David up to bed?

David come home yet?

- No, not yet.

- Where are the eggs?

- I hid them.

- I wanted to practice my egg tricks some more.

- Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.

- Oh, don't be silly, Harriet.

It's just the old trick of making the egg disappear.

- I made a whole box of them disappear.

- Come on now.

Where are the eggs?

I promise you I won't break anymore.

- Oh, OK.

They're in the vegetable container.

- Hi, Mom, Pop.

- Oh hiya, David.

How did the baseball practice work out?

- Oh, swell.

I think the coach thought so, too.

- Big deal.

- That stuff you were showing me last night was a great help.

I shot five baskets.

- Oh, good for you, son!

- How did you make out in English class?

- Uh, I fell asleep.

- Oh, that's too bad.

I'm sure it won't happen again.

Oh, say, what did Will Thornberry

say when he heard you out were for basketball again?

- Oh, he didn't say anything.

- I kind of figured he'd be a little bit burned up.

- Heck no. Will and I are good friends.

- Well, certainly.

Will's his very best friend.

- Oh, yes, I mean, I want the boys to stay friends, you know.

I'm not one for holding grudges.

- Well, what about the Thornberry's driveway?

- What about it?

- Who took the chalk and wrote "Thorny is a meathead"?

- It wasn't me.

- Well, I only did it as a joke, Harriet.

- I don't know.

Thorny didn't seem to be laughing

while he was rubbing it off.

- Oh, well, you know Thorny.

He just has no sense of humor.

- Dad, Will and I had a great idea for Wednesday night.

- Oh? What's that we?

- Well, you used to be a pretty great basketball player,

didn't you?

- Well, I wouldn't say that, David.

I played a little in high school.

- Mr. Thornberry was pretty good, too, wasn't he?

- Well, uh, so he claims.

What's the idea?

- Well, Will and I talked to the coach

about having a game between the fathers,

you know, for Fathers Night.

- A basketball game?

- Yeah, he thought it was a pretty good idea.

You're going to be captain of one team,

and Mr. Thornberry is going to be captain of the other.

- Oh, now just a second, David.

I mean, after all, I haven't played basketball

in a number of years.

- Well, you said you wanted something

to do for Wednesday night.

- Well, yes, but I've got this egg trick all perfected.

You know I've been practicing up on it.

Here, let me have the, uh, towel there, Harriet, would you?

- Will you boys get the mop?

- No, no, no, that won't be necessary.

I've been working on this.

I think it should be real good.

Now watch.

The hand is quicker than the eye.

Now you watch.

This is an ordinary egg, as you just see,

a regular domestic kitchen egg.

Now, I hold the egg thusly, and I throw the towel

across the egg that way.

Now I say the magic words.

Alakazoo, alakazam.

1, 2, 3, 4.

- Hey, that's pretty good, Pop!

- Anybody know what happened to the egg?

- It's in your pocket.

- Uh, which pocket?

- The one with a lump in it.

- Well, I don't think that the lump will

be so obvious when I'm standing far away from the audience.

See, you fellas are pretty close to me.

- Oh, say, dear, listen, I meant to tell you.

Joe Cunningham's father plans on doing magic for Friday night.

And you know he used to be a professional magician.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, he's going to make a dog disappear.

- Make a dog disappear?

- A St. Bernard.

- What a big pocket he must have!

- Well, David I--

Are you sure now?

He's going to make a St. Bernard dog disappear?

- That's what Joey said.

- You know, maybe that basketball game

might be a pretty good idea at that.

Thanks, Rick.

- Come on, Pop.

Do it again.

Almost, Pop.

Try it again.

Come on!

David, are you sure that's the right height for a basket?

It seems awful high.

Not only that, the hoop seems a little narrower than the ones

we used to use.

- Well, it's regulation, though, isn't it, Pop?

- Well, that's what the man said when he sold it to me,

but you know those crafty salesmen.

Sometimes they'll tell you anything just to make a sale.

- You just got to practice more, Pop.

- Yeah, maybe so.

I can't understand how I can't make that left-handed hook

shot.

That used to be one of my best shots.

You know, I used to sort of fake the defense off balance

and then swing it over my shoulder.

- Just a little bit-- just a little bit too much, Pop.

- Oh, thanks, David.

No good.

I didn't even hit the garage.

Well, I think I'll call it quits for tonight

and pick this up tomorrow afternoon.

- Just one more hour, Pop.

- No, no, David.

There's such a thing as over-training, you know.

I don't want to overdo it.

- Hey, that was neat, Pop.

Right in the Thornberry's trash can.

- Oh, well...

I know it went somewhere in that general direction.

- Gonna practice some more tonight?

- No, I was telling David I think

I'll call it quits for now and practice some more tomorrow

afternoon.

- Yeah.

Besides, it's getting awfully cold.

- What do you mean the "softy's getting old?"

- Oh, no, Pop.

I said it's getting awfully cold.

- Oh!

Oh, yeah, yeah, it is.

Well, come on.

Go in the house now, fellas.

Let me have the ball.

You know, I didn't do so bad at that tonight, Dave.

- No, you did swell, Pop?

- What's the matter?

- I thought I'd try just one more shot before we go in.

- Hey!

You made it, Pop!

- Guys, I wish Thorny could have seen that one.

What's that?

About 35 or 40 feet, huh?

- Yeah, that was a great shot.

- Oh, thanks.

- Aren't you coming, Pop?

- Uh, I think I'll stay and shoot a couple of more baskets.

Hi, Ricky.

- Well, if it isn't old Thornberry.

- Hi.

Say, uh, what time are you going over to school tonight?

About 7:00, I guess.

- Yeah, we're going to be there about 7:00, too.

- Why don't you come down in our car?

- Well, that's swell with me, but I

don't think our fathers will want to ride together.

- No, I guess not.

- That was a real exciting game tonight, huh?

- Yeah.

I saw Pop last night, and he looks pretty sharp.

- My dad really looked great.

He's got a trick shot called a triple whammy that's

really neat.

He does kind of a hop, skip, and jump, then flips a hook shot

with a lot of English on it.

- My Pop doesn't go in for that tricky stuff.

He'd rather be a good player than the fancy Dan.

- Oh, my Pop's pretty good.

Of course, your Pop is good, too.

It's just that my father's a little taller

and a little faster.

- Don't worry about Pop.

He's pretty fast, boy.

- Oh, yeah, he's got a lot of speed, for a man his age.

I'll see you down there.

May the best team win.

- May the better team win.

- Hi, Mom.

- Oh, hello, dear.

- I've got good news. - Well, fine.

What is it?

- The teacher let me do that composition over again,

and I handed it in. She said it was swell.

- Oh, well, that is good news.

Did you write on the same subject?

- No, I didn't.

I followed Pop's advice.

I called it "Basketball and Life."

You know how the same rules apply?

A lot of the stuff Pop told me.

- Where is Pop, anyway?

- Oh, well, he's lying down in the den.

- Holy smokes.

Anything the matter?

- Well, I'm afraid he's had too much basketball

practice this afternoon.

- Oh, golly.

What's the matter, Pop?

- What's the matter?

- Oh, hello, boys.

- We're over here, dad.

- Uh, yes, I know.

Harriet, could you just turn my head

over so I can talk to the boys?

- Are you hurt, Pop?

- No, I think it's only a temporary condition, fellas.

It's just that I can't quite lift my arms and my legs.

- Can you get up?

- Well, I could try.

- No, you don't.

Now, you just lie there.

- You mean you can't play basketball tonight?

- No, I'm afraid not, boys.

- Well now, I may be able to if I rest a little bit.

In fact, my muscles are starting to loosen up a little now.

Yeah, I can wiggle my toes.

- You know what Dr. Brown said, carry you upstairs and put you

in a hot bath.

- Gee, if Pop can't play tonight,

I sure don't want to go to school.

- Me either.

- I'm sorry, boys.

I don't know how this happened.

I was outside practicing, shooting a few baskets.

I just stopped for a moment and sat down on the back steps.

And when I went to get up, my muscles were all tightened up.

It's as tight as a pretzel.

- How'd you get him in the house, Mom?

- Oh, I just kind of rolled him in like a hoop.

- I suppose everybody will say I chickened out.

- Oh, that's OK, Pop.

Heck, who cares what everybody says?

- We'll just move to another city.

- I'll get it.

- I'm sorry this had to happen, boys.

- Heck, Pop.

You couldn't help it.

Oh, hello, Will.

- Hey, it's Will Thornberry.

Should we throw the blanket over Pop's face so he can't see him?

- Hi, Will. - Hi, Will.

- Hi.

Say, I came over to see if I could ride down

to the school with you guys.

- Aren't you going down with your father?

- Well, I was, but Pop was practicing basketball

behind Murphy's barn, and he sprained his ankle.

- Oh, gee.

That's too bad.

- You mean he can't even play in the game tonight?

- No, he's got to stay in bed for at least a week, maybe two.

- Oh, that's a shame, Will.

You certainly can ride down with us.

We'd be very glad to have you.

- Hey, Pop got up off the couch. - Yay!

Can you play now, Pop?

- Well, certainly.

Are you kidding?

David, this is what I mean.

It's that little extra effort that

makes the difference between victory and defeat.

On to victory, boys.

- The game of basketball is like the game of life.

That's what my dad says.

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

Just thought I'd drop over and see how

the bad leg was coming along.

- Well, thanks.

Oh, I don't think it's as bad as I first thought it was.

- Oh, that's good.

- Say, I understand you guys really gave my team

a shellacking last night.

- Oh, well, we were pretty lucky, Thorny.

Yeah, we eked out a little victory.

Tell you this much, though.

I bet you if you'd have been there,

it wouldn't have been quite such a victory.

- Oh-- - Oh, I'm sorry.

It's your bad leg, isn't it?

- Well, uh-- no, no, no.

It's this one here.

- Oh, oh.

We're very lucky.

- Oh, Oz, they tell me, boy, you were quite the star last night.

- Well, I got kind of lucky.

You know, you have one of those nights where

you sink them from all corners.

The old hook shot was working pretty well.

And that dribble reverse shot over here seemed to be-- you

know, every once in a while, you get a night

where no matter where you throw the ball,

it drops in the basket.

I just got lucky.

That's all.

- Oh.

Tell me, I haven't heard yet, but what was the final score?

- Well, uh, you know, it was a very closely fought game,

a tight game.

- Mhm.

What was the final score?

- Well, you know, some time you'll have a game

and it'll be a scintillating game, an exciting game,

and yet, the score won't go up into those astronomical figures

because the defense is so tight and so keen.

- What was the final score, Oz?

- Uh, oh, uh, 7-2.

Next week, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet" will be brought to you

by Prophylactic toothbrushes, Listerine toothpaste,

and Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world.

Will Thornberry II was played by Mason Alan Dinehart III.