All language subtitles for Columbo S01E03 Murder By the Book 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB (1)_track3_[eng]

[typewriter keys]

-Who is it?

-Oh, you're not intimidated,
huh?

-Oh, come on, Ken.

You're forgetting that I'm one
half of the world's greatest

mystery writing team.

You, ah, don't have gloves on.

Your finger's not
on the trigger.

And there are no bullets
in the cylinder.

-[chuckle]

You're right.

I'm a lousy practical joker.

-What are you doing here with
that thing, anyway?

-I was on my way down
to the cabin.

I thought maybe I could use it
for protection down there.

Also came by to apologize.

-For what?

-For blowing my cork
the other day.

I got out of line.

-Oh.

Forget it.

You know, that happens.

-Nah.

Shouldn't happen, not
between you and me.

So believe it or not, sir,
this is a peace pipe.

Bottoms up, Jim.

-In the middle of the morning?

-Oh, come on.

Relax.

It's Saturday.

And in the mystery writer's
soul, it is always the middle

of the night.

Oop.

A toast.

Dear sir, I give you
our divorce.

-Well, it's not really
a divorce.

-Oh, sure it is.

Come on, let's be honest.

I mean it's--

there's no alimony, but, uh,
it is a termination.

Ah, yes.

And our dear little children.

All 15 of them.

50 million copies.

And to the lady who made it
all possible, the greatest

sleuth in the world, Mrs.
Melville, whom we brought to

life and now we're
about to bury.

-Come on, Ken.

You're making me feel guilty.

All I want to do is
write on my own.

-You're right.

I am being selfish.

OK, my boy, my blessings
on your solo flight.

-Thanks.

I appreciate it.

-After all, friendship is
more important than

partnership, right?

Here's to our friendship.

-Right.

-And now, sir, I'm
gonna kidnap you.

-What?

-The aforementioned cabin, which
has been finished for

over six months now, you
haven't seen it.

You're gonna be my
first male guest.

-Oh, I can't, Ken, not now.

-Oh, why can't you?

-It's all the way down
to San Diego.

-Oh, it's a couple
of hours drive.

I'll have you home
before midnight.

-Yeah, well, I promised Joanna
I'd take her to dinner and a

show.

-Aw, that's easy.

You pick up that phone, you
say, honey, I'm gonna be

working late at the
office tonight.

Come on.

As soon as we get down there,
we'll uncork another bottle

and we'll go fishing.

-Well, I--

-God.

You know your trouble, old
buddy, is, I mean, you're

afraid to unwind
even for a day.

-Oh, no, I'm not.

-Well, then prove it.

Come on.

If you want some justification,
you're doing it

as a favor for me.

At least give me a chance to
bury the hatchet with some

style, huh?

You just don't drop your partner
and then turn down his

invitation all in one
week, now do you?

-Actually the timing
isn't bad.

I was just finishing
the final chapter.

-Ah, Mrs. Melville's
last case.

You know we ought to send
that broad some flowers.

Listen, I made a list of things
up that I'd like to

take from the office.

You want to take a look at it?

-I don't get it.

It's a list of names.

-Oh, I'm losing my mind.

It's the wrong one.

I must have left the other
one at the house.

Ah.

Oh, I am losing my mind.

-What's the matter?

-I left my lighter
in the office.

-Do you need it?

-That's my security blanket.

I'll only be a minute.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

-Could have figured I had to
talk you into this trip.

Oh, Jim, smell that air.

-How far is the cabin?

-Ah, it's not far.

About an hour.

We have to skirt San Diego.

[music playing]

[music playing]

-I'll only be a minute.

I just have to get
some supplies.

Do you want to hand me that
book in that glove

compartment?

-Hey, it's one of ours.

-Yeah.

The boss lady here is
a big fan of ours.

I've been promising
this for months.

Ha, the price of fame.

-Hey, you want me to
come with you?

-No, no.

I'll only be a minute.

Ms. La Sanka?

Anybody home?

LILLY LA SANKA [OFFSCREEN]:
In a minute.

Mr. Franklin.

Ooh, my planets must be
in the right house.

-Ho.

Not only that, but they're
working overtime.

I have a surprise for you.

-For moi?

-For moi.

-"Prescription Murder.

A Mrs. Melville thriller
by James Ferris and Ken

Franklin."

-Oh, uh, take a look
at the first page.

-You signed it?

You dear man.

Well, Mr. Franklin.

I'd rather have the story
teller than the story.

-Well, I'll tell you what, if
you play your cards right and

give me my grocery list, someday
you may have both.

-Empty promises.

-Ms. La Sanka.

-What do you need?

-Just a few things for
overnight, thanks.

-Who is it this week, the
blond or the redhead?

-Oh, Ms. La Sanka, I'm all alone
this weekend, except for

some contemplation, some
fishing, and the refreshment

of my spirit.

Could you break this for me?

I need some change
for the phone.

Thanks very much.

That'll do fine.

Thank you.

Operator, I'd like to
place a station to

station call to Los Angeles.

The area code is 213.

[phone ringing]

-Hello.

KEN [OFFSCREEN]: Joanna,
it's Ken.

-Oh, Ken.

I thought you weren't
talking to us.

-Oh, that's all patched up.

As a matter of fact,
I left Jim at the

office a few hours ago.

We signed the armistice.

-Oh, well, that's a relief.

-Joanna, I wouldn't
mention it to him.

I'm sure he'd like to surprise
you himself?

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, why
don't you join us for dinner

and we'll celebrate?

-I'd really love to, but I'm,
I'm spending the weekend down

here in San Diego
at the cabin.

As a matter of fact, that's
where I'm calling from.

-All right.

Then we'll do another time.

KEN [OFFSCREEN]: Absolutely.

Uh, Joanna, I thought maybe if
you for some reason needed to

get in touch with me, you do
know the number at the cabin?

-Right.

KEN [OFFSCREEN]: Well, I'll
see you in a few days.

Fine.

Goodbye.

[music playing]

-Did you ever get a feeling
of deja vu?

-What?

-Like you've done something
before, but

you know you haven't?

-Why?

What do you mean?

-I'm getting it right now.

It's strange.

You know I've never
been here before?

-Maybe in a previous
incarnation, huh?

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

-Ken, it's fantastic.

-The house that Mrs.
Melville built.

Wait 'til you see the inside.

-[sigh]

[sigh]

It's no wonder.

-Heh, no wonder what?

-What woman could resist
this setting?

-Not very many, I promise
you that.

How about a drink, Jim?

-More alcohol?

No thanks.

You'll corrupt me.

-Oh-ho.

You're thinking about
Joanna, aren't you?

-Yeah.

You know I--

just taking off like that, uh.

She still expects
me for dinner.

-Oh, we can fix that.

We'll put plan A into effect.

Pick up the phone
and call her.

-What am I gonna tell her?

-The man is too square
for words.

Now look, you simply say that
you're working at the office.

You're calling from
the office.

She knows you have a deadline
to meet at the book.

You're working late?

Now how many times have
you had to do that?

-A couple hundred I guess.

-Exactly.

That's why she'll believe you.

-Yeah, well I--

I just hate lying to
her, you know.

-You're not lying to her.

You're saving her a
little anguish.

Now will you could pick up the
phone and call her so we can

start enjoying ourselves?

-OK.

Hello, operator, I'd like
to make a collect--

-Hold it.

Ha, it's a cinch you have never

cheated on Joanna before.

If you want your wife to believe
you're calling from

the office, you don't have the
operator place the call.

You dial it direct.

The area code is 213.

-[sigh]

-[sigh]

Hi, honey.

How are you?

Well, that's what I'm
calling about.

Uhm, I'm at the office.

And I'm pretty well into
this last chapter.

I'd like to work straight
through.

Yeah, I know.

I--

I know.

This'll be the last
time, that I can--

[sound of gunshot]

-Jimmy?

Jimmy?

Operator, get me the police.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Joanna?

What?

Joanna--

Will you take it easy?

Now say it again once more.

Are you sure?

Did you call the police?

Yes, yes of course.

I'll--

I'll leave right away.

Uh, Joanna please,
take it easy.

And don't worry.

I'm sure it's nothing but
a practical joke.

Goodbye.

[music playing]

[music playing]

-So I know it's insane.

And I--

I--

I just--

I--

I keep thinking of the
cliches and-- and--

Jim and Ken wrote this scene
in their, in their books a

hundred times.

-Look at it this way, Mrs.
Ferris, maybe he isn't dead.

Now there's no body--

[phone ringing]

---no blood.

-No, he was shot.

I--

I know it I--

I--

I heard--

I heard it on the phone.

-Are you sure it
was a gunshot?

-This place was searched,
Mrs. Ferris.

-What do you mean--

-Papers--

-Of course, it was--

-on the floor.

Do you have any idea why?

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: No,
I have no idea why.

Maybe someone--

POLICEMAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Did you notice

anything special missing?

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: --money
sometimes--

No, I didn't-- no, no.

POLICEMAN [OFFSCREEN]: Are you
sure it was his voice?

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: Yes, I
know it was his voice.

And maybe somebody--

POLICEMAN [OFFSCREEN]: Was he
under any kind of extra--

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: Maybe--

POLICEMAN [OFFSCREEN]:
--pressure or anything--

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: No.

Maybe somebody was robb--

-Did he say where
he called from?

-Yes.

He said-- he said he was calling
from the office.

He said-- he said, I'm--

I'm calling from the office.

I really don't care if
anything was missing.

I just really want to find out
what happened to my husband.

-Are you sure it
was his voice?

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: I know
it was his voice.

-Are you sure it
was a gunshot?

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]:
Yes, that's right.

-Would you like to sit down and
get a glass of water or

something?

-Yes.

I would like--

really please.

Cause I really feel stupid,
and I just really want to

clear my head.

-Get the water.

-OK.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: I think
that's out of order, ma'am.

Uh, you see that's the trouble
with these buildings.

The fountains never work.

Then you have to use
the coffee machine.

And then you lose your dime
and the coffee's lousy.

-Who are you?

-Uh, I'm just another cop.

My name is Columbo.

I'm a lieutenant.

-Were you--

were you in there with--

-Got the proof right here.

You didn't see me in there
because I left

before you got in there.

And you know why?

Because it's so smoky in there
and so noisy in there that I

just had to come outside
and get a breath.

-Oh, I think I'd better
get back.

-Now look.

Wait a minute.

Let me tell you something.

You look very tired to me, and
I think you had a terrible

experience in there.

And I think I ought
to drive you home.

Let's call it a night.

-Don't you think they want
to ask me questions?

-Oh, I don't think
they'll mind.

I think you've answered
enough questions.

And I'll call them, and I'll
tell them you're with me.

OK?

-Well, what about Ken?

Why isn't Ken here?

I don't know why
he isn't here.

-Is that Mr. Franklin,
the other half

of the writing team?

-[laughs]

Yeah, the other half
of the team.

-You know, that's what I like
about these buttons.

You don't have to push them.

They go off with the
heat of your hand.

I bet you haven't had
anything to eat.

-You're a very nice man,
Lieutenant, but

I'm not really hungry.

-I'll tell you, Mrs.
Ferris, I'm the

worst cook in the world.

But there's one thing
I do terrific,

and that's an omelette.

Even my wife admits it.

Uh, I need something
for the eggshells.

-Over there in that cabinet.

-Great.

-I'm really not hungry.

-Listen.

Just take a taste.

If you don't like it,
you throw it away.

I'll tell you what the secret
is to a good omelette, no

eggs, just milk.

-[laughs]

-Uh, skillet.

-Over there.

You're a very persuasive
man, Lieutenant.

Maybe I should hold up my
end and make the coffee.

-The cheese and the onions
and, uh, butter.

Cheese.

Uh, I need something to,
uh, grate the cheese.

-Over there in the cupboard.

-Right.

-What did they do with
him, Lieutenant?

-I don't know, ma'am.

-Well, there was no body
in the office.

Couldn't that mean that
he isn't dead?

-Now that's hard to say.

Uh, it's bothering me, too.

I tell you the whole thing
doesn't make sense unless it's

a kidnapping.

-Well, you don't shoot a
victim first, do you?

-Why did you laugh before?

-When?

-When I asked you if Mr.
Franklin was the other half of

the writing team?

-Oh, did I laugh?

-Yep.

-Maybe it was the way you
put it, writing team.

Maybe I shouldn't say it, but
Ken hasn't written a word of a

Mrs. Melville novel in years.

-Mrs. Melville.

Who's Mrs. Melville?

-The character that Jim and
Ken created, the one who

solves all the crimes
brilliantly.

-Well-- well, why did your
husband put up with it?

What I mean is, uh, him
doing all the work?

-Well, there were
compensations.

Ken did the publicity.

He went on all of the talk shows
and he did interviews

and cultivated the
film people.

Um, he contributed, just didn't
do any of the writing.

-Boy, I tell you, I'd
love to be a writer.

That's a terrific talent.

Where'd he get all the ideas?

-Um, from almost anything.

People, magazines,
conversations.

I'm constantly finding scraps
of paper and old matchbook

covers, just all over the house,
with notes and ideas.

-And those were mysteries
too, weren't they, huh?

-Mm-hmm.

-They're tricky, I'll
tell you that.

I could--

I could never figure
those things out.

-Well, it got harder.

Maybe that's why he decided
to go out on his own.

-Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

-Uh-uh.

I guess he wanted to do
some serious work.

-No kidding.

How did Mr. Franklin
take that?

-Not very well.

But he'll get over it.

-Gee, I'd hate to
be in his shoes.

-Why?

-Well, you got a writing team,
and they're very famous.

Now they break up,
and what happens?

One fellow continues writing
books, and the other fellow

just stops.

-That's what I keep telling
Jim, that sooner or later

people are bound to find out.

-What?

That your husband did
all the writing?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Kind of tough on Mr.
Franklin's ego.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[doorbell]

-Oh, Ken.

-Jo.

I know, I know.

Just take it easy.

I drove up here as
fast as I could.

Is there anything new?

-No, not yet.

-[sigh]

Jo, it's incredible.

I just saw him this morning
at the office.

-Oh, I'm sorry, Ken.

Lt.

Columbo, Mr. Franklin.

-How you doing?

-Oh, the question is how are
you doing, Lieutenant?

-Well, I'm afraid we
just got started.

-Has Jim been found yet?

-Has he been found yet?

Uh, why?

Did somebody tell
you he was gone?

-Lieutenant, I just spent
several hours driving up here

from San Diego.

You must know that this story
is on every news station.

-Oh, right, yeah.

Gee, I should have
thought of that.

-Well, has he been found?

-Gee, I'm afraid not, uh.

No.

What, were you visiting
friends in San Diego?

-He has a place there,
a cabin.

-Oh, away for the weekend.

Gee, that's nice.

-Mmm.

Can we get back to
my question?

Have you come up with any
leads, any clues?

-Uh, it's a little
early for that.

-Early?

Seems to me your men
are standing around

just marking time.

Could I have a drink, love?

-I could use one myself.

-Thanks.

I'll tell you something,
Lieutenant.

See if Mrs. Melville were on
this case, oh, she'd be leaps

and bounds ahead
of you by now.

-Is that the lady
in the books?

-That's right.

You see, she would have figured
it out that this is

not just someone missing.

This is a professional
killing.

-Ah-ha.

Here it is.

Take a look at that.

-Put it on the desk.

Just drop it.

'Cause of the fingerprints,
you know.

-Why Jim's fingerprints
are all over that.

So are mine.

-What is it?

-What's it look like?

It's a list of names.

Look at that.

Musto, Delgado, Hathaway,
Westlake.

Sound familiar?

-Uh, yeah, kind of.

-Well, they should.

That's a list of some of the top
men in organized crime on

the West Coast.

LA, Vegas, Frisco.

-I don't understand.

-Well, it's painfully obvious.

One of these men
had Jim killed.

-Really?

Why?

-Tell me something, how long
have you been a lieutenant,

Lieutenant?

Mrs. Melville would have put
that together like that.

-Well, look I--

I'm willing to take all
the help I can get.

-All right.

Let me see if I can
explain it to you.

See, my partner and I
decided to split, go

our separate ways.

I'm sure Joanna must have
mentioned that to you.

-Yeah.

She said something about that.

-Did she also mention the fact
that Jim wanted to do some

serious writing?

-Hey.

-Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

-Wait a minute.

-Dawning on you now?

-Yeah.

-Knew you'd get it.

But that's only the tip
of the iceberg.

You see, Jim was researching a
complete and factual expose of

all West Coast organized
crime.

I mean, he was going around
asking some pretty

embarrassing questions, probing,
compiling dossiers.

That's why they searched
his office.

Apparently they got everything
but that list.

-And you think one of these
fellows put out

a contract on him?

-Of course.

Word most have gotten around
that Jim was compiling all

this information.

They knew they couldn't
buy him off.

So what do they do?

They choose the usual
alternative.

-Professional killing, huh?

But if that's true, why did
they get rid of the body?

-Well, who knows?

But remember one thing, without
a corpus delicti, you

can't prove a murder was
committed in the first place.

-But why would a professional
killer care?

I mean, he's already on a plane
back from where he came.

-Lieutenant, I can't answer
all of your questions.

I've given you a list
of the most likely

suspects, a clear motive.

Isn't that enough
to start with?

-Oh, that's plenty.

And believe me, I'm very
grateful for all the help

you've given me.

Gee, that's funny.

-What?

-Well, this thing is folded
lengthwise like someone was

carrying it in their pocket.

-So?

-Well, if he typed that
on that typewriter--

and I'll run a check on that--

why would he fold it up before
he put it in that drawer?

-Oh, I'm beginning
to like you.

-Why is that?

-Because you're finally
beginning to

think like Mrs. Melville.

Unfortunately, Jim used to fold
up a piece of paper, and

he'd use it as a--
a bookmark--

-Oh.

-you know.

-Oh.

-Now, however interesting your
observation is, it only leads

us far astray.

However, since you are beginning
to learn how to

emulate our dear lady, I'm gonna
give you something that

you richly deserve, a chance
to read some of our books.

-Oh.

Well, that's very nice of you.

-Ha, ha.

Didn't expect gifts
tonight, huh?

-Thank you.

Maybe I can pick up
a few pointers.

-Oh, I'm sure you can.

Uh, could you handle
some more?

-Oh, all right.

-There you go.

Oh, and an extra.

-Hey.

Oh, that's very nice.

-That ought to keep you
busy for a while, huh?

-Yeah.

Sure will.

-Well, anything else,
Lieutenant?

-Ah, no, I don't think so.

I think I'd better let
you get some sleep.

-Oh, that's very nice of you.

I just only hope I
was of some help.

-Oh, you certainly were.

-Well, goodnight, Lieutenant.

-Goodnight, sir, goodnight.

Oh, Mr. Franklin.

Uh.

Actually, uh, there is one
thing, not that it makes that

much difference.

-[exasperated sigh]

What is it?

-When Mrs. Ferris called you and
told you her husband got

shot, you jumped in a car and
drove right back to LA, is

that right?

-That's right.

-You know, me, I'd have
taken a plane.

I mean, it's a big airport, and
they run every half hour.

It'd been a lot faster.

-Well, I--

that's true.

But in a situation like that,
who thinks clearly?

And look at it this way, you add
up all the time it takes

to drive to and from an airport,
how much time do you

really save?

-Hm.

Hm.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

-Operator, would you get
me the police, please?

Thank you.

Lt.

Columbo, please.

Yes, thank you, I'll wait.

Columbo, this is Franklin.

I think you better get
over here right away.

937 Skyview Drive.

It's an emergency.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
203 and 253 unclear.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
3A1 off to City Hall.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
31 to the main jail.

1A7 clear.

1L10 repeat.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
12A15 clear.

12A17A, you're clear.

12A17, clear.

12A15, standby.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
1L10, MPs have been notified.

And, uh, do you still request
a radio unit?

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
All units in

the vicinity, a prowler.

12F3.

12F3, handle the call.

-When I got home, there he--

there it was right in the
middle of the lawn.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
6A11.

6A11.

-Terrible thing to
come home to.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
1750 Sycamore.

Code--

-The funny thing is I--

I kept hoping.

Or I--

I was sure that Jim
was still alive.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
1L10, shore patrol to--

-Poor Joanna.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
1A1, clear.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
4A4--

-Every time I think of feeling
sorry for myself, I think of

how much she had to lose.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
11A8, clear.

12A15, roger.

-Look at them.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
12A17, cancel your problem

call.

-Vultures.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
12A15 has handled.

-Lieutenant, do you mind
if I go inside?

I can't stand to watch
them gape.

-Listen, you mind if
I come in with you?

Because there's no binding
on this coat.

I'm a bit chilly.

-I don't mind.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
187.

[phone ringing]

-Hello.

Yes, this is Mr. Franklin.

What?

No comment.

Aw, you got to be kidding.

What, an interview now?

The gentlemen of the press.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]:
'Fraid you're gonna

get a lot of that.

-I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I'm
forgetting my manners.

Would you like a drink?

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.

Maybe a drop of bourbon.

-Bourbon.

-Boy, this is quite a place.

This a copy?

KEN [OFFSCREEN]: Hardly,
It's an original.

-Gee, I thought they only hung
this stuff on museums.

You own this?

-Mrs. Melville has
been very kind.

-Boy.

Quite a place.

Gee whiz.

And you got that other
place in San Diego.

Gee, the upkeep alone
must be, uh--

-I manage to scrape by.

Your drink.

-Thank you.

You know, there's one thing
about writers that I don't

understand.

Maybe you can help
me clear it up.

If a fellow's partner dies,
uh, does he own the other

fellow's half of the books,
half of the, uh, uh--

-Royalties?

-Yeah.

-No.

They go into the deceased's
estate.

-Hm.

That leaves you in the
cold, doesn't it.

Unless, of course, you
insured each other.

-Lieutenant, aren't we going
a bit far astray?

-You're right.

We shouldn't be talking
about this now.

It's not the time.

Uh, uh, so Mr. Franklin, tell
me, uh, why do you think that

they left your partner's
body out there on

the lawn like that?

-Do you mean to tell me you
haven't figured that out?

Lieutenant, you disappoint me.

It was left as a warning.

-A warning?

-Of course.

It also proves my theory
about it being a

professional killing.

See, the moment they dropped
Jim's body in the middle of

that lawn--

please, sit down--

you know what they
were saying?

That this could happen to you
unless you stop in your

partner's research.

-They're trying to scare you.

-Exactly.

-Right.

So what are you gonna do?

You gonna continue writing
the book anyway?

-No.

That's the irony of it.

You see, that was Jim's
pet project, not mine.

[laughs].

I wouldn't even know
where to begin.

-Say, I guess they didn't have
any way of knowing you two

were gonna split up?

-Naw.

Even if they did, it wouldn't
have done Jim any good.

I must say, Lieutenant, you're
up against a dead end.

Look at this.

You got a body, you
got a motive.

But you're never gonna
find that killer.

-It's not gonna be easy.

-I'll lay you five to one,
it was someone in

Las Vegas or Miami.

Picked up a phone and, pght--

-Right.

---put out a contract.

-Right.

-How you're gonna make a case,
much less solve one, is beyond

me.

-I know.

I guess the only thing I can
do is just check out every

name on that list.

-Sure.

You know what's gonna happen?

Every one of those guys is
gonna deny that Jim even

existed.

-Right.

-I must say, I don't envy you.

-I don't envy myself.

Now look, I've got a lot
of phone calls to make.

I'd better get on it, huh?

-All the luck.

-Thanks.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Franklin.

And listen, I'm very sorry about
what happened tonight.

-Thank you.

-Right.

-You, uh, you will keep
me posted, Lieutenant?

-Oh yes, I will.

Yeah.

You know, there's only
one thing that

I'm not clear about.

But that can wait.

You want to go to bed.

-Lieutenant, I'm not gonna
get any sleep anyway.

What is it?

-Would you go over for
me once again--

I know you did it-- exactly what
happened when you came

home tonight?

-Sure, I--

I've already told you, but--

[sigh]

The moment I saw Jim's body in
the middle of the lawn, I came

running in here, and I picked up
the phone and I called you.

I mean, it's a purely
reflexive action.

-Uh-huh.

Right.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

That's fine.

-Now wait a minute.

You look like you're troubled.

Is there some reason
for your question?

-Uh, it's your mail.

-My mail?

-Isn't it funny how people
are different?

Now me, if I found my partner
dead, I'd never think of

opening my letters.

-But I--

I--

I just did it to distract
myself.

I mean, you gotta remember one
thing, that's a great shock.

-Yeah.

Oh, that's understandable.

And bills are distracting.

Listen, if anything comes up,
I'll call you right away.

Good night.

-Good night.

[music playing]

-I'm gonna have a hot dog.

-Oh, I guess I will, too.

-No, no, Mr. Tucker,
you put that away.

This one's on me.

May I have a receipt, please?

-All right, Lieutenant.

You're bribing me with
a handsome lunch.

What can I do for you?

-Uh, this is about an
insurance policy.

-Oh, excellent.

It's about time you
came to me.

I can give you a package--

-Yeah.

---within your--

-This is a--

an insurance policy that
was already written.

-Oh, this is official
business.

-Uh, yeah.

Uh, there are two mystery
writers, Ken Franklin and

James Ferris.

Your company wrote
a policy on them.

-Now wait a minute,
Lieutenant.

We like to cooperate with the
police, but if you want

confidential information,
I'm afraid that you--

-Oh well, look, uh, I don't want
to cause you any trouble.

Maybe it would be more helpful
if I got a court order?

-I'll go--

-Gee, I'd love to go--

-We go, we go this way.

-Oh, well.

-Ah, Ken, it was simply
marvelous.

I was terrified.

-Oh, really?

I had the whole thing figured
out by the end

of the first act.

Oh, you did?

I was completely fooled.

You must have a devious mind.

-No, dear.

It's just you're young.

Always remember one thing, my
love, a moment a man mentions

a long lost twin, you can
inevitably know that it's

gonna be some impersonation.

It's an old plot trick.

-Mr. Franklin!

Yoo-hoo!

Over here!

-Who's that?

-Someone they should
be somewhere else.

Excuse me a moment.

Ms. La Sanka, what a
pleasant surprise.

What brings you to
the big city?

-Oh, I came in to do
a little shopping.

You-- you like my dress?

-Oh, it-- it's lovely.

-See a play.

[laughs]

She's a beauty, Mr. Franklin.

-Yes, she is.

Thank you.

-I haven't seen her
before, have I?

-No, I don't believe you have.

Well, it's-- it's lovely
to see you.

-I, uh, hope you won't think
I'm being forward, but is

there any chance of, uh, our
having a drink together?

-Oh, I--

I'd love to, really, but--

see the young lady and I are
gonna have late supper.

-I think you might want
to cancel it.

-Just why would I
want to do that?

-Because, we really should
have a discussion.

-Perhaps, some other time.

-All right, I suppose I'll have
to find someone else to

tell my story to.

It's a mystery story.

Very interesting, really.

It's all about this witness.

-Just wait here.

I'll be right back.

-Anything you say,
Mr. Franklin.

[laughter]

-Ah, tres bien.

-Oh, well.

Oh, I just can't resist
strawberries.

-Ah, I'm glad you liked them.

-[laughs]

You're--

you're making me nervous.

That's quite a stare.

-Sorry.

I--

I can't help it.

Do you know, I've never seen you
outside that store before?

You're very lovely.

May I call you Lilly?

-Yes.

Please do.

How did you enjoy the
play tonight?

-No, I thought it
was predictable.

You?

-Oh, I like your books
much more.

-Oh, that's very flattering.

But you said something before
about, uh, about your story.

It was something about
a-- a witness.

-Oh, yes, well.

Actually, it's a true
to life story.

-Oh, the best kind.

-It concerns your partner.

-Jim?

Mm-hmm.

-What about him?

-Well, I read in the papers
about his death, and I felt

just terrible.

-Thank you.

-I felt just terrible because
they said he was

killed in his office.

-So they did.

-Well, in my story, you see, he
couldn't have actually been

killed in an office because he
was, uh, somewhere else.

-Just for the moment,
let's forget about

your story, and let's--

let's talk about real life.

-It is simpler, isn't it?

-Much.

-I'll tell you honestly, Ken, I
was very confused when I saw

the papers because when you were
in my store making your

phone call the other day--

-Mm-hmm.

-I wandered over to the side
window to see if you had

brought a lady with you.

-You didn't believe me when
I said that I was alone?

-Oh, I believed you.

It's just that--

I'm very interested
in you, Ken.

Well, anyway.

You can imagine my surprise
when I saw your partner.

There he was, big as life,
sitting there in the front

seat of your car.

-And that disturbed you, huh?

-Oh, not at that time.

Only later.

And then I debated with myself
for days whether to come and

see you or not.

-Why didn't you go
to the police?

-Oh, Ken.

I wouldn't want to get
you into trouble.

-Of course not.

All right, Lilly, how much?

-I hope you don't think
that that's the only--

-No, no, no.

I don't think anything.

I'll tell you something,
I'm most grateful

you came to me first.

You know why?

Because I think we can reach
an equitable agreement.

-I do so admire your candor.

It isn't easy for me, a widow
running a small country store,

trying to make ends meet.

-No, I can understand that.

And I also recognize
in you a woman of--

of some breeding.

I mean, you're not just
a common blackmailer.

-I'm so glad you're
understanding.

-Very well, Lilly.

How much for your silence?

-$15,000.

I-- oh.

I, I know it's a lot,
but that's all I've

ever ask for, honestly.

And I'm a woman of my word.

-I know you are, and I
respect you for that.

You know what?

In that spirit, I accept
your terms.

Agreed?

-Agreed.

And I know you won't take
offense when I say it's a

pleasure doing business
with you.

-No, no, my pleasure.

[chuckles]

[doorbell]

-Yes.

-Is Mr. Franklin home?

-He's occupied at the moment.

Who shall I say is calling?

-Uh, Lt.

Columbo.

-Oh.

Well, won't you come
in and wait?

-Thank you.

-He'll be with you shortly.

[camera click]

HARVEY [OFFSCREEN]:
Only a few more.

GLORIA [OFFSCREEN]: Thanks
muchly, Mr. Franklin.

I think we're about finished,
if you can bear one or two

more photographs?

-Fire away.

After all, your magazine was
very kind to Franklin and

Ferris during our lean years.

That's, uh, the second reason
I granted the interview.

-Oh?

What was the first?

-Why the charm of the
interviewer, of course.

-Thank you.

[bang]

-Yes, Lieutenant, is there
something I can do for you?

-Oh, yeah, if-- if you--

if you have a moment?

-That's about all I do have.

As soon as I finish here,
I'll be right with you.

Is there anything else, Ms.--
uh, may I call you Gloria?

-Please do.

Uh, just one last question.

I think our readers will want to
know how the death of your

partner will affect the
Mrs. Melville books.

-I'm afraid when I buried
Jim, I buried Mrs.

Melville with him.

-Mmm.

I understand.

But everyone will miss her so.

Can't you write another one?

-Oh, I could, naturally,
but what's the point?

With Jim gone, there wouldn't
be much reason.

No, I'm afraid Mrs. Melville
has solved her last case.

Actually, I've been seriously
debating as to whether I ever

want to write again.

-Oh.

Well, I hope you do.

-Thank you.

That's very kind of you.

Now, if you don't mind.

-Of course.

Let's go, Harvey.

-Perhaps under better
circumstances, I, uh--

less harassed circumstances, I
could give you a more detailed

interview, even in more depth.

-Mmm.

That'll be nice.

Shall I call you?

-Yes, please do.

Next week, huh?

Goodbye.

Oh, sorry, Harvey.

-Thank you.

-Thanks very much.

All right, Lieutenant, what
can I do for you?

-Well, I brought back
your books.

KEN [OFFSCREEN]: Well,
that's fine.

Just put them over there
on the table.

-Yeah, uh, sure.

I wanted to tell you how
much I enjoyed them.

I think they're the
most terrific.

Boy, I want to-- and, oh,
listen, I'll come back.

I'll make two trips on this.

But the-- the lady detective,
what a character.

What a brain.

And what logic, the way
she figures it out.

-Lieutenant, I'd love to sit
down and discuss literature

with you, but I was
on my way out.

-Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to bother you.

You going some place special?

-Yes, as a matter of fact.

I'm on my way down to
my cabin for a rest.

Would you like an itinerary?

-Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm making a pest of myself.

-No.

-Yes, yes, I am.

I know.

It's because I keep asking these
questions, but I'll tell

you, I can't help myself.

It's a habit.

I take it you're not
going alone?

-Whatever gave you that idea?

-I noticed the two bottles
of champagne.

-Oh, those.

Oh, I'm quite capable of
drinking those two bottles and

a good deal more without
any help.

Now, if you'll excuse
me, Lieutenant.

-Yeah.

Ah, listen, unless you just want
to take a second to know

how we're progressing on
your partner's list?

-Oh?

Anything concrete?

-No.

Not a thing.

Just like you predicted.

Everyone said they never even
heard of James Ferris.

-That's just as I expected.

Well, it was lovely to chat
with you, Lieutenant.

-Oh, Mr. Franklin?

-Yeah.

-Do you have a minute?

-Is it important?

-Well, it could be.

You see I was checking
the, ah--

the phone company records
in San Diego.

-Now why would you want to
do that, Lieutenant?

-Oh, well, I have to do that.

You know, that's
part of my job.

I gotta tie up all
those loose ends.

Anyway, on the day of the
murder, there was a record of

a call from the cabin.

It was a call to the Ferris
house in Los Angeles.

-I see.

And now you're wondering whether
I can explain that, is

that right?

-Oh, I'm sure you can.

-Oh, you're right, I can.

But you see, it would have saved
both you and me a great

deal of trouble if you'd check
with Joanna Ferris first.

She would have explained to you
that I'd spoken with her

from my cabin telling her that
Jim and I had patched up our

differences.

-Oh, what do you mean
by differences?

-Well, you see ironing out any
difficulties in a separation

is never easy.

And I knew Joanna would
be concerned.

And I wanted to put
her mind at ease.

-I see.

-Can you understand that?

-Oh, yes.

Yeah, that's understandable.

Oh yeah.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

-Fine.

Is that all?

-Yes.

That's all.

Right.

-Good.

Uh, listen.

Uh, enjoy your trip.

-Thanks very much.

-And drive carefully.

-Don't worry, Lieutenant.

You can count on it.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

-And here you are.

-Bearing gifts.

And more gifts.

-Why, Mr. Franklin,
how lovely.

-Ken.

-Yes, of course, Ken.

-Now, Lilly, let me ask
you a simple question.

You up to making a nice quiet
dinner for two tonight?

Here's to prosperity.

-And romance.

[chuckling]

-The daily double.

I must say, Lilly, that was
a magnificent meal.

Where'd you learn
to cook so well?

-My late husband, may he
rest in peace, was a

professional chef.

Wonderful man.

He taught me all I know.

-Well, he taught you well.

-Thank you, sir.

Refill.

-Oh, sorry.

Oop.

We're all out.

Let's open another one.

-Dare we?

-Dare we not?

Hmm-hmm.

Here we go.

Happy New Year.

[laughter]

Quick, the glass.

[laughs]

Oh.

Delicious.

But I'm afraid I'm getting
a little tipsy.

-What's wrong with that?

-I don't know if I
can trust you.

-Now, is there any
reason not to?

Lilly, if I make you
uncomfortable, I can always

leave.

-No, please.

I do enjoy your company.

-You know what we should do?

-What?

-It's such a beautiful night.

We should row out to the
center of the lake

and go for a swim.

-Hm.

Sounds nice.

-Hm.

It is nice.

Shall we?

-Better not.

-Why not?

-I trust you, Ken, really.

But we all have our dark
sides, don't we?

It just wouldn't be very
intelligent of me to be alone

with you in a small boat.

After all, you might
start having second

thoughts about the money.

-I wish you hadn't
said that, Lilly.

That kind of talk
hurts me deeply.

I'm going to tell you something,
and I shouldn't.

But I'll tell you why.

Because I trust you.

I was prepared to give
you considerably more

than you asked for.

$15,000.

I mean, I've lost that much
gambling in one night.

-Well, it certainly is a great
deal of money to me.

-What do you think you'll, uh,
you'll do with all of it?

-I don't know.

Put it in the bank, I guess.

But not right away.

Ooh, I just want to look
at it for a while.

-Better be careful.

Someone might, uh, rob you.

-I'll just keep it
for a day or two.

I've never seen so much
money in my life.

-Uh, maybe--

maybe you could take a--

a trip somewhere, huh?

-I may.

I've always wanted to
go on a cruise.

-Oh, cruises, is so romantic.

-Did I tell you that my
late husband was in

the merchant marines?

-Is that a fact?

-They're the ones who taught
him how to cook.

I almost wish he
were here now.

He could share this with me.

-Well, maybe we can do
the next best thing.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

-Who did you say it is?

-One of the cops said it
was a local woman.

Some kind of drowning.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
12A15 clear.

12A17A, you're clear.

12A17, clear.

12A15, stand by.

12A15, stand by.

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
1L10, MPs have been notified.

[whistling]

-Morning.

-Well, Lt.

Columbo.

I must say you turn up at the
oddest times, don't you?

-Listen, I'm--

hope you don't mind my coming in
that way, you know, but the

door was open and I just
let myself in.

-No, no.

How'd you get here?

By magic carpet?

I didn't see your car outside.

-Oh, no.

I pulled around back, and
I put it in the shade.

You know, the sun raises
hell with the paint.

-Oh, sensible.

Well, what brings you up
here to the wilds?

-Well, I'll tell you.

I heard you and Mrs. Ferris talk
so much about this place,

and you made it sound
so terrific.

And believe me, uh, you weren't
exaggerating, because

this is magnificent.

And, uh, since I got a two week
vacation coming up, I

said to myself, go on down there
and check out the area.

Look to see, maybe you
can rent a cabin.

-Lieutenant, you're not gonna
tell me you drove down here

just to look for a vacation
spot, are you?

-Why else would I come?

-You're wasting your time.

I have a feeling the cabins in
this neck of the woods are

pretty much out of your
price range anyway.

Most of them are--

are rented for the season.

-Oh, gee whiz.

That's--

that's too bad.

Gosh, my wife is gonna
be disappointed.

Well, it was a nice
ride anyhow.

-Yes, a lovely drive.

-Except for that bottleneck
down the road.

What was that all about?

-Oh, there was a drowning.

-Well, what was it?

A fisherman?

-Well, I heard someone say
it was a local woman.

-Uh, a Ms. La Sanka or
something like that?

-La Sanka, something
like that, yeah.

-Yeah.

Did you know her?

-Not really, no.

-I was just wondering because
when I was in the kitchen

before, I noticed a grocery
box with her name on it.

-Oh, I occasionally buy supplies
there, sure, like

anyone else who lives
around here.

-Hm.

I think she was the
one that drowned.

Yeah.

'Cause I, uh, stopped by the
grocery store on the way here

to pick up some cigars, and I
noticed it was closed and the

cops cars around.

-Well, if it was her, I--

I'd be very sorry.

She was always very friendly.

-Yeah.

That's a shame.

Oh, you did know her?

-Lieutenant, I know a lot
of people without

really knowing them.

You know, like barbers,
waitresses, parking lot

attendants, even the
cop on the beat.

Don't you?

-Yeah.

Yeah, I do as a matter
of fact.

I'll tell you, though,
people are strange.

You know, I can't
figure them out.

Why a woman goes out on a lake
all by herself before the

light comes up?

-Oh, there's nothing
unusual about that.

A lot of us go out early.

It's peaceful and kind of makes
you feel like you're

plugged into nature.

-Hm.

-Know what I mean?

-Yeah, yeah.

Well, say, listen, look, you
came down here to get away

from things, and I'm just
taking up your time.

I didn't mean to bother you.

No, no, no.

It's no bother at all.

Say, I'd--

I'd be more than glad to let you
have a bathing suit, but,

uh, you don't look like the
athletic type to me.

-Well, it's, uh, my wife
that's the athlete.

-Oh?

-Yeah.

So you don't think I'm going to
be able to find a cabin to

rent, huh?

-Hm.

Best bet is to go down and check
with some of the local

real estate people.

-Uh-uh.

Because I'd think it'd be
fun to be neighbors

for a couple of weeks.

-Yeah.

-Say, what kind of nightlife
do you have around here?

-Nightlife?

None.

-No partying?

-Just sleep and crickets.

-Gee, I was just wondering
because, you know, I didn't

want to barge in on you
today unannounced.

-I don't follow you.

-No, last night I called to tell
you that I was coming,

but there was no one at home.

[music playing]

FEMALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
181, clear.

-Are you a reporter?

-Uh, no, uh.

Uh, Lieutenant, uh, Columbo.

Police.

LA unit.

-LAPD?

-Yeah.

-What brings you down
here, Lieutenant?

-Well, I'm working on a case.

Listen, this is not really my
jurisdiction, but you mind if

I browse around?

-Well, help yourself,
Lieutenant.

Always glad to cooperate.

BEN [OFFSCREEN]: Didn't she
have a bruise on her head?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]: How
did you know that, Ben?

BEN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh,
come on, Sergeant.

Doc Webster told us.

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]:
All right.

So there was a bruise.

Probably a result of the boat
capsizing and rendering her

unconscious.

-Any indication the lady was
under the influence?

-I can't ascertain that until
we see an autopsy report.

The doctor's working
on that right now.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]: Sounds
like drinking to me.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
Could she swim?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]: How in
the world would I know

a thing like that?

I wasn't married to the lady.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
Any living relatives?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]:
I don't think so.

Somebody said she was a widow.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
What about the rowboat?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]: Rowboat?

What about it?

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]: Well,
who'd it belong to?

Where did it come from?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]: Belonged
to the deceased.

I've got witnesses that
have seen her take

it out on the lake.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]: Think
she wanted some fresh

air last night?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]: This is
all conjecture, gentlemen.

I mean, there's no
way of telling.

Maybe she did.

Who knows?

It's also possible that
she had a heart

seizure, or she got dizzy.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]: Then
you think it was an accident?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]:
I certainly don't

think it was foul play.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]: You're
gonna be in your office

this afternoon?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]:
Absolutely.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
How long was she

in the water, Sergeant?

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]:
Oh, I don't know.

Wait 'til we get the report.

We're starting to cover
the same old

ground here, gentlemen.

Now why don't you meet me in my
office an hour from now--

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]: But
we got some more questions

here we'd like to--

SERGEANT [OFFSCREEN]: I'll
answer them all then.

I'll have the reports, and I'll
be able to give you a lot

more information.

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
OK, Sarge, thank you.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]:
"To my Lilly.

Love always, Ken."

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: I still
don't know what this means.

-It means that he knew her.

It means that he knew her not
casually the way he said.

It means that he knew
her reasonably well.

-All right.

You've got a romantic
inscription in a book and a

champagne cork.

Now what does that prove?

-By itself, it doesn't
prove anything.

But once you assume that
Franklin committed these

crimes, everything
fits together.

-I just can't believe it.

I've known Ken too long.

He's not a murderer.

-Mrs. Ferris, it wouldn't make
any difference if you knew him

for 100 years.

That wouldn't change anything.

This man Franklin took
your husband's life.

Do you have a match?

-Help yourself.

I don't smoke.

It doesn't make sense,
Lieutenant.

Ken has an alibi.

What's his motive?

-I told you how he could have
worked the phone, how his

motive is the insurance money.

He needed cash.

He spent money like
a drunken sailor.

He had two houses.

He's got paintings.

He's got women.

He's got--

-What?

-"Jack and Jill went
up the hill.

Did Jack kill Jill?

If so,

find out why." -Jim.

One of his story ideas.

-Oh.

-Lieutenant, if Ken killed my
husband, then why did he

murder Ms. La Sanka?

-Well, it's my hunch that
she knew something.

Maybe she saw them together.

She tried to blackmail him.

-But that's pure guesswork,
isn't it?

-No, ma'am, it's
not, not quite.

I checked the bank.

Yesterday, he took
out $15,000.

Today, he put it
back in again.

Now why in the world
would he do that?

-All right.

I'm still not convinced, but
let's say I'll go along.

What happens now?

-I don't know.

But I've got a pretty strong
circumstantial case.

It's just not enough.

If I had one piece of
hard evidence, I

could nail this fellow.

-But you don't.

-That's right, ma'am, I don't.

That's why I'm here.

Maybe you can give it to me.

-Me?

-You knew both of these
fellows very well.

I want you to tell
me about them.

Anything.

Just talk.

Whatever comes into your mind.

-Kind of like analysis
without the couch.

Would you like a little
coffee, first?

-That'd be fine.

-OK.

I don't know what you're looking
for, but here goes.

They met in a typewriter
shop of all places.

Jim had broken a key, and
Ken needed a ribbon.

Does that help?

-Keep going.

JOANNA [OFFSCREEN]: Well, I
told you a lot about Jim.

He was brilliant, really.

He'd wake up in the middle of
the night with ideas, always

throwing off sparks.

I remember he even did
it on our honeymoon.

Funny thing is that Ken didn't
even talk about the books

unless he was on television.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

-This the truck's gonna move
my stuff out of suite 803?

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
Yeah.

-You almost finished?

MALE SPEAKER [OFFSCREEN]:
Haven't started.

-What do you mean you
haven't started?

-I'm only the driver, Mister.

Ask the other two guys.

They've been in there a
half an hour already.

-Half hour?

Columbo!

-Oh.

Hi, Mr. Franklin.

Just finishing up this last
Melville mystery.

I didn't get a chance
the other day.

-All right.

Now what are you doing here?

-Why, I'm waiting for you.

I happened to be in
the neighborhood--

-Well, you're always in
the neighborhood.

And you tell me what right
you've got to keep those

movers out of this office?

-Oh, listen, I'm sorry
about that.

It's just-- you know
what I thought?

I thought you and I
should talk alone.

-You and I have nothing
to talk about.

-Yes, we do, Mr. Franklin.

We have something
to talk about.

I'm here to arrest you for the
murder of your partner.

-What?

-Now it's my duty to inform
you of your constitutional

rights--

-Oh, will you cut that drivel.

I've written that stuff
so many times,

I know it by heart.

What is this nonsense?

You're going to arrest me?

-Come on, Mr. Franklin.

Why don't you make a statement
and save us

both a lot of trouble?

You know, I've really got you.

-All right, Lieutenant.

You got me.

I'm your prisoner.

Here, clamp the irons on me.

But you want to give me a dime
first so I can phone my

attorney because I promise you,
I'm gonna sue you and

your department for false
arrest and defamation of

character.

-I kind of knew it right
from the start.

There was nothing definite.

It was a lot of little things.

Little things.

Driving back from San Diego on
the day of the murder instead

of taking a plane, the open
mail, never showing any

genuine emotion for a man that
you worked with for 10 years.

-[chuckle]

With that, you know what
they're gonna do?

They're gonna laugh you
right out of court.

-But they're not gonna
laugh at the

insurance policy, are they?

I've got a photostatic copy
of it here in my pocket.

They gonna laugh at the fact
that you withdraw $15,000, put

it back the next day?

I've got the book that you gave
to Ms. La Sanka with your

signature in it.

-You expect to get a true bill
of indictment on that trivia?

Come on, Lieutenant.

I was down in San Diego.

-So was your partner.

-That's a provocative
statement.

Can you prove that?

-Yes.

Not with the witness, 'cause
you killed the witness.

But I got another
way to prove it.

-Well, you enlighten me.

I must say I enjoy watching a
man raise without any cards in

his hand.

-You know what, Ken, I'm gonna
tell you the truth.

For a while there, I never
thought I was gonna get you.

Believe me, you had me going
in such circles.

I couldn't figure it out.

Suddenly, I thought
of something.

How clever that first
murder was.

The phone gimmick, working late
in the office, brilliant.

-Are you awarding gold
medals today?

-Yes.

For the first one, not
for the second one.

That was sloppy.

Mrs. Melville, she'd have
been very disappointed.

-Oh, come on.

Get to the climax, Lieutenant.

You're talking to a writer.

-Am I?

That's not what I heard.

And that's the key, that
you're not a writer.

When Mrs. Ferris told me that
you didn't contribute to the

writing, that her husband
did all the work--

-That's a lie.

-I had to say to myself, how
could a man with no talent for

mysteries make up such
a clever murder?

If you were that ingenious,
you'd be able to

write your own books.

-Go ahead.

I'm fascinated, as boring
as it may be.

-Then I got it.

The first one, the clever
one, that wasn't yours.

The second one, the sloppy
one, that was

yours, but not the first.

-Oh?

And whose idea was that, then?

-Your partner's.

Had to be.

And his wife told me how
conscientious he was.

You know, the way he used to
write down his ideas on every

odd scrap of paper, backs of
matches, whatever was--

-Ah!

Ah!

So that's why you wouldn't
let the movers in?

-Well, I had to rummage around
here before they emptied

everything out.

Is this your partner's
handwriting?

Well, I think I can
prove it is.

Maybe I ought to read
this to you.

"Idea for a Melville book,
perfect alibi.

A wants to kill B, drives B to
a remote house and has him

call his wife in city, tells her
he's working late at the

office, bang, bang."
Sound familiar?

That's the part you used,
practically word for word.

Should I read some more?

-No.

-Officer.

With this I think I got a
conviction, don't you?

[music playing]

-You gotta admit, I had you
going for a while though,

didn't I?

-Yes, you did.

-You want to know the irony
of all of this?

That is my idea.

The only really good
one I ever had.

I must have told it to Jim
over five years ago.

Hmph.

Whoever thought that idiot
would write it down?

[theme music]

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