Original subtitles

"Workin' Moms"...

Purdeep: May I present to you, the face behind that campaign.

- It was you? - Kate, we need to let you go.

- Who is this creature?

-It's just a girl I've been seein'.

- I am finding this very disrespectful.

- I just don't think we should hang out anymore.

- Take it easy, I guess.

- Think that's the thing that bothered me

about the way you orgasm. It was just so tepid.

- I just want you to listen for one.

- Oh my God.

- Dude, are you cumming right now?

- Don't look at me.

- That's really fucked up. - Ugh.

- Mabel, do you know that when you hit me, you hurt me?

(Sighs)

- Val, please do not interrogate my child,

just because you read an article,

and now think she might be a sociopath.

She is fine. Am I right, Anne?

You are the real... expert, here.

- Yeah, yeah, healthy dose of aggression.

Hey, where's Kate?

- Well, actually, Mabel's not the only one I'm worried about.

Kate left me a voicemail.

(Sighs) Now this is highly inappropriate, but...

- Val, it's Kate. Can't make it in today,

just uh, really, really workin'. Slammed.

Gettin' fired from two jobs was just the best thing

that ever happened to me.

That's the truth, not a lie. (Laughs)

Anyway, I'm at it, you know, just a lot of work stuff.

Definitely not home, veggin' out in front of the TV,

eatin' chips. (Laughs) Bye.

- What do you guys think that's about?

(Woman in Infomercial) And once applied, you'll find will not grow back.

I mean, I used to have a thick mustache.

(Chips crunch) Charlie: Mama.

- Shh!

(Opera music)

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Anne: You called me. What's up?

- I'm uh, scrambling to find a replacement speaker

for my Master's class.

Know anyone? - Oh, uh...

- I mean, I'd ask you but, as we both know,

public speaking is not exactly your forte.

- Well, that's not exactly--

- You chose to work out of the safety of your own home

for so many years, you haven't been in front of people.

Just so lonely there.

- I would love to speak at your class.

- Really? - Mhm.

- Okay, perfect. Yes, no we would love to have you.

So how does your schedule look today?

- Oh, uh, it's pretty open, actually.

- I'll let them know.

(Sirens wail in the distance)

Simply because I enjoy soft wattage and elegant pens,

does not mean I'm down with whatever this is.

- Hmm?

(Low hum of student chatter)

This is a pretty big class.

- There are actually some really brilliant

students in here.

♪♪♪

- (Anne sighs) These kids look 12.

- I know. Think we used to look so young. Tight.

Hmm. We should get started. You ready?

- Yeah, you know what? I am just going to run out

and grab a quick cigarette.

I mean... I... I quit smoking.

I mean, I have to go to the bathroom.

(Nervous chuckle) Diarrhea.

(Quick footsteps thud)

Oh, I'm sorry.

♪♪♪

(Metal squeaks)

(Fire alarm sounds)

There is a fire, everyone! Get up! Come on!

I really want to talk to you guys,

I just... there's something on fire!

Come on! Go, save yourself!

(Fire alarm rings)

TV announcer: ...boy and a 17-year-old Shih Tzu.

The shih Tzu is now being deemed a hero for barking

loud enough to alert the neighbours to the situation.

Charlie: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. - God, that's awful.

In some ways, it's like she's free, you know?

(Charlie hums) (Chips crunch)

TV announcer: It was here that he saw forced signs of entry...

(Phone buzzes)

- Hello? - Hi, is this Kate Foster?

- Yeah.

- Great, I'm calling from Alice Carlson's school.

She's not feeling well, and we can't seem to reach

either of her parents, or her nanny.

- Yeah, welcome to the club,

I don't know where they are right now.

Anne's not really taking my calls, so.

- Well, it's just that you are the next name

on the emergency call list.

- Really?

- Yeah, so are you gonna come and pick her up?

She wants to go home.

- Of course. Tell her I'll be...

tell her I'll be right there.

Okay, we gotta uh... we gotta go. We gotta go. Come on.

♪♪♪

(Ambient music plays softly)

- Wasn't she beautiful?

Her name was Constantine.

She won four blue ribbons, and my heart.

(Sighs) She was such a remarkable woman.

So obedient. - Yeah well, that's one...

...one pretty dog. - Hmm.

- Hmm. (chuckles)

Three-letter word for entertainment?

- (Snaps fingers) DVD. (Pop sound)

- DVD's not a word, it's an acronym.

- Oh, man. (Chuckles)

Old Constantine was probably smarter than me.

- So, I understand this is a bit unorthodox,

but I think because we're just stuck out here,

we should continue with our guest lecturer today.

How nice it is that some stragglers are joining us

from other classes.

The more the merrier!

(Clears throat)

- Yes, welcome.

- This is Dr. Anne Carlson. Take it away, Anne.

- Oh, we're really doing this.

Okay uh, don't you guys have day raves and shit to get to?

Pep rallies? No?

(Clears throat)

Today's lecture, which - is happening -

is going to be about... (Sighs)

♪♪♪

...ethical responsibility.

♪♪♪

As a psychologist, psychiatrist,

or mental health professional,

we are bound to follow certain codes of conduct.

But in the real world,

it's our job to protect our patients

against our own human shortcomings.

That's right.

We will be held accountable for our actions.

♪♪♪

Frankie: Thanks for meeting me.

I um...I was wondering if you have given my proposal

any more thought?

- Reba and I have been talking,

and we've agreed to buy out of your half of the house.

- (Sighs) Yes! Thank you, G,

that's really gonna help me get back on my feet.

Awesome.

- We also thought, maybe it's time we started

talking about divorce... officially.

- Oh.

Huh, I hadn't really thought about that, to be honest.

- I hope I'm not upsetting you. - No, no, no. No. No.

It's... you're totally right. It's just uh...

yeah, I'll put that on my to-do list.

Becoming single's a lotta work. (Both chuckle nervously)

No, but seriously, I am... I'm happy for you.

How's Reba?

- She's good. Things are good.

Last night we ordered Thai food from that place,

the one with the good mango salad.

The onion-less one. You know the place.

- Yeah, I sure do. Yeah.

- But when the food arrived,

we realized we had actually ordered

from Best Thai Princess, and not Best Thai Queen.

There were so many onions.

Oh, it was a disaster, Frankie.

What am I even talking about?

This story must be so boring for you.

- (Chuckles) No. It's... it's really not.

(Kate sighs)

Girl on TV: I do, it's just that... I'm dying.

- I thought your stomach hurt? - Shh.

Cherry (TV): It's true. I haven't told the squad yet.

- (Kate sighs)

So um, how's your Mom doin'? What's she been like...

eating? Like, wearing? She at...?

Cherry: I know you're right it's just that...

- Okay, we'll just watch.

Cherry: ...they'll make me take it easy,

and I need to dance right now. You know?

Like no one is watching.

Boy: I do. And you know what I think--

- Um... I have to go to the washroom.

- Go ahead, sweetie.

Boy: If this is your last year on this planet,

(Kate sniffs)

Boy: Dance, Cherry, dance!

- Hey, there's more toilet paper in the cupboard.

Cherry: Why'd you let her dance... (Clicks off TV)

(Kate sighs)

(Footsteps thud)

- (Knocks) Alice? You okay in there, honey?

Alice: There's blood. In my underwear.

- Has-has there ever been blood there before?

- No.

(Silence)

- Okay, uh... uh yeah.

Okay. So there's tampons under the...

probably too soon for that.

Um, shit. I don't have any pads.

It's okay. We're gonna... we're gonna improvise,

we're gonna figure this out.

Um, don't worry, okay, honey?

(Door clicks open)

- I want my Mom.

- I know, sweetie. Come here. You're gonna be okay.

♪♪♪

- Is there any other questions? Yeah?

- Is it awkward running into the patients, in the world?

- It is, very awkward. It can be quite torturous.

My favourite time was in the liquor store,

we both had carts filled with wine.

She said she was having a party. Liar.

I said I was having a party because I am also a liar.

But that's not as bad as when you run into them

in the middle of the street,

and they're crying all over you. Ew.

- Okay, I think that is all the time we have today.

If you have any more questions for Dr. Carlson,

you can email them to me.

Let's thank her for coming.

(Applause) - Oh, thanks.

- And uh, class is dismissed.

See you all later.

Huh. Well, Anne, I have to say...

I am surprised.

- Oh yeah? I'm not.

- Yeah, somehow you kinda pulled it off.

- Sure did. (Chuckles)

Thank you. That was a great opportunity.

- Great. Anytime. Absolutely.

(Paper flaps in wind)

- Excuse me, Dr. Carlson,

I just wanted to say, that was amazing.

- Oh. - I just,

I am a huge fan of yours, Dr. Carlson.

Big time. I'm Carly.

- Hi Carly, it's really nice to meet you.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the talk.

- Well, it's not even just that.

I... I read your thesis

when I heard that you were coming in, and... wow!

- You read my thesis?

- It was so moving.

I know. I'm a really big dork.

I'm sorry.

(Sighs) But you know,

I should really get going to my next class.

Do you think I could take you for a coffee sometime?

I would love to share a donut with you.

Or just... get inside your skin and be you. (Laughs)

Just joking.

- (Anne laughs)

Yeah! Sure...that sounds really nice.

Here's my card.

- Great. That's great I'm gonna call you.

- Great.

(Small chuckle)

What?

Voicemail: New Message.

Kate: Hey, it's me. I don't know how else to say this but,

your daughter is bleeding in my house,

from her vagina.

She's having her period. - Oh shit.

Shit! Shit!

♪♪♪

(Engine rumbles and turns off)

- Thanks again for doing this.

I mean, we're still broken up, and everything.

- Okay, yeah sure, man. Whatever.

- Just wanna show her that I'm happy. You know?

- You're not happy?

- Oh I am, I just... I just wanna look happy.

- Right. So, smile.

- No, I mean I want you to make me look good

in front of Giselle. - Oh. I get it.

You want me to make her jealous.

I got this. - Okay.

- Yeah, used to this for my stepmom all the time.

- Okay, cool.

- Can you drive me to Quizno's after?

- Yup.

(Door squeaks and slams)

(Doorbell rings)

(Door opens)

- Hey... Frank? - Yo, I'm Juniper.

I'm her lover. - Okay.

- That's right. Uh, anyway...

- How nice to meet you, Juniper.

- Oh.

Oh... um sweet...

so sweetheart... - Mhmm?

- Maybe you just wanna...

I'll meet you in the car in a minute, okay?

- Right. - Yeah.

- (Whispers) For some sex.

That was a lot. I'm so sorry. - Mhm.

(Car door closes)

- Thank you for getting on board with this.

I mean... buying my part of the house.

- Sounds like you're in a good place.

Minus that strange girl. (Frankie laughs)

- She's...and... - Mhm.

- Anyway. (Both laugh)

Thank you.

(Heavy metal plays)

Alice: Can't believe you put me in a diaper.

- It's a pull-up. It's for big girls.

Come here.

(Diaper rustles)

So look, your Mom is gonna call any minute.

Um, but in the meantime, has she...

talked to you about this,

or at school maybe, did they like teach--

- I don't...know. - Okay, um,

do you have any... do you have any questions?

- When does it stop? - Hmm. Uh...

in about 50 years. - What?

- Okay, look, - 50 years?

- All right, let's just take a step back for a second.

So, periods generally last five to seven days.

- Five to seven days?

- Probably five, unless you're like a heavy flow,

kinda situation. - How often?

- Every month. - Every month?

- Until you're 50...ish.

- But, that's insane. Are you sure?

- (Chuckles)

Yes, unfortunately I am.

But look, you are now part of a very cool club.

I mean sure, we bleed every month, and...

actually our hormones mess with us almost constantly,

and we're actually very iron-deficient,

so you have to watch it. - So, being a girl sucks.

- (Sighs)I know, sweetie. I know.

Come here.

(Kate sighs)

- I don't wanna spend the rest of my life in a diaper!

(Kate chuckles)

- Oh my God, I'm gonna die!

- You're not gonna die.

Hey, you're not gonna die.

You're gonna kick some ass. You know why?

Because being a girl, is awesome!

Yes, we have periods, and they're uncomfortable,

but that's what painkillers are for.

We birth life.

I'd like to see your Dad do that.

And on top of that, we can be doctors, or engineers,

or the President, you know in some countries.

Hell, you wanna be a YouTube star?

- Oh my God, yes!

- Well, give that one a little more thought, maybe.

The point is, we can be anything we want in this life.

Does that sound good?

Yeah? Come here.

(Kate sighs)

Frankie: Dorothy...

Dor-Dorothy?

Dorothy!

(Shouts) Dorothy! (Dorothy snorts awake)

- Oh!

I thought... you were so still.

- I was just napping, honey.

Sometimes my eyes only close half-mast.

It's very common with dry eyes.

- Those were no half-masts.

Those were full moons.

- (Dorothy sighs)

I'm sorry if I scared you.

So, for dinner tonight, I was thinking...

oh... I see.

- Yeah. I think I gotta...

- Yeah.

Things aren't working out. Not a match.

- Yeah, yeah. It's just that it's...

- It's okay, Frankie,

these things tend to have a shelf life.

- I mean, I don't know where I'm going, right, but...

maybe it's time to figure that out.

- I understand. You wanna be self-sufficient.

- Yeah! It's not like I want my old life with Giselle back,

but I do really, really wanna be in a good place

for my daughter. You know what it is?

I just wanna like order the wrong Thai food,

and then eat it, but like, by myself.

Dependent on no one. Just... - But you.

- Yeah. - Yes.

Like I've been saying, self-sufficient.

- Mhm. - It really is a shame.

You made a beautiful Constantine.

- Okay, Dorothy, I think um...

I think I'm just gonna say it.

You should get another dog.

♪♪♪

- Oh.

- Oh God, thank God you're here!

- Where is she? Is she okay? - She's fine.

She's totally fine. Hey, I'm uh...

sorry you missed this moment.

- Well I'm...I'm sure you probably did the right thing.

- I did. - She put me in a diaper.

- We did what we could with short notice.

Where's your nanny?

- Mean Nanny? She's slacking lately.

I think she's got a boyfriend or something.

- Oh. (Laughs) Wiccan love.

(Birds chirp)

- Well, I should get her home.

- Yeah, no, please.

- Can you just go wait in the car for a second?

- Sure. - Okay.

- Bye, Kate. Thanks for traumatizing me.

- Hey, I didn't give ya that period.

- No, just a diaper rash.

- She's gonna be fine. - Yeah.

Look, I know that there's shit going on between us,

but thank you.

For taking such good care of her.

- No, of course.

- I know we haven't talked about your Dad.

- It's not about that. - I know.

- I mean I guess it sorta is, but...

- No, I know, it's about you.

I heard you got fired. Twice. - Yeah.

It's just uh... I think I ruined my life, Anne.

And I guess I deserve it.

I treated you terribly. I know.

And I let Richard down too.

I don't know what to do, you know?

I'm uh... really embarrassed.

I should just stay home.

I don't know why I'm trying so hard

to make this goddamn career happen.

(Sighs)

- Can I just be real for a second?

- Yeah. - You gotta cut this shit out.

What are you doin'? I don't even recognize you.

You gotta wake up, man!

You didn't let Richard down. You were loyal.

You were on top of your game.

You had a crisis with your son, and Gaze punished you for it.

It's not fair what happened.

You don't need those fuckers. - (Kate laughs)

- You should start your own shop.

(Heavenly choir sings)

Look at me! You're good!

You can't give up, okay? You gotta keep going.

If you give up, I swear to God I'll go...

I will... I will cut people.

I will go out, I will drive around town,

I will collect people. I will...

- Okay, okay, I won't.

Okay. I won't.

(Anne cries)

- I'm sorry. - No, I'm sorry, okay.

(Car honks)

Alice: Hello? I'm in a diaper, here.

(Both laugh)

Oh God, I missed you!

- I missed you. - (Anne laughs)

Nathan: On the next "Workin' Moms".

You still drink vodka? - You still pee standing?

Hello, Dr. Carlson. - Carly!

- Okay, he's pretentious, he's weird, he's foreign,

he's...an asshole.

If we're lucky, he's gay, but I'm not 100%.

- Okay, but he likes my script, right?

(Doorbell rings) - Who would that be?

- Oh!

- Kate, is this stem cell mask? - Yeah, it is!

- Whoa, aren't stem cell masks made of like foreskin

or something like that? - Oh, gross.