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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:07,007 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,186 - ( julia laughing ) - uh-huh. 3 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:21,289 - unbelievable, right? - is this insane? 4 00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:24,792 - larry, it's exactly the same. - exactly the same. 5 00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,994 - yeah, crazy. - I mean, my gosh. 6 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,296 It's like going Back in time 7 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:31,065 Or never leaving The past or something. 8 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,700 - right? - yes. 9 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,068 - it is. - yeah. 10 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,804 So you and cheryl Are back together or... 11 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,872 What's happening there? 12 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,609 No no, it's strictly Professional. 13 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,211 Oh, wow. 14 00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:47,981 I had no, you know, idea That she was an actress. 15 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,385 - yeah, she acts. - yeah, it's great. 16 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:56,023 What has she done? 17 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:59,760 You know, I don't know. 18 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,130 - she's done some stuff. I'm not sure-- - oh, really? 19 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:05,266 Yeah. I don't know exactly. 20 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:10,204 - we should get started. - okay, yeah, let's do it. 21 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:16,810 Hey, larry. I want you to meet My daughter, emma. 22 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,112 - say hi to larry. - hi, larry. 23 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,747 - hi. - I'm emma. 24 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,949 - hi, emma. Nice to meet you. - nice to meet you. 25 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:25,586 - how come you don't have Red hair like your mom? - my daddy's blond. 26 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,388 - do you want To give him a hug? - yeah, sure. 27 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,523 - she's been dying To meet you. - oh, wow, really? 28 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,525 - okay. - all right, Nice to meet you. 29 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,094 - nice to meet you. - go get something to eat, Okay, sweetie? 30 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,863 - I'll see you in a minute. - what a sweetheart. 31 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,165 She's great. Thank you. 32 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,866 That was really Sweet of you. 33 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,568 - oh, yeah, sure. - okay. 34 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,403 We should get this thing Going soon, huh? 35 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:45,139 I might be A few minutes late Getting back from lunch. 36 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,175 I have to take emma To the doctor. 37 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,909 - oh, really? - mm-hmm. 38 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:52,380 - is she okay? - yeah, she just has A rash on her pussy. 39 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,684 I'm going to get The table read Started, okay? 40 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,119 Good luck. 41 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,290 Hey. Look at you. 42 00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:05,693 This is very strong. This is good stuff. 43 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,095 - oh, yeah. You like it? - you done very good. 44 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:11,064 - I'm thrilled, thrilled. - and the stuff with-- 45 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,866 - what are you Calling her, cheryl? - no. 46 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,035 - is that the character's Name, cheryl? - no, amanda. 47 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,804 - oh, amanda. - yeah. 48 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:20,974 I got confused Because on the chair It says "Cheryl david." 49 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,411 Yeah, well, it says "Jason alexander," 50 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,112 It doesn't say "George costanza." 51 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,147 I understand, yeah. I'm just surprised. 52 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:31,084 I didn't-- I didn't Realize cheryl was-- Was gonna do the role. 53 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,554 Well, I don't know. She auditioned. 54 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,223 - did she really? - yes, she did. 55 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,758 - I wish I had seen that. - and she was the best. 56 00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,092 - really? - yeah. 57 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,829 Well, that's good. Who was the next best? 58 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,932 - don't know. - really? 59 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,835 - don't remember. - I thought we were going To stay in dialogue on that. 60 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:51,272 I would have stayed In dialogue had you Called me to dialogue. 61 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,675 - I was supposed to? - I was supposed to call? 62 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,910 Well, it's your-- You're the executive Producer. 63 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,213 - I mean, I'm just the-- - I'm the executive producer-- 64 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,382 - I'm just a minion. - right, and generally, 65 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:05,152 The executive producer Doesn't call the "Minion." 66 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,721 The minion would call The executive producer. 67 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,457 - I made a mistake. - you reversed it. 68 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:12,426 - I did. Look what I did. - look what you did. 69 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,095 Well, fortunately, It all worked out For the best. 70 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,231 - yeah. - all right. 71 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,100 - all right. - let's-- let's Light this rocket. 72 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,336 - okay. - all right, Let's send it up. 73 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,372 Oh, speaking of which, Do you have a pen Or a pencil? 74 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,040 I want to just take A few notes during. 75 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,809 - yeah. - ooh, very nice. 76 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,344 Look at this. Look at you. 77 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,913 - you return it. - no, I'm going To keep it. 78 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,215 Of course I'm going To return it. 79 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,118 - god. - what's the matter? 80 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,388 Well, I just got A call from my doctor 81 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,990 And he thinks That I might have Groat's disease. 82 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:47,160 So I don't know How I can be funny. 83 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:51,599 Hey, you know what? 84 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,101 Don't worry about it. Honest to god. 85 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:55,836 I know this accountant Danny duberstein. 86 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,238 He had groat's disease And he's completely fine. 87 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,207 - you're not just saying this? - I'm not just-- 88 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,075 - 'cause I don't-- - you know what? 89 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,477 I'll have him Call you about that. 90 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,646 - it's hard to concentrate. - I understand. 91 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,515 Listen, you're going To be fine. 92 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:10,050 - I'll have Duberstein call you. - all right, great. 93 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,719 - okay? - good, all right. 94 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:24,064 Ld, big day. 95 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,566 What are you Doing here? 96 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,601 - I'm here for support. - I don't need support. 97 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,937 This is-- it's not A social event, This thing. 98 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:32,039 You know, you can't Just show up like that. 99 00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,441 What are you So upset about? 100 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:36,377 You're not a-- You're not allowed To be here. 101 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,046 The only people From the show are Supposed to be here. 102 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,782 You know, If jerry sees you, He's going to throw you-- 103 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,651 You know, He's not going To want you here. 104 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,420 - why don't you ask him? - I don't need to ask him. 105 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,056 Ask him. If he tells me To go, I'll go. 106 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,429 - hey. - um... 107 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,631 This friend of mine Showed up. 108 00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,501 I didn't invite him. I just-- he shouldn't Be here. 109 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,936 - I don't care. Doesn't bother me. - but he's not supp-- 110 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,972 We don't Let outsiders in For a read-through. 111 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,474 He's not supposed To be here. 112 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,509 He's a friend Of yours, right? 113 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,243 - well, yeah. - yeah, so? 114 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,546 But I didn't invite him And we have a policy. 115 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,548 - what kind of policy? - yeah, we have a policy. 116 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,417 - I never saw a policy. - it's an unwritten policy. 117 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,218 - oh, the unwritten policy. - yeah. 118 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,654 - I don't want to Stand in the way. - no, stand in the way. 119 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,756 - I want you to Stand in the way. - no, I couldn't. 120 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,592 - stand in the way. - I would feel horrible. 121 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,827 No, don't. 122 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,963 - jerry, marty funkhouser. - hey, marty. How you doing? 123 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,465 - how you doing? - good. 124 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,000 - want to hear a joke? - no, not really. 125 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,702 He doesn't want to hear. We have a read-through. 126 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,704 - yeah-- - let me just get Right through it. 127 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,573 - okay. - a woman is very afraid Of the size of her opening. 128 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,942 - what is she afraid of? - the size of her opening. 129 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,677 So she goes To her mother. 130 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,846 She says, "What am I going to do? I'm so big down there. 131 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,915 When I marry harry, He's going to divorce me." 132 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,518 Her mother says, "Don't worry, sweetheart, It runs in the family. 133 00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,219 Do what I did When I married Your father. 134 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,388 Go to the market, Get some raw liver, Put it in there. 135 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,623 He'll never know The difference." 136 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,458 - oh my god. - so she does. 137 00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,360 They have Eight hours of sex After their marriage. 138 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:03,363 She wakes up at 10:00. He's gone, but there's A note on her pillow. 139 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,132 It says, "My darling harriet, 140 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,801 To think that I waited A year to consummate Our relationship 141 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,270 Makes my heart beat So loudly I'm surprised It didn't wake you up. 142 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,305 The only reason I'm not here now, Darling, 143 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:13,807 Is I'm at work To make enough money 144 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,609 To buy you a house, A picket fence. 145 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,310 We'll have dogs And children." 146 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,846 - this is not so bad. - yeah, this is great. 147 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,414 Will you finish The fucking joke Already? 148 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,249 "When the 5:00 Dinner bell rings, 149 00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:24,685 I will be home like The winged gossamer Of love in your arms. 150 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,554 Your loving husband, Harry." 151 00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:30,691 - aw, that's nice. - "P.S., your cunt Is in the sink." 152 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,662 Larry: You told your joke. Let's go. 153 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,697 - marty: how good is that? - it surprised me. 154 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,999 - it's great. - I had no idea it would Be that revolting. 155 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,401 Ladies and gentlemen, Please hold the work. 156 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,070 Let's take our places For the table read. 157 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,606 Okay, let's sit At the table. 158 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,140 Go sit in The bleachers. 159 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,177 - great meeting you. - yeah, nice meeting you too. 160 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,746 - big fan. - thank you, thank you. 161 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,915 I like that guy. 162 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,150 He's crazy. 163 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,687 Hey. 164 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:00,921 - I'm so nervous. - what? 165 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,890 Don't worry. You're going to be great. 166 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,191 It's nothing. Come on. 167 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,826 Look how many People are here. 168 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,561 Just-- just do it. You got it. 169 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,098 - cheryl: okay. - ( jerry laughs ) 170 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,399 Okay, folks, Please settle in. 171 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,268 We're looking at "Seinfeld: the reunion," 172 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,538 Written by larry david And jerry seinfeld. 173 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:21,742 Larry: Yeah, give it up. 174 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:25,613 Scene a opens In jerry's apartment. Jerry and george. 175 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:28,482 - it's unwritten Etiquette, george. - who says so? 176 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,183 No one knows. That's why it's unwritten. 177 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,986 You don't blow your nose In a cloth napkin In a restaurant. 178 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,622 Why? They wash it. 179 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,824 It's just not done In polite society. 180 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,959 It's not done In impolite society. 181 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,762 - even the impolite Don't do it. - ( laughter ) 182 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,331 - the other day You sneezed in a napkin. - that's different. 183 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,466 - why? - a sneeze is involuntary. 184 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,169 You have 2.5 seconds Before the bomb goes off. 185 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:52,239 Jason: Well, I live by my rules, Not your rules. 186 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,708 - you would do this In front of your wife? - all the time. 187 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,209 I can't figure out Why she left you. 188 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,444 - ( laughter ) - man: buzz. 189 00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:59,012 - it's me. - ( both ) oop. 190 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,848 Man: Kramer enters Holding a newspaper. 191 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,617 Hey, george, Did you see this? 192 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,953 It's an article About bernie madoff. 193 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,721 - kramer, I-- - no, look at this. 194 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,691 They got the floor plan Of all his offices. 195 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,726 - here's where he was. - kramer, he-- he doesn't-- 196 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,595 No, you couldn't Get to him. 197 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,229 It was a ponzi scheme. 198 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,499 Do I need this? I know what happened. 199 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,301 All right, so you lost A couple of million. 200 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,936 It was more Than a couple. 201 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,205 Well, it was more Than a great idea. 202 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,208 An iphone application That leads you via your gps 203 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,110 To the nearest Acceptable toilet 204 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,512 Wherever you are In the world. 205 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,048 The itoilet. And I thought of it. 206 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,551 Why'd you have to give That crook madoff All of it? 207 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,654 - I don't know. - how could you Be so stupid?! 208 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,557 ( jason crying ) All of it, jerry. 209 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,159 - all of it. - man: elaine enters. 210 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,197 - madoff? - ( laughter ) 211 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:53,601 Scene b, we're in Jerry's apartment. It's later. 212 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,736 Jerry, elaine, And kramer. 213 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,270 Jerr, can you do me a favor And babysit tonight? 214 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,172 Jerry: Oh, I don't think so. 215 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,342 - michael: hey, Why don't you ask me? - julia: um... 216 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,778 I figured you were busy. 217 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,715 Michael: No, I'm good with kids. I don't condescend to them. 218 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,583 I get right down To their level. 219 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,219 - right down. - you don't say. 220 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,021 Oh, I do say. 221 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:17,190 Jerry, hey, did you give Isabel's doll a haircut? 222 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,827 - the judy doll? - yes, judy. 223 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:23,430 - a little trim. - well, now you got To find a new judy. 224 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,165 Children need Consistency. 225 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,667 I can make That happen. 226 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,168 I think uncle jerry Should do it, 227 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,604 Which is what She's calling you, By the way. 228 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,973 - I'm not sure how I feel about that. - why? 229 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,644 Well, because I donated the sperm. 230 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:40,213 - I offered. - ( laughter ) 231 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,884 I would have bought You a new house. 232 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,585 That's easy To say now 233 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,187 After you lost Everything. 234 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:50,190 - I was planning on it. - ah, you're full of crap. 235 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,760 ( laughter ) 236 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:56,329 Hey, jerry, this economy Is really hitting me. 237 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,398 It's all dried up Out there. 238 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:01,001 It's dry, jerry, Dry as a bone. 239 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,303 You weren't working In the good economy. 240 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:07,140 Yeah, I guess That's true. 241 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,810 Man: Okay, please go to scene h. It's in the coffee shop. 242 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:13,246 This is day 4. George, amanda. 243 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,749 ( stuttering ) I've been dreading Having to... 244 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,584 Tell you about The whole madoff thing. 245 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:21,254 - oh, well. - you must hate me for Losing our money like that. 246 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,924 We're-- We're wiped out. 247 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,259 Actually, I'm fine, george. 248 00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:30,731 - fine? - yeah, I took my half Out of madoff 249 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,300 Right after We got divorced. 250 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,870 - you what? - yeah, I still Have my half. 251 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,072 W-why did you Take it out? 252 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,041 I bumped into madoff On the street one day 253 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,443 And he was wearing This quilted jacket With the collar up, 254 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,046 And for some reason It creeped me out. 255 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,816 So the next day, I pulled all my money out. 256 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,918 Turns out I did Quite well by him. 257 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,920 Collar up? 258 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,654 Creeped you out? That's my money! 259 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,289 You have my money! 260 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:59,492 Not according to the laws Of the state of new york. 261 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:03,964 ( laughter ) 262 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,867 - julia: what's wrong? - jason: what's wrong? What's wrong? 263 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,869 I'll tell you What's wrong. 264 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,738 She asked me To sign a prenup. 265 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:11,972 So in case It doesn't work out, 266 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,874 You won't be able To get to the money 267 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,242 That was yours To begin with? 268 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,677 Michael: Well, that's another Ponzi scheme. 269 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:21,181 So, george, Are you marrying her For your money? 270 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,116 No. 271 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,617 No. 272 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,286 And it's none Of your business, elaine. 273 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:30,057 George takes out a napkin And brings it to his nose. 274 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,992 - cast: no! - as they reach for george, 275 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,594 The shot freezes And we fade out. 276 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,331 - yay. - very nice. Nice! 277 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,001 Please take five. 278 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,070 We're in jerry's Apartment in five. 279 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,405 - great great. Really great. - yeah. 280 00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:48,208 - the way... - ( jason laughs ) 281 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,943 ...It was right there. 282 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,879 - what did you think? - oh, I loved it. 283 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,481 - it was fantastic. - I'm glad you were Here to see it. 284 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,616 - well, have fun. I will talk to you later. - okay. 285 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,285 - thank you. - sure. 286 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,821 So let's go over Some stuff in the office, A couple little spots? 287 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,522 - sure. - okay. 288 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,958 Eh, you know what? Great. 289 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,827 - really great. Really great. - really? 290 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,796 Yeah. Thank you Very much, by the way. 291 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,931 I appreciate The loan of your pen. 292 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,736 You know what? You keep it. 293 00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,371 I don't want the pen. 294 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,440 Yeah. No, you-- You keep it. 295 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,543 I don't want the pen. I just needed to borrow it For a couple of minutes. 296 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:27,314 - no, I-I don't want it. - what's wrong with the pen? 297 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,316 I was watching you During the read-through. 298 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,084 The pen was in your mouth, The pen was in your ear-- 299 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,120 In my ear? What are you Talking about? 300 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,754 It was in every Orifice of your body. 301 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,456 - oh, really? - yeah. 302 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,826 I had the pen Up my ass while doing The read-through? 303 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,794 - except for the ass. - it's been tainted? 304 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,863 - it's been tainted, exactly. - I see, I see. 305 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,898 - what can I do for you? - I'll tell you what You can do. 306 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,366 I'm here to serve you. What can I do? 307 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,701 Why don't you Get me a new pen? That would be nice. 308 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,270 That's the fair Thing to do, 309 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,106 The nice thing to do, The right thing to do. 310 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:56,709 - will you do that for me? - for you, anything. 311 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,379 - thank you. - my pleasure. 312 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,690 Wow, this place Is packed. 313 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,760 - monsieur david! - hello. 314 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,662 - wonderful to see you. - good to see you. 315 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:19,499 Two for lunch? Oui? Just follow me. 316 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,269 - I have for you here The best waiter in the house. - thank you. 317 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,171 - you will have A lovely meal. - thank you. 318 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:25,805 - bon appã©tit. - thank you very much. 319 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,942 - absolutely. - okay. 320 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,644 Best waiter? A table right away? 321 00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,147 What the hell's Going on? 322 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,850 - I greased him. - how much did you give him? 323 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,151 - 20 bucks. - 20 bucks. 324 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,819 I give it to him All the time. 325 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,554 - same thing every time. - ( cell phone chimes ) 326 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,390 What's this? 327 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:47,260 - well, this is Kind of odd. - what? 328 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,963 Stacy's daughter Just sent me a text. 329 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,265 "Got your info from my mom. Nice meeting you. 330 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,267 Did you have fun At the table read?" 331 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,469 You got a new Little pen pal. 332 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,705 I guess I have to answer her. She asked me a question, right? 333 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:00,273 You don't have to. It's a little kid. 334 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,610 Just say, "Hey, Went great, thanks." 335 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:06,379 "Went great, thanks." 336 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,015 You know, I'm going to-- 337 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:11,885 Oh, michael is very concerned That he has groat's disease. 338 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,921 He thinks he might Have groat's disease? 339 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:17,724 Yeah, and I told him That I'd hook him up 340 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,727 With funkhouser's friend Danny duberstein. 341 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:25,198 - yeah, danny duberstein. - do you know how to get In touch with him? 342 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,967 Nobody can get In touch with him. 343 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,735 He died like Two months ago. 344 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,904 Duberstein died? 345 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,273 Mm-hmm, Of groat's disease. 346 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,842 Jesus. What the hell Am I going to tell michael? 347 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,577 I don't know. 348 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,849 What did you think Of that kramer thing 349 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,817 With the latch for The toilet, the itoilet? 350 00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,654 - was that funny? - well... 351 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,557 I don't remember If that worked or not. 352 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,659 What about julia And the kid with The present? 353 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,262 It kind of worked. No? 354 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,964 Did you hear Any of the jokes? 355 00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:00,433 Where was Your mind at? 356 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,635 I loaned jason my pen 357 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,105 And I got Very distracted 358 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,473 Because he kept Taking the pen-- 359 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,675 First he was scratching His back with it. 360 00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,044 Scratching a back Is no big deal. 361 00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,913 Well, then putting It in his mouth, Then his ear-- 362 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,783 - now you're talking about-- - the whole thing Was disgusting. 363 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,286 You don't loan Jason anything, 364 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,854 Anything that Can be inserted. 365 00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,656 Anyway, I'm sorry, But I got-- 366 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,194 I got a little distracted, So I wasn't on every joke. 367 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,496 You know, I like to keep My pens in a barbicide. 368 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,432 - that blue liquid That the barbers have? - in the barber shop. 369 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,934 I haven't really figured out What barbicide was. 370 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:38,005 - they kill themselves with it. - is that where they can't take Being a barber anymore... 371 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,773 - ( cell phone chimes ) - ...And they just down That blue liquid 372 00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:43,776 And that's it, They commit barbicide? 373 00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,212 - it's unbelievable. - what? 374 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:46,946 Stacy's daughter emma. Did you meet her? 375 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,848 Yeah yeah, that cute girl. She's so cute. 376 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,519 - she's texting me now. She started texting me. - oh, that's cute. 377 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,687 - she texted me Yesterday, okay? - aw, she likes you. 378 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,257 Come on, who needs this? She's getting on my nerves. 379 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,659 How do I end this thing? This is never going to end. 380 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,395 No, it will never end. That's why I don't have one. 381 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,664 Once you have it, The door's open. 382 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,633 Somebody knocks on your door, You have to answer it. 383 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:11,038 - great. - now you have a new friend, A nine-year-old friend. 384 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,772 - really? - yeah. 385 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,642 Larry-- oh hi, jerry. Listen, I really think We're going to need 386 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,277 A fourth camera For the exteriors. 387 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,179 Is that okay with you? Does that sound good? 388 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,048 - yeah. - stacy: thank you. 389 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,050 Okay, I'll get Right on it. 390 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,818 You know, Emma's been texting me. 391 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,255 - I know! - she's so cute. 392 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,989 - stacy: I know, it's cute! - so cute, yeah. 393 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,624 How'd that happen? 394 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,992 Was that her idea, Your idea? 395 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,861 Yeah, it was her idea. I mean, yeah. 396 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:37,397 Then you guys met At the table read and I gave her your number-- 397 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,567 - you gave her the number? - mm-hmm. ( chuckles ) 398 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,270 You know, when you're A kid and you like can Relate to a grown-up, 399 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,705 - it's a really exciting-- - stacy: it's such a big deal. 400 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,075 - it is cute. - jerry: someone To communicate with. 401 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,310 Maybe you should Give her jerry's. 402 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,512 Maybe if she meets jerry, But she really bonded with you. 403 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,714 Yeah, she seemed To respond to you. 404 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,183 - yeah. - okay. 405 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,151 - stacy: yeah. - it just takes a second. 406 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,953 - hmm. - cool. All right. 407 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,889 - jerry: all right. - how's her-- 408 00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,291 How's her pussy, By the way? 409 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,327 Stacy: It's good, actually. It's not as itchy. 410 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,262 - so thank you For asking. - oh, cool. 411 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,264 Yeah, all right, I'm going to get On the camera thing. 412 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,733 All right. Come on, let's do Some work here. 413 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,236 Let's look at-- 414 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,439 Oh, forgot to tell her We cut the restaurant scene. 415 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,643 - jerry: all right. - I'll follow you. 416 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,812 - okay, so I'll go To the fridge on this. - yeah yeah. 417 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,781 - I'm not ready, elaine. - come on, jerry, you have to. 418 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,417 We had a deal. 419 00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,186 When you came to me, You said, "I need A donation." 420 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,188 And I gave, And that was hard work. 421 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,458 Elaine: So what are you going to be, Uncle jerry your whole life? 422 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,528 I just think it would Be nice if she knew Who her father was. 423 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,764 Clark kent didn't know Who his father was Till he was 16 424 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,065 And he turned out Pretty good. 425 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:50,503 Jerry, his planet Was destroyed. 426 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,605 I think I continue. 427 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,041 He was fortunate To discover the crystals 428 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,609 In the fortress Of solitude. 429 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,811 Isabel's not Going to have any Of those crystals. 430 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,547 You know about The crystals? 431 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:03,750 - of course I know About the crystals. - ( knocking ) 432 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,286 Door. 433 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,990 ( larry laughs ) 434 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,726 - hello, newman. - hello, jerry. 435 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:18,165 I wonder if you would Tell your friend george 436 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,099 That on my route I had occasion to use 437 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,770 One of his So-called itoilets. 438 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:27,474 - I found it anything But acceptable. - oh, really? 439 00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,510 Well, I'm afraid in that Particular scenario My sympathies-- 440 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,579 ( larry laughing ) 441 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,250 Now I'm going to close The door on you. 442 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,786 - how am I going To do that? - I'll get out. 443 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:42,121 ( laughter ) 444 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,023 - do it. I want To hear that line. - okay. 445 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,359 - ok-- - I'm watching The show from here. 446 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,628 All right, You watch the show. We'll do it for you, okay? 447 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,798 - action. - wayne: I found it Anything but acceptable. 448 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,167 Oh, really? 449 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,369 Well, I'm afraid in that Particular scenario, 450 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,971 My sympathies lie Only with the toilet. 451 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,408 Good day. 452 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,445 ( knocking ) 453 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,883 - are you kramer? - no. 454 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,885 Oh, hey, Kramer-- 455 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,887 - are you monena? - mm-hmm. 456 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,656 I'm going To the ballgame. 457 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,892 I take monena with me, I can use the carpool lane. 458 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,795 - ( clicks tongue ) - I see. 459 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,331 Michael: Should she come in more? 460 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,333 Well, I think you-- You're a hooker. 461 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,235 You should just go in And make yourself at home. 462 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,303 - okay, take charge. - and I could follow her. 463 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,705 - right, you follow her in. - are you good? 464 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,607 Okay, guys, take five. That's a tight five. 465 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,709 We're back In jerry's apartment. 466 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,612 Hey, larry, did you Call duberstein? 467 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,150 Oh, um... 468 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,785 - well, I left a message... - yeah? 469 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,687 ...And, you know, 470 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,589 I'm just waiting for him To call me back. 471 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,924 How long ago did you Leave the message? 472 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,593 - yesterday. - yesterday? 473 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,328 - yeah. - I don't want to Push you on this, 474 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,129 But I can hardly Think out here. 475 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,065 You know What the doctor Said to me? 476 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,167 I'm supposed to stand by For the symptoms. 477 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,736 Am I going to stand by In front of the camera With the symptoms? 478 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,838 - I understand. I'll-- - so you going to call him? 479 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:06,939 - yes. - okay. Hi. 480 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,908 - hey. - yeah, you guys... 481 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:12,345 Oh, good. I, um-- 482 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,481 I'm having a bit Of a problem 483 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,949 Just trying To find a tone. 484 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,051 They have a cadence. 485 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,720 Like, "Yeah, I still Have my half." 486 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,222 You don't need a cadence. Just be yourself. You're doing great. 487 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,091 Don't feel The seinfeldian pressure. 488 00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:26,693 I don't want you To sound like them. 489 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,396 I want you To sound like you. I wrote it for you. 490 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,197 - thank you. - you're doing great. 491 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,266 I feel like You're my only... 492 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,134 - you know-- - yeah. 493 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,504 - --you're on my side. You know what I mean? - I am on your side. 494 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,071 - good morning. Good morning. - hi. 495 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,873 - hey. - hi, how are you? 496 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,242 - don't mean to interrupt. - no, go ahead. We'll talk later. 497 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,712 - hope I didn't-- - no no, it's okay. 498 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:49,181 - okay. Good morning. - hey. 499 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,418 - mission accomplished. - what is this? 500 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:54,521 - a pen. - yes, it is a pen. 501 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,423 - you're right about that. - yes, I am, sir. 502 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:57,924 It's not the pen I gave you. 503 00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,759 This is not Replacing the pen. 504 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,328 This is just giving me Another pen. 505 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,829 You didn't say, "Get the same pen." 506 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,497 You said, "You need To replace the pen." 507 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,368 It's not an eye For a lesser eye, okay? 508 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,069 It's an eye For an eye, 509 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,904 Not an eye that Doesn't see very well. 510 00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,205 Using your metaphor, No no. 511 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,575 They both see Exactly the same. 512 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:19,612 That pen that I have In my possession 513 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:22,449 - writes in blue ink. - uh-huh. 514 00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:25,051 This pen writes In blue ink 515 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,586 Exactly the same. It's the same eye. 516 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:29,121 This pen is almost blind Compared to my pen. 517 00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:31,358 No, believe me. It sees the truth. 518 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,725 It's not the pen I gave you. 519 00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:34,461 You asked me To replace the pen. 520 00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:36,429 - you didn't replace the pen. - I replaced it. 521 00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:37,830 - you didn't replace it. - you got a pen. 522 00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:41,401 - no replacement. - that's your pen. 523 00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,670 I'm going to get A coffee. 524 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,373 Anyway, I screwed The whole thing up. 525 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:48,274 Michael thinks that Duberstein beat groat's 526 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:49,742 And he's expecting To meet him, 527 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:53,346 And duberstein's dead And I was thinking... 528 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:56,349 - fucking say it. - oh, jesus. 529 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:59,519 - what the fuck You thinking about? - well, I had an insane idea 530 00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:03,155 That you could Present yourself As duberstein somehow 531 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,758 And get-- just meet him For two minutes. 532 00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:08,361 And I'd be there too, So you wouldn't even Have to talk. 533 00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,463 What, you think I can't Do this shit, huh? 534 00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,732 I'll white that shit up. I'll white that whole shit up. 535 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:15,635 - that whole fucking scene will Be whitened the fuck up. - seriously? 536 00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:17,937 You've seen A fucking black dude Who acts fucking white. 537 00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:20,673 - he around too many fucking White people and shit. - you can be that guy? 538 00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:22,375 - I'll do this shit. - let me hear it. 539 00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:24,377 "How are you doing today? I'm danny duberstein. 540 00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:26,846 I heard you have Groat's disease." See that shit? 541 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,148 Well, what about the name? Duberstein? 542 00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:31,384 - it's a jewish name. - fuck it. 543 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,252 - tell him I'm a ethiopian jew. - you know what? 544 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,754 You could tell him You were adopted 545 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,389 By the jewish family-- The dubersteins. 546 00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:38,224 - I was fucking adopted-- - you got bar mitzvahed. 547 00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:40,059 "Bar mitzfit" And all that shit, yeah. 548 00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:41,561 - say that again? - "Bar mitzfit." 549 00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:44,063 - it's not "Bar mitzfit." - "Bar mitzfit." 550 00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:45,832 - bar mitzvahed. - "Bar mitzfit." 551 00:22:45,932 --> 00:22:47,734 "Vahed"! Bar mitzvahed. 552 00:22:47,834 --> 00:22:49,602 If we're gonna do this, You'd better learn how To pronounce this. 553 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,538 - ( cell phone chimes ) - "Bar mitzfit." 554 00:22:51,638 --> 00:22:53,873 - yeah. - oh, christ. 555 00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,808 Another text from her. Can you believe it? 556 00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,877 I got this nine-year-old, And she keeps texting me. 557 00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:01,247 "Is jerry as funny In real life as on tv?" Unbelievable. 558 00:23:01,347 --> 00:23:05,418 "Yes, jerry Is very funny." 559 00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:07,787 I'm telling you, It never ends with her. 560 00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:11,157 All right, I'm going To get this. 561 00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:14,894 - what are you doing? You going to get that? - oh yeah, oh yeah. 562 00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:18,164 Monsieur david. How are you? 563 00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:19,398 - great. - wonderful to see you. 564 00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,400 - ã  bientã´t. - okay. 565 00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,470 Oh my god! 566 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:27,273 - yeah. - hey! What?! 567 00:23:27,373 --> 00:23:30,176 - what happened? - he took-- 568 00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:32,745 He took my $20. Are you kidding? 569 00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:34,814 He took your Fucking money Out your hand? 570 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,316 What did he think? I was tipping him? 571 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,552 - is he insane? - ( cell phone chimes ) 572 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,755 "Do you watch 'wizards Of waverly place'"? 573 00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:45,091 All right, that's it. That's it. 574 00:23:45,191 --> 00:23:50,497 "No, I don't watch 'wizards of waverly place.'" 575 00:24:01,474 --> 00:24:02,875 Why would you Do that, larry? 576 00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:05,177 - what? - what were you thinking? 577 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,647 - wh-what are You talking about? - why did you yell at emma? 578 00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,716 - yell? I didn't Yell at emma. - yes, you did. 579 00:24:09,816 --> 00:24:12,418 You texted her With all caps and a lot Of exclamations points. 580 00:24:12,519 --> 00:24:13,986 - no no, That's not yelling. - yes, it is! 581 00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:16,022 No, I was being emphatic. I wasn't yelling. 582 00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:18,090 What were You thinking? 583 00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:21,961 I was thinking Maybe I can get her To stop texting me. 584 00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:25,064 Larry, I need you To make this right, okay? 585 00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:27,066 Okay, I'll make it right. 586 00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:28,434 - great. - all right, okay. 587 00:24:28,535 --> 00:24:30,236 We're going To lunch at 1:00. 588 00:24:30,336 --> 00:24:32,972 I want you to be there, Pretend like it was Your idea, okay? 589 00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:35,307 I think it would Be really nice if you Took her out to lunch. 590 00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:37,544 - you'll bring her A little present. - we have to go to lunch? 591 00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:40,580 - yeah, 1:00 lunch, okay? - couldn't we have A little snack upstairs? 592 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,883 - some milk and Cookies or something? - thank you, I appreciate it. 593 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,388 Waiter: Monsieur david, How many with you for lunch? 594 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,823 - three. - right this way. 595 00:24:50,923 --> 00:24:52,925 You look wonderful. Very fit. 596 00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:56,362 - are you on a regime? - oh no, I just kind of Watch it, you know. 597 00:24:56,462 --> 00:24:58,330 Always wonderful. Bon appã©tit. 598 00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:00,767 Thank you, Thank you. 599 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:04,036 - have a good meal. - okay. 600 00:25:04,136 --> 00:25:07,540 And, um, I hope You enjoy everything. 601 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,809 If you need Anything, call me. 602 00:25:12,278 --> 00:25:14,914 Monsieur david... 603 00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:18,350 Are you unhappy With the table? 604 00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:21,487 Okay, I see Your problem here. 605 00:25:21,588 --> 00:25:22,889 Yesterday At the newsstand, 606 00:25:22,989 --> 00:25:25,592 You took $20 Out of my hand. 607 00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:27,426 Mais non, You gave it to me. 608 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,928 - gave it to you? - oui. 609 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,930 Why-- why would I give you $20? 610 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:32,632 I assumed it For the other day-- 611 00:25:32,732 --> 00:25:34,300 The wonderful service, The dinner. 612 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,935 I already paid you For that service. 613 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,737 Well, what were you Giving it to me for? 614 00:25:37,837 --> 00:25:39,739 - I wasn't giving it to you. - why else would I have it? 615 00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:41,373 What was the $20 Doing in my hand? 616 00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:44,944 - you think I was Waiting for you to come? - I-I have no idea. 617 00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,580 Because I was using it To pay for a magazine. Can't you understand that? 618 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,816 That money that you Took out of my hands 619 00:25:49,916 --> 00:25:52,318 Is the money that I would have put into Your hands right now 620 00:25:52,418 --> 00:25:55,121 If not for the fact that You took it, so let's Consider us even. 621 00:25:55,221 --> 00:25:56,823 I gave you $20 yesterday And you're not getting 622 00:25:56,923 --> 00:25:58,691 Another penny Out of me, okay? 623 00:25:58,791 --> 00:26:01,560 Fine. Bon appã©tit. 624 00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:08,835 Oh, hey. Hi. 625 00:26:08,935 --> 00:26:11,537 - hello, larry. - hi. 626 00:26:11,638 --> 00:26:15,975 Okay, First of all... 627 00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:19,779 I just want To apologize For the-- 628 00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:22,348 For the text I sent you 629 00:26:22,448 --> 00:26:24,583 With all The capital letters, 630 00:26:24,684 --> 00:26:26,819 The bad bad caps. 631 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:29,889 - you don't seem sorry. - well, I said I was sorry. 632 00:26:29,989 --> 00:26:31,824 Just because you say it Doesn't mean you mean it. 633 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:33,860 Maybe we should get Something to eat. 634 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,928 Excuse me, can we Get some menus? 635 00:26:36,028 --> 00:26:37,930 Larry, do you remember When you were a little boy? 636 00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:39,565 - no. - emma: if you Can remember. 637 00:26:39,666 --> 00:26:41,300 - no, I don't. - stacy: you probably don't. 638 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,535 Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. 639 00:26:43,636 --> 00:26:46,105 S-sir? 640 00:26:46,205 --> 00:26:49,008 Obviously they're Ignoring me on purpose. 641 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,910 - well, I can't imagine why. - I know why. 642 00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:52,511 - really? - yeah, I know why. 643 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,280 Why? 644 00:26:55,882 --> 00:26:58,250 Excuse me, Could you please get us Some menus over here? 645 00:26:58,350 --> 00:27:00,820 This little girl, She's got an appointment With the doctor. 646 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,421 She's got a rash On her pussy. 647 00:27:02,521 --> 00:27:04,691 She needs to get Out of here. 648 00:27:06,158 --> 00:27:07,894 ( knocking ) 649 00:27:09,028 --> 00:27:11,530 Oh my god. Look, I made a mistake. 650 00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:13,966 It's been three years. Don't hurt me, please. 651 00:27:14,066 --> 00:27:17,136 Oh no no no no. I'm danny duberstein, cpa. 652 00:27:17,236 --> 00:27:19,906 - you're duberstein? - I'm danny duberstein. 653 00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:21,240 Come in, I want To talk to you. 654 00:27:21,340 --> 00:27:23,142 Is larry here yet? I'm waiting for larry. 655 00:27:23,242 --> 00:27:25,311 No, I got to talk to you. This is very important. 656 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:28,748 Larry said He'd be here at 2:00. 657 00:27:28,848 --> 00:27:32,084 - stop looking at your watch. - no, I have to be Out of here by 2:00. 658 00:27:32,184 --> 00:27:34,453 Is there anything else That larry could do? 659 00:27:34,553 --> 00:27:38,057 Something that Emma likes? Presents? 660 00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:40,960 You know what? 661 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,363 I heard somebody Wants to be a writer. 662 00:27:44,463 --> 00:27:46,766 - stacy: aw, you remembered! - what do you write with? 663 00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:49,135 - a pen! - a pen. 664 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:51,237 Somebody gave this to me, And I'm giving it to you. 665 00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:53,439 - stacy: it's a nice pen. - it's a beautiful pen. 666 00:27:53,539 --> 00:27:55,808 - huh? - yeah, I forgive you. 667 00:27:55,908 --> 00:27:59,011 - yeah? Oh, yay! - yay! 668 00:27:59,111 --> 00:28:01,413 Give him a hug And some sugar. 669 00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:03,816 Yay, larry, That was thoughtful. 670 00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:05,718 - okay. - aw. 671 00:28:05,818 --> 00:28:09,722 I love it. Okay. 672 00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:15,928 Michael: So "Duberstein"... 673 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:17,997 - that's a jewish name, right? - yes, it is. 674 00:28:18,097 --> 00:28:20,366 I was adopted By some lovely jews. 675 00:28:20,466 --> 00:28:23,836 - and you were bar mitzvahed? - oh, yeah yeah. Three times. 676 00:28:23,936 --> 00:28:25,972 The last time Was a few months ago In atlantic city. 677 00:28:26,072 --> 00:28:28,540 But I thought you only Got bar mitzvahed once. 678 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,276 You know, when you're 13 years old? 679 00:28:30,376 --> 00:28:32,244 - no no no no, You misunderstood. - what? 680 00:28:32,344 --> 00:28:34,814 It's once every 13 years, You know. 681 00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:36,382 You got to recharge The mitzvah, 682 00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:39,886 So you always keep your Mitzvah kind of full, At capacity. 683 00:28:39,986 --> 00:28:42,354 "Capacitme--" Mitzvah capacity. 684 00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:46,959 I don't know. 685 00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:50,196 - so tell me about The groat's. - ( sighs ) 686 00:28:50,296 --> 00:28:55,802 Well, everything I ate Tasted like peaches. 687 00:29:00,773 --> 00:29:02,741 And I forgot How to multiply. 688 00:29:02,842 --> 00:29:05,344 I could subtract, But I couldn't multiply. 689 00:29:05,444 --> 00:29:07,179 If I'm fucking Six women 690 00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:09,148 Three times a day, Seven days a week, 691 00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:11,617 How many times Per week am I fucking? 692 00:29:11,717 --> 00:29:13,886 Was it 10? Was it 130? 693 00:29:13,986 --> 00:29:16,555 Was it 16? I was tripping out. 694 00:29:16,655 --> 00:29:19,558 That's some Weird stuff, man. 695 00:29:19,658 --> 00:29:21,727 Pssh, You're telling me. 696 00:29:21,828 --> 00:29:23,629 Danny duberstein's Good at two things: 697 00:29:23,729 --> 00:29:26,966 That's math and fucking. 698 00:29:30,636 --> 00:29:32,171 But how did you beat The groat's? 699 00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:34,606 ( laughing ) 700 00:29:34,706 --> 00:29:36,775 You know what? 701 00:29:37,844 --> 00:29:39,846 This hat. 702 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:42,048 This hat saved my life. 703 00:29:42,148 --> 00:29:44,383 Tell-- tell me About the hat. 704 00:29:51,090 --> 00:29:52,691 Look who The fuck shows up. What happened?! 705 00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,126 I'm so sorry. I got held up. 706 00:29:54,226 --> 00:29:55,828 You missed the whole Fucking show. 707 00:29:55,928 --> 00:29:57,363 I'm in that fucking room Busting my ass for you. 708 00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,399 What's with these suits? You look like farrakhan. 709 00:30:00,499 --> 00:30:02,701 Look, I was trying To fuck this muslim girl. I had to join up for a month. 710 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,736 Accountants don't Look like this. 711 00:30:04,837 --> 00:30:06,572 This the whitest shit I got right here. 712 00:30:06,672 --> 00:30:07,940 What-- what happened? 713 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,608 What the fuck you think Happened in there? 714 00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:12,678 I went in that room And whited that shit The fuck up. 715 00:30:12,778 --> 00:30:14,346 I had that fucking dude Rolling with me. 716 00:30:14,446 --> 00:30:16,582 I don't know what the fuck A groat's disease is, 717 00:30:16,682 --> 00:30:18,450 But I'm going to Tell you one thing: That man in that room-- 718 00:30:18,550 --> 00:30:21,087 That goofy motherfucking Man in that room will Survive that shit. 719 00:30:21,187 --> 00:30:22,955 - you better believe it. - and he bought it? 720 00:30:23,055 --> 00:30:24,957 Let me tell you How fucking well He bought it. 721 00:30:25,057 --> 00:30:27,393 He's going To give me $200,000 To invest for his ass. 722 00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:30,429 I danny dubersteined The fuck out that man In that room. 723 00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:32,999 Fucking viola. Uh! 724 00:30:33,099 --> 00:30:35,434 - you know what I mean? - good man. I got a rehearsal. 725 00:30:35,534 --> 00:30:37,003 - let's go. - good job. 726 00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:38,337 Elaine, clark kent Didn't know 727 00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:40,206 Who his real father was Until he was 16, 728 00:30:40,306 --> 00:30:42,774 And I think He turned out okay. 729 00:30:42,875 --> 00:30:46,012 Jerry, his planet Was destroyed. 730 00:30:46,112 --> 00:30:48,347 Who are these two Right here? 731 00:30:48,447 --> 00:30:50,682 That's jerry seinfeld And julia louis-dreyfus. 732 00:30:50,782 --> 00:30:53,185 ( laughing ) Oh, man. 733 00:30:53,285 --> 00:30:55,054 So jerry tapping That ass, huh? 734 00:30:55,154 --> 00:30:56,788 What is it? You never saw the show? 735 00:30:56,889 --> 00:30:58,524 You never watched it? 736 00:31:00,993 --> 00:31:02,861 - hello, newman. - hello, jerry. 737 00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:05,164 ( laughing ) 738 00:31:05,264 --> 00:31:08,067 Who is this Little fat bastard? 739 00:31:08,167 --> 00:31:09,768 Now that little Motherfucker look funny. 740 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,904 ...So-called Itoilets. 741 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:14,306 Christ, I'm itching All over. 742 00:31:14,406 --> 00:31:16,208 Hope I didn't catch Anything from that emma. 743 00:31:16,308 --> 00:31:18,010 Don't get that shit On me, man. 744 00:31:18,110 --> 00:31:21,747 - are you kramer? - no, actually-- 745 00:31:21,847 --> 00:31:23,515 Hey, are you monena? 746 00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:25,351 You know it. 747 00:31:25,451 --> 00:31:28,387 - what's going on, kramer? - I'm going to the ballgame. 748 00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:30,822 I take monena with me, I can use the carpool lane. 749 00:31:30,923 --> 00:31:33,259 ( clicks tongue ) 750 00:31:33,359 --> 00:31:36,895 Why-- what the fuck Is that hat? 751 00:31:36,996 --> 00:31:39,065 It's my hat. 752 00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:41,333 - yours? - no, it's my lucky hat. 753 00:31:41,433 --> 00:31:43,035 You can't wear that In the scene. 754 00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:45,237 Oh, yes I can. I must. 755 00:31:45,337 --> 00:31:49,141 - what's with the hat? Why's he wearing that hat? - that's my hat. 756 00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:50,842 I told him to wear the hat To combat the groat's. 757 00:31:50,943 --> 00:31:52,444 What did you Say to him? 758 00:31:52,544 --> 00:31:54,713 I told him, "You take That hat off, you will die." 759 00:31:54,813 --> 00:31:57,783 That's what I told him. 760 00:31:57,883 --> 00:32:01,020 See you At the house, man. 761 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,222 Nobody remembers a guy With a dinner roll On his head. 762 00:32:03,322 --> 00:32:05,257 They remember kramer With the hair that goes up. 763 00:32:05,357 --> 00:32:06,959 This is the look I'm going with, so... 764 00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:08,127 ( clicks tongue ) ...That's it. 765 00:32:08,227 --> 00:32:10,829 Jerry: I would say, In fact... 766 00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:13,065 - oh my god. - is this great? 767 00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:15,501 What? Again? Why are you here? 768 00:32:15,601 --> 00:32:17,603 What-- I don't Understand this. Why do you keep-- 769 00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:19,605 Jerry told me I could Come whenever I want. 770 00:32:19,705 --> 00:32:21,807 - jerry said that to you? - yes. 771 00:32:21,907 --> 00:32:23,109 Oh, this is Mrs. Duberstein. 772 00:32:23,209 --> 00:32:25,044 - this is larry david. - hello. 773 00:32:25,144 --> 00:32:27,179 It is an honor To meet you. 774 00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:29,148 Marty: She memorized All the shows. 775 00:32:29,248 --> 00:32:32,018 - she loves "Seinfeld." - I am a huge fan. 776 00:32:32,118 --> 00:32:34,086 - hi. - look at this. Kramer. 777 00:32:34,186 --> 00:32:35,787 - mrs. Duberstein? - yes. 778 00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:37,289 - I'm michael richards. - hi. 779 00:32:37,389 --> 00:32:39,425 I just saw your husband About 20 minutes ago. 780 00:32:39,525 --> 00:32:42,228 Oh, I think You must be mistaken. 781 00:32:42,328 --> 00:32:44,663 My husband Has been dead For two months. 782 00:32:44,763 --> 00:32:47,133 - what? - groat's disease. 783 00:32:47,233 --> 00:32:50,302 Yeah, it was A long, painful death. 784 00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:55,607 Larry! Larry! 785 00:32:55,707 --> 00:32:57,176 Larry! 786 00:32:57,276 --> 00:32:59,978 I know I may look clean And dapper right now. 787 00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:01,480 Bet the suit Threw you, baby. 788 00:33:01,580 --> 00:33:04,083 - I ain't shittin'. - michael: hey, duberstein! 789 00:33:04,183 --> 00:33:06,618 Yeah yeah, I'm talking to you. 790 00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:08,354 What kind of Lowlife are you? 791 00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:10,322 - what kind of Asshole are you? - whoa whoa whoa. 792 00:33:10,422 --> 00:33:12,058 Okay okay, let's just Calm down now. 793 00:33:12,158 --> 00:33:14,293 We're getting ourself All worked up for No reason, baby. 794 00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:16,095 No, don't "Baby" me. Don't calm me down. 795 00:33:16,195 --> 00:33:17,996 I'm so pissed off, I could put this hat Up your ass. 796 00:33:18,097 --> 00:33:20,999 - leon: let's relax here. - what's this bullshit With the hat? 797 00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:23,835 - leon: put the hat Back on your head. - you made a chump out of me! 798 00:33:23,935 --> 00:33:26,172 - no no no no! - if only there were a-- 799 00:33:26,272 --> 00:33:29,175 A horrible name That I could call you 800 00:33:29,275 --> 00:33:32,478 That would make you As angry as I am! 801 00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:37,383 Wha-- 802 00:33:37,483 --> 00:33:39,618 You-- ahh! 803 00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:43,155 Man: So what seems to be The problem here? 804 00:33:43,255 --> 00:33:45,491 - you know, I've got this rash. - okay. 805 00:33:45,591 --> 00:33:47,926 First it was on my back, Now my neck and my arm. 806 00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:49,695 Now it's on my hands And fingers. 807 00:33:49,795 --> 00:33:52,364 - yeah, I can See that right there. - yeah, look at that. 808 00:33:52,464 --> 00:33:55,000 Do you have any idea How you may have Gotten this rash? 809 00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:56,902 The only thing I can think of 810 00:33:57,002 --> 00:33:58,570 Is I've been seeing This nine-year-old girl, 811 00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:00,972 And she kind of has A rash on her pussy. 812 00:34:01,073 --> 00:34:04,042 Um... 813 00:34:04,143 --> 00:34:06,044 You know, I took her To lunch the other day 814 00:34:06,145 --> 00:34:10,382 And we had a fight And we made up and We hugged, so... 815 00:34:10,482 --> 00:34:12,384 It must-- It's got to be her. 816 00:34:12,484 --> 00:34:15,354 - ( cell phone chimes ) - one second. 817 00:34:16,688 --> 00:34:18,324 Yeah, that's her now. 818 00:34:18,424 --> 00:34:22,261 - yeah. - she's so cute. We text all the time. 819 00:34:22,361 --> 00:34:24,396 For a while we weren't, But we're back on now, so-- 820 00:34:24,496 --> 00:34:26,198 We'll get you Taken care of. 821 00:34:26,298 --> 00:34:27,666 I have another Patient to check on. 822 00:34:27,766 --> 00:34:29,835 - I'll be right back. - okay, all right. 823 00:34:29,935 --> 00:34:31,870 "Don't tell Your mother, 824 00:34:31,970 --> 00:34:35,507 But I bought you Another pen." 825 00:34:35,607 --> 00:34:37,909 Call the police. 826 00:34:38,009 --> 00:34:40,879 ( laughing ) 827 00:34:40,979 --> 00:34:43,582 ( theme music playing ) 64881

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