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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,275
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,115
( scratching )
3
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:26,260
Let me, uh--
Let me give you
A little tip, okay?
4
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,530
- mm-hmm.
- for traveling--
A little traveling tip.
5
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,433
Try not
To wear shorts.
6
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,336
It's not all that attractive
To look at for five hours.
7
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,305
- are you kidding?
- honestly. No, I'm not.
8
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,672
- I wear these on every
Flight when I travel...
- really?
9
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,374
- ...'cause it's
Very comfortable.
- yes. Yeah.
10
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,510
These planes,
If you notice,
Get very hot.
11
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,446
- ah. Yes, they do.
- I'm sorry, I didn't see
Where I had to check
12
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,548
With the person
I'm sitting next to
What I should wear.
13
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,917
I'm comfortable
In pajamas, but I don't
Wear pajamas on a plane.
14
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,885
I like to sing.
I like to whistle.
15
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,454
I like to play
The bongos on my leg.
16
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,123
- I like
To imitate horses...
- okay.
17
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,024
- ...But I don't do it, okay?
- all right.
18
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,059
- because there's somebody
Sitting next to me.
- yeah, okay. Okay.
19
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,662
Wow, you're very
Uptight, dude.
Very uptight.
20
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,831
- uptight? I don't
Think it's "Uptight."
- it's just shorts, man.
21
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,534
- you've never
Seen a man's legs?
- yeah, they're grotesque.
22
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,736
What if they were
A woman's in a skirt?
23
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,505
Would you say that
To her if a woman's
In a skirt?
24
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,142
- if they were hairy.
- okay.
25
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:16,577
Are you ready
For a hot towel?
26
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,581
( yelling )
27
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,819
She must've put it
In the microwave.
28
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,357
Don't you think? I mean,
Have you ever seen anything
Like this is your life?
29
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,492
- huh.
- only me. Only me
This happens to.
30
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,061
I bet you
I could sue 'em.
Don't you think?
31
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,896
Do I have a case?
Tell me.
32
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,132
- would you
Testify for me?
- no.
33
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,800
- you wouldn't testify?
- no, I wouldn't.
34
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,469
I find that odd
And troubling.
35
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:44,205
Yeah, it would be hard
To find a doctor who,
In good conscience,
36
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,841
Could recommend
A high-value settlement
For that burn.
37
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,444
Okay.
I'll drop it.
38
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,080
- forget about it.
- okay. By the way,
39
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,115
I am loving the music
In the waiting room.
40
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,951
- oh.
- the opera?
Fabulous.
41
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,553
I'm glad
You like it.
42
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,922
I got the idea
From an italian restaurant--
43
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,957
A new italian restaurant
Called matteo's.
44
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,760
They have live singers
Who do some arias
45
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,696
- from various italian operas.
- no kidding?
46
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,831
- yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- what a fabulous idea.
47
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,800
I need to buy
An anniversary gift
For my friends.
48
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,135
I'll bet you-- that would be
A good gift, would it not?
49
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,271
- it'd be a great gift.
- a gift certificate
To this restaurant?
50
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,139
Absolutely.
Yeah. Do it.
51
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,642
- all right. Thank you.
Thank you for everything.
- you're welcome.
52
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,111
- I'm sorry
To bother you, you know.
- no problem.
53
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,580
- well, should I come back?
- no, you don't need
To come back.
54
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,783
- it'll be healed before
You walk out the door.
- ( laughs )
55
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,619
Okay.
56
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,821
You know what?
57
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,123
I was just thinking.
58
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,526
I'd love to get
Your home phone number
59
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,761
Just in case
Of an emergency
Or something else
60
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,763
With the hand. Who knows?
Something comes up,
61
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,966
- it's nice to have.
- I don't give out
My home phone number.
62
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,301
You know,
I understand all that,
63
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,170
But I would
Feel better, you know.
64
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,373
It would make me feel
More secure.
65
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,408
Nothing's gonna happen.
I'm never gonna call.
66
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,377
You know, what are
The odds of something
Happening? Zero.
67
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,412
Well, if anything happened,
You can always call
The service
68
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,615
- and they'll contact me.
- yeah, then I have to deal
With the middleman,
69
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,817
Sort of, and maybe
The service isn't there.
70
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,520
Why does he have
The privilege of talking
To you and not me?
71
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,257
- I'm your patient.
- you have a problem.
72
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,059
You make the call.
They call me,
73
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,127
Then I respond to you.
74
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,963
It works like a charm!
It works every time!
75
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,300
I like the idea
Of having my doctor's
Number in my wallet.
76
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,469
I don't want to be
In your wallet.
77
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,805
I want you
In my wallet.
78
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,242
- what do you think?
- I'll make an exception
In your case
79
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,445
Purely in the interest
Of getting on with my day.
80
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,447
- fantastic.
Thanks so much.
- all right.
81
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,449
I do not expect you
To abuse it
82
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,319
And I don't want you
To call me directly
At home, all right?
83
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,687
But if it'll
Make you feel better,
84
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,456
Get the number
From my receptionist
85
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,057
- on the way out.
- okay.
86
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,793
- keep it dry...
- keep it dry.
87
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,561
...And don't call.
88
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,735
- hello.
- larry: really?
89
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,704
- wow.
- wow.
90
00:03:56,804 --> 00:04:00,107
Jeez. Mary jane.
91
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,009
- hey. Hi.
- hi. Hi.
92
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,278
- hi.
- how are you?
93
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,347
- it's been a while.
- uh, yeah.
94
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,049
- well, you look good.
- so do you.
95
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,452
Thank you.
How are things?
96
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,987
I just came from the doctor.
I've got two months to live.
97
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,456
- it's terrible.
- not very funny.
98
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,890
Yeah, I'm trying to get
Women to take pity on me,
99
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,626
So they'll sleep with me,
You know. That's all.
100
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,828
So I just tell
Everybody that.
101
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,196
- hmm.
- so, um,
102
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,098
What are you--
What's your social situation?
103
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,267
- are you married?
- god no.
104
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,836
You regret breaking up
With me though.
105
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,571
You're still--
You're still having
Nightmares about that?
106
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,306
You-- oh, larry,
You're the same!
107
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,542
You can admit it--
You made a mistake.
108
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,545
We should go out.
We should go out
And catch up.
109
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,212
- you know, that would
Be fantastic.
- yeah?
110
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,814
- yeah, let's do that.
- what about tonight?
111
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,685
Tonight I'm going
To ted danson's
Anniversary party.
112
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,255
Oh, yeah. Yeah, my friend
Christian slater's
Gonna be there.
113
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,823
- christian slater?
- yeah.
114
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,392
- he's a friend of yours?
- yeah, tell him I said hi.
115
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:53,594
Uh, no, but I'll--
I'll see him.
116
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,497
- um, how about tomorrow?
- okay.
117
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,198
- we're gonna
Have a date?
- yeah.
118
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,067
- do you have
My number?
- I do.
119
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,035
- what? Do you think
I threw away your number?
- you do not have my--
120
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,304
I've got the number
Of every woman I've ever
Gone out with in my life.
121
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,074
Believe me. I'm gonna
See you tomorrow.
122
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,677
- yeah. ( laughs )
- I've changed.
123
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,845
- bye.
- bye.
124
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,985
( chatting )
125
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,654
Mozzarella? Yeah.
126
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:25,559
- hey.
- hi.
127
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,095
Do you remember
Mary jane porter?
128
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,797
One of my favorites.
129
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,999
- I ran into her today.
- how's she look?
130
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,701
- fantastic.
- really?
131
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,703
- oh my god,
She's a doll.
- oh god.
132
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,838
- you know?
- yeah. Why'd she
Go out with you?
133
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,840
I don't know why
She went out with me.
134
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,809
I don't know.
That's a good question.
135
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,711
- a big bowl
Of out of your league.
- way out of my league.
136
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,946
- huge time.
- well, that's why
She got rid of me.
137
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,115
- yeah. Really?
- well, I was so desperate.
138
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,083
She could sense
The insecurity.
139
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,453
- they pick up on it.
- instantly.
140
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,422
- I'm seeing her
Tomorrow night.
- really?
141
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,156
Yeah. She asked me.
142
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,358
Maybe she's got
The desperation this time.
143
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,127
- hopefully.
- hopefully.
144
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,630
It's a lot easier
To work with their
Desperation than mine.
145
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,698
- let me ask you
A question. Sexually...
- yeah. Yeah.
146
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,700
...Can I-- can I pick up
Where I left off with her?
147
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,602
Absolutely.
You put in your time.
148
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,571
I mean, it's like
15 years later, but...
149
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,305
Everything you've
Done before counts.
150
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,074
Yes. I don't know.
151
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,744
In terms of unhooking bras,
I'm really gonna
Be in trouble.
152
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:19,379
- look at this?
- well, why don't
You use your right hand?
153
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,649
I'm-- I'm a lefty unhooker.
I can't unhook righty.
154
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,217
It's from the car,
I think, when you park.
155
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,386
- right.
- you're making out
In the driver's seat,
156
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,756
You lean over,
It's your left hand
That's doing the unhooking.
157
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,591
Right, you get
Used to the left.
It's like the one thing
158
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,159
If you're a righty
That you do with your
Left hand with skill.
159
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,595
- that's true.
- so what's going on
With cheryl?
160
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,630
Hopefully we can
Cast her in this thing
161
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,466
And see what happens.
162
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,768
What about the whole
Meg ryan situation?
163
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,603
Oh, it's gonna--
It's gonna be about jerry.
164
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,539
- yeah.
- you know, I've just
Gotta convince jerry
165
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,241
To use cheryl,
'cause if I cast her...
166
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,478
Then I think
I'll have a shot.
167
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,245
- I think it's a great plan.
- in the meantime,
168
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,981
I'm allowed to have
Some fun, right?
169
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,315
Please! Why not?
170
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,284
Mary jane porter
Asking you.
171
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,186
Hey, what did
You get ted and mary?
172
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,789
Susie gets all
The gifts. No idea.
173
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,558
- hello!
- ted: seriously, though--
174
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,927
- lar! I didn't
See you come in.
- hey!
175
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:10,397
- hey, buddy.
That's sweet of you.
- hey, congratulations.
176
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,667
- thank you, thank you.
- and look what I got.
177
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,168
Dee-dah!
What is that?
178
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,105
- it's a present.
- oh my god.
179
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:21,308
- ho! Larry.
- lar!
180
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,876
- what?
- oh my god.
181
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,847
A $300 gift certificate
To matteo's restaurant.
182
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,916
Have you been there?
It's supposed
To be great.
183
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,451
Are you sure you wanna
Give that much?
184
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,420
I can't believe
You did that.
185
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:34,855
What? Why are
You so surprised.
186
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,456
No, it's just,
You know, the last--
187
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,492
- what was the last gift?
- both: "The freak book."
188
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,061
- "The freak book."
- that was a good gift,
189
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,564
- and it was expensive too.
- this is great. I shouldn't
Have even brought that up.
190
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,365
- I'm sorry.
This is great.
- no, it's really nice.
191
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,768
- thank you. Thank you.
- very very generous
Of you, buddy.
192
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,871
- thank you.
- oh, okay.
Well, you're welcome.
193
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,440
Is it a lot
Better than the gifts
You've been getting?
194
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,375
- no.
- no no no.
195
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,344
- well--
- it's just--
196
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:58,846
- it's just that--
- it's just-- it's--
197
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,881
- no, it's a great gift.
Thank you.
- thank you.
198
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,950
- ( mumbles )
- thank you. Let me--
I've gotta catch up with--
199
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,252
Of course.
The host has to circulate.
200
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,955
- hey, you circulate too, lar.
- yeah, well, I-- I know.
You're the big stars,
201
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,558
- the hosts of the party.
- there's a lot of
Nice women here.
202
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,293
Everybody wants to talk
To the hosts of course.
203
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,629
I understand.
"Oh, I'm the host.
204
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,398
Hello, I'm the host
Of the party."
205
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,634
- hey.
- hey, l.D.
How are you, man?
206
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,436
Good. You know,
I ran into a friend
Of yours today.
207
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,338
- who's that?
- mary-- mary jane porter.
208
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,676
- mmm! I love her.
She's great.
- mmm.
209
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,779
( chuckles )
Jesus christ.
210
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,381
- what?
- you're really going
To town on that caviar.
211
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,483
It's the best caviar
They could possibly get.
212
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,652
It's unbelievable.
What do you think I'm
Gonna do, pass this up?
213
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,689
I know, but I think
You're going over your
Allotment a little bit. No?
214
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,456
- my allotment?
- you know,
215
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,593
We're each entitled
To take a certain amount
216
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,662
So everybody else can have
A little bit too.
217
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,264
- umm.
- it feels like
You're going over.
218
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,733
Just an observation.
Not a big deal.
219
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,635
- okay.
- just something
I'm observing.
220
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,071
Well, it's good that
You're here to patrol
The hor d'oeuvres area.
221
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,607
- yeah.
- okay.
222
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,109
We have unwritten laws
In this society.
223
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,178
If I'm talking
To somebody and they said
Their friend has cancer,
224
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,480
I go "Oh. Oh. Oh."
225
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,883
Even though I don't know
The person, I go "Oh."
226
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,284
You know,
It's an unwritten law.
227
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,920
You do something
Like that.
228
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,922
- mmm. Okay.
- it's a nice thing to do.
229
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,124
What you should
Be doing here is
You take a little bit,
230
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,293
Then you step away
For 20 minutes, see what
Kind of action there is.
231
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,862
- oh.
- if nobody's taking any,
232
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,097
Maybe take
A little bit more,
Step away again.
233
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,399
- so forth and so on.
- okay, look.
234
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,336
Let me just scoop
A little more on here
235
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,673
And I'm gonna
Step away then.
236
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,808
- wow.
- enjoy the party.
237
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,344
- okay. All right.
- always good to see you.
238
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,681
Mary:
Larry, did you eat
All that caviar?
239
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,617
- huh? No.
- why would you do that?
240
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,853
I mean, everybody knows
You take a little, right?
241
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,188
- hey, it wasn't me.
- then who was it?
242
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,524
Christian slater was
Eating gobfuls of it.
243
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,860
- I hate that.
- I couldn't even
Look at it.
244
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,561
- ( glass clinking )
- that's...
245
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,263
- so inconsiderate, no?
- it's an unwritten rule.
246
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,165
- you take your--
- unwritten rule, exactly.
247
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,333
Can I have everyone's
Attention, please?
248
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,435
Ted and mary,
Our gracious hosts--
249
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,605
Happy anniversary
To an incredible couple.
250
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,974
We didn't know
What to get you.
251
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,809
You clearly have
Everything.
252
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,610
We're not gonna get you
A toaster or a blender,
253
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:14,848
So our incredibly
Talented daughter sammy,
254
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,119
As our gift to you,
Is gonna sing a special song.
255
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,122
- oh, that's so sweet.
- susie: so let's have
A nice round of applause.
256
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,425
- that's a gift?
Are you kidding?
- susie: sammy is gonna sing.
257
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,127
- let's hear it for sammy.
- how is that a gift?
258
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:31,531
* you're just
Too good to be true *
259
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,535
* can't take
My eyes off of you... *
260
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,972
- ( whispers ) oh my god.
- * you would be like
Heaven to touch *
261
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,509
* I wanna
Hold you so much *
262
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:46,346
* at long last
Love has arrived *
263
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,149
* and I thank god
I'm alive... *
264
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,384
( chuckles, whispers )
Are you kidding me?
265
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,186
Are you kidding?
266
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,222
This is the worst thing
I've ever heard in my life.
267
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,091
- * I love you, baby...
- larry: all right. Okay.
268
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,460
All right. Okay.
That's good. That's good.
269
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,195
- very good, very good!
Okay, that was wonderful.
- what are you doing?
270
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,131
- what are you doing?
- very good talent.
271
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,733
- I'm not-- I'm not done.
- no no no no, that was
Terrific.
272
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:06,767
No no, she's not done.
What are you doing?
273
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:07,968
That was very good.
Very good.
274
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,903
Why are you
Interrupting her, larry?
275
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,739
Why didn't you wait
Until she was finished
Singing the song?
276
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,573
- what were you doing?
- what? The song's over.
277
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,043
No, the song was
Not over. You know
The song was not over
278
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,045
- and you cut her off!
- the song is over.
279
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,981
You ruined the whole gift!
That was our gift
For god's sake!
280
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,050
- oh, I thought
The song was over.
- sammy, that was great.
281
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:26,119
Let's give her a nice
Round of applause.
That was good.
282
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:29,689
That was good. Yeah.
283
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,959
I'll tell you--
That's a talented kid.
284
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:40,333
Hey! Real nice.
Real nice.
285
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,173
Come-- I mean,
Mary is pissed at me
About the caviar.
286
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,408
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Thank you.
287
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,778
What?
What did she say?
288
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,245
She said
That you told her
289
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,783
That I helped myself
To too much caviar.
290
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,618
Well, she noticed
The caviar
291
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,853
And asked me
Who ate it.
292
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,721
What? What?
Was I supposed to lie?
293
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,291
- I was not taking
Too much caviar!
- oh, please. Are you kidding?
294
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,194
- who are you?!
- you were eating it
Like it was potato chips!
295
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,062
It's there
To be eaten, you know?
296
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,264
- not by one person!
- it was out there
On the table.
297
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,367
- you made it
Your dinner.
- oh god.
298
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,203
( chuckles )
299
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,741
Smile.
300
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,046
Hey, mind your own business.
How about that?
301
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,615
"Smile."
302
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,951
( beeps )
303
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,053
- ( rings )
- hello.
304
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,490
- larry: fat boy!
- what? Hello?
305
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,828
- jeff?
- umm, no.
306
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,096
- no, there's no jeff here.
- is this dr. Morrison?
307
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,899
Uh, yeah, it is.
It is. Who's this?
308
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,667
Oh my god!
It's larry david!
309
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,302
Your patient
Larry david.
310
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,738
And wasn't it just
A couple of days ago
311
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,541
That I saw you
And asked you not
To call here?
312
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,910
No, I wasn't calling you.
I was calling jeff greene--
313
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,047
Listen-- and your name is
Right under his
314
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,949
And I must have pressed
Yours by accident.
315
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:05,752
I distinctly recall
Asking you not to call me.
316
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,054
No no, I didn't call.
317
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,189
How can you say
You didn't call?!
318
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,259
- you did call.
- I didn't call
Purposefully.
319
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,795
- it was an accident.
- an accident call is
Still a call.
320
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,630
Technically,
I called, but--
321
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,532
Look.
I'm in the other room
322
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,368
I'm working.
I had to walk in here.
323
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,170
I had to pick up
The phone.
324
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,672
Now I'm talking to you.
That's a call.
325
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,307
It's a wrong number.
326
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,442
You know, I don't have
An hourglass set up here,
327
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,178
But it's
The longest wrong number
328
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,880
I've ever had
In my life.
329
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,714
I have things
To do, mr. David.
330
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,084
- really?
What are you doing?
- I'm changing light bulbs
331
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,319
And cleaning
The cat's litter box.
332
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,155
What do you do at home?
Does anybody ask you
What you do--
333
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,723
Don't ask me
What I do at home.
334
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,692
All right.
I'm gonna hang up then.
335
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,895
You don't have to tell me
Everything you're doing.
Just hang up.
336
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,063
Okay. The next time
You hear from me
337
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,099
Will be in case
Of an emergency,
338
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,867
And I hope
You don't hear from me.
339
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,802
You still have
My service number.
340
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,938
Call them,
Ask about their day.
341
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,672
Don't bother me.
342
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:03,110
- hmm.
- so did
You hang up yet?
343
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:07,147
Not yet.
Should I hang up now?
344
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,282
Yes, I'm going
To hang up now.
345
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,184
Did I mention
That I'm going to
The restaurant tonight?
346
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,120
- goodbye.
- ( phone clatters )
347
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,625
By the way,
I'm not that impressed
With the food.
348
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,027
It's good.
349
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,395
No, I'm having
A real problem
With this osso buco.
350
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,631
I can't believe
Dr. Morrison recommended it.
It's terrible.
351
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,901
- you don't like food.
- what does that mean,
I don't like food?
352
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,869
You don't like food.
Every time we've gone out,
353
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,039
- you're like
"I don't like this food."
- no, I didn't like your food.
354
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,606
- that's what--
- you didn't like my food?
355
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,442
Your food-- come on,
You were the worst cook
In the world.
356
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,310
- oh, stop it.
- you know that.
"Stop it."
357
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,446
You are the only one
That thinks that.
358
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,615
- I think you're
Not a good... Eater.
- ( both laugh )
359
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:46,186
- really? You think I'm--
- yeah, you're not
A good eater.
360
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:50,323
Anyway, I'd better shut up,
Because I'm planning on--
361
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,225
I'm planning
On a big move later
362
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,227
And I think
I might hurt my chances
363
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,196
If I keep
Criticizing your food.
364
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,398
- you're right.
- yeah.
365
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,533
A big big move.
366
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,635
- is that what this is?
- yeah, exactly.
367
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,605
- a big storm warning?
- I'm babe ruth calling
The shot.
368
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,408
All right.
Oh, there's your
Friend ted danson.
369
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,877
Ted danson?
370
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,280
No, he's over there.
371
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,751
- mary jane:
Is that weird?
- it was great.
372
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,453
Yeah, it's really weird.
373
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,490
I'll be right back.
374
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,295
- you're-- you're kidding.
- to the vineyard?
375
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,163
- yeah.
- yeah, you could.
You could.
376
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,599
- hey, larry.
- mary: hi.
377
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:35,068
- hi, lar.
- hey, buddy.
378
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,271
- are you having a nice time?
- yes, thank you so much.
379
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,573
- thank you, buddy.
- I find it a little odd,
380
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,509
Frankly,
381
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,046
That I got you this
382
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,415
$300 gift certificate
To the restaurant
383
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,619
And you chose
To take them and not me.
384
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,721
But if we took you,
385
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:58,691
Wouldn't that
Be you giving
A gift to yourself?
386
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,460
- no, not really.
- you somehow--
387
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,196
No, I gave you a gift
And I just think that
388
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,265
The nice thing to do
Would have been
389
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,467
"Hey, you know what?
Why don't you come with us?"
390
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,070
Was there a stipulation
On the gift certificate"
391
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,205
- "$300 plus take me"?
- no. No,
392
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,274
But don't you feel
A little bit funny
393
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,343
- that you're eating dinner
Under-- it's my money?
- not at all.
394
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,012
- I paid for your gift.
- what, have you got
A beef with me now?
395
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,480
- yeah?
- I've got
A side beef with you.
396
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,382
- I've got a beef with him.
- you know what?
397
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,617
- we've had a really
Nice fun night...
- do me a favor.
398
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,653
...Which is more
Than we would've had
If we'd brought you.
399
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,188
From now on
Don't get us a gift.
No more gifts.
400
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,023
At least I got you
A gift, okay?
401
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,758
I didn't let my daughter
Go up and sing a song.
402
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,726
- what the hell does
That mean, larry?
- oh, come on now.
403
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,463
- is that supposed to be a gift?
- yes, that was a gift
From the heart.
404
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,065
- that is not a gift.
- and you know what?
405
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,699
You had no right
To shut her up.
406
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,269
- that was mean.
That was cruel.
- it was horrible.
407
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,805
- it was over the line.
- her self-esteem is down
The toilet now.
408
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,341
I'm sorry about that,
But it had nothing
To do with her.
409
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,810
I just-- I can't
Stand the sound
Of the human voice.
410
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,714
- you can't stand the
Sound of the human voice?!
- what are you talking about?
411
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,350
My father used to sing
In the house all the time.
I couldn't take it.
412
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,552
And to this day,
Any singing around me--
413
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,122
- you're full of it.
- ted: bullshit. Bullshit.
414
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,790
It's bullshit.
He's making it up.
415
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,825
I'm not making it up.
This happens to
Be the truth.
416
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,628
- mary: I've never heard
This about you, ever.
- ted: yeah.
417
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,231
- I'm sorry about that.
- ( accordion music playing )
418
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,466
( singing italian aria )
419
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,312
Hey hey hey.
Hey hey.
420
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,414
That's okay.
We've got it.
We've got it.
421
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,282
We've got it.
We're good. Hey.
422
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,418
( shushes )
We're good.
We're good.
423
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,386
Pipe it down.
We're good. We're good.
424
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,323
That's okay. Lock it up.
Lock it up. We're good.
425
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,258
Very good.
It was very good.
426
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,693
- honestly.
Very good. Yeah.
- ( applauding )
427
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,062
Yeah, we're--
We're eating now.
428
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,965
We're eating.
We can't listen now.
429
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,901
Come on.
Right, people?
430
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,104
Huh? While we're eating?
We don't--
431
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,506
We don't need that.
Come on.
432
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,842
( larry moaning )
433
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,651
( groans )
Damn it.
434
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,661
Hey, would you mind
Switching sides?
435
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:19,166
Switch si-- sides?
Uh, okay.
436
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,733
- okay.
- I kinda prefer
That side.
437
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,068
- oh. All right.
- yeah.
438
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,870
Oh, here,
You-- you go.
439
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,173
- thanks.
- better?
440
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,674
- much better.
- all good?
441
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,609
You're so agreeable.
I really love that
About you.
442
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,444
Uh-huh. Thanks.
443
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,554
( groaning )
444
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,858
What's going on here?
( laughs )
445
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,595
Oh, damn it.
446
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,003
- do you want
Some pie?
- pie?
447
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,772
Oh my god,
It's delicious.
448
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,874
- mmm.
- oh.
449
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,710
- this is so good.
- really?
450
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,445
I made it.
Do you want some?
451
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,947
- you made it?
- yeah, I took
A dessert class.
452
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,250
It is delicious
And I'm not kidding.
453
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,419
- ( phone ringing )
- all right, I'll try it.
454
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,053
- have it.
It's good. Honestly.
- okay, fine.
455
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,988
- all right.
- sorry.
456
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,057
What is it?
What kind?
457
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,959
Oh, shit.
458
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,695
- it's my boyfriend.
You've got to be quiet.
- ( phone beeps )
459
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,031
What are you talking--
You didn't tell me
You had a boyfriend.
460
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,800
Hello?
What's going on?
461
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,436
Uh-- oh, nothing.
462
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:32,138
You know, I was
Just hanging out,
463
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,106
- not really doing
Anything actually.
- ah!
464
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:37,544
- oh, wow! Wow!
- oh! Oh!
465
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,247
Oh, god.
No no, I'm watching tv.
466
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,581
It's like
On the discovery channel.
467
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,883
Why don't we talk
About it tomorrow?
468
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,354
Oh. Oh, you are.
469
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,757
Then I'll-- I'll see you
In a minute. Okay. Bye.
470
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,325
- ( beeps )
- fuck.
471
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,126
- you've gotta go.
- what?
472
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,362
My boyfriend's
Coming over.
473
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,663
You didn't tell me
You had a boyfriend.
474
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,164
It didn't come up.
You didn't ask me.
475
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,899
Well, it should've
Come up. No?
476
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,434
Listen.
You've gotta go
477
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,570
'cause this will suck--
Seriously-- for me.
478
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,972
- do you like him?
- larry, you've got to go.
479
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,540
I-- I can't get
Into this now.
480
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,175
- did I leave anything here?
- hello? No, you're fine.
481
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,377
You've got to go.
Larry, please.
482
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,111
He will not understand
This situation.
483
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,746
Yeah, I don't understand
The situation.
484
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,582
He will kill me.
He will kill you.
We can talk about it later.
485
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:18,451
- kill me? Is he a big guy?
- you don't want to find out.
486
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,722
I'm not kidding.
The food was just awful.
487
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,925
Terrible. Honestly,
I can't even believe
You recommended that.
488
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,727
Well, I liked
The osso buco.
489
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,497
It didn't taste
Like osso buco to me.
It was bad osso buco.
490
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,699
It'd be hard
To find a better
Osso buco than that.
491
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,201
Ah. Anyway,
I'm sorry about
The call again.
492
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,836
It was
A complete accident.
493
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,106
You know who
Never makes a mistake
Like that? My service.
494
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,774
- really? Interesting.
- that's right.
495
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,710
- please don't call again.
- okay, but like I said,
496
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,212
It was a wrong number.
I did not intend
To call you.
497
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,014
Well, perhaps,
But it was intrusive.
498
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,016
You have
A beautiful home,
By the way.
499
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,352
How do you know that?
500
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,021
Your assistant gave me
All your info when I asked
For your home phone number.
501
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,724
You're right
In my neighborhood.
You're right up the street.
502
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,759
You're the house
On the corner with
That trellis--
503
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,394
- what do you
Call it, an arbor?
- an arbor.
504
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,129
Arbor. Yeah,
You've got the arbor
In the front.
505
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,232
- I know that house.
- you know, I'm a little
Uncomfortable
506
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:09,235
- with you having
All this information.
- what am I gonna do?
507
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,571
There should be
A little more openness
In the doctor business.
508
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,573
Everything is
So confidential, you know?
509
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,476
I have too many patients.
I don't want them all to
Have my information.
510
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,144
Well, I'm the only one
Who has it.
511
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,746
Well, don't call,
Don't knock on the door...
512
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,948
- oh yeah.
- ...But you're
Welcome here any time
513
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,816
- you have a problem.
- oh, thank you,
Thank you.
514
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,353
So what do you
Think we should do
About the hand?
515
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,388
There are two ways
To go with the hand:
516
00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,823
Put a bandage on;
Not put a bandage on.
517
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,259
In my opinion,
It'd be better
To leave it open.
518
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,563
Well, are you
The same person
519
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:39,131
Who recommended
That restaurant
With the osso buco?
520
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:40,633
I don't quite
See the connection.
521
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,836
Well, your restaurant
Recommendation was so awful,
522
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:47,106
I just don't see
How I can trust
Your medical recommendation.
523
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,808
They're different.
524
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,710
Not to me.
525
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,580
- wrap it up.
- you want it wrapped up?
526
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,516
- yeah.
- all right, doctor.
Whatever you say.
527
00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:04,857
( phone rings )
528
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,393
( beeps )
529
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,495
- hello?
- larry?
Hi, it's mary jane.
530
00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,563
Oh, hey,
Can I call you back?
I'm exercising.
531
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,400
Uh, no, you know,
My friend--
532
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,435
He found your bandage
In the garbage can here
533
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,236
And he knows it's you.
He knows you were here.
534
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,338
- what?
- yeah, it was
Really horrible.
535
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,374
I kind of freaked out
And I ended up giving him
536
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,309
Your-- your phone number
And your address.
537
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:25,211
Are you crazy?!
What did you do that for?
538
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:26,679
I know, I'm sorry.
It's crazy,
539
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:28,415
But he just--
He just wore me down.
540
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,483
It was so horrible,
541
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:33,119
And he's on his way
To your house right now.
542
00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:34,854
- oh my.
- ( beeps )
543
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,458
( car approaches )
544
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,629
Oh, shit.
545
00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:08,821
Hi, dr. Morrison.
I'm so sorry to bother you,
546
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:11,323
Honestly--
Somebody's after me.
They're at my house.
547
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,125
I didn't know
What to do!
548
00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,328
I was running
And I saw your house.
549
00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:18,064
Mr. David, what the hell
Are you doing here?
550
00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:19,832
I'm-- I'm telling you--
I just need a place to stay.
551
00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:22,502
If I could just
Stay here for a while,
Spend the night.
552
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:25,438
- yeah, well, you can't.
You can't-- spend the night?
- I'll go in the guest room.
553
00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:27,206
I'll close the door.
You won't even
Know I'm here!
554
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,742
I'm sitting here
Having a nice, quiet
Night with my wife,
555
00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:32,311
We're having a glass of wine,
And you bust in here saying
556
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:35,014
- you want to stay
Here all night?!
- hello. I'm so sorry.
557
00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:37,650
Please please
Please don't involve
Mrs. Morrison.
558
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,418
I'm not involving her.
You have a lovely home
By the way.
559
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,387
- thank you.
- lovely. I love
That print.
560
00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:43,490
And I think it's
A little provocative,
561
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,224
Coming in here like this
In front of my wife
562
00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:47,460
With no pants on!
You should go home
And get dressed.
563
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,462
I was running out!
I ran out of the house.
564
00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:51,097
I give you
My phone number,
You call me.
565
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:53,733
You drive by my house.
Now you're in my house?
566
00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:56,135
How about if
I just hang out here?
I'll sit on the steps.
567
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:57,937
What, all night?
Sit on the steps?
568
00:23:58,037 --> 00:24:00,072
- well, I can't go out!
- my family is here!
569
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,575
Do you mind if I stay
On the steps, mrs. Morrison?
570
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:04,677
No no, mrs. Morrison does--
You're not staying
On the steps.
571
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,179
You know, you're a doctor.
You're sending me
Out to get hurt.
572
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,648
What about
The hippocratic oath?
573
00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:10,583
When you're hurt, come back
And I'll treat you.
574
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,585
- go home, mr. David!
- do you agree with this?
575
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,386
- you say you only live--
- do you agree with this?
576
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:16,222
Please! Don't bring
Mrs. Morrison into this.
577
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:18,157
- fine.
- and I think you ought
To put some pants on.
578
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,426
You know what?
You're going to be
Getting a call from me soon--
579
00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,428
An emergency call.
I have your home phone number
580
00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:24,731
- and I'm going to be
Making an emergency call!
- call my service!
581
00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:26,365
I'm calling
An emergency call to you!
582
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,601
Don't call me,
And I'll call you!
583
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,418
I'm so happy you're home.
You've got to let me come in
And spend the night.
584
00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:48,420
Somebody's chasing me.
There's a guy after me.
585
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:50,289
I swear to god!
I'm not making it up!
586
00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:53,125
- what are you wearing?
- what? I'm wearing shorts.
587
00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:56,062
- that's disgusting.
- I workout in shorts.
I'm sorry.
588
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,065
You know something?
You really disappointed
Me last night.
589
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,634
That sweet guy trying
To sing a song--
590
00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:04,436
You absolutely destroyed
His confidence.
You know that?
591
00:25:04,537 --> 00:25:06,305
He can't sing
Anymore because of you.
592
00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:09,876
Well, I'll-- you know,
I'll talk to him.
593
00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:11,544
- talk to him?
- I will. I will.
594
00:25:11,644 --> 00:25:12,645
Yeah, build up
His confidence after that.
595
00:25:12,745 --> 00:25:13,846
I actually will.
I'll do that.
596
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:15,114
You are a selfish
Motherfucker.
597
00:25:15,214 --> 00:25:16,115
- I'm selfish?
- you are.
598
00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:17,650
I buy you
A fantastic gift,
599
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,852
And you take jeff greene?
That's $150.
600
00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:21,821
- so what?
- that's my $150!
601
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:23,355
- is that what's
Bothering you? $150?
- at least I gave you
602
00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:24,924
A present.
I didn't have my daughter
603
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:26,793
- sing some bullshit song...
- here. Here's your $150.
604
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,327
- take your $150...
- ...And not be able
To carry a tune!
605
00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:31,631
...And go buy yourself some
Fucking pants, will you?
606
00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:38,605
( tires screech )
607
00:25:45,144 --> 00:25:47,013
- hey, I'm so glad
You're home.
- hey.
608
00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:48,815
Mary jane porter's
Boyfriend is after me.
609
00:25:48,915 --> 00:25:50,617
- what's going on?
- I need to spend
The night here!
610
00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:52,218
I won't bother you.
I won't even use
The kitchen!
611
00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:53,786
I swear to you
I'll just stay
In the guest room.
612
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,988
- please. Come on.
- all right, all right.
613
00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:58,891
- come on in.
- put something on. I don't
Want to have to look at this.
614
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,729
( birds chirping )
615
00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:08,434
Sammy:
* you're just
Too good to be true *
616
00:26:08,534 --> 00:26:12,104
* can't take
My eyes off of you *
617
00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,875
- * you'd be like
Heaven to touch... *
- jesus. Shut up!
618
00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:18,277
What the fuck?
Shut the fuck up!
619
00:26:18,377 --> 00:26:21,413
- * I want to hold
You so much... *
- shut the fuck up!
620
00:26:21,513 --> 00:26:24,817
- ( sammy crying )
- jesus christ!
621
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,186
- what the fuck?
- sammy: mommy!
I was singing
622
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:31,691
- and larry told me
To shut the fuck up!
- susie: he did what?!
623
00:26:31,791 --> 00:26:33,826
- out!
- huh? What?
624
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,929
- out! Out! Get the hell
Out of my house!
- what the hell?
625
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,866
You ingrate! You hurt sammy
One more time, larry!
626
00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:42,568
Get the fuck out
Of my house, okay?!
627
00:26:42,669 --> 00:26:46,005
You squashed the spirit
Of a talented young girl!
628
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:50,009
You piece of shit!
You heartless
Piece of shit!
629
00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:51,811
Out!
630
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:58,084
- anyway, I'm sorry that
You took it so personally...
- that's all right.
631
00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:00,086
...Because it really--
Honestly, it really wasn't you.
632
00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:03,089
- you mean that?
- yes, absolutely.
633
00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:05,658
- now come on.
- just go sing,
Will you please?
634
00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:09,628
- okay. Okay.
Thanks.
- okay.
635
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:14,667
- ( accordion music playing )
- ( man singing aria )
636
00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:17,003
- what the--
- ( whispers )
What are you doing?
637
00:27:19,505 --> 00:27:22,909
- what are you doing here?
- I had to go talk
To that singer.
638
00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:25,144
- what are you doing here?
- uh, listen.
639
00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:27,279
I'm meeting christian slater
And his girlfriend here
640
00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:30,082
And my boyfriend's
In the bathroom right now.
641
00:27:30,182 --> 00:27:33,119
He's gonna come out
And-- you should go.
642
00:27:33,219 --> 00:27:35,054
- don't stand there.
- yeah, but he doesn't
Know what I look like.
643
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,724
- go go go go.
- yeah, but--
644
00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:39,859
- I know.
- ( exhales sharply )
645
00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:42,661
- oh, whoa, I'm sorry.
- oh. Sorry. I'm sorry.
646
00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:45,832
Oh, wait, are you
Larry david?
647
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,568
No. Nuh-uh.
648
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:52,504
- no. No.
- what?
649
00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:53,740
Hey hey!
Excuse me.
Hey hey!
650
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,008
Hey hey! Hey!
651
00:28:13,425 --> 00:28:16,162
You're not
Looking for larry david
By any chance, are you?
652
00:28:16,262 --> 00:28:17,797
Yeah, I am.
653
00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:21,768
Thank you.
Thanks, man. Hey!
654
00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:33,479
( theme music playing )
53235
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