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Re-Sync By ~piqim~
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And now, the last finalist,
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00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:08,259
three-time champion
Charlyne Phuc.
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00:01:13,976 --> 00:01:15,773
Excuse me.
5
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,510
Ah!
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First word: Logorrhea.
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Logorrhea, um...
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L- o-g-o-r-r...
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w- wait...
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Logorrhea...
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like diarrhea, but different.
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I mean, they're both
kind of like a spray,
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but logorrhea,
that's a spray of words
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00:01:52,356 --> 00:01:53,881
from the mouth, you know?
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And, like, diarrhea,
which is also a spray,
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00:01:57,662 --> 00:02:01,497
but it comes
from a different orifice.
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00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:03,627
What in the world?
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00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:04,864
Ugh.
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00:02:09,143 --> 00:02:11,737
Fuck, am I, like, way off?
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00:02:13,215 --> 00:02:14,842
There is breaking news tonight
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00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:17,010
from the State Spelling Bee
Championship
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00:02:17,052 --> 00:02:19,487
as Morgan High's own
Charlyne Phuc has been arrested
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for drug possession.
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00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,722
Phuc has admitted
using marijuana
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during her three-time
championship run
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00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:28,264
in order to assist her mortal mind
27
00:02:28,299 --> 00:02:30,460
in accessing
the dictionary inscribed
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00:02:30,502 --> 00:02:32,437
in the fabric of the cosmos...
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00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:34,405
And that no one would have noticed
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00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,433
if she hadrt been so buttstonked.
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00:02:40,113 --> 00:02:43,106
Shh.
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00:02:44,619 --> 00:02:47,282
Shut up, Dave.
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00:02:47,322 --> 00:02:49,187
Sh... shut up, Dave.
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00:02:53,196 --> 00:02:56,997
# The wind blows cool
across my face... #
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00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:58,865
Dave, take my weed.
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00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:03,534
# I can smell the taste,
a trace of lace #
37
00:03:06,045 --> 00:03:08,843
# There's something
sinister in place... #
38
00:03:08,881 --> 00:03:12,579
- Hold his feet.
- I am, Dave.
39
00:03:12,619 --> 00:03:15,111
- Dave, roll that shit.
- I am, Dave.
40
00:03:16,724 --> 00:03:19,717
- Holy...
- Fuck.
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00:03:19,762 --> 00:03:22,162
Hey, Mom? I got some
MIT scholarship stuff that I filled out.
42
00:03:22,198 --> 00:03:23,688
If you could drop it in the mail,
I'd appreciate it.
43
00:03:23,732 --> 00:03:25,792
Honey,
I clogged the toilet again.
44
00:03:25,836 --> 00:03:27,861
The plunger should be
under the sink.
45
00:03:27,904 --> 00:03:29,099
- Where?
- The back.
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00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:32,166
- Oh, I... I got it.
- All right, thanks.
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- I love you.
- # My mind slips further #
48
00:03:36,748 --> 00:03:38,273
# From what's real #
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00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,750
# Take my hands away
from the steering wheel... #
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00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:50,325
# I'm crashing,
coming down in waves #
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00:03:50,365 --> 00:03:54,029
# And wipe the sweat
from upon my face #
52
00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:59,031
# And it's a perfect day
to leave this place... #
53
00:04:00,611 --> 00:04:02,375
- Ooh.
- # It's a perfect day #
54
00:04:02,413 --> 00:04:04,847
# To hide down
in my own home... #
55
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,373
What the fuck?!
56
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:08,909
Watch where
the fuck you step, Henry!
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00:04:08,954 --> 00:04:11,287
Watch where the fuck you step!
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00:04:14,427 --> 00:04:16,862
# It's a perfect day #
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00:04:16,898 --> 00:04:18,832
# To waste away... #
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00:04:18,866 --> 00:04:21,802
# Your perfect part to play... #
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00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:26,798
# Just another perfect day,
but before you know, it's gone... #
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00:04:28,945 --> 00:04:31,847
# It's a perfect day to waste away #
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00:04:31,882 --> 00:04:34,544
- # Your perfect part to play... #
- Shit.
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00:04:34,585 --> 00:04:39,957
# Just another perfect day,
but before you know, it's gone. #
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Oh!
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Bravo, fuckers.
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00:04:53,341 --> 00:04:54,934
"I swallow."
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00:04:56,712 --> 00:04:58,612
Shut up.
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00:04:58,647 --> 00:05:01,515
D- Dad. No...
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00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,611
- It won't happen again. I promise.
- I expect you to pay
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00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:05,986
every last penny
of my deductible.
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00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:09,289
In the meantime, you can spend
this afternoon in detention.
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00:05:09,328 --> 00:05:11,159
Yes, sir.
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00:05:13,499 --> 00:05:15,967
- Come along, Martin.
- Yes, Daddy.
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00:05:21,642 --> 00:05:23,167
Hey.
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00:05:23,211 --> 00:05:25,907
Hey, Breaux.
I hit Dr. Gordon because of you.
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00:05:26,915 --> 00:05:28,645
I shouldn't have to pay
for his car, man.
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00:05:28,684 --> 00:05:30,174
All right, well, tough shit.
I mean, you're the one who crashed
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00:05:30,219 --> 00:05:32,017
- into that butthole Gordon.
- To avoid hitting you!
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00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:34,114
News flash: Wearing headphones
while driving is against the law.
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00:05:34,157 --> 00:05:37,525
You know, I don't think I should take
behavior advice from a burner flunky.
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00:05:37,562 --> 00:05:39,462
- Ouch, dude!
- Yeah, well, why don't you take
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00:05:39,497 --> 00:05:41,363
your science-fair,
national-scholar status
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00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,799
and cram it up your asshole?
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00:05:42,835 --> 00:05:44,598
You know, Breaux...
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00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:46,868
Yeah, thank you.
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00:05:47,907 --> 00:05:49,704
Way to be a hambro.
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00:05:49,743 --> 00:05:52,645
It wasrt like I made him crash into
that man-whore's piece-of-shit car.
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00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,307
That's what that scrotum
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00:05:54,348 --> 00:05:56,078
skin tag Gordon gets
for teaching his fat little clone
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00:05:56,118 --> 00:05:57,449
how to give a hand job.
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00:05:57,486 --> 00:05:59,920
Rollir on 12s, son.
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00:06:02,225 --> 00:06:04,750
Aw, come on.
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00:06:04,794 --> 00:06:07,059
He's behind you!
95
00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:09,999
What?
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00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:11,603
What?
97
00:06:13,071 --> 00:06:14,664
You know what
the problem is here, Brandon?
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00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,699
Why our average GPA has dropped
99
00:06:17,743 --> 00:06:20,042
three times in as many years?
100
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,708
Uh, the Internet?
101
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,344
The sticky green.
102
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,082
The cannabis sativa.
The sinsemilla.
103
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,114
Marijuana?
104
00:06:32,161 --> 00:06:35,791
Which is serious stuff.
105
00:06:35,832 --> 00:06:38,358
Dangerous stuff, so I hear.
It's a gateway drug.
106
00:06:38,402 --> 00:06:41,269
Hop-heads like Travis Breaux
have been a thorn on my side
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00:06:41,305 --> 00:06:43,365
ever since they came here.
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00:06:43,408 --> 00:06:46,605
That little prick has caused me
more pain than you know.
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00:06:48,114 --> 00:06:51,743
- My cat...
- Yeah?
110
00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:55,152
...developed an abscess on her face.
111
00:06:55,189 --> 00:06:57,488
I rushed her to the vet
emergency room,
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00:06:57,525 --> 00:07:01,256
but their nitrous oxide tank
had been stolen.
113
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:03,993
They later tracked the culprits down
114
00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:08,562
to the home of one Travis Breaux.
115
00:07:08,605 --> 00:07:11,803
Without anesthesia,
I had to pin Dolly down.
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00:07:11,843 --> 00:07:14,573
She scratched my face, my hand.
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00:07:14,612 --> 00:07:16,706
I developed a terrible infection.
118
00:07:16,749 --> 00:07:18,683
It's called "cat scratch fever."
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00:07:18,717 --> 00:07:20,275
My stool became
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00:07:20,319 --> 00:07:21,810
incredibly painful to pass.
121
00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:23,846
I lost weight, but gained body fat.
122
00:07:23,890 --> 00:07:25,482
I was a mess.
123
00:07:25,525 --> 00:07:30,122
Then I heard my wife telling
her friends that I looked lousy.
124
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:38,707
My attorney advised me against
taking any sort of action.
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00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:42,644
No evidence to press charges
against Travis Breaux,
126
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:46,639
but I knew... I knew
he was responsible,
127
00:07:46,684 --> 00:07:49,677
breathing in that laughing gas filth.
128
00:07:51,457 --> 00:07:54,723
They call it "space surfing."
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00:07:56,596 --> 00:07:59,794
Where do they come up
with all these clever names
130
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,927
for recreational drug use?
131
00:08:04,039 --> 00:08:07,736
Roasting a bone,
candy flipping,
132
00:08:07,776 --> 00:08:09,938
banging down a stiff loosey.
133
00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:12,709
A stiff loosey...
134
00:08:13,851 --> 00:08:16,513
I haven't heard that one.
135
00:08:16,554 --> 00:08:20,252
When a woman from
a sordid underworld social circle
136
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:24,093
inales powdered cocaine
off of some loser's erect penis
137
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:27,760
and then doses acid
off of his testicles...
138
00:08:29,937 --> 00:08:32,133
I think it has something
to do with the Beatles.
139
00:08:34,843 --> 00:08:37,904
Now, they ruined our nation...
140
00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:40,211
drugs, fornicating,
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00:08:40,249 --> 00:08:43,515
a grown man singing
about his feelings.
142
00:08:43,553 --> 00:08:46,250
It's time we win this war,
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00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:49,088
expunge this school
of all dope fiends.
144
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,969
Henry: So I've created
a hybrid compound
145
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,236
with a resistance two times that
of regular silicon.
146
00:09:01,275 --> 00:09:03,243
Used as the basis material
for electronics,
147
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:04,767
it would provide
increased protection
148
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,077
against power surges,
magnetic waves.
149
00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:09,208
This is an electromagnetic
pulse generator.
150
00:09:09,251 --> 00:09:11,812
Actually, could everyone
take a step back?
151
00:09:12,989 --> 00:09:16,517
It's a localized pulse, but it will fry
your laptops, your hard drives.
152
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:20,395
It'll kill your cell phones
if you're too close.
153
00:09:24,503 --> 00:09:26,698
Tick, tick, tick.
154
00:09:30,076 --> 00:09:31,976
So as you can see,
the motherboard
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00:09:32,012 --> 00:09:35,210
manufactured by my compound
is the undamaged one.
156
00:10:02,816 --> 00:10:04,374
Shit.
157
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,914
Bitter aftertaste of reality?
158
00:10:08,957 --> 00:10:11,791
You come to see
how the other half lives?
159
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:18,732
- Boy: Mr. Thompson here?
- He went lookir for you.
160
00:10:20,603 --> 00:10:23,767
Hey, fool, that's my shirt
you got on.
161
00:10:23,808 --> 00:10:26,004
I gave it to Goodwill last year.
162
00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:31,516
Fuckir hobo.
163
00:10:32,552 --> 00:10:34,042
Don't trip, Rubin.
164
00:10:34,087 --> 00:10:36,682
I'm sure he washed
your dad's cum off of it.
165
00:10:36,724 --> 00:10:38,555
What the fuck you just say to me?
166
00:10:38,592 --> 00:10:41,187
I said I'm sure he washed
your dad's cum off of it.
167
00:10:41,229 --> 00:10:44,757
Or did some dry up in your ears?
You should clean them fuckers out.
168
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,324
Try an ear candle, yo.
169
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:50,898
Rubin?
Why aren't you in your seat?
170
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,739
You know, we could have
a little Abu Ghraib action here,
171
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:56,303
or we could watch our video.
172
00:10:56,347 --> 00:10:58,110
It's your call.
173
00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:04,321
I'm just gonna go ahead
and sit down.
174
00:11:04,357 --> 00:11:06,552
Good choice.
175
00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:12,665
It's all ready. Just hit play.
176
00:11:16,104 --> 00:11:19,199
Everybody, pay attention.
177
00:11:19,242 --> 00:11:20,800
And no talking.
178
00:11:20,843 --> 00:11:23,335
Narrator on TV: With his parents
out of town for the weekend,
179
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:27,477
Bob bends to the pressure
of his peers to be somebody
180
00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:29,612
and smokes a joint.
181
00:11:29,654 --> 00:11:32,590
That's street talk
for a marijuana cigarette.
182
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,719
Bob lights up and takes a drag.
183
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:39,596
What he doesn't realize is that
this seemingly harmless act
184
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,797
will bring the walls
of his reality crashing down.
185
00:11:55,185 --> 00:11:58,280
Narrator: Is this your idea
of getting jiggy with it?
186
00:12:05,932 --> 00:12:09,732
Narrator:
Applesauce 10 times a day.
187
00:12:09,769 --> 00:12:10,896
Man on TV:
How are you feeling?
188
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,532
- Boy: This video eats my balls.
- Boy #2: Word.
189
00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:16,669
Woman on TV: Dr. Gibson,
you're wanted in lobotomy room 7.
190
00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:19,772
Dr. Gibson to lobotomy room 7.
191
00:12:24,654 --> 00:12:26,952
Narrator:
It will also help fund terrorism.
192
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:31,087
I only really want to blow things up
when I'm high.
193
00:12:34,466 --> 00:12:36,798
Think about it.
194
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,367
Man over radio:
Engage. Smoke 'em.
195
00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:49,644
Henry.
Henry, hey, hey.
196
00:12:49,684 --> 00:12:52,278
Look, I'm sorry.
I drive like shit when I'm high.
197
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,289
You were high at 8:00
in the morning?
198
00:12:54,323 --> 00:12:56,188
Yeah, of course.
I'll help you pay for it, all right?
199
00:12:56,225 --> 00:12:57,716
I'll float you some casheesh.
200
00:12:57,761 --> 00:13:01,094
Well, thanks, man.
201
00:13:01,131 --> 00:13:05,000
I'm sorry about
the whole burner, flunky thing.
202
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:06,060
Oh, no.
It's all good, you know.
203
00:13:06,104 --> 00:13:08,232
- I get worse from my dad, so...
- Right.
204
00:13:08,274 --> 00:13:10,834
- Yeah.
- How's he doir?
205
00:13:12,045 --> 00:13:13,137
Who's he doir?
206
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:15,375
He's probably balls deep
in some Jell-O mold as we speak.
207
00:13:15,415 --> 00:13:19,147
Right.
So, um, this is me.
208
00:13:19,187 --> 00:13:20,779
Obviously.
209
00:13:23,025 --> 00:13:24,959
Hey, you remember
how I caught you jerking off
210
00:13:24,993 --> 00:13:26,791
with BENGAY
when you were, like, 12?
211
00:13:26,829 --> 00:13:29,229
- Yeah.
- Aw, yo, that shit must have burned!
212
00:13:29,265 --> 00:13:30,563
- Yeah, that's funny.
- I told everybody, and you ran off
213
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,364
in the woods like some
fuckir cracked-out Hobbit.
214
00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:34,303
- Yeah, no, no. I remember.
- Yo, there were helicopters
215
00:13:34,338 --> 00:13:36,466
- looking for you and shit.
- I remember the helicopters.
216
00:13:36,508 --> 00:13:38,032
I was always wondering what the fuck
they were saying to each other.
217
00:13:38,076 --> 00:13:39,065
- Think about it.
- Really?
218
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,408
"Uh, looking for the kid
219
00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:41,674
who just jerked off. Over."
220
00:13:41,714 --> 00:13:43,409
"Did he just come? Over."
221
00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:46,715
"Negativo, Ghost Rider.
Looking for a case of blue balls. Over."
222
00:13:46,753 --> 00:13:49,153
It was like a scene from "The Fugitive,"
but with a naked kid.
223
00:13:49,189 --> 00:13:51,750
Yeah, that's not really proper
pilot speak, but I guess...
224
00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:53,954
I'm just saying we had
some good times.
225
00:13:53,995 --> 00:13:56,430
- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
- Yeah.
226
00:13:56,465 --> 00:13:58,456
The hell happened, do you think?
227
00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:02,101
High school.
228
00:14:04,275 --> 00:14:06,402
Yeah, no doubt.
229
00:14:08,312 --> 00:14:11,077
Hey, look, you know, I was driving
by the old 'hood yesterday.
230
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,582
You remember that tree house,
that lockbox we built?
231
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,184
Yeah, sure. Still there?
232
00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:21,957
Wanna go find out?
233
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,027
- Awesome.
- Oh, my God.
234
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:30,732
What?
235
00:14:30,773 --> 00:14:34,175
Oh, man, all this shit was
so important back in the day, man.
236
00:14:34,211 --> 00:14:35,735
- Henry: Look at these.
- What?
237
00:14:35,779 --> 00:14:37,771
- You look like a fat Billy Ray Cyrus.
- Yo, wait, man.
238
00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:40,579
We should be fuckir high for this.
239
00:14:43,455 --> 00:14:45,548
This is pharmaceutical-grade
Hindu Kush.
240
00:14:45,591 --> 00:14:47,321
What? Do you have
a prescription for weed?
241
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:51,525
- You don't?
- What? What does that...
242
00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:53,294
You haven't gotten
high before, have you?
243
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,128
You're afraid you're gonna end up
ripping down big loads
244
00:14:57,172 --> 00:14:59,606
in a cave
with the Shoe Bomber?
245
00:15:04,113 --> 00:15:07,845
Getting high, it's... it's like freedom.
246
00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:12,789
Smells, tastes, feelings...
247
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:18,024
they all become, like,
four-dimensional.
248
00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:19,692
When everyting irie,
249
00:15:19,733 --> 00:15:21,860
everyting go twing twing.
250
00:15:24,037 --> 00:15:26,268
Yeah, let me...
251
00:15:26,307 --> 00:15:29,971
- Fuck it.
- Be somebody.
252
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:40,515
So it begins.
253
00:15:47,766 --> 00:15:50,361
Can't wait to have an ex-wife, man.
254
00:15:50,403 --> 00:15:52,371
Can't wait for that shit.
255
00:15:52,405 --> 00:15:53,771
Whers the good part kick in?
256
00:15:53,807 --> 00:15:56,002
Like the... like
the fourth-dimensional stuff.
257
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,035
I want the freedom.
Whers the freedom kick in, Breaux?
258
00:15:58,079 --> 00:16:00,343
L... I want the freedom.
259
00:16:01,816 --> 00:16:03,444
Should we even be here right now?
260
00:16:03,486 --> 00:16:05,283
I mean, won't people
get suspicious?
261
00:16:05,321 --> 00:16:07,722
I mean, they'll call the cops,
send helicopters.
262
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,953
I hate fucking helicopters.
263
00:16:09,993 --> 00:16:12,189
No, nobody's gonna
do anything, man.
264
00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:13,254
We're trespassing.
265
00:16:13,297 --> 00:16:15,026
I mean, do you feel this?
266
00:16:15,066 --> 00:16:17,535
'Cause, holy shit, I mean,
I don't even think this is...
267
00:16:20,339 --> 00:16:22,672
Oh, God.
268
00:16:24,611 --> 00:16:25,600
- You okay?
- The freedom hasn't
269
00:16:25,645 --> 00:16:27,273
kicked in yet, asshole!
270
00:16:27,314 --> 00:16:31,615
Hey, what we need to do
right now is just relax.
271
00:16:34,523 --> 00:16:36,583
Fuck, God damn it!
272
00:16:36,626 --> 00:16:39,026
Where are you?!
273
00:16:39,061 --> 00:16:41,553
Where the fuck are you?!
274
00:16:41,598 --> 00:16:44,328
Helicopters everywhere!
275
00:16:44,368 --> 00:16:46,132
Everywhere!
276
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,503
Breaux over radio: Uh, looking
for the kid who just jerked off. Over.
277
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,236
Did he just come? Over.
278
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,803
Negativo, Ghost Rider.
Looking for a case of blue balls. Over.
279
00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:09,189
There were helicopters.
They were hunting me down.
280
00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:17,834
- It's your phone.
- Shit.
281
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,366
What time is it?
282
00:17:20,812 --> 00:17:22,940
Party time.
283
00:17:22,982 --> 00:17:24,108
- Hey.
- Girl: Henry, where are you?
284
00:17:24,150 --> 00:17:25,139
- I'm so sorry.
- We're all here waiting for you.
285
00:17:25,184 --> 00:17:26,879
- Yeah, I'll be there in 20. Fuck!
- What's going on?
286
00:17:26,919 --> 00:17:29,354
I'm borrowing this. I gotta go
to the annual bake sale prep.
287
00:17:29,389 --> 00:17:30,879
- Can you drive?
- You wanna go now?
288
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,859
Yeah. Yeah, I wanna go now.
289
00:17:32,894 --> 00:17:35,761
All right, man.
Well, I want some road-head, then.
290
00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,663
I hope you're good
at swallowing, bro.
291
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,361
It's how I like it.
292
00:17:45,876 --> 00:17:48,243
- Ahh.
- We need some more green.
293
00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:52,512
- Boy: She's got ass for days.
- Boner.
294
00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:59,720
Hey, Sharky. What's crackir?
What's crack-a-lackir?
295
00:17:59,759 --> 00:18:02,558
Girl:
Good job. Good, good.
296
00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,427
Hey, Sharky. What's crackir?
297
00:18:04,465 --> 00:18:06,627
- What's crack-a-lackir?
- What up, tough guy?
298
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:07,726
- Hey, Sharky...
- Oh!
299
00:18:07,769 --> 00:18:09,703
I got it.
300
00:18:09,738 --> 00:18:10,933
Fuck!
301
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,274
Oh, I just got my eyebrow
pierced yesterday!
302
00:18:23,555 --> 00:18:25,581
- About freakir time.
- Hey, guys. Sorry.
303
00:18:25,624 --> 00:18:28,684
- You're such a fucking asshole.
- What?
304
00:18:28,727 --> 00:18:30,286
Sharky Ovante
just gave you an opening!
305
00:18:30,330 --> 00:18:33,299
Microscopic, but still.
You blew it.
306
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,029
Yeah.
307
00:18:35,069 --> 00:18:37,833
We grew up next door
to each other.
308
00:18:37,872 --> 00:18:40,000
We used to play together
309
00:18:40,042 --> 00:18:41,669
till she grew breasts.
310
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,235
And that was that.
311
00:18:46,382 --> 00:18:48,908
I ran the numbers.
312
00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:51,217
Assuming we both ace our finals,
313
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,918
it seems to me
you have valedictorian
314
00:18:53,959 --> 00:18:56,450
by 3/100ths of a percentage.
315
00:18:56,494 --> 00:18:58,827
Salutatorian is a pretty big deal,
too, Sebastian, so...
316
00:18:58,864 --> 00:19:00,991
- Still second place, though.
- Well, I suppose
317
00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:04,026
the hinge upon which fate swings
is a capricious one.
318
00:19:04,071 --> 00:19:07,007
- Why are your eyes all red?
- Excuse me, everyone.
319
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:08,406
Can I please have your attention?
320
00:19:08,443 --> 00:19:11,641
Very impressive, spirit team.
Can you please put her down?
321
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,113
Uh, hey, listen.
322
00:19:13,148 --> 00:19:16,174
We're doing a live
television interview outside,
323
00:19:16,218 --> 00:19:19,416
so if you could all just, you know,
stop throwing each other up in the air
324
00:19:19,456 --> 00:19:21,048
and keep the volume level down,
that'd be great.
325
00:19:21,091 --> 00:19:22,684
- Okay? Thank you.
- Sorry.
326
00:19:23,961 --> 00:19:27,693
And now we'll go live
to Julia Louise Hugo
327
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:31,670
- at Morgan High School. Julia?
- In five, four, three, two...
328
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,638
I understand that you have
a statement regarding
329
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,869
your student, Charlyne Phuc,
who was recently arrested...
330
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:39,675
Miss Phuc is no longer
a student of this institution,
331
00:19:39,713 --> 00:19:42,114
and I have requested
that her standing
332
00:19:42,150 --> 00:19:44,778
as three-time
State Spelling Bee Champion
333
00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:47,220
be officially revoked.
334
00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:54,092
Morgan is one of the finest
high schools in this state.
335
00:19:54,131 --> 00:19:57,465
We demand excellence,
not inebriation.
336
00:19:57,502 --> 00:20:00,904
And to reassure our students,
337
00:20:00,939 --> 00:20:03,875
parents, faculty,
and board of regents
338
00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:05,468
of this high standard,
339
00:20:05,512 --> 00:20:10,450
we are conducting
a controlled-substance screening
340
00:20:10,484 --> 00:20:12,679
on campus tomorrow.
341
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,282
All students are required
to participate,
342
00:20:16,324 --> 00:20:19,852
and any student who does not
pass the screening
343
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:22,194
will be immediately expelled.
344
00:20:25,369 --> 00:20:28,601
Cheese and crackers.
No, no, no, no.
345
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,577
I was trying for genial
and it came off wimpy.
346
00:20:32,611 --> 00:20:35,546
I'd like to be stronger.
Could we try this again?
347
00:20:35,581 --> 00:20:37,641
We're live.
348
00:20:37,684 --> 00:20:40,551
What?
349
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,579
No, no, no, it's great.
Keep shooting. Looks great.
350
00:20:42,623 --> 00:20:44,488
We gotta be clear
by tomorrow morning.
351
00:20:44,525 --> 00:20:46,288
- What drug?
- Shrooms.
352
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:48,159
- Yeah, we split an eighth.
- How long ago did you take them?
353
00:20:48,197 --> 00:20:50,722
- Hmm. About an hour ago?
- What strain?
354
00:20:50,766 --> 00:20:54,203
Hold on. Hey.
You know what strain we ate?
355
00:20:54,237 --> 00:20:55,967
Dinosaur bones.
356
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,440
- Are your parents home?
- I think.
357
00:20:58,476 --> 00:21:00,843
- Have you been drinking?
- Look at your face.
358
00:21:00,879 --> 00:21:02,779
Did you smoke marijuana
with these mushrooms?
359
00:21:02,814 --> 00:21:04,543
It's all stroked out.
360
00:21:04,583 --> 00:21:05,812
- Sorry.
- What?
361
00:21:05,852 --> 00:21:07,911
So it might be that shit
we ate on prom night.
362
00:21:07,954 --> 00:21:09,421
- I'm looking for Breaux.
- Gordors been pulling
363
00:21:09,455 --> 00:21:11,083
- this Nazi shit forever.
- Did you call the police?
364
00:21:11,125 --> 00:21:13,650
My dad's gonna cancel
the Spice Channel if I get expelled,
365
00:21:13,694 --> 00:21:16,391
beat me up
with my own severed cock.
366
00:21:16,431 --> 00:21:18,228
Let... yo, let me call you right back.
367
00:21:18,266 --> 00:21:19,962
- What?
- You did this to me.
368
00:21:20,002 --> 00:21:22,163
Do you have any idea
how screwed I am right now?
369
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,106
Look, chill, man.
You're causing a scene.
370
00:21:26,143 --> 00:21:27,303
I'm causing a scene?
371
00:21:27,344 --> 00:21:31,111
Causing a scene? What?!
372
00:21:36,054 --> 00:21:37,954
What?
373
00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:40,551
Look, there are other people
374
00:21:40,593 --> 00:21:42,424
trippir balls
pretty hard core right now.
375
00:21:42,462 --> 00:21:43,794
Dude, I'm not like other people.
376
00:21:43,831 --> 00:21:45,321
Okay? I don't trip on balls.
377
00:21:45,366 --> 00:21:48,859
Okay? If I'm busted, I can kiss
my MIT scholarship good-bye.
378
00:21:48,904 --> 00:21:51,168
My entire life
is on the line right now.
379
00:21:55,178 --> 00:21:57,647
Yeah, all right. Hey, you guys,
the pumpkins are trying to kill us.
380
00:21:57,681 --> 00:22:00,946
You gotta go talk to 'em.
Come on, seriously, go.
381
00:22:00,984 --> 00:22:03,010
- What's with them?
- Come on.
382
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:10,185
This is my cleansing box.
It's for emergency situations.
383
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:13,631
We've got goldenseal,
but I think they test for that now.
384
00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:16,466
Tea regimen, but it takes
something like two to three days.
385
00:22:16,504 --> 00:22:18,563
There's always urine masks,
but sometimes your piss
386
00:22:18,606 --> 00:22:19,732
can come out a little too clean.
387
00:22:19,774 --> 00:22:22,437
Like it's not even urine anymore.
It's Aquafina.
388
00:22:22,477 --> 00:22:24,445
Okay, so what else
do we have, man? Is that it?
389
00:22:24,479 --> 00:22:25,707
There's the piss pump.
390
00:22:25,747 --> 00:22:28,114
It's classic, but if they frisk you,
they're gonna find it.
391
00:22:28,151 --> 00:22:29,846
- Right.
- The bottom line is anything you use
392
00:22:29,886 --> 00:22:32,720
will buy you a 40% chance
of passing.
393
00:22:35,025 --> 00:22:38,462
That's an F.
That's an F, Breaux.
394
00:22:38,496 --> 00:22:40,658
You know, this is what
they warn you about in that video.
395
00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:43,032
It starts out fun until you start
clawing your eyes out
396
00:22:43,069 --> 00:22:44,434
in a padded cell with al-Qaeda.
397
00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:46,666
One hit could really ruin your life.
398
00:22:48,442 --> 00:22:51,003
I mean, you could always
go around to high schools.
399
00:22:51,045 --> 00:22:54,413
You know, like,
"Don't be like me. I blew it.
400
00:22:54,450 --> 00:22:57,783
Threw my life down
the garbage disposal...
401
00:22:57,820 --> 00:23:00,517
for weed."
402
00:23:02,025 --> 00:23:03,549
Come on!
403
00:23:03,593 --> 00:23:06,495
- Hey, I'm playing, man.
- This is a big deal, Breaux.
404
00:23:06,530 --> 00:23:08,395
I need your... this is a big deal!
405
00:23:08,432 --> 00:23:11,095
Yeah, I know, man.
406
00:23:22,082 --> 00:23:25,610
# Have you ever
watched the sun go down #
407
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:28,920
# And you're thinking
'bout the world spinnir round? #
408
00:23:28,958 --> 00:23:32,052
# Have you ever
been high as fuck? #
409
00:23:35,732 --> 00:23:39,396
# You're in the bathroom mirror
talking to yourself #
410
00:23:39,437 --> 00:23:42,635
# And your dog's lookir at you
like you need help #
411
00:23:42,675 --> 00:23:46,441
# Have you ever been
high as fuck? #
412
00:23:56,158 --> 00:23:57,625
Oh.
413
00:23:57,659 --> 00:23:59,889
Have you been throwing
cold cuts at my window?
414
00:23:59,928 --> 00:24:01,590
Yo, have you been crying?
415
00:24:04,968 --> 00:24:07,028
Yo, meet me
at the tree house, gangster.
416
00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:10,006
Yo, who the fuck touched my whip?
417
00:24:11,042 --> 00:24:12,202
Got you!
418
00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,870
"Sodium aluminum sul..."
419
00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:16,575
There's aluminum in this?
What the fuck?
420
00:24:20,787 --> 00:24:23,415
Look, uh, what if we
walked in tomorrow,
421
00:24:23,457 --> 00:24:26,325
failed the drug test,
and no one even noticed?
422
00:24:26,361 --> 00:24:29,023
What if you could fail and still be
valedictorian and still go to MIT?
423
00:24:29,063 --> 00:24:31,532
- Jesus Christ, you're high again.
- Yeah, I'm always high...
424
00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:33,228
Dude, that's a stoner fantasy, man.
425
00:24:33,268 --> 00:24:34,861
How could I fail the drug test
and no one care?
426
00:24:34,904 --> 00:24:36,963
- If everyone fails.
- Of course.
427
00:24:37,007 --> 00:24:39,067
If we can't pass the test, fine.
428
00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:40,634
Fuck it.
Let's get the whole school high.
429
00:24:40,678 --> 00:24:42,236
Oh, my God.
Please tell me you're kidding.
430
00:24:42,279 --> 00:24:43,975
Tomorrow is the bake sale, right?
431
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:47,975
We swap in bud brownies,
everyone gets blazed, everyone fails.
432
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:49,682
They'll have to throw
the test results away.
433
00:24:49,722 --> 00:24:51,417
We won't even use a lot.
All right?
434
00:24:51,457 --> 00:24:54,985
Just enough to muddy the waters.
They'll barely test positive.
435
00:24:55,029 --> 00:24:57,624
Most people won't even notice.
They'll just be a little slow.
436
00:24:59,034 --> 00:25:00,865
- A little slow.
- At times like this,
437
00:25:00,902 --> 00:25:02,768
you need to think like a stoner.
438
00:25:09,413 --> 00:25:12,350
Where are we gonna get
that much weed?
439
00:25:26,801 --> 00:25:29,463
- What?
- What?
440
00:25:29,503 --> 00:25:31,699
What? What?
441
00:25:34,676 --> 00:25:36,201
You're right.
442
00:25:39,048 --> 00:25:41,984
I harvested the crop
a few hours too early.
443
00:25:49,461 --> 00:25:51,896
Ah! I'm so stupid.
444
00:25:51,931 --> 00:25:55,026
Fuckir... so fuckir stupid!
445
00:25:57,904 --> 00:25:59,839
Stupid!
446
00:26:03,644 --> 00:26:06,273
- What?
- What?
447
00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:09,080
What? What?
448
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,019
I'm sorry.
449
00:26:11,054 --> 00:26:13,249
I hate for you to see me this way.
450
00:26:14,358 --> 00:26:16,588
What?
451
00:26:18,530 --> 00:26:21,294
There's this guy... Psycho Ed.
452
00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:24,167
He was like a child prodigy.
453
00:26:24,203 --> 00:26:26,694
Graduated from high school at 15.
454
00:26:26,739 --> 00:26:30,107
Passed the bar exam
before he was old enough to drink.
455
00:26:30,144 --> 00:26:32,943
But then he went
to a foam party in Baja,
456
00:26:32,981 --> 00:26:37,042
smoked a dust blunt
supposedly laced with PCP,
457
00:26:37,086 --> 00:26:39,247
burned something out
in his fuckir brain.
458
00:26:39,288 --> 00:26:40,949
Dropped out the legit world
and became...
459
00:26:40,990 --> 00:26:42,891
Let me guess... a drug dealer.
460
00:26:42,926 --> 00:26:45,690
Yeah, but he's got this shit...
it's better than weed.
461
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:48,665
It's called kief,
and it's really hard to make
462
00:26:48,699 --> 00:26:51,294
because you need a massive crop
of some crypto-dank herb
463
00:26:51,336 --> 00:26:54,897
on a 32-part-per-million
flowering solution cycle.
464
00:26:54,940 --> 00:26:56,602
Psycho Ed:
Calculated to harvest each bud
465
00:26:56,643 --> 00:27:00,774
when its psychoactive component
is at its absolute apex.
466
00:27:00,814 --> 00:27:04,545
Then I process the buds
to extract the excess THC,
467
00:27:04,585 --> 00:27:06,781
the fruit of an entire harvest.
468
00:27:06,821 --> 00:27:10,918
One misstep
and the crystals are history.
469
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,758
This is kief.
470
00:27:13,796 --> 00:27:16,698
This will seriously
471
00:27:16,733 --> 00:27:19,965
fuck you up.
472
00:27:23,641 --> 00:27:26,008
Hold on, m-man.
You... you want to steal
473
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:28,411
a psycho drug dealer's
personal kief?
474
00:27:28,447 --> 00:27:30,473
Precisely.
475
00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:34,917
Look, the Daves scored a dime bag
from him this afternoon,
476
00:27:34,956 --> 00:27:36,821
took a look at the place,
told me the whole setup,
477
00:27:36,857 --> 00:27:38,883
- where the keys are.
- Man, this is insane!
478
00:27:38,927 --> 00:27:42,954
- I can't do this!
- You can. It's not.
479
00:27:42,998 --> 00:27:44,626
Look, I know what you're thinking.
480
00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:47,431
- You know, he's got a gun...
- No.
481
00:27:47,470 --> 00:27:49,632
Breaux, I was not thinking that.
482
00:27:49,673 --> 00:27:52,939
Look, at times like this, we can't think
about the things that could go wrong.
483
00:27:52,978 --> 00:27:55,003
We just gotta grab the balls
and go for it.
484
00:27:55,046 --> 00:27:58,278
- The balls. I'm grabbing the balls.
- Exactly.
485
00:27:58,317 --> 00:27:59,909
Whose balls? Stop, Breaux.
486
00:27:59,952 --> 00:28:02,945
- No, I can't do this, man.
- It's easy, okay?
487
00:28:02,990 --> 00:28:05,083
Just hop the back fence,
wait for my signal,
488
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:07,093
and then bing, bang,
boom, and we dip.
489
00:28:07,128 --> 00:28:08,720
What kind of plan is that?
490
00:28:08,763 --> 00:28:11,391
Breaux. Fuck.
491
00:28:15,971 --> 00:28:18,065
"Beware of my fucking dog."
492
00:28:29,154 --> 00:28:30,746
- Fuck!
- Hey.
493
00:28:30,789 --> 00:28:34,055
What the fuck are you doing out here?
Come on, get in here. Come on.
494
00:28:34,093 --> 00:28:35,755
- Come on! Get in here!
- Okay, okay.
495
00:28:35,796 --> 00:28:38,765
- Have you been crying again?
- Fuck off.
496
00:28:40,134 --> 00:28:41,727
Okay.
497
00:28:42,804 --> 00:28:46,400
It's really dicey in here,
so give me exactly one minute
498
00:28:46,442 --> 00:28:48,603
and then get the key from the door
and head to the back.
499
00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:51,045
He keeps the kief
in a freezer in the grow room.
500
00:28:51,081 --> 00:28:53,515
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop, I'm serious.
501
00:28:53,550 --> 00:28:56,145
Fuck. Fuck.
502
00:28:56,187 --> 00:28:57,677
Oh, my God.
503
00:28:57,722 --> 00:29:01,124
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Okay. Okay.
504
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,560
All right.
505
00:29:03,595 --> 00:29:06,156
Okay, okay.
506
00:29:16,111 --> 00:29:19,240
Ain't a strip club, you fuck.
507
00:29:49,952 --> 00:29:52,285
Thanks, brother man.
508
00:29:52,322 --> 00:29:54,586
Everybody says your weed
is the dank shit.
509
00:29:57,661 --> 00:30:00,255
Yeah, well, everyone's right.
510
00:30:01,266 --> 00:30:02,756
Time for you
to get the fuck out.
511
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:06,260
Well, what about, you know,
weed etiquette?
512
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:07,670
What?
513
00:30:07,707 --> 00:30:10,175
You know, now I'm supposed
to smoke you out with your own shit.
514
00:30:10,209 --> 00:30:12,371
It's like weed tax.
515
00:30:14,782 --> 00:30:17,775
Do I look like I need you
to get me stoned?
516
00:30:19,521 --> 00:30:21,422
My God,
517
00:30:21,457 --> 00:30:24,358
looks like somebody poured
snake blood in your eyeballs.
518
00:30:24,393 --> 00:30:26,157
Thanks.
519
00:30:27,964 --> 00:30:30,229
Maybe you could
give me some advice?
520
00:30:30,268 --> 00:30:31,758
What?
521
00:30:31,803 --> 00:30:34,102
I bought some seeds online...
522
00:30:34,139 --> 00:30:35,572
- Oh!
- Moron!
523
00:30:35,607 --> 00:30:37,632
Never buy anything online.
524
00:30:47,154 --> 00:30:49,180
This botanist in Portland
525
00:30:49,224 --> 00:30:50,486
knows how to make
the most of what you got.
526
00:30:50,525 --> 00:30:51,514
And where to grow.
527
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,893
Yo, could you print this out
for me, bromeslice?
528
00:31:00,604 --> 00:31:04,097
That's Paranoid.
529
00:31:04,142 --> 00:31:07,579
- Yo, why do they call you Paranoid?
- What? Why you wanna know, man?
530
00:31:20,495 --> 00:31:23,090
Yo, is that, like... is that like
an alarm or something?
531
00:31:29,539 --> 00:31:31,531
Timer.
532
00:31:34,845 --> 00:31:36,837
I'm fully automated.
533
00:31:49,263 --> 00:31:51,562
Oh, shit.
534
00:32:06,651 --> 00:32:08,676
Now piss off.
535
00:32:14,827 --> 00:32:16,954
Shh...
536
00:32:18,666 --> 00:32:20,861
- What the hell is that?
- That's the alarm.
537
00:32:20,901 --> 00:32:21,890
Ah.
538
00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:28,608
He's got the deep beef.
539
00:32:28,644 --> 00:32:30,635
You better not be fuckir with me.
540
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,478
I told you not to fuck with me.
541
00:32:41,859 --> 00:32:44,192
Hey, who the fuck are you, man?
542
00:32:45,197 --> 00:32:47,894
- What, does ganja affect your hearing?
- What?
543
00:32:47,934 --> 00:32:50,232
I've been knocking for,
like, five minutes.
544
00:32:50,270 --> 00:32:52,068
I'll punch you in the head, man.
545
00:32:52,106 --> 00:32:54,074
Who the fuck is this guy, bro?
546
00:32:54,108 --> 00:32:56,133
- You told him your name?
- What?
547
00:32:56,178 --> 00:32:58,738
- Huh?
- He's my... he's my ride, my ride.
548
00:32:58,780 --> 00:33:00,475
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm his ride.
549
00:33:00,515 --> 00:33:02,780
Come on, man,
we gotta get the car back
550
00:33:02,819 --> 00:33:04,480
before my dad gets back.
551
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,115
He's a renegade cop
with a power mullet.
552
00:33:07,157 --> 00:33:08,818
Works the late shift,
553
00:33:08,859 --> 00:33:11,454
likes to shoot things.
554
00:33:11,496 --> 00:33:12,986
- Hey.
- What?
555
00:33:16,168 --> 00:33:17,692
Hmm?
556
00:33:19,305 --> 00:33:21,570
- Yo.
- What?
557
00:33:23,644 --> 00:33:25,340
- What?
- What?
558
00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:27,280
What? What?
559
00:33:29,418 --> 00:33:33,354
Yo, you woke my frog, cunt.
560
00:33:34,591 --> 00:33:36,650
Frogs sleep?
561
00:33:37,661 --> 00:33:39,152
- What?
- What?
562
00:33:39,196 --> 00:33:40,390
- What?
- What?
563
00:33:40,431 --> 00:33:41,864
What?
564
00:33:43,401 --> 00:33:46,667
Adios, muchacho.
Much�simas gracias.
565
00:33:46,705 --> 00:33:49,869
Hey, next time,
leave Chong at home.
566
00:33:50,943 --> 00:33:53,378
Okay.
567
00:33:53,414 --> 00:33:54,904
- What?
- What?
568
00:33:54,948 --> 00:33:57,143
- What? What?
- Jesus fucking Christ.
569
00:33:58,319 --> 00:34:00,719
Yo! G-G-Go!
570
00:34:00,755 --> 00:34:02,086
Go, go, go, go, go.
571
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:03,853
- Who sent you?!
- Holy shit!
572
00:34:07,163 --> 00:34:10,427
973 kids at least,
two two-inch brownies apiece.
573
00:34:10,467 --> 00:34:12,595
We're gonna need 42 boxes
of brownie mix, 15 dozen eggs...
574
00:34:12,637 --> 00:34:14,264
- Oh, shit!
- 11 bottles of canola oil, and...
575
00:34:14,305 --> 00:34:16,398
- Hector, clean-up on aisle two.
- Fuck.
576
00:34:16,441 --> 00:34:18,103
- Hey, these are on sale.
- So what, man?
577
00:34:18,143 --> 00:34:20,373
These are the ones that taste good.
578
00:34:20,412 --> 00:34:21,607
Wait, wait, wait.
This is white cake.
579
00:34:21,648 --> 00:34:23,081
It's for me.
580
00:34:23,116 --> 00:34:27,577
# Stained roads #
581
00:34:27,621 --> 00:34:30,385
# Opposite direction #
582
00:34:30,424 --> 00:34:33,292
# Hearts are feeling cold #
583
00:34:33,328 --> 00:34:36,492
# Minds are dejected #
584
00:34:36,532 --> 00:34:39,433
# We want the same things #
585
00:34:39,469 --> 00:34:42,735
# Not just for ourselves #
586
00:34:42,773 --> 00:34:45,743
# Created for me #
587
00:34:45,777 --> 00:34:48,575
# A personal hell... #
588
00:35:01,362 --> 00:35:03,455
# Take this #
589
00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:07,328
# Take this with you #
590
00:35:07,369 --> 00:35:09,861
# The two do not exist #
591
00:35:09,906 --> 00:35:11,999
# In conjunction... #
592
00:35:12,041 --> 00:35:14,670
Dr. Gordon,
the board members are here to see you.
593
00:35:14,712 --> 00:35:18,581
This is the most important day
of your life.
594
00:35:24,791 --> 00:35:28,159
# Hold on to #
595
00:35:28,195 --> 00:35:31,358
# These ebbs and flows #
596
00:35:31,398 --> 00:35:34,857
# Please, please, please,
don't let me... #
597
00:35:34,903 --> 00:35:36,734
Move. Dump them out, man.
We gotta go, quick.
598
00:35:36,771 --> 00:35:38,569
No shit.
599
00:35:41,243 --> 00:35:42,302
Let's go.
Come on, we gotta move.
600
00:35:42,345 --> 00:35:44,711
- Shut up.
- Quicker, quicker, quicker. Let's go.
601
00:35:44,748 --> 00:35:46,272
- Okay.
- Come on.
602
00:35:46,316 --> 00:35:49,480
- # Don't cut me, cut me out #
- There's a car here.
603
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,649
A shepherd must be held
accountable for his sheep.
604
00:35:52,691 --> 00:35:54,852
That is why I welcome
the board's review
605
00:35:54,893 --> 00:35:58,694
of our new zero-tolerance policy
on controlled substances.
606
00:35:58,731 --> 00:36:01,030
Today, Morgan High
is conducting
607
00:36:01,068 --> 00:36:04,265
its first ever student screening.
608
00:36:04,305 --> 00:36:07,298
No drug tests! No drug tests!
609
00:36:12,882 --> 00:36:14,372
Greetings, fellow Patriots.
610
00:36:14,417 --> 00:36:17,012
This is your assistant dean,
Brandon.
611
00:36:17,054 --> 00:36:19,249
Just a reminder that today
612
00:36:19,289 --> 00:36:23,090
is the annual end-of-the-year
PTA bake sale
613
00:36:23,127 --> 00:36:24,993
with benefits going toward
614
00:36:25,030 --> 00:36:29,262
the band and track team
to get new uniforms.
615
00:36:29,301 --> 00:36:33,261
So don't count calories
or carbs today.
616
00:36:33,306 --> 00:36:35,070
You know I'm not.
617
00:36:35,109 --> 00:36:38,510
# Necessity... #
618
00:36:39,781 --> 00:36:42,147
Today is the dawning
of a new era here at Morgan.
619
00:36:43,318 --> 00:36:46,948
And I, Dr. Leslie Gordon,
620
00:36:46,990 --> 00:36:49,084
give you my personal assurance
621
00:36:49,126 --> 00:36:50,821
that you will never, ever
622
00:36:50,861 --> 00:36:53,091
hear of another student
from Morgan High
623
00:36:53,131 --> 00:36:56,760
being under the influence
of any illicit drug
624
00:36:57,769 --> 00:36:59,761
ever again.
625
00:37:06,246 --> 00:37:07,339
Punch?
626
00:37:08,349 --> 00:37:11,443
These are fuckir good.
627
00:37:18,628 --> 00:37:20,687
All right, kids, we're only gonna
get a few more chances
628
00:37:20,730 --> 00:37:23,666
to do this this year,
so here we go.
629
00:37:23,701 --> 00:37:26,899
10, nine, eight...
630
00:37:26,939 --> 00:37:28,770
I really don't like doing this...
631
00:37:28,807 --> 00:37:30,968
seven, six...
632
00:37:31,010 --> 00:37:32,739
this is not a test...
633
00:37:32,779 --> 00:37:35,179
five, four...
634
00:37:35,214 --> 00:37:38,707
get to class.
635
00:37:43,925 --> 00:37:46,019
But... but was it...
636
00:37:47,863 --> 00:37:50,128
Chicken quesadilla?
637
00:37:55,039 --> 00:37:56,836
What?
638
00:38:11,692 --> 00:38:13,353
Shit.
639
00:38:13,394 --> 00:38:15,488
What's the matter, man?
640
00:38:17,532 --> 00:38:19,694
I could fix you another one.
641
00:38:22,138 --> 00:38:24,073
Yo, Edwin, you all right, man?
642
00:38:24,108 --> 00:38:26,042
Chad, please take the roll sheet
643
00:38:26,076 --> 00:38:28,204
to the administration office.
644
00:38:28,246 --> 00:38:30,237
- Chad!
- What?
645
00:38:30,281 --> 00:38:32,181
What? What?
646
00:38:32,217 --> 00:38:34,982
The roll sheet to the office.
647
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,547
Oh, shit.
648
00:38:44,165 --> 00:38:46,759
Just go.
649
00:38:46,801 --> 00:38:49,635
Dana, Jeffrey, please read
today's announcements.
650
00:38:56,146 --> 00:38:57,637
Wha... what?
651
00:38:57,681 --> 00:39:00,878
I got webbed hands.
L... I've never noticed that.
652
00:39:20,843 --> 00:39:22,504
What?
653
00:39:22,545 --> 00:39:24,946
Name?
654
00:39:25,949 --> 00:39:27,439
Name!
655
00:39:30,488 --> 00:39:33,082
Uh...
656
00:39:33,124 --> 00:39:35,889
I have a nickname.
657
00:39:35,928 --> 00:39:40,059
Finger.
Oh, and, um, Acorn Dick.
658
00:39:40,100 --> 00:39:42,728
It's un... it's unfortunate.
659
00:39:42,769 --> 00:39:44,829
So which one do you want first?
660
00:39:46,006 --> 00:39:49,067
Hands up.
Got any sharp objects? Needles?
661
00:39:49,111 --> 00:39:51,545
Porta-Potty to your left.
Here is the plastic...
662
00:39:51,580 --> 00:39:53,640
I like your... your tats.
663
00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:57,278
You're not on the Suicide Girls
website, are you?
664
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,518
Does this nurse look
totally insectoid to you?
665
00:40:00,557 --> 00:40:02,958
Thought I saw you on there.
666
00:40:02,994 --> 00:40:04,461
I'll text you.
667
00:40:04,496 --> 00:40:07,523
What the fuck, man?
People are losing their shit right now.
668
00:40:07,566 --> 00:40:09,557
According to... according to
"Stoner of the Year,"
669
00:40:09,602 --> 00:40:12,595
bud brownies are the most dangerous
and terrifying inebriate.
670
00:40:12,639 --> 00:40:14,607
The thing about them is you keep
getting higher and higher.
671
00:40:14,641 --> 00:40:17,611
It does not stop.
How much kief did you use, man?
672
00:40:17,645 --> 00:40:22,083
Uh, you know, a smidge, a shake,
a Martha Stewart steeze.
673
00:40:24,052 --> 00:40:27,022
Okay, I spilled it, all right?
A shit-load.
674
00:40:27,056 --> 00:40:28,080
- All right...
- Sebastian: Did you hear?
675
00:40:28,124 --> 00:40:30,820
Someone locked the PTA moms
in the weight room.
676
00:40:31,896 --> 00:40:34,888
Looks like Dean Gordon installed
that new surveillance system
677
00:40:34,932 --> 00:40:36,764
just in time.
678
00:40:38,570 --> 00:40:41,802
Oh, right, you wouldn't know.
679
00:40:41,841 --> 00:40:43,433
I mean, I only know
because, of course,
680
00:40:43,476 --> 00:40:46,571
you know, I tutor his son Mark
and I overheard it.
681
00:40:46,613 --> 00:40:49,776
Cameras everywhere.
682
00:40:49,816 --> 00:40:53,275
It's an Orwellian wet dream.
683
00:41:01,198 --> 00:41:02,688
- Henry, slow down.
- We're going to jail.
684
00:41:02,732 --> 00:41:04,360
- Gordon caught us on camera.
- We don't know that.
685
00:41:04,402 --> 00:41:06,870
- And even if he did, we can fix this.
- Yeah? How?
686
00:41:06,904 --> 00:41:08,804
I don't know, the footage...
we don't even know if they watched it.
687
00:41:08,839 --> 00:41:11,104
- We'll just fuckir find it.
- Dr. Gordors son.
688
00:41:11,143 --> 00:41:12,770
Let's go have a chat
with that veining dildo.
689
00:41:12,811 --> 00:41:14,279
Wait, no, no, no. I can't.
I'm late for my first final.
690
00:41:14,314 --> 00:41:15,406
Forget your final.
This is important.
691
00:41:15,448 --> 00:41:17,416
You don't get it, man. If I screw up
my final, I'm just as fucked.
692
00:41:17,450 --> 00:41:18,941
Okay, I'll find that pimply dipshit
and then I'll text you.
693
00:41:18,986 --> 00:41:20,688
All right.
Thanks, man.
694
00:41:22,089 --> 00:41:23,751
I'ma tell you what hurts...
695
00:41:23,792 --> 00:41:25,453
having a daddy with glaucoma.
696
00:41:25,493 --> 00:41:27,461
Old man couldn't see shit.
697
00:41:27,495 --> 00:41:30,693
So I tried to score him, you know,
an ounce of Chocolate Thai...
698
00:41:34,838 --> 00:41:36,999
Uh...
699
00:41:55,096 --> 00:41:59,033
This is cra... this is crazy.
700
00:41:59,067 --> 00:42:02,333
We are proud to have awarded
an academic scholarship
701
00:42:02,372 --> 00:42:06,207
to one of only three living
human beings to have beaten
702
00:42:06,243 --> 00:42:09,974
the Carnegie Mellon Red One
Supercomputer at chess:
703
00:42:10,014 --> 00:42:11,505
Edwin Hunter.
704
00:42:11,549 --> 00:42:16,078
Elo rated as the third best
chess player on the planet Earth.
705
00:42:18,324 --> 00:42:22,125
It looks like Edwin
will have the first move
706
00:42:22,162 --> 00:42:24,153
because he's white.
707
00:42:25,733 --> 00:42:30,762
I mean... the white pieces.
708
00:42:30,806 --> 00:42:33,331
White always goes first.
709
00:42:33,375 --> 00:42:35,674
I mean, that is...
710
00:42:35,712 --> 00:42:38,681
the person with the white...
oh, look.
711
00:42:39,850 --> 00:42:43,411
This pawn looks like
my Uncle Neville's
712
00:42:43,454 --> 00:42:45,650
elongated nipple.
713
00:42:47,759 --> 00:42:51,526
- Rest in peace, you slut.
- Music! Ahem.
714
00:42:51,564 --> 00:42:53,999
Would you all like to listen
to some music?
715
00:43:03,546 --> 00:43:04,740
Dude, the white judge...
716
00:43:04,780 --> 00:43:08,512
the white judge knocked me
to the joint for 25 to life
717
00:43:08,552 --> 00:43:11,214
for some fuckir sinsemilla, man.
718
00:43:11,254 --> 00:43:13,314
We already heard
that one, too, asshole.
719
00:43:13,358 --> 00:43:15,019
Well, the world need to hear it,
720
00:43:15,059 --> 00:43:18,325
and they will in my book,
721
00:43:18,364 --> 00:43:21,026
"Alcatrizaz."
722
00:43:21,066 --> 00:43:22,591
Shit.
723
00:43:32,013 --> 00:43:34,481
That sounded like a wet fart.
724
00:43:34,516 --> 00:43:38,419
Well, you'd know, incontinent slank.
725
00:43:38,454 --> 00:43:41,083
What the hell is going on
around this place?
726
00:43:41,125 --> 00:43:43,059
Is someone trying
to sabotage me?
727
00:43:43,093 --> 00:43:47,428
- Are you trying to bring me down?
- Jesus, no. I've been paging you.
728
00:43:47,465 --> 00:43:51,300
No drug tests! No drug tests!
729
00:43:51,337 --> 00:43:53,635
Hmm.
Batteries must have died.
730
00:43:53,672 --> 00:43:56,608
Sir, we've had
an unusual number
731
00:43:56,643 --> 00:44:01,104
of students and faculty
complaining of...
732
00:44:01,149 --> 00:44:05,314
confusion and... and dizziness.
733
00:44:05,354 --> 00:44:07,822
I haven't been feeling
so sweet myself,
734
00:44:07,856 --> 00:44:10,724
so I was thinking that maybe
it was a gas leak,
735
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:12,625
so I called in
736
00:44:12,662 --> 00:44:16,895
an emergency...
work... thingy.
737
00:44:16,934 --> 00:44:20,234
I want answers. Brainstorm this thing.
738
00:44:20,272 --> 00:44:22,297
There he is!
739
00:44:22,340 --> 00:44:24,901
What about our childrers
right to privacy?
740
00:44:24,944 --> 00:44:28,403
- No unlawful search and seizure.
- Yeah, fuck you!
741
00:44:28,449 --> 00:44:31,816
- Fuck you!
- Man: Who do you think you are?!
742
00:44:31,852 --> 00:44:34,913
Oh, fuck, man.
743
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,490
Ah, shit.
744
00:44:40,529 --> 00:44:42,361
- Hey.
- What?
745
00:44:42,399 --> 00:44:44,367
You made me drop
my ice cream.
746
00:44:44,401 --> 00:44:47,098
Why the fuck would you be eating it
like that on a day like today?
747
00:44:47,138 --> 00:44:51,040
Because it tastes ambrosian
when I'm buttstonked,
748
00:44:51,075 --> 00:44:54,102
but don't tell the cops that
when they arrive.
749
00:44:54,146 --> 00:44:56,775
I'm on probation for a misdemeanor
possession charge.
750
00:44:56,816 --> 00:44:58,750
- What?
- Shit.
751
00:44:58,785 --> 00:45:01,721
You didn't think about gettir
no fuckir Slurpee, kid?
752
00:45:01,755 --> 00:45:03,120
You like Slurpees, don't you?
753
00:45:03,157 --> 00:45:05,455
- Who me?
- No, the...
754
00:45:08,530 --> 00:45:11,125
Man:
Oh, man.
755
00:45:13,202 --> 00:45:15,170
- Fuck.
- What?
756
00:45:15,204 --> 00:45:17,366
- What?
- Shit.
757
00:45:17,407 --> 00:45:20,536
- Fuck.
- What?
758
00:45:20,578 --> 00:45:23,376
- Fuck.
- Paranoid and Charlyne: What?
759
00:45:23,414 --> 00:45:25,542
- What?
- Fuck.
760
00:45:25,584 --> 00:45:27,381
What?!
761
00:45:31,324 --> 00:45:33,349
Get the fuck out of here.
762
00:45:45,942 --> 00:45:49,379
- I'm melting!
- Martin.
763
00:45:49,413 --> 00:45:52,610
How many brownies did you eat?
764
00:45:56,254 --> 00:45:59,850
- 14?
- Jesus H. Christ.
765
00:46:02,128 --> 00:46:03,926
Martin, look at me.
766
00:46:03,964 --> 00:46:06,626
You are really stoned right now, man.
767
00:46:06,667 --> 00:46:09,228
You look like you're about
to summit Mt. Zion.
768
00:46:09,270 --> 00:46:10,999
We'll tell your daddy.
769
00:46:11,039 --> 00:46:14,669
You could get expelled, little man.
770
00:46:14,710 --> 00:46:17,509
Where do they record
the security footage?
771
00:46:17,547 --> 00:46:20,141
Huh? Huh?
772
00:46:20,183 --> 00:46:21,981
- Come on, man.
- Give the fuckir milk.
773
00:46:22,019 --> 00:46:23,919
Tell us, Martin,
and you get the milk.
774
00:46:23,955 --> 00:46:25,923
In the library,
in... in the back room.
775
00:46:25,957 --> 00:46:28,791
- My daddy has the keys.
- Okay, okay, okay.
776
00:46:28,827 --> 00:46:30,988
If you speak a word of this
to anyone and I'll make sure
777
00:46:31,029 --> 00:46:32,759
what you're feeling right now
is permanent.
778
00:46:32,799 --> 00:46:35,233
I'm the pope of dope.
I can make that happen.
779
00:46:35,268 --> 00:46:37,635
Maybe I just dosed the milk
you just downed
780
00:46:37,671 --> 00:46:40,367
with high-grade liquid acid.
781
00:46:40,407 --> 00:46:42,535
Keep your mouth shut, homes.
782
00:46:44,713 --> 00:46:46,477
Well, did you?!
783
00:46:52,289 --> 00:46:54,814
Die, Leonard! Die!
784
00:46:54,858 --> 00:46:57,191
I'm gonna murder you!
785
00:46:57,228 --> 00:46:59,059
Perhaps you'd like some lunch?
786
00:46:59,097 --> 00:47:00,690
This is great, man.
787
00:47:00,733 --> 00:47:02,166
How are we supposed to get
the keys from him?
788
00:47:02,201 --> 00:47:04,066
Are you joking?
I wanna see what it looks like
789
00:47:04,103 --> 00:47:05,264
when someone is murdered.
790
00:47:05,305 --> 00:47:06,533
Ah!
791
00:47:06,573 --> 00:47:08,268
What if we could unlock
the surveillance room
792
00:47:08,308 --> 00:47:09,708
without even going near
Dr. Gordon?
793
00:47:09,744 --> 00:47:11,871
How, man? How?
794
00:47:22,692 --> 00:47:27,323
# Watch out,
here we go again #
795
00:47:27,364 --> 00:47:32,393
# Just say my name
and I will bend #
796
00:47:32,437 --> 00:47:35,874
# I'll kill you with my words #
797
00:47:35,908 --> 00:47:38,935
# And I'll kill you with mine... #
798
00:47:43,685 --> 00:47:45,175
Gordors a psycho.
799
00:47:45,219 --> 00:47:46,709
He canceled his wife's
gym membership
800
00:47:46,754 --> 00:47:48,382
because he thought
she was fucking her trainer,
801
00:47:48,424 --> 00:47:50,949
but gave her a spare set of keys
so she could work out here.
802
00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:53,485
Must keep in shape
with all the sport fucking she does.
803
00:47:53,530 --> 00:47:56,021
- Wait, what?
- She's a cougar, dipshit.
804
00:47:56,066 --> 00:47:57,659
A fucking coug.
805
00:47:57,702 --> 00:48:00,000
What school have you been going to?
Everybody's fucked her, man.
806
00:48:00,037 --> 00:48:01,938
- I-I haven't.
- Well, everyone but you.
807
00:48:01,973 --> 00:48:03,873
- You haven't.
- Everyone but us.
808
00:48:03,909 --> 00:48:05,672
- The Daves?
- Shut the fuck up, all right!
809
00:48:05,711 --> 00:48:08,044
It's a breeze.
I go out there, I distract her...
810
00:48:08,081 --> 00:48:09,070
Wait, let me guess,
let me guess.
811
00:48:09,115 --> 00:48:12,142
While... while I commit another felony,
sneak into the mers locker room,
812
00:48:12,186 --> 00:48:13,881
and then bing, bang,
boom, and we dip.
813
00:48:13,921 --> 00:48:14,910
- Exactly.
- Right.
814
00:48:14,955 --> 00:48:17,356
You grab the keys from her purse
while we're having sex.
815
00:48:17,392 --> 00:48:18,882
What?
816
00:48:18,927 --> 00:48:23,331
# Just say my name
and I will bend #
817
00:48:23,365 --> 00:48:25,357
# With mine. #
818
00:48:32,477 --> 00:48:34,912
Mind if I turn up the heat?
819
00:48:35,948 --> 00:48:39,976
Wha... what do you...
what do you think you're doing?
820
00:48:40,019 --> 00:48:42,146
Having a hell of a day.
821
00:48:42,188 --> 00:48:44,054
Thought I'd chill
the fuck out in the pool.
822
00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:45,888
You know, get out of here.
823
00:48:45,926 --> 00:48:47,416
Get out of here
before you get yourself
824
00:48:47,461 --> 00:48:49,828
into some serious trouble,
young man. Okay?
825
00:48:52,534 --> 00:48:54,969
I won't tell if you won't.
826
00:48:59,276 --> 00:49:02,643
Look, how the hell
did you get in here?
827
00:49:02,679 --> 00:49:05,945
- Hmm?
- I'm... I'm into you.
828
00:49:05,984 --> 00:49:07,612
Seriously, I'm down.
829
00:49:09,588 --> 00:49:10,816
I'm calling the police.
830
00:49:10,856 --> 00:49:12,916
You shut your blood clat, Mommy.
831
00:49:12,959 --> 00:49:14,859
What do you tink
I came in here for?
832
00:49:14,895 --> 00:49:16,453
What did you just say?
833
00:49:16,496 --> 00:49:18,522
Let me peep them Babylons,
you ras-clat.
834
00:49:18,566 --> 00:49:19,897
All right, listen, you little bastard.
835
00:49:19,934 --> 00:49:22,495
I'm gonna have you arrested so fast
that your head will spin.
836
00:49:22,538 --> 00:49:25,974
- Do you understand me?
- I ain't scared of no 5-0.
837
00:49:26,976 --> 00:49:28,637
- Why are you talking like that?
- What?
838
00:49:30,547 --> 00:49:32,539
Oh, yeah.
839
00:49:43,496 --> 00:49:45,624
- What is that?
- What?
840
00:49:45,666 --> 00:49:48,134
Oh, I hear it.
841
00:49:48,168 --> 00:49:51,570
How weird.
Is someone here?
842
00:49:51,606 --> 00:49:53,267
Hello?
843
00:49:53,308 --> 00:49:55,504
Let's stop this.
844
00:49:55,544 --> 00:49:57,842
Amanda?
845
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:59,370
Hello?
846
00:49:59,415 --> 00:50:01,407
"Jizz coming out
of my Johnson..."
847
00:50:01,451 --> 00:50:04,011
- That's just creepy.
- I definitely hear somebody.
848
00:50:05,523 --> 00:50:08,424
"Hog in your mud..."
849
00:50:08,459 --> 00:50:10,655
Administration office?
850
00:50:10,696 --> 00:50:12,960
- Pass the towel.
- No.
851
00:50:20,474 --> 00:50:23,603
- Huh, that was weird.
- Yeah.
852
00:50:23,645 --> 00:50:25,237
I can drive tonight if you want.
853
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:26,508
Fuck, yeah!
854
00:50:26,548 --> 00:50:28,779
You were like the star of your own
ninja porno back there...
855
00:50:28,818 --> 00:50:30,683
"Enter the Cougar."
856
00:50:30,720 --> 00:50:34,555
- Watch this, biatch.
- There's the old sense of humor.
857
00:50:34,591 --> 00:50:37,082
He's holding out on us, man.
I know it.
858
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,662
Fucking notebook?
859
00:50:45,104 --> 00:50:46,731
Espa�ol.
860
00:50:49,242 --> 00:50:51,267
What the hell is this shit?
861
00:51:01,290 --> 00:51:04,727
Need to freshen up a bit.
862
00:51:13,505 --> 00:51:14,995
This is gonna get ugly.
863
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:18,374
A case can be made that things
have already gotten pretty ugly, Edward.
864
00:51:19,779 --> 00:51:22,578
You read my mind, man.
865
00:51:22,616 --> 00:51:24,811
How you be doing
that fuckir shit?
866
00:51:26,454 --> 00:51:28,945
You guys better wait here.
867
00:51:28,990 --> 00:51:31,551
- Gladly.
- Fuckir weirdos.
868
00:51:31,593 --> 00:51:33,584
Paranoid: Don't... don't...
don't make no eye contact.
869
00:51:33,629 --> 00:51:36,155
They've got laser blades.
They can reset your brain.
870
00:51:37,167 --> 00:51:38,657
Thanks for the warning.
871
00:51:39,737 --> 00:51:41,671
Flies in the web.
Yeah, we got 'em. Reel 'em.
872
00:51:50,416 --> 00:51:52,179
Okay, where's my piss pump?
873
00:51:52,218 --> 00:51:54,983
We have to rig that shit up
before we get chi-chi faced.
874
00:51:55,022 --> 00:51:56,387
Here.
875
00:51:59,461 --> 00:52:02,157
This one has a black
prosthetic dick, asshole.
876
00:52:02,197 --> 00:52:06,396
- What if they take a look, man?
- Maybe you just have a tan cock.
877
00:52:09,506 --> 00:52:11,133
Give me your cock.
878
00:52:11,174 --> 00:52:13,234
Looks Latino.
879
00:52:13,277 --> 00:52:15,074
Fine, take that cock.
880
00:52:15,113 --> 00:52:18,880
I'll wear your
black shriveled dick.
881
00:52:22,689 --> 00:52:24,179
Wait.
882
00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:28,321
Let's make sure there are
no motherfuckers in here listening.
883
00:53:12,615 --> 00:53:15,449
I'm a surveillance room key.
What do I look like?
884
00:53:15,486 --> 00:53:18,455
Move Neville's nipple
or suck on it already, biatch.
885
00:53:20,358 --> 00:53:22,826
- Try them again.
- I did, man, all of them. Twice.
886
00:53:22,861 --> 00:53:25,262
This must be the door.
So where's the fuckir key?
887
00:53:25,298 --> 00:53:27,027
What's poppir off, gentlemen?
888
00:53:27,066 --> 00:53:30,468
- Care for a bite, Henry?
- Uh, no, thanks.
889
00:53:30,504 --> 00:53:32,870
- I'm, uh, fasting.
- Oh, well, that's a shame.
890
00:53:32,906 --> 00:53:34,397
I've heard they're delicious.
891
00:53:34,442 --> 00:53:38,140
Too bad chocolate reminds me
of human feces.
892
00:53:38,180 --> 00:53:40,648
- Weird day, isn't it?
- It's high school.
893
00:53:40,683 --> 00:53:44,814
Everyday is weird.
See you, Sebastian.
894
00:53:44,855 --> 00:53:48,053
I found a dumpster full of brownies.
895
00:53:52,264 --> 00:53:54,562
I ask you,
896
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,001
why would someone
wanna throw away
897
00:53:57,036 --> 00:53:59,402
so many perfectly good brownies?
898
00:54:01,207 --> 00:54:03,904
You should have a brownie.
899
00:54:03,944 --> 00:54:07,608
- Pure THC kills nausea.
- Henry: Fuck off, Doctor.
900
00:54:07,649 --> 00:54:11,916
- # I am the walrus! #
- Boy: Coo coo ca choo.
901
00:54:13,489 --> 00:54:15,423
We should get this whole school
high more often.
902
00:54:16,460 --> 00:54:18,428
- More often?
- Yeah, on a scale
903
00:54:18,462 --> 00:54:21,296
between a prostate exam
and a reggae festival,
904
00:54:21,332 --> 00:54:23,630
it's somewhere around giving
your mother multiple orgasms.
905
00:54:23,668 --> 00:54:25,159
What kind of scale is that?
906
00:54:25,204 --> 00:54:28,037
You know, you find this
really fuckir funny, don't you?
907
00:54:28,073 --> 00:54:30,474
This could really tarnish
your .65 GPA.
908
00:54:30,510 --> 00:54:33,638
I mean, your bright future is totally
hanging in the balance, Breaux.
909
00:54:36,484 --> 00:54:39,511
Yeah, I... I do have plans,
for your information.
910
00:54:39,555 --> 00:54:42,547
The Daves and I,
we wanna travel,
911
00:54:42,591 --> 00:54:46,050
learn to play the sitar, and then
eventually settle somewhere else.
912
00:54:46,095 --> 00:54:48,086
Maybe Nicaragua.
913
00:54:48,131 --> 00:54:51,295
You know, and I... I know buying land
out there can be pretty sketchy
914
00:54:51,335 --> 00:54:52,825
because the government
can pretty much jack it
915
00:54:52,870 --> 00:54:55,635
whenever they want,
but fuck it, right?
916
00:54:55,674 --> 00:54:57,574
Wow, man.
917
00:54:57,609 --> 00:54:59,805
It's a hell of a plan, really.
918
00:54:59,845 --> 00:55:01,335
Oh, shit.
919
00:55:01,380 --> 00:55:03,212
- What?
- Hi.
920
00:55:04,885 --> 00:55:06,011
Where is it?
921
00:55:06,053 --> 00:55:09,581
It's, uh... it's gone.
It's gone, man.
922
00:55:09,624 --> 00:55:11,785
What?
923
00:55:11,826 --> 00:55:14,193
That's impossible.
924
00:55:14,230 --> 00:55:15,754
Where is it?
925
00:55:17,567 --> 00:55:22,301
There was enough kief to get
this whole fucking school high.
926
00:55:57,749 --> 00:56:01,242
You sick, twisted fucks.
927
00:56:03,255 --> 00:56:05,724
You did get the whole school high.
928
00:56:07,460 --> 00:56:11,397
Now... now, that's just the most
mental thing I've ever seen.
929
00:56:17,939 --> 00:56:19,965
But you pinched
the wrong mars load.
930
00:56:20,009 --> 00:56:22,375
Okay, okay, we'll pay you back.
We'll pay it back, okay?
931
00:56:22,412 --> 00:56:25,678
- You don't have enough.
- There's cameras, there's cameras.
932
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:28,014
There's cameras?!
933
00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:29,953
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- There's cameras?
934
00:56:29,988 --> 00:56:34,918
Where's the camera?
Where's the camera?
935
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:36,052
Huh? Huh?
Where's the camera?
936
00:56:36,095 --> 00:56:37,996
Where's the camera?
Is that a camera?
937
00:56:38,031 --> 00:56:39,362
- No, no. No, no, no. Okay.
- Oh, shit.
938
00:56:39,399 --> 00:56:40,832
You think I give a fuck
about cameras?
939
00:56:40,867 --> 00:56:43,268
The bake sale...
they're raising money.
940
00:56:43,304 --> 00:56:44,794
- How much?
- I don't know! I don't know!
941
00:56:44,839 --> 00:56:47,103
I don't know.
We'll pay it back, we'll pay it back.
942
00:56:47,141 --> 00:56:48,973
- We'll find it.
- I want it in an hour.
943
00:56:49,011 --> 00:56:50,308
- Two hours.
- What the fuck?
944
00:56:50,346 --> 00:56:52,042
Two hours.
Please, please.
945
00:56:52,082 --> 00:56:53,845
That'll get you
till the end of the day.
946
00:56:55,085 --> 00:56:58,419
And then we're gonna
have a very
947
00:56:58,456 --> 00:57:01,858
serious talk.
948
00:57:01,893 --> 00:57:05,329
- Huh?
- Okay, okay, okay.
949
00:57:05,364 --> 00:57:08,823
Does this happen to you a lot?
950
00:57:08,868 --> 00:57:11,202
What the fuck are we gonna do
about that freak Sebastian
951
00:57:11,238 --> 00:57:12,728
and Dr. Gordors
surveillance footage?
952
00:57:12,773 --> 00:57:14,035
Fuck that. Let's worry about
953
00:57:14,074 --> 00:57:15,804
staying out of the morgue first,
then jail.
954
00:57:15,844 --> 00:57:17,505
- What?
- We find the bake sale cash box
955
00:57:17,545 --> 00:57:18,705
and we pay off Psycho Ed.
956
00:57:18,747 --> 00:57:19,736
And we have a whole two hours.
957
00:57:19,781 --> 00:57:21,010
- Right.
- "Thank you, Breaux."
958
00:57:21,050 --> 00:57:23,678
Right, which gives us
till about 10 after 12.
959
00:57:23,719 --> 00:57:26,018
Fuck! No, I can't.
I've got my computer skills final.
960
00:57:26,056 --> 00:57:28,251
All right, I'll fuckir deal.
Go be a superstar.
961
00:57:28,291 --> 00:57:30,021
There's tape on the keys.
962
00:57:30,061 --> 00:57:32,393
- How am I supposed to type?
- Dana: It's a final, you 'tard.
963
00:57:32,430 --> 00:57:34,523
You're not supposed
to see the keys.
964
00:57:36,268 --> 00:57:38,600
I think.
965
00:57:38,637 --> 00:57:40,299
Miss Unger?
966
00:57:41,341 --> 00:57:42,831
Hello?
967
00:57:44,145 --> 00:57:48,707
Hello. I was just drawing
a picture of my cat Bryan.
968
00:57:48,749 --> 00:57:51,275
I named him after Bryan Adams.
969
00:57:51,319 --> 00:57:54,153
All right, let's take a test.
970
00:57:55,491 --> 00:58:00,623
Boy, he's a very sexy singer.
971
00:58:00,664 --> 00:58:04,328
I used to pretend
that my glass dildo
972
00:58:04,369 --> 00:58:09,171
was, in fact, Mr. Adams' erect
973
00:58:09,208 --> 00:58:13,578
glass-encased member...
974
00:58:13,613 --> 00:58:16,844
Because the forest wizard
had turned him to glass, of course.
975
00:58:16,883 --> 00:58:21,548
So only the moistened walls
of the village witch
976
00:58:21,589 --> 00:58:23,649
could return him to human form.
977
00:58:31,669 --> 00:58:34,297
Was that out loud
or did I just think that?
978
00:58:38,777 --> 00:58:40,711
Isn't this the administration office?
979
00:58:40,745 --> 00:58:43,977
No, it isn't.
It is my classroom.
980
00:58:45,051 --> 00:58:47,680
- I think.
- Are you fucking with me?
981
00:58:47,721 --> 00:58:51,749
Excuse me, is that the attendance list
I gave you this morning?
982
00:59:07,712 --> 00:59:10,511
You're positive Sharky
left the cash box in Gordors office?
983
00:59:10,549 --> 00:59:13,712
- Yeah. Look, the money's in there.
- Cool, cool.
984
00:59:13,752 --> 00:59:15,687
- So where's Sharky now?
- No, no, come on!
985
00:59:15,722 --> 00:59:19,124
Horny man, I need your magical,
geek power brain to be focused for this.
986
00:59:19,159 --> 00:59:20,820
No, man. Fuck that.
987
00:59:20,861 --> 00:59:22,488
I got the keys out of the womers
locker room, man.
988
00:59:22,530 --> 00:59:24,021
- This one's yours.
- That was simple.
989
00:59:24,065 --> 00:59:27,159
I had to tame a cougar.
This is the administration office.
990
00:59:27,202 --> 00:59:28,568
Yeah, you're the career criminal, man.
991
00:59:28,604 --> 00:59:30,538
- This should be, like, easy for you.
- Right. You're right.
992
00:59:30,573 --> 00:59:33,270
L... I'm, you know, suspicious.
993
00:59:33,310 --> 00:59:36,074
And you, you're the straight-arrow,
tight-ass geek.
994
00:59:36,113 --> 00:59:37,341
Oh, so maybe I should
smoke weed all day
995
00:59:37,381 --> 00:59:39,043
and I wouldn't have to do
any hard work.
996
00:59:39,083 --> 00:59:40,414
Yeah, well, maybe I should
get some straight As
997
00:59:40,451 --> 00:59:42,282
and hang out with some flip-flop
floobie-doos who eat glue.
998
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:44,380
Yeah, there's a minimum
IQ requirement to be in the auto club.
999
00:59:44,423 --> 00:59:48,451
Is there a minimum vagina
requirement to be in the IQ club?
1000
00:59:48,495 --> 00:59:50,827
No.
1001
00:59:55,603 --> 00:59:57,970
All right, we're gonna
have to clear the office.
1002
00:59:58,006 --> 01:00:00,804
Oh, fuck!
1003
01:00:00,842 --> 01:00:04,040
This is intense.
1004
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:05,638
Shit.
1005
01:00:05,682 --> 01:00:07,344
- There you are.
- Mom?
1006
01:00:07,384 --> 01:00:10,547
Oh, my God.
Dude, how blazed are you two?
1007
01:00:10,588 --> 01:00:13,581
You tried to hold out
on us, you fuck.
1008
01:00:14,593 --> 01:00:17,028
Oh, shit.
1009
01:00:19,332 --> 01:00:22,325
- Just tell my mom I love her, man.
- You tell her yourself.
1010
01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:24,963
- No, man.
- Pull it together.
1011
01:00:25,005 --> 01:00:27,839
Little Dave, you know that stunt
you've been yammering about?
1012
01:00:27,875 --> 01:00:30,106
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well, now would be perfect.
1013
01:00:30,145 --> 01:00:31,612
Why now?
1014
01:00:33,782 --> 01:00:37,344
We dosed the whole school.
We need a distraction.
1015
01:00:38,955 --> 01:00:41,117
- That sounded weird.
- What?
1016
01:00:41,158 --> 01:00:43,058
What?
1017
01:00:43,094 --> 01:00:45,461
Oh!
1018
01:00:55,843 --> 01:00:58,277
May I have your attention, please?
1019
01:00:58,312 --> 01:01:01,544
Witness the death-defying stunt
1020
01:01:01,583 --> 01:01:03,484
never before attempted.
1021
01:01:03,519 --> 01:01:08,184
Little Dave Klein is gonna jump off
the library balcony
1022
01:01:08,225 --> 01:01:13,061
on his motherfuckir skateboard!
1023
01:01:13,097 --> 01:01:14,621
Yeah!
1024
01:01:17,536 --> 01:01:18,867
The balcony.
1025
01:01:21,573 --> 01:01:24,008
- Go for it, Dave.
- It's suicide!
1026
01:01:24,044 --> 01:01:25,534
- Let's check it out!
- Let's roll this shit.
1027
01:01:32,621 --> 01:01:35,385
Whoo!
1028
01:01:35,424 --> 01:01:36,892
Yeah!
1029
01:01:36,926 --> 01:01:38,985
Whoa! Oh!
1030
01:01:39,028 --> 01:01:41,554
Whoa! Yes!
1031
01:01:44,568 --> 01:01:46,935
That was some
"Faces of Death" shit, homes.
1032
01:01:46,971 --> 01:01:50,099
- I can feel skin flapping.
- What?
1033
01:01:50,141 --> 01:01:52,770
Seriously, I think
I've ripped my sack, man.
1034
01:01:54,513 --> 01:01:56,448
I should have tenured at Stanford.
1035
01:02:20,145 --> 01:02:21,908
Tameka?
1036
01:02:22,981 --> 01:02:26,042
- Tameka!
- I'm sorry. There was an incident.
1037
01:02:26,085 --> 01:02:28,019
Here's your coffee.
1038
01:02:31,058 --> 01:02:33,823
- I'm so sorry?
- Thank you.
1039
01:02:35,130 --> 01:02:36,461
Is there anything else, sir?
1040
01:02:36,498 --> 01:02:38,626
- The gas man is waiting...
- No, I'm finished.
1041
01:02:40,770 --> 01:02:44,104
Actually, there is
1042
01:02:44,141 --> 01:02:49,341
one small thing I'd like you
to take care of, Tameka.
1043
01:02:49,380 --> 01:02:51,314
Oh, yes.
1044
01:02:51,349 --> 01:02:53,682
Yes, there is.
1045
01:02:59,459 --> 01:03:01,518
- The cops are coming.
- What?
1046
01:03:01,561 --> 01:03:03,086
- They're on their way.
- The police?
1047
01:03:03,130 --> 01:03:04,324
- Yes!
- No, t-tell them
1048
01:03:04,365 --> 01:03:06,196
- that's everything's under control.
- That's not gonna work.
1049
01:03:06,233 --> 01:03:08,998
Oh, God damn it!
I'll be right there.
1050
01:03:16,146 --> 01:03:18,580
- Yeah!
- Live the moment! Live it!
1051
01:03:21,586 --> 01:03:23,816
Fuck.
1052
01:03:23,855 --> 01:03:26,518
I lost count.
Fuckir singles.
1053
01:03:29,061 --> 01:03:33,226
$2,403.
1054
01:03:33,266 --> 01:03:35,758
- That's a start.
- Wait, a start?
1055
01:03:35,803 --> 01:03:38,203
- You said if we got you the money...
- I said that it will buy you
1056
01:03:38,239 --> 01:03:40,003
till the end of the day.
1057
01:03:41,376 --> 01:03:44,038
This shit ain't even remotely close
to the street value.
1058
01:03:44,079 --> 01:03:46,071
How much?
1059
01:03:50,788 --> 01:03:53,188
- 50.
- Thousand?
1060
01:03:53,224 --> 01:03:57,662
No, cents, stupid.
50 fucking thousand.
1061
01:03:57,696 --> 01:03:59,187
US.
1062
01:04:00,299 --> 01:04:03,997
Let's call it 49,
since I like you guys, huh?
1063
01:04:04,037 --> 01:04:07,200
You're both fuckir nuts. Huh?
1064
01:04:07,241 --> 01:04:10,143
- I'll be waiting in the parking lot.
- So you're just leaving, then?
1065
01:04:10,178 --> 01:04:11,668
You don't see
what's going on here?
1066
01:04:11,713 --> 01:04:13,113
You don't see
what we're up against?
1067
01:04:13,148 --> 01:04:15,412
We could use a psychoism fiend
with a lot of green
1068
01:04:15,451 --> 01:04:16,941
and you're turning your back on us.
1069
01:04:16,986 --> 01:04:20,218
Go take care of yourself, Ed.
1070
01:04:20,257 --> 01:04:21,554
Guess it's what you're best at.
1071
01:04:21,591 --> 01:04:24,356
I'm not fucking around!
1072
01:04:24,395 --> 01:04:26,625
The money or you're
both marked, man.
1073
01:04:30,202 --> 01:04:32,137
Weed legends or not.
1074
01:04:38,779 --> 01:04:40,940
We're live at the prestigious
Morgan High School
1075
01:04:40,981 --> 01:04:44,686
where a group of angry parents
are protesting the school's decision
1076
01:04:44,721 --> 01:04:46,678
- to drug test...
- Who are you?
1077
01:04:46,722 --> 01:04:49,714
- We're with Channel 5 News.
- That thing's on?
1078
01:04:51,228 --> 01:04:52,320
Yes, we're live right now.
1079
01:04:52,362 --> 01:04:54,626
What would you like to say
to Headmaster Gordon?
1080
01:04:54,665 --> 01:04:57,965
- Is he watching?
- If he were watching.
1081
01:04:59,037 --> 01:05:02,371
What do you mean "were"?
W- Was he watching?
1082
01:05:02,408 --> 01:05:04,934
- Is this the past?
- Cut the feed.
1083
01:05:04,978 --> 01:05:06,969
Is that that same school?
1084
01:05:07,013 --> 01:05:09,447
The gas company dude
says that it's not a gas leak.
1085
01:05:09,482 --> 01:05:12,043
We're checking the cafeteria
for salmonella.
1086
01:05:12,086 --> 01:05:15,250
I mean, what else could it be, huh?
1087
01:05:15,290 --> 01:05:17,781
- Asbestos?
- Those are the wrong symptoms, okay?
1088
01:05:17,826 --> 01:05:20,057
This is... this is more psychological.
1089
01:05:20,096 --> 01:05:23,931
It's kind of like
God's eye watching itself.
1090
01:05:23,968 --> 01:05:25,162
Jesus!
1091
01:05:25,202 --> 01:05:28,171
Why is everyone acting
like a bunch of baboons?
1092
01:05:28,205 --> 01:05:30,504
Yeah, I don't know.
1093
01:05:30,542 --> 01:05:33,603
It's... it's nuts, but we're having
1094
01:05:33,646 --> 01:05:35,944
a choice brainstorming session
just like you asked.
1095
01:05:35,982 --> 01:05:39,214
No one leaves this place
until we identify this problem.
1096
01:05:39,252 --> 01:05:41,982
Think, people!
This thing is out of control!
1097
01:05:42,022 --> 01:05:44,457
We have to shut it down!
1098
01:05:46,094 --> 01:05:48,359
What? Hey.
1099
01:05:52,969 --> 01:05:54,869
Just think, you did that.
1100
01:05:54,904 --> 01:05:56,735
How's that for an accomplishment?
1101
01:05:56,773 --> 01:05:58,435
Right?
1102
01:05:58,476 --> 01:05:59,966
Oh, come on.
1103
01:06:00,011 --> 01:06:01,980
Look, it's not like he's
irreparably damaged or anything.
1104
01:06:02,014 --> 01:06:03,038
- Leave me alone, Breaux.
- He's gonna be fine.
1105
01:06:03,081 --> 01:06:05,049
I am sick of your
pathological optimism.
1106
01:06:05,083 --> 01:06:07,609
My life is in the shit-house
because of you.
1107
01:06:07,653 --> 01:06:09,143
I didn't put a gat to your dome.
1108
01:06:09,188 --> 01:06:12,352
You smoked that fatty.
You puffed down. You got high.
1109
01:06:12,393 --> 01:06:15,021
You got you into this,
you judgmental hypocrite.
1110
01:06:15,062 --> 01:06:17,258
And to think I did all this bullshit
to try and help you.
1111
01:06:17,298 --> 01:06:19,266
I never had a single thing
to lose, dumbass.
1112
01:06:19,300 --> 01:06:20,791
Yeah, man, you don't need to tell me
you didn't have anything to lose.
1113
01:06:20,836 --> 01:06:22,599
Everybody knows that.
1114
01:06:26,109 --> 01:06:27,667
You know why we stopped
being homies, Henry?
1115
01:06:27,711 --> 01:06:30,146
Come on, man.
1116
01:06:30,181 --> 01:06:32,342
It's when your dad left your mom.
1117
01:06:32,383 --> 01:06:34,783
And that puts you
in the same place as me.
1118
01:06:34,819 --> 01:06:36,117
And having that thought
in your skull
1119
01:06:36,155 --> 01:06:38,123
scared the shit
out of you, didn't it?
1120
01:06:39,491 --> 01:06:41,483
That suddenly your life
could be anything like mine.
1121
01:06:41,528 --> 01:06:44,258
- That's not true, man.
- Fuck you.
1122
01:06:45,266 --> 01:06:47,359
You don't believe that truth,
then fuck you.
1123
01:06:48,536 --> 01:06:51,563
Go ahead, give up,
because I'm not done yet.
1124
01:06:51,606 --> 01:06:53,905
But I am sick and tired
of your candy-ass whining
1125
01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:56,309
when fuckir one door
separates us from that footage.
1126
01:06:56,345 --> 01:06:58,336
- And you can't...
- Man, even if we could get in there...
1127
01:06:58,381 --> 01:06:59,872
I mean, even if we could
destroy the footage...
1128
01:06:59,917 --> 01:07:01,384
I mean,
what about Psycho Ed?
1129
01:07:01,418 --> 01:07:03,249
Man, where are we
gonna get $50,000?
1130
01:07:03,288 --> 01:07:07,054
Who is Psycho Ed?
1131
01:07:07,092 --> 01:07:10,085
Suck my wispy left nut, Sebastian.
You don't know shit.
1132
01:07:10,129 --> 01:07:11,858
Uh uh uh.
1133
01:07:11,897 --> 01:07:15,595
I know that you two
got the student body
1134
01:07:15,635 --> 01:07:19,333
and the faculty high
on marijuana brownies,
1135
01:07:19,373 --> 01:07:23,003
all because you didn't wanna risk
screwing up your finals
1136
01:07:23,045 --> 01:07:26,139
and losing valedictorian to me.
1137
01:07:26,181 --> 01:07:28,480
And I know that
five minutes from now,
1138
01:07:28,518 --> 01:07:30,145
Dr. Gordon will know
as much himself.
1139
01:07:30,186 --> 01:07:31,175
If you say a word to anybody,
1140
01:07:31,221 --> 01:07:32,655
there's gonna be an 18-7
up in this bitch.
1141
01:07:32,690 --> 01:07:33,679
You feel me?
1142
01:07:33,724 --> 01:07:35,783
- Ah! Okay, okay. Ow!
- What do you want, Sebastian?
1143
01:07:35,826 --> 01:07:38,591
- Ow. Okay, okay. Fuck!
- What should have been mine.
1144
01:07:38,630 --> 01:07:41,225
And once you're exposed,
1145
01:07:41,267 --> 01:07:43,599
- I'll have it.
- Okay. Ow! Ow!
1146
01:07:43,636 --> 01:07:45,627
Sebastian, I'll throw
my English final.
1147
01:07:47,274 --> 01:07:49,868
If I fail it, you're valedictorian.
1148
01:07:49,910 --> 01:07:52,106
When you're expelled,
1149
01:07:52,147 --> 01:07:54,877
I'm valedictorian anyway, asshole.
1150
01:07:54,916 --> 01:07:57,579
By default.
1151
01:07:57,620 --> 01:08:00,647
But if I fail, you win
by beating my GPA,
1152
01:08:00,690 --> 01:08:02,885
by earning it in the eyes
of everyone else.
1153
01:08:05,530 --> 01:08:07,521
Fine.
1154
01:08:07,565 --> 01:08:11,195
If you fail, Henry,
my lips are sealed.
1155
01:08:14,574 --> 01:08:16,872
Yes!
1156
01:08:19,947 --> 01:08:22,643
Do you people even realize
1157
01:08:22,683 --> 01:08:25,710
the significance
of the Boston Tea Party?
1158
01:08:25,754 --> 01:08:27,915
I mean, think about it...
it was tea.
1159
01:08:29,392 --> 01:08:31,622
A mere beverage.
1160
01:08:31,661 --> 01:08:35,257
It's like the beverage
gave the oppressed people...
1161
01:08:37,701 --> 01:08:39,670
leverage.
1162
01:08:39,704 --> 01:08:41,069
Beverage.
1163
01:08:41,105 --> 01:08:45,133
- Say it with me, come on. Beverage.
- Class: Beverage.
1164
01:08:45,177 --> 01:08:49,012
Be-ver-age, you know...
1165
01:08:49,049 --> 01:08:51,847
Lick it real slowly, like...
1166
01:08:51,885 --> 01:08:54,116
like it was the nipple,
1167
01:08:54,155 --> 01:08:56,055
- the teat of your own mother.
- Beverage.
1168
01:08:56,090 --> 01:08:57,581
Beverage.
1169
01:08:57,626 --> 01:08:59,992
Ooh!
1170
01:09:00,028 --> 01:09:04,090
A sort of lurid chill goes
up and down my spine.
1171
01:09:04,133 --> 01:09:06,328
Don't stop!
Please, don't stop!
1172
01:09:06,369 --> 01:09:13,800
Beverage. Beverage.
1173
01:09:13,845 --> 01:09:15,938
Beverage.
1174
01:09:15,982 --> 01:09:19,941
Excuse me.
Is there a Mr. Henry Burke?
1175
01:09:22,923 --> 01:09:25,484
You haven't visited us yet,
Mr. Burke.
1176
01:09:25,526 --> 01:09:28,620
Can I borrow him
for five minutes, please?
1177
01:09:28,663 --> 01:09:30,655
Say beverage.
1178
01:09:30,699 --> 01:09:34,362
Nice and slow.
1179
01:09:34,403 --> 01:09:36,804
- Beverage.
- What the shit?
1180
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:39,674
- Beverage.
- Beverage, that's it.
1181
01:09:39,710 --> 01:09:43,305
Beverage. Beverage.
1182
01:09:44,315 --> 01:09:46,045
Thanks.
1183
01:09:53,927 --> 01:09:55,918
All right, turn around.
Arms up.
1184
01:09:59,134 --> 01:10:01,159
Any needles?
Sharp objects?
1185
01:10:01,202 --> 01:10:03,170
- All right.
- What's this right here?
1186
01:10:03,204 --> 01:10:06,174
Oh, it's your penis.
1187
01:10:06,208 --> 01:10:08,039
Sorry about that.
1188
01:10:15,420 --> 01:10:17,388
Where have I felt this before?
1189
01:10:17,422 --> 01:10:20,654
Campus Stadium,
best Dead concert ever.
1190
01:10:20,693 --> 01:10:23,959
I toasted one just before
they opened with "US Blues."
1191
01:10:23,997 --> 01:10:25,487
You were there, too?
1192
01:10:25,532 --> 01:10:27,660
You remember when we heard
that it was gonna rain?
1193
01:10:27,702 --> 01:10:31,263
And everybody joined hands,
young and old,
1194
01:10:31,305 --> 01:10:35,003
- and we sang that rain away.
- We just sang it away.
1195
01:10:36,612 --> 01:10:38,512
Fuck me.
1196
01:10:38,548 --> 01:10:40,277
Whoa.
1197
01:10:40,316 --> 01:10:45,050
We are all buttstonked.
1198
01:10:45,089 --> 01:10:46,990
Nuh-uh.
1199
01:10:47,025 --> 01:10:49,858
The sticky green.
1200
01:10:51,630 --> 01:10:54,861
The cannabis sativa.
1201
01:10:56,103 --> 01:10:59,698
The sinsemilla!
1202
01:10:59,740 --> 01:11:04,007
But how does someone
get the entire school roasted?
1203
01:11:05,414 --> 01:11:08,212
Oh, I... I got it, I got it.
1204
01:11:08,250 --> 01:11:10,242
I got it.
1205
01:11:11,588 --> 01:11:14,250
No, I lost it.
I lost it.
1206
01:11:14,290 --> 01:11:17,624
I lost it.
1207
01:11:17,661 --> 01:11:19,653
I had it.
1208
01:11:19,698 --> 01:11:21,791
You're useless.
1209
01:11:28,474 --> 01:11:31,967
Wait, wait. Welcome back.
1210
01:11:32,012 --> 01:11:35,881
- Woman: Oh, heart.
- Holy shit, that scared me.
1211
01:11:37,118 --> 01:11:39,917
Tameka, it's Brandon!
1212
01:11:39,955 --> 01:11:41,786
Quarantine the brownies
1213
01:11:41,824 --> 01:11:44,487
and send one away
to get tested, okay?
1214
01:11:44,528 --> 01:11:48,488
Okay. Oh, and bring me
a box of Cheez-lts.
1215
01:11:48,533 --> 01:11:50,296
All right, thanks.
1216
01:11:51,502 --> 01:11:55,234
Hey, Brandon,
how does a brownie take a test?
1217
01:12:09,357 --> 01:12:11,986
Attention.
1218
01:12:12,028 --> 01:12:14,394
Can you hear me?
1219
01:12:14,430 --> 01:12:18,128
Hello, this is Brandon.
1220
01:12:18,168 --> 01:12:21,900
Um, all uneaten brownies
need to be brought
1221
01:12:21,940 --> 01:12:23,498
to the administration offices.
1222
01:12:24,509 --> 01:12:26,000
Oh, no.
1223
01:12:26,045 --> 01:12:27,137
They have been contaminated,
1224
01:12:27,179 --> 01:12:29,340
so, please, don't eat them.
1225
01:12:29,381 --> 01:12:31,543
Please?
1226
01:12:31,585 --> 01:12:33,246
Don't... don't.
1227
01:12:33,286 --> 01:12:36,916
There is no need to panic.
1228
01:12:36,958 --> 01:12:40,360
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
1229
01:12:40,395 --> 01:12:42,329
Okay?
1230
01:12:44,066 --> 01:12:46,797
Everything is rad.
1231
01:13:09,998 --> 01:13:12,762
Mr. Burke, first time late,
1232
01:13:12,800 --> 01:13:14,735
ever.
1233
01:13:19,442 --> 01:13:23,379
Ah, well, it appears
you've all had a pleasant lunch.
1234
01:13:23,414 --> 01:13:26,474
- The salmon was boss.
- And the brownies were to die for.
1235
01:13:26,517 --> 01:13:29,453
So moist, so delicious.
1236
01:13:29,488 --> 01:13:31,718
Oh, my.
1237
01:13:31,757 --> 01:13:33,350
Shit.
1238
01:13:33,393 --> 01:13:36,021
This is a private meeting room.
1239
01:13:36,062 --> 01:13:39,328
You're fuckir with me.
Arert you?
1240
01:13:40,334 --> 01:13:41,825
I'm...
1241
01:13:46,642 --> 01:13:49,702
I just... I didn't
expect it to be so sad.
1242
01:13:53,083 --> 01:13:56,076
All those books,
all that fire, I...
1243
01:13:56,120 --> 01:13:58,611
- Are you done with that?
- Oh, yeah, go for it.
1244
01:14:02,027 --> 01:14:04,996
- Clean yourself up, Miss Tombs.
- Fuck you.
1245
01:14:05,031 --> 01:14:06,965
Oh, my God.
1246
01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:09,434
Dr. Gordon?
1247
01:14:09,469 --> 01:14:12,064
Brandon wanted me to tell you
that all the marijuana brownies
1248
01:14:12,106 --> 01:14:13,903
have been quarantined.
1249
01:14:14,910 --> 01:14:17,470
Um, what does she mean?
1250
01:14:21,351 --> 01:14:24,753
Um, there's been an incident,
1251
01:14:24,788 --> 01:14:26,380
but everything's
under control, I assure...
1252
01:14:26,423 --> 01:14:28,118
The brownies we just ate?
1253
01:14:28,158 --> 01:14:32,994
They were more than likely,
1254
01:14:33,031 --> 01:14:37,696
uh, tainted with, ahem,
1255
01:14:37,737 --> 01:14:39,535
marijuana.
1256
01:14:43,678 --> 01:14:47,239
Yes, I... I think you're right.
Do you all feel that?
1257
01:14:47,281 --> 01:14:49,375
It's kind of like my soul
1258
01:14:49,418 --> 01:14:51,784
were swimming
within my own flesh.
1259
01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:54,051
It's rousing.
1260
01:14:55,392 --> 01:14:58,191
I think I just came.
1261
01:14:58,229 --> 01:15:01,096
Next up... Mr. Burke.
1262
01:15:24,727 --> 01:15:28,596
Um, "To be or not to be"...
1263
01:15:28,632 --> 01:15:31,158
Shakespeare's great question
to his character Hamlet,
1264
01:15:31,202 --> 01:15:34,535
his great challenge
to his audience in 1600
1265
01:15:34,572 --> 01:15:37,838
and today,
over 400 years later.
1266
01:15:43,983 --> 01:15:46,452
Hamlet, huh?
1267
01:15:46,487 --> 01:15:48,512
What a fuckir pussy.
1268
01:15:48,556 --> 01:15:50,081
I mean, I didn't even read it.
1269
01:15:50,125 --> 01:15:53,492
I just Netflixed the DVD with
that "Mad Max" douche-bag in it,
1270
01:15:53,528 --> 01:15:56,965
but his uncle
iced his father, right?
1271
01:15:56,999 --> 01:15:59,935
Popped an 18-7 up in that motherfucker
and he's talking to ghosts and shit?
1272
01:15:59,970 --> 01:16:02,165
All like, "Daddy, Daddy,
what am I gonna do?
1273
01:16:02,206 --> 01:16:03,230
What am I gonna do?"
1274
01:16:03,273 --> 01:16:05,936
I mean, bitch, grow a pair
of clackers and snap out of it.
1275
01:16:05,977 --> 01:16:07,911
I mean, clearly this dude
needs some help.
1276
01:16:10,149 --> 01:16:12,913
Sad thing is
1277
01:16:12,952 --> 01:16:16,320
every time I think about Hamlet,
I think about myself...
1278
01:16:18,126 --> 01:16:23,963
too... too cautious, too deliberate,
planned perfection.
1279
01:16:23,999 --> 01:16:25,933
I'm reaching
for the unreachable,
1280
01:16:25,968 --> 01:16:28,904
something that, quite honestly,
I don't think is there.
1281
01:16:28,938 --> 01:16:31,498
And I get caught up in the bullshit
of trying to be perfect.
1282
01:16:31,541 --> 01:16:34,841
I forget about
what's right in front of me,
1283
01:16:34,879 --> 01:16:38,543
like the... like the other
aspects of my life.
1284
01:16:40,819 --> 01:16:44,984
My mom's gonna love me
whether or not I go to MIT.
1285
01:16:45,024 --> 01:16:47,550
And, you know,
being valedictorian
1286
01:16:47,594 --> 01:16:49,084
is not that big a deal, really.
1287
01:16:49,129 --> 01:16:50,893
I mean, it may seem
important now,
1288
01:16:50,932 --> 01:16:52,729
but in 10 years, you know,
that's just gonna be shit
1289
01:16:52,767 --> 01:16:54,735
that made me miss
the other moments,
1290
01:16:54,769 --> 01:16:58,672
the stuff I wanted to do
1291
01:16:58,707 --> 01:17:01,905
but I talked myself out of,
1292
01:17:01,945 --> 01:17:05,677
stuff my heart wants
but logic would trip over
1293
01:17:05,716 --> 01:17:10,848
like grabbing life by the balls
1294
01:17:10,889 --> 01:17:13,517
and going after the girl
I always thought was hot.
1295
01:17:17,730 --> 01:17:20,063
She's too hot for me.
1296
01:17:22,369 --> 01:17:24,361
So what's the point?
1297
01:17:26,308 --> 01:17:30,302
When you want
so hard for it to be
1298
01:17:30,346 --> 01:17:33,144
and it's just not to be,
1299
01:17:33,182 --> 01:17:35,174
there's nothing
you can do about it.
1300
01:17:42,861 --> 01:17:45,626
Uh, so anyway...
1301
01:17:48,134 --> 01:17:51,797
Hamlet's a punk-ass bitch
and Shakespeare's massively overrated.
1302
01:17:57,613 --> 01:17:59,308
Oh, shit.
1303
01:18:09,627 --> 01:18:10,855
Oh, fuck.
1304
01:18:18,537 --> 01:18:20,732
Yo, Henry.
1305
01:18:26,648 --> 01:18:29,116
I'll go out with you, dude.
1306
01:18:31,553 --> 01:18:33,043
Yeah.
1307
01:18:34,757 --> 01:18:37,921
Okay. Well, that's all
I wanted to say.
1308
01:18:37,961 --> 01:18:41,125
# There's a lot of lies #
1309
01:18:41,165 --> 01:18:45,796
# I'd like to get out of my head... #
1310
01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:49,737
Jesus.
1311
01:18:51,044 --> 01:18:53,478
You're not sayir that because
you're high as fuck right now, right?
1312
01:18:53,513 --> 01:18:56,142
High as fuck right now?
1313
01:18:56,183 --> 01:18:58,117
# Out of my head... #
1314
01:18:58,152 --> 01:19:01,782
- We all are.
- # Out of my head... #
1315
01:19:08,665 --> 01:19:11,065
# Out of my head. #
1316
01:19:11,101 --> 01:19:14,833
Hey, I thought we had a deal.
1317
01:19:17,241 --> 01:19:18,675
You know what?
1318
01:19:18,711 --> 01:19:21,509
You can go fuck yourself,
you warped piece of shit.
1319
01:19:24,417 --> 01:19:26,578
Bravo, Henry.
1320
01:19:33,729 --> 01:19:36,596
Salutatoriars
a pretty big deal, too.
1321
01:19:40,303 --> 01:19:41,999
Tameka, have Brandon pull up
1322
01:19:42,039 --> 01:19:44,588
the surveillance footage
from the gym this morning
1323
01:19:44,623 --> 01:19:47,138
and summon Travis Breaux
and Henry Burke to my office.
1324
01:19:47,178 --> 01:19:49,669
Oh, and put on a fresh pot of coffee.
1325
01:19:58,125 --> 01:20:01,027
- Ahh.
- Right away, Dr. Gordon, but...
1326
01:20:01,062 --> 01:20:03,053
No buts, Tameka.
1327
01:20:03,097 --> 01:20:07,592
Except yours
in my face, you fuckir...
1328
01:20:10,573 --> 01:20:14,634
It's just that Travis Breaux
is already here to see you, sir.
1329
01:20:34,436 --> 01:20:36,996
# I know you're livir life
in a hurry #
1330
01:20:37,038 --> 01:20:40,600
# So afraid to take it slow,
'cause reality is scary... #
1331
01:20:40,643 --> 01:20:41,905
Henry Burke,
1332
01:20:41,944 --> 01:20:44,106
please report
to the administration office.
1333
01:20:45,849 --> 01:20:49,308
Henry Burke, please report
to the administration office.
1334
01:20:49,353 --> 01:20:51,651
Shit!
1335
01:20:51,689 --> 01:20:54,420
Where the fuck
is the administration office, man?
1336
01:20:54,460 --> 01:20:58,898
# Ooh, oh, how the hell
did shit get so real? #
1337
01:20:58,932 --> 01:21:01,833
# It's hard for me to deal #
1338
01:21:01,868 --> 01:21:06,636
# Sometimes I just sit and think,
I thought it would be... #
1339
01:21:06,674 --> 01:21:10,702
I've never felt so good in my life!
It feels so good!
1340
01:21:12,381 --> 01:21:14,508
It feels so good
1341
01:21:14,550 --> 01:21:16,883
to be alive
1342
01:21:16,920 --> 01:21:20,151
and an assistant dean!
1343
01:21:20,190 --> 01:21:23,126
# I swear I never felt so alive... #
1344
01:21:23,161 --> 01:21:27,360
Sunshine! Oh!
1345
01:21:30,369 --> 01:21:32,463
- Talk to me, Goose.
- Goose?
1346
01:21:32,506 --> 01:21:35,305
- It's me. I've got the video up.
- Bitchir.
1347
01:21:35,343 --> 01:21:37,106
So I'm just gonna burn a copy
and bring it up
1348
01:21:37,145 --> 01:21:38,476
to Dr. Gordors office, then.
1349
01:21:38,513 --> 01:21:41,449
No, wait... no.
No, no, no.
1350
01:21:41,483 --> 01:21:43,474
Make a copy, don't burn it.
1351
01:21:43,519 --> 01:21:46,080
Make a copy and then bring it
to Dr. Gordors office.
1352
01:21:46,122 --> 01:21:49,148
Don't burn it. Idiot.
1353
01:21:49,192 --> 01:21:51,593
Henry Burke, please report
1354
01:21:51,629 --> 01:21:53,119
to the administration office
immediately.
1355
01:21:53,164 --> 01:21:56,293
- Aw, shit!
- Busted.
1356
01:21:56,334 --> 01:21:58,825
- What do we do?
- Hide the rest of the evidence.
1357
01:21:58,870 --> 01:22:00,395
Where did we leave it?
1358
01:22:08,917 --> 01:22:12,409
Tameka: "Tameka.
Oh, Tameka, I need my coffee.
1359
01:22:12,453 --> 01:22:13,682
Black, extra sugar."
1360
01:22:13,722 --> 01:22:16,088
Choke on it, motherfucker.
1361
01:22:36,516 --> 01:22:38,917
Just set it down.
1362
01:22:47,730 --> 01:22:51,792
My lord,
that's fucking good coffee.
1363
01:22:55,940 --> 01:22:58,602
Big day for you,
Mr. Breaux? Yes?
1364
01:23:00,011 --> 01:23:02,071
Yes.
1365
01:23:05,084 --> 01:23:06,848
Fuck!
1366
01:23:13,227 --> 01:23:15,458
Girls: Whoa! Hey!
1367
01:23:18,767 --> 01:23:21,134
Just so you know,
I have surveillance footage
1368
01:23:21,170 --> 01:23:23,502
being brought over here right now,
1369
01:23:23,539 --> 01:23:27,203
footage that caught you and all
your demonic acts in plain view...
1370
01:23:27,244 --> 01:23:30,408
you and our valedictorian,
Mr. Burke.
1371
01:23:32,284 --> 01:23:34,344
Henry has nothing to do with this.
1372
01:23:34,387 --> 01:23:37,481
So, you admit that you did?
1373
01:23:43,531 --> 01:23:46,364
Normally, discipline
is a passive exercise for me.
1374
01:23:46,401 --> 01:23:49,030
On rare occasion
I do relish it.
1375
01:23:49,071 --> 01:23:52,633
I must admit that
when you go down, and...
1376
01:23:54,210 --> 01:23:56,872
Believe me, you will
go down hard for this,
1377
01:23:56,913 --> 01:23:59,178
I will consider it
one of the highlights
1378
01:23:59,216 --> 01:24:03,711
of my career... nay, my life.
1379
01:24:11,064 --> 01:24:13,533
Oh, no, helicopters.
1380
01:24:24,046 --> 01:24:25,912
What? What is he doing?
1381
01:24:25,949 --> 01:24:27,416
What's wrong with that kid?
1382
01:24:27,451 --> 01:24:29,715
I'll admit I'm no gem
of a student,
1383
01:24:29,753 --> 01:24:32,382
and for whatever stress I've put
my teachers through over the years,
1384
01:24:32,423 --> 01:24:35,621
I'm genuinely sorry,
but there's something worse
1385
01:24:35,661 --> 01:24:38,721
than a kid who breaks the rules,
fucks around, tokes down
1386
01:24:38,764 --> 01:24:42,963
on a bit of hakeem marijuolajuwon
now and again.
1387
01:24:43,002 --> 01:24:46,200
A middle-aged pimp
who pretends to be the judge
1388
01:24:46,240 --> 01:24:48,367
of all that is right
and good in the world.
1389
01:24:48,409 --> 01:24:50,275
What happened to you?
1390
01:24:50,312 --> 01:24:52,405
Did you fail miserably
somewhere along the lines
1391
01:24:52,447 --> 01:24:54,780
as a husband?
A parent?
1392
01:24:54,817 --> 01:24:56,341
You think that if you purify
1393
01:24:56,386 --> 01:24:59,049
your Morgan High
Kingdom of Nastiness,
1394
01:24:59,089 --> 01:25:00,386
you somehow purify yourself?
1395
01:25:00,424 --> 01:25:01,948
Is that it?
1396
01:25:05,330 --> 01:25:07,491
Well, the answer is...
1397
01:25:09,668 --> 01:25:11,158
no.
1398
01:25:19,013 --> 01:25:21,641
What the shit?!
What are you doing?
1399
01:25:21,682 --> 01:25:23,446
Get... get out of the van!
1400
01:25:23,485 --> 01:25:26,682
- What?
- Get out of my fuckir van!
1401
01:25:26,722 --> 01:25:28,748
You broke the law,
1402
01:25:28,792 --> 01:25:31,192
you dosed the entire faculty
and student body
1403
01:25:31,227 --> 01:25:33,219
with hazardous amounts of THC,
1404
01:25:33,264 --> 01:25:37,497
and you are going
to jail, Breaux,
1405
01:25:37,536 --> 01:25:39,800
where you belong.
1406
01:25:39,838 --> 01:25:41,966
Oh, hell...
1407
01:25:42,008 --> 01:25:44,875
What the shit?
You get the fuck out of my van!
1408
01:25:49,583 --> 01:25:51,347
Whoa! Fuck!
1409
01:25:51,386 --> 01:25:53,547
Oh, fuck! Oh!
1410
01:26:01,164 --> 01:26:03,962
Oh, piss is on me!
1411
01:26:09,707 --> 01:26:12,677
My God, he is good.
1412
01:26:14,146 --> 01:26:16,741
Checkmate, Navaline.
1413
01:26:16,783 --> 01:26:19,274
Checkmate.
1414
01:26:20,488 --> 01:26:23,423
You should see
your face right now.
1415
01:26:23,457 --> 01:26:26,655
You look like my cat,
1416
01:26:26,695 --> 01:26:29,597
Dolly,
1417
01:26:29,632 --> 01:26:35,367
just as we pierced her abscess
sans nitrous oxide.
1418
01:26:35,405 --> 01:26:37,839
You prick.
1419
01:26:50,824 --> 01:26:52,759
Tick, tick, tick.
1420
01:27:12,484 --> 01:27:14,543
Are the police here,
God damn it?
1421
01:27:14,586 --> 01:27:16,578
They're on their way.
1422
01:27:20,059 --> 01:27:22,893
Time seems to be moving
very slowly.
1423
01:27:25,132 --> 01:27:27,499
Jesus fucking Christ.
1424
01:27:30,773 --> 01:27:34,231
Aw, hell, no.
1425
01:27:34,276 --> 01:27:36,472
- What?
- What?
1426
01:27:36,513 --> 01:27:41,078
- What?
- What?
1427
01:27:46,191 --> 01:27:47,419
Dr. Gordon:
Wha...
1428
01:28:13,591 --> 01:28:16,151
Tameka, have any more
of that coffee?
1429
01:28:16,194 --> 01:28:18,720
Oh, yeah, I should score
some of that.
1430
01:28:18,764 --> 01:28:20,755
You already drank
all the coffee, sir.
1431
01:28:20,799 --> 01:28:22,460
Damn!
1432
01:28:22,501 --> 01:28:25,903
- Going to a Huey Lewis concert?
- Why? Is he on tour again?
1433
01:28:25,939 --> 01:28:27,406
Entrez-vous.
1434
01:28:27,440 --> 01:28:29,409
Sorry about the delay.
1435
01:28:29,443 --> 01:28:31,843
Something weird happened
to the ray drive.
1436
01:28:31,879 --> 01:28:34,178
Luckily, though, I was able
to make a back-up
1437
01:28:34,216 --> 01:28:35,843
before everything crashed.
1438
01:28:35,884 --> 01:28:39,048
Perfect.
Go on, show it to us.
1439
01:28:39,088 --> 01:28:41,556
If a picture is won'th 1,000 words,
1440
01:28:41,591 --> 01:28:46,029
then this footage should be
won'th 1,000 pictures,
1441
01:28:46,063 --> 01:28:50,865
which would equal
a million... words.
1442
01:28:52,772 --> 01:28:56,573
Uh, Tameka,
bring the Johnson file.
1443
01:28:56,610 --> 01:28:59,875
- Wait, this isn't...
- Dr. Gordon on TV: Shut the door.
1444
01:29:09,258 --> 01:29:12,353
- Where would you like it?
- The filing cabinet, please.
1445
01:29:12,395 --> 01:29:15,957
- Malcolm, what's going on around here?
- I'll show you where I'd like it.
1446
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:18,833
- What is... what... stop it!
- Sweetie, it's all right.
1447
01:29:18,869 --> 01:29:22,033
Dr. Gordon, get off!
That's my underwear, Dr. Gordon.
1448
01:29:22,074 --> 01:29:24,737
- What are you doing?
- Stupid elastic. God damn it.
1449
01:29:24,777 --> 01:29:26,870
- Get... get off of me!
- Daddy wants some chocolate!
1450
01:29:26,913 --> 01:29:29,109
Motherfucker,
this ain't "Monster's Ball!"
1451
01:29:29,149 --> 01:29:32,050
- Dr. Gordon, get off! Get off!
- Talk to me, baby!
1452
01:29:32,086 --> 01:29:35,181
I don't understand the... I...
1453
01:29:35,223 --> 01:29:37,817
- This is preposterous!
- Back up!
1454
01:29:37,859 --> 01:29:39,919
You want your nuts stapled together?
Is that what you want?
1455
01:29:39,962 --> 01:29:41,725
- No, no.
- What is wrong with you? What the fuck?
1456
01:29:41,764 --> 01:29:44,290
- I'm... I'm...
- Motherfucker, you ain't Billy Bob
1457
01:29:44,334 --> 01:29:45,801
- just 'cause you have a porn stash.
- What?
1458
01:29:45,836 --> 01:29:48,863
- Never do that... never do that again.
- I promise I won't, Tameka.
1459
01:29:48,906 --> 01:29:50,999
You don't understand.
My wife has crabs.
1460
01:29:51,042 --> 01:29:52,772
- Ooh.
- I can't help it. I'm...
1461
01:29:52,811 --> 01:29:54,938
You two, you can go now.
1462
01:29:54,980 --> 01:29:57,278
Wait! I've still got your piss.
1463
01:29:57,316 --> 01:29:59,512
I've got your pissss.
1464
01:29:59,552 --> 01:30:02,249
If there's so much
as an errant molecule,
1465
01:30:02,289 --> 01:30:05,656
you will have to spend
the rest of your lives
1466
01:30:05,693 --> 01:30:08,754
sans a high school diploma.
1467
01:30:08,797 --> 01:30:12,234
That's assuming
inculpatory facts not in evidence.
1468
01:30:12,268 --> 01:30:14,532
Reveal your identity, sir.
1469
01:30:14,570 --> 01:30:16,801
- Shit, it's a trap.
- What?
1470
01:30:16,840 --> 01:30:18,808
The police put a transmitter
in my teeth.
1471
01:30:18,842 --> 01:30:21,505
I'm Edward Esquire,
cheese-dick.
1472
01:30:21,546 --> 01:30:25,448
And it violates
"Katz v United States," 1964,
1473
01:30:25,483 --> 01:30:27,076
when the Supreme Court
set the standards
1474
01:30:27,119 --> 01:30:28,848
for reasonable
expectations of privacy.
1475
01:30:28,888 --> 01:30:34,088
Certainly, one could argue
that piss is highly private.
1476
01:30:35,596 --> 01:30:37,757
Furthermore,
any statements by you
1477
01:30:37,799 --> 01:30:39,824
regarding these
two little assholes
1478
01:30:39,867 --> 01:30:42,428
won't stand up
in court because
1479
01:30:42,471 --> 01:30:46,272
you're blind off your gourd on
really high-caliber mari-hoo-hoo, bro.
1480
01:30:48,178 --> 01:30:50,147
Drug test his ass, man.
1481
01:30:50,181 --> 01:30:52,206
Would you agree to submit
to a drug test, sir?
1482
01:30:52,249 --> 01:30:53,739
- L...
- For the record,
1483
01:30:53,784 --> 01:30:56,015
he made it very clear
he didn't have any of the brownies.
1484
01:30:56,054 --> 01:30:58,648
Wha... honey-pie.
1485
01:30:58,690 --> 01:31:01,956
Would you agree
to kiss my hairy sack?
1486
01:31:01,994 --> 01:31:05,021
If you wanna sue this prick
for workplace sexual harassment
1487
01:31:05,065 --> 01:31:08,091
or, uh, score a chronic
sack of doobies,
1488
01:31:08,135 --> 01:31:10,764
just, you know, page me.
1489
01:31:10,805 --> 01:31:14,537
Uh, Mr. Esquire?
Can I have a card?
1490
01:31:16,612 --> 01:31:18,240
Did he molest you, too?
1491
01:31:18,281 --> 01:31:21,045
- In my mind.
- That's nasty, dude.
1492
01:31:24,689 --> 01:31:26,213
Thanks.
1493
01:31:40,708 --> 01:31:42,870
Dr. Gordon, what do you have
to say to the parents outside?
1494
01:31:42,911 --> 01:31:46,039
My... my balls feel all tingly.
1495
01:31:46,081 --> 01:31:49,279
Hi, son.
1496
01:31:49,318 --> 01:31:51,617
- Hi.
- Fuck you.
1497
01:31:51,655 --> 01:31:53,589
Oh, how pleasant.
1498
01:31:53,624 --> 01:31:55,558
10-4. Principal is in custody,
transporting back to station.
1499
01:32:08,008 --> 01:32:09,942
Take it easy!
1500
01:32:09,976 --> 01:32:11,672
Oh, I don't like that.
1501
01:32:11,712 --> 01:32:15,843
My colon.
Oh, my spastic colon!
1502
01:32:17,953 --> 01:32:20,354
Hey, you bastards!
1503
01:33:05,811 --> 01:33:10,215
We should, uh, you know,
kick it again sometime.
1504
01:33:10,249 --> 01:33:12,946
Come on, man.
1505
01:33:12,987 --> 01:33:14,648
- Be somebody.
- Oh.
1506
01:33:18,526 --> 01:33:19,959
Be somebody.
1507
01:33:19,995 --> 01:33:21,486
- Yeah, that's what I said.
- No, no.
1508
01:33:21,530 --> 01:33:23,054
- Be somebody.
- Be somebody.
1509
01:33:23,099 --> 01:33:25,192
- Be somebody.
- Got to... got to be somebody.
1510
01:33:25,234 --> 01:33:26,600
Twing, twing.
1511
01:33:26,636 --> 01:33:27,967
Weed done finally kicked in, man.
1512
01:33:28,005 --> 01:33:30,098
Yo, that's some
four-dimensional shit.
1513
01:33:30,140 --> 01:33:33,372
Where the fuck
is the administration office?
1514
01:33:33,411 --> 01:33:35,710
Are you fucking with me?
1515
01:33:35,748 --> 01:33:37,649
- What?
- What?
1516
01:39:12,422 --> 01:39:15,619
Beverage, beverage.
1517
01:39:15,658 --> 01:39:19,493
Beverage, beverage.
1518
01:39:22,367 --> 01:39:25,029
Class dismissed.
1519
01:39:28,507 --> 01:39:32,103
Cut.
112738
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