Original subtitles

What are you doing?

Hanging out.

Come over.

Will, I can't.

Come on, Grace.

You know you want to.

Of course I want to, but...

It's going to be a good one.

I can feel it.

It's always good.

Still...

Well, you're not going to come over.

Do you want me to, uh, talk you through it?

It's tempting, but I think I'll watch ER here.

Another night alone with my clicker.

Oh, is that what the kids are calling it?

So I went back to the sale today.

Yeah?

Did you get that black flowy thing?

No, you were right.

It's too Steve and Nick's, the heavy ears.

Eric LaSalle just smiled.

Really?

No.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Did you buy anything?

Yeah, I got a great camisole.

Yeah.

Sexy?

I'm going to sleep.

Ask me in the morning.

Was that Danny?

Yeah.

Jealous?

Honey, I don't need your man.

I got George Clooney.

Sorry babe.

He doesn't bat for your team.

Well, he hasn't seen me pitch.

Okay.

Say goodnight, Gracie.

Goodnight, Gracie.

It's to you, Jack.

Give me a minute, please.

Okay.

A room without windows.

A room without doors.

It's to you, Jack.

Give me a minute, please.

A room with no guy, but I can spy the tone.

No, not going to risk it this time.

Four cards, please.

Here's my ace.

Jack, now that you're moving in,

can I make one small request?

What's that?

Change everything about your personality.

I get it.

Comedy.

Didn't you tell me Jack was moving in with you?

Not moving in.

He's just staying with me

until his apartment's finished.

Oh, I know that one.

I know.

Did he need a stronger hand?

He's not humming your intro, okay?

That's just a straight guy's way of thinking

that you and I could ever be a couple.

Okay, first of all,

Will should only be so lucky, okay?

So let's just clear that right up.

Second of all,

you don't even know me that well.

Why would you just assume that I was gay?

Are you finished?

Okay, FYI, folks,

most people that meet me

do not know that I am gay.

Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay.

Dead people know you're gay.

Can we play poker?

Yes.

Come on, who's in?

I'm in for ten.

I'm fine.

Grace?

Keep playing.

Oh, look, it's Sporty Spice.

Did you and Danny have a fight?

Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it right now.

I can't even think straight.

That's funny.

Neither can Jack.

Grace, did you know I was gay when you met me?

My dog knew.

But the fabrics never came in

and I wasn't able to make the presentation.

Diamond interiors got the job.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What a disappointment.

Thank you.

See?

That's all I wanted to hear.

But Danny said,

well, when you put everything off to the last minute...

Ooh.

Yeah.

And I lost it.

I started screaming,

why can't you just let me have my feelings?

Grace, that is so Barbara DeAngelis making love work.

I know, wasn't it?

Yeah.

And then he says, get this,

you don't have to get hysterical.

You sound just like your mother.

If you were on Jerry Springer,

that's the minute you jump out of your chair.

Yeah.

Can you believe that?

You're staying here tonight.

Go wash your face.

I'll make up your bed.

You sound just like your mother.

What kind of person says that?

The kind of person you should have dumped a year ago.

What?

I said I hear they're re-releasing Vertigo.

You sound just like your mother.

When you want to push someone's buttons,

that'll do it.

Hey, roomie.

Jack, you can't move in tonight.

What?

Grace is very upset.

I told her she could stay here tonight.

You move in tomorrow.

Okay, that's interesting.

You'd think maybe you could have told me this.

Oh, I don't know.

Before I packed up my entire life.

You don't understand.

Grace has had a really bad day.

You don't understand.

Grace has had a really...

What's in the hat box?

Your tiara?

Look, Guapo.

He made a funny.

Shut up, Will.

I just slept all the way over here from the east side

and you know how much Guapo hates riding in taxis.

Okay.

Okay, take it easy, Jack.

You sound just like your mother.

Crossing the line.

What's that, you nasty, bitter, lonely, balding man?

I don't need this crap from you, Will.

You know what?

I just don't need it.

What time tomorrow?

Eight is fine.

You're my lawyer.

You tell me.

What have I got to do to buy this company?

Well, first we've got to get something called

a Hart-Scott-Rodino antitrust clearance

and then we can negotiate standstills and lockups.

Naturally, that's after we do due diligence.

What the hell is due due diligence?

Harlan, after we do due diligence.

Doesn't matter how slow you say it, Will.

It's still due due, isn't it?

I just want to know what it means.

It's just crap that lawyers deal with.

Harlan, I'll handle it.

I've been representing your corporation

for five years now, remember?

I know, but my wife's been bugging me

about the business lately.

She wants me to be a little more hands-on.

You sure she's talking about the business?

Yeah, she's talking about the business.

But I trust you, Will, so you do that due due

that you do so well.

Will, it's Grace on line one.

Hey.

Can I stay at your apartment again tonight?

Of course, stay as long as you want.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for tissues.

I'll have your assistant get them for you.

She's late again.

Oh, fire her already.

I'm not going to fire Karen.

Her social contacts keep my business afloat.

Why does she even work?

I mean, isn't she worth like a gazillion dollars?

She feels working keeps her down to earth.

I know.

I'm late.

My driver had another bronchial incident.

It was disgusting.

I had to raise the partition.

But that's no excuse.

I should be punished.

I'm writing you a check.

Karen, tell Grace she should fire you.

Grace, tell Will to redirect his anger

at his mother where it belongs.

Call me later.

Bye.

All right, honey.

There you go.

Guilt be gone.

Karen, I don't want a check.

I want assistance.

I'm the boss.

I give you checks.

Yes, you do, honey.

And I love them.

I do.

You know, I keep them all right here in this box.

So, what else?

Danny and I got into a fight.

Oh, honey, call him and make up.

Why would I do that?

It wasn't my fault.

In the long run, it doesn't matter.

I don't know that there's gonna be a long run.

Uh, Grace,

you're... you're what, 40?

I'll be 31 next month.

So I round it up.

Honey, Danny is a good catch.

You've been living together for a year.

Close the deal already.

I'm serious, Grace.

Pick up the pace.

I'm serious, Karen.

Pick up the phone.

So, Will, have you seen Michael since you two broke up?

Uh...

No, he hasn't.

But I have.

Michael's not doing well.

He got fat.

He's depressed.

Cheap haircut's not good.

Actually, it's very sad.

What are you talking about?

I just saw him.

Looks great.

Uh, Rob, you're dismissed.

Thanks for trying, sweetie.

His haircut really was awful.

I know.

You know what?

I think it's time for $25,000 pyramid.

All right.

So, Will, you gonna keep the place?

Well, I thought it was gonna be a little too expensive,

so I told Jack that...

Oh, no.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Oh, are we entertaining?

Welcome.

Jack, I meant to call you today.

Don't even.

Wait, wait.

I can stay at Rob and Ellen's tonight.

No, you can't, Grace.

Because, apparently, you matter.

How about that?

Jack, I am so sorry.

I just...

Are bandanas back in?

Because I didn't get that memo.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Let me tell you something, Will Truman, okay?

I don't need to live here, all right?

And you know what?

Guess who loses.

Hello.

You do.

Because I could have turned you into a human being

instead of this rude, self-absorbed,

getting chunkier every day.

Oops, did that slip out?

That's the thing that you are.

What time tomorrow?

Eight-ish.

Fine.

Let's play the pyramid.

Okay, you two first.

Okay.

You give, I'll receive.

Just as God intended it.

Okay.

Ellen's timing.

Got it.

Here's your first subject.

All right.

Go.

Okay, okay.

Uh, ooh.

Driftwood.

Uh, John Wayne.

Your parents' marriage.

Things that are dead.

Yes.

My one-night stand on Fire Island.

Latin things.

Good.

Uh, ooh.

The postcard I sent you from Italy.

Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

Oh, things that make you cry.

Yes.

Um, Professor Gopnik's teeth.

Things that are yellow.

Yes.

Uh, a cane.

A railing.

Huh?

Oh, come on, give me another clue.

Uh, each other.

Things that you lean on!

That's it!

Thank you, guys.

That was amazing.

Grace, you and Danny never do this well when we play.

I know.

I'm gonna break up with him.

It's just time.

Our relationship has reached a fork in the road,

and ending it with Danny is the right...

prong.

Excuse me.

Phew.

Uh, things that bring a dinner party to a crashing halt.

So, how'd it go?

Not like I thought.

Oh, Gracie, I'm sorry.

But, you know, you give it some time.

No, Will.

He proposed.

Oh.

Grace Adler Design.

Oh, my God.

Would you look at that?

Now, who in the world would be sending...

Oh, Carnations.

They must be for you.

Oh, yep, they're from Danny.

Oh, well, isn't he a sweetheart?

Oh, my.

Well, surprised you're still walking.

Oh.

Give me that.

Oh, he is so great.

I can't believe I ever doubted he was the one.

Bon appetit.

So, what am I gonna do about Grace?

What's the big deal?

Why don't you...

Could I get a scotch more gravy?

That's a little dry.

You don't like Danny.

I mean, just tell her it's a bad idea.

I don't tell people who to marry.

Okay, you always tell me what you think of the men I date.

I'm talking about marriage,

not Rudy the Jewish cowboy you met on the Internet.

Shalom, my lonesome prairie dog.

Look, she's your best friend, Will.

You have to tell her what you think.

Be honest.

I can't.

Before my brother married Ginny,

he asked me what I honestly thought of her.

I told him she's morose and controlling and icy.

Well, they got married anyway.

Now she hates me and my brother and I don't talk.

Couldn't handle losing Grace like that.

You know, I'm gonna call Rudy again.

Oh, God, I'm sorry,

but more importantly,

it's terrible about you and your brother.

It's awful. It's...

No, no, no.

Do you have any mineral water?

Sulfites.

So when are you moving in?

Well, I'm gonna be away on business for a while.

Well, what...

What business?

Business.

I have business and clients and work-related...

business.

How is the work-related client business these days?

What is this?

Why do you have to be so mean?

Because you love it.

And I love you and...

and you love gel.

And you have a home here when you get back.

You see?

You can be a very great guy when you want to be.

Well, I gotta be nicer to you.

Yes, you do.

Because you are a good friend.

Yes, I am.

I know it's gotta be rough on you.

Well, don't.

I'm trapped in a man's body like that.

Hi.

Hey.

What are you watching?

Pop-up video.

Turns out Fiona Apple doesn't particularly like apples.

Apple Brown Betty was invented by a guy named Darren.

And get this.

Bobby Darren's dog was named Fiona.

What are the odds of that?

I said yes.

What?

I said yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Ah! Come here!

Wow.

Let's have a look at that ring.

Oh, it's beautiful.

When is the stone being put in?

I knew you were gonna say that.

Wow.

You know, I'm thirsty.

What?

What? What?

I'm happy for you.

Lying.

Lying man talking.

Grace, stop it.

I am happy for you.

I want you two to have a great life together.

You do?

Oh, thank God.

I was so worried coming over here.

So I have your blessing, then?

Yes.

I love you.

Love you.

Okay.

I've gotta go tell my family.

Grace, don't.

I have to, Will. They're paying.

No, I mean, don't marry Danny.

What?

Honey, I gotta be honest.

This guy's not enough for you.

I mean, you're passionate,

and you're creative and beautiful and perfect,

and this guy...

I mean, you should be with someone more...

somebody else.

I mean, he's not funny.

He doesn't know what your favorite flower is.

He's passive-aggressive.

The man high-fives you after sex.

Grace.

You're so afraid you're never gonna get married,

you can't even see how wrong he is for you.

I mean, think about it.

If you really believed he was the one,

would you be asking me for my blessing?

Go to hell, Will.

No, Rosario.

Por...

Por favor, honey.

Listen to me for a second, okay?

Take Olivia and Mason

to La Store de Los Toys.

Where's Grace?

Oh, honey, thank God.

How do you say toy store in Spanish?

Tienda de Juguetes.

Mm-hmm, thanks.

F-A-O-Y-E-S-H-O-R-T-S-O.

Si.

Si, Rosario.

Gracias.

Hola.

I haven't slept.

I can't get any work done.

Where is she?

Will, just stop right there.

I cannot tell you anything.

It's a secret.

What is?

She's at City Hall getting married.

Oh, devil!

Oh!

What?

What about the big wedding?

Well, she thought it was best

to get it over with quickly,

not make a big to-do,

and I say brava.

Grace?

Oh, look who's here.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's a little late for that.

No, I'm here, Grace.

I'm here to support your marriage.

There is no marriage.

What?

There is no marriage.

And you want to know why?

Because my best friend...

That would be the part you're supposed to play.

My best friend dropped a bomb

of poo on my head.

Oh, honey, I...

I mean, I was fine.

I was getting married,

and then you come along.

You come, and you poison the...

With the...

With the thorns from the flower.

You know, I had this metaphor worked out earlier,

but I'm just very upset right now.

You see, I just want you to be happy.

No, Will, you want me to be alone, like you.

Is that the way you see this?

Yes.

That's interesting,

because I, uh...

I never thought of myself as being alone.

Well, that was a little harsh.

Good.

Uh, y-yes, yes, it is.

He's a bad person, very bad.

Grace, I think it's time for a couple of blue bippies.

I don't want any pills.

They're not for you, honey, they're for me.

You know, marriage is...

What?

Marriage is...

Marriage is, okay?

What the hell? That's all you need to...

Grace?

Well, she's gone.

She's gone, and I'm sitting here

talking to myself like a crazy person.

Oh, my God, listen to me, I'm still doing it.

Will...

I am... I am so sorry

for what I said back there.

I know.

It was mean, but...

I know.

This morning, on the way to the ceremony,

Danny looked at me and said,

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

And I turned to him and said,

I love you.

I love you.

And I turned to him and said,

you know the limo has a phone?

It wasn't right.

He was a smart, attractive man who loved me,

and who I loved, by the way.

Why wasn't it right?

Sweetie...

Remember in college,

we saw that French film about a man and a woman

that were perfect for one another,

but they kept missing each other?

In the last scene, they meet on a plane,

because that's the way it was destined to be.

Remember? And you said,

that's gonna be me.

Gracie, you're just in the middle of your movie.

Danny was a plot point.

A nice, decent, post-coital high-fiving plot point.

There's still time, you know?

Go get some raisinets.

I like red vines.

Whatever you want.

The point is, it's not over.

If your movie's gonna have a happy ending,

you just have to see it through.

Come here.

What do you say we go get a drink?

Nice with that dress.

Give me a break. I have five minutes to prepare.

Still.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, what about a toast to your lovely new bride?

No.

Here's to the ball and shank.

If she makes it through the night,

ba-bing, I think I'll keep her.

Wait.

My turn.

To my will.

You are my hero and my soul mate.

And I'm a better woman for loving you.

Hey! Come on, you two.

How's about a kiss?

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Nothing? Anything?

Sorry, no, it's just...

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