Original subtitles

I hate bananas

I actually like to eat bananas they

taste good and are good for me

my doctors told me if I eat a banana

every day I will live longer

so I do

I eat a banana every single day it's the

first thing I do every morning

I hate my job

everyone hates their job but not in the

way I hate my job I wish I could hate my

job the way everyone else hates their

job

but that's impossible because of my job

many things are impossible

happiness fulfillment

love I buy bananas seven at a time once

a week one for every day of the week

I never get tired of eating them

but I hate them on day six I wake up go

to the kitchen eat a banana then notice

that there is only one banana left

[Music]

this means two things

first time to buy seven more bananas

second

another week has gone by in my pathetic

miserable lonely life in which nothing

has happened

is why I hate bananas

[Music]

I don't have much of me to lose

[Music]

okay I'm not falling for your charms not

falling into your arms reprobate

13 across

predestined to Eternal damnation

nine letter words starts with three

[Music]

reprobate

right here r

E P I know how to spell it

okay sorry just trying to help

busy

[Music]

okay

From Here to Eternity

vexatious and sacrifice sacrifice is

easy I already have most of the letters

[Music]

maybe you should do it instead of me

well I couldn't do any worse that's for

sure

but hey do you have the front section

because I heard there was some news on

ASAP

I think

[Applause]

new Sun ASAP did you hear anything stop

eavesdropping so rude but I overheard

Andrea yoga talking about a press

conference next week

ASAP is holding a press conference next

time in the big ASAP in this huge noise

for it not to exist it would exists but

its secret is probably something done

within this Segway wait I just heard

something about asap's secret invention

it's going to be bigger than Wi-Fi

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

I'm excited to be here buddy you

understand considering what you'll be

doing that you can't have a social life

no friends family and no intimate

relationships

it's not a problem

being a statistician doesn't get me into

too many Social Circles

so no close family

and you haven't had a boyfriend since

since ever

the job will last years decades maybe so

just

checking in to make sure you're okay

with this considering the payoff

absolutely

and just to be clear while the payoff is

incredible

the consequence for violating the rule

is severe

completely understandable

oh and of course this goes without

saying but no one can know what Aesop is

or what we do

I mean no one

you'll get a file every two days and

you'll have two days to complete it

simple stuff for a gal like you

and put the facts into the algorithm

examine the odds

and make a decision While most of the

decisions are easy the tough ones are

well I don't think tough is a strong

enough word lives are on the line

I understand

everything is to be done by hand in the

books no computers No Electronic Trail

the best way to secure data is to go as

old school as possible exactly

the final step is to watch this

introduction video

should answer any other questions you

may have

just look right through there

what is this it's portable

okay that's on

[Music]

stop division of Viridian Dynamics

Aesop stands for anti-entropy systematic

operational program

began after cotopic and anti-aging

mineral was found during a dig at the

Aztec mountains scientists learn this

mineral stops the aging process so

anyone who takes it won't die of old age

they can still die if they are shot full

of a building or kill themselves but

their body does not age

so theoretically they could live forever

unfortunately only so much kotope was

found on the Dig and they haven't been

able to find any more there is only

enough to create an agent cool for 88.4

of the world's population

11.6 percent will not get it the world

leaders met privately and decided that a

confidential program Aesop would be

created to deal with this cure in its

ethical sociological and political

effects how to distribute it and who

should get it an Enterprise this big

needed an organization a company to run

it the only company big enough was

Viridian Dynamics Military Support

company at the time

your job at Aesop is to determine which

individuals will receive the Cure and

which will not who will live forever and

who will not

foreign

[Music]

no I don't know what place that

reupholsters couch is

what caused the projectile vomiting

did you drink anything

take any drugs

what was the last thing you ate

sushi

Sushi can cause vomiting where'd you get

it

from inside a dumpster

I think we have our culprits

not from inside a dumpster but beside it

doesn't make a difference

well my advice is to take it easy drink

some ginger ale and stop eating food out

of dumpsters

I do know you worked with the homeless

he's a computer software salesman

yeah remind me not to go to any of his

parties seriously sorry enough of my

work how's yours I'm good necklaces are

up 13 is that is that good I'm sorry I

know nothing about the boutique jewelry

business yeah up is always good

I just thought that since you know you

make everything yourself you know when

too many orders be bad no such thing as

too many orders but I am worried that

some of the stores are skimming off the

top oh how so

charging one price and then paying me

another it's kind of common in the

boutique world but there's no real way

to check

without

spying on them oh no not another plan I

don't know but this one is so easy

that's what you said last time and we

had to build Stacy out of jail because

she didn't follow the plan all you would

have to do is go to one of the stores

buy one of my items and then tell me

what you paid for it

I don't know

why you can't turn me down I'm too

adorable

I am so gonna regret this

so

we'll go to the one on third on third

here two days in a row hopefully she

shows up

there she is

I need your help

with a Sunday crossword puzzle I I don't

think I'll be much help Oh no you're

useless for this

um my dress came undone and I can't

reach around to do it without making a

spectacle of myself so if you could just

it's not that hard

it's just a tie thank you

um

in Bose

perfect

hi

um have a seat

I'm Marie by the way

[Music]

oh okay this is the part where you shake

my hands tell me your name smile back at

me

um

uh I'm I'm Jill I'm my name is Joe uh

pleasure

so what do you do Jill

I'm a relationship counselor oh

well you know I'm having trouble with my

relationship maybe you can help

I would

um what's trouble

well I just I don't know how to

communicate with him

it's like all he ever does is take take

and all he ever wants is physical

gratification

and he wants me to feed him love him and

then leave him alone

and the only things he likes to do or

eat sleep play ball and

get loving from me oh and lick his balls

he loves to lick his balls especially

when we have company over

[Music]

excuse me well I thought he would grow

out of it when you grew out his puppy

face but he's four now and he still

licks his balls with abandon

you're talking about your dog

oh you only help with human

relationships whoa what I can tell you

is that you will never have a better

relationship than the one you have with

your dog

dogs are the greatest ah

funny I had you pegged for a cat person

ouch

I didn't mean that as an insult

it's a huge insult dogs are infinitely

cooler than cats and

dog lovers are infinitely even more

cooler than cat lovers

okay first impossible to be more cooler

and B impossible to be more infinite

it's impossible to be the grammar police

and cool at all

I'm hungry

Jasper

[Music]

hey I'm gonna have the falafel but extra

hummus at Bob ganoush I know

I should never could just pick one

just one is so boring

I'm guessing you're more of a just

Thomas person I don't know it's kind of

hard to tell I'm not really much of a

Mediterranean food person

um

how about just an order of fries

told you

but I'm honest is the best silky smooth

satisfying and the healthiest don't you

want to live long I mean how long do you

want to live have you ever met someone

who's lived over 100 they all have this

look on their face like oh just kill me

please and I wish I ate more french

fries

yeah I miss french fries you don't eat

french fries I gave them up they're

terrible for you and they take like five

years off your life yeah but it's the

last five years so what I'm not going to

be peeing in a closet or forgetting my

kids names bummer

well maybe ASAP will come up with

something that will let me live to a

hundred and still eat my French fries

yeah we'll need to argue that the

eternal return is frightening

what Ninja who a 19th century German

philosopher

he is considered the father of

existentialism

he argued that the internal return

of the eternal return is a view that

since time is infinite and matter is

finite everything that happens will

happen again and again and again forever

that time isn't linear

but circular

oh

so um the conversation that we're

currently having will happen again and

again and again correct

and then just curiously

um in any of these repeating future

conversations am I going to understand

what the you're talking about

probably not

that sucks I I'm curious I want to

understand it maybe you can teach me

thank you

yeah they both count okay I'm ready to

play no you cannot hold your cards like

that well you seriously yeah because she

can see them and you give us a bad name

just make it look like you know how to

play sorry I'll race

five dollars whoa five dollars it's a

quarter Auntie if you don't like it you

can Fold It Wants to be a rule about the

size of the race no it's just a friendly

game we never really made those rules if

someone wants to be a manipulative

little and take advantage of that

then yeah there is nothing we can do

thank you

if you don't like it you can suck my

dick Allison Stacy

fish I think Allison's bluffing alcohol

oh shoot

um

okay I have a good hand but I don't have

five dollars stays what you can't stay

if you have a good hand that goes

against the whole Poker Face thing right

maybe that's part of my poker face I'm

out Allison is just diabolical enough to

not be bluffing so too scary

Marie can I sell you this bracelet for

five dollars uh no first I got you that

bracelet for your birthday

and second it's from my fall line so I

can just make another one for like 87

cents and third is already out of style

I like it it looks well on you it works

really well with your skin tone and

everything color coming in with a

compliment just being honest you are not

you are so lying your whole voice and

Body Language changes yeah yeah she's

right I mean it's so easy to tell when

you're lying you are the worst liar

which is how I know you have nothing so

just give me the chips

may not have the best poker faces but at

least we can hide when we're in love

unlike Marie

yeah

yeah you are totally

but Marie is always in love so there's

like nothing to hide okay honestly

I feel like this one might be different

yeah really so it might last longer than

the next pair of socks maybe but I don't

know I don't want to drink it so I'm not

saying anything and I have to take my

pills so deal me in the next one I'll be

right back

I keep forgetting she had that kidney

transplant I know I would literally fall

apart if it went through everything

she's been through that's because you're

a hypochondriac and a germaphobe okay

don't listen to our Stace germs are bad

who are you're a doctor you're

surrounded by germs

which is why I hate them okay well wait

till you're married because Maggie and I

are always swapping germs

see that's why I will always live alone

even when I'm married I want to meet in

my life just not in my house you know

that makes sense

they're gross they're disgusting but if

you're going to be married to someone

that's different like they have to live

with you no I think I'm good yeah no

you haven't told me what you do

oh I run my own Boutique jewelry

business in process yeah but heavy is

the head that wears the crown

actually it's not heavy as the head it's

uneasy as the head

are you sure heavy makes more sense

heavy doesn't fit I am a contaminer

Shakespearean three syllables hence

unease e

heavy is such a better word

since the crown is physically heavy

making the head heavy via metaphorical

transference

some tax over meaning

no I was right bill was wrong yeah

Shakespeare was such a lazy writer

oh yay

I thought you gave themselves uh Jill

convinced me to try them again

no fair now I feel responsible if you

don't live as long but I'll be happier

[Music]

uh I'm gonna pass

talk about no fair

you've inspired me to try hummus

that's so sweet

that's actually too sweet

it's like the perfect thing to say

like what a player would say

I didn't know women could be players

anybody can be a player

but yeah you're right they're mostly men

I was just trying to be nice how does

that make me a player

that's the problem

what makes players players is that they

are nice they say all the right things

they come off as kind caring committed

and then bam Bob's your uncle and they

leave you for someone else

Bob who and what Uncle you never heard

of that expression

well it's a big conundrum one of the

biggest I face impossible to tell the

difference between a friend and a player

sounds confusing

tell me about it

so

um are you satisfied

with my fries

absolutely

just making sure you

change what you want all the time it's

hard to tell sometimes well I think I

found something worth sticking with

[Music]

I'm

very happy for you

I wish you the best

we have some history I think maybe she's

still in love with me hmm yeah she's

definitely still in love with you

I can see why

sorry if that makes me seem like too

much of a player

[Music]

[Music]

I could get used to this

I'm not sure if I could ever get used to

this

is that a good thing or a bad thing

there's a lot I'm not used to

don't

get offended but

am I here first

a woman that is

I once had this drunken thing with this

girl at a party

but afterwards she blamed it on the

tequila and never spoke with me again

oh

your only time

[Music]

I grew up in a family where it was

considered wrong so

I just never acted on it

[Music]

sorry

[Music]

it really wasn't that bad

it was kind of like a bell

when it rings

it's wonderful

but it can sit and sit and sit

and never ring

eventually

it just gets used to not ringing

can't imagine

I've been

multi-sexual since I can remember

is that a real thing a multi-sexual yeah

it is now

I thought it was pansexual

as a post with ginstonian I have created

my own word

[Music]

you remember that conversation and

understood enough to throw it in my face

Bravo

I remember everything you're teaching me

that's what I love the most about you

[Music]

[Music]

do you hear that

thing

[Music]

um

[Laughter]

yeah you know I'm glad you finally

started taking these lunchtime boxes

yeah I think it's been good for me to

get out of the office finally enjoy the

outdoors nature

everything

and it's it's nice to have company

but you know you look like a completely

different person

same on me just not as buried in my work

I really think these walks have helped

you know I hate to bring up work but

there's this file that you're following

behind on and it's not a big deal just

nothing to worry about I yeah I know I'm

sorry it's just

I've had some really tough files in this

last batch you know I'll have them in by

the movie

I know you will your roofs my most

reliable and trustworthy team member

[Music]

oh my god did you read that funny gift

book that I told you about yeah cat's

fatal yes okay so I want to start

calling Andrew Ice Nine just because he

kills every conversation what do you

think

from are you in on it I'm yeah okay

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

so

what do you think

about what

what

my dress

it's nice

okay why don't you like it

I just said I liked it no you said

it's nice

which means you don't like it

I like it

then why wouldn't you say so

I thought I did

okay so what do you like about it

what do you mean

is it

pretty is it cute is it stylish

it's all those things it's pretty cute

and stylish

okay it can't be all of those things is

it pretty cute or stylish

oh cute

it's not supposed to be cubes I have

plenty of cute dresses this one was

supposed to be stylish you know sexy

elegant

yeah that's what I meant it's stylish

and sexy

and

and I forgot the last one

Elegance it's Elegance it's stylish sexy

and elegant

really yeah you mean it you're not just

saying that yes I genuinely mean all the

things you just told me to say yeah

yeah you're done with this that's it no

more oh no this will never stop you do

understand never no I'm going to torture

you forever this is just the beginning

you cringe every time I say it

but

we will be together forever

trust me

do you like it

it's nice

let me see you're stressed

what's going on

it's France

France France they're mad

about what

numbers

there's our low lowest of any country

percentage-wise but

someone has to be the lowest

yes but

it's by a lot and it's France

so

so they're threatening to pull out if

the algorithm doesn't change

the algorithm is fine

it's France

well if they change the algorithm it'll

make it a lot worse for me

can't

change the object and they can't have

France pulling out

oh

I'm sure they will figure something out

we'll see

[Music]

hey

um

one more thing yeah

I need you to stop seeing her

[Music]

they see everything you do and it's for

your own good

trust me I know

can I tell her no it ends now

for what it's worth I thought you two

made a cute couple

I'll have today's paperwork and first

thing tomorrow morning booth

great

I'll have today's paperwork in first

thing tomorrow morning

have a nice day buddy

I can't believe you're still holding

your cards like that why must you always

bring up that hold my cards like this I

need to see everything because whatever

works for you you're a doctor so I guess

that's surgical yes it is it is actually

thank you

Marie call unfold

[Music]

a fault are you high you folded three

tens over 80 cents yeah I'd do anything

for 80 cents that's what the golf team

said it was the track team

I mean I don't think date is the most

accurate for to describe what you did

but yeah okay at least I don't have a

six month rule like Miss Disney princess

here

men need to prove themselves okay but

six months paying for the big one

even not that except for that never that

well you know a few days for a long time

Maggie's idea of interesting is going to

meet other Sioux Plantation on

Manchester

[Music]

about what do you guys know about Aesop

what

anything

well rumor at the hospital is that it

either stop sprinkles or proven Spalding

yeah why

I met someone and I think she works for

ASAP every time I mention it she either

leaves or changes the subject well you

should sleep with her and then find out

why

yeah I want to I can't she disappeared

ghosted me right when things were going

great so she's a she this time why does

that matter it doesn't I'm just yeah I

don't have a problem

it's okay Stace you will never

understand why I like both boys and

girls and I will never understand why

you like juicy sweatsuits yeah they're

so comfy same

I don't know I guess you must really

liked her

I haven't seen like this since Anthony

oh

um I'm sorry Marie I I forgot we weren't

supposed to mentioning his name and then

it's okay it's fine it was a long time

ago so many versions of me ago yeah well

I'll ask around the hospital see what I

can find

the rumor is I heard it's the biggest

secret since the baked Moon oh my God

not that again there is no wind on the

moon how did the flag fly oh thank you

Pilar but um don't worry about it I can

handle this one on my own

it's Maggie's lawyer

you know given what happened with

Michelle

I'll be good this time at least as good

as I can be

um

good

thank you good luck wait so what do I do

now

um she folded yes yeah

[Music]

what is it this time Ruth

teacher of the year

four times in a row chemistry

and a transplant patient hard automatic

now he also teaches drama

his students love him

and his kidney is going to need to be

replaced every year you know the codepac

won't keep it from aging because it's

not his

we've been through this

he adopts disabled dogs and runs a doggy

rehab out of his house

okay I would probably marry him if given

the chance but he's a hard automatic now

I feel like this isn't just about the

teacher

I don't know what you're talking about

Earth we've

we've all been there we all have needs

and if you want to talk about it I'm

fine there's nothing to talk about I

don't have needs the it's just get in

the way needs cause pain and frustration

and and pain and more pain you know

who do you see it's I don't eat these

are

they're just needs these are stupid

so what's wrong

you wouldn't understand

you liked her

she was different

so different I mean nothing like Anthony

or Becca or Josh so she was smart kind

caring faithful yes I get it I have had

a few issues to work out

which is why I liked Jill you know no

more cavemen dominatrix

wiccans yeah I liked her because she was

just a dork

Maggie's kind of a dork

yeah

not like Joe she wears a members only

jacket knockoff oh

so she wants to be a member but she's

not cool enough

and she does crossword puzzles in an

actual newspaper she like 80.

she's just a sweet smart woman who

ghosted me for no reason

which is why I'm depressed I can't win

so find her we we all know you can all

your restraining orders say so two I

only have two that are current okay so

I'm passionate

sorry is that a crime these days

well no but

hacking into Josh's computer network and

changing all of his co-workers

screensavers to a pick of him taking a

crop

that is that was some of my best work I

should have a medal for that I agree

but it also shows that you have the

skills to find Jill

so go find her

[Music]

thank you

I have no friends no one knows where I

live

it has to be them

[Music]

[Music]

foreign

I don't have cookies

um do you want a banana God no my doctor

told me to one a day I didn't last a

week boring

you can't stay

[Music]

you can't

stay

[Music]

then

make me go

[Music]

oh my goodness

should any word you found me so easily

terrified

I mean seriously that was kind of insane

like that's not what stable rational

people do

whatever gave you the idea I was stable

or rational

no but honestly this is the most stable

rational response I've had to being

dumped ever

so I should be terrified

no you're the first person that I found

and didn't

Revenge

not so much I love you

you love me

I gave up a week of my life to search

for you

do you love me yes

you're adorable

can I ask you a stupid question

there are no stupid questions just

stupid people and lots of them

why

why

do you love me

hell if I know

okay

if I could choose who I fell in love

with my life would be so much easier

I know why I like you but

love you

no idea I just do

I don't know where I'm going with this

but

I think it has something to do with

death

death

give me a second I almost have it

when we love someone it's like

we aren't important anymore and we lose

ourselves

when we're single or in lust all we care

about is ourselves our own successes our

own feelings but

when we're in love we care about someone

else as much as ourselves

or more

or more

so we're no longer afraid of death or

not our own death when we're with

someone we love it's like

we can never die or at least that's what

it feels like

so love isn't about passion it's about

eternity

it's finding our own eternity

that's why we're so drawn to it

and

why when we lose someone we love it's

like we died because we did

we lost our

eternity

what if we lived forever

huh

like what if we were Eternal beings we

never died would we still love

uh I don't know that is up even

for me

yeah that's nonsense

we love so we can live forever

that's it

I like that

I forgot to take my pills

what pills

my immune suppression pills

immune suppression meaning for a

transplant

impressive that is exactly what they're

for

I got a kidney transplant and the pills

basically help lower my immune system so

it doesn't try to kick my new kidney out

hubla

what what's wrong

nothing

[Music]

[Music]

everybody keep dancing morning

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

3 P.M yeah but he just woke up so it's

where'd you get that

that counter

what what what are you doing

well I now have to go to the grocery

store on Wednesday instead of Thursday

because I'll run out of bananas a day

early

oh my God

oh

trust me you'll thank me so now that

you're up I can make you your eggs

okay

I'm gonna make you my top secret special

eggs they're actually just sunny side up

but I do something miraculous that makes

them better than any sunny summer eggs

you've ever had before

I am actually like being scrambled

well top titties because you'll be

getting them Sunny Side Up and you will

adore them

okay

so what's the biggest problem with sunny

side up eggs

I don't know because I like them

scrambled Roddy White's nobody likes the

runny whites but fear not I will make

your sunny side up eggs with firm whites

and still a runny yolk

it's gonna be good

okay

I know you're tired but you should

really be more excited about this is my

sunny side up eggs with firm whites and

a runny yolk might be the greatest

scientific discovery in history

and have you achieved such culinary

brilliance

well the secret is really very simple

you

break the white like you would the yolk

you spread it thin so it Cooks quickly

and this makes the edges of the whites

crispy

voila

it's good

go sit down and I'll bring you the rest

of the breakfast when I'm done

since you don't like my secret special

breakfast I made you oatmeal

I hope it's boring enough for you

we need to talk

I know too much too fast I know it's I'm

a lot it's just I worked so hard to find

you and then I wanted to make it nice

and it's not that though you are as you

say

a lot

it's not the oatmeal is it I thought

that was just a joke no I actually love

oatmeal

thank you of course you do

there's something I've been hiding from

you

you work for ASAP and your name's not

Jill

how could you I'm really good at puzzles

but you're really bad at hiding things

I'm absolutely the worst which is also

why I figured out from your reactions

that Aesop discovered something about

living longer and that because of my

transplant I won't be able to get

whatever they discovered

wow

that's

wow you found that all out just for my

reactions

mostly

first you hesitated when I asked your

name clearly it was fake the first time

I mentioned ASAP you immediately got up

and left and the next time you changed

the subject and every time after that so

obviously you work for them

and the first time I mentioned us being

together forever you got this lost look

in your eye and then I mentioned my

condition and you got the same lost look

so it wasn't simply that the simplest

explanation knowing that you work for

Aesop is that Aesop came up with

something that will make it impossible

for us to be together forever and then

the rest I was just guessing but

how close am I

first

my name is Ruth

seconds you do not want to know how

close

I love puzzles

seriously you don't want to know how

close that's why we have to talk can I

just bask in my glory for a few more

seconds por favor

you got everything right

except

ASAP didn't just come up with a way to

live longer

they came up with a way to live forever

forever

it seems that way we developed a pill

that ends entropy which means people

stop aging which means people don't die

of old age

stop aging

holy mother of Christ ah but but

I won't get it because it's transplant

no one with a transplant because the

transplant organ will age

so so wait only transplant patients

don't get the pill

it's made from a limited natural

resource so there's only enough for

around 88 of the population

this is going to be interesting

yeah pretty much

but that's what I do

I use an algorithm to decide who gets it

and who doesn't

that's why you broke up with me

it's it's just part of the job I can't

have friends no one to blur on my

objectivity

oh

that must suck

wow I mean if this really happens like

everything changes

yeah pretty much that's why everything

has to say as Secrets until they figure

it all out

huh

is this why you're so into philosophy

I always have been but yeah

listen

let's take a step back

reflect on what I told you we'll talk

tomorrow

so many questions

take your time

figure out your questions organize your

thoughts

you're kicking me out

just until tomorrow

let's meet at the park

it's a good place to talk

[Music]

I don't understand the problem

I ordered them three days ago two dozen

heirloom tomato tarts

problem is if the pastry chef didn't

make any this morning why not it's your

most popular item

the chef went to the farmer's market

this morning and didn't find any

tomatoes that were worthy of her tart so

she didn't buy any

sorry

sorry you're joking right we don't joke

about tart worthiness

sorry I just never thought I would hear

the phrase tart worthiness out loud

well I have a party this afternoon

that's expecting two dozen of your

famous heirloom tomato tarts

what do you want me to do

I hate to interject but have you tried

their Artisan avocado bacon bombs

avocado bacon rocks those just sound

promising

and we could pretty easily have two

dozen ready for your party oh looks like

the chef found the avocados to be bomb

worthy today

there's no such thing as bomb worthy

avocados don't be absurd

such a lifesaver thank you oh yeah just

want to make sure those soccer moms in

Chesterfield get their trendy app

how'd you know the party was for soccer

moms in Chesterfield

easy everyone around here knows the

Tomato Tarts haven't been trending in

months but Chesterfield is the last

place in town that thinks they're still

hip my soccer moms

if it were soccer dads you'd be getting

nachos good point now if you really want

to impress me

what's the party for

um

let's see

I'm gonna go with

Caitlyn is moving her divorce papers

went through and now she's free to move

to a new cul-de-sac in Chesterfield

she's not moving but it is a divorce

party and how the did you know her

name was Caitlyn

uh playing the odds um there was a big

Caitlyn baby name explosion a while back

so now nearly third of all Suburban

women over 30 are Caitlyn's

oh and the divorce Marie what are you

having uh give me a second that is

Chesterfield it is just what women over

30 do in Chesterfield

[Music]

you're even smarter than they said

who's they

love her

um

I'm sorry Who Who Are You

if you love her

I don't know what to do

Marie what do you want

Jasper I'm busy listen I don't

know

foreign

they already know about us of course

they do they knew when I first broke up

with you no they know who I am where to

find me everything

I told you ASAP is everywhere they know

everything they approached me

when where just now at the cafe

who approached you how do you know it

was Aesop

it was so weird

that was online waiting for this woman

she was having an issue with Jasper the

last Jasper and I was trying to help so

we started like laughing bonding and

then out of nowhere she asks me do you

love her

what she said do you love her I was like

what and then she said if I love you I

will know what to do

it may not have been ASAP that is way

out of character for them did you get

her name no but I asked Jasper the name

under the order and she said Alexandra

Corrington but I mean I'm sure that's

not a real name

Alex

you know her

an ex

much worse

AVP

who AVP it's a part of ASAP

just imagine a combination of the CIA

KGB

and the mob

I'd rather not

I don't know if this is good or bad it

seems bad like really bad like we're

about to die bad

if that's not how they operate there's a

knock at the door

you open it all of a sudden it's them

and it's over

okay maybe something happened maybe she

got spooked before she doesn't spook no

one at AVP does

but she used her real name

she had to know that you'd find it out

you'd tell me and I would recognize it

so

I don't know

okay maybe

she was giving us a warning a heads up

why she doesn't owe me anything

okay I'm officially scared we should be

but we should not panic okay what should

we do

nothing we should just wait here until

they kill us if they wanted to kill us

we would already be dead

that's supposed to make me feel better

no not at all but that's all we can do

right now

we have to show them that we are not

scared

let's go home

pretend like nothing happened

okay okay

need I remind you of the mess you made

of Germany

perfect timing handle friends

[Music]

[Music]

so

we need to be careful with Maureen

or nothing we're used to and and she's

crazy about her

[Music]

does she know

[Music]

yeah

good I hate eliminating the Smart Ones

all right

ASAP questions

what have you got for me

okay how long have you had this oh 57

years

so how following

86.

funny you don't look a day over 85. yeah

that joke got old a long time ago sorry

oh I'm gonna need a minute that was a

bit

jarring

take your time

oh wait so if Aesop has been around for

decades then that means people have died

while you've been sitting on the pill

there isn't enough for everyone people

are gonna die no matter what

if we rushed it there could have been

devastating consequences

still it doesn't seem right

difficult decisions have been made had

to be made

but if things continue to go as planned

were there others before me in your long

life

a verse women

like me

no there have not been others like you

so besides transplant patients who else

doesn't get the pill

it's a really complicated algorithm it's

person by person mostly outside of those

who are sick

mentally too

emotionally morally

anyone deemed unhealthy

the key is

who will be the most productive in this

new Eternal Society

okay so then none of my exes will get it

since they're all lying cheating

douchebags

even the women

especially the women

so will people still get married

well

it won't be against the law but without

children I doubt many will

no children

no new children

the people living forever will have to

be able to control the population

somehow

and people will want to age to adulthood

prior to taking the pill

no one wants to get stuck at age 14

forever

God no what a horrible age

wait

what about

dogs

no but Socrates

if there isn't enough for every human

but some dogs are more productive than

Some Humans right

well I don't want to live in a world

without dogs

there will still be dogs they just won't

live forever

we'll have to keep getting new ones just

like we do now but forever okay I guess

that's a little better but

I want Socrates to live forever you know

if I can't

you know you are taking this quite well

considering

well I never thought I was gonna live

forever so not much has changed

but I still haven't wrapped my head

around the whole Aesop thing

you have been avoiding the real reason

for this conversation

I know

I think

we both know what we should decide

I can't be responsible for your there

might be other options than you think

either we break up and you live forever

or we don't and you die

there are other options

and maybe I don't want to live without

you

that's very sweet but that is I

am not worth giving up Eternity for well

maybe the judge of that

has anyone else ever given up Aesop

only one that I know of

do tell

Cindy

she was the receptionist at Aesop I saw

her at the front desk every single day

for decades

totally okay sounds groovy bye

hey Sandy hey how's it going Ruth I know

just checking out my files

what you doing this weekend seeing the

Exorcist let's go in theaters no I'm

watching at home my brand new VCR

like the ones they have here yeah they

make personal ones now and it was a

little pricey but I get to watch movies

at home that can't be a thing where have

you been you gotta get with the times

man you know just buried in my work

always better than my work

[Music]

what is that thing Cindy oh that's a

texting telephone

say what

it was originally created for the deaf

but like anybody can use it to do what

okay let's say you don't want to pick up

the phone say like this

put it on there

type in your message

and then the person on the other end of

the line can read what you said it's

called texting

I would anyone do that

trust me everybody's gonna be texting

I just don't see this whole

thing thing catching on yeah

no I totally got it

okay I gotta go bye

another Gadget oh yeah this is a Newton

it's not out yet but I got my hands on a

prototype

what's it do everything

everyone in the future is going to have

one of these and it will change the

world

[Music]

and then I came to work one day and she

was gone

a new girl Andrea replaced her and she's

been there ever since

so what happened to her

no one knows for sure

we think

that she started seeing a guy ASAP found

out and she disappeared

killed her

no one knows for sure but that's what we

think

she could have easily run away before

they got to her

let's find out

I mean if she's alive we should talk to

her about what happened and then we'll

have a better idea of what we should do

no that's way too risky

especially since they already confronted

you

remember I'm great at solving puzzles

and like you said if they wanted us dead

we'd already be

I don't even know her last name

her name is Cindy

she loves gadgets you know what she

looks like

oh and she doesn't age

it's not that hard

okay wow thank you okay well before we

go gentlemen I would like to have a word

with you each of you owe me one favor

and I'm thinking I want to cash in on

those favors all at once uh are you

kidding you owe me like half a dozen

papers already it's like 10 for me I

lost count years ago yeah okay well

clearly I have also lost track but since

I already owe you so many favors maybe

what's one more to add to the list

just tell us what you want hon okay I

love my friends

and Stacy do you have access to old news

stories yeah that's what I did was from

1984 I mean basically everything's

digitized now great could you look into

any story about a 28 year old blonde

named Cindy and she was really into

science

sure thank you Pilar if you could look

into old hospital records anything about

28 year old blonde named Cindy over the

last 27 years

that's gonna be a long list I know I'm

sorry any and every name and if you have

pictures even better

okay

Ally you're still into Old gadgets and

gizmos and things right yeah I mean

Engineers call them vintage inventions

but yeah okay great

um could you look into

um anything about a 28 year old blonde

named Cindy yes active on one of your

vintage inventions message boards okay

uh what year like when was she 28

well any and every year

it's confusing but could you do that

people don't really use their real names

but yeah I'll try

thank you

I really really appreciate it it means a

lot to me

listen I don't mind like helping you

stalk one of Joe's ex-girlfriends but

this is getting like really weird yeah

this is the craziest plot you've hatched

yet and that's saying something no no

this is not about stalking one of her

ex-girlfriends it's more important than

that

is this about Aesop oh yeah you thought

that she was working there no not about

Aesop it's just too confusing to explain

I wish you were Pilar that I know if you

were lying

but you can't because I'm such a good

poker player which is why I usually take

all your money

but not tonight you got lucky it's

nothing I have smell it I'm a strategist

what oh cards like this

that's a strategy because then when I

win I just go and then I win okay well

you did win I'm just gonna take it

what's up

Marie what now you're all right she's

smarter than we used to culture we

should really think about recruiting her

maybe eventually but

her friends are now involved

need me to take care of any of them no

they're Clueless

and besides Pilar is a conspiracy

theorist

conspiracy theorists make our job so

much easier plant little story here and

and Marie has learned about Cindy

it's a matter of time

how close days maybe hours

it seems our threat didn't work maybe

the next option

okay I know this is what you do best but

remember

we're the good guys and not like last

time I'll follow orders good

but my way is easiest and removes all

risk

considering how high the stakes are

we really should be focused on

minimizing risk

you always have been more cold-blooded

than me

comes with the job

anyways we have leverage or transplant I

don't think she's one for negotiating

well I think she is

especially with what we have to offer

I'll be right I am

quietly please

not like last time

I'm gonna get gray hairs is that even

possible

we could have met anywhere this isn't

top secret information I wanted to meet

in a parking garage like deep throat and

Woodward but I couldn't find any that

were empty this time of day you realize

I'm both deep throat and Woodward in

this situation whatever what did you

find surprisingly quite a bit this

includes everything from Allison and

Pilar as well but uh we weren't sure

what you're looking for so there's a

good chance most of it's a dead end I'm

sure there is something in here I can

use and when I find it I will tell you

everything and it will make you more

famous than Woodward I can't wait have

fun thank you

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

hello Marie

those artisanal avocado bacon bombs work

magic with the soccer mobs in

Chesterfield

thanks Marie pleasure Chester I have

heard so much about you well actually I

have heard everything about you and I

must confess I am impressed you harm one

hair on her head and I swear as God is

my witness my dear

too many movies

ASAP it's a benevolent organization our

goal has always been to make the world a

better place we're not as diabolical as

some

have assumed I already know all about

you the pursuit of perfection can get

Messy as the cliche goes you've got to

crack a few eggs before you make an

omelette

even get rid of a few rotten ones you

know that's not what I mean yes

that is why we're here I just found out

less than an hour ago and you beat me

here that's scary

misery said we monitor everything

I'm sorry what are you guys talking

about

do you want to tell her or should I

tell me what

I guess I'm gonna have to tell her your

beloved Aesop is a scam

it can't be

I took the pill I know it works that's

not the scam the scam is that they have

plenty for everyone

that's what Cindy found out she didn't

meet a guy

I don't understand

Eugenics ethnic cleansing genocide

proactive Darwinism not a thing survival

of the fittest thinning out the herd

whatever you want to call it a murder

I still don't understand when codepek

was discovered we immediately started

working on a synthetic version it took

over a decade but we were eventually

successful

so ASAP can make as many pills as it

wants

enough for everyone

technically yeah accurately and actually

then why keep up with the list and the

decisions good question ASAP was

designed to create a perfect Eternal

world

an everlasting Utopia and that would not

be possible if everyone got the pill

why not the sick the weak the criminal

there would just be a drain on our

resources the world would be the same

except everyone would live forever

we wouldn't improve as a society this

this would help us improve

we are constantly improving why would we

stop are we I mean our technology is but

are we as people

consider the ancient Greeks of the

Romans are we any more just moral

profound or

do we just have cooler toys okay so no

one sees the contradiction in murdering

millions of people in order to become

more moral it's the same problem that

has played Humanity since the beginning

of time only this time

we have the perfect solution

don't you mean the final solution we are

not Nazis yeah denying your Nazis kind

of means you are we have a once in a

lifetime opportunity to build a perfect

Society one free of disease crime and

laziness who would want to live in such

a boring place especially forever we

didn't come here to debate

we came here to make an offer

whatever it is no

what kind of offer we are not accepting

their offer we must stop them we have to

let everyone know what they're really up

to Marie we should at least listen I

have everything loaded up ready to send

to my friend Stacy who is a national

reporter who would love to blow the lid

off this Aesop is everywhere they

control everything

we already have counter stories to run

making whatever you post seem like

conspiracy theories

but if it's out there maybe someone will

believe it maybe not today but maybe

over time as more people learn about it

and more research is done about it

that's a lot of maybes this isn't the

first rumor that Aesop is squashed

we're pretty good at it I don't care I

can't not do something and I can't take

your offer

we'll give you the pill

and find a way to make it work with

their transplant

we'll find a way to eliminate your need

for a transplant

and until then

you can have as many

what about everyone else

this is just for you but you have to

promise

to never reveal anything that you've

learned

ever

yeah I can guess the consequences if I

do

so I'm taken care of for eternity but

Millions tens of millions hundreds of

millions of people will die who don't

need to the weak and the sick will die

out just as Nature has intended

hurry

it's a good offer

we are not gonna get a better one

I can't

I just can't

you send that

you may or may not stop it but one thing

is certain your immediate fate

I know a knock at the door you open it

and before you realize and not just your

fate

but Roots as well

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

choice

morning

I get it

it's rough right now but

it will get better

remember I'm the one who decides who

gets it so I've lost a lot of sleep too

you know

the one thing that kept me up most last

night

trying to figure out how you found their

secret

I mean

everything's on hard copies

nothing is digital nothing's online

unless you broke into their offices

how did you do it

Cindy

she left it for me to find

excuse me

well not me but

someone

you know how she was always into the

latest gadgets technology

yeah she had the next biggest thing

before anyone else exactly

she disappeared in 1991 so the next big

thing then was the internet

close that was around for a few decades

but

the World Wide Web was created then and

this allowed anyone with a computer to

go on the internet and place something

onto a server

then it would be there as long as this

River was around

so Cindy plays what she learned on a

server

she placed her whole story there

how she accidentally found out their

secret and was worried what would happen

if they found out she knew

she wrote it all up and hid it deep in a

server she created

so if ASAP never found it how do you

they thought they found it when they

found her hard copies

remember Aesop never used anything but

old school methods so they would never

expect it would be on a server

especially not in 1991

but how did you find it

I had Help from My Friends

they gave me a lot of info on her that I

used and then

once I thought that it might be on a

server

it was kind of easy

wow

I have to say I'm impressed

I'm just

sad

she

she died for this

in hopes that someone would find it and

and stop them

and I found it

but I'm not stopping them

I'm not even trying

it's not fair

I don't know if this is fair

foreign

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

starving

I'm tired of this battle I need a place

to rest my head

[Music]

I Wanna Lay Down these weapons be

embraced by loving ends instead

laughs

I fought this war for so long what was I

even fighting for

I don't know anymore

once you open my door you changed my

whole world all the rest faded and

obscure

you're the only thing that makes sense

in the chaos

[Music]

[Music]

in the chaos

when nothing else exists

[Music]

only us

only us

only

only us

your voice rises above the noise

it's the only song I hear

[Music]

I thought this war for so long I forgot

what I was fighting for

and I don't care anymore

once you open my door you changed my

whole world you're the one I'm fighting

for

you're the only thing that makes sense

in the chaos

of Darkness you're the only thing that

makes sense

in the chaos

where nothing else exists

only

us you're the only thing that makes

sense

in the chaos

[Music]

you're the only thing

says

[Music]

nothing else exists

[Music]

[Music]

follow me

[Music]

on

me

[Music]

you're the only thing that makes sense

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

ever since you walked into my life I've

been dreaming about you

[Music]

I don't know if I could stand on these

two feet if I had to live without you

foreign

[Music]

let me learn the steps I'll do anything

to be closer to your heat

[Music]

yeah yeah

[Music]

this feels like it was supposed to be I

am I wanna feel you close to me

[Music]

this feels like you're supposed to be

[Music]

a shot and I promise I'll give you the

world

[Music]

I would do anything to be your only girl

foreign

[Music]

this feels like it's supposed to be

[Music]