Original subtitles

? ?

LOUISE: Okay, this ketchup is full and...

Oh, no, Gene, watch out, he's attacking your ketchup!

Oh, my gosh, it's a ketchup battle!

Did we even know these two were archenemies?

Aah! My ketchup is a pacifist!

Louise, please don't fight with the ketchup.

Or it becomes our restaurant's new thing

and we finally get rich?

-No. -Yes.

- Hey, guys. -Hey, Teddy. - Teddy!

-Hi. -Hello to you.

(exhales) Hey, Teddy.

Wow. Thirsty, Linda? Also, water? Ew.

Oh, boy, here it comes.

It's part of this whole thing Ginger told me about.

She read an article that said it takes 21 days

to form a new habit.

So, my new healthy habit is drinking more water.

That's great, Linda. Not worth it, but good for you.

Yeah. I just have to train myself

to drink ten glasses of water a day for the rest of my life.

Ten is a lot. I-I think I drink one?

- A-And it's coffee. - So, what are we having, Teddy?

I actually need to get my food to go today.

Oh, why aren't you eating here?

- Too much water talk. - Sort of, but also,

I got to head out to the rec center

to work on a wrestling ring.

Wait, wait. A wrestling ring?

- For what? - And don't say wrestling.

It's for the Crustacean Nation Wrestling Federation.

They're a group of local performance artists who dress up

like crabs and lobsters and stuff, and then they fight.

What? This is happening in our town?

Our dumb town is cool?

Yeah, I think it started at Lobsterfest one year

and it just kept going.

Why wouldn't it? Teddy, do you get to see

any giant, fighting crabs when you're working on the ring?

Oh, yeah. You know they're people in costumes, right?

I-I said that, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take me with you.

I want to see giant crab people fight.

I mean, I also want to see them start a calypso band,

but I'll take what I can get.

I'm a fan of the wrestling butts.

- I mean, arts. - What do you think, Bob?

It might be a cultural experience?

Come on, Dad. Listen to your hydrated wife.

- Okay, fine, go. - Yes!

But don't do stuff that's not good.

- Well put. - Uh, okay. Taking kids to a job.

That's a responsible and probably fine thing to do.

And while you kids are out, your mom's gonna drink

six more glasses of water.

So we're both gonna have a cool day.

TEDDY: Okay, now,

don't step on anything sharp

and don't stand near anything heavy

and if anyone says, "Hey, you're not supposed to be here,"

- just run. - LOUISE: Rules to live by.

And maybe keep kind of quiet.

- Holy crap! - I think you mean, "holy crab"?

Okay, I'm gonna get working on the ring

and also pretend I don't know you guys.

Hello, I'm Gene. I'm allergic to you.

ISOPOD: So we're thinking grand slam, riptide,

crabby-jabby-power-up, and then claw-drop and we're out.

Such a beautiful language.

Hmm. It still feels like it's missing something.

Maybe a few pinch-clinchers?

You're gonna bring down the house with a pinch-clincher?

Um, what if you guys did, like,

a body-switch decapitation-type move?

- SPIDER CRAB: What's that? - ISOPOD: What?

Like, say, you bite off his head,

and he bites off your head,

then you guys switch heads

and then start doing each other's moves.

Or forget it. Never mind. Tina, stop talking.

- What? - CAROL: Uh, who are you?

- Um... - Uh...

- Run! - TEDDY: Sorry, Carol.

Sorry. Kids, uh, this is Carol.

She's the, uh...

Creative director and show announcer

for Crustacean Nation.

Teddy, I didn't know you were a dad.

He's not our dad. He just took us here

- from our home. - Okay.

- But he's friends with our dad. - Best friends.

A lot of people say best friends.

The kids wanted to come see the wrestlers,

but I can make them wait in the back of my truck.

That's safe, right?

Well, hold on. I sort of want to hear

the rest of this bunny kid's idea.

You're saying actually switch heads?

Um, yeah. Switch heads and switch moves.

Hmm. Could try it.

Those heads come off pretty easy, right?

- ISOPOD: Uh-huh. - Go rip each other's heads off.

- BOTH: Okay. - All right, I'm gonna step back

over here and keep doing a really good job. Goodbye.

-(thuds) -Thanks, kid. Oh, boy, the Nautilus

just got stuck in the door again.

Hold on, Devon. Don't move.

You're gonna tear your umbilicus.

- Excuse me, folks. - Wait, uh, Carol.

What if someone like us... someone just like us...

Wanted to be in the show, to wrestle?

Oh, I don't know. Actually wrestling?

I mean, for starters, you're a kid, no offense.

And you, or this someone, would need a costume.

That's kind of a big part of our deal here.

Oh, wow, come to think of it, we have costumes.

Sea cucumber costumes.

We do? Oh, you mean our pickle costumes?

No, our sea cucumber costumes.

Remember our really great sea cucumber costumes?

She says pickle when she means sea cucumber.

And we could write a story line that you're just gonna love.

Especially if you love calypso music.

Huh. I mean, your head-switch idea was pretty good.

Tell you what, next practice is Tuesday at 4:00.

Come with your costumes and ideas.

If I like it, maybe I'll give you a shot

at our show on Saturday.

- Yes. - DEVON: Uh, a little help?

- Uh, a little... - CAROL: Sorry, Devon. I'm coming, I'm coming.

Ugh, he needs to come out of his shell. Literally.

- Wait, what are we doing? - Tina, Gene,

would you make me the happiest girl in the world

by dressing up as sea cucumbers and wrestling with me?

Wear a costume and be loud and have people look at me?

- I'm in, sister. - I mean, I guess so.

I do like sea cucumbers.

It'd be an honor to tell their story. Through, uh, wrestling.

- Yes! Wresting! - Wrestling!

Wrestling! But also,

we should probably ask Mom and Dad if it's okay first?

- Oh, yeah. We'll ask, we'll ask. - Wrestling!

- Wrestling! - Wrestling!

-(kids continue shouting) -Who brought those noisy kids, huh?

Geez. Mm.

O-Okay, just to make sure, you kids are only

wrestling each other, right?

We're not being bad parents, are we?

By letting you take part in an underground

crustacean-themed wrestling show?

I don't know, Dad.

We'll wrestle whoever we need to wrestle.

We don't want to be the newbies who are like,

"Oh, I'm only wrestling kids

because I'm a kid and I could get hurt."

But that's exactly what I want you to say.

Okay, let's talk about our characters.

Gene, you're gonna be the diva.

- That sounds right. - And you're purple

because it totally makes sense for your character

and also because that was the only color

Mom had left back when she made that costume.

I'm violent and I'm violet.

Tina, you're the mysterious badass.

That checks out.

And I'll be the wild card.

Also, Mom, I've done some sketches here,

how to make these pickles more sea cucumbery.

Then there's this giant cardboard stroller.

- 'Cause we're also babies. - Why are we babies?

'Cause we're small. And we're radioactive.

- Why are we radioactive? - Tina, it all makes sense.

Mom, work your magic. I know you can do it.

Uh, okay. Hold on, I got to pee. (grunts)

- Again? - Yes. Ten glasses of water a day.

Which turns out that means I'm never not in the bathroom.

Louise, did you say "giant cardboard stroller"?

Yes, I did. But with no pee on it, please.

And then Tina swings Gene

into me, trying to knock me down.

But I drop to the ground and steamroll towards her,

with sparklers. That's the radiation.

And then we all fall into a big pile and explode.

We'll get Teddy on pyro for that.

We also do an interpretive dance at the end

- for a solid ten minutes. - Not sure about that.

Oh, and picture our costumes different.

Our Mom's not done yet.

Uh-huh. Okay, first, we really need to simplify.

And no fire or explosives.

- I feel I shouldn't have to say that. - Then don't.

Carol, my roommate accidentally ran over my tail with her Vespa.

- Again? - Yeah.

Roommates, huh?

Aw, look at you. And look at me at how good I did

- on these costumes, huh? - Sorry we both can't go.

It's okay. You won the bun toss fair and square.

Always bet on bottom.

Aw, my little capricious sea cucumbers.

- Okay. - And I hope there's no capricious activity

at the wrestling match.

Ugh, the "new vocabulary word every day" habit

is so much better than the drinking water habit.

But Lin, isn't the whole point of the 21-day habit thing

to stick with it for 21 days?

Oh, Bob. Stop being capricious.

What does capricious mean?

It's complicated. It's-it's hard to explain.

I believe it comes from the root word "capri pants."

Loving the chitchat, but we got to go get crusty

- with some 'staceans, so... - Okay. Have fun.

Don't break a chair on each other's faces.

Or staple each other. Capricious.

- (Isopod roaring) - CAROL: Oh! After

a jaw-dropping decapitation-head-switch,

Captain Isopod has kicked the krill

out of Lord Spider Crab using the crab's own signature move.

That was my idea. I made that happen.

(whoops) We're up next. We feeling good?

We feeling salty?

W-Wait, do I start with a grab and then swing

- or-or swing and then grab? - Grab and then swing.

Come on, we got to get into position.

(rock music playing)

Okay, inverti-fans, we've got some special guests

making their debut in the ring today.

So, put your claws together for...

the Barbaric Radioactive Baby Sea Cucumbers!

(whoops) Yeah!

Uh-oh. Seems like we've woken up these baby sea cukes

from their nap, and they do not look happy.

Now they're fighting over a rattle.

Glad I'm up here.

- Bust out. - (all groaning)

- (grunts) - Ow!

- Whoa! - (grunts)

- (grunts) - TINA: Sorry, sorry.

Oh, so vicious, sort of.

- Aah! My shades. - LOUISE: Leave the shades.

Hit the ropes. Cucumber Crush. Go, go.

- (exclaims) - Ah... Oh, crap.

Dang it. That was bad.

- Boo! - Sloppy!

- Ow! -(grunting) - BOB: Oh, boy.

Don't worry, I got this.

- Gene, no. - Now I'm seeing

what I believe is some sort of terrifying dancing?

(whispers): Cucumber pile. Cucumber pile.

TINA: Wait, do I go over... Which side do I...

Aah! I'm stuck!

Ay, ay, ay, ay.

- Wait, wait, no, no, no! - (shouts)

(kids screaming)

I told you kids to keep it simple.

You're lucky that none of you got hurt.

Yes, I'm happy about that. That would not have been good.

For me, as the person who let you do this.

Look, maybe there's a reason

they don't usually use kids in combat sports.

Ring held up pretty good. Just saying.

So, great work, Teddy.

Yep, okay. Uh, nice meeting you.

- Sorry, Louise. - Wait.

I just, uh... That was not our best stuff.

I mean, we have a whole other chapter in our story

that we didn't get to yet

- that's way better. - Is that so?

Yes. Their battle with the, um...

- Sea Sponge. - The Sea Sponge?

Yeah, the Sea Sponge. Who is, uh, this guy.

- This guy, like, this guy? - It's funny when he pretends

we haven't already discussed this.

So, please give us another chance?

I know we can be great.

(sighs) Okay. I'll give you one more chance.

There's something there.

It's really, really bad right now.

But maybe it could be not really, really bad.

- Good feedback, good feedback. - Yes! Thank you.

Can we get these things off now? My pickle is starting to tickle.

- Lin? W-What are you doing? - I'm fixing my posture.

The vocabulary thing was, uh, you know, what's the word?

Vocabulary-tastic?

Dumb. This is a better one.

In 21 days, my whole body'll be reorganized.

And also, Bob, while I'm doing this,

will you hold my chin in like this?

-(grunts) -All right, but I don't know

- if I can do it for 21 days. - Oh, you're so busy?

Anyway, I'm thinking Teddy the Sea Sponge is our nemesis

because he absorbed our parents to death.

Mom, how many sponges do we have?

'Cause we're gonna need all of them plus 300.

Tina, Gene, you need to cancel all your plans.

We have to be completely devoted to this.

- BOTH: Uh... - You're right, that's not enough.

Freakishly devoted to this. Now let's get to work.

- (roars) - ? Freakishly devoted ?

- Hello, ma'am. How are you? - (both grunt)

- ? Freakishly devoted ? - Aah!

-? Freakishly devoted... ? -(both grunt)

LOUISE: Did you know sea cucumbers shoot sticky threads

from their butts as a form of defense?

They look like butt noodles.

- We're definitely doing that. - (groans)

- ? Freakishly devoted! ? -Oof! - LOUISE: And then we

all climb on the ropes,

jump at the Sinister Sea Sponge,

which we'll totally nail, he catches us,

- spins around and we take him down. - (grunting)

We call it the Triple Cuke Nuke.

All I'm gonna say is of all the acts I have,

yours is the one I'm the most worried about.

- Okay. - Makes sense.

And the Sinister Sea Sponge

has one of the baby cukes caught up in his spin cycle.

Kill him! What? I got to floss after I eat.

21-day habit. I just had popcorn.

Oh, okay. You turned away.

Uh-oh! He's got all three sea cukes

cornered at the post.

- (roars) -It doesn't look good. - (kids shouting)

CAROL: But wait... The sea cucumbers

just pulled noodles from their butts,

which, I believe, is their natural,

biological form of defense.

And now the sea cukes are stunning

the Sinister Sea Sponge

with their super-charged toxic butt noodles!

Aah! Butt noodles!

Triple Cuke Nuke. Now!

- Finish him! - LOUISE: Jump!

(all shouting, grunting)

Call the coast guard!

An amazing feat that kind of worked.

Give it up for the Barbaric

Radioactive Baby Sea Cucumbers

and their deadly butt noodles!

Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

(all chanting): Butt noodles! Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

Shell yes, you love us!

Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

- Yeah! - Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

That was incredible. Do they give Academy Awards

- for wrestling? - Don't get me wrong,

I love the attention.

But I also think I might need a new tailbone.

Yeah, I thought wrestling was supposed

to be more fake and less bruisey?

That's just our bodies breaking. You'll get used to it.

- Cool, cool, cool. - Yay.

And we'll just keep practicing and working harder

until eventually, someone makes action figures of us.

Great, I love practicing more

- and working harder. - Uh-huh. -Mm-hmm.

? You gotta be your best, so you gotta work hard ?

? You gotta work hard to be your best ?

? A fire in your heart, noodles in your hand ?

? Your costumes smell really bad, that's okay ?

? You gotta be your best, so you gotta work hard ?

? You gotta work hard to be your best ?

? Yeah, yeah. ?

Well, guys, the Radioactive Barbaric Baby Sea Cucumbers

have become the fan favorites of Crustacean Nation.

So that's why I'm moving you to the end of the show.

You guys are gonna be the closers.

- Seriously? - Wow. So cool.

Um, hey just curious.

How many more shows are we, um, going to be doing, exactly?

Love that question. Very fresh, very now.

Well, we've got our residency at the rec center

for another couple of weeks, and then we go on the road.

- Fantastic. -Great... - You don't say?

Okay, well, I got to go spray-paint

angry eyebrows on an isopod.

See you at the next practice, show closers.

- Bye, Carol! - Bye, Carol. -Bye, Carol.

Show closers? Is this real?

Is this happening? Tina, slap me.

- Uh, fake slap or real slap? - Real slap.

-(grunts) -Ow. Should've said fake slap.

- But yeah. - BOTH: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Hey, everybody. - Hey, Teddy. -Hi, Teddy.

- There he is. - You're looking a little stiff, Teddy.

- You okay? - Oh, sure.

Just, uh, being a Sinister Sea Sponge

is kind of doing a number on my back.

- What number? - Well, good news, Teddy.

- Gene, Tina, drumroll? - (both imitating drumroll)

We got asked to headline the show next week.

Oh, that's great.

Linda, can I get a straw for my coffee?

I can't tilt my head so good.

Sure. Lunges! (grunting)

W-What's going on? W-What are What are you doing?

I'm getting my heart rate up. It's my new habit.

Short bursts of intense exercise.

- BOB: Hmm. - I've been lunging everywhere.

It's a fun way to get around.

Okay, time to head to practice.

We're going in a little early today

so we can work on nailing the Triple Cuke Nuke,

which will probably become

the most famous wrestling move in history,

once we can do it without one of us falling on their face

and Gene farting that one time.

Um, I was sort of hoping to take a break

from one or two practices

to do anything else for a little bit.

- What? - Yeah, this wrestling stuff is all the time.

I've already cut out homework, but now

- my TV-watching is starting to suffer. - Whoa, whoa, guys.

We've found something that we're really good at.

And that thing is dressing up like sea cucumbers

and fighting each other.

So now we just have to become

the best at it we possibly can be.

- We owe it to the world. - Ugh, fine.

But the world better send us an amazing thank-you card.

- Squats! And squat, and squat. - Aah! That was loud.

Okay, first night as closers.

Just do exactly what we did in practice, but way better

and different and correctly and without crying, Teddy.

I know you're passionate, but come on.

- Right. (moans) - Okay.

Let's go set up the stroller.

Teddy, I'll see you on the other side.

- Heaven? - No, in the ring?

Sure. I'm not gonna die.

It's fine that we closed the restaurant for this, right?

Is this what it's like when your kids do sports?

- Is this sports? - Sorry, Bob,

I didn't listen to what you just said.

- I'm trying to be in the moment. - No, I-I know.

- This is the habit that's gonna stick. - Mm-hmm.

Because all I have to do is be mindful.

- And in the moment. - Are you supposed to keep saying

you're being in the moment when you're being in the moment?

Leave me alone! Moment.

CAROL: Ooh! Maximum Mussel really brought the muscle

- to the Horseshoe Hurricane. - (groans)

- Oh, boy. - CAROL: All right,

time for the final fight:

your favorite violent sea veggies.

Let's bring 'em out!

Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

(all chanting): Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

Guys, we are butt noodle gods. Let's give them a show.

- Time to go cucular. - BOTH: Okay.

-(shouting) -And here they are. It's the Barbaric

Radioactive Baby Sea Cucumbers.

-(grunting) -CAROL: Oh, shells bells.

The sea cucumbers' archnemesis is back.

Will the Sinister Sea Sponge wipe the ocean floor

- with these babies? - (grunting)

- (grunting, shouting) - ? ?

(grunting)

(distorted): Oh!

And here come the butt noodles. Oh,

they're going into the Whirlpool of Pain.

- Round and round they go. - (Teddy grunting)

When they stop, he's gonna know.

Teddy, you got to pick me up now.

Right, right.

Aah! My back!

- Teddy. Oh, no! - (Teddy grunts)

It's okay. I'm okay.

Nope. I'm seizing up. Oh...

BOB: Wait, is Teddy really hurt?

I-Is this real or fake?

And the Sea Sponge took a big hit.

And it isn't getting up.

And not in a super fun way.

- Uh-oh. - Just, uh, keep whirlpooling.

(chanting): Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

-(groaning) -Butt noodles! Butt noodles!

-(groaning) -How long do we have to do this?

I think it's making him better.

Eh, no, it's not.

Just keep going. We're the closers.

Always be closing.

- (horn blows) - Sorry, folks.

I think we have to stop this fight early.

- We've got an injured Sea Sponge. - (audience booing)

- EDITH: Get up, Sea Sponge! - No!

Don't stop the show. I-I'll fight.

I'll fight. Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Okay, sorry. That's it, folks.

No, please. Keep going.

- Honor my memory. - Wait. Uh...

Ooh, oh, oh. The Sinister Sea Sponge

is being joined in the ring by that guy.

Uh, w-what? Me?

Yes. Come in, come in.

Oh, God. Uh, okay.

Oh. All right.

It seems like an average human is now entering the ring.

Definitely all a part of the show.

(whispers): Teddy, I'm just gonna gently...

- Sorry, sorry. - (grunts)

Put this on. (loud): Whoa!

It's the Sinister Sea Sponge's evil brother,

Sponge Hat.

Uh, yeah. I'm gonna get you, Sea Cucumbers.

For hurting my brother's back.

Aw, we're brothers.

I conch believe it.

It's the Sinister Sea Sponge's brother,

ready to exact his revenge,

in the form of wrestling, I hope?

Oh, boy.

(whispering): (grunts) Dad,

we got to do our big final move.

The Triple Cuke Nuke.

We're gonna jump from the ropes... (grunts)

and you catch us, spin around with all three of us on you,

and then fall down, okay?

Wait, what? All three of you? I-I can't.

Sure you can, you big strong boy.

You can do it, Bobby.

No, I'm not you, I can't catch three kids and then spin.

No, I know. I was just trying to be nice.

Wait, what if your mother comes on stage

- and we go back-to-back? - That could work.

And, oh, no, here comes Sponge Hat's...

- evil... sister. - Wife.

- Sister wife. - Come on, sister wife.

- Oh. Excuse me. - LOUISE: Yeah.

- CAROL: Wow! Okay. - Excuse me.

So now we've got another surprise person-fighter.

Just crab-tacular.

- (Teddy groans) -Sorry, sorry. - Yes!

I am the sister wife of the evil brother.

Sponge-Boob Square-Bra.

- Nice. - Lin, the kids are gonna jump on us

and we have to catch them, spin around and then fall.

- Oh, boy. Okay. - Oh, God, oh, God.

LINDA: I'm in the moment, I'm in the moment,

- I'm in the moment... - BOB: Oh, God...

Now!

(all yelling)

LOUISE (distorted): We're doing it!

(all grunt)

CAROL: What an incredible finish!

The Barbaric Radioactive Baby Sea Cucumbers

finally landed their signature move.

And the sponge family is hung out to dry.

- Yeah! We did it! - Yeah!

Yeah! Ha, ha, ha!

Wow, this is great.

Can someone drive me to my chiropractor's, please?

How you doing, Teddy?

You think you'll be on your feet for next Saturday?

- Yep. In theory. - Yeah, well, whatever you come up with,

I want it in my ring.

Yeah, the thing is, Carol, this was actually our last show.

- ALL: What? - Yeah. Sorry.

I loved this so much and we worked so hard.

But I don't think the band is gonna be able to stay together.

We burned bright, but it couldn't last.

- Really? - Yeah. It was only a matter of time

before we destroyed our tiny bodies.

And Teddy lost his ability to stand or move.

I mean, some of us complained a little, or a lot,

but I'm glad you pushed us, Louise.

Even though it was annoying sometimes.

Uh, most of the time.

'Cause tonight, we made something beautiful,

- sort of? - I mean, it was kind of beautiful.

- I thought it was beautiful. - Anyway, we definitely won't be able

to do the Triple Cuke Nuke again.

And Teddy almost died.

- Oh, God, is he dead? - Nope, nope.

- Just resting my eyes. - Oh, phew.

Yeah, so, thank you for the opportunity.

(whispers): I'll work on 'em. We'll be back.

(regular volume): But, uh, we are done.

Wow. You guys are bad parents.

You should make your kids wrestle.

- I'm kidding. You seem great. - No, no.

You-you were right the first time.

We get that a lot.

You know, I do kind of appreciate wrestling now.

Now that I've done it. But I never want to do it again.

And my body is mad at me.

Your body's probably mad at you

for all sorts of reasons, Father.

Thank you, Louise. So, Lin,

are you sticking with this in-the-moment stuff?

- You seemed sort of that tonight. - Nope. I'm done.

My new habit is to just keep all my old habits.

I'm sick of all this capricious habit switching.

Ooh, I used it right! Maybe.

LOUISE: Ugh. We smell pretty bad.

Should we throw these costumes away?

GENE: No, they're gonna be my bridesmaids dresses.

? Crustacean Nation Wrestling Federation ?

? It's a bunch of big crustaceans ?

? Fighting other big crustaceans ?

? Just 'cause they're really big ?

? Doesn't mean they can't fight ?

? Kicking krill and taking names ?

? It's a shell of a sight ?

? Crustacean Nation ?

? Wrestling Federation ?

? Crustacean Nation ?

? Wrestling Federation ?

? Kicking krill and taking names ?

? It's a shell of a sight ?

? Just because they're so big ?

? Doesn't mean they can't fight ?

? Crustacean Nation ?

? Wrestling Federation ?

? Crustacean Nation ?

? Wrestling Federation. ?

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