All language subtitles for Dave.S02E01.International.Gander.1080p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

I've never been coddled,
swaddled or fondled.

I've never been coddled,
swaddled, or fondled...

Ay, bro, they said they
ready for you.

Come on, it's his routine.
Let him do it.

I take it back, what ?
I take it back. Okay. Okay.

Don't be nervous, Dave,
everything's gonna be

exactly how it should be
because that's what you do.

I'm Maria Manzano,
Channel 9 News, back to Dave.

That part's a little icky,
racially.

Thank you, Maria.
Thank you, Maria.

Fuck it.
Let's just go.

Hey, you know it ain't nothing
to be nervous about, right ?

This is big tycoon status
shit right here, man.

He's not nervous.
Stop saying that.

- How can he not be nervous ?
- He's not.

He's ready, he's anxious.
He's excited.

Don't be nervous, David, okay ?

Millions of people are
about to be introduced to you

for the first time;
this is exciting.

- You're making it worse.
- Okay.

It's just like riding
a bike, though. It's muscle memory.

At this point, you've done this
thousands of times, I mean, come on.

Nobody in my family
is ever going to die. It's a fact.

Nobody in my family
is ever going to die. It's a fact.

No one's gonna die.

- I love you, Bubba. You'll be great.
- Shut up.

Korea...

Korean Music Awards.
Let's go !

And we got BTS in the house.

There's no BTS.

That...

Keep going, please.

What the fuck just happened ?

- Man, that shit was hard.
- I don't think it was.

The feed didn't even show
the whole thing.

- You're fine.
- It wasn't on TV ?

- No, you're good.
- Oh, my God.

- What is this ?
- It's bulgogi, japchae...

- What time is it, Dan ?
- It's 8:00 p.m.

- No, it's not.
- Uh, yes, it is.

No, it's not, we're on
American time, album mode.

- No jet lag, Dan.
- I thought that was a joke.

Dan, it's 4:00 a.m.
my time right now

and you're judging me.
That's a joke.

- Okay ?
- Don't trip, bro.

You can get us some more
weed, intern ?

This shit I gandered in
ain't gonna last us, bro.

Uh, o- okay.

Dave, you want your backpack ?

- I prefer you keep it on you.
- Okay, yeah. Sure.

Please stop presenting me
with the food.

- I'm trying to work on my body.
- Oh, okay.

Dave, we want to...
Hey, I- I want to eat it.

- Uh, you hold it.
- Oh.

Uh, big news. CL. We've got
five minutes of her time

down by the loading dock if you want to
talk to her about tomorrow.

If I want to. No, I'm just gonna wing
the first video

for my first single
off my first album.

Okay, well, use that charm
on her, all right ?

- Let's go talk to her.
- Okay.

Who is CL ? What does CL stand
for, Corean Lady ?

- I'm just joking.
- Have some fucking respect, Gata.

Chae-rin Lee.
She's a Korean pop star.

When you're big out here,
you get every stream.

Honestly, CL, I could not have
asked for a better guest first.

- You killed it.
- Thank you.

Change your name to CW,
because...

...I don't see any Ls
the way I'm looking.

Do you know when the song
is coming out ?

As soon as me and you make the best
music video of all time tomorrow.

Uh, by the way, I did do
some tweaks to the beat

and a few lyrics,
so now I added a drop.

- Okay.
- I want it to go crazy a festivals.

You know ?
This is a global song. So I, it's...

I just woke up in Korea...

Oh, I can't believe this.
My one day off just got fully booked.

This is crazy.
I can't live like this.

Have you ever read the Calvin and Hobbes
book The Days Are Just Packed ?

Ah, Gata, I don't know if
I can do another 16- our flight.

My back is killing me, man.

Bro, you gotta keep
the steak sizzling, nigga.

- Some things just must be done.
- Or I gotta stretch more.

Look at CL's manager.
Look at how he squats.

He gets so low to the ground, it's like
his butthole can touch the earth.

- Why you watching another man squat ?
- Because I'm impressed.

You talking about how low he getting ?
You about to blow my high, bro.

I'm about to bend the corner
and get faded, bro.

You always sayin' some
funny shit, bro.

You're lucky your finishing
your album right now,

'cause that's the only time I ever get
to be in one place all by myself.

I mean, for me, making an album
has been, like, psychological chaos.

You know, you only get one
first impression, and this is my debut,

so it's like it's got to be so smart,

so good at rapping, so poignant,
like, so reinventive.

So... So play me something.

Not my thing. You know, I wouldn't even
play anything for Obama, who's...

Come on, you have to play it
for your management or your label.

Those people are actually the last
people on the face of the Earth

I would ever play my music for.

Time to go. It's way too late.

Jae, did you know about this change ?
I needed a day off.

I'm so out of the loop...

...on the language.
Can I get a selfie ?

Make it quick, please.

- Okay.
- She needs her rest.

Wow. Okay. Uh...

All right. Iconic on three.
One, two, three,

Iconic. Yeah.

- We look great.
- Okay, gotta go.

- All right. Uh, take care.
- Bye, Dave.

- You too.
- Bye. I'll see you tomorrow.

Damn, bro, she look like
Iron woman, nigga. That's crazy.

You in your Mr. Miyagi bag
right now, bro.

You see what the fuck I do ?

International gander, bro.
That's crazy.

She look like a Korean Beyoncé, nigga.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Come on, CL.
Fuckin' like the picture.

Like the picture.

Fuckin' like it, CL,
just like the picture.

A'ight, G, you know
what the deal is.

International Gata out here
in Korea.

This the type of shit your bitch like.
Fuckin' exchange rate.

Wonton soup.
All I do is won.

This room is plush !

Man, this room is weak as hell.

These beds smaller than my uncle's,
and he in the pen, man.

Oh. Sorry about your uncle.

Hey, it's all good, we don't
want him out and about.

But this room is weak, man. I thought
it'd be more player than this.

I know, Gata. But we'll all sleep
on the floor if this shit doesn't sell.

Hey, is Dave always this tense ?

- He's not as funny as I thought.
- Yeah, man.

I love the guy, but he's putting
the finishing touches on his album,

so he's just going nonstop. You know,
you're seeing him at his worst.

I know you feel like
you're eating the most shit,

but trust me, we're all
getting our taste, too.

Dan, how many Black people in Korea,
bro ? I need to know the answer.

I'm not sure. I was born here,
but I grew up in Pomona.

And I bet you there's way less
redheads than Black people in Korea.

Here we go again. Dan, don't fall for
this shit, intern.

Seriously, bro, go to sleep,
get some rest.

No, it's real, though.
You know that, right, Dan ?

We're the only race left

that it's socially acceptable
to make fun of, to dog on.

You know how many gingers
have been erased from history ?

- No.
- Yeah, lots.

Thomas Jefferson, redhead.
George Washington, redhead.

- Santa Claus.
- Oh, Santa.

You see him with white hair.
That's how they paint him.

But he had red hair...

- Right.
- ...in the original drawings.

- He was quite musclebound.
- Wow.

He didn't have a gut.

- Can I go to bed now ?
- In great sh... What ?

Could I go to bed now ?

Yeah. Yeah, we have a long day.
Get to bed right now, Dan.

Go to bed. Got stuff
to do tomorrow, all right ?

I think you just...

- What is it ? Oh.
- Turn the thing. There you go.

I just woke up in Korea.

What's going on across the globe ?
L-I-L-D out here in Seoul

I got kimchi, I got it all

Bulgogi, galbi,
sam gyup sal

Gimbop that
ass on the wall

Back home, aw,
lil dick was small

What's poppin' ?
Korea, what is up ?

Let's drink Soju, get drunk
They love me right now

I took a shit in Korea.

Are the details Korean enough ?

Because optics are so crucial
with this video.

We're in a fucking race war back home.
Everything matters, you know ?

W... well, you... you are taking a shit
in downtown Seoul. So...

Dan... Why are you weighing in
on creative ?

- Translate.
- Be algorithmic. Please.

I have a real Korean man
right in front of me

that I came all the way
out here for. He's a director.

Just so you know, I did a lot
of research coming into this.

Right, yeah.

It's like, I already know
that when a Korean baby's born,

it's one, instantaneously.
Did you know that ?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- You knew that.

Did you know that 90% of the world's
consumable seaweed comes from Korea ?

I didn't know that. No.

No, the seaweed.
Tell him about...

Can we actually check out the set ?
I have a few notes.

What made you want to do
a K-pop song ?

How could you not make a K- pop song
in today's era ? Are you kidding ?

Every single video that comes out of
this country gets, like, what ?

Five million billion views in a day ?

It's the best idea I've ever had.
It's a fucking cheat code.

These fans affect, like,
global elections in politics.

I expect our video to get 300 million
views in the first day,

especially I'm being, like, funny.

Being funny is gonna be like being
Elvis out here.

- That's, like, an American tool ?
- Yeah. Aniyo.

- Aniyo. What ?
- Aniyo.

- Aniyo.
- Yeah.

Hey, can this whole thing
get, like, a little bigger ?

Like more circ and pompinstance ?

Like... I just feel like we're
really limiting the scope of...

- Big. Big.
- Big, yes.

- Action.
- That would be great.

- Yes.
- It needs, like, more scope.

- Oh, this is what CL's gonna wear.
- Great.

This seems, like, all-encompassing,
full-service Asian garb, right ?

- "Asian garb" ?
- Yeah, like...

In the sense that it would
reach all the lands.

'Cause, ideally,
if I could have it my way,

we would really pick off
all the nations. China, Japan,

like, Iran, Persia,
Sunnis, Shiites.

Everybody in the whole
fucking region,

all the lands, if they could buy
into this, that would be huge.

From a population and, like,
a view, like...

Just the analytics.

Can you just go get the ketchup that I
asked you for ? For my... Thank you.

- My packets are in my backpack.
- Yeah.

Where is my backpack,
by the way ?

I thought it was always supposed to be
on your body, Dan. Oh, my God.

- Okay ?
- Yeah, yeah. Good.

- Hey, Mike, where is she ?
- I don't know.

I've left her manager, like,
four voice mails. This is insane.

No ETA ?
We have no idea where she is ?

I have no idea.
I can't get ahold of anybody.

We have to start shooting
her scenes,

otherwise we're gonna be
going into overtime.

- Like, now.
- Okay, can you control your stress ?

Because when you get stressed,
I get stressed.

I am controlling.
This is me controlling my stress.

- Really ? That's crazy.
- Thank you. I'll do my job.

Gata, do you have any more of
that weed ? I'd love to smoke.

Bro, they big trippin' out here.
I tried smokin' earlier.

Bro, they flipped out on me, bro.
This is not L.A.

This shit's super illegal
out here, bro.

But thank God I got to blow some
last night by the car, man.

By the car ?
Wait.

I'm blowing bud
regardless, nigga. Fuck 12.

Hey, hey. We talked about that.
No "fuck 12."

- Just "some 12."
- Yeah, that's true.

Whoa. She can't be
in a picture with weed.

You got to delete that.

- Why wouldn't you warn me about this ?
- I didn't know you posted it.

You don't follow me ?

No, I- I didn't.

It keeps going to voice mail.
Okay ? So... What do we do now ?

Well, I think it's 'cause she's in this
fucking picture with Weed Man.

No. Weed's not...
Is that... is it a big deal here ?

Kind of is, yeah.

- Okay.
- Fuck !

Can we shoot this without her ?
Is that even...

Without her ?
She's a Korean pop artist.

You can't do a K-pop song
without a K-pop artist. Like...

- We leave tomorrow.
- I understand we leave tomorrow.

- Well, our budget's on fire, Dave.
- Yeah.

I'm not sitting here and waiting for
them to just come and hope it happens.

We have to, like,
proactively go to them.

So, find an address of where
her manager works or something.

You want to go to the office ?

I want to do something so we can maybe
fucking salvage this thing.

- Okay, I'll find the office.
- Yeah, let's go. Please.

Gata, come on,
we're going. Yeah. Let's go.

W- Wait, should I come ?

Nah, Dan, I learned Korean
when you were getting ketchup.

Hey. What are we gonna do
to smooth this thing over ?

Do people come, like, bearing gifts,
or, like... how can we... Gifts ?

N... That's, like, the last thing
we should be worried about.

I've been reading this article.

Apparently, like,
K- pop is super, super dark, man.

The managers control all
the aspects of their lives.

They tell them what they can
wear, what they can eat.

- Crazy number of suicides.
- So what are you saying ?

That the manager is not
letting her come to our shoot

because he saw the picture ?
Is that what you're saying ?

I think it goes way beyond that, Dave.
This whole thing seems to be run by...

...the Korean mob.

Listen... Fuck. Is that why she was
acting so weird around that guy ?

- Like, she was so tense.
- I know.

- Fuck.
- Yeah.

I got sucked last night.

What ?
You got sucked ?

Girl was crazy. Like, top dollar.
She blew my socks off, bro.

I'm talkin' 'bout
drenched me down.

- Where ?
- In the room.

- In the... in the hotel ? Room ?
- In the 'telly, man.

It was haunting.

- Haunting ?
- You saw ?

I was gonna, like, rearrange your bed,
but I didn't want to wake you up.

Very considerate, Gata.

Whoa, whoa, stop. What are you doing ?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey !

- What are you saying ?
- What are you doing ?

Why- why are you taking him ?
What- what'd he do ?

Yo.

- What the fuck was that ?
- We got to get off at the next stop.

- Hey, gotta be about the weed.
- Well, hold on.

If this is a Mafia thing,
I'm not doing anything about it.

We're getting off
at the next stop, dude.

I've had dinner with his mother.
I'm not getting off at the next stop.

- We have to get CL, so we can...
- He has your backpack, bro.

With your laptop.

He has your backpack ?

Tell me you backed it up.

Tell me you backed up
the album, dude.

No.

- No ?
- I don't make duplicates.

For the hackers.

We're getting off
at the next stop.

We have to get Dan
and your fucking laptop.

Fuck !

Gata, thank God you got this video.
This is insane.

Come on, Mike, I'm from the hood.
Filming the cops is automatic, man.

Hello ? Yeah, it's Dave.
From the shoot.

I need someone
that speaks English.

Do you know who these people are ?
They took our friend.

Okay, need it translated, then.

CL might not be coming, so we need a
contingency plan if she does not come.

- Bye- bye CL, potentially.
- How do you say "police" in Korean ?

- The director. The...
- Take me to... Take me...

Just need to talk to somebody
who can speak English, please.

Man, this shit giving me anxiety, bro.

- CL might not be coming.
- Hey, use Find My Mac, bro.

The laptop in the backpack
is gonna tell you where it's at.

Dave, give me your,
um, your iCloud.

Use the password document
that I told you...

I don't have it, otherwise I wouldn't
be asking you for it.

Well, I mean, I don't know
what you want from me.

Open up your phone
and give it to me.

I'm on the fucking phone trying
to save this video right now.

That is not what's important
right now, Dave.

So give me your fucking phone.

Man, y'all got me fucked up. I'm trying
to enjoy myself out here.

Gata, you think I give a fuck
about you having fun right now ?

There's so many bigger fish
to fry.

Does this seatbelt work,
sir, or no ?

- Does the seatbelt work, man ?
- Okay. Okay.

Can you take us here ?
To this ? Yes ?

Does this seatbelt...

Th... What did he do ?

Yeah.

What was he doing,
that- that guy ? Huh ?

How the fuck do you still have weed ?

He saw, he saw.
Next stop, jump out.

He didn't see. It's fine.

Which light ?
This one or the next one ?

This one.

Could you give us fresh air ?

I had farted.
So...

Thanks.

- Is he ratting us out right now ?
- I don't know. Hope not.

Give me the weed right now.
I'm gonna throw it out the window.

No, are you crazy ? Bro, I ain't trying
to get ASAP Rocky'd in Korea.

- I'm- a put this in my sock.
- No, don't put it in your sock.

Give me the weed;
Don't put it in your fucking sock.

- I ain't trippin'.
- Do not put it in your sock, Gata.

What are you doing ? Don't...
Give me the fucking...

What your friend look like ?

You know...

H- He's...

A... He's... Facially,

he's an Asian man.

Stiff, black hair.

He has a lot of
ketchup packets in his pockets.

- Skin...
- His name is Dan.

- Dan is his name.
- Dan ?

- Tan, uh, exterior.
- American Korean.

Come with me.

Did you know that 90% of the world's
renewable seaweed comes from Korea ?

C- Consumable seaweed.

Oh, yes.
Thank God you're here.

- Can you guys please call my parents ?
- Dan, what the fuck is going on ?

Okay, so you know how I lived here,
till, like, I was five years old ?

- Yeah.
- Okay, so.

Korea has this policy where,
if you're a man and you're born here,

you have to serve, like,
two years in the Korean Army.

Regardless of how long
you lived here.

- That's insane.
- And my papers came up...

At the train station, they saw me...
They think I'm dodging the military.

I... You're not, are...
You're not, right ?

I didn't know about
the fucking policy, Mike.

Or else I wouldn't have come
on this dumb fucking trip !

I might not be able to leave for two
years, dude. Two fucking years.

Damn, you on your
Nelson Mandela shit, boy.

They need to make a movie
about this shit.

I might have to join
the fucking army.

Yeah, that's very... It's a pretty
serious thing that's happening.

We'll make a call. Just relax.

I just want to go home, man.
All right ?

Me, too, bruh.
This shit is crazy.

Dan, I'm gonna get
the legal ball rolling.

It's fine. It's okay.

Dan, we need the backpack.

I... Look, I know it's crazy.
We need the laptop, Dan.

Please, I- I'm begging you.
Please, ask him about it.

It's important.
I know, I'm sorry, but please.

- We need that.
- We shouldn't be talking about this.

The guy's in fucking jail, man. No.
It's not the right time.

- What is that ?
- It's confiscated till I'm released.

Man, tell these fools
we tryin' to make an album.

- Our livelihood is at stake.
- Relax.

- No, no, shut up, Dave.
- No, you realize where you are.

No, shut up. That's everything we've
worked for, okay ? No, we need that.

Do you know what hip-hop is ?
It's an American art.

Don't piss him off, dude. Okay ?
Just call my parents !

Just calm down.
Calm the fuck down.

- You calm the fuck down, Dave.
- No, you're not.

Just say we...
Dan, please.

If you would just tell him, give
us the bag and we'll leave...

Hey, fuck you,
you fucking asshole !

All right ? The world doesn't
revolve around you guys, okay ?!

You are the one that should be in jail
for making that offensive video !

And I don't even like
your fucking music, all right ?

I applied for, like,
12 other fucking internships !

Man, the laptop ain't even
got shit to do with him, bro.

There's nothing on the laptop !
Relax.

- What the fuck are you talking about ?
- I don't have any other music, okay ?

I've been making it all up.
I have writer's block and...

I- I don't know,
I can't fucking make songs.

I've been lying...

and pretending.

There's no... album.

- What'd he say ?
- Just get out of here, man.

- And call my fucking parents.
- I'm sorry.

- We'll get you out.
- Fucking idiot.

I can't believe I put all my eggs into
that fucking basket.

You buggin', bro. This basket
the best thing I got going, bro.

Plus LD to go, bro.

Niggas where I'm from ain't
supposed to make it to Korea.

Hey. You good, bro ?

Not really, if I'm being honest.

Why didn't you just tell us, Dave ?

I don't know,
it's fucking embarrassing.

It's, like, I've been working on it
forever and I just can't make songs.

Do you have one song done ?

All I have is Korea.

Well, look, you know, where I'm from,
motherfuckas ain't supposed to make it.

To Korea.

We ruined CL's life for sure, but...
we- we got a job to do.

And I know I didn't take
a 13-hour flight, bro,

from South Central L.A. just to
see you sit here and look sad, bro.

Come on, you better get in your bag,
bro. Shoot a video, blow this shit up.

You want to be a legend
or you want to live like a peasant ?

All right.

Man, I feel like we've
soaked up a lot over here, man.

- Oh, yeah, like what ?
- Just the culture, the food.

- The bitches, it's different.
- Yeah. Different country.

- CL's here.
- CL's here ?

- Yes. We hurry. She very upset.
- Where is she ?

What the... Fuck. No.

No ! Fuck, fuck. Stop, stop,
stop, stop. CL, stop ! Stop !

Don't do it ! Stop !
Listen to me !

I know what you're going through !
I'm an artist !

I know what it's like
to be under pressure !

Look ! Look at me, right now !
I'm spending my entire

music video budget for
the whole year on a K-pop song

and you know what ?
I don't even listen to K-pop.

If I'm being honest about it,
I'm that desperate to succeed !

Okay, I know your manager
controls your life.

I understand, but I can
help you ! I'm American.

You have my voice now.

We can do this together,
just come down...

No !

Big action ! Huh ?

CL, you scared
the shit out of me.

- My God.
- Uh, Dave, who are you talking to ?

- That's a stunt double.
- Oh, man, I got to go sit down.

- This shit tripping me out.
- You're here !

Yes ! Amazing. I thought you
saw this picture with the weed...

- And there was this whole thing...
- What weed ?

- Nothing. Nothing.
- No weed.

It is very disrespectful for you
to keep us waiting like this.

No. No, you guys were late.
We didn't keep you waiting.

- You said call time was 8:00 p.m.
- I said it...

- It was American time.
- Mm...

So, Dave, about your speech...

You heard...
you heard everything ?

- Yes.
- Okay, um...

He told me about this article that was
titled "The Dark Side of K-pop."

- I'll let him tell you about...
- Yeah, I just, I- I Cliffs Notes it.

I think I didn't finish it and it's...
I think it's from 2016, it was old.

Okay, so let me get this straight.

So you come out here to
leech off of K-pop's success

for your own good,
you're late

and you blamed that on me.

You broke the law, and you thought
I was committing suicide ?

That's a concise summary of
what happened, but...

Here's the deal.
Your manager was being really

kind of rude to you
and there was a tenseness...

First of all,
this is my head of security.

- And the reason I was tense...
- No. Don't do that.

... was because I don't want any of
you guys wasting my time.

I love K-pop. I don't want to be
a part of you disrespecting it.

No, I'm not disrespecting it.
I think I love K-pop, too.

So let's make this video
together, please...

You know what ?
You fucked up... in Korea.

Annyeong.

- What's... What... ?
- Annyeong.

I'm not married to anything
creatively. We could change it.

Whatever !

Now I have nothing.

I took a shit in Korea