All language subtitles for Corner Gas - 3x01 - Dress For Success

Heli-cars? What are
you, a Bond villain?

The wave of the future.
You can bank on it.

That's why you're
always broke.

You make stupid decisions.

Stupid as a fox.

Approximately.

You can tell me that
your dog ran away

Then tell me that it
took three days

I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say

You think there's
not a lot goin' on

Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong

And that's why you can
stay so long

Where there's not a lot
goin' on

All right, here.

Let's look up the
stock for EAN.

Who's Ian?

Electric Auto National.

They make the best
electric motors on the market.

You read a two-year-old
Business Weekat the dentist

and now you're
a market expert.

It was Modern Hotrodand
it was very informative.

I'm tellin' ya,
it's a fad.

Here, EAN. The stock's
at 7 bucks, right?

Well, we'll just watch and
see if it goes up or down.

It doesn't go up and down
in front of ya in the paper,

ya moron.

I'm gonna go track
this on the Internet.

Internet. There's another fad
that'll be over in a week.

Hey, guys. Have
everythingng you need?

Yeah. And more.

More? What do you mean?

There's dried ketchup on
the edge of my plate.

Oh.

And-and it's not
your ketchup?

I rarely put
ketchup on salmon.

Davis, I don't know
how that happened.

It's put me
off my lunch.

Ah, don't be such a baby.

Besides, it's not as gross as
this dried egg yolk on my knife.

And I'm guessing that you didn't
have eggs with your lasagne?

No.

Oh, gosh. Sorry. Lunch is on me.

I gotta get some air.

I'll be right out,
Queasy-modo.

Why you wearin' a dress?
Did somebody die?

Oh, no. Did somebody die?

Do you remember my
Grandma Lanigan?

Oh, no. Did she pass away?

No. But she bought this for me.

And it's not a dress,
Mr. Gucci. It's a skirt.

Ah, well. Don't you think a
skirt is a little la-de-da

for a gas station?

I'm not the one in
the powder-blue blouse.

It's not a blouse.

And it's not powder-blue,
it's sky-blue,

like the sky, where there's
jet fighters and lightening.

And it's not a blouse.

You're the boss, blousy.

That's right I'm the boss.
And don't you forget it.

Oh, did you bring
back the milk?

No.

I forgot to buy milk.

Are you being sarcastic
or did you really forget?

I forgot.

Milk wasn't on the list.

There was no list.
I sent you out to buy milk.

One item is not a list.

I ran into Hank.
He got me all wound up.

Oh, Hank just called.

He told me to tell you 8.50.
That was it.

He said, "Tell Oscar 8.50"
and then he giggled like a ninny

and hung up.

8.50?

It's gone up a buck
and a half already?

That's a crock a bull,
and I'm not buyin' it.

Apparently you're not
buying milk either.

At first he's bugging me
about wearing a skirt to work.

But then I go to sit down and
he holds his hand out like this

and escorts me
onto the stool.

That does sound strange.

And Brent doesn't strike me as
the gentlemanly escort type.

That's it.

It was like he was some kinda
weird gentleman or something.

Creepy.

It's probably 'cause
of the skirt.

Explain.

It's instinct.

Males evolved protecting
and caring for females.

So, the more feminine you
look, the more protective

and gentlemanly
they're prone to be.

So you're suggesting
a primordial genetic

predisposition
towards chivalry?

I believe I am.

She might have a point.

I wear this masculine
uniform every day

and Davis treats me
like one of the guys.

No.

Come on.

Davis, I am not
pulling your finger.

Fine.

I'll pull it myself.

Brrrrph!

I don't buy it.

I mean I understand
genetics. But Brent?

I'm not even sure what
substance he's made out of.

Well, it's
just a theory.

What's with the
rubber gloves?

Dishwasher's broke.

Oh, well. A little hard work
never killed anybody.

Hard work kills
people all the time.

You never heard
of a heart attack?

Aneurysm, hernia?

Burst blood vessel
behind the eye?

Well, it's nice
chatting with you.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Hank.

Oh, well, I'd love to, because
I have nothing better to do.

Hank wants me to
tell you 9.20.

Are you guys playing
telephone bingo or something?

9.20 my hat!

I'm gonna get some milk.

I'm gonna give that little
jackass a piece of my mind.

Hank talkin'.

Hey, my dad wants you
to call him.

He doesn't know your number.

Okey-doke.

Listen up, jackass.

I'm gonna teach you a thing
or two about investing.

Hello?

Hm, busy.

Coming, coming.

Sorry. Just doin' dishes
the old-fashioned way

with elbow grease.

You're washing dishes
with grease.

It's a figure ofpeech.

I need to borrow this
for an experiment.

I'll have it back
in a second.

How will she get it back
in one second?

That might be a
figure of speech too.

You still feeling queasy?

I'm not queasy.

I'm fine.

Really?

You look like you found a gob
of raw pork in your pudding.

I know what you're trying to do,
and it's not gonna work.

Solid as a rock here.

Is it hot in here?

Whoo, I could go for
a cigar right now.

You?

Why are you doing this?

I've never seen this
side of you before.

I've never seen this side
of you before either.

We're getting to
know each other.

Let's celebrate with a glass
of room-temperature cream.

There's some dirt at
the top of my glass.

That's why I didn't
fill it up all the way.

Can I get you anything else?

Maybe a piece
of rhubarb pie.

Sure.

You might want to
hang onto that then.

You want me to use the
same fork for my dessert?

Can't catch your own germs.

I just saw on the Internet
that some people think

birds evolved
from dinosaurs. Huh?

Feathered dinosaurs,
do you believe that?

I've based everything
I know on it.

Hah. Oh, man.

Corner Gas.

Yeah? Hang on.

It's for you.

Hank talkin'.

Hey, cool, thanks.

Are you gettin' calls here now?

Should I just hang
a hammock for ya?

My cousin's watchin'
that EAN stock for me.

He's gonna call me
whenever it goes up.

So this nothing-better-to-do
thing runs in your family?

That EAN stock's
up to 10.50, 10.50.

If you see Oscar,
tell him 10.50.

I don't wanna get in
the middle of this.

Don't say anything else.
Just say, "Hank says 10.50."

Fine. But if he brings up
feathered dinosaurs,

I'm all over him.

Okay, smart guy,
pick your stocks.

I don't have any stocks. I don't
have any money, remember?

You and I are each
gonna pull $10,000

off the fictional money tree
and invest it.

Ah, a challenge, huh?
All right, you're on.

This sounds like it would
be the perfect game

to play somewhere else.

It's not a game.

Yeah.

So how do we play, huh?
Do we take turns?

Maybe we should
get some dice.

Oh, Hank says, "10.50."
Oh, well.

So...

Did I miss anything?

No, not really.

Oh.

Oh, you know what?
The milk guy came.

So could you fill
the dairy cooler?

Oh.

Well, I, ah, suppose I
could, since I, ah,

do work for you at this
fine establishment.

Um, you know what?

I, ah, have been meanin'
to check the thermometer

in the cooler anyway.

So never mind, I'll do it.

Thermometer.

Check your hormone-ometer.

Hey, Lacey.

How's business.

Our dishwasher's broke and
I am sick of doing dishes.

My-my hands are sore,

my shirt's wet, and
I'm not good at it.

Anything else?

My fingers are wrinkly.

And I think I'm allergic
to latex.

Can that kill you?

Me? No.

You, maybe.

Need a hand?

Hi, Wanda.

Have you got any of that
pink stuff that makes you

not wanna vomit?

Ah, feelin' nauseous, huh?
Yeah.

That's the worst feelin',
like a cold slimy worm

crawlin' up the back
of your throat.

Oh, what is wrong
with you people?

We're just expressive.

Hey, how's the skirt
experiment going?

It's like Brent's hypnotized
by this or something.

He's a slave to the skirt.

Wanda's losin' her marbles.

She's wearin' a dress
to a gas station,

she's got some kinda flowered
jewellery in her hair.

Well, maybe she's
just feeling summery.

Then where's the tube top?

No, I'm-I'm startin'
to worry about her.

I'll ease up on her until she
gets her ducks on the same page.

If you're gonna stand there,

you could help me
with these dishes.

Oh, geez, I'd better
not stand here tn.

Brent's a sucker for the skirt.

Maybe I should ask for a
week off or something.

You two amaze me.

Do you really think men
are that easy to manipulate?

Blue cheese.

Buy me the pink stuff
on your way out.

This is gonna come back
and bite me, isn't it?

I would imagine.

Okay, I'll take 1,000
shares of that TRG

and 500 shares of that GMS,
and 2,000 shares of that MLD.

You just bought $10,000 worth
of stocks in 20 seconds.

Congratulations. You're the
stupidest man in the world.

Oh, yeah? Let's see you
do it faster.

Fast is not the point.

You have to know what
you're investing in.

Study the numbers.

Hank, your cousin
just called.

He said "11 bucks. "

Give me a 1,000 of this one,
a 1,000 of this one,

and 2,000 of these.

Well, I don't know.

You want to take
a whole week off?

That's a lot of time for me
to work by myself.

It's just one week.

You can handle it,

a big, strong, and instinctual
male like yourself.

Um, yeah, yeah,
you know what?

You've-you've been
workin' too hard lately.

Maybe, ah, you should
take a little rest.

Thank you, Mother Nature.

Okay.

All done.

Thanks so much.

Here.

I didn't help you
for money.

I helped you because
we're friends.

Oh.

At least I thought
we were.

Oh, no, Emma, wait.

Oh, great.

I just shot myself
in the foot again.

You shot your own foot?

Figure of speech.

Okay, where's my hat?

I have no idea
where your hat is.

Maybe you should check
the cabinet, or someplace else.

Ah, here it is, behind
this rubber spider.

Eeek.

Now to today's big
movers, ELO...

I got it.

...BGC...
Uh-huh.

...AWP...
Uh-huh.

...have all bottomed out.

Ah!

Up next, a close look at
possible insider trading

at Arc Research.

Inside, huh?

I've got him on the ropes now.

Can you believe it? Lacey
tried to give me 20 bucks.

It's nothin', it's not real,
it's all fake. So relax.

What are you doing?

It's pretend money
from the tree.

Now I'm on the inside and I'm
gonna take Hank to the cleaners.

Did you take a blow to
the head or something?

Oh, never mind.
What's your thing?

I helped Lacey wh her dishes
and she tried to pay me.

Can you believe it?

What people do with their
own money is their own business.

Shish, I gotta go.

I try to understand.

I don't understand.

You don't wanna help
you own father.

No, I'm just not sure
how to go about it,

like what's the process?

How do I go about
lending you fake money?

Just pretend to
give it to me.

Reach up and take $10,000
off the fictional money tree

and hand it to me.

But why can't you
do that yourself?

Did some fictional hooligan
steal your make-believe ladder?

It's against the rules.

We can each take 10 grand,
that's it, that's the rules.

Without rules,
nothin' makes sense.

With rules this makes no sense.

What are you gonna
do with this money?

I got a hot stock tip.

I'm sinkin' the whole
10 grand into it. Heh, heh.

Yeah, I bet sinkin'
is the right word.

Fine, I'll get you
your invisible cash.

Hold my monkey.

Okay, I got a big
mitt full of cash.

It feels like about 10 G's.

Large bills okay?

Thank you. Was that so hard?

Aren't you gonna count it?

Smart guy.

Where's my receipt?

Aaah!

Hah-hah, yes.

The snake in the drawer's
never let me down.

My revenge is complete.

What? No, it's not that.

I forgot to mail my
credit card payment.

Oh, this is gonna cost me.

You're gonna have to do
a lot better than a fake snake

if you wanna even the score.

Fake snake?

Hi, Emma.

I just came by to say
sorry for before.

And to make it up to you,
I brought you a peace pie.

A piece of pie?
No, a peace pie.

A- a pie to make peace.

Oh. Well, thank you.

I- I guess I did
overreact a bit.

Mmm, it sure looks good.

Uh-huh.

What?

Oh, it's nothing.

Well, it-it's just kind of
interesting that

you'll accept this pie from me,
which is $1.50 a piece

or $12 for the whole pie,
but you wouldn't accept $20

for helping me
with the dishes.

Oh, I see. You're trying
to make a point.

No.

This isn't a peace pie,
it's a point pie,

a patronizing point pie.

Please.
Pathetic.

I don't need this.

I'll take it because I'm
hungry and I love pie,

but that's the only reason.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Enjoy.

Ho-ho.

If it ain't Oscar
No-Dough-Leroy, huh?

Oh, yeah, Smart Guy?

I borrowed 10,000 more.

What? That's cheating.

That's legal loop-holing.

Yeah, I put the whole
10,000 into Arc Research.

Pretty soon I'll be on the
corner of Easy Street

and Something-Good Avenue.

Cheater Street and
Something-Bad Avenue.

It's called capitalism, Jackass.

You don't like it?
Go back to Cuba, Comrade.

Come in.

Hey, Emma.

I was wondering if I could
borrow your Weed Weasel?

My what?

Weed Witch? Weed Wizard?

Mulch Monkey?

Garden Gremlin?
Yeah.

Sure.

Oh, that's a pretty skirt.

Is that the one Brent
was talking about?

Geesh, he's got it bad.
Yes, this is the skirt.

Yeah, Brent thought you
were crazy wearing a skirt

at a gas station.

And then with that flower
in your hair,

he thought you'd gone off
the deep end.

But I think it's cute.

He thought I looked crazy?
No, no.

He thinks you are crazy.

So much for
prehistoric instinct.

I have to lie down now.

I just ate a whole pie.

And Arc Research
continues to plummet

since insider trading was
confirmed earlier today.

You got inside information,
ya use it.

All of a sudden that's cheating?

Some might call it
legal loop-holing, huh?

Hey, look.

My EAN stock's up to
13 bucks, 13 bucks.

I believe that doubles
my original investment.

This game sucks.

Oh, it's not a game.

Do you see any dice, huh?

Hey.

Did you give me the week off
because you think I'm crazy?

No, I-I just-I thought you
could use some rest, is all.

Plus you were scaring me.
That makeup was unnerving.

Well, you're just not used
to seeing me all dolled up.

I've seen dolls that
weren't that dolled up.

Huh? Well, I'm not crazy.

And I'm not takin' the week off.
What do you think about that?

I'm workin' here
on my week off.

Yeah, that proves
you're not nuts.

Oh, I'm sorry about
everything that happened.

Me too.

Let's just forget it.

Here's your pie plate back.

Thanks.

What?

You didn't wash it.

Oh, well, I didn't want
you to think I was going

for some sorta cash grab.

Come on, tell him.
I'm gonna tell him.

Listen, ah, I can't
pay you back.

I lost all the
imaginary money.

You're fakerupt?

My stock tip was a dud.

Yeah, so I win, because
he's got no mo money,

he can't pay you back.

But it was fictional,
nonexistent,

imaginary money that
wasn't even real.

I don't know how else
to put it.

Yeah, but it's not fair
to you, Brent.

I mean that 10 G's was
probably your imaginary

rainy-day fund, right?

Well, I don't know, Hank.

I think Dad and I
are probably even.

He raised me, taught
me everything I know.

That's gotta be worth
10,000 imaginary dollars.

It's worth more than that.

How about 20?
Deal.

All right. Here's another 10.

Heh, heh! Sucker.

This reeks.

I mean come on, what
about our friendship?

That's-that's gotta
be worth somethin'?

You can owe me.