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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,272
"Cheers" is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,607
What's going on there?
3
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,709
Appears to be a male lying
In the street.
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,344
Oh, my god, it's woody!
5
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,113
Excuse us! Excuse us!
Move back, please!
6
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,147
A doctor coming in.
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,282
Woody, are you
All right?
8
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,916
Don't move me!
Don't move me!
9
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,618
Don't move him!
Somebody get help!
10
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:18,752
[horn honks]
11
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,555
Straighten her out,
Sam.
12
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,358
Thanks, woods.
13
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,432
* makin' your way
In the world today *
14
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:34,368
* takes everything
You've got *
15
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:37,205
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
16
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,507
* sure would
Help a lot *
17
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:44,145
* wouldn't you like
To get away *
18
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,382
* sometimes
You want to go *
19
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:52,253
* where everybody
Knows your name *
20
00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:57,258
* and they're always
Glad you came *
21
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,594
* you want to be
Where you can see *
22
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,297
* our troubles
Are all the same *
23
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,598
* you want to be *
24
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:08,469
* where everybody
Knows your name *
25
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,071
* you want to go
Where people know *
26
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,741
* people are all
The same *
27
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,309
* you want to go *
28
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:19,313
* where everybody
Knows your name *
29
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,433
Hey, carla, you'll never
Believe what I found
In the storage closet.
30
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,302
This great old
Foosball table.
31
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:42,870
Aah!
32
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,306
Yeah, I was pretty
Excited, too.
33
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:49,243
This foosball
Table is evil.
It's cursed.
34
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,444
What are you talking
About?
35
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,446
One day,
It mysteriously
Appeared
36
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,448
In the alley
Out back.
37
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,451
From the moment
We started
To play it,
38
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,454
This place
Turned from
A nice local tavern
39
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,991
Into a seething pit
Of resentment
And back-stabbing.
40
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,894
Oh, so that's
How it happened.
41
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,167
I'm telling you,
Things got ugly
Around here.
42
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,468
One time,
43
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:17,405
The ball flew out
And hit clavin
In the eye
44
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,006
For no earthly
Reason.
45
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,608
It was funny.
46
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,744
But it was spooky.
47
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,145
That's when I realized
48
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:28,081
That this is
An evil foosball table.
49
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,484
Why didn't you
Get rid of it?
50
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,321
Well, we tried
To throw it away.
51
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:36,224
The trash man who
Picked it up, slipped,
52
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,659
And fell backward
Into traffic.
53
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,695
I'll never forget
His last words...
54
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,164
"What the--"
55
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:54,675
Well, it's not exactly
"The telltale heart,"
56
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:58,212
But it's
A pretty good story.
57
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,513
Gee, carla.
I had no idea.
58
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,781
I'll put it
Right back.
59
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,817
Hey, cliffie, check it out.
The foos table.
60
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,754
Too late.
It has risen from
Its resting place
61
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,790
To feed
Upon the fat
And middle-aged.
62
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,361
Uh, sam...
63
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:16,096
Oh, hey, john.
How very nice
To see you again.
64
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,598
You're lying,
Aren't you?
65
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:18,799
Yes, I am.
66
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,603
Mr. Hill,
I just had lunch
Up at your restaurant,
67
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,038
And the risotto with
Bay scallops and fennel,
68
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,041
Ugh, I think it was
The most delicious thing
I've ever had to eat.
69
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,109
We'll name it
For you.
70
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,278
Thank you.
71
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,680
Hey, come here.
I hate this guy.
72
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,282
What are you kissing
Up to him for?
73
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,217
I'm not kissing up, sam.
I like the food.
74
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,253
Sam, you don't
Have to be jealous.
75
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,389
You are a very
Handsome businessman,
76
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:44,157
And you own
The hottest spot
In town.
77
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,026
Oh, thank you
Very much.
78
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,628
That's kissing up.
79
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,967
Sam, I think we both know
Why I'm here.
80
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:57,037
I bet you want the
Number to my hair
Stylist, don't you?
81
00:03:57,104 --> 00:04:00,508
I'm sorry.
Now, that was cruel.
82
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:05,946
Sam,
As we both know,
83
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,782
I own legal title
To your poolroom
And both bathrooms.
84
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,218
Hey, why do you keep
Repeating that every
Time you come down here?
85
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,486
You're driving me
Up the wall.
86
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,255
That's why.
Now, where was I?
87
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,890
Oh, yes. As you know,
88
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:20,060
I own legal title
To your poolroom
And both bathrooms,
89
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:23,664
And rent on said
Property is past due
Since last wednesday.
90
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,466
I hope you haven't
Forgotten me, sam.
91
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,368
Forgotten you, john?
I could never
Forget you.
92
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,770
You're in my bad dreams
Every night.
93
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:33,607
You're why I'm in therapy
For the first time
In my life.
94
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,142
Well, don't forget
To mention
To your therapist
95
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,844
That I own legal title--
96
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,512
All right! All right!
All right! All right!
97
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:42,049
I'll write you
Your stupid check.
98
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,717
Sam, I'm
A little hurt.
99
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,486
If you felt
The need to see
A therapist,
100
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,755
Why didn't you
Come to me?
101
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,358
I--well, you know, I was
Looking sort of for a doctor
102
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,726
That, you know, didn't
Know me so well,
103
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:56,864
Who has, uh,
Blonde hair and smoky eyes
104
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,265
And wears miniskirts
105
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:01,134
And crosses her legs
All the time.
106
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:04,638
Oh. Connie forsythe.
A fine doctor.
107
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:05,473
Yeah.
108
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,974
She'll straighten
You out.
109
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,576
Oh, she did.
110
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,544
Here's my personal
Check.
111
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:11,979
You'll notice
That I made it out
112
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,515
To john
"You stink" hill.
113
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:17,718
Sam, this is
Not up to your
Usual standards.
114
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:18,852
Plfft!
115
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,988
Now it is.
116
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,724
Man, I can never
Get the guy.
117
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,926
I hate him!
Just once I would like
To do something
118
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,194
That gets under his skin.
119
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,662
Sam, forget him.
He's gone.
120
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,498
No, he's not gone.
There's no escaping the guy.
121
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,400
I mean, I walk down
My own hallway,
122
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,001
And I know that
I'm on his turf.
123
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,269
I can't even go
To the damn bathroom
Without getting mad.
124
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,871
Oh, you, too, sammy?
125
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,577
You know something?
I'm out of here.
126
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,245
I'm going to go see
Dr. Forsythe.
127
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:46,514
I got to get this
Out of my system.
128
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:47,815
Are you going to
Talk to her
About it?
129
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,518
No, I'm going to get it
Out of my system.
130
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:56,023
Excuse me.
Are you mr. Malone?
131
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,024
Yeah.
132
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,191
There seems
To be a problem
133
00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,593
With this check.
134
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,029
Oh, what, I just made
A joke-name up.
Big deal.
135
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,431
All he has to do
Is make sure
136
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:06,467
He endorses it
John "I stink" hill.
137
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,036
No, mr. Malone.
You made it out
For too much.
138
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,038
You added
An extra zero.
139
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,506
Wow.
140
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,842
Oh. Well,
Thank you very much.
141
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,910
I'm surprised
Someone as nice
As you
142
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,647
Works for that
Baldheaded jackass.
143
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,948
Oh, I don't work for him.
144
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,050
I'm the baldheaded
Jackass' daughter--
145
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,686
Valerie
"You stink" hill.
146
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,657
I'm sorry.
I never intended
147
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,760
For anyone
To see that
Except john.
148
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,462
And all the people
At the bank.
149
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,396
Well, yeah.
150
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,833
I'll write you
Another check.
151
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,536
Valerie, what are you
Doing down here?
152
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,739
I asked you never
To come down here.
153
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,544
I just wanted to
Get the right amount
On the check.
154
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,145
Well, I was
Perfectly pleased
155
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,681
With the amount
As written.
156
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,649
Besides, I don't
Want you associating
157
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,018
With the element
That hangs around
In this bar.
158
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,953
Wipe your hands.
159
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:02,823
Thank you.
160
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,193
Sam. I heard you say
You wanted to get
161
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,227
Under
Mr. Hill's skin.
162
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:08,228
Yeah?
163
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:09,497
Well, I got a way,
164
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,298
But I think
It's impossible.
165
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,935
You're thinking
That maybe I should
Date his daughter?
166
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,269
Ha! Great idea.
167
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:17,705
No, no, no.
168
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,740
If you really want to get
Under mr. Hill's skin,
169
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,175
The best way is
We shrink you down
170
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,911
To microscopic size,
171
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,679
And then we put you
In a syringe
172
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,881
And we inject you
Right into his arm.
173
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,383
But I still say
It's impossible.
174
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,120
Oh, I love this.
This is a great idea.
175
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,121
Aw, great.
176
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,556
Now I got sam
177
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,925
Trying to contradict
The immutable laws
Of science.
178
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,529
When am I going to learn
To keep my mouth shut?
179
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,874
You know, sam,
I have to confess
180
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,943
I've never really
Been out with a guy
Like you before.
181
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,545
I'm afraid
I don't even
Know how to act.
182
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,079
Oh, well,
It's really easy.
183
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:02,315
Shoot me over here
A little bit, will you?
There you go.
184
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:06,419
First off, just, you know,
Adjust your outfit
A little bit there.
185
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,555
Very good.
186
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,657
Laugh like hell
At everything I say,
187
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,191
And, oh, yeah,
Put your hand in my lap.
188
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,093
Ha ha ha!
189
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,328
No, that was
Not a joke.
190
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:19,366
Sam, I really feel
Like I don't know
What to say to you.
191
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,702
Well, it doesn't really
Matter, sweetheart.
It just--
192
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:25,205
All you got
To do is make sure
You whisper it right here,
193
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:29,209
Right in my neck.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, hi, john!
194
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,411
Boy, I didn't expect
To see you here tonight.
195
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,914
Sam, I see you've
Made friends
With my daughter.
196
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:36,149
Oh, yes, we're very good
Friends by now, john.
197
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:39,953
I've discovered
How her eyes dance
In the light,
198
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,155
How neat
Her hair smells,
199
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,457
How soft
Her skin feels.
200
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,860
Modesty prevents me
From going on.
201
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:50,063
Fine. I'll send
The wine steward over.
202
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,603
Sam, I like what you
Said about my eyes,
203
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,205
But you know I'm
Wearing contacts.
204
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,007
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
I know.
205
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,176
I saw them swimming
Around in there earlier.
206
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:07,915
Here, here.
207
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,917
Hey, john,
Look at this.
208
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:13,053
Your daughter
And I are sharing
Food together.
209
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,989
I hope I'm not
Interrupting,
210
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,425
But has anybody told you
About the specials
For tonight?
211
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,793
Oh, it doesn't
Really matter, john.
212
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,029
We're just going to have
A ton of raw oysters
213
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,298
And then dash out of here
All out of breath.
214
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,536
The oysters
Are delicious.
215
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,339
What the hell
Kind of father is he?
216
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,342
Here I am, smelling
Your hair, talking oysters.
217
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,678
I mean, I could be
The biggest creep
In the world.
218
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,546
I could be taking you out
For all the wrong reasons.
219
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:40,547
Are you, sam?
220
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,082
No, of course not.
221
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,085
Here. Jump in my lap.
There you go.
222
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:48,689
Sam, I'm not sure I feel
Comfortable sitting
In your lap like this.
223
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,658
Hmm? Oh.
How's that?
224
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,660
Oh, I like that.
225
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:58,231
Sam, I wonder if
I could speak with you
For a moment.
226
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,833
Well, sure, john.
227
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,669
Will you excuse me
For a minute,
Valerie?
228
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,536
Oh, do I have to move?
229
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,674
Usually, but we'll
Talk about that later.
230
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,013
Yes, john.
231
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,482
Sam, I was thinking,
If you're
Considering dessert,
232
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:16,684
I'd like
To recommend
233
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,351
The grand marnier
Soufflé for two.
234
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:19,653
It's quite elegant.
235
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,021
The only thing is
You have to order it
236
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,489
At least a half
An hour ahead.
237
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,158
Oh, please don't
Take her away
From me, sam.
238
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,294
She's
The only daughter
I've ever had.
239
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,029
Please, sam.
Please.
240
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:32,165
John, I was just
Taking her out
To annoy you.
241
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:36,369
I had no idea
It would cause
Such genuine pain.
242
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,074
I'll give you
Anything you want,
Sam.
243
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,343
You want your
Poolroom and both
Bathrooms rent-free?
244
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,680
Fine. Just promise
Me you'll never
See valerie again.
245
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,182
Oh, john, what kind
Of a guy do you think I am?
246
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,651
How can I go along
With a sleazy
Arrangement like that?
247
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,153
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
248
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,322
I'll give you
My parking space
For your corvette.
249
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,323
Deal.
250
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,733
I'm telling you guys,
It was beautiful.
251
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,268
I now have my poolroom
And my bathrooms rent-free,
252
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,371
But, better yet,
I had the guy in tears.
Look at that.
253
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:14,742
I got some of them
Right there on the napkin.
254
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:17,077
Very nice.
Now, what are
You going to do
255
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,345
About the date
With the girl?
256
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,947
What? Oh, thank you.
257
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,614
Ooh!
258
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,050
I forgot.
259
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,020
Sam, I finished
All the oysters,
260
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,622
And I'm feeling
Kind of funny.
261
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,658
What do you
Want to do now?
262
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,927
Actually, val,
I'm kind of busy here.
263
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,929
A problem's just come up.
264
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,966
Something with the kegs
Here. The kegs are leaking.
265
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:39,933
What?
266
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,169
He's feeding her
A line, stupid.
267
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:46,173
You don't joke
About that kind
Of thing, ever.
268
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,009
Maybe when you're
Through here, we can
Go for a drive.
269
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:52,445
Oh, I don't know.
These kegs are a
Never-ending problem.
270
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,147
I'm thinking of getting
Rid of them, actually.
271
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,816
Hey, I don't
Find this kind
Of thing funny.
272
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,818
Ok?
Maybe it's me.
273
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,686
Well, maybe we can do it
Another time.
274
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,055
I don't...
I don't think so.
275
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:05,392
I don't think
Things are working
Out, valerie.
276
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,861
All right.
277
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,863
Was it
Something I did?
278
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,865
No, no, no, no, no.
279
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,868
You know, some
Things work out,
Some things don't.
280
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:19,272
This is one of
Those that just
Didn't work out.
281
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,573
Oh.
282
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,609
Ok.
283
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,312
Well...Bye.
284
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,314
Bye.
285
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,457
I tell you, man,
This is the best deal
I've ever scammed.
286
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,827
I get my poolroom
And my bathrooms rent-free,
287
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,529
And all I had to do is
Throw a little fish back
I didn't want anyway.
288
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,931
Yeah. There you
Go, sammy.
289
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,599
Want to go shoot
Some stick in
Yourpoolroom?
290
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,368
No, I don't think so.
291
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,970
Well,
How would you like
To wash your hands,
292
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:52,172
Sam, in
Your bathroom?
293
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,706
No, no.
294
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,708
What do you want,
Sam?
295
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,311
I want that
Little fish back.
296
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:13,360
Yaah!
297
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,062
Aah!
Aah!
298
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,531
Carla,
Give us the ball.
299
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:19,867
No. This is an evil game
300
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,035
And it brings a curse
On anyone who plays it.
301
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,937
I'm just trying
To save you guys.
302
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,172
Oh, come on, carla.
303
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,573
It's just
A harmless
Foosball game.
304
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,774
We're just
Having fun.
305
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,242
So, look. Here.
You drop the ball
306
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,678
So I can tear
The heads off these
Pasty-faced geeks
307
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,281
And drink their
Warm red blood.
308
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:43,023
Did my head
Just turn
Completely around,
309
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:46,826
Or was that
Just a trick
Of the light?
310
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:52,599
I can't believe
I traded her
For bathrooms.
311
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,902
Sam, give me a break.
312
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,369
The only reason you're
Interested in that girl
313
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,005
Is because
You can't have her.
314
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:01,174
It was the same thing
With me.
315
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:04,011
You wanted her,
Too, miss howe?
316
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:11,151
Boy, I've been
In this city
One month too long.
317
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:15,155
No, no, woody. He wanted me
Because he couldn't have me.
318
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,158
You know, sam, if I told you
Right now you could have me,
319
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,760
I bet you wouldn't
Even be interested.
320
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,762
Maybe, but I'd
Still perform
321
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,364
Because I'm
A professional.
322
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,635
So, sammy,
What is it
Now?
323
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,669
What are you
Going to do?
324
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,338
I'm going to see her
Again.
325
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,473
Sam, if you do that,
You may end up having
To pay rent again
326
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,442
On the poolroom
And on the bathrooms.
327
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,743
Why is that?
328
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,345
Well, if you take an action,
329
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,713
You have to face
The consequences.
330
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,715
No, I don't.
I'm sammy.
331
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,518
Where have you been
All these years?
332
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,921
Right. I forgot. You're
Nietzsche's superman.
333
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:52,125
Is that the one with
The craggy face that
Looks like granite?
334
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,462
No, no, no.
That's bizarro
Superman.
335
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,831
Wait. Which one was weakened
By red kryptonite?
336
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,400
Blue superman.
337
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,936
I thought he was black
And he wore the big hats.
338
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,604
No, that's superfly.
339
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,078
Woody, come over here
A minute.
340
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,446
I want you to run a note up
To valerie for me.
341
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,915
"I'm sorry for everything.
Would you please go away
342
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,585
With me this weekend.
I can't stop thinking
About you. Sam."
343
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,087
Take it upstairs.
344
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,289
Just make sure her father
Doesn't get this, all right?
345
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,490
No sweat, sam.
346
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:27,494
Back in hanover, I was the
Official town go-between.
347
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,697
Anytime anybody needed
A love note delivered,
348
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,499
They'd call
On woody boyd.
349
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,501
It got to where all I had
To do was knock on a door,
350
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,604
And my butt was
Filled with bird shot.
351
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,441
All right.
I got the ball.
352
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:42,675
Foos 'em
If you got 'em.
353
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:43,977
Come on,
Let's go.
354
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,378
Fools!
Nonbelievers!
355
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,148
Can't you see what this
Evil machine has done?
356
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,649
Look, you're trapped.
357
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,485
You're spending every minute
Of every day in this bar.
358
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,421
We always do that.
359
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:58,891
Yeah, but now you're
Doing it standing up.
360
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:02,562
Ooh, that is
Kind of eerie.
361
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:06,466
Oh, carla. This
Machine does not have
A demonic capacity.
362
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:07,967
Even if it did, what
Could it do to you?
363
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,269
It's got a tiny
Little ball
364
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,471
And it's got these
Little plastic men.
365
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,573
What, do you suppose
That if you stick
Your hand here
366
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,774
Into the goal,
It'll bite it off?
367
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:15,775
Ow!
368
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,577
Aah!
369
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:22,449
See? I'm just
Playing on your
Superstitions.
370
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:23,250
Hey.
371
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,385
Hey, my hand's
Caught.
372
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,654
No, no, it's
Really caught.
373
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,057
I know. That's
Why we're laughing.
374
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,594
Oh, woody,
Did you deliver
The note there?
375
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,697
Uh, yeah.
Well, I couldn't find
Miss hill,
376
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,066
So I waited around
A while
377
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,800
And ended up
Leaving it with
Reuben the busboy.
378
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,335
Oh, good.
Thank you, man.
379
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,537
Yeah. He's really
Looking forward
To the weekend.
380
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:48,341
He wants to know
What he should wear.
381
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,910
Woody. Woody, didn't
You tell reuben
382
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,245
That the note
Was for valerie?
383
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,347
Sam, I didn't
Have the heart.
384
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,517
He was so happy,
He was walking on air.
385
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,921
Sam, this isn't fair.
386
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,790
It's one thing
To string me along,
387
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,494
But our busboy
Reuben is in a very
Vulnerable state.
388
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,463
He just split up
With the pastry chef.
389
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,166
No. Valerie, wait.
Valerie, wait.
390
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,468
That wasn't for
Reuben. That note
Was for you.
391
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,538
I don't understand.
You just brushed me off.
392
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,541
Oh, no, no.
I just had a problem
With the kegs there.
393
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,710
Did that seem like
A brush-off to you?
I'm sorry.
394
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,579
See, I wouldn't know.
I've never brushed
Anyone off before.
395
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,614
Hah!
396
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,585
Listen, I really
Like you a lot
397
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,454
And I'd like
To see you again.
398
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,423
You know, maybe we
Could go up to the cape
For a weekend.
399
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,891
What do you say?
I hear it's really nice
Up there.
400
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,727
I wouldn't know.
I've never been there
Myself.
401
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:41,761
Hah!
402
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,802
What do you say?
403
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,138
Gee,
It sounds like fun.
404
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,605
Good. All right.
Just make sure
405
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,040
You don't tell your father,
All right?
406
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,375
Good idea.
407
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:56,976
You know, you may
Not believe this,
408
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,446
But I get the feeling
He'd rather
I didn't see you.
409
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,214
Oh, well, that's not
The problem, really.
410
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:05,152
It's just that I don't
Like to do my romantic stuff
In public.
411
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,189
I don't know.
You seemed
So forward.
412
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,291
You had me
Sitting on your lap
And everything.
413
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,593
I'm sorry.
That seemed forward?
I wouldn't know,
414
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,695
I've never
Done anything
Like that before.
415
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,364
Hah!
Hah!
Hah!
416
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,571
What's wrong
With them?
417
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,607
Oh, uh, well,
The blonde
Has bad sinuses.
418
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:30,810
The rest of them
Just have bad attitudes!
419
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,453
I feel so stupid.
420
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,924
I can't believe
My hand is stuck
In this stupid hole.
421
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,326
Breathe easy, doc.
422
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,728
I brought
An expert to help you.
423
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,729
Great.
424
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,468
Ok, father.
Get out your holy water
425
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,471
And cast satan from
That foosball machine.
426
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,408
Carla, I didn't come
To perform an exorcism.
427
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,042
I came because you told me
428
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,612
That you had a friend
Who was thinking
Of converting.
429
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,447
Oh, he will, father.
430
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,450
Go with me
On this one, frase.
431
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,653
But first,
We have to exorcise
This foosball table.
432
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,022
Carla, it may
Surprise you to learn
433
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,390
That since vatican ii,
434
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,792
The church does not
Accept the existence
435
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:23,363
Of satanically possessed
Amusement machines.
436
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:27,400
First
You dump latin,
And now this.
437
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,369
What do we pay
You guys for,
Anyway?
438
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:32,372
Well, I know
Exactly what to do.
439
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,974
You relax and
Put your faith in me.
440
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,376
You do trust me,
Don't you?
441
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:37,577
Absolutely,
Father.
442
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:38,745
Good.
443
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,747
Aah!
444
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,748
Ow!
445
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,783
My thumb!
446
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,988
Offer the pain up to god
For the poor souls, my son.
447
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,290
What?
448
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:53,493
I think you just
Lost one, father.
449
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:57,163
Boy, it was hard
Sneaking out of there,
450
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,765
But I don't
Think he saw me.
451
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,368
Good. So you're sure
Now your father
Doesn't know?
452
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,835
Oh, dad stepped out.
453
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:06,373
I meant
Reuben the busboy.
He's still in tears.
454
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,975
I really feel bad
About that.
455
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,177
Maybe I should
Send him something.
456
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,580
Why don't we just get
Up to the car here,
All right?
457
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,948
Sam, I'd like
To freshen up
Before we leave.
458
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,751
Oh, well, all right,
I'll meet you up
At the car.
459
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:19,752
Sam.
Yeah?
460
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,088
I like the way your
Hair smells, too.
461
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,656
Oh. Thank you.
462
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,194
She's really nice,
Isn't she, woody?
463
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:31,130
Oh, she's really nice...
464
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,900
And sweet
And warm and wonderful.
465
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:34,901
Yeah?
466
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,469
Yeah.
Back in hanover,
467
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,271
Me and my brother
Used to have a name
468
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,372
For a girl like
That.
469
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,573
Yeah, what's that?
470
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,608
Mom.
471
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,612
By the way, sam,
472
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,580
If I ever
Catch you anywhere
Near my mother,
473
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:51,484
You better pray
That god takes you
Before I do.
474
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:54,387
Oh, sam. I've written up
A new agreement
475
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,490
Stating that
Since you've agreed to
Never see my daughter again,
476
00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:00,827
You have full use
Of the poolroom--
That's funny.
477
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:03,229
That looks just like
My daughter's suitcase.
478
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,998
No, that's mine.
You know what they
Say at the airport.
479
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,435
"Many bags
Do look alike."
480
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,437
Isn't that
Her monogram--v.H.?
481
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:14,641
Actually, I think
It used to belong
To van halen.
482
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,578
Sam, indulge me.
483
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,581
You're telling me
This is your suitcase,
484
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:25,151
So, by extension,
Would this be
Your negligee?
485
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,153
All right.
The secret's out.
486
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:29,756
I'm a transvestite,
John.
487
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:31,458
And a size 7?
488
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,861
A guy can dream,
Can't he?
489
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,564
Sam, you're not
A transvestite.
490
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,566
Hey, those are
Fighting words
There, john.
491
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:42,769
Daddy, you may as well
Know the truth.
492
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:46,539
I'm going away with sam
To the cape for the weekend.
493
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:50,410
I see. Well, since
There's nothing
I can do about it,
494
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:52,612
I'll give you
My blessing.
495
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:54,514
Really?
496
00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:56,148
Darling, I have
Complete faith in you.
497
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:58,718
If this is the man
You want, that's
Good enough for me.
498
00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:01,688
Wait, I see what
You're doing here.
499
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:03,923
Yeah. You think--
You think that
500
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,257
I just wanted
To go out with
Your daughter
501
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:06,493
Because you said
That I couldn't,
502
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:07,727
And now that
You say it's ok,
503
00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,195
You're hoping that
I won't want to.
504
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:11,130
Well, that won't
Work because I
Really like her.
505
00:22:11,197 --> 00:22:12,565
So forget it.
Come on, valerie.
Let's go.
506
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:14,767
Gee, I don't know, sam.
507
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,202
What, what?
508
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:19,406
Well, it seemed
Really exciting
509
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:21,207
When daddy didn't
Want me to date you,
510
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:24,310
But now I don't know.
511
00:22:24,377 --> 00:22:27,380
It just seems like I'd be dating
Some greasy bartender.
512
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,082
Excuse me?
513
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:34,387
Well, really,
You're not
Exactly my type.
514
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:35,588
Don't you see
What he's doing?
515
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:37,990
Please, sam.
Let's not prolong this.
516
00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:41,494
The smell of your hair
Is making me queasy.
517
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:45,965
Well, sam, since you've
Broken the agreement,
518
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,601
It seems that once again
I have legal title
519
00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:51,771
To your poolroom
And your bathrooms.
520
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:55,842
I'll be expecting
The rent promptly at
The 1st of every month.
521
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,243
Oh, by the way,
522
00:22:57,309 --> 00:22:59,345
I'm doubling the amount.
523
00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:00,880
Have a good evening.
524
00:23:00,947 --> 00:23:03,215
Oh, he's so bad.
525
00:23:03,282 --> 00:23:05,017
I hate him.
526
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:06,085
I hate
His whole family.
527
00:23:06,152 --> 00:23:07,720
I hate everybody
He's ever talked to.
528
00:23:07,787 --> 00:23:09,922
You know, I may not be able
To take his daughter out
529
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:11,624
And I may have to pay him
His stupid rent,
530
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:13,493
But I can hit him
Where it hurts.
531
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:14,761
Yeah, you know something?
532
00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:16,328
This is the busiest time
In his restaurant.
533
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,764
Right. Watch this.
534
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:20,700
Hey, reuben, get your coat!
We're going dancing!
39518
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