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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,272
"Cheers"Is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,842
Sam!
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,412
Ha! Doug aducci!
4
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,747
Hey, guys,
Look at this,
It's doug aducci,
5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,084
One of the best
Damn umpires in
The american league.
6
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:19,253
And sam here was
One of the best, uh...
7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,722
Groomed pitchers
In the american league.
8
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,291
Sit down here.
9
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,758
I can't believe this.
10
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,094
Last time I saw this guy,
11
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,395
We were playing
The yankees.
12
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,130
You were
Behind the plate.
13
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:31,465
Ninth inning,
I was on the mound,
Up by one...
14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,467
He calls ball four
On munson,
15
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,036
Next guy up is chambliss,
Knocks one right
Out of the park.
16
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:39,240
Not that I care, man,
But, you know,
Thatwasa strike.
17
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:42,843
If I called it a ball,
It was a ball, sam.
18
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,845
It was right
At the knees.
19
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:45,979
Must have been low.
20
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,315
No!
21
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,450
No, man, you gave me
The same pitch on roy white.
22
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:53,221
That was 1975, sam.
It's over.
23
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:56,090
The point is that
Chambliss should
Never have come up.
24
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,626
Look, malone,
I said it was over!
25
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:01,595
All I'm asking, aducci--
If that's your real name--
26
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,297
Is that you
Be consistent
For god's sake.
27
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,665
I mean,
Itwasmy livelihood.
28
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,000
That's enough, malone!
Go get my drink.
29
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,669
Get your own drink!
What?
30
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,904
You heard--what, are
You hard of hearing, too?
31
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,440
That's it!
You're outta here!
32
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,175
You're tossing me
For that?
33
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,709
Take a hike, malone.
Right now!
34
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,044
I'll take a hike,
35
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,447
But not before
I do this!
36
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,049
You stupid--
Can't believe...Gah!
37
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,284
Ugh!
38
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,490
Aw, it may have
Been a strike.
39
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:33,261
I was going through
A divorce that year.
40
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,469
* makin' your way
In the world today *
41
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,638
* takes everything
You've got *
42
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,341
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
43
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,677
* sure would
Help a lot *
44
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,215
* wouldn't you like
To get away *
45
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,619
* sometimes
You want to go *
46
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:02,390
* where everybody
Knows your name *
47
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,595
* and they're always
Glad you came *
48
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,064
* you want to be
Where you can see *
49
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,901
* our troubles
Are all the same *
50
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,102
* you want to be *
51
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,172
* where everybody
Knows your name *
52
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,342
* you want to go
Where people know *
53
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:24,044
* people are all
The same *
54
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,313
* you want to go *
55
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,882
* where everybody
Knows your name *
56
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,736
Morning, everybody.
57
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,170
Norm!
Norm!
Norm!
58
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,171
Hey,
Mr. Peterson.
What's up?
59
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,307
The warranty
On my liver.
60
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,709
Oh, sammy,
61
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,178
This town is going
Down the tubes,
I tell you.
62
00:02:58,246 --> 00:02:59,613
Why do you say that?
63
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,582
Well, they're installing
Parking meters up there.
64
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,851
I'll have to carry
A big pocketful of
Change.
65
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:07,187
It's going to ruin
The line of my pants.
66
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:09,923
I'll have to go up there
Every two hours,
67
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,492
Feed the damn meter.
68
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,594
You want me to tell you
When 2 hours is up, mr. P?
69
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,128
No,
I'll know, woody.
70
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,964
Every 87 sips.
71
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,701
I don't accept that,
Frasier.
72
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,169
This shouldn't
Be happening.
73
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,604
Lilith, I warned you
On the night
74
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,105
That we conceived
Little frederick
75
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,274
That raising a child
76
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,276
Would not be all
Roses and rainbows.
77
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,610
No, as I recall,
78
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,979
The exact words you
Uttered that night were,
79
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,814
"Who cares about
The next 20 years?
80
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,883
Let's get nasty."
81
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,420
It's just like you
82
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,922
To miss
The inner meaning.
83
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:42,956
You guys ok?
84
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,292
We've just received
85
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,726
Some very
Sobering news.
86
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,295
You're gonna
Have to feed
That meter
87
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,363
Just like
Everybody else,
Dr. Crane.
88
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,700
Yes, woody.
89
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:56,470
Well, the other thing
That has us so distraught
90
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,472
Is our son's
Development.
91
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,474
Frederick is nearly
A year old
92
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,209
And has yet to speak
His first word.
93
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,278
Since we were
Both so concerned,
94
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:06,414
We decided to have
Our little man evaluated
95
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,450
By a colleague
Who specializes in
Child development.
96
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:10,918
Oh, what did he say?
97
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,886
He confirmed
Our worst fears.
98
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:13,954
Frederick is...
99
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,190
Average.
100
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,191
Ooh!
Whoa!
101
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,460
Goodness!
102
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,228
It's not funny.
103
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,330
Oh, really, lilith,
104
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,497
You didn't expect
Any sympathy
105
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,334
Here in mayberry,
Did you?
106
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,736
Frasier, two people
As gifted as we are
107
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,204
Were never meant to
Have an average baby.
108
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,640
It's so unjust.
109
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,875
Well, it's not
The end of the world,
My love.
110
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,345
So he won't be
As erudite
As his parents.
111
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,513
He can still lead
A happy, normal life
112
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,214
Like the rest
Of these people.
113
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,850
And the new
Record--53!
114
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,017
Yow!
115
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,988
It's your fault,
Lilith!
What?
116
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,758
Yes! Obviously,
You have an inferior
Gene pool!
117
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,360
Me?
118
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,627
Well, I didn't have
A grandfather
119
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,463
Who was a butter-and-egg
Man in new jersey!
120
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,698
Mother warned me--
121
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:58,999
You'd say
You love me,
122
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,735
But sooner or later,
You'd bring that up.
123
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,837
Lilith...
Lilith, I'm sorry.
124
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,106
My grandfather wasn't even
In america at that time.
125
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,341
If he had been,
126
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,310
He wouldn't be hawking
Butter and eggs.
127
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:12,713
Hi, guys.
128
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,014
Hey.
Hey.
129
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,215
Oh, hi, miss howe.
130
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,985
You got a letter here
From mr. Colcord.
131
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,119
Oh, thanks, woody.
132
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,454
It smells
Like cinnamon.
133
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,523
Yeah,
Robin's working
In the bakery now.
134
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,925
They put him
In charge of
Sticky buns.
135
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,127
So what's the word
From our man in the pokey?
136
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,262
"Dear rebecca,
137
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,264
"I miss you very much.
138
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,667
"The days go by
So slowly here.
139
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:36,937
I lie on my cot
And dream about your..."
140
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,739
Dream about
Your what?
141
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:39,807
Face.
142
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:40,874
My smile.
143
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,676
My pleasant demeanor.
144
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,613
Come on,
What does it say?
145
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,415
You guys,
This is private.
146
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,716
I don't want to
Read it to you.
147
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,451
I'd be happy
With just
The verbs.
148
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,353
Hey, get a load of
This pencil sketch
149
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,088
Of her demeanor.
150
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,124
Come on, carla.
151
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,393
How can life be
So unfair?
152
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,328
They put
This sweet, wonderful,
153
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,130
Dirty man behind bars...
154
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,632
Without conjugal visits.
155
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:07,501
Three years I saved
Myself for a man,
156
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,169
And what did I
End up with?
157
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,104
A two-month
Window of sex.
158
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,974
You know,
When my brother
Was in the army,
159
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,909
He used to visit amsterdam
All the time.
160
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:20,714
He said they have
A window of sex
On every block.
161
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:22,983
Yeah...
162
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,552
I--I saved the letters.
163
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,920
You might like them,
Miss howe.
164
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,123
No thanks, woody.
165
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,358
Ok, miss howe.
166
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,961
No hurry on
Those letters,
Mr. Clavin.
167
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,002
Frasier, would you like
To hear my theory
168
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,938
As to why frederick
Is not progressing
169
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,474
As well as he should?
170
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,876
Something tells me
I wouldn't, my love.
171
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,211
Woody, two more
Drinks, please.
172
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,481
It's both our fault.
173
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,016
We don't spend
Enough time with him.
174
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,651
We're too busy
With our careers.
175
00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,020
He's being raised
By a housekeeper.
176
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,222
There's no consistency
In his life.
177
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,591
I agree, lilith.
As you know,
178
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,626
We rarely agree,
As you're
A behavioralist
179
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,628
And I'm
A strict freudian,
180
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:10,964
But it does make for
Some hot, angry sex
181
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:11,899
In the boudoir,
182
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,167
I don't have to
Tell you.
183
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,769
I wish you hadn't.
184
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,840
Let's face facts.
185
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,842
We should let
The housekeeper go.
186
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,512
One of us should be
With our child
At all times.
187
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:27,014
The only
Question is,
Which one?
188
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,649
Well, you, of course.
189
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:29,817
Why me, of course?
190
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,218
Because I'm
The woman?
191
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,753
Why is
The man's work
192
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:33,921
Automatically
More important?
193
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,288
I'm making
Great breakthroughs
194
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,790
In my current
Research project.
195
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,192
Yes, well, damn me
To an eternity
Driving a yugo,
196
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,393
But I make more money
Than you.
197
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,696
I write more books
In one year
198
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,798
Than you read,
Frasier.
199
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,434
Yes, well,
I have many degrees!
200
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,569
I'll settle this.
201
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,203
Let's pick
An arbitrary way
202
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,705
To make the decision.
203
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,542
All right,
Whoever has the most
Freckles on their arm
204
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,877
Stays home
With the baby.
205
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:59,479
I think that's
An excellent
Way to choose.
206
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:00,681
Oh, you would say that--
207
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,150
You have no pigmentation
In your skin.
208
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,886
For god's sake,
What are we
Arguing about,
209
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,121
Who should stay home
With our child?
210
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,558
It's not
A punishment,
It's an honor.
211
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,826
I'd love to.
I'd be delighted
To stay home
212
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,294
And nurture
My child.
213
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:17,397
Oh, lilith,
You role-play
The mother so well.
214
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,566
If we can't
Make a commitment
215
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,768
To be with our child
At all cost,
216
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,769
Who can?
217
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,903
I agree.
218
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,371
The most important thing
Is to be with frederick
219
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,438
During
His formative years.
220
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,640
Say, I have a thought.
221
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:27,975
In celebration
Of this realization,
222
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,309
We'll have dinner
Together tonight,
223
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,078
Just the two of us.
224
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,479
And frederick.
225
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:33,513
Of course.
226
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:36,249
Oh--oh!
Did you want to come?
227
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,592
Good afternoon again,
Everybody.
228
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,759
Norm!
Norm!
229
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,194
What'll you have
This time, norm?
230
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:50,698
A cow if I have to
Climb those stairs
One more time.
231
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,666
I am sick of this.
232
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,202
Every two hours,
It's up the stairs
233
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,604
And down to the corner,
234
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,806
Over to the meter,
Put the--
Down the stairs--
235
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,274
At least you're
Getting exercise,
Huh, mr. P?
236
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,676
I get my exercise,
Woody.
237
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,078
What, do you think
I just hop off
The bar stool
238
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:08,281
And bam,
There's the bathroom?
239
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:11,652
Not at all. It's way
Down the hall, woody.
240
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,954
Hey, rebecca,
241
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,956
Totaled up those
Receipts from last night?
242
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,091
Rebecca!
243
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,292
Huh?
244
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,460
Receipts.
245
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:21,962
Oh, no.
246
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:25,298
It's 3:00. What have you
Been doing all day?
247
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:28,068
I've been
Writing this reply
To robin's letter.
248
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,203
Hey, come--hey, write
That on your own time,
Will you?
249
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,640
For goodness sake,
How you going to
Get work done
250
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,907
If all you do
Is think about sex?
251
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,976
I don't know, sam.
How do you do it?
252
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,247
I'm a boy.
That's my job.
253
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,017
Fine. I'll get
Your receipts.
254
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,920
Hey, sam, don't you think
You were a little
Tough on miss howe?
255
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,922
I mean,
She's hardly ever happy.
256
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:53,326
So what if she was late
Totaling up some
Dumb old receipts?
257
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:54,461
Maybe you're right.
258
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,863
Maybe I was a little
Tough on her.
259
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,498
Sam, is this all
The vermouth we have?
260
00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,833
Rebecca's supposed
To order some more.
261
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:00,968
She probably forgot.
262
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,469
Well, now
That's just tops.
263
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,172
Hey, miss howe,
264
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,473
You were supposed to
Order more vermouth!
265
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,875
We pay you for
An eight-hour day!
266
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,677
We expect eight hours!
267
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,980
Sometimes I wonder, sam.
268
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,815
Whatarethey thinking?
269
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,686
Good afternoon, everyone.
270
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:21,088
Sam, just
A quick iced tea.
271
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,024
I've got my
Obsessive-compulsive
Group to preside over.
272
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,293
You can imagine
How punctual they are.
273
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,261
What time does it start?
274
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,296
Well, now.
275
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,098
Boy, the next 15 minutes
276
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,566
Are really going
To drive them bonkers,
277
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,936
But that's exactly
What they need.
278
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:40,340
Dr. Crane, I've got
Some messages here
From mrs. Dr. Crane.
279
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,341
Yes, woody.
280
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,575
She called to say
281
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,977
She thinks freddy might
Have a diaper rash
282
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,947
And she can't find
The a & d ointment.
283
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,983
And then she called
Back to say she found
The ointment,
284
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:53,120
But would it be better
To use talcum powder?
285
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,155
And then she called back
To say never mind,
286
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,057
She's just going to
Leave the diaper off
287
00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:00,894
And let freddy air out
His little bottom.
288
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,495
And then she called
One last time
289
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,733
To ask where
The carpet cleaner is.
290
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,102
Oh, my god.
291
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,537
Everything ok?
292
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:11,805
Oh, everything's fine,
Sam.
293
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,273
We just made
One horrible mistake.
294
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,274
What's that?
295
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,077
We left the child
Alone with its mother.
296
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,021
Carla, you got a minute?
297
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,289
What do you need,
Becks?
298
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,358
I'm trying to write
An appropriate reply
299
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,093
To robin's letter.
300
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,830
Well, I don't seem to
Be able to express myself.
301
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,866
You want to send
A smut-o-gram.
302
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,567
And I was wondering
If you could you help me
303
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:44,004
Since you're the closest thing
To a sailor I know.
304
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,506
Step into my office
305
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,308
And rejoice
In the filth.
306
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:52,712
All right. So this is
What I've got so far.
307
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,781
"Dear robin,
308
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,049
"I am writing you
This letter
309
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,618
While lying naked
In the tub."
310
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,654
Let me just stop you
Right there.
311
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,556
I'm writing you
This letter
312
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:07,460
While lying naked
On my kitchen table.
313
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,497
Whoa!
314
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,800
That is good.
315
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,267
Well, there's a lot
More depth to me
316
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,905
Than just being
A waitress, you know.
317
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,908
Ok. "Just thinking
Of you makes me hot."
318
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,509
Oh, no. No. No.
319
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,811
Not hot.
320
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,813
Write this.
Ok.
321
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,714
I'm on fire.
322
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:28,816
"Fire."
323
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,084
I'm churning.
I'm burning.
324
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:34,487
I want something,
Anything.
325
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:37,557
I reach
For a piece of fruit,
326
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,027
An orange...
327
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,428
Ripe...
328
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,863
Orange...
329
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,832
Big and sweet.
330
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,667
I peel back the skin,
331
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:51,438
Slowly my fingernails
Tear into the pulp.
332
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,974
The juice
Runs down my--
333
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,976
You know, that orange
Isn't going to work
334
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,245
Because the juice
Burns his ulcers.
335
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,013
Oh, god.
336
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,015
Look, if you're not going
337
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,951
To get into the spirit
Of soft porn,
338
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,785
Just forget about it.
339
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,120
No, carla, you're right.
340
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,556
I know.
Who am I fooling?
341
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,591
I can't
Write this stuff.
342
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,327
Besides, what good
Is a dirty letter?
343
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:17,330
Just fun words
On a piece of paper.
344
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,333
You know, you're right.
You need your man.
345
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,836
We got to sneak you
Into that prison
346
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,972
So you can get
What you need.
347
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,706
Oh, that's a great idea.
348
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:27,941
Yeah, let's go.
349
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,176
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
350
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,443
I don't know
Which cell is robin's.
351
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,678
How will we find him?
352
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,213
It has to be robin?
353
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,017
There's lots of guys
In there.
354
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,552
You might find someone
You like better.
355
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,088
Come on.
356
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,325
It's a minimum
Security prison.
357
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:46,759
How hard could it be?
358
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,196
I mean, you're allowed
To visit him anytime
You want, right?
359
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,530
Yeah.
360
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,532
So what you do is you
Find some secluded spot.
361
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,734
Oh, you know,
The garden area's
Usually deserted.
362
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:57,237
Great. Great.
I'll stand watch.
363
00:13:57,304 --> 00:14:00,140
You can stay with him
As long as you want.
364
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,475
Oh, it shouldn't take long.
He's english.
365
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:06,846
Sam, we're
Going to be gone
For a couple of hours.
366
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,548
Girl stuff.
367
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,085
Girl stuff. Why do they
Always say that?
368
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:14,854
What does that mean?
369
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,093
Oh, sam, I didn't
Want to know that.
370
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:25,165
Greetings, all.
371
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:28,936
The boys are out
For an adventure.
372
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,803
I'm glad to see you guys.
373
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,906
Has the little dude said
His first word yet?
374
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:36,076
Well, I thought so, but then
I checked my unabridged
Oxford english dictionary
375
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,878
And I was unable to find
The word "Gak."
376
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,615
Sam, may I have
A beer, please?
377
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,818
And could you warm up this
Formula for my little angel?
378
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,120
[freddy cries]
379
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:50,757
Pipe down! You saw me
Give the bottle to sam!
380
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,559
Does water
Boil instantly? No!
381
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:55,128
He'll warm it,
Then you'll get it!
382
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,965
And it'll be
Yum, yum, yum.
383
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,236
So, uh, going a little
Rough there, dr. Mom?
384
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,338
Well, let's just say
That since I have become
385
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,440
The primary care giver
To frederick,
386
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,376
I have a new-found
Respect for those
387
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,244
Who decide to stay home
And dedicate their lives
388
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,845
To the raising
Of their children.
389
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,248
I have also realized
That if I were to do it
390
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,017
For any amount of time,
You would soon hear stories
391
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,718
Of me sitting naked
In a tower
392
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,720
With a high-powered rifle.
393
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,522
Well, uh...
394
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,856
See, as a rule,
395
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,259
Your psycho killers
Don't have families.
396
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,996
Naw, they're,
Uh, loners.
397
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,463
They may have jobs,
398
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,864
They're good
To their mothers,
399
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,266
But by and large,
400
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,635
They sit alone
At night
In a dark room,
401
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:39,072
Writing their
Depraved thoughts
In a diary.
402
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,341
Cliff, you keep a diary,
Don't you?
403
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,945
I, uh,
Keep a journal, man.
404
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,480
A journal!
405
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,556
So, does lilith know
You guys are over here?
406
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,491
Oh, yes. Of course, sam.
407
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,860
I told her that I was
Just taking our
11-month-old baby
408
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:03,630
Out for a tall one.
409
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,034
The irony is I got
Myself into this pickle.
410
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,936
I convinced lilith that
With my background
And clinical skills,
411
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:13,740
I should be the one
To take primary care
Of the child, not her.
412
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,542
Naturally, she
Took it personally.
413
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,444
I was somehow
Denigrating her
Competency as a mother.
414
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,747
Boy, look cross-eyed
At a woman these days...
415
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,649
So she does know
You're here?
416
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,885
Well, no.
I didn't fill her
In on our itinerary
417
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,054
For the entire day.
418
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,688
But she won't question
My judgment.
419
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:32,425
I have assumed
Complete responsibility
For the child.
420
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,393
I see no problem
421
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,994
With him being
In this environment.
422
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,229
Hey, look, with a cigar
In his hand,
423
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:39,399
He looks just like
Baby herman.
424
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,805
If lilith calls...
425
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,474
We're not here.
426
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,650
Your colcord should be
Out here.
427
00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:01,621
Oh, my god.
The whole prison's here.
428
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,123
What's going on?
429
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,193
It's one of our
Inmate's birthdays,
Congressman bailor.
430
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,395
He's hosting a little
Barbecue for the men.
431
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,862
He's from texas,
You know.
432
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,765
Oh, man.
I don't think
433
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,267
I can go through
With this here.
434
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,669
The thought of a lot
Of people being
A few feet away
435
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,672
And somebody
Could discover
Us at any minute.
436
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,708
You're saying that
Like it's a bad thing.
437
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,077
Part of me
Wants to stay here
438
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,479
And the other part
Of me wants to run.
439
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,581
All of me
Wants to strip down,
440
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:32,485
Lay on the grass,
And yell, "Fumble."
441
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,053
All right.
442
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,556
I've come this far.
443
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,892
It wasn't the bad investments
That ruined my s-and-l,
444
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,529
It was the free
Checking accounts.
445
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,631
Robin.
446
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,065
Rebecca, what a surprise.
447
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,067
Hello.
Have you met the boys?
448
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,637
No, but I've seen
All of you on tv.
449
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,873
Boys, would you
Excuse us for a moment?
450
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:54,874
Darling.
451
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,843
Robin, I
Got your letter.
452
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,145
I hope I didn't
Go too far.
453
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,579
Did you mean everything
You said?
454
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,515
Every word and those little
Drawings in the margin.
455
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,651
Then I've
Got a surprise
For you.
456
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,486
Becca, wait, um...
457
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,621
There's a party
Going on here.
458
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,223
Darling...
459
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:12,492
Oh.
460
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,093
Rebecca.
But, darling, darling--
461
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,295
No, no, no.
462
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,763
We can't.
We can't.
463
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,165
No, it's ok.
464
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:19,799
It's ok.
No one will see.
465
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,369
Carla's right over
There on the other
Side standing guard.
466
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,039
Settle down, boys.
Settle down.
467
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,676
Darling. Darling,
Darling. Look, you know--
468
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,311
You know I want you
More than anything,
469
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,679
But we just
Can't take the chance.
470
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:33,680
Why?
471
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,315
I can be quiet.
472
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:38,218
No, no, no.
No, it's not that.
473
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,820
I'd feel insulted
If you were,
474
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,522
But I just
Got wonderful news.
475
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,524
I'm up for early parole
Next month.
476
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,025
Ohh!
477
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,229
See, so I can't
Do anything that
Would jeopardize that.
478
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,130
And this is one of
The few rules.
479
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,200
And, you know,
While I burn for you,
480
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,534
I must adhere to it,
481
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,269
Or I'll be here
For another year.
482
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,706
Now, you do understand
That, don't you?
483
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:00,873
Sure I do.
484
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:05,044
You don't want to be in
Jail for another year.
485
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:07,547
Well, what about
Myneeds?
486
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,518
Carla, we're out
Of here!
487
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:12,719
Aw!
Aw!
488
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,023
Gee whiz, cliff.
489
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,091
Why don't you give it up?
It's been an hour.
490
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,828
Let's let frederick
Have a chance.
491
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,029
If he wants
To play with it,
492
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,697
Let him
Ask me himself.
493
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,336
Cliff, you know
He can't speak yet.
494
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,472
And what a cruel irony
That you can.
495
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:35,508
Norm...
496
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,110
5:00--
Time to feed the meter.
497
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,112
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah.
498
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,748
I have had it, sam.
499
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:45,652
No more of this
Climbing up the stairs
Every two hours.
500
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,354
You're not leaving
Me for another bar,
Are you?
501
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:50,457
Oh, no. I'm going
To sell my car.
502
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,092
5:00 already?
503
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,594
We've been here
All day.
504
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,330
Time to get
The little guy home,
Huh, dr. Crane?
505
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,432
Well, lilith doesn't
Get home until 6:00...
506
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,033
Say, darts, anyone?
507
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,034
Yeah, sure.
508
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,102
Cliff, you coming?
509
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,737
Yeah,
I'll be right there.
510
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:08,808
Dammit, this
Thing's harder than
The civil service exam.
511
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,213
What a waste.
512
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,348
Not for me.
513
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,517
I got 15 dates
Lined up.
514
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,253
Of course,
None of them
Start for a year.
515
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,190
I got no romance,
No satisfaction,
No nothing.
516
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,425
Come on, you don't
Have nothing.
517
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,994
You got a purse
Full of ribs.
518
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,296
What?
519
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,831
Sure.
I took the liberty
Of filling you up.
520
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,767
The sauce
Is in the change
Compartment.
521
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,470
Hey, cheer up.
522
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,971
He said he'll
Be out in a couple
Of months.
523
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,808
Yeah, sure.
So what am I supposed
To do until then?
524
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,175
Tell you what...
525
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,112
There's, uh, some
Construction workers
Down the street.
526
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,747
What about you and I
Go cruising?
527
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:51,418
No, I can't
Cheat on robin.
528
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:55,522
Man, I thought
We were going
To be close.
529
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,991
Well, maybe
It wouldn't hurt
If we just...
530
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,861
Paraded around them
And frustrated them a bit.
531
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,029
There you go.
532
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,464
Let's do it.
All right.
533
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:06,933
Let's spread
The pain around.
534
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,101
Where
You guys going?
535
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,837
Girl stuff.
536
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,306
Yecchh.
537
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,177
Hello, sam.
538
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,879
Hey, lilith.
539
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,213
Query--
540
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,784
If I had a problem
And needed to talk
To someone about it,
541
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:27,086
Would it
Be perpetuating
A stereotype
542
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,921
To actually select
A bartender?
543
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,557
Well, that depends.
544
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:31,358
On what?
545
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:32,825
On what
You just said.
546
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,163
I feel like a failure--
547
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:40,633
A failure as a mother,
Ergo as a woman
And a person.
548
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,771
Do you make a drink
For failures here
At cheers?
549
00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:47,039
Hold on a sec.
Phil, what are
You drinking?
550
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,040
A manhattan.
551
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:49,308
Manhattan.
552
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:56,416
You know...
553
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,585
Sweetheart,
I'd bet my bottom dollar
554
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,453
That you're
A pretty good mom.
555
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:05,492
Yes, well, considering that
Endorsement comes from
A perennial peter pan
556
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:08,327
With no sense of maturity
Or obligation,
557
00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:11,531
You'll excuse me
If I don't leap over
The bar, embrace you,
558
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:14,000
And say, "Really, sam,
You think so?"
559
00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:18,137
Well, glad I could
Be there for you.
560
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:19,205
I'm sorry.
561
00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:20,640
Perhaps
I'm just bitter
562
00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:23,242
Because frasier
Is succeeding
With our son
563
00:22:23,309 --> 00:22:24,677
Where I failed.
564
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:28,180
He is indeed
A better influence
On my precious baby.
565
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:29,348
Hey, guess what,
Everybody.
566
00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:31,751
Little frederick
Beat cliff at darts!
567
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:34,086
Frasier!
568
00:22:34,153 --> 00:22:35,121
Uh-oh.
569
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,823
What are
You doing here?
570
00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:39,225
I didn't
Give my son to you
571
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:42,495
So you could run off
And spend the day
In a bawdy house!
572
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:43,896
Yes, well, my little
Chopped salad,
573
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:47,066
I mean, we just
Got here, what,
10 minutes ago.
574
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:48,367
You're lying.
575
00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:49,836
Well,
Yes, I'm lying.
576
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:52,972
But I thought
That frederick
Might enjoy himself.
577
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,041
Enjoy himself
In a bar?
578
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:56,443
He's 11 months old.
579
00:22:56,509 --> 00:22:59,145
What kind of values
Can he learn here?
580
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,347
Well, I thought
The place had a lot
To offer.
581
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:02,782
Oh, please.
582
00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:04,517
He'll never
Learn to speak
In this environment.
583
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:06,385
Good afternoon,
Everybody.
584
00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:08,054
Norm!
585
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:21,133
He said, "Mommy!"
41281
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