Original subtitles

Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.

- It's all triggering.

Samantha Fink?

Let's go.

I mean, the sounds, the smells... - Hold up.

I mean, the last time I woke up here I was still drunk.

It just all felt so hopeless.

I didn't even know if I'd make it to my next birthday.

But I did. It's today.

I'm 29.

You don't have to say anything.

Anyway, I made it. I'm here, I'm alive.

Is it perfect? No, absolutely not.

I still live with my mother.

And the mattress there is terrible.

It's, like, super soft.

And too, like, pillow-toppy for my taste.

But I do have the first real job I've had in years,

which is great, and, do I have a boyfriend?

No, but I have dated a little bit.

Honestly, there's not much out there.

You guys are not missing anything.

Believe me.

But the point that I'm trying to make is

I didn't get here alone.

I have a sponsor, who's amazing,

and a real community that supports me.

And they all helped me understand that...

this did not have to be the end of my story.

- It's... - No. That's the end.

Yeah, it's been 20 minutes. Thank you so much

for that inspiring share, Samantha.

And thank you, ladies, for coming.

Now you can head out to Bible study.

Be sure to say what up to my big dog JC

and his mama.

- Morning, Mary. - Morning, Sam.

Oh, Jeff.

Yeah, you're getting worse at opening things, man.

You're getting worse at... stuff.

Hey. Grab your shit, come with me.

But I...

- Just come with me. Let's go. - Okay. I...

I was actually early today, though.

I already sent you the list

of the chunkiest "chowdahs" on the South Shore, so I don't know

- if you saw that, but it's definitely - What are you talking about?

- In your inbox. - I'm not worried about that.

Okay. It's just that it's been my experience

when a boss says, like, "Come with me,"

something very bad is about to happen.

- You're very paranoid. - With good reason.

This, right here...

That's your desk.

- Me? Mine? - Yes, it's yours. Congratulations.

You've been killing it here. Take a seat,

- please. Seriously, - Okay.

It's been amazing.

When your Legal Sea Food top ten went viral,

that was huge for us. And you ate...

so much lobster.

- So much lobster. Yeah. - Unhealthy amounts.

I still don't feel right, if I'm being honest.

- Oh.

What's up, Dave?

Um, I'm sorry about that.

- It's just, there's not - Yeah, no.

A lot of space up here. All the desks

- It's fine. I'm kind of into it. - Were taken.

- I love it. Thank you. - Yeah. Good.

Yeah.

Um, while you're here...

- Yeah? - I was just wondering, maybe I could

write something a bit longer.

- Uh... - Not that I don't love being

the listicle lady, 'cause I do. I just...

I actually worked at a grocery store recently

and was, like, slicing deli meat and very bad at it,

- so I'm very grateful for this. I just... - Just chill right now,

all right? I gave you a desk. A toilet desk.

It's a clear vote of confidence.

But, yes, if you have samples, send them to me.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

I mean, I'll... I'll do it right now.

Before you get back to your desk.

- I'll send them. - Okay, cool.

Send them when you're done with this panic attack.

- Okay. Okay. Oh, and, - Cool.

Hey, Alex, um... I'm actually, I'm having,

a birthday party tonight. I don't know if you're free.

I know it's kind of last-minute,

but I kind of went all out. There's gonna be,

like, a photo booth and a taco truck.

So, I don't know. If you want to swing by...

Uh, I would love to, I would.

Um... but I'm your boss.

- Of course. - And I just gave you a desk.

- I don't want people thinking... - Right.

Something weird's going on, and...

- No, me either. - But, uh,

- happy birthday. - You too.

- That doesn't make sense. - No.

Wow.

- - Would you stop it with the chairs? You're pregnant.

- I'm 11 weeks. - Sit.

Okay.

You ready for your birthday surprise?

- Yeah. - You're greeting today.

Oh, yay. I get to touch clammy newcomer palms.

It took me four years to be promoted to greeter,

and she doesn't even appreciate it.

Okay, well, we'll take it from here, Mark.

- Whoa. - Some people are

so touchy about belly button birthdays.

- They think they're no big deal. - Yeah, well,

I think this one's kind of a big deal.

It's the first time I felt like celebrating

my existence since I was 11.

I'm happy for you, Sam.

Most people, sober or not, do not have a life

- that they are actively proud of. - Thank you.

I'm trying. But I want more, you know?

I want, like, a real relationship and hot sex.

- And maybe a "Pullitzer." - Pulitzer.

- Whatever. - Well, you know what they say,

throw a party and the rest

of your life falls into place.

That's sarcasm.

Could still be true.

- Ooh, someone looks hot. - Thank you.

No, by someone I meant me.

- Oh. - You look okay, too.

It's cute, right?

- Yes. I love it. - It's so cute.

Ooh. Let me, uh, show you what I got for Sam

at that cute shop around the corner.

Shut the front door. Is that a journal?

- Mm-hmm. - That's what I got her.

- Really? - I was like,

"What do I get someone who doesn't booze

- and talks about her frigging feelings all the time?" - Right?

Anyway, I think mine's different enough.

It's got a sparkly unicorn on the cover

and a lock with a tiny key

for her tiny hands and her big dreams.

- That's what I wrote on the card. - That's good.

You ready to see Joel tonight?

Yeah, I'm excited for it. I mean, we did it right.

We're still really good friends.

- Her ex-husband. - Wow. Seriously?

Tell me about it. My baby daddy texts me

every two years, "Sup, Felicia?"

And it takes every ounce of my being

not to hurl my phone in the frigging river.

I know. Joel and I have the best divorce ever.

I mean, technically we haven't signed the papers yet,

but we're both in a really great place.

It's amazing.

It's not like I'm upset, you know?

I just have this, like, intense physical reaction

every time I hear her name.

Which I've been told is actually really normal, so...

Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? I have it.

I'm gonna give this book to you right now.

Is it a thriller? I mostly read James Patterson.

I've been doing Thriller Thursdays where I order

takeout and then curl up at home with my Jimmy P.

James Patterson doesn't write his own books.

- He uses foreign undergrads. - Oh.

How's the house?

So great. Yeah.

At first I thought it would be hard

living in the Craftsman that I built

specifically for me, Brit, and two to four of our children,

but it's been amazing.

Yeah, I find myself falling asleep in any room

'cause it's so quiet.

So quiet.

Joel, you know it's okay

to be upset about the divorce, right?

I am upset about the divorce.

- So, you g...

Bob.

Mm. That is literally the sound

- of one of my migraines. - Sorry.

- Hey. Hi, Joel. - Hey, Bob.

Couldn't help but overhear some of your conversation,

and I wanted to give you one of my new business cards.

"Bobby Positive, inclusive personal training."

Yeah, yeah. I'm-I'm seeing clients again in the garage.

So, you know, if you want to work on your strength...

Not just physical but also emotional

and spiritual... all done in a multiplatform environment,

you know, just give me a call.

Or you can text me. Just don't use too many emojis.

I'm not sure what they all mean.

Right. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm not sure I'll make the party 'cause the house

is so far, but, um, I wanted to drop this off for Sam.

- It's a journal. - Joel, stop.

- Do you know who I am? - Uh,

you're Carol?

I am a woman who has been through the throat

of grief and pooped out the other side of it.

And I am telling you, the only way through the pain

is to face it head-on.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

I think so. You're saying

I should suck it up and come to the party?

- Ex... - Absolutely what she's saying...

- This is what I'm saying. - You got it.

- Exactly. - You got it, you got it. Yeah.

- Yeah, very good. - Great.

Hey, how you doing? Welcome back.

You can pop over there.

Make eye contact. Use your kind eyes.

You want to attract, not repel.

- Okay? - Okay.

- Hi. How you doing? - Hi.

- Good. - You can, uh... go over there,

- I guess, if you want. Yeah. - That's a bit better.

- Hi. Welcome back. Good to see you. - Oh, there we go.

That was way better.

James.

- My jacket. Get off. - Oh...

Sorry.

Just didn't-didn't want you to go.

You didn't answer a call or a text in, like, six months.

I... I couldn't. You were off the wagon, James.

It would have been really bad for both of us, you know.

Self-preservation.

I have to put my own oxygen mask on first.

Yeah, I know that, but... it sucked.

Yeah, for me, too.

I get it. I'm a rules guy, all that stuff,

but it's been awful.

And, you know... lonely.

Yeah. Come inside.

I still hoard the good cookies

and let the dirtbags eat the lemon ones.

- All right. - Okay.

Oh, my... Okay, go. Go, go, go.

Okay. I'll see you there?

Yeah. - Okay.

Well, I did not think that was going to go that way.

- Good for you. - Thank you.

Also, I invited him to my birthday party.

Sam, it's his first day back. You're clearly triggering him.

He-He's not ready to go to a party.

Should I tell him not to come?

- Sam. - Right.

Ah, there she is.

Looking like a snack...

as the kids say.

- Happy birthday, darling. - Thank you.

- What are you doing? - Hiding the meds.

There will be addicts here. It's for their own sake.

You can't overdose on antidepressants, Mom.

No, but you can get brain damage.

I read this article in Parade magazine.

Oh, that poor woman.

It's going to be a beautiful, wonderful evening, I promise.

That's right,

'cause I trimmed all the rose bushes

and filled the gopher holes.

- We are party ready. Yeah, we sure are.

I got every single kind of cheese a person could get,

and I think it looks... looks really beautiful.

You guys just need to stay in here, that's all.

You just can't...

I mean, you can say hi to a couple of people,

but then mostly just stay inside. Right?

I better go spray for gnats.

Mom. I'd love to hear you say you heard me.

Samantha, 29.

I can't believe it.

They say you don't remember childbirth. This is a lie.

I look at your face, I remember every second of pushing you out.

I really don't feel like doing the whole...

22 hours of labor.

The worst pain I've ever felt. Searing pain.

Like being stabbed with red hot knives.

I tore like Velcro.

And then at 4:28 on a Wednesday...

And then at 4:28

on a Wednesday morning, out you popped.

I didn't know till I saw the photos later,

but, you know, your baby can be so ugly

and you don't even know it?

And this was me.

- Is this leading to anything? - Yes.

I took one look at you and I saw how special you are.

And you are special. And you are beautiful.

Even without makeup.

I have so much makeup on.

And it's perfect.

Thank you so much for coming.

Oh. Thank you very much.

Do you want a drink? There's so much stuff. Okay, come.

- I'm so glad that you could make it. - Yeah, thanks for inviting me.

My dad finally got that new kidney, so...

- Oh. - I have a lot more free time now.

I also have tons of different kinds of hot sauce.

It really does look great, though.

- You think? - You did a great job. Yeah.

- Does it feel, like, too try-hardy? - Happy birthday!

Oh, here's your gift.

- Oh, thank you so much. - It's a journal.

- Oh. - I'm bad at surprises.

Brit got you one, too.

Oh, well, if one gets lonely.

I also got her a journal.

- Joel, you remember Peter. - Yeah, yeah, of course.

- From the wedding. - Yeah.

Yeah, I was, I was there.

- Mm-hmm. - It was a, uh,

beautiful night.

Uh, congratulations.

And condolences.

'Cause of the-the...

- It's... - Yeah. - Thank you.

Oh, my God. - Oh, perfect.

- All my favorite people! - Yeah.

Hi, good friend.

- How are we? - Oh, just...

we're just super good in-in every way.

So that's...

Ten-ten out of ten?

Oh, man.

- Super good. Super.

Yeah. Have some tacos. I've got a minimum.

- Oh. - Seriously, eat them.

Taco actually sounds pretty good right now.

Oh, I'll come with you.

Terrific, yeah.

- Let's get a drink. - Please, God.

Sam, great party. Is this, is this pasteurized?

- Yeah. - Is it?

- What do you want it to be? - Pasteurized.

I don't know.

Yeah, so I only, like, eat my oatmeal with raisins

- because... - Jeff?

- Have you seen Alex? - Yeah, I saw him with your mom.

I don't know why I said it like that.

Uh, I saw him with your mom.

They're in the kitchen, talking.

Cool.

Okay, so like I was saying,

raisins, man, they're glued together.

Does Samantha ever talk about me at work?

- Am I what you expected? - Mother.

What?

I am inside. They came to me.

I'm in the kitchen.

- Have you seen Alex? - Who is Alex?

This is nice, right?

Feels good to be spending time with you. Be friends again.

Yeah, I mean, there are different types of friends.

You know? Like the types who talk once a year

or like each other's posts on Instagram.

Ooh. We should take a photo for my parents.

Yeah, speaking of your parents, have you told them about us yet?

Not yet. Ready?

Actually, I have to go over there, I just realized, so...

- Hi. - Hey.

- Hi. - What's up?

I, um, I'm really glad that you came.

Yeah, me, too. It's cool.

- This is awesome. - Was it the-the taco truck?

No, um...

Actually, uh, I got fired.

No, I'm not...

It's not funny. I-I don't have a job.

- And... - What happened?

- I read your samples, and... - You did?

Yeah, they're so good.

And then I go to bring them upstairs, and...

Oh, my God. You did? What did they say?

That's not the point of the story.

- Oh, right, I'm sorry. No, go on. - Yeah.

Anyway, they told me they're bringing in

some boomer from New York

and they're "managing me out."

They won't even say "fired." It's such a weird situation,

and it's just bullshit.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

- Yeah, me, too. - I don't really want to go

to work there without you.

- That's very sweet. - Oh.

I... This is really bad timing, but I should go say hi

to someone, but will you stick around?

'Cause I want to talk to you more.

Yeah, yeah, I'll stick around.

Maybe I'll go snoop around

your childhood home for a little bit.

That sounds like a very good idea.

My mom keeps a bunch of pills

in the sugar jar if you want them.

- Hi. - Hey.

- You came, you... - Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm here. - Cool.

- Are you okay? - Oh, yeah. I just...

I got some weird work news, but how are you?

I'm good. I'm good. Uh, this is for you.

- Well, thank you very much. - Yes, of course.

- It's, um, not journal-shaped. - Yeah.

- Off to a very good start. - No, it's not. It's really not.

- Yeah. - Oh, it's a...

- It's a Good Time Sally's mug. - Right, right.

- To commemorate where we first met. - Right.

You don't have to drink alcohol out of that.

- Right. - You can drink, like, orange juice, coffee.

- Totally. - Whatever you need.

- Yeah, it's very sweet. Thank you. - Yeah. Yeah.

Uh...

What are you doing?

Kissing you.

We broke up like six months ago.

Yeah, we broke up because I was drinking,

not because we didn't like each other.

- I'm not drinking now.

For what, a day?

Okay, well, how long do I have to be sober

for you to take me back?

No, your sobriety is not about me. It...

Did you honestly think that we would just,

like, slip right back into this without even a conversation?

- Yeah. Yeah, I did. - Uh-huh.

- You invited me here. - I invited you here

because I want to be friends with you.

We're not friends.

We're just two people that met at a bar.

I have so much respect for what you people are doing.

I think, for me, I would miss the taste.

You know, it would be the...

It would be the-the-the taste of the prosecco.

The-the-the fizz, the snap, crackle, pop there.

Do you know... You don't miss that? No?

Hey, mind if I join you?

Wow, this party must be really bad.

It's been a very nice evening.

You okay?

Not really.

I tried really hard, you know?

Just wanted everyone to have fun, have a great time.

Instead, they're being super weird and awkward

and not eating the tacos.

Well, thank God you're here to help with that.

I know.

You can't control other people's behavior.

I want to so bad.

I really thought I was helping with James.

Mm.

Bringing him back in and everything.

Then he tries to smooch me?

I mean, come on.

God, what a dumb birthday.

Look, was the party perfect? No.

I tripped in a gopher hole and almost broke my ankle.

But the salami was fantastic. Baby's going to love it.

Just 'cause tonight wasn't exactly as you pictured it

does not mean that you don't have a life worth celebrating.

Tonight was messy and fun and very on-brand, frankly.

Paging Samantha Fink.

Will Samantha Fink please come out to the backyard?

To the tent that's the... the only tent in the backyard.

- - All right. Looks like they need you out there.

You can't stay in here forever.

Why not? None of the bad stuff's in here.

Neither's any of the good stuff.

Let's go.

Party's still happening.

- Let's go celebrate you. - Oh, God.

Hi, everybody. - There she is.

- Ah, here she comes. - Happy birthday, girl.

All right.

Uh, okay. Hi. Um...

We learned this song in honor of Sam's big day.

- Okay, here we go. We're gonna kill it.

We're gonna kill it.

All right. Hit it, Bob.

One, two, three, four.

All right.

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

- Um, thank you... - I'm really glad that you came.

Of course.

Uh, I mean,

today sucked, but I'm glad I'm here, and, uh...

Now that I'm not your boss,

do you think we could go on a date?

Yeah, yeah, I think that we could do that.

That would... Um...

- I'm gonna get out of here. Okay.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org