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MUSIC: "Lakmé, Act 1: The Flower Duet"
by Léo Delibes
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HILARY:
Busty divorcee, fifties
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seeks energetic male, any age
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to share dinner, wine, and etcetera.
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Box 19.
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00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,240
DOORBELL RINGS
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HILARY: Shot her myself this morning,
no time for hanging.
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Mid-season hen's best eaten
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as soon as they come out of rigor mortis,
don't you agree?
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Wait there. I'll go and scare up some gravy.
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Few lumps
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but the odd giblet's
not going to kill us, hey?
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SHE CHUCKLES
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Here's mud in your eye!
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SHE CHUCKLES
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Oh, I do like a man who can guess my size.
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Ooh!
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Ooh.
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Not quite what I had in mind but...
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I'm game if you are.
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How many corners are there in a kitten?
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SHE GIGGLES
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How many, how many mittens in a rectangle?
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SHE LAUGHS
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Oh, these furry little blighters
are blurring into one.
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Ooh!
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Ooh, I think I might shut my eyes for a tick.
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Morning, Sister.
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Yes, good morning to you, Peggy.
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Though, I doubt it's been a good morning
for our hapless milkman.
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Oh, I know.
This is Terry's second old stiff this month.
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Poor Terry.
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Let's see if the unfortunate deceased
has her own tale to tell.
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FELIX:
Hilary Sympson-Smythe, aged 58.
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00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,000
Likely cause of death,
coronary heart disease.
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00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,960
The jigsaw puzzle is "You Shall Have No Pie."
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Based on the nursery rhyme
in which three kittens lose their mittens.
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Yeah.
I'm familiar with the Mother Goose canon.
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Hardly thrilling enough
to prompt a heart attack.
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CAMERA CLICKS
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Just me, or is there something
wrong with this picture?
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Well, the picture and the puzzle.
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Meaning?
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Piece missing, bottom left.
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Question is why would anyone
attempt a 200-piece puzzle
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with a face covered in cold cream?
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Why indeed.
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The greasy pieces are
a puzzler's worst nightmare.
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00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,720
Alright, maybe not the worst,
but definitely top five.
50
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,960
Would you mind taking Peggy house to house?
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See if anyone heard
or saw anything last night.
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Sir.
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00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,520
Lily scent. Lanolin base note.
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How long would it take
to do a 200-piece puzzle?
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00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,040
Ah, um...
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00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,240
Well, that can be expressed
as N multiplied by N.
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00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,160
So, a 200-piece puzzle
is four times as difficult as a 100-piece
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00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,560
while a 500 is 25 times harder
than a 100-piece.
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00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,840
The reason being
that one must compare each jigsaw piece
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to "N" other pieces.
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Quite a while.
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SAM GRUNTS
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Unless she had help.
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00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,760
And given that she's gone all out
on the frock, lipstick, and pearls
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00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,320
I'd bet that help was a gentleman caller.
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00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,480
Whoever was here
was certainly careful to tidy up.
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00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,000
I'll say. Not a print in sight.
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00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,120
Powdery residue on the coffee table, though.
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00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,320
Some on the sofa, too.
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00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,920
Tucked behind the bread bin.
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00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,120
Ah.
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Someone should head down to the Bugle.
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00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:49,000
Hmm.
And I suppose that someone ought to be you?
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00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,200
I need to talk to you
about your lonely hearts.
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00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,360
Perfect timing!
76
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,840
You could take advantage
of our one-month-free offer.
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00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,280
For an investigation.
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00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,480
Obviously, I'd like to help
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but the persons behind our personals
are confidential, Sam
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00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,280
I'm sure you understand.
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00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,440
Even if your personals
are linked to a possible murder case?
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00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:17,520
Keep talking.
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00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,600
It's strictly on the QT
that there was a woman found dead
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00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,040
with a jigsaw puzzle
and a face full of cold cream.
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00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,000
And you're suspicious because...
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00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:27,480
A hunch.
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00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,480
Do I get an exclusive?
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00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,760
Once I know what we're dealing with
and it's safe to go public.
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00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,000
Is that a yes?
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00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,760
SAM CHUCKLES
It's not a no.
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00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:38,920
Alright. Follow me.
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00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,880
COLIN:
Sympson-Smythe, Sympson-Smythe.
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00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,920
Ah, here she is.
— Oh, Colin, you're a diamond.
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00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,160
"Busty divorcee, fifties,
seeks energetic male, any age
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00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,280
to share dinner, wine etcetera. Box 19".
Hats off!
96
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:57,600
Fair to say Hilary was one of our more
enthusiastic customers.
97
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,160
Well, let's hope it wasn't the "etcetera"
that finished her off!
98
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,440
So, talk me through the system.
99
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:09,200
Someone places an ad, for example,
"lonely lady seeks tall handsome stranger".
100
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,800
Or "frustrated bachelor
seeks assertive successful woman".
101
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,240
They're assigned a box number.
102
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,520
All correspondence is checked
and forwarded every Thursday.
103
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,640
How soon can you get the names
and addresses of these men?
104
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:30,160
He described him as smart, upright,
grey-haired, and smoking a pipe.
105
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,720
Mr Arnold at the Honeysuckle Cottage saw him
when he went out to retrieve a pigeon.
106
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,520
A what?
— A pigeon.
107
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,480
Never mind.
You and Peggy need to start eliminating.
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00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,240
There's 34 names on that list.
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Right, I shall begin.
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As I suspected.
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00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,360
Diethylbarbituric acid. Please don't touch.
112
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,200
Diethylbarbituric acid.
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00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,560
Barbital in powder form, brand name Bentinal,
prescribed for insomnia.
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00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,520
Progress! Good man.
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00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,520
Oh, um, and if there was any doubt
about whether her death was suspicious
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00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,360
Hilary Sympson-Smythe had enough
in her system to fell a giraffe, so...
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Hmm.
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Right.
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00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,520
You've certainly earned
that snowball, Sister.
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00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,760
Reckon I've earned myself one too,
if you're buying.
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00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:16,920
Evening, Sister.
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00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,640
Hello, Ruth.
- I thought you always bought your own?
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00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,280
Sometimes a girl likes to leave
her principles at the door, Sam
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you know that.
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00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,640
I'll do the honours, what'll it be?
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00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,720
The usual, thanks.
127
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,600
I knew there was something
about your mystery that rang a bell.
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00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,720
Alice Croft, died at home, on May 9th,
supposedly of natural causes.
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00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,160
Oh, yes, Mrs Croft,
the local councillor if memory serves?
130
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,080
RUTH:
I interviewed her daughter for the obit.
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00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,640
She said how tragic it was that Mother
didn't get to finish her new jigsaw puzzle
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00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,880
"The Madonna of the Yarnwinder".
133
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,600
Apparently, the family took great comfort
134
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:56,000
from the fact that the Holy Mother
was somehow "with her" when she passed.
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00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,080
Interesting, but it's not necessarily a link.
- RUTH: Agreed.
136
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,000
Which is why I called
and asked a couple more questions.
137
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,840
It seems Alice Croft was wearing cold cream
when she was discovered.
138
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:06,920
Oh, gosh.
139
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,600
I don't suppose she was...
- RUTH: A lonely heart?
140
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,520
"Buxom from Bath.
Attractive mature widow, fit fifties
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00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,320
seeks energetic male for frisky fun. Box 22."
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00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,640
Sam, you need to let me go to press.
— Not yet.
143
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,000
Why the hell not?
144
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,000
Sorry, Sister.
- No, no, that's quite alright.
145
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,120
Pretend I'm not here.
146
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,000
Going public will cause mass hysteria
and scare the killer back into the woodwork.
147
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,640
Then let's hope for your sake
he doesn't strike again.
148
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,800
I wouldn't want that on my conscience.
149
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,680
...Strictly entre nous.
150
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:48,440
One gets tired of being in the same position,
week in week out.
151
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,720
I've you to thank
for opening my eyes to new possibilities.
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00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,320
The pleasure was all mine, Mrs Clam.
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00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,880
THEY BOTH LAUGH
— SAM CLEARS HIS THROAT: Morning.
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00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,680
I'll, um, freshen the teapot.
155
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Thought I would send WPC Button out
156
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to check the sale
of jigsaw puzzles in the area.
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Right. Good.
158
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,080
Anything else you want to tell me about?
159
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,000
Presuming Cyril isn't listening in
from beyond the grave.
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00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,000
MRS CLAM:
There you are.
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00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,720
Sergeant Livingstone
needs his strength building up.
162
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,800
I'm not sure I want to know what for.
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00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,280
You're honestly not insinuating...
- What?
164
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:40,280
I have joined Mrs Clam
and the bell-ringers of St Michael's Church.
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00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,760
Oh, praise be.
166
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,240
HE CHUCKLES
Why didn't you tell me?
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00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,240
And have you make a mockery of me?
168
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,280
Would 1?
169
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,640
I think it's great.
170
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,520
So, if I join the bell-ringers,
would I get sausages too?
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00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,800
Have mine.
172
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,200
The British banger
is a taste I have yet to acquire.
173
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,280
SAM SCOFFS
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00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,480
Watch out.
Now Mrs C knows you're a joiner-inner
175
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,600
she'll be trying to join you up
to the G-SADS.
176
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:08,520
The G what?
177
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,120
The Great Slaughter Amateur
Dramatics Society.
178
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,480
Sorry, line?
179
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,480
Wait... Got it!
180
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,680
It's true, you love me,
with every step of the waltz.
181
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,880
The Merry Widow was last year, Dottie.
182
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,000
Let's take five to revisit the script,
shall we?
183
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:39,560
And try to not just say the lines
but feel them in our core.
184
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,000
Rudolpho?
185
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:50,560
My core feels
there's some impropriety going on.
186
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,920
Honestly, I don't see why
we can't do a bit of Gilbert and Sullivan
187
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,320
or Noel Coward
if one insists on being "modern".
188
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,760
Hello. New blood?
189
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,560
Certainly not.
190
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,320
SAM:
Looking for Colin, if he's around?
191
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,600
I know exactly where he is.
192
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:14,480
He's either in the lav
or adjusting the lights or...
193
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,600
Sorry, who were you looking for?
194
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,640
Morning, officers. Everything alright?
195
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,320
SAM: Just a quick word please.
— Of course.
196
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,480
IDA:
Don't keep him too long.
197
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,160
Chaos descends
if Dottie doesn't have a prompt.
198
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,720
Again, from page 66, please, G-SADS!
199
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,280
Sorry to interrupt whatever this is.
200
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,240
Ah. Dostoevsky. Crime and Punishment.
201
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,600
Mother's quite ambitious.
202
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,760
The cast have been great sports
about it so far
203
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,360
although she hasn't told them
about the unitards yet.
204
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,320
We just wanted to check something with you.
205
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,640
Confounded white residue.
From the coffee table.
206
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,440
Subjected it to every test in Christendom
207
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,240
yet it stubbornly refuses
to be any familiar chemical compound.
208
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,760
This test is my last hurrah.
209
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,080
Fingers crossed.
210
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,360
Oh! That is unexpected.
211
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,160
What am I seeing?
212
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,080
Plain as a pikestaff.
213
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,200
Polyhedral granules,
central hilum a five-rayed cleft.
214
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,160
Cornflour!
215
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,800
Of course, what was I thinking?
216
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,360
So, why is it scattered
all over our crime scene?
217
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,200
Thickening the plot, perhaps?
- THEY CHUCKLE
218
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,240
Any insights into the world of lonely hearts?
219
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:57,640
Well, thanks to Colin we now know Alice
and Hilary both dated two of the same men.
220
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,760
Yes. Box 22, Major Roger Travis
221
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:06,000
aka the "Major Heart-Sing."
222
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,360
And Box 30, retired chemist Professor...
223
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,720
Claude.
— Claude Several, aka "Bunsen Burner."
224
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,960
Ouch!
225
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,520
A man after my own heart.
Interest purely professional, of course.
226
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,440
Good old Colin.
227
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,640
Yeah. Good old Colin.
- Yeah... yeah.
228
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,000
Ah. The pensive pause.
229
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,720
Something a bit
obsessive about him, don't you think?
230
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,280
With the pocket squares
and the pernickety systems.
231
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,960
Does rather depend on one's own benchmark
in regard to efficiency and grooming.
232
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,520
I suppose he does have a connection
to both women.
233
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,160
Exactly.
234
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,680
Time to make some house calls.
235
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,120
PROFESSOR SEVERAL:
I only met each lady the once
236
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,000
and they were but two of many.
237
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,280
So, you consider women interchangeable,
is that it, Professor?
238
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,640
Actually, I'm a sufferer of prosopagnosia.
239
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:14,680
A condition that renders one—-
— Unable to recognise faces, even one's own.
240
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,480
PROFESSOR SEVERAL:
Very good, Sergeant.
241
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,480
So, I differentiate women by smell.
242
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,160
Smell?
243
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,600
I can detect different blood types, in fact.
244
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,720
Hilary was B-positive.
245
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,840
Quite a rare one, that.
246
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,600
HE SNIFFS
247
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,640
HE EXHALES DEEPLY
248
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,000
O-negative.
249
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,360
We think the perpetrator
may have had pharmacological knowledge.
250
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,680
If you're suggesting
I use my expertise to drug women...
251
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,480
I can assure you
I've no need of chemical intervention.
252
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,200
Of any kind.
253
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,480
Where were you
the night before last, Professor?
254
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,200
A partial eclipse, if I'm not mistaken.
255
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,480
Are you given
to lunar distractions, Inspector?
256
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:56,560
No.
257
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,320
And yet, even rational men such as ourselves
258
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,880
can't help but feel
the eternal tango of the cosmos.
259
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,840
Where were you
the night of June 13th, Professor?
260
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:12,000
I was at a fundraising dinner
for cripples in Mombasa.
261
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,440
I'm a passionate and vigorous campaigner.
262
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,600
And you can prove that?
263
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,080
My passion and vigour?
264
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,160
No. Your whereabouts, Professor.
265
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:23,920
No.
266
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,600
But I have every confidence that you can.
267
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,240
FELIX:
You're sure he'll be here?
268
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,760
Half a pint of stout at 5.45.
269
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,000
Word is you can set your watch
by Major Travis.
270
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,960
SAM CLEARS HIS THROAT
Major Travis?
271
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,120
Yes?
— Sorry to bother you.
272
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,480
We are investigating an incident,
night before last.
273
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,680
Must be serious
274
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:05,600
if you're inconveniencing
law-abiding citizens on a Saturday?
275
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,560
Indeed. Just a couple of questions
276
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,560
then we'll let you get back
to your racing pages.
277
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,480
Fire away then,
Detective Inspector Gillespie.
278
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,320
Where were you the evening of June 13th?
279
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,760
I was here until 6.30 sharp,
then I walked home.
280
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,680
Straight home? Any stops? Deviations?
281
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,280
I may have taken the scenic route,
via the lake.
282
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,000
Did you see or speak to anyone
that could verify that?
283
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,560
No.
284
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,840
My shrapnel injury was causing discomfort,
so I turned in early.
285
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,480
And yet, you may have taken
a scenic route as a detour?
286
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,560
I don't recall.
287
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,920
That's the trouble with war wounds.
288
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,680
They tend to manifest without warning
at inconvenient moments.
289
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,960
SAM:
Well, excuse the "inconvenience", Major.
290
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,160
We'll be in touch
if there's anything further.
291
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:01,800
Obviously, I would take on a male role
292
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,840
but the beard glue brings me out in a rash.
—- GATE CLANGS
293
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,400
Ooh. That was the front gate.
294
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,920
Mrs Clam, got to go.
295
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,360
See you and Dottie
for the read-through in the morning.
296
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:19,160
LOIS:
Comely wallflower, 52, hoping to bloom.
297
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,040
Better late than never.
298
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,400
Are you my sunshine?
299
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Will respond to all.
300
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,440
DOORBELL RINGS
- Box 31.
301
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,440
Morning!
Queen of the kitchen, as promised.
302
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,040
Don't tell the vicar but it's my new Bible.
303
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:55,200
Once you've served coleslaw in a wine glass,
there's no going back.
304
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,560
Ooh, I love a buff Orpington.
305
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,520
Morning, thespians.
306
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,680
Right. I've colour-coded everyone's parts.
307
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:08,000
I'm green. Dottie, you're pink.
Lois, you're blue.
308
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,480
Lois.
309
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,000
You're blue.
- I'm pink.
310
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:15,920
Blue...
311
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,400
Oh dear!
312
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,760
Lois? You're...
313
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:25,000
WOMAN SCREAMS
314
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,600
What kind of miscreant could do such a thing?
315
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,120
You've had a terrible shock.
316
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,160
SHE SOBS
317
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,440
I'll take you home
for a cup of tea, Mrs Clam.
318
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,000
Or something stronger.
319
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,440
Any thoughts to the time of death, Sister?
320
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,920
Well, um, I'd estimate between
8 and 11 in the PM.
321
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,400
No one could have seen this coming.
322
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,720
And yet the same MO.
323
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,760
The cold cream, the cornflour,
the missing jigsaw piece. Why?
324
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,480
Hmm.
325
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,000
Well, my guess is the cold cream
is to render the victim faceless, anonymous.
326
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,320
Unable to judge his actions.
327
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,040
Certainly, a troubled psyche at work.
328
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,440
To hell with his psyche.
329
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,360
He's a sick opportunist
330
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,840
using the lonely hearts
to prey on unsuspecting victims.
331
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,440
Yes, well,
we still need to understand the motivation.
332
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,360
It's not sexual, but...
333
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,640
he obviously
likes to spend time with his victims.
334
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,640
I don't need to understand him,
I just need to catch him.
335
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,600
HE SIGHS
I need some air.
336
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:48,800
SAM:
Sister?
337
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000
Yes.
338
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:53,760
SAM:
Sister?
339
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:01,640
Look.
340
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,080
I'd say someone took off their muddy shoes
before entering the house.
341
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,000
Must have dropped it out of the tread.
342
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,000
A stout walking shoe, I'd wager.
343
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,320
How do we know it belonged to the murderer?
344
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,800
Well, given that it rained yesterday evening
for the first time in weeks
345
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,560
and that Lois isn't the kind of housekeeper
to allow any speck to go un-scrubbed
346
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,800
I'd say extremely sure.
347
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,240
What is that? Some type of grass?
348
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,320
Barley, by the looks.
349
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:53,320
It won't tell us who our Killer is,
but it'll certainly tell us where he's been.
350
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,440
He was lying, Professor Several.
351
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,400
Our Bunsen Burner?
352
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,480
FELIX:
That charity event?
353
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,680
Two eyewitnesses saw him leave
straight after the canapés.
354
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,360
And the night that Alice died?
355
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:11,800
Claims he was at some silent retreat
in... Lord Pasternack's folly. Alone.
356
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,160
Hardly watertight.
357
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,880
I think we should pay the professor a visit.
358
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,000
Sure I can't tempt you to a Bloody Mary?
359
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,760
Or a virgin, if you prefer?
360
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,120
Thank you, no.
361
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,520
Where were you last night, Professor?
362
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,000
Tucked up in bed with Odette and Pamela.
363
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,440
My cats.
364
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,880
Reciting Plutarch together.
Siamese are very vocal, you know.
365
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,800
This fundraiser on June 13th.
366
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,400
You were seen leaving early.
367
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:40,960
Ah.
368
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,000
It's time
for some unembroidered facts, Professor.
369
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,840
Um...
370
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,480
It, it's true. I am dishonest.
371
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,600
And weak. A slave to temptation.
372
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:55,840
I was not alone.
373
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,840
The charity treasurer
and I went to The Little Grange Hotel.
374
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,040
Why did you lie?
375
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,320
Because the lady in question
is a local magistrate.
376
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,240
Wouldn't do for her reputation to be sullied.
377
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,720
SAM:
Three women have been killed, Professor.
378
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,080
Your lady friend's reputation
is the least of my worries.
379
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,400
It's true.
380
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,800
The receptionist signed him in,
and checked him out the next morning
381
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,440
and delivered, at various intervals,
a bottle of absinthe
382
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:26,720
two hairnets, and a plate of Welsh rarebit.
383
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,280
No accounting for taste.
384
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:29,360
Indeed not.
385
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,720
As for Colin, he left a rehearsal at 6.45
386
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,920
took the train to Bunnington
387
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,120
and alighted at Little Sockford
for a harpsichord recital.
388
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,960
Anyone see him?
— The conductor clipped his ticket.
389
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,400
He returned home at 22h00
390
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:48,320
bidding goodnight to the scoutmaster
before heading up the front path.
391
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,640
And I bet he could tell us the colour
of the scoutmaster's shoelaces.
392
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,120
FELIX:
I daresay.
393
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,280
SAM SIGHS
394
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,640
Which leaves the Major.
395
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,320
Any progress on that footprint?
396
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,000
Matter of fact, yes.
397
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:07,720
So, the large structures are tree seeds,
some sort of conifer.
398
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,240
Combined with the barley fragments
and fungal spores
399
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:14,440
we're looking at a specific time and place.
A pedological photograph, if you will.
400
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,000
A photograph of what?
401
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,480
Well, we'd have to sample mud
from barley fields in the area
402
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,880
but if we can locate the same profile...
403
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,360
We'll know who the Killer is.
404
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,000
Let's go and see
if the Major's got any mud on his shoes.
405
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,440
"Honest, loyal, ex—-army gentleman of means
406
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:36,000
seeks warm-hearted lady for companionship
and home fires".
407
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,160
A lady like Alice Croft.
408
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,720
Or Hilary Sympson-Smythe.
409
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:43,920
Or Lois Mason.
410
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,960
For the umpteenth time,
I have never met these women.
411
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,200
Mud was found in Lois Mason's porch.
412
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,240
The remnants
perfectly match the tread of your shoes.
413
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,160
As they no doubt would
the shoes of everyone else
414
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,000
who owns the same ubiquitous brand.
415
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,400
Awfully clean, aren't they,
given that you live in a rural area?
416
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,840
HE SCOFFS
Well...
417
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,280
you can take the man out of the army...
418
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,240
Seems you've discovered my footwear
is as clean as my conscience
419
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,880
so you're clutching at straws, Inspector.
420
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,080
SAM SIGHS HEAVILY
421
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:27,280
You visited Gravestock's newsagents
two days before Hilary was murdered.
422
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,360
What did you buy?
423
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,400
I believe it was a jigsaw puzzle.
424
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,920
A jigsaw of what?
- MAJOR TRAVIS: No idea.
425
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,720
One with a picture on it.
426
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:38,800
Who for?
427
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,600
My Aunt Edith.
428
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:42,960
And if you'd done your job
429
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,160
you would have found out
that I also bought a birthday card
430
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:50,000
and some parcel string
in order to post it to her for her birthday.
431
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:52,880
As I do every year.
432
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,760
What's with
the jigsaw puzzle fixation, Major?
433
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,640
Come now, Inspector.
434
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,000
Once a lady's fertile
and attractive years are behind her
435
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,120
what else is there for her to do?
436
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,520
Now, unless you've some actual evidence,
Inspector Gillespie
437
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,400
I shall take myself home for supper.
438
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,000
HE SIGHS
Good day.
439
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,880
SAM SIGHS
440
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:20,960
DOOR SLAMS
441
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,440
I had to just watch him walk out.
442
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,000
It's unconscionable, I know,
but we simply have no proof.
443
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,120
Apologies, Mrs Clam,
lost our appetites somewhat.
444
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,400
No, I must apologise.
445
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:37,160
I seem to be ruining breakfast,
lunch, and dinner ever since...
446
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,920
Don't worry, Mrs C, no one's noticed.
447
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:44,080
Awful to think
that Lois opened her heart to that man
448
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,640
only to fall into his terrible trap.
449
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,600
Wait... That's it. A trap.
450
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,560
We send the Major an invitation
from a fake admirer
451
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,600
we wait for him to crack out the Bentinal,
and then we catch him in the act.
452
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,000
With respect, not only
are those ethics somewhat dubious...
453
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,080
Sod the ethics.
454
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,440
...but what woman in her right mind
455
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,880
would submit herself
to such a dangerous endeavour?
456
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:06,960
I shall do it.
457
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,440
Mrs Clam, no.
458
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,120
Nonsense, I insist.
459
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,040
If I can prevent another lone woman
from being murdered, then--
460
00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,000
That's absolutely courageous of you
461
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,000
but it would be risky and dangerous—-
- You're on.
462
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,480
Good. I shall see to the custard.
463
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:24,640
She's perfect.
464
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,960
Are the Great Slaughter Police
really so under-resourced
465
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,000
that we would use a civilian
in a honey trap operation?
466
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:31,920
SAM CHUCKLES
467
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,200
You said "we".
468
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,000
What?
— Seems you're one of us now.
469
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:45,520
So, what do we think?
470
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:50,000
There must be something here
between "milkmaid" and "Moulin Rouge".
471
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,680
I should jolly well hope so.
472
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:53,600
Right.
473
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,120
Let's cook the Major up an invitation
he can't refuse.
474
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,360
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
So, how would you describe yourself, Vera?
475
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,960
Tidy, church-going, spinster.
476
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:09,040
Put "trim, ballroom-dancing, bon viveur".
477
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:10,960
SISTER BONIFACE:
Oh, very good.
478
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,640
The voice of an expert.
SHE CHUCKLES
479
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,280
Don't, don't forget, he has a type.
480
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:18,600
Put "curvaceous and homely,
likes hugging and baking".
481
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,080
Dreadful.
- Perfect.
482
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,240
COLIN:
I had my suspicions about that Major.
483
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,360
Do you know, he gets more letters
than any other lonely heart
484
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,360
even "Strong, Good with Livestock",
and "Tap-dancing Romeo"?
485
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,040
Focus, Colin,
that Marcel isn't going to wave itself.
486
00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:34,120
Sorry, Mother.
487
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:37,560
Ready when you are.
488
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,840
Think this'll work?
— SISTER BONIFACE: What's your worry?
489
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:46,080
Well, just that a honey trap requires,
well, you know, honey?
490
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,000
COLIN:
Ready?
491
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,000
SHE WOLF-WHISTLES
492
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,760
Hell's bells, Mrs C!
Where've you been hiding that figure?
493
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,760
I'll thank you
to rein in the profanity, Ms Penny.
494
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,320
Roger that.
495
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,960
Tempted to say that what you've both achieved
496
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,120
leaves the loaves and fishes
somewhat in the shade.
497
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,600
We make a great team, don't we, Colin?
498
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,080
The best.
499
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:24,280
MRS CLAM:
“Dear Major Heart-Sing
500
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,320
That's it, Mrs C, really work it!
501
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,400
MRS CLAM:
I noticed your advertisement...
502
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,040
RUTH:
Blow us a kiss!
503
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,240
MRS CLAM:
...and wish to invite you for supper.
504
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,360
Though somewhat beyond
the first flush of youth
505
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,400
I'm told
I still have a certain twinkle in my eye..."
506
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:42,440
MAJOR TRAVIS:
Dear Vera.
507
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,240
I hope you won't think me forward
in calling you by your Christian name?
508
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:53,400
So enchanted was I by your letter
that I feel we are already friends.
509
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:55,520
Needless to say
510
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,000
I should be delighted
to accept your invitation.
511
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:08,440
Bear in mind that barbital has no antidote,
lethal dose is a mere 55 grains.
512
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,240
Do not drink the sherry.
513
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,200
Otherwise, we shall have to do you
the dubious honour of gastric lavage.
514
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,520
How about a roleplay? Shall we, roleplay?
515
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,000
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT:
So, um, I'll be Major.
516
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,920
Um, imagine that the date is going swimmingly
517
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,480
and I'm about to strike.
518
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:31,480
Ooh.
519
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,680
SISTER BONIFACE CLEARS HER THROAT
520
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,600
SHE MIMICS THE MAJOR:
Er, splendid vol-au-vents, Vera.
521
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,640
Oh.
522
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,560
Do have another, Major.
523
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,000
Oh. Don't mind if I do.
524
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,000
Mmm.
525
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,320
Time for a top-up, wouldn't you say?
526
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,160
Now, you'll need a reason
to excuse yourself for a moment.
527
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,240
I think I need a lie down.
528
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,200
Well, don't come on too strong.
529
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,360
No, I think I really do need a lie down.
530
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,080
Might I suggest that if things get too much
531
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,520
Mrs Clam could utter a safe word
and then we will intervene.
532
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,800
Yes. Good idea.
I like the word "somnambulant".
533
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,480
Or "owls".
—- A word that's germane to the scenario.
534
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,080
Well, can't I just say "help"?
535
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,360
"Macaroni", the safe word is macaroni.
536
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,000
Macaroni.
537
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:21,800
Macaroni...
538
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:24,240
DOORBELL RINGS
- MRS CLAM YELPS
539
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,400
Courage, Vera, that's just Peggy,
we've some digging to do.
540
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:30,840
Godspeed, all.
541
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,080
Macaroni... Macaroni.
542
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,600
Chin up, old thing, only nine more to go!
543
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,160
Nine fields and only one of you, Sister.
544
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,680
Yes, I do sometimes think
an extra one or two would help.
545
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,200
One of me could do the carrying.
546
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,240
Another could do the map-reading.
547
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:04,360
I can do the measuring.
548
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,000
I shall be in charge of digging!
549
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,080
I'll gather samples.
550
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,000
Ooh, put me down for tea and tiffin!
551
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:12,640
You alright, Sister?
552
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,360
Yes! I suppose it has been a long day.
553
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,800
Perhaps it's time for a slice of Battenberg?
— Now you're talking.
554
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:34,520
DOORBELL RINGS
555
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:40,600
Vera.
556
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:41,680
Major.
557
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,040
You're even prettier in person.
558
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,000
SHE SCOFFS
Nonsense.
559
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:52,280
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
560
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:55,840
May 1?
561
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,200
Um... Yes, certainly. Ah, do come in.
562
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,360
MAJOR TRAVIS:
Of course, they prefer to be shown no mercy.
563
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:12,680
I cut their heads off
564
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:14,440
bury them in my cellar
565
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,560
then dig them up
when the time is right.
566
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,400
What?
- The tubers.
567
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:24,320
The dahlias.
I grew them myself, something of a hobby.
568
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,560
Tell me about your interests.
569
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,840
I imagine your foxtrot is quite something
from the looks of you.
570
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,760
My foxtrot is strictly off-limits!
571
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:41,000
Erm... sciatica.
— Ah, my sympathy.
572
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,200
I fear my dancing days are also behind me.
573
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,480
But...
574
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,240
still plenty of lead in my pencil,
so to speak.
575
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,280
MRS CLAM CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
576
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:58,520
I shall just, um, pop on some Mantovani
577
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,000
and then go and warm the oven.
578
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,560
That one's number 17.
579
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:15,160
Yes. Some intriguing nematodes,
but not what we're looking for.
580
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,840
OK. Next?
581
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:19,120
Number nine.
582
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,680
Bit like a very boring game of bingo.
— SISTER BONIFACE CHUCKLES: Yes.
583
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,120
Oh! Bingo, Peggy, my girl!
584
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:38,000
Number nine? That's Crooked Mile Field.
585
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,720
So, itis. Yes. Um...
586
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:51,760
Oh my.
587
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,920
Didn't leave your wellies in the rain again,
did you, Sister?
588
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:55,280
SISTER BONIFACE:
No, Peggy.
589
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,800
I fear a far greater oversight has occurred.
590
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,360
Aren't we supposed to go in?
591
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:12,680
We need to let it play out.
592
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,200
Abort!
593
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:16,320
Abort! Abort!
—- Really?
594
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,360
Abort!
595
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:19,720
Abort! Abort!
596
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,520
SAM: We're in the middle of a—-
— The killer isn't Major Travis!
597
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,600
What?
— Or rather, it is Major Travis
598
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:27,880
just not that one.
599
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,560
Mmm. HE CHUCKLES
-Oh!
600
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,120
Oh gosh, you weren't wrong.
You certainly are nimble.
601
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,560
Macaroni.
602
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,200
Macaroni!
— I think dinner can wait, don't you?
603
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,280
MRS CLAM YELPS
604
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,960
You may consider me easy pickings, Major
605
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,640
but you will not indulge
your hideous perversions in my parlour.
606
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:49,320
Excuse me?
- MRS CLAM: Yes!
607
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:54,000
I belong to a generation of unwed women
who've been put out to grass
608
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,640
but we shall not be silenced,
and we shall certainly not be murdered!
609
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:00,120
HE CRIES OUT
610
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:03,280
FELIX:
Mrs Clam!
611
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,520
Yes, let's... let's find you a towel.
612
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,480
So, this is the field that the mud's from?
613
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,200
Mm-hmm. Crooked Mile Field.
614
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,800
And the railway line
cuts right through the middle.
615
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,320
So, he makes sure
that the conductor stamps his ticket
616
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,000
and then he gets off the train a stop early.
617
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:26,840
And then headed back to Lois's
across country.
618
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,480
But I simply can't see
how Colin's been passing himself off
619
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:31,560
as Major Travis?
620
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,440
Not to mention he's 20 years too young.
621
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,000
Colin!
622
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:40,560
You mean "hair and makeup" Colin?
623
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,120
The architect
of my lonely hearts persona?
624
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,400
Let's make some tea, shall we?
625
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,400
MRS CLAM:
Ooh. Tea, yes, of course.
626
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,800
Oh, of course!
627
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:55,080
The cornflour, to whiten the hair!
628
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:56,400
Yes!
629
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,320
I expect Colin's been studying the Major
for some time
630
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,400
learning his mannerisms and whatnot.
631
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,440
Quite the performance.
632
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,520
A tragedy at that.
633
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,520
Time for his curtain call.
634
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,320
Oh!
SHE GIGGLES
635
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,560
TELEPHONE RINGS
636
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:23,320
Yes?
637
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,520
Well, he's not at his desk.
638
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,160
SHE SIGHS
Fine, give me a sec.
639
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,160
Proofs... proofs...
640
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:45,720
COLIN:
Panic over.
641
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,560
Paper's been put to bed safe and sound.
— Splendid.
642
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:50,320
Everything alright?
643
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:51,600
Never better.
644
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,640
IDA LAUGHS
645
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:08,720
IDA: You'll have to catch me first!
- KNOCK ON DOOR
646
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,880
Oh, get lost, Colin!
It's not even nine o'clock.
647
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,200
Mrs Sweet? It's Inspector Gillespie.
648
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,400
Uh, is Colin not at home?
649
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,040
No, I told him...
650
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,000
asked him, to stay out.
651
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,360
One-to-one rehearsal.
652
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,760
It's a very... challenging scene.
653
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,720
Do you have any idea where Colin is?
654
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:39,560
No.
655
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:40,760
SAM SIGHS
656
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:54,600
Looking for these?
657
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,520
I believe you have something of mine.
658
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,000
Perhaps we could do an exchange.
659
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:03,360
And what if I say no?
660
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,760
Are you going to do to me
what you did to those other women?
661
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,120
COLIN CHUCKLES:
Oh, heavens, no!
662
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,720
You're not at all the Major's type.
663
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:14,880
RUTH CRIES OUT
664
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,040
You're nothing but a coward.
665
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,400
RUTH GRUNTS
666
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:21,200
Colin, please...
667
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:25,480
SAM:
Ruth! Stop!
668
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,920
RUTH GASPS FOR BREATH
- MEN GRUNT
669
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,760
Show's over, Colin.
670
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:32,400
COLIN:
Get off me!
671
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,000
Take him away.
672
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:35,920
RUTH PANTS
673
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,840
FELIX: You are not obliged to say anything
unless you wish to do so.
674
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,400
But what you do say may...
— Slow, gentle breaths, old thing.
675
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:43,520
SAM PANTS:
Ruth...
676
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,080
SHE PANTS:
I'm fine.
677
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,080
Nothing worse than a broken fingernail.
678
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,000
I'm so sorry I let that happen to you.
679
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,560
RUTH PANTS
680
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:57,760
So, Rudolpho came on the scene...
681
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,120
and you were jealous. Angry.
682
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,560
You felt replaced. Betrayed.
683
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:05,720
He hasn't even learned his lines.
684
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,720
Where did you get the Bentinal from?
685
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:09,800
COLIN:
Mother had a stash.
686
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:14,560
I remember watching her take it at bedtime,
always the same teacup.
687
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,000
The... The lily scent of the cold cream.
688
00:40:19,240 --> 00:40:22,920
The bliss on her face
as she drifted into oblivion.
689
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,920
So, the cold cream
wasn't about making your victims anonymous
690
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,600
it was about turning them into Ida?
691
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:32,000
A version of Ida that you could control.
Like she controlled you.
692
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:33,760
Mother never forgave me.
693
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,520
For what?
— She had ambitions.
694
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,520
Shaftesbury Avenue, Broadway.
695
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:42,360
But Father ran off
and she had to ditch it all to look after me.
696
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:44,760
Times were tough.
697
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:51,320
She was good at spotting talent
and my talent was jigsaw puzzles.
698
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:56,240
She'd started drinking heavily,
the prize money was a lifeline.
699
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,640
Second place means you lost!
700
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,280
TIMER RINGS
701
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,520
Let's not let nerves
get the better of us again, shall we?
702
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,360
It's a sad story,
but people have worse mothers than yours.
703
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,160
You don't see them
plying women with barbiturates
704
00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:50,600
and watching them die.
705
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,120
But, you know,
I'd never hurt mother.
706
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:55,480
I love her.
707
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,520
In spite of how she's been carrying on.
Honestly, it's unseemly.
708
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:00,920
"Unseemly"?
709
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,320
Three women are dead.
710
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:04,320
Ooh, dear.
711
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,000
You're, you're hurting.
712
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,400
You feel you failed.
713
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:13,760
We've so much in common.
714
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,280
No, we're done.
715
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:17,800
And you're in jail.
716
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,320
Hopefully, for the rest of your life.
717
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,680
COLIN LAUGHS
718
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,280
I don't fear incarceration.
719
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:28,720
After all, a lock is just another puzzle.
720
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,920
Put the pieces in the correct order
and it's...
721
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,280
open sesame.
722
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:47,560
Ready?
723
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,000
Not bad news, I hope?
724
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,720
It's from the Major.
725
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,360
Oh dear. Dry cleaning bill?
726
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:01,400
May 1?
727
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:06,320
"Dear Vera.
728
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,440
So taken was I by your pluck and fortitude
729
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,000
not to mention
your delightful hors d'oeuvres
730
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:14,720
that I would wish to see..."
731
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,240
"See you again".
732
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,680
There's only one man
that I want to see again.
733
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,000
Today would have been Cyril's 70th birthday.
734
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:34,680
I expected to be surrounded by children
and grandchildren by now.
735
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,560
He was a brave man.
736
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:40,320
The bravest.
737
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,440
And the best.
738
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,560
He would have been proud of you.
739
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,280
MRS CLAM SNIFFLES
740
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:52,480
Come along,
those bells aren't going to ring themselves.
56264
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