Original subtitles

Previously on "Workin' Moms".

I don't know why they gave Mo the Montreal gig?

- What? - You like that?

I'm freaking out here, Okay?

I'm going to councilors, I'm going to sex stores,

and meanwhile, you're just putting your head

in the everything's okay sand.

Just talk about how blessed you feel being married

- to a stay at home dad. - Right.

And Nathan, does he know what's happening?

Secrets in a marriage are like fleas in a bed.

They'll both have you sleeping on the couch.

Mmm.

This... this right here, definitely Formula.

Thick, funky, slightly fermented.

Yup. Been using it for years.

It's the sweet smell of science.

Sort of smells strikingly like a homeless woman

from my park. Kind eyes, but

oh, a scent that could bring you to your knees.

Well ladies, number four is actually breast milk.

Alicia's breast milk.

What happened to this being anonymous?!

You should really think about changing your diet.

- Your milk stanks. - Word.

Okay. I think we can all agree,

that some of the feeding stereotypes out there

- are problematic. - Yeah. yeah.

For example, number two, a crowd favorite...

I'd seriously put it in my cereal.

Yep, that one's actually mine.

Haven't breast fed in years,

but I slapped on the old breast pump look what came out!

Geez, who knew.

People seriously pay you to consult them about lactation?

Sorry I'm late.

Please try not to be late.

So guys, I had a few too many drinks last night

and was gonna pump and dump,

but then Zoe was being real fussy,

so I gave her some of my tainted milk,

she was out the whole night!

Yeah, we put skull and crossbones

on all of my tainted pump'n dump milk,

store it for when Charlie's being a real "A-hole".

- Plus, helps the sleep training. - Genius.

Oh, you guys sleep train?

You got a problem with that?

Okay, okay, this was not on the list of topics for today,

but let's explore. Right?

Look, sleep training works for us.

We let Charlie cry it out and our bed stays our bed.

Preach.

But they're so sweet cuddled up in bed with you.

And the best part is, it gets me out of having to deal

with my husband's erection pressed into my back

- every night. - I can relate.

- My husband sleeps with a gun. - Jesus Christ.

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com

Good morning, sweet cheeks.

I'm sorry, okay? I had to stay 'til we were done.

Which meant I had to host both of our parents

for dinner by myself.

Well, how can I make it up to you?

Well, a new nanny would help.

Your mom's driving me insane.

She asked in front of my folks

if Charlie had started reaching for my teat yet?

My teat, Kate.

Okay. I'm all over it.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Looks like your mother was right to be concerned.

Her only son has become a house husband.

All over it.

Sorry.

This is the only thing helping combat the virus in my body.

Ah, she's pregnant.

I vomited a glass of water

directly back into the cupthis morning.

I apologize, why don't we begin? Hm?

Giselle, I'm very glad that you decided

to come in this morning. How are you feeling?

- I'm fine. - Frankie,

Would you like to tell Giselle what you shared with me?

I've tried, man.

Giselle, I'm feeling really disconnected from you.

We never have sex anymore.

It's like there's this vast,

growing nothingness between us.

Mhmm. I know. I know.

Giselle, perhaps you can put Rhoda down for a little while.

Fine.

- How do you feel now? - Naked. Worried.

I think the problem here is pretty loud

and there's nothing wrong with that.

You get to go out and have this separate life.

I'm "Mom" all the time, even when you get home.

And Rhoda's always there, always on my mind.

And does that not shut off at all,

when she goes down for the night?

No, not really. She sleeps in our room.

Oh, okay.

And why not go in another room to connect with Frankie?

I... I don't want to be away from her.

Okay, hear me out:

if you are feeling unable to connect away from Rhoda,

how about "connecting"

in front of her?

- Wow?! - What? Sex?

Okay, that's not where I thought you were going.

It's important to create a safe environment

that you feel that you connect with Frankie

with Rhoda present. There is absolutely nothing wrong

with having sex in front of a sleeping infant.

I do it all the time.

All... the... time.

We can do this, Gee. Okay?

Let's just, you know, let her fall asleep

and then we'll make some beautiful lady love.

- Hmm. - Lady love. Sure.

Yes, all hair and nails.

Yup, I can picture it.

That is too much. I apologize.

Rosie, can you get in here, please?

- Hi-hi-hi. Um... - Yeah, what's up?

I need you to look up a bunch of nanny services

and get me a ton of interviews for this afternoon.

You have no free time today.

Okay, the board's here for their annual report

and then specified bikes is coming in at three...

Right, right, right, right, right.

Okay, uh...

Could you maybe run some interviews?

Maybe I could give you a list.

You could put your hair in a pony tail.

You could just sort of act a little more...

I would love to help you, I would. It's just...

- I have that colposcopy today. - Col-what?

Colposcopy.

You know, because I had that abnormal pap...

Oh. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah. No-no, I get it.

Uh, you go get yourself colposcopied...

- Yeah. Okay. - And I will figure this out.

- Good luck. Sorry. - Thank you. You, good luck.

- Good luck with you. - Thanks.

This could be it.

Should we face her away from us?

Maybe we could put a blanket over her?

She's not a parakeet.

Do you think that she can breathe in there?

Okay, come on, Gee, just... just try and relax.

Okay? Yeah, come here.

♪ Baby, tryin' to move on

Just focus.

Maybe she can't see us, but she can definitely hear us.

You're not even trying.

- She's so musical. - Mm, she gets that from you.

We both know that my genetics are not in that baby.

You're right. I guess they're Mortimers.

Hmm?

Mortimer is the name I gave the imaginary donor dad.

He's a 45 year old scientist with arthritis.

If he's imaginary, why give him arthritis?

Because it makes him more relatable. More human.

- Okay. - Anyway, it doesn't matter,

she gets all her good stuff from you.

- Frankie... - Well, it's true.

I see it all the time.

She is so lucky to have you

and so am I.

Hey, I'm headed in, you coming?

Uh, yeah, give me a sec, I'll walk with you.

You know what, I will meet you in there actually.

Coo'.

- Hi Mom, what's up? - Kate, I'm bored.

You're bored? I am the opposite of bored.

Busy, busy, busy. Always so busy.

Yes, I'm so busy.

I'm so busy I don't even have time to find a...

Mom, do you wanna do something for me?

It might be a little bit awkward though.

- Please, Kate, I bathed you. - Mm-hmm.

I need you to find me a new nanny.

I see, so you want me to find my own replacement.

Well, yeah.

So you need me? Is that what you're saying?

Yes, I, I need you.

It's just so nice to hear you say that.

Okay, Charlie needs the best nanny

and like they say, it takes one to find one.

Yeah, I've never heard that saying,

but it sounds true, so lets go with that.

- Anyway, I gotta... - I'm very busy now.

Can't talk. Buh-bye.

Unbelievable.

Hey.

Uh, Gena, uh,

could you get me those network upgrade reports

by the end of the day, t-thank You?

Sure. What format do you want that in?

Um...

Uh, yeah, exactly. Thanks. Bye.

I take it things are still awkward since the...

Totally.

He barely asks me to do any work now.

- I have so much more time. - That's great.

'Cause "Awkward Arden in accounting"

asked me to throw her a bachelorette party

'cause she has no friends. She actually said that.

Well, that is awkward, but good.

I need to get out.

Do you have any friends you can bring

because mine are all of the male persuasion.

No worries. An impromptu bachelorette?

I was made for this.

I'm guessing this means you're gonna be borrowing

more of my ibuprofen tomorrow?

Hey Gary, thanks for eavesdropping.

You know what's super weird?

No one ever asked to borrow your penis.

Well, you can't lend out a penis, Gena.

- Mmm. - It's attached to your body.

- Mom? - Oh, too bright.

For God sakes, Mom, are you okay?

Well, Kate,

that was a very awkward position you put me in earlier today.

Is that my suitcase?

I've accumulated a lot of scarves in my time here.

Okay, Mom, were you able to contact the agency?

Did you find a nanny or not?

I used my own agency.

I think Charlie needs a sense of family.

So I hired your sister.

Sarah? Oh, no-no-no-no, no-no-no.

She has an artistic sensibility

that I think Charlie very much needs.

She's free spirited, fluid, flexible.

Mom, she is the voice of a cartoon,

not Agnes Martin. Okay, I really don't think...

Kate! Look, Charlie, there's Mommy!

Hey, Sarah, how you doing?

Won't this be fun.

I got him.

Oh God.

Whooo.

I need some water.

Mmm.

Oh hey, do you, do you wanna go out with some of the girls

from my Mommy and Me group?

Wait a second, is this a pity invite?

We totally don't have to if you don't want to leave Rhoda,

I just, you know, I thought maybe it would be...

maybe good for us.

Hmm...

Frankie!

Let's go out.

Come on, I want to play with my girlfriend.

Whoa, hey! Where are we going?

Uh, I have to go to that bachelorette

for that girl from work.

What, what bachelorette? And why do you have to go?

I'm hosting it.

You're hosting some random girl's bachelorette party?

She's not random, it's Arden from... accounting.

Come on, stay in with us, we miss you.

Oh, I know, I miss you too, but...

her parents recently...

died.

What? Both?

I just don't think she should be alone right now?

All right.

Well, can you at least pump, we're running low.

It's okay. It's okay.

Who's a good girl?

Who's a good girl?

You're a good girl.

Hey, before you say anything, Eleanor is gone.

I, well, we took care of it.

Really?

Thank you. Seriously. Awe.

Yeah, and you're gonna be happy

- 'cause the new nanny is Sarah. - Your sister?!

Holly the Honey Badger? That's awesome.

Just try to relax, it's just for a little while.

Why does she make you so tense?

She doesn't make me so tense.

She used to piss on my mouth guard.

Oh, so cool.

Come on, she's gonna be great.

And I'm just so happy your mom is gone.

Yeah? Well, good.

And, uh... actually Jenny invited me out tonight.

- Oh, you should go. - There's a game on anyway.

Yeah there is, and it just started.

Oh, Hey!

- This is gonna be so much fun! - Right.

Dinosaurs.

Yeah, yeah.

So, uh... would he not go down?

Mom said his bedtime was 8?

He does, he does go down at 8.

So I'm gonna head out then.

On a school night? I'm appalled.

What? I go out. I have fun all the time.

Relax, Kate. I'm breakin' your balls.

Oh.

I should probably take this actually, it's...

you guys don't care.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, I know it's past 7:00 PM,

what is it, bath time or bedtime,

or spank time, I don't know?

It's okay. What's up?

So you got the job. Montreal is yours.

Are you sure? Really?

Carl said that Mo got it.

Poor Carl. He's a mess these days.

No, Mo never stood a chance. You're our girl.

Do you still want it?

Uh, yeah. Yes I do.

Okay then.

We'll go over the details in the morning.

Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.

Hey, who was it?

Uh, it was Jenny. Oh. Go!

Have fun. You deserve it.

Yeah, yes I do.

- So, you're getting married? - I am.

Woo! To Arden, you crazy bitch!

No one's ever called me bitch

in that cool, girlfriend way!

Oh, Jesus! Watch it!

Wooo!

- Sorry. - Woo, hoo, hoo.

Woo, c'mon boys, let's get out there, c'mon.

Eh, hey, hey!

Ew, no one's gonna hit on us with you like that!

Hey, I was wondering what do you think of tribal tattoos,

are they making a comeback, or is it done?

We should get a sitter more often.

You are straight up edible right now.

Can I talk you into taking a walk?

Oh, you bad girl.

Come on.

What about corn rows? I was thinking of getting one big one

all the way from front to back, you know?

Hey, who does a girl have to blow

to get a decent amount of blue cheese dressing?

Oh, gross.

Gena!

My sister's staying with 'em, who they love.

She's the voice of a kids cartoon show my son adores.

Holly the Dumb Honey Badger.

I never wanted three and here we are.

And I can't even drink!

Straight up had sex in front of our baby today.

I feel like a black widow spider,

who just collects men in her web.

Except I don't even want to eat them.

I just want to get them hard and like leave them there.

The job is mine! Mine!

I have not told a soul.

So if you tell anyone I am going to gut you.

Spleen out.

Wow, you win.

What's up bitches?

All right, what is it, we're all here.

Okay, I have an announcement.

I've decided, right here, right now,

one of you is gonna pierce my nipple.

- No. - I need a volunteer.

Like, now.

- Yeah, all right. I'll do it. - Okay.

Who's earring is that? Did you get that off the floor?

Oh, the bartender found it on the bar.

It's smaller than I thought it was gonna be.

- Sorry. - You got this.

I feel like she's staring at me and she's opinionated.

- Come on. - I can't do this, I'm sorry.

- I thought I could but I can't. - What the...?

You moms need to get out more.

This is batshit, even for me.

Excuse me, I'm trying to do something here for myself.

You're batshit!

- I'll watch the door. - Go watch the door!

Hope there's no nipples out there.

Hey Arden, you were a girl scout, right?

- Right? - No.

No, you should do it. Yeah, it's your night!

You should just totally do it. C'mon.

Arden! Arden! Arden!

Do it! Do it! Do it!

- Do it! Do it! - Arrghhh.

I'm dissociating.

Wow. Boom!

Have you guys been there this whole time?

You were so quiet.

You've never made silent love over a toilet?

No.

I'll be at the bar, babe.

Good for you, you dog.

Okay, give me give me the hoop earring.

- I am a medical professional. - Yes. Yes.

All right, Anne. Come on, steady hand.

I, just...

Just put...

Ooh, and you're bleeding. Ugh. I'm sorry, I...

Fuck it, I can't lose these wings. I'm out.

All right, you've never had a disposition for this.

I'm just gonna put it out there.

You're out of control.

Jesus! Frankie?!

I got a steady hand.

I birthed three cows one summer. Personal best.

Then stop bragging and pierce my goddamn nipple.

Thought you'd never ask.

Oh, hello. Okay.

Hang on.

Okay, ready? On three: One, two...

Wow.

That's pretty sweet.

I think I need to leave my husband.

That's my earring.

Hey you.

Hi. Come here.

Shh. It's okay, just tonight.

So what seems to be the problem?