Original subtitles

[SIRENS]

[DOGS BARKING]

[FLOOR CREAKS]

[FLOOR CREAKS]

AAH!

NO!

NO!

[SCREAMING]

[SIREN]

Dispatcher: METRO NEEDS 2 UNITS ON FLAMINGO.

Officer: COPY THAT.

AGENTS INSIDE THE TAPE, STAND BY FOR A SEARCH OUT.

[FAINT IRISH ACCENT] WELL, A PERFECT CRIME SCENE, OR SO IT SEEMED,

UNTIL VEGAS METRO AND THEIR ESTEEMED DETECTIVES CONTAMINATED THE STRUCTURE

WITH THEIR MISGUIDED DILIGENCE.

THE QUICK BROWN FOX WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

NOW, WHEN THE F.B.I. FINALLY MADE AN APPEARANCE,

THE FOX WAS LONG GONE,

WITHOUT A TRACE OF ADMISSIBLE EVIDENCE.

DRINKS BEFORE THE PARTY, MAN?

SURE.

2 DOWN, WITH 11 MORE TO GO.

THE QUICK BROWN FOX WENT ON TO TERRORIZE

THE SOUTHWEST FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS.

WHEN ASKED WHY HE DID IT...

THE FOX REPLIED...

[BELL RINGING]

I TAKE YOUR POINT, NICK, BUT CLEARLY

IT'S THE CONSISTENCY HAS TO BE ADMIRED MORE.

IT'S NOT ABOUT BODY COUNT, MAN, IT'S ABOUT HOW LONG

YOU CAN CONTINUE WITHOUT LOSING YOUR EDGE.

OR YOUR MIND. PRECISELY.

IN SHORT, THERE'S VASTLY MORE SKILL INVOLVED IN SERIAL KILLING.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE DOIN' IT AGAIN.

YOU'RE PIGEONHOLING ALL MASS MURDERERS

INTO THIS HOMOGENOUS GROUP OF SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT THRILL KILLERS.

I'M SAYING THAT IF, AND ONLY IF,

ONE WANTED TO PULL OFF A MASS MURDER,

THE CHANCES OF GETTIN' AWAY WITH IT

WOULD BE FAR LESS THAN THAT OF YOUR AVERAGE SERIAL KILLER.

WELL, THUS, YOU KNOW,

IT'S BY FAR A MUCH MORE DIFFICULT AND IMPRESSIVE FEAT

TO KILL A GROUP OF PEOPLE

WITHOUT "A," GETTING KILLED YOURSELF,

OR "B," GETTING CAUGHT, TRIED, AND MOST CERTAINLY FRIED.

AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE CROWN JEWEL OF MACABRE ACCOMPLISHMENT.

BUT YOU'RE FORGETTING THE GOLDEN RULE.

MURDER IS QUALITATIVE, NOT QUANTITATIVE.

I MEAN, IT'S THE STYLE THAT'S REMEMBERED, MAN, NOT THE BODY COUNT.

SO, THIS GUY WAS ON THE LOOSE FOR 8 YEARS, HUH?

8 YEARS. THEY CAUGHT HIM AT A FUCKING TRAFFIC STOP.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH THESE GUYS.

THEY DON'T HAVE ANY PLANNING.

I MEAN, TO--TO--

TO DO THIS THING, YOU NEED TO HAVE A PLAN.

YOU NEED TO BE--TO BE--

HEY! WHOA!

WHOA, WOMAN.

Woman: FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.

WHAT'S UP, BABY?

Second woman: HEY, NICKY.

YO, MAN, SO WHAT TIME'S THIS GIG KICKIN' OFF TONIGHT?

8:00, 8:30.

HOW YOU DOIN', NICKY?

I'M DOIN' JUST FINE.

COME ON, DARLIN'.

EXCUSE ME, GUYS.HEY, MANNERS.

I GUESS TONIGHT'S THE LAST

THEY'RE GONNA SEE OF EACH OTHER, HUH?

HE'S FLYING OUT TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

SO, YOU TWO COOL NOWADAYS? YOU AND, UH...

WHAT'S NOT TO BE COOL ABOUT?

YOU COOL, THOUGH?

FINE. ALL RIGHT.

SO, WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA

FOR OUR LAST NIGHT OF COLLEGIATE BLISS?

NICK AND I ARE SUPPOSED TO GRAB SOME COCKTAILS

WITH EVANS, OUR, UH, PSYCH PROFESSOR.

YOU WANNA GO?

HMM. NO. YOU--YOU FELLAS GO DO YOUR FELLA THING.

JUST GIVE ME A CALL LATER.

IF NOT, I GUESS I'LL JUST MEET YOU AT THE PARTY.

ALL RIGHT.

OOH, LOOK-IT. CHECK--CHECK--

CHECK--CHECK OUT HIS EYES.

OH, WHAT UP?

HE'S A LITTLE KILLER, YOU CAN JUST TELL.

[ROCKABILLY MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY, JACKASS!

YOU SMACK MY BABY AGAIN, YOU'LL NEVER SEE ANOTHER SUNRISE.

SUCCESS.

GLAD TO SEE WE DIDN'T DIE OF THIRST, GENTLEMEN.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT?

THAT'S THE ART.

THE ART OF ALL ART.YES, INDEEDY.

IN MEDIUM OF FLESH AND BONE.

I WAS JUST THINKING THAT IF ONE WAS TO GO

THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE KILLING THING,

AT LEAST HAVE THE COMMON DECENCY

TO KILL THE RIGHT GODDAMN PEOPLE.

IF YOU'RE GONNA STEP UP TO THE PLATE

AND START TAKING SOME PEOPLE OUT,

I MEAN, AT LEAST PUT SOME EFFORT INTO CHOOSING YOUR VICTIMS.

PROSTITUTES AND HOMELESS?

WHERE IS THE CHALLENGE IN THAT?

I DIG IT, MAN.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'D START WITH, LIKE, UH,

LIKE, AIRLINE EXECUTIVES OR, UH,

FUCKING, UH, CIGARETTE MANUFACTURERS

OR, LIKE, UH, LIKE, METER MAIDS, MAN.

TRAFFIC COPS.

LAWYERS. FUCKIN' TAX MEN.

POLI-FUCKIN'-TICIANS, MAN.

USED CAR DEALERS.

CAB DRIVERS.

DENTISTS.STOCK BROKERS.

FUCKIN' LAWYERS. WAIT, DID SOMEBODY SAY LAWYERS?

YEAH, I BELIEVE SO.

FUCKERS. I'M KILLIN' 'EM AGAIN.

FORTY-NINERS FANS.

UMPIRES.TALK SHOW HOSTS.

BLACK JACK DEALERS.BOY BANDS.

WOMEN SPORTS ANNOUNCERS, MAN.

AMERICANS. JUST WIPE OUT THE WHOLE COUNTRY.

HOW ABOUT MIMES?

FUCKIN' MIMES!

TH-THERE'S SO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM.

I MEAN, HOW DOES ONE DECIDE WHERE THE AXE IS GONNA FALL?

THAT IS THE QUESTION, ISN'T IT?

I'M HEADIN' OUT, MAN.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU'RE FORGETTIN' SOMETHING.

IT'S NOT MINE, PAL.

LET'S GO, MAN.

THERE YOU GO.

ONCE AGAIN, MAN, THE ART OF MURDER.

WHAT ELSE IS HE SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT?

THE GUY'S STILL A FREAK.

WITHOUT A DOUBT.

BUT YOU'VE GOTTA ADMIT, HE'S ONE GODDAMN ENTERTAINING FREAK.

THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT ONE OF HIS FAVORITE FILMS,

BY HITCHCOCK, CALLED ROPE.HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

YEAH, IT'S THE--THE ONE-TAKE FILM.

ANYWAYS, IT WAS ORIGINALLY THIS PLAY

LOOSELY BASED ON THE LEOPOLD AND LOEB MURDERS

ABOUT THESE COUPLE OF QUEERS THAT END UP

KILLING THEIR BUDDY JUST FOR THE THRILL OF IT.

MAKE THINGS MORE COMPLICATED,

AFTER THEY WASTE HIM, THEY STUFF HIS BODY

IN THIS HUGE CHEST, AND THEY THROW A PARTY. PARTY OF ALL PARTIES.

THEY PUT THIS THING DEAD-SMACK IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM.

THEY EVEN INVITE THE GUY'S PARENTS.

I MEAN, CHRIST, THESE GUYS WASTE THIS GUY,

PUT HIM IN A FUCKIN' CHEST,

AND THEN THEY SERVE HORS D'OEUVRES OVER HIS COLD, DEAD BODY.

IT'S MASTERFUL.

PRECISELY.

WELL, SHIT, MAN, WHAT TIME'S MY PARTY START?

I'D SAY AS FAR AS YOU AND I ARE CONCERNED, IT ALREADY HAS.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT.

WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

[RADIO SCANNING STATIONS]

[MOZART'S MARRIAGE OF FIGARO PLAYING]

[KNOCKING]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

WHAT IT BE! WHAT IT BE! WHAT IT BE!

LET ME GET SOME BITCHES.

LET ME IN THIS PLACE. COME ON.

COME ON.

WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP?

YOU TELL ME, BUD.

YOU'RE A HALF HOUR EARLY, MY MAN.

AH, I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

BESIDES, I FIGURED I'D STAKE OUT SOME TERRITORY.

ANY GOOD TALENT COMING TONIGHT?

JUST THE USUAL SUSPECTS.

CRICKET, LEIGH, JORDAN.

SHIT. IF JIMMY DON'T SHOW, JORDO'S FAIR GAME.

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY.

HMM. NICE SELECTION OF COCKTAILS.

FUNKY MOOD LIGHTING.

THOUGHT-PROVOKING TUNES.

DO I HAVE YOUR SEAL OF APPROVAL?

ALL DEPENDS WHAT YOU CAN MATCH UP WITH THIS.

SHA-DINK!

THE BIG GREEN BUDS.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I JUST MIGHT HAVE

SOMETHING TO MEET YOUR NEEDS.

HEY, BEAUTY CHEST, MAN.

YEAH. I'M KINDA PARTIAL TO IT MYSELF.

LISTEN, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Nick: DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ CRUSH THE WEED, CRUSH THE WEED, CRUSH THE WEED ♪

UNH!

7:30.

7-FUCKING-30.

OH!

WABBIT SEASON.

[MAKES GUN-COCKING NOISE]

AY, CARUMBA.

WEAPON OF CHOICE.

NOT BAD. NOT BAD AT ALL.

YOU PACK IT.

DAMN MAN.

PLASTIC SURGERY MUST BE TREATING

YOUR UNCLE ATTICUS GOOD.

WHEN'S HE GETTING BACK?

NEVER. [BUZZ]

ANY BITCHES OUT THERE?

NICK'S PLEASURE PALACE OF PAIN AND WORSHIP.

WHAT'S THE SECRET PASS CODE, PLEASE?

WOW. I DIDN'T REALIZE.

DO I NEED AN APPOINTMENT

OR CAN YOU TAKE ME AS A WALK-IN?

I COULD TAKE HER AS A WALK-IN.

WATCH THAT ASS, PAL.

NO, NO!

Terry: KNOCK-A-NOH.

EVENING, GENTLEMEN.

NO.

HOW DO?

LOVERLY, THANK YOU.

Nick: BEVERAGE?

LEAD THE WAY.

I WILL, AND BE CAREFUL TONIGHT.

UNCLE ATTICUS IS REMODELING YET AGAIN.

NOT A PROBLEM.

IT'S AMAZING.

Nick: THESE PIECES ARE ALL MUSEUM QUALITY.

HE'S GOT FROM JAKARTA, INDIA, TIBET.

YOU NAME IT, HE'S GOT IT.

[KNOCK][MAN YELLING]

Garrett: OPEN THE DOOR, CLUNK!

John: WHISKEY D.

HONORED FRIENDS.[RINGING DOORBELL]

Cricket: COME ON.

YOUR GUESTS OF DISHONOR HAVE ARRIVED.

OPEN THE DOOR!

[DOORBELL RINGING]

[KNOCKING]

[GROWLS]

OH, I TAKE IT TERRY HAS ARRIVED.

YEAH.

WHAT THE DEAL? WHAT THE DEAL? WHAT THE DEAL?

WHISKEY DICK IS OFFICIALLY IN THE HOUSE.

HEY, YOU GOT ANY FOOD UP IN THERE?

OPEN THE DOOR.YOU'RE SMASHING MY FACE.

FUCK THAT.

OPEN THE DOOR.

YO, WHAT THE FUCK?

GIVE US SOME XENA, SKELETOR SHIT.

WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA FIRST?

Cricket: GIRLFRIEND, YOU REALLY SHOULD EAT MORE.

YOU LOOK A LITTLE PALE.WELCOME.

HEY, THIS IS SO NICE--

HEY! HEY! EASY! EASY! EASY!

LET ME TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU, BABY.

IT LOOK LIKE A MAN COULD BE HURT UP IN HERE.

TERRY, WHAT'S UP?Terry: WHAT'S UP?

T. BOOGIE.

John: GLAD YOU MADE IT.

Garrett: WHAT'S UP, BABY?Jordan: HEY, SKYLES.

Garrett: MY MAN, NICK-A-RICKA. WHAT'S UP, BABY?

ROCKIN' GOOD.

[GREETINGS]

BROUGHT YOUR GEE-TARS, HUH?

John: OH, YEAH.

GONNA DO SOME JAMMIN'?

I THINK WE CAN PROBABLY WORK THAT IN.

CHECK THESE OUT.

John: IS THERE ANY PREDATORS IN HERE, MAN?

I WAS WANTIN' A PIRANHA, BUT I DIDN'T SEE NONE.

YOU EVER SEEN SEA URCHINS FUCK?

NO. YEAH.

I'D LIKE TO, THOUGH.

IT'S A SIGHT TO BEHOLD, MAN.

I GOT A COUPLE AT HOME AND A FRESHWATER BARRACUDA, TOO.

YOU SEE--DID YOU EVER SP--

WHAT? DID YOU EVER SPANK TO IT?

SPANK TO MY BARRACUDA?

Cricket: JESUS, NICKY, YOUR UNCLE ATTICUS

IS A CRAZY, HARDIUS FUCKIN' FREAK.

WHAT'S THAT BABY?

THE PLACE IS PHAT?

YEAH. HE CERTAINLY WAS ECCENTRIC.

I TELL YA, I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU GUYS COULD MAKE IT.

AH, GUYS, GIRL.

GIRL, GUYS.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR THE REFRESHER COURSE.

SHE--SHE'S GOT THE BREASTS.

JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

LISTEN, I GOT-- I GOT COCKTAILS TO THE LEFT,

BONG HITS TO THE RIGHT,

WHIPS AND CHAINS IN THE BACK,

AND ON THE ROOF,

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THAT LATER.

B-BONG HITS. WHERE'S THE BONG HITS?

OVER HERE.

BONG HITS. YEAH.

[PEOPLE TALKING]

KID HERE YET?

NO, NOT YET.

HE SH--HE SHOULD BE HERE SOON, THOUGH.

John: WELL, WHAT'S KEEPING HIM UP?

SKYLES.

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

SO, DID YOU AND NICKY EVER, UH,

WA-HAA! YOU'RE SO FUCKING BAD!

COME ON.

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M YOUR FUCKING PRIEST.

NOT EVEN ONE DRUNK, SLOPPY FUCK

IN THE BACK OF THAT '72 BLAZER?

OH, MY GOD. NO.

YOU KNOW, WE JUST DIDN'T HAVE THAT CONNECTION.

I DIG IT.

NICK CAN BE A PRETTY FUCKIN' STRANGE CAT AT TIMES.

YES.

JUST REMEMBER, BRO, IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.

YOU SEE, UNCLE ATTICUS ALWAYS TOLD ME,

IT'S NOT ABOUT CHOPPING PEOPLE UP,

IT'S ABOUT HOLDING THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH

OVER YOUR FELLOW MAN.

SO FAR AS YOUR GRAD SCHOOL QUERY GOES,

LET'S JUST SAY I FELT THE INSTITUTION

HAD VERY LITTLE LEFT TO OFFER.

LEFT TO OFFER?

YOU WERE 20 CREDITS AWAY

FROM THE END OF 6 YEARS OF TORTURE.

6, 7, KIND OF LOSE TRACK AFTER A WHILE.

BUT, YOU GOT, WHAT, A BUCK-60 I.Q.,

YOU SPEAK 4 LANGUAGES FLUENTLY,

AND, STILL, YOU'RE THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKER I KNOW

THAT DOES NOT WANT A DEGREE.

ARE YOU TRYING TO ANALYZE ME, PROFESSOR PLUM?

I MEAN, WE ARE IN THE STUDY.

Garrett: NO, MAN. IT'S JUST OBVIOUS.

BETWEEN ALL THE WEED, THE BOOZE, AND THE PILLS

YOU'VE CONSUMED OVER THE YEARS, DUDE,

I'M SURPRISED

YOU'RE STILL WALKING THE EARTH.

SURPRISE NOTHING, MAN.

I'M A GODDAMN GENUINE, MODERN-DAY ALCHEMIST.

IS THAT RIGHT?

MY BODY'S A FINE-TUNED MACHINE

RUNNING ON CAFFEINE, NICOTINE,

T.H.C., L.S.D., AND CHEF BOYARDEE.

AIN'T NOTHIN' GONNA BREAK ME DOWN, FOOL.

[LAUGHS] THAT'S RIGHT.

REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME YOU SCARFED DOWN 2 HITS OF ACID

AND DECIDED TO RUN THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON THE NEXT DAY?

SHIT. WHEN WAS THIS?

DAYS OF MY YOUTH WHEN I WAS FREELANCING FOR ROLLING STONE.

UH-HUH. DR. LARRY OVER HERE, UH, SNUCK ON THE COURSE

AND CROSSED IN JUST UNDER 4 HOURS.

BULLSHIT.

UH-UH. TELL HIM WHAT YOU DID WHEN YOU FINISHED.

WENT TO THE NEAREST PUB AND GRABBED ME A HEINE.

[ALL LAUGH]

OH, THANK YOU.

MAN, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM JIMMY

ALL AFTERNOON, THAT LITTLE SHIT.

OH, HE STIFFED ME AT DINNER, TOO.

ALL I GOT WAS A PAGE THAT SAID HE COULDN'T MAKE IT.

MAYBE HE'S TYING UP ALL HIS LOOSE ENDS, YOU KNOW?

CHANGE OF ADDRESS, GETTING THE GAS SHUT OFF,

BREAKING THE NEWS TO HIS FAVORITE HOOKER.

Jordan: MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW, THAT SORT OF THING.

NICE, TERRY.

OH, FUCK!

OH, SHIT. YOU PROBABLY PUT THAT IN THE BACK.

YEAH. IF I'M SPILLIN' SHIT NOW,

WAIT TILL I REALLY START DRINKING, HUH?

Nick: PISS OFF.

Garrett: HA! AND DON'T EVEN SAY IT.

LOOK. HERE, LIGHT ME UP.

I'VE KNOWN YOU SINCE WE WERE,

OH, WHAT, MAN, THIS HIGH?

YUP.

AND AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER,

YOU NEVER STUCK AROUND

FOR THE FINAL ACT, MAN.

SPORTS, ACADEMICS, WOMEN. HUH?

I MEAN, FACE IT.

WHEN IT GETS CLOSE TO THE END, NICK ALWAYS BOUNCES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT MAY BE TRUE,

BUT, IN MY DEFENSE, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY

THAT LIFE IS ABOUT THE JOURNEY, NOT THE REWARD.

TOUCHEÈ. I FEEL YOU.

BUT LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.

YOUR OVEREDUCATED, UNDER-MOTIVATED,

SCRAWNY, LITTLE TOOTHPICK ASS

SHOWS UP AT MY SITE,

I'LL BE DAMNED IF I GIVING IT A JOB.

UNDER-MOTIVATED?UM-HMM.

HUH? DID YOU KNOW THAT IT ONLY TAKES

THIS MUCH PRESSURE TO CUT HUMAN SKIN?

UNCLE ATTICUS SAYS IT'S A PERFECT MATCH.

[GASPS]

DAMN IT, NICKY!

UNCOOL. FUCKING UNCOOL.

SHIT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, CRICKET?

I WAS LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HANG THIS,

BUT THERE AREN'T ANY FUCKING HANGERS.

WE HAVE A GIG TOMORROW.

I DON'T WANT THIS TO GET MESSED UP.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE ASKED ME FIRST, HUH?

YOU KNOW WHAT, NICKY?

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA STEAL NOTHING, OK?

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

IT'S JUST--YOU KNOW, MY UNCLE IS JUST REALLY STIFF.

YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST REALLY STIFF.

IT'S ALL GOOD.

TAKE CARE OF THIS.

NICE RING.AH.

John: ALL RIGHT. ROCKIN' GOOD.

SINCE WE'RE ALL HERE, I'M GONNA JAM OUT

THIS LITTLE DITTY I'VE BEEN WORKING ON

ABOUT CRICKET'S MOTHER.

Cricket: NO.

NO.

THAT STUFF IS BULLSHIT.

[ALL LAUGHING RAUCOUSLY]

ALL RIGHT.

[LAUGHING AND SCREAMING]

SON OF A BITCH, MAN!

OH!

THAT'S THE END OF THIS INSTRUMENT.

YEAH. RHYTHM TONIGHT, YOU KNOW, RHYTHM--

RHYTHM, DRUMS, CELLO, HARP.

BRING IT ON, MAN.

HEY, LET ME, UH, LET ME TOSS THAT FOR YOU.

TAKE IT. TOSS IT.

LOVE IT. LIVE IT.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

YO. TERRY. TERRY, GET THE DOOR.

NO, NO. WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

IT MAY BE JIMMY. LET'S HIDE.

John: MAN, WHAT'S THE POINT?

HE ALREADY KNOWS WE'RE HERE.

WELL, NO.

IF WE HIDE AND THEN JUMP HIM, THAT'LL BE COOL.

Terry: SO, WHAT'S THE CALL?

DO WE SURPRISE HIM OR JUMP HIM?

Nick: BOTH!

Cricket: BOTH! YEAH!

Jordan: ALL RIGHT.

John: HEY, SOMEBODY GET THE LIGHTS.

[DOOR CREAKS]

Terry: GET AGAINST THE WALL!

SURPRISE, BITCH!

BABY!

Terry: NOBODY MOVE. NOBODY GETS HURT, SCUM BITE.

SPREAD 'EM!

SPREAD 'EM!

ANY NEEDLES, RAZORBLADES, DRUGS?

Jordan: PSST. TERRY.

WINGTIPS, JIM?

I KNOW YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN AND ALL, BUT WINGTIPS?

Jordan: TERRY!

OH, HEY, MR. FRANKLIN. WHAT'S UP?

EXPECTING TROUBLE TONIGHT, SPORT?

YOU KNOW SECURITY'S TIGHT THESE DAYS,

REPUBLICAN WHITE HOUSE AND ALL.

COME ON IN.

KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT?

HEY, LET ME GET YOUR COAT FOR YOU.

I'LL HOLD THIS.

GLAD YOU MADE IT.

EVERYONE, THIS IS JIM'S AUNT AND UNCLE, MARY AND WALTER.

HEY, LOSER.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS YOURSELF.

I MIGHT HAVE TO SEARCH YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

NICE TRY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SHE'S LIKE 13.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

AND?

JIM ISN'T HERE YET, IS HE?

NO, BUT HE SHOULD POP UP ANY MINUTE.

HE'S PROBABLY AT A STRIP CLUB.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

JORDAN.

[CHUCKLES]

HI.

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

OH, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO, MARY.

[LAUGHS]

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

THANKS.

ALL RIGHT, IF I'M GONNA WAIT, I DON'T WANNA DO IT EMPTY-HANDED.

AND WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE, SIR?

LEAD THE WAY, SON.

Jordan: OH, I HAVE SOME FRIENDS I WANT YOU TO MEET.

HELLO THERE. GARRETT.

THIS IS MARY.NICE TO MEET YOU.

JIMMY'S AUNT. I AM GOING TO--

I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GOING TO COME.

I'M HERE, AREN'T I?

YOU SURE ARE.

GLASS OF WINE?ALL RIGHT.

[PARTY CHATTER][JAZZ MUSIC BEGINS]

THAT...IS FOR YOUR AUNT.

[WHISPERING] Oh, Jesus.

Walter: IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

YEAH, RIGHT.

Jordan: I DON'T KNOW. IT'S COOL.

HE'LL BE BACK IN 6 MONTHS

WHEN THE TRAINING IS OVER,

AND I GUESS WE'LL JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

WHAT IF THEY OFFER HIM A FULL-TIME POSITION AFTER THAT?

WELL, UM...

I SUPPOSE WE'LL JUST DEAL WITH THAT

WHEN AND IF THE TIME COMES.

ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE COMPANY

OFFERING HIM A FULL-TIME POSITION,

OR SOMEONE ELSE?

OH, EASY, GIRL.

WHAT? [HISSES]

I MEAN, I'M JUST EXPLORING THE OBVIOUS.

HE IS A MAN, AFTER ALL.

I MEAN...

4 MONTHS OF HAND JOBS,

AND THAT FULL-TIME POSITION MIGHT BE MISSIONARY

IN THE BACK OF SOME MARY KAY GIRL'S PINK CADILLAC.

YOU KNOW, HE'S NOT GONNA BE ALONE

THE WHOLE TIME, LEIGH.

EXACTLY MY POINT.

ANYWAY, MARY...

WE'RE GONNA ALTERNATE VISITS EVERY OTHER MONTH

AND, UH, I'M REASONABLY SURE

THAT HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME FOR THAT LONG.

SO, UH...

WHICH ONE OF THE BOYS DO YOU CLAIM,

IF ANY?

JIM.

Jordan, laughing: CRICKET!

[LAUGHS]

JORDAN AND I ARE GONNA ALTERNATE VISITS EVERY MONTH

BECAUSE WE KNOW LEIGH'S CONCERNED ABOUT HIM.

MMM.[LAUGHTER]

OH, HE'D BE FLATTERED.

NOW, A MARTINI'S A NICE DRINK

IF YOU'RE SOME LITTLE EFFETE BRITISH SPY

TRAIPSING THROUGH AN ALPINE VILLAGE.

BUT WE ARE WHERE?

WE ARE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

AND WE NEED AN AMERICAN DRINK.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A MANHATTAN.

AH, BINGO!

[LAUGHS]

YEAH, BUT DOESN'T THAT ALSO HAVE VERMOUTH IN IT?

SWEET VERMOUTH.

FROM ITALY.

NONE OF THAT FRENCH SHIT.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU WAIT FOR THE FROST TO FORM ON YOUR CUP....

YOU STRAIN IT.

AND YOU POUR.

Garrett: DUMP IT ALL.

AH.

AND THEN YOU ADD...

THE MOST AMERICAN OF AMERICAN GARNISHES.

THE CHERRY.

MMM.NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE CHERRY.

DETAILS, GENTLEMEN.

PLEASE.

DON'T FORGET THE DETAILS.

SEPARATES THE AFICIONADOS FROM THE MASSES.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HOLD ON THERE, CHAMP.

WE NEED A TOAST.

AIN'T YOU CIVILIZED?

TO JIM...IN ETERNAL BLISS.

HERE, HERE. AND TO HIS FRIENDS,

AS FINE A BUNCH OF GUYS AS YOU'LL EVER FIND.

SALUD.

All: SALUD!

Terry: SMOOTH.

IT'S A RARE TIME IN YOUR LIVES, FELLAS.

APPRECIATE IT.

THE OLDER YOU GET,

THE FEWER TIGHT RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE.

IT'S INEVITABLE.

FRIENDS GET MARRIED,

FRIENDS MOVE AWAY...

HELL...

SOME OF THEM EVEN DIE.

ENJOY IT WHILE YOU GOT IT.

DRINK UP.

MMM.

OH, COME ON, JUST ONE QUICK ONE.

MARY.

PLEASE!WELL, MAYBE JUST A QUICK ONE.

EXCELLENT!OK.

Jordan: CAN YOU DO ME, TOO?

SURE.

UH...

YOU KNOW WHAT?

UM...

Y'ALL WOULDN'T BY ANY CHANCE HAVE ANY OF THEM, UH...

SPECIAL CIGARETTES, WOULD YOU?

HOW SPECIAL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ANYTHING, LONG AS IT'S NOT MEXICAN.

THAT MEXICAN DIRT WEED JUST GIVES ME A HEADACHE.

[LAUGHS]DAMN, LEIGH!

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOUR AUNT BURNED.

[REGGAE MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL!

YEAH.

IT'S REAL COOL UNTIL SHE RAIDS YOUR STASH ONE MORNING.

♪ I WANNA GET HIGH [LAUGHS]

I HEARD THAT.

♪ SO HIGH

NO HABLA ESPAÑOL.

[LAUGHS]

LET'S SEE...

[SNIFFS] MMM.

♪ I WANNA GET HIGH

♪ SO HIGH

♪ I WANNA GET HIGH [INHALES DEEPLY]

♪ SO HIGH

ME AND MY POTHEAD AUNT.

[SNIFFING]

[SNIFFING]

PARDON ME, GENTLEMEN.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON THE WOMEN FOLKS.

I BELIEVE I'LL JOIN YOU.

HEY, BACK UP, BITCH.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S HYDRO.

THANKS FOR THE DRINK, WALT.

MY PLEASURE.

Terry: SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE, GIRLS.

THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.

Cricket: HEY, BABY, COME HERE.

Garrett: GROOVY.

DOUBLE-FISTED.

[LAUGHS]

THE GANJA MAN.

EXCUSE ME, SHORTY.

DAMN. LADIES JUST GETTIN' FADED UP IN HERE, HUH?

[ALL CHATTERING]

MY NEPHEW REALLY VALUES YOUR FRIENDSHIP, NICK.

THANKS, WALT.

MEANS A LOT TO ME.

I SURE AM GONNA MISS HIM.

NO, GO ON. GO ON, GO ON.

SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM.

I'LL BE IN THE AREA ALL DAY.

OH, I GOT 'EM.

NO. HONEY, I-- I DEFINITELY DO NOT TELL THE FUTURE.

FOR IF I DID,

THAT WOULD BE DENYING FREE WILL,

AND I, FOR ONE, BELIEVE THAT WE CONTROL

OUR OWN PERSONAL DESTINIES.

THE IMAGES ACT AS CATALYSTS

THAT EVOKE, OR RATHER, UNLOCK THE DOORS

TO--TO EACH OF YOUR PSYCHES...

ALLOWING BRIEF GLIMPSES ON THE POTENTIAL,

HIDDEN, OR EVEN REPRESSED...

SELVES WITHIN.[LAUGHTER]

AND...

John: OH!

All: OH!

[LAUGHTER]MY MAN, THE FOOL!

[LAUGHTER]

John: THE HORNY DIABLO.

WILD, WILD, WILD RIDE FOR THIS YOUNG MAN.

UP AND DOWN, FEAST AND FAMINE.

BUT THE CARDS DEFINITELY FAVOR YOU MAKING A GO.

MMM, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE REAPER.

[LAUGHTER]

Cricket: THE REAPER!

Terry: LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT, BOY!

STEPPIN' IN. LET'S SEE.

Mary: OK.

Terry: NEW MAN ON DECK.

[ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

Garrett: HEY, I BET YOU HE GETS THE FOOL, TOO.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT WOULD BE SOME FUNNY SHIT.

Mary: OK.

[CHATTER CONTINUES]

Garrett: WHAT YOU GONNA GET?

WHAT YOU GONNA GET?

AH. OH! OOH.

[OOHS AND AHHS CONTINUE]

All: WHOA!

John: THE HORNY DIABLO!

Terry, imitating horn: WAH...WAH...WAH!

Mary: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

LIKE I SAID!

YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ALL THE SYMBOLS.

IT'S NEVER ABOUT JUST ONE CARD.

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A FEELING ABOUT YOU, NICK.

FAME.

IT'S FAME?

AND LOTS OF IT.

REALLY? WELL, THAT IS, IF HE CAN EVER FINISH ANYTHING.

[LAUGHTER AND JEERING]

Mary: FAME AND FORTUNE ARE DEFINITELY WHAT I SEE.

Nick: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

I THINK I SEE A BONG HIT.

I SEE ANOTHER BAG OF BUDS AND SOME BOOZE.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

IT'S ABOUT, UH, 9:30.

JIM WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE

OVER, LIKE, A-- AN HOUR AGO, WASN'T HE?

MAYBE, JORDAN, HE JUST PICKED UP THAT STRIPPER.

Terry: WHAT IF HE GOT IN A WRECK?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

YOU'RE GETTING WAY AHEAD OF YOURSELF.

NOW, THIS BOY'S RUNNING JUST A LITTLE LATE.

ANYWAYS, WHAT ABOUT HIS--HIS NEW CELL, YOU KNOW?

Mary: HONEY, THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.

MAY I USE THE PHONE?

KIDS. I HOPE THEY DON'T BREAK ANYTHING.

SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE'S ALL WIRED TOGETHER THESE DAYS.

MIRACLES OF TECHNOLOGY.

I JUST NEVER CAN KEEP UP.

GIVE ME A ROTARY AND I'M HAPPY.

I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

Garrett: WHERE'D HE GET THE CELL PHONE?

A GRADUATION PRESENT. I FORGOT HE EVEN HAD IT.

THAT'S THE MOST ANALOG MOTHERFUCKER

I'VE EVER KNOWN.Jordan: MMM.

OH.

WHERE IS THAT NUMBER?

[RUMMAGING CONTINUES]

[GASPS]

OH!

I'M SORRY, MARY.

CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL WITH THAT LOT OUT THERE.

OH!

OH.

[SIGHS]

OH.

[WHISPERING] Hey.

Garrett: YO, DAMN, SON.

Terry: EXCUSE ME WOULD BE NICE.

NO. VOICEMAIL, EMAIL...

SHIT.

10 TO ONE HE DOESN'T ANSWER.

AH, SUCKER'S BET.

Terry: WHAT YOU PUTTING ON, BOY?

YOU KNOW, WHEN THE MOOD HITS YA, IT HITS YA.

AH. THERE YOU ARE.

Terry: LET'S GROOVE.

GET YOUR GROOVE THING GOIN', BOY!

YEAH, COME ON.

[CHEERING ON STEREO]YEAH, HERE WE GO.

[LOUD MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]MMM.

[CELL PHONE RINGING][LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

[RINGS]DO YOU HEAR THAT?

HMM.

I THINK I HEAR THE BEGINNINGS OF A GOOD SONG.

NO, NO, IT'S LIKE A--

LIKE A BUZZING OR A RINGING OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T HEAR IT.

I HEAR MADNESS, THOUGH.

YEAH!♪ SO YOU COME OFF THE STREETS

I DON'T HEAR IT ANYMORE. OH, WELL.

♪ FEEL THE HEAT

[LOUD MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]Jimmy: HELLO, YOU'VE REACHED JIM,

AND I'M CURRENTLY TIED UP RIGHT NOW,

UNABLE TO GET TO MY PHONE. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR--

♪ TO THE ROCKINGEST

♪ ROCK STEADY BEAT

♪ OF MADNESS

♪ ONE STEP BEYOND

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ THIS IS

♪ HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO

♪ ONE STEP BEYOND

Jordan: WHOO HOO!

♪ ONE STEP BEYOND

♪ ONE STEP BEYOND

♪ SOUL TO SOUL

♪ NATION TO NATION

♪ MADNESS IS A MUTUAL APPRECIATION ♪

♪ ONE STEP BEYOND

All: WHOO!

[ALL CHEERING]

[ALL CHATTERING]

WHAT'S THE WORD, MS. FRANKLIN?

VOICEMAIL.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

I BET YOU HE'S CURRENTLY LYING HORIZONTALLY SOMEWHERE,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I WOULDN'T EXACTLY SAY HORIZONTALLY.

TERRY, MY FRIEND...

IF YOU WOULD GET OUR COATS.

NICK...

YOU HAVE TO GO SO SOON?

Mary: WELL, IT'S WELL PAST OUR BEDTIME.

YES, AND COMMUNING WITH THE SPIRITS

TAKES A TOLL ON MARY...

NOT TO MENTION THE HOOCH.

[LAUGHTER]

Mary: WATCH IT, OLD TIMER.

All: WHOA!

DON'T GO FALLING DOWN ON US JUST YET, WALTER.

[WALTER CHUCKLES]

YOU SWEET THING.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.

AND, UH, YOUR UNCLE HAS A WONDERFUL PLACE HERE.

PLEASE GIVE HIM OUR BEST REGARDS.

I WILL.

BY THE WAY, NICK, HOW IS THE DEAR DOCTOR?

WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN QUITE A WHILE.

YOU KNOW, HE HASN'T BEEN FEELING VERY SOCIAL LATELY.

TELL THE TRUTH, HE RARELY LEAVES THE HOUSE THESE DAYS.

REALLY? WHERE IS HE RIGHT NOW?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Cricket: FINALLY.

THE BOY HAS A CLASSIC SENSE OF TIMING.

[ALL CHATTERING]

All: SURPRISE!

WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?

[ALL CHATTERING]

Nick: DAMN, HAL, WHAT DID YOU DO, RUN UP THE STEPS?

ROUGH EVENING, HUH?

YOU LOOK LIKE ONE MAN WHO COULD USE A DRINK.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

MR. AND MRS. FRANKLIN, EVERYONE, THIS IS HAL EVANS,

ONE OF JIM'S AND MY OLD CRIMINAL PSYCH PROFESSORS.

DON'T LET THE POOR SCHLEP'S APPEARANCE FOOL YOU, THOUGH.

HE ACTUALLY IS FAIRLY HARMLESS.

GO IN, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

SKYLES. EVANS.

[ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

DON'T WORRY, BABY.

WE'LL HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM TOMORROW BEFORE THE FLIGHT.

HMM?

[LAUGHS]

WALTER...

HEY, WALT...

WHAT CAME AFTER SLIM--

[UNINTELLIGIBLE]

[PARTY CHATTER]

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHERE'S THE FIRE?

MY AUNT LEFT HER MAGIC PLASTIC.

WELL, LEIGH, IT'S NEARLY 10:00.

I RECKON SHE'S NOT DOING ANY MORE READINGS.

I KNOW. SHE JUST...

FREAKS OUT WHEN SHE DOESN'T HAVE THEM.

SHE THINKS IT'S BAD LUCK OR SOMETHING.

AH.

THEY'RE PROBABLY DOWN IN THE GARAGE BY NOW.

YEAH.

BESIDES, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING THAT,

WELL...

I'D RATHER THAT YOU STUCK AROUND.

STUCK AROUND, HUH?

THE THOUGHT CROSSED MY MIND.

MINE, TOO.

GOOD.

COME ON, LET'S MEET EVANS.

THE GUY'S A FUCKIN' TRIP.

ONLY ONE GUESS, AND YOU WILL BE JUDGED ON STYLE.

AND NOW WHAT DOES THE WINNER GET?

IF IT'S YOU, ONE NIGHT WITH ME.

ANYONE ELSE, A SHOT OF TEQUILA.

AND A COMPLIMENTARY PAIR OF THESE!

I BELIEVE THEY'RE A SMALL "C".

UH, WHAT EXACTLY IS THE OBJECT OF THIS GAME?

WHERE'S JIM?

HE'S NOT HERE YET.

NO, STUPID, THAT'S THE OBJECT OF THE GAME.

WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THE KID IS RIGHT NOW.

INSTEAD OF HERE?

WELL, JUST WHEREVER YOU MIGHT THINK HE IS.

I MEAN, WE'RE GONNA CHUCK NAMES INTO A HAT,

PICK FROM IT, AND WHEN THE KID SHOWS UP,

WE SEE WHO NAILS IT.

WHAT IF THERE'S, LIKE, 2 WINNERS, YOU KNOW?

LET'S SAY, UH...

HE'S AT THE TITTY BAR AND THE WHOREHOUSE?

NO!

SHIT! Garrett: OH, COME ON!

COME ON, MAN, IT'S A LEGITIMATE QUESTION.

WHAT THE FUCK.

ALL RIGHT, HOUSE RULES, THEN.

ALL DRAWS WILL BE SETTLED BY A DUEL

TO THE DEATH AT 10 PACES.

VOTE AWAY.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Terry: I DON'T KNOW, I THINK I GOT IT.

GO EASY. I'M GONNA WIN.

MAN AND BEAST...

BLOOD AND SAND...

CHEERED ON BY TOUSANDS...

WITHIN A SACRED CIRCLE.

NOW...THAT'S WHAT BULLFIGHTING'S ALL ABOUT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

TOUSAND.

DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THIS ROMANTIC HEMINGWAY CRAP.

IT'S FUCKIN' BARBARIC AND CRUEL, MAN.

END OF STORY.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU FAIL TO SEE THE BEAUTY WITHIN, MAN.

WITHIN WHAT?

WITHIN THE DANCE...

THE DANCE WITH DEATH.

COME ON, THAT'S WHAT THE AUDIENCE PAYS TO SEE.

THAT'S WHAT THEY COME TO VICARIOUSLY FEEL.

THEY WANT TO BE THAT MATADOR...

WHO NOT ONLY FACES THE POSSIBILITY OF HIS OWN DEMISE,

BUT ALSO IS ONE WHO IS ABOUT TO IMPOSE A MORTAL SENTENCE

UPON THE BEAST AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

WITH ONE FATAL PLUNGE OF HIS FOIL.

SO THE OBJECT IS TO JUST KILL THE THING

LIKE A MODERN-DAY GLADIATOR MATCH.

YEAH, IF YOU CONSIDER 6 AGAINST ONE FAIR.

THESE GUYS...

RIDE INTO THE ARENA ON THEIR HORSES.

CROWD'S GOING CRAZY.

[IMITATES CROWD CHEERING]

EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

AND THEN THEY, UH... THEN THEY--

THEN THEY STAB THE BULL IN THE NECK,

AND THEN THEY JAB THESE SPEAR THINGS INTO ITS BACK.

BANDILLERO.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU, IRISH OR SPANISH?

SUCK MY FUCKING COCK.

WHATEVER. THE FACT IS THAT THEN AND ONLY THEN,

AFTER THEY'VE RUN THE THING RAGGED AND BLEEDING

DO THEY LET THE, UH, THE BRAVE SEÑOR BACK INTO THE ARENA

TO COME IN AND FINISH HIM OFF.

NO, MAN, NO, NO, NO.

WELL, YES, ALL RIGHT?

BUT NO. I MEAN, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FESTIVAL

IS THAT THE MATADOR FIRST HAS TO PUT ON A SHOW.

ANYONE CAN JUST SLAUGHTER THE GODDAMN THINGS.

THE GREATEST ROARS OF PLEASURE YOU'LL EVER HEAR

ECHOING FROM THE ARENA

ARE THOSE DURING THE SETUP, MAN, NOT THE CLIMAX...

FOR BRAVE SEÑOR'S TRUE GOAL AND DUTY

IS TO COME AS CLOSE TO FUCKING DEATH AS POSSIBLE

WITHOUT EVER ONCE...

FLINCHING.

SO DOES THE, UH, MATADOR EVER GET CAUGHT?

AH, ALL THE TIME.

NO, EVERY GREAT MATADOR CAN COUNT ON GETTING GORED

AT LEAST ONCE IN HIS CAREER.

SO THEN WHY DO THEY DO IT?

THE MONEY.

THOSE CATS MUST MAKE BEAUCOUP DINERO.

NOT TO MENTION THE FINEST SEÑORITAS

WITH THE NICE BREASTESES.

Nick: AGAIN, THAT IS A PART OF IT,

BUT WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT, THEY DO IT BECAUSE IT'S ADDICTIVE.

I MEAN, IT'S REALLY KNOWING

THAT YOU HAVE ENOUGH SKILL AND CONTROL

THAT YOU CAN DANCE AND FLAUNT AND MANIPULATE

THESE POOR BASTARDS ANY WAY YOU WANT...

ALL FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF THE CROWD.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOURSELF.

[WHISPERING] This guy's talking out of his ass.

It's all about the bitches.

YOU KNOW WHAT, PROFESSOR?

WHAT?

IF I WANTED TO HEAR THIS CRAP,

I WOULD'VE ENROLLED IN YOUR NIFTY LITTLE CLASS

OVER THERE AT THE UNIVERSITY.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ENOUGH ABOUT DEATH.I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

ABOUT THIS, MAN. I CAME TO DRINK SOME BEERS--

LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE, BABY, COME ON.

Garrett: YO, SKYLES. LET IT GO, MAN.COME ON.

John: ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE GUITARS?

PARDON.BUST 'EM OUT.

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO THE LADIES' ROOM. IS THAT OK?

THAT'S FINE.

WOULD YOU GET ME A BEER WHILE YOU'RE UP?

WHAT, NO MORE COCKTAILS?

IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME.

EVENING.

YOUR IDEA WITH THE LIGHTS?

COULD SAY THEY MAKE CERTAIN ACTIVITIES MORE INTERESTING.

LIKE...

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

OH...

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT?

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

OH.

LIKE I SAID, IT MAKES CERTAIN ACTIVITIES--

NO, NO, KEEP LOOKING.

THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU.

EVEN WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND ABOUT 20 FEET AWAY?

ARE YOU WONDERING IF I'M GETTING

SOME SORT OF PERVERSE THRILL FROM ALL OF THIS?

INDEED.

NO MORE THAN YOU'RE GETTING.

FUCKING AROUND WITH YOUR BIG BROTHER'S BEST FRIEND.

BEST FRIEND WHO USED TO FUCK HIS GIRLFRIEND.

UNTIL HE STOLE HER AWAY.

SO NOW, ALL YOU ARE LEFT WITH IS LITTLE SISTER.

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

THAT FEELS GOOD.

FEELS GOOD, TOO.

[CRACK]

TAKIN' CANDY FROM A BABY.

[STRAINS]

WHEW.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DYING IN THERE?

[SOFTLY] FUCK!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]COME ON.

THEY SAY WOMEN TAKE A LONG TIME.

[KNOCKING]

OH, WHEW.

SORRY. TERRY WAS JUST IN HERE

AND WE ARE...

STRONGLY SUGGESTING EVERYONE TO FIND ALTERNATIVE MEANS.

WHAT?

WELL, WE'RE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING A PLUMBING PROBLEM.

[LAUGHS]

TRUST ME, IT IS FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

OH, BOY.

UM, HEY, NICK,

I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU...

FOR HAVING THIS PARTY FOR JIMMY AND ALL.

IT'S VERY BIG OF YOU.

THAT'S ME. MR. BIG.

ANYWAY, IT JUST MAKES THE MOVE APART

A LITTLE EASIER. SO THANK YOU.

SO, WHERE'D YOU SAY THAT BATHROOM WAS AGAIN?

UH, DOWN THE HALL TO THE LEFT.

OK.

OH, UM...HAVE YOU SEEN LEIGH?

NO, I THINK SHE TOOK OFF.

TOOK OFF? WHAT DID YOU AND MR. BIG DO TO HER?

NOTHING.

MM-HMM. DON'T TELL ME SHE SPURNED YOUR CHARMS?

NOTHING OF THE SORT.

BUT KIND OF YOU TO STILL NOTICE.

WHAT IS WITH THAT FAMILY?

THEY DON'T SHOW UP. THEY DON'T SAY GOOD-BYE.

WHAT A LITTLE BITCH.

[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING]

OH, WELL, FUCK HIM.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

BRAVO! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

THAT SONG NEVER CEASES TO KILL ME.

[ALL CHATTERING]

OH, VERY IMPRESSIVE. VERY IMPRESSIVE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU GUYS ARE ALL, LIKE, IN A BAND, IS THAT IT?

YEAH, MAN. OUR NAME'S WHISKEY DICK.

AT THE MOMENT OF TRUTH, THEY ALWAYS FAIL TO PERFORM.

DON'T GO PROJECTING YOUR SEXUAL INADEQUACIES ONTO US.

IT'S JUST A NAME.

YEAH, BUT A NAME THAT YOU HOPE ONE DAY WILL BECOME FAMOUS.

AM I RIGHT?

WELL, I'D VENTURE TO GUESS

THAT THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE GOAL OF ANY BAND, MISTER.

WHOA, TAKE IT EASY. JESUS.

I WASN'T TRYING TO IMPUGN THE LEVEL OF YOUR TALENT.

SO GET TO THE FUCKING POINT, THEN.

IMPUGN?

[ALL LAUGH]

THE POINT IS, IF ALL YOU WANT TO BE IS FAMOUS,

THERE'S A MUCH EASIER WAY TO OBTAIN IT.

WHICH IS?

ANY GUESSES? NICK.

MURDER.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S THE CORRELATION HERE

BETWEEN THIS FREAK AND DEATH?

"A", I READILY CONCEDE THAT I AM A FREAK, RIGHT?

AND "B"...

DEATH IS JUST THIS PARTICULAR FREAK'S HOBBY AND OCCUPATION.

[SCOFFING] YOU'RE SICK, DUDE.

I'M JUST OBSERVING THE FACTS, AND THE FACTS ARE,

IF YOU WANNA BE FAMOUS, IT'S A HELL OF A LOT EASIER

BY COMMITTING A GREAT MURDER

THAN IT IS WRITING A GREAT SONG.

OK, YOU'RE JUST PLAYING AROUND NOW, RIGHT?

'CAUSE THAT'S STUPID.

YOU'D RATHER KILL A MOTHERFUCKER THAN SING A SONG?

NO, NO, NO, HEAR ME OUT. YOU ALL MIGHT BE

THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL BAND SINCE THE DOORS.

ACTUALLY, I PREFER SOCIAL D, MYSELF.

RIGHT?

WELL, WHATEVER, YOU KNOW. THE BOTTOM LINE IS...

IN YOUR BUSINESS...

SUCCESS IS A GOOD PART TALENT AND ALSO A GOOD PART LUCK.

I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.TRUE, THAT.

NOW, MURDER...

ON THE OTHER HAND...

ONE DEPENDS SOLELY ON ONESELF.

AND THEN YOUR FATE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT.

NOW, I COULD BE FAMOUS BY SUNRISE, IF I REALLY WANTED TO BE.

OH, REALLY? AND HOW'S THAT?

I'D KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM.

[ALL LAUGH][SPEWS DRINK]

Cricket: HOW ABOUT WE ALL KILL YOU INSTEAD,

THEN WE COULD ALL BE FAMOUS.

THINK OF ALL THE GREAT MURDERERS IN HISTORY.

BETTER YET, THINK OF THE FACT THAT THEY'RE ALL HOUSEHOLD NAMES.

RICHARD RAMIREZ, TED BUNDY...

KENNETH BIANCHI, JACK THE RIPPER.

CHARLIE MANSON.

THAT CRAZY CANNIBAL UP IN MINNESOTA.

IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND OF CANNIBAL?

YEAH.I KIND OF FEEL LIKE CRAZY AND CANNIBAL

GO HAND IN HAND, UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

JEFFREY DAHMER'S THE CANNIBAL YOU SPEAK OF.

JOHN WAYNE GACY.THE KILLER CLOWN.

DANNY ROLLING. THE GAINESVILLE RIPPER.

HENRY LEE LUCAS.THE SULTAN OF SADISM.

AILEEN WOURNOS.THE BLACK WIDOW OF AMERICAN INTERSTATES.

THE SON OF SAM.DAVY BERKOWITZ.

TALKIN' TO DOGS AND SHIT.

RICHARD SPECK.

BORN TO RAISE HELL.

CAN'T FORGET THE JUICE.THAT FUCKER'S STILL ON THE LOOSE.

THE ZODIAC KILLER.NEVER EVEN CAUGHT.

♪ GREEN RIVER KILLER

I DON'T THINK THEY CAUGHT HIM EITHER.

THE NIGHT STALKER.HILLSIDE STRANGLER.

[CHOKED WHISPER] Boston Strangler.BEDROOM BASHER...

TOLEDO CLUBBER, GAY SLAYER,

CO-ED KILLER, HAPPY FACE,

TRAILSIDE, 22 ALPHABET, FREEWAY,

KILLER KILLER KILLER KILLER!

FUCK IT!

BEAST OF BASTILLE,

VAMPIRE OF SACRAMENTO,

THE LUST KILLER OF ATLANTA,

THE TORSO BUTCHER OF CLEVELAND,

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

THE AXE MAN OF NEW ORLEANS.

ANY MORE?

LEOPOLD AND LOEB.

BRILLIANT.

HEAVY SHIT, MAN. FUNNY, BUT HEAVY.

FUCK, I GOTTA TAKE A PISS.

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ISN'T FAME.

IT'S CALLED INFAMY.

IT'S ONE AND THE SAME TO ME, PAL.

YEAH? HUH.

WELL, TO THE REST OF US, UH, CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS HERE,

THE 2 TERMS AIN'T EVEN CLOSE.

FURTHERMORE, I THINK I'VE HAD, UH...

JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR PSEUDO, PSYCHO,

INTELLECTUAL BULLSHIT FOR ONE EVENING.

THERE'S A HELL OF A LOT MORE TO LIFE

THAN DEATH, ASSHOLE.

TAKE IT EASY, PAL.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO NEED TO GET HOSTILE.

THAT WASN'T HOSTILE.

[CHUCKLES]

OH, SHIT!

[SCREAMING AND CHATTER]

Cricket: KICK HIS ASS!

OH, WHAT?

[CHEERING AND CHATTER CONTINUE]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH, BABY.

DING, DING, DING, DING.

THAT'S--OH!

STOP, YOU GUYS! THIS IS FUCKING STUPID!

MY GOD, THIS IS A FUCKING PARTY!

Cricket: WHOO!

THAT'S HIM, HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

[LAUGHTER AND CHATTER]

AHEM. [SNIFFS]

[STRAINING] OH, THANKS.

[LAUGHS]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

YO, MAN, WHAT--

FUCK, WHAT'S GOIN' ON, MAN?

DUDE, WHERE WERE YOU?

WHAT THE FUCK DID I MISS?WHERE YOU BEEN, MAN?

T, DID YOU HEAR THAT SHIT?

I WAS IN THE SHITTER, MAN.HE WAS HOT.

John: I NEED A WHISKEY, I NEED A BEER.

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

LOOK AT THIS SHIT.

[CHATTER]

LIKE ALL GREAT MATADORS, HAL...

INEVITABLY, YOU GET GORED.

WHAT'D I MISS?I'M GOING TO BEAT

THE SHIT OUT OF THAT FUCKING BASTARD

UNTIL HE GOT A CHEAP SHOT IN HERE.

WHO? WHO--WHO?FUCKING EVANS, MAN.

MAYBE THESE WILL CHANGE YOUR LUCK.

Skyles: HE WAS TALKING SHIT. YOU KNOW, ABOUT DEATH AND ALL.

DUDE, COME ON.

DO YOU NEED STITCHES?NO. WE'RE NOT GOING

TO TOUCH IT BECAUSE WE GOT A GIG TOMORROW NIGHT, MAN.

I'M GOING TO FUCKING HIT THE STAGE, DUDE.

I'M GOING TO HAVE THIS FUCKING CUT, MAN.

THE BITCHES ARE GOING TO BE LIKE AAH! SKYLES! SKYLES!

FITTING.

THIS FUCKER DOES NOT LET UP, MAN, ABOUT THIS MURDER SHIT.

HE WENT FLYING OVER THE SIDE OF THE COUCH.

FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN FIGHTING THAT MOTHER--

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY.

WHAT'S GOING ON, GUYS,

IS THIS YOUR CORNER CREW OR WHAT?

AND I'M SORRY ABOUT EVANS.

I MEAN, THE DUDE PISSES PEOPLE OFF.

YEAH. HE'S A REAL GREAT GUY TO HAVE AROUND.

QUITE A DICK.

LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU JUST GOT TO GET TO KNOW HIM.

OH, YEAH. TH-THAT'S ON MY AGENDA.

YOU READY, SON?

ACTUALLY, I THINK I'M GOING TO STICK AROUND

FOR A BIT AND WAIT FOR JIMMY

TO MAKE THAT BIG APPEARANCE.

HOW ARE YOU GETTING HOME?

YEAH, MAN, I'M NOT COMING TO PICK UP

YOUR CRAZY ASS IN THE MORNING.

THAT'S COOL, BECAUSE, UH, JORDAN LIVES OUT MY WAY.

I'LL JUST, YOU KNOW...

YEAH, BOY.HITCH A LITTLE RIDE.

Garrett: GET HOME SAFE, ALL RIGHT? YUP, LATER.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU HOME, NOW.

HEY, NICKY, MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T

DO ANYTHING ELSE STUPID TONIGHT.

YES, MAN, AND MAKE SURE HE GETS SOME REST.

WE HAVE A GIG TOMORROW.

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

NO WORRIES. I PROMISE, HE'S GOING TO SLEEP LIKE A ROCK.

GOOD.

COME ON, LET'S GO DOWN.

MY MAN, IT'S BEEN--

NICK!

DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE THAT GIG TOMORROW.

[GRUNTS]

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.

BOB VILA, EAT YOUR HEART OUT.

HA HA HA.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

HA HA! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT.

LITTLE DEVIL, TRYING TO PULL SOMETHING OFF LIKE THIS,

WITHOUT EVEN CALLING ME.

I MEAN, YOUR MUSIC CAME, LIKE, POURING THROUGH MY WINDOWS.

NICKY, I ALMOST PUKED.

SO, TELL ME, WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

FUNERAL.

YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME, RIGHT?

IT'S JUST GOING TO BE A LITTLE PRIVATE AFFAIR.

THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T CALL YOU.

OH, WELL YOU DON'T HAVE ROOM IN THAT BIG OL' PENTHOUSE FOR LITTLE OL' ME?

YOU KNOW, I WASN'T EXPECTING

TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY MORE GUESTS.

WELL... BUT WHAT THE HELL?

RIGHT? I MEAN, WE'RE NEIGHBORS.

HA! I'M SURE THAT I CAN SQUEEZE YOU INTO MY PLANS.

THAT'S VERY GRACIOUS OF YOU, NICKY, REALLY.

VERY GRACIOUS. SO, WHAT IS THIS,

A LITTLE LATE-NIGHT REMODELING OR WHAT?

NO. I WAS JUST, UH, ALWAYS CURIOUS IF THESE THINGS REALLY WORKED.

AND WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?

SURPRISINGLY, QUITE WELL.

UH-HUH!

HEY, EVERYONE, THIS IS CALLIE

MY NEIGHBOR FROM DOWNSTAIRS.

HI. I'M THE ONE WHOSE HEAD

YOU'VE BEEN STOMPING ON ALL EVENING.

OH, HOW RUDE OF US.

LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU, WITH SAY, COCKTAIL,

BONG HIT, OPEN-FACED CHEESE SANDWICH.

ACTUALLY, ALL 3 SOUND FAIRLY TEMPTING.

LET ME GIVE YOU A QUICK BREAKDOWN OF WHAT'S GOING ON.

HEY, HEY, HEY, WHERE YOU-- WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M JUST NOT IN THE PARTY MOOD ANYMORE.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JORDAN? IT'S EARLY.

I MEAN, DON'T YOU WANT TO BE HERE WITH OPEN ARMS

WHEN YOUR MAN ARRIVES AND GIVE HIM A BIG OLD HUG?

COME ON, NICKY. EVERYTHING'S BEEN COOL UP UNTIL NOW.

DON'T RUIN IT.

LISTEN, I AM JUST POINTING OUT THE POSSIBILITIES.

RICH KID LIKE HIM,

PARENTS ARE LOADED, FORTUNE 500 FUTURE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? JIM'S MONEY HAS NOTHING TO DO

WITH WHY WE'RE TOGETHER. YOU'RE JUST BITTER.

YEAH, WELL, LET'S SEE, HUH?

GIRLFRIEND BREAKS UP WITH BOYFRIEND

AND SHACKS UP WITH BOYFRIEND'S BEST FRIEND,

WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE FATTEST CAT ON THE WEST SIDE.

SO, IF THAT MAKES ME BITTER, WELL, THEN, YEAH, YOU GOT ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT, NICK? I'M TIRED,

I'M WORRIED, AND NOW, I'M REALLY IRRITATED.

SO I'M NOT EVEN GOING

TO GET INTO THIS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER

BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING. NOT TO SCHOOL,

NOT TO A CAREER, AND DEFINITELY NOT

TO A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.

AH, YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF THERE WAS A LITTLE MORE FUCKING,

IT WOULD'VE BEEN...BYE.

EASIER.

Callie: HMM. GUEST OF HONOR, HUH?

NICKY SAID IT WAS A FUNERAL.

YOU KNOW, NICKY'S GOT A PRETTY WILD IMAGINATION.

HEY, JORDAN--JORDAN, SERIOUSLY...

COME ON. WAIT, ALL RIGHT?

[SIGHS]

LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY. IT WASN'T RIGHT OF ME TO SAY THAT.

I GUESS I'M JUST PISSED OFF AT JIM, MYSELF.

I KNOW--I KNOW THAT YOU'RE WORRIED.

AND MY ATTEMPT AT A PARTY IS, WELL, PRETTY MUCH A BUST.

BUT IT IS STILL A PARTY.

I MEAN, SHIT, IT'S NOT EVEN MIDNIGHT YET.

ANY MINUTE, JIM IS GOING TO COME WALTZING THROUGH THESE DOORS.

YEAH. BLITZED OUT OF HIS MIND.

ALMOST DEFINITELY BLITZED OUT OF HIS MIND,

BUT HE IS GOING TO COME WALTZING THROUGH THESE DOORS.

AND THEN, THE REAL PARTY'S GOING TO START HOPPING.

[SIGHS]

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? HMM? HOW ABOUT WE GIVE THE PUNK ONE MORE RING?

I DON'T KNOW. I...

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT. FINE.

HOW ABOUT A SMILE?

NO. A SMILE!

PERFECT.

THERE YOU GO.

LET'S GO IN AND CALL HIM, HUH?

♪ ONE, 2, 3, HIT

[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

Terry: HERE WE GO. CHECK OUT THE TREASURE TROVE! WHO WANTS...

Skyles: YO, T, HOW ABOUT SOME DART WARS, MAN?

HELL, NO. WE'RE GOING TO CHECK OUT...

NO, NO. I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

I SWEAR, IF HE DOESN'T ANSWER, I'M CALLING HIS PARENTS.

WELL, YOU GOT A MACHINE?

MACHINE?

LIKE AN ANSWERING MACHINE, YOU KNOW.

MAYBE UH, MAYBE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR YOU.

SHIT. I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT.

YO! YOU CRAZY, SNAKE-ASSED MOTHERFUCKER, WHERE ARE YOU?

DID YOU GET HIM?I REPEAT--

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

DID YOU GET HIM? YEAH. YOU BET. HOLD ON.

BULL'S EYE, ALMOST.

FUCK THAT GAME. WE'RE GOING TO PLAY

SOME NAKED TWIXTER, MAN.OH, YEAH?

THIS PLACE IS FUCKING KICKIN', MAN.

HAL AND SKYLES WENT ROUND AND ROUND. NO SHIT.

YEAH, NO, I FIGURED IT WOULD HAPPEN, TOO, YEAH.

NICK, LET ME TALK TO HIM. WAIT.

[CALLIE SCREAMS]

FUCKING CLASSIC, MAN. FUCKING CLASSIC.

NICK, GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE.

HEY, NO. JIMMY, UH,

THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN. SHE WANTS TO CHEW YOUR GODDAMN EARS OFF.

WHO WANTS IN? COME ON. COME ON.

SO, JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, PRONTO, ALL RIGHT?

I'M GOING TO PUT HER ON.

THERE YOU GO. CHRIST.

JIMMY, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

WE'VE WAITED FOR YOU ALL NIGHT.

JIMMY? HELLO?

HELLO...

NICK, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE PHONE?

WHAT?

THE PHONE. IT'S DEAD.

YOU KNOW, JUST TOSS IT HERE.

MAYBE YOU HIT THE WRONG BUTTON.

HELLO...

HELLO?

WELL, DOCTOR, I CONCUR. THIS HERE PHONE

IS OFFICIALLY NON-FUNCTIONAL.

TIME OF DEATH: 11:57 IN THE P.M.

IS THERE ANOTHER PHONE I CAN USE SOMEWHERE?

NOPE. JUST THE ONE PORTABLE.

UNCLE ATTICUS IS A FIRM BELIEVER IN MINIMALISM.

DO ANY OF YOU LOSERS HAVE A CELL PHONE?

NOPE.

SORRY. NOT ON ME.

NO CELL PHONE HERE, BABY.

NAH. THAT SHIT'LL GIVE YOU BRAIN CANCER.

THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS, BRO.

FIGURES.

SO, UM, WHAT DID HE SAY?

WHERE IS THAT ASSHOLE, ANYWAY?

HE'S DOWN AT THE TUNNEL. HE'S CAVORTING WITH THE FREAKS

AND THE GHOULS.OH, RIGHT.

I'D MAKE HIM SCRUB HIS COCK BEFORE HE WENT TO BED TONIGHT.

OH, THAT'S, LIKE, A LITTLE TOO MUCH INFORMATION FOR ALL OF US, THERE.

IT'S TRUE, MAN.

SKYLES, REMEMBER WHEN YOU BROUGHT THAT DIRTY GIRL FROM DOWN THERE?

SHE GAVE YOU THE CLAP AND SHIT.

NICK, SO WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY?

JORDAN, YOU'RE KILLING ME.

WHAT HE SAID WAS HE'S GOING TO BE HERE SOON.

SO, WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO,

IS KICK THESE SHOES OFF, RELAX AND PLAY

A FAST, FRIENDLY, FUN, FABULOUS GAME OF TWIXTER.

THAT'S RIGHT. OK.

RIGHT HAND ON LEFT THIGH.

OH, PLEASE.SORRY.

Skyles: ALL RIGHT NOW, HERE WE GO.

TERRY, WHAT YOU GOT TO DO NOW, IS YOU GOTTA TAKE YOUR RIGHT FOOT

AND PUT IT ON THE YELLOW DOT.

AND CALLIE, WHAT YOU GOTTA DO

IS TAKE YOUR LEFT HAND AND PUT IT ON THE BLUE DOT.

Callie: TERRY, BEHAVE YOURSELF. COME ON, NOW.

AND, JORDAN, ONCE AGAIN, YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND

ON THE GREEN DOT.

YEAH. RIGHT HAND, BABY, ON THE GREEN DOT.

AND NICK--NICK, YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND ON THE GREEN DOT.

AND TERRY--TERRY, RUDE.

YOU GOTTA FUCKIN', UH, LET'S SEE...

YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND ON THE BLUE DOT.

AND CALLIE, WHAT YOU GOT TO DO

IS PUT YOUR LEFT HAND ON THE GREEN DOT.

CALLIE, YOU GOTTA TAKE YOUR LEFT HAND AND PUT IT ON THE GREEN DOT.

TERRY, PUT YOUR LEFT NUT ON THE RED DOT.

CALLIE, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT AND PUT IT ON THE BLUE DOT.

PUT YOUR HEAD-- PUT YOUR HEAD...

All: OH!

YO, HAL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR HEAD

AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS NOW, MAN?

I'M OUT OF HERE. I GOTTA--I GOTTA USE THE CAN.

♪ ALL RIGHT

[ALL GROANING]

HEY, HEY. NO!

SKYLES, NO. YOU CAN'T USE THAT, MAN.

HEY, HEY, SKYLES, YOU CAN'T USE THAT.

COME ON!RELAX, DUDE,

I'M JUST TAKING A PISS, ALL RIGHT?

NO, NO! BUT, YOU CAN'T USE THAT!

SKYLES!

AAH!

Jordan: SOMEBODY'S CUTTING OFF

THE CIRCULATION OF MY LEG.

WHOA.

THAT MOTHERFUCKER THREW YOU OFF YOUR GAME, CHIEF.

WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO NOW

IS GO BACK OUT THERE AND GET IN THE ACTION.

Terry: I GOT A FINGER IN MY ASS!

[FLUSHES TOILET]

AH! OLE!

Terry: I'M GOING TO LAY DOWN, MAN. I'M GOING TO PUKE.

OLE!

Jordan: OLE?WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? OW!

OLE!

OW! OK.

ENOUGH!

Terry: NO MAS, NO MAS.

LET'S CATCH A SMOKE ON THE ROOF.

OK. UM, NICK, IF JIM CALLS, WILL YOU PLEASE COME GET ME?

OH, YEAH. SURE THING. ABSOLUTELY.

TERRY, COLD AND WET?

YOUR MOTHER.

BEVERAGE, FOOL. YOU WANT SOMETHING?

DO YOU HAVE ANY WINE?

AH, BUT OF COURSE, MADAME.

MAKE MINE A MUG.

COMING RIGHT UP.

HELL, LET'S GO CHECK OUT THE STUDY.

IT'S AWESOME.

Nick: ♪ DO DO DO DA DA DA

CHECK THIS SHIT OUT, MAN. THE STUDY! SHA-DIMP!

NICK, UH, NICK HATES IT WHEN I'M IN HERE, MAN,

BECAUSE UNCLE ATTICUS WILL WHOOP HIS LITTLE ASS.

LOOK AT THIS SMOOTH MOTHERFUCKER.

♪ DO DO DO DUP

[WHISTLING]

DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU CAN MATCH UP WITH THIS. SHA-DINK.

AHH.

I THINK IT'S TIME I GET SOME AIR.

Hal: I SAID BONG HEAD.

DRINKS ARE SERVED.

MERLOT?

OH. THANK YOU, DARLING.

CHEERS.

YEAH, WHOA-HO-HO.

TO JIM.

YEAH. TO JIM.

JIMMY.OH, HOLD ON.

CALLIE, YOU--YOU WANT TO JOIN US?

OH, NO. I MEAN, I BARELY EVEN KNOW THE GUY.

FOR ALL I KNOW, HE COULD BE LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE.

HE PROBABLY IS. I MEAN, HE FUCKING MISSED, LIKE, MOST OF HIS PARTY.

YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOT A POINT.

I GUESS SHE DOES.

Skyles: UH, PEOPLE LIKE HIM, YOU KNOW.

THEY THINK THEY'RE SO SMART

BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE FOR WHAT?

LIKE 10 YEARS OR SOMETHING? AND THEY THINK

THAT MAKES THEM ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY, FUCKING SUPERIOR.

I-I DON'T KNOW. I THINK IT WAS EQUAL PARTS.

HE HAD IT COMING AND YOU WERE OVERREACTING.

NOPE. HE WAS PISSING ME OFF ON PURPOSE.

OK.

I MEAN, SOME OF THOSE GUYS--FUCKING GRAD STUDENTS AND SHIT--

MAN, NO OFFENSE OR NOTHING,

BUT THEY ARE, LIKE, THE MOST IGNORANT AND ANNOYING PEOPLE

ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

THEY'RE LIKE FUCKING TALKING MONKEYS.

ALL THEY DO

IS REGURGITATE THE LAST THING THEY HEARD OR READ.

AND THEN THEY TAKE THAT AS GOSPEL,

WITHOUT EVER APPLYING THE LESSONS IN REAL LIFE FIRST

TO SEE IF THE-- THE AUTHORS, OR, HELL,

EVEN THEIR GODDAMN PROFESSORS WERE FULL OF SHIT OR NOT.

JUST BECAUSE A GUY'S GOT A FEW LETTERS AFTER HIS NAME,

DOESN'T MEAN EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS RIGHT.

MOST OF IT COULD BE TOTAL CRAP.

NOW, MAN, BY NATURE, IS A MORBID BEAST, RIGHT?

STUCK BETWEEN HIS OWN NATURAL, GENETIC INSTINCTS TO KILL,

AND HIS OWN MODERN DICTUMS TO BE CIVIL.

WHOO. BITTER.

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, MAN.

YOU KNOW, IN THIS DAY AND AGE, MONEY IS OUR MEAT. RIGHT?

WE DON'T GO OUT AND KILL TO SURVIVE AND BREED, RIGHT? WE MAKE MONEY

TO SURVIVE AND BREED.

THE ONLY PROBLEM IS WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE OLD INSTINCTUAL URGES FOR BLOOD

THAT GOT US THIS FAR.

EXCUSE ME.

I MEAN, SHIT, I READ SOME OF THOSE GUYS

THEY'RE ALWAYS BULLSHITTING ABOUT.

NIETZSCHE AND--AND THAT RUSSIAN DUDE.

AND SOME OF IT MADE SENSE,

BUT A LOT OF IT IS KIND OF LIKE THE BIBLE.

YOU KNOW, IT COULD BE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK ON SOCIETY,

OR A NEGATIVE. IT'S ALL IN THE INTERPRETATION.

THE GUY AT THE END OF THAT CRIME AND PUNISHMENTBOOK--

DID YOU READ THAT?

YEAH--YEAH.

HE TURNS HIMSELF IN AT THE END. WHY?

BECAUSE HE FELT BAD, AND THAT'S--

THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT HERE.

IN THEORY, THIS WHOLE SUPERMAN, BETTER-THAN-YOU IDEA

IS ALL GOOD AND WELL, BUT IN REALITY,

MAN'S INNATE MORALS ABOUT WHAT'S RIGHT AND WRONG

DICTATE THAT-- THAT TO FOLLOW SUCH A TEACHING

IS NOT THE PATH TO BECOMING A SUPERIOR HUMAN,

BUT RATHER ONE THAT'S, UH, SUBHUMAN, YOU KNOW?

[GIGGLES]

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO GO ON A RANT THERE.

ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST INTELLIGENT THINGS

I'VE HEARD ALL NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BUY THAT.

YOU KNOW, 6 MONTHS IS A, UH, A MIGHTY LONG TIME.

MM. HA HA.

AW...I SHOULD GET BACK DOWN.

NO WORRIES.

COOL.

FUCK.

NO WORRIES. I LIKE THAT.

[HUMMING]

SHE'LL BE BACK.

[GRUNTING]

[GAGGING]

SEE, THE KEY TO A PROPER HANGING IS THE PROPER DROP.

AND SHOULD, IF DONE CORRECTLY, INSTANTLY SNAP THE SPINAL CORD.

AND IF DONE INCORRECTLY?

WELL, 2 POSSIBILITIES. ONE, IF THE DROP IS TOO SHORT,

THE PERSON DIES A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH BY ASPHYXIATION.

AAH!

AND THE OTHER?

INSTANT DECAPITATION.

IMPOSSIBLE, MAN. CLEAN OFF?

IT'S ALL ABOUT TENSILE STRENGTH, MY FRIEND.

WHISKEY DICK.

SHIT.

WHAT?

WHAT DID YOU DO TO SKYLES?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE JUST STORMED OUT OF HERE ALL PISSED OFF.

WELL, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

REALLY? WELL, YOU WERE THE LAST ONE TO SEE HIM.

WHAT HAPPENED?WHAT?

HE TRIED TO KISS ME AND I SAID NO.

UH-HUH.END OF STORY.

[SIGHS] BUT WHO LED HIM ON?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

WE'RE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

AND WHERE IS JIM, ANYWAY?

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH STICKING AROUND ANYMORE.

YOU WANT TO LEAVE? FINE! FUCKING LEAVE.

I JUST THOUGHT THAT SINCE I WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE

OF CONVINCING MY UNCLE TO GIVE UP HIS AMAZING PAD

FOR YOUR LOUSY BOYFRIEND'S FREAKING GOING-AWAY PARTY,

THAT THE LEAST YOU COULD DO WAS PRETEND TO TRY

AND HAVE A GODDAMN ZIPPITY-DO GOOD TIME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT. I'M FUCKING OUT OF HERE.

BY ALL MEANS. LET ME GET YOUR COAT.

HAL, DO ME A FAVOR.

JUST CHUCK THAT FOR ME.

Jordan: YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T FUCKING BOTHER.

NO, NO, NO. HOUSE RULES. I'M GOING TO WALK YOU OUT. LET'S GO.

AND CALLIE, SWEETHEART, DRINK YOUR WINE.

I THINK HE'S LOST HIS MIND.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL JUST BE SO FUCKING HAPPY

TO GET RID OF YOU, BELIEVE ME.

THIS IS SO BIG OF YOU, NICK. YEAH, YEAH.

I THINK I HAVE SOME PARTY FAVORS,

AND IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR THEM.

IS THIS YOURS?

YES. IT'S MINE. GREAT.

SOME BUDS. IT'S GOOD SHIT, GIRL.

NO. I THINK YOU'RE BETTER OFF.

YOU AND JIM DESERVE EACH OTHER. YOU KNOW THAT?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'M ON FIRE, MAN.

ALL I NEEDED WAS JUST A LITTLE MORE OF YOUR TIME. THAT'S IT.

[GROANING]

ARE YOU S--I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME, TERRY.

IT'S THE FUCKING KIND BUD, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I DON'T THINK--REALLY, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

OH, FUCK!

OH, SHIT! NICKY!

NICKY! GUYS!

NOT THE BONG. FUCK.

WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

Jordan: TERRY... MY GOD.

FUCK. FUCK!

WHAT HAPPENED?

COME HERE, PAL. GRAB HIM WITH ME.

Jordan: CAREFUL!WAKE UP, MAN, WAKE UP!

COME ON. COME ON, WAKE UP.

NO, NO, NOT THIS ONE. THE OTHER ONE.

Jordan: WHY, WHY?

HE HAS TO PUKE.

HE BLOODY NEEDS A TOILET THAT'S GOING TO WORK.

CALLIE, WHAT ELSE DID HE TAKE?

UH, JUST BOOZE AND WEED. I-I--MAYBE THERE WAS COKE.

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

COME ON, TERRY, COME ON, TERRY.

WATCH HIS HEAD.

OUT OF THE WAY.

OUT OF THE WAY. COME ON, KID.

COME ON, TERRY. COME ON!

DON'T YOU NOD OUT ON ME NOW, MAN. COME ON, LET'S GO!

GIVE ME A SIGN. GIVE ME A SIGN.

I JUST--I THINK I NEED-- I'M SORRY, I-I NEED WATER OR SOMETHING. I...

COME ON, PAL.COME ON!

YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST GET YOU OUT OF HERE, HUH?

YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.

OK.

BESIDES, I NEED TO USE YOUR PHONE, ANYWAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? UM, I THINK THAT I'M--

I'M JUST GOING TO GO HOME BECAUSE...

NOW SHE WANTS A DRINK.

YOU KNOW, UM,

BECAUSE, UM, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE

WHEN THE PARAMEDICS ARRIVE.

MY DAD GETS, YOU KNOW, REALLY--

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY FUCKED THINGS UP TONIGHT.

I MEAN, ARRIVING UNANNOUNCED WAS ONE THING,

BUT THEN TO NOT HAVE THE GODDAMN COMMON COURTESY TO DRINK

THE GODDAMN DRINK THAT YOU GODDAMN ASKED ME FOR.

UM, I-I WASN'T THIRSTY, MAN.

WELL, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR IT,

NOW, SHOULD YOU HAVE?

I'LL GET YOU ANOTHER BOTTLE, ALL RIGHT?

OH, CALLIE, CALLIE, CALLIE, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WINE.

IT'S ABOUT THE PLAN. AND LET ME TELL YOU, SISTER,

YOU REALLY, REALLY FUCKED UP THE PLAN.

MY DAD'S GOT A WHOLE CABINET FULL.

BUT IT'S OK. IT'S OK, RIGHT?

BECAUSE I AM A...

[BANGS POT]A PROFESSIONAL!

RIGHT?

YEAH.

IT'S GOOD STUFF HE'S GOT.

I SAID I'M A PROFESSIONAL, RIGHT?

YES. YES, YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL.

AND WHAT'S THE KEY TO BEING A GOOD PROFESSIONAL?

UM...I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW.

IMPROVISATION.

BEING ABLE TO THINK ON YOUR FEET.

GETTING A BASKETFUL OF LEMONS,

AND MAKING LEMONADE.

GOTTA GET YOUR CARBS.

♪ YA DA DA VIVEREÉ ♪

COME ON! COME ON!

CIAO BELLA! BELLISIMO!

WAKE UP!

WAKE THE FUCK UP!

[GASPING]

NICK, CALL AN AMBULANCE!

♪ VIVEREÉ ♪

Hal: NICKY, WHERE ARE YOU? NICK! NICK!

CALL 911! NICK!

NICK, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

GET IN HERE!

♪ YA DA DA VIVEREÉ♪

NICK, ANSWER ME!

NICKY!

HEY, NICK, WHERE ARE YOU?

[RINGS BELL]

[HUMMING]

CALL SOMEBODY!

NICKY, ANSWER ME!

THAT'S IMPROVISATION.

NICK! NICK!

YOU REALLY SHOULD'VE HAD THAT WINE.

COME ON. COME ON. GIVE ME A SIGN. JESUS.

[GRUNTING]

COME ON, WAKE UP, KID.

UHH!

WHAT THE...

Nick: ♪ AH DO DO DO DO

WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? I WAS SCREAMING MY ASS OFF BACK THERE.

I RAN DOWN TO USE CALLIE'S PHONE.

AND DID YOU CALL 911?

THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY.

RIGHT. JUST LIKE JIM, HUH? BE HERE ANY MINUTE?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH ALL THIS?

UH, LET ME SEE. MY--MY BOYFRIEND IS MISSING,

TERRY IS BACK THERE IN THE BATHROOM FUCKING DYING,

AND EVERYONE ELSE IS SUDDENLY DISAPPEARING.

OH, OH, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF,

I FOUND A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH YOUR PHONE, HERE, NICK.

THERE ARE NO FUCKING BATTERIES.

MY--MY CLEVER GIRL.

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE, NICKY?

WHERE'S JIM?

THAT OTHER GIRL-- CALLIE-- WHERE IS SHE?

ALL THIS BECAUSE THE LOUSY PHONE DOESN'T HAVE ANY LOUSY BATTERIES?

NO. ALL OF THIS BECAUSE YOU WERE ON A CONVERSATION

ON THAT LOUSY FUCKING PHONE

WITHOUT ANY LOUSY FUCKING BATTERIES, NICK!

YOU'RE JUST PUTTING ON A SHOW, NICK.

KID'S TOAST.

WELL, YOU CAN'T SAY NANCY REAGAN NEVER WARNED HIM.

I INTERRUPT SOMETHING?

MAN, IT'S GOTTEN AWFUL QUIET IN HERE.

NOT AT ALL.

JUST JORDAN IS POINTING OUT

THE FACT THAT THE LOUSY PHONE

DOESN'T HAVE ANY LOUSY BATTERIES.

YOU DON'T SAY.

OH, I DO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.

BUT I-I THINK I'M JUST--

I'M JUST GOING TO GO, OK? JUST...

HEY, HEY, HEY, COME ON.

I WAS JUST FOOLING AROUND, REALLY.

COME ON. YOU KNOW ME. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I'M EVER THE BUFFOON. I WAS JUST HORSING AROUND.

LET'S JUST GIVE JIM ONE MORE CALL BEFORE YOU GO.

JUST OUT OF MY WAY, OK?

BUT YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO TALK TO HIM ALL NIGHT.

WE NEED TO GET TERRY SOME HELP, NICKY.

HELP FOR WHAT?

HE'S DEAD! ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HAL?

UH, YOU COULD STICK A FORK IN HIM.

WHAT OUR PRIORITY IS NOW IS JIM.

I MEAN, THIS IS HIS PARTY, AFTER ALL.

SO, WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO

IS GIVE HIM ONE LAST RING.

[DIALING TELEPHONE]

AH. HERE WE GO.

[CRYING]

[LINE RINGS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[RINGS]

[RINGS]

FUCK.

YOU FUCKER.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

GOD...FUCKER.

I FUCKING KNEW IT, MAN.

IT WAS SO--IT WAS A SHOT IN THE DARK,

BUT, DAMN, I'M GOOD.

YOU FUCKING KNEW THE WHOLE TIME,

AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, YOU FUCKING FREAK?

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THE DATE FIT. MAY 21, RIGHT?

IT WASN'T UNTIL JOHNNY ROTTEN

THREW ME INTO THE DAMN THING THAT I KNEW.

ALMOST BUSTED MY SHOULDER.

FUCKING BOX DIDN'T EVEN BUDGE, RIGHT?

WAY TOO HEAVY.

UNLESS, OF COURSE...

SOMETHING BE WEIGHING IT DOWN, HUH?

[NICK CLAPPING] BRAVO!

BRAVO.

TO THE VICTOR GOES THE SPOILS.

AH, NOT SO FAST, MY FRIEND.

WHY DON'T YOU DOUBLE-CHECK THAT HAT?

YOU'RE SICK.

YOU BOTH ARE FUCKING SICK!

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED, MAN.

DANCING WITH THE WIRE OUT IN THE OPEN, HUH?

HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT. ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU ALWAYS TAUGHT US, HAL?

NEVER LET ME DOWN, NICK.

I BELIEVE THAT, UH, MAKES IT A DRAW.

DUEL TO THE DEATH AT 10 PACES?

THAT WOULD BE NICE. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT I ONLY HAVE ONE GUN.

[GASPS] HEY.

HOW LONG AFTER I LEFT THE BAR, HUH?

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE ONE MAN TO FINISH OFF A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA?

TO FRIENDS. TO YOU. TO--HEY.

DON'T EVER FORGET ME. DOWN THE HATCH.

ALL RIGHT, MAN. OK.

MMM!

WHOO!

[WHISTLES]

GET SOME MORE. HURRY!

YEAH.

HEY, BARTENDER, LET'S GET SOME MORE WHISKEY!

NO, NO, NO, NO.

MY TREAT.

HEY, BUDDY, COME ON DOWN.

[CLEARS THROAT]

GIVE ME ANOTHER SELTZER AND WATER.

SO, WHO'S GETTING THE ASS-END OF THE HOG, HERE?

JUST GET ME THE FUCKING DRINKS.

COMING AT YOU, BUD.

OH, JEEZ!

LET THE PARTY BEGIN, JIMBO!

AHH.

BEERS IT IS. THANK YOU.

I USED TO CRAWL IN THIS THING AS A KID, MAN.

SEE IF I STILL FIT IN HERE.

BET YOU A DOLLAR YOU CAN'T FIT IN THERE.

A DOLLAR? MAN.

WHEW.

I WANT TO GET IN. I WANT TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

HOLD YOUR HORSES, THERE, JIMBO.

IT'S YOUR NIGHT, AND IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG ONE.

COME ON. LET ME IN, MAN! LET ME IN!

[POUNDING ON BOX]

Nick: TRIPPY, RIGHT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAW ME IN HALF,

ARE YOU?

I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD BRING SOME GIRLS

DOWN IN HERE LATER. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

YEAH. YOU COULD BRING,

UH, YOU COULD BRING JORDAN.

HEY, UH, THE LID'S STUCK OR SOMETHING, MAN.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

NICK, WHERE'D YOU GO? WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

NICK!

NICK!

GOD DAMN, NICK!

MAN, LET ME OUT OF HERE!

IT'S ALL PART OF THE FUN, BUD.

HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE...

NICK, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

GOD DAMN, I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS

IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW, MAN.

WHAT'S THAT?

LOOK, YOU LITTLE PUSSY,

OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!

AHH.

OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!

WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

NICK! GOD DAMN IT!

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

SHIT!

NICK!

NICK!

GOD DAMN YOU, MAN! FUCK YOU!

HELLO?

[RAPPING ON BOX]

FUCK YOU, MAN.

FUCK! NO.

GOD DAMN IT! LET ME OUT, MAN! FUCK! PLEASE!

GOD DAMN IT! GOD DAMN IT! FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCKER, LET ME THE FUCK OUT!

FUCK!

NICK...

NICK! NICK! NICK!

YOU KNOW, I PROBABLY SHOULD'VE TAKEN THAT PHONE OUT

TO BEGIN WITH.

BUT THEN AGAIN, I NEEDED THE STYLE POINTS.

SO, ALL OF THIS IS BECAUSE OF ME?

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, SWEETHEART, HUH?

YOU THINK I WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE OF KILLING 10 PEOPLE

JUST BECAUSE I STILL GOT A HARD-ON

FOR HER SCRAWNY ASS?YOU KILLED EVERYONE?

OF COURSE, EVERYONE!

EVEN MARY AND WALT.

THESE PEOPLE WERE YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS, NICK.

WE WERE ALL YOUR FRIENDS, NICKY.

THEY WERE HUMAN BEINGS.

THEY HAD FUCKING FAMILIES.

PEOPLE WHO LOVED THEM. PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO FUCKING MISS THEM.

Jordan: WHY? WHY, NICKY?

BECAUSE MY--MY DADDY DIDN'T LOVE ME.

AH, JIMINY CHRISTMAS.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

BECAUSE DADDY DIDN'T LOVE ME?

'CAUSE MOM LEFT ME ON THE TIT TOO LONG?

OL' PASTOR PETE, HE TOUCHED MY PECKER WHEN I WAS 8?

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY DID THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMP OVER THAT LAZY DOG, HUH?

YOU PEOPLE WITH ALL YOUR WHYS, YOU THINK YOU THINK YOU CAN

MAKE SENSE OF EVERY SICK THING THAT GOES ON

IN THIS WORLD WITH ONE OR 2 LITTLE WHYS,

SO SOMEHOW YOU CAN SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT.

WHY DOES EVIL NICKY DO THE CRAZY THINGS HE DOES?

MAYBE IT'S THE TV.

OR THE SATANIC VAMPIRE CULTS

OR THE GODDAMN INTERNET.

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, SWEETHEART,

THAT'S JUST A LITTLE...

TOO GODDAMN CONVENIENT FOR THIS PSYCHOPATH.

BECAUSE HE COULD.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPED OVER THE LAZY DOG

BECAUSE HE COULD.

HE WAS BETTER THAN THEM.

BETTER?THE BEST!

OH, I DON'T PLAY GUITAR,

OR WRITE FOR ROLLING STONE, OR DUNK A BASKETBALL,

OR THROW A DECENT LEFT HOOK,

BUT I DEFINITELY, AND I MEAN DEFINITELY,

SHOWED TONIGHT THERE IS ONE THING

THAT I CAN DO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.

THAT'S WHY I'M THE BEST, BECAUSE I GOT THE BRAINS

AND THE BALLS.

GRANTED, I SEE THE BEAUTY IN YOUR WORK HERE, NICK.

YOU KNOW, 10 PEOPLE DEAD WITHOUT ANYONE SAYING A WORD.

I MEAN, IT'S DOWNRIGHT IMPRESSIVE.

I IMAGINE I'M GONNA BE TEACHING IT REAL SOON.

SO DON'T GET ME WRONG, PAL, WHEN I SAY

THAT YOU'RE ONE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER,

AND THEY'RE GONNA FRY YOUR ASS.

NOT PART OF THE PLAN.

BUT YOU ARE.

YOU SEE, YOU GOT THE WHYS COMING OUT THE YING-YANG, PROFESSOR.

YOU'RE THE OUTSIDER.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S DEVOTED HIS ENTIRE LIFE

TO THE MORBID PURSUIT OF THE ART OF MURDER.

GO ON. LEFT JACKET POCKET.

LEFT JACKET POCKET.

AND YOU, PARTNER? HUH?

I'M JUST GONNA BE THE HERO

WHO TOOK YOU DOWN AND ESCAPED ALIVE.

NO! NO, NO, NO!

WHY DON'T YOU JOIN THE PARTY, JORDAN, HUH?

WHY DON'T YOU COME JOIN THE PARTY?

YOU KNOW, F-FOR A BIG BRAIN, NICKY, YOU'RE AWFULLY FUCKIN' STUPID.

I'M SMART ENOUGH TO BEAT YOU.

BEAT?

HA! SHIT, BOY, DID YOU EVER STOP FOR FUCKING ONE GODDAMN MINUTE

AND TAKE A GOOD ARM'S-LENGTH LOOK AT THE FUCKIN' SITUATION, HUH?

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A SHILL, MY FRIEND.

A LITTLE EXPERIMENT THAT I'VE PRIVATELY UNDERTAKEN

THAT I READILY ADMIT'S GONE A WEE BIT WRONG.

RIGHT? QUESTION.

HOW MUCH BULLSHIT DO I HAVE TO FILL

AN OVER-INTELLIGENT YET FUCKING EMOTIONALLY RETARDED KID'S HEAD WITH

BEFORE HE STEPS, OR IN THIS CASE LEAPS,

WITH BOTH FEET OUT OF THE KITCHEN SINK OVER THE EDGE?

EVIDENTLY, NOT FUCKING MUCH.

JUST WHISPER FUCKING SWEET NOTHINGS

OF MURDER AND MAYHEM INTO HIS EAR,

AND 3 SEMESTERS LATER, HE'S GOT HIS BEST FRIEND STUFFED INTO A BOX, MAN.

JESUS, KID, WAKE THE FUCK UP!

YOU'RE NOT IN CONTROL HERE! I AM! ALWAYS HAVE BEEN!

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, MR. MILGRIM,

I'M THE ONE WITH THE GUN.

YEAH? SO FUCKIN' SHOOT.

[WHISPERING] Fuck.

HEY, WHAT'S THAT OLD SAYIN', HUH?

BRING A GUN TO A KNIFE FIGHT?

RUN! JORDAN, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

NOWHERE TO GO, GUYS!

FUCK.

LET ME IN. RIGHT.

JUST GET US IN THE MOOD!

[BIXIO'S CANTATE CON MEPLAYING]

WELL, WHO ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M TALKING TO?

LOOK, LADY, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW,

LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT, OK?

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, THAT CRAZY FUCK OUT THERE HAS A GUN,

AND I--WE DON'T!

HEY, JUST LOOK AROUND FOR A WEAPON WI--

LOOK AROUND FOR A REAL WEAPON.

HEY, WOULD ANYONE LIKE A BONG HIT?

COME ON, ALL THE KIDS ARE DOIN' IT!

WAKE UP, LEIGH!

HAL, YOU HAVEN'T STARTED WITHOUT ME, HAVE YOU?

HUH? HAL!

HAVE YOU STARTED WITHOUT ME? HAL?

Jordan: SHIT. HAL?

GOD. AAH!

HAL? HAL?

[GUNSHOT]

PUT THAT IN YOUR DISSERTATION.

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!

GOD.

AAH!

OH, SHIT!

NO!

AH, THAT'S RIGHT, JORDAN McNEIL, COME ON DOWN!

YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE WORLD'S MOST POPULAR GAME SHOW,

FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!

OHH! SHIT!

SOMEBODY GET THE NUMBER ON THAT TRUCK.

COME ON, JORDAN!

YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME ANY.

[OPERA CONTINUES]

[WHIMPERING]

IT'S TOO EASY, JORDAN.

IT'S TOO EASY.

FUCK!

[WHISPERING] Oh, God. You can do this.

THIS IS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.

WOMEN!

OPEN UP! OPEN UP!

HELP! HELP! NO!

Jordan, yelling: SOMEBODY HELP ME!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!

NICE.

Jordan: PLEASE, ANYONE!

HELP!

Jordan: HELP! HELP!

YOU'RE STARTING TO BECOME A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS.

MY, MY. VERY CLEVER, JORDAN.

VERY CLEVER GIRL.

IN FOR 2?

Nick: JORDAN!

YOU'RE KILLING ME, JORDAN.

DON'T YOU WANT ME TO FINISH ANYTHING?

FUCK!

THEY'LL FUCKING CATCH YOU.

THAT IS ALL PART OF THE FUN.

BEING UP AGAINST THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST

THE F.B.I. HAS TO OFFER.

I MEAN, SHOOT.

THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE TO GET JOHNNY D.,

THE MIND HUNTER HIMSELF,

OUT OF RETIREMENT.

RELAX.

THIS SHOULDN'T HURT.

WELL, MAYBE JUST A LITTLE.

FUCK YOU.

IT'S MY LUCKY DAY.

ONE SHOT LEFT.

[SLASH, GUN FIRES]AAH!

FUCK NIETZSCHE.

GODDAMN GENUINE, MODERN-DAY ALCHEMIST, BABY.

AIN'T NOTHING GONNA BREAK ME DOWN.

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT I DID, MAN?

DID YOU SEE THAT?

I FUCKIN' KUNG-FU'D HIS ASS AND SHIT.

I NEVER DID LIKE HIM ANYWAY, MAN.

HE USED TO STARE AT MY ASS AND SHIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

I KICKED THAT FUCKER'S ASS!

YOU DID GOOD, TOO, THOUGH, YOU KNOW?

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I GIVE YOU PROPS.

THAT WAS REAL SEXY, WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

THIS IS SOME GOOD WEED, TOO, RIGHT?

HELL OF A PARTY, HUH?

YEAH. AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.

I KICKED SOME ASS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

YOU DIDN'T DO SO BAD YOURSELF.

THANK YOU.

AGAIN.

SPEAKING OF ASSES, THOUGH,

YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO TELL YOU,

YOU HAVE A REALLY SWEET ASS.

[LAUGHS]

GUESS WE HAVE TO FIND SOME NEW FRIENDS NOW, HUH?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I'M NEVER DATING AGAIN.

DOES THAT MEAN CASUAL SEX IS OUT OF THE QUESTION?

[LAUGHS BITTERLY] YEAH. RIGHT.

COME ON. I HAD TO ASK.

♪ HEY, BABY, WHAT YA DOIN' TONIGHT ♪

♪ SUGAR?

♪ I HOPE YOU CALL WHEN IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ WELL, I GOT THIS CERTAIN CASE OF BLUES ♪

♪ AND IF I SEE YOUR SMILING FACE ♪

♪ I KNOW IT WILL DIFFUSE ♪

♪ HEY, BABY, HOW'S ABOUT A CRUISE? ♪

♪ WE CAN GO ANY PLACE YOU CHOOSE ♪

♪ WELL, I'VE HEARD MULHOLLAND'S FINE, ♪

♪ WE'LL TAKE THE VIEW AND DRINK SOME WINE ♪

♪ SO, HEY

♪ WHAT YOU DOIN' TONIGHT? ♪

♪ WHAT YOU DOIN', BABY? ♪

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

Terry: KNOCK-A-NO!