Original subtitles

HERE COMES DORELLIK!

The bomb that is coming, resounding and exploding,

ah, hah, that's what I do!

Doors of reinforced steel, at my blow they reel,

ah hah, I'm coming for you!

Girl, you chose a hard life,

choosing me,

but the kisses that I give will make the blind see.

When mountains tumble, and bridges crumble,

ah, hah, that's what I do!

On a balcony alone, riding a cyclone,

ah hah, I'm coming for you!

Girl, you chose a hard life,

choosing me,

but the kisses that I give will make the blind see.

The bomb that is coming, resounding and exploding,

ah, hah, that's what I do!

Personik and incidenik of the film are purely immaginarik.

Any reference to people living or real is coincidentalik.

Girl, you chose a hard life,

choosing me,

but the kisses that I give will make the blind see.

K-25 awaiting instruction to land.

This is control tower Aero Club Côte d'Azur,

you may land on runway no 2, over.

There he is.

That must be him.

Captain Green, I presume? - Exactly. Of Scotland Yard.

I'm Prefect Leduc. Sergeant Saval.

A pleasure. - Likewise.

Captain Green, Dorellik has struck again.

Terror reigns on the Côte d'Azur.

That's why we called you.

A great idea. I specialize in Dorellik.

I've been chasing him for years like a shadow.

Are you sure he's here?

There were dozens of mysterious strikes:

Murders, each one more complicated than the last.

There was always a gigantic D drawn on the scene of the crime.

D? D…

D for Domodossola or Danny Kaye, Dracula…

Durban… - No! Dorellik.

Right! Dorellik! Just as I thought!

Silence. There is one thing essential to capture Dorellik:

the most absolute secrecy.

"Secrecy and confidentiality" is my motto.

I myself used an infinity of tricks and subterfuges to get here.

I must therefore ask that the French police,

with whom I have the honor and pleasure to work with,

to spread a smokescreen around me.

No one, I say, absolutely no one, must know that Green is here.

Captain Green is wanted on the phone.

Captain Green is wanted on the phone.

Please, answer it. - No, no! Say I'm not here.

You answer it. Say I never got here. Go on.

Hello? No, Captain Green hasn't arrived.

Oh, no! He never came! Absolutely not, Mrs Green!

My wife!

Why did you say I'm not here? - But you…

Hello, dear. No, of course I'm here.

It was just a joke.

Of course, I'm here. I arrived.

Darling, don't you hear me? Yes, dear, until we meet again.

Please don't keep calling me wherever I go.

Bye, dear.

Bye.

Where is Sergeant Saval? - In there.

The Van Flickhakan Jewelry was robbed.

There was a D on the windows.

Dorellik! I said it first.

Attention, all cars!

This is Captain Green of Scotland Yard. Converge to…

Where is it? Where's the reverse gear?

Where did the French put it?

Hey, one moment Wait for Scotland Yard!

Quick, block the exit! This time he won't get away!

Halt! Halt! Halt!

Nobody move! Let me see.

My dear Saval,

I think there has been a robbery.

What a disgrace! I'm ruined!

I'm ruined! They robbed me!

Arrest him! He's an escapee!

It's the owner in his pajamas!

Why does he go around like that? French habits, I suppose.

We sleep during the day, eh? - Just a nap, in the afternoon…

My Koh-i-Noor! My Koh-i-Noor!

The biggest diamond in the world!

A diamond of half a kilo! - Captain Sir!

There's a note. It's for you.

Dear Green, welcome to Nice. Dorellik.

How dare you read my letters?

Ah, damn Dorellik!

This time I'll catch you and you'll pay for all the others.

I know that laugh, gentlemen. Dorellik is here!

The simpleton made the mistake of not getting away!

You're in the armor, eh?

It's just the two of us, Dorellik!

Where are you?

It's useless for you to hide!

I'll find you!

There you are!

Follow me!

Green! You'll never get me!

Damn you, Dorellik! Get him! Quick!

Hurry up!

No one can stop Dorellik.

I shall leap to the other roof!

Damn, that hurt!

Dorellik! - Yes, it's really him!

Let me see him! How come you didn't get wet?

I'm waterproof.

Kiss me! Kiss me! - Me first!

No, me! - Stop!

What a kiss, Dorellik!

Then it's true: you do kiss like that!

Calling all cars! Calling all cars!

This is Captain Green of Scotland Yard!

Dorellik has reappeared! Search all the piazzas!

All the streets! All the houses! All the beaches!

Have you seen Dorellik?

Where did he go?

Dorellik!

Dorellik! - Oui!

Stop!

Come here!

So then, where did he go?

French police!

Do you have a map?

Thank you.

All names printed upside down…

Very amusing!

You thought to make fun of me with your French pranks?

So, let's see. They spotted him here in Rue Lafayette.

And then he passed this way, arriving straight in Rue de Lecroix.

And so he must be there!

There he is.

Sergeant! You let him get away again!

Oh, God, who's that?

It's me, dear!

Baby!

Listen well, dear,

you're supposed to be my secretary and must be at your post, baby, eh?

Go back to the typewriter, your pads and files.

You still love me? - Sure, I love you, you know!

But love mustn't interfere with work. Return to your typewriter.

One kiss, Dorellik!

Stop looking at your watch! - 7 seconds!

Dorellik can't devote more than 7 seconds to love.

I want us to get married, sweetie. - Are you feeling OK, dear?

Don't you know that Dorellik must be free as the air?

Free from ties that might prevent him from committing bloody crimes?

Then we'll never get married! - Who said never? - When?

When I have a billion. - A billion?

Of dollars in gold.

A billion?

Shall I tell you how much we have? - Not really.

$8.15.

A wonderful start for a great fortune.

Look here, baby!

The fruit of my daily crime:

The famous Shapur Koh-i-Noor.

That's 30,000 carats of pure diamond.

This alone's worth a million dollars, at the very least.

It looks to me like the bottom of a bottle.

I see you don't know diamonds, my little darling.

A diamond can be recognized by touch.

Now you will hear that vibrant,

silvery, celestial sound.

That's enough, Dorellik! - Call me Lik!

You call this life? Always on the run, always hiding.

Always in the dark! Never any fun: no parties or dances.

Dorellik, I'm leaving. - You cannot leave.

I've got you in my grasp! You can never leave! Never!

She's gone.

Figaro Newspapers?

Classified ads? Can you take this down please?

"Homicides and crimes committed anywhere

from a skilled and experienced criminal at modest prices.

Deferred payments accepted.

Maximum attention to each case.

Detailed color brochure on request.

Call the number…"

And when I was holding him like this in my hands,

and was about to take off his mask and reveal his identity,

two of his men pointed their machine guns at me and I…

Dorellik always acts alone.

Lies!

Lies of the French police!

How do you intend to catch Dorellik?

With cunning.

No force in the world can bend him,

except the cunning of Captain Green of Scotland Yard.

Next time, I'll face him alone

and during the fight, this gun will fall on the ground.

And Dorellik will pick it up and shoot you!

That's the point! This is no ordinary weapon.

It's the Green red pistol, my invention.

As soon as Dorellik pulls the trigger, he'll be a dead man.

In fact, if I aim here… - No, one moment!

Did you see that? I shoot back there.

Tell us about Dorellik's companion. Have you ever seen her?

Once in passing. - And what was she like?

Describe her to us.

She has… long blonde soft hair,

two… two blue eyes,

a tempting, voluptuous mouth,

a thin delicate neck, well rounded shoulders,

tapered and bewitching hands,

a wasp-like waist,

delicious curves…

and above all else, such legs!

A masterpiece! A wonderful woman!

Yes, love? - This is Leduc.

It's you, Prefect Sir! Excuse me, but I'm very busy.

I must see you urgently. - Tomorrow. I'm very busy now.

Do you know Sir William Fox?

Of course, he's the head of Scotland Yard.

He's my brother-in-law.

You know what I'll do?

I'll meet you in three minutes.

Goodbye.

I'd like to know who moved the hallway.

Green, the exit's over here.

Just what I thought!

Don't these French cars have a reverse gear?

Captain Green?

Yes.

With whom do I have the honor…?

I am Barbara Leduc, sister of Sir William Fox.

The head of Scotland Yard? - Yes.

Thank you very much.

We police people are a bit like the pharaohs.

Do you also build pyramids?

No, we marry amongst ourselves. Take me for an example:

I married the prefect of the French police.

By the way, my husband will be here in a few minutes.

Captain, did you get him?

Did you catch Dorellik?

Thank heavens!

What? Are you on his side?

You, the sister of the head of Scotland Yard?

Captain, have you ever been kissed by Dorellik?

No, to be honest, never.

But what are you saying?

Then you couldn't understand.

It was a deep, dark, sweet night…

in September.

I was staying at a hotel in Baden Baden.

I was looking out the balcony,

when I suddenly saw him,

descending nimbly, athletically along the wall…

in his mysterious black costume.

Suddenly he grabbed hold of me,

who knows, maybe so he wouldn't fall.

And then his kiss…

long, passionate!

A kiss I will never forget!

Look, does your husband know this story?

Of course! And that's why he hates Dorellik with all his might.

He wants him dead.

Captain Green! - Yes, Sir.

At ease. Please, leave us alone, dear.

Your mission in Nice began badly, it seems.

Well…

Dorellik has mocked you. - Minutiae.

And apparently intends to continue. Read this.

He even has the nerve to leave a phone number!

Does this give you any ideas? - No, Sir.

Call him. Make an appointment with him in a deserted place,

go to the place and destroy him! Rip him to shreds!

Yes!

What are you doing? Why are you eating lemons?

To not let him recognize my voice,

I always use this system.

The number…

It's a foolproof system.

Hello? Dorellik?

Green, what are you doing with lemons in your mouth?

A foolproof system, eh?

Quick, call HQ immediately, localize the number,

the quarter, the house of Dorellik! We have him within our grasp!

You beat me to it by a hair! Where is the phone?

There! - Just as I thought!

Miss, this is Captain Green of Scotland Yard.

Can you tell me to whom belongs the number… What's the number?

0470.

To nobody, Captain. The number doesn't exist.

But…?

Hey, baby!

Hi! - Hi, Vladimir!

I've found you again, eh?

And more beautiful than ever.

It's been too long since I've seen you.

I'm glad to see you too. - Really?

And yet last time,

you disappeared while I was keenly courting you.

Didn't you like my club? You were the main attraction.

Well, that was a mistake.

What are you doing on the Côte d'Azur?

Oh, I opened a new nightclub. And you?

Nothing at the moment.

Would you like to come back to work for me?

I would love to. But give me time to think.

Right now, I only want air, light and sun!

You may not believe it, but I lived underground for years.

Well then?

What is this great business?

Please don't be offended.

What I'm going to propose is very important.

I've read your classified ad but I would like guarantees, proofs…

Are you able to provide them?

The Dorellik brand has for years been a guarantee for success in crime.

Sarajevo, June 28, 1914.

Since the turn of the century, the Dorellik family has been at work.

Grandfather Gustavo Dorellik kills Archduke Ferdinand and his wife.

See the kind of man my grandfather Gustavo was?

By now the textbooks admit that he started World War I.

A real bloodbath, remember?

Look.

Chicago 1931, the police are mobilized

for the capture of Dorellik's father,

notorious gangster Al Dorellik, AKA Angel Snout.

First president and adviser to Murder Inc.

But they hadn't counted on the Dorellik cigar:

efficient and infallible.

And now, here I come!

The crowning glory of this noble tradition

is the current Dorellik, in other words, me,

in the first difficult task of his career:

Elimination of billionaire Rockson for a third party

with the simple insertion of a wasp into the cockpit of the aircraft.

Dorellik skillfully saves himself.

And observe.

Confidence comes from experience. For your crimes, use Dorellik!

Industrial sabotage,

custom ordered sinking from above,

group discounts,

collapsing bridges at modest prices.

Fulfillment of revenge on apartment buildings.

Individual crimes:

At the behest of a jealous acrobat husband,

Dorellik suppresses the unfaithful wife

by eliminating her with a special trapeze cure. Stop.

Seville. At the request of a Spanish customer,

Dorellik replaces the sword of the bullfighter Pachito…

and Pachito is finito!

Particular area of specialization:

Moscow, 1953.

Top secret political crimes.

Nothing more needs to be said.

Is that true?

My doing.

And remember, Dorellik means trust!

Well? Satisfied?

Shall I put another reel in?

How much for a murder?

Well, here, on the spot, let's see…

a rough guess would be…

a 1000 dollars.

It's the union minimum.

Jacques Dupont, a billionaire of French origin,

died days ago in Rio de Janeiro,

leaving behind a legacy of 20 billion francs.

I know from my information that he didn't leave a will.

He has no children or grandchildren or direct descendants.

It's evident that his inheritance

will be divided among all the Duponts of France.

My name is Rafael Dupont.

By the month's end I want to be the only existing Dupont.

Is that clear?

Clear?

What you're asking of me is a massacre!

A real mass extermination! A wholesale job!

Wait a minute.

A thousand dollars each will be a fortune.

Let's look at the Guide of France. There are many Duponts.

Even 20 maybe, or 40, 80.

But there are hundreds!

That's why I'll give you an advance of 10 grand.

At the end of the month, you'll get the rest. Wait.

Remember Rafael Dupont knows how to deal with the disloyal!

It is practically impossible to kill Dorellik!

Take this.

What's that? An apron?

No, it's my Protectik!

A special double steeled German fabric.

It protects you from the shots of any firearm.

Want to try? Don't be shy.

Go on, go over there. You can do it!

My Protectik is perfect, invulnerable!

I'm ready. Shoot! - But…

Don't worry, don't be afraid. Shoot!

See? - Marvelous!

See you soon! The contract is agreed to and goodbye.

Goodbye. - Goodbye. See you soon.

You'll get better very soon.

We extracted a bullet that had penetrated 10 cm.

I need to order a heavier shirt.

He's raving.

Quickly recovering, I devoted myself to my work.

My first Dupont victim, in alphabetical order,

was a certain Albert Dupont, Minister.

Minister?

We need an idea… Minister, eh?

I got it!

Hello? Am I speaking to the Minister Albert Dupont?

Of course. - In person?

Yes.

Albert, they found out everything.

Oh, no!

That's one…

Next up on the list came André Dupont and his family.

They lived in a small village,

Rampignon-les-Ois in the south of France.

The streets were deserted.

I took advantage of the fact that they were all myopic and methodical.

The next victim, always in alphabetical order,

was Bertold Dupont, a bank clerk,

together with his wife, naturally a Dupont as well,

had taken his holidays and was enjoying them in England.

The unsuspecting fool!

What did I do? - You were on the left.

Sure, Sergeant, here in England, we drive on the left.

English people drive on the left. But you're French, right?

Yes, that's right. We're French.

Respect French law!

Always an ignoramus! You never know anything!

Fine, this time you may go. But remember:

Keep on the right. Always the right!

Yes, Sir. Thank you.

Give it to me.

Right away! - What?

The list! The list of people killed by Dorellik! Thank you.

Albert Dupont, André Dupont,

Annette Dupont, Bernard Dupont, Bertold Dupont, Charles, Denis Dupont.

There must be a logical link between these murders.

They are all called Dupont! - Please!

They're all called Dupont!

They were all killed in alphabetical order!

They were all killed in alphabetical order!

Meanwhile, my work at hand in France went on happily.

I had already reached the letter F:

Fernand Dupont, my new victim, army general,

was engaged in war games in the Moselle region.

Ready? One, two, three, fire!

You're wasting my precious time, Saval.

Dorellik is not some common criminal

who enjoys attending the funerals of his victims.

He's different: a criminal of the highest level.

After all, he is English!

No, one moment!

I'm sure that Dorellik is French!

What? That's enormous nonsense.

His cool is definitely English.

Yes, but where does he get his inventiveness?

He's definitely French.

Look, at most I can concede that he's Irish.

Satisfied now?

Anyway, he's a 1000 miles away from here by now.

Dorellik!

Dorellik!

Just what I thought! Let's get him!

Dorellik! - It was a pleasure!

My condolences. Dorellik!

Stop!

It's now over for you!

No!

He's mine! - Yes.

His!

Letter G belonged to Gustave Dupont.

Gustave Dupont, suffering from heart disease,

was relaxing in his private swimming pool.

A shark!

Help! save me! Help, I'm dying!

Even though work had possessed me like a fever,

I must confess that I was missing my baby.

My plan was simple:

I would try to make her jealous to get her to come back to me.

Come, girls.

Here, sit down, ladies. Over here.

Is the singer any good?

Sure and very beautiful too.

Then there's a magician's act which puts a man into a trunk

and then pierces him, zap, with a sharp sword.

Amateur!

Number 5.

Crash! Bang! Boom! I fell in love with you.

Hopelessly, you know. I never left you alone.

So stupid!

Crash! Bang! Boom! There was a lightning flash.

Which struck me you know, like nothing ever did before!

Never! Never! Never!

And you left me crying, so much, so much.

Now I cry no more.

Crash! Bang! Boom! There was a lightning flash.

Love went away and what did you leave behind?

Clouds!

Crash! Bang! Boom! You don't exist for me anymore!

The pain that you make me feel, I don't feel anymore.

Do you know? Know? Know?

Go away now! Now! Now! Now!

We are no more.

Crash! Bang! Boom! Like a flash, it came to me.

We don't see eye to eye, we better say goodbye.

Bye! Bye! Bye!

And then you wuz crazy, crazy, crazy.

I'm in love no more.

No, no, no, no more.

I don't want to see you anymore!

Crash! Bang! Boom!

Give me a Perino.

It upsets you to see me, huh, little one? Confess.

I'm perfectly calm. - Liar.

I only have 30 seconds. My ladies are calling for me.

They're very cute.

Jealous? - Not at all.

What? Doesn't your voice tremble?

Don't you feel a lump in your throat? - No.

Baby, please come back! I can't go on without you!

I have an important job that will make me rich,

and one day I might even think about marriage.

I'm thinking about marriage too… - Let's not jump the gun, eh?

I'm thinking about it but not with you, somebody else.

I'm already engaged.

And after all, you've already consoled yourself. 4 girls!

They're out of work Bluebell Girls!

I gave them 200 francs each to make you jealous!

But who is he? Who is this man who divides us?

He's adorable. His name is… - No, I don't want to know!

Leave him.

Let us flee together into the night.

Tahiti, Las Vegas,

Paris… - Don't make these stupid scenes!

My boyfriend is very jealous. And now goodbye.

Goodbye!

Waiter! - Yes?

Separate bills. - Separate? - You think I'm paying?

A call for Mr Gaston Dupont. - Gaston Dupont…

A call for Mr Gaston Dupont.

What a lucky coincidence!

A call for Mr Gaston Dupont! - Here I am.

This way.

Mr Dupont? - Yes?

This way, please. - Thank you.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Ladies and gentlemen, now I will show you,

how my sharp sword passes through this empty trunk.

Hello…

They're all dead up to this point.

This makes me think the next victim will be Giséle Dupont.

What do we know about her?

Giséle Dupont born in Algiers, Muslim religion,

adventurous woman, hunter.

She lives with the mementos of her safaris

in a villa near Montecarlo.

Is that all? - No.

She seems to be in a relationship with a very high-ranking person.

A detail of no importance.

We'll set a trap for Dorellik tonight.

We'll surround the villa of this Giséle with 100s of armed men.

What is it?

Saval, my friend, dear collaborator,

Dorellik has stabbed me in the back, I'm dying!

Continue the investigation alone. God save the queen!

From now on, I'm wearing a belt.

Is anyone there? - Oh, Mr… Mr…

Ferguson! - Yes!

Did you get that little thing?

Yes, but it was difficult. You don't know how hard I worked.

Can I see it? - Sure. Why not?

Well?

Is it ferocious? - Of course, very ferocious.

It's a wild tiger. It's from Brahmaputra.

Quick, put it in my trunk. - Yes.

You did let it go 3 days without eating?

Naturally, as you said.

The tail! Watch out, it's scratching me!

Good. - See you later.

Calling all patrols! Calling all patrols!

An illegal transportation of drugs has been reported.

Check all the passing cars. - Roger.

Sorry, a check, Sir. What's in there?

A tiger. - A tiger?

Yes. - A tiger in the engine?

Very funny.

This disguise was a touch of genius in my diabolical plan.

I had with me 100 cms³ of vanelio B-1,

a very powerful alkaloid, when injected into a living being,

paralyzed any vital activity for about 43 minutes.

Sleep, tiger of Brahmaputra.

Be good…

Yes? - I came from Ghana government.

He sends great huntress Giséle Dupont

this embalmed tiger.

For me?

What dears! Thank you so much! I'm happy, moved!

Come in, friend. What's your name, my negro?

Ali. - Ali!

Then come in, Ali. Come in.

Come in, friend!

Your government is so nice.

How beautiful! With those tiny eyes

and those fluffy paws! You want to be petted?

Where shall I put it? Let's see…

Over there, on the sofa!

Yes! The tiger on the sofa! The tiger on the sofa!

Come here, you sweet thing!

Easy… easy, please, I don't want hurt my big tiger!

Just like that. - Well…

I going now. - Why?

Because… I must… Ghana very far country, ostrega!

Curly head!

What, Ma'am? - I like you, you know?

You remind me of a boy:

my great African love who ended up eaten by a tiger.

The poor thing.

I must go, fair mistress.

Call me Gigì. Tell me the truth. Go on.

You like me? Say it, dark and handsome!

Very much!

Then you'll stay with me, Ali?

I never say no to pretty lady.

But doing thing quick because I have 33 minutes and must leave.

Yes!

Giséle!

Ah, my boyfriend! If he finds you here, we're toast!

Quick! Get out that way!

Go on! Jump out! - Are you crazy? It's 10 meters!

Such nonsense! - Giséle!

Pussy-Pussy!

Here I am!

There's something different here. - Yes…

That's it! A tiger!

It's a gift. - It looks alive and it's warm!

You know it's so hot in the jungle. - Yes, that's true.

Didn't you just have one black boy?

No, two, dear. There's always been two.

Come, honey. Come, my dear.

Pussy-Pussy!

Don't smoke! Not now! - How come?

My lovely… - No, behave!

What's the matter, kitten? - I'm tired! Tired!

Pussy-Pussy, come here! Give me that little…

My love… A surprise!

A necklace! Oh, bunny, you're a dear!

Wait, come here!

I want you to put it on me yourself!

There she is!

See that? That coward's going to strangle her.

Dorellik, you are in my hands! Follow me!

I got you, eh? Your adventures are over, Dorellik!

Now I'll see your true face!

Oh, God, who's that?

But this is the Prefect Leduc, Sir William Fox's brother-in-law!

I get it: You're Dorellik

with a perfect rubber mask that makes you look like the prefect!

But I shall rip it off!

Green! - Yes, Sir!

I'll make you pay for this tomorrow! Now, get out!

Out! Everybody out!

Excellency, I must watch the villa! - Out!

Yes, Sir.

Sorry about your face. - Out!

It's all over, love. Calm down, Giséle, my love.

Where did the other black boy go?

What other black boy? There has always been one.

Pussy-Pussy, my handsome dear!

No, no, I want something to drink first. Go on!

Make me a nice cocktail. - Right now?

Oh, be good! Come on, bunny! Go on!

Bunny…

Just a very simple one, OK?

Cognac, rum, whiskey, gin,

corazon, a double shot of camel,

mint, grappa, vodka and a drop of angostura!

Yes, dear!

And I'll even put in a slice of lemon!

Mon amour! You're going beddy-bye!

Here I am, dear! Here I am!

How beautiful and soft and voluptuous you are!

Come closer to me, kitten!

Who's this? Who are you? Down!

Help!

The tiger! Help!

Help! A tiger!

Pussy-Pussy!

No! Giséle!

How terrible!

I didn't want to do it! Help me! Help!

What happened?

Prefect Sir!

Captain… - Yes?

A damn tiger is up there on the loose!

What? - A tiger…

And I, by a regrettable mistake,

have killed Giséle Dupont.

See if you can fix it!

Henri Dupont,

Maurice Dupont,

Napoleon Dupont,

Pierre Dupont,

Ungrateful girl!

We could've shared honors and riches

and you go and get engaged to another?

This is Dupont speaking.

Which Dupont? - Rafael, your client.

Ah, good! So are you satisfied so far with the job?

Not bad but there are only 10 days left to the deadline.

Child's play: I just need to kill another 412 Duponts.

413. - 412, I just counted.

At the Agnesine convent, there's a Dupont who's a nun

and not listed in the Guide of France.

A nun? A nun? What a shame!

But work is work!

I must see the captain immediately.

No, he's too busy.

He's busy solving the Dorellik case.

It's about Dorellik that I have important info about.

Then you better tell me about it.

Captain Green is now busy

with ultra-modern scientific systems from Scotland Yard.

Pendulum, pendulum, tell me, where is Dorellik?

Pendulum, pendulum, tell me, where is Dorellik?

The Agnesine Convent… Dorellik in a convent?

Pendulum, you are an idiot!

Great news! - Dorellik has turned himself in?

No, but the owner's here from a religious articles shop.

He said a few hours ago, somebody went to him

to buy an Agnesine nun's habit!

And so?

And so the person who bought the outfit was a man!

So what?

It could be Dorellik! - That means…

An Agnesine nun? A convent?

It was Dorellik! The pendulum was right!

We need an idea and then we can act.

We need one of my brilliant, ingenious, irresistible ideas…

Do you have any ideas, Saval?

The mustache!

Sisters!

The next world cup…

without a doubt, will be won by us Frenchmen, not you.

Poor fellow!

Have you forgotten the invincible Bobby Chalton?

We are at the 89th minute of the France-England match.

The score is 0-0.

Bobby Chalton has the ball!

He hands it to his brother Jack, Jack hands it to Reeves,

he passes to Stains, Stains to Reeves,

he tosses it, the goalie jumps out, goal!

They're watching us. Please control yourself.

Me, Captain?

Don't call me captain.

Call me sister.

In fact, since I'm your superior, it's better you call me mother.

Yes, Mother!

Excuse me, what stitch is that, Sister?

A cross stitch, dear.

Can you tell me who Sister Dupont is?

Sister, have you forgotten our rule?

Anyone who enters here loses his civilian surname.

But then… then how can I find her?

There exists a book where it is faithfully recorded

the names we all had before marrying God.

And where's that book?

It's kept underground.

However, it is forbidden to consult it.

What time is it, Sister? - Time for the Ave Maria.

Then I'll return. I'm doing the Pater Noster.

Cigarette?

Thank you, Mother.

See? You gave yourself away again.

You know well nuns don't smoke.

I have an idea to identify Dorellik!

Since we think he's here disguised as a nun,

we will offer each nun a cigarette.

And the first one who accepts it… bam!

A pair of handcuffs.

Cigarette?

A cigarette?

What's this?

A cigar, Sister?

Cigarette? - What?

A cigar? - You wretches!

Have you forgotten that our rule forbids us to smoke?

Third-degree punishment: to the ossuary!

Paulette Pourier, Sister Marielle.

Jeanne Bernardin, Sister Clotilde.

Armandine Paglier, Sister Eugenie.

Denise Bolanger, Sister Luce.

Helene Dupont, Sister…

The only one missing, damn it!

Sister! - Mother!

This is our holy order book. To touch it is sacrilegious!

Actually, I was just reading…

Third-degree punishment: to the ossuary! Immediately!

"The names of our dead sisters." Let's take a look.

"Sister of the Innocents, in mortal life, Angly Mirnette.

Sister Josephine, in mortal life, Emiliene Francisconi.

Sister Rachele, in mortal life, Hélène Dupont."

Hélène Dupont?

One less job.

Dorellik!

Come here! - You're Green, eh?

Stop!

Come here! Get him!

Chase him!

Idiot!

Look what you've done! - It was you!

Get me loose! That's an order! Untie me! Dorellik!

Having escaped the devilish cigarette trap,

I went back to work.

There he is!

Come down, Dorellik! Surrender!

Surrender? If you want me, here I am! Shoot!

I'll shoot him.

Hey, are you crazy?

Let's surround him!

Sorry, but this time you won't escape me, Dorellik.

Is it on? - Yes, Mother… yes, Captain!

Calling all cars! Calling all cars!

Cars 1, 3, 7, up to 18 converge to Place Montpellier!

Full speed! Fight! Immediately! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Are you injured, Prefect Sir?

Green! - Yes, Sir?

Where is Dorellik? - Up there.

And what are you waiting for? You must get him! Destroy him!

I hate him! If you knew how I hate him!

Shoot him. Go on, shoot him!

I can't, he's unarmed, Sir. - All the better.

Kill him right now! Do it! - Honestly…

Oh, no, no, no! Not the red pistol!

Not the red pistol!

Oh, Prefect! What will Sir William Fox say?

Prefect Sir, speak! Speak! Speak!

He's dead! I beg you, say something, in the name of your brother-in-law!

Merde!

Thank you.

Even though, I worked day and night plus overtime,

the date set by my client was approaching.

I put an emergency plan in place.

I rented a castle where skillfully disguised as a notary,

I summoned all the remaining Duponts.

Oh, yes, I forgot, I had also hired a secretary:

Carlotta, both for my plan and to forget my baby.

Naturally, I didn't reveal my true identity to her.

Carlotta? - Yes, Sir?

Do you have all the documents? - Of course.

And the Duponts have arrived? - They're all in the salon.

Good. Let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen. - Good day.

Please, sit down.

I'm Albert Dion, a notary of Paris.

A multi-billionaire named Dupont died in Brazil

and I have an authentic will, whose regularity I guarantee…

and which I will read now.

Attachment number one:

I, the undersigned Jacques Dupont,

completely sound in my mental faculties,

leave to everyone my assets, amounting to 4 billion francs.

Sorry, 400 billion francs.

Attachment number two: a special clause!

Silence!

The money will be delivered to the last of the Duponts

who will survive everybody here present.

Ladies and gentlemen! I repeat:

To the last surviving person.

Notary, Sir!

Who knows how many years it'll take for there to be a survivor?

And what can I do with 400 billion francs when I'm old?

Don't worry. In my opinion, you won't last the night.

What's happening? - Don't be afraid, Charlotte.

They're fighting over a bit of money.

Look, under the door! - What is it?

Blood! - Ah, nonsense! Just a drop or two.

A bit of Lue and it's gone! And how my floor will shine!

I'm…

I'm the last one standing.

The inheritance is mine!

He's dead! - Good, I thought he was alive.

My job is done! I did it!

Now I deserve a weekend with Rafael's money.

Want to go away with me, baby?

Mama doesn't want me to go out alone at night.

Reactionary!

Hello? - This is Rafael Dupont.

It's all done. - Imbecile!

Sorry, are you talking to me? - Yes, I checked and you missed one.

Vladimir Dupont, Rue des Escargottes 34!

There goes my weekend!

For the "Jaguar of the Roofs",

infiltrating Vladimir Dupont's villa was child's play!

Stairs!

Dorellik never uses the stairs.

I will jump down as silent as a cat.

Ah, you rascal!

What did you do this time, eh?

What have you done, brat?

The Malaysian Method: a poison dart dipped in curare!

Why do you hinder my work?

I didn't think you were so jealous you'd kill my boyfriend!

What boyfriend? He's a Dupont! Vladimir Dupont!

Exactly and I'm engaged to him. - No!

Yes!

You wanted to kill me, right?

Listen, you shut up and mind your business, got it?

Sorry, Vladimir but I did tell you.

This is Dorellik, my ex.

He's a bit jealous but I'll take care of him!

Yes, it'll be better for him.

Baby, I must kill him. There are billions at stake!

Sure, billions! Tell me another one!

You're worse than a jealous Sicilian!

There's nothing you can do.

I like Vladimir because he's a loyal person of unblemished honesty!

And he's an old friend.

In fact, if you want to know, I've decided to marry him tomorrow.

No, you can't do that!

You understand that you can't? - Why not?

Obviously, you'd become a Dupont and I would have to kill you too!

Me? - Come, girl, let me work, eh?

It's better I kill him now. - No! I said no, I forbid it!

I'll protect him. And now get out!

Get out or I'll call the police!

Police? Ah, Captain Green!

If you want to arrest Dorellik's accomplice,

you'll find her at Rue des Escargottes 34.

Yes, in the villa of Vladimir Dupont.

I'm sorry, baby. I'm doing it for your own good.

May I know why you arrested me?

Arrested? Arrested! Please, a mere inquiry.

Maybe you can help me.

Where is Dorellik?

I don't know.

Never mind Dorellik. Let's talk about you.

Tell me, wouldn't you be interested in a quiet life?

A house with a garden…

It's true I earn £100 a month,

a modest salary, but with overtime…

Captain, do you mind if we talk about it another time?

I have a million things to do. - Whenever you want, dear.

Am I free then?

Free?

Free as a swallow! - Oh, thank you, Captain.

You're so sweet!

This is my number. Call me one of these days.

But it has glue on it. How come?

This way you won't lose it!

What the hell are you doing?

I said what the hell are you doing?

I'm releasing the young lady. We have no evidence against her.

That's crazy! She's important to us! She can tell us where Dorellik is!

I said I don't know! - That's right.

I'll make you talk!

These are methods that Scotland Yard would not approve.

Then go away!

Of course, I'll go away. I won't wait one second!

But watch out because Dorellik's capable of intervening.

I don't give a damn!

Remember that I'm not joking.

If you don't answer my questions,

I'll switch to methods that will loosen your tongue!

Let's start with Dorellik's address.

But I haven't seen him for ages!

Dorellik!

Oh, thank you! Thank you my savior!

But you're not Dorellik!

Green! Oh, no!

Yes, I'm Green.

I love you. I burn with love for you!

My life, let's get married.

I can't. I'm getting married tomorrow.

Damn you, Dorellik! - Oh, no, not him.

With Vladimir.

Damn Vladimir too!

Is it possible that I can't catch a break?

Just look at this!

Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Go on. - That way, right?

The marital domicile shall be chosen by the husband

and his wife will follow him wherever he deems necessary.

If anyone can show just cause

why they may not be lawfully wed,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

Halt! Everybody stop!

Bigamist! You should be ashamed!

How dare you leave me and my 7 children to marry this woman?

Coward, you shall pay for this with your life!

No! No! Mercy! - What's this? Out!

It's over for you!

You'd better leave us alone, Dorellik!

How did you recognize me? Let go, I'll kill him!

Take her away and lock her in a room! Hurry!

Don't worry, honey, it's all settled.

If anyone can show just cause

why they may not be lawfully wed,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

I pronounce you husband and wife.

Traitor!

Wretch!

Sibilla! - Another one?

Over the top like always!

What have you done? Dorellik!

What Dorellik? I am Vladimir's wife!

Cheater! Polygamist! He had married 9 other women!

Bluebeard! Landru!

And now, I am ready for the guillotine.

Take me away.

Dorellik, I thank you. You were right.

Vladimir was a scoundrel, no good.

Then you didn't marry him? - Yes.

Oh, no! - But he's dead.

Then you're a widow. A Dupont widow.

No, Vladimir was already married. My marriage is invalid.

Then we are set!

Now let's go to my client and cash out the millions!

Oh, baby…

Now let's see: 842 Duponts at $1000 each, that's…

May I use the calculator? Thank you.

$842,000! Baby, we're rich. If you please.

I'm very saddened… - I do understand you, my dear,

with all those deaths in the family.

I have some sad news for you.

Is the price too much?

My information wasn't accurate. They found a will.

Jacques Dupont left everything to the Benedictine friars!

Bene-damn-them! - I'm broke.

My house is mortgaged, I'm in debt and I can't pay a cent.

Idiot! - Idiot!

Baby, who cares about the money? We'll be happy all the same!

I have so many ideas, crimes in my head!

May I? - Yes!

Baby, listen…

Oh God, he killed himself.

I don't feel well.

It's the first time somebody died before me without me killing them!

What's that?

What are you doing?

This is the home of the last remaining Dupont!

Give me the megaphone! - It's in there.

Surrender, Dorellik!

Green!

The building is surrounded!

What are you saying?

What?

Load up!

Break down the door! - Everyone, here! The others too!

Ah, there are no others… Forward! In there!

Dead!

I honor my most formidable adversary,

a valorous warrior, a loyal enemy.

Dorellik… - Imbecile!

Can't you see that's not Dorellik?

No? - No!

Wait a minute, how would you know?

No one has ever seen Dorellik, not even you.

But I've seen the Minister of Mail and Communications.

What does he have to do with anything?

That is His Excellency, Rafael Dupont.

I have an idea.

Maybe it's a mask. Hold this!

This is an obsession.

The nose is real, the chin is real,

Too bad! Then search and comb all the roofs in the area!

Arrest everyone found on the rooftops!

Is this all you found on the rooftops?

Yes.

Chimney sweeps! - Right!

But one of them must be Dorellik.

Well then?

Which of you is Dorellik? Raise your hand!

Well, I tried.

I did try!

Bring my wife here.

But… - Ma'am.

Kiss the chimney sweeps!

But Antoine… - Kiss them all!

But… - Go on!

Dorellik!

Dorellik! Get him!

Goodbye, Green!

Oh, mama! I'm no Tarzan.

Hurry, get on the ladder! - Thank you, sweetie!

There you are!

Don't let him get away!

No, I'm holding on to him!

Don't let him get away!

We're holding on to him!

But how many are you?

What's happening? There's too much weight!

Dorellik, what are you doing? Hurry up! Come up!

Easy for you to say!

Surrender! I got you!

You're wrong, Green! It's me who got you!

But now I'll let you go!

Get those damn hands off!

Will you stay still up there? Holy crap!

Sergeant, I can't take it anymore! - No, not the trousers!

Sergeant! - Yes, Sir?

How dare you be in your underwear before me?

Oh, excuse me…

The tiger!

Not that again! No, stop!

Come on, Dorellik! Throw him off!

No, I beg you, Dorellik! Be nice!

I've always loved you! I guarantee it!

Here I am again, Dorellik!

What are you doing here? - That's mine!

Yes, but these are ours!

Idiot! Did he hurt you? - And you?

And how! But how are you?

How do you feel? - A little better.

I got you, Dorellik!

Finally, I shall see the face hidden beneath this mask!

Then I'm Dorellik!

Well, if I'm Green then, who are you?

This…

But damnation, I am Green!

Damn you!

Never!

No one will ever take Dorellik!

The bomb that is coming, resounding and exploding,

ah, hah, that's what I do!

Doors of reinforced steel, at my blow they reel,

ah hah, I'm coming for you!

Girl, you chose a hard life,

choosing me,

but the kisses that I give will make the blind see.

When mountains tumble, and bridges crumble,

ah, hah, that's what I do!

On a balcony alone, riding a cyclone,

ah hah, I'm coming for you!

Girl, you chose a hard life,

choosing me,

but the kisses that I give will make the blind see.

The bomb that is coming, resounding and exploding,

ah, hah, that's what I do!

With a sonic assault and one last somersault,

ah hah, I'm returning to you!

Girl, you chose a hard life,

choosing me,

but the kisses that I give will make the blind see.