Original subtitles

My name's Boisnot, Gilbert Boisnot.

But my real name is D�sir� Poilvin.

48 hours ago, I was living with my parents.

It's crazy how your life can change in 2 days.

Do you know the one about the cuckold husband?

It's a scream. He's on the roof of a building.

In the hotel opposite, his wife's getting laid.

He can see right into the room where a fat git's screwing her.

Next to him is a mean-looking killer, really mean,

who's getting a gun ready with sights and a silencer.

The guy turns away. He says:

"Just get it over and done with."

The killer says: "Do you know my price?"

He goes: "No." "2 million $ per bullet."

LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER

He goes: "You get a bonus for that. You can choose where I shoot your wife."

He goes: "Shoot the bitch in the mouth.

"Something different for the guy.

"Shoot him in the balls to make me dream."

The guy goes: "Fine" and turns away.

A minute goes by, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, fuck!

It's driving him crazy.

"What the fuck are you doing? We've been here 10 minutes!"

The killer says to him...

he says...

Do you know what he says?

I don't care. I don't like comics like you.

Seen his eyes?

Humour's the polite side to desperation.

Your dud jokes are polluting my life.

You have to protect the mind as well as the environment.

Now quiet. Lay your head down here

and sleep until we get there.

Right?

I'm sorry, but your scam...

I don't get half of it. It's no good.

Forget the photos. Wait to see the real thing.

You'll have no more doubts.

- I've a perfect method. - My arse.

And if they don't come?

If there's nobody?

They'll all be there. I'll know who to choose.

He'll look sly, innocent,

gentle and stubborn.

Be patient, brother.

Right, I'm off.

I'm meeting her at the airport. She's coming from Martinique.

She's Italian and speaks French.

We're going straight to Italy.

This is her. Myrtille.

She's a woman.

We've known each other for 6 months. She wants to get married and have kids.

She left an ad at the baker's.

In the baker's paper.

So I replied. She replied back.

I replied...

In her letters,

she said she dreams of returning to Vingtimiglie.

It's a surprise. She doesn't know.

Don't worry about money. I sold my fish collection.

Mind you,

I could've told you.

All that to say...

I'm not having lunch here.

See what I told you.

See that?

All the tropical fish collectors are here

for voluptuous Myrtille.

Quite some zoo!

What about that one?

An old guy would be easy.

They piss the bed but have regular hours.

- Maybe that's it. - No, we need a solid guy.

Not one who'll leave us in it.

What do you want?

A half. No, a shandy.

A glass of milk.

That guy with flowers is going to attract bees.

They've all got flowers.

Be patient.

Don't leave it to natural selection.

The thin guys eat the fat ones.

The small eat the tall.

We need a thin, bashful lover.

You'll see.

The last one's our man.

How many are left?

Six.

There are six left.

Do I kill five?

No, let's wait a hit.

It's nearly the end.

I bet on the stupid looking one.

Which one?

The one with the case and big ears. Got the file?

Let's see.

D�sir� Poilvin, aged 33, doesn't believe in God, a virgin,

has one vice, one passion: sex. No, just joking.

Tropical fish, like the rest.

Mind you, it's the same smell.

You're so stupid.

Let's get a move on!

Come on!

Don't let anyone in the toilets. I'll take care of him.

Are you sure? He looks weird.

Please...

leave me alone. I don't want anything from you.

Do you have faith?

Leave me alone!

D�sir�, don't do anything stupid.

You'll treat Myrtille.

Fuck it!

Open the door!

Piss in the ladies.

I'm not pissing in that.

You know Myrtille?

D�sir� Poilvin.

Did she talk about me?

- Who are you? - Friends.

Great, but where is she?

- Is she well? - She's very well.

She's waiting for you.

Did she say that?

Yes she did.

Are you sure?

I read all your letters,

all you wrote to her.

You read my letters?

- Who gave you the right? - The right?

You're a postman?

No I'm not.

- Let me go. - What?

I'm not afraid of you.

That's all we need!

Don't be afraid.

What do you want from me?

Your own good.

We're taking you to the seaside.

We've got projects that could bring a few advantages.

Sun, love, you and Myrtille.

It'll all be fine, son.

You...

a load of money...

give me a sign.

What I really liked

was that he knew Myrtille.

She's the love of my life.

What do you see?

- The sea. - No, on this side.

- A hotel? - With rooms and suites.

Ours is on the second floor.

Myrtille is above us.

Myrtille is just above?

No, that's Kolack Rakush's suite.

- Above us? - Yes.

He's a former opera singer.

We'll have to change rooms. An opera singer...

Hang on.

He's no voice left. He's in the Mafia, prostitution, drugs.

We have to change rooms or hotels.

Why?

Why? Why are you telling me all this?

What do I care about your Turkish godfather?

Hello Simon.

Daddy's here.

Every year in the hotel's theatre

a very private meeting is held

between lovers of very tropical fish.

We're interested in Rakush's fish.

He has a pair of Pacific Agollons.

You mean up there?

Rakush has a pair of Agollons?

A male

and a female.

Rakush has arrived and the manager's looking for you.

Only ten people have got an Agollon.

But nobody's got a pair.

Nobody.

Except Ra-ku-kush.

Mr Rakush!

Last year

there was no ice in my room.

I've attended to it personally.

- The ice is ready. - Fine.

I like crunching ice with my teeth.

Myrtille Sephora please.

A call for you.

Excuse me.

Mr Rakush, it's a pleasure to have you.

Hello, sir.

I'll take you to your suite.

It's Zorro

and his trusty servant, Bernardo.

3 hours late!

I love you when you're angry. Why are they early?

Is that him?

You chose a handsome one.

- He seems fresh. - He's a champion in his field.

Meet me upstairs in 5 minutes.

No, leave that please. Melvin...

Perfect, hey? Come and see.

It's strange.

I feel something strange.

Don't you think it smells?

Yes it does.

You and me...

all together, Mel and Myrtille,

we're going to steal the male Agollon

that belongs to Rakush

and sell it to him...

at a steep price.

That's robbery.

Daylight robbery.

And what's my role in all this?

Mr Rakush, they're magnificent.

We've checked up on everybody on the floor.

Mr Gesmond, security chief. If you need anything...

We'll post a bodyguard outside, another by the lift

and two in the corridor, OK?

Very well.

The prophet said:

"Protect the wealth of your soul

"and your soul will render it unto you."

Mr Rakush would like to rest.

Wait!

You just have to pretend to own Agollons

and sell him the stolen fish.

It's easy.

Then why don't you do it?

Because of this.

He's gifted with an amazing nose.

He calls it his third eye. He looks you in the eye

and takes a sniff.

He smells you

and knows who you really are.

A third eye? That's dangerous?

It would be if it was me.

But if it's you, there will be no problem.

The invisible robbery. No smell.

Perfection!

What about Myrtille?

She'll be here in two minutes.

A light in your life.

You've forgotten something.

- Really? - Really.

What then?

The Agollon.

Take away the male and the female will die in 24 hours.

So if you steal it tonight and let him believe it's dead,

if Rakush wants to save the female,

he has to buy another male by tomorrow night.

Of course.

Except...

tomorrow is Sunday.

Find the money on a Sunday.

Shit...

you're right. How stupid of us.

It's Sunday tomorrow.

How stupid of us.

It happens.

Maybe the airport bogs are mended. I'll lend you a tie.

They're arguing.

My pleasure...

delighted...

won over.

Very, very pleased to meet you.

Has he learnt Italian for me?

Come on.

What have I done?

What?

What's wrong?

I need you, D�sir�.

Surprise me.

Poilvin!

Give Simon hack.

Let Simon go!

Do it again...

and you're dead.

Get him out.

Nadir, who hit him last?

You, sir.

That's right.

Tanad, you're a real case,

poor guy.

Look, Tanad. Piranhas only live in warm water.

They like hot food.

They love 37�.

Piranhas are epicureans.

If you don't feed them, you know what happens?

They eat smaller species. You don't want the Agollons

to be a victim of their appetite, hey?

Come here. Don't be afraid.

Look!

That's the smell.

It smells of death...

and blood.

Are you sure about Nadir?

If you've a doubt,

take a look at my arse. It'll reassure you.

She's a stunner.

Go to your room.

You'll replace Tanad.

Smile, Ramdah.

In charge of the fish. A fine promotion.

Smile!

I don't believe it.

The dog's going to fuck it up.

It looks like a rat.

It really does.

It looks like death is close.

I'll finish the plumbing.

Watch the noise.

When you're 100 with your ears glued to a pair of tits,

you don't hear a drill,

- you hear voices. - What about her?

She hasn't got your ears!

He's annoyed. I don't know why.

Very annoyed.

Dear count...

I haven't been to the Grand Hotel for a year...

12:45.

Are all the fish collectors here?

Not quite. We're missing one.

He reserved room 154.

l54?

And who's the lucky winner?

Gilbert Boisnot.

I don't know why that's my name.

The room's reserved in that name.

You introduce yourself to Rakush.

Gilbert Boisnot. Do it.

I can't.

I really can't. It's not right.

It won't work.

Why not?

- I'll laugh. - No you won't.

I know what I'm like.

You don't.

- My name's Poilvin. - So what?

We're at a dead end.

Make an effort.

Your name's Gilbert Boisnot.

With his nose,

I won't believe in it, him neither.

We'll all get shot.

Why not believe in it?

Gilbert Boisnot...

If you don't get it, I can't explain.

You've introduced yourself.

You feel at ease.

If he offers you a drink, what'll you have?

Coca-Cola.

No. A double whisky, no ice.

I don't drink.

In any case, he'll serve you raki.

Raki? That's strong.

No it's not. You'll get a glass of water.

What do you do next?

Eat peanuts.

OK...

And after that?

No, no peanuts. Not with the raki.

OK then.

Do I or don't I?

- As you like. - And if I leave it to instinct?

It's more natural. If there are, I'll eat them. If not,

- I won't. - Remember why you're here?

You're here to sell. First principle:

the guy wants to buy. Understand?

Yes.

Mr Boisnot,

I'm offering you $150,000.

150,000?

That's great.

No, you say no.

The guy needs the Agollon.

He's willing to pay a fortune because he loves beauty.

Understand?

I'll offer you 300,000 and leave it at that.

He's offering me 300,000?

You say no

because he won't offer 300,000. He'll offer

500,000.

500,000?

That's worth it. I'll get shot.

No. You go back to your room and offer a million tomorrow.

Because he'll buy it

for a million.

A million bucks!

So what do you say?

Hello,

is the nurse here?

Why are you talking about a nurse?

Why not?

If I feel like it, I will.

I'm talking about a nurse, massages, Turkish baths

because I'm really tense.

Really tense.

- I'm disappointed. - I can't!

I'm not at ease in the suit.

Not at ease in a Cerrutti?

There's something I don't get.

Why would I sell my Agollon?

We don't give a fuck! Say you're hard up!

You, put that away!

And you, get to work!

Please calm down

or we're heading for disaster.

What time is the Reaper coming for his money?

My dear Nadir, we never know.

Nobody knows with him.

You suddenly feel a presence, turn around

and there he is, the Reaper.

Great work, never a witness, no traces.

Marcello told me that one day

he offered him a job.

A judge too honest to send to heaven.

Marcello specified:

a bullet between the eyes.

At the critical moment, the judge moved.

Instead of entering here, the bullet

entered here.

And the Reaper didn't want to be paid.

Why?

The contract wasn't fulfilled.

Do you know what to do with Rakush?

Introduce myself, he smells me...

- And we come back up. - That's right.

We should've been in Vingtimiglie now.

It was a surprise.

Mr Rakush...

you must meet Mr Boisnot.

Gilbert Boisnot. My name's Gilbert Boisnot.

Gilbert Boisnot is my name.

I've got an Agollon.

A male Agollon.

Emasticus puritus?

No.

That's the female. It's a male.

Emasticus puratus.

Mr Boisnot,

Mr Rakush will have lunch.

It's his pleasure and privilege to invite you.

That wasn't planned.

I insist.

Will you have an aperitif?

Sorry, I can't.

- I'll have a whisky. - Pure malt?

No, a whisky and coke with peanuts.

I'll have them if you've got any.

What do you advise?

Tell me, the duck aiguilette...

Mr Rakush eats everything

except fish, of course.

And is the salmon...

from Scotland or Norway?

Scotland.

I'll have the salmon.

We'll all have venison.

Excuse me, I've got work to do.

I'm leaving you.

Enjoy the meal.

It'll be fine. Leave us.

Thank you.

Mr Boisnot,

how have you called

your Agollon?

How have I called it?

D�sir�...

like my grandfather.

I almost called it Pamela.

Like the check-out girl

in the supermarket.

She has a grey overall but it's not sad. There's a red border...

and here is the Codec sign,

on the heart.

But anyway, I called it D�sir�.

BB? D�sir�'s alone with Rakush.

Mr Boisnot,

nobody eats fish at Mr Rakush's table.

You're right.

It's fish.

Did I order fish?

A phone call for you, sir.

It's me. Is that you?

Do you speak English?

Meet me outside.

On the beach at once!

I nearly fucked it up.

I ordered fish.

Listen to me.

This is my last job.

You can't fuck it up. I'm stopping after this.

Me too, because...

You're lucky we're by the sea.

Is it true what you told me this morning? The nightmare...

death...

And you?

Would you have killed yourself?

For Myrtille, yes.

Why for Myrtille?

Is she worth it?

I've never had nicer letters.

I read them all the time.

I wrote them.

Really?

You came for me.

To stop my nightmares.

I've had the same dream for two years.

When I was dying, I was invaded by palm trees.

They spy on me.

I'm scared stiff of them now.

What's the next stage?

Stick it to a wall and you can hear everything.

A fly? They'll squash it.

They're Turkish. They're used to them.

The dead Agollon, good mince meat,

carrot pur�e

mixed with potatoes.

No champagne!

I insist.

Call Nadir.

Come in.

Thank you.

Mr Rakush is in his room.

There she is.

I hope Mr Rakush likes the suite.

All our services are not immediately visible.

Liar.

They're wonderful.

Do you think they're beautiful?

Attractive.

I like predators.

They're so powerful...

so strong.

- If you need anything... - Wait.

The champagne?

Please. Don't say no.

Champagne makes me ill.

But the client is king.

Every time I drink champagne

with a beautiful woman,

it brings me luck.

Either we get the money...

or blow up the hotel.

"Papageno", "The Istanbul Nightingale"...

"Don Giovanni", "The Magic Flute"...

Search me.

Mr Rakush likes the pleasures of life.

What about you?

I want to see Mr Rakush.

I know he's here.

I've all his records.

I want to see him.

What's going on?

Remember 1972, "Don Giovanni"!

I've wet hands.

1976,

"The Abduction from the Seraglio".

- Wet hands? - Not now.

Mr Rakush, a song!

Shit!

Next time, have wet hands, so we'll be a team.

She hasn't put in the dead one.

It's fucking up!

Please excuse me.

- I'm going up. - No, wait!

I'll be right hack.

Hello?

It's Boisnot.

I can't digest the salmon.

So what?

I wanted to know if you had

any Rennie.

- No. - Never mind.

I'm feeling better now. Thanks.

Sorry.

What's wrong?

Great one.

Come down to us.

Shall I call someone?

Come and see Melvin.

I'll be all right.

I shouldn't have made you drink.

No, it's my fault.

I shouldn't have said yes.

I love saying yes.

I can't let you leave like that.

That's sweet, but...

But what?

I need a hit of time.

It's my old-fashioned way.

Back to your posts.

It's starting to take shape.

You know all the family now.

Boule, Bill,

Raymond

and that is

Simone, Simon's elder sister.

- Afraid? - No I'm not.

It's just a hollow tube.

No it's not, it's Simone.

That's Raymond.

You're right.

How do you know?

Because that's Simone.

Aim it at me.

Take Raymond.

Aim it at me.

For real. Frighten me.

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid.

Do you know why?

Because I'm crazy.

Did Myrtille impress you?

That's why they're married.

Who's married?

BB...

BB and Myrtille.

BB and Myrtille...

are married?

Let Raymond go.

They've split up.

Have this. It's opera. You'll like it. "The Istanbul Nightingale".

He had real talent.

Have you eaten the light bulbs?

We said 3 knocks then 2.

A million dollars.

Don't worry.

It's up to me now.

It's room 154. Everything's ready.

It's in the name of Gilbert Boisnot.

Don't make any calls.

Wait till we call for you.

You're like in your letters. A brave man.

Ready to protect me.

And you're the woman in your letters.

You know...

spending nights writing letters full of feelings and eroticism.

Excessive eroticism...

almost virile.

You know...

I was sincere in my letters.

Italian women

are always sincere about love.

Wait!

There's no point!

- Wait! - I know it won't happen between us.

Won't you say goodbye?

Nothing will happen.

What about this?

Is nothing happening?

Thanks.

It's really nice.

It will leave me with memories. At least there's that.

I know everything.

The letters were never from you.

You'd never heard of me before we met.

You hadn't seen the photos

I sent to you, hey?

What seduced me about you

was BB.

It's all between BB and me.

You want to leave?

Go on then.

Go on.

Look at you. You're ridiculous.

Even in a Cerrutti suit.

You're a nobody.

Physically and intellectually, you're a nobody.

Are you going back to your parents?

To kill yourself in the toilets?

Stood on the cases? Your head in other people's piss?

We'll sell the fucking Agollon.

What's happening?

It's not me.

It's not my fault.

It's Boisnot.

They've swallowed the bait. Their angel is dead.

They're as sad as a funeral.

My darling...

Are you all right?

You'll pull it off.

Of course I will.

What's that noise?

It's just a rabbit.

Well?

He hung up.

I think there's a solution.

What is it?

Sorry for disturbing you so late.

Mr Rakush wants to admire your Agollon.

Please meet him at the bar.

Of course.

Do you have any sugar? He's diabetic.

Thank you. Sugar's not good for the eyes.

Only for dogs.

Dear friend.

My dearest friend.

Sit.

I want to buy your Agollon.

I'm offering 300,000.

300,000?

No.

It'll go wrong.

500,000 $.

It'll go wrong.

You know...

D�sir� and I are one and the same.

I can't let it go like that.

How much?

I'll have to think.

How much time?

6 a.m. tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning, suite 312,

6 o'clock.

The night is clear for a wiseman,

even if he sleeps with his eyes closed.

Watch him.

If he goes out...

and get the fish.

He knows about the letters.

Do you want to fuck it up?

He's perfect.

You have to be honest with him.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

I'm taking the cash and going.

0n your own?

With my dough.

That's all I get off on.

What'll you do with your share?

Give it all to charity.

Let it drop.

Superstitious?

Since when?

Since the palm trees entered my life.

Fucking palm trees.

It's time.

I'll put it in cinemascope.

- What's wrong with it? - I don't know.

It's not working. Fuck it!

Hurry up.

And the fish?

It's sleeping.

Make it work!

Do something, for fuck's sake!

Hurry up. Do something!

It's working.

I came without it.

What do you mean?

It's difficult to say...

You disappoint me.

Deeply.

I know

and I'm all contrite.

Believe me.

But there's

maybe a solution. But I...

But what?

One million dollars.

Two.

Two million.

Two!

Two?

You want me to buy it for two million?

Expensive, hey?

Very expensive.

I know.

But it's the price.

Get the case.

- Sir! - Nadir!

Shut it!

Obey me!

What do I do?

Go and shoot them?

Open it.

Fuck.

Instead of a million, we'll get a fucker.

I'm going back to my room.

I'll get the Agollon.

Take the money

and get the fish

with our new friend.

- Sir, the Reaper... - Shut up!

As soon as he leaves the hotel,

get the money back!

We'll do as planned.

Rakush will kill him.

You're very lucky, Mr Boisnot.

Mr Rakush likes you.

Go down to reception.

You come with me.

What are you staring at?

This is for you.

You were great.

Don't I look good in green?

Wonderful.

Didn't I surprise you?

I can still fuck it up...

if I want to.

Worried I'll run off?

No, just sorting out the shares.

I'll get the others. Stay here.

We're leaving at once.

And the video gear?

Fuck it.

Someone will benefit from it.

I don't like that.

He knows who you are...

- It's weird. - ... who you really are.

Is a 3rd eye dangerous?

If it's me, yes. Not if it's you.

...If you had any

Rennies?

Never mind.

I'm feeling better now. Thanks.

You were right. It smells of death.

Find them and get the money

before the Reaper arrives.

Hurry up, idiot!

I like blonds,

but not pretentious ones.

Tell the kid to drop it.

We've got a few worries.

That's not good.

Don't worry. I've sorted out the problem.

But something's bothering me.

We've been fucked.

Well fucked. But by who?

I can only think of one person.

- The cassette? - As planned.

- The money? - Twice as much.

I can pay you double tomorrow.

You know the saying...

Before time, is not the time. After time neither.

Room 154.

Room 154.

Melvin, come here!

Come here!

- Myrtille's got the money. - Go downstairs.

You go up.

This is Bob. He's not happy.

Fuck you, Simon.

Do as I say. Lock yourselves in.

Sheriff!

Come and see.

Give me your gun and nothing will happen.

I want Myrtille.

No danger.

It's a fake.

Where's Myrtille?

You go down and you stay with me.

It hurts, hey?

At least 10 on the Richter scale.

I want Myrtille.

- Answer! - Somewhere on the 4th floor.

Ready?

- Maybe she's left. - Not yet.

Where's Myrtille?

Has she got her own room?

We can go.

Kill them.

Where is she?

He's stunned.

Write down the room number.

Write!

That's it.

Count to 200, if I'm not back, forget me, forget Melvin,

If you see Myrtille, kill her.

One...

two...

I kill her.

Fuck. He's a joker.

It smells of fear.

Shit.

110...

Wait!

Don't shoot.

Where's the money? Where are the others?

Fuck! The blond!

What if we left together?

The two of us.

We're the same.

You screwed Rakush, I screwed everyone.

We're smart.

Imagine it.

Me, you.

A great team.

And him?

See...

it's simple.

Now shoot me.

Go on.

Give me a smile.

Hello.

A one-way to Guadeloupe.

Shoot the whore in the mouth.

And the guy?

I have to tell you the rest.

The guy says:

"Shoot him in the balls. It'll kill him."

The guy says OK.

He starts to aim.

5 minutes and nothing happens. Imagine the tension.

2 million dollars

the bullet.

After 10 minutes, he goes: "we've been on this roof for 10 minutes."

Shoot him in the face and get it over with.

The killer glances at him and says...

"Wait 30 seconds more

"and you'll save 2 million."

Pleased to meet you.

Boisnot.

Gilbert Boisnot.

Subtitles: R. J. McCarthy

Processed by L.V.T. - Paris