Original subtitles

Listerine antiseptic, Listerine toothpaste,

and Prophylactic toothbrushes present

America's favorite family comedy, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet," starring the entire Nelson

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

Ozzie Nelson, of course, plays the part

of the head of the Nelson household, Ozzie.

And here is his lovely wife, Harriet Nelson,

who keeps the family on an even keel.

Hello, Harriet.

The smiling young teenager we now see

is David Nelson, older of the two Nelson boys,

and played by David Nelson.

And here we have the youngest of the Nelsons,

the little guy with the twinkle in his eye,

Ricky Nelson, played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door neighbor Mr. Thornberry,

better known as Ozzie's pal Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Hey, Mom! Mom!

- Where's Mom? - Here I am.

What's all the commotion?

- We're back.

- Well, good for you.

- Yep, back the same night.

- How did everything go?

- Oh, OK.

Oh, swell.

- Well, the majority seems to approve.

- Yeah, I think it went off pretty well.

- Pretty well, he says.

I heard somebody say it was the best sports

banquet he'd ever been to.

Oh, really?

Who said that?

- I did.

- Good for you.

- And you know something, Pop?

This may come as quite a shock, but, for once, I

agree with Ricky.

- I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah, it sure was swell.

- What kind of a dinner did you have?

- Oh, the usual.

You know, lamb chops, peas, boiled potatoes.

- Did we have potatoes?

- Well, sure.

They were those little round white things.

- How about that?

I thought they were toadstools.

- They happened to be potatoes.

Besides, toadstools are bad for you.

- Then I'll bet you they were toadstools.

- They weren't toadstools.

- Well, I don't know.

My stomach's beginning to feel a little jumpy.

- I think we can trace that back to all the dishes of ice cream

you put away.

- How can you trace?

I didn't leave any clues.

- I have to go along with that.

- Well, I'm glad you had such a good time.

You know, you boys should be very proud of your father.

Oh, we are.

- Aw, Harriet.

- No, I mean it.

You handled the whole affair very well,

and it was quite a responsibility, too.

- Well, thanks a lot, but the committee

really pitched in and did a wonderful job.

- Well, you did most of the work,

and I think you deserve a vote of thanks.

- So do I. All those in favor of thanking Pop, say aye.

- Aye!

- All oppose?

- I.

Aye what?

- I just want to go on record as saying

that all the thanks I need is knowing

that everybody had a good time.

That's payment enough for me.

- Oh, my goodness.

Look at the time.

You fellas had better get ready for bed.

- I think we ought to stay down here and thank pa some more.

- Me, too.

- All those in favor of--

- The meeting is adjourned.

- Well, so much for the voting.

- Gosh, and I thought this was a democracy.

- Come on. I'll help you up the stairs.

- What do you know?

A government escort.

- I wonder who that could be.

- I'll get it.

Yes?

- I beg your pardon, but you are the gentleman

who is in charge of the high school sports banquet,

aren't you? - Yes, I am.

- Well, I'm with the Morning Tribune.

They told me down at the school where you lived.

- Oh, fine. Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

I'm terribly sorry to be calling on you at this hour,

but somehow I missed you at the banquet.

- Oh, yes, well, I was kind of busy hustling around.

Not hustling anybody exactly, but as

the chair of the committee, you know,

it was kind of a busy evening.

Won't you come into the den?

It's rather comfortable in there, I think.

- Well, I'll only take a moment of your time.

I have to make a deadline tonight.

- A deadline?

- Yes, I'm doing a little article

on the banquet for the morning edition.

- And you mean I'm going to be in it?

- Oh, very much so.

Everybody, just everybody, remarked

about the splendid job you did as coordinator on the operation

banquet.

- Oh, well, gosh.

Thank you very much.

- They were all talking about you.

- Well, that's very nice.

I'm sure I appreciate it.

- Now, let me see.

You're, um, uh, Mr., uh--

- Nelson. Ozzie Nelson.

- Hey, Pop.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

- This is my small son, Ricky.

- Oh, hello, Ricky. - Hello.

- This lady's from the Morning Tribune.

She's a reporter. - No kidding.

A real live one?

- Well, I hope so.

Do you read the papers?

- Yes, ma'am, especially Lil Abner.

- This lady's going to do an interview,

you know, about the banquet tonight.

- No kidding.

Pardon me.

Pop did a swell job, didn't he?

- Oh, yes, he certainly did.

- Thanks a lot.

Of course, a lot of the credit goes to the committee.

They were really most cooperative.

Very, very hard workers.

You have their names there, don't you?

- Well, yes, I believe I do.

Let me see.

There's Mr. Nielsen.

Oh, you're Mr. Nielsen, aren't you?

- Uh, no.

It's Nelson.

- Mm.

I have it Thank you.

- And then there were several heads of the subcommittees

I think should be mentioned.

There's Carlyle Von Heinsbergen.

- Mhm.

That's H-E-I-N-S-B-E-R-G-E-N, isn't it?

- Yes, that's right.

And then there was, uh, Keith Stynfeister

That's S-T-Y-N-F-E-I-S-T-E-R. He's rather particular about

the spelling.

- I'm sure I have him.

Thank you.

- Well, I guess that just about tells the whole story.

- Come on, Ricky.

Oh, excuse me.

- Oh, this is our older son, David.

- Oh, how do you do? - Hello.

- This lady's from the Morning Trombone.

- Uh, no, no, Ricky. Not trombone.

It's "Tribune."

- Oh, I knew it had something to do with a musical instrument.

- What's going on, Pop?

- Oh, this lady's going to write an article for tomorrow

morning's paper, you know, about the sports banquet tonight.

- Pop's getting interviewed, and I'm helping him.

- Well, that's questionable.

Don't you think it's about time you went to bed, young fellow?

- OK. Good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Goodnight, Dad. - Goodnight, Pop.

- Goodnight, boys. I'll be up and see you later.

- Oh, my.

They certainly are fine boys.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Sorry we had so many little interruptions.

- Oh, not at all.

Well, I think I have all the information I need.

- Oh, I would like to get just a brief statement

to sort of conclude the article, so to speak.

- Oh.

Just say that I'm very happy that I was selected

to be the chairman of the committee,

and I'm very happy that everybody

seemed to be happy with the way the affair, uh, had turned out.

- Well, thank you so much for your cooperation.

- Oh, well, thank you.

I feel very honored that you're going

to do a little piece on it.

- Oh, no, not at all.

Well, I'll have to hurry this in for the morning edition.

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry we didn't have a photographer handy.

You know I'd like to have gotten a picture.

- Oh, well, perhaps we have a snapshot of some sort lying

around the house you could use.

- Oh, well, that would be fine if you have one to spare.

- Say, how about this?

This is a rather nice picture, I think.

- Oh, well, it's a shame to take it out of that lovely frame.

- Well, why don't you take the whole thing

with you, the frame and all?

Nobody ever looks at it, really.

- Thank you very much.

- You bet.

- Well, you've been very kind.

And thank you for giving me so much of your time.

- Oh, well, thank you.

It's been a real pleasure.

- Well, goodbye.

- Goodbye.

As the old saying goes, "I'll be seeing you in the funnies."

Not you.

Me, that is.

Breakfast ready yet, Harriet?

- No, not quite.

You're up early this morning, aren't you?

- Yeah, it's such a beautiful day.

I thought I might as well get up a little earlier.

- I see.

- Say, I don't suppose--

- No, it hasn't.

- What hasn't?

- Paper hasn't arrived yet.

- Paper?

- Yes, The Morning Tribune.

- Oh, by golly, that's right, isn't it?

My picture in the article is supposed to appear in the paper

this morning.

- Mhm.

- It's funny how a thing like that'll slip your mind.

- Yes, isn't it?

- What's keeping that paper boy anyway?

- Oh, he'll be along any minute.

- I know, but it's a little unreasonable for the kid

to go cruising all over town, daydreaming.

People are standing around here on pins and needles waiting

for their morning paper to arrive.

- Here it is, Pop. Here's the morning paper.

- Oh, good! That's it!

- Extra, extra read all about it!

- Let's see it.

- Get your big dirty hands out of there, Ricky!

- Those aren't my hands.

They're Pop's.

- Well, who's picture is it anyway?

- There's not going to be any picture if you aren't careful.

- She said it was supposed to be in this morning's paper.

It must be here somewhere. - Here it is.

Here's Pop's picture.

- Oh, what does it say?

- Hey, I guess it isn't Pop's picture after all.

- Well, it looks like him to me.

- Yeah, but look what it says underneath.

Some fellow's initials.

- For goodness sakes.

"Chairman of school sports banquet, Mr. RZ Nielsen!"

RZ Ni--

- Who's he?

- Evidently, your father.

- Is that your real name, Pop?

- Of course not!

This is incredible!

- Didn't you tell the woman your name?

- Well, of course I did!

I told her about four times!

I even spelled it out for her!

Ozzie Nelson!

- Who's this other guy?

- This is ridiculous!

- Maybe it's Pop's long lost twin brother,

like they have in the movies.

- No, no, no, Ricky.

- Well apparently, the woman made a mistake.

"Ozzie" must have sounded like "RZ."

- What about the Nielsen part?

- This is ridiculous. Look at this.

She has no trouble spelling Carlisle von

Hinesbergen or Keith Stynfeister but "Nelson" is too difficult!

I won;t even talk about the RZ!

- Well, what are you going to do?

- That's a woman for you, huh, Pop?

- Well, I'm not going to let it spoil my whole day for me.

I'll tell you that much.

- Oh, well, certainly not.

Come on in and have some breakfast.

- I don't think I'll have any breakfast, Harriet.

I'm just not hungry.

- You gonna sue them, Pop?

- No, of course not, Ricky.

You don't sue a newspaper just because they

misspell your name.

- Why not?

- Because it isn't that important.

- Well, it does seem they could've spelled at least one

of your names correctly.

- Well, what are you going to do?

What's done is done.

- Gee, it seems funny they spelled the rest

of the people's names right.

- Well, the best thing to do is just forget about it.

I mean, I feel silly even discussing the thing.

They misspelled my name.

So what?

- You sure are a good sport, Pop.

- Well, there's no sense of making a big deal out of it.

Those things happen.

We'll simply cancel our subscription

and forget about it.

- Cancel the subscription?

- Well, certainly.

Why not?

- Heck, the Tribune's got the best sports section in town.

- Yeah, they've got the best funnies, too.

- Their women's page is awfully good, too, dear.

- Well, OK, OK.

If you three want to go on subscribing to The Daily

Illiterate, that's your business.

Don't expect me to read any more of their yellow journalism.

- Well, maybe they'll discover their mistake

and print an apology.

- Oh, Harriet, I don't want an apology.

In the first place, you know what they do with those things.

They sneak them in the back page by the Want ads

where nobody can see them.

- I still say we ought to sue them.

- And I still say let's just forget about the whole thing.

- Yes, sir.

Can I read the funnies, Pop? - Certainly.

Go ahead.

- Do you want me to read them to you and cheer you up?

- No, that's ok.

- Can I have the sports page, Rick?

- I'll take the rest of that, dear.

- You want some more coffee, dear?

- Harriet, let's just forget about it.

- I just asked if you want some more coffee.

- Oh, oh.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

No thank you, dear.

I think I'll go outside and take a little walk.

- Well, that's a good idea. Get some fresh air.

- I'll get my coat.

- Gee, Pop's kind of sore, isn't he?

- Well, I don't blame him, if you want my honest opinion.

- He says he doesn't want them to print an apology.

- Well, sometimes what your father says

and what he really means are two different things.

It wouldn't do any harm to go down to the newspaper office

and have a talk with them. - Heck no.

It'd probably do a lot of good.

- If you want some action, Mom, I'll go along with you.

- What could you do, Ricky?

- I may be small, David, but just remember one thing...

- I'm listening.

- You get plenty of dynamite in a small package.

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Come on over and have a cup of coffee.

- No thanks. I've already had breakfast.

- Well, all right.

Sit down and join me.

I'm just skimming through the morning paper.

Have you seen it yet?

- Yes, I've seen it.

- Oh, uh, anything interesting in it?

- No, just the usual trivia that they print in that paper.

- Well, evidently, you missed it.

Here, take a look at this article.

All about the high school banquet.

- Oh? - Well, go on.

Read what it says.

You don't have to bother about all the other stuff.

Just read the line I've got underlined.

- Uh, Thorny, will you please stop sticking that scandal

sheet in my face?

- Alright then, I'll read it for you.

"Seating arrangements were under the able supervision

of Mr. SJ Thornberry."

That's me, Oz.

- Well, congratulations.

- Thank you.

Yes, sir.

"Under the able supervision of Mr. SJ Thornberry."

You know, Oz, I think the use of the initials

adds a tone of distinction to my name, don't you?

- Yes, that's very nice, Thorny.

- And how about that part that says "able supervision of"?

Pretty good, huh?

- What'd you do?

Buy out the entire newsstand?

- Well, I did buy a few extra copies for my relatives.

Then, Catherine wanted a few to show to her friends,

and Will wanted a couple of copies of show around school.

All in all, I only bought 25.

- Thorny, it might be good of you

to know there were a few other people's names in that article,

too.

- What?

- Well, by golly, Oz, you're right.

Here's ol' Heinsberger's name, and Ed Grausse's name, too.

- Yes, yes, I've read the article.

- Hey, wait a minute.

What's this RZ Nielsen that's right under your photo?

- That's not important.

- I don't remember any RZ Nielsen.

It says he was chairman of the whole affair.

- Yes, yes, Thorny.

- Well, Oz, I thought that you--

Holy smoke.

They must mean you!

- Thorny, yes, they mean me.

They made a little mistake in the spelling of my name.

- A little mistake?

Well, they didn't even spell any part of it right.

Well, I hope you're not going to take this lying down.

- Thorny, forget it.

- Well, what I ought to do is cancel my subscription.

- Go ahead.

Cancel it.

- Well, if I do that, they may not print my name again.

- Well, if they do print it, don't be surprised if it comes

out S.J. Thornbloomers.

- Well, I'm still going to show them that they

can't insult a friend of mine.

- How?

- Well, I'm not going to buy another one of their papers

today.

- Oh, that'll fix them up good.

That'll really break them up.

Well, I think I'll get on home, Thorny.

I'll see you later.

- OK, Ars--

I mean, Oz.

- Yes, Ms. Harper?

Who?

Well, have her come in.

- Mr. Matthews? - Yes.

Won't you sit down, Mrs. Nelson? - Well, thank you.

I know you're a very busy man, and I won't take up

much of your time.

- Oh, well, that's perfectly all right.

If there's anything about the paper that

bothers our subscribers, I'm always happy to hear from them.

You know subscribers are very important people to us.

You are one of our subscribers?

- Oh, yes, of course.

- Oh, well, that's fine.

Now, what seems to be the trouble?

- Well, it's this article about the high school banquet.

You've given my husband a very nice write-up.

That is, it's very nice except for one thing.

- What's that, Mrs. Nelson?

- You misspelled his name.

- Oh, that's a shame.

Unfortunately, these typographical errors do happen.

- Well, I'm afraid this is more than a typographical error.

You see, his name is Ozzie Nelson,

and the paper has it R.Z. Nielsen.

- Well, we really missed the boat on that one, didn't we?

- Yes, I'm afraid so.

- Oh, well, I don't blame you for being upset, Mrs. Nelson.

And if you wait just a moment, I'll

find out who's responsible for this.

- Oh, please, I don't want to cause any trouble.

- Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Uh, Ms. Harper, can you tell me who

the birdbrain was who did that article on the high school

banquet?

Oh, it was, huh?

No, all right.

Thank you.

It seems that one of our new reporters did that article.

She's usually a very capable woman.

- Well, I just thought perhaps you might

be able to print a correction.

- Well, of course we will.

And I'm terribly sorry this happened.

However, I do hate to take any action

against the reporter in as much as she is new on the job.

- Oh, no, no, I honestly hope that you won't.

After all, it's such a small matter.

- Oh, nonsense!

I'm very happy that you brought it to our attention.

And now, you tell Mr. Nielsen that--

- No, no, no.

Nelson.

- Oh, yes, Nelson.

R.Z. Nelson.

- No, no.

Ozzie.

- Yes, of course.

Ozzie Nelson.

Well now, don't you worry about it.

We'll print a very nice apology in tomorrow morning's paper.

- Well, I certainly do appreciate this, Mr. Matthews.

- Oh, we're always happy to make amends.

- Well, goodbye, and thank you again.

- Thank you for coming in.

Uh, Ms. Harper, you're going to have

to be very subtle about this, but please

don't send my wife out on any more of those interviews.

- Hi, Mom. - Hi, Mom.

- Oh, hello there, boys.

Has the morning paper arrived yet?

- No, not yet.

- What do you think they'll say about Pop?

- Well, I'm anxious to find out.

Mr. Matthews said it would be very nice.

- Did you tell Pop?

- No, I didn't.

I thought we'd just surprise him.

- What's this about a surprise?

- Oh, good morning, dear. - Hi, Pop.

- Good morning. - Sit down.

Oh, boy, something sure smells good.

I'm hungry too.

What did you say about a surprise, Harriet?

- Oh, it's nothing, really.

- Oh, come now.

If I've got a surprise coming, I want to hear about it.

- You're not going to get any breakfast.

- No, it isn't that, least I hope not.

- Oh, you'll find out in just a minute.

Has the boy delivered the morning paper yet?

- Oh, I don't think so.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Thornberry. - Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Oh, Thorny! - Hi, everybody.

Oz, old pal, I want you to know that I'm with you all the way.

No matter what action you take, I'm backing you 100%.

- What are you talking about? - Wait a minute.

You mean you haven't read the morning paper?

- Thorny, what happened?

- Harriet, plenty.

This is an outrage.

Well, it's adding insult to injury.

- Calm down, old boy.

Calm down.

- Ozzie, look.

Take a look at this.

Right on the front page too.

- Well, I'll be darned.

It's my picture again, Harriet!

- Well, sure, it's your picture, but take a look

at the name under it.

- "One of the community's outstanding citizens...

Mr. Ugi Naslund."

Ugi Naslund!

- Oh, no.

- Well, I hope you won't let him get away with it this time, Oz.

- Oh, I can't see anything to get excited about.

This is pretty funny, Thorny.

- Ugi Naslund. - Uh oh.

Shock must have been too great.

I think he flipped his wing.

- Well, I don't see anything funny about it.

- Isn't breakfast ready yet, Harriet?

I'm awfully hungry.

- How can you still have an appetite after this?

Well, I thought you'd be ripping up pillows and boiling tar.

- Oh, are you kidding, Thorny?

Where's your sense of humor?

This is very funny.

Ugi Naslund.

- Hey, David.

I think dad has popped his cork.

- Well, I think I'll be running along.

Now, look, Oz, you try not to let this upset you too much.

- Oh, OK. Thanks, Thorny.

Thanks for bringing the paper over.

- OK, I'll see you later.

- Oh, Ugi Naslund.

- You mean you're not even saw, Pop?

- Well, of course not, David.

I think it's very funny.

- Well, I am.

Mr. Matthews promised me he'd print a very nice apology.

- Now they'll have to print an apology for the apology.

- You're darn right they will. - No, no.

Wait a minute, everybody. Relax.

Calm down.

After all, mistakes will happen.

- You're certainly being very agreeable about this,

and that just isn't like you.

- OK, I guess I might as well let you in on a little secret.

You know how Thorny always loves to play practical jokes?

This was just one of Thorny's little practical jokes.

- What does Thorny have to do with it?

- Didn't you notice when he brought the paper in?

You probably didn't take a good look at it.

That "Ugi Naslund" in the front was just

pasted on there by Thorny, pasted

right over the right name on the paper.

- Are you sure?

- Well, sure.

Poor old Thorny.

I'll bet he spent about an hour cutting out all those letters

and pasting them on the paper.

- Gee, how'd you noticed that, Pop?

- Oh, your old dad has his brighter moments

every now and then.

I guess it must have been that walk in the early morning

air that kind of freshened me up a little.

- What walk in the early morning air?

-, Well I got up about 6 o'clock this morning and I took

a stroll down to the newsstand to buy the paper.

I just couldn't wait to see what they said about me.

- Well, how did you know they were going

to say anything about you?

- Oh, well, Mr. Matthews phoned last night

to find out the exact spelling of my name.

A very nice article too.

Would you like to see it?

I've got it right upstairs.

- I certainly would.

- Yeah, they have a nice big picture of me,

and, eh, very nice article.

Hey, there's the paper.

- And there's another one.

- There's another one!

- Uh.

I ordered a few extra copies.

- I'll go out and get them.

- Ricky!

Get away from that door.

Do you want to get killed?

- Hello?

Yes.

Well, no.

Well, no thank you.

We're very happy with the set of encyclopedias we've got now.

Yes.

Thanks just the same for calling.

Bye.

Another salesman?

- Yeah.

- For what?

- For the encyclopedia Mexicali.

You know, this picture of mine in the paper

sure has caused a welter of excitement, hasn't it?

- Oh, I'll get it.

- Hey, Pop? - Yeah?

- There's a guy at the back door.

- Oh, what's he selling?

- Water softeners.

- Oh, tell him thanks, David.

We've already got one. - OK.

- Hey, Pop? - Yeah?

- There's a guy at the back door.

- Yeah, I know. David just told me.

- No, this is a different guy. - What's he selling?

- Automobiles.

- Well, tell him thanks, we've already got one.

Oh, gee.

- Well, we're not interested.

Thank you very much.

- Hello?

Yes?

Well, thanks very much.

Yeah, we just had our roof repaired about a month ago.

Thanks a lot.

Who was at the door?

- Oh, a man selling chances on a punch board.

- I'm beginning to wish I never had my picture in the paper.

- Oh.

Here, let me take it.

Hello?

I beg your pardon?

This is the home of Mr. RZ Nielsen.

It's all right.

- You should have told them you have a newspaper to prove it.

Next week, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet," starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

Will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint for the finest first.

The reporter was played by Paula Winslowe.

Frank Nelson was the newspaper publisher.