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[narrator] Life when I was young
was so simple and innocent.

[distant laughter]

My friendships were filled with adventure.

We thought we could do anything
and become anyone we wanted.

Adolescence marked a sudden realization

that our relationships
are far more complicated

than we ever imagined.

Nothing quite prepares us for the struggle

for identity and intimacy
in today's world.

["Five Hours" Feat. DyCy
by Deorro playing]

-[man] I'm from Texas.
-I'm from San Antonio.

[woman] We're all from the Midwest area.

-[woman 2] I'm from France.
-[woman 3] I'm from Scotland.

[man 3] I'm from New Jersey.
I go to Michigan State.

[man 4] I go to Duke University.

-[woman 3] North Carolina.
-[woman 4] I'm from New York.

-[woman 3] Where are we going?
-Spring break!

[screaming]

Hey!

[Sean Hannity] Every year,
hundreds of thousands

of college students head out
to a sunny destination

for spring break.

I'm studying sociology and psychology.

I want to be in nursing.

I want to be a teacher.

I'm in aerospace engineering.

I may be your doctor someday.

[woman] These people that are here,

-they'll be the future leaders of America.
-[woman] Yes.

♪ We found some time ♪

There's a lot of naked people and a lot
of alcohol, and it's fucking great.

There's a lot of hooking up,
wet t-shirt contests.

People come to Panama City to basically
get fucked up and fuck bitches, that's it.

We're trying to get laid.

You can honestly do whatever you want.

[all] Show your tits! Show your tits!

[cheering]

We live in a Kim Kardashian
sex tape world, right?

There is no line anymore.

[college student] She just became famous
off of a sex tape.

That's what our generation's built on.

[woman] To be accepted
and to be well liked,

you need to be nude,
you need to cross the line.

We just want to get down like Beyonce.

[woman] Hell yes.

Assume the position, girls.

[woman] Whether it's social media
with the Instagram,

with the Facebook, and whether
it's music videos, movies,

TV shows,
that's really what shapes our lives.

Sex sells. Like, that's just
how the market is nowadays.

[girl] Exactly!

Softcore porn really is everywhere.
50 Shades of Grey is softcore porn.

[man] I watch porn, she watches porn,

he watches porn
because that's what it's about.

[man] We're in this grand experiment
where images of explicit sexuality are now

not just at the margins of the culture,
but they're at the heart of the culture.

The whole culture's kind
of been pornified,

if that's a word.

[Loden] What we've seen on television
and everything else,

sex is nothing anymore.
Sex doesn't mean anything.

Sex is just a pleasure.

[humming along with music]

[indistinct chatter]

[Shay] To be honest,
this is our first spring break

here in America.
We just come down for a good time.

We're not--we're not
come here to shag no one.

Uh... there's no reason for these
beads on our necks,

-but we just come down for a good time...
-Ah, but, this is just jewelery for me.

-Have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves.
-This is jewelery, ain't it?

[Benny] What's the first quality
you notice in a girl?

First quality?

[Benny] Yeah, what's the first thing
you notice about a girl?

It's face for me.

It's silly to say,
but obviously it's all about looks

to begin with, to begin with.
But I'll stop there, yeah.

[indistinct yelling]

[Benny] Are a lot of people
having sex right now?

-Is that what's going on?
-[Shay] In spring break?

How much-- Have you had sex yet?

Not at spring break, not at spring break.

No, I've had--I've had sex multiple--

Yeah, you had sex next to me last night.

-[chuckles] Yeah.
-So, yeah, he has. He has.

-[yelling in the background]
-So, anyway. So, it happens.

Oh, it happens all the time.

Of course it does.
That's why we come here, isn't it?

-[Benny] What does sex mean to you?
-[Shay] What does it mean to me?

[yelling in the background]

[Shay] Uh, depends on the situation, but--

It's just-- It's just a commodity really,
isn't it?

Today--today sex is all about fucking
getting it in.

-No, it's not. It's not about that.
-Yeah, it's a number. Sex is a number.

Sex is not a number.
That's terrible to say, but--

You knob, you're the prime example of it.
Yeah, sex is a number for you.

For me, depends who you're shagging,
that's the thing.

[Benny] Is it?
Is it about--is it about the number?

It's not about a number.
It's not. It can't be.

[man] Be honest. Be honest.

Yeah, all right. Go on.
It's about the number.

Dirty bastard. [chuckles]

What's your number?

Don't know.

Why did you lie?

♪ We like to drink with Shayman ♪

♪ 'Cause Shayman is our mate ♪

♪ And when we drink with Shayman
He finishes in ♪

[all] Seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.

[all cheering]

[all sing] ♪ Raise your fucking hands up!
Raise your fucking hands up! ♪

-♪ Ta, ra, ra, ra ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

-♪ Ta, ra, ra, ra ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

[all] ♪ Raise your fucking hands up!
Raise your fucking hands up! ♪

-♪ Ta, ra, ra, ra ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

-♪ Ta, ra, ra, ra ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

[knock on door]

[door opens]

-[man laughs]
-All right, fellas.

[man] Spring, uh...

-Spring break.
-All right, come on, come in, come in.

Come in to our humble abode.

-Come in, fellas. Come on, ladies.
-Here we are.

-Here we are.
-Is that your getup tonight?

That's what I'm wearing tonight.

-Hey, don't matter what we wear.
-[man whoops]

We're all... color coordinated tonight.

[man] So, it looks like
you've been keeping your room

in pretty decent condition.

[indistinct chatter]

[man 2] You should have seen
the state of that bed last night,

blood stains, yes.

[man] Blood stains? Why, what happened?

-Did someone--
-[man] Ask him.

-Playing kind of hard again last night.
-[man] Someone was shagging hard.

-Ask... Ask him.
-[man] Someone was shagging a virgin.

-Ask big dick over here.
-[man] What happened?

-I cut me foot. I cut me foot.
-[men laugh]

-[man] It's not the only thing he cut.
-[indistinct taunts]

[man] Was she a virgin?

Yes, don't know. I'm gonna assume so.

-[Adam] She's not anymore.
-[man] She must have been.

[Shay] Not anymore, yeah.

[Shay] I'll get her on speaker-phone.

[Shep] Six--don't know what,
six, six, one, five.

We're gonna talk about last night.

Get that boom in here.

[Shay] By the way, I've not-- I've not
spoken to her since last night, so.

-She's very interesting.
-[man] Since she bled on us.

-[Jessica] Hello?
-[Shay] Hey, is that Jessica?

[Jessica] Yeah.

[Shay] Hey Jessica, it's Shay.

Did you have--did you have
a good time last night?

Sorry, dear.

[Jessica] Yeah, yeah.

We liked hanging out with you guys.
You're really nice.

That's great to hear.
Did you want to do it again tonight?

Um, well, we'll have to play it by ear.

What? I'm devastated right now.

-He's in love, dear. He's in love.
-[Shay shushing]

-[man] Mate, don't ruin it.
-[Jessica] I just don't want to have sex.

-What?
-[Jessica laughing]

I think you're an absolutely
gorgeous girl,

and I'd love to do it again.

-[Jessica] Wait, what?
-She's not. She's not.

[Shay] I think you're a gorgeous girl,

and I'd absolutely love to do
it again with you, dear.

[Jessica] Make out and--

OK, well, I'm sure we
can totally work that out.

Oh, fantastic, right.
Well, I'll meet you at Sharky's then?

[Jessica] OK, bye.

[man] So, we're on our way
to go meet this girl from last night.

Oh, shit. Yeah.
Forgot about that. That was a great show.

-Are we?
-[man] What do you think about that?

I think she's gorgeous.
I love-- Can't wait to meet her.

He's lying.

[man] Is there something
special about being with a virgin?

That's a very good question.
I think it's a challenge.

Challenge accepted.

That is--that is...
That is the ultimate challenge.

Because you take a virgin,
that's the ultimate challenge.

I'm not going to lie.
It took me a while to shag her last night.

But he done it.

Fucking everyone likes the chase,
don't they?

Everyone likes a bit
of a fucking challenge to have,

and--and--and a virgin offers that.

And I'm not complaining at all,
but, it was decent.

It was decent.

[man] Did the girls
sleep in the room too?

[Shep chuckles] No.

[Shay] It depends--It depends how ruined
they got the night before.

[Shep] Yeah, it depends.
If they're a trooper, once you bang them,

they'll put their clothes back
on and then they'll do one.

But sometimes they might fall asleep

and they'll do one about
7 o'clock in the morning.

[man] And what happens when you--
Do you--Do you take them out to breakfast?

I like it when they stay.

We can go for long walks
on the beach and all sorts.

Why Shayman is being so good
in front of the camera?

[man] Is he telling the truth?

Did he take her out
to breakfast this morning?

She left. I was happy that she left.
She left straightaway.

[Shep] Straightaway. She's a trooper.

[man] What about tonight?
Are you going to shag?

-[Shep] I hope so.
-He's going to do his best, but--

Yeah, I'm going to put my best effort in.

[man] You need to get to
know her first though, right?

No.

What do you mean get to know her?
Yeah, I'll get to-- get to know her name,

where she's from, that's about it.

[man] And then it's--

Yeah, then it's down to business.

[Shay] That's your game?

["International love"
by Chris Brown, playing]

[cheering]

[upbeat music continues]

So, anyway. This is my roommate, Benny.

He just wanted to ask you
a couple of questions.

Come on now.

[Benny] We're following him around.

So, we're just trying to capture
basically his journey on spring break.

So, you're trying to
have sex with all the girls?

No, no, it's--

[Benny] He just--

I would get in a lot of trouble
if my school knew about this.

Your school?

Yeah, I go to a private Christian school.

Look, honestly it's completely up to you.
You don't have to say a thing.

[Jessica] I would get in a lot of trouble.

I respect your decision.
Whatever you do. Whatever you say.

[Jessica] Yeah, I would get in
a lot of trouble.

[Shay] That's fine, that's fine.

OK. I'm going to go back.

That's fine.

[indistinct chatter]

We're gonna have a party
back at our place. Room 124.

-Room 124--
-[woman] 124?

[Shay] And you girls are all more
than welcome to come.

You are more than welcome.

Let's do it! Come on, girls.
You're coming with us.

[girl] OK.

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

[man] It's a totally
different world nowadays

that it's easy to have sex with girls.

They're down, just like guys are down.
You know what I mean?

That's what people do now.
You meet a girl, you hang out with her,

you flirt with her, you maybe, you know,
make out with her when you first meet her,

and then you can tell right away
if she's down or not.

And then your ultimate goal
is to take her back

and, you know, have sex with her.

As a guy, that's your goal
every time, you know?

We meet on the beach, we get drunk,

we go back to the hotel,
we have casual sex,

and then we go about our lives
like we never met.

That is so unrespectful.

It's unrespectful, whatever,
but that's the way it works.

Yeah.

[Loden] Back in the past,
it would usually be, you know,

"Let me take you on a date,
let me get to know you

a little bit before we
take it any further."

Versus now,
now it's like you get a girl's number

and the majority of the guys here
are just thinking about sex.

Want to know how easy
sex is to get in America?

If you want to follow me, I will show you.
Well, let me show you.

[man] ...take it away. Oh, yeah.

Fighting's easy in America too.

[crowd clamoring]

But we ain't going
to stress that, come on.

-Like, why the fuck are you so cute?
-I don't know. Do you even remember me?

Yeah, you slapped our asses earlier.

Well, can I get two kisses
on my cheeks from both of you?

-Yeah.
-Oh, my God.

[woman] I really think you should have--

And it's like that. Society's horrible.

He should have won that hot body contest.

Should have won the hot body contest.
It's all about self-image, publicity.

It's all about beauty and how you look.

Yeah, for real. And you look--

It's a horrible thing, but I don't mind
because I'm a guy.

I love, you know, I like orgasming.

So, these beautiful ladies right here,
like, Jesus Christ,

can you do a sexy pose for me?
Like, God dammit. Just like that.

Nothing, nothing, no morals behind it,
nothing behind it.

It's that simple, that simple.

Like, can I get two kisses
on the lips for me? Like...

I'll kiss him.

Want another example?
Let me show you some other shit. Come on.

I want some culture.

Can I get a kiss?
Where you been all my life?

[woman] Are we in a picture?

Ow! Oh my, Lord Jesus Christ.

You is fine with them damn dreads.

Damn, I'm fine, little baby girl.
Come pose for a sexy picture for my dawg.

Hey, what's happening?

Hey.

Just like that, hey.
It means nothing anymore.

-[woman] Come on.
-It means nothing, it's horrible.

-[woman 1] Do you want more?
-[woman 2] Come on.

Put that ass on him, girl.

[woman 1] Look at him go.

[woman 2] Hit it.

Sex today, sex don't mean anything.
You can have one night stands, you know,

wake up in the morning,
and you can be like,

"All right, I'll move on with my day."

[woman] I mean, I know guys
that come down here

and try to have sex
with as many people as they can.

Like, competing with their friends,

and they'll see who can get
the biggest number.

One night stands
all night long, all night long.

Every day, every day.

[Benny] How many girls?

Three or four a night.

[Benny] Any... Any chance
for a longer-term relationship

with any of them?

-Not at all. Not at all.
-[Benny] Any chance for finding love?

No, no.

DTF, down to fuck. Like...

-[Benny] That's what it's about, huh?
-It's all about fucking.

It's not a love thing,
it's not a... a need, nothing.

Like, it doesn't matter.

Like, sex is sex, you know.
I would never talk to her again.

But maybe you could be pen pals?

No.

No, [chuckles] like I'm not going
to write letters and stuff.

I mean, who cares? Like.

Pftt, no. No love. That just eww.

[Benny] The girl with the pink bottoms,
that's your girlfriend?

Yeah, I got the teal bottoms.

We're here to have a good time.
They don't care, we don't care.

[Benny] Does she mind if you hook up?

-No. I don't know.
-[Benny] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What does love mean to you guys?

Oh, I love her.

Yeah, me too.

I love her, but I love tits.
I'm going to chuck beads.

[Benny] Yeah, yeah.

But what does love mean?

-Love?
-[Benny] Yeah.

Love is not real. Love is not real.

It's like this fictitious thing
that society invents

-so you can have sex with someone.
-I see this. I see this.

Am I right? I'm right.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, it's that easy.

Oh.

[woman] Our generation
has given up on love, absolutely, I agree.

It's easier to find a fuck buddy
than a boyfriend.

Exactly. Oh my, God.

It's true.

[Loden] I would love to have sex with her.

Like, she beautiful,
and that's what it's all about.

Like, if you're--if you're attracted
to somebody,

it's nothing to have sex
these days, right?

Yeah, I feel like you should
just have sex. It's nothing.

[Loden] Can I just get a hug?
Can I grab that ass one time?

Like, where have you been?

Come on, it's spring break,
it's spring break.

-[woman] OK, go ahead.
-[man] I'm ready.

-[Loden] God damn.
-[woman] Oh my, God. Oh my, God.

-[man] Easy.
-We shall move on from here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, camera's on you.

Hey!

[man mumbles]

Pass the champagne.

Champagne on her shoes.

One of my really good girlfriends
that I knew for a long time,

she has this problem where she just like,

she hooks up with anybody,
and she admits it,

-and she was--
-[Loden] That's what we call a slut.

[Dakota] She was talking to me--
yeah, she's--

[Loden] She's a ho.

Yeah, she was talking to me,
like, the other day,

and she was like,
"Me and my girlfriend were talking,

and we both happened
to hook up with the same guy,

-and he texted us in the morning."
-[Loden] Eskimo sisters.

No, "He texted us in the morning
and was like,

"'Hey, I had a good time,
like it was nice to see you.'

And we sat down and talked about
what a great guy he was,

because he texted us in the morning."

And I was like, "What?"

And then, like, she was like,
"I realized how awful

that was later because, like,

every other guy we've been
hooking up with,

or like that I've been hooking
up with hadn't texted us,

had completely ignored us.

Like, they acted weird
when we came around."

And I was like, "That's wrong."

And people will completely
dismiss any emotions

that go with sex,

because it's not supposed
to matter anymore.

It's not supposed to be a big thing.
And I think that's the big difference

between the '60s sexual revolution

and now is that in the '60s,
it still had to do with emotion.

Like, even though it was free sex,
it still was about,

"Oh, I love this person,
I care about this person,

I want to, like, spend time
with this person."

But it's become a thing where
it's not about love anymore,

it's not about, like, relationships.

It's become a thing where sex
has to do with feeling good.

[Loden] Takes away all the special meaning
of sex, right?

It took away the special meaning of like,
"Oh, I fell in love with this person,

like I'm going to have sex with them.
This is something really special."

[Loden] Let me rephrase that.

Not took away the meaning of sex,
they took away the meaning of making love.

They think love doesn't exist.

It doesn't exist anymore.

-No. Not anymore
-Not anymore.

[Dakota] Not at all.

[Donna Freitas] The predominant
story about sex

in college is, you know,
we're casual about it.

So, the ideal attitude
in a hookup is whatever.

That's how you're successful at it,
because if you're whatever about it,

you can walk away and be like,

"I don't care if I ever see
that person again.

I don't care about the experience either."

So, the message people
are receiving is ambivalence

is the best attitude to have about sex.

[Caroline Heldman]
Young people in our culture

learn what it means to be a man,
what it means to be a woman,

how they're supposed
to relate to each other,

how they're supposed to have sex
from popular culture,

whether it's social media,
film, television,

pornography, their peers.

And you see this theme
of non-intimate sex, you know,

throughout every type of popular
culture that's out there,

which is a different type of sex
than the sex we used to see.

I don't care what you like
or what your name is.

And the good news is you don't
have to care about me either,

and we can still tear each other apart.

-What do you think?
-[tisks] You know what?

I'm going to say yes.
I think, yeah. Let's do this.

[Robert]
Traditionally, it has been men

who have driven that kind of culture,

men who have wanted to be
able to score without complication.

But in a hookup culture,
the big difference is...

it's not just the expectations
that men have...

of being sexually promiscuous,

but it's women actively
participating in it

and essentially accepting
those as kind of the rules

of the sexual game.

I think sex is more important
right at the beginning,

to find out what's happening,
because you don't know what's happening.

So, you like to have
the sex right away...

-Yeah.
-...and then find out, like,

you know, who are you,

Yeah...

how did you get in here?

[Donna] In a culture of casual sex,

my job is to essentially
shut down emotionally

and shut down as a person
in order to be sexually intimate with you.

I'm going to pretend like
you're not really a person,

you're just there for my pleasure.

Whether or not students
are able to actually

live this out is one thing,

but this is the message
that they're getting.

That this is sort of the ideal
for the casual encounter at college.

And so students
are working hard not to care,

they're working hard to have
meaningless sexual encounters.

Love isn't part of the college
experience anymore.

[Benny] So, of all the girls
that you guys have hooked up

with this week, how many
of them do you think

you'll stay in touch with?

I don't think we'll see anybody again
that we met this week.

-We-We're not. We're not--
-[man] We're not.

You're not--you're not going to
meet up with anyone.

-Thing is, he don't love them.
-[Benny] Shep.

-What's that?
-[Benny] How many?

Honestly, I reckon--I reckon
we might keep in touch with boys

who stayed at this site.

Oh yeah, the guys--

[Benny] No, no, no, of the girls
you hooked up with?

Oh, the girls, no.

Hang on, we need a few girls. Girls!

-He's lost without them.
-[Shay] Excuse me, girls.

[woman] Hello.

[Shay] How's it going?

[Anna] Where are you from?

[Shay] I'm from Australia.

Australia? I'm from Ohio.

[Shay] Ohio? What was your name again?

[Anna] I'm Anna.

[Shay] Anna, you're gorgeous by the way.

-[Anna] Thank you.
-[Benny] So, what do you want to do?

What are you guys going
to do down here this week?

I mean, just party, drink.
I mean, meet as many people as possible.

-That's my only--
-I'm used?

It's my only week break
for probably another year.

[Benny] Are you going to have sex?

[woman] Nope.

I mean, no.

-No?
-I don't know.

See you in a bit, sunshine.
I'm just kidding,

I'm just-- I'm just making--

I'm just playing with you, darling.

It's a little dangerous.

Oh, it's dangerous?
Dangerous? Why is it dangerous?

-I don't know anyone here.
-Come and kiss on my cheek.

-Oh, I like that. I like that.
-[Anna] Thank you.

-Do you want a drink? Would you like one?
-Absolutely.

-What are you drinking?
-Nothing. I don't have a drink.

All right, come on, then.
We'll get you sorted out with a drink.

[man sighs]

[indistinct conversation]

["I could be the one"
by Avicii vs Nicky Romero playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

[man] We best get out, hey.

[indistinct chatter]

[Shep] I know, literally, like,
just walked in there,

he's giving her the, "You're cute,
can I have a kiss?"

And then as you boys have just seen.

Just like that?

-[Will] With Shay it is.
-Yeah.

When you got a dick his size,
of course it is.

Shouldn't they
get to know each other first?

[man] No.

You're only gonna give one kiss.
What's the harm with one kiss?

[Will] If it was just gonna be one kiss.

Hey, give us 5 minutes.

[man chuckles]

[laughing]

-Oh, that's coming from the horse's mouth.
-Oh, mate.

Fuck you. Oh, look at that.

He's even turned the fucking thing off.

[all chuckle]

[Ben] Lights are off, door's locked.

Oh, fuck.

-So, yeah.
-Mate, are the lights off?

-[Shep] Yeah.
-[Ben] Lights are off.

And that's...
And that's the bottom "light".

And that's your spring break, fellas.

Well, I've gone and left my phone
in there.

[Benny] So, it's basically,
"Hi, how are you doing?

Want to have sex?"

-Na, we're... nah, we're not--
-[man] We're not that smooth.

We're not that direct,

we're not that forward.
We like to have a little bit of a chat,

and just complement the girl,
tell her how good looking she is,

and she'll just fall for it.
Especially with the accent as well.

Well, you saw her. He went,
"You're--You're cute, can I have a kiss?"

And then the kisses obviously turn into...

and then that's then turned into
the lights being turned off,

door shut, door locked.

-[Benny] How many minutes?
-What?

[Benny] How many minutes?

What, [chuckles] from meeting her?
Eight, what was it?

Like 15?

-[Ben] Fifteen, twenty minutes.
-[man laughs]

[Shep] And the best thing
is part of, like,

today's culture and society,
it's going to happen.

You just got to accept it, embrace it,
and hopefully one day we'll grow up

and be like granddad Brown over there.

[rap music plays]

[Anna] Oh, hi.

[indistinct chatter]

Awkward.

[man] I'm all right...

See you later, sweetheart.

We're going to go to our hotel.
Sorry, bye.

[Shay] She come. She saw. Shay conquered.

[all laughing]

[man] Something happened in there.
Something happened in there.

[Will] How was that--
How was that drink going in there, mate?

[Shay] Ah, we had a lovely drink together.

-[Shep] Yeah, right.
-[indistinct chatter]

-Got a nice little--
-[Shay whooping]

[man] Nice little cuddle in there.

-[Shay] Yeah, she's a lovely girl.
-[man] Nice to have a cuddle in there.

[Shay] Lovely girl, actually.

-[Ben] Nice to have a cuddle in that.
-[Shay] I got to know her really well.

[all laugh]

[Shay] See you, darling.
See you tomorrow night.

Smell my fingers.

[laughing]

[taunting]

[Shep] That literally took you
20 minutes...

From there, in there, lights off, posh.

Happy days.

[Shep] When's the next one coming in?

Ladies? Come on up.

[Shay] Nah, can't be doing that,
can't be doing that.

Or can we?

[Will] Of course, he can.

[Shay] Guys, she's really a lovely girl,

-really good looking...
-What's she called?

...really nice rack of tits.

-[Shep] What's her name?
-Jenny.

-[man] That's a fucking lie.
-Or Amy.

[Shay] What was your name again?

[Anna] I'm Anna.

[Shay] Anna, you're gorgeous by the way.

[Anna] Thank you.

[Shay] Ah, let's go Jenny,
go Jenny, go Jenny.

[Benny] So, what were the qualities
that attracted you to her?

-To begin with--
-[Adam] She was easy.

She put out.

-Great thing on a girl.
-I love a girl that puts out.

Yeah, she's a very good looking--

I said that to her.
I said, "look, you're gorgeous,

-down to earth...
-[man laughs]

...really easy to get along with."

He said...
He said all the things she wanted to hear.

[Shay] Exactly,
that's what she wanted to hear,

and I gave it to her.

-[man laughs]
-Oh, fuck, that sounded horrible.

But I'm not going to lie.
I did give it to her.

[man chuckles]

[Benny] Is there a chance
for a relationship?

[Shay] To be honest,
she's a very good looking girl,

and she's very easygoing.

If she wanted to shag again tonight,
yeah, for sure, yeah.

But at this stage,
I've no idea where she lives,

no idea where she's from, so.

[Benny] Tell you what,
do you reckon you can--

To be honest, probably not.
To be honest, most likely not,

but, uh, that's the way things happen,
that's the way things go on spring break.

Girls.

Girls, girls, come on down.
Come on down, how's it going?

[woman] Good.

-[Shay] How are you doing?
-[man] She's a nice looking girl.

[Shay] You look dressed up tonight.

[woman] Thank you.

-[man] Girls, where are you going?
-[Shep] Girls, where are you going?

[man] Girls, come here.

[Shay] She smelled good earlier, but--

[Shep] Not now.

[Shay] Oh, hey ladies.

[Shep] Where you off to tonight?

[man] Where you going tonight, girls?

[woman] I'm not really sure.

[Shay] Looking very well-dressed up.
I like it, I like it.

-Thank you.
-Not enough girls dress up around here.

[woman] Yeah, we tried.

[inaudible speaking]

[Donna] Casual sex in theory
is supposed to be this very exciting,

you know, one time experience,
full of desire and pleasure.

And you know, in theory,
it's like this very exciting,

almost like movie-like encounter.

However, those almost are non-existent
when you talk to college students.

It's really hard to find someone
who can describe

something like that.

There are all these messages
out there for young men,

young women to act
a certain way around sex,

around each other, around relationships

or not having relationships,
around hooking up.

And so I think we need
to look at what students

are learning about
what it means to be a man

and what it means to be
a liberated young woman

with regard to sexuality.

[Jackson Katz] There are so many ways
in which we,

as a culture, are teaching
our sons and men

what it means to be a man.
There's the media culture, of course,

whether it's Hollywood, film,
or pornography, or videogames, television.

They have the sports culture,
where there's lots of lessons

about manhood that boys
from the earliest ages are absorbing.

And it's saying that being a man
means being powerful,

being in control,
being in control of yourself,

in control of situations.
It means getting the respect of others.

I mean, it's so deeply embedded,
this--this idea of manhood as powerful.

And that's profoundly
influential in shaping

men's sexual self-understanding.

♪ Hope you understand that, bitch ♪

♪ Bitch, I'm the man ♪

♪ Ho, I'm the man ♪

♪ You know I'm the man ♪

♪ Bitch, I'm the man ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ho, I'm the man ♪

♪ You know I'm the man ♪

♪ Bitch, I'm the man ♪

-♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Ho, I'm the man ♪

-♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ You know I'm the man ♪

♪ Know I'm the man, know I'm the man ♪

[Sut Jhally] Masculinity in this culture
is about

a notion of--of male strength.
And then women play into that.

Women [chuckles] are one of the--

one of the ways in which
you can express that power.

Women are one of the ways in which--

on--on whose bodies
you express that power.

And so, real men, you know,
sleep with a lot of women.

If you're a real man,
you're a player, you're a guy.

You know, I mean, it's the ideal.

Don't rush into cinco, start with Dos.

Please welcome Instagram's most loved
and hated man, Dan Bilzerian.

[audience cheers]

One of the reasons I started

the Instagram stuff was just
so I could get laid without,

like, actually, like,
having conversations.

[audience laughs]

[host] You've banged as many as four women
in one night, right?

-[Dan] Yeah.
-[host] Wow.

Wish you could
teach me to be a man.

[Robert] In pop culture,
sex is seen as something

that young men do to validate
their--thier own masculinity.

It's a vehicle for young men
towards self-esteem.

We just want to know something, OK?

Are you going to be fucking that later,
or you going to be a little wimp, huh?

How do you know I haven't already?

Ah, shit, boy.

Get out of here.
I think it's past your bedtime.

Run along.

I always say that masculinity
is really a performance.

It's a performance that boys, uh,
do for other boys.

And so, what ends up happening
is that girls become part

of how boys prove their
masculinity to each other.

It's all about a chance for them to prove,
hey, I got the hottest girlfriend

or I have this--this many girlfriends.

And so she's not necessarily a girl

with a name and identity,
but she's an opportunity

for me to prove my masculinity
to my friends.

[Benny] What does it mean
to you to be a man?

What's it mean to be a man?

[Benny] Define masculinity.

[man] Well, uh, as a man, I can...

I'm different from girls because,
just like I said,

girls may, uh, choose yes, no, all right?

I'd--I'd fuck any girl here.

That's--that's just me,
and I feel that's just a man.

That's--that's what we were
put on this earth to do.

Yeah.

-[Benny] That's it?
-That's it.

And... And work out, big muscles,
get these girls.

Like, those boobs, holy shit.

[Benny] Are you going
to go pick up on her?

Oh, I've been talking to her.
Her name's Jenna or some-- Yeah, Jenna.

-[woman] Ellen.
-[man] What?

Ellen!

-[Dan] Ellen?
-Ellen.

We can go back to my room.

[Ellen screams, chuckles]
I'm not going back to your room.

You both can come.

[Ellen] There's no way.
I'm not drunk enough.

[Dan] Yeah, you are.

No, I'm not. I'm not.

Sorry, Dan.

[Ellen]He can't pick us up.
He couldn't pick us up.

My pick up line didn't work.

See, I got denied again.
But it's on to the next girl.

Today, guys rate you on
how many girls you get

if you really think about it.

Like, some guys look up
to you just because of that.

I feel like--
I feel like a lot of it's like,

you know, being like in a pack, you know?

Like, if you're the dude that's having sex
with the most girls,

you're the cooler dude
and stuff like that, you know, like...

[all cheering]

Sex, it's kind of like
bragging rights to my boys, you know?

Who doesn't like to say
I hooked up with a girl?

Whoo!

Well, this man's on, like,
count number four already, I think.

I ain't going to lie.

I fucked like 25 of them hoes
without a condom.

That's what I thought.

That's when you know you with the shit.

Like I said, I had sex in a port-a-potty.

[man] I had sex-- I had sex on the beach.

My man.

[man] For me and him,
we're always going for the BBD

the Bigger Better Deal.

-[man 1] Bigger Better Deal.
-[man 2] The Bigger Better Deal.

I mean, you look at pornos,
they have all these categories.

It's like, big tits,
big asses, I mean like--

Asian.

So, you're always just like,
"What am I feeling right now?"

Because, like, you can look at
like 20 different girls

at one time, just like here's a girl.
OK, she's hot.

I'm going to X out this one.
I'm going to find a different girl.

Like, you go black, Asian,
fucking Chinese,

and like just keep on mixing it up.

And that's what is moving you
away from relationship

is just the BBD factor,
the bigger better deal.

It's al-- There's always someone
that can be better.

Always a girl that can be hotter,
always a girl that can have a bigger butt,

always a girl that can have bigger tits,
always a girl that could have better tits

than the one that you're with right now.
You're not looking for a girl that's cool,

you're looking
for a girl that's sexy as fuck

so that you can bring her out,

and so when people look, like,
"Damn, that dude's killing it

because that girl's sexy as fuck."

You're looking
for the neck-breakers, dude.

The girl-- The girls that guys
are turning their necks for.

-Give us a minute.
-[man] OK.

[speaking indistinctly]

[woman] It's getting fancy here.

[Caroline] It makes complete sense
to me that men

would engage in hookup culture,

because they get the proverbial
bro fist bump, right?

Uh, they get attention, uh,
for sleeping with women.

In fact, the more you sleep with,
the cooler,

tougher, more manly you are assumed to be.

But at the end of the day,
I think there are a lot of men

who don't want to do that,
but they feel a lot of social pressure

to do that from other men
in order to get their validation

for being a real man.

As boys, to become men,
you're taught that you're supposed

to always want to have sex,

you're supposed to always
want to be on the prowl.

You're never supposed to turn sex down.

If you're a boy, and a girl
wants to have sex with you

and you say, "I don't want to have sex,"

that's extremely deflating
to your manhood.

To the extent that you haven't slept with
a lot of women,

and yet the culture says,

"A real man sleeps with a lot of women,"
that puts a lot of anxiety in terms

of what your relationships
with women should be.

It puts a lot of anxiety into,
"Well, I've got to sleep

with someone really quickly,

I've got to have sex quickly
so I can be a real man."

And I think that has its own level
of anxiety that is built into it,

that masculinity isn't just

this one dimensional thing
where, you know,

men go around acting tough.

Men are full of these insecurities,

men are full of these anxieties
about not measuring up.

Uh, let me tell you something,
[stammers] a boy said to me once

that I think really captures this.

He--he said that in school,
there was pressure on him to date.

This is the first year of high school.
And he was resisting that.

He said there were even girls
who were telling him

he was cute and they would
like to go out with him,

and he didn't want to do that.
And I said, "Why?"

And he said, "I just want
to be a kid as long as I can.

I mean, I just want some space

where I don't have to
always be on sexually."

But the culture was demanding it of him.
His peers were demanding of it.

The media he was consuming
was demanding of it.

I think that a whole lot of kids who,

if they could verbalize it,
would say something like that,

"I just want to be a kid
for as long as I can."

I've got 16 close friends,
and I was laughed at for...

[stammers] Probably about four of us
who were virgins after 16.

And it was constant,
"Oh, you're still a virgin?

Why are you still a virgin?
Let's go out. We'll get you a girl,

we'll get you nailed," all this.

And I was kind of a bit
taken aback from it

because I don't think I was--
I don't think I was quite ready.

I don't think I was quite ready
to lose my virginity when I did.

And I did, and it wasn't--

It wasn't magical,
it wasn't, like, special.

It wasn't... and it was with someone
who wasn't a virgin as well.

[Benny] But you felt a tremendous
amount of pressure?

No. [scoffs] Serious pressure.

But then once it was done,
it was almost like a pressure was lifted,

but I was like,
"Well, what was the--what was the point?

-Like..."
-[Benny] Were you not together with her?

No, my first time, I had...
it was a one night stand, and it was...

the whole night was peer pressured
into it happening.

And I was just-- It happened through...

like I said,
it was a mixture of, like, alcohol,

it was a mixture of
like a forceful kind of attitude.

It was all right.

Looking back now and thinking
I'm 23-years-old now,

and I was probably--

I was turning 19 when I lost my virginity.

-Shut up.
-Wow.

-[Benny] Really?
-Yeah.

[laughs]

See, the thing is, though,
like how old were you?

[Shep] What?

Honestly, how old were you?

Not lying because I know
a lot of liars back home--

Can we cut this bit?

No? All right, sweet.

-Honestly?
-[Adam] Yeah.

Fifteen.

But then you know what you
said about peer pressure?

Like, my group of mates back home,
there was like seven of us.

We had a bet the last one to lose it
would have something ridiculous.

And it was literally coming down to, like,
the last two of us.

And it was like, "Fuck, I have to do it."

-So, then you step up to the plate...
-[woman] Isn't that fun?

...and luckily I done it--

I done it with a girl that I had,
like, a lot of respect for.

Like, been that close with her for,
like, so many years, like seven years.

And it was like I'm glad
that I lost it to her

rather than anyone else.

If I lost it with someone else--

[Benny] Did you--
Did you feel peer pressured into it?

Yeah, of course you do.

Especially if you got a bet
with all your mates,

who's the last one to lose it,
you don't want to be the last one there.

[Adam] But then do you--

Do you think your virginity
should be a bet?

[Shep] No, but it's--

[Adam] I don't think it
should be a bet, but it was.

And you don't-- like, you don't want to be
the last one of your mates

to be the virgin, do you?

I mean, is it a bigger
deal amongst guys though?

Because I feel like with girls it's like,
"Oh, you've lost your virginity," like--

If you were, like,
the last one to have sex

out of your group of mates,
you're almost like bullied,

you're laughed at. You're almost like,
"Ha ha! You're still a virgin."

It is a bit harsh.

[Shep] And like I said,
I don't know anyone

back home that hasn't-- yeah.

Even, like, your closest friends
will make fun of you for being a virgin?

Yeah, yeah, without a doubt.

They wouldn't even, like,
have respect for that?

Nope.

[Donna] Often, you know,
men talk about how

they have to have this careless attitude
about sex for other guys.

And so, part of proving
what it means to be a man today,

especially a young man at college,
is showing that you don't care

and showing that you're invulnerable

and that you don't feel things
for other people

in the context of sexual intimacy.

Whereas young women always get the message

about the desirable young woman,
what she looks like,

how she dresses, how she acts,
what she knows with regard to sex.

So, both young men and young women
are sometimes literally acting out

according to these stereotypes
or these expectations we have in culture.

[Kimmy] I come from Orange County,
California, so Southern California.

[Farrah] I'm from Calabasas, California,

which is also
Southern California, near LA.

I've never been on spring break.
I've never been on spring break.

Yeah, yeah.

But I want to do,
like, the whole rave shit,

table surfing shit, you know what I mean?

[Kimmy] So, coming on spring break,
we have a fuck-it list,

and it's all the things
that we plan on doing before we leave.

-And one of them--
-It's a very short list.

-It's not like a...
-Very short. It's growing as we're here.

Yeah, it's not like--
We didn't come here with it.

-It's our first time on spring break.
-It's more of like, what's going on?

It's experiences, culture--
OK, that sounds cool.

Or like, "Oh, I bet this could happen.
Let's try and make it happen."

It's like a bucket list type of thing.

[Kimmy] But a fuck-it list.

-[Farrah] Yeah, yeah.
-[Kimmy] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're more than welcome
to come with us tonight

-and go party and find out...
-[Farrah laughs]

how the city is versus how the resort is.

Yeah, yeah.
You have to experience that one.

Fuck, yeah!

[upbeat music playing]

[knock on door]

-[man] Hi.
-Hi.

Come in.
We're just finishing up getting ready.

Excuse my voice. [chuckles]

[Farrah] We're just going to start.

[woman] So, can you ladies
kind of talk about

what tonight is going to look like?

That's a great question.
So I think we're--

A hot mess.

Hopefully.

[hesitates] I mean, she's hoping tonight's
going to be a hot mess.

I'm hoping--I'm hoping
that we get back safely. [chuckles]

When I say hot mess,
I mean, not per se, us,

what we see, what we experience is.
I mean, so far it has been.

We're not working
towards any particular goal,

but if something... if anything
really fun or crazy arises,

I'm not going to say no to it, so.

[woman] So,
what is your definition of fun?

Definition of fun?

[Farrah] Letting loose,
but not, just not...

[stammers] Being able to be carefree

and not have to worry about
being taken advantage of.

So, dancing on my own terms,
not someone trying to come up to me

and dance and trying
to initiate something.

Um...

Yeah, drinking without--

God, I've been so scared
of getting drugged.

-[Farrah] Yeah.
-[Kimmy] Is that a legitimate fear?

[Farrah] That's a fear for me too.

That's a legitimate fear,
I feel, definitely.

So, having fun is pretty much
not having to worry.

-I'm like holding my glass like this.
-Yeah.

I'm like dancing like, "Oh, yeah,
Try to get through my fingers, asshole."

Yeah, I don't even know where we're going,

so I think we're just going
to go and figure that out,

and just kind of follow a crowd.

[upbeat music playing]

Keep moving. Hey.

[Kimmy] OK, OK.

[Farrah] All right.

Whoo!

[indistinct conversations]

[man] More girls in bikinis. I love it.

Hola.

[Farah] So, we were involved
in a bikini dancing contest.

And he started, like,
spraying us with, like--like oil.

[Kimmy] I was like...

I just walked out of the bathroom,
I mean, he's like spraying me.

[Farrah] No warning, no warning.

She's talking and he just, like,
starts spraying her without--

And like... and I was like, "Oh."

Yeah, and all of us were just like,
"What's happening?"

And he's just like,
"Rub it in, rub it in."

Is that funny?
I'm gonna do it back to you later.

[Kimmy] Yeah, let's do it to you.

Watch your back. I'll see you later.

[Kimmy laughs]

[Kimmy] It seemed way more staged now.
At that point, it was more effort,

it wasn't just like,
"Here's some spring break girls

doing a dance."

Like, we're putting effort into
making you look a certain way.

OK.

So basically you're going
to dance for 10 seconds. [chuckles]

After those 10 seconds,
the people are going to decide

who the winner is. All right. So, dance.

Of course you can show
a little bit more if you want.

Please don't take your bottoms off.

-If you want, you can take your top off.
-[woman] Oh!

[man] You don't have to if you don't want,
but if you do,

of course then people are going to make
way more noise for you.

-[woman] The boys?
-[man] The boys. All right, let's go.

[Kimmy] In the beginning,
it was kind of excitement,

then it turned to anxious, uh,
kind of stressed.

Didn't know what was going to happen.
It was just so many people,

-it was very intimidating at that point.
-[crowd cheers]

[man] So, we're going to start things out
with a bikini contest.

We got one, two, three, four,
five, seven, eight girls

that are going to dance for all of you.

[crowd cheers]

All right, so we're going to go
with the first girl.

Where's contestant number one?

All right, so, senorita,
your name and where you're from?

My name is Kimmy and I'm from California.

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat music plays]

[man] Girl, come on. Come on.

Shake that ass. Shake that ass.
And shake it, shake it, shake it, girl.

Three, two, one.

Thank you.

OK, all right, I just need them to see
exactly what I saw.

So, turn around and do like this.

[crowd cheers]

All right, that's good. [chuckles]

Everybody give it up
for contestant number one.

Come on!

[cheering]

[Kimmy] I felt pretty nervous at first.
But once the music started going on,

I mean, if I hear a good beat,
I can dance to it.

Uh. I-- On one hand, I felt empowered,
but then once it was over,

he was like, "OK, wait, wait.
No, come back.

Like, turn around and, like, squat down
and so they can see what I see."

And I was like, "OK," so I did it.
But at that time, it was...

it wasn't my choice to do that,

he was suggesting that
and putting that on me,

and that didn't feel natural at all
and that didn't feel empowering to me.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Who thinks contestant number one
should be in the final?

[cheering]

Contestant number six?

[cheering]

Senoritas, thank you so much.
You can come back here.

[man] Number six!

Lights off!

[Kimmy] The bikini contest was
such a testament to our lives.

We're standing and being
compared all the time,

and being shamed because
our comparison is not--

we're not the same.

And it starts even when we're young,
when these guys are... you know,

they're going through puberty
and they have their hormones,

and they see these girls
on magazine covers

who I hadn't even noticed.

And then I'm like,
"Oh, my God, she's so hot."

I'm like, "Why is she hot?"
Like, "I think she's pretty."

Like what is-- Like why?

"Like, look at her tits
and look at her abs,

like oh my, God, she's perfect.
I want a girl like that."

And then you're like, "Well, OK."
[chuckles] I'm like, "All right."

And then it just gets worse
as you get older,

and it's constantly a comparison.

And the comparison
that we're always getting is one look.

And I think that's why
we're so susceptible to it.

That one thing influenced me even now,
because I'm constantly thinking back

to that one time where I'm like,
"Oh my God, she's sexy.

How do I get that?"

[Gail Dines] Let's take a young girl

and think about what does it
mean that, you know,

you're on the cusp of puberty,

you're trying to figure out
what it means to be female.

And you're looking around the culture
and what's coming at you is Beyonce,

Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus.

And in comes Cosmopolitan with its help

of "Ten Easy Ways
to Make Him Remember You."

Today, the culture is saying
if you behave a certain way,

act a certain way, dress a certain way,
then you are an empowered young woman.

This, my love,
has been the year of the booty,

and you are miss booty.

Oh, thank you.

[Jennifer Lopez] You know,
you can be sexy, and beautiful,

and it is very empowering,
I feel like, for women.

♪ Oh my gosh, look at her butt ♪

♪ Oh my gosh, look at her butt ♪

[woman] I personally, it doesn't bother me

that she gets up there
and twerks in a thong.

You know, if you can do, hey.

[Sut] Any part of popular
culture in one sense

tells the same story
around female sexuality,

which is female sexuality
is the key component

of what it means to be a female.

You know, an individual image
only makes sense

in terms of what else surrounds it.
If one image by itself, you know,

was surrounded, then,
by other images that showed women

in a wider variety of roles,

there would be nothing wrong
with that one image.

But when that one image is surrounded
by another image

that looks exactly the same,
looks exactly the same,

looks exactly the same,
and that is only about one aspect of what

women's identities could be,
that's when I think these images

will then start to take a real hold,

because it normalizes the idea
that to be a regular girl

means to act in this way.

♪ 'Cause I just
Want to look good for you ♪

♪ Good for you, oh, oh ♪

♪ I just want to look good for you ♪

♪ Good for you, oh, oh ♪

♪ Let me show you ♪

♪ How proud I am to be yours ♪

♪ Leave this dress a mess on the floor ♪

♪ And still look good for you
Good for you, oh, oh ♪

[Kim Biddle] When you've accepted
the belief

for yourself as a--as a young girl
that my value equates my sex appeal,

then you begin to act on that belief,

and you begin to then
need to compete and vie

for attention from guys
and be more noticed

and more valued
than your other girlfriends

that are also beautiful
and have sex appeal.

So, you will do crazy things
to gain that attention,

to gain that favor, to be sexy enough
because you've equated your value

and your self-identity with that.

[MC] We're throwing
a party today like no other.

We got a bikini contest going up.

All these hot ladies are going
to be shaking it for you guys.

The other day, I went on there,
like I danced on stage and stuff.

And like, it was just really fun.
It just... it makes you feel, like, free.

It's like an attention experience.

It's like for a moment you're,
like, on the spotlight.

[woman] I'm up here.
Everyone's looking at me right now.

Like, I feel good. They're happy.

Like, it's just a good feeling
of empowerment.

[MC] All right, twerk it for the crowd.
Guys, I want to hear you out there.

Let's keep this energy going, come on.

I saw all these girls dancing up there.
I was like, "I need to get up there."

[woman] When I got on stage,
alls I heard was cheers from 500 students.

I felt like I was famous,
I'm not going to lie.

By the time I was dancing in there,
so many boys,

so many boys are out for me.

And I felt like I'm the life
of the party right now.

[women chuckle]

Your confidence went down from here,

which in proportion
was already high enough,

where it went to up here.

[man] Ladies and gentlemen,

the winner of the Club La Vela
day stage twerking contest,

make some noise for Crystal from SIU.

[cheering]

[Caroline] I think that women
believe that being a sex object

is empowering because it makes them feel
as though they are wanted and desired.

But the idea that our bodies
are our value means

that we are forever dependent
upon men to validate us,

we're dependent upon an outside source

to say that we are important,
to say that we are valuable.

So, I think women engage in hookup culture
because it fits right into this.

What's the ultimate way to get validation?
It's to be wanted sexually.

If someone values you
and wants to have sex with you,

then for that brief moment in time,
we feel validated,

uh, we feel like we matter,
we feel like we have worth.

[Gail] We all hunger for visibility.
This is the human condition.

We want to be valued,
we want to be visible.

Yet, in this culture,
we say to young women,

in order to be visible,
in order to be noticed,

in order to be desired,

you have to A, look a certain way,
and B, behave a certain way.

And if you don't,
then you are basically rendered invisible.

[Sut] Everyone wants to matter.

The will to matter is a kind of,
you know, primal urge,

that we need to matter to other people,
we need--we need to be in society.

And if the culture says to girls

this is the only way
in which you can matter,

it's not surprising, then,
they take on those roles,

because if they don't,
then actually you don't matter.

If you don't, you become invisible.

If you don't, you actually
can't have that human connection

that everyone needs.

And so, you know, that pressure
just drives women to take on these roles,

even though that may not be
what they really want to do.

[EDM music playing]

[singing indistinctly]

[Kimmy] It all started, I think,
the whole sexualization

thing started when I was in, like,
eighth grade I believe?

And that's when guys started asking me
for nude pictures like from school.

And I was--I was so confused as to why
they would ask me for that.

And a lot of the time when I wouldn't,
they would just lose interest.

And, you know,
when you're at such a vulnerable age,

you're like, "Oh, my goodness,
like, no one's going to like me,

and it's just going to be awkward,

and I'm going to be known as
that girl who didn't do it."

So, there were definitely
a couple instances

in which I did send them.

And like, I did get
the attention that I wanted

until it came to the point
where it wasn't just pictures anymore.

It was like, "OK, well,
you're sending me pictures.

Don't be a tease."

And I'm just like, "OK?"

Um, so, I mean, I had sex on my own terms
and I did all the things on my own terms,

but at the same time,
it was so uncomfortable for me

because it's just
all these added pressures.

[Farrah] Yeah, that's so true
and real in my life as well.

And I think growing up,
on top of being pressured to do things,

it's so about pleasing others.
And it's what--what they think about me,

especially when you're that young
and you're being told what's normal.

And like I said, I was a little girl
looking at magazines and some movies,

and you look at women,
and that's what you start to be,

you start to look like that.

And I feel like every girl
just has insecurities

because none of us look like that.

So, either way, you're going
to find something wrong with you,

and it sucks that we have
to deal with that day to day.

[indistinct conversations]

[man] All right, so, senorita,
your name and where you're from.

My name is Farrah,
and I'm from California.

[man] She's Farrah, also from California.
And here we go, come on.

[music plays]

Oh yeah.

Oh.

Come on, girl, shake that ass.
Let's go.

Bring it, twerk it, come on!

Now, I have a question.
Do you want to see her take her top off?

[Farrah] No, no, no.

[man] So, everybody say, "Show your tits."

Come on, say it.

[all] Show your tits.

[man] Everybody say it.

[all] Show your tits.

[man] All right, that's it.
Here we go. Come on.

One, two, three.

OK, we'll do it at the same time, come on.

All right, DJ.

[crowd] Boo!

[man] Hey, guys, come on,
come on, be nice.

All right, so let's go on
with contestant number four.

[Farrah] For me, they were cheering
to take off my top.

And in no shape or form
would I ever think to do that.

But in that situation, it was--
It was very tempting.

Or I don't know how to explain it,
you know?

Everyone's all-- The whole...
The whole crowd is screaming for it,

and if--if you're on the border of it,
you're for sure going to do it.

Like, I just knew I wasn't going to,
and I was even tempted to.

So, I think when they have an entire...

an entire arena basically
screaming for you

to do one thing,
it is very hard to say no.

And I did, and I got booed for it,
but whatever.

I mean, I'm sure if they
went on for five minutes,

I'd probably end up doing it,
because you just want to satisfy them

and just get them to shut up.

[all] Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off!

[man] Come on, they're asking for it.

You wanted to win, right?
They already made a lot of noise for you,

so let's do it one more time, come on.
One, two, three, go.

Come on, go, go, go, go.

[cheering]

All right, everybody give it up
for contestant number five.

[Sut] On the one hand, you know,
you have women who are being told

that sexuality is everything,

and it's about female bodies
satisfying male bodies.

And on the other hand,
you have boys being told

that masculinity is about being tough,
it's about being in control,

it's about sleeping with lots of girls.

When that is all within the context
of hookup culture,

where sex is separated
from relationships and feelings,

then with alcohol thrown in, you know,
the results are going to be disastrous.

[crowd cheering]

[man] Hey, girl. Come here.

[girl screaming indistinctly]

Here's what's going to happen.
I'm going to give you two beads.

To motorboat your titties. Two beads, OK?

You ready? You ready?

[woman] I don't want to do it.
I'm not gonna do it.

Why not?

-Listen...
-I'll be gentle.

[man] Lift those tits
and let him motorboat you.

I'll be gentle. I'll be gentle.

-[man groaning]
-Where's she going?

-Listen...
-[woman] I'm sorry.

Come on, guys.

[Caroline] Inherent
in hookup culture is the idea

that men are supposed to be the drivers,
in the driver's seat,

and they are entitled to women's bodies

and women don't have as much say
as men in determining

whether or not sex happens.

And for a lot of men, you know,
they get the idea

that all they have to do
is push, push, push.

And some of them, you know,
are very planful about it.

[indistinct chatter]

[Robert] If you think about
the real messages

we send to boys about
what it means to be a man,

often they're bound up in that sense
of power and aggression.

And given the centrality
of sexuality to our lives,

not surprisingly those messages
play out in sex.

[laughs]

You got to show your fucking tits!

-I want the fucking--
-[cheering]

[Robert] So, if men are socialized

to be sexually aggressive,
then it's not a very big leap

from a consensual sexual activity
to sexual coercion of varying degrees,

where men are often encouraged
to pressure women

into being sexually available,
even when that girl might not want to.

They have a look to their face.

They have that look,
a certain look to them

that you just know they want
to be motorboated.

Some of them...
some of them don't look like they want to,

but usually the more intoxicated they are,

the more likely they are to
let you motorboat them.

It's an art.
You have to look and you scope them out.

It's almost like motherfucking fishing.

[all] Chug, chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug,

chug, chug, chug.

[cheering]

Tits out for the boys!
Tits out for the boys!

Tits out for the boys!
Tits out for the boys!

Tits out for the boys!
Tits out for the boys!

[cheering]

[speaking indistinctly]

Show your tits! Show your tits!

[woman] No! No!

[crowd] Show your tits! Show your tits!

Hell no.

Show your tits! Show your tits!

[woman] There was guys
walking past me like,

"Show your tits, show your tits."

And like girls are,
like, pressured into it.

Like, girls that wouldn't
usually do it are over there,

like, showing their boobs and stuff.

[all] One more time! One more time!

One more time! One more time!

Girls like to show it off.
Like, they act innocent inside,

but they really do like to show it off.

All girls are freaks,
I think, to be honest.

They just-- It just takes--

You have to get it out of them,
you know what I mean?

Oh, lots-- All girls are sluts.
Girls are nothing but panty droppers.

You give them a couple percosets,
a Vicodin,

and a beer, and the panties drop.
It's nice.

[man] He's got it down to a science.

[all] Tits out for the boys!
Tits out for the boys!

[woman] No. [screams]

You're a slut. That's what you are.
You're a slut.

I said she's a slut. She is.

They're all sluts.

You know, some men
pushing through a woman's no,

right, like she says no
and he keeps going,

and she says, "No, I don't
really want to," he keeps going.

And you know, that man,
he just sees himself as a player.

That's how it works.
You know, that's what the scripts show me.

That's what you're supposed
to do with women.

And then women who, again,
who have been socialized

into performing for men,
who now have had a couple drinks,

guys are pressuring them, "Come on, do it.
Let's do it."

And then guys, when they do that,
then the men immediately think

that these women are now, uh, fair game.
And some men feel license to touch women

and grab women
and act on these women sexually.

Yeah!

You got beads. You got beads.
You gotta show it. You gotta show it.

No.

-No?
-No, no!

That's so inappropriate. No.

Inappropriate? Can I get a high five?

[Robert] We're talking about
a sexually coercive landscape

in which men are socialized
into taking sex from women.

Women are socialized
into capitulating to that

as a part of a normal "social scene."

And the terrain on which
sex then goes forward

is extremely difficult
and extremely dangerous,

especially for young women.

This is a culture in which sexual
intrusion has become normalized.

[woman] This guy just
came up to me and like,

"Hey, what's your name?"
and started touching my butt.

And I grabbed him, and I was like,
"You know, like, no, that's not OK."

[woman] Out here,
there's a lot of grabbing, whistling,

just grabbing your face,
trying to make out with you.

Yeah, guys out here,
they think they can do anything.

[cheering]

I honestly walked by a guy
and he ripped my top down.

-I was like, "No."
-No way.

This one guy, I don't know who he was,

came up to me and starts, like,
trying to, like, touch me.

I'm like, "Eww! Like get off me."
And then he walks away and he's like,

"Yeah, fine, fuck you, you bitch."

I'm like, "You're the one
that came up to me

and were, like, sexually harassing me."

[man] Do guys ask permission
when they grope you

-and stuff like that?
-No, they don't. They're disgusting.

She punched someone in the face.

I punched someone
in the face my first day here.

I hit a guy the other day.
I went and I elbowed him.

They just literally come up behind you
and grab your butt.

[indistinct chatter]

Some random guy literally sucked my tit
out of nowhere.

I just went-- I just went with it.
There was nothing much I could do.

Yeah, there was definitely nothing
she could do.

There was nothing
you could do to solve that.

[woman] They'll come up to you.

They'll grab you in every way,
shape, or form.

They think that they're entitled
to you and to your body.

[shouting]

[man] Motorboat those titties!

[woman] Put me down!

Help me, help me!

Help me, help me!

[man] Do you feel safe here?

No!

-No!
-No! [chuckles]

Not really.

That's so sad. Do you want us to say yes?

[sing-song voice] Hey, we want some pussy!
Hey, we want some pussy!

[man] Fuck her!

[all] Fuck! Fuck!

[clamoring]

Vagina!

[man] Tell me about that. What happened?

So her coochie was wide open.

so shit--
just pull the fucking coochie off.

-And everybody just went at it.
-[man] Everybody.

Everybody just went at it
and fucking had a blast.

I know I did. Blasty blast.

Started grabbing her like that.

Grabbing everything.

Grabbing and fondling her fucking fun box.

[all] Pussy! Pussy! Hey, Pussy!

[man] Pussy!

[man] Why... why do guys feel
entitled to women's bodies?

Because it's--it's not even
the spring break mentality.

It happens everywhere. I can tell you--

[Loden] Bars.

I can tell you everywhere.

Especially we have a club
back in town called Coliseum.

Every time I go into this club,
I can count 100% some guy's

going to try and take
my clothes off, 100%.

Guys feel like-- And it's not even--
Media makes them think that it's OK

because women are sexual objects.

They're not like people.

[Loden] MTV, man.
It plays a big role in that.

I watched the MTV Spring Break
when I was a kid growing up.

And you watch that, like I watched
that a child growing up,

like MTV Spring Break.

And you watch that
and you're like, "Spring break,

you can do anything you want to."

[woman] Everybody ready? Yep, OK.

Um...

Well, guys, today we're here to talk about

probably one of the most
disgusting, repulsive,

sickening things that I've seen
this year on Panama City Beach,

and I've seen a lot of them.

Today, we bring a case forward

and--and publically of a gang rape

type sexual battery that occurred,

uh, during the middle of March
on the sandy white beaches

directly behind the Spinnaker Club.

Bay County Sheriff's
officials are continuing

to investigate a video that has surfaced.

An apparent spring break gang rape
recorded on a cell phone.

There is a screenshot
of the alleged assault,

it has been blurred.

[woman] The video shows
hundreds of beachgoers

continuing to party while
less than 10 feet away

police say at least
three men were gang raping

an apparently unconscious
19-year-old woman.

[Megyn] They say that her legs
are being held down,

the police tell us.

They say you can hear people saying,
"That's nasty,"

and, "She isn't going to know,".

The visual of everyone there
not doing anything about it

just shows how permissible it is
in our society.

A crowded beach, broad daylight,

and this apparently happening
and no one doing a darn thing.

How is that possible?

How do we explain something like this?

[Sean] How could this happen,
a gang rape in broad daylight

on the beach with people all
around this unconscious girl?

It's beyond my comprehension,

especially if it was behind
one of the super clubs.

This is not the first
video we've recovered,

it's not the second video,
it's not the third video.

There's a number of videos we recovered
with things similar to this.

And I can only imagine
how many we haven't recovered.

This is about something
endemic in our culture,

both in the spring break culture
and on our college campuses,

where we have
institutionalized binge alcohol

and hooking up culture.

And at spring break, this is acted out.

look, as the sheriff said,
more than he understood,

more than he imagined,
it's becoming normative,

so these kids don't even understand

they're engaging in criminal
behavior when people are

in a condition to not even be
able to defend themselves.

[Frank] Our culture, and our society
and our young people have got to the point

to where obviously this is
acceptable somewhere.

And we can wear t-shirts and say
save our beach all we want to,

but that is not going to restore this girl

who was viciously violated
by these individuals

last month on our beaches.

[Don] What are they thinking?
Like, what are these guys thinking?

And the answer is very simple,
they think it's OK.

They think that this is what
they're supposed to do,

this is the party.

This is what you do.

You have respectable businesses,
hotels and restaurants

and otherwise respectable businesses,
who are saying do that.

Let's have this night.
Let's do these kind of shots.

All right, it's a whole culture
that's saying do this.

And so they're just
acting out all those things

that they've seen in one way or another
through various forms of media growing up.

They were socialized in our neighborhoods,
they were socialized in our high schools

and our communities.
And we can sit there and watch that

and see this horrific scene,
"What were they thinking?"

They were thinking it was OK.

[Caroline] During spring break,
sexual violence is absolutely the norm.

the strange thing about all of this

is this happens every year,
and this happens

with hundreds of thousands
of people in hundreds of cities.

The fact that we normalize that

and let that happen
in a public setting I think

is a clear indicator
that we live in a rape culture

where we condone this sort of behavior.

So, when we ask ourselves
why is it that young people

are engaging in these things,
we have to look at ourselves

as well, because this is the culture
that we've created.

[Sut] What does it mean to be masculine?

What does it mean to be feminine?

What is the full range
of what it means to be human?

In popular culture,
men and women are encouraged

to be in the world in very,
very narrow ways.

We need to create a world
that's not this narrow box,

but there's this whole range of ways

in which girls can be girls
and boys can be boys.

[Robert] When you get men
away from the banter

and the bravado of trying
to impress other men,

you get a very different story.

You get a story of complexity,
of self-doubt.

Because I think at some level,
we all know as men

that this conception
of masculinity is undermining

our own ability to be full human beings.

If you really want to be
a person in the deepest sense

that we mean that, you've got to let go
of what we've learned as men,

which is to use women
for our own sexual pleasure.

[Don] You haven't challenged men
and boys to be better.

You haven't seen men challenge
each other to be loving

and caring and sensitive
and passive and submissive

and empathetic and vulnerable.

We don't allow other men
to be those things,

but that's the truth for us as men.

We need to be more honest
about who we are as emotional,

vulnerable human beings.

[Tony] I remember asking
a nine-year-old boy

if he didn't have to live
with these norms that

he has to negotiate,
if he didn't have to live with that,

you know, what would
the impact be for him.

And he said to me, "I would be free."

And I said, "Wow, he's not liberated."

So, these same notions
of manhood that are

holding women hostage
are holding men hostage.

It's important for men to see that it's in

our own self-interest to embrace
the dignity of women.

By embracing the dignity of women,

I'm allowing myself to be full,
myself to be whole.

When I embrace the dignity of women,

I'm no longer being held hostage
to these rigid norms

that define manhood.

So, when I'm promoting freedom for women,
I'm promoting freedom for me.

[Caroline] The system is completely
and profoundly broken for women.

And so it's good for young women to fight

to get away from the messages
that make us feel

that we need to be sex objects
and that that's our worth.

And to carve out spaces
with like-minded individuals

where they can explore these
ideas of empowerment,

what it really means to be empowered,

what it really means to--to have
self-worth and confidence

and how you can build that.

[Dakota] I want to put this
out there for all young women.

Do not believe the media,
because it's bullshit.

They need you to be thin,
pretty, tall, gorgeous.

But we're so much more than that.
Like, you can be sweet, you can be fun,

you can be happy.
You can become a powerful woman in society

if you want to.

[Kimmy] It was necessary
to grow up, step back,

and realize that I was influenced
by other people.

And that all the decisions that
I thought I was making myself

were decisions made in the hopes
of pleasing someone else

or being like someone else.

It's kind of sad,

especially because
right now my sister's 13.

[sobbing]

And I'm just hearing
all of us go through this.

I don't want her to be pressured.
I want her-- I want her to do it herself,

and I want her to feel strong,
and I want her to make her own choices.

I want her to know she's beautiful.

I don't want her to base
her worth on other people.

It's hard growing up
and just seeing the cycle continue.

It's my baby sister.

[Kim] I think in the heart of a woman,

we want to be seen as truly beautiful,

someone to be treasured and lifted up.

And we're hoping,
constantly hoping that someone

will not exploit, not degrade,

but treasure who we are,
who we really are.

And that's at the heart of all of us.

We all need to be known,
to have human connection,

to be seen and to still
be loved in that place.

If we're keeping parts hidden
or just displaying one thing

or compartmentalizing our life,

it's preventing us from being

liberated in who we are in our fullness.

There needs to be
a resurgence in our culture

that values humanity, that values a man,

that values a woman for their entirety
of mind, body, and soul.

That process starts with me,
and it starts with you.

[narrator] Life as a child
was full of possibility

and freedom.

As an adult, I realize
how conditioned I've become,

how scripted my life feels.

In the struggle of growing up,
we seem to lose

our unique way of being in the world.

[giggling]

Our sense of wonder and imagination
is often drowned by cultural expectations

and the pressure to conform.

Maybe it's time for us
to reclaim who we are,

to see each other with empathy,

and to strive to truly be free.

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