Original subtitles

I'm good

Everybody know my name, got money, got fame

Trying to get paid, I'm good

I'm good

...something good...

That's what's up.

What else is going on?

How's Davionte doing?

Oh, you know... Gata's still Gata.

Did I see your wife at the fundraiser last Saturday?

-Um... -What y'all got going on here?

-Hey. -Hey, baby. You remember Mr. Santos?

Aw, man, it's been so long, he probably don't remember me, huh?

- He's Kev-Kev's uncle. - Oh, my bad. How you doing?

I'm good, I'm good. On that notary grind today.

-Happy to help Moms out. -It look like the Feds about to crack it

Like you're about to put a wire on my mom or something.

We good, or what?

Nah, nah. We're adding your sister's name to the mortgage.

-Nothing serious like that. -Why you doin' that?

This is no big deal... just in case something happens to me.

This way, all of us, legally, will be good, that's all.

You know I'm older than her, right? Why you putting her name on it?

Well...

when it comes to things like the house, we just want to make sure that...

You think I'm unstable, crazy or something?

No, baby, I didn't say that.

But there's a certain level of-of-of financial stability...

You ain't got no job, bro.

A job? I don't need a job. I'm trying to get a career.

I'm pursuing a career, my actual dream.

Just 'cause you a little office manager, that don't mean shit.

Matter of fact, I ain't gonna be here anyway, man.

Now, why do you have to take everything so personally?

Man, I personally don't give a fuck how y'all feel about me.

Y'all discussing family business without me.

LD album drops today. I'm-a blow the fuck up, man.

-Fuck what y'all talkin' about. -Davionte!

Davionte!

I've been waiting on this moment my whole life.

Davionte!

DAVE

I don't know how much longer I can be up here.

I should have been the "I."

Chuck, you okay?

No, I'm not okay. This is horrible.

I'm so wind-burnt.

The sun is eviscerating me 'cause of the Accutane.

We really should have put your name on the billboard.

Why? You have me. You don't need my fuckin' name.

Chuck, it says Penith, no one knows...

It looks like a new Apple product, like a new release of something.

Is anybody paying attention at all?

-No. Not even a little bit but... -No. No.

So, like, so generate buzz.

Chuck, you're so high up.

Y'all giving out those Obama phones?

-What? -The free phones.

Oh. No, we're not, but we did... we did vote for him.

Okay, thank you.

Did she like it? What'd she say?

-She liked it. She loves the ad. -She loved it.

Fuck yeah!

Penith! Out now!

StreamPenith!

It sounds like you're saying, "Scream penis." Don't say that.

Hey, Chuck, you got to start doing something, like rap.

You got to get everyone's attention.

Yeah, rap a little bit, Dave.

I gotta flex, I'm the best, now I'm being direct

I'm unimpressed by these rappers that I see

In the press, I'm kinda vexed by the trash

Like I'm cleaning a mess, they as real

When they rap as a Chia's a pet

Their new stocks plummet,nmen's leg hair, they don't...

- Hey. - What?

Ariana Grande just dropped a surprise album.

How was it?

-Good. - Did you guys just feel a raindrop?

Chuck, I can't believe

it's actually hailing in L.A.

Looks like you brought on the bubonic plague.

Mom: WHERE ARE YOU? GATA, PLEASE RESPOND

Gata, right?

- What's up, bro? - Hey.

You know, just fuckin' chillin' really at the end of the day.

-You got the money, or what, bro? -Oh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, I fuckin' lovePenith, dude.

Hey, is it true that LD wrote the outro with pink eye?

Bro, you know this is only $250, right?

I told you $300.

Oh, really? No, no, no, it's all there, man.

You short, bro. This $250.

-Oh, okay, okay. Okay, uh... -I said $300.

Actually, if you got another,

I mean, I'll give you another $250

if I could get one for my girl.

All right, dawg. You gotta follow me on IG for this shit.

Oh, dude, on God, on God I will.

Dude, I mean, maybe, like, follow back, maybe?

Ha-ha! Get that... that LD follow.

Wait, wait, wait, this says "friends and family."

Is that VIP?

Man, this shit better than VIP, bro.

Come on, stop trippin'. You in the section.

You family now, dawg.

Oh-ho! Fuck yeah, dude!

I just got fuckin' GOATed!

Hey, man, like, but, like, when I get there, do I just...

Man, you're asking way too many questions.

I ain't even been there yet, bro.

-Just use your common sense. -Oh.

Gander up, show the wristband.

You band up, you're good.

Bet, bet, bet, bet. I'll PIBE, man.

Hey, I love this car, though.

I had the same one when I was in, uh, high school.

Uh, unexpectedly lit sound system, right?

Especially for the time.

Okay, okay, yeah, I'll see you at the album release party!

Fam! Gata, bye.

That's enough. Stop.

I waited my whole career to see what Pitchfork would give me.

Yeah, it's bad, it... But...

No, I wish it was bad. It's literally nothing.

They didn't review it.

I'm not even, like, a legitimate artist to, like, the media.

We have no placement. Apple Music, Spotify...

It's not on any...

It's bullshit. I know. That's why we're here to talk to him about it.

It's, like, I literally

have been working my entire life to make a debut album.

I feel as though I've made a classic one,

and no one even knows about it.

LD,you know. Why you trippin', bro?

Come on, you got to know you're the GOAT

before you actually become the GOAT, dawg.

Well, it doesn't matter if no one fucking is listening.

- Well, they... No, they will. - Hello, hello, hello.

Hey, sorry we're a little bit late.

Have we met? I'm Ryan.

I'm with Urban Marketing Division here.

Ryan, uh, where's Tessa?

She couldn't make it.

But we talked.

-I'm fully caught up to speed. -I don't understand.

It's-it's my album release week.

And on that note...

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get

a number one on your first album?

Number one? What do you mean?

Did the Billboard charts come out?

Number one comedy album in the country.

Fuck you, Anthony Jeselnik!

Comedy? I don't even...

That... What am I on the actual Billboard top 100 chart?

Ninety-one.

Top 100 debut. You did that!

- Ninety-one. - Top 100 in the world, LD ?

You charting like that, bro?

-That's nuts. -Country.

Still nuts. Hundo P.

Okay, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

I don't... I have no idea why people

are, like, celebrating such mediocrity.

Okay, it was-it was a little more crowded weekend

than anybody could have imagined, but...

we're just getting started, okay?

You know, there's a lot of traction around Delaware.

So I want to understand exactly what's going on there.

Delaware. We're pumping out Delaware stats now?

- It's huge over there. - I don't care about Delaware.

All I'm hearing is a bunch of nonsense.

I'm not seeing anything, Ryan. You've done nothing

as far as marketing or promotion at all.

Like, what are you talk... I'm, like, I'm on my billboards

getting, like, wind-raped. What are you doing?

Don't forget about your album release party tonight.

-Yeah. -That could generate a lot of buzz.

And we are gonna be all over that, you can believe me.

A lot of buzz? Ryan, are you a computer or a guy?

I-I... What are you saying?

Do you know what an album release party even is?

There's no buzz. There's no journalists typing about it.

It's, like, people, like, going to a bar and, like, having drinks

while, like, music plays.

Well... it might be a good idea for you, Dave,

to invite some of your celebrity friends.

Maybe they could come, they could post about it.

- Right? - That sounds like a plan.

Yeah, I'll just reach out to my most valued contacts

and be like, "Hey, everybody, could you do the biggest favor

"I'll ever ask of you and come see me

at my worst and low point?"

I'm humiliated right now. I'm not being seen.

Fuck that. No album release party.

-We are canceling that... -How you gonna cancel that, bro?

Come on, man, you've been prepping for this album

for your whole life. Be grateful, be thankful, bro.

-You got something to celebrate, bro. -Gata, stop!

Please? I'm not going to the fucking party.

- No way. Stop. Cancel it. - Okay.

Unlike our friend Gata here, who is a prodigy

at finding success in failure, all I'm seeing out of you

is failure that you've labeled as success.

I can assure you that we are going to do everything

in our power to make sure that you guys are happy...

But we're not happy. And on top of that,

I hope to God you have some trick up your sleeve

for our VMA performance, 'cause that's a big deal to us.

Yeah. The VMAs are the Super Bowl ofPenith.

Maybe it's a visual album,

and that's why this isn't, like, really registering with people,

but, like, this is everything, this performance.

Guys, listen, we're very excited about the VMAs, too.

But, as you know, the industry is still reacting

to the ripple effects of Ariana.

And we-we just found out

that she wants to perform at the VMAs now, too.

So, unfortunately, four minutes of the show

need to be taken from elsewhere in order to make room for her set.

What does that have to do with us?

They're gonna cut down your act...

Cut my act down? Cut my... By how-by how much time?

-I've been rehearsing for fuckin' weeks. -We don't know the exact number.

We got that on an email chain. We'll find that out as soon as we can.

Consult the chain and say,

"How long's his act, 'cause he's got to perform it at the end of the week."

Yeah, it's just a little late, uh, tonight.

Okay.

I want everybody in this room to know

that I feel very alone right now.

Dave...

Gata, let's go.

I joke a lot, I know

The voice inside of me is 12 years old

Yeah, I need guidance, I just turned 30

And I'm still freestyling

So this is how YOLO beats doubt

And hope breeds vows

I won't be proud till I'm crowned

You holding me down

Or are you holding me down?

Will I break out or will I break down?

I'm calling my shot, aw

This is my plot, aw

Just let me be not wrong

Everything is right in front of me

So I don't see what's right in front of me

I'm only seeing what it's gonna be

Bring the sheep to the man

I do everything I can

-Got a million on the Gram -Hey

Follow me or you'll be damned

North-side, East-side, Jesus Christ

Way, way, way, way, way up in this bitch

Count the days, it's almost here

-Talking cray, but you convinced -Wait

Heaven-sent, I am nothing like the present men

Wasn't fuckin' with the president

This world got way too sensitive, it's so evident

We let the devil in, I'm not a reverend

I'm irreverent, but still I'm colder

Than The Revenant, I'll put the effort in

To be a better man, let him in

Hey, I been walking around the town

Talking what I'm 'bout, walking all around

Drawing all the crowds, garnering the clout

Callin' all 'em out, following devout

Volleying the doubt, swallowing it down

Hollering it loud, they know not what they do

They trying to box in the Jew?

PG with the crack, had to come back

Got a lil' bread, took that, made a lot more bread

Now the gang getting fed, bring a lunch bag

All of my plans started popping in advance

All the seeds turned to plants, full circle

Like a hubcap, you can hear the chants

Everybody had a chance, everybody trying to dance

When I pull up with the jams, everybody going ham young man

Got a plan, they don't even understand

Stand, stand, stand, stand, stand...

I don't eat fruit

Or vegetables

I eat the pussy

And other stuff

-Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! -I don't eat fruit

-No -Or vegetables

-No fruits or vegetables -No, no

Or vegetables

-No fruits or vegetables -No, no

Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can or can't do?

I would eat your mama's pussy, but I won't eat no fruit

No fruits or vegetables, no fruits or vegetables

I am a professional at soaking grown-up genitals

Women look at me and know for sure

They heterosexual, they book me at the festivals

The crowd's been going testicles

That's a joke, that's a joke!

-Hello -Ha, ha, ha, they getting roast

Ha, ha, ha, that's a joke

That's a joke, ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha, ha

What a joke

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to introduce you to a very special friend,

the urologist Dr. Mecklebaum,

who will go through my body to show you my disorder.

I've had surgery as a baby.

But I am not alone.

Everyone you see on stage has hypospadias!

This...

is the Penith!

No, no, I'll never stop rapping

Everything I say I want happens

I'm-a get it, 'cause you know I gotta have it

I don't need to run it up, I'll quarterback it

I'm a corner pocket type of muthafucka with the 8-ball

Going in the muthafuckin' hole, dawg

Like it's game time, got this Lil Dicky

Getting scrutinized, I'm a big dog, woof!

Bark at a critic, I got real heart

Just admit it, I can't be stopped

Who you kidding, I know you thought I was different

I know

I be like, no more overthinking

I can't even hold on, 'cause I'm sinking

I can't even...

Okay, at this point,

you would simulate some sort of surgery

or operation or something.

We should talk about what you need,

from a tool perspective,

to, like, actually sell this whole thing.

Well, I mean, normally I'd just...

I'd just use a scalpel.

Mm. So kind of unimpressive, visually.

Do you have anything bigger? You got to realize

you're kind of at the juncture of medicine and stagecraft.

-Oh. Okay. -So it's... Do you have a bone saw?

Or... Different rules apply. How long was this?

- Still too long. - Way too long.

You guys making changes? I gotta know if you're gonna do that.

- There are gonna be some changes. - No.

I will email you all of them. Yes, there will be, Dave.

- I don't think we're making changes. - We have to. I'll let you know, Taz.

-I don't think there's... Why? -There will be. Because.

What do you mean? 'Cause it's so far over.

It's the best thing ever. I'm not changing it.

That's not gonna matter to them. They're gonna

pull you off stage. I mean, they're gonna kill the show.

-Big-time, okay? -Whew! Look...

-I don't think I can cut... -Bro, what if they pull him off stage?

Like, crazy, like, by the neck, like, choke him out, and, like,

the whole thing, like, some security guard shit, dawg.

-Just yank him off while he's... -What if they can't?

What if they can't? What do you mean, what if they can't?

What if they can't pull me off stage

because I'm actually getting a surgery?

You know?

Like, we do it for real.

Like, what's MTV gonna do? They're not gonna pull a guy off stage

if he's getting his fuckin' dick sliced open,

if he's under the knife, there's no way. They're not...

- It's, like, liabil... it's, like... - I mean...

Mal... function. It's, like, you know, they can't.

I know you're gonna give me 500 reasons why this is not feasible...

This is the greatest fuckin' idea you've ever had.

-You like it? It is. -This is genius.

-It's a genius idea. -This'll make so many headlines.

Every publication in the world would cover something like that.

I'm sorry, just so we're on the same page.

What surgery are we discussing here?

My second pee-hole. Let's clog it up,

so I'm no longer pissing on myself every day.

Sterility, you want to sterilize...

Sterilize it, add sterile, add sterility.

What do you mean? It's so easy.

-Isn't it a noninvasive procedure? -Yeah. I mean, relatively speaking...

It's a simple skin graft.

-We just have to... -Skin graft!

- Perfect. - Do I even need to go under?

Theoretically, no, no. You'd...

So I'm conscious. I could rap. I could probably rap.

100%. Doc, you have to do this.

You get some guy over there to, like,

apply anesthesia or whatever.

No, no. That's-that's John. John's a dancer.

-Rub cream. It's... -No, he can't.

-We got to get real nurses. -Well, I'd like it to be somewhat numb.

Man, this is way sicker than an album release party, right?

-Fuck yeah! Hell yeah! -Hell yeah, man!

Man, I always got this saying, man:

You can't be a priest with no arms,

but you can get some pussy, though.

Dude, that's true, dude.

Are you-are you not performing with him, though?

Because I've seen you on stage every time I've seen him.

Yeah, but this ain't no festival, bro.

This is big-tier, top shit, man, this some

awards show shit... they got to be, like,

artistically symmetrical and shit.

But y'all want to go meet him, though?

-Yeah! -Yeah, dude!

Look, obviously, we got a lot to figure out.

You make a list of exactly what you need

to pull something like this off in time.

Dave, you think you could take a picture with my friends real quick, bro?

Who-who... who are these people?

They're the homeys.

Gata, in what world is this the type of thing

you'd bring friends to?

Anybody who does not need to be here, leave. Bye.

Sorry.

Insurance... where are we at with that?

Because if they cover this...

-Get me that list. -Okay.

-Give me a couple seconds to... -Process it.

I understand. Take your time. Make that list.

Look, I think he's gonna do it, 'cause we have the history.

If he doesn't, so many doctors would do it... it's L.A.

-He's very replaceable. -Exactly. I-I need something

to really fuckin' explode here, because this is my last chance

to prove that I am who I thought I was.

You have 30 chances to prove this on tour.

-I don't understand. -I won't have 30 chances.

Because my tour's already being cut down and downsized,

and it went from, like, what I thought was, like, arenas to...

playing, like, local fuckin' 300-cap-room bars

and the Mass Insemination tour doesn't even have mass anymore.

We'll see how the ticket sales go

after we put on the greatest musical performance

in history this week, huh?

This is the type of fuckin' innovative leadership

I've been waiting for, baby!

What the fuck, Gata? He cancels the party

then he kicks us out of this? I thought you were his boy.

-I want my money back. -Have fun in your shitty fuckin' car.

You just need to choose the material of the graft.

Is it gonna be your skin or a cadaver?

I don't want to use either. Corpse's dick?

Yes. Don't think about it like it's a corpse. I mean...

- Hey, Lil Dicky! - Fuck you, man!

I paid $300 to go to your album release party.

That fuckin' hype man Gata gives me this fuckin' shit?!

Wait, Gata... The album release party

was not even open to the public. What did Gata do?

He sold me this fuckin' wristband to go to your album release party, bro.

I don't know why that happened, but I am sorry that it did, okay?

I will do anything to make it up to you, okay?

-Okay. All right. -I'm so sorry that

-you've been inconvenienced. -Chill. No, chill.

-Okay. I'm sorry. -Tell my ex that...

- She made a big mistake leaving me. - No, no, no.

-You're not gonna take a video. -I got it.

-It's okay. It's okay. -I'm rolling.

All right. Hi.

You shouldn't have left him for so many reasons.

Uh, he seems to be...

intelligent

and... strong backbone...

That's right. Fuck you, chip-toothed bitch!

LD thinks you're a fuckin' pygmy slut! Boom!

That is so good.

Sick, dude. Hey, we should...

uh, we should smoke... I feel like

you and I are, like, the same personality.

I'm just getting a call...

Hi, Mrs. Ganter.

No. I've been in rehearsal.

I'm sorry, it's crazy with the VMA thing.

He...

Really?

No, he left a while...

Okay. Wow. All right.

I'll talk to him. I'll... Yeah. I hear you.

I will talk to him. Thank you for the heads-up.

You have the worst fans on planet Earth, hands down.

-We have a situation. -What?

Gata's mom just called me

and thinks that he's having a manic episode.

He's ramping up or something, and he just bought a BMW,

and I don't know, it's a whole lot.

How could he buy a BMW?

-I lent him some money earlier. -You lent him some money?

I lent him $8,000.

-He said he needed money. -That's so irresponsible.

He said he needed money to get by.

Yeah, but we're over budget already on this show, dude.

Let me... I have to go talk to him and see, like,

-what the fuck's going on, okay? -That's fine.

Text me any info.

Dave, they're already getting started, so I got to know...

are you gonna use a cadaver or your skin?

I mean, they said you could use pig, if you want to use swine, you can.

I'm a Jew. I'm not using pigskin.

You're not kosher.

Okay. Text me all the things, okay?

-Color match, color match. -Okay, but...

-Just text it to me. -I need...

-I need a picture of your penis. -Okay.

There's a welcome mat

At the door

And if you come on in

You're gonna get much more

There's my chair

I put it there

Everything you see

Is with love and care

It's my house

And I live here

I wanna tell you, it's my house

And I live here

On the table

There sits a rose

Books of feeling

On the shelf above

'Cause it was built for love...

It was built for love...

It's my house

And I live here...

Hey, man.

-You good? -Yo, what you doing here, bro?

Want to sit down and relax for a second...

Sit down and relax, bruh?

I said, what are you doing here? You speak English?

Yeah. Uh, okay.

Gata, your mom... your mom called me.

And she told me that she thinks you might be ramping up.

I feel like I've had 45 seconds of a window into your life...

Bro, I can't use my energy in a positive way?

I'm shooting a video with Emma.

Emma? I don't see Emma anywhere.

Bro, she went to go get a battery.

Stop acting like a fuckin' dickhead.

I'm not gonna be offended by that, because I feel like

this isn't you right now.

Who the fuck are you, a life coach? This is me.

I'm standing right here, bro. You don't see me? I'm right here.

Okay, I'm just saying, like, when you ramp up,

you can get a little mean and irrational,

do things like buy a car, so...

Mean and irrational?

That sounds like you every day.

I'm not having a manic episode.

You need a polygraph or something?

Get the fuck out of here.

-So you're not ramping up? -No!

Great. Okay, so if there's no fuckin' episode or whatever,

then why don't we talk about how you're scamming my fans.

Selling wristbands to them behind my back.

What do you want me to do? Beg you for more money, bro?

Go back to running off on the bank scamming

-like I used to, dawg? Come on! -Honestly, I prefer any of that

to fucking my fans over using my name.

What do you mean, that's...

that's such a dirtbag move, Gata.

How often do you do stuff like that?

'Cause I would personally never do anything like that to you.

No, because you ain't never done nothing for me

in the first place... you ain't did one thing to put me on.

You don't even treat me like an equal.

I haven't done anything for you?

What do you... How about giving you a job? And a salary?

I'm sorry that I treat you like an employee

every now and then, when I fucking employ you, Gata.

I don't think I'm the worst boss in the world, either.

I literally came here to check on you,

even though you just left rehearsal out of nowhere.

I'm not even in the show.

You said anybody that didn't need to be there, leave.

Obviously, that doesn't apply to you. Like...

I do way more than my fuckin' job description, bro.

Am I hype man when I'm driving you around everywhere,

running errands when it should be Mike?

But you ruined that relationship.

Am I a hype man when I'm saving your ass at theBreakfast Club?

Oh, my God, enough of the overdramatic "woe is me" bullshit.

You know, Elz made all the music for this show.

You don't hear him hitting me and being like,

"I'm not on the stage." Do you really forget

that I just lent you eight grand?

And what'd you do, you went out and bought a BMW?

Do you have any idea how insane it is that you're driving

a nicer car than me at this point?

How the fuck is that insane? I can't have nice shit?

- You gotta be the one? - It's my fuckin' money, Gata!

No, you're acting like I'm blowing the money on dumb shit!

I gotta do what I gotta do to put myself on.

I ain't had no motherfuckin' bar mitzvah, bro!

I gotta fake it till I make it, just like everybody else!

You don't have to be like everybody else.

What do you mean? Hasn't my career

taught you anything in the regard?

-You don't. -Bro, that's the reason

why I got the job in the first place.

Right? 'Cause you thought I was with YG and them.

I buy a car for a video and I'm delusional.

But you buy a billboard, strap yourself to it,

for an album that nobody give a fuck about,

and Dave's a genius.

Okay. Cool. I have priorities, Gata...

something that you could probably use in life, you know?

Your fuckin' mom needs money,

and you're going and buying a car.

Well, when am I gonna be a priority, huh?

You prioritize yourself at every moment, Gata.

What are you talking about? Your whole schtick is

it's all about the gander and I'm gonna maximize

every single moment to clout-chase my way into fame.

You're gonna pull this shit

in the most important week of my life? Really?

Every week is the most important week of your life, man.

And you know what hurts me the most?

Why don't I have a song with you yet, bro?

How you think that makes me feel?

All my homeys asking me,

"Why you ain't got a song with LD?

You jumpin' on stage with this nigga everywhere."

I don't know. I-I...

Literally, you've never once approached me for a song.

What I gotta do, beg you every day to do a song, bro?

Any other friend would've just did it off the dribble, off the strip, bro.

Just 'cause we're friends, I'm supposed to just inherently

make music with you? Why does that compute?

Do my high school friends get verses? I don't even...

Bro, fuck your high school friends.

They're not on stage swagging out with your white ass, bro.

-You're using me. -I'm using you?

-Yes. Yes. -Really, Gata?

You want to know why I don't make music with you, Gata?

-You really want to know? -Why?

I don't like it, I think it's generic, I don't think

you put much effort into it, and I don't make music that way.

Man, you ain't even listened to all my shit.

You only listened to one or two tracks.

And you think that's supposed to make me sad?

I don't give a fuck. I make music for me, myself and I,

'cause I don't need nobody's validation...

Dave! Would you please be quiet?

Sorry.

You realize how inconsistent your argument is, though, right?

You don't need validation, yet you need a fuckin' BMW

to look cooler in a rap video?

Bro, I rap because I fuckin' love it.

Look. I'm in the closet every day

making music, pouring my heart out,

while you in a mansion rapping about "writer's block,"

ants and... Man!

Gata, can we just please talk?

And you know what breaks my fuckin' heart?

You can't even be happy

without people telling you they give a fuck about you.

And I'm the crazy one?

Hey, guys.

-Hi. -What's up?

- Everything okay? - Yeah, we good.

Yeah, so good.

Okay.

Well, I got the batteries, so we can start...

Actually, can we just, like, finish what we're doing?

- We're in the middle of something... - No, we're in the middle of something.

-I feel like you're just hijacking it. -Yeah, bruh.

I know we're not on your set

with all the catering fancy shit,

but you're on my set right now, nigga, and you got to go.

Get the fuck out of here.

Guys, it's the VMAs. We got so much more to come.

I know it's not the Oscars,

but at least they let me host.

Guys, we got Bobby Shmurda,

and Lil Dicky with a performance

that's coming up next. It's the VMAs.

Ally: I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU. GOOD LUCK!

You got to get him, like, three minutes before you actually need him.

-'Cause he's a sloth. -Yeah, yeah.

-The dude is so lazy. -Okay.

And, um, about the conversation we had.

The touring. Let... let's keep it between us.

-I haven't told him yet. -Oh, my God,

I can't believe you're gonna miss it.

Who doesn't want to go out on tour with their best friends?

Yeah. Well, you know,

you kind of got to keep clients and friends... separate.

-Hey, hey. -All right, we'll catch up.

Hey, kill it. Kill it, Dave.

Baby boy.

You ready to sodomize the world with that brand-new dick?

Is that ass-fuck?

It's the professional way of saying it, yeah.

-Yeah. I'm ready. -Yeah? Okay, good. Let's go.

I think you're really gonna like this recipe.

-Oh? -Yeah. It was my grandmother's.

I didn't really like my grandmother,

but I really loved her popcorn recipe.

-Well, thank you. -Just call me Orville.

Orville?

Uh, Reddenbacher. He's, like, the popcorn guy.

Okay, Orville, I'm sorry again.

It's just weirder if I don't, and then it'll be over, and...

No. No, it's fine.

I'm totally fine. It's just your ex-flame on TV

being super cool and rapping... I'm fine with it.

"Ex-flame"?

I don't know why I said that. I meant to say "ex-boyfriend,"

-but I think I'm just nervous. -Then you were like,

"I'm gonna do it weird instead."

-Yo. -Yo, what's good?

Okay.

- I spoke to the doctor. He's all good. Okay, yeah.

Hey, and if you want to call an audible,

you know, just "Omaha" that thing like Payton.

We'll be fine.

Yeah. I know.

I, uh... No, I just got to do it, though, so...

Yeah.

Have you guys talked to Gata?

-Like, how is he? -I talked to Gata.

He's fine. Just...

Worry about you, Dave, okay?

I know that I'm so bad at showing my appreciation in general,

but, like, probably especially to both of you,

and I just want you to know that...

you guys have made my dreams come true.

I am so thankful for everything that you do for me

and just everything that you guys are

as people. You're fuckin' amazing.

Just keep paying me to be your friend,

and I'll be there.

Love you, man.

Thank you for always being there.

I love you, too.

-All right, be careful, Dave. -I got it.

What?

- Are you teary? You're teary. - I'm fine.

Didn't I treat you right, now?

Didn't I?

Didn't I do the best I could?

Didn't I?

Didn't I give you everything?

-Didn't I? -Hey, everybody.

My name is Lil Nas X.

...You know it. Yeah.

And I have the biggest song ever.

Who's ready to have some fun tonight?

Anyways, this next performer's name

autocorrects to:

LOL Dinky.

Give it up for Lil Dicky.

Didn't I treat you right, now?

Didn't I?

They tried to tell me I was going cray

I been broke but had no breaks

They hear my dreams, they're like, "No way"

I don't change, even when I'm in my own way

-You good, bro -I don't treat my friends right

-Fuck it if I'm wrong if my pen write -You good, bro

Always looking for a angle till I'm square, though

I'm not always right over here, bro

You good, bro

We do the worst to become first

You know the deal, baby, love hurts

Just keep it real with me, no turf

All good, homey, what the fuck are friends for

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hands up! I need everybody in this bitch

to put their motherfucking hands up!

-Right now! -Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

We good

So good that it hurts so bad

I'm sorry if it's making you mad

-Hey! Hey! Hey! -You really are

We're playing hard, ain't no doubt about it, we good

-Now it's time to riff -Hey!

Looking like a motherfucker

-Can't tell me shit -Hey!

Looking like I'm 'bout to live my dream

-Fuckin' here -Hey!

I'm-a pack that motherfuckin' video

With my motherfuckin' friends, 'cause

We good

So good that it hurts so bad

I'm sorry if it's making you mad...

We good

So good that it hurts so bad

I'm sorry if it's making you mad

Hey! You really are

We're playing hard, ain't no doubt about it, we...