Original subtitles

[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

[all chanting] Curzuz! Curzuz! Curzuz!

Yes, welcome.

Welcome to "Curzuz,"

the culture's favorite battle of music magic.

I am your host and DJ, D-Nice.

[cheers and applause]

Tonight, we got Kayutie.

[cheers and applause]

Yes, yes, yes!

And we have Bodegia in the building.

[cheers and applause]

- Give it up, give it up! - Thank you, thank you.

You look good, girl.

I haven't seen you since the Voodoo Awards.

What's it been, like, 400 years?

You know, you really are a bad witch,

and I'm not just saying that

'cause you be necromancin' everybody's mans.

Yeah, the dick is alive, but the rest of the body dead.

- [laughs] - All right.

Let's get right into it.

Round one.

It wouldn't be Curzuz

if we don't start with actual curses.

Well, one thing about me,

all my verses come with curses.

Kayutie's potions are dry, no lotion.

Please, my rhymes will put your man under a spell,

Bodegia, so you better warlock him down!

I know...

- all: That's right! - Eh!

Well, I'm 1,000 years old, so I'll go first.

This is the spell that I used to put Dru Hill back together,

then break them up ten minutes later

on live radio.

all: Damn!

DJ D-Nice, drop the beat!

[hip-hop music playing]

Bodegia!

Look, listen.

Look.

Listen.

♪ Flim flam, I got tea to spill ♪

♪ I do what no other witch will ♪

♪ Woody went solo, gave God the praise ♪

♪ And Sisqo said "What?" and pulled out his braids ♪

♪ Splitting up groups is what I do ♪

♪ Put 'em back together, you can call me the glue ♪

♪ I said, put 'em back together ♪

♪ You can call me the glue ♪

♪ Put 'em back together, you can call me the glue ♪

[cheers and applause]

Okay! I didn't know that was you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Uh, you better make your next curse your best curse, Kayutie.

Okay. Don't boss me around.

He mad 'cause we broke up.

- Yes, we did fuck. - Ooh, I like that.

'Cause I'ma give 'em some heat.

This is the curse I put on Drake's dance moves

in "Hotline Bling."

Give me that beat!

[hip-hop music playing]

♪ From wheelchairs to wheels up he got the game on lock ♪

♪ Got 12 different accents, he can't be stopped ♪

♪ He a rude boy, like a island ting ♪

♪ Didn't call me back, I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪

♪ What, what, I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪

♪ I what, what ♪

♪ I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪

♪ I what, what ♪

♪ I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, that's what happens when you don't call me back.

[scoffs]

Damn, payback's a witch! And that's on...

all: Alakazam!

Yo, yo, watch where you're shouting those spells.

Oh, sorry, D-Nice.

Round two, everyone.

We did it big with curses.

Now it's time to hit us with your best collabs.

Me first this time!

Y'all know this one.

This one went instant platinum.

- Oh, you coming with it today! - That's right.

Now, this is a curse I put on Lil Jon and Usher

to bring them together for "Yeah."

'Member that? Yeah!

Let me get that beat!

[hip-hop music playing]

Duke Ellington on the keys.

She got Duke Ellington. How'd she do that?

♪ From hip-hops to drop tops ♪

♪ Seven o'clock on the drizzop ♪

♪ Music so Hpnotiq it will make you drunk ♪

♪ Usher bring the beat, Lil Jon bring the crunk ♪

♪ Hip-hops and drop tops ♪

♪ Seven o'clock on the drizzop ♪

What, what?

♪ This your favorite song and it been for years ♪

♪ You can learn to twerk if you face your fears ♪

♪ Twerk it, twerk it, twerk it ♪

♪ Twerk it, twerk it, twerk it ♪

♪ Twerk it, twerk it, twerk it ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, I got asthma ♪

- [cheers and applause] - Wow.

You know, that's gonna be hard to top.

Okay, thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was cute or whatever.

But I'm 'bout to witch slap y'all with this next one.

And that's on the...

all: Brujas!

This is the one I used

to get Mariah Carey and ODB to collab.

It changed the game.

DJ D-Nice, drop the beat.

[hip-hop music playing]

Ooh, I like this.

Here we go.

Yeah. Yeah.

♪ Don't bug me, these hits are butterfly ♪

♪ My girl's hitting notes eight octaves up high, high ♪

♪ Rap and R&B make ya say hot damn ♪

♪ With the Wu-Tang Clan and the Queen of the Lambs ♪

♪ I said rap and R&B make ya say hot damn ♪

♪ With the Wu-Tang Clan and the Queen of the Lambs ♪

- [cheers and applause] - Yes! That was fire!

Okay, that was cute or whatever,

but it's time to get romantic on these witches.

Aw, yeah.

Final round: love spells.

My turn! I love a love spell.

And that's on... all: Black love!

DJ D-Nice, give me something smooth.

[R&B music playing]

I'm about to get delicate in this motherfucker.

This is for all the people in the crowd

who's gonna fuck tonight

on their backs and on their bellies.

- I'ma do both. - Wow.

♪ ♪

♪ Fire, brimstone ♪

♪ High notes and dribbles ♪

♪ We need a real love that is mad official ♪

♪ Make it last forever until ♪

♪ And that's on Tamia and Grant Hill, yeah ♪

[cheers and applause]

Oh, we doin' sports and music bae collabs?

That's when I get in my bag.

Let me get one more. I know...

all: That's right!

D-Nice, make it sexy.

[soft R&B music playing]

- Ooh. - Oh, this is the--

this one was number one. This is--I like this one.

Yeah. This was number one.

- This is my best one. - Yeah, I like this one.

♪ ♪

♪ Curses, spells, and seances ♪

♪ Nowhere, uh ♪

♪ My good sis called on God with a prayer ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Saw it fly by ♪

♪ I flicked my wand, yeah ♪

♪ Thank me for Ciara and Russell Wilson, yeah ♪

♪ If you like that, you gon' like this battle ♪

all: ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'ma give you something that's more better, yeah ♪

♪ Look at me, baby, 'cause I'm better ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I just won this Curzuz 'cause I'm better ♪

all: Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

This has been "Curzuz."

I'll see you next time on the Sorcerer Awards.

♪ ♪

[Doechii's "I Told Em"]

♪ We told 'em we was kings, we showed 'em the machine ♪

♪ I been gave 'em the keys, I been flew overseas ♪

♪ I been knew I'm a queen, I been knew I was free ♪

♪ I told 'em, I told 'em, I told 'em, goddamn ♪

♪ I been whippin' the rolls, I been bookin' the shows ♪

♪ I been takin' the hoes, they been calling me doe ♪

♪ I been pickin' the clothes, I been knew I was gold ♪

♪ I told 'em, I told 'em, I told 'em ♪

♪ Holla, ooh ♪

♪ I told 'em, goddamn ♪

♪ What you told 'em ♪

♪ The funk don't matter if it's not cross chatter ♪

♪ If the Black Lives Matter I would know ♪

♪ What you told 'em, what you told 'em, goddamn ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I would know, what you told 'em ♪

♪ What you told 'em, goddamn ♪

[upbeat percussive music]

[elephant trumpeting]

Welcome to "Black Table Talk,"

the only place on the "Hworld Hwite Web"

where we can have an honest conversation

about the systematic destruction

of Black culture.

I'm your host, Dr. Haddassah Olayinka

Ali-Youngman, pre-PhD,

and today, my guest is--

Yeah, no, I'm not doing this.

[laughs] Nope.

You can take my name

right off of the lower third.

Oh, Colman Domingo.

I like the aggression, my king.

Laying down the law from the beginning.

I like it. Welcome to the show.

No need to welcome me. You tricked me into being here.

You said it was gonna be

a sit-down interview with Oprah.

- Yes, I did say that. - Yeah, you lied to me.

- No. - "No."

- You misheard me. - Did I?

See, see, see,

I said it's gonna be a sit-down interview...

- With? - Dr. Haddassah Olayinka

Ali-Youngman, pre-PhD.

- Not at all. - They sound alike.

Nope, not in any world do they sound alike.

Agree to disagree.

Well, you're superglued to the chair,

so you can't leave now.

Today's topic: the desecration of Black men in media.

I thought the topic was acting for activists.

I don't see Jesse Williams here.

- I'm a feminist. - You're a what?

- A feminist. - Hah!

- What's wrong with that? - Hey!

You don't believe in feminism?

Absolutely not!

Well, how-- how is that possible?

- You're a woman. - I am a female!

What questions do you have for me today?

- Mr. Colman Domingo. - Yes.

Colman Domingo, you are on--

Why do you say my name like that?

- Colman Domingo! - Okay, wow! That's so much.

I don't know why it's so much. Anyway.

Colman Domingo!

Now, you play a drug dealer

on a hit HBO television series,

"Eu...

four-I-A."

No, absolutely not true, and it's called "Euphoria."

Okay. I'm sorry, no, go ahead. You have questions.

Now, "hwhy" do you think this is the right way

to portray Black men on television?

All those "hwite" people watching?

[laughing] I'm not playing a drug dealer.

He's not a drug dealer.

- He's a former addict. - Ah!

And, uh, a sponsor to the central character,

and he's really just offering a bit of light

and humanity to the show.

You're also in another movie

called "The Color Purple."

Now, what do you have against

the colors red, black, and green?

Nothing. I don't have any problems with those--

Now, you starred in a movie called "Candyman."

Yes.

Why you so obsessed with Black people

getting stung by bees, Colman?

[laughs] Okay, I get it. I think I see.

- This isn't funny, Colman! - You're insane. I get it.

Oh, wow, Colman.

You know what's insane?

Black on Hook violence.

Now, Colman Domingo, I see here that you are an Afro-Latino.

Where is Afro-Latinia?

It's not a country.

- Tu hablas español? - Maybe.

Sí, sí, sí.

Now, that one was in Spanish.

Mr. Colman Domingo, you recently won an Emmy award.

I did. Thank you so much.

Now, why would you name that after a young "hwite" woman?

Why do you hit that H so hard?

- You say it. - White.

"Hwite."

You have a--what is a Tony Award nomination?

What does that even mean?

That--uh, that's for my work onstage,

and it was for a show called "The Scottsboro Boys,"

'cause I'm a song and dance man.

A "hwat"?

Oh, God, I know what you're gonna say.

You know the only song I know, Colman?

What?

♪ Wade ♪

♪ In the water ♪

That's a dirge. You know that, right?

♪ Wade ♪

♪ In the water ♪

both: ♪ Children, wade ♪

♪ In the water ♪

♪ God's gonna trouble ♪

♪ The water ♪

Colman, that was a beautiful moment.

Thank you, thank you.

Now, you were in something called

"Ma Rainey's Black Bottom"?

Do you even watch any of this stuff?

- Not a one. - Of course you don't.

So you're just reading titles off that card.

I'm not reading. These are pictures.

- Do you read? - Why would I do that?

Well, let me help you.

You should see other shows

because you will realize that we're not trying

to destroy Black culture, you know?

What you're doing is devaluing all these incredible artists

that have made such an impact, okay?

All right, just because we have, you know,

"The Color Purple" in the title.

- Huh! - Or the phrase "Black Bottom."

- Hah! - The--you'll see that

if we didn't do these things,

we would have no representation.

If we have no representation,

then our legacies would just be wiped out.

[uplifting music]

Maybe you're right.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

Thank you, my king.

Oh, you're very welcome.

Yes, you have taught me so much today.

You're welcome, sis.

I just have one final question for you.

Okay.

What is "If Beale Street Could Talk"?

Why would you have a historic Black street talkin'?

Isn't it bad enough that "hwite" people

are trampling all over it every day?

The ducks coming out to that hotel,

waddlin' on it?

Duck, Duck, Goose, guess who's an idiot.

Black people!

Can you tweet this to your followers on Tic Tac?

- You have Instagram? - A "hwat"?

IG. Do you have Facebook?

Why would I put my face on a book?

Well, do you have Myspace?

Are you talking about BlackPlanet?

Well, where is this airing?

- This? - Yes.

It doesn't.

That's all the time we have for "Black Table Talk."

[elephant trumpeting]

[panther snarling]

[soft music]

Karlie Chanel is a motivationalist,

inspirationalist,

published author on Pinterest-alist,

the rainbow after the brainstorm.

TV executives, please welcome...

Ms. Karlie Chanel!

[scattered applause]

[laughs]

Did she just introduce herself?

She's been standing behind the curtain

the whole goddamn time like this is a magic show.

Get ready, networks,

because I, Karlie Chanel,

am here to offer up my goddess-given gifts

in the form of TV bliss.

[laughs]

America is suffering.

I'm suffering.

People are spending 47 hours a day

doomscrolling and dying under weighted blankets.

But to quote my extended relative, Pocahontas,

the life that they're looking for...

[mimicking echo] For... is "just around the riverbend."

So I present to you, TV-EOs,

"Crossing Streams with Karlie Chanel."

That reminds me,

I need to get my prostate checked.

I can hear you.

I thought I did that last night.

Oh, girl, you did.

- [both chuckling] - Did I do a good job?

You got up in there. I'm like--

"Crossing Streams" is 42 minutes

of monologues, cooking segments,

and--[screaming]

Oh.

Primal screaming

that'll have you falling in love

with your destiny's inner child.

Can I get a "CB-Yes" from CBS?

- Oh, God. - Huh?

Are you ready to dream the stream?

CBS doesn't dream.

We keep one eye open.

No deal. I'll see you in the car.

Mm. Get the little--

NBC, do you "NB-See" what I'm sayin'?

I'll bring the "law,"

you bring the multi-series "order"!

♪ The more you ♪

No.

Come on, guys. Let's go.

B-b-but wait!

There's more!

Where are you all going?

I'll give you an eight-figure deal

on the spot, my little mint foolep.

[gasping]

But it comes at a price.

[demonic voice] Your soul.

- Oh, no. Not you again. - Yes.

I've already delivered 666 Karliebelle souls to hell!

I can give you three primetime specials.

Might as well rename yourself Lizzo,

'cause all that cash is gonna feel good as hell.

If I wanted to make a deal with the devil,

I would just win "American Idol."

And you would know that if you ever read

my self-published e-book entitled,

"To Make a Deal with the Devil, Win 'American Idol.'"

I'm talking international distribution,

my little honey-baked hot comb.

You'll be more worldwide than Pitbull,

and not the ones white women adopt and put in tutus.

Wait.

I could be an international inspirational motivationalist?

Oh, so far, the only borders that I've reached

are the closed bookstores.

Yes. It's so sad, if you think about it.

But with my help, people won't call you "Noprah Losefrey."

I'll have a deal that'll gas you up!

[banjo music]

Ah, well, look who it is.

My old rival, gas station TV.

You know, with all these electric vehicles,

I thought you'd gone the way of Quibi.

Dead.

[laughs] Hardly.

Just like racism, we'll be here forever.

- I hate that for us. - Ms. Chanel,

if you sign with Two Pumps and a Bump TV,

you will be the face of our network.

That means everyone everywhere will think of you

when they pass gas.

Stations.

Gas stations.

Thinkin' of you.

The--passing gas stations.

Why would I want that? [laughs]

As I said in my blog post,

"How to Retain Hot Air:

Flatulence, It Is A Sign of Weakness,"

you want to associate your brand with class,

not gas.

Ha! Looks like I've won, Gaseous Clay.

Hold on,

Evander Not-So-Holyfield.

Fortune is fleeting.

So if I sell you my soul,

you have to make me a household name.

[laughs]

Fine.

But only 'cause you're sweet, Stevia Wonder.

I'll not only make you famous.

I'll make sure you're the only person in the world

with a talk show.

You'll have less competition than the Food Network.

It is my eternity of yes!

Excellent.

Sign here.

Now, I normally have people sign in blood,

but your blood type is AB-Annoying.

Ah!

Congratulations, people of Earth!

You get to revolve around me now!

Aht-aht-aht.

Not so fast, butterbutts.

Huh?

I didn't say which planet.

Enjoy your little talk show...

[demonic voice] On Mars!

[laughing]

Uhh!

[laughter echoing]

[upbeat music]

What up, fam?

It's your girl Cookie motherfuckin' Carusso

on my acting shit!

Yo, and you know me.

I'm famously famous for playing the devil,

motherfuckers!

Ha-ha!

Yo, shout out to TMZ.

Y'all didn't catch me at the airport earlier,

but you can catch me coppin' free sushi and shit

at Nobu Maliboots!

I be gettin' real nigiri-ish up in there, eh-eh!

Yo, one thing about me,

I don't get crazy at auditions, you know what I'm sayin',

'cause I don' fuck with auditions.

I just show up, and boom!

It's a show. Ha!

Like right now, y'all can't play me.

I know this is really a episode of "Hot Ones."

Bring the wings!

Here's your wings,

'cause you so fly.

All right, Margarita.

This bitch is always trying to convince folks

she on "Hot Ones,"

but that's just her regular lunch.

[coughing]

Oh, shit!

Ah!

What is this, the motherfuckin' ten?

- It's just garlic parmesan. - Goddamn!

Shit!

[coughing]

♪ ♪

[uplifting music]

- Good job, runners! - Good, good, good, good, good!

There you go, there you go!

Uh-huh! Yeah!

Look at y'all out here running like some Kenyans!

- Yes! - [laughing]

Love to see it!

[clears throat] More like some Preten-yans.

- [both laughing] - And I should know,

because I am Deena Daleedah, the Speed Walkin' Diva,

1979 champ, what you say!

Oh, I didn't say anything, Miss Daleedah,

but it's such an honor to stand next to a winner.

I'm always runner up.

Ooh, runner?

Oh, no, no, now, Marta, please.

I don't do no running, honey.

No, no, no, see, I--I sashay.

[laughs]

You got it, runners!

When I run, my knees sound like Savion Glover tap dancing.

[imitating tap dancing] Ow! Ow!

That sounds really painful.

- Oh! Want some water? - Deena, look.

- Mm. - Let me give you the rundown.

Oh, I don't do no runnin'!

Go on, give me a, "What you say!"

What you say!

Can we not do this this year? I'm exhausted.

I was up all night catfishing my husband's mistress.

I'm so sorry about your broken home,

but have you ever broken a record

keeping straight legs

at a moderately fast pace to claim--

Claim all glory. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You tell more lies than my husband in couples counseling.

- Always running your mouth. - Hey, hey!

I don't do no runnin'.

You do know that it takes more muscles

to walk than to run.

Did you know that? Huh? Can I get a "what you say"?

What you say!

Okay, hand me a synthetic wig, 'cause I love being

the Anderson Paak to your Bruno Mars.

[both laughing]

[laughs mockingly] Dang, Marta.

What are you, Skechers Shape-Ups?

Always making me look bad.

Deena, why don't you just sign up, pay the goddamn fee,

and run if you're so good?

Deena Daleedah don't do no runnin', okay?

You want me out here sweatin' my edges out, huh?

Nips gettin' chafed and bending my knees?

- For what? - You say!

Oh, oh.

If it isn't Little Miss Althea.

I need water.

Just water, Deena. Don't give me no shit.

Uh... oh.

Mm. [chuckles]

You sure you just want water, huh?

Come on, Harriet Tubman. Just give me my--

Mm!

- I'm not playing with you. - Mm-hmm. You sure?

- I'm not playing with you. - Did you come over here

- just to get water? - Come--give me my water.

Just to get--just to get-- just to get--

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Whoo! There it is.

You sure you here for just some water?

Hmm? Hmm? Did you come here

my speedwalking medal?

That's what you did.

You know Deena's got more fans

than a Southern church in the summer.

- Whoo! - Ah!

- What you say! - What you say!

- Ha! - It's a medal!

I say it's a participation medal.

Oh. Ooh, that's what you say?

Every year, you out here

"what you saying" us real athletes to death

while you Cha Cha Slide on the side.

Ooh! Hey!

Speedwalking is way harder than the Cha Cha Slide.

So take it back now, y'all!

- [grunts] - Look at her.

She don't look like she never won nothing.

- You ain't either! - Uh, hello.

That medal says you just tried.

[both gasping]

Ooh!

[laughing]

Oh, you want to see the diva in action.

- Mm-hmm. - No.

I want to see the diva make some traction.

I'm out.

I'm going to set my husband's car on fire.

Go, girl!

You know what would make me feel good?

Huh?

You actually running.

Oh, don't you worry your little pretty self, okay?

I'm going to take it easy on you, Miss Althea Kibson--

yeah, one letter away from greatness!

- Oh, oh! [laughs] - [laughs]

Eat my dust!

Oh, no, you...

Get it, Deena!

[muffled cheering] You're like a cheetah!

[uplifting music]

[in slow motion] What you say, Deena!

♪ ♪

Go, Deena!

♪ ♪

What you say!

Ooh! Ooh!

I told y'all!

Well, good for you.

Yet again, you just tried.

[laughs]

We both literally came in last.

What you say!

♪ ♪

[light music]

[screaming, coughing]

Yo, Margarita, you motherfuckin' bitch!

You did this to me!

I didn't do anything!

Ah!

My name is Margo.

She's been calling me Margarita for years.

Ah!

Yo, I swear to God,

I should've left your ass

in the gutter at Harvard where I found your ass.

I went to Howard.

Ahh...

ah!

Ahh!

See, there was hot sauce in my hand,

and it went in my eye and shit!

Okay, I'ma lick it off.

[screams] Had a cut on my tongue!

Shit! Oh, God.

Ah, now it's in my wig!

Goddamn it!

- You want some milk? - I gotta fin--no!

Get that white shit out of here!

I don't drink no white shit.

♪ ♪

Ugh, Mom,

this wedding is so expensive,

I promise you, it's about to go from black-tie optional

to food optional.

Janaya, I told you to make it BYOB: bring your own buffet.

- You did. - You know what?

I think it's time to give you

something that my mother gave me.

The sickle-cell trait?

Yes.

But also this.

[gasps]

[angelic choir singing]

Your restaurant napkins?

[laughs]

N-no, I can't take these.

Mom, I'm...

I'm not ready.

Oh, sweetheart, you're more than ready.

This is a family tradition spanning back

to when your great-grandmother was the first Black woman

to be seated at the whites-only White Castle.

Ooh!

I should use these napkins for my reception.

[gasps] Ooh!

Or I should sell them

to pay for my "Making the Band" cover band!

[ominous music]

- Ah! - Child, are you damaged?

These napkins are for emergencies.

Lap picnics, boob sweat,

if you spill in your car--

and only in your car!

Okay.

You understand me?

I have absorbed everything you've said, Mom.

[laughs]

Well...

there's something else I want to share with you.

Aw.

I wanted to wait to give it to you

until you foreclosed on your first house,

but I think you're ready.

Okay.

You know what this is.

- [laughs] - [gasps]

No.

[angelic choir singing]

Mom, come on. I can't take it.

A remote control with no back?

[gasps]

Twisty ties!

Peppermints.

[gasps] A black coin.

It could be a dime. It could be a penny.

This is the cornerstone of every Black woman's household.

But now it belongs to you.

Oh!

No, Mom.

An unscratched scratch-off from 1994?

I could never be as good a wife and mother as you.

You won't. [chuckles]

But you'll get close.

[laughs]

Let me get you a plastic bag

so you can put your heirlooms in it.

[clears throat]

[suspenseful music]

Where in the Sheryl Lee are my Ralphs bags?

Where are my multicolor array of crumpled plastic bags?

Maybe they just went out to get some air.

Let me get a napkin.

Oh, no, I'm not in the car.

Mom, look at me.

I...

donated your plastic bags.

[ominous music]

"Donated"?

You donate blood, money, food.

Your edges.

But plastic bags, we keep forever!

Technically, we do keep them forever.

A plastic's life cycle is--

is longer than a Georgia voting line.

Why?

18 years of free storage, gone!

Oh!

How am I going to store my tax receipts?

I bought you the scanner last Christmas.

Where am I gonna put the hair when I take my braids out?

Mom, you haven't worn braids since 2008.

- Mind your business. - Okay.

- How am I gonna move? - Boxes.

And when it's cold outside,

how do I insulate my feet?

How do I protect my hand when I fix the toilet?

[whispering] Call a plumber.

How do I season my chicken?

[sighing] Oh, I didn't think that through.

And how do I protect my bump and curl when it rains?

With an umbrella, just like Mary Poppins.

Don't you sass me!

Yes--yes, ma'am.

You know how many things I use them plastic bags for?

Stuff I can't even tell you about.

Okay, come here. Come here.

Come on, sit down. Sit down.

- [sobbing] - Ooh, okay.

And how are my future grandbabies

going to trick or treat?

You have ruined my legacy!

Listen, we can get canvas bags--

You shut your recycling-ass mouth!

- Okay. - [gasping]

Until you do right by my bags!

[knocking]

Hello, is anybody home?

Help!

- Hey, how you doing? Hi. - Yeah, hi.

- Can I help you? Oh. - Nice house.

- Hello. Hi. Um... - Excuse me.

Hey, I'm Marquita with the Sierra Club.

I have this $50,000 check for you.

[shrieking] Oh, my gosh!

Ciara the singer, she's gonna pay for my wedding!

Not that Ciara.

S-I-E, not C-I-A.

- Give it back. - Who the fuck is that?

Uh... uh, is Christine here?

Christine!

Did you find my bags?

Actually, thanks to your recent donation

of 4,000 plastic bags,

we didn't find them inside of a whale's stomach,

so, uh, we'd like to award you, Christine,

with this $50,000 check. Christine--

You can keep that $50,000 and stuff it up your ass!

What did you just say?

I'll kill 4,000 whales to get my bags back!

[screaming, gasping]

Oh, my God, lady. Wow!

I don't know what's worse!

Not having my bags

or not having a daughter anymore!

Open the door!

Sorry. Uh--whoa.

Where are you going, Ma? You live here.

[door slams] Mama, no!

[crying] Mama, I need you...

to pay for my wedding!

[dramatic music]

What is the name of the show that I'm on?

- "Euthanasia." - It is--no.

No, that's something totally different.

"Unification."

Okay, HBO has a show called "Euphoria."

- They do? - Yes.

[laughing] And that's the show that I'm on.

Who's that central character on the show?

Zendaya.

Oh, a dark-skinned sister. I love her.

She's not really dark-skinned, actually.

Same color as me.

- Yeah. - Very dark.

It's hard out here for us, Colman.

- [laughing] I can't. - You don't realize

what it's like to be a brown-skinned woman today.

[quirky music]

How do you find inspiration for your characters?

How do you find inspiration for yours?

I'm not a character.

- This-- - This?

- Natural. - Really?

- Came out the womb. - Okay.

Blonde as the continent is Black.

Colman Domingo, I'm just saying,

I wrote a one-woman show for Broadway.

It is called "Pre-PhD," based on a novel by Sapphire.

When I was born, the doctor slapped my butt,

and I said, "Hah!"

- I know Oprah. - Oh, wow.

Now you're gonna throw it in my face.

I'm not throwing it in your face--I'm not--

Throwing it in my face because you know famous people.

- I'm not using-- - What is she like?

"All my life, I had to fight."

Perfect!

- "I have to--" - Great.

- I'm not finished. - That's--oh, I'm sorry.

I thought we were-- I was trying to give you a...

"I had to fight my brothers,

my uncles..."

"Un-cahs"?

[both laughing]

[bright tone]

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