All language subtitles for Lucky Hank S01E08 The Chopping Block

-Hank, you are the only
department head

who has not submitted
a list of faculty to cut.

*

-Well, what the hell is it
with you?

Whose side are you on?
What do you even want?

-Russell?
-Yeah?

-I'm gonna take you home
to your wife.

-I'm getting a divorce.
-You had your chance.

-Now, this has to stay
between us.

That's a $50 million building.

Think he just pulled $10 million
from, I don't know.

-I've grown
and I feel like you haven't,

I would like to thank
the legislature

for trusting
and partnering with me

on a leaner,
yet stronger university system.

My predecessors,

as president and CEO of Railton,

ballooned our budget,

and created a system

of redundancies
and bureaucracies that ran wild.

Together, with the legislature,

we take step one
in correcting this mistake.

By tomorrow,

this week of layoffs
will be behind us.

It will have been painful...

yet, I assure you
we are up to the task.

Thank you, everyone.

Wait, Professor!

Hey, did you read
my story yet?

No. Uh...

I just have to get through

War and Peace
and Moby Dick first,

then your story.

That's okay.

Looks like you might not
be here that much longer anyway.

You know,
when the writing thing

doesn't work out,

try a career
in college administration.

You'd be great at it.

Uh, I'm sorry, Professor!

-Mr. Pope is now--
-Where is he?

I can't say.

I know about
the pencils, Dennis.

What?

The pencils.

My assistant, Rachel, told me.

He makes you sharpen
all of his pencils

to the exact same length.

And if one goes shorter
than the others,

you have to fix 'em all.

And if any go below
17 centimeters,

you have to start all over.

Some days
are just about pencils.

Yeah.

18...

It's 18 centimeters.

Check the cafeteria
in the Lemke Center.

You can't do that.

Did you just lick--

Look...

use a container, okay?

I'll pay for it.

I'll buy you raisins.

You know?
Just-- It's gross.

I'm looking forward
to seeing your list

this afternoon, Hank.

Though I doubt it will come.

Don't worry,

I have one of my own
made already.

I'm going
straight to the press.

I know that
you siphoned off funds

that were allocated
for the faculty

to pay for the shortfall
in your building.

-In fact, I have proof!
-You do not.

Yeah. A letter
from Jeffrey Epstein. It's...

Yeah.

He knows.

He doesn't like it.

In fact, he feels guilty.

He's a good guy,
your buddy, Jeffrey Epstein.

He's not my buddy.

Do not associate me
with that name.

And there is no letter.

Because what you said is untrue.

No, there is.

And it's in a safe-deposit box.

If anything happens to me,

Rudy Giuliani has the other key.

You stopped moving.

You stopped showering.

Ha, ha.

Why don't you help make dinner?

Doing something
can make you feel better.

Not always,
but it's been known to help.

I can open the wine.

-No.
-What?

Last time you opened the wine,

you got cork
in the, uh, drinking part.

I can open the wine.

Oof!

I had to say goodbye
to so many colleagues today.

Herb...

he was actually sobbing.

Oh, yeah?

Was he chopping onions for you?

Oh, sorry.

I know you had a hard day, too.

No, today was just
sharpening blades.

Tomorrow, I cut heads off.

Good luck.

You couldn't even chop
that fish's head off

that one time.
You made me do it.

Yeah. It was disturbing
how easily it came to you.

Have you figured out
who you're gonna fire yet?

No!

What's wrong
with this thing?

Julie?

Can we talk to each other?

No. No, we can't, Russell.

Please! I love you, Julie!

I just want to explain things
a little bit.

You lied to my face!

If you don't go away right now,

-I will throw this bottle--
-No!

--through the glass
and right at your head!

Honey, don't.

I'm stepping back!

-Honey, let me do it.
-I got it.

-Please.
-I got it!

Maybe just give it to your dad.

Yeah. I can do it.

-You're too...
-Julie...

-Come on.
-Goddammit!

No!

Oh...

oh.

Get me another one.

To throw?

To drink.

Maybe screw top.

Don't look at me!
Turn around!

* Oh, my enemy

* I have given up
on you, sir *

* I don't care
about the future *

* But I want to care...

Dad, let me help you.

No. I got it.

No problem.

Easy.... peasy.

Oh...

Never happened.

* ...Take me there

* Take me there

Russell?

Yeah?

How long are you
gonna stay out here?

Till Julie talks to me.

But what if she doesn't
wanna talk to you?

Well...

come on, Mom.

It's Julie.

I mean, she doesn't
really know what she wants.

She might.

-I'm gonna miss you.
-Me too.

Did you see
Russell up there?

Yep.

What should I do, Mom?

Um...

whatever you do,

just remember
to be calm and reasonable.

-I love you.
-Love you.

Dad broke your nightstand.

Are you able to come home
this weekend?

I'm sorry, I can't.

There's this fundraiser
at school on Saturday.

Can you come to New York?

Uh...

Probably need
to be here, right,

because of everything
that's going on?

Oh, I...

I-- I can stop work
for a weekend.

It's a really big deal,

what's happening
in your department.

And you decided to stay here

and not come with me
to New York,

'cause you weren't ready
to give up your career.

I did say that, didn't I?

Ugh, I hate me.

Just don't make a joke
of that decision.

Just really be in your career.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

English Department.

I need your help
with something.

Okay.

If you had to fire
three people...

No.

...which would you pick?

No.

I'm not saying
you have to fire them,

and I'm not saying
I would choose the same three.

Okay? Although--

No.

All right.

Ah... Finny.

Emma.

Gracie.

Sorry about the "Spanky" thing.

It's okay, Billy.

I've been with this department
for 26 years.

Even before it was a department.

It was just four of us

working out of
a two-room storage closet

in the basement of the old gym.

You know that's not true.

Well, it might have been.

You know?

Did you know that it was me
that brought in Shifelli.

I also brought in Shapiro.

I kicked Nelson out

when she started showing up
drunk every day.

I know... the irony.

-Jesus Christ.
-Billy...

you don't have to justify.

But why is it

that the experienced

are the ones
who get the axe first?

I mean, who conjured up
that policy?

You know, let some stupid
24-year old twit

out of Oberlin

teach Shakespeare, and Milton,

and... Jesus.

You know, they're gonna cancel
the whole Renaissance

if we don't stop them.

You know, if it's not

some screaming exegesis
of the left--

Billy! Come on. Come on.

Listen...

We practically raised
our families together.

You remember?

You dropped Julie off
in the morning,

and Lucy would babysit her
all day.

It was nice.

I'm not gonna fire you.

No?

No.

That's not why I called you in.

I-- I called you in here...

I mean, right from the start,

to simply ask you a question.

Which three of these people
would you fire?

Oh!

Well, I sure as shit
ain't gonna do your dirty work.

Did you set up
your keyboard yet?

No.

I'm scared I won't remember
how to play C chord.

Oh, you'll find out.

I will find out.

You know what weirdly
I'm looking forward to most

is an unbroken night's sleep.

Hank gets up several times
in the night

with these phantom urges to pee.

I'm sorry, he gets what?

Like, he needs to pee,
but he can't.

But he has to get up anyway,
just in case.

-Oh, my god.
-What?

That's Catherine Keener.

Yeah, that's her.

Her characters are so unlikable.

Shush.

It's true.

Go say hi.

Shush, shush.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Hi.

I really love your work.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

I've seen everything
probably...

probably twice.

Oh, wow.

Really, thank you.

Okay.

Okay, so this is like
a weird thing fan thing.

She wants a photo.

Oh, of course. Sure.

Oh, no, not that, not that.
Uh, I mean, I will.

-I mean--
-But, um, no.

It's just that
my husband and I...

I just think
you'll think this is funny.

Um, every time
your name comes up,

he makes a move on me.

-Oh.
-Yep.

Wow. Well, I guess
he's my fan then.

Actually, it works
for both of us, so.

Yeah.

This is about the time
that I'd...

I'd run out
from a potential psycho.

-Oh, no!
-But you know what?

No, my husband and I

have a similar thing
with Winston Churchill, so.

-Different story.
-Really?

No!

-No.
-I'm so dumb.

Is he here?

Who-- Who?

Your husband.

Oh, right!

Um, no.

He's in Pennsylvania.

I got a really good job here
that I couldn't turn down, so--

but he'll come visit.

Yeah. That's tough, though,
with the long-distance thing.

Oh.

I...

Well, there's my co--

This is my coffee shop,
so I'm sure I'll see you around.

Okay.

You just feel free to drop
my name if you wanna get some.

I will!

Okay.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Oh, shit.

I forgot the picture.

Hank is never gonna believe me.

I love New York.

Come on. Come on.

Hank.

You're not helping anybody
by drawing this out.

I don't know what to do.

Jesus.

You're a mess.

What to do, what to do?

There's gotta be
a last-ditch attempt...

...a Hail Mary.

Those never work.

That's why they call them
a Hail Mary.

That lady couldn't throw
to save her life.

But I can.

So here goes.

Ready, fire, aim.

Hey. This is
an impressive place.

It is not.

Well, it makes an impression.

That's the point.

You know, if you get fancy,
everybody sees that.

They're gonna wanna
get fancy, too.

I don't mind this.

Plus, I got
a 30,000-square-foot house.

The thing's so big,

I gotta put maps up

with these signs that say
"you are here".

I got lost in it twice.

What can I do for you fellows?

Uh, we're here to talk to you

about your good pal,
Dickie Pope.

Good pal?

Yeah.

I thought so.

You know, with my name,

it's kinda hard to get into
certain country clubs.

I thought maybe Dickie Pope
would be my way in.

Talk about
a fair-weather friend.

Soon as
that final check cleared,

it was
"Sayonara, Jeffrey Epstein."

No!

That seemed like
such a solid friendship.

Yeah, I get it.

I mean, you think a guy
who leads a university

would want to be good friends
to the university,

but instead, like...

like you told us,

he plunders ten mil
from just anywhere.

And unfortunately for us,
it's...

as you know...

in the faculty budget.

That seems unlikely.

Well, pretty sure that was it.

He probably just went
and financed the building,

that's how these things go.

There's too many tax incentives
to not just go get a mortgage.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying
to burst your bubble.

It's just...

I really doubt

that there's some secret
ten million out there

that's gonna help ya.

So it was just a loan?

I think
that's the simplest answer.

Now, look--

I mean, if you guys get fired,
call me up.

I'll be the first one
to buy you a beer.

I like you guys.

You know, you're--

you're like, uh... friends.

I don't really have friends.

It's hard when everybody wants
something from you.

Well, maybe you could put in
a good word for us

with your friends on the board.

Sure, fellas.

Thanks.

We should be at Nora's bar
by 5:00 PM--

maybe earlier--

so you can stop by and buy us
all the beers you want.

It's a date.

This could be every day,
but in a warmer climate.

What is it
with you and Florida?

I like to think of it
as North Cuba.

You know I'm Cuban, right?

Of course.

I'm not going
to Florida, Jacob.

You could stay.

No one's forcing you out.

I cannot.

I just can't work
for that guy, Dickie.

You've always been
too good for this job.

Too soft-hearted.

Maybe.

He just doesn't believe
in public education.

Hmm.

It's perverse
that he has this job.

Mm-hmm.

Doesn't make sense.

What can I do
to get you to leave with me?

What you don't understand
is I actually like it here.

I feel like a teenager
when I'm with you.

It's good to see your face.

I'm working.

Uh, is there an outlet,
uh, in there that I can use?

I-- I'm trying to hook up
my space heater and my--

and my phone's gonna die.

No.

Okay.

Is there one out here
that I'm missing, or...?

No.

And if there was,
you couldn't use it.

Yeah, I know we have problems.

You know?

But I really, really
wanna work on them.

You cheated on me.

How is that working on problems?

Well, you cheated on me twice.

I was 19,

and you were so stoned
the entire time,

you hardly noticed.

I noticed.

Look, sometimes,

it's hard for me
to bring things up with you

because you get
really angry, or--

or judgmental, like--

like your dad.

I'm not like my dad.

Yeah, no, I know, I know.

I know.

That--
That's why I love you.

But...

you can...

Sometimes,
when I'm saying something,

you know, you can act, um...

-like--
-How could you do this to me?

My parents are splitting up,

and then you go
and you do this to me?

Sometimes, it's scary
to bring up issues with you.

So what if it's scary?

How weak are you?

Here's a life hack--

ugh--

when you're in the middle
of your worst day,

pick the worst thing
you have to do

and get it done.

I mean, how much further down
can you go?

Oh, here he comes.

Ahem.

Bartow.

Let me guess.

You hated it,

but you gave me a B-plus to keep
my parents off your back.

I hated it.

I gave it an A.

For different reasons, though.

This pacing drives us forward,

and the ideas
rise to the surface slowly...

deftly...

but we never get ahead of it.

This is good.

Do more of this.

I think there's more
to the rest of the story that--

No. No, there isn't.

Just this.

Four excellent sentences.

But most people can't do this.

All right.
Well...

thanks for the A.

Yep.

So you're just not gonna do it?

You're not gonna make a list?

Turns out I'm not a list guy.

If they ask for a collage...

And you think that'll work?

Yeah.

Just get some images,
and words,

and glitter and glue.

No. No, it's not gonna work.

Did it get you off?

Excuse me?

Sleeping with the dean.

Did it get you off the list?

I don't know what you mean.

Your shirt's inside out
and you smell like balls.

"Yes, this was love,

this ridiculous
bouncing of the buttocks,

and the wilting

of the poor, insignificant,
moist, little penis."

D.H. Lawrence.

Mm. Well, you had me
at bouncing buttocks

and lost me
at moist, white little penis.

He didn't say white.

I just assumed.

Hmm.

So...

what now?

Uh, now we celebrate
the feeling

that comes with a shared defeat.

Maybe we'll finally bond.

Doubtful.

Well...

Drinks at Nora's.

It's on me.

Silver lining.

You should go home
and take a shower.

I got it.
I-- I got it!

No, but in a white wine glass
and it can't be a--

Meg.

Hi.

I didn't think
I'd see you here for a while.

Yeah, maybe I need a new bar.

Look...

I don't really
get marriage.

It's not something
that I saw growing up

and it's not
this sacred thing to me.

I just...

I don't get it.

But I didn't seduce Russell.

It's not like
we have feelings for each other.

No feelings?

That's a great guide
for your sex life.

Well, to be honest,

I kinda felt sorry for him.

No one should be allowed
to get married at 22.

That's definitely
for you to decide.

That's the vibe
that I got from him, Hank.

-Not me.
-Oh, yeah?

Well, he's camped out
on my porch right now,

begging her to take him back,

so I'm getting a different vibe.

Shit.

-Excuse me, can I--
-Yeah, just one second.

I'm sorry
that Julie is hurting.

Tell her that I didn't mean
to get in between--

I'm not gonna deliver
your apology for you.

And you're not really
apologizing.

Well, I wasn't trying
to hurt her.

Well, who--
Who were you trying to hurt?

-Now could...?
-Yes.

What do you want?

If it's me,

will you guys visit me
in South Carolina?

-Absolutely not.
-No way.

What's in South Carolina?

My sister lives there.

We hate each other,

but she said she'd put me up
for six months, so.

Can I join you?

I'm not interested

in sharing a drink
with management right now.

Well, that's okay,

because I tendered
my resignation an hour ago.

Well, that gets you a drink.

Spanky, get him a beer.

Seriously?

You jumped ship
without a lifeboat?

Practically.

That might have been
a little hyperbole there.

Hmm.

The letter is written.

I just need
to spell check it and stuff.

Definitely spell check it.

There's nothing sadder

than a Ph.D.'s
resignation loiter.

You two again?

I've known her 25 years,

I still can't predict
the next thing out of her mouth.

Yeah, but you know
it's gonna be about her.

That's okay.

I'm over me.

They wouldn't rent me a moped.

The injustice.

Injustice.

Hey, you made it.

Epstein!

Fellas!

All right.

Hey, you guys.

Um... English department,
this is Jeffrey Epstein.

Jeffrey Epstein,
this is the English department.

I'm really sorry, guys,

must be a rough night.

I called my friend on the board

to see if there was
anything he could do.

-He said it's done.
-Wonderful.

Actually, we haven't heard yet.

Would someone tell us?

All right.

You guys...

Emma...

Finny...

and Billie...

We're hurting right now.

But we're professors.

We don't lay down.

Because we're professors,

and we know
that's grammatically incorrect.

We lie down,

or we stand up,

and we go to my house,

and we party.

Right now.

Carpe diem.

Who's with me?

I have a hot tub.

Dickie Pope
is the worst person I ever met.

And I've met an actual Nazi.

All he cares about is money.

Doesn't care about
bettering public education.

As a matter of fact,
he wants to destroy it.

I... I've heard that
he eats garbage.

This is the saddest
hot tub party I've ever been to.

I've been to one sadder.

What's the deal?

I mean...

why does he wanna
save money so bad?

Is he taking a cut?

I think it's
his weird obsession with MIT.

What are you talking about?

I told you about that.
Didn't I tell you about that?

No.

This guy wants to be
president of an Ivy

like his life depends on it.

MIT's not an Ivy League.

Whoa. What about MIT?

What did he say about MIT?

I-- I got in touch
with a head-hunter

who told me
there's a position there--

at the top.

Is that
what Dickie's gunning for?

Is that why the deep cut,
so he can prove himself to them?

-Guys...
-Because that is

a significant infraction

of his fiduciary duties
here at this college.

Look, if you have something
on Dickie Pope,

we want to hear it.

And we'll make it
worth your while.

No, you can't.

You forget,
I'm a billionaire.

I know, I forget, too.

Sometimes,
I wake up and look around--

I go, "Oh, my god."

I will write you a poem.

That's priceless.

Look...

what about the "Q"...

in the building--

in your name?

You-- You never liked that.

That bothered you.

We-- We'll get it taken out.

I don't think you have
the power to do that.

Oh, that was Dickie's thing.

No one else that mattered cared.

That little twerp.

...97...

98...

-Dennis!
-Dick.

Hank, you've entered my office.

Oh, yeah.

That's how I got in. Yeah.

I trust you received my list.

Uh...

might have accidentally
gone to my inbox.

I only read my spam.

Time.

Dennis!

No. Look, um,

I wanna chat with you,
because--

Did you hear the news?

I'm going to be
the new president of MIT.

You are not.

-I'm not?
-No.

How would you know that?

It was...

It was a tough job to get.

Right?
I had to be devious.

They wanted a--
a clown...

the modern kind,

you know,
that kills with glee.

So, first,
I had to go to clown college.

I have work to do.

-You can go.
-You can go.

It's my office.

Except...

it's not.

Yes?

Mr. Pope,

the Board of Trustees
would like to speak with you.

Fine.
Put them through.

They're not on the phone.

They're meeting upstairs
right now.

That sounds serious.

...the discovery

that Richard Pope

violated his fiduciary duty
to the college.

The current president and CEO
cut 25% of the faculty,

falsely claiming

that it was
to benefit the school,

all in an effort
to pad his resume

and gain favor
for a position at MIT.

His assistant,

under cover of Pennsylvania's
whistleblower law,

has forwarded emails,

phone logs, and travel logs,

all confirming the allegations.

You know,
it's getting cold out there.

Is it?

Did you talk to him yet?

Not really.

Are you going to?

I don't know.

You know, listen,

I know you think that
I'm partially responsible,

you know, because I got him
the job in the bar.

And maybe I'm partly to blame...

for different reasons.

Uh...

I'm-- I'm...

Forget it.
I'm sorry I did that.

Thank you.

I'm sorry for what you and Mom
are going through.

What--
What we're going through?

Oh...

I can't...

Whatever.

What?

What do you think
is happening?

You're here,

and Mom's in New York
with her hot ex-boyfriend

and a broken end table.

You tell me
that's not separated.

He's not hot.

He's younger than you.

So, yeah,

the board
is initiating conversations...

and, uh, we will see.

We will see.

Well, t hat's great.

Yeah.

I also had
a pretty interesting day.

Yeah?

Do you remember that thing

about how every time
I say Catherine Keener's name,

you make a move on me?

Uh, no, I--
I don't.

Of course you do.

We've talked about this.

Well, I don't remember.

You really don't?

Oh.

Okay.

It's...

It's nothing, anyway.

Forget it.

Oh, hey...

Julie thinks we're separated.

We're not separated.

I know, right?

That's just...

just silly.

It's so silly.

Uh...

I've got
another big day tomorrow,

I think I should go to sleep.

Okay, good night.

Okay.

Yeah.

Hey!

Team, wanna hear
what I just heard?

It is official.

We've all been reinstated,
and Dickie Pope is out.

Well, hey, we should--
we should all go get lunch.

Yeah, we just hung out.

Hey, where's Spanky?

Oh, yeah.

Well, why isn't he the one
delivering the news?

Yeah, he's only
the chair of the department.

Oh, he's totally
avoiding us.

Rachel?

I don't know.

I think he slipped away.

Isn't this what he wanted?

Oh, god.

I've known the man for 25 years.

I still have no idea
what he wants.

I don't even think he knows.

Here I am
feeling proud of myself.

How about that?

So why aren't I
going out there?

They're only going
to be happy with me .

Probably the first
and last time.

I have a headache.

If I asked Occam, he'd say...

"It's not them
I want to share this with."

Hello.

I had a few minutes.

I...

I bought lunch.

I had a good day.

Is this chicken salad, Alison?

It's turkey.

And, uh, this is Laurel.

But...

I told you about those layoffs
I was put in charge of.

You remember that?

You said it.

And, yes, we heard it.

Okay. Well...

I figured a way around it.

No one's gonna get fired.

Not just in my department,
but, uh...

across the humanities.

No one saved my job.

Yeah. Well, there were
a lot of jealous people

there at Columbia.

Cutthroat is what it was.

And they cut my throat.

You retired.

I didn't retire.

Don't be naive.

Well, maybe you're not
as sharp as you once were.

That-- That's...

You don't have to be
bitter about it.

Right? You can just look back
at a great long run. Okay?

My mind is fine.

There's professors there
that can't find their own feet.

They set me up.

They fact-checked me
like "gotcha" journalists.

Fact-checked?

What are you talking about?

He-- He's not talking
about anything.

He-- He's just
a little confused.

I wrote a piece last year

about my experiences
at the march in Selma, 1965.

We lived in Colorado that year.

You... Were you at Selma?

I could have been!

That's my point.

Better saying
that I was there

than saying
I watched on TV.

You think that gets picked up
in a journal?

You gotta keep publishing, or--

or you don't get invited
to panels.

So if I screwed up,

it was because of their system
that pushed me to it.

They're all responsible.

Oh, it's
an understandable mistake.

Their mistake.

I-- I was taking
well-earned license.

You made up facts for an essay

so that you could be invited
to panels?

What else is there?

I've started archiving
your father's work.

And, actually,
I need to come to you

and see if we can find

a young student

that might be interested
in being part of...

For 45 years,

I'd been dying to know

what was so valuable
that he'd leave his family.

And there it is...

conferences.

All this time,
I thought he knew something.

I was trying
to get answers from him, but...

what answers could I get
from such a flawed man

that wouldn't be wrong?

What a loser.

He could have stayed...

and had a son,

known his grandchildren.

He could have had a wife
who just adored him.

He could have had
everything that I have.

I have everything.

* Now that I've lost
everything to you *

* You say you wanna start
something new *

* And it's breakin' my heart
that you're leavin' *

* Baby, I'm grievin'

* But if you want to leave
take good care *

* You've got
a lot of nice things to wear *

* But then a lot of nice things
turn bad out there *

* Ooh, baby, baby
it's a wild world... *

Hi.

* It's hard to get by
just upon a smile... *

* Ooh, baby, baby
it's a wild world *

* I'll always remember you
like a child *

Parking around here
is a brainteaser.

Does this, uh, place
have a bathroom?

Or is it one of
those SROs where you...

No.

...everybody shares
down the hall?

Ah!

* Ooh, baby, baby
it's a wild world... *

Oh, yeah!

Look at that!

New York!

* ...just like a child

New York!

* Ooh, baby, baby
it's a wild world... *

Hey, New York!