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Three-point-eight seconds.

That'’s how often you think about the other person

when you fall in love.

It'’s a lot, isn't it?

They say it'’s to do with chemicals.

That rush of endorphins you get

every time they send you an emoticon.

I met Thomas a year ago today on the Piccadilly line.

I was getting dumped by some idiot

and Thomas overheard.

He was so sweet and kind and he made me feel better.

And I just knew immediately

that he was the one I had been searching for.

Frankie?

- Yes? - I'’m Wilbur Asquith-Lacey.

Thomas'’ brother.

I didn'’t know Thomas had a brother.

Half brother. We share a father.

Okay. Um...

It'’s lovely to meet you. What a surprise.

You can tell me all the secrets about Thomas

before he gets here. Oh, excuse me!

Could we get another place made up, please?

- We'’re going to be three. - Oh, I'’m not staying.

I just came to give you a message from Thomas.

He'’s sorry he couldn'’t come himself.

And he didn'’t want to call or send a text message.

And I still owed him a favor

from when he let me borrow his tent.

He wanted me to tell you that you'’re a lovely person.

Oh, well, that'’s very nice. Thank you.

But, um, you see, he'’s a bit tied up at the moment

and he'’s got a lot of work and things,

so he can'’t make it to lunch.

And, um, he'’s not really looking for a relationship right now.

- What? - He wanted me to make it clear

that it'’s nothing to do with you personally.

So Thomas sent you here

to break up with me?

Yes.

Right.

Oh, uh, you needn'’t worry about that.

It'’s just going to be one.

Only one?

Yes.

What--? Um, what kind of a grown man

sends a 10-year-old child--

I'’m 11, actually. Twelve in October.

So, what, you-- You dump all his girlfriends, do you?

Oh, no. This is the first time.

Well, I'’d better be going. I'’m late for an oboe lesson.

Did he give a reason?

Not as far as I recall.

We talked mainly about the tent.

There was a small hole,

and Thomas was quite angry about it.

Bon appétit.

You know what? You are a real wanker.

And a coward. If you wanna break up with me,

then you can do it face to face.

Thomas.

Open the door!

Henry! Henry!

Have you seen Thomas today?

No. We thought he was with you.

He was supposed to be, but he broke up with me.

He didn'’t do it himself. He sent a relative.

Uh, yes.

Thomas'’ brother!

Thomas'’ brother?

I need to talk to you!

Sorry.

Are those things for Thomas?

I'’m a qualified first aider,

in case you'’re in need of assistance.

You knew and you didn'’t tell me.

How long has he known her?

Um, since Wednesday, I believe.

What, as in four days ago?

Yes.

Where did he meet her?

He was doing some work which involved NASA.

NASA?Yes. She'’s an astronaut.

What, she actually goes into space and things?

Yes.

I can'’t believe this is happening again!

I thought that this was my year!

There are six months left.

Yeah. Yeah, but I need more than six months.

Six months is quite a long time, you know.

I mean, Christopher Columbus discovered the Bahamas,

Cuba and the Dominican Republic in four.

So in six months, you could discover

four and a half countries.

I don'’t want to discover any countries.

Did he--? Did he say anything? Did he mention me at all?

No. Not-- Not really.

You'’d better get back to the party.

Hold on.

What if the reason why Thomas broke up with you

had nothing to do with Cecilia?

It could be because you'’re in the dumpee category.

- The what? - These geneticists

did an interesting study. I read about it the other day.

Come on, guys. They found

that people can be split into two categories,

dumpers and dumpees.

- We need to go now. - Everyone in the dumpee category,

well, they always get dumped.

Don'’t tell anyone, but four people are getting sacked.

What?

Amanda told me at the water cooler.

They'’re downsizing the department.

- Who? - I suppose they do

some kind of performance chart or something.

And the ones on the bottom...

Frankie, get me a coffee and come to my office.

Two minutes, yeah?

- You wanted to see me. - Yeah.

Uh, this is John, the new intern.

I want you to show him around, okay?

How to use the photocopier, stuff like that.

Off you pop.

Well, this is such a great opportunity, so...

Um, did Marianne want this one-sided or double-sided?

Well, she'’s a climate-change denier,

so one-sided should be fine.

If someone has to get sacked, it should be Malcolm.

If he gets sacked, he might go jump off Westminster Bridge.

He'’s been on antidepressants since his wife left him.

He won'’t find another job at his age.

Well, then, Andy. It has to be Andy.

You remember that time he spent the whole week

living in the stationery cupboard.

Ah, but, poor lamb,

his girlfriend accidentally hit him with her car

and then dumped him in the ambulance.

And Jenny.

- She'’s gone through enough. - No, can'’t be Jenny.

Her husband leaving her when she was five months pregnant.

Your boyfriends before Trevor,

did they break up with you or did you break up with them?

I suppose they broke up with me.

Apart from the Italian.

He just didn'’t show up at the airport

when I arrived with my stuff,

having quit my job to move there and be with him.

MALCOLM:Hello.

Hi.

Um, Malcolm?

Mm?

Before you married Sue,

your other girlfriends,

did they dump you as well?

What? What are you asking me that for?

I'’m just doing a survey for HR.

HR?

Why do HR want to know?

Um, you know, to, uh, help evaluate

people'’s work performance.

What, do they not think I'’m performing well?

No.

No?

Um, so...

have you ever broken up with anyone?

Well... no.

But that doesn'’t impact

on my ability to do my job.

No, of course not.

How many times in your life have you been dumped?

What?

It'’s, um-- It's odd, I know,

uh, but everyone in the office is going to have to answer it.

Uh, no, not many. Well, Elliott, obviously.

He wants to bring his new girlfriend to the birth.

I haven'’t said no, 'cause I don'’t want to be the bad guy.

He says it would be really healing for me,

to see his love, you know?

Give me hope that there might be some in my future.

How many, um...

- girlfriends? - Mm-hmm.

Six fiancées.

All of them left me.

Ooh, loads.

I'’ve had loads of girls.

Write that down.

Does it count if I knew

we were going out, but she didn'’t?

No.

No. Two.

- Did they end it with you? - Nah, nah. No.

No way. I end it with them!

Well, what about Trisha?

She broke up with you at the Christmas party.

There'’s something you need to know, okay?

Trisha is a bitch.

I'’ll keep this, uh, suicide note,

but, um, I just think

you need to sort out some therapy for Jonathan,

because, uh, it'’s definitely over.

Michael, broke up with him because of the shoes.

Tyrone, yeah, cried. Cried too much at films.

Broke up with him.

Derek, had to break up with him, my mom didn'’t like him.

I'’m getting remarried. Yeah, he'’s a concert pianist.

Yeah. Yeah, gorgeous.

Yeah. Yeah, like textbook gorgeous.

In fact, he is actually in a textbook

that plastic surgeons use.

Yeah, for, like, the perfect nose.

So there are two categories of people.

And I'’m in the wrong one.

I'’ve been dumped the third most times in the office.

Ever since I was 12 and I first fell in love,

things kept turning out badly.

It was 2005, and I had been voted

most likely to succeed, age 12.

And then Gary Wild was transferred to our school.

He was reckless and dangerous

in a way that other 12-year-old boys were not.

The four and a half days we went out

were the happiest in my life.

And then Gary asked me to run away with him.

We'’ll travel round the country. It'’ll be the trip of a lifetime.

But my dinner'’s going to be ready in an hour

and I'’ve got a flute lesson tomorrow morning.

I need more notice to run away spontaneously, Gary.

You'’re dumped.

- What? - And you'’re uninvited.

This was gonna be the best trip ever.

And you'’re gonna miss out.

But, Gary--

Don'’t expect a postcard because I wont send one.

You'’re going to regret this.

Gary!

Gary!

And I did regret it.

All these years, I wished I'’d had the courage to go.

Maybe things in my life would have turned out differently.

Thomas'’ brother!

Thomas'’ brother!

I have been blessed with my own form of address.

- What'’s your name again? - Wilbur.

Have you seen Thomas today?

I can'’t divulge that, I'’m afraid.

Why not?

I'’m under strict instructions not to speak to you.

Not to speak to me?

What, Thomas told you not to speak to me?

Yes. Goodbye.

Well, why did he tell you not to speak to me?

What else did he say?

Has he expressed any regret

- at breaking up with me? - Uh, no. No.

Did he say anything else?

He said I have to pick up his dry cleaning for two weeks

as a punishment for botching the task.

- That'’s unbelievable. - It'’ll be four weeks

if he finds out I'’ve spoken to you.

I don'’t want to get you in trouble.

I wanted to ask you a question about that study you mentioned

with the categories of people.

It'’s genetic, which category you'’re in.

- What? - These scientists,

they studied thousands of couples over a period of years.

And they could predict with 100 percent accuracy

who would terminate the relationship.

No. Yes.

All the individuals who got dumped

had an active gene ACDN7.

And you think I have this gene, the dumpee one?

It was just a speculation.

How come no one else has heard about it?

They will hear about it, soon enough.

The paper'’s going to be published in...

Scientist Today.

Well, this paper, could I read it then?

Oh, no, no, no. No space sherbets.

I don'’t like them.

I lent it to Barnaby, along with a very interesting study

- on the honeybee. - Sorry, who'’s Barnaby?

Excuse me.

The, uh, scientific paper on relationships?

I'’d like to read it if you'’ve finished with it.

Those papers I lent you a week ago.

Orchestra practice starts in ten minutes.

If he'’s going to dump you, wouldn'’t you rather know now?

Instead of waiting three years

and paying his share of the rent while he'’s in grad school.

Your time is precious.

That'’s why at Epigenica

we offer the first and only

100 percent accurate Type D test.

Using state-of-the-art technology, this test detects

the presence of the D-type gene

So if you'’re suffering

from chronic rejection and heartbreak,

book your appointment today.

Hello.

I'’m here for an appointment.

Fill that out and come back.

Waiting room D.

Down the hall on the right.

Please take a seat. We'’re about to begin.

Hello, everyone. My name is Dr. Elsa Blomgren,

and I'’m thrilled to be here with you today.

I know a lot of you feel like losers.

Well, I am here for you.

You'’ve often felt disappointed with life.

You try not to get too excited

when something good happens to you,

because you know it won'’t last.

And you'’ve never won a contest

or a board game or even a scratch card.

Every single person with whom you'’ve fallen in love

has left you.

Even your childhood pet ran away.

Testing positive is nothing to be scared of.

In study after study, Epigenica patented hobby therapy

has been proven to release the same endorphins as sex.

Although it may seem daunting never to date again,

95 percent of patients say their quality of life

has improved drastically with celibacy and hobby therapy.

Sorry, madam, I need to ask you to step outside.

Your card was declined. You can'’t be in that room.

I was told to go in there by the lady at the desk.

That may be, but this isn'’t a charity.

It'’s a private research facility.

If you can'’t afford the therapy, you can'’t be tested.

This is Epigenica, the world leader in Type D testing.

Oh, yes, hello. Um, my name is Martha,

and I'’m calling from Scientist Today.

Uh, I would like to talk to Dr. Elsa Blomgren

or Dr. Richard Breakwell.

One moment please.

- This is Dr. Elsa Blomgren. - Yes, hello.

My name is, uh, Martha from Scientist Today.

We'’re very excited about your, um-- Your study,

and we would like to run

a human-interest piece in our magazine

with your paper alongside it.

And we were thinking

that maybe, um, a journalist could be tested for these genes.

Actually, could-- Could we make that a couple of journalists?

We can probably accommodate that.

Okay, great! Um, great.

Oh! Oh!

Frankie! Frankie!

You'’ll never guess what happened last night.

I went for a drink with that intern.

You know, the sexy one.

Well, he ended up staying the night.

It was amazing!

Oh, my God, here he is now!

Do I look all right?

- Yes, you look great. - Okay.

Oh.

Come with me.

I think John the intern just blanked you

because of a medical condition that you have.

My eczema?

This is something completely different. It'’s something...

I think I might have too.

It'’s kind of, um, a gene that means

that we will always and forever be dumped.

A gene that makes us get dumped.

God!

I thought you were being serious.

I am serious. Just think about it for a minute.

I mean, there are people in life, right,

who are successful in every single area of their life

again and again and again,

and then there are people like us.

It'’s not luck or chance or anything like that.

I think it'’s this gene.

- I-- I don'’t know about this. - Deb, we'’ll do it together.

Put this end on your finger.

And then push the other end.

One, two, three,

Ouch!

- You okay? - Stings.

You have tested positive

for the Type D gene.

The dumpee gene. We have the dumpee gene.

FRANKIE:Thomas!

Frankie, hi.

How are you?

- I'’m okay. - Listen,

I should have been in contact sooner.

And I'’m really glad you'’re here today

for this chance meeting.

You are? Yes.

I want to say sorry to you.

I never wanted to hurt you or anything like that.

And I do still really care about you.

Thank you for your apology.

I, um...

I wanted to see you today,

because I'’ve come across some information about myself.

It'’s, um, medical information,

and I think it explains quite a lot.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, Do I need to get tested?

Oh, no. No, no. It'’s nothing-- Nothing like that.

- Oh. Good. - No, it'’s information

that suggests maybe you didn'’t want to break up with me

but you were forced to by factors beyond your control.

Frankie, you are a wonderful woman.

One day you'’ll make somebody very happy,

but that will not be me.

I do not deserve you. Now, I--

- I really have to be somewhere. - No, no.

If you could just give me five-- Five more minutes.

I have to-- Sorry.

There are certain breakups that stick in your mind

because of their traumatic, dreadful nature.

There are certain people that even after years

you wouldn'’t wanna run into.

And one of those people was Oliver.

Oliver was so creative

and very open about his feelings.

We'’d talk for hours.

We went out for five months,

which was a record at our school.

Oliver used to love making up little songs.

And when he told me he'’d written one for me,

I was so excited.

♪ Frankie

♪ Your face is beautiful

♪ And your eyes put me In the biggest trance ♪

♪ You'’ve been on my mind ♪

♪ Till last Thursday

♪ Which is Oh, when I saw you dance ♪

♪ You'’ve got two left feet No sense of beat ♪

♪ You make me Want to go retreat ♪

♪ Your mom'’s your chaperone ♪

♪ Hanging round like An old Toblerone ♪

♪ But do I care about Any stupid things like that? ♪

Yeah.

♪ I could do better than you

♪ So much better

♪ Plenty more fish in the sea For me ♪

♪ I could do better than you A chunk of cheddar will do ♪

♪ A slice of bread with cheese And pickles better than you ♪

♪ I liked you last week But I don'’t like you now ♪

♪ I could do better than you So much better ♪

♪ Plenty more fish in the sea For me... ♪

The song went viral.

Four million people watched Oliver'’s rendition

of "Goodbye Frankie," including all the kids at my school.

♪...now

It was awful.

Hello.

If you see a white mouse,

please let me know immediately.

Barnaby left the cage door open,

and all the subjects for the experiment escaped.

- I need to speak to you. - I'’m not really supposed to be

speaking to you. I did inform you before.

That is ridiculous. But anyway, look, this is very important.

That gene you mentioned, well, I got tested,

and you'’re right, I tested positive.

- How did you get tested? - I called up the scientists

and pretended to be a journalist.

And then-- Then they sent me these.

What am I supposed to do?

I mean, what'’s the point of going out with someone

if you know how it'’s gonna end?

And the scientists say there'’s no cure.

They just recommend celibacy and hobby therapy.

I don'’t want to be in this category.

I wanna be in the other category of people in life.

- Hello? -It'’s an emergency.

Uh, yes, I'’m on my way. Marianne needs a yogurt.

Uh, can you come to an emergency meeting?

Right now.

An emergency meeting for what?

Debra'’s told us about some gene she thinks we might all have

- that affects our love lives? - I only told two of them.

Then they blabbed.

I haven'’t got the loser gene. Some of youse might have it.

- Deepak definitely has it. - I don'’t have it!

In fact, there'’s a few more journalists

who would like to be tested

and then write human-interest pieces.

Yes. So if, um--

If you could just send over a few more tests or...

Or maybe just a large box.

You have tested positive

for the Type D gene.

Marianne wants to know why you'’re all

not at her promotion and engagement party.

Um, we were just on our way.

There must be some kind of mistake.

I mean, me? Me?

Before, there was always the possibility

that things might get better,

but now we know...

they never will.

But I have so much love to give.

A massive explosion tore through the Epigenica lab

in north London last night,

killing leading scientist Richard Breakwell.

His fellow prize winner Elsa Blomgren

is currently in a coma.

The two scientists were reportedly close

to curing a genetic defect

that affects one third of the population,

but all of their research was destroyed in the explosion.

Dr. Blomgren remains in intensive care

at St. James'’ Hospital.

Can I help you?

Yes, I'’m just looking for a patient.

Uh, Elsa Blomgren.

Okay, well, you can'’t just walk into wards.

Are you a family member?

Yes, I'’m-- I'm her niece.

Even though your genius discovery

totally ruined my life,

I'’m sorry this happened to you.

Is there anyone else working on a cure?

Just tap your finger for yes.

Thank you for coming. Please take a seat.

After I saw you last,

Barnaby and I decided to test ourselves.

Strictly for scientific purposes.

But our result was surprising.

We didn'’t test positive for either gene.

I decided to do a controlled experiment.

We tested all the boys in upper fourth.

They also didn'’t appear to have either gene.

All except one.

Hugo Humphries.

He has the dumpee gene,

just like you.

On investigation,

it turned out Hugo recently went out with a girl,

a family friend called Jenny during an Easter holiday.

And Jenny broke up with Hugo on his return to school.

Here is a list of boys in upper fourth

who haven'’t had a romance.

Here is a list of boys in upper fourth who have had a romance.

And look again at their results for the gene.

Is it a coincidence?

Or could Hugo'’s first romantic disappointment

be some kind of trigger,

activating the heretofore passive gene?

I propose that the outcome of your first romance

- sets a pattern. - Your first romance?

There will be an opportunity for questions at the end.

If an event can trigger the gene to switch on,

then surely reversing the same event

can trigger the gene to switch off.

There is a way to change category...

by dumping everyone who'’s ever dumped you,

thereby effectively reversing history.

If this works, then this would change the world as we know it.

It would open the door to switching off genes

for cancer and other diseases.

It will save millions of lives

and be one of the most important scientific discoveries

of the modern age.

Now, are there any questions?

Do you honestly think this will work?

It'’s already worked for Hugo Humphries.

Hugo got Jenny to date him again

and dumped her immediately. After breaking up with Jenny,

Hugo tested negative for the gene.

And look at this graph.

In the days that followed,

Hugo scored 14 goals in the away match.

He normally scores zero.

He inherited £3000 from a distance great aunt

and he has a new girlfriend called Laura,

who he met at the ice cream parlor.

- Okay. - I'’m going to submit this

to the Blackfriars school science prize.

I'’d like you to be the second subject.

You'’ll need to dump everyone by the 23rd,

and I'’ll need you to sign this... there.

It'’s just that he only had to dump one person.

I would have to dump quite a few.

I'’m sure you could do it if you put your mind to it.

Can you date it as well? Just there.

Well, what if they'’re married?

Or... Or if they live in Australia?

I mean, my first boyfriend was before we moved out,

so I'’d have to fly all the way back there.

Or... Or if they just don'’t like me?

I'’d have to get Thomas to break up with Cecilia for me

and then dump him.

It'’s impossible.

How many are there anyway? Two? Three?

Mm... Uh...

I didn'’t imagine this many.

No, it won'’t work.

It'’d take forever.

We'’ll just have to look for another subject.

And you'’ll just have to stay a dumpee. Thanks anyway, though.

- Bye-bye. - No, no, no!

I don'’t want to stay a dumpee.

I can give this a real try. I'’ll give it a go.

No, it would take a lifetime.

Well, there'’s not that many.

I mean, it'’s not impossible. Not if I put my mind to it.

I mean, that first one. He might be in Australia,

but that'’s-- That'’s a short flight.

And scientific progress is difficult.

You said that yourself.

So, what we have to do is dump everyone

who'’s ever dumped us.

And then we reverse the genetic pattern.

- Everyone who'’s ever dumped us? - Yes.

- All of them? - Yes.

Do you want your luck to go up this steeply?

-Yes. - This boy'’s whole life changed.

And it can happen for us too.

Yeah, but, but this boy only had to dump one person.

We'’d have to dump loads.

I wouldn'’t know where to begin.

- Can we not just dump one? - One would be more manageable.

Look, we have a chance to change everything.

And this sort of unwillingness

is reflective of a self-defeating attitude,

which is gonna keep you dumpees.

We are never going to love someone again.

And no one is ever going to love us again.

And instead we'’re going to what?

We'’re going to make mosaics?

This is a chance to change everything.

And you'’re not going to take it because it'’s too much effort.

Yo, what'’s happening? Miss anything?

Yes. Yes, you did. There'’s a cure for the gene.

Wow! Yeah, tell me.

We go out with everyone we'’ve ever been out with

and then we dump them.

Yeah, let'’s do it. I can do that.

I'’ll just call and say, "Hey babe, you'’re dumped."

Done, gone. Just give me a day.

- Okay, great. So Kevin'’s in. - Yeah!

The rest of you can stay dumpees.

Whoa, wait. I don'’t wanna get left behind.

I mean, if you and Kevin are both doing it...

I'’ll try it.

In that case, I will do it as well.

Well, if it'’s the only way.

Okay, great.

Great! Let'’s get cracking.

Let'’s do this!

I'’m gonna find both of them!

Well, if everybody else is in...

It must be what, 35 years? How are you?

It'’s great to hear your voice again.

I shaved a love heart on your cat.

Hi. Yeah. Thought you'’d remember that.

How are you? How'’s the cat?

We were engaged to be married.

And then you saw my face and you ran away from the altar.

Gary Wild.

I wonder what he'’s up to these days.

I haven'’t seen him

since he rode off on his brother'’s motorbike

to go on the trip of a lifetime.

Maybe he'’s become a storm chaser

or a bush pilot.

Ah, he'’s obviously doing well.

That'’s a nice part of the city.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no.

Just wanna let you ladies know,

I'’m meeting Tracey Elms for lunch tomorrow.

Yeah, and I'’m seeing Jill on Tuesday,

my first girlfriend from my days at Wakenhearst Grammar.

We'’re not gonna be dumpees for long.

"So you'’re looking to win back your ex?

"Don'’t be fooled by what the other books say.

"This is going to be very difficult.

"Your ex has gotten to know you

"and all your annoying habits and hang-ups,

"so they won'’t be fooled by a new blouse or a fancy haircut.

To win them back, you have to be very clever."

There is somebody

in the room with us.

I hear a name.

Sam...

David?

Tony?

Mike.

Harold...

Tim...

Stephen, Gary--

Oh, yes, Gary.

Oh! Yes, Gary!

I see a car.

A red one.

Oh, the stereo is broken.

Yes, yes. That was his brother'’s.

He, he used to take it for joyrides sometimes.

I did go along once, but I got a bit scared

and made him go at 30 miles an hour.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, there is an aura around you.

It'’s gray.

Gray?

What color are other people'’s auras?

Different colors.

Every color in the rainbow.

- Is gray in the rainbow? - Be quiet.

So I have a question I'’d like to ask him.

I cannot give message.

I can only receive.

But this is very important. I must ask him this question.

If it'’s important, you should have asked him

when he was leaving.

Now, you will have gray aura all your life...

unless...

you buy special crystal.

"Step one:

"Try to casually contact your ex

"about something practical and non-emotional,

"whilst emphasizing that the relationship

"is definitely over,

like it was your decision all along."

Hello?

Oh, God.

Who is it?

Gary?

You...

You were, uh, there today?

Um, I'’m sorry to hear about the accident.

I-- I wanted

to get in contact with you today

because I wanted to ask you a question.

Well, I think about you often.

And I know it'’s been a really long time.

And we might face some challenges,

but I'’ve done long distance before,

and I think we could overcome those challenges.

I guess what I'’m asking is...

do you wanna give it another shot?

I don'’t mind that you're dead, if that'’s what you're thinking.

Gary, are you still there?

Gary?

Gary!

Does it count if I go out with her

when she'’s still married,

or do I have to wait for her to leave him?

- I think it'’ll still count. - Oh.

I don'’t know how I'’m gonna get him alone,

unless I move into the hostel.

Maybe I should do that.

She lives with her husband and his family, so it'’s--

So it'’s very tricky.

Gary.

I think we should talk.

About us.

And where this is going.

I really like you.

And it'’s been a lot of fun having you around,

but I'’m not sure that this is what I want,

you know, long term.

So I think that we should...

That we should break up.

You can still come around and haunt the place.

I felt bad about breaking up with Gary.

I mean, it'’s not like he'’s gonna meet anyone else.

Maybe another ghost perhaps.

All that time I'’d spent regretting

not going on the trip of a lifetime,

and if I'’d gone, I would have ended up dead.

I hoped Gary would find someone nice to haunt.

And now I could move forward.

I was now one-twelfth less loser.

And it felt good.

Oliver, you'’re up next.

Out of all the people I hoped to never see again,

Oliver was top of that list.

That awful song he wrote me

that was also annoyingly kind of catchy,

turns out he'’s been living in London for the last four years.

So I wrote him an e-mail to see if he'’d like to meet up.

When I saw your name in my email inbox,

I was like, "Wow! Oh, wow!"

I mean, it was like sunshine

just bursting through the clouds.

'’Cause I had not thought of you once in all those years,

since I last saw you, not even a little bit.

You know, crazy.

But then I realized, I may not have been thinking about you,

but I was thinking about you.

I realized that all that time,

I had been pushing down a really strong urge to see you.

You know? And now I can see you.

And I just wanna hear everything about you.

I want you to just speak at me. I wanna soak up all your words.

I wanna swim in them. I can tell you about me.

I'’ve been touring in a band.

There'’s like-- There'’s 32 of us.

Uh, it'’s mainly flutes.

We have a lot of flutes and only two non-flutes.

I'’m one of the non-flutes. I'’m a tambourine.

We do like rhythm-based music

and like a couple of AC/DC covers. Yeah.

I don'’t know if you're aware,

but that song I wrote you actually made me kind of famous

- for about a week. - I'’m aware.

It was such a catchy tune.

I'’ve tried to write songs to dump other girls,

but none of them have taken off.

You know, Oliver, dumping girls by song

isn'’t really the most considerate method.

I find it really clarifies--I'’m still talking.

I find it really pins down--You really hurt my feelings.

Oh, I didn'’t mean to.

And despite that...

my current life circumstances dictate

that we go out together again.

So...

would you like to go out with me?

You mean like boyfriend-girlfriend?

Yep.

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

This is fun.

Yeah. It'’s really fun.

But like all good things,

it must come to an end eventually.

So it is with deep regret

that I must end this relationship.

But we just started going out.

But something changed.

In the last 20 seconds? Was it something I said?

It was something you did a long time ago.

But it'’s okay now.

Goodbye, Oliver.

I didn'’t feel bad about dumping Oliver.

Maybe that means I'’m changing.

Or maybe it'’s because he publicly humiliated me

by writing that song.

When I look back over those old phone calls,

I think it was Oliver who did most of the talking.

He should have given my mom money for those phone bills.

Goodbye, Oliver.

I don'’t blame you anymore.

I'’m glad I was the most inspiring person you dumped.

Only 10 exes to go.

I hope I can get them dumped in time

for the science prize deadlineWILBUR: Just one more errand.

One more errand? This is like child labor.

I'’m here to pick up something.

Surname is Asquith-Lacey.

Thank you.

He'’s bought that ring for her.

Are they going to get married?

I can'’t believe Thomas and that astronaut are getting married

after knowing each other only a few weeks.

I guess that'’s what happens when two dumpers get together.

They just live happily ever after.

Every day is like a perfume commercial.

Well, not this time.

I refuse to be celibate and make decorative candles

for the rest of my life.

This wedding cannot happen.

Thomas, I'’m gonna dump you next.

I just need to be strategic about this. Clever.

I need this astronaut out of the picture.

You could enroll her on a mission to Mars.

Three, two, one, they have lift-off.

And the team, led by Cecilia, will be away for five years.

I looked into that. It doesn'’t leave for another four years.

"So your ex is with someone else,

"and she'’s hotter and more interesting than you.

"You may feel unworthy, ugly and useless.

"But you need to step up.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

"Channel your feelings of jealousy and self-loathing

"into something useful,

"devising ways to sabotage their relationship

and reinsert yourself into his life."

So I'’ve dumped two of my exes.

Now it'’s Thomas' turn.

I need your help.

Perhaps I could introduce you to someone else instead.

Someone who might like you more than Thomas.

My friend Roland. He was number three

on Scientist Today'’s Most Eligible Bachelor list.

You don'’t know how old I am, but I'’m not going out with a boy.

He'’s a grown-up. He'’s 34 years old.

And somewhat of a genius.

You could meet him at an event which Thomas was going to

with the aim of making Thomas jealous.

- That'’s quite a good plan. - Thank you.

- How do I look? - Uh, perfectly acceptable.

The eligible man is due to arrive in 30 seconds.

When Thomas sees you with this eligible man,

he will become very jealous.

At which point, you will go and ask him out.

Ah, right on schedule.

Thank you.

Uh, Frankie, this is Roland.

Roland, this is Frankie.

Nice to meet you. Uh...

Could I just speak to you for a moment?

About what?

Uh, if you could just excuse us for a minute.

Thank you.

Please tell me that that is not the eligible man,

the one who Thomas is supposed to be jealous.

- It is. - Uh, no, no, no.

He does not look right. He'’s not eligible.

A Nobel Prize nominee isn'’t eligible?

A mere 10 people a year win them out of the entire world,

making Roland in the top

0.0000001 percent of human beings.

Oh, God, there'’s Thomas.

Roland, nice to see you!

- I didn'’t know you were coming. -Here for inspiration?

No. On sort of a, I suppose, date.

Well, there she is.

Oh.

Hello, Frankie.

- What a lovely surprise. - Yes.

Uh, this is Cecilia. Cecilia, Frankie.

You'’re a lucky man.

Yeah, I-- I think I need a drink.

Okay. Yes.

Can I get you one?

That would be lovely.

Hey.

Could I talk to you just for a minute?

I think I deserve that, don'’t you think?

That after everything you did, just tossing me aside

for that woman you met just a few hours before.

And you sent your infant brother.

I mean, who sends their infant brother?

I did say that I wanted to meet your family,

but that was not what I was thinking when I said that.

You'’ve had too much to drink. Let'’s get you a glass of water.

I'’m not thirsty. I am not thirsty.

I, um...

I came with that man tonight

because I wanted to make you jealous.

Be-- Because I miss you.

I love you so much.

I'’m sorry, but I just don't feel that way about you anymore.

If you'’re having problems with drinking,

there'’s a man you should see.

Look after yourself.

Yeah.

Uh...

What is that?

Uh, this is Einstein.

It'’s a gift from Roland for introducing him to a... female.

- You are the female. - Yes.

I wonder which ancestor of mine gave me this gene?

I know it was one of them.

Someone ruined things for all their descendants.

If I don'’t get rid of it,

my children and my children'’s children

will have disastrous love lives.

I can'’t let that happen.

If I can dump Gary, who'’s dead,

then surely I can dump Thomas, who'’s alive and well.

Whilst every scholar endeavors to do his very best,

there are many examples from this school

of attainments beyond, and I say this

with considerable pride.Hey.

Beyond the reach of mortal men. I mention the...

Thomas is getting hypnosis to quit smoking.

Yes, he gave me the same card.

And he gave these cards to Granny, Mom and Uncle Robert.

He won'’t stop going on about how effective it is.

Well, I say we implant an idea in Thomas'’ brain.

Isn'’t that illegal and amoral?

It'’s no more amoral than sending a child to dump someone.

Look, this is the plan.

You distract this Dr. Blakely,

and then I get into Thomas'’ treatment room

and I get access to his subconscious

and I implant the idea that he is madly in love with me.

I'’m not sure the science prize committee

will approve of illegal methods.

Isn'’t there something you want?

Could put a little thing in there for you too.

A little something-something. Nothing at all?

Um, well, I would quite like to know

- what I'’m getting for Christmas. - I could do that.

Ask him to get me the new Space Voyagerseries,

The Interstellar Mission. I know he'’s definitely not.

- Okay, fine. - On Blu-ray.

Perfect.

I'’d quite like a new telescope.

Oh, perhaps a new hat.

And he could be a tad nicer to me.

You deserve that. Absolutely.

Thomas is due to park here at 9:43.

He'’s usually 7.2 minutes late to all engagements.

He'’ll arrive at 9:50.

Once inside the building,

he'’ll spend three minutes flirting with the receptionist.

At 9:59, you will arrive for your appointment.

Uh, Roberta Wilkins.

You will spend four minutes

filling out a new client card.

I will arrive at 10:06.

Uh, Robert Plant.

It will take approximately 37 seconds

for Thomas to go under.

At 11 minutes past 10:00,

David will leave Thomas'’ room and come to your room.

Today I'’m going to be teaching you how to use your mind.

He will spend 2.3 minutes discussing with you

what you want to achieve during your ten sessions.

Using the powerful mind-body connection.

Connection.

At 10:23, David will come to my room.

He will go through the same rigmarole.

Picture yourself standing in your living room.

You reach for your phone.

You call a friend.

You tell them how effective hypnosis has been

and you give them our phone number...

0207-946-0327.

At 10:34, David will go to the back office

to play online poker.

You will have six minutes

to implant the idea in his brain

that he is madly in love with you before David returns.

Then we will exit the building, mission accomplished.

Thomas, can you hear me?

- Yes. - I want you

to go back out with Frankie.

Because she is a very, very wonderful person.

No, don'’t want to.

She has this weird job.

She works in instruction manuals.

Doesn'’t have many friends.

And she really shouldn'’t wear that silly orange hat,

the one that looks like a croissant.

Can'’t take somebody serious

if they'’ve got a croissant on their head.

And she has quite bad posture.

Can'’t use chopsticks, ate her sushi with a knife and fork.

She has a single bed.

I mean, who has a single bed?

You are going to crawl around on the floor like a rat.

Get on the floor.

Like a filthy, ugly, dirty rat that you are!

Crawl, rat! Crawl!

Stupid! Eat couch, little rat!

Roll on your back, rat!

Thomas. Thomas, please, just let me explain!

Please, I was just trying to reach you.

That part of you that used to love me, and I--

And you-- Stay away from me!

You humiliated me in front of a medical professional!

Well, you left me no choice!

- Frankie Browne? - Yes?

- What'’s this? - It'’s a restraining order.

Section five, Protection From Harassment Act 1997.

Making any contact with the complainant

is strictly prohibited, unless you want to get arrested.

How dare Thomas dislike 47 things about me

and issue a restraining order.

I am trying to improve my life,

and the least he can do is let me dump him

without too much hassle.

The science prize deadline is in one week.

That means dumping 1.4 men a day.

I need a plan, and one that works

from a distance of 300 yards,

because that'’s the closest I can go to Thomas.

I need to knock these men out of my life once and for all.

Hey, hey.

It is time to ramp up the plan.

What if I told you we could dump every single person

we'’ve been out with in just one night?

- One night? - Yes, a sort of dumpathon.

We would contact our exes,

pretending that we work for a sweepstake company.

And we would tell them that they had won £5 million,

and all they needed to do was collect it in person.

And then we would have trapped them in one place.

We would lock them in this room

and then we would say that they had to go out with us again.

And then we would dump them.

So you mean like a mass kidnapping?

It'’s kind of...

Yes. Yes.

- We could be in jail by 3:00. - But by the next day,

you'’re saying we'’d be free of the gene

and able to get on with our lives and... And find love?

Right, yes.

That'’s a fantastic idea!

Stockholm syndrome.

That'’s beautiful! Yes!

Very time-effective.

- Let'’s do it! - Okay.

Okay, sit.

Hello?

Hello?

Ah, hello,

is that Amanda Pocklington?

April Fletchley.

- Norris Peake? - I'’m calling

from the Golden Envelope Prize Draw Company.

We'’ve picked your name out of the friends of the RSPCA list.

I'’ve just called to tell you that you have won...

Five million pounds.

-How did I enter this? - The supermarket.

It'’s absolutely unbelievable!

Yeah, it'’s pretty unbelievable, but you'’ve definitely won.

And all you have to do to collect your prize is...

Is come to the Hotel Champres...

On the 22nd of May.

Ah, I don'’t think I can make it.

I'’m planning on proposing to my girlfriend that day.

To Cecilia?

Frankie, is that you?

No. My name is, um-- Ahem.

My name is Geraldine...

Humperdinck. Frankie, you need to move on.

Let me be happy.

Um, sorry. Uh, no.

There'’s no Frankie-- No Frankie here.

My name'’s not Frankie.

Guess what? They'’ve all confirmed!

Everyone is gonna come to this one-night event,

the dumpathon!

Oh, there she is.

I am arresting you on suspicion of section 2A offense

of stalking, harassment and violation

- of a restraining order. - Oh, please!

I was just trying to give him a prize.

Since when was that a crime?

Thomas wasn'’t ever going to let me dump him.

I imagined myself at age 50,

still scheming with a middle-aged Wilbur.

I mean, God, who was I kidding?

I wasn'’t born a winner in life.

And I felt tired of trying to become somebody else.

Isn'’t the route to happiness

supposed to be about accepting yourself for who you truly are?

Perhaps I should stop running from my destiny.

Maybe carving owls and collecting stamps

is going to be really rewarding and fun.

And I won'’t miss

not ever being in a relationship again.

Oh, Frankie. Get me a coffee, would you?

Milk, two sugars.

And, uh, tidy your desk a bit.

I can'’t believe that intern. It'’s outrageous.

He'’s not an intern anymore. He'’s a junior manager now.

Junior manager?

I have some news about Thomas.

I don'’t wanna hear any news about Thomas.

He'’s going to propose to Cecilia tomorrow night.

We have to act fast.

He doesn'’t want me. It'’s impossible.

But we'’ve come so far.

You absolutely cannot give up now.

These are pheromones. They'’re used in nature

as a way of attracting a mate. I got them off Roland.

You'’d only need a couple of drops.

It'’s very potent.

Roland says it lasts three to four hours,

so you'’d need to top it up.

This should attract Thomas from three miles away.

So you won'’t be in violation of the restraining order.

♪ Sounds of the rude world

♪ Heard in the day

♪ Lull'’d by the moonlight... ♪

Uh, you'’ll be going on in one minute.

Oh, God.

♪ Beautiful dreamer

♪ Queen of my song

♪ List while I woo thee

♪ With soft melody

♪ Beautiful dreamer

♪ Awake

♪ Unto me

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Please put your hands together for Victorique Rousseau.

♪ Something'’s gotten Hold of my heart ♪

♪ Keeping my soul And my senses apart ♪

♪ Something'’s gotten Into my life ♪

What is she doing here?

♪ Cutting its way through My dreams like a knife ♪

♪ Turning me on

Frankie, what are you doing here?

It'’s a free country.

♪ Making me smile

♪ And making me frown It'’s the wrong one. Go!

- Is there a problem, sir? - Yes.

♪ Oh, that was... I have a restraining order

against this woman, and she is in violation of it.

I-- I didn'’t know he was-- He was coming actually.

Of course she did. She follows us everywhere.

Please, come down from the stage.

If-- If you just let me finish the song, please?

Madam, I need you to leave the stage immediately.

♪ Shook my heart... THOMAS: I'’m so sorry.

♪ Made me want you to stay MANAGER: Call security.

♪ All of my nights

♪ And all of my days

♪ Yeah, I gotta tell you

♪ That something'’s Got a hold of my hands ♪

Thomas.♪ Dragging my soul

♪ To the beautiful land

Thomas.♪ Yeah, something

♪ Has invaded my nights... Wow!

You are an amazing singer.

No, she'’s not.

♪ Changing the gray MANAGER: Oh, my God!

♪ And changing the blue

♪ Scarlet for me

♪ And scarlet for you

♪ Touch me and my heart Goes astray, yeah ♪

♪ And baby

♪ And baby

- Bravo! - Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Um, I'’m-- I'm just gonna go and, uh, check our orders.

Uh, and I'’ll-- I'’ll get us some more bread.

That was...

amazing.

Great!

You were amazing out there.

Just want--Hide!

So beautiful! Come here!

I really am ashamed of my behavior.

I don'’t know what I was thinking.

Perhaps I went mad temporarily.

You'’re so wonderful.

And beautiful and sensitive,

funny and unique.

I can'’t believe I ever let you go.

♪ Well, I'’ve lived My life alone ♪

♪ Just crying on my own

♪ I never had the chance To make a friend ♪

♪ Well, baby That'’s all through ♪

♪ I'’ve put my faith in you ♪

♪ And I'’ll be here Until the bitter end ♪

♪ Oh, baby One is a lonely number ♪

♪ It'’s a number You can'’t divide ♪

♪ Yeah, but listen, hon The number one ♪

♪ Can be great When it'’s multiplied ♪

♪ Two can make it together

♪ If they try to understand

♪ Baby Two can make it together ♪

♪ We can try Take my hands, baby ♪

♪ Two can make it forever

♪ If they try every day, baby

- To Frankie! -To Frankie!

♪ Two can make it together

♪ I'’ll be loving you Every step of the way ♪

♪ Every step of the way

♪ Oh, I didn'’t realize ♪

♪ That love was in your eyes

♪ I thought you just Had pity for the man... ♪

Close your eyes and put out your hands.

Open it.

I'’ve never felt this way before about anyone in my entire life.

It'’s like from the moment I saw you on that stage,

I was drawn to you like a magnet.

I can'’t pull myself away.

Say yes.

Please say yes.

Yes.

It'’s beautiful.

You were supposed to dump him, not marry him.

I know.

I know. It'’s just that...

If you let me explain.

I really love him.

That'’s it? That'’s your entire explanation?

- Yes. - You'’re making a fool

out of yourself.

As soon as the pheromones run out,

- he'’s going to break up with you. - They don'’t have to run out.

You could make more. I could pay you.

It'’d be like a part-time job.

And what do you plan to do, use the pheromones forever?

For 70 or so years?

Well, why not? It'’s good enough for insects.

I fear that you may have lost your mind.

I decline this job offer.

And I find it ludicrous and selfish

that you'’d cancel the experiment when we'’ve already come so far.

I-- I know it'’s--

I don'’t expect you to understand.

I mean, you'’re a child. You'’ve never even kissed a girl.

What would you possibly understand about love?

If being in love causes one to demean and embarrass oneself

in the way that you'’re doing,

then I do not wish to ever partake in it.

I want you to know that you are single-handedly ruining

humankind'’s scientific progress.

You'’ve had a jilting?

They'’ve had a jilting.

Thank you. 4:00, we will be there with bells on.

It'’s booked.

At 4:00 today, we'’re getting married.

Tomorrow morning we'’re going to pack our bags

and get on the first flight to Mexico.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

How could you do this to me? Why won'’t you answer my calls?

Cecilia, look, I'’m-- I'm sorry.

I-- I really like you,

but I'’m in love with Frankie now.

And-- And we really are in a bit of a rush.

You'’re in a rush? You leave me at a restaurant

and then I find out you'’re going out with her.

I love her. We'’re getting married.

We really don'’t have time for this.

I'’m sorry! I'm sorry!

She has a restraining order.

Technically, this is illegal!

No. We-- We were supposed to get married.

I was supposed to be your wife.

We'’d named our children and...

What? Where--?

What--? Wait, wait! Frankie, Frankie!

Where are you going?

There'’s someone I need to invite to the wedding.

- See you there at 4:00. - I'’ll come with-- I'll be there!

Listen, I'’m... I'm sorry.

And I came to invite you to my wedding.

It'’s at 4:00 this afternoon.

The paper was retracted by Scientist Today.

They had to publish an apology.

They found some faults with the study.

The gene they thought was the dumpee gene,

well, it turns out it just makes proteins for the kidneys.

What are you talking about?

That gene doesn'’t affect

your love life after all.

What?

No, you'’re making this up.

What about all the tests? And-- And Hugo?

The tests just confirmed the gene'’s existence,

not what its function was.

And Hugo'’s gene didn'’t disappear.

Barnaby spilled the lemonade on the tester and didn'’t tell me.

Um, but I'’ve told all these people about it.

I mean, almost ten people know about this

and they'’ve been trying to do your theorem.

I can'’t believe this. If...

If... No, of course there'’s a dumpee gene.

There has to be a dumpee gene,

otherwise this has all been a complete waste of time.

Not everything was a waste of time.

The pheromones worked,

and further experimentation may produce a pheromone

that could help the plight of the honeybee.

Oh, well, that'’s great for the honeybee.

I am such an idiot.

I believed the theories of an 11-year-old child.

Twelve.

For 15 years, I devoted my life

to finding a pattern of how people love each other.

I thought a love gene would predict

how everyone forms relationships.

But there'’s no logic in the decisions they make.

And there is no pattern in people'’s love life.

All this time, I'’d been trying to fix the thing

which made me unlovable.

The gene that was ruining my life.

Except that gene didn'’t actually exist.

The universe wasn'’t sabotaging me.

I had only been sabotaging myself.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

I brought a witness.

Reverend, this is, uh-- This is Frankie.

A pleasure. Um, are we expecting anyone else?

No.

Right. Uh, well, let'’s make a start then, shall we?

Welcome to the historic Church of St. Barnabus

on this wonderful occasion.

We'’ve come together here today in the presence of God

to witness the marriage

of Thomas Henry Charles Asquith-Lacey

and Francesca Browne,

to ask his blessing on them--Sorry.

- Could I just ask a question? - Yes.

Oh, not to you. To Thomas.

- Ah. - Give me just a sec.

- Wha--? - Sorry.

It'’s just that we never really talked about why you dumped me.

Uh, do-- Do we need to talk about that now?

Well, I realize it isn'’t the ideal time.

Frankie...

I made a terrible mistake.

I love you, and I want us to be together

for the rest of our lives.

- Happy to press on? - Absolutely.

Marriage is given that husband and wife

may comfort and help each other,

living faithfully together

in need and in plenty,

in sorrow and in joy.

It is given that--Sorry, um...

Um, one more minute. Half a minute even.

I'’m-- I'm so sorry.

Sorry, it'’s just that, um,

you did send your little brother to dump me.

And then at the hypnotist'’s office,

you said so many things you disliked about me.

I love everything about you. There is nothing I dislike.

You listed 47 things.

That was 47 things that I liked about you.

No, you-- You said my friends. You didn'’t like my friends.

- I love your friends. - Name one of them.

Bernie.

Ernie? B-Bernest?

The-- The chap from the art gallery with the glasses.

He was, um... Roland.

Yes. Yes. I-- I found him fascinating.

Okay? Let'’s, um-- Let'’s get back to it.

- Come on. - No, wait.

It'’s just that I've been using an elephant drug on you.

You don'’t really love me.

You mean the world to me.

I adore you.

You adore me for three to four hours.

It-- I'’m sorry, Thomas.

I'’m... I'm sorry that I forced you to love me.

But this isn'’t going to work. It'’s a huge mistake.

I-- I can'’t marry you.

I'’m really sorry, Reverend, for wasting your time.

No, no, Frankie.

Of course you can marry me.

It'’s just last-minutes nerves.

It'’s normal, what you'’re experiencing.

It'’s not normal. Nothing about this is normal.

It'’s ridiculous. I can'’t go ahead with it.

Frankie, please. Please do not leave this church. I...

- Thomas, stop it! - I adore you.

We'’re meant to be together. We'’re the perfect couple!

No!

Frankie... Frankie, please, no.

You are a goddess in my eyes,

and I hereby lay down my life for you.

Frankie. Frankie, I would walk across hot coals for you.

I would crawl naked on my hands and knees

to the ends of the earth and back again for you. I love you!

Oh, thank you for listening to me talk like a crazy person

convinced that this was the guy for me.

I would pull out my beating heart, Frankie.

You'’re right, he's not the one.

Okay.

- You are my universe. - I should, um, go.

And I love you, Frankie.

- Bye. - Bye.

♪ Roll around on the floor

♪ You'’re gonna have to say... ♪

And you claim we'’re the lowest performing four

in the whole office?

You are the lowest performing four.

By a very long way.

Well, we know the real reason,

and we'’re gonna take you to an employment tribunal.

It'’s illegal to discriminate against people!

You'’re okay. You'’ve still got your job.

You'’d think it was enough that your category of people

stomp all over us in romance.

Now you'’re gonna stomp all over us at work as well.

What is he talking about?

You don'’t know what it's like to be born unlovable.

We can'’t even win at Monopoly!

Oh, um, could I just interject?

If these people have been performing badly,

it'’s because of me.

I gave them some misinformation.

Sent them on a wild goose chase.

You don'’t have the dumpee gene. I don'’t have it.

None of you have it. There is no dumpee gene.

And there are no categories.

If anyone should be sacked, it'’s me.

Going down.

Well, looking on the bright side...

at least we don'’t have that gene.

I was rid of the gene,

rid of my obsession with Thomas

and ready to start a new future.

My time working in instruction manuals was over.

It was time to find a job I actually liked.

Perhaps it might involve foreign travel?

I would like to see the world.

Life seemed good and full of opportunities.

There was only one slight problem.

We had forgotten about the dumpathon.

A hundred and twenty-five of our exes showed up

to collect £5 million.

So, what shall we do?

Fortunately we were able to handle it with grace

and it all ended very amicably.

None of you will be receiving any prizes tonight

- because you do not deserve them. -What?

You could say it was more of a forgiveathon.

Crisps. Uh, you'’re welcome to as many as you like.

They didn'’t quite go for the group hug, which I suggested.

But it was nice to catch up all the same.

It says that pi can never end.

I don'’t care if you saw the last number or not.

Don'’t give me that look. I know what that look means.

Pi is infinite.

I don'’t--Hi.

- Hi. - I wanted to come by

and apologize for what I said

about you being a child. I should have said it before.

Well, that'’s okay. It'’s also technically true.

And I'’m sorry about the science prize.

Well, a scientist learns more

from his failures than his successes.

But it would have been nice to win a Nobel Prize.

And you finally came to your senses regarding Thomas.

I did.

I did. And I sort of quit my job as well.

So thank you.

For everything.

Thank you.

I hope to see you both around sometime soon.

Well, actually, currently we'’re looking for a subject

for this idea of ours.

- It is mosquito-repelling shoes. - Hmm.

- I'’ll think about it. - What'’s there to think about?

You don'’t have a job, so you must have spare time.

Well, I might want to discover two and a half countries.

You can discover two and a half countries

after you'’ve helped cure malaria.

We have access to over 3000 mosquitoes

for the controlled tests.

♪ So this is My own goodbye note ♪

♪ Just like the one You never wrote ♪

♪ I only found out after Months of lies and bluff ♪

♪ But as The age-old saying goes ♪

♪ You always hurt The one you love ♪

♪ I guess this means you Must'’ve loved me very much ♪

♪ And if you happen upon me

♪ In the street Or an ambulance or worse ♪

♪ You can use your lines So well dressed and rehearsed ♪

♪ But not if I ♪ Not if I

♪ Not if I see you first

♪ Not if I see you first

♪ Not if I see you first

♪ I'’ll see you in hell Reading chapter and verse ♪

♪ I'’m not sure when you became The reason to leave ♪

♪ After all these years Of being the reason to stay ♪

♪ And I'’m not sure When you became ♪

♪ The reason to believe

♪ After all these years

♪ Of being the reason Not to pray ♪

♪ I release you

♪ I release you

♪ I release you

♪ And I release me too

♪ I'’m not sure When you became ♪

♪ The reason to deceive

♪ After all these years

♪ Of playing it true

♪ And not sure When you became ♪

♪ The reason to retreat

♪ After all these years

♪ Of breaking on through

♪ I release you

♪ I release you

♪ I release you

♪ And I release me too

♪ Remember when we shared That kiss ♪

♪ First on New Year'’s Eve ♪

♪ After all those years

♪ Of unfettered lust And passion ♪

♪ And remember When you became ♪

♪ My reason for joie de vivre

♪ But ice gotta melt

♪ Now I release you

♪ I release you

♪ And I release me too