Original subtitles

- Boy, I sure hate homework.

- Well, everybody does but you have to do it.

What have you got there?

- Listen to this.

We're supposed to give an example of a compound sentence.

I wrote, "My mother likes to cook

and especially likes to cook on our new Hotpoint stove."

Is that a good example?

- I think it is.

- It's also a good commercial, huh?

- Hmm.

- Hotpoint Quality Appliances presents

America's favorite family comedy,

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Who's that in the closet?

- Don't be scared, Mom.

It's me, your son Ricky.

- Oh, Ricky, get up and take that skeleton suit off.

You'll have it worn out by the time Halloween gets here.

- I'm just looking for my skeleton hand.

- Well, you won't find them in there.

You come on, get up and take that suit off.

Gives me the willies anyway.

- OK.

- What's the trouble?

- Well, take a look on the floor of the closet.

- What, is that a dog in there?

- No, you better take another look.

That happens to be your small son.

- Well, how about that?

I could have sworn some dog left his bones in there.

- Neat outfit, huh, Pop?

- Yes, you're scary all right.

Aren't you rushing the season a little, though?

Halloween isn't quite here.

- I'm just getting all my bones together.

- I thought that they were painted on the suit?

- Oh, no.

The hands come separate.

- Do you mean to tell me they have hands with those outfits?

- Well, sure.

I guess you never seen a real life skeleton.

No.

Come to think of it, I guess I never have.

And I'll gladly forgo the pleasure, thank you.

- You're welcome.

It's a neat outfit, huh, Pop?

- Yeah, like I said, it's plenty scary, boy.

- You think anybody will recognize me?

Well, you sure had me fooled.

- Hi, Mom.

Hi, Pop.

- David, guess who I am.

- Oh, brother.

Fine.

How'd you guess?

- I'm not sure he did.

What do you got there, dear?

- Oh, just some stuff for a Halloween party at school.

I'm the treasurer.

- Oh, I didn't know you were going to have a Halloween

party at school.

- Oh, we're just going to dress up and play some games.

- Oh, that sounds like fun.

School parties always are.

- You said it.

We get out of studying.

- Yeah, Halloween is a lot of fun for kids.

- Don't you like Halloween, Pop?

- Oh, sure.

But, you know, as you get a little bit older

you get kind of tired of that stuff.

- You mean going to parties and playing games and stuff?

- Yeah, see, there are certain traditional and seasonal games

like "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" and ducking for apples.

And they get a little stale as the years go by.

- We make up a lot of new stuff, Pop.

- What do you mean make up new stuff?

- We bring the old fashioned games up to date.

- Well, that sounds interesting.

How do you bring "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" up to date?

Or shouldn't I ask?

- Oh sure.

We draw big picture of the teacher's face

in the blackboard.

- I don't get the connection.

- Well, then we play the game.

- And what do you call it?

- "Draw the Mustache on the Teacher."

- I have a hunch that the teacher is

going to walk in one of these days,

and you'll have a new game.

"I am not Salvador Dali" on the blackboard 50 times.

- I don't know, Pop.

Our teacher was the one who made up the game.

- You know, sometimes this modern psychology

puzzles me a little.

- They call it "relieving suppressed desires."

- Yeah, I guess it does at that.

How does it seem to work?

- Heck, I don't even know what it means.

- That's probably part of the Psychology.

- You and Mom going to a Halloween party this year, Pop?

- Yeah, I suppose the girls will get together and whip up

some sort of a deal at the last minute, they usually do.

Gives them an excuse to dress up a bit.

- Well, as a matter of fact, we were

talking about that yesterday and I

think we'll skip it this year.

- Well, I'm sure you won't get any objection from the men.

Personally, I think it's about time we gave Halloween back

to the kids anyway.

- Well, it'll save us a lot of trouble.

Trying to drag you guys out of the house to a party

is no fun either.

- I like going to parties.

- Oh, boy!

- Hey, stay out of that Ricky!

- Hey, what is this white stuff?

- That's paint for the faces.

- Hey, neat, boy. - Leave it alone.

That's for the party at school.

- I could put this on my face and look just like a skeleton.

- Hey, you could at that. Let me see it.

- Oh, gee, Pop. That's for the party at school.

I bought it with a class money.

- That's OK, I'll only use a little of it.

- Gee, I can see the headlines now.

"Boy uses school funds to turn brother into skeleton."

- I'll give you a little extra change if you need it.

- Boy, am I going to look spooky.

- I hope that stuff comes off.

- It's supposed to.

It's a pretty good paint job, I think.

- We've got some black stuff here, too, Pop.

If you want it. - Oh, yeah.

Hey, that's swell.

We could use this for the eyes.

Look at this, Harriet.

- I never thought I'd see the day when I'd sit here and let

your father blacken your eyes.

- How do you like that?

Eyes, nose, and mouth.

- Yeah, that sounds like the usual arrangement.

- I want to look at myself.

Oh boy, do I look gruesome!

- Pretty neat job, eh?

- Yeah, but where can I hide until Halloween?

- You ought to get ducking your head into a nice bowl of soap

and water.

You can put that war paint on again when the time comes.

- I just wanted to leave it on till I rehearse my theme song.

- Your theme song?

- Sure.

The ankle bone connected to the shin bone.

- Shin bone connected to the--

- Hi, Oz!

- Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Hey, what are you doing with the broom?

- Well, you know, Halloween once a year, I usually celebrate.

- Holy smoke, what's wrong with your hand?

It's all white. Looks a little undernourished.

- Oh no, I just put a little Halloween makeup

on Ricky's face.

The kids are going to go out to trick or treat tomorrow night

and he's going to dress up as a skeleton.

- Oh.

Boy, Halloween is sure a lot of fun for the kids.

- Yeah, it really is.

Gives them a chance to let off a little steam.

- As a matter of fact, we've had some pretty good parties

in the last few years.

- Well, they've been OK.

Personally, I still think Halloween is mainly

a night for kids, though.

- Come to think of it, I don't think

I've heard anything about this year's party.

What are the girls' plan? Do you know?

- Oh, from what I understand they're not going

to give a party this year.

- Oh, that's a shame.

Don't you think we could talk them into it?

- Well, are you kidding?

Let's leave well enough alone.

Don't tell me you actually enjoy those horrible fiascoes

with those corny games and those idiotic costumes?

- Well, it is a lot of trouble at that.

Well, you know Katherine spent a whole week making

that outfit I wore last year?

- You mean at the Dunkles?

- No, that was a party before last.

Last year's party was at the Randolph's, don't you remember?

- Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

- Sure, that was the year I won first prize for the best

costume.

- You won the first prize?

- Sure, you remember.

I wore that devil's outfit.

- I thought you came dressed up as a fireman?

Sure, you did.

Don't you remember you insisted you

could jump out of the second story window

into the big apple tree?

- Oz, that was New Year's Eve.

And I darned near made it, too.

- No, I'm sure it was Halloween. Certainly.

We were ducking for apples and somebody spiked the water.

- You know, we've had some pretty good Halloween

parties at that.

- You know, I never will forget the night

that Mrs. O'Shaughnessy put that big sheet over her head,

and she said, "I am the devil."

- I don't remember that. - Sure, you do.

O'Shaughnessy didn't know who it was.

He said, "Shake hands with me, I married your sister."

- You know, I think the least the wives could have done

was to ask us before they call off this year's party.

- Oh I don't think it's been called off definitely.

It's just they haven't made any plans for it.

- Well, right there is a reason why a lot of the parties

haven't been so good.

- Well, what do you mean?

- Well, they haven't been properly organized.

You can't just give a party haphazardly,

you've got to organize it.

- You've got to plan the whole evening.

Hour by hour, step by step.

- Especially the entertainment.

And by somebody who has a little talent for that sort of thing.

- That's exactly what I mean.

- Say, you know we could do--

That is, if we wanted to turn this into a party tomorrow

night, say for instance--

Is to work out a schedule for the entire evening.

Exactly what games we're going to play,

what time we play them.

Exactly what time we eat, what time we dance.

And that way we'd have the entire evening under control.

- Now, that's the sensible way to do it.

And instead of having everyone dressed up in costumes

and causing a lot of confusion, we

could just have a couple of more talented fellas dressed up,

to keep things going.

- But wearing really clever costumes.

- That's right.

- So much better to have a couple of fellows with real

talent, rather than the whole room full of would-be

comedians.

- It's rather short notice...

What do you think we ought to wear?

- No, what do you think we ought to do it?

- Are you kidding, Oz?

This sounds great to me!

I can dig up that devil's outfit I wore last year.

- Say, I have a devil's outfit up in the attic, too.

We could put on a big sign: "Aren't we devils?"

- No, no.

- Let's not worry about the costumes,

we can think of something, Oz.

- One thing's for sure, the entire evening

will go off smoothly.

I mean, none of this haphazard stuff.

It will all be plan step by step.

- Uh, do you think the girls are like the idea?

I mean, us taking in out of their hands this way?

- Well, they'll be delighted.

As a matter of fact, the more I think of it,

I'll bet that's why they were stalling around waiting

for us to take over.

- Ha ha.

Boy, I can see us right now in our mad costumes,

running around taking charge of everything.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You know, it's funny, I think there

must be a trace of genius in our families.

- Oh there's no doubt about it.

A definite trace of genius with a faint flavoring of ham.

- You know, Thorny and I have whipped up

what we think is a pretty darn good idea.

- Oh? What is it?

- Well, you know how each year around Halloween

you gals sort of throw together a little impromptu party?

- And you don't want us to give one this year.

You said that before.

- Well, they've been pleasant enough little affairs.

Everybody's had a pretty good time.

But the big fault has been that nobody has taken the trouble

to plan them correctly.

But this year the whole thing is going to be different.

It's Thornberry and Nelson to the rescue.

Ha, ha, ha.

- May I ask a question?

- No.

You're not even allowed to ask any questions.

Thorny and I are going to take charge of all the operations.

You gals are just allowed to relax and enjoy yourselves.

- Well, fine.

That sounds like a wonderful idea.

- You know, I hate to brag, but I really think, Harriet,

that this year's Halloween party is

going to be the best one we've ever given.

And why do you ask?

- I'm not allowed to ask questions.

- No, no, no.

Well, OK, because this is going to be a well-planned party.

And a well-planned party is a successful party.

- Thank yo, Elsa Maxwell.

- Take care of the little things and the big things

will take care of themselves.

- Yes, that's very true.

- Now, first of all, we figured we'd

work out a complete schedule for all the games.

You can notice right from the start

that we're going to plan everything

with typical masculine efficiency.

Pencil... - Here's your pencil.

- Oh. Yes, I found it.

- First of all, we thought of Quotations.

That always popular.

- Well, bring plenty of paper and pencil.

- All right.

We start the evening off with, say, Quotations.

We play that from, say, 8:30 to 9:30.

See, knowing the time you want to start

a game you want to finish it, that's

one of those little details that make the whole party

flow along smoothly.

Then, uh, say at 9:30 we'll bob for apples.

That's always fun.

- Oh please, ask the men not to wear any hair oil this time.

- OK.

No hair oil on the apple ducking.

And we do that for, say, 15 minutes.

- Well, make sure you've got a clean shirt to wear, too.

- Oh, I'll be wearing the costume.

- A costume?

You mean everybody has to got a costume at the last minute?

- Gee, I don't know quite how to explain this.

This is one little surprise as we had planned.

Well, you'll probably find out about it.

You see, you know how each year everybody gets together

and just everybody puts on a silly costume

and makes a darn fool of himself?

Well, this year, just he and I are going to do it.

- I mean, just Thorny and I are going

to wear the, the costumes.

- What about the rest of us?

- Well, you just wear your regular clothes.

Let's see, where was I?

Oh, oh, here.

Well let's allow, say--

- Hi, Pop!

- Oh, hi, boys.

- What are you doing?

- Just checking over this list of things

we're going to do at the party tonight.

Mr Thornberry and I are planning all the details.

You know, all the entertainment and stuff like that.

- What kind of entertainment are you going to have?

- Well, that's what I'm checking over now.

You boys know the secret of a successful party?

- Sure!

Plenty ice cream and cake, boy.

- Well, yes.

Refreshments are important.

But the main thing is to plan the party carefully.

A well-planned party is a successful party.

Always remember that.

- You saw my skeleton outfit, didn't you, Pop?

- Oh, yeah. It's real neat.

- Yeah, we've all seen it.

You've been wearing it around here for the past week.

- Makes you look real thin.

People feel sorry for you and that way

you get more ice cream and cake.

- How's the party coming, dear?

Oh, hi.

Well, I've got it just about all planned.

I thought we'd finish off the evening with a little dancing.

- Dancing?

I hope they don't pull that stuff at our party, boy.

- What are you worried about?

You can't dance anyway.

- You can, I suppose.

- Look, why don't you guys go outside for a while, huh?

I've got a lot of work I want to do here.

- I think I'll put on my skeleton outfit.

- Come on, bone boy.

- We have a novelty dance at 1:00, that will be fun.

You know, husbands all dance with their own wives.

- Records.

Better decide on the records.

- You're really taking care of everything, aren't you?

- Well, the records are very important.

- Hi, folks!

- Oh, hi Thorny.

- The back door was open so I barged right in.

- Good for you.

- Come on in.

- What do you got in the box there?

- Well, I can show you, Oz, but Harriet

will have to leave the room.

It's a surprise for tonight.

- Well, come on, Harriet, you heard the man.

- OK, I'm leaving.

I know what I'm not wanted.

- Well, come on, let's see the big secret.

- Here, Oz.

Take a look for yourself.

- What's this? New seat covers for the car?

- Oh, no, Oz.

You know Sandy McTavish over at the lodge?

- Yeah.

- Well, he let me borrow the Scotch outfit.

- Oh! How about this?

- Make a terrific costume for the party.

- Oh, this is wonderful, Thorny. - Yeah.

Left the bagpipes at home.

- Got bagpipes and everything, huh?

- Well, certainly.

You ought to hear me wheeze out "Annie Laurie."

- How about this! This is wonderful.

- Say, by the way, have you got the program all set?

- Well, Yeah just--

Oh I'm glad you reminded me of that.

Here.

I have a few items here that we need for tonight.

I thought maybe you'd run down to the store and pick them up.

OK?

- Say, what am I, the errand boy?

- Well, you got to do some of the work, too, Thorny.

Just a short list.

Oh, here, we need some oranges here.

Maybe about two dozen.

I thought we'd play that orange game where

you tuck it under your chin,

- Oh, yeah.

- And then get some comic prizes for the game--

Tthere's somebody at the door.

You better get the stuff out of here.

- Yeah.

- Comic prizes for the games.

You know, just the long noses, anything funny.

Just use your own judgment, OK? - OK, Oz.

I'll see you later.

- And don't let Catherin see the costume.

- No, no, I won't.

- Just a moment.

- Well, what have we here?

- Trick or treat?

- Trick or treat?

- Oh, well, you look like a couple of desperate characters.

I'm afraid I'll have to give in.

I just happen to have a couple of lollipops here.

OK, there you are.

Happy Halloween.

- Happy Halloween!

- Hey, wait for me.

- Who is that?

- Oh, just a couple of neighborhood kids

with that trick or treat stuff.

You should have seen, the cutest little guys.

- Aw.

Say, listen, if you've got just a minute,

there's just one question I'd like to ask you about the party

tonight. - Harriet, please.

I told you before, you're not allowed

to ask any questions at all.

The whole affair is in very capable hands.

- Well, I just want to know one thing.

- I know.

All you're allowed to do is just put on your nicest party dress

and be ready at 8:27.

Thorny's stopping by for us then.

- Well, OK, dear.

- Oh, I'll get it.

It's probably some more of the neighborhood kids.

- Oh, all right.

Well, there's some lollipops on the chair there.

- Yes, I know.

- Trick or treat.

- You heard me. Trick or treat.

Don't you know this is Halloween?

- Well, yes.

But aren't you a little old for this sort of thing?

How old are you, anyway?

- 53.

- Ridiculous.

Whoever heard of a full grown man out trick or treating?

- My little boy is over on the next block

and I'm just giving him a hand.

- No, but you don't even have a costume.

- Naturally.

What do you think I am, a child?

- Trick or treat?

- OK, I have some lollipops here.

Here you are.

Here's three lollipops.

- Only three?

- Well, of course!

I mean, there are lots of other children

around the neighborhood, too, you know.

- Hey, they're lemon.

My kid just loves lemon lollipops.

Thanks!

- Oh, good.

How old is your little boy? - 25

Happy Halloween!

- Hi, Oz.

How do I look?

- Terrific! Terrific!

- Boy!

So do you.

That is really terrific.

- Uh, what happened to the bagpipes?

- Well, I was playing them a little while ago and all

of a sudden, I had a blowout.

- Aren't the kilts a little long?

Should they come all the way down to your ankles like that?

- Well, I don't know, Oz.

After all, McTavish is about 6 foot 6

and he's got very long legs.

Let's just say that the new look has finally come to Scotland.

- You like my devil's outfit, huh?

- Oh, that is sensational. That's terrific.

- I had to go in the closet to put it on.

Harriet doesn't know what I'm wearing, you know.

- Yeah, Catherine hasn't seen mine yet either.

Boy, are they both in for a big surprise.

- Harriet, we're ready!

- I'll be right down.

- Say, Oz, do you mind if we go in your car tonight?

- Well, no. Any particular reason?

- Well, I've got these kilts on.

I'm afraid if I drive it'll be a little drafty.

- Well, we'll take ours. - Well, good.

- Holy smokes!

Hey, David, wait until you see Pop!

- You like this, huh?

- Oh, hi, Mrs. Thornberry.

- No, that's Mr. Thornberry.

- You didn't me, huh? - Holy smokes!

What's going on in here?

- Look at Mr. Thornberry! He's dressed up like a woman.

- No, no. I'm a Scotsman.

- Look at Pop!

He looks like the devil.

- Yeah, so does Mr. Thornberry.

- Have a good time at the party, Pop.

- OK.

Take it easy now, boys.

- OK.

I'm all ready, let's go.

- What? Goodness sakes!

- Surprise!

- I mean, what an outfit!

- Thorny, what's the idea of the evening dress?

- Oh, these are just extra long kilts.

I'm a Scotchman.

- I didn't know it was a costume party.

- Oh no.

Don't you remember I told you yesterday?

Thorny and I are the only ones dressing up.

- Say, we better hurry.

Catherine's waiting next door for us.

- Oh.

Yes, Harriet, we're going to take our car.

Would you get it out of the garage?

I want to go over with Thorny and get a look at Catherine's

face when she sees that outfit.

- And if she calls me Harriet, I'm not going.

- I'm not either.

- We'll meet you right outside, Harriet.

- Hey, wait a minute. Where are we going?

- Well, to the party.

- No.

I mean, whose house is the party being given at?

You never did tell me.

- Well, now, wait a minute.

You mean to say you girls haven't

decided where the party is going to be held tonight?

- Well, no.

You said you and Thorny were going

to take care of everything.

That the girls weren't to worry about a thing.

- Well, Thorny, didn't you decide where the party

was going to be given?

- Oh, now, wait a minute.

Don't blame this on to me.

- What?

You?

Well, well, Harriet didn't...?

- Well, isn't anybody giving a party tonight?

Somebody always gives a party on Halloween.

- Gee, I got the games all planned and everything.

- Well, turn around, Oz.

We can still play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."

- Very funny. - Well, there's one sure thing.

We can't let the evening go to waste.

Ha, ha.

Say, wait a minute.

I've got a wonderful idea.

- Such as what?

- Well you've heard the slogan, "Movies are better than ever."

We'll see a movie. - Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm not going to any theater with you

two guys just like that.

- Who said anything about a theater?

We'll go to my house.

Hopalong Cassidy comes on in exactly five minutes.

- Oz, pick up his scarf.

- Hi, there.

- Oh, hi.

- Hi.

- Party is going beautifully, isn't it?

- Yes, it sure is.

I suppose you think you're pretty smart.

- To be honest with you, yes.

- Fine, making believe you didn't know where

the party was going to be held.

- Well, believe me, I didn't until about 4 o'clock.

It wasn't till all of us girls started talking it over

and discovered that nobody was having one.

- Well, it's nice of Catherine to have the party here though,

isn't it? - Yes, it is.

- You know, I'll admit that I did overlook one little detail,

but you have to admit that everything

is going along real smooth. Don't you think so?

Everybody having a good time and all?

- Well, that's what I said. It's wonderful party.

- And you know why?

Because everything has been planned.

All the details have been arranged.

A well planned party is a successful party.

Uh, let's see, it's a quarter of 12.

I think we'll have the refreshments at, uh, about

12:13.

- Fine.

What are we having for refreshments?

- I beg your pardon?

- I said, what are we having for refreshments?

All the girls have been asking me.

- Oh, wait a minute.

Don't tell me you girls haven't prepared refreshments.

- Of course not.

This is your party.

- Don't tell me you've overlooked

another little detail?

- I really had you go on there for a minute, didn't I?

- You don't think we'd overlook the refreshments, do you?

- Where are they?

- Uh, oh, don't worry, dear.

I'll take care of everything.

You just go ahead and join the folks.

I'm going to take care of a few more details.

- Need any help serving? - No, no, no.

Just have a good time and I'll be right back.

- All right.

If you say so.

- Uh, hello?

Harry's Hamburger Haven?

- I'd like to make a reservation for 31 people at, uh, uh,

12:23.

- Yes, with the onions on top.

- Ozzie, have you seen my gray jacket any place?

- Well, yes.

It's right there in the living room.

Why, are you going downtown?

- Yeah, I'm going to market.

- Before you go, you must admit we

all had a good time at the party last night.

- We certainly did.

Everybody had a wonderful time.

- Oh, thanks very much.

Of course, I'll admit we did forget

a couple of little details, but we

didn't forget to do the dishes and we didn't

forget to clean up the place.

- No, it was very nice of you.

- You know, they say that men forget even more than women.

- Oh, Jiminy!

That reminds me, I was supposed to meet

Clara Randolph downtown.

Oh, that clock must be stopped.

What time is it?

- It's, uh...

Where's my watch?

Oh, for goodness sakes!

I left it on Thorny's coffee table.

You know, I was timing the charades last night?

- Mm-hmm. I'll get it for you.

- Oh. - And that reminds me.

I need some money.

- I don't know what you do without my wallet.

- Neither do I.

- Where is my wallet?

- Oh!

You remember there were no pockets in the devil's outfit?

I must have left it upstairs on the hall table.

- Oh, well, I'll get it for you. - Oh.

- You're sure there isn't anything else you've forgotten?

- Well, now, wait a minute, let me check.

No, it's still on.

- The man at the door was played by William Hayden.

The little children were Jerry Mathers and Vicki Churchill.

- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

Will be brought to you by Listerine, the most widely used

oral antiseptic in the world.