All language subtitles for The Prince 2023

♪ [sound wave] ♪

[wind whirling]

♪ [tense music] ♪

[percussion]

[percussion stops]

[silence]

So shaken as we are, so wan with care

find we a time for frighted peace to pant

and breathe short-winded
accents of new broils

to be commenced in strands afar remote.

No more the thirsty entrance of this soil

shall daub her lips with
her own children's blood

nor more shall trenching
war channel her field

nor bruise her flowerets
with the armèd hoofs

of hostile paces: those opposèd eyes

which, like the meteors
of a troubled heaven

all of one nature, of one substance bred

did lately meet in the intestine shock

and furious close of civil butchery

shall now, in mutual well-beseeming ranks

march all one way

and be no more opposed

against acquaintance

kindred

and allies.

The edge of war, like
an ill-sheathèd knife

no more shall cut his master.

Therefore, friends

as far as to the sepulchre of Christ

forthwith a power of English shall we levy

whose arms were moulded
in their mothers' womb

to chase those pagans
from those holy fields.

But this our purpose
now is twelve month old

and bootless 'tis to tell you we will go

therefore we meet not now.

Then let me hear from you, my
noble lord and loyal friend

what yesternight our council did decree

in forwarding this dear expedience.

My liege, this haste was hot in question

and many limits of the charge set down

but yesternight: when
all athwart there came

a post from Scotland,
leaden with grave news.

[percussion]

On Holy-rood day, the
gallant Hotspur there

♪ [electric guitar swells] ♪

and the Earl of Douglas

that ever-valiant and approvèd
Scot, at Holmedon met!

♪ [suspenseful music] ♪

[Douglas] Ragh!

[swords clashing]

Rrr-ragh!

Lay on!

Lay on ya wee and scrawny thing

I've fought grandmothers
with more strength than ye!

[Douglas grunts]

♪ [music slows] ♪

Those two did spend a sad

and bloody hour

ten thousand bold Scots,
two and twenty knights

did our rider see on Holmedon's plains.

If Harry Hotspur wins

it would be conquest for
a prince to boast of.

Ragh!

♪ [music resumes to quicker tempo] ♪

Raaagh!

Yea, there thou makest me
sad and makest me sin in envy

♪ [music slows] ♪
that my Lord Northumberland

should be the father to so blest a son

a son who is the theme of honour's tongue.

[hurried footsteps]

Whilst I, by looking on the praise of him

see riot and dishonour stain
the brow of my young Harry.

On your feet, Prince Hal!

These wars make men of us. Are you a man?

A spent one!

O, I cannot match thy
pace, my lungs will burst!

Would I had never come from

cosy London to this damnèd place!

Then get thee to thy tent, I say, go to!

We have no use for women on the field.

[hurried footsteps]

[King Henry IV] O
that it could be proved

that some night-tripping
fairy had exchanged

Northumberland's child with
mine when they were born

then would I have his Harry, and he mine.

[hurried footsteps]

It seems then that the
tidings of this broil

brake off our business for the Holy Land

and for this cause awhile
we should shake off

our purpose for Jerusalem.
[music stops]

Bring any word you hear, my noble friends

of how the battle at our border stands.

With Hotspur at its head I do not doubt

that soon we shall have victory and peace.

[percussion]

[percussion stops]

[silence]

I didn't understand
a bloody word of that!

[audience laughs]

[panicking] What's going on?

It's okay, it's okay, you're all right!

What is this? And who was that? And...

Who are you?

You're safe, it's okay!

- I'm a friend.
- [Jen groans shakily]

Here, have some water.

Right, I'm going to need
you to remain calm, okay?

Just take a deep breath. Come on.

[breathing]

There you are. So, think
very carefully and calmly.

Can you tell me, what is your name?

[silence]

Portia.

I'm Portia. I'm Brutus' wife, I have to...

[Shakespearean dialect]
You've ungently, Brutus

stole from my bed: and
yesternight, at supper

you suddenly arose, and walk'd about--

Hello!

Musing and sighing,
with your arms across

and when I ask'd you
[snaps repeatedly]

what the matter was--

No no no, stay with me, stay with me!

I grant I am a woman; but withal

a woman that Lord Brutus took to wife.

I grant I am a woman; but withal

a woman well-reputed, Cato's daughter--

[yells] Snap out of it!

[no dialect] Who are you?

Just stay calm and think
very carefully and clearly

and can you tell me, what is your name?

Portia?

[Shakespearean dialect] I'm Brutus' wife.

[audience laughs]

Are you sure it's Portia?

Are you sure you're married to Brutus

as in Ancient Roman Brutus

as in best mates with
Julius Caesar Brutus?

Yes. I'm Portia.

I'm Brutus' wife.

[audience laughs]

What kind of bottle is that?

Diet Coke.

[audience laughs]

So, if you're from Ancient Rome

how do you recognise Diet Coke?

- [bottle crushes]
- [no dialect] What the fuck?

- It's okay! It's okay--
- [audience laughs]

Oh--

No no no no no.

[breathes deeply]

Jen!

Jen?

Jen! My name is Jen!

Oh, Jen! Jen, Jen, Jen!

Oh my God, I completely
believed I was an Ancient Roman!

Well, that's right. I rescued you.

I'm Sam.

Or Sammy or Samantha,
whichever you prefer.

I'm from Liverpool and I'm
a manager in a care home

which is all arse holes and noses

wiping arse holes and
wiping noses all day!

Oh, but don't worry, I've
washed my hand since then.

[Jen and Sam laugh]

[Jen inhales sharply]

Where am I?

Well, right now we're
somewhere between 'in the shit'

and 'in harm's way.'

Just...
[audience laughs]

Keep your head down
and do what I tell you.

[loud mechanical churning]

That was Scene One. It's about to change.

Change? Into what?

1402, Northumberland.

The Battle of Holmedon Hill!

[churning stops]
[light percussion]

God's wounds, I thought
my sword fell hereabout!

Good nephew, in this
battle smoke and marsh

I fear to find it is impossible.

I had it of my father years ago!

That wayward blade
hath done our noble cause

great service, there's comfort.

The Thane of Fife

is taken as our prisoner, and Menteith.

I dare believe we may have victory!

The Earl of Douglas
yet evades our grasp.

He slipped by me when last our armies met

at Otterburn, and left my brother dead.

[triumphant horn]

Good nephew, our knights
returning from their charge!

The Scottish lines are
broken; we have won!

Yet where is Douglas?

[percussion continues]

- I cannot make him out.
- But here's a friendly face!

- [man laughs charismatically]
- My brother Northumberland.

[percussion stops]

My boy, my boy!

Father! How stands the day?

My boy, the day is ours.

While watching from my
horse I saw thee fight

all glinting in the sun like mailèd Mars

thy voice like thunder
shook the startled birds

from every tree!

The rabbits hereabout

did dive into their burrows as in fear

that they beheld a second Hercules!

A knight who rode beside me did exclaim

the courage of, 'That warrior who strides

into a battle like the foaming sea

and parts it with defiant manly will!'

I with laughter

proudly turned and cried to all

'He is my son!'

Thou hast brought
honour to our family name!

Enough! These gilded
garments fit me not.

What of the Earl of Douglas? Where is he?

- [percussion]
- [Douglas struggling]

[percussion stops]

[Hotspur] Accursèd Scot!

Thou villain! Thou base thing!

Good morrow, Harry Percy.

And my lord?

I am Sir Thomas Percy, Earl of Worcester

the brother of the elder Henry here.

Oooh.

I see the landscape of Northumberland

makes Percys grow like dandelions: weeds

that are cut down and
then sprout up again.

You cut my brother Ralph down.

Aye, I did, when you were
but a stripling, years ago.

And now I am your prisoner.
[laughs tauntingly]

Not for long.

Father, lend me your sword.

[Douglas] Send me to
meet my cousin Archibald

who you dispatched today,
and we'll make hell

hold three prime places
for the Percy boys!

[sighs apprehensively]
Come, make it quick.

Make way there! In Prince
Henry's name make way!

[Douglas grunts]

Which of you untaught knaves, unmannerly

to top the basest varlet, ranks enough

among what out of London generously

are flattered with the name of gentlemen

to parlay with the issue of a King?

These untaught knaves,
my prince, have won the day

and at a Kingly cost vanquished the Scot!

Or were about to.

Nay, put up that sword!

Deliver any other prisoners

that you may have without ransom or delay.

I shall escort them South with every speed

to give them up unto my father's court.

It seems I am reprieved.

Not him: he's mine.

Read you this letter that a messenger

placed in my hands just moments hence.

The King, my father

[audience laughs]

gave this urgent task to me

charging that I instruct Northumberland.

The Scots surrendered not unto the King

but me! This is my field of victory!

Can I surrender for a second time?

- I do accept.
- [audience laughs]

No!

He has no command.

I have command by this crown that I wear

and by the blood I carry in my veins!

You have no knights
on this field, no army

you are no soldier, have
not stained your sword--

I marched from London
to be here with you

to oversee your lumpen, awkward war

braved villainous clouds
of salt-petre and soot

made blacker by egregious soldiers' oaths

and pricking marshland
flies which steal my blood

by pints and gallons!

Not so, my precious prince

you did not march here,
rather were you dragged

with lumpen awkward feet and dainty hands

sweet breath and neatly
polished fingernails

to sit in womanly idleness on your arse!

Then as the solider
here, you surely know

a soldier's duty is obedience!

And my duty shall I discharge at once

[snaps]
in taking of your prisoners.

One word more and I shall
count you with my prisoners!

This girlish tempest
temper quite exceeds

your savage reputation.

- Girlish?
- Ay.

Good nephew

cool the fire of your rage!

Have we not spoken many times of calm

and all the virtues that it brings a man?

There is my gauge!

Your hand would be advised

to sooner touch a venomous viper's tail

than such a certain
seal of vengeful death.

- My prince, take up your
gauge: enough have died

we need not have more bloodshed.

Come, let's talk.

Come.

[audience laughs]

Why 'girlish'? Wherefore
'girlish' sticks in me?

I am a man, no girl, that's certain!

Raugh!

[Jen] This is fucking coconuts.

- Sh!
- [audience laughs]

[whispers] Sit. Sit down, sit down.

The orders from the King are genuine.

Specifically the Earl of Douglas' name

is set down to be made a prisoner

and not the instrument of our revenge.

There's worse news in
the second letter here.

Thy brother in law, that's Edmund Mortimer

against the irregular and wild Glendower

was by the rude hands of
that Welshman captured.

Alas, that we should weigh our victory

in equal measure with such dark defeat

that celebration lights up all the North

while funeral darkness
shades the sullen South.

Then both my brothers now are lost to me.

Will neither be avenged?

Do not despair.

Our Ralph is gone, but taking our revenge

could never bid him walk out of his grave.

I miss him every day.

But I have found in time the
wound of grief becomes a scar

no longer bleeding but an old complaint.

I have one son still
breathing, and thy face

alive and smiling is more dear to me

than one more corpse left
out to feed the crows.

And as for Edmund Mortimer, he lives!

So as he lives we work to set him free.

I council that we keep our prisoner here

until King Henry is of such a mind

to ransom home our cousin who is lost.

I am content. We
shall exchange the Scot.

Unless you'd name Goliath as your second

the danger doth outweigh
your pride, my prince.

You have yourself seen my nephew think not

of gralloching a Scotsman in a stroke

or mangling a Welshman so entire

that Welsh alone has words savage enough

to sound description in an English ear.

I am familiar with your nephew's wrath.

How deep the currents
of passion run in him.

[Northumberland] Your royal highness

we propose a trade.

We will gladly give you
Douglas and the rest

if your father the King can make a vow

to ransom straight Edmund Mortimer

our cousin taken by the Welsh army.

I cannot promise on the King's behalf.

And yet I can on my own name, aye!

[snaps]
Yes!

This seems a friendly, even-handed suit.

I grant it, or I shall, yes, it is done!

I like it!

Silence, cur! Thou keep'st
thy head but temporarily.

So do we all.

Then I suggest we draw up the details

not in the frigid air but in my tent

where we can all repose
and ease ourselves.

Good nephew, we shall
parlay with the prince

find you some other task or rest alone.

When we have reached a
compact we will call.

Well fought today.

Our practise has borne fruit.

Thy swordsmanship is markedly improved.

I thank thee uncle.

The wounded cry for aid;
I'll see them cared for

and retrieve my sword.

Make sure that Douglas
is kept under guard.

I'll rest me in the warm
tent for a spell. [yawns]

My Prince!

In careless passion and faint breath

from many miles of marching have you let

your glove slip
negligently from your hand.

Oh!

[stomps]

I would we could be friends again, Harry.

This long campaign has been a taxing road

too often paved with bitter
tears and loss and...

And yet I am glad I came, for I met thee.

[snaps]

[hurried footsteps]

[footsteps]

Thou, soldier!

Help me find my missing sword.

[pats helmet]

[mouthing]

[hurried footsteps]

When I pursued the Douglas as he fled

I slipped into a bog and dropped my blade.

I think it landed somewhere hereabout.

I'll search this way,
and thou the other, so

we'll meet back in the middle.

Verily!

[stomps]

[audience laughs]

So uh, we're looking for a missing sword?

Is it special? Or um...

Generic sword-shaped?

[audience laughs]

What say'st thou? Hast
thou found the blasted thing?

No, no, I'm still looking!

Um, I would hate for you to
lose something like that.

Probably got lots of
beheadings to do with it.

My father gave it as a gift to me.

It was to mark the day I came of age

the day that I became...

A man.

I found it!

[audience laughs]

There you go.

I felt not quite myself without it here.

[inhales and exhales]

The old familiar heft,
the swing, the slice!

I thank thee, soldier! I am much relieved.

No worries, babe!

[audience laughs]

Uh, I mean, um, I sayeth...

[audience laughs]

Um, verily, there are...

No worries, my lord.

[audience laughs]

Where art thou from?

Thou hast a strange... Dialect.

I'm from Framlingham.

But I'm staying down the road
with some friends, actually.

That's why I'm here on the battlefield.

[audience laughs]

I just popped out to have a shufty

and then you won, or we won

so, no worries.
[laughs softly]

Wherever thou art from,
I thank thee, friend.

Can I ask a question?

Why do you talk like that?

[audience laughs]

Um, each syllable and word considerèd

all very grand, all
very much controlled, or

'thee' and 'thou' and so on and so forth?

I speak but as I feel.

My passions are all regimented,
so my thoughts, my words--

Do you speak that way

because it's genuinely how you think

or do you think that way

because it was how you
were taught to speak?

[audience laughs]

Um...

I've always spoken this way: it is hard...

Huh.

It, it...

It is hard to not do that.

[Jen and Hotspur laugh]

In Framlingham, they
do not speak like this

but let their thoughts
spill out undisciplined?

Yeah. I mean, I guess, yeah.

Huh.

I thank thee, soldier.
Go and get some rest.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

[mechanical grinding and shattering]

♪ [pensive music] ♪

[Hotspur breathes heavily]

♪ [intense musical buildup] ♪

[dramatic beat]

[music stops]

[Hotspur weakly] Ow...

My husband, are you hurt?

[hurried footsteps]
[Lady Kate] My..

What a fall!

I fell?

I fear thou hit thy
head; come, let me see.

There is no blood.

Nay, do not try to stand

but rest a moment.

Let me see thy arm.

Can'st bend it? Good,
it is not broken then.

I'm not sure what just happened.

Thou wert recounting the exciting tale

of battling Douglas up at Holmedon Hill.

Thou leapt up on the wall to demonstrate

some action and thy
footing must have slipped!

When thou crashed down
at once in somersaults.

Thou foolish thing.

We are most fortunate

thou did'st not land
upon thy sword, my love!

My sword? This...

This is my sword.

And this, that I'm
wearing, this is my armour.

All handsomely in mail you are arranged.

Was there a woman here a second ago?

I swear I was just chatting with someone.

I am the only woman here, my love.

Of course.

Of course

my Kate.

I'll try to keep my feet on
firmer ground from now on

eh?

Thou wert just telling
me of Edmund then?

Yes, Edmund!

We have asked the Prince of Wales

to intervene at court with his father

persuading King Henry to ransom him.

I know the Earl of Douglas vexes thee--

Aye, some! Thou let him
stay in this, our home!

It is a temporary lodging, love.

With temporary longing shall I leave

thee soon to find a double remedy

for both thy woes: exchanging
our Edmund for that same Scot.

[Northumberland] Your horse is saddled

and we stay for thee.

[calls] Good morrow, Kate!

Good morrow, noble father.

I must away to London. Farewell, love.

I thought there was another
woman here. How odd.

I would be mad if e'er I wished

to have another woman's company

when thou art fairest of the fairer sex.

Thy tongue produces
surfeit of sweet words.

What other task then might I set it to?

[audience laughs]

What still more pleasing
service might my tongue perform

my Lady Kate?

Thou naughty man!

My innocent ears shall
not hear such things, sir!

Thy wit is like the
sunshine: though it warms

in tarrying in't I fear I shall turn pink!

A pretty jest! Thy lips have talent too.

Would my tongue and thy
lips worked hand in hand

what splendid poetry they
might devise. [chuckles]

Thy lips and thy tongue, sayest thou?

And what else?

[hurriedly] It is a
pity I must ride away.

[audience laughs]

I'd rather I than thy horse under thee!

Peace, love! Wouldst lay
me down on muddy grass?

The grass would be the
luckiest in the world

if thou wouldst only be on top of it!

But I could spare thee
from the mud and lie

between thee and the
grass, if thou did wish!

[laughs softly]

[audience laughs]

Then go thou with my love.

I loathe these days!

Too frequent and too hastily announced

when we must part, thou out into the world

and I for Alnwick Castle's lonely spires.

It is my duty.

- Am I thy duty?
- Aye.

My joy. The better half of all my life.

What would a husband be without his wife?

[Jen groaning] Ow! Ow! Ow!

- It's okay. Poor sausage.
- Oh!

Come here.

My whole arm's got pins and needles.

That's all right, don't
you worry, Sammy's here.

Wiggle your fingers for me.

Yeah, I don't think
anything's too badly broken--

[Jen gasps in pain]

It felt like sticking a
fork in a plug socket!

Silly old sausage.

No. [frustrated sigh]

What is going on here?

All right.

This might be a lot to
process, my lovely, but...

You are inside a play.

[audience laughs]

What the fuck?

Actually a whole dimension
of plays, a whole multiverse!

I don't know whether we're
lying in a coma up there

or if we're sharing the same dream.

Last thing I remember from the real world

I was dropping off to sleep
in the back of my car.

Well, next thing I knew

I was Cleopatra

ruling over Ancient Egypt.

Which had its perks

[audience laughs]

but it all seemed a bit weird.

So I looked inside my bag

which I still had with me.

I saw the Diet Coke bottle and I thought

[bottle hitting surface]

that's funny, they don't have
Diet Coke in Ancient Egypt.

[bottle hitting surface]

And that's when it hit me.

It wasn't just Ancient Egypt.

This was Antony and Cleopatra.

As in the play "Antony and Cleopatra."

As in Shakespeare!

Oh, no! Bloody hell, I hate Shakespeare.

Well, I did a runner. I
wound up in "The Tempest"

then "A Midsummer Night's
Dream" and a bunch more.

Went through all the Roman ones

saw you in "Julius Caesar"
and my first thought was

'Gosh, I've got to get her
out of here because she's...

You know...

Like me.'

Well, actually my first thought was

'Gosh, isn't she gorgeous!'

I imagined you had a
very glamorous lifestyle

somewhere with uh, lots of friends

and a gazillion Instagram followers

who'd all be missing you!

I'm nattering, sorry.

No, that's all right

at least I can understand
what you're saying.

We're inside Shakespeare?

Yeah.

The play, not the man.

[audience laughs]

Right, I'm calling 999.

[knowingly] It's dead?

Do you have a charger?

[audience laughs]

I've got something better.

♪ [pensive music] ♪

[object making swirling sounds]

Ta-dah!

I picked this up when I
was down in "The Tempest."

Nicked it right out from
under old Prospero's nose.

It's got everything on it,
it's like magical Google.

What is it?

A map.

Although I did steal it
from a wizard, darling.

It's not exactly Ordnance Survey.

[electrifying sound]

♪ [pensive music intensifies] ♪

Whoa...

Mhm! Trippy.

- All the different plays--
- [indistinct voices]

all separated into
their own little worlds.

[voices overlapping indistinctly]

[voice] They have their
exits and their entrances--

♪ [pensive music continues] ♪

[voice] Yet who would
have thought the old man

to have had so much blood in him?

Oh!

[whirring sound]

Sorry.

I'll help you.

And these, these are the
doorways between them.

All you have to do is
be in the right place

at the right time and
you can jump through.

[battlefield cries]

- [indistinct voices]
- ♪ [pensive music] ♪

[Jen laughs softly]

So um, what play are we in?

Well, that's the good news.

We are right at the beginning
of "Henry IV" Part One.

I've been trying to get here for ages.

Look at this, this big
doorway right at the top.

Read that, what does that say?

'Out.'

The doorways always
appear at moments of choice

forks in the road, and
at the end of this play

there's a great big one.

Prince Hal starts off a mess

but he puts aside his wayward youth.

He has to choose between his old life

and the role he was born to play

[claps] so!

If we can follow him, lurk in
the background of his scenes

stick to him like glue, then
eventually we'll come across

that great big beautiful
doorway and that, that Jen

is 'Out!'

[stomps feet excitedly]

Can't believe it.

Hey, maybe we wanna
ask some of the people

who are already down here about it?

I spoke to that girl, the
one who lost her sword

and she seems like she would help--

[electrifying sound]

[silence]

No.

They're antibodies. Um, characters.

Down here is their home

and they like it just the way it is.

Can they hurt us?

They can do much worse than that.

If they sucked you into playing
a role in their story again

then you might be stuck down here forever.

That's why I'd appreciate it

if you were a bit more ears open

when I'm giving you
instructions, all right?

Wouldn't want you getting hurt again.

Sorry.

But for future reference,
if they speak to me

what am I supposed to do?

Well, if you have to
improvise, don't break rhythm.

If they give you six beats, for example

give them four back. So um...

[Sam humming rhythmically]

[Jen stomping rhythmically]

Well, anyway, it always adds up to ten.

And as long as you're in rhythm

they see what they want to see.

[loud mechanical churning]

It's changing!

[breathes]

Move. Move.

[dramatic beat]
[churning stops]

Those prisoners in your
highness' name demanded

which Harry Percy here at Holmedon took

were, as he says, not
with such strength denied

as is deliver'd to your majesty!

Either envy, therefore, or misprison

is guilty of this fault, not him, my King.

My liege, I did deny no prisoners--

[hurried footsteps]

How like a comet comes
the Prince of Wales

amazing all and yet so seldom seen

that all our wisest sagest astronomers

can ne'er predict his visits to the court.

Good gentlemen, I beg your patience

I was detained upon an urgent...

Thing.

My liege, I did deny no prisoners

but I remember, when the fight was done

when I was dry with rage and extreme toil

breathless and faint,
leaning upon my sword

came there, a certain lord

neat, and trimly dress'd

fresh as a bridegroom;
and his chin new reap'd

show'd like a stubble-land
at harvest-home.

And as the soldiers bore dead bodies by

he call'd them untaught
knaves, unmannerly!

With many holiday and lady terms

he question'd me; amongst
the rest, demanded

my prisoners in your majesty's behalf.

I then, all smarting
with my wounds being cold

out of my grief and my impatience

answer'd neglectingly I know not what

he should or he should
not; for he made me mad

to see him shine so
brisk and smell so sweet

and talk so like a waiting-gentlewoman

of guns and drums and wounds

[Hotspur] God save the mark!

This bald unjointed chat of his, my lord

was answer'd indirectly, as I said.

This lord who so
provoked your heated words

what was his name?

I cannot recall, my liege.

Um...

[electrifying sound]

[voice from map] The circumstance--

The circumstance
consider'd, good my lord

whate'er Lord Harry Percy then had said

may reasonably die and never rise

to do him wrong or any way impeach

what he had said, so he unsay it now.

[electrifying sound]

[Prince Hal] Well said, my noble knight.

Why, yet he doth deny his prisoners

but with proviso and exception

that we at our own
charge shall ransom home

his brother-in-law, the foolish Mortimer

who, on my soul, hath wilfully betray'd

the lives of those that
he did lead to fight

against that great
magician, damn'd Glendower.

Shall we buy treason and indent with fears

when they have lost and
forfeited themselves?

No--

on the barren mountains let him starve

for I shall never hold that man my friend

whose tongue shall ask
me for one penny cost

to ransom home revolted Mortimer.

Revolted Mortimer!

He never did fall off, my sovereign liege

but by the chance of war!

Thou dost belie him,
Percy, thou dost belie him.

Art thou not ashamed?

But, sirrah, henceforth

let me not hear thee speak of Mortimer.

Bring me your Douglas
with the speediest means

or you shall hear from me in such a kind

as will displease you.

Look to it at once!

[percussion]

[percussion stops]

I thank thee that thou chose to overlook

my name when thou
recounted Holmedon's fray.

I must express my earnest gratitude--

Your gratitude is worth nothing to me

whilst Mortimer my brother lies in chains

and we men of the North who won that crown

that your father so
proudly wears are dogged

at every turn by his misgovernance!

Let not his wrathful
mood affright your heart.

I am the cause of his distemperment.

He sees that I am yet to take a wife

and worries I am not...

The marriage type.

He loves thee well, and heartily desires

that I reform myself to be like thee.

Therefore, if it should
please thee, stay at court

and join me in a hunt, or
else at dice, or tennis.

Therein serve a double aim.

Convince my father that I spend my time

in company of which he doth approve

and by that feint we calm his stormy mood

thy suit for Mortimer may yet succeed!

And secondly we serve our private aim.

Which is, if I have
read thy heart correct--

Is this the business
that the Prince of Wales

finds suits his majesty, eh?

Tennis? Dice?

Are't so effeminate?

Are't so attuned to that
degenerate company you keep?

Whose prince is this,
who minces and who chats

more like a Princess than a royal heir?

I know you love your brother Mortimer

and for that love, and
that which I bear you

I shall attempt to calm my father's storm.

Meantime, my lords, obedience is due.

Send us your prisoners,
or you will hear of it.

An' if the devil come and roar for them

I will not send them: I will
after straight and tell him so

for I will ease my heart, albeit
I make a hazard of my head!

- What, drunk with choler?
- Stay and pause awhile.

Remember calm, remember reason, think!

Soldier!

The old Earl of Northumberland

is waiting just outside; he was dismissed

in rage by King Henry.

Go fetch him in.

We shall obey at once, my lord Hotspur.

[Sam stomps]

[Jen stomps]

Wait.

Have we met?

Yes, quite possibly, perhaps

your lordship might have
seen us here before.

We have been guarding
this palace for years.

[audience laughs]

What is thy name, soldier?

[rhythmically] Why, Jen, my lord.

Come, shake my hand.

Thy hand, my lord? What for?

In friendship or in enmity, choose one

I care not, simply do as thou art told.

Give me thy hand.

Okay. Yeah.

Here it is.

[silence]

I thank thee.

[rhythmically] No problem-o.

[audience laughs]

We'll fetch him

the man thou did request to see just now.

In fact I see him coming
already, [laughs excitedly] so

we'll see thee later, alligator...

[audience laughs]

Or!

[audience laughs]

Brother, the King hath forcibly denied

our pleas to ransom Edmund Mortimer!

What's happened? What
was said when I was gone?

He will forsooth have all our prisoners

and when I--

[high-pitched tone]

[silence]

And when we urged the ransom once again

of our dear cousin, then
his cheek look'd pale

and on my face he turn'd an eye of death

trembling even at the name of Mortimer!

Is King Henry not my father's very twin?

How is't I never noticed it before?

[audience laughs]

They are as like as this hand to itself!

[audience laughs]

What, is God's highest so common in form

that Kings are found in twos?

And all alone.

Save for those guards, that
Jen, whose face I think

I have encountered once before somewhere.

♪ [slow tense music] ♪

And Henry

Prince of Wales, that libertine

where was King Henry's retinue, his queen

his knights, his courtiers

or his people...

Shouldn't there be, like, more people here

[audience laughs]

or something?

♪ [eerie music] ♪

Who the fuck are you?

[music stops]

Good nephew, give me audience a while!

And now

I will unclasp a secret book
♪ [soft dramatic music] ♪

and to your bluh bluh-bluh-bluh bluh-bluh

Bluh bluh bluh bluh-bluh
bluh bluh bluh-bluh-bluh

bluh bluh bluh bluh-bluh
bluh bluh-bluh-bluh bluh.

Bluh bluh bluh-bluh-bluh
bluh-bluh bluh bluh bluh.

[music stops]

Sorry, what did you just say?

♪ [soft dramatic music] ♪

De dum, de dum, de dum, the King de dum

[audience laughs]

de-dum de-dum de-dum de-dum the crown?

Bluh bluh. Bluh-bluh bluh bluh bluh.

De dum de dum-de dum de dum-de King.

De dum de dum de dum-de dum-de dum!

Bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh
bluh-bluh bluh-bluh-bluh.

Wait, wait.

♪ [pulsating dramatic music] ♪

Look at this place.

Look at them, who are they?

Bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh-bluh-bluh!

De-dum de-dum de-dum--

[Hotspur gasps] - my son be so employed.

[thud]
[music stops]

Rebellion is our aim, we shall seek out

a head of safety with
the Archbishop of York

and Douglas, and Glendower

and Mortimer, to, to
overthrow the... King.

- [Worcester] My lords,
farewell: no further go in this

than I by letters shall
direct your course.

Farewell, good brother:
we shall thrive, I trust.

Brother, Adieu.

O, let the hours be short

till fields and blows and
groans applaud our sport!

[dramatic beat]

There they are. Mhm, mhm, mhm.

Aah... There he is, get down!

[audience laughs]

Good! We're right on track.

We'll be out of here in no time!

I think I'm getting
the hang of this place.

Did you see that bit of improv back there?

Serving ten syllables every time, buh-bam!

Except for when you
called Hotspur 'thou'

instead of 'you!'

- Huh?
- In Shakespeare

calling someone 'you' implies respect.

Calling someone 'thou' implies
familiarity and intimacy.

Are you having a laugh?

What?

Are you telling me
that every two minutes

these fucking cis people
change their pronouns?

[audience laughs]

I can see why people like this stuff.

Oh, and those two-- the prince
and Hotspur, so adorable

like super tragic but, argh!
So much drama, I love it!

Does it have a happy ending?

Well, it doesn't matter, my love

as long as we find that doorway out.

Right, but does it have
a happy ending though--

Well, let's stay in the now, shall we?

If Prince Hal--

No, excuse me, if we're about

where I think we--

Prince Hal is about to have
a massive row with his Dad.

What?

Yes, sit down.

- [dramatic beat]
- My lords

give us leave awhile.
The Prince of Wales and I

must have some private conference.

Be near at hand, for we shall
presently have need of you.

Yet wait, my sovereign king!

Let us not go just yet, for we
can be of some use to thee...

You, to you!

Um

don't argue with your son, he is a nice

boy and we have heard
good things about him

that you will want to know, such as, um--

[song like] What are you doing?

I'm trying to help!

Hey, look at this!

I know you'd spare me
from my father's words

and I am grateful for your efforts, friend

but they shall only spur his anger on.

Do as he says.

I can withstand his rage.

Are you sure?

Like this is super fucked
up. What's his problem?

You're gay, so what?

Or 'not the marriage type'?

That's what this is about, right?

Hey, so what?

It's okay.

The Prince of Wales
is all that I can be.

Yet I appreciate thy honest tongue.

Would honesty were all my role demanded.

♪ [intense dramatic music] ♪

♪ [soft music] ♪

[pounding sound]

[dramatic beat]

[music stops]

We are accustomed, when we give commands

to having them obeyed, and promptly!

Go! Be there at the
entrances, let none come in!

[footsteps exiting]

[sighs]

I know not whether God will have it so

for some displeasing service I have done

that, in his secret doom, out of my blood

he'll breed revengement
and a scourge for me.

But thou dost in thy passages of life

make me believe that thou art only mark'd

for the hot vengeance
and the rod of heaven

to punish my mistreadings. Tell me else

could such inordinate and low desires

such barren pleasures, rude society

as thou art matched
withal and grafted to--

So please, your majesty, I would I could

quit all offences with as clear excuse--

The hope and expectation of thy time

is ruin'd, and the soul of every man

prophetically doth forethink thy fall.

Do not think so; you
shall not find it so.

It has been found;
why shall I not believe

that which is proved?
Or canst thou summon up

some words to excuse thy vulgar choice

to live so far from all propriety?

What say'st thou?

- My lord--
- How canst thou

account for this?

Why dost thou set thy will so
far from wisdom and prudence?

Why dost thou?

Indulging thy desires, deepening them

not reigning thyself
in, as princes should?

I shall hereafter,
my thrice gracious lord

- be more myself!
- Thyself!

Hotspur hath more loyalty, more
worthy interest to the state

than thou the shadow of succession.

But wherefore do I tell
these news to thee?

Why, Harry, do I tell thee of my foes

which art my near'st and dearest enemy?

To squander years of true

paternal love

to show how much thou art...

Degenerate!

[footsteps walking away]

[no dialect] Yeah. Cool.

Sick. Cheers, Dad!

Hotspur's a legend actually.
Just completely fair play!

He's like, 'I killed a dozen
Scottish people today, huh-hah!

[audience laughs]

[slaps]

Huh-hah! Legend!

I have a sexy wife!

She's like, 'Oh Harry, how
many hast thou killed today?'

and I'm like, 'Feed my horse, bitch!'

[audience laughs]

[mimicking Hotspur] Grr! Oh,
I must have my prisoners!

I must have Mortimer back King Henry--

I'm a very serious person!

[mimicking King Henry IV]
Yes, Harry Hotspur

I take you very seriously!

This is the most dynamite
shit I have ever seen!

[audience laughs]

Oh and by the way, congratulations
on your very sexy wife!

[mimicking Hotspur]
Thank you!

I won her in a fight I had with a wolf.

[audience laughs]

[mimicking King Henry IV]
A wife worthy of a Prince!

Oh, how I wish you were my son

and then I would have
a sexy daughter-in-law!

I wish my son would obtain a sexy wife.

He seems to spend all of his time with men

for reasons that are somehow
still a mystery to me!

[audience laughs]

[mimicking Hotspur]
Oh King Henry

your son is a nancy boy!

He has clean fingernails
and he combs his hair

and he does not have a very sexy wife!

He knows nothing of the pussy!

He is unquestionably a faggot

of the most heinous disposition!

Take me as your son instead!

[mimicking King Henry IV]
Yes!

That is absolutely a sensible reaction

to my son's homosexuality

and not at all likely
to scar him for life.

[no dialect] Cheers Dad! Yeah, yeah!

Nice one!

[audience laughs]

[thud]

I'm sorry.

[audience laughs]

Sorry's not good enough,
to be frank with you.

[panicking] We might really
be in the shit here now

come on!

[loud mechanical churning]

♪ [Jen whistling] ♪

[churning stops]

[Jen slowly stops whistling]

Sam?

Oh shit, Jen. You've porked it now, babes.

Um...

Okay, a magic map. A magic map.

Um, easy.

[electrifying sound]

- [voice] Northumberland--
- Northumberland...

- [voice] Alnwick Castle--
- Alnwick Castle?

[voice] Several Weeks Later.

Several Weeks Later.

- [electrifying sound]
- [Douglas] My gracious host!

I must express my thanks.

Your hospitality has been so mild

[audience laughs]

Your castle has been
such a welcoming respite

I could almost believe
that we had been friends

these last few years and not dire enemies!

Indeed, it seems mere
minutes since we fought

a bloody battle up at Holmedon Hill.

I'faith I curse myself I was not ta'en

to be your lordship's prisoner before!

In gratitude I shall commit my strength

to topple Henry Bolingbroke, your king.

With Harry Hotspur fighting on our side

I have no doubt we shall
find swift success!

Well said, and many
thanks, my noble Scot.

[Douglas laughs]

Ah, um--
[clears throat]

Lady Katherine!

[inhales]
[clears throat]

My humble thanks for all
thy golden generosity!

I'm glad I saw you ere we part to say

truly, by'm'heart thou art so becoming

truly, my heart breaks that I'll be-going.

[Lady Kate clears throat]

We'll muster up our
cousins and ride south

to join with you at Bangor by the ninth.

Thanks once again, old foe

and new-forged friend. [chuckles]

I'll ride out with you
till our paths diverge.

Yet stay, my husband. We must talk.

Uh-oh!

[audience laughs]

I'll join you momentarily.

Good luck!

How now, my wife? Have
you some suit to me?

A suit? Am I to make appointments
to speak with thee now?

My hennin is upstairs.

Shall I put on my formal robes, my lord?

Nay, but speak quickly:
I am called away.

'Tis true thou art, my
husband, called 'away.'

'Away' should be thy middle name, i'faith

for when I call out
'Harry' these stone walls

repeat 'Away, ' 'Away, ' in echoing sobs.

For what offence have I
these long months been

a banished woman from my Harry's bed?

No tenderness have I of thee enjoyed

no kisses, nor no touches, comforts, sighs

in weeks, nay months!

Unnatural spans of time!

I am thy wife; aren't not my husband too?

Am I not pleasing to thee anymore?

I must know, Harry, else
thou love'st me not!

What is that carries you away?

Away, away, you trifler! Love!

I love thee not!

Do you not love me? Do you not, indeed?

I love thee infinitely.

But hark you, Kate

whither I must, I must; and, to conclude

this evening must I
leave you, gentle Kate.

I know you wise, but yet no farther wise

than Harry Percy's wife: constant you are

yet constantly you are a woman, Kate

and so far will I trust--

Oh! So far.

Not an inch further!

[footsteps]

But hark you, Kate

whither I go, thither shall you go too.

Today I will set forth, tomorrow you.

Will this content you, Kate?

It must, of force.

[thuds]

[Jen sighs softly]

Are you all right?

What sayest thou, good maid?

[rhythmically] I said are you alright?

I do not need attending at this time.

[no dialect] Okay.

Art married?

Uh, married? Me?

Yes. Art thou wed?

Uh, no.

Ah. Well.

You probably have to
work at it, I imagine?

Yes! Thou art correct.

It is hard work.
[audience laughs]

I'm sure she loves you, really.

She?

Uh-uh, no no no no. Um...

he, him, your husband, Hotspur?

I'm sure he loves you really.

Sometimes I feel like
I do not know the man.

I gaze rather upon a fixed portrait

a hollow suit of armour brought to life.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Has't thou experience
with men? With love?

There is no need to blush

I do not ask to wring confession
from thee for thy sins.

I know how pretty maids
can turn men's heads

I know attention has a double edge.

In nine parts loathsome irritation

and in one part a begrudging flattery.

Ooh, yeah! I know what you mean there.

I have some experience with
men, with guys, they're...

Generally fine.

[audience laughs]

If that's what you're into.

I'm actually mostly a lesbian.

A lesbian? What sort of thing is that?

It is a religious order, like a nun?

[audience laughs]

Well, you could say it's a calling.

Sometimes I feel like I've
taken a vow of celibacy.

[audience laughs]

I took a solemn vow before God too.

I promised to love, honour and obey.

I gained so much - this
castle, servants and

all of the respect and admiration

that suits a lady of my birth.

I was the eldest child -
my parents did not know

that they would have my brother after me

being advanced in years when I was born.

And so I was taught to
think, to shoot, to write

to manage an estate: my parents planned

to make me their inheritor!

[sighs]

But then my brother Edmund was born.

And do not think that I do
not love him, or that I am

ungrateful for these
things that I've gained.

A husband well respected, gallant, strong

advancing into the world,
as he withdraws from me.

But I...

Some days I feel the lack

of that which I have
lost, most principally

the future I imagined for myself.

I am a wife. Now just a wife.

Nay, no, not 'just, ' I do
not mean to make it small.

It is a joy, it is a duty, I am blessed.

And yet--

It's tough when people see
you only in relation to men.

Yes! That is what I
mean, those are the words!

I read Protagoras - for I can read.

He wrote, 'Man is the
measure of all things.'

But why 'man, ' why not
'woman?' Why say 'man?'

When hast thou seen a smith or a carpenter

decrease in skill by practising his craft?

Why then do men insult the work of God

claiming all heavenly attributes for Adam

and leaving none for Eve, His second made?

Was Athena the lesser for her sex?

Hippolyta not roused by
that same Sun as Hercules?

Would Cleopatra's reign
have been more golden still

had she possessed that which she lacked?

Yes!

[audience laughs]

Oh sorry, not 'yes' as in
it would have been better

'yes' as in, [snaps] yeees!

[audience laughs]

It's tough. Like, I
guess women in the 14...

Women now... Don't have loads of options.

Like, you can think all that
stuff and say all that stuff

but you still do sort
of have to get married.

And it does have to be to a man.

Yeah, knowing your situation is cool

and I don't think you're
bad or sinful or whatever

for feeling frustrated.

But yeah, you can't just fix the world

by changing your attitude.

I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

It's a bit of a fucking shitter, innit?

[audience laughs]

[repeating slowly] It's a bit
of a fucking shitter, innit?

Hah! I like the way thou speak'st.

[audience laughs]

Yes! it's interesting.

It's less... [no dialect]
What am I trying to say?

[audience laughs and cheers]

Always have to...

[Shakespearean dialect]
Well, there is much to do

much to attend.

I thank thee for thy sympathetic ear

and I charge thee, on thy order

do not to speak to any
other of what I confessed.

Keep thou my words in total secrecy

as if I spake them in that sacrament.

Be like a priest, be like a lesbian!

[audience laughs]

Like a priest, got it. Um...

Yeah, I'm not gonna tell anyone.

Go to thy duties then. And me to mine.

[loud mechanical churning]
♪ [violin strings] ♪

[Douglas] Come, show me the map.

[Jen] Oh heck.

[music and churning stops]

Let's carve up land!

I have divided England equally.

All land from Trent and Severn hitherto -

by south and east to Mortimer is assign'd.

All westward, Wales
beyond the Severn shore

to Owen Glendower: brother, to you

the remnant northward,
lying off from Trent

which someday you will
hand down to your son.

So our indentures tripartite are drawn

which being sealèd interchangeably

tomorrow we set forth to Shrewsbury

where we shall gather
together tenants, friends

and neighbouring gentlemen into one power.

And after that, alea iacta est!

The die is cast and we shall win or lose.

Which nobles likely
head the king's forces?

The Earl of Stafford, and of Westmorland

perhaps Prince John.

Perhaps the Prince of Wales?

[all chuckling]

I hope he drinks his courage
deep enough to face me!

Has he given you some offence?

His every step, his every word offends

in breathing, nay, in looking he offends.

[audience laughs]

His cringing, whinging nature breeds--

[all startled]

[Jen stomps]

[Northumberland sighs]

Lord Hotspur, um sorry to
interrupt. Can I've a word?

Verily it 'tis important.

See to it that you
do return him straight!

[audience laughs]

Thou hast thy audience:
what is the news?

Uh, hello?

You met me at Holmedon
Hill, then in London?

I'm the girl from Framlingham.

Okay, I shook your hand
and something happened.

I think we might be connected, maybe

- because we're both--
- Go to!

Do not approach me, get thee hence!

I just need to speak to you.

I care not who thou
art or whence thou came

but get thee back there with expedience.

Thy face portends unwelcome happenings.

Strange sights and painful shocks

I say go to!

- I'm trying to go to.
- I'm going and I'm to-ing!

I thought maybe you'd like to go too?

I have a kingdom that I must o'erturn.

A mission to fulfil, a crown to win!

But your Dad keeps calling you his son.

An-and your uncle calls you his nephew.

Your wife calls you
her... Husband. Do you...

Do you really not know?

Know what?

[hurried footsteps]

- There you are, sugarspice.
- Found you at last!

Where the bloody hell have you been?

Oh, we got caught on
opposite sides of a transition.

Too right.

[audience laughs]

Look, what's supposed
to happen in this scene?

- Ah, thank you.
- [breathes deeply]

[electrifying sound]
[indistinct voices]

Looks like the rebels
are planning the attack.

Hotspur and Worcester do some negotiating.

Kate comes in, they have another argument

and then
[electrifying sound]

that's it, we're into the interval.

Why is Douglas here,
he's not in this scene?

And where are Mortimer and Glendower?

I don't know, I don't
even know who Mortimer

and Glendower even are.

[silence]

What did you do?

[audience laughs]

Nothing! Nothing, I didn't do any--

Give me that map!

Oh no, no, no! This is all wrong!

Mortimer and Glendower
are supposed to be here!

Glendower has to exit and
then come back on with Kate.

With--

[audience laughs]

All right. Well, we can skip

- this part, come on.
- No, Sam! Just watch this.

Come on.

[hurried footsteps]

Good morrow, wife.

Good morrow, my husband.

I feared you would not
deign to meet us here

for what I said and how I spoke to you.

Such warring words
are poor ground indeed

to build a marriage on't.

I know none else.

Forgive me that I said I loved thee not

and called thee trifler,
and raised my voice.

I hear thy heartfelt plea, my noble lord

and it has pierced my
woman's breast as if...

[no dialect] Uh, I feel like
I'm supposed to forgive you

but I don't want to.

[audience laughs]

I gave up who I was to become your wife.

That wasn't trifling.

But I don't want to look at
the things I left behind.

I want to look at the things
we could have, together.

I am most moved by
your words, good my wife

and I...

[silence]

[no dialect] Fuck it! Um...

[audience laughs]

I'm really sorry.

I'm really, really, really sorry.

And...

I love you.

I love you too.

[dramatic beat]

♪ [gentle music] ♪

[dramatic beat]

- [music stops]
- [Hotspur gasps softly]

Did you feel that?

I did!

I think I've felt this way once before

when I met this girl, up at Holmedon.

[audience laughs]

Did you kiss her too?

No! No, I-- I shook her hand.

When was this?

It was months ago.

Although it feels like
it wasn't that long?

Do you know something weird?

I don't know how I got here.

I was just in Alnwick, and now I'm here.

But you don't remember the journey?

- No!
- Neither do I!

I went from Holemdon to
Alnwick to London and now Wales

but I don't think I've
spent any time on the road

or if I have, then I don't remember it.

[loud crash]

What was that?

Do you know something else?

When I was in London, I thought my father

looked exactly like King Henry...

They do look similar!

[audience laughs]

No no no, like they had the same face.

I didn't even recognise my Dad at first.

[loud crash]

- [Sam] Ah! What's this?
- [mechanical grinding]

I've never seen this before!

I think something's wrong here?

So do I. And do you know what else?

♪ [eerie music] ♪

I feel like we're being watched.

- [loud crash]
- [Lady Kate screams]

[Worcester] I've just had a thought.

Here we are, planning to
overthrow Henry Bolingbroke

and install Edmund Mortimer as King

but have either of you
ever stopped to ask like...

Why we even have a hereditary
monarchy in the first place?

[audience laughs]

♪ [eerie music continues] ♪

I've just had a thought as well.

I wonder if my military offensives

over the last several years

although profitable in the short-term

have perhaps contributed

to a decreasing geopolitical
stability in the border region

that actually hampers my long-term goals?

See, I think I'd have more success

pursuing a more cooperative
and peaceful foreign policy

rather than one which requiring
constant military victory

and which relies so heavily
on projecting an image

of toxic masculinity.

[audience laughs]
[loud crash]

[electrifying sound]

My lords, my Lady Katherine,
your beds are ready for you!

♪ [pensive music] ♪
Look, the hour grows late.

Will you come in?

Tomorrow you must ride for Shrewsbury

and you shall need your strength

if you are to repair those grievous wrongs

that Henry Bolingbroke has done you all.

[soft whooshing sound]

Indeed, well said, good knight.

Let's all to bed.
[indistinct voices]

This heavy business
must have dulled my mind

for I was briefly carried quite away

by philosophic contemplation.

But there are many real things to attend!

[soft whooshing sound]

Indeed!

Shortly we shall rush unto the field

all harnessed with our
weapons borne aloft!

O what a glorious victory we shall win!

[Douglas laughs triumphantly]
[indistinct voices continue]

[soft whooshing sound]

[hurried footsteps]

[Jen panting heavily]

[electrifying sound]

[silence]

[Jen gasps softly]

[hurried footsteps]

Somewhere King Henry
watches that same sun

and in its slow descent foresees his fall

for sure he knows he shall not see it rise

more than a dozen times again in life.

I shall see my son rise to topple him.

[Shakespearean dialect] I am no sun.

I am the moon, reflecting
but a light you shine on me.

[laughs] Not so, the
country's eyes do look to thee.

In all the towns we pass
through the men cry out

'It's Harry Hotspur!' Not Northumberland.

I heard it rumoured
that the Prince of Wales

fled straight to France
the moment thou rode out!

He does not have a reputation

for great prowess in military scenes.

[Hotspur and Northumberland chuckle]

Indeed.

In truth, I pity his father.

The Prince of Wales
cancels all filial bonds

by heaping ignominy on himself

and I am sure his father takes it hard.

To lose a child to war or accident

or any deadly shock, that is a hell

that I pray thou wilt never fall into.

But losing a child because
they bring you shame

must be a deeper still infernal pit.

The shameful child reminds one

of their transgression
every day and in consequence

their face becomes a murder or a rape.

A violation written in that flesh

which once was smiling,
bouncing in your arms

now unwelcome and unfamiliar.

One's mourning clothes are worn invisibly

for shame is hidden in the empty heart

and speaking shame
aloud doth triple shame.

False smiles hiding tears
fill up all the days

until, I am told, by
most unfortunate friends

the parent wishes their
own child were dead.

♪ [low tense music] ♪

I am proud of thee, Harry

I thank God thou art my son.

I am relieved

to see a bloom of strength and fortitude

in thee that in myself I have felt fading

as my own sun sets.

- Dad--
- I will not always be here.

None can choose the hour which
they must depart this life.

Before we ride for Shrewsbury I will sign

the deeds of thy inheritance.

Thy name shall be inscribed
and thou shalt take possession

of all legal property,
including Alnwick Castle

and its grounds
[pulsating sound]

that our great ancestors, and thy father

have handed down the ages for thy hands.

♪ [tense music grows louder] ♪
[pulsating sound continues]

I make an early gift of this to thee.

[dramatic beat]

[intense dramatic beat]

[trepidatious] What happens at the end?

[yells] Give that back! You
don't know what you're doing!

What happens at the end
of "Henry IV" Part One?

[ominous sound]

♪ [discordant buildup] ♪
[pulsating intensifies]

[explosive electrical crash]

♪ [tense distorted music] ♪
[electrifying shocks]

[Jen grunts strenuously]

♪ [distorted music intensifies] ♪

[loud dramatic beat]

♪ [music fades] ♪

[audience applauds]

[applause fades]

[whirling disorienting sound]

[disorienting sound intensifies]

♪ [dramatic music] ♪

[dramatic beat]

Though yet of Hamlet
our dear brother's death

the memory be green,
and that it us befitted

to bear our hearts in
grief and our whole kingdom

to be contracted as one brow of woe

yet so far hath discretion
fought with nature

that we with wisest sorrow think on him

together with remembrance of ourselves.

Therefore our sometime sister

now our queen

have we, as 'twere with a defeated joy

with mirth in funeral and
with dirge in marriage

taken to wife.

[court applauds]

Nor have we herein barr'd
your better wisdoms

which have freely gone
with this affair along.

For all, our thanks.

[court applauds]

Now follows, that you
know, young Fortinbras

holding a weak supposal of our worth

or thinking by our late
dear brother's death

our state to be disjoint

and out of frame
[hurried footsteps]

colleaguèd with the dream of his advantage

he hath not failed to
pester us with message

importing the surrender of those lands

lost by his father, with all bonds of law

to our most valiant brother.

So much for him.

[court laughs]

Oh Christ!

Now for ourself
[hurried footsteps]

and for this time of meeting

thus much the business
is: we have here writ

to Norway, uncle of Fortinbras

who, impotent and bed-rid, scarcely hears

of this his nephew's purpose - to suppress

his further gait herein;
in that the levies

lists and full proportions
[hurried footsteps]

are all made

- out of his subject--
- Give me the map.

- and we here dispatch--
- Give me the map.

- you, good Cornelius--
- Give me the map.

- our loyal friend--
- Give me the map.

for bearer of this greeting to old Norway

giving to you no further personal power

to business with the
king more than the scope

of these delated articles allow.

Farewell--

Give me the map!

and let your haste--

Give me the map, give me the map!

commend your duty.

[short of breath] Give me
the map! Give me the map!

In that and all things
I will show my duty.

We doubt it nothing: heartily farewell!

And now, Laertes, what
is the news with you?

You told us of some
suit; what is't, Laertes?

Your leave and favour
to return to France

- from whence--
- [wheezing] Give it! Give it!

though willingly I came to Denmark--

- [Sam grunting and gasping]
- To show my duty

in your coronation, yet now,
I must confess, that duty done

my thoughts and wishes
bend again toward France

[Sam exhales distressed]

and bow them to your gracious leave--

Give me the map!

Have you your father's leave?

[Sam murmurs indistinctly]

He hath, my lord: wrung
from me my slow leave.

[Sam pants heavily]

I do beseech you, give him leave to go.

Take thy fair hour

Laertes; time be thine
[hurried footsteps]

and thy best graces use it at thy will!

And now, Hamlet, our cousin, and our son

how is it that the
clouds still hang on you?

Not so, my lord; I
am too much i'the sun.

Good Hamlet, cast
thy nighted colour off.

Thou know'st 'tis common;
all that lives must die.

Passing through nature to eternity.

Ay, madam

it is common.

If it be, why seems it
so particular with thee?

Seems, madam! nay it
is; I know not 'seems.'

'Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother

together with all forms,
moods, shapes of grief

that can denote me
truly: these indeed seem

for they are actions
that a man might play.

But I have that within which passeth show.

These but the trappings
and the suits of woe.

For your intent in going
back to school in Wittenberg

it is most retrograde to our desire.

And we beseech you, bend you to remain

here, in the cheer and comfort of our eye

our chiefest courtier, cousin, and son.

[Lady Kate] Let not thy
mother lose her prayers, Hamlet.

I pray you, stay with
us; go not to Wittenberg.

I shall in all my best obey you, madam.

Why, 'tis a loving and a fair reply.

Be as ourself in Denmark.

Madam, come.

O, that this too too
solid flesh would melt

thaw and resolve itself into a dew.

Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd

His canon 'gainst self-slaughter.

O God.

God!

How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable

seem to me all the uses of this world!

[Jen] Whoa. Moood.

[audience laughs]

Fie on't! ah fie!

'tis an unweeded garden,
that grows to seed.

Things rank and gross in natur--

Ow! What the fuck!
[bottle hits floor]

Sorry! Hi.

Do you remember me?

I am glad to see you well!

[Jen laughs excitedly]

- Horatio!
- [audience laughs]

Or I do forget myself!

Oh bloody hell.

But what, in faith,
make you from Wittenberg?

I didn't come from chuffing Wittenberg.

I'm from Framlingham!

Look, my name is Jen, okay?
We spoke about 20 minutes ago.

And I've come here. I've come here to

tell you something really important--

I pray thee, do not
mock me, fellow-student.

I think it was to see my mother's wedding.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Thrift, thrift, Horatio!

The funeral baked meats

did coldly furnish forth
the marriage tables!

My father!

Methinks I see my father.

Where?

In my mind's eye, Horatio.

Okay, right, let me save
you about five hours here.

[audience laughs]

[electrifying sound]

[indistinct voices]
♪ [soft pensive music] ♪

Hm, your Dad's dead,
your uncle killed him.

[audience laughs]

Oh! Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern are wronguns

don't be mean to Ophelia

don't stab anyone through a curtain

uh, watch out for the Norwegians

and stay away from fencing tournaments.

[electrifying sound]
[music stops]

Now this place, this world?
It's not what you think it is.

And you're not who you think you are.

Look, I know this gonna sound unbelievable

but I think you're really--
[hurried footsteps]

[Sam] Hail to your Lordship!

Marcellus, hello!

What make you from
Wittenberg, my worthy friend?

A truant disposition, good my lord!

Oh, I would not hear your enemy say so

nor shall you do mine ear that violence

to truster your own
report against yourself.

I know you are no truant.

What are you doing?

My lord, I came to see
your father's funeral.

I saw him once; he was a goodly King.

He was a man, take him for all in all

I shall not look upon his like again.

Sorry, excuse me, Prince Hamlet

could I please borrow, um...

What's your name supposed to be?

Marcellus.

Can I borrow her? I'll
bring her right back!

[shrieks] No!

What are you doing?

I'm trying to fix your bloody mess!

No, Sam, you said these
characters are just antibodies.

They're not, she's
trapped here just like us!

Don't pretend you
have the slightest idea

what's going on down here

when 90 minutes ago you still believed

you were married to an Ancient Roman!

You need to sit down

and think about your behaviour, duck egg.

Everything was going fine
up there until you broke it.

Now we've been kicked all
the way down to the bottom!

So what?

Look, let's just tell her and we can all

find a way out together.

The only way out is back up there

at the end of "Henry IV" Part One

which we now can't get to

because one of the major characters

is having an identity crisis!

You're lucky we ended up in "Hamlet."

If we'd fallen into "Titus Andronicus"

we could have been baked into pies!

[audience laughs]

I checked the map. I know
what happens to her at the end.

Well nothing happens now

because you've derailed the whole thing!

What's meant to happen is Prince Hal

proves himself worthy of the crown

by saving his father's life
and defeating Harry Hotspur.

She dies!

Hotspur ends up as the tragic foil

for Prince Hal's transformation--

But she dies!

Dies nobly.

Dies giving a beautiful speech

about time and life and honour.

Would you take that away?

Would you say, 'Hey,
actually, all those things

you think you did, all
those accomplishments

that was all a lie.

Those people that love you,
they don't really love you

they just love this
character you're performing.'

Do you think it's right

to inflict that kind of
knowledge on someone?

To rip them out of their life?

Cheat them out of their death?

They are here because they want to be.

Do you? Do you want to be stuck down here

like one of these dead-eyed zombie cunts?

I've been down here a long time.

A really, really fucking long time.

And I need to get out.

I wasn't Cleopatra.

When I woke up in "Antony and
Cleopatra" I wasn't Cleopatra.

I was Messenger Number 7.

I had one line in Act III.

'The emperor calls Canidius.'

That was my whole character.
My whole world, one line.

It's not even ten syllables.

Even if you really milk
'emperor' it's still only nine.

[audience laughs]

I said that line until I
was sick to death of it.

I wanted to bash my brains
out or jump off a building.

I was so, so, tired of
being a minor character.

You at least got to be Portia.

You got to stand up there being beautiful

and clever and have loads of lines, it...

It broke my heart.

One line was all of everything I ever got.

Until one night I realised

I'm bigger than this!

And I deserve to have a bit of recognition

and self determination in life, don't I?

I worked hard to get that map

and to get you out, and now...

I don't have anything
left to give anymore.

I'm sorry.

Sam, I-I'm sorry, I got caught up in it.

Okay, let's go.

It might not be too late.

Maybe you can still get up
there and get to that door.

Okay?

[softly] Yeah.

[silence]

[dramatic beat]

♪ [gentle emotional music] ♪

[Hotspur panting heavily]

♪ [gentle music continues] ♪

[Hotspur panting slowly]

[exhales]

[dramatic beat]

Prince Hamlet?

[music stops]

Um, I'm sorry to have interrupted.

I just thought maybe
you'd like to come with us

rather than stay here.

[silence]

To be

or not to be

that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune

or to

take arms against a sea of troubles

and by opposing end them?

To die: to sleep.

No more.

And by a sleep to say we end

the heart-ache and the
thousand natural shocks

that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

devoutly to be wish'd.

To die, to sleep.

To sleep: perchance to dream.

Ay, there's the rub.

For in that sleep of
death what dreams may come

when we have shuffled off this mortal coil

must give us pause: there's the respect

that makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the
whips and scorns of time

to grunt and sweat

under a weary life

but that the dread of
something after death

which makes us rather
bear those ills we have

than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does
make cowards of us all

and thus the native hue of resolution

is sicklied o'er with
the pale cast of thought

and enterprises of great pith and moment

with this regard their currents turn awry

and lose the name of action.

[hurried footsteps]

[mechanical churning]

[bright whooshing sound]

[churning continues]

[hurried footsteps]

[churning intensifies]

[dramatic beat]

Harry?

Kate?

Thy uncle charged me
that I bring thee this.

He bids thee put on thy armour at once.

Your powers are arranged at Shrewsbury

and soon King Henry's army will be here.

[no dialect] Wait...

I just said that because I'm supposed to.

I don't know how I got
here, or how you got here.

Harry, what's going on?

It's okay.

You've been dreaming.

I'll tell you what you need to do.

Give me that, then get on a
horse and ride back to Alnwick.

I don't even know how to ride a horse.

There's none back there anyway!

Of course you do, how
else did you get here?

I don't know!

I don't know.

I don't remember anything
except when I'm with you.

My whole life just exists
just to facilitate you!

Something's wrong, don't you
remember that conversation

we had at Alnwick and that noise?

It was just a dream.

Give me that and ride home, Kate.

Are you even listening to
me? Stop ordering me around!

That is thy role! That
is thy calling, Kate!

It is what God and Nature hath assigned.

It is not Woman's place to give commands.

It is not Woman's place to rule thyself.

I would be softer with thee if I could

but this our war is
forged of swords and mail.

No weakness nor no womanly gentleness

can we allow to creep into our hearts

and so thou must away.

Thou must.

Just go!

Fine.

It's impossible to be around you

when you're like this anyway.

I don't know how I've ever
managed to tolerate it.

Love, I suppose.

I love you.

One of you: the one who
actually communicates.

But this one

I'd rather walk into that darkness

and find my way through
than stay here with you.

Look at me! You've cut me in two as well.

I'm discarding the Kate that's
been acting as your spinoff.

I'm throwing her away.

And so I say goodbye

and I say good luck

but I'm saying it to other Harry

because this character that
I'm looking at right now

other Kate might have
loved you, but I don't.

[footsteps]

Good morrow, nephew!

I just saw thy Kate come by me

with her eyes all veiled in tears.

I sent her home.

Her woman's heart did break
in being parted from me

but t'was right.

My heart doth burn to
charge into the field!

The red hot breath of action roars in me!

Five hundred Cheshire yeoman have we, yes?

We shall arrange them up by Harlescott

Better to look down upon the field

and rain their missiles
on King Henry's power!

The cavalry from Wales--

Yea, yea, but first--

This letter comes
from old Northumberland.

A letter from him. Why
comes he not himself?

He cannot come: he
says he is grievous sick.

I prithee, tell me,
doth he keep his bed?

He did, his rider said, four days ago

and at the time of his departure thence

he was much feared by his physicians.

We must amend our plans: I say withdraw.

Yet all goes well, yet
all our joints are whole!

I loath to crush that
Spring in you, my lord

with further winter words
but here's further news.

The Earl of Westmoreland,
seven thousand strong

is marching hitherwards;
with him Prince John.

No harm: what more?

And further, I have learn'd

the king himself in person is set forth

with strong and mighty preparation!

He shall be welcome too.

Where is his son, that
nimble-footed madcap Prince of Wales

and his comrades?

All furnish'd, all in arms.

All plumed like estridges
that with the wind

baited like eagles having lately bathed.

Glittering in golden coats, like images

as full of spirit as the month of May

and gorgeous as the sun--

Let them come on: they come
like sacrifices in their trim

and to the fire-eyed maid of smoky war

all hot and bleeding will we offer them!

We'll fight with him tonight.

Good nephew, be
advised; we must withdraw!

You speak but out of
fear and a cold heart.

Do me no slander, Douglas: by my life

I hold as little counsel with weak fear

as you my lord, or any man that lives!

The number of the king exceedeth ours.

For God's sake nephew, we must withdraw!

Thy father's sickness is a maim to us

a perilous gash, a very limb lopped off.

Before we rode from Bangor father gave

all deeds and rights of
my inheritance to me.

All powers and authority.

He trusted me to be our family.

I am the latest in that line of sons

that stretcheth back
through centuries long gone.

Each drop of blood in
me doth bear that debt.

[Hotspur] I'll play the
part of old Northumberland

and you shall see his manly strength in me

reflected as a blade reflects the sun.

My Lord of Worcester,
is this not Hotspur?

Why doubt you his prowess in leading us?

Have you no pride in
him? Have you no faith?

If Hotspur says that we can win this fight

then I shall stand
beside him and not quail.

Pray, do not take my caution as a sign

that I am not proud of thee.

I am. Thy life has run
by in so small a span.

Why I recall, but yesterday it seems

a little boy who stood not three feet high

and could not mount his horse.

I picked him up, I sat him in
the saddle, gave him reigns.

He galloped off.

And now he has returned

though I and that boy
both have been transformed

by time, and I see now

thou art a man.

Your love doth make
me twice the man I am.

And if I fall, so falls the man you know

with all these honours you bestow intact.

[percussion]

[percussion stops]

How now, my rebel lords!

It is not well that you and
I should meet upon such terms

as now we meet.

You have deceived our trust

making us doff the easy robes of peace

to crush our old limbs in ungentle steel.

It is not well, my lords, it is not well.

For mine own part, I
could be well content

to entertain the lag-end of my life

with quiet hours; for I do protest

I have not sought the day of this dislike.

You have not sought it? Hah!

How comes it then?

It pleased your majesty
to turn your looks

of favour from myself and all our house!

If Hotspur's good
deserts have been forgot

we bid you name your
griefs and with all speed

you shall have your desires with interest

and pardon absolute for yourself and these

herein misled by your suggestion.

Do not believe this
snake, this King of smiles

who knows but how to promise, not to pay!

This must be Douglas,
Scotland's hairy thane

though out of orbit, Heaven
knows you're further south

than he has a right to be!

Your majesty should check the map again.

Put muzzles on your dog before he bites

[Douglas growls] - or
you shall answer to the

crown for him.

We gave you that same royalty you wear.

And when you were not
six and twenty strong

sick in the world's
regard, wretched and low

my father gave you welcome to the shore.

And when the lords and barons of the realm

perceived Northumberland did lean to you

the more and less came
in with cap and knee!

In short time after, you deposed the king.

Soon after that, deprived him of his life.

Disgraced me in my happy victories

rated mine uncle from the council-board.

In rage dismissed my
father from the court.

Broke oath on oath,
committed wrong on wrong

and in conclusion drove us to seek out

this head of safety; and withal to pry

into your title, the which we find

too indirect for long continuance!

These things indeed you have articulate

with some fine colour
that may please the eye

to face the garment of rebellion.

In both our armies there is many a soul

shall pay full dearly for this encounter

if once they join in trial.

Therefore Hotspur: I do not
think a braver gentleman

more active-valiant or more valiant-young

more daring or more bold, is now alive.

For my part, I may speak it to my shame

I have a truant been to chivalry

yet this before my father's majesty

I will, to save the blood on either side

try fortune with you in a single fight.

[Douglas and Worcester laugh]

You cannot offer this in earnestness.

Presume not that I am the thing I was

for God doth know, so
shall the world perceive

that I have turn'd away my former self.

In thy image I now create my life.

An image, nothing more, a thin shadow

a mere player dressing as a man.

So much art thou, a fake, a counterfeit!

I'll rip thy honour from thee at the root!

I'll drag thee 10 times
round the walls of Troy

and make a trophy of thy battered corpse!

- ♪ [suspenseful music] ♪
- This quarrel lies not just

on your heads alone.

[Douglas] Therefore, I say

to arms!

Sound every drum!

Rebuke and dread correction wait on us!

We offered fair, yet now we'll set on you

and God befriend us, as our cause is just!

To arms, gentlemen, to
arms and steel yourselves!

[dramatic beat]

♪ [electric guitar swells] ♪

Raugh!

♪ [suspenseful music continues] ♪

It's close!

The doorway's close, we're almost there!

[laughs]

[Prince Hal] Hold up thy head,
vile Scot, or thou art like

never to hold it up again.

It is the Prince of Wales
that threatens thee!

[Douglas yells] [swords clashing]

[Douglas and Prince Hal grunting]

The Douglas is pursued!

Nay, 'tis not him!

It is, I saw him
through the smoke, it is!

Our allies need our aid,
come, mount your horse!

Nay, where is Hal? Where
is the Prince of Wales?

I saw him even now! The Prince must die!

Your rivalry can wait,
they need our help!

Without it I am nothing!

Go, I'll stay, and if I
cannot find him I will come.

♪ [suspenseful music continues] ♪

Hal!

This is it!

Get out of here!

We can't stay, it's too dangerous!

This is the spot!

- There's nothing here!
- Sam, we have to leave!

This is where the doorway will be!

Go to! I'll cut you down!

I say go to!

But this is where you die!

I know where I'm supposed to be!

Girl, I don't think you do!

[loud eruptive sound]

♪ [gentle music] ♪

We've made it.

We've made it!

Who are they?

People.

Real people!

Hi. I'm Sam.

What's your name?

Angie.

Angie! Hi Angie!

I'll see you on the other side, Angie!

[whispers excitedly] Come on!

I'm coming home!

[Jen] Are you coming?

Where?

Out.

No!

Why not? She did it.

My father, my uncle, Kate

my whole life is here.

It's just a performance.

Prince Hal. Prince Hal
is here, I have to...

It's just a performance.

♪ [gentle music continues] ♪

[hurried footsteps]

[Hotspur grunts softly]

It's your line.

If I mistake not,
thou art Harry Monmouth.

Thou speak'st as if
I would deny my name.

My name...

♪ [gentle music continues] ♪

My name is Harry Hotspur!

[dramatic beat]

[music stops]

No. No no no, wait, please--

I am a son, I am a nephew

I... Am princely
♪ [low tense music] ♪

I am mighty.

I am loved. And I am happy!

Nay, do not shake thy head

I say I am the happiest man on earth

for I have all that men could ever wish!

Go thou thy ways, foul thing,
and nevermore I beg thee

nevermore to visit me.

I say again I am the happiest man!

I'll find you. You look
out for me next time.

But we will go together. I will find you--

[Prince Hal yells] I
am the Prince of Wales

and think not, Percy

to share with me in glory any more.

Two stars keep not their
motion in one sphere

nor can one England brook a double reign

of Harry Hotspur and the Prince of Wales.

Nor shall it, Harry;
for the hour is come

to end the one of us; and would to God

thy name and glory were
now as great as mine.

I'll make it greater
ere I part from thee

and with the budding honours on thy crest

I'll crop, to make a garland for my head!

♪ [suspenseful music] ♪

[swords clashing]

[Hotspur and Prince Hal grunting]

[swords clashing]

♪ [suspenseful music continues] ♪

[Hotspur] Raaaugh!

[Hotspur screams]

[sword slices]

[music stops]

[soft ringing]

[Hotspur gags]

You have a speech now.

[audience laughs]

You're supposed to give a
beautiful speech about honour

and pride and death.

And then you go out nobly,
and I get to be magnanimous.

[Hotspur gasps] [thud]

[silence]

[sword clinks]

[footsteps]

Thus ever did rebellion find rebuke.

When that this body did contain a spirit

a kingdom for it was too small a bound.

But now

two paces of the vilest earth

is room enough: this
earth that bears it dead

bears not alive so stout a gentleman.

Well done, my boy.

I am proud of thee at last.

♪ [fantastical music] ♪

[distorted voices]

[voices overlap indistinctly]

[chirping sound]

[footsteps]

[soft whooshing sound]

- [reverberating voice]
- No, foolish thing--

[indistinct voices continue]

[Douglas' voice reverberating] Lay on--

Lay on ya wee and scrawny thing--

[low pulsating sound]

[muffled thud]
[voices and music continue]

[sword scrapes]

[electrifying sounds]

♪ [music and voices grow
more disorienting] ♪

[footsteps]

[soft whooshing sound]

[Lady Kate's voice
reverberating] Do you not love me--

[distorted voices echoing]

[pulsating sound continues]

[thuds]

♪ [music swirling] ♪

[voices and music fade]

[dramatic beat]

So shaken as we are, so wan with care

find we a time for frighted peace to pant

and breathe short-winded
accents of new broils

to be commenced in strands afar remote.

No more the thirsty entrance of this soil

shall daub her lips with
her own children's blood.

Nor more shall trenching
war channel her fields

nor bruise her flowerets
with the armèd hoofs

of hostile paces: those opposèd eyes

which, like the meteors
of a troubled heaven

all of one nature, of one substance bred

did lately meet in the intestine shock

and furious close of civil butchery

shall now, in mutual well-beseeming ranks

march all one way

and be no more opposed

against acquaintance, kindred

and allies.

The edge of war, like
an ill-sheathèd knife

no more shall cut his master.

Therefore, friends, as far as to the

sepulchre of Christ

forthwith a power of English shall we levy

whose arms were moulded
in their mothers' wombs

to chase those pagans
from those holy fields.

But this our purpose now is 12 month old

and bootless 'tis to tell you we will go.

Therefore we meet not now.

Then let me hear from you,
most valued loyal friend

what yesternight our council did decree

in forwarding this dear expedience.

My liege, this haste was hot in question

and many limits of the charge set down

but yesternight: when
all athwart there came

a post from Scotland,
leaden with grave news.

- [hurried footsteps]
- [Hotspur panting softly]

Harry Hotspur, or so you call her

fought valiantly against
the Earl of Douglas.

Because war makes men of us

or so she'd been told

and her father loved her for it.

Raugh!

[Hotspur breathing heavily]

Raugh!

Lay on!

Lay on ya wee and scrawny thing

I've fought grandmothers
with more strength than ye!

[Douglas] Raugh!

Raugh!

[yells]

Ah!

And she wasn't alone.

She had Prince Hal with her

who had trudged all the way from London

to see if he could kill a part of himself

as easily as Hotspur killed Scots.

[King Henry IV] Yea,
there thou makest me sad

and makest me sin in envy

that my Lord Northumberland

should be the father to so blest a child

a...

daughter

who is the theme of honour's tongue.

Whi-whi-whilst I, by
looking on the praise of...

see riot and dishonour stain
the brow of my young worry.

I mean Harry.

I worry.

[no dialect] I don't want him to miss out

on everything I've set aside for him.

On your feet, Prince Hal.

These wars make men of us.
[shakily] Are you a man?

A spent one.

[King Henry IV] O
that it could be proved

that some night-tripping fairy

had exchanged Northumberland's
child with mine

when they were born

then would I have his Harry, and he mine.

I don't mean that.

[audience laughs]

My boy. I don't mean that.

Are you Northumberland or Henry?

[audience laughs]

I'm Dad?

I'm Dad!

Where are we?

Hi!

Do any of you recognise this?

[dramatic beat]
[mechanical churning]

♪ [soft dramatic music] ♪

[Hotspur laughs gleefully]

♪ [music fades] ♪

[seagull squawking]

[ocean waves crashing]

[closes compact]

[seagull continues squawking]

[ocean waves continue]

[exhales]

[footsteps]

Hey.

Hey, hey!

[gasps softly]

I'm really sorry I'm late.

The train it just decided
to stop in Hayward's Heath

for 15 minutes for
absolutely no fucking reason.

Bloody Thameslink, hey? [laughs]

[audience laughs]

How are you?

I'm good, how are you-- oh! Oh.

[both kiss]

You're looking well.

Yea-- thanks! Yeah.

[Jen laughs] Oh!

Good to see you.

Could have picked a nicer day for it mind.

Yeah, yeah, the Boardwalk's
usually really nice in summer.

I guess the cold weather's
still clinging on.

Yeah, the weather those
couple of days last week though

when it was gorgeous, but yeah,
I guess winter's back now.

So you've been up to anything?

Um, yeah. I'm all over.

I'm London based

but I've just got back
from Belize last week.

- Belize?
- Yeah!

It's gorgeous, I went on this
huge hike to this huge lake

called Five Blues, 'cause
it's got five rivers

running into it, and
then some howler monkeys

chucked poo at me.

I thought that was made up
but it turns out wild monkeys

actually really do throw shit at you.

Ugh! [laughs]

It was fine! I just
washed it off in the lake.

Well, I don't think I could do that.

Where else have you been?

All over, um...

I did the Caribbean first,
as soon as I got out

and got my life together.

And I really needed some sun

so I got a job on a cruise
ship, believe it or not!

Really?

Yeah! Really interesting people.

Quite a lot like us actually.

We had a little on-board community.

Yeah, there was this one girl from Glasgow

who'd been stuck inside
"The Taming of the Shrew"

[audience laughs]

and this Dutch guy who'd
played Duke Frederick

in "As You Like It"

and um, oh!

One of the chefs had recently
escaped from a dimension

that was entirely "Phantom of the Opera."

[audience laughs]

Just "Phantom of the Opera?"

No "Cats" or "Jesus Christ Superstar" or--

- Apparently not, no.
- [audience laughs]

Apparently there's no interconnected

Lloyd-Weber-verse down
there, it's just "Phantom."

[audience laughs]

For 35 years.

[audience laughs]

[Jen and Sam laugh]

What about you?

Oh yeah, I'm good. I'm
um, I'm directing a play.

Yeah, in Brighton. At the Brighton Fringe.

- Oh?
- Yeah, yeah.

No.

No, sorry. That was a lie.

I just um...

[taps thighs]

I came here.

That's nice. Peaceful.

The seaside?

[Sam] Mmm.

Yeah, it's tough.

It's like... Now what, y'know?

I'm really glad to see you again.

Thank you for reaching out.

Of course.

I mean, it's whatever.

You got out; I got out.
All's Well That Ends Well.

[audience laughs]

Do not talk to me like Shakespeare. Blegh!

[laughs] Oh my god, sorry.

I genuinely didn't even
realise I was doing it.

[Jen and Sam laugh]

I got you a present actually.

Oh?

Turn around.

[softly] Ta-dah!

It came in handy.

It's not magic anymore.

[laughs]

I just thought it might look
cool on a shelf or something.

Well
[Jen and Sam chuckle]

thank you.

I'm meeting some old friends
for lunch. Do you wanna come?

I'd better get ready for work.

You sure? What time's your shift?

Um, it's not till this evening but um...

I've still got some stuff
to sort out in the flat, so.

Okay.

[Sam] Yeah.

Well, good to see you, yeah?

Oh yeah.

I-I'll message you sometime

maybe next time you're in Brighton.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah!

You take it easy, yeah?

[footsteps]

[bottle cap twists]

Hey.

Hey gorgeous!

[both shrieking excitedly]

You're looking good, girl!

Thank you!

Where's the others?

They're just catching up. Is Sam coming?

Uh, no, I don't--

[Lady Kate shrieks]

[hurried footsteps]

[Prince Hal laughs]

Oh, is she in?

Oh, no.

Did you give her the map back?

Yeah, I um... I invited
her to come with us.

It does take some people
a little bit longer.

Remember what Dad was like?

It's not your fault. You offered.

It is hard to get used to
playing a new role, as it were.

That's life though, isn't
it; that's everything.

Mm.

All the world's a stage.

[laughs]

[audience applauds]

♪ [upbeat music] ♪

[audience cheers]

[audience cheers]

♪ [upbeat music continues] ♪

[audience cheers]

[music and applause fades]

♪ [dramatic music] ♪

[music ends]