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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,759 --> 00:00:16,039 Hey, excuse me. 2 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,640 Yeah, show starts at 8:30 tonight. It's a great show. 3 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,320 All headliner showcase, two for one. 4 00:00:20,399 --> 00:00:23,039 No, sorry. My name is Pete. I'm a comedian. 5 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,480 Hey, Pete. Nice to meet you. 6 00:00:24,559 --> 00:00:27,079 Hi. Uh, somebody told me that you guys... 7 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,960 I'm gonna stop you there, Pete. I know what somebody told you. 8 00:00:29,039 --> 00:00:31,640 You're looking for stage time, right ? You got the soft scared look in your eye 9 00:00:31,719 --> 00:00:33,920 like your mother just dropped you off at the Mall of America. 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,320 Listen, I got all the fuckin' comedians I can handle. 11 00:00:36,399 --> 00:00:39,439 What I need is some audience. Fuck, I need less comedians. 12 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,280 I'd love to help ya, but I can't, so God bless, good luck, fuck off. 13 00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:44,719 There's nothin' I can do. 14 00:00:45,399 --> 00:00:49,799 - Hold on. You're a comedian ? - Yeah. You know my shit ? 15 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:53,000 No, I'm sorry. But you get how it is, man. 16 00:00:53,079 --> 00:00:55,399 I gotta pay fourteen dollars to do an open mic. 17 00:00:55,479 --> 00:00:57,359 I'm performing for other people who are waiting to perform. 18 00:00:57,439 --> 00:00:58,600 I need a real club. 19 00:00:58,679 --> 00:01:00,759 There's nothing I can do. I don't... You know. 20 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,799 - I mean, unless you want to bark. - What ? I'll do that. What's that ? 21 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,480 Well, lotta guys think it puts kind of a stink on ya, 22 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,560 but, you know, it's when you take these fliers 23 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,159 and you put your name on the back, and you go to corner, 24 00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:12,079 and then, if you get five paying customers by the end of the night, 25 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:15,000 we'll put you on stage, but it's a big if there's still audience here. 26 00:01:15,079 --> 00:01:17,680 So it's a butt fuck, but it's the butt fuck I'm offering. 27 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,120 I accept your butt fuck. That... yes. 28 00:01:20,599 --> 00:01:23,120 Not so fast. Let's see your moves. 29 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,040 - What, now ? - Yeah, now. 30 00:01:27,599 --> 00:01:30,959 Hey, do you have plans tonight ? We've got a great show. Madam ? 31 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,599 Hey, comedy. He looked busy. 32 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,400 Yeah, they're all busy. They're walking, Pete. 33 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,239 Move the flier, move the flier. Flick. 34 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,760 - When it goes back in the stack... - Flick in the stack. 35 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,439 Come here. Gimme this. Let me show you how it's done. 36 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,040 Big man ! Comedy show tonight. All headliner showcase. 37 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,239 - Not interested. - Not interested ? Come on ! 38 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:49,200 It's the best show in town. Whadya got to do ? 39 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,439 - Dude, fuck off, man. - Fuck ? Fuck off ? 40 00:01:51,519 --> 00:01:53,000 It's the best fuckin' show in town ! 41 00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:56,519 - Fuck comedy. - Fuck comed... Hey, fuck you ! 42 00:01:58,079 --> 00:02:00,879 - Fuck me ? Fuck you ! - Oh, honey, babe. It's okay. 43 00:02:00,959 --> 00:02:02,719 - Fuckin' asshole. - Yeah. 44 00:02:02,799 --> 00:02:05,959 Keep walkin' ! I hope you both have a bunch o' kids ! 45 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,560 And you gotta deal with all of the associated responsibilities... 46 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:11,800 You cocksucka ! Fuck you ! 47 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,280 That's how it's done, my friend. 48 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,680 - What's up, guys ? I'm Pete. - Yo. 49 00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:32,759 - You barkin', too ? - Yeah. 50 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,280 Did you guys look closely at this flier at all ? 51 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,840 I mean, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld. 52 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:40,240 Do any of these people actually perform here ? 53 00:02:40,319 --> 00:02:41,319 Fuck, no. 54 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,719 Yeah, Ben Stiller's on there. He's not even a comic. 55 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,439 Ray Romano came in here once on accident, 56 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,520 but then he just used the shitter and he left. 57 00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:49,759 Where you guys are concerned, they're all here. 58 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,919 Okay, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Louie C.K. 59 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,639 You tell 'em we're reanimating Richard fuckin' Pryor 60 00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:57,280 if that'll get 'em through this door. 61 00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,879 Alright ? Boy Scout, we're not sellin' thin Mints here. 62 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,919 We haven't been sayin' Bill Cosby as much recently. 63 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,000 Yeah. 64 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,919 I just don't know if I feel comfortable lying to people. 65 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,439 And do you feel more comfortable not performin' ? 66 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,080 There's gotta be a middle ground there. 67 00:03:10,159 --> 00:03:13,400 I mean, even if we do get them in here with lies, 68 00:03:13,879 --> 00:03:15,080 they'll know it's a bait and switch. 69 00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:17,080 No, they're not. They're stupid tourists. 70 00:03:17,159 --> 00:03:20,039 It's like who comes to New York and doesn't have a plan ? 71 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,759 Yeah, they're gonna end up like at a Panera Bread 72 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,719 or gettin' human trafficked. 73 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,319 - Is that a verb ? Human trafficked ? - When they do it to you. 74 00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:29,199 What ? 75 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,360 - I'm at MacDougal and Third. I... - Lucky. 76 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,639 Is that good ? 77 00:03:34,719 --> 00:03:37,280 No, they're all shitty, but you got the least shitty. 78 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,560 I'm in front of an NYU dorm. 79 00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:42,479 It's like those kids are too smart to fall for this shit. 80 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,680 Yo, comedy, man ? 81 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,199 You guys eat here ? 82 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,960 Oh, yeah. You can't bark for four hours and not eat. 83 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,199 Four hours ? 84 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,280 That guy before me, he's already tanking. 85 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:57,199 And for his closer, he decides to put his entire mouth over the microphone. 86 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,879 - You know how dirty those are ? - Then he deep-throated it. 87 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,719 This is great. 88 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,680 West Village, look at this. Standing on the corner, eatin' street food. 89 00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:12,240 We're gonna do a set tonight at a club in Manhattan. I love this. 90 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,240 What the fuck's wrong with you ? 91 00:04:15,319 --> 00:04:18,040 No, I'm just sayin', following the dream. We're grinding it out. 92 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,160 I'm happy to be with you guys. 93 00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:23,199 - Oh, he's doin' a bit. - It's a bit. 94 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:25,920 No, no, no. I mean it. You know, you follow your heart. 95 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,360 - You should be proud of yourselves. - I get it. You're Mormon. 96 00:04:29,439 --> 00:04:32,120 I'm not Mormon, I'm just regular, you know ? 97 00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:34,759 - Regular what ? - Oh, regular Christian. 98 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,399 No add-ons, just old and new, meat and potatoes. 99 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,600 To be honest, I'm a little worried about all the standing. 100 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,079 Four hours on concrete, that's really hard on your knees. 101 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,680 If I had known, I would have worn more comfortable shoes, 102 00:04:45,759 --> 00:04:47,680 like a nurse's shoe or a clog. 103 00:04:47,759 --> 00:04:50,720 Are you talking like a wooden shoe, like what little Dutch girls wear ? 104 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,879 No, like a modern clog, like a Croc. 105 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,680 You get the ones that don't have the holes in the top. 106 00:04:54,759 --> 00:04:57,839 With a long pant, it looks like a shoe. It's like a comfortable secret. 107 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,480 You're like a mental patient that's been released for the afternoon. 108 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,319 - I'm gonna sit down. - It's worse than an open mic. 109 00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:05,759 Can you guys open it up ? 110 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,600 Like if you just... if you just kinda circle here, I can still... 111 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,079 We can see you. 112 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,480 You're good there, man. You're good. 113 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,240 Great comedy show tonight. Great comedy show to... 114 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,120 Great live comedy tonight. We got a great show. Excuse me. 115 00:05:35,199 --> 00:05:38,319 Got a great live comedy show. Great. Great live comedy tonight. 116 00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:40,360 All headliner show, 8:30 tonight. 117 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,240 All headliner show, right up the block, two for one with the flier. 118 00:05:44,319 --> 00:05:46,360 Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, who knows ? 119 00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:50,600 Great live comedy. You ought to... Yes ! Thank you. 120 00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:56,759 Great live comedy tonight. Right up the block. 8:30 show. 121 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,800 Great live comedy. Great live comedy. My knees hurt. 122 00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:03,120 Great live comedy. Great comedy show tonight. 123 00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:05,279 Two for one. Amplified jokes ! 124 00:06:05,639 --> 00:06:08,040 We got amplified jokes happening on a stage. 125 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,279 All headliner show tonight, ladies. 126 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,480 Hello, great live comedy tonight. We got a great show. 127 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,360 Great live comedy, guys. You wanna... 128 00:06:14,439 --> 00:06:16,920 Great live comedy show. Two for ten, 8:30 tonight. All headliners. 129 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,000 - We love comedy. - Great. 130 00:06:18,079 --> 00:06:19,920 Oh my God, is Seinfeld on the show ? 131 00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:23,040 - Not necessarily. You know, it's... - What ? 132 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,079 It's New York. He might pop in. 133 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,360 Why would you put him on the flier then ? 134 00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:30,639 These are examples of the types of comedians you might see. 135 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,399 I like to think each of them influence the essence of the people 136 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,759 you will see performing. 137 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,639 That's fucked up, man. 138 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,160 You go to an Italian restaurant, there's a picture of Frank Sinatra. 139 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,120 Doesn't mean he's gonna be there. 140 00:06:44,399 --> 00:06:46,040 Where'd you get that coffee ? Do they have a bathroom ? 141 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,480 Great live comedy. Was there a bathroom in that pizzeria ? 142 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,759 Hello. Great live comedy. 143 00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,160 Hi. Great live comedy ? 144 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,800 Please help me with this man ? 145 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,560 Do you see him ? 146 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,279 Do you know if there's a bathroom around here ? 147 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,399 Do you know if there's a bathroom in the area ? 148 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,800 Where do you pee ? 149 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,399 - Hey, can I help you ? - I'm just goin' to the bathroom. 150 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,600 Customers only. 151 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,600 Yeah, I'm like just number one. Just to pee. Just a pow ! 152 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,079 - Customers only, dude. - Really ? 153 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,120 Yeah. You want to use the bathroom, you're gonna have to order somethin'. 154 00:07:37,199 --> 00:07:41,240 If I had a bar and you came in, I would look the other way. 155 00:07:41,319 --> 00:07:42,480 Do you have a bar ? 156 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,839 I've always wanted to open a winery in the Adirondacks. 157 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,879 So what you're saying is pointless. 158 00:07:47,279 --> 00:07:49,240 - Okay, give me a coke. - Coke. 159 00:07:55,319 --> 00:07:56,920 That's eight dollars. 160 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,480 - I'm sorry ? - Eight. 161 00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,639 - Dollars ? - Yeah. 162 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,319 - For the coke ? - Yeah. 163 00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:04,680 Coca-Cola at a bodega or a gas station, like two liters, 99 cents. 164 00:08:04,759 --> 00:08:08,079 89 in some neighborhoods that are rougher. Okay ? 165 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,759 This isn't a bodega. 166 00:08:11,879 --> 00:08:14,240 If I give you eight dollars, I have two dollars left. 167 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:17,680 - How about a tip ? - I'm handing out fliers for free. 168 00:08:17,759 --> 00:08:19,879 That sounds like a you problem. 169 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,680 Here you go. It's a service industry, built on principle. 170 00:08:23,759 --> 00:08:24,759 Enjoy your pee. 171 00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:27,160 I wish I had to shit. I'd put it on the floor. 172 00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:35,440 Want to see some comedy tonight, sir ? 173 00:08:35,519 --> 00:08:38,200 Greenwich Comedy Club, big show tonight. Got a great show tonight. 174 00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:40,559 Greenwich Comedy Club. Would you like to see some comedy ? 175 00:08:40,639 --> 00:08:43,799 Hi ! You want to see some comedy ? It's a great show. Big show tonight. 176 00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:45,159 - I'll take it. - Thank you. 177 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:46,679 You want to see some comedy, sir ? 178 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:50,080 Sorry... Hi. No, I've been working on this corner tonight. 179 00:08:50,159 --> 00:08:51,840 Oh, yeah ? That's nice. 180 00:08:52,159 --> 00:08:54,120 Hey, you want to see some comedy ? Like comedy ? 181 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,759 Sorry. So I... Could I get my corner back ? 182 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,879 Oh, this is your corner ? This, Macdougal and Third, is your corner. 183 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:00,960 You're Macdougal. 184 00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:04,000 I understand. It's not my corner, but I was here. 185 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,320 I established a presence. 186 00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:07,279 My club is right down there. I got a good thing goin'. 187 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,000 Comedy. Greenwich Comedy Club. Great show. 188 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,399 You see they're walking towards my club. 189 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,440 - What was I gone ? Three minutes ? - Oh, three minutes. 190 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,600 So if you have a parking spot and you drive off for three minutes, 191 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:19,039 is that supposed to be your parking spot for the rest of your life ? 192 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,200 Is that how you think cities work ? 193 00:09:21,279 --> 00:09:23,519 I understand the comparison, but this isn't a parking spot. 194 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,519 - Just walk away. - No, I'm just... Could we... 195 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,039 Walk away. 196 00:09:28,159 --> 00:09:29,360 Geez. 197 00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:31,559 - Walk away. - Okay. 198 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,120 Would you like to see some comedy, Miss ? 199 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,039 It's a really nice show. I think you'll like it. 200 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,440 Hey, we got Jim Gaffigan tonight. Jim... Come on, man. 201 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,559 Lot of comedy tonight ! Boston Comedy Club ! 202 00:09:44,639 --> 00:09:47,240 Hey, we got Dave Chappelle tonight, man. Dave Chappelle. 203 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,919 Know you like Da Half Baked ? 204 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,039 Yes, you love it. Hey, cool. Hey, D... 205 00:09:51,399 --> 00:09:53,600 Live comedy tonight ! Boston Comedy... 206 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,120 - What's up, man ? - What ? 207 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,440 I'm havin' a problem. 208 00:09:56,519 --> 00:09:58,480 Somebody from the Greenwich Comedy Club came over, 209 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,600 and they're trying to shake me from my corner. 210 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,559 - He shook you from your corner ? - Yes. 211 00:10:02,639 --> 00:10:04,360 Why the fuck are you talkin' like you in The Wire ? 212 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,080 - I haven't seen The Wire. - What ? 213 00:10:06,159 --> 00:10:08,679 There's no good way to tell people you haven't seen The Wire. 214 00:10:08,759 --> 00:10:10,080 Look, this guy's on my corner. 215 00:10:10,159 --> 00:10:12,159 I'm just asking you how do I handle that ? 216 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,960 Listen, man. I don't know what to tell you, alright ? 217 00:10:14,039 --> 00:10:17,120 - You don't get five, you don't get on. - What would you do ? 218 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,639 I would tell the guy get the fuck off my corner. 219 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,320 - You think that would work ? - It's not workin' now ! 220 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:25,399 Okay. I will leave because I'm a reasonab... I'm sorry. 221 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:26,919 - Be reasonable and leave ! - I'm being... 222 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,960 - Go ! - Thank you. 223 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,240 Great live comedy. 224 00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:42,039 Comedy ? No ? 225 00:10:44,399 --> 00:10:46,279 Great live comedy. 226 00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,840 Hey, ladies. Great live comedy tonight ? 227 00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,960 - Just a couple blocks away. - Excuse me. 228 00:10:51,759 --> 00:10:52,960 Congratulations. 229 00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,200 Hey ! Great live comedy tonight. 230 00:10:57,279 --> 00:11:00,480 It's just three blocks this way to the right, one block up on your left. 231 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,600 Uh, we are looking for the Blue Note. 232 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,200 We got a great live comedy show, though. You guys would love it. 233 00:11:05,279 --> 00:11:07,759 - Stand-up comedy. - No, no comedy. Uh, Jaejeu. 234 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,440 Yeah, jazz. 235 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,200 There you go. 236 00:11:18,639 --> 00:11:20,080 Guy's weird. I like that. 237 00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:22,240 Uh, yeah, the Blue Note's on Third. 238 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,200 You're just gonna go up there, bang a right. You'll run into it, actually. 239 00:11:25,279 --> 00:11:27,679 - Thank you so much. - You're welcome. Enjoy. 240 00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:30,720 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Pull 'em in. Yeah. 241 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,519 Yeah, alright. Yeah. 242 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,799 Great live comedy ? I also do jazz sounds. 243 00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:50,720 We got a great live comedy show, sir. Flick. 244 00:11:50,799 --> 00:11:52,279 No, thank you. 245 00:11:55,519 --> 00:11:58,320 Hey, guys. Great live comedy ? We got a great live comedy show. 246 00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:00,759 Two for one. You guys like Jerry Seinfeld ? 247 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,960 I'll see y'all next time. Alright, man. 248 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:11,320 I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was business, and I'm not a narc. 249 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,360 I'm sure that's what narcs say, "I'm not a narc." 250 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,120 They're not gonna say, "I'm a narc." 251 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,679 That would be a really bad strategy for a narc. 252 00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:22,519 I'm really sorry. Do you have any interest in a comedy show ? 253 00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:27,679 How much they pay you to pass those fliers out ? 254 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,679 Oh, yeah. No, I don't get paid. 255 00:12:31,759 --> 00:12:34,600 I hand these out, and if five people pay to come in, 256 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:36,240 then I get to perform. 257 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:38,679 Well, how much do they pay you to perform ? 258 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,759 They don't pay me to perform. 259 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,679 It's... The whole thing is kind of gratis, you know ? 260 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,559 Fuck. 261 00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:50,600 Yeah. Uh, it's alright. 262 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:54,159 I know this is weird, but could I ask you some advice ? 263 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,320 Yeah. 264 00:12:55,799 --> 00:12:59,000 If somebody like... This is your turf, right ? 265 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,919 And if somebody stole your turf, how would you get it back ? 266 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,399 I mean, I don't know. To be honest with you, I don't really have a turf. 267 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,960 I just kinda walk around with a look on my face 268 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,440 that says, "I have weed." 269 00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:13,840 - Weed face. - Yeah. 270 00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:15,639 I mean, someone's up in your shit ? 271 00:13:16,039 --> 00:13:19,120 Yeah, you know, I don't know what to do. I mean, what you do ? 272 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,120 If you went to the bathroom and came back 273 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,720 and there was another guy here... 274 00:13:22,799 --> 00:13:24,440 I just handle my business. 275 00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:27,200 Okay, but like how specifically would you handle your business ? 276 00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:31,480 I'd get mine. Set it off. Be a man. Man up. You know, represent, man. 277 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,200 Like represent an attitude ? 278 00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:38,039 You gotta flip the switch, man. You gotta light it up. 279 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,559 Sorry, a lot of these sound like lyrics from the album Willennium. 280 00:13:42,519 --> 00:13:46,600 I need like real, like life application, like steps. 281 00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:52,279 Look, man. Just be loud and opposin'. You're a giant, man. You're a tall dude. 282 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,480 I've never been in a fight in my life. This is very soft. 283 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:58,120 I'm like a Tempur-Pedic mattress going at it. 284 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:01,320 Trust me. Nobody really wants to fight. 285 00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:04,879 I mean, people talk tough shit, but, you know, everyone's a coward. 286 00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:09,600 - Yeah. Do you want to come ? - I'm good. I think I'm good. 287 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,360 Do you know anybody that might want to come to a comedy show ? 288 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,919 I mean, I guess I could ask the dudes in my dorm. 289 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,000 You go to NYU ? 290 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,279 Yeah, I'm a sophomore. I study symbiotics. 291 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:20,960 - Yeah, alright. - Yeah. 292 00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:25,200 Thank you. Good luck with your weed and your studies. 293 00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:27,759 Thanks, man. I appreciate that. 294 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,159 Greenwich Comedy Club. Check it out. 295 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,759 Wanna see a show tonight ? Greenwich Village Comedy Club. Great show. 296 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,240 Hey, we got a great live comedy show, the best comedy club in town. 297 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,200 - What the fuck are you doin' ? - Handling my business. 298 00:14:38,279 --> 00:14:40,360 - We got a great live comedy show. - Check it out. 299 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,799 - We got the best... - We got all the best comics. 300 00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:45,600 - Louis CK is at Comedy club. - You like comedy ? 301 00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:47,679 - Ray Romano at the Boston... - You like Eddie Murphy ? 302 00:14:47,759 --> 00:14:49,960 - Eddie Murphy is... - We got Kevin Hart ! 303 00:14:50,039 --> 00:14:52,799 - We got Jerry Seinfeld... - 2 for 1 if you wanna see Chris Rock ! 304 00:14:53,279 --> 00:14:55,480 - The Boston Comedy Club. - Jerry Seinfeld ! 305 00:14:55,559 --> 00:14:57,799 - Jerry Seinfeld ! - Jerry Seinfeld ! 306 00:14:57,879 --> 00:14:59,279 - We got Jerry Seinfeld ! - Jerry Seinfeld ! 307 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,200 Alright, listen to me, asshole. Just walk off the corner, okay ? 308 00:15:02,279 --> 00:15:03,279 I was thinkin' about it. 309 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,960 I'm not gonna walk off the block, 'cause what are you gonna do ? 310 00:15:06,919 --> 00:15:09,159 What is that, a laser pointer ? You gonna give me a Ted Talk ? 311 00:15:10,759 --> 00:15:14,559 That's and ASP, bitch. Active Self-Protection. 312 00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:16,360 - What, your mom get that for you ? - Yeah. 313 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,080 - You crazy ? - Yeah, I am crazy ! 314 00:15:18,159 --> 00:15:19,759 Geez, cut it out. 315 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,879 - What do you think of that ? - That really hurts ! 316 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,440 - Get away from me ! - Oh, you're in trouble now. 317 00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:27,240 What the fuck ?! 318 00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:29,639 Oh my God. 319 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,519 - You got a fucking problem ?! - No. 320 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,960 - I don't think... - I'm so sorry. 321 00:15:34,039 --> 00:15:36,559 - You broke my fuckin'window ! - Run ! 322 00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:39,879 This wasn't about you. I'm so sorry. He stole my corner. 323 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,559 I gotta get five people or I don't get to go on stage. 324 00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:44,039 - I don't give a fuck ! - I think we can talk ! 325 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,960 Goddamn it ! 326 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,360 - Come on, man ! - Son of a bitch ! 327 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,039 - I'm sorry ! - I've got your ass, motherfucker ! 328 00:15:56,919 --> 00:15:59,600 Oh, my leg ! My fuckin' leg ! 329 00:15:59,679 --> 00:16:01,559 - I'm so sorry, man ! - Oh, man ! 330 00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:03,840 - You came out of nowhere. - My leg ! 331 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,840 Yeah, hello. We need an ambulance here on Third and Thomson ! 332 00:16:06,919 --> 00:16:08,320 Man got hit by a car ! 333 00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:11,159 - Call nine-one-one ! - Yeah ! I'm doin' it now ! 334 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,120 Yeah, we need a ambulance now ! Yes ! Third and Thompson ! 335 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,840 - Need a stretcher ! - Stop moving, bro. 336 00:16:15,919 --> 00:16:16,919 Yo, ambulance is comin'. 337 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,399 You are drunk. You obviously are drunk. 338 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,120 Got a great live comedy show. 339 00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:23,960 - Jerry Seinfeld ? Chris Rock. - You're a piece of shit, dude. 340 00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:26,120 - Yeah, fuckin' drive ! - You're drunk. 341 00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:28,000 Great comedy show. 342 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,679 - It's great. Jerry Seinfeld. - Fuck me ! 343 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:40,720 What's going on ? Are we done ? 344 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:43,600 - No, Hannibal's going up at the Boston. - Seriously ? 345 00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:44,799 - Yeah. - Oh my God. 346 00:16:47,279 --> 00:16:48,759 What an epic. I'll know when I get there. 347 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,879 Hey, man. This place is beautiful. Congratulations. How much did it cost ? 348 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,639 Come on, man. I don't want to talk about money right now. 349 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,000 Alright, cool. I'll be back in ten seconds. 350 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,360 - Nobody tells me ? - Shut up. Come in. 351 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,399 I've been dabblin' with Cialis. 352 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,119 Y'all know Cialis is a... I don't feel ashamed. 353 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:13,680 One of my friends gave me one, and I tried it out. I like this. 354 00:17:14,759 --> 00:17:19,039 I like what this is doin' for me. It's great. It's amazin'. 355 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,359 And I don't tell the girls I'm on Cialis. 356 00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:26,720 I just dick 'em down and act like that's how I always do it. 357 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,079 It's great. Pow ! Pow ! "Wow ! You're a machine !" 358 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,480 I only know about Viagra, not from friends, but just through jokes. 359 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,240 - Fuckin' believe this ? - I know. This is incredible. 360 00:17:40,319 --> 00:17:43,079 No, dipshit. I can't believe you're not on your fuckin' corner right now. 361 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,160 Why are you in here, 362 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,559 as opposed to being out there tellin' people to come in here. 363 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,720 Hannibal Buress is on stage. 364 00:17:47,799 --> 00:17:49,559 I know Hannibal Buress is on the fuckin' stage, 365 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,359 and if you told your fuckin' people on the sidewalk 366 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,920 that Hannibal was on stage, maybe they would come in here. 367 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,039 Those guys get to watch. Why do they get to watch ? 368 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,039 They all brought in five people. You brought in two people. 369 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,160 I could drop a sandwich board in the middle of the sidewalk 370 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,160 and get more than two people in this place, and I... 371 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,319 Hey ! Hey ! Hey ! Hey ! Hey ! Anaya brought in thirteen people. 372 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,160 Well, that's more than enough. Can I have some of hers ? 373 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,799 - Come on, let's go. - If we already have the number... 374 00:18:11,319 --> 00:18:15,440 Cialis will make you fuck her good, but not enough for her to fall in love. 375 00:18:18,319 --> 00:18:20,359 You like Hannibal Buress ? I love him. 376 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,279 Hannibal Buress, one of my personal favorite comedians, 377 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,359 is on stage at the terrible Boston Comedy Club right now. 378 00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:30,640 - You want to see Hannibal Buress ? - Oh my God, Hannibal's on ? 379 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,920 Yeah, right. These guys are always full of shit. 380 00:18:33,799 --> 00:18:37,400 No, he's really there. Two for one. 381 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,519 - Hannibal Buress at the Boston... - Hey. 382 00:18:42,799 --> 00:18:44,359 - Marina. - Yeah. 383 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,400 - How's it goin' ? - Pretty good. 384 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,079 You were really great on Conan, by the way. 385 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,480 Aw, you know what ? I really appreciate that. 386 00:18:51,559 --> 00:18:54,160 Are you alright ? 'Cause, you know, I saw Jason back there. 387 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,640 He was kinda rough on you. He was bein' a dick. 388 00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,640 You know, it's fine. 389 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:04,480 I'm kinda feelin' degraded, and it's kinda crushing my soul, hey. 390 00:19:05,079 --> 00:19:08,000 Feel a little bit like a prostitute. Kinda sucks. 391 00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,000 Well, you know, prostitutes get paid. 392 00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:13,400 - You're right. So it's worse. - I don't think so. 393 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,799 I'm like a free prostitute. I'm just a... 394 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,240 I'm just a loose woman at the office party. 395 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,240 It's alright, man. Hang in there, 'cause we've all been here. 396 00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,680 - I've been here. I used to do this. - Seriously ? 397 00:19:23,759 --> 00:19:26,559 Seriously. I used to bark at the Broadway Comedy Club. 398 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,680 If there's anything worse than the Boston, it's the Broadway. 399 00:19:29,759 --> 00:19:31,519 Well, that makes me feel better. 400 00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:33,680 But, you know, this is the game. This is what it is. 401 00:19:33,759 --> 00:19:37,799 Like, you know, if it sucks, that's when you know you're doin' it right. 402 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,319 In five years, they're gonna be begging for it. Okay ? 403 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,000 - So you're good. - Alright. 404 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,960 - Thanks so much. - Yeah, right. 405 00:19:46,279 --> 00:19:48,640 Hey, Hannibal Buress is on stage right now. 406 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,559 That's a great show. I got two for one for Hannibal Buress. 407 00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:56,319 So, did I get my five ? 408 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,960 You barely squeaked by. 409 00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:00,599 Couldn't get more than three people with Hannibal Buress ? 410 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,440 Okay, that's the problem with lying, Jason. 411 00:20:02,519 --> 00:20:04,559 Nobody believed me when I said he was here. 412 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,920 It's like the boy who cried Seinfeld out there. 413 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,680 - What ? Where'd everybody go ? - They left with Hannibal. 414 00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:12,400 This is what happens when we run a deceitful operation. 415 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,759 We're out there lying. They come in. 416 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:17,480 They smell the nonsense, they leave once the hot stuff's gone 417 00:20:17,559 --> 00:20:19,599 and now there's nothing left for the little guy. 418 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,440 - This is flier, not a liar, okay ? - Save it for stage, Pete. 419 00:20:23,519 --> 00:20:24,839 It's not good enough for the stage. 420 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,680 It's good enough for you. Do you want to go on stage, Pete ? 421 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,079 - Yes, I'm sorry. - Go inside, Pete. 422 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,680 Have you heard anybody doing premise where their cum tastes like vanilla. 423 00:20:33,759 --> 00:20:35,240 - No. - Okay, good. 424 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:39,559 So the chick says, "I think I love you, but your cum tastes like vanilla. 425 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:44,039 - That's funny. - I don't think he's making sense. 426 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,000 I was watching a basketball game. Twelve thousand people in the stands. 427 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,359 Most of them were white. I mean, somebody's gotta be racist. 428 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,960 It's gotta tear you up inside bein' a racist cat basketball fan. 429 00:20:54,039 --> 00:20:57,240 You're up there thinkin', "I hate black people, except for these five guys. 430 00:20:57,319 --> 00:20:58,599 Go defense." 431 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,440 Good night, everybody. 432 00:21:04,519 --> 00:21:07,720 Yeah, clap it up ! Jason Webber, everybody ! 433 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,920 Nicely done, Jason. Come on ! There it is. 434 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,880 Any tourists in the crowd ? 435 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,640 Alright, what do you say we keep this moving right along. 436 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,680 A very funny dude is comin' up right now. 437 00:21:20,759 --> 00:21:25,319 Put your hands together for Pete Holmes, everybody ! 438 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,079 Clap it up for him. 439 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:34,039 You ever hail a cab just to stop it from hitting you ? 440 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,480 I never know what to tip those guys. 441 00:21:40,039 --> 00:21:44,240 I feel like cops in shorts uh, should be allowed to arrest children. 442 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,720 Put on a long pant if you want to take down uh, a man, is what I'm sayin'. 443 00:21:59,039 --> 00:22:00,519 My jazz fans. 444 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:07,839 Hey ! Hey, alright. You saw jazz. Now you see stand-up comedy. 445 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,519 These are our two major American exports. 446 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,119 Yeah. If you see a serial killer later, you'll have seen all three. 447 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,240 I played baseball when I was a kid, you know. 448 00:22:18,319 --> 00:22:21,359 It's awkward, 'cause I was the pudgy awkward kid. 449 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,119 Or, in Little League terms, I was the catcher. 450 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,680 It's the only position where you get to sit the whole game, 451 00:22:27,759 --> 00:22:29,680 so I was like, "Tell me more." 452 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:31,599 It's really fun when you're the catcher, 453 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:36,480 except you're the only kid on the team that has to wear a jock strap. 454 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,640 Which is awkward when you're a child, 455 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,160 'cause they don't really come in your size. 456 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:46,119 You just have to get the smallest adult size, which is gigantic. 457 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,720 It's like getting a three car garage to protect my tricycle, you know I mean ? 458 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,680 Remember trying it on me, like "I don't think this is gonna work." 459 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,720 "Maybe I should get the top half of a pistachio shell." 460 00:22:58,759 --> 00:23:00,440 "And a rubber band." 461 00:23:00,519 --> 00:23:03,000 I used a vending machine earlier this week. 462 00:23:03,079 --> 00:23:08,079 No only did it give me my snack, it gave me all my money back. 463 00:23:09,599 --> 00:23:12,839 Yeah, so I was like, "I guess we're dating now." 464 00:23:15,839 --> 00:23:19,440 Yeah, "Like you just fulfilled all my needs." 465 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,960 "And you're not too bad on the eyes, either." 466 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,519 Little something for everyone. 467 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,720 I had a roommate in college who was gutter punk. 468 00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:31,640 You guys know what punks are ? 469 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,960 Punks ? Yeah, yeah, with the hair, you know ? 470 00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:37,640 Yeah, they look like a fancy bird that no one loved. 471 00:23:38,039 --> 00:23:41,880 A gutter punk is a punk without any sort of class or dignity. 472 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,400 It lives in the street, but somehow has nine dogs. 473 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,200 No money, but nine dogs. 474 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,720 - Y'all watch porn at work ? - Yeah ! Yeah ! 475 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,599 Oh, this section. Okay. 476 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,839 I like porn. Sometimes I watch porn. I like to turn it up real loud, 477 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,599 so my neighbors think it's me fuckin' next-door. 478 00:24:01,559 --> 00:24:04,960 They get so confused. "Oh my God...Oh, shit, he's amazin'. 479 00:24:05,039 --> 00:24:07,160 Can he play saxophone, too ?" Like you know what I mean ? 480 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,160 Hey, y'all like a Korean deaf jam audience. This is good. 481 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,079 - That is funny. - Thanks, man. Appreciate it. 482 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,440 Good night. 483 00:24:20,079 --> 00:24:23,039 Pete. You know, you're not unfunny. 484 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,000 - I made a couple of notes. - Yeah, sure. 485 00:24:25,079 --> 00:24:26,920 I used to do a little coaching on the side. 486 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,119 Don't take the mic off the stand for the first three years. 487 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:30,279 You're not ready for that. 488 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,000 Focus on the words, then you'll work on the physicality. 489 00:24:33,079 --> 00:24:37,119 Think you should use more old videogame shirts, Atari, Nintendo. 490 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,480 Helps you connect with the kinds of people 491 00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:40,599 that would be interested in buying something of yours. 492 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,440 Also, the weight. You gotta lose ten or gain fifty. 493 00:24:43,519 --> 00:24:45,720 You're somewhere in the middle. Are you skinny ? Are you fat ? 494 00:24:45,799 --> 00:24:47,720 - We don't know. - I... 495 00:24:47,799 --> 00:24:50,160 Good job pullin' in that crowd tonight. 496 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,960 Thanks, Jason. I mean, what was that ? 497 00:24:54,039 --> 00:24:56,559 Thirty, twenty people maybe ? I mean... 498 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,240 - Nah. Only had one flier, though. - Yeah, but you... 499 00:24:59,319 --> 00:25:01,880 I'm kiddin'. Come back tomorrow night I'll put you on even earlier. 500 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,559 - Seriously ? - Yeah. 501 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,160 Yeah, no, I'll be here. Thanks, man. 502 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,160 - Have a good night. - You, too. 503 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,920 And keep up the energy up front, you know, in your act, when you come out. 504 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,279 - Wink, smile. - Yeah, sure. 505 00:25:13,839 --> 00:25:16,279 Any birthdays in the crowd ? People love that stuff. 506 00:25:20,319 --> 00:25:21,960 - Right ? - Yeah, that was good. 507 00:25:22,039 --> 00:25:23,279 - That was dope. - It was fine. 508 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:24,480 - That was nice. - Shut up, man. 509 00:25:24,559 --> 00:25:27,039 It was fine. It was just a bunch of Korean tourists. 510 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:28,920 You know, they were laughing because we were pausing, 511 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,960 and they were just happy that they weren't in their home country anymore, 512 00:25:31,039 --> 00:25:33,119 because they normally watch shows at gunpoint. 513 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,440 - How do you know this ? - They were not from North Korea. 514 00:25:35,519 --> 00:25:37,839 - That's the top one, by the way. - I know there's two. 515 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,359 - You do ? - Do you ? 516 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,559 One is ours and one is theirs. 517 00:25:42,079 --> 00:25:45,200 Right ? It's... Whatever. I know I did better than Hannibal. 518 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,359 - Yo, are you fuckin' kidding me ? - No. I did great. 519 00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:54,279 You literally did four minutes of filler and set-up. 520 00:25:55,319 --> 00:25:57,559 Hannibal so good, he can make your shit funny. That's all I'm sayin'. 521 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,880 Hey, it's just a rhythm thing. He was just doing rhythm. 522 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,400 - He's a genius, man ! He's a genius. - Your rhythm is yellin through a beard. 523 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,759 - Whatever. - He just says things funny. 524 00:26:05,839 --> 00:26:09,160 Whatever, Porter. I have a one a.m. spot to go work on my rhythm. 525 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,440 - Can I come ? - Oh, please don't say that. 526 00:26:12,519 --> 00:26:15,319 - That was very creepy. - Very creepy, that was uncomfortable. 527 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,279 - You just joined. You just walk. - Didn't mean it. 528 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,119 - Just exist, man. - I'm being polite. 529 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,359 - I wanna make a connection with you. - That's really gross. 530 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,640 Yeah, it was very like just slimy, like, "Can I, can I join." 531 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,079 You sound like the boy from Secret Garden. 532 00:26:29,279 --> 00:26:30,759 What neighborhood do you guys live in ? 533 00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,240 Okay. You know that that was creepier than the last thing you said. 534 00:26:33,319 --> 00:26:35,319 Yeah, you know what that sounded like. 535 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,400 - Ask me where I live. - No. 536 00:26:37,799 --> 00:26:39,720 - Sure it's under a bridge somewhere. - Kind of. 537 00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,599 End of episode 4 45849

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