All language subtitles for The Pope Drops In (2023)-en

THE POPE APPEARS

♪ I won't give up ♪

♪ Of course I can't give in ♪

♪ Know where I'm going ♪

♪ See where I've been ♪

♪ Screw you if I don't ♪

♪ Screw you if I do ♪

♪ I really thought
what would i do without you ♪

♪ I can't do it without you now ♪

♪ You can't, you can't ♪

♪ I really thought
what would i do without you ♪

♪ I can't do it without you now ♪

♪ I really thought
what would i do without you ♪

♪ I can't do it without you now ♪

- If there is anyone
here that can cause

about why these two
people should not be united in

holy matrimony, speak
now or forever shut up.

- I can.

- And who would you be?

- Beth's husband
in the eyes of God.

-Michael, why?
are you doing this?

- Get out, loser.

- you follow the
Bible, isn't it, minister?

- Clear.

The Bible is ours
sole authority.

- So you know that the
Bible says that a believer

cannot divorce
another believer and then get married

with someone else and she is
married to a believer, me.

- Are you Catholic?

- Yes so?

- You pagan Catholics,
they are not real Christians.

- Oh, little horse,
we are like this.

- They are not.
- Are so.

- Uh-uh. - Uh-huh.

- Uh-uh.

- This is stupid.

- Well, yes.

- Hey.

- none of you
will you get up?

- You're on your own
bill, cigarette.

- Who cares, it's open bar.

- Beth, don't do this!

This is mine
wife upstairs!

- All right, go creak the
teeth, Bible man.

♪ Maybe life is
a great mystery ♪

♪ We only see what we want to see ♪

♪ You tell me so loud and clear ♪

♪ I tell myself
what I want to hear ♪

♪ Might have learned
in recent years ♪

♪ How to face
your biggest fears ♪

♪ The time has come and
we both know ♪

♪ You won't stay and I
I can't let you go ♪

♪ You won't stay and I
I can't let you go ♪

♪ You won't stay and I
I can't let you go ♪

- More art, exactly
what we need.

- Will you be careful?

This can be worth a lot of money
someday, if you survive.

- Then put it in some
where I don't trip over it.

The living room is a
artistic obstacle course.

- It's great, isn't it?

Ooh.

- What?

what are you?

I thought the house
next door was empty.

They must be creatures.

- With flashlights?

Swamp gas.

- You're not even
paying attention, look.

- You are sure,
there are some lights.

Should I call the police?

- No.

I don't want to look silly.

- Too late.

Want to play astronaut?

Oh, now you want
play astronaut?

- anything for
get out of these masks.

- You took the trash can

and recycling for the street?

- Yes Princess.

Is that a point for me?

Compensating, back to zero.

rub my
back and maybe we'll see.

- Hey.

We can talk
a minute please?

Beth.

Beth.

If you don't come here, I will
strangle that dog.

Wow!

- We don't have a dog.

- Well, you're done.
to save his life.

- Nice car.

- Yes, I'm leaving it to you.

- That's good, I'll change it for
a villa in Tuscany.

What do you want?

- I'm just putting
my house in order.

- You're going somewhere?

- Perhaps.

- Well, then maybe you
finally leave us alone.

- And then you can
contract a legal marriage

with the Church.

- You just don't
you're going to let this die, are you?

- No, but before going to
that big island resort

in heaven, tell me
just one thing.

Why did you leave me?

- Oh, I told you a thousand times.

You know very well why.

- Beth, as God is mine
witness, I don't know why.

- Last time I checked, they still
don't allow cheaters to enter heaven.

- What?

I never cheated on you.

- Of course with
that idiot buyer.

- Bimbo buyer?

- The one you
met at the base.

- Wait a minute, do you want
tell that purchasing agent

at the air base?

It was David having an affair with her.

So when I don't
would lie to him and his

girlfriend at the time
discovered and ended with him,

he said i
I violated the guy's code,

but he still
got what he wanted.

That bimbo, I want
say, purchasing agent,

let him put his
name in our offer,

so she gave it
to him personally.

After that he went alone
and he didn't need me anymore.

- You are lying.

- Oh yeah, I just made it up.

But that is not all.

The agent got caught and
David rolled on top of her.

Forgive the twist.

So she went to prison
while David was never prosecuted.

So he stole
you, the grand prize.

- Why couldn't you
tell me all this years ago?

- I could not.

- Even if you don't
was lying and you are,

you didn't have to
bother and air to

always and we could have
dispelled it years ago

and you wouldn't have to
make my life miserable.

- Anyone in the world
ever happy to see you?

- He's all yours, David.

- What do you want?

- The same thing
that I always want

so that my soul
wife be safe and holy.

- holy matrimony,
Batman, what a surprise.

Slam.
- Yeah, easy killer.

But think, if I
wasn't around,

could you if
marry her in church

and maybe become one
Catholic yourself.

- The only way
to become catholic

is if Jesus himself
Christ came down, knocked

at my door and said:
"Oh, I want you."

- When He returns, it will be
too late for you.

- All right then, if the Pope tells me
ask, then I will become Catholic.

Yes, Pope, that's a ticket.

tell him to
appear anytime.

- Well, at least
you still love me.

Did you steal the company?

I had to assume.

He destroyed the
company integrity.

it was a question
of survival.

What about me?

someone will take care of
you, so I took care.

-David Paul Sheba,
if you are lying.

Shh.

- David, like never before
do we pray together?

- To pray?

Did you know that I was not a man
of prayer when he married me.

- Good,

at least you don't
was praying with me

at the same time in
who was cheating on me.

- Please, sit down, sit down.

I'm so happy and blessed
to see you all here today.

There are so many people from
different countries here in

Cleveland for the Journey
World Youth.

It's an amazing sign of
unit see all

people from different
sizes, shapes and colors

sharing our beloved
Catholic faith with each other.

Yeah, it's like a little piece of heaven

here at the lake.

- Tell us, Your Holiness,

what is it like to be first
African pope?

- Well, I wouldn't know.

This happened in
first century of the Church.

I am the fourth African Pope.

In the first 300 years
of the Church, each Pope

had the guarantee of
be martyred for the faith.

I don't think the pool of
candidates was very large.

In the old days, when
people wanted

stating the obvious, they said:
"Is the Pope Catholic?"

It's okay, you can laugh.

And many years later,
became: "Is the Pope Polish?"

Still, it's
okay, you can laugh.

then the
sent John Paul II

effectively killed
all Polish popes.

Why?

How many poles are needed
to defeat the Soviet Union?

Anyone?

Nobody?

Only one.

Now the last joke
is: "Is the Pope black?"

Yes.

Do you know any good ones?

- It was a long trip and the
Holy Father is very tired.

Tomorrow he will be in several
world day locations

of Youth for
so to speak, smell the sheep.

And then, from now on
two days, the Pope

will celebrate a great
outdoor mass

at Lakefront Airport.

We expect more than 2 million
of people to Mass.

I understand it's more than
that when the calves

won the championship
of the NBA in 2016.

- Is this right.

If it's big, it's
happening in Cleveland.

Eat your heart out, Cincinnati.

- You have three?

- No, Cardinal
Cariott, go fishing.

- There!

- A bishop and you
do you have a tray?

- What is a tray?

- Three.

- Oh, then no.

- Monsignor, you
do you have a six?

Um, how about you?

- Oh, Monsignor.

- I have.

- No problem.

- Oh.

Wouldn't it be great if the Apocalypse
had a key to the numbers?

- Come on, in the game.

Cariott is losing again.

- What?
- He always loses, always.

- It's terrible, it's the
game easier.

- I win at swimming.

When was the last
time you went swimming?

- I'm a back master.

- Yes.

- You will leave for Lake Erie

and do some of that
while we're in town.

- I float very well.

- This is wonderful.

I can stay
floating for hours.

I'm like a whale
upside down.

- Dear Lord, I know that
this World Youth Day

was scheduled before
of me being elected,

but why did you choose me?

I'm not good at this.

I don't even know why you made me

bishop and cardinal,
much less the Pope.

I fear I am a bad shepherd

and the wolves will ravage
your flock.

Please,

remove this cup from me,

even if it means
that I have to die.

- Start Operation
Pope Drops In.

Show time.

Coffee.

- Coffee.

They don't have coffee inside?

- describing what
they have it there like coffee

would be a sin against
the eighth commandment.

- I like this car.

It's a beautiful color.

- I got stuck with a
entire fleet of these Fiats

because my predecessor
I didn't want to offend the Italians,

so I had them painted
with the colors of the Church.

Mary Blue, Martha Red,
Ordinary Green and Latarra Pink.

- Pink Canister.

- Yeah, we just left
a few Sundays a year.

- What, none
Prince of Peace Purple?

- No, apparently owned
of some rock star

has everything purple.

- Oh.

- Coffee?

- Can I ask you
a special favor?

- Come on, my son.

- I need you
go with me to visit someone

who needs to come back to faith.

- I don't think I have time.

- Don't have time
to save a soul?

- You know, I have
many appointments.

- Yes, and I only have one,

but it is very important.

In fact, there is nothing
more important than that.

- What if I don't go?

- Then I will have to insist.

- So, you are me
kidnapping, huh?

- If that's how it is
you want to call.

- You know you can
go to jail for this?

- You know when Jesus says
to Peter: "When you are old,

you will extend your
hands and others

will dress and take you
where you don't want to go"?

- Yes, I know the passage.

- Well, now's the time, Peter.

- I do not think that
this time in particular

is what he was referring to.

- Probably not,
but it will have to do.

- Is that a weapon?

- It's my finger.

- You cried at the end
from "Field of Dreams?"

- Yes of course.

- Me too.

okay, how much
how long will this take?

- Hardly
you will be missed.

Here you go.

- Who are you?

- I sigh.

- I'm the Pope.

- I know who you are.

Beautiful color, this car, Mary Blue.

we are walking in
Mary's Fiat, how nice.

- How old are you?

- old enough to
go on an adventure.

- I'm sure it violates

some kind of protocol
of child protection.

- No no.

leave the little children
come to me.

children need
of adults nearby.

so where to
are we going, michael?

- South and West, Cincinnati.

- Wait, he can't go.

- Of course you can,
it will be fun.

- You are crazy?

- I'm kidnapping
the Pope, of course I am.

- It's better than
be it life or death.

- Oh, it's more than that.

- So you're in cahoots.

- You can say that.

- Hey, there's only four holes.

- Loading loads.

Funny face.

Here, do you want one?

♪ rock and roll
makes me speed up ♪

♪ Driving my car like
a trusty steed ♪

♪ Crossing the
river deep and wide ♪

♪ Left town
on Riverside Drive ♪

♪ Riverside Drive
is calling ♪

♪ Makes me feel
so young and alive ♪

♪ Riverside Drive
is calling ♪

♪ Heaven must be something
like Riverside Drive ♪

♪ Heaven must be something
like Riverside Drive ♪

♪ Heaven must be something
like Riverside Drive ♪

- I really appreciate this.

- Let's get this over with.

Who are we going to see?

- Some people for whom
you have a natural affinity,

a divorced Catholic and
remarried, non-practicing

and your husband nothing that ended
with her first marriage.

- And how are you connected?

- The guy is my ex-partner
who stole the deal.

The woman is my wife.

He stole it too.

- I don't think it is.
very wise for me

get involved in a
domestic disturbance.

- Oh, you mean that
the husband beats the Pope

who was visiting
the wife, movie at 11.

- Punch?

I don't want to be spanked.

are you sure of
should be doing this?

- Give your love
to someone who cheats on you

it is the story of Jesus.

- He's right, you know.

- So what do you
do in your free time?

- Free time.

You mean
when I'm not being

Vicar of Christ,
head of the Universal Church,

and servant of all
the servants of God?

- Yes, this.

- I love bowling.

play a little
bowling ball.

It's so exciting,
I love it.

- Do you know any good jokes?

- Spiro, he's not
the fool of the Church.

- No no no no no,
no, he's fine, he's fine.

Oh, everybody listening?

Ah, okay, okay, okay.

why the theologian
crossed the street?

- to observe
the good samaritan.

- So you already
heard this before.

- Okay, so why the Good
Did Samaritan cross the street?

- Oh, to help the
guy who got spanked.

- Eh, wrong.

To escape the theologian.

- How is that funny?

- You have to
work on your standup.

- Dying is easy, but
comedy, comedy is hard.

The banyo, please.

I need to go to
Next stop, please.

- Bishop, it seems that the
Papa is leaving town.

Why, I don't know, and where
he's going, I can't say.

- How do you know that?

- Oh, I have a tracker of the
Papa new and improved on my phone.

As long as he has the smartphone
with you, we can find him.

Now then, you
is there any man

what can you put into it, toughies?

- Let me think.

Well, there's always
the Kamaraza brothers.

- The Karamaz brothers.

- No, the Kamaraza brothers.

- That's what I said,
Karamaz brothers.

The K brothers, but you can
assure me, are they discreet?

- My name is Dimitri
Leoni Disputin Kamarazo.

This is my brother Alioso
Theodore Pavlonavich Kamarazo.

We call it Vepos.

- Gentlemen, sit down.

Make yourself comfortable.

Now then I have
a mission for you.

It's nothing less than
to save the Church.

I need you to find the Pope.

- Is the Pope missing?

- It's either that or him.
was kidnapped.

- We'll find him,
Eminence,

and we will bring it from
back safely.

- Interest.

- Don't swear, we are
in mixed company.

- Sorry.

- Gentlemen, allow me
check for a moment

with Monsignor Riacco.

Okay, so Monsignor, I
I was going to pay these two heads

scoundrel to guarantee
that the Pope would never return,

but now i think
which is more likely

that they achieve this
trying to save it.

What do you think?

- Okay, we can send them
on a dangerous mission

where they will die,
together with the Pope,

and then you will be one
shoo-in to be the pope

at the next conclave.

- They know that
we are here, right?

- They understand that
we are half a meter from them.

I'm sure they
they know what they are doing.

- Am I right.

- They are a religion
Very organized.

- That is true.

- What should we do with them?

Zip lining with loose connections?

- Very obvious.

- Bungee jumping with
a very long rope.

- Very fun.

- Sabotage the balance
of the tire over the lake.

- We are not going to send him to
the summer camp.

- Look at their faces.

- Sorry.

We could say to
they he needs

survive a sting
snake while sleeping.

And then we let them take

one they drop in the room.

It's very biblical, very Sherlock.

- Very Pentecostal.

What's his kryptonite?

We carry, ooh,
we could make him run until he dropped.

- For what reason?

- You are sure.

Wait a minute.

He has seasonal allergies.

- Then?

- So we tell the boys
that he has to be locked

in the dungeon of a
castle until penance

substitute for all
the scandals of the Church.

And no one can stop you or

he will have to
start all over again,

a day for every priest
bad in the last 100 years.

- What will that do?

He will like this.

- Without food.

We tell these honyocks that
only angels can come and feed you.

They will lock you up until
nobody be there and that

old musty castle
kill him in no time.

- Bright.
- I know.

- Now we just need
of a castle.

Let's search,
castles near me.

Here we are. - Huh.

- White Castle.

Oh, that's not right.

This is a network that sells
onion burgers.

- Burgers.
- No, onion burgers.

We are trying to kill him
starve, don't torture him.

- I know the castle.

- It's in Loveland.

- Gentlemen, are you about to
to embark on a mission.

you need to capture
the Pope and take him to the...

- White Castle.

- The one you said.

- Land of love.
- Loveland, the castle.

And make him do
penance by the Universal Church.

It's tough love, my
brothers, a tough love.

The future of the Church
it depends on you.

Here, take this phone.

It is set to
track the Pope's location.

And gentlemen, I gave up the anger in

Lent, so don't piss me off.

- Yes, yes, sir.

- You don't have any problem.

- Yes, now you understand.

Fine.

Sugarplum.

- We'll do fine.
- We'll do fine.

We have to do this.
- You have to leave.

- Must find,
find Pope.

- To go out!

To leave!

- Come on, nice to meet you.
- Bye Bye.

- Au revoir.

- They are very
cool, I think.

- Do you think it will work?

- Let's say the size
my miter is 7 1/2.

- Hello Maria.

- Welcome, I'd like to
experience a tasting flight?

- Clear.

- Not for me, I'm driving.

But how about a glass of
wine for our friend?

- OK.
- And I'll have a grape juice.

- All good.

- In that case, I'll have
what is he having.

- Ah, wine for your friend
and grape juice for you.

You know, your friend looks familiar.

- Yes, many people say that
he looks like the Pope.

- No, that's not it.

- We ordered a cup
of wine for you.

- Thanks.

Blood of the Grape.

What is the meaning of this name?

- My late husband and I
we thought it would be an honor

to make the wine that
turns into self

blood of Christ in the Mass,
then the blood of the grape

it becomes the blood of the Lamb.

- Good for you.

Can I buy a box?

- That's all I
remains of the sacramental wine.

We receive Jesuits in the week
past and they cleaned me up.

- Well, let's hope not.
turn back into water.

- Nobody moves.

Good.

- Follow my command.

- Squirrel!

- Oh, I love squirrel.

What is a squirrel?

Oh, where did they go?

- Oh!

- Don't mess with the
Mike, wherever you are.

- And you're out!

Nice shot but we'll see
what the judges have to say.

It was just theory of war.

Proportional answer.

Self-defense.

- OK.

The judges will accept that.
- The judges will accept that.

- Well, now let's get out of here.

- The wine!

- Fast fast!

C'mon C'mon,
come on, come on, quick.

God bless you, my son.

To stop!

Come in.

- What are you doing?
- All good.

I always stop for hitchhikers.

- And he gives them 20s.

- Why do you think that
do they get the bottle guy?

- Because he obviously
wants a second hostage.

- Oh, he's very smart.

Oh, you are very smart.

My calf, my leg,
my back leg is hurt.

I take the horse Charles.

- Hi, I'm Jesse.

- This is Michael.
and that's daddy.

- In reality.

- Yes, but nobody believes it.

- Well, he doesn't.
he looks very papal.

- He's still a little shy,
but we are working on it.

- Hi guys, I'm right here.

- See, he's getting
better at asserting yourself.

Just give him some time.

- Oh, that trip
it will be good for him.

- Hey, no touching, no touching.

What are you psychiatrists?

- Testy.

So what's the mission?

- Tell him, Daddy.

- You can tell him.

- I don't believe that
I am doing this.

Okay so Michael is
trying to save his wife

that she divorced him and
married her ex-partner

who stole the company and its
wife for about 20 years.

Why? because michael
would not lie for him to his

girlfriend about your
infidelities many years before.

Now that same ex-partner
business said to Michael

that he will become a
Christian and will join the Church

only if the pope shows up
and ask him personally

and we're on our way to Cincinnati
to do just that.

Clear?

- Crystal.

- Good.

- What if David reneges?

- How do we know his name?

- I do not mind
with a helping hand here sometimes.

- I help, I earn the money.

- Oh sure.

Porsche is nothing more than
than Brutus' whore.

- What?

- That's not a
business, it's a marriage.

- Where does it come from?

- Do you know what day it is today?

- Seven chances and
six don't count.

- Really?

- I know it's not "Day of
don't disturb your husband".

- No.

It's our anniversary.

- So tell me more
about this situation

before I go and
blow my head.

- You're not in danger.

David knows the truth,
even though Beth doesn't know.

- So you think that
is it partially your fault?

- Not that I know.

I loved my wife very much.

There are many spouses
innocents out there.

Nobody is perfect but one

marriage without forgiveness
it always ends badly.

- Forgiveness.

you know the lord
says that if we look at

another woman with
desire in our heart,

so we committed
adultery with her.

- Look, I certainly
appreciate the finer attributes

of feminine neatness, but
I never acted on it.

I think she
simply decided

that she doesn't love me
more and wanted to leave.

- And why not
requested annulment?

- I had no reason.

I kept my vote.

In addition, David
is also divorced, so,

even if she asked
it wouldn't be enough.

He would never accept
Church authority.

I'm sure that
he would say he didn't have to.

- The more you
tell about the situation,

but I doubt it will go ahead.

- Maybe, but
what are you afraid of?

- I am not afraid.

I'm being prudent.

- No. You are
being a coward.

- Stop this car.

Park.

Pull over now.

it was an idea
idiot all the time.

- No!

It's the same thing
what Jesus did for us.

Who else can we go to?

- I said I would help and I will.

Michael, I'm sorry.

All that wine and
running gave me heartburn.

- The Pope has ajathu.

- What is that?

- A Sicilian heartburn.

- Oh, I get
a lot of that in Rome.

- Hey, I know that one
Dude, it's Gums and Roses.

- Me too.
- Yes.

- Everything fine now
you go to the bathroom

and I'll get an antacid.

- Yes Yes Yes Yes,
yes, yes, bathroom.

Bathroom, oh

- Wow.

Jump straight inside.

bathroom, toilet,
you stay there.

Step here.

Do you think I can
impersonate a cowboy?

- No partner, you are
all hats and no cattle.

- But I have sheep.

- That is true.

Here, try these.

You will be less visible.

♪ The guy ♪

♪ He's the man ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like a
ball and chain ♪

♪ Final penance
pinned for winning the game ♪

♪ You don't volunteer ♪

♪ They all back off ♪

♪ Surprised your pontiff,
you are a trap ♪

♪ Always be alone,
but never alone ♪

♪ Can't go out to eat
pizza or talking on the phone ♪

♪ So why is this
boy feel you free ♪

♪ Maybe never come back
to see what you see ♪

♪ The guy ♪

♪ He's the man ♪

♪ He thinks these clothes
draw less attention ♪

♪ Hate to see what
he thinks it's ridiculous ♪

♪ Full car ride
of itinerant pilgrims ♪

♪ The smell of these sheep
it's the smell of those humans ♪

♪ So now you
is traveling incognito ♪

♪ In a Fiat Mary Blue 5-0-0 ♪

♪ Dude ♪

♪ The guy ♪

♪ You're the man ♪

♪ He's the man ♪

- Where is the fire in these wires?

♪ The guy ♪

- Oh, Gums is
ready for a ride.

- The more the merrier.
♪ He's the man ♪

♪ All that chocolate cake ♪

♪ Had enough sugar
to make you shake ♪

♪ The frosting of
caramel turned out great ♪

♪ In all this
chocolate cake ♪

♪ Well, all of mine
uncles and aunts died ♪

♪ They all went
to the other side ♪

♪ When they arrived
to the pearly gates ♪

♪ Saint Peter gave them
chocolate cake ♪

♪ All that chocolate cake ♪

♪ Had enough sugar
to make you shake ♪

♪ The frosting of
caramel turned out great ♪

- This way.

Cardinal.

This is Dimitri Leoni
Dispuk Kamarazo.

We're stuck in a field
on a farm with two peacocks.

- Those two dead batteries

is afraid of a couple of peacocks.

Where are peacocks in Ohio?

- Eminence, there are peacocks displaying

across Ohio, it's the
breeding season.

- Dimitri.

- Yes, here, yes,
Your Eminence.

- Dimitri!

- Tell him something smart.

- Dimitri!

- Here, it's Webus.

- Who?
- The other brother.

- Webus, why you
is in a field,

a farm in the middle
out of nowhere with peacocks?

- We had to pee.

- Dimitri!

Dimitri.

- Yes Yes Yes.

- Drive among the birds
and reach the Pope.

Dimitri, have you ever joked
to capture the flag?

- Well, yes, last week.

- Well, that's capturing the Pope.

Now move.

- So why does the Church
don't put all your weight

behind to become
the illegal divorce?

- This is nonsense.

No country would approve of it.

- Well, not with that attitude.

- This is temporal,
we are spiritual.

it's not ours
work to do politics.

- Unless the storm
is destroying the spiritual.

unless you show
some courage, there won't be

no one to hide
our priests in their basement

when the chase comes.

- You are being a
little dramatic, don't you think?

- Well, just think about it.

- All right, I'll go.

Now, can we stop?

- All right, no more discussion.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I have to go again.

- Oh okay.

- Yes.

- We are almost there.

- Good.

- I'll be at the gift shop
looking for a ball and chain.

- I'll be in the bathroom.

- Hello.

- Hello sir.

- I know this man.

- This is from.

Pope in the castle.
- Pope in the castle.

Cardinal Cariott.

This is Dimitri Leoni
Disputin Kamarazo.

- I know it's you,
as we are?

- We just saw Pope,
we are at Loveland Castle.

The Pope just to enter.

- Great.

Crush any resistance.

It is imperative that you
lock the Pope in the dungeon.

all christianity
is counting on you.

- Yes, Eminence.

- Let me know when you're successful.

- Yes, Your Eminence,
let's go in now.

- Yes good.

- You go that way.

I go the other way.

- But the Pope was direct.

- This is very easy,
it can be a trap.

- Oh, Dimitri, that's why
that you are big brother.

- You know that
we are on a mission

to actually save someone?

Actually two.

- We're on a mission to
save all Christendom.

- Who told you that?

- Cardinal Cariott sent us.

You have to stay here
dungeon and pray reparations,

a day for every priest
bad in the last 100 years.

- He said that?

- Yes, your popality.

- Did you know that I am
deadly allergic to mold?

- No.

- How long have you
do you think i would live

get locked in a
musty dungeon?

- A day for every priest
bad in the last 100 years.

- Lower.

- Six months.

- Even lower.

- Six days?

- Perhaps.

And Cardinal Cariott
put you in it?

- But he never
said you would die.

That would be bad.

- My son, there are enemies out there

and within the Church.

This is one of those times.

When was the last time
did you confess?

- Oh, I don't remember.

The last time that
Mom made us go.

- You are a
so bright boy.

Come, sit here

and tell me.

- Where is my brother?

- The Pope is
hearing his confession.

- Well, I need to go in.

We have a mission.

- Oh yeah, well, me too.

You will not stop mine.

- But Cardinal Cariott says
that we have to save the Church.

- The Church needs
always renewing

and the Holy Spirit
is taking care of it.

- OK.

- From now on, your
name is no longer Webus.

It's Aloysius, his given name.

- Thanks.

I never liked Webus.

- No one liked
Webus, everyone hated it.

Now you are
ready to have fun?

- Oh yeah.

- Now play with me, huh?

- OK.

- Prepare?
- Yes.

- You did what?

- Stay here.

- Now, hurry, go get
your brother and bring him inside.

Yes.

- To sit.

I will ask you
the same thing.

When was the last time
did you confess?

- I do not remember.

- That's right, you don't remember.

Whisper in my ear
what you want to confess.

- I like "Die" better
Hard 2" than "Die Hard 1".

- Very good.

you have a firm
purpose of making amends?

- Oh, yes, Your Holiness, yes.

- Then I absolve you
of your sins.

In the name of the Father, of the
Son and of the Holy Spirit.

- But Holiness, no
should I do penance?

- Dimitri, your penance
is to call Cardinal Cariott

and tell him you are
all right here in the castle.

- See this.

This will be good.

Your Eminence, this is Dimitri
Leoni Dispuk Kamarazo again.

- I know who is.

- I want to inform you that Pope is
safe at Loveland Castle.

- Great.

you two win
a golden star.

Now, be quiet,
become scarce.

Do not call me.

If you have any problems,

I will deny all knowledge
of your actions, capeesh?

- Yes, Eminence.

- Good.

- Excellent, excellent.

How do you feel about
become my bodyguard?

- It would be an honor
for Dimitri's life.

- Good.

- I love it when
a plan works.

- I wonder which one
name I choose.

Bartholomew. - Bartholomew.

- Oh, sir, birds of the
same feather fly together.

Wow!

- One down and two to go.

Oh, and here they are.

These two gentlemen are
my new bodyguards.

michael, where they
can you wait for us?

- Hmm.

Well, if they like ice cream,

there's a Whippy Dip on the highway.

- Whippy sauce?

It doesn't matter.

you two brothers
go down there and wait

for us and we will
pick them up on the way back.

- What will we do
did we come here?

- Yeah, let's do that.

I'm looking forward to
meet these two.

- You and him?

- Yes my love.

- Oh my God.

I'm not worthy of
you come under my roof.

- Just tell
word and I will.

- Word?

David, is there anyone
here to see you.

- Has the mail arrived?

- No, someone else showed up.

- Oh damn.

Are you kidding me?

A celebrity look-alike.

This is Michael's doing, isn't it?

- You know it can't be.

- Oh, otherwise.

Michael brought me here
and he told me the whole story.

- He what?
- He what?

- He took us all the way from Cleveland,

me and Michael, Spiro,
Jesse and Gums and Roses.

And we had a few phone calls
little along the way too.

- Now I'm sure
that he is an imposter.

- I assure you that I am the Pope.

- I think he is.

- No way.

Why would the Pope come
alone to Cincinnati?

actually how
could he come alone?

He doesn't always have one
entourage with him or something?

- Really, David.
I'm the Pope.

Not illegitimate carborundum.

- Huh?

- Come back again?

- I'm still the
Papa and not you.

- No, I'm not
and neither do you.

I'm David.

I don't know who you are

a photo or resume
or something like this.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm telling you the truth.

Michael kidnapped me
and he brought me here today.

- That's really impossible.

- Oh, a Pope who
likes Talking Heads.

- Michael died six months ago.

- Now I found him kneeling
in front of our mailbox,

stalker to the end.

- no stalkers
have candles and rosary

in your hands, David.

- So who took me?

- call your
agent, ask him.

- Wait a minute.

I can prove that
I'm telling the truth.

michael told me something
that only a husband would know.

- How did you know that?

- Michael told me to
that you believed.

- Okay, suppose you are the
true Pope, why are you here?

- Why?

I am here for
invite you to join the Church.

Wasn't that what you
said it would be necessary?

- No.

- Yeah, don't lie to the Pope.

- Actually, I'm here to
you too, my dear.

My predecessors did
a great effort to invite

people who got divorced and
remarried without annulment

return to Communion in
certain circumstances.

Why do not you?

- I could not.

- Why?

- Why not
no matter what they say

I knew it was wrong because
We didn't get the annulment.

- Okay buddy, you
it's out of here.

- David.

- Okay, fine, do what
want with this imposter.

- Would you like me to?
your confession, my dear?

- Yes I would.

- Oh my God.

Damn.

- Bless me, Father.

- Go on, my dear.

- I forgot.

- tell me your
sins and we'll go from there.

- David.

Is there anything else you
need to tell me about all this?

- No.

- Nothing since Michael died?

- No.

- You never told me how
we managed to pay all the bills

and the mortgage and
then go on vacation.

one day you were
on a ledge

and in the other was
whistling for Dixie.

He left me money, didn't he?

- Oh, he left us one.
little, you little.

- How much?

- 1,200,000.

- $1,200,000.

- Actually, it was $
1,206,856 to be exact,

more house next door.

- He owned the house
beside with all the lights

and you didn't tell me.

- I was
trying to protect you.

- Protect me?

Protect?

David Paul Sheba,
I swear I will-

- Beth, Beth.

- At times like this,
it's better to do something normal.

bad dinosaur,
bad dinosaur.

Oh!

It's okay, yeah
just his CPAP.

He has to clean up.

- What are you watching?

- "Godzilla."

-Bete.

Come on, it's fun,
bring your mask.

- I've seen it, it's funny.

honey, how much
how long will you stay?

- Now I'm a sweetheart.

- I better go.

- No, don't go, it's early.

- Yes, you two have
some things to sort out.

- Thanks for coming, best
prank of all time.

- David.

Is that more beer?
Great, more beer.

- I never knew you
could get them in cherry.

- This chocolate is money.

- Do you want a top dip?

- What is a top dip?

- What does he has.

soft ice cream,
hard shell top.

I would start with the classic
chocolate with vanilla.

- Oh, the Whippy Dip.

- Yes.

- I want chocolate on
chocolate with sprinkles.

- Jessie, Gums.

- Yes, both of us.
we will have the classic.

- Well, I will be.

- It's getting too much
late to come back tonight

so you go
though in cars.

Papa and I go for a run

fast in the morning
before we go back.

- We do?

- Yes, we have.

- Are you the Archangel?

- No.

You don't see any wings, do you?

- No.

- I'm just an intern.

Second class.

I'm going there in the morning.

good you can
find out what he

was doing there
back in the trees.

So you knew what
were those lights i saw?

No I did not.

I knew he was
plotting something back there.

Oh, it just stays
better and better.

the birthmark
on my thigh.

Your what?

Michael told the Pope.

The Pope told me.

Even when he's
dead, he is in our bed.

- How did I not know
that you were so close

these last few months?

How could I let
you die alone?

Michael, I thought
you were gone.

- How do you know that
won't save your spouse

with your unshakable example
of faith, hope and love?

-Michael?

Michael.

♪ Thinking of your tender touch ♪

♪ Must have loved you too much ♪

♪ And I, carry on
hoping that someday ♪

♪ You will walk the path
that leads my way ♪

♪ You will walk the path
that leads my way ♪

- Oh, magnificent.

michael, you
built it for me.

Why do you love me so much?

I never felt more
closer to you than now.

Michael, I'm sorry.

I am really sorry.

Beth?

- Amazing, isn't it?

- Statue, ah.

- It's always the men
who resent her.

But women understand.

- Well I do not.

Then she had a child.

- I don't think I can.
take this journey with me.

Michael didn't cheat on me, did he?

- No.

- So it was you,
as he said.

He wouldn't lie for you, so

you came after
me to get revenge.

- I came after you
because I wanted you

more than anything in my life.

And don't rush
about what I did.

You wanted to leave it.

- What?

- You turned so easily.

Do not blame me.

You got what you wanted.

- I want my soul back.

And I want a husband who
also want your soul back.

- Honey, you don't
is understanding this.

you want something that
I never promised.

You changed, not me.

- So go.

- Look, Beth, me.

I'm not good at you
you know, religious stuff.

Forgive me if I would do any
thing to have you for me.

- Was wrong.

- He cracked the guy's code.

- The one where you
lies and deceives men

who lie and cheat on their wives?

- It sounded better in my head.

- There's a fine line
between love and hate

and now you are
on the wrong side of it.

- What do you want?

- To keep your word.

The Pope came.

Oh my God, the
damn papa came to our

house to offer you
a personal invitation.

Get an annulment,
marry me in church,

and don't be such an idiot.

- All good.

I am going to try.

- And there it is.

Finally.

I'm devastated,

like Jesus.

- love your
enemies is never easy.

- They never went
my enemies.

- I spy something blue.

- Ha, the panel.

- He got it in
first try.

- Too bad it's not at night.

We could play padiddle.
- Oh yeah.

- Poodle?

- Let's sing.

- Oh.

♪ Well, I went to Cincinnati
and walked around the block ♪

♪ And I walked into a bakery ♪

♪ And I grabbed a donut
hot in the fat ♪

♪ And I gave it to the baker
a five cent coin ♪

♪ Well, he looked at the
nickel and looked at me ♪

♪ And he said:
Young man, it's easy to see ♪

♪ There was a hole in the
nickel and it goes straight through ♪

♪ I said, There's a hole
on your donut too ♪

♪ Thanks for
a donut tap, tap ♪

- So where do they come from?
the screw holes?

Donut holes.

- Daddy, it is
enjoying the trip?

- Well, it was unbelievable.

And by that I mean
no one will ever believe me.

- Do not even try.

- You know, I understand why
Michael kidnapped me.

I don't understand what
you are doing here.

- We need you
to fix the ship.

- He wants
call a council.

- Three months later and
Are you asking me

do something that just
happens every 300 years?

I will die before
even finish.

- About?

About?

It's not over until
let's say it's over!

- Well said.

- Oh, I can't
lead something so big.

I would lose control.

And the Church, the Church
it would be destroyed.

- Call him.

- You just had to ask.

- We have to go.

- I'll catch you when I get back.

- Hit me.

- Why?

- Just hit me.

- OK.

- Wow.

- He is well.

I hoped it was a dream,
but clearly I'm awake.

- Well, you had a good nap.

from Chillicothe to Wooster.

Hey thanks.

two down,
eight billion to go.

- Just doing my job.

Oh, and about Beth and David.

With enemies like you,
who needs friends?

- Oh,

where am I going, no
I will need this more.

- Dimitri, Aloysius,
take my things.

- I carry.

- No, no, no, you
it falls a lot, I carry it.

- I'm brother
bigger, carries a hat.

- Ooh, camera, camera.

Here you take a picture.

America. - America.

- Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

I'm going over there
you go this way.

- Why don't we go straight in?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

He is very easy,
it could be a trap.

- Getting well, my brother.

- You did.

You miss me?

Sit, sit, sit, sit.

- Were you kidnapped?

- I know you would like
to know where I was

and what I was doing,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,

but all i can
really say is that all the

what i was doing
it is under the seal of confession.

So, like you
says I drank one

little wine to
take to the Vatican?

Yes, Ohio wine is
a very good wine, isn't it?

Oh, he knows.

And sometimes I feel like I'm the
only cowboy in Ohio today.

Comedy is easy,
dying is hard.

- Why the Church does not
keep up with the times?

- Why do they want
times with the Church?

- His Holiness, the
what are you doing

about the scandals
inside the Church?

- There will always be
scandals in the Church.

The Institution is divine, but
the people in it are not.

we must do
everything we can

to heal the victims
of our sins.

the real scandal
is the hierarchy if

protecting while
the sheep are slaughtered,

that's precisely why
that the Church has real standards

to be judged
objectively when we sin.

The devil, the devil loves
become a priest, why?

Because he knows he can
take so many others with him.

But there are hundreds and
thousands of priests who

gave their lives for
sheep and did not fall.

We should say thank you to them

every day, all
time we see them.

- But what do you
will you do it alone?

- Believe in our
Lord Savior Jesus Christ.

Serve God in truth.

Pray and love each one
how God loved us.

'Cause in the end, that's the only one
thing a man can do.

And as the Church is always
in need of renovation,

I will call the Third Vatican Council

to put the
permanence of marriage

back in the center of
our faith again

and declare war
spiritual against divorce.

Other than that, nothing.

Thank you thank you
for coming.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for coming.

- What he is doing
calling a board?

he is just a
temporary, a janitor.

- Don't worry, Cardinal.

This could fall into our hands.

- And how can that be, horn?

- If we could have
sure he dies

while we are
at the council, all

cardinals would already be
in Rome for the vote.

- If, I do not like
of that word, if.

- Pontiff Cariott.

- Yes, Holiness.

- I can speak?

- Oh.

Nice suits, matching.

Eyebrows too.

Holy Father, I'm so
glad to see you home with

security, but you must us
prepare for that kind of thing

in the future, so no
we care so much.

- Very kind of you.
express such sentiment, Cardinal.

would you like me to
hear your confession now?

- But Holiness,
I have nothing to confess.

- I see.

so are you
prepared to go to

ends of the earth to
proclaim the gospel?

- Certainly, Your Holiness.

- I have one
new task for you

where can you put
this commitment into practice.

- Yes.

- Now you are the Cardinal
Archbishop in Sheberghen

in northern Afghanistan.

Well, the harvest is small, but
workers are small.

- Afghanistan, the
sandy, rocky?

Let's pray?

- Clear.

Lord let me sleep
a little bit tonight.

- That's not a prayer.

- Well, of course it is.

- For other people.

- Then teach me.

- All good.

But once you know
like, you have to lead.

- OK.

By the way,

happy birthday.

I promise that year
Come on, I'll remember.

Want to play astronaut?

This is a small
step for the man

one giant leap
for the cursed man.

- Oh, you are so full
Besides, he never said that.

- Of course.

See, he was late and
he fell the first time and had

what to do again then
we only saw the second take.

- We need one
second take, not Neil.

- Okay, take two.

We are lost in space!

Wow. - Wow.

- Damn it!

- The stone soup is
almost ready, Your Eminence.

We can play
fish later if you like.

- Oh, shut up.

- Yes, Eminence.

Subtitles:
joao garcia

♪ You ask me
why i love you ♪

♪ Damned if I can
tell you why i do ♪

♪ You put your smile on
me and how you hold me ♪

♪ Mostly I just
I love you because you are you ♪

♪ The sun on my face
it's much hotter ♪

♪ The moon looks a lot
bigger in my opinion ♪

♪ The stars are in mine
eyes and are much brighter ♪

♪ All because I
I love you like I love ♪

♪ Together or apart ♪

♪ You've always been
in my heart ♪

♪ All I really
I know you make me happy ♪

♪ So you ask me
why i love you ♪

♪ Damned if I know why
that but it's still true ♪

♪ Even God can
don't have a better answer ♪

♪ Than mostly me
I just love you because you are you ♪

♪ Mostly I just
I love you because you are you ♪

♪ And I will always love you ♪

♪ Because you are you ♪