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1
00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:10,800
Captions made possible by
Home box office, inc.
2
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,300
( tv )
Puffy shirt,
Puffy shirt.
3
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:19,633
( laughing )
4
00:00:21,467 --> 00:00:26,967
Uh, can you spare a little
Change for an old buccaneer ?
5
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,300
You know, it's really
Not a bad looking shirt.
6
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:33,267
Good show.
Alright, good show.
7
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,900
( phone ringing )
Oh, jesus.
8
00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:37,833
Don't answer it, I'm,
I don't want to talk to her.
9
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:41,233
Well, why does she have
To call after every episode ?
10
00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:43,233
Oh, don't--
I'm not here.
11
00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:44,333
Hello ?
12
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:46,133
Hi, marilyn.
13
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:49,467
Uh, yeah,
We just watched it.
14
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:53,700
Yeah, I know, it's...
It was one of the good ones.
15
00:00:53,733 --> 00:00:58,033
Um, he's actually,
He's unavailable.
16
00:00:58,067 --> 00:00:59,400
Mm-hmm.
17
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:03,233
Uh, okay, bye.
18
00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:06,133
Tell him it was one of
My favorite episodes.
19
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,500
It made me
Laugh so hard.
20
00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:10,533
Oh, my god.
I swear, it gets better
Every time I see it.
21
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:13,300
I can't believe this woman has
To call after every single show.
22
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:17,967
Every, I mean, does it
Ever end with this lady ?
23
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,400
What are you
Doing tomorrow ?
24
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:21,867
I'm getting my physical
For the producers.
25
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,567
Can you do me
A favor ?
26
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,500
Will you
Pick up a, um,
27
00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:27,633
A present for
The doosenbury's
Baby shower ?
28
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:28,900
Me ?
29
00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:31,067
You're gonna be right there,
There's a toy store right...
30
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,500
You would entrust me
With something like that ?
31
00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:34,533
A gift
For a baby ?
32
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,233
Just get a,
A doll or something.
33
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,867
So you want me to get
A doll for betty ?
34
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,633
Get a doll
For betty.
35
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:43,633
It's her
Baby shower.
36
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:45,233
Well, what about
The surrogate ?
37
00:01:45,267 --> 00:01:46,733
Get her anything ?
38
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:49,067
I don't think you need
To worry about the surrogate.
39
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,633
Well, I don't
Know about that.
40
00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:53,067
I think the surrogate
Is a person, too.
41
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,400
She's having
The baby.
42
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,900
The shower is
For betty.
43
00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:58,133
So she's gonna be
Opening her presents,
44
00:01:58,167 --> 00:01:59,833
The surrogate's gonna be
Standing there like an idiot,
45
00:01:59,867 --> 00:02:01,100
And she has
Nothing to open ?
46
00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:03,933
The whole thing's, what's
The surrogate etiquette ?
47
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:06,633
Okay, use your judgment,
Whever you think.
48
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:09,167
If that's what you
Want to do, that's fine.
49
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,900
Hey, charlie,
What's going on there ?
50
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:16,067
H, what ?
51
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:17,267
What ?
Huh ?
52
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,167
Come on, you know
I can't do anything.
53
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,167
Because the dog
Bit your penis ?
54
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,200
Yes.
55
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,500
And so you're...
56
00:02:30,533 --> 00:02:32,267
It's not ready,
I'm not ready.
57
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:35,633
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
A couple more days.
58
00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:49,700
Mr. David ?
59
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:57,733
Can I make
An observation ?
60
00:02:57,767 --> 00:02:59,733
That magazine
Collection,
61
00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:01,733
You really need to do
Something about that.
62
00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:05,533
I'm not complaining, I'm just,
Just making an observation.
63
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,233
Well, the doctor's
Ready to see you.
64
00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:09,700
Okay.
65
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,933
Just, you know,
Just for your information.
66
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,167
F.Y.I.
Kind of thing.
67
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,800
It's right that way.
Okay.
68
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:20,567
What are you doing,
69
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,700
Stealing your magazines
From garbage cans ?
70
00:03:22,733 --> 00:03:25,100
I have never seen such a
Collection of shit in my life.
71
00:03:25,133 --> 00:03:26,133
Alright, we have--
72
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,233
They're all four years old,
Those things.
73
00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:29,867
We have other things
That we think about
74
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:30,967
Other than
The magazines,
75
00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:32,433
Like giving people
Medical assistance.
76
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:35,667
Ladies home journal
From, from 2001.
77
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,800
People magazine.
78
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:39,367
Tom cruise is 40.
79
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,167
Emilio estevez is 40.
Just, just keep walking.
80
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,367
Wow !
Okay.
81
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,133
Alright, good.
82
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:45,567
Good for them,
They're 40 !
83
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,933
You know, it sounds like
You're reading a lot
84
00:03:46,967 --> 00:03:48,067
Of these magazines
You don't like.
85
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:49,100
I was looking
At it out there,
86
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:50,300
It was right
On the cover...
87
00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:52,167
Yeah, you got a lot of
That stuff memorized.
88
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,300
Give me a golf magazine
Or something.
89
00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:56,867
I got the point,
We got it, gotcha.
90
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:58,133
Get nation,
How about nation ?
91
00:03:58,167 --> 00:03:59,300
Nation, that's a...
92
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:00,600
You read nation ?
It's a fabulous magazine.
93
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:03,133
I have read nation,
That's a good one.
94
00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:04,467
Hey, larry.
95
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:05,433
Hi, renee.
96
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:06,533
How you feeling ?
97
00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:08,300
Good.
Good.
98
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,733
( beeping )
99
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:14,067
( beeping increasing )
100
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:23,233
Larry, how you
Feeling ?
101
00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:24,200
Okay.
102
00:04:24,233 --> 00:04:27,367
Unfortunately, I can't
Give you a clean
103
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,467
Bill of health
At this point.
104
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,067
Yeah, I don't know
What happened.
105
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,200
There was a little,
Slight abnormality.
106
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:34,533
We were going
Along great,
107
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,100
And you kind of spiked
A little there.
108
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:39,500
And I, I can't, I can't
Sign the form for you.
109
00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:45,233
Believe me, there's nothing
Wrong with me, I'm fine.
110
00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:48,833
Jack, I'm fine,
Trust me, I'm fine.
111
00:04:48,867 --> 00:04:51,633
Larry, I can't
Sign the form for you
112
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,867
Without taking some
Precautions, okay ?
113
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,067
And here's what
We're gonna do.
114
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:56,700
It's simple,
Come on.
115
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,167
There's no
Irregularity.
116
00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,667
Yes, there is, larry !
117
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,167
Believe, I went
To medical school, I know.
118
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,133
So what we're gonna do is this,
Listen, it's simple.
119
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,700
I'm gonna give you a device
Called a heart halter, okay ?
120
00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,600
This is ridiculous.
121
00:05:09,633 --> 00:05:11,067
Larry, I have
To do it.
122
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:12,267
I have to do it.
123
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,933
It straps on,
A couple of electrodes,
124
00:05:14,967 --> 00:05:17,333
You wear it for 24 hours,
It measures your heartbeat,
125
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:21,667
You come back and if this was
An abnormality, an aberration,
126
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:22,867
The device
Will confirm it.
127
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,800
You get back on the treadmill
For five minutes,
128
00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:26,667
I sign the slip
And you're off to broadway.
129
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:27,833
Rene?
130
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:29,067
Do you hav
The halter ?
131
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,333
You want to, you want
To give that to larry ?
132
00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:32,267
Larry, I'm gonna schedule you
For an appointment tomorrow.
133
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,367
Don't be a baby, let renee
Do this, will you please ?
134
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,600
Come on.
Will you stand up ?
135
00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:38,900
Will you take off
Your jacket, larry ?
136
00:05:38,933 --> 00:05:39,800
Great.
137
00:05:39,833 --> 00:05:41,700
It's really easy.
138
00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:43,333
There we go.
139
00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:45,433
There you go.
140
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:46,933
That's it.
141
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:48,600
There.
142
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,067
So, I got to tell you
What happened last night.
143
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,433
You know, I took
Renee home, you know.
144
00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:58,667
And, uh, we stopped
And, uh...
145
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,300
Yeah, I just saw her
At dr. Jack's.
146
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:01,300
He's unbelievable.
147
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:02,967
Yeah, she's beyond
Unbelievable.
148
00:06:03,067 --> 00:06:05,067
But the point
Of it is that I,
149
00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:07,933
Look, have you ever made it
With an african-american ?
150
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,467
Yes.
151
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,900
Twice.
152
00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:12,233
What, the same
One twice ?
153
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,067
Two different ones.
154
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:13,933
Same time ?
155
00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,933
No, same time,
Never same time.
156
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:17,533
I'll tell you right now,
I'll tell you right now,
157
00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,233
For some reason
I, I, I never, I,
158
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:20,500
I never did it with,
With a black...
159
00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:22,700
Hmm, so you never met,
You never met one, or...
160
00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,600
No, no one I really,
You know...
161
00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:26,100
Okay, so she'll
Be the first.
162
00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:27,933
This woman's
Extraordinary.
163
00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:30,167
So, here's the thing,
164
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,067
A couple of months ago
I went to a knick game.
165
00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:33,367
And I went
Into the locker room
166
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,633
To say hello to some of
My friends, you know.
167
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:37,367
And they were showering
And I looked,
168
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,767
I saw one of
The forwards.
169
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,367
And he just threw the towel off,
He was getting dressed,
170
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,067
And I looked down,
I saw...
171
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,067
Big ?Big, yea.
172
00:06:44,067 --> 00:06:45,800
Big ?Uh, ?
173
00:06:45,833 --> 00:06:48,067
They could put the chicago
Fire out with this.
174
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,433
It was...
It was a joke.
175
00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:50,300
Well...
176
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:52,067
It was like
From another planet.
177
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,567
Well, he's a big guy,
He's a forward.
178
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,633
You need to see a guard,
Did you see a guard ?
179
00:06:55,667 --> 00:06:57,433
You can't tell by a forward,
They're too big,
180
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:58,400
He's out of
Proportion.
181
00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:00,767
I don't care,
It's me and renee.
182
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,900
And I, and maybe because,
Maybe because, you know,
183
00:07:03,933 --> 00:07:05,067
She's black,
She maybe dates,
You know...
184
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,267
So you think the black woman
Might be used to a...
185
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,433
Well, I mean, if they're used,
I mean, if that...
186
00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:10,800
Not a myth or,
I mean, if it is...
187
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:12,967
I could see how, like,
Yeah, it could be a concern.
188
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:15,700
I don't know whether I would
Ever want to have intercourse
189
00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:18,233
With her, because
I'm a little intimidated.
190
00:07:18,267 --> 00:07:20,300
And you're one of the few
Friends I can tell this to.
191
00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:24,533
Okay, well, then maybe
I can, I can step in.
192
00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:26,800
I got that 10th
Anniversary present.
193
00:07:26,833 --> 00:07:29,067
I'm saying if you
Want to, you know,
194
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:33,233
If you're too intimidated to go
Through with it, I could try.
195
00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:34,367
A good friend
Doesn't do that.
196
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,833
You don't, you don't--
You don't have intercourse
197
00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:39,067
With someone who
Your friend doesn't screw.
198
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,533
Why, it would be a nice 10th
Anniversary present for me ?
199
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:43,900
I'd rather go to tiffany's
And get you a bowl.
200
00:07:43,933 --> 00:07:46,300
I don't
Want a bowl.
201
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,233
Alright.
202
00:07:49,867 --> 00:07:52,067
Here you go.
203
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:54,533
Yeah, I'm not
The valet.
204
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:57,400
Oh, I'm, I'm--
Yeah.
205
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,267
It is possible for black people
To have other jobs.
206
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:00,900
No, uh, no,
I know, of course.
207
00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:02,367
Yeah, yeah, I already
Know, man, okay.
208
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,300
No, because...
209
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,267
It's because
I'm black.
210
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,400
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
211
00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:09,067
You fucked up.
212
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:10,433
Sorry.
213
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:13,433
Sorry.
214
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,733
So, you automatically think the
Black man is the valet, huh ?
215
00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:26,767
No, I don't
Automatically--
216
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,067
Yes, you did,
I saw it.
217
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,200
No, he's standing
By the valet...
218
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:31,467
"Get my car, boy."
219
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,700
I saw it, larry.
220
00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:35,400
He had on a white shirt,
And a red tie and a vest.
221
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:37,367
He's standing by the valet sign,
It's an honest mistake, c'mon.
222
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:42,233
Oh yeah, yeah, anytime I see
A black man in a tie and a suit,
223
00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:44,467
I think "Hey, you must
Park cars for a living."
224
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:45,800
I feel it was an
Honest mistake, wanda.
225
00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:48,967
No, no, if it was a white man
Standing here, you would not.
226
00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,367
Would have given him
The valet, I, I would too.
227
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,233
I would, too have.
No, you wouldn't.
228
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:53,100
Too, too.
No, you wouldn't.
229
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,233
No, you would
Have asked him...
230
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:56,300
Too, too...
Not.
231
00:08:56,333 --> 00:09:00,067
You would have asked him
For a stock tip, or,
232
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,167
Oh, yeah, right.
So, where you golf ?
233
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,367
How's the
Filming going ?
234
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,800
It's good.
235
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:05,933
I'm shooting
Over there.
236
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:07,267
On my little break.
237
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:09,467
Let me ask you
A question.
238
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:12,767
You've slept with
A lot of white men
And black men, I'm sure.
239
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,433
Is there any
Discernible difference ?
240
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:15,533
What ?
241
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:17,100
Let me rephrase that.
242
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:17,900
Let me
Rephrase that.
243
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:19,067
Yeah, rephrase that.
244
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:22,500
Um, is there any
Discernible difference
245
00:09:22,533 --> 00:09:26,767
Between a white man
And a black man...
246
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,133
You know...
247
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:35,267
Why would you ask me
Something like that, larry ?
248
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,933
My friend
Wants to know.
249
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:37,967
Why, what's
The big deal ?
250
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,600
I am not gonna
Answer that.
251
00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:42,300
( spitting )
252
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:43,333
That, what is that ?
253
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:44,500
What the fuck,
What are you doing ?
254
00:09:44,533 --> 00:09:45,967
It's a bug, a bug.
255
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,067
I had a bug on me.
256
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,600
Well look, did you get
My script to that guy,
257
00:09:48,633 --> 00:09:50,133
That martin schaffer ?
258
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:52,467
Oh, oh yeah, everything's okay,
Since I owe you a little favor.
259
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,233
Yes, he did.
Did he get my script ?
260
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:55,567
And what ?
And ?
261
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,067
I gave it to him, and he'll
Read it and get back to you.
262
00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,767
He's not gonna
Rewrite it, is he ?
263
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,833
No.
264
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,033
Okay, 'cause
That's my baby.
265
00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,267
Oh, yeah, yeah.
266
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:05,633
I don't want anybody
Messing with my baby.
267
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:06,867
Yeah, no one's going
To mess with your baby,
268
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:07,867
Don't worry
About it.
269
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,367
I'm going
Back to work.
270
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,333
Yeah, go back
To work, yeah.
271
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:12,467
Messing with you.
Yeah.
272
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,367
Is there any black men around
Here to, is there a valet ?
273
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,633
I need a black man
To get my car.
274
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,167
Is there a black man
In the area
275
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,033
Who wants to take
My valet ticket ?
276
00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:32,600
Excuse me ?
277
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:33,467
Yeah, hi.
278
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,833
Sure.
You work here ?
279
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,533
Is this
The only doll ?
280
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:37,900
Yeah, that's
The only one left.
281
00:10:37,933 --> 00:10:40,267
That's it ?
Yeah, last one.
282
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,567
Huh.
Isn't that cute ?
283
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,000
What's the race
On this doll ?
284
00:10:48,033 --> 00:10:49,233
Uh, it's bi-racial.
285
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,500
Bi-racial ?
Yeah.
286
00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:53,433
Really ?
Yeah, absolutely.
287
00:10:53,467 --> 00:10:54,833
Huh.
288
00:10:54,867 --> 00:11:00,233
So, they make this doll
Specifically for mixed couples ?
289
00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:01,200
For black
And white couples ?
290
00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:03,133
They make a doll
For their kids ?
291
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,433
I don't know.
292
00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:06,800
If somebody's asian,
And they marry a white person,
293
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,633
Are they making sort of a half
Asian, half white doll, too ?
294
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:12,333
See what
I'm getting at ?
295
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:13,867
Yeah.
296
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:16,400
I think that's, yeah.
297
00:11:16,433 --> 00:11:20,067
Hmm, I wonder
If you do.
298
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,233
Okay.
299
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:24,600
Um, well I guess
I'll take it.
300
00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:26,167
Excellent, let me
Wrap it up for you.
301
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,500
Okay.
302
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,067
Oh, surprise,
It says meow.
303
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,533
Isn't that
Adorable ?
304
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:37,833
Oh, I love it,
Thank you so much.
305
00:11:37,867 --> 00:11:39,367
That's so sweet.
306
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:48,767
( whispering )
Thank you,
You made it.
307
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,667
What, what is this ?
308
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,533
Oh, that's for my heart,
It's to monitor my heart.
309
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:54,667
What ?
310
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:55,700
No, no, I'm fine, there
Was an aberration in...
311
00:11:55,733 --> 00:11:56,533
My god, that's heavy...
312
00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:58,767
No, I've got
Wires under there.
313
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,833
Are you okay ?
No, I'm fine.
314
00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:01,933
What does
That mean ?
315
00:12:01,967 --> 00:12:03,100
Nothing, it's just,
There was something wrong
316
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:04,900
With the machine,
The doctor wouldn't sign off.
317
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:05,967
It's nothing,
It's just...
318
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,167
How long do you
Have to wear this ?
319
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,400
Just a day.
320
00:12:08,433 --> 00:12:10,667
Doesn't bernie doosenbury
Look like steve demarco ?
321
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:11,800
No.
322
00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:12,867
Are you kidding,
He looks exactly like him.
323
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,100
Yes.
Steve demarco ?
324
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:16,633
They don't look
Anything alike.
325
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,067
Any time I ever
Point out that
326
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,533
Somebody looks like someone
Else, you always disagree.
327
00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:22,067
Because they
Never do.
328
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:24,767
They always do.
They never do.
329
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:25,267
Is that, hey, oh,
She's opening our gift.
330
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:26,067
Oh, good.
331
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:28,067
This is
From the davids.
332
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:30,967
Oh, a doll.
333
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,067
It's a mulatto.
334
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:38,567
No good ?
335
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,700
Bi-racial is what
We call it, usually.
336
00:12:40,733 --> 00:12:42,333
Bi-racial.
337
00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:44,500
Hmm, what do you
Know about that ?
338
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,533
Oh look, they gave us
Another one, too.
339
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:50,133
That's actually, um,
For the surrogate.
340
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:50,833
Oh.
341
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:58,567
Well, that's it, gang.
342
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:03,400
Um, why don't we have
Some coffee or some desert,
343
00:13:03,433 --> 00:13:04,567
'cause that's it.
344
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,200
That's all
The gifts.
345
00:13:06,233 --> 00:13:07,200
( male )
Thank you guys for coming,
Thanks for the gifts.
346
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:08,633
What ?
347
00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:14,700
He.
348
00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:16,067
Thank you so much.
349
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:17,167
You're welcome.
350
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,367
I didn't expect it.
351
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,767
You're the one carrying
The baby, that's your baby.
352
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,133
I wouldn't expect them to,
But thank you.
353
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:24,133
It's very
Unnecessary.
354
00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:24,667
Yeah.
355
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:25,867
What do you do ?
356
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:26,767
I'm a writer.
357
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,067
Oh, that's cool.
358
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,067
Sounds good.
359
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,933
Yeah.Ye.
360
00:13:31,967 --> 00:13:34,200
Sometimes though,
It's not such a great job.
361
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:36,667
You know, like for example
I got this friend.
362
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:40,867
She just gave a script
To me to give to somebody.
363
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,967
She said, "Don't let him
Touch my baby", you know.
364
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:44,733
That's what they do.
365
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:47,400
You work on something
For months and months,
366
00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:52,067
Then they take it away from you,
And then that's it.
367
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:52,867
You never see
It again.
368
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,333
They take
Your baby from you,
369
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:58,267
They give your baby
To somebody else,
And that's it.
370
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:01,533
You've lost complete
Contact with your baby.
371
00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,767
You never see the baby again,
And it's your baby.
372
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,600
And they give it
To another writer.
373
00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,933
And that writer doesn't let you
Even look at your baby.
374
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:10,367
But that's part of your job,
That's what you signed up for.
375
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,067
I mean, you knew
You had to give it away.
376
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:14,933
Sort of, but it's hard
To give up that baby.
377
00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:16,233
Maybe in a few years
378
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:18,167
You can see how your script's
Doing or something.
379
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,267
Yeah, I know, but then
It's all changed.
380
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:23,567
You have nothing
To do with it.
381
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,200
Alright.
382
00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:26,133
You want to get
Some coffee ?
383
00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:34,300
No way out.
384
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,267
It was shocking,
Outrageous, insulting
385
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:39,100
And I loved
Every minute of it.
386
00:14:39,133 --> 00:14:40,467
No way out.
387
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,400
Hey !
388
00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:43,300
How are you ?
How are you ?
389
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:44,200
Hey.
390
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:46,333
I am thoroughly
Impressed.
391
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,267
Well, oh, come on.
392
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:50,133
Yes, surprisingly good.
393
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:51,533
Still on the book,
Uh, have you,
394
00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:53,133
You don't have it
Under your belt yet ?
395
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:55,367
Funny you should
Mention that.
396
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,333
Why is, is, I mean...
397
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,567
We open, dude, we open
In three and a half weeks.
398
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,167
Yeah, I know.
399
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,933
I mean, every time you work, he
Always has the script, always ?
400
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:04,300
Yes, every time.
401
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,133
You know...
Always ?
402
00:15:05,167 --> 00:15:06,333
I'll be fine.
403
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:07,667
You know, I have a little
Problem memorizing stuff.
404
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,833
I'll be alright.
405
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,367
Did you guys get
Your test results back,
406
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,267
The insurance company's
Been bugging me.
407
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,367
Yes, yes, yeah,
Yeah, I got mine ?
408
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,633
Here, here, here.
409
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:17,567
Clean bill of health,
Flying colors I might add.
410
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,433
Oh, results,
I'm proud of you.
411
00:15:19,467 --> 00:15:21,633
And your, where's your
Little, uh, paper ?
412
00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:25,233
Uh, I had a little
Bit of, um... Problem.
413
00:15:25,267 --> 00:15:26,300
What the hell
Is that ?
414
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,167
What is that ?
415
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,167
Yeah, I didn't...
416
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,667
What is that ?
417
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,967
It's, uh, called
A heart halter.
418
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:33,767
Heart halter ?
419
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,367
I'm fine, I'm fine.
420
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,367
Uh, I just didn't pass
The physical, that's all, but...
421
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,300
What ?
I didn't pass the...
422
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:39,133
What are you
Talking about ?
423
00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:40,200
There's nothing
Wrong with me.
424
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:41,767
I mean, are you
Too old for this ?
425
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:42,900
Is that what he said ?
426
00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:44,833
No, no, no, I'm not
Too old for it, believe me.
427
00:15:44,867 --> 00:15:45,833
It was a fluke.
428
00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:47,833
I'm fine, there's
Nothing wrong with me.
429
00:15:47,867 --> 00:15:49,167
Seriously, seriously
After three, like,
430
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,167
Shuffle ball chains
He's winded.
431
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,400
Hey, you want
To race me ?
432
00:15:51,433 --> 00:15:52,733
You want to go out, you want
To go to the parking lot ?
433
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,600
I'll go right now.
Really ?
434
00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:55,233
Hey, fellas...
435
00:15:55,267 --> 00:15:56,633
Put your sneakers on.
436
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,133
I don't need, I don't
Even sneakers, I'll go...
437
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:00,067
Let's stop, let's stop
Being juvenile, you can't...
438
00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:01,333
I'm not being...
439
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:03,433
Let's not race him,
Now look, folks...
440
00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:04,533
Uh, excuse me,
I'm sorry.
441
00:16:04,567 --> 00:16:05,667
Hey, dad, hey.
442
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:06,933
You don't think
I could beat him in a race ?
443
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,600
I don't think you can
Beat him in a race.
444
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,067
Oh, can I tell you
What happened ?
445
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,233
I'm on the treadmill taking
The stress test, okay...
446
00:16:12,267 --> 00:16:12,967
I got the pictures
From spain.
447
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:14,333
Oh, from spain.
448
00:16:14,367 --> 00:16:15,500
Yeah, I thought
You might like that.
449
00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:17,400
Oh, that's excellent,
Whoa...
450
00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:20,500
If she comes in that room again,
Tomorrow when I take the test,
451
00:16:20,533 --> 00:16:22,267
I'll be looking at the ceiling,
I can tell you that.
452
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:23,467
Okay, that's great.
453
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,467
Alright, I think you're
Gonna be fine, I mean...
454
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:26,833
There's nothing wrong
With me, I'm fine.
455
00:16:26,867 --> 00:16:27,867
Okay, good.
Completely fine.
456
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:28,933
Did I just
Spit on you ?
457
00:16:28,967 --> 00:16:29,867
No, no, no.
458
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:30,933
Okay, 'cause you
Went like that.
459
00:16:30,967 --> 00:16:32,300
No, no, I just,
I always do that.
460
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:33,533
When I sweat I...
I noticed that,
461
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,500
'cause you're always
Rubbing your face I noticed.
462
00:16:35,533 --> 00:16:37,867
Victor mcglaglin
And adolf mondieu,
463
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,933
Gypo, gypo nolan, you
Remember from the informer ?
464
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,867
Gypo, gypo nolan,
I do, I love...
465
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,467
Gypo nolan.
466
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,067
Excuse me, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, mr. Brooks,
467
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:49,300
Can I introduce you
To my dad ?
468
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,467
My dad's a huge fan,
This is irving.
469
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,833
Oh, it's an absolute
Privilege to meet you.
470
00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:53,800
Irving schwimmer,
Pleasure to meet you.
471
00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:55,533
Yes, pleasure
Meeting you.
472
00:16:55,567 --> 00:16:57,567
I'm looking forward
To seeing your show.
473
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,867
I've been a fan
Of yours for years.
474
00:16:58,900 --> 00:16:59,767
Forever.
475
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,967
Well, I really
Appreciate that.
476
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,600
Would you guys excuse me
For just one minute ?
477
00:17:02,633 --> 00:17:04,367
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
478
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,767
Isn't that awesome ?
479
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:06,833
You finally
Got to meet him.
480
00:17:06,867 --> 00:17:08,600
Yes, I finally did.
481
00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:10,500
So you like
Those pictures, huh ?
482
00:17:10,533 --> 00:17:12,600
Yeah, um...
Good, good, and...
483
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:14,067
Dad, this is larry.
484
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,533
Hi, how you doing ?
485
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:17,433
Nice to meet you.
486
00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:18,733
Right.
So these are great.
487
00:17:18,767 --> 00:17:19,900
My parents
Went to spain.
488
00:17:19,933 --> 00:17:21,100
Oh !
489
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:22,967
Well, I'd better
Be taking off, okay ?
490
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,067
Are those genitals ?
491
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:25,333
What is that
On that bull ?
492
00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:26,767
No, that's...
493
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,833
Oh my god.
494
00:17:28,867 --> 00:17:30,167
Alright, dad.
495
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:36,667
You told him about the whole
Cashew raisin thing, right ?
496
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:39,067
You know, we're talking,
You didn't have to go back
497
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:40,167
And tell him, larry...
498
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,300
What, are you
Kidding ?
499
00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:43,067
I know you said something,
He was so unfriendly.
500
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:44,400
Well, of course
I said something.
501
00:17:44,433 --> 00:17:46,667
It was your suggestion,
Mr. Constructive criticism.
502
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,600
Hey, he's putting
Four cashews in a bag.
503
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:49,733
He deserves some
Constructive criticism.
504
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:51,333
Go on about it.
505
00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:53,267
I want to call him,
Seriously.
506
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,567
I don't think so.
507
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,067
I'd just like to call him
And apologize.
508
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,200
I don't feel comfortable
With you calling my dad.
509
00:17:58,233 --> 00:18:00,067
David, I'm going
To apologize,
510
00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:02,500
I'm gonna be very nice,
Believe me.
511
00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:03,400
I promise.
512
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:04,367
Okay.
Okay ?
513
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,067
Just call
Before seven.
514
00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:07,400
Alright, what's
His number ?
515
00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:09,300
310-858...
516
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:22,433
( dialing number )
517
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:25,967
( phone ringing )
518
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,800
This is irving schwimmer, please
Leave a message at the tone.
519
00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:30,367
( beep )
520
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,333
Oh, hi, mr. Schwimmer.
521
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:35,567
Uh, this is larry david,
I just want to say,
522
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,333
You fucking asshole !
523
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:40,067
What's your fucking
Problem, you prick ?
524
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,600
Jesus !
525
00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:44,167
What the hell
Is wrong with you ?!
526
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,933
Who the fuck do you think
You're talking to ?
527
00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:46,700
What are you
Doing here ?
528
00:18:46,733 --> 00:18:48,100
You bumped
Into my car.
529
00:18:48,133 --> 00:18:49,467
You think
I hit your car ?
530
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,967
Ow I'm gonna fucking hit you
Right in the fucking head.
531
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,267
Ah, oh !Hey.
532
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,067
Oh my heart,
Oh, oh...
533
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,833
What are you doing,
What is this ?
534
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:57,500
Is it your heart ?
535
00:18:57,533 --> 00:18:58,767
Alright, alright,
Just calm down.
536
00:18:58,800 --> 00:18:59,900
Don't take them off.
537
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,833
Leave them on, you shouldn't
Have took them off.
538
00:19:01,867 --> 00:19:03,767
Alright, uh,
Oh, christ.
539
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,100
I don't know c.P.R.
540
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:07,467
Hey, hey, somebody
Call an ambulance.
541
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:10,067
Call an ambulance,
Call 911 !
542
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,400
Send 'em to the park,
Come on.
543
00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:12,567
Oh !
544
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,100
Hang, hang in there,
Can you breathe ?
545
00:19:14,133 --> 00:19:16,067
Can you, keep, keep,
Keep breathing, alright.
546
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,067
Whatever you do,
Don't stop breathing.
547
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,700
Just keep doing that.
548
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:21,733
You got a phone ?
549
00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:23,633
Seriously,
The guy was...
550
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:26,367
The guy was coming after me
With a tire iron.
551
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,667
I faked
The whole thing.
552
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,567
Do you understand
What I'm saying ?
553
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,533
This is ridiculous.
554
00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:31,467
There's nothing
Wrong with me.
555
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,367
This is just
So unnecessary.
556
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,333
Seriously.
557
00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:38,533
( sirens )
558
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,000
I've dated
Both black men,
559
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,733
White men and there really
Isn't a difference.
560
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:04,967
It's, it's really
Just kind of a myth.
561
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:05,933
That's a myth ?
562
00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:07,667
Boy, too bad
For the black guys.
563
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:08,700
I know, I know.
564
00:20:08,733 --> 00:20:10,000
You know, I speak
From both sides,
565
00:20:10,033 --> 00:20:11,700
'cause I'm half black
And half white, I...
566
00:20:11,733 --> 00:20:13,000
Yeah.
Get out of town.
567
00:20:13,033 --> 00:20:15,033
I just bought
A mulatto doll today.
568
00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:19,533
Okay, um, we don't really
Use mulatto anymore as a...
569
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:22,767
I was wondering about that,
If that was a bad one.
570
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,400
Yeah, it's
A bit outdated.
571
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,500
Okay.
572
00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:26,933
But if we all keep
Fucking each other,
573
00:20:26,967 --> 00:20:28,533
Then we're gonna be the same
Race sooner or later, anyways.
574
00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:29,667
I do.
Let's pray for that.
575
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:31,333
Hello.
Are you okay ?
576
00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:32,933
Hi.
Hey, this is masasa.
577
00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:35,133
Hi, I'm cheryl,
Nice to meet you.
578
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,933
Do you think,
Do you think that, uh,
579
00:20:37,967 --> 00:20:40,800
A bi-racial person
Would need sun block ?
580
00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:41,967
I don't, uh...
Would you think that ?
581
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,333
I have not
Thought about it.
582
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,367
I guess you had to be there,
We were having a conversation.
583
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,433
Are you alright ?
584
00:20:46,467 --> 00:20:48,700
Okay, mrs. David,
It was lovely meeting you.
585
00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:50,833
And good luck to you
And, and your...
586
00:20:50,867 --> 00:20:51,733
Thank you.
587
00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:53,633
Oh my god,
What happened ?
588
00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:56,200
Oh, I'm...
I'm perfectly fine.
589
00:20:56,233 --> 00:20:57,000
Are you ?
590
00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:58,567
Absolutely,
Perfectly fine.
591
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,867
It was a road rage incident,
And a guy came out of his car
592
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:03,800
With a tire iron,
He was gonna kill me.
593
00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:05,667
So, you know,
I had the heart halter
594
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:07,333
And I faked like I was
Having a heart attack.
595
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,167
I pulled
The wires out and...
596
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,700
You did what ?
597
00:21:09,733 --> 00:21:11,567
I faked like I was
Having a heart attack
598
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,533
So he wouldn't kill me.
599
00:21:14,567 --> 00:21:16,367
So there's nothing
Wrong with you ?
600
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,533
No, I'm fine.
601
00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:22,167
Then why am I here ?
602
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,400
Why are you
In a hospital bed
Right now ?
603
00:21:25,433 --> 00:21:27,200
What are you--
What are you talking about ?
604
00:21:27,233 --> 00:21:30,133
They took me to the hospital
Because of the heart attack.
605
00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:32,133
So you're taking up
A hospital bed
606
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:35,733
Because you're afraid of
Some weird guy in traffic ?
607
00:21:35,767 --> 00:21:37,133
He had a tire iron,
He was gonna kill me.
608
00:21:37,167 --> 00:21:39,233
You're in the hospital,
If you're calling me
609
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:40,633
To rush over to help you
I would think that
610
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,067
There was something
Wrong with you.
611
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:44,733
Oh, so you'd rather come in here
And see me with broken limbs ?
612
00:21:44,767 --> 00:21:46,100
Well, I'd rather
Not come in here
613
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,533
And see you chatting
It up with the nurse.
614
00:21:48,567 --> 00:21:49,800
I'm not allowed
To talk to a nurse ?
615
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:51,767
Well, you're having
A good time in the hospital.
616
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,900
I don't understand, you just
Wanted someone to kill me ?
617
00:21:53,933 --> 00:21:56,533
Is that what you wanted,
You would prefer that ?
618
00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:59,733
By the way, what did
You say to the surrogate ?
619
00:21:59,767 --> 00:22:02,567
She's gone into labor,
She's here at the hospital,
620
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,667
And she's not gonna
Give the baby up.
621
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:07,400
What did you
Tell her ?
622
00:22:07,433 --> 00:22:08,900
She said she had
A talk with you.
623
00:22:08,933 --> 00:22:10,100
I didn't
Say anything.
624
00:22:10,133 --> 00:22:11,300
Well, you must have
Said something
625
00:22:11,333 --> 00:22:13,500
Because bernie doosenbury
Is looking for you
626
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:16,067
'cause he wants
To kick your ass.
627
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,067
That's a quote ?
That's a quote.
628
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,233
Those bastards.
629
00:22:21,267 --> 00:22:22,433
The fourth time
I've been here,
630
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:24,367
And I still can't get
This colostomy bag to fit.
631
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,067
It doesn't fit.
632
00:22:26,067 --> 00:22:28,233
And the insurance company
Won't pay for it.
633
00:22:28,267 --> 00:22:30,233
It's full
All the time.
634
00:22:30,267 --> 00:22:33,100
I don't understand why they
Just don't take care of it.
635
00:22:34,933 --> 00:22:36,300
What are you doing ?
636
00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:37,600
You can't
Keep that baby.
637
00:22:37,633 --> 00:22:39,667
I was talking
About a script.
638
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:42,600
I want that
Panda back !
639
00:22:42,633 --> 00:22:45,967
So, you know, I spoke
To this, uh, this nurse.
640
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:47,633
She's bi-racial.
641
00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,067
Bi, what do you
Mean bi-racial ?
642
00:22:49,067 --> 00:22:49,967
She's half black,
Half white, mulatto.
643
00:22:50,067 --> 00:22:51,667
Bisexual...
644
00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:52,733
Mulatto, they say, they don't
Say mulatto anymore.
645
00:22:52,767 --> 00:22:54,233
She got mad at me.
646
00:22:54,267 --> 00:22:57,100
But anyway, she said she's been
With black men and white men,
647
00:22:57,133 --> 00:22:58,367
And she said there's
No difference, so.
648
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,067
Yeah.
Really ?
649
00:23:01,067 --> 00:23:02,300
That's fantastic.
Uh-huh.
650
00:23:02,333 --> 00:23:04,067
Look at that.
Yeah.
651
00:23:04,067 --> 00:23:04,733
Look at that.
652
00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:05,700
How fantastic
Is that ?
653
00:23:05,733 --> 00:23:07,533
Isn't that
Good news ?
654
00:23:07,567 --> 00:23:10,067
Wow, well I'm really,
This is great news, by the way.
655
00:23:10,067 --> 00:23:11,500
I'm gonna see renee,
Too, this afternoon.
656
00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:13,733
Oh, really ?
I got my physical
Again, yeah.
657
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,067
Wow, cool.
658
00:23:15,067 --> 00:23:16,167
Oh, did I tell you that
Bernie doosenbury's
659
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,067
Gonna kick my ass,
Did I mention that ?
660
00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:18,967
You mean
That big guy ?
661
00:23:19,067 --> 00:23:20,433
Yeah, the big guy.
662
00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:24,600
Wait, wait, wait,
Let me ask you something.
663
00:23:24,633 --> 00:23:26,300
Hol.
664
00:23:26,333 --> 00:23:27,267
Yes.
Muggsy bogues ?
665
00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:29,600
Alright, hey,
How you doing ?
666
00:23:29,633 --> 00:23:31,067
I'm not gonna shake your hand,
I'm in a bathroom.
667
00:23:31,067 --> 00:23:32,067
I appreciate that.
668
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,700
This man has bathroom
Etiquette, alright ?
669
00:23:33,733 --> 00:23:35,700
I haven't touched anything yet,
I just want you to know.
670
00:23:35,733 --> 00:23:36,900
Okay, I appreciate it.
671
00:23:36,933 --> 00:23:38,100
I'm a huge fan,
Man, huge fan.
672
00:23:38,133 --> 00:23:39,167
Thank you.
673
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,433
One of the great
Guards of all time.
674
00:23:40,467 --> 00:23:42,367
Absolutely, we really
Enjoyed watching you play.
675
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,067
Thank you,
Thanks a lot, guys.
676
00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:44,600
Nice to meet you, man.
677
00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:45,933
Same here.
Pleasure to meet you.
678
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:46,867
Go ahead,
Do your thing.
679
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:47,933
Okay, alright, yeah.
680
00:24:00,533 --> 00:24:02,833
What the fuck ?
681
00:24:02,867 --> 00:24:04,500
Are you looking
At my dick ?
682
00:24:04,533 --> 00:24:05,967
You looking at me ?
No, I wasn't looking.
683
00:24:06,067 --> 00:24:09,933
Crazy ?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
684
00:24:12,133 --> 00:24:13,400
You okay ?
685
00:24:13,433 --> 00:24:14,800
Are you alright ?
686
00:24:18,067 --> 00:24:22,400
* will be king,
And be on top to stay *
687
00:24:22,433 --> 00:24:24,133
* on top to stay, hey
688
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,133
( car alarm beeping )
689
00:24:31,167 --> 00:24:34,733
Think I'm gonna
Steal your car ?
690
00:24:34,767 --> 00:24:37,633
No, no, it's just,
I forgot to,
691
00:24:37,667 --> 00:24:41,200
I forgot to just
Put the alarm on.
692
00:24:41,233 --> 00:24:42,133
It's not you,
It's no race thing.
693
00:24:42,167 --> 00:24:44,867
No, no race thing.
694
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:45,900
Asshole.
695
00:24:45,933 --> 00:24:47,167
No, I don't even
Need the alarm on.
696
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,200
Look, here
I'll turn it,
697
00:24:48,233 --> 00:24:50,533
It's off, I turned
The alarm off, look.
698
00:24:54,533 --> 00:24:57,367
Did it again, huh ?
699
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,733
So what, the black man
In a suit parks cars,
700
00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:02,500
Black man, no suit,
He gonna steal your car.
701
00:25:02,533 --> 00:25:03,767
What is it ?
702
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,900
I can't do anything in this city
Without you watching me,
703
00:25:05,933 --> 00:25:06,867
Following me ?
704
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:08,800
I told you I'm shooting
Here all week.
705
00:25:08,833 --> 00:25:11,500
He just happened to be there
When I turned around to,
706
00:25:11,533 --> 00:25:13,367
To put the alarm on,
That's not my fault.
707
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,533
You saw the black man, you was
Like, "Let me lock my car."
708
00:25:15,567 --> 00:25:16,667
You put the alarm on.
709
00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:18,667
The black man made you go,
"Let me lock the car."
710
00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:21,233
No, I just had, I just hadn't
Done it yet, that's all.
711
00:25:21,267 --> 00:25:24,267
And do you think a black man
Would want that piece of shit ?
712
00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:25,100
Piece of shit,
How dare you ?!
713
00:25:25,133 --> 00:25:26,733
Yeah, that's
A little toy car,
714
00:25:26,767 --> 00:25:28,067
No black man
Don't want a toy car.
715
00:25:28,067 --> 00:25:30,500
Black man want a car
With some get up and go.
716
00:25:30,533 --> 00:25:33,267
I didn't think the black man
Wanted the car.
717
00:25:33,300 --> 00:25:36,633
So look, did, um...
You hear back from martin,
718
00:25:36,667 --> 00:25:38,067
From martin schaffer
About my script ?
719
00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:38,933
Yeah.
720
00:25:38,967 --> 00:25:41,867
And ?
721
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:45,933
Sorry to say,
Didn't like it.
722
00:25:45,967 --> 00:25:46,867
It happens.
723
00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:49,833
Well, did you tell him
I was black ?
724
00:25:49,867 --> 00:25:50,767
No.
725
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,567
Why didn't you
Tell him I was black ?
726
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,433
Oh, I don't know,
Why should I ?
727
00:25:54,467 --> 00:25:58,367
It makes a big, larry, you don't
Know when to play the card.
728
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,067
I mean, you know, white guys,
They love that shit.
729
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:03,067
You know, "Oh,
Look at me, I'm liberal.
730
00:26:03,067 --> 00:26:05,433
Helping the
Black person."
731
00:26:05,467 --> 00:26:06,867
You should
Know better.
732
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:09,067
That's when you tell
Somebody they're black.
733
00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:11,067
Alright, alright, I'll tell him
You're black, okay ?
734
00:26:11,067 --> 00:26:12,067
Fine.
735
00:26:12,100 --> 00:26:13,700
Tell him I'm, like,
A brown-skinned black.
736
00:26:13,733 --> 00:26:15,167
Not light skinned.
737
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,067
Make sure he know
I'm, like, real black.
738
00:26:17,067 --> 00:26:19,100
I hope I don't
See you for a while.
739
00:26:19,133 --> 00:26:21,167
Getting sick of you.
740
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,667
Take your sick ass
In the hospital.
741
00:26:36,900 --> 00:26:38,400
Mr. David.
742
00:26:38,433 --> 00:26:40,633
( phone ringing )
743
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,900
Can I say that, uh,
This is fantastic,
The magazines.
744
00:26:53,933 --> 00:26:56,733
What an improvement,
Unbelievable.
745
00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:57,800
I got to tell
You something,
746
00:26:57,833 --> 00:26:58,900
It's one of
The few times
747
00:26:58,933 --> 00:27:01,133
In my life anyone's
Ever taken my advice.
748
00:27:01,167 --> 00:27:02,233
It's a pleasure.
749
00:27:02,267 --> 00:27:05,233
Well, the doctor's
Waiting to see you.
750
00:27:05,267 --> 00:27:06,067
Okay.
751
00:27:10,667 --> 00:27:12,067
You know what
I say to you now ?
752
00:27:12,067 --> 00:27:12,633
What do you say
To me, larry ?
753
00:27:12,667 --> 00:27:13,967
Keep me waiting.
754
00:27:14,067 --> 00:27:14,967
Can I tell you
Something ?
755
00:27:15,067 --> 00:27:16,200
Tell me everything.
756
00:27:16,233 --> 00:27:17,800
It was the best waiting room
Experience I've ever had.
757
00:27:17,833 --> 00:27:18,900
Glad you're happy.
758
00:27:18,933 --> 00:27:20,267
I'm very happy.
759
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:22,733
Good for you, I'm seeing
Right here that you're happy.
760
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:24,633
Nice job, and did you
Notice I got golf ?
761
00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,933
I saw the golf,
I picked up a nice tip.
762
00:27:26,967 --> 00:27:29,233
I got your golf.
763
00:27:32,467 --> 00:27:33,467
Hey, larry.
764
00:27:33,500 --> 00:27:35,200
Hey.
765
00:27:40,067 --> 00:27:42,500
Oh, bernie doosenbury
Called.
766
00:27:42,533 --> 00:27:44,233
I was able to reschedule
His appointment,
767
00:27:44,267 --> 00:27:45,133
He'll be here
In 10 minutes.
768
00:27:45,167 --> 00:27:46,533
Oh, very good,
Thanks.
769
00:27:46,567 --> 00:27:48,500
Bye, larry...
770
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:53,633
( beeping increasing )
771
00:27:53,667 --> 00:27:59,267
And the dispenser was destroyed
Virtually beyond recognition.
772
00:27:59,300 --> 00:28:00,667
Poor kid.
773
00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:02,533
So as he's telling the story,
He starts crying...
774
00:28:02,567 --> 00:28:06,500
Oh, did I tell you that the,
Uh, surrogate changed her mind.
775
00:28:06,533 --> 00:28:08,200
She's gonna give the baby
To the doosenbury's after all.
776
00:28:08,233 --> 00:28:09,567
Yeah.
Really ?
777
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,633
Hey, that's great.
Yeah.
778
00:28:11,667 --> 00:28:13,300
Oh, you know what ?
Huh ?
779
00:28:13,333 --> 00:28:14,767
I got some
Good news, too.
780
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:15,600
You do ?
781
00:28:15,633 --> 00:28:17,467
Penis is healed.
782
00:28:17,500 --> 00:28:18,867
Oh.
783
00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:21,067
As soon as I get rid
Of this heart halter,
784
00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:23,067
I'm back
In business, baby.
785
00:28:25,167 --> 00:28:27,567
I can't
Do those things.
786
00:28:32,067 --> 00:28:33,800
( phone ringing )
787
00:28:33,833 --> 00:28:35,233
It's marilyn.
Marilyn.
788
00:28:35,267 --> 00:28:36,233
Don't pick it up.
Yeah, yeah.
789
00:28:36,267 --> 00:28:38,233
I'm not talking
To her tonight.
790
00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:43,733
Goodnight.
791
00:28:43,767 --> 00:28:45,767
( larry on machine )
Hi, please leave
Your name and number
792
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,067
And someone will get
Back to you, thank you.
793
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:50,433
( beep )
794
00:28:50,467 --> 00:28:52,167
This is
Irv schwimmer.
795
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,867
You motherfucking cocksucking
Sonofabitch bastard.
796
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:57,800
Who the fuck do you
Think you are ?!
797
00:28:57,833 --> 00:28:59,133
You bald sonofa--
798
00:28:59,167 --> 00:29:02,167
Captions copyright 2004
Home box office, inc.
799
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:06,600
Captioned by
Hbo communications center
56954
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