Original subtitles

"Cheers"Is filmed before A live studio audience.

Welcome to "Cheers 200". I'm john mclaughlin.

We will be showing some Of the many highlights

And lowlights Of the first 199 episodes,

As well as talking To the originators,

The cast, And the current caretakers

Of the little bar in boston

Where everybody Knows your name.

All: norm!

What are you up to, Norm?

My ideal weight If I were 11 feet tall.

Sheesh...Women.

You can't live With them, pass The beer nuts.

I came, I drank,

I stayed.

Give me a little something With hair on it.

Here I am.

Does everybody like carla?

You have to.

It's a little known fact-- 42% of all deaths in america

Are caused By accidents in the home.

So were you.

Who is cliff clavin?

He'd be the wing nut

That holds western Civilization together.

You lost a character--

Right. Nick colasanto--

Who played the part Of ernie pantusso,

The coach.

Cheers.

Yeah, just a sec.

Is there An ernie pantusso here?

Sam: that's you, coach. Speaking.

Oh, boy. The damnedest thing.

I've been shivering All the way over here.

Well, coach, You don't have A coat on.

It's 30 degrees Outside.

Oh, thank god. I thought I had malaria.

A really Intelligent woman

Would see your line Of b.S. A mile away.

You think so, huh? Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yeah, well, you know,

I've never met An intelligent woman

That I'd want to date.

On behalf of The intelligent women Around the world,

May I just say--

Whew!

You are the nuttiest,

The stupidest,

The phoniest fruitcake I ever met.

You disgust me. I hate you.

Are you as turned on As I am?

More. Bet me.

Do you know What the difference is

Between you and a fat, Braying ass?

Nope.

The fat, Braying ass would.

Speaking of fat, Braying asses,

You're about To get dumped On yours.

Don't you ever Hit me again.

Like hell.

You always think You got to get The last one in.

Don't. Come on. All right, All right, fine!

Good!

Ow, ow, ow, ow,

All right, please, Come on, let go.

Oh, what the hell? Will you marry me?

I'll be back here.

I will.

I'll see you In six months.

Ok?

Ok.

Ok. That's better.

Have a good life.

* sometimes You want to go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you want to be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you want to go Where everybody Knows your name *

Frasier crane. What does he do for a living?

He's a psychiatrist.

What is frasier's Philosophy of life?

He hopes he can heal The human condition.

Come on, man. Tell diane you love her.

Let some fresh air And sunlight in there.

Frasier?

What, sam?

I don't like guys Touching my head.

Well, there's our next session.

Is there some of you in him?

Sure.

I would like to heal The world, yeah.

Have you notified the world?

In my small way, Yeah.

Is there some of him in you?

Uh...Well, We do walk

The same streets Together now.

I am running With scissors!

You see, it's been Psychologically Documented

That all Human animals

Have an erotic,

Hair-trigger Response

To at least One of the five Sensory stimuli.

Well, it could be Anything, actually.

The sound of the surf Pounding against The shore,

The smell of honeysuckle On a warm summer night.

The taste of a vintage Chateauneuf du pape.

Fire-red fingernails

Dancing through Your chest hair.

Black lace teddy

Straining against Its fleshy cargo.

Frasier, man, Snap out of it.

In a minute, sam.

Gentlemen!

[all cheering]

You know, I was listening To a rock 'n' roll station

On my way over here,

And, you know, It put me in the mood.

There was a passage In one of those tribal songs

That I feel...

Well, is the keynote For this evening--

"Everybody Have fun tonight."

"Everybody Wang chung tonight."

Did psychiatrist Frasier crane

Provide services For diane chambers?

No.

No, that was my job.

When diane left sam And he started drinking again,

He was filling the void That diane left,

And diane Filled her emptiness

By toying with...

And destroying a man

Who's her cultural And intellectual Superior in every way!

Ok, kids, You say hi to binky.

Hi, binky!

Binky, do your act.

I don't have an act. I'm a psychiatrist.

Cliff: uh-oh, Frost warning.

Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.

Dr. Sternin.

What a lovely Surprise.

I hope I can regard that As civility

In light Of today's situation,

Rather than sarcasm At my expense.

No, that was completely At your expense.

What these two people,

Who are such geniuses At romance,

Are trying to do,

Is to get you To take your hair down,

Thinking that It will stimulate me

Like some sort Of pavlovian dog.

So why don't you Just oblige them,

Get this silliness over With, so we can get On with our lives?

You mean like this?

Precisely.

You know what?

What?

I'm going to kiss you.

I'm going to kiss you Hard and I'm going To kiss you long.

But make no mistake About it, I am going To kiss you.

In fact, I'm going To kiss you like You've never--

Oh, boy, my aunt edna's Killer fudge brownies.

Ooh, killers, eh?

Yeah, they're Called that because The first time

My uncle ford ever Smelled them baking,

He came running in From the field and got Hit by a combine.

He hung on For a few days.

At the end, He was just Praying to die.

Well, eat up, Everybody.

Woody, I don't know About indiana,

But around here When guys get together

To send another guy off To his doom,

Things can get A little raunchy.

You fellas ever Dress up farm animals

In women's clothing?

No.

Well, then I'm one up on you.

Woody harrelson, Tell us about woody boyd.

He likes other people, You know,

And he likes Connecting with people

And he doesn't really care

To own the bar Or anything one day.

He just wants To be a bartender And live in the big city.

Wood, she likes to do her Cushion-pushing on four wheels.

Miss howe? Really?

You know, back Where I come from,

We used to say Something about Girls like that.

What? Let's date them.

Well, actually, Carla, as a student Of the theater,

I have to correct you. What you were doing there

Is not called acting, It's called improvising.

Shut up, woody.

Now, that would Be directing.

I take it that there's A big part of you

In woody boyd.

Yeah, I would say The virtue in me, Is, uh...

[laughter]

No, I mean, We're both very honest.

Miss howe, I don't Mean to insult you,

But you're looking Kind of puny.

Have you lost weight?

Is this a set up?

Did sam tell you to say that?

No, ma'am, I told Myself to say it.

Thank you, woody. That's the nicest thing

Anyone's said to me all week.

Your hair's been looking Kind of ratty, too.

Some people say that They thought in your Last couple of episodes

That you've been A little bit harsher Than you normally are.

Yeah, I agree, By the way.

Shut up.

What's the use? I don't care anymore.

Don't be bitter.

I'm not bitter, sam.

Just consumed By a gnawing hate

That's eating away at my gut Until I can taste the bile In my mouth.

Well, I guess I am A little bitter.

Either that, or I'm coming Down with something.

Does anybody Have a tic-tac?

I was wondering If woody

Could perhaps Recite the lyrics To the kelly song.

Let me get In the right key. Ok.

* kelly, my darling, You are my sunshine *

* when we're together, I feel fine *

* your smile is so lovely, Your hair is so clean *

* you make me feel *

* that the whole world Is mine *

* kelly, kelly, kelly, Kelly, kelly *

* kelly, kelly, kelly, Kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly *

* k-e-l-l-y *

Why? Because you're...

* albania *

* albania *

* you border On the adriatic *

* good night, ladies *

* good night, ladies *

* good night, ladies *

* we're going To leave you now *

* look at me *

* I'm as helpless As a kitten In a tree *

* time to rap About a controversy *

* gonna take a stand, Won't show no mercy *

* a lot of folks say Jocks shouldn't be *

* a-doin' the sports news On tv *

* I don't wanna hear The latest scores *

* from a bunch of ol' Broadcastin' school bores *

* so get your scores From a guy like me *

* who knows what it's like To have a groin injury *

* g-g-g-groin, G-g-g-groin *

* g-g-g-groin injury *

* too-ra, Loo-ra, loo-ra *

* that's An irish lullaby *

She's asleep.

[all cheering]

[all humming theme from "The magnificent seven"]

Bu-ah!

The first night Of the show,

I really realized-- They introduced The cast members,

And I felt the void From the audience.

It was sort of Like a silent, Horrible void, to me.

I mean, maybe I was the only One seeing it--hearing it,

But it was for shelley.

So right when-- After I came out,

And they, you know, They were nice to me, Yeah, you know.

"Big deal, we're not Going to like you No matter what you do."

I will prove it to you.

I'll dispel the myth

That you Turn my stomach.

I will give you A little kiss.

Here. There.

Now, what category am I in?

Yes?

No?

Oh, jeez...

You know, why do I even Bother with you?

Definite maybe.

I heard that.

You said maybe.

We had an idea for a scene Where she's in the office

And sam comes in the office, They've got a bet

That if he catches her With a cigarette, she will Go to bed with him.

Aha!

Oh, ah, hey,

Where's the pool table?

Ah! Wrong room.

She put a lit cigarette In her mouth,

And all of a sudden we went,

This woman Has hidden talents.

Norm, I need your help.

Oh, you just started, You're going to do fine,

Things are going to turn Around, I swear!

No, you idiot, my hair's Stuck to the wall!

It's a huge risk. Take it. Take it.

I'm moving to tokyo. I'm taking over the japanese Division. I leave tonight.

Yes, darling, yes!

Ohhh.

Can I have my drink?

You know, you men Are all alike.

Yeah, so where was I?

Uh, you were engaged to one Of the richest men in the world.

Could I just have my check?

Are you a man?

Sure.

I'm going to have To break it off with robin.

Well, it's the right Thing to do.

I'll just say to him, um...

That's it, sweet baby.

I think the two Of us are cut out Of the same cloth.

I think that we, Perhaps,

Have a friendship In the making.

We may not see it,

But I think We have a deep, Deep friendship.

I think We're very similar.

Do you think You share a value system?

Well, I think we're Equally shallow.

Mr. Colcord--- Rebecca, I'll be brief.

You were very understanding About that little incident Back in my limo,

And I think that Kind of understanding Should be rewarded.

So I'd like you to have this.

[whispering] It's gorgeous!

No!

I should like to point out That if I had offered

This bracelet To my charge d'affaires,

She would have Snapped it up in a blur.

Heh. I admire your standards.

You know, this definitely Puts you in the lead.

Must go.

Would you care to join me?

Did you hear that?

I am winning!

I'm winning!

No! Hey, listen. Listen to me For a second.

Come on, you're Giving up something

Very valuable And very important.

You're going To regret this The rest of your life.

[gasps] you're right.

I will take that bracelet.

Oh, it's not just Losing the job.

It's that I was, you know, Taken advantage of.

I know. I know.

That I was used. That I was just...

You know, manipulated By somebody who Just cynically wanted to...

Get something from me.

Malone, what are You doing?

I'm feeling bad.

No. You are feeling Pretty good.

Ok, I admit it. I'm not a sad guy.

I'm a happy, horny guy.

What is sam's Philosophy of life?

Service the queen bee, You know? To...

Look at the two of you. Look at the three of us.

Let's look at The two of you again.

Can we get a couple Piña coladas Over here?

Sure thing. Let me just finish Making this margarita.

So anyway, margarita...

All I can think about Is getting home And jumping into bed.

Need anybody To break your fall?

Guess who. Uh-oh.

I'll give you a hint.

Vermont ski lodge, A roaring fire, and baby oil.

Um...Could you Be more specific?

Great.

What time will you Be getting off?

You've been With a lot of women.

No, I have not. There have not been That many women.

That gets exaggerated Here in the bar.

There haven't been That many. Really.

How many Have there been?

Well, I don't know. Maybe, uh, 400.

Aah!

Honeys, honeys. Four honeys.

You know, sam,

The church does Recommend chastity

To unmarried people.

Oh, I'm sorry. You were serious. Uh...

For the sake Of our friendship,

I am just going to resist My sexual urges

And that's all There is to it.

Now come here.

There. All right.

You know that I loved evan drake

Since the first time I met him.

I'm sorry. This is not working. Hot fire below.

I can't imagine Not doing this show.

Um...

I think the thing I notice

Is that when I walk around,

The incredible, uh...

The faces of the people

That look back when They recognize"Cheers."

That look in that face Is, uh...

Coming back at you Is such a privilege

To walk around In that atmosphere,

That it is, uh...

It's...

It's magical.

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away?

* all those nights When you've got no lights *

* the check is in the mail *

* and your little angel *

* hung the cat up By its tail *

* and your third fiancé Didn't show *

* sometimes you want to go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you want to be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you want to be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead *

* the morning's Lookin' bright *

* morning's Lookin' bright *

* and your shrink Ran off to europe *

* and didn't even write *

* and your husband Wants to be a girl *

* be glad there's one place In the world *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you want to go Where people know *

* people are all the same *

* you want to go Where everybody Knows your name *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

Tell you what you do. Why don't you--

Will you get Out of here? Go on.

Cheers to "Cheers" On your 200th,

Looking forward To "Cheers'"400th.

Bye-bye.

[cheers and applause]

[indistinct chatter]

Thank you all for coming. Thank you.