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1
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Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,624 --> 00:00:07,890
Yeah, it's just a hop, skip
3
00:00:07,926 --> 00:00:09,876
and a jump from the
office to the Ginza.
4
00:00:09,911 --> 00:00:12,211
Look who just slithered in.
5
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,046
The carpet cobras,
6
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:17,383
featuring Evan
"The Snake" Drake.
7
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,952
I'm all right. How are you?
8
00:00:19,988 --> 00:00:21,866
Rebecca, I've got to
use the phone here.
9
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:23,823
Oh, you're a phone person, too?
10
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:24,924
So am I.
11
00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:27,459
Isn't it amazing how
much we have in common?
12
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:28,735
Thanks.
13
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,396
You know that Drake guy?
14
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,665
He's probably the kind of bloke
15
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:37,603
that has his knuckle hair
removed with electrolysis.
16
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,516
Yeah, he's probably got one
of those electronic zappers
17
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,008
that he uses to forestall
his receding hairline.
18
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,554
And I bet ya, I bet
ya a dime to a donut
19
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,011
that he has his loofa
20
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:49,681
and he rubs himself raw
to get rid of his cellulite.
21
00:00:52,954 --> 00:00:54,087
Well, it was in
22
00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:57,206
last month's Soldier
of Fortune, okay?
23
00:01:02,546 --> 00:01:04,731
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
24
00:01:04,766 --> 00:01:08,367
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
25
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,003
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
26
00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:14,573
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
27
00:01:14,609 --> 00:01:20,445
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
28
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,314
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
29
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:27,720
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
30
00:01:27,756 --> 00:01:32,324
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
31
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,761
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
32
00:01:34,796 --> 00:01:37,363
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
33
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:42,769
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
34
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:45,104
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
35
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,706
♪ People are all the same ♪
36
00:01:47,742 --> 00:01:52,211
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
37
00:02:13,151 --> 00:02:14,116
Oh. Oh!
38
00:02:14,152 --> 00:02:15,162
Sam, listen.
39
00:02:15,186 --> 00:02:16,596
Don't you find it interesting
40
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:18,198
that of all the fine restaurants
41
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:19,188
in Boston to dine,
42
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,390
that Evans should
repeatedly dine at Melville's
43
00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:22,869
right upstairs from where I can
44
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,071
be found every day of the week?
45
00:02:24,095 --> 00:02:25,061
No, no.
46
00:02:25,096 --> 00:02:26,362
But I do find it interesting
47
00:02:26,397 --> 00:02:28,264
that your button's undone there,
48
00:02:28,299 --> 00:02:31,100
and your bra has a
little bow in the middle.
49
00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:35,505
So, uh, what,
50
00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:38,107
you think the big guy's
finally coming around, huh?
51
00:02:38,142 --> 00:02:41,743
No, he's in there
using my phone.
52
00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:42,744
Can't you see?
53
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:44,580
Since his divorce became final,
54
00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:46,915
he uses all of his spare
time to be around me.
55
00:02:46,951 --> 00:02:48,517
He is in my office right now
56
00:02:48,553 --> 00:02:50,119
sitting in my chair,
57
00:02:50,154 --> 00:02:53,255
his lips just inches
from the mouthpiece
58
00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:55,791
that I use every day.
59
00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:57,526
You're right.
60
00:02:57,562 --> 00:02:59,462
I'm an idiot.
61
00:02:59,497 --> 00:03:02,230
Excuse me. Rebecca, can we talk?
62
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,049
Excuse me, Sam.
I'm being beckoned.
63
00:03:04,085 --> 00:03:07,152
Listen, if-if this is
what you think it is,
64
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,265
can I give you some advice?
65
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,121
What?
66
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:10,122
If you're going
67
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,090
to make an ass of yourself,
68
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:12,091
take it outside.
69
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,026
I'm not going to
make an ass of myself.
70
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,261
All right.
71
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,916
I was just getting
it out of my system.
72
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,098
You wanted to talk
to me, Mr. Drake?
73
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,922
Yes, yes, yes, I do, Rebecca.
74
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,491
Let's sit down here, okay?
75
00:03:29,527 --> 00:03:31,360
Thank you.
76
00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:35,130
Well, this conversation
is long overdue.
77
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:38,734
I couldn't agree
more, with all my heart.
78
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:41,303
You don't know
what I'm going to say.
79
00:03:41,339 --> 00:03:44,106
Oh... well, I agree again.
80
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:48,410
Something... something very
exciting is happening to me.
81
00:03:48,446 --> 00:03:50,045
It's going to change
my whole life.
82
00:03:50,081 --> 00:03:51,146
It's a huge risk.
83
00:03:51,181 --> 00:03:53,449
Take it! Take it!
84
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:54,466
I'm moving to Tokyo.
85
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,334
I'm going to take over
the Japanese division.
86
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:57,335
I leave tonight.
87
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,272
Yes, darling, yes!
88
00:04:05,629 --> 00:04:08,347
I told her to take that outside.
89
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,589
I don't believe it.
90
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,424
Everything was going so well.
91
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:24,330
Then everything went so black.
92
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,675
Oh, don't worry about it.
93
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,911
Women faint all the time.
94
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,436
Well, in cartoons, they do.
95
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:34,706
Do you think he noticed?
96
00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:38,739
Yes, yes, I-I think he did.
97
00:04:38,763 --> 00:04:42,008
He, uh, he said that
every time he sees you,
98
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,595
you do something more
bizarre than the time before.
99
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,286
What did you say?
100
00:04:47,322 --> 00:04:49,322
Well, honey, I had to agree.
101
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,761
He is leaving for
Japan tonight forever,
102
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:58,930
and I never got to
tell him how I feel.
103
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,182
Well, hey...
104
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,362
No, wait. You know,
listen, why don't you tell him
105
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,397
at the good-bye party?
106
00:05:03,421 --> 00:05:05,371
What good-bye party?
107
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,151
The one you're gonna
throw for him tonight.
108
00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:08,669
Listen, it's a great idea.
109
00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:11,576
I'll make it a... a
Japanese theme.
110
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:14,280
Yeah, yeah, we'll
have chips and cheese.
111
00:05:17,218 --> 00:05:18,717
Sam,
112
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,419
I will never have Mr. Drake.
113
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:21,704
I will never have any man.
114
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:22,888
I will just dry up,
115
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:26,975
crumble into dust and blow away.
116
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:27,976
Oh, come on.
117
00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:29,278
That doesn't sound like you.
118
00:05:29,313 --> 00:05:34,083
That sounds like some
lovesick self-pitying, whiny...
119
00:05:34,118 --> 00:05:35,551
No, that's you all right.
120
00:05:37,955 --> 00:05:39,938
But I'm not gonna
let you give up.
121
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,073
What do you care?
122
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,242
What does anybody care?
123
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:45,877
Listen, I pride myself
in being a connoisseur
124
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,129
of beautiful babes,
125
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:48,308
and I'll tell you.
126
00:05:48,332 --> 00:05:49,765
I'm not gonna sit by
127
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,800
and watch a great woman like you
128
00:05:51,836 --> 00:05:52,668
going to waste.
129
00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:53,569
It's like, a...
130
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:56,422
a thoroughbred
pulling a milk wagon.
131
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:59,508
It's like a rare wine...
132
00:05:59,543 --> 00:06:02,077
pulling a milk wagon.
133
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,997
Sam, I can't tell him.
134
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,617
Oh, please, please,
do this for me, will you?
135
00:06:08,652 --> 00:06:10,130
I've been watching
this sappy movie
136
00:06:10,154 --> 00:06:11,620
for God knows how long.
137
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:14,256
I want to see if the
girl gets the guy.
138
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,825
If only once I'd ever had
139
00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,461
any little bit of
encouragement from him.
140
00:06:19,497 --> 00:06:21,774
Some teeny, tiny
shred of evidence
141
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,665
that he even knew I existed.
142
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,778
Well, now, he-he did
express some concern
143
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,436
while you were out cold there.
144
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:28,820
Oh, yeah, I bet.
145
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,289
What'd he say?
146
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:32,824
Gee, I-I hope she's not dead.
147
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,311
He did?
148
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,446
Oh, God.
149
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,767
And all this time I thought
maybe I was kidding myself.
150
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:52,094
♪ ...for he's a
jolly good fellow ♪
151
00:06:52,129 --> 00:06:54,262
♪ That nobody can deny. ♪
152
00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,269
That's a perfect illustration
of life's bitter irony,
153
00:07:00,304 --> 00:07:01,403
isn't it?
154
00:07:01,438 --> 00:07:02,737
Oh, how's that, Cliff?
155
00:07:02,773 --> 00:07:05,253
I mean, would you
pass the beer nuts?
156
00:07:06,544 --> 00:07:07,909
There's a guy like Drake...
157
00:07:07,944 --> 00:07:10,396
It's a fabulous job...
158
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:12,911
Hey, it's time to
make your move.
159
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,012
Come on, he's had
a couple of drinks.
160
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,356
His resistance is down.
161
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,073
He's feeling all
warm, sentimental.
162
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,087
Hell, I think I'll
tell him I love him.
163
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,412
All right, all right.
164
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,851
Mr. Drake?
165
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,520
Hello, Rebecca.
166
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,855
Hi.
167
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,657
You're not gonna faint, are you?
168
00:07:38,693 --> 00:07:40,525
Oh, no. No, I'm fine.
169
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,405
I just thought
that this might be
170
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,374
a good opportunity to
tell you something that I've
171
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:45,708
wanted to tell
you for a long time.
172
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,744
Miss Howe, may I speak
with you for a moment, please?
173
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:48,733
Carla, can't it wait?
174
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:49,946
I don't think so.
175
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,681
It's kind of a woman's problem.
176
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,049
Ah, leave those to the experts.
177
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,940
But I...
178
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,108
What? What? What?
179
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,988
Look, look, look, I
wouldn't have butted in,
180
00:07:58,012 --> 00:08:00,290
but I know that tonight
is your last chance
181
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,992
to tell the boss you got a case
182
00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:04,376
of the screaming
thigh sweats for him.
183
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,287
How did you know that?
184
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,967
Woody put out a special
edition of the newsletter.
185
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,225
Why didn't I just write
it on the bathroom wall?
186
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,827
I'm way ahead of you.
187
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,995
Anyway, look,
188
00:08:17,031 --> 00:08:19,209
I've been down this
road a few times myself,
189
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:20,376
and take it from a pro,
190
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,378
there is one thing
you always have to do
191
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,147
before you tell a
guy you love him.
192
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:24,803
What's that?
193
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:26,822
Lose the mustache.
194
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,834
Uh, Mr. Drake, there's
something that I...
195
00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:40,413
Evan. Yes?
196
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,915
We're really gonna
miss your carpet.
197
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:42,905
Yeah, you take care.
198
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,040
Anyway, Mr. Drake, there's
something I've wanted
199
00:08:45,075 --> 00:08:47,087
to tell you a long time...
There you go, Mr. Drake.
200
00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:49,077
Hmm? Oh, thank
you, thank you, Woody.
201
00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:50,729
Damn.
202
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,375
I changed all my
American money into yen.
203
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,476
I don't have a tip for you.
204
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,449
I'm sorry, Woody.
205
00:08:54,485 --> 00:08:55,612
Oh, that's okay, Mr. Drake.
206
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,797
I don't need a tip from you.
207
00:08:56,821 --> 00:08:57,803
Okay.
208
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,971
Cheap, cheap, cheap.
209
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,552
Mr. Drake, as I was
about to tell you...
210
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:03,542
Hey, hold on, hold on...
211
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:04,721
Woody, Woody,
come here a second.
212
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,694
I've got these
213
00:09:05,729 --> 00:09:07,196
company courtside tickets
214
00:09:07,231 --> 00:09:08,308
to the Celtics-Lakers game.
215
00:09:08,332 --> 00:09:09,859
Will you take those
in lieu of a tip?
216
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,366
Huh? Yes, sir.
217
00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:13,735
I-I hope you'll forget
about that cheap crack.
218
00:09:14,738 --> 00:09:16,939
What cheap crack?
219
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,424
You're a prince.
220
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,542
Anyway, Mr. Drake,
um, I've wanted
221
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,444
to tell you something
for a really long time.
222
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:28,779
Mm-hmm. Hold on there, you two.
223
00:09:28,803 --> 00:09:30,402
Let's, let's get
a picture. Smile.
224
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,715
Ah! Hmm. Mm-hmm.
225
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:35,207
I just hate those flashbulbs,
don't you, Mr. Drake?
226
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,761
Mr. Drake?
227
00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:41,429
These are some USDA, uh,
228
00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:43,198
prime tickets here.
229
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,183
So, uh, who's going with you?
230
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,818
Oh, gee, I don't know.
231
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,248
Well, I think
232
00:09:48,272 --> 00:09:50,183
the obvious choice
would be me, Woody.
233
00:09:50,207 --> 00:09:52,218
I mean, Cliff here
is always making fun
234
00:09:52,242 --> 00:09:53,486
that, uh, you're a yokel.
235
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,422
Whereas, I completely
ignore the fact
236
00:09:55,446 --> 00:09:56,726
that you're a yokel.
237
00:09:58,132 --> 00:10:00,465
Mr. Drake, I...
238
00:10:00,501 --> 00:10:01,800
No. Evan.
239
00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:03,468
I'll call him Evan.
240
00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:04,986
Evan...
241
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,988
I'm a man, you're a woman. I...
242
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,790
No, no.
243
00:10:11,628 --> 00:10:12,594
You get lucky?
244
00:10:12,629 --> 00:10:14,463
Oh!
245
00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:16,532
I'm sorry. I...
246
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,694
The important thing,
Mr. Drake, is that
247
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,263
I finally have you alone
248
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,364
so I can tell you
what I've wanted
249
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,498
to tell you. Pardon
me, Mr. Drake.
250
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:23,288
Excuse me.
251
00:10:23,324 --> 00:10:24,500
But we're gonna
have to leave now
252
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,669
if you're gonna make your plane.
253
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:26,820
Oh, yeah. Thanks, bud.
254
00:10:26,844 --> 00:10:27,921
But Mr. Drake, I've really got
255
00:10:27,945 --> 00:10:29,122
to tell you something important.
256
00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:30,323
Uh, Rebecca, hold the thought.
257
00:10:30,347 --> 00:10:32,313
Better yet, telex it, okay?
258
00:10:32,349 --> 00:10:33,715
Bye, Rebecca.
259
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,790
Hold that drink for me, babe.
260
00:10:59,057 --> 00:11:01,035
Sweetheart, sweetheart, he...
261
00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:04,072
He's gone, and you got
to go on with your life now.
262
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,373
I mean, you got to
pick up the pieces
263
00:11:06,397 --> 00:11:08,643
and-and start behaving like a
264
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:09,866
mature person.
265
00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:14,971
Well, now you're
cookin'. All right.
266
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:15,939
Excuse me.
267
00:11:15,974 --> 00:11:16,890
Mr. Drake seems
268
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,275
to have forgotten his topcoat.
269
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:21,094
Tell him it's hanging
on the coat rack.
270
00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:23,162
Uh, I believe
271
00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:26,500
Mr. Drake's, uh... topcoat
272
00:11:26,535 --> 00:11:28,485
is in the...
273
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,720
topcoat closet.
274
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:30,887
Sam,
275
00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:32,055
I said to tell him...
276
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:34,436
No, no. Uh, yes,
we keep all of our
277
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,960
executive topcoats in
this closet right here.
278
00:11:38,263 --> 00:11:40,275
It's, uh, way in the back there.
279
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:42,332
Way, way in the back.
280
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,901
Watch the hat
there. Watch the hat.
281
00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,915
There do not appear to
be any topcoats in here.
282
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:47,904
Oops.
283
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,417
My mistake. Ooh!
284
00:11:49,441 --> 00:11:51,186
Is there a light switch?
285
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,342
Whoa, oh!
286
00:11:52,377 --> 00:11:54,322
Does anyone have a
key here for this closet?
287
00:11:54,346 --> 00:11:56,257
I'm-I'm afraid we're gonna
have to make a key there.
288
00:11:56,281 --> 00:11:57,925
Can you hold on?
Yeah, but be quick.
289
00:11:57,949 --> 00:11:59,516
Oh, dear.
290
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:01,618
Martin seems to be
locked in the closet there.
291
00:12:01,653 --> 00:12:03,920
Does anyone know how
to drive a limo around here?
292
00:12:03,955 --> 00:12:05,288
Well, I've driven a tractor.
293
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:06,656
It can't be that different.
294
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,229
No, Woody, when I said
anyone, I meant Rebecca.
295
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:14,531
Well, in the future, Sam,
296
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:16,044
you might try using
a little something
297
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,534
that's popular back in Indiana
298
00:12:17,569 --> 00:12:19,069
called "direct address."
299
00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:23,573
I'm... I'm sorry.
300
00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:26,276
Sam, forget it. I'm going
to let that man out of there.
301
00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:27,989
Hey, don't give
up. Don't give up.
302
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,246
What do you want me to do?
303
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:31,614
You want me to
masquerade as a chauffeur,
304
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,316
get him alone on the highway,
305
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:35,885
and tell the man I want
to have his babies?
306
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:40,757
Martin, I'll be
getting that key now.
307
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,574
I love you, Mr. Drake.
308
00:12:57,609 --> 00:12:58,889
There. I said it.
309
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,412
I love you.
310
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,913
I love you more than anyone
311
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,683
I've ever loved
in my whole life.
312
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:10,987
I love you more than any
woman's ever loved a man.
313
00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:13,957
Mr. Drake?
314
00:13:13,992 --> 00:13:15,959
Hello?
315
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:17,461
Ow!
316
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:19,729
Oh, God.
317
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,366
Rebecca?
318
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:26,035
What are you doing up
there? Where's Martin?
319
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:28,037
Uh... Martin got sick
320
00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:30,017
looking for your topcoat, sir,
321
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,554
so I'll be driving
you to the airport.
322
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,412
I appreciate that, if it's
not too much trouble.
323
00:13:37,749 --> 00:13:41,218
Uh... anyway, now that I've got
324
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:42,897
you alone here, Mr. Drake,
325
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:45,721
the real reason I'm
filling in for Martin
326
00:13:45,757 --> 00:13:49,059
is so that I could tell you what
I wanted to tell you all night.
327
00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:52,407
What I've been
trying to tell you
328
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,197
since the first time I met you.
329
00:13:55,567 --> 00:13:58,101
Get off my tail, scuzzball!
330
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,371
Mr. Drake,
331
00:14:01,406 --> 00:14:03,239
with all my heart...
332
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:05,775
Could you turn right at the
next corner here, Rebecca?
333
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:07,077
We have to pick up Christy.
334
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,578
Oh, yes, sir.
335
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:11,531
Mr. Drake, with all my heart...
336
00:14:11,566 --> 00:14:13,032
Christy?
337
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:14,584
Yes. She's the young lady
338
00:14:14,619 --> 00:14:16,653
who is accompanying me to Japan.
339
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:21,958
"Accompanying" in the
modern sense of the word?
340
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,292
Yeah, you might say so.
341
00:14:23,328 --> 00:14:24,928
She's a very special woman.
342
00:14:24,963 --> 00:14:26,463
Very up front.
343
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:28,365
Aggressive, even.
344
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:32,685
You know, the first time
we met a few months ago,
345
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,255
she was the one who
actually asked me out.
346
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:38,158
God, that's refreshing.
347
00:14:38,193 --> 00:14:39,876
Mm-hmm. Ah.
348
00:14:39,911 --> 00:14:41,878
Anyway...
349
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:45,465
you wanted to ask me something?
350
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:46,745
Oh, yes, sir.
351
00:14:46,769 --> 00:14:49,719
I just wanted
to tell you that...
352
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:55,375
that this is really a
lot of car to handle.
353
00:14:57,846 --> 00:14:59,757
I can't believe I
have the strength
354
00:14:59,781 --> 00:15:02,415
to keep from swerving
into the oncoming traffic
355
00:15:02,451 --> 00:15:04,167
and killing us both.
356
00:15:12,027 --> 00:15:13,376
Sammy? Yeah?
357
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:14,878
You mind if I ask
you a question?
358
00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:15,957
No, go ahead.
359
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,814
I've been trying to
figure out your strategy.
360
00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:18,960
Hmm. You know,
361
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,483
I've always admired you
362
00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:23,486
for being sort of a
selfish, egotistical pig.
363
00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:25,055
Why, thank you, Carla.
364
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,122
But suddenly,
365
00:15:26,157 --> 00:15:28,558
you're locking
chauffeurs in closets,
366
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,538
and giving going-away parties.
367
00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:32,640
It's like you're bending
over backwards
368
00:15:32,664 --> 00:15:34,030
to help Boss Howe
369
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,210
score with Mega-Boss Drake.
370
00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:37,500
Mm-hmm.
371
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,181
This kind of self-sacrifice
372
00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,416
isn't like you, and
it's scaring me.
373
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,873
Please, please, tell me
374
00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:46,236
you have some
sleazy ulterior motive.
375
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:48,728
Fear not, little one.
376
00:15:48,763 --> 00:15:50,563
Aha.
377
00:15:50,598 --> 00:15:51,810
So you don't think
they're gonna make it.
378
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:53,200
I just wanted to bring
379
00:15:53,235 --> 00:15:54,901
this whole thing to a boil,
380
00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:56,752
so when it blows up, I can...
381
00:15:56,788 --> 00:15:59,422
swoop in and
gather up the pieces.
382
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:03,343
I call it my, uh,
vulture position.
383
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,445
Sammy? Mm-hmm.
384
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,757
You've got Wessonality.
385
00:16:06,781 --> 00:16:08,681
Thank you.
386
00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:10,816
Hey, hey, hey, huh?
387
00:16:10,852 --> 00:16:11,984
How about that?
388
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:13,186
According to vulture time,
389
00:16:13,221 --> 00:16:14,365
I bet that's my, uh,
390
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:16,205
wounded little sparrow
391
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,540
right now.
392
00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:19,175
Hello?
393
00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:20,743
Hi, Rebecca.
394
00:16:21,913 --> 00:16:23,379
O-Okay.
395
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,025
Uh, can you hold
one second, please?
396
00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:27,383
Quote: "Sam, I need your help."
397
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:28,751
Unquote.
398
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,186
Yeah.
399
00:16:30,221 --> 00:16:32,054
I'm-I'm taking off right now.
400
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:39,746
Here we go.
401
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:40,813
Here we go.
402
00:16:40,849 --> 00:16:42,560
Why don't you go in
and sit down there?
403
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,116
Here you go.
404
00:16:44,152 --> 00:16:47,319
There you go.
405
00:16:57,899 --> 00:16:58,899
Do you feel like
406
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,600
you can talk about it yet?
407
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:07,974
Thank you for
bailing me out of jail.
408
00:17:09,978 --> 00:17:11,678
Anytime.
409
00:17:11,713 --> 00:17:12,879
Oh, God.
410
00:17:12,914 --> 00:17:13,991
This has been
411
00:17:14,015 --> 00:17:16,176
the worst night of my life. Oh.
412
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,651
Of anybody's life.
413
00:17:18,686 --> 00:17:23,123
I pour out my heart and
soul to the man I love,
414
00:17:23,158 --> 00:17:24,640
then he tells me he's taking
415
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,375
someone else across the globe.
416
00:17:26,411 --> 00:17:30,113
I hate guys like that.
417
00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:34,050
And she's really cute, Sam.
418
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,017
Oh.
419
00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:36,202
And they made out
420
00:17:36,238 --> 00:17:37,403
in the back seat.
421
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:42,041
And he didn't even
roll up the window.
422
00:17:42,076 --> 00:17:44,310
The man is a pig.
423
00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:50,649
I tried not to look,
424
00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:52,630
but the rearview
mirror was just huge,
425
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:53,920
and I couldn't help it.
426
00:17:55,223 --> 00:17:56,806
And then I got so upset,
427
00:17:56,841 --> 00:18:00,343
I just wrapped the company
limo around a 7-Eleven.
428
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:04,180
Well, that is dreadful.
429
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,848
Very, very, very sad.
430
00:18:07,502 --> 00:18:08,634
And then Evan
431
00:18:08,669 --> 00:18:11,704
and his cheap imitation
Geisha bimbo whore
432
00:18:11,739 --> 00:18:12,872
grabbed a taxi.
433
00:18:14,842 --> 00:18:16,292
While I had to stand there
434
00:18:16,327 --> 00:18:17,827
and wait for a tow truck.
435
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:21,275
Oh, and then this
cop came along,
436
00:18:21,299 --> 00:18:22,832
and he asked me to see
437
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:24,634
my chauffeur's license.
438
00:18:24,669 --> 00:18:27,102
God, if only I'd had one.
439
00:18:27,138 --> 00:18:28,783
Or if only I'd remembered
440
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:32,142
to bring my purse with
my own driver's license.
441
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:34,710
Or if only I'd resisted arrest
442
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,946
and he just shot me dead.
443
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,575
Well...
444
00:18:49,610 --> 00:18:52,528
maybe I ought to
leave you alone now.
445
00:18:53,982 --> 00:18:55,748
By yourself...
446
00:18:55,783 --> 00:18:57,950
with some music...
447
00:18:57,986 --> 00:19:00,153
with your depression...
448
00:19:00,188 --> 00:19:01,721
alone.
449
00:19:03,324 --> 00:19:05,992
Sam, can I offer you
a cup of coffee or...
450
00:19:06,027 --> 00:19:08,544
olives?
451
00:19:10,265 --> 00:19:13,049
I didn't have a chance
to go to the grocery store.
452
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:15,234
I, um...
453
00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:18,238
just kind of don't want
to be alone right now.
454
00:19:18,273 --> 00:19:19,355
Then you shouldn't be.
455
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:21,674
You need consolation now.
456
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,343
And warmth.
457
00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:27,614
Lots and lots of warmth.
458
00:19:35,457 --> 00:19:36,989
You know, Sam,
459
00:19:37,025 --> 00:19:39,826
I don't have anything
sexual in mind.
460
00:19:39,861 --> 00:19:41,639
I just need a
shoulder to cry on.
461
00:19:41,663 --> 00:19:45,298
Oh, honey, you cry
on anything you want.
462
00:19:50,138 --> 00:19:52,539
Gee, Sam...
463
00:19:52,574 --> 00:19:54,619
what I needed right
now was a friend.
464
00:19:54,643 --> 00:19:55,875
Mmm.
465
00:19:55,911 --> 00:19:58,745
And you're the best friend
I have in the whole world.
466
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,413
No, no.
467
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,148
No, you got plenty of friends.
468
00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:04,433
What, girlfriends, maybe?
469
00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,352
Old college friends?
470
00:20:06,387 --> 00:20:07,664
No... I've kind of
471
00:20:07,688 --> 00:20:09,834
grown apart from my old friends,
472
00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:13,025
and I haven't had a
chance to make new ones
473
00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:14,994
with work and everything.
474
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,864
Well, that...
475
00:20:17,899 --> 00:20:18,998
that just leaves...
476
00:20:19,033 --> 00:20:22,935
Yeah, you.
477
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:24,137
I'm your best friend?
478
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,223
Crazy, huh?
479
00:20:30,077 --> 00:20:33,078
I really think I ought to go.
480
00:20:33,114 --> 00:20:35,181
Sam, why?
481
00:20:35,216 --> 00:20:37,850
Hey, I like you.
482
00:20:37,885 --> 00:20:39,202
I mean, there's not anything
483
00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:40,781
I wouldn't do for
you in the world,
484
00:20:40,805 --> 00:20:42,949
but I-I know what's gonna
happen if I stay here.
485
00:20:42,973 --> 00:20:44,440
You're going to cry some more,
486
00:20:44,475 --> 00:20:46,008
and I'll comfort you some more,
487
00:20:46,043 --> 00:20:47,643
and the next thing you know, uh,
488
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:50,079
your pantyhose will be
hanging from the lamp.
489
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:55,334
Sam, please, don't go.
490
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:58,171
Hey, I can't be trusted.
491
00:20:58,206 --> 00:20:59,706
Trust me.
492
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,344
Le-Let me just leave here now
493
00:21:04,379 --> 00:21:05,511
as a friend, please?
494
00:21:07,716 --> 00:21:10,216
Oh, I'm sorry, I...
495
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,357
Listen.
496
00:21:18,393 --> 00:21:19,725
I want to try this.
497
00:21:21,062 --> 00:21:22,362
For the sake
498
00:21:22,397 --> 00:21:23,496
of our friendship,
499
00:21:23,531 --> 00:21:24,564
I am just gonna resist
500
00:21:24,599 --> 00:21:25,665
my sexual urges,
501
00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:26,932
and that's all there is to it.
502
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:29,469
Now, come here.
503
00:21:29,504 --> 00:21:30,970
There.
504
00:21:31,005 --> 00:21:32,705
All right.
505
00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:34,874
All right, now...
506
00:21:34,909 --> 00:21:37,254
You know that I loved Evan Drake
507
00:21:37,278 --> 00:21:39,945
since the first time I met him.
508
00:21:39,981 --> 00:21:41,280
I'm sorry, this is not working.
509
00:21:41,315 --> 00:21:42,915
Hot fire below.
510
00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:30,980
Hello.
511
00:22:31,015 --> 00:22:31,881
Hi.
512
00:22:31,916 --> 00:22:33,082
Listen, if this
513
00:22:33,117 --> 00:22:34,394
is what it takes to be a friend,
514
00:22:34,418 --> 00:22:36,229
then I really want to
give it a shot, okay?
515
00:22:36,253 --> 00:22:37,654
So...
516
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,022
we've got all evening here.
517
00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:40,067
Pour your heart out.
518
00:22:40,091 --> 00:22:40,990
Where are you?
519
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:41,991
I'm downstairs
520
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,225
at a pay phone.
521
00:22:44,712 --> 00:22:46,379
But just, uh, pretend like
522
00:22:46,414 --> 00:22:48,814
I'm right there
beside you, all right?
523
00:22:48,849 --> 00:22:50,582
Thanks, Sam.
524
00:22:50,618 --> 00:22:52,018
Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome.
525
00:22:53,187 --> 00:22:54,853
Well...
526
00:22:54,889 --> 00:22:57,023
as you know,
527
00:22:57,058 --> 00:22:59,258
I have loved Evan Drake
528
00:22:59,294 --> 00:23:01,928
since the first time I saw him.
529
00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:03,429
I know.
530
00:23:03,464 --> 00:23:05,831
Sam, this is silly.
531
00:23:05,866 --> 00:23:07,033
Get up here.
532
00:23:07,068 --> 00:23:08,512
No... Sam, you know
533
00:23:08,536 --> 00:23:09,635
what I've been through.
534
00:23:09,670 --> 00:23:11,382
You're not going to
take advantage of me.
535
00:23:11,406 --> 00:23:13,205
Oh, yeah?
536
00:23:15,209 --> 00:23:16,875
Do me a favor, will you?
537
00:23:16,911 --> 00:23:18,510
Check your bra.
538
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