Original subtitles

[thunder rumbling]

[ominous music]

Police! Stay where you are.

[gunshot]

[shutter whirring]

[hissing]

[chains clanking]

[thud]

[sinister music playing]

[Roy] So, the role of the Police

is to serve the public trust,

protect the innocent...

[under his breathe] Oh my god.

...and uphold the law.

This is too dry, Carver, you're losing the room.

Thank you, DI Carver. [laughs]

That was interesting, wasn't it, boys and girls.

Does anyone have a question to ask us?

Anyone at all? Yes.

You got guns, mate?

No, we don't do guns do we, John?

DI Carver had his firearms licence revoked.

What d'you tell 'em that for?

There was an incident, two people dead,

questions are being asked about DI Carver's role.

My role? I wasn't the one found half naked

in the back of a van wearing sex shop handcuffs.

And you're not the one

whose father perished at the scene, Roy.

Whose father is being buried this very afternoon.

Does that answer your question?

-Kind of. -[phone ringing]

Roy.

Ooh. Uh, sorry boys and girls,

we'll have to do this another time.

Police Officer butchered to death.

[Roy] Shut up.

Multiple contusions to the head and torso,

perpetrator still at large.

-[Roy] Really? -[John] Yeah.

Huh, um, well isn't that great.

[Roy] Sorry, we've really gotta take these, the...

[John] Yeah. Uh, they're more expensive than you'd think.

[Roy] Ooh, sorry, Miss. Sorry.

[John] Boss wants some staff in

for immediate briefing on the murder.

Cool. Let's crack this case, get it done fast.

Well, we'll have to,

we've got stranger-danger at

St Catherine's tomorrow afternoon so it's...

[Roy] No, John! I wanna get back to work,

you know, that means no more school assemblies,

no more fucking about with software updates and,

and computer books.

Well, sorry if I'm a burden to you, Carver.

-That's not what I'm saying. -No?

Well if it wasn't for me, you'd be Superintendent, remember?

You'd have the job you wanted. And the woman you want.

-Oh, can we not do this? -Oh, do what?

All this. You know, for once can we just leave

our personal shit out of it and

get on with the job and be proper coppers?

Fine by me.

Yeah, let's pretend this conversation never happened.

What conversation?

This one just now

about me holding you back and

you being in love with my ex-wife.

Jesus, Carver. I mean, you don't make it easy, do ya.

[DCS Dennett] Last night we lost one of the SIU family,

DS Matthew Gavin was one of us,

a great bear of a man,

his thick black beard made him

an intimidating figure to criminals.

But DS Gavin was a joker,

known for his distinctive braces and loud novelty... ties.

[clears throat] But DS Gavin wouldn't want us to

stand around talking,

he'd want us to bring his killers to justice.

[man] That's right.

Who's gonna take the lead on this one, Boss?

[DCS Dennett] There's no room for egos on this.

I want the best of the best.

So, the good news is I'm handing the case over...

to myself.

Good news if you're the murderer.

[DCS Dennett] You'll all work under my direct supervision

with the exception of you, you're still on limited duties.

-[Roy] Alright, Boss. -[DCS Dennett] Dismissed.

You know, fuck this,

I'm not waiting for permission to catch a murderer.

[John] Roy?

[DCS Dennett] Oh, he was the one with the tash.

No wonder his wife sounded so confused on the phone.

Oh, somebody should probably call her back and

tell her he's okay.

[engine stops]

[Roy] DS Gavin was working on a murder case 40 miles away.

What the fuck's he doing here at three o'clock in the morning?

-[SOCO] Here we go. -[man] Good luck.

[Roy] DS Major, DS Carver.

I know who you are and I've been told not to let you in.

How about you don't say we were here and

I don't say you came to work with a

[sniffs]

point zero five level of blood alcohol.

I had two drinks last night.

Shame if I had to report my concerns.

This way.

How'd you do that? The breathalyser thing.

[John] It's one of my new AI skills

since Dr. Parfit injected the new nanotech.

[Roy] I'd no idea.

[John] Hmm, I'm finding I can do

a lot of very useful new things lately.

[Roy] Yeah, like what?

Name any chart hit,

I can tell you what volume of

Now That's What I Call Music it appeared on.

What d'you mean?

"What D'you Mean?", Justin Bieber,

Now That's What I Call Music Volume 92. Do another one.

-[Roy] No. -Megan Trainor, Now '94.

-[Roy] Alright. -[John] Supergrass, Now 31.

Stop.

Erasure and Sam Brown, Now 14.

Also Spice Girls Now 39 and Jamelia Now 59.

Very impressive.

Yeah.

Yeah. Can it help you catch a criminal?

No, I've not heard of that one.

[Roy] What have we got?

[SOCO] Body was discovered at 4am

when workers arrived for their shift.

It was quite a mess.

[Roy] You missed something. It's a blood stain.

[SOCO] Oh, that's from a previous murder,

a few months back. It's already been processed.

-It's an ongoing investigation. -Right.

DS Gavin was back at an old crime scene when he was killed.

What's he up to? Let's go.

[John] "Let's Go", Calvin Harris featuring Neo, Now 82.

-[Roy] Whatever. -[John] Oasis, Now 30.

-[Roy] Shut up. -Black Eyed Peas, Now 57.

[Roy] Don't speak.

By No Doubt, Now That's What I Call Music volume 36.

[Roy] Fucking hell. Never mind.

[John] Dennis Lloyd, Now 101.

[knocking]

[Kelly] Oh. Hi.

You asked me to pop in.

Yeah. I just wanted to, um, check in with you

ahead of the funeral just to see you're okay.

Yeah, I'm great. You're welcome to come.

Hmm, I think it's best I don't.

Bring someone if you like, like a, a plus one.

What, to my ex-father-in-law- -who-I-hated's funeral?

It'd be fine if you did.

Yeah, I don't think it would.

Anyway, I'm not seeing anyone. You?

No, I'm, uh, focussing on work at the moment.

Me too.

And if you're wondering about Roy, he...

I'm not. Is he though?

-Is he what? No. -Seeing someone.

So I guess that's all three of us...

on our own.

[exhales]

Anyway, uh, can't stand around here being all sad,

I've got a funeral to go to. See ya.

-[Roy] Is he ready? -On his way.

[Roy] How d'you think he's doing?

Lately, his AI is amazing.

The bioelectronic neural dust--

Oh, the stuff you nicked from Millikan Biotech?

Yeah, the stuff I nicked from Millikan Biotech.

He's perfect now, no more glitches, no need for updates.

[Roy] I've heard that before.

You know, you say he's fine and then five minutes later

I'm back here because he tried to shag the Henry Hoover.

That was a one-off incident.

What about the toaster?

A two-off incident.

Alright, lad, you ready?

Uh, in a second, I just need my tie.

-[Alison] John. -[John] Hmm.

Have you been using my computer?

[John] No.

Then why is there...

peanut butter on the keyboard?

[John] I dunno.

And why am I apparently playing Pokemon?

Oh, don't close it I'm in a live game. Ahh.

You've got your own device, John.

[John] So?

So what was the point of me buying you a tablet

if you are just going to use my computer?

Because mine wasn't charged.

-Then charge it. -Alright. Sorry.

God, not like I was distracted by my dad's funeral or anything.

Can you do my tie up for me, please?

Thank you. You're out of peanut butter by the way.

Perfect, isn't he?

His AI is perfect.

You know, if you name any chart hit,

he can tell you which volume...

[Roy] Yeah, I know, yeah.

[automated voice] This coffin is reversing.

This coffin is reversing.

This coffin is reversing.

This coffin is reversing.

Alright, mate? That's enough, pipe down.

[John exhales]

You alright?

[John] Yeah, course. Poppet?

No thank you.

-No? -No.

[DCS Dennett clears throat]

Perhaps fittingly for a man who died on pancake day,

there were two sides to Clifford Major.

We all knew him as a bent cop, a bad apple,

a stain on the reputation of SIU

and the kind of person we'd all prefer to forget.

But if you were to toss Clifford Major,

you'd see a lighter side to him.

Clifford lived many of his most recent years in Marbella,

a city in Southern Spain...

[John] Not many mourners, are there?

[Roy] Your dad was complicated.

[DCS Dennett] ...sometimes pronounced

[in Spanish accent] Andalucia.

What was my funeral like?

You know, when I died first time round.

It was sad. Solemn.

[DCS Dennett] ...in the summer,

the temperatures regularly exceed 30...

I bet there was a bigger turnout than this.

[DCS Dennett] ...Marbella's coastal location,

the cuisine is based on seafood...

Wasn't there? Like a bigger turnout?

I didn't exactly do an head count, mate.

Yeah, but it was more than this?

I was too upset to remember.

[DCS Dennett] ...not forgetting the bonsai museum

which Clifford may well have visited

and across the years, Marbella's...

Where was the wake?

-The what? -The wake, where was the wake?

Where was the wake, Carver?

A few of us went out for a pizza.

A fucking pizza?

[microphone feedback]

[DCS Dennett clears throat]

He was an avid ice hockey player

and he was the first African American

to become head of...

Ah, I think I've, I think I've pasted in the wrong Wikipedia,

I'm so sorry, bear with me.

Uh. Sorry, what's your wi-fi code?

Do you, um... does, does anybody have the wi-fi code?

We're the same, aren't we? Me and my dad.

No. He was a criminal, you know, he hurt people.

I've hurt people.

I've held back your career and your personal life.

There is one big difference between you and your dad.

Yeah?

He's dead, you're not. Give us a minute, mate.

Fucking hell.

Excuse me, guv. Boss. Sorry.

Boss, DS Gavin was murdered...

[DCS Dennett] The whole reason we are at a funeral today

is because of you meddling in other people's cases.

I've never said that.

Ignore my orders again and

you'll be on school assemblies until retirement.

What if I go and visit his widow,

pay our condolences on behalf of the unit?

Hmm. Well, I, I suppose it is probably time someone did that.

Tell her we'll be naming something after him

a birdbath. A big one.

Were you there when it was my funeral?

Yeah, course.

What was it like?

Garlic bread was a bit dry.

John. John, I'm gonna shoot back to SIU,

get changed, then I'm gonna go and see DS Gavin's widow.

Right, I'll come with ya.

Are you sure?

Well, who better to comfort her than a murdered police officer

who came back from the dead.

Thanks for the flowers, Judith.

[engine stops]

[Roy] Gently, yeah.

Remember this is a grieving widow we're dealing with.

I will do absolutely whatever you want me to.

Okay.

[knocking]

[John] No, I mean it, Roy. I've had a wake-up call.

From now on I'm putting other people first.

"Everything I do, I do it for you."

Bryan Adams, Now That's What I Call--300

Yeah.

[Roy] Mrs. Gavin, DI's Major and Carver.

Uh, we're really sorry to hear about your loss.

Yeah.

Could we have a chat, please?

Would you like some tea or coffee?

Oh, no, no, please, don't, uh, let us put you to any trouble.

[Roy] Thank you.

He was a good man.

He was, he was well-loved within the unit.

I can't believe he's gone. He used to make me feel so safe.

Women often find police officers attractive for that reason.

Before your husband passed,

was he behaving strangely in any way?

Are you accusing him of something?

DI Carver only wants justice for your husband.

He's a police officer too.

A nice looking one in his way.

Got his own car.

Sense of humour once you get to know him.

His hobbies include Mediterranean cookery and salsa.

-What are you doing? -I'm helping you out.

I don't know if you play badminton at all but, uh,

[laughs] this guy...

Excuse me, Mrs. Gavin, I will have that coffee now, please.

Milk, no sugar.

No. Right, of course.

Thank you.

Well, sorry, I, I think I'm out of milk.

I'm sure I saw a shop on the corner of your road.

Yeah, I'll just get my coat.

Thank you.

Fuck me, Carver.

Could you not have waited for a Costa?

The poor woman's just lost her husband.

I know she's just lost her fucking husband

and you're trying to set me up on a date with her.

She likes coppers and we know she's definitely single.

-What's up with you today? -Nothing.

I'm trying to help you out,

you know, get you back on the rails.

Get me back on the rails?

You're the one who's off the fucking rail.

[Mrs. Gavin] Um, there's something you should know.

Matthew's been staying up late at night, disappearing.

-I accused him of cheating. -[John] Oh.

He denied it but today I found this phone.

It's locked and I don't have the code.

[Roy] D'you mind if we take this with us?

I'm sure forensics will be able to bypass the...

-What are you doing? -I'm in. Told ya, new skills.

What does it say?

Your husband wasn't cheating on you Mrs. Gavin,

he was working, making connections,

putting a case together,

looking for that final piece of evidence and last night...

he found it.

Evidence of what?

I think we've got ourselves a serial killer.

[phone beeping]

[John] Oh, shit.

Thanks, Mrs. Gavin.

Thank you, Mrs. Gavin.

Who's Clifford?

[engine whirring]

[Roy] Try and get hold of Judith.

DS Papastathopoulos responding to reported activity

at the Gavin murder scene, request backup.

[phone ringing]

Not that back-up.

Ah, she's not answering Roy.

He's lured her back to that butchers unit

the same as he did to Gavin, put your foot down.

[gas hissing]

[Roy] That's her squad car.

[Roy] We need torches.

No, no, no, night vision,

another one of my new AI abilities.

Well I haven't got fucking night vision.

If the killer's in there,

we can use the darkness to our advantage.

Stay close and trust me.

[John] Stay close.

[Roy] Ahh, Jesus. Fucking hell.

John, what's going on?

[John] Oh my god.

[Roy] What?

[John] I think I've discovered something.

[Roy] What is it?

[John] Turns out I've not got night vision.

[Roy] But you said you had.

[John] I assumed I would have,

I mean it seems like it would be the obvious thing to give me.

I'm a bit disappointed, to be honest.

[Roy] You're fucking disappointed?

[John] Huh.

You're un... ah, what have I done to deserve this?

[John] Pet Shop Boys featuring Dusty Springfield, Now That's...

[Roy] Oh, fuck off. Ow,

we're down... we're in a pitch black abattoir

with a fucking serial killer.

[John] Keep your voice down, Roy.

[Roy] No, you keep your voice down.

[John] Ah, someone's grabbed me.

[Roy] Stop screaming you twat.

[John] Ah, it's him, Roy. Ahh.

[Judith] Get off my feet.

[John] It's him, Roy. Judith, I've got him.

Yeah, you'll never hurt anyone again, scumbag.

Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee,

hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.

[breathing heavily] Oh, I'm too old for this shit.

[Judith] You're too shit for this shit.

[phone vibrates]

[man] Fun and games. Fun and games.

Just plain insane. [laughs]

[DCS Dennett] I gave strict instructions

that you were to stay away from this case.

But...

you made progress.

Oh. Besides which, the puppet freaks me out.

I'm handing the whole case over.

Handing it over? Who to?

Oh come on, Boss, me and Major don't deserve to be side-lined.

Sorry, I'm a bit confused.

DI Major never was side-lined,

it's only you I had concerns about.

Why did you do all the assemblies with us?

We're partners, Roy, I'll go wherever you go.

[DCS Dennett] It's up to you DI Major.

Do you think DI Carver can handle it?

In the words of Tina Turner, Now 16 side two,

he's "simply the best".

Cheers, mate.

[DCS Dennett] Only leaves one problem,

who's gonna handle the road safety talks

at the big scouting jamboree this weekend?

[Judith] You have got to be kidding me!

Knew you'd be excited. Okay, we're good.

[John] "We're Good", Dua Lipa Now 108.

[Roy] Alright, mate, let's change the record shall we,

-yeah, please. -[John] Yeah.

[techno music playing]