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1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:04,284
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,307 --> 00:00:11,107
Oh, Fras.
3
00:00:11,142 --> 00:00:12,170
You make it
4
00:00:12,194 --> 00:00:13,426
home okay last night, buddy?
5
00:00:13,461 --> 00:00:15,339
Yeah, thanks for
putting me in that cab.
6
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,808
I figured you had
a little too much
7
00:00:16,832 --> 00:00:19,111
when you started making fun
of that longshoreman's mother.
8
00:00:19,135 --> 00:00:22,202
Oh, Lord, I don't
remember a thing.
9
00:00:22,238 --> 00:00:23,536
What-what did I say?
10
00:00:23,572 --> 00:00:25,167
Something like, uh,
11
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:28,425
"Unions are for mommy's boys
who can't get their own jobs,"
12
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:29,660
I think.
13
00:00:29,695 --> 00:00:32,028
Oh, why didn't he kill me?
14
00:00:32,064 --> 00:00:33,692
Well, you-you said
you wanted to wait and
15
00:00:33,716 --> 00:00:35,876
take him on when there
were more people here.
16
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:37,584
So, uh,
17
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,586
you said you'd meet
the guy back here today,
18
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,537
about, uh, right about
19
00:00:41,573 --> 00:00:43,056
now, actually.
20
00:00:43,091 --> 00:00:44,424
No, wait. Whoa, whoa.
21
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,059
The guy couldn't make it!
22
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:48,862
Whoop, there he is.
23
00:00:48,897 --> 00:00:50,397
Oh, oh!
24
00:00:50,432 --> 00:00:52,065
No, no, no, no, no.
25
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,850
That's just a car.
26
00:00:56,338 --> 00:00:58,622
Okay, why are you taunting me
27
00:00:58,657 --> 00:01:00,573
like some sort of play thing?
28
00:01:00,609 --> 00:01:03,910
It's just my little
hangover cure.
29
00:01:03,945 --> 00:01:05,512
Didn't help me a bit.
30
00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:08,028
No, but mine's gone completely.
31
00:01:13,455 --> 00:01:16,006
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
32
00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:19,009
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
33
00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:21,844
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
34
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,948
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
35
00:01:24,983 --> 00:01:30,336
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
36
00:01:30,372 --> 00:01:33,289
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
37
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:37,961
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
38
00:01:37,996 --> 00:01:43,199
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
39
00:01:43,235 --> 00:01:45,201
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
40
00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:48,204
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
41
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,976
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
42
00:01:53,011 --> 00:01:56,112
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
43
00:01:56,148 --> 00:01:58,248
♪ People are all the same ♪
44
00:01:58,283 --> 00:02:02,819
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
45
00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:23,486
How you doing, Woody?
46
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:24,822
Fine.
47
00:02:24,846 --> 00:02:26,178
Is that a new shirt?
48
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,747
You mean the one I'm wearing?
49
00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:28,848
Yes.
50
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,216
You look very nice today.
51
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,919
Very... cute.
52
00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:34,253
Really?
53
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:34,987
You...
54
00:02:35,023 --> 00:02:35,855
You mean it?
55
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:36,756
Me? I mean,
56
00:02:36,791 --> 00:02:38,991
me... you think me look cute?
57
00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:41,694
Well, I did.
58
00:02:44,649 --> 00:02:45,897
Hey, fella.
59
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,235
You a little sweet on
Rebecca there, huh?
60
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,414
Nah, get out.
61
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:51,937
No, come on. You've got that
62
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,540
kind of dopey look.
63
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,758
Hey, get over here.
64
00:02:55,793 --> 00:02:57,393
You can tell us, come on.
65
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,061
Well...
66
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,096
okay.
67
00:03:01,132 --> 00:03:03,432
Uh, last couple of months,
I have kind of noticed her.
68
00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:06,269
In fact, if it weren't
for Mr. Drake,
69
00:03:06,304 --> 00:03:07,537
I really might go after her.
70
00:03:08,806 --> 00:03:10,606
- Come on, Woody.
- Hey, hey, that's
71
00:03:10,642 --> 00:03:11,357
good, Woody, good.
72
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,942
What's so funny?
73
00:03:12,977 --> 00:03:16,311
No disrespect,
Rhinestone Cowpie.
74
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:20,716
But I really don't think
her idea of a hot date
75
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:23,385
is a butter-churning
contest in Tobacci-flats.
76
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,621
Hey, you're
forgetting something.
77
00:03:25,656 --> 00:03:27,440
Miss Howe said I was cute.
78
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,608
Yeah, but, Woody, I think
she thinks you're cute,
79
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,810
kind of like she thinks
a puppy dog is cute.
80
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:34,613
Yeah, I know.
81
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,715
Hey, is that a cut?
82
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,664
Oh, so you guys
really don't think
83
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:41,987
she'd go for me, huh?
84
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,789
I may just have to show you.
85
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,853
You couldn't get to first base.
86
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:46,992
First base, nothing.
87
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,227
I can hit a home run with her.
88
00:03:49,113 --> 00:03:50,290
Oh, come on. Aah!
89
00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,109
You can't hit a home run.
- Can so.
90
00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:55,017
In fact, by midnight
tonight, I can get a kiss.
91
00:03:55,052 --> 00:03:56,219
A kiss, huh?
92
00:03:56,254 --> 00:03:58,354
That-that what you
meant by home run?
93
00:03:58,389 --> 00:04:00,155
Yeah, sure.
94
00:04:00,191 --> 00:04:01,691
What else could it be?
95
00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:06,095
I thought you
meant go all the way.
96
00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:07,863
You mean marry her?
97
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,240
Sam, where is your mind?
98
00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:15,281
All right.
99
00:04:15,305 --> 00:04:16,884
Wait a minute now.
I got ten bucks says
100
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:17,873
Woody can get that kiss.
101
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:18,874
Come on.
102
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:20,175
Will you stop it, Norm?
103
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:22,444
I mean, Woody's got
about as much chance
104
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,114
of getting a kiss out of
Rebecca as Sammy here.
105
00:04:25,149 --> 00:04:26,348
Yeah.
106
00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,584
Hey, whoa, wait, listen,
sure, Woody can't do it,
107
00:04:28,619 --> 00:04:30,169
but you think I
can't come through?
108
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:31,470
You know, rumor has it, Sam,
109
00:04:31,506 --> 00:04:33,706
that, uh, the woman
finds you utterly repulsive.
110
00:04:35,176 --> 00:04:37,696
Rumor? Heck, it's
in the newsletter.
111
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,746
Hey, would you
guys give me a break?
112
00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:42,581
You're talking to Sammy here.
113
00:04:42,617 --> 00:04:43,849
I am the king.
114
00:04:43,885 --> 00:04:45,217
Well, when was the last time
115
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:46,818
that Rebecca said you were cute?
116
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,064
Yeah. NORM: Yeah, yeah, Sam.
117
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,055
Might be time
118
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,233
to hang up those lips, buddy.
119
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,423
Hey, no, no, no.
120
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,003
Hey, listen, I still got it.
121
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,905
And if you need
proof, then fine.
122
00:04:54,929 --> 00:04:57,963
I will get that kiss from
her, and before Woody, too.
123
00:04:57,999 --> 00:04:59,076
Oh!
124
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,232
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
125
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,411
Well, there's an expression
126
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,780
we used to have back in Indiana.
127
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:03,964
Yeah? Same to you.
128
00:05:05,807 --> 00:05:07,434
All right, all right.
129
00:05:07,458 --> 00:05:09,675
I got ten bucks on Woody, huh?
130
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,744
Me, too.
131
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,263
I'll put, uh, 20 bucks
down on the kid.
132
00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:15,597
You're putting 20 on Woody?
133
00:05:15,633 --> 00:05:17,995
Uh, you're right,
Sammy, make that 50.
134
00:05:18,019 --> 00:05:19,746
Come on, you're
putting me on here.
135
00:05:19,770 --> 00:05:20,914
No,
136
00:05:20,938 --> 00:05:22,532
Sammy. I mean,
look at that face.
137
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,257
Okay? That sweet, innocent face.
138
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,704
The kind of face we
all hate and resent,
139
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,272
but we will cash in on it.
140
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:30,729
Okay, all right.
141
00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:33,098
You know, I'm going to
teach you doubters a lesson.
142
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,266
I'm gonna take all bets.
143
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,934
Okay, let's set the
ground rules here.
144
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,637
All right, wait a second.
145
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,417
A kiss before midnight tonight.
146
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,508
It's got to be a
full one on the lips,
147
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,842
all four lips touching.
148
00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:45,811
For an entire...
149
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,978
three count.
150
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,091
Wait, wait, wait, but, uh,
151
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,726
there's got to be a
bona fide witness.
152
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:50,916
No, I'll do it, I'll do it.
153
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,729
You know, I think
this is gonna be better
154
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,698
than our contest for
the biggest spit bubble.
155
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,065
Hey, well, it's possible.
156
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,255
Explain this to me.
157
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,425
If, uh, the winner is gonna
get a kiss from Rebecca,
158
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,460
what does the loser get?
159
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,027
Well, uh...
160
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,796
a kiss from Norm.
161
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,244
Then, of course,
there is no loser.
162
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,748
All right, Normie.
163
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,535
So, when are we
gonna see some action?
164
00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:17,104
Oh, what are you worried about?
165
00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:18,405
I got all day here.
166
00:06:18,429 --> 00:06:19,672
I'll see you guys.
167
00:06:19,696 --> 00:06:20,829
Oh, Sammy.
168
00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:22,942
Anyway, I got this sewn up.
169
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,533
I don't know, Sammy.
170
00:06:24,568 --> 00:06:27,452
I'm on your side,
but you know, a lot
171
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,987
of women come into this bar
172
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,922
wanting to meet
the sexy bartender,
173
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,825
and more and more of them
are not talking about you.
174
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,494
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
175
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,841
Listen, you're not losing
faith in me here, are you?
176
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,075
I mean, you-you still think
177
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,109
I-I got it, don't you?
178
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,467
Sure I do,
179
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,634
but you know,
180
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,235
you can't take this
thing for granted.
181
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,104
Get a little older, you
got to work harder,
182
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,423
or date uglier.
183
00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:52,839
Well, you know,
come to think of it,
184
00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:53,795
Woody is kind of cute, isn't he?
185
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:54,963
Mm.
186
00:06:54,999 --> 00:06:56,310
Oh, this is not good.
187
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:58,495
This is not good
for my image at all.
188
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,996
I mean, if I let Woody win here,
189
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,298
then every young punk
190
00:07:01,322 --> 00:07:03,802
with a pair of lips is
gonna be challenging me.
191
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,869
All right, I got a
way to go here.
192
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,693
Watch this.
193
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,273
Hey, hey, these go to table six.
194
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,737
And you owe 'em some change.
195
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,720
Hey, boss.
196
00:07:18,756 --> 00:07:20,517
What, are you doing inventory?
197
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,740
That's right.
198
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,987
Boy, you know, it
is getting warmer.
199
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:27,357
Maybe we ought to be
ordering some more rum and...
200
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,916
Sam?
201
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,586
Oh, my God, are you all right?
202
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,256
No. Not that.
203
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,824
Mouth-to-mouth.
204
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,125
Are you sure?
205
00:07:40,161 --> 00:07:42,411
Mouth-to-mouth.
206
00:07:42,446 --> 00:07:43,161
All right.
207
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,162
Oh, God, does anybody know
208
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,497
mouth-to-mouth?
209
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,533
I do, I do, I do.
210
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,738
It's okay, I'm all
right, I'm all right.
211
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,574
Works every time.
212
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,851
Low, Sammy, real low.
213
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,553
Not worthy of the king.
214
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,633
Entering Nick Tortelli country.
215
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,322
Hey...
216
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,569
King Woody.
217
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,103
It does have a ring to it.
218
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,293
Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right...
219
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,962
Yeah, say it Sam,
see what you think.
220
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,664
King Woody.
221
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,377
Your Grace.
222
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,118
Hey, hey.
223
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,839
Afternoon, Woody.
224
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,107
Oh, yeah, hi.
225
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:32,510
Are you okay?
226
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,279
Oh, yeah, sure. Great.
227
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:38,116
Oh, you wouldn't
want to know anyway.
228
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,551
Well, of course I would.
229
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,953
Really?
230
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:41,887
Very much.
231
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,255
You sure? Yes.
232
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,189
Honestly?
233
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,569
When was the last time
234
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,953
someone actually struck you?
235
00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:53,148
Well, see, I'm, uh, trying
out for this part in a play.
236
00:08:53,183 --> 00:08:54,483
It's a really important part,
237
00:08:54,519 --> 00:08:56,251
and it's a really
well-known play. Uh,
238
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,553
Bus Station.
239
00:08:57,588 --> 00:08:59,221
You mean Bus Stop?
240
00:08:59,256 --> 00:09:01,189
I'll never get it.
241
00:09:04,428 --> 00:09:05,571
This is great.
242
00:09:05,595 --> 00:09:07,473
He's gonna be so worried
about his dumb play,
243
00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:09,375
he's probably gonna
forget all about the bet.
244
00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:11,834
At least his memory
loss isn't from senility.
245
00:09:13,603 --> 00:09:16,504
Gee, I'm so glad
you're on my side, Carla.
246
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:19,574
See, the thing is, the
audition's tomorrow,
247
00:09:19,609 --> 00:09:21,009
and I don't have
a chance to work
248
00:09:21,045 --> 00:09:23,178
with any of the other
actors to prepare my part.
249
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,679
Actors have to
do that, you know.
250
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,749
Say, Miss Howe,
do you think maybe
251
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,401
you could read with me?
252
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:30,930
Oh, gee, Woody, I'm sorry.
253
00:09:30,954 --> 00:09:33,166
I-I'm really busy
with this inventory.
254
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:35,290
Oh, yeah, sure, I understand.
255
00:09:35,326 --> 00:09:37,626
I'll just lose the part.
256
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,828
All right, Woody.
257
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:42,609
But you have to
promise to make it quick.
258
00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,132
Thanks, Miss Howe.
259
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,068
Hey, I hope you don't
mind, it's a love scene.
260
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,417
Did you hear that?
261
00:09:50,441 --> 00:09:51,618
Love scene.
262
00:09:54,612 --> 00:09:56,811
Ow!
263
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,847
Love scene!
264
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,283
Sometimes
265
00:10:01,318 --> 00:10:03,818
the little hamster falls
asleep in the wheel.
266
00:10:15,245 --> 00:10:16,623
Okay, if you
could just sit here.
267
00:10:16,647 --> 00:10:18,045
All right, Woody,
but I'm expecting
268
00:10:18,081 --> 00:10:19,481
a beer distributor
in five minutes.
269
00:10:19,516 --> 00:10:20,660
No problem.
270
00:10:20,684 --> 00:10:22,651
Sell it, make me believe it.
271
00:10:22,686 --> 00:10:23,885
Carla?
272
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:24,886
Well, it really helps
273
00:10:24,921 --> 00:10:25,887
when you have an audience.
274
00:10:25,922 --> 00:10:27,555
Is there gonna be any nudity?
275
00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:31,593
Not unless you're planning
something repugnant.
276
00:10:31,628 --> 00:10:33,561
All right, so
277
00:10:33,597 --> 00:10:34,795
what are we doing here?
278
00:10:34,831 --> 00:10:36,809
Okay. The scene is between
279
00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:38,811
a wayward, young,
rodeo buff, Bo...
280
00:10:38,835 --> 00:10:40,635
That'd be me... and, uh,
281
00:10:40,670 --> 00:10:42,003
the sexy showgirl,
282
00:10:42,038 --> 00:10:43,171
Cherie.
283
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:44,417
That's you, I guess.
284
00:10:44,441 --> 00:10:46,408
Okay, uh...
285
00:10:46,443 --> 00:10:47,809
So where do we start?
286
00:10:47,844 --> 00:10:50,404
Uh, right here before
it says, "They kiss."
287
00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:04,209
Oh, oh, golly.
288
00:11:06,646 --> 00:11:08,257
When you kiss
someone for serious,
289
00:11:08,281 --> 00:11:09,659
it's kind of scary, ain't it?
290
00:11:09,683 --> 00:11:11,449
Yeah, it is.
291
00:11:11,484 --> 00:11:13,884
Now I'm supposed to kiss you.
292
00:11:14,788 --> 00:11:16,354
Sorry, I, uh,
293
00:11:16,390 --> 00:11:17,917
hope I'm not interrupting
anything here.
294
00:11:17,941 --> 00:11:19,240
What is it, Sam?
295
00:11:19,276 --> 00:11:21,843
Uh... we're out of vermouth.
296
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,113
So order more.
297
00:11:25,148 --> 00:11:26,314
Uh, is that okay?
298
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,849
Yes, if we're out of it.
299
00:11:27,884 --> 00:11:29,017
We are.
300
00:11:29,052 --> 00:11:30,018
Then order more.
301
00:11:30,053 --> 00:11:31,019
Vermouth?
302
00:11:31,054 --> 00:11:34,222
Yeah! Sam, would
you excuse us, please?
303
00:11:39,596 --> 00:11:42,463
Okay, where were we? Uh...
304
00:11:42,499 --> 00:11:44,165
Wait.
305
00:11:44,201 --> 00:11:47,635
Oh, oh, golly.
306
00:11:49,072 --> 00:11:51,016
When you kiss
someone for serious,
307
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,718
it's kind of scary, ain't it?
308
00:11:52,742 --> 00:11:54,309
Yeah, it is.
309
00:11:55,011 --> 00:11:56,344
Sorry, I, uh...
310
00:11:56,379 --> 00:11:57,740
I wouldn't interrupt like this
311
00:11:57,764 --> 00:11:58,980
except it's important.
312
00:11:59,015 --> 00:12:01,582
What is it, Sam?
313
00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:03,617
I ordered the vermouth.
314
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:07,222
Sam,
315
00:12:07,257 --> 00:12:08,434
would you get out of here?
316
00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:09,902
We're right in the
middle of a scene.
317
00:12:09,926 --> 00:12:11,059
Oh, a play!
318
00:12:11,094 --> 00:12:12,238
Oh, I love good dramatic stuff.
319
00:12:12,262 --> 00:12:14,995
What is this, uh,
Tennessee Ernie Ford?
320
00:12:15,031 --> 00:12:16,848
Sam, get out.
321
00:12:17,817 --> 00:12:19,211
Come on. All right,
all right, all right.
322
00:12:19,235 --> 00:12:20,518
Play fair.
323
00:12:20,553 --> 00:12:22,087
All right, all right.
324
00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:23,421
Play fair?
325
00:12:23,456 --> 00:12:25,684
That's my opinion
of the play so far,
326
00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:27,253
but with enough rehearsal,
327
00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:29,610
it might play great.
328
00:12:31,614 --> 00:12:32,914
Okay, let's pick it up.
329
00:12:32,949 --> 00:12:33,949
All right.
330
00:12:35,618 --> 00:12:38,219
Oh. Oh, golly.
331
00:12:39,789 --> 00:12:42,701
When you kiss someone for
serious, it's kind of scary, ain't it?
332
00:12:42,725 --> 00:12:44,359
Yeah, it is.
333
00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:46,461
Wait a minute.
334
00:12:46,496 --> 00:12:49,764
I just ordered two cases
of vermouth yesterday!
335
00:12:49,799 --> 00:12:50,965
Sam's crazy.
336
00:13:04,664 --> 00:13:06,108
Better make that move, Sammy.
337
00:13:06,132 --> 00:13:07,242
Time's getting short.
338
00:13:07,266 --> 00:13:08,911
No, this is how I like it.
339
00:13:08,935 --> 00:13:10,902
Late innings, game on the line.
340
00:13:10,937 --> 00:13:11,937
Yeah.
341
00:13:11,972 --> 00:13:14,772
The cool character
steps to center stage.
342
00:13:14,808 --> 00:13:16,007
Well, I don't know, Sammy.
343
00:13:16,042 --> 00:13:18,242
You seem to be sweating
a little bit up there.
344
00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:19,243
No, I'm not.
345
00:13:19,278 --> 00:13:20,356
Yeah, that's okay.
346
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,891
Nothing wrong with sweating.
347
00:13:21,915 --> 00:13:23,258
I, myself, have perspired
348
00:13:23,282 --> 00:13:24,326
once or twice.
349
00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:26,033
We could grow rice.
350
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:32,941
Oh, watch this.
351
00:13:32,976 --> 00:13:35,243
Say, Rebecca.
352
00:13:35,278 --> 00:13:36,911
Oh, excuse me for a minute.
353
00:13:36,947 --> 00:13:39,247
Caroline, are you all right?
354
00:13:39,282 --> 00:13:40,915
You look kind of depressed.
355
00:13:40,951 --> 00:13:43,051
Oh, Sam, it's the
same old thing.
356
00:13:43,086 --> 00:13:44,152
What?
357
00:13:44,187 --> 00:13:46,254
I'm so in love
with my boss, and I
358
00:13:46,289 --> 00:13:48,639
just can't get him to notice me.
359
00:13:48,674 --> 00:13:51,154
Well, have you tried
kissing him like this?
360
00:13:57,317 --> 00:13:59,183
Oh, my God.
361
00:13:59,219 --> 00:14:00,935
That was...
362
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,954
That was...
363
00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:05,256
Oh, thank heaven
you showed it to me.
364
00:14:05,291 --> 00:14:08,392
There's no way anyone
could possibly describe it.
365
00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:09,894
If I kiss him like that,
366
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:12,329
he's bound to fall
in love with me.
367
00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:13,965
Bye, Sam.
368
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,166
Bye-bye.
369
00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:17,681
You two have a great honeymoon.
370
00:14:17,938 --> 00:14:19,904
Thank you so much.
371
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,373
Anything to get
my disc player back.
372
00:14:22,408 --> 00:14:23,741
Hey, hey, hey...
373
00:14:27,614 --> 00:14:29,914
By the way, Rebecca,
374
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:32,917
how are things between
you and your boss?
375
00:14:32,953 --> 00:14:35,987
Anything, uh, I can do?
376
00:14:36,022 --> 00:14:37,689
These lips remind
you of anything?
377
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,695
Yeah, I think the liver
in my freezer's gone bad.
378
00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:49,033
What happened?
379
00:14:49,068 --> 00:14:50,980
She couldn't possibly
have seen through
380
00:14:51,004 --> 00:14:52,370
your little morality play.
381
00:14:53,707 --> 00:14:54,673
Huh!
382
00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,274
Oh... hey!
383
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,742
What's going on here?
384
00:14:57,778 --> 00:15:00,239
Whatever do you mean?
385
00:15:00,263 --> 00:15:04,164
Sam and Woody are trying
desperately to kiss me.
386
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,702
Boy, someone's a little
full of herself, isn't she?
387
00:15:09,238 --> 00:15:10,204
Come on, Carla.
388
00:15:10,239 --> 00:15:11,239
What's the story here?
389
00:15:11,274 --> 00:15:12,274
One woman to another.
390
00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:14,152
Why would I tell you something
391
00:15:14,176 --> 00:15:17,512
about my two closest best
friends in the whole world?
392
00:15:17,547 --> 00:15:18,880
I'll give you a paid day off.
393
00:15:18,915 --> 00:15:20,195
They got a bet.
394
00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:23,061
They want to see
who could kiss you
395
00:15:23,085 --> 00:15:24,430
by the end of the shift tonight.
396
00:15:24,454 --> 00:15:27,689
Why would they do such
an asinine, juvenile, thing?
397
00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:29,573
Look at the contestants.
398
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,526
Actually,
399
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:32,638
Woody's doing it 'cause
400
00:15:32,662 --> 00:15:33,773
they were razzing him.
401
00:15:33,797 --> 00:15:35,574
Sam's trying to
prove he still got it.
402
00:15:35,598 --> 00:15:37,209
Other than that,
just cheap thrills.
403
00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:40,234
Don't tell them I know.
404
00:15:40,269 --> 00:15:41,436
Wait a minute.
405
00:15:41,471 --> 00:15:43,003
You're not cooking up something
406
00:15:43,039 --> 00:15:44,872
that's going to
humiliate my friends
407
00:15:44,908 --> 00:15:46,707
and make them
look stupid, are you?
408
00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:47,754
Well, yeah.
409
00:15:47,778 --> 00:15:48,778
How can I help?
410
00:15:56,837 --> 00:15:57,802
Oh, Miss Howe?
411
00:15:57,838 --> 00:15:59,237
Can I ask you a question?
412
00:15:59,272 --> 00:16:00,972
Sure, Woody. What
do you want to know?
413
00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:04,408
Um... which key unlocks
the storage room?
414
00:16:04,444 --> 00:16:05,643
I don't know.
415
00:16:05,678 --> 00:16:06,777
Hold it still.
416
00:16:06,813 --> 00:16:10,331
Look carefully, very carefully.
417
00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:13,234
You're getting sleepy.
418
00:16:13,269 --> 00:16:15,002
Very sleepy.
419
00:16:15,038 --> 00:16:16,103
Woody?
420
00:16:16,139 --> 00:16:20,074
Very, very, sleepy.
421
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:24,095
You'll do whatever I say.
422
00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,830
Woody, go to sleep.
423
00:16:36,743 --> 00:16:39,410
Oh, no. I made her disappear.
424
00:16:46,285 --> 00:16:47,952
To recap,
425
00:16:47,987 --> 00:16:50,099
sitting in the bar today,
we have, among others,
426
00:16:50,123 --> 00:16:52,707
a man who was actually simple
enough to hypnotize himself.
427
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:57,045
I'd like to offer the suggestion
that we've seen it all.
428
00:16:58,014 --> 00:16:59,347
Ten hut!
429
00:17:02,152 --> 00:17:03,534
Happily, I stand corrected.
430
00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,507
Well, it's time for me
to be all that I can be.
431
00:17:12,245 --> 00:17:15,530
You enlisted in
the Army, you idiot?
432
00:17:15,565 --> 00:17:21,202
Hey, we do more by 9:00 a.m.
than most people do all day.
433
00:17:21,237 --> 00:17:23,370
And that's a
selling point to you?
434
00:17:25,391 --> 00:17:29,160
Yeah, and I've had a
bellyful of that Ayatolah guy.
435
00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:31,062
Quite frankly...
436
00:17:31,097 --> 00:17:33,898
I don't like what's been
happening in the Persian Gulf.
437
00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:36,935
So, I'm off to, uh...
I'm off to Persia.
438
00:17:39,139 --> 00:17:42,440
I just wanted to shake a
few hands, say good-bye.
439
00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:43,685
Kiss a few girls
440
00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:45,410
for the last time.
441
00:17:45,445 --> 00:17:47,045
Well, baby...
442
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,647
this is good-bye.
443
00:17:49,682 --> 00:17:50,781
Yep, this may be
444
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:53,418
the last time you
ever see this dogface.
445
00:17:53,453 --> 00:17:55,954
You can always take
a gander at this one.
446
00:17:57,958 --> 00:18:00,624
Sam, I had no idea
you were this dedicated.
447
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:04,073
This is a wonderful thing
you're doing for our country.
448
00:18:04,097 --> 00:18:05,196
Well, thank you.
449
00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:07,098
Kiss me, Sam, kiss me.
450
00:18:08,901 --> 00:18:10,346
No, I can't kiss
another soldier.
451
00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:12,270
Not after Kevin.
452
00:18:13,473 --> 00:18:15,673
Kevin? Who-who's Kevin?
453
00:18:15,709 --> 00:18:17,086
Kevin was my
boyfriend in high school,
454
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:18,254
and we really loved each other,
455
00:18:18,278 --> 00:18:19,488
and then he
enlisted in the Army,
456
00:18:19,512 --> 00:18:21,223
and I never wrote, and
I never saw him again.
457
00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:23,025
Well, he sounds like a creep.
Kiss me and make him jealous.
458
00:18:23,049 --> 00:18:24,715
No, Sam, I'm sorry.
459
00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:30,087
Come home safely, doughboy.
460
00:18:32,658 --> 00:18:34,058
Damn!
461
00:18:34,093 --> 00:18:35,426
I mean, what does it take?!
462
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:38,095
Well, maybe you're
being too subtle.
463
00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:41,282
One hour.
464
00:18:41,317 --> 00:18:43,751
I don't think either
of you heartthrobs
465
00:18:43,786 --> 00:18:45,052
got the lips to win.
466
00:18:45,087 --> 00:18:46,671
Serves you right
if you lose, Sam,
467
00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:47,938
doing all that weird stuff.
468
00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:49,440
Me? What about you?
469
00:18:49,475 --> 00:18:52,042
You-you and that acting routine.
470
00:18:52,078 --> 00:18:53,189
You know something, Woody,
471
00:18:53,213 --> 00:18:55,179
I'm getting a little
sick and tired of you.
472
00:18:55,215 --> 00:18:57,381
You and your
wholesome farm boy bit.
473
00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:59,217
You're not so dumb.
474
00:18:59,252 --> 00:19:01,452
I resent that.
475
00:19:03,306 --> 00:19:06,068
You're just upset because
you're not king of the hill.
476
00:19:06,092 --> 00:19:07,202
Well, that's too bad.
477
00:19:07,226 --> 00:19:09,204
And I'll tell you another thing.
478
00:19:09,228 --> 00:19:11,474
I'm thinking about not writing
you when you're overseas.
479
00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,698
Oh, break my heart.
480
00:19:15,268 --> 00:19:16,450
Sam?
481
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,264
Can I speak with you a moment?
482
00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:20,271
You sure can.
483
00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:24,475
♪ Over there ♪
484
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,310
♪ Over there ♪
485
00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:27,656
♪ Send the word, send the word ♪
486
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,780
♪ Over there... ♪
487
00:19:28,815 --> 00:19:30,281
Yeah?
488
00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:32,428
Sam, I know what you
and Woody are up to.
489
00:19:32,452 --> 00:19:33,418
I-I don't know what you're
490
00:19:33,453 --> 00:19:34,630
talking about. I
want you to win.
491
00:19:34,654 --> 00:19:35,654
What?
492
00:19:35,688 --> 00:19:37,838
I want you to win. All right!
493
00:19:39,442 --> 00:19:41,754
And they said
that I was losing it.
494
00:19:41,778 --> 00:19:45,023
Okay, so, uh, let's get
on with the dirty deed here.
495
00:19:45,047 --> 00:19:46,258
No, no, no, we have to make this
496
00:19:46,282 --> 00:19:47,315
look really natural.
497
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:49,183
Otherwise they'll
think the kiss is a setup.
498
00:19:49,218 --> 00:19:50,562
Kiss, oh, sweetheart, no, no.
499
00:19:50,586 --> 00:19:51,863
Someone mislead you there.
500
00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:54,447
Uh, we're supposed
to sleep together.
501
00:19:55,491 --> 00:19:56,791
You're trying my patience.
502
00:19:56,826 --> 00:19:57,936
All right, all right;
503
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,070
a kiss, a kiss, okay.
504
00:19:59,094 --> 00:20:00,739
Uh... so, uh, how do
you want to do this?
505
00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:01,862
All right, here's the plan.
506
00:20:01,897 --> 00:20:03,631
You go home and change.
507
00:20:03,666 --> 00:20:05,800
And I'll tell the
others I'm really beat
508
00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:08,469
and I have to go in and
take a nap in my office.
509
00:20:08,504 --> 00:20:10,170
And you come back and wake me,
510
00:20:10,206 --> 00:20:13,341
and I'll act like I'm having
this really erotic dream,
511
00:20:13,376 --> 00:20:15,309
and give you this
long, passionate kiss.
512
00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:18,412
Oh, God, I love
this. I love this. Oh...!
513
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,113
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute. Uh...
514
00:20:20,149 --> 00:20:22,616
Carla's supposed
to witness this.
515
00:20:22,652 --> 00:20:23,762
Okay, bring her along.
516
00:20:23,786 --> 00:20:26,031
Oh, and then I'll spit
and rinse my mouth out
517
00:20:26,055 --> 00:20:27,533
to make it look really legit.
518
00:20:27,557 --> 00:20:29,523
Nice touch, nice touch.
519
00:20:31,527 --> 00:20:33,945
Yeah, so long there.
520
00:20:33,980 --> 00:20:35,113
Oh, wait a minute.
521
00:20:35,148 --> 00:20:36,580
What do you got
on your lips there?
522
00:20:36,616 --> 00:20:37,749
Oh, no one.
523
00:20:42,522 --> 00:20:44,967
Can I talk to you a minute?
524
00:20:44,991 --> 00:20:47,759
Listen, I know what
you and Sam are up to,
525
00:20:47,794 --> 00:20:49,326
and I want you to win.
526
00:20:55,451 --> 00:20:56,617
Hey, Cliffie.
527
00:20:56,652 --> 00:20:57,846
Hi, Sam.
528
00:20:57,870 --> 00:20:59,036
Where is everybody?
529
00:20:59,072 --> 00:21:00,654
Oh, most have gone home.
530
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:01,751
Carla's in the back.
531
00:21:01,775 --> 00:21:03,418
Rebecca's asleep in her office.
532
00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:04,659
Rebecca's asleep?
533
00:21:04,694 --> 00:21:06,093
Yeah. She said
534
00:21:06,128 --> 00:21:07,139
she was up late last night
535
00:21:07,163 --> 00:21:08,373
doing the books, or something.
536
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:09,463
Mm.
537
00:21:09,498 --> 00:21:10,743
Oh, yeah, she said she wanted me
538
00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:12,011
to wake her up right about now.
539
00:21:12,035 --> 00:21:13,601
Better go do that. Oh, no, no,
540
00:21:13,636 --> 00:21:14,847
that's, that's uh, my job.
541
00:21:14,871 --> 00:21:17,038
Oh.
542
00:21:17,073 --> 00:21:18,906
Want to help me here, Carla?
543
00:21:35,008 --> 00:21:36,352
Mmm.
544
00:21:36,376 --> 00:21:38,075
Mmm.
545
00:21:38,111 --> 00:21:39,488
"Mmm"? "Mmm?
546
00:21:39,512 --> 00:21:40,611
Mmm?!
547
00:21:40,646 --> 00:21:41,712
Oh!
548
00:21:49,788 --> 00:21:53,206
♪ Sammy and
Woody sittin' in a tree ♪
549
00:21:53,242 --> 00:21:55,360
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G... ♪
550
00:21:57,797 --> 00:21:59,508
You were supposed
to be Miss Howe.
551
00:21:59,532 --> 00:22:01,465
That's a rotten thing you did.
552
00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:02,750
Don't talk to me about rotten.
553
00:22:02,785 --> 00:22:04,329
What about all this
kissing nonsense?
554
00:22:04,353 --> 00:22:05,819
Yeah, that's different.
555
00:22:05,855 --> 00:22:07,388
There's money involved.
556
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:11,992
Well, I am going to say
this once and once only.
557
00:22:12,028 --> 00:22:15,179
I am a person who
cannot be used.
558
00:22:16,165 --> 00:22:17,698
Now if you'll excuse me,
559
00:22:17,733 --> 00:22:21,068
I've got to drive Mr. Drake's
valet to the airport.
560
00:22:27,844 --> 00:22:29,143
Call me a romantic,
561
00:22:29,179 --> 00:22:32,513
but I always knew you
two would end up together.
562
00:22:36,419 --> 00:22:38,419
I can't believe I kissed you.
563
00:22:39,455 --> 00:22:40,516
Yeah, well, you're lucky
564
00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:41,783
I didn't punch your
lights out, man.
565
00:22:41,807 --> 00:22:42,990
Yeah? You and what army?
566
00:22:43,026 --> 00:22:44,558
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
567
00:22:44,593 --> 00:22:45,626
Come on, now.
568
00:22:45,662 --> 00:22:47,528
Relax.
569
00:22:47,563 --> 00:22:49,630
Geez, you guys,
you were tricked.
570
00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:50,764
It's no big deal.
571
00:22:50,799 --> 00:22:52,750
I mean, you're
such good friends.
572
00:22:52,786 --> 00:22:54,519
You mean a lot to each other.
573
00:22:54,554 --> 00:22:56,186
I mean, don't walk away mad.
574
00:22:56,222 --> 00:22:57,655
Go on, kiss and make up.
575
00:23:01,895 --> 00:23:04,128
Remember, you both
owe me a big wet one.
576
00:23:19,278 --> 00:23:22,146
Ah...
577
00:23:22,181 --> 00:23:24,181
Ah, I couldn't stay
mad at you, Sam.
578
00:23:24,217 --> 00:23:26,033
You're just like
a brother to me.
579
00:23:26,069 --> 00:23:30,737
Yeah, and if anyone ever does
knock off the king around here,
580
00:23:30,773 --> 00:23:33,640
I guess I hope it's you, man.
581
00:23:33,675 --> 00:23:34,808
No hard feelings?
582
00:23:34,843 --> 00:23:36,277
No hard feelings.
583
00:23:37,947 --> 00:23:39,579
Listen, Sam, now
that everything's okay,
584
00:23:39,615 --> 00:23:41,115
can I ask you
something, guy to guy?
585
00:23:41,150 --> 00:23:42,433
Yeah, sure.
586
00:23:43,453 --> 00:23:45,102
How was I?
587
00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:52,526
Don't-don't do that.
588
00:23:52,561 --> 00:23:54,528
No, I mean it's a question
you can't ask a girl.
589
00:23:54,563 --> 00:23:56,364
I mean, is there anything
I need to work on?
590
00:23:56,399 --> 00:23:59,400
No, see, I-I don't want
to talk about this, Woody.
591
00:24:00,736 --> 00:24:03,837
I was nervous, so I might
have been a little dry.
592
00:24:03,873 --> 00:24:05,806
Oh, for God's...! Yech!
593
00:24:05,841 --> 00:24:07,574
No, I'm serious, Sam.
594
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:10,043
Hey, do you want to
know how you were?
39678
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