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1
00:00:02,519 --> 00:00:06,371
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,240
Hey, how about
3
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,074
a couple of beers?
4
00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:13,011
I'm afraid I'm going to
have to see some ID.
5
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,883
All righty. Thank you.
6
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:21,052
And If I can see yours, please.
7
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,627
Why don't we
just forget about it.
8
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,229
Let's just get out of here.
9
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,764
Guys, guys, wait a minute.
10
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:34,899
Before you run
screaming from here,
11
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,401
let me ask you something.
12
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,537
This friend of mine
is having twins.
13
00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:40,522
All right, it's me.
14
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,142
Now, I don't care if
they call each other
15
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,545
cute little names like
"Chipper and Skipper,"
16
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,140
or if they pretend
to be each other,
17
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:50,698
make their teachers'
lives a living hell.
18
00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:52,434
See, what worries me
19
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,704
is that they'll have
ESP, you know,
20
00:00:55,739 --> 00:00:58,173
and they'll communicate
silent, evil thoughts
21
00:00:58,209 --> 00:01:00,792
and I won't know what
they're saying about me.
22
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,578
You think that's weird?
23
00:01:07,450 --> 00:01:09,818
Well?
24
00:01:09,853 --> 00:01:11,133
We're discussing it.
25
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,417
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
26
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:28,420
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
27
00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:31,256
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
28
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,359
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
29
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:39,514
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
30
00:01:39,549 --> 00:01:42,467
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
31
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:47,355
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
32
00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:52,594
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
33
00:01:52,629 --> 00:01:54,596
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
34
00:01:54,631 --> 00:01:57,599
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
35
00:01:57,634 --> 00:02:02,370
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
36
00:02:02,406 --> 00:02:05,507
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
37
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,642
♪ People are all the same ♪
38
00:02:07,677 --> 00:02:12,214
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
39
00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:33,206
Listen up, everybody.
40
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:35,425
Clifford Clavin has decided
41
00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:36,960
to make a major life change.
42
00:02:36,995 --> 00:02:40,630
Don't bother... You'd
be a dorky woman, too.
43
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:41,998
That's a good one, Carla.
44
00:02:42,034 --> 00:02:43,332
A good one.
45
00:02:43,368 --> 00:02:44,946
All right, Cliffie.
46
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:46,169
What's up, bud?
47
00:02:46,204 --> 00:02:48,538
There's a new condo
complex going up on my route.
48
00:02:48,574 --> 00:02:49,973
You know, one of those places
49
00:02:50,008 --> 00:02:52,943
filled with beautiful people
having the time of their lives.
50
00:02:52,978 --> 00:02:54,143
I said to myself,
51
00:02:54,179 --> 00:02:56,174
Clifford C., you'd
take to that place
52
00:02:56,198 --> 00:02:57,731
like a fish takes to water.
53
00:02:57,766 --> 00:03:00,367
All slimy with your
eyes bulging out?
54
00:03:02,387 --> 00:03:05,388
Shouldn't you be squatting
in a field somewhere, Carla?
55
00:03:10,579 --> 00:03:12,712
Well, make a long story short,
56
00:03:12,748 --> 00:03:15,448
I am, uh, Boston's
newest homeowner.
57
00:03:15,483 --> 00:03:16,750
Bought a condo.
58
00:03:16,785 --> 00:03:18,429
Hey. Wait, wait.
59
00:03:18,453 --> 00:03:19,998
That means you're
moving out on me?
60
00:03:20,022 --> 00:03:21,916
Normie, I can't live
with you forever.
61
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,573
Well, you can't do that.
62
00:03:23,608 --> 00:03:25,920
Who's gonna mix Vera's cocoa?
63
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:27,143
Who's gonna rub her feet?
64
00:03:27,178 --> 00:03:29,813
Who's gonna talk to her?
65
00:03:29,848 --> 00:03:32,482
Normie, I'm afraid
you're just gonna, uh,
66
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:34,017
have to pick up the slack.
67
00:03:34,069 --> 00:03:36,369
No. No, no, no, no, no. Not me.
68
00:03:36,404 --> 00:03:39,405
Maybe I can hire
some high school kid.
69
00:03:45,113 --> 00:03:46,963
Did everybody see that?
70
00:03:46,998 --> 00:03:50,500
Yes, I've started smoking again.
71
00:03:50,535 --> 00:03:52,046
I've been under
a lot of pressure,
72
00:03:52,070 --> 00:03:54,282
and I needed something
to calm my nerves, all right?
73
00:03:54,306 --> 00:03:56,188
And I don't want to
hear any stupid remarks
74
00:03:56,224 --> 00:03:58,235
about yellow fingernails
or kissing ashtrays,
75
00:03:58,259 --> 00:04:00,037
and if you use the
phrase "coffin nails,"
76
00:04:00,061 --> 00:04:01,728
you better be a mortician.
77
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,408
Any questions,
comments, snide remarks?
78
00:04:03,432 --> 00:04:04,597
No? Good.
79
00:04:05,884 --> 00:04:09,251
Well, it certainly has
calmed her down.
80
00:04:10,655 --> 00:04:12,172
Uh, excuse me.
81
00:04:12,207 --> 00:04:14,474
You know, I have to apologize.
82
00:04:14,509 --> 00:04:16,309
I feel like this is my fault.
83
00:04:16,344 --> 00:04:17,655
What are you talking about?
84
00:04:17,679 --> 00:04:19,612
Well, obviously you
started smoking again
85
00:04:19,648 --> 00:04:20,813
because you got some sort
86
00:04:20,849 --> 00:04:22,716
of pent up sexual
frustration going on.
87
00:04:22,751 --> 00:04:25,252
And I don't think we
have to tell each other
88
00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:27,120
who's responsible
for that, now do we?
89
00:04:27,155 --> 00:04:30,457
Oh. Hey.
90
00:04:30,492 --> 00:04:31,936
Come on, I'm just trying
to help here, you know?
91
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,671
You know what you ought to
do, you ought to come on over
92
00:04:33,695 --> 00:04:36,329
to Dr. Sammy's
Stop Smoking Center.
93
00:04:36,365 --> 00:04:38,765
Today's special is
a free chest exam.
94
00:04:41,652 --> 00:04:43,514
Sam, is this one of
those two-week programs
95
00:04:43,538 --> 00:04:45,471
with a simple two-day follow-up?
96
00:04:55,066 --> 00:04:57,534
Those guys.
97
00:04:59,804 --> 00:05:00,904
Come on in.
98
00:05:02,641 --> 00:05:04,273
Hey.
99
00:05:05,977 --> 00:05:09,078
What a surprise, you guys.
100
00:05:09,113 --> 00:05:12,148
Welcome to Chez Cliff.
101
00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:13,761
Sounds like party
central out there.
102
00:05:13,785 --> 00:05:15,663
Well, I just hope
that they can, uh,
103
00:05:15,687 --> 00:05:17,665
keep up with the
Chairman of the Broads.
104
00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:22,269
Cliffie, I brought you
105
00:05:22,293 --> 00:05:24,427
the traditional
housewarming gift.
106
00:05:24,463 --> 00:05:26,273
Whoa, six-pack. Yeah.
107
00:05:26,297 --> 00:05:27,763
Well, a five-pack.
108
00:05:30,735 --> 00:05:33,303
Well, uh, so,
109
00:05:33,338 --> 00:05:35,021
you guys ready
for the grand tour?
110
00:05:35,056 --> 00:05:37,290
Okay. Yup.
111
00:05:37,325 --> 00:05:39,137
Right here we
have the living room.
112
00:05:39,161 --> 00:05:40,726
Mm-hmm.
113
00:05:40,762 --> 00:05:43,241
Right over here is the bedroom.
114
00:05:43,265 --> 00:05:44,997
Whoa.
115
00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:47,984
Hey, slow down, let me
catch my breath here.
116
00:05:48,019 --> 00:05:49,035
Whoa, almost forgot
117
00:05:49,071 --> 00:05:50,164
the kitchen.
118
00:05:50,188 --> 00:05:52,666
Yeah, I think the
builder did, too.
119
00:05:52,690 --> 00:05:56,225
Let me, huh, put
these beers on ice here.
120
00:05:56,261 --> 00:05:57,343
Yeah, good idea.
121
00:05:57,379 --> 00:05:59,662
It's not too cold
in here, buddy.
122
00:05:59,697 --> 00:06:01,309
Oh, yeah, yeah, I
noticed that, Normie.
123
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,416
I think it's the, uh,
amalgamator valve.
124
00:06:03,451 --> 00:06:05,162
I've been meaning
to strip it down,
125
00:06:05,186 --> 00:06:06,531
check out the engine, you know.
126
00:06:06,555 --> 00:06:07,932
I think I better put, uh,
127
00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:09,567
some more Freon
in the regulator, too.
128
00:06:09,591 --> 00:06:10,673
Or else you could just
129
00:06:10,708 --> 00:06:12,892
turn this little dial to cold.
130
00:06:12,927 --> 00:06:15,945
Well, yeah, if
you're... you know,
131
00:06:15,981 --> 00:06:17,575
you want to take a
stopgap approach.
132
00:06:17,599 --> 00:06:20,533
Oh, hey, did you notice
the pool on your way in?
133
00:06:20,569 --> 00:06:21,901
Yeah.
134
00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:24,070
So when, uh,
summer rolls around,
135
00:06:24,105 --> 00:06:26,239
and all those
girls are out there
136
00:06:26,274 --> 00:06:28,158
in their French cut bikinis,
137
00:06:28,193 --> 00:06:29,504
I don't have to
tell where I'll be.
138
00:06:29,528 --> 00:06:31,639
Standing right here
with a pair of binoculars?
139
00:06:31,663 --> 00:06:33,162
That's right.
140
00:06:33,198 --> 00:06:34,798
Boy, oh, boy.
141
00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:36,477
Hey, thanks for
coming by, you guys,
142
00:06:36,501 --> 00:06:39,869
but, you know, I don't
mean to be rude, but, uh,
143
00:06:39,904 --> 00:06:41,648
I got to ask you to skedaddle.
144
00:06:41,672 --> 00:06:45,041
I got somebody soft
and sweet with a voice
145
00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:46,920
like a nightingale coming over.
146
00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:50,646
Who, the busboy from
Melville's is coming over here?
147
00:06:50,681 --> 00:06:52,948
No, no, Woody.
148
00:06:52,984 --> 00:06:54,661
Ruben's not coming over here.
149
00:06:54,685 --> 00:06:57,487
It's a... it's one of the women
150
00:06:57,522 --> 00:06:59,055
in the building.
151
00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:00,290
Wait a minute, Cliffie.
152
00:07:00,325 --> 00:07:02,236
Are we actually
talking a female here?
153
00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:03,909
Oh...
154
00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:05,873
I mean, a real, live,
breathing woman,
155
00:07:05,897 --> 00:07:10,016
three-dimensional, no
posters, no polyurethane?
156
00:07:10,051 --> 00:07:11,250
Well...
157
00:07:11,285 --> 00:07:14,954
you know, Normie,
Sally is the real McCoy,
158
00:07:14,990 --> 00:07:17,290
and she is one
gorgeous babe, to boot.
159
00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:18,819
All right, well, this
I got to see, Cliffie.
160
00:07:18,843 --> 00:07:20,193
Yeah, maybe we
could stick around
161
00:07:20,228 --> 00:07:21,561
and meet your lady friend, huh?
162
00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:23,129
Uh, no, you know, I, uh,
163
00:07:23,165 --> 00:07:25,915
guys, I really don't think
that's a very good idea.
164
00:07:25,951 --> 00:07:28,485
Well, why don't you bring
her by the bar or something?
165
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:29,880
Well, you know, I've been trying
166
00:07:29,904 --> 00:07:31,381
to get the woman
to go out, Normie,
167
00:07:31,405 --> 00:07:32,984
but, uh, she just
wants to stay, uh,
168
00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:35,152
held up here in
our little hideaway.
169
00:07:35,176 --> 00:07:37,844
I guess I'm her... love hostage.
170
00:07:39,848 --> 00:07:43,132
Well, that's something I
definitely don't care to see.
171
00:07:44,619 --> 00:07:46,920
Okay. Good to see you.
172
00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:52,591
Hey, if I'm not down at the bar,
173
00:07:52,627 --> 00:07:55,628
send out a missing
swinger's report.
174
00:08:00,335 --> 00:08:01,918
Oh.
175
00:08:23,308 --> 00:08:25,374
Hi.
176
00:08:27,412 --> 00:08:28,561
Hi, Sally.
177
00:08:28,597 --> 00:08:29,979
Hi. Hi.
178
00:08:30,014 --> 00:08:30,980
Guess what?
179
00:08:31,015 --> 00:08:32,810
I have great news. What?
180
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:34,812
I was named
employee of the month
181
00:08:34,836 --> 00:08:36,402
at the Yarn Barn.
182
00:08:38,874 --> 00:08:40,940
Well, I tied.
183
00:08:42,944 --> 00:08:44,911
That's-that's really
great news, Sally.
184
00:08:44,946 --> 00:08:46,245
I'm really happy for you.
185
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,576
So I was thinking
maybe to celebrate,
186
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,066
we could go out.
187
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,419
I got a-a better idea.
188
00:08:53,454 --> 00:08:56,239
Why don't, uh...
we just stay in?
189
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,686
Oh, Cliff, we've done
that every night this week.
190
00:08:58,710 --> 00:08:59,903
I was thinking
191
00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:01,255
maybe we could go to that bar
192
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:02,823
you're always talking about.
193
00:09:02,847 --> 00:09:05,415
You're kidding. That dive?
194
00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:08,284
Uh, you know,
uh, Sally, I, uh...
195
00:09:08,319 --> 00:09:10,086
spend all day, you
know, walking around,
196
00:09:10,121 --> 00:09:11,921
uh, uh, outside, and, you know,
197
00:09:11,957 --> 00:09:13,756
at the end of the
day, I just like to come
198
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,425
back to my own
little apartment here
199
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:19,061
and just sort of relax
and take it easy and, uh...
200
00:09:19,096 --> 00:09:21,647
get my tensions relieved,
if you know what I mean.
201
00:09:21,683 --> 00:09:24,684
Yes, I know what you mean.
202
00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,769
I'll get the lights, huh?
203
00:09:26,805 --> 00:09:28,955
Fine, I'll-I'll just
get comfortable.
204
00:09:29,991 --> 00:09:31,635
And I'll, uh, meet you
205
00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:33,471
on the sofa in
about five seconds.
206
00:09:33,495 --> 00:09:35,661
All right.
207
00:09:38,433 --> 00:09:40,900
Have you got the, uh, you know?
208
00:09:40,935 --> 00:09:43,336
Oh, yeah.
209
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:51,477
And now, here's the host
of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek.
210
00:09:51,512 --> 00:09:53,824
Thank you. Welcome
once again to our show.
211
00:09:53,848 --> 00:09:55,826
We are delighted, of
course, to welcome back
212
00:09:55,850 --> 00:09:58,685
our returning champion,
the lady from Boca Raton...
213
00:10:01,689 --> 00:10:03,456
Uh-oh.
214
00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:05,524
Here comes Madame Nicotine.
215
00:10:07,528 --> 00:10:11,130
I just had the most
disgusting morning of my life.
216
00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:12,993
Ooh, can't wait
to hear about it.
217
00:10:13,017 --> 00:10:16,503
I just spent the last hour
at a no-smoking clinic
218
00:10:16,538 --> 00:10:19,005
looking at pictures
of ugly ashtrays,
219
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,851
rooms filled with
smoke, people coughing.
220
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:24,177
And the worst one was
a cigarette snuffed out
221
00:10:24,212 --> 00:10:26,529
in the yolk of a fried egg.
222
00:10:26,564 --> 00:10:29,081
Mm. Bet that stopped you
from wanting a cigarette, eh?
223
00:10:29,116 --> 00:10:31,383
No, but I think it's put
me off eggs for good.
224
00:10:31,419 --> 00:10:33,068
I'll be in the office,
225
00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:34,653
chewing on my hair.
226
00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:36,033
This is going to be fun.
227
00:10:36,057 --> 00:10:37,223
Carla, what are you doing?
228
00:10:37,259 --> 00:10:39,653
I am going to torment her
229
00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:41,205
with this fresh
pack of cigarettes.
230
00:10:41,229 --> 00:10:42,361
No, Carla, you mustn't!
231
00:10:42,397 --> 00:10:44,363
Carla, now, granted,
232
00:10:44,399 --> 00:10:46,065
she's been in rather
a foul mood lately,
233
00:10:46,101 --> 00:10:48,168
but Rebecca has made
a serious life decision,
234
00:10:48,203 --> 00:10:50,336
and what she needs now
more than anything else
235
00:10:50,371 --> 00:10:52,038
is encouragement and support,
236
00:10:52,073 --> 00:10:53,873
and I for one am
not going to fail her.
237
00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:55,910
Oh, Rebecca?
238
00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:57,554
What do you want, Bone Dome?!
239
00:10:57,578 --> 00:11:00,046
Here, try these.
They're menthols.
240
00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:03,366
Next case.
241
00:11:05,853 --> 00:11:08,488
Dr. Crane, I-I'm really sorry.
242
00:11:08,523 --> 00:11:10,706
I think I'm just
a little on edge.
243
00:11:10,741 --> 00:11:11,724
Look, I apologize, too.
244
00:11:11,759 --> 00:11:13,459
I behaved very unprofessionally.
245
00:11:13,494 --> 00:11:15,005
It's just that I'm
really frustrated
246
00:11:15,029 --> 00:11:17,141
because I can't
seem to kick this habit.
247
00:11:17,165 --> 00:11:18,681
Well, listen, may I
suggest something
248
00:11:18,716 --> 00:11:20,699
that seems to have worked
for many of my patients?
249
00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:22,302
Changing doctors?
250
00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:26,872
Thank you, Carla, no.
251
00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:29,659
You're engaged right now
252
00:11:29,694 --> 00:11:32,027
in a psychological
battle with your will.
253
00:11:32,063 --> 00:11:33,028
Now, you've got to bring
254
00:11:33,064 --> 00:11:34,764
to the foreground
every weapon available.
255
00:11:34,799 --> 00:11:36,999
Promise yourself
that if you smoke
256
00:11:37,035 --> 00:11:38,367
one more cigarette,
257
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:41,137
you'll do the most disgusting,
258
00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:42,938
repulsive thing you can imagine.
259
00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:45,424
Dr. Crane, I can't
even imagine...
260
00:11:48,613 --> 00:11:50,697
Sam Malone...
261
00:11:50,732 --> 00:11:52,543
if I smoke another cigarette,
262
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,212
I'll go to bed with you.
263
00:12:07,782 --> 00:12:10,149
Darn thing's on the blink again.
264
00:12:11,302 --> 00:12:12,651
Excuse me,
265
00:12:12,686 --> 00:12:13,981
Rebecca? What?
266
00:12:14,005 --> 00:12:17,072
Uh, there's a problem I'd
like to talk over with you.
267
00:12:17,108 --> 00:12:19,370
I am really trying
to quit, all right?
268
00:12:19,394 --> 00:12:21,154
Oh, no, no, no,
it's not about that.
269
00:12:21,178 --> 00:12:22,661
It's, uh...
270
00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:24,880
I met this girl.
271
00:12:26,017 --> 00:12:27,483
And?
272
00:12:27,519 --> 00:12:31,253
Oh. People usually
stop me at that point.
273
00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:32,722
Anyway, uh...
274
00:12:32,757 --> 00:12:34,435
night after night I
keep begging her
275
00:12:34,459 --> 00:12:36,671
to come down to the bar
and meet the guys, but
276
00:12:36,695 --> 00:12:37,871
she just won't come.
277
00:12:37,895 --> 00:12:41,664
Just wants to stay at
home and watch Jeopardy.
278
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:45,351
Uh, I think that maybe
she's a little-little bit ashamed
279
00:12:45,386 --> 00:12:46,352
about the way she looks,
280
00:12:46,387 --> 00:12:48,565
and she's afraid she
might embarrass me.
281
00:12:48,589 --> 00:12:51,157
So, uh, you got any suggestions,
282
00:12:51,192 --> 00:12:52,158
or what can I do?
283
00:12:52,193 --> 00:12:53,826
Let me see here. Um...
284
00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:56,629
Oh. Have you ever seen those
beauty magazine makeovers?
285
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,042
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Sure, sure.
286
00:12:58,066 --> 00:13:00,032
Well, then what are
you bugging me for?
287
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:01,033
Oh, wait a minute.
288
00:13:01,069 --> 00:13:02,412
If you ever see
me with a cigarette
289
00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:04,370
hanging out of my mouth,
would you do me a favor?
290
00:13:04,405 --> 00:13:05,104
What's that?
291
00:13:05,140 --> 00:13:06,705
Kill Sam.
292
00:13:12,957 --> 00:13:18,328
Did you, uh, dab lip
gloss on your eyelashes
293
00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,497
so they sparkle
like the North Star?
294
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:23,716
Yes, Cliff.
295
00:13:23,752 --> 00:13:25,068
I'm coming out now.
296
00:13:25,103 --> 00:13:26,403
Okay.
297
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:29,272
Listen, don't stand
too close, okay?
298
00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:30,740
Try me from a distance first.
299
00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:31,741
Okay.
300
00:13:31,776 --> 00:13:33,276
All right, I'm backing up.
301
00:13:33,311 --> 00:13:35,311
All clear!
302
00:13:43,438 --> 00:13:45,238
Wow.
303
00:13:45,273 --> 00:13:47,306
Gee, thanks, Cliff.
304
00:13:49,111 --> 00:13:51,071
Oh, isn't it about
time for Jeopardy?
305
00:13:52,014 --> 00:13:53,279
Huh?
306
00:13:53,314 --> 00:13:55,514
Jeopardy.
307
00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:58,484
Jeopardy.
308
00:13:58,520 --> 00:13:59,786
Uh...
309
00:14:01,289 --> 00:14:02,906
All right. Uh...
310
00:14:02,941 --> 00:14:05,591
Why don't we go out?
311
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:06,543
Really, Cliff?
312
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:07,260
Sure.
313
00:14:07,295 --> 00:14:08,261
Great.
314
00:14:08,296 --> 00:14:09,863
Okay. I'll-I'll just, um,
315
00:14:09,898 --> 00:14:12,165
go do a little more
blending, and then we'll go.
316
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:18,388
I'll just, uh, be out here
317
00:14:18,423 --> 00:14:22,092
on the front porch and catch
a little breath of fresh air.
318
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,764
I got a fox!
319
00:14:47,894 --> 00:14:49,327
Carla, Carla, Carla, Carla.
320
00:14:49,362 --> 00:14:51,345
Ladies room,
ladies room. Please.
321
00:14:51,380 --> 00:14:53,747
No, I'm not following
her in there again, Sam.
322
00:14:53,783 --> 00:14:56,000
I'm one puff away from paradise.
323
00:14:56,035 --> 00:14:57,134
Come on. Please.
324
00:14:57,169 --> 00:14:59,420
There's only so much
polite conversation
325
00:14:59,455 --> 00:15:01,421
you can make
yelling over a stall.
326
00:15:05,245 --> 00:15:08,012
Cliff, this isn't a dive.
327
00:15:08,048 --> 00:15:10,948
Well, no, by a dive,
I meant that, uh...
328
00:15:10,983 --> 00:15:12,628
it was below street level.
329
00:15:12,652 --> 00:15:14,152
Oh, right.
330
00:15:15,422 --> 00:15:18,056
Yeah, let me introduce
you to my cronies.
331
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:19,801
But I gotta warn you first,
332
00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:22,626
they can be a little
bit crude, all right?
333
00:15:22,662 --> 00:15:24,962
Hey, guys.
334
00:15:24,997 --> 00:15:26,797
Va-va-va-voom, huh?
335
00:15:29,452 --> 00:15:31,135
Hello.
336
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:33,148
I, uh, thought we'd
met all of Cliff's cousins.
337
00:15:33,172 --> 00:15:34,538
Oh, I'm not his cousin.
338
00:15:34,574 --> 00:15:35,701
No, she's my date.
339
00:15:35,725 --> 00:15:36,936
Would you like
a little seat here?
340
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:37,925
I'll get you
341
00:15:37,961 --> 00:15:39,588
something to drink.
Nice to meet you.
342
00:15:39,612 --> 00:15:40,728
Likewise.
343
00:15:40,763 --> 00:15:42,074
Well, I'll tell you.
344
00:15:42,098 --> 00:15:44,965
She's what guys back down
on the farm where I come from
345
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:47,034
would call ethereal.
346
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:49,170
Woody,
347
00:15:49,205 --> 00:15:51,238
where exactly was this farm?
348
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:57,178
A couple of beers,
there, Wood man.
349
00:15:57,213 --> 00:15:59,413
You got something
on her, don't you?
350
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:03,717
You found something
incriminating in her mail.
351
00:16:03,753 --> 00:16:06,186
For God's sake, Cliff,
just ask her for money.
352
00:16:06,221 --> 00:16:08,539
Don't be vicious.
353
00:16:08,574 --> 00:16:11,124
Look, look, look, is it
so hard for you people,
354
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,760
and whatever you are, Carla,
355
00:16:12,795 --> 00:16:15,445
to believe that, uh, this, uh,
356
00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:17,932
beautiful woman would go
out with me on her own accord?
357
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:19,033
No, of course not, Cliff.
358
00:16:19,068 --> 00:16:20,668
I can think of any
number of reasons
359
00:16:20,703 --> 00:16:22,253
why a woman might
behave that way.
360
00:16:22,288 --> 00:16:23,520
You can?
361
00:16:23,555 --> 00:16:25,289
Well, of course, but remember...
362
00:16:25,324 --> 00:16:26,707
I'm a psychiatrist.
363
00:16:28,745 --> 00:16:30,678
So, hey, w-where's Sammy?
364
00:16:30,713 --> 00:16:33,331
I wanna show him
one gorgeous Bostonian
365
00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:35,282
that slipped through his net.
366
00:16:35,317 --> 00:16:37,877
He's over there hauling her in.
367
00:16:39,054 --> 00:16:40,254
Ho! Ahem!
368
00:16:40,289 --> 00:16:41,822
Sammy!
369
00:16:41,858 --> 00:16:44,625
Oh, Sammy. Oh, young fellow.
370
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,494
Oh-ho, boy.
371
00:16:46,529 --> 00:16:48,496
Oh, Cliff, do you
know each other?
372
00:16:48,531 --> 00:16:49,496
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
373
00:16:49,531 --> 00:16:51,127
Can I have a word
with you, Sammy?
374
00:16:51,151 --> 00:16:52,650
Yeah, see, she's with me.
375
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:53,968
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
376
00:16:54,003 --> 00:16:55,636
Excuse us, Sally.
377
00:16:55,671 --> 00:16:58,639
Hey, she is one
very pretty lady.
378
00:16:58,674 --> 00:16:59,640
Yeah, thank you, Sam.
379
00:16:59,675 --> 00:17:02,309
Another one of
your, uh, cousins?
380
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:04,511
She's my date.
381
00:17:04,546 --> 00:17:05,596
Really?
382
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:08,533
Well, is she, um...?
383
00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:09,848
Well, we think so.
384
00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:12,119
Well,
385
00:17:12,155 --> 00:17:13,632
congratulations,
man. Yeah, yeah.
386
00:17:13,656 --> 00:17:15,789
Great. Listen, Sam,
about that over there...
387
00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:17,236
No, I'm sorry. I
want to apologize
388
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:18,370
if I was out of line there,
389
00:17:18,394 --> 00:17:19,360
but, well, the truth is,
390
00:17:19,395 --> 00:17:20,906
you're gonna have
to expect that kind
391
00:17:20,930 --> 00:17:23,250
of thing happening from now on.
392
00:17:23,632 --> 00:17:25,015
What do you mean?
393
00:17:25,051 --> 00:17:26,277
Well, she's definitely
394
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:27,813
a major-league
looker, there, Cliff.
395
00:17:27,837 --> 00:17:30,148
I mean, guys are gonna
be hitting on her all the time.
396
00:17:30,172 --> 00:17:32,606
Ah, you don't have to
worry about that, Sammy.
397
00:17:32,642 --> 00:17:35,092
Sally is a one-man woman.
398
00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:36,471
Better check your
arithmetic there.
399
00:17:36,495 --> 00:17:37,961
Hmm?
400
00:17:39,248 --> 00:17:40,248
Ho!
401
00:17:42,118 --> 00:17:43,295
Hey, Sally.
402
00:17:43,319 --> 00:17:45,219
Cliff, look who's
here. It's Jeff.
403
00:17:45,254 --> 00:17:46,570
From 325.
404
00:17:46,605 --> 00:17:47,816
Hey, I-I know you.
405
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,341
You're the guy
with the binoculars.
406
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:55,646
Uh, Sally, I think
it's, uh, about time
407
00:17:55,682 --> 00:17:57,147
we, uh, vamoose out of here.
408
00:17:57,183 --> 00:17:59,161
You know, Jeopardy's going
to be starting in a little while.
409
00:17:59,185 --> 00:18:01,185
Let's go, Sally.
410
00:18:01,221 --> 00:18:02,931
Listen, uh, Jeff just got
a new Porsche Turbo
411
00:18:02,955 --> 00:18:04,422
and he wants to
take me for a ride.
412
00:18:04,457 --> 00:18:05,856
You don't mind, do you?
413
00:18:05,892 --> 00:18:06,707
Well, uh...
414
00:18:06,742 --> 00:18:08,554
We'll just be gone
a few minutes.
415
00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:10,243
You don't mind, do you.
416
00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:11,328
Oh, no.
417
00:18:11,364 --> 00:18:12,607
No, I-I don't mind.
418
00:18:12,631 --> 00:18:15,151
That's fine.
419
00:18:15,968 --> 00:18:18,669
I don't care.
420
00:18:18,704 --> 00:18:20,621
I don't mind at all.
421
00:18:26,979 --> 00:18:29,764
Beer here, Woody.
422
00:18:35,654 --> 00:18:37,465
Excuse me, excuse me.
423
00:18:37,489 --> 00:18:40,440
What was that
lady doing in there?
424
00:18:40,476 --> 00:18:41,942
Oh, oh, no, no, no.
425
00:18:41,978 --> 00:18:43,956
You know... no,
you don't understand.
426
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:45,790
See, we... W-Wait a minute.
427
00:18:45,814 --> 00:18:47,792
We have... we have
this little bet between us.
428
00:18:47,816 --> 00:18:49,094
Let me... let me explain here.
429
00:18:49,118 --> 00:18:52,452
See, I get to go to bed
with her if she smo... Ow!
430
00:18:52,488 --> 00:18:54,989
All right, fine.
431
00:19:00,363 --> 00:19:02,591
Jamie Kelt is a
correct response,
432
00:19:02,615 --> 00:19:04,860
but you forgot to phrase
that in the form of a question.
433
00:19:04,884 --> 00:19:06,995
That's why they call it
Jeopardy. Beer, Sam, please.
434
00:19:07,019 --> 00:19:08,151
Are you okay, Cliff?
435
00:19:08,187 --> 00:19:09,832
However, you get to
make the next selection.
436
00:19:09,856 --> 00:19:12,339
Jeopardy used to
be our show, Normie.
437
00:19:12,374 --> 00:19:14,102
It's just not the same
438
00:19:14,126 --> 00:19:15,838
watching it by myself.
439
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:19,095
I just don't know if I
can go on without her.
440
00:19:19,131 --> 00:19:21,514
She's only been
gone for ten minutes.
441
00:19:23,469 --> 00:19:25,586
Yeah, I had to make
her beautiful, Normie.
442
00:19:25,621 --> 00:19:27,922
I've created a
beautiful monster.
443
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:29,034
What am I going to do?
444
00:19:29,058 --> 00:19:30,953
- What is Paraguay?
- What is Paraguay?
445
00:19:30,977 --> 00:19:35,412
Right. Yeah! All right!
446
00:19:35,447 --> 00:19:37,765
Well, thanks a lot, Normie.
447
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,611
- What is Notre Dame?!
- What is Notre Dame?
448
00:19:39,635 --> 00:19:42,919
That's right. Ooh, yeah!
449
00:19:42,955 --> 00:19:45,439
Hey, hey, hey, Carla.
450
00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:47,958
Do you smell smoke? Come here.
451
00:19:48,978 --> 00:19:51,278
Of course I smell
smoke, you dink.
452
00:19:51,314 --> 00:19:52,446
It's a bar.
453
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:55,749
I can also smell beer,
sweat and lousy tips.
454
00:19:55,784 --> 00:19:56,950
No, no, no, no.
455
00:19:56,986 --> 00:19:58,452
No, she's smoking in there.
456
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:00,132
I knew she couldn't
last this long.
457
00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:01,455
Oh...
458
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:02,856
A-ha!
459
00:20:04,276 --> 00:20:07,978
Oh, uh... hey, uh,
where's the pool table?
460
00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:10,297
Ah, wrong room.
461
00:20:18,524 --> 00:20:20,490
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
462
00:20:20,526 --> 00:20:22,492
I'm not going to say I
knew it, but I knew it.
463
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:23,994
I knew it.
464
00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:26,496
Now, this was your idea,
too. I did not come up with this.
465
00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:27,664
This is your idea.
466
00:20:27,699 --> 00:20:29,866
What a great idea! Oh!
467
00:20:32,254 --> 00:20:34,171
Well, what do you say?
468
00:20:34,206 --> 00:20:36,674
Uh, shall we, uh, strip
down to our smiles here
469
00:20:36,709 --> 00:20:40,511
and show the, uh... show
the couch here a good time?
470
00:20:40,546 --> 00:20:42,847
No.
471
00:20:42,882 --> 00:20:44,548
We'll go to my place.
472
00:20:44,584 --> 00:20:47,000
Excuse me?
473
00:20:47,036 --> 00:20:50,086
Ooh! You're really going to
go through with this, aren't you?
474
00:20:50,122 --> 00:20:52,690
Yes, I am, but I want
to get one thing straight.
475
00:20:52,725 --> 00:20:53,640
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
476
00:20:53,675 --> 00:20:55,187
My smoking has nothing to do
477
00:20:55,211 --> 00:20:57,689
with sexual frustration
over you or anyone else.
478
00:20:57,713 --> 00:20:59,691
It's just a stupid habit.
479
00:20:59,715 --> 00:21:01,682
But I made a pact,
480
00:21:01,717 --> 00:21:03,796
so now I'm going to
suffer the consequences
481
00:21:03,820 --> 00:21:05,686
no matter how vile
482
00:21:05,721 --> 00:21:08,455
or disgusting they may be.
483
00:21:09,425 --> 00:21:10,891
Let's go.
484
00:21:10,927 --> 00:21:12,526
Well...
485
00:21:13,679 --> 00:21:16,413
You don't really want
to do this, do you?
486
00:21:17,449 --> 00:21:18,816
No, it's all right.
487
00:21:18,851 --> 00:21:21,902
I'll just close my eyes and
imagine someone appealing.
488
00:21:23,439 --> 00:21:26,490
Besides, I have a
feeling it won't take long.
489
00:21:29,862 --> 00:21:31,095
You know, gee whiz, you know,
490
00:21:31,130 --> 00:21:33,341
if-if you're not going to
get in the spirit of this,
491
00:21:33,365 --> 00:21:35,110
then I-I just don't
want to do it.
492
00:21:35,134 --> 00:21:37,567
No, come on, come
on, a deal's a deal.
493
00:21:37,603 --> 00:21:38,768
No.
494
00:21:38,804 --> 00:21:40,232
Look, I made a pact. I
just want to get it over with.
495
00:21:40,256 --> 00:21:41,721
No, I don't want to do it.
496
00:21:42,941 --> 00:21:45,086
You know, I have some
pride. I have some dignity.
497
00:21:45,110 --> 00:21:46,060
I'll tell you what.
498
00:21:46,095 --> 00:21:48,615
You find someone else
to do your dirty work.
499
00:21:49,098 --> 00:21:51,232
Thinks she can mess
with Sam Malone.
500
00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:52,511
What happened?
501
00:21:52,535 --> 00:21:55,669
She asked me to go to
bed with her, and I said no.
502
00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:57,070
Oh!
503
00:21:59,191 --> 00:22:02,025
Oh, Cliff, I have never driven
504
00:22:02,060 --> 00:22:04,194
so fast in my whole life.
505
00:22:04,229 --> 00:22:06,196
I had the best time.
506
00:22:06,231 --> 00:22:07,864
Eh, great, great.
507
00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:09,633
So did I.
508
00:22:09,669 --> 00:22:11,434
Cliff, is something the matter?
509
00:22:11,470 --> 00:22:13,620
No, uh, nothing's the matter.
510
00:22:13,655 --> 00:22:14,821
What could be the matter?
511
00:22:14,856 --> 00:22:17,641
I'll tell you what's the
matter, Little Miss Porsche.
512
00:22:17,677 --> 00:22:18,976
Try to do a girl a favor,
513
00:22:19,011 --> 00:22:20,989
help her become a
little bit more attractive,
514
00:22:21,013 --> 00:22:23,146
and next thing you
know, she's out there...
515
00:22:23,182 --> 00:22:24,682
attracting people.
516
00:22:25,718 --> 00:22:27,663
Is that what's bothering you?
517
00:22:27,687 --> 00:22:29,152
This makeup?
518
00:22:29,188 --> 00:22:31,232
Is that what all this is about?
519
00:22:31,256 --> 00:22:34,157
Well, yeah, you got to
admit, before you put it on,
520
00:22:34,193 --> 00:22:36,994
you were a...
521
00:22:37,029 --> 00:22:39,208
a sweet thing who, uh...
522
00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:41,164
was content to sit
523
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,311
by a dear friend's
side on an evening
524
00:22:43,335 --> 00:22:44,651
and watch a rousing,
525
00:22:44,686 --> 00:22:46,998
wholesome game of Jeopardy.
526
00:22:47,022 --> 00:22:48,255
So...
527
00:22:48,290 --> 00:22:51,491
all I have to do to make
things right between us is...
528
00:22:51,526 --> 00:22:53,660
take off all this silly makeup
529
00:22:53,695 --> 00:22:56,529
and go back to
being the way I was?
530
00:22:57,566 --> 00:23:00,100
Wow, you... you'd
do that for me?
531
00:23:00,135 --> 00:23:01,701
No way.
532
00:23:03,622 --> 00:23:06,140
I like the way I look in makeup.
533
00:23:06,175 --> 00:23:10,310
Wait till they get a load
of me at the Yarn Barn.
534
00:23:11,981 --> 00:23:13,747
It makes you look
535
00:23:13,782 --> 00:23:17,217
like a... cover girl.
536
00:23:18,254 --> 00:23:20,337
I'm sorry, Cliff.
537
00:23:21,323 --> 00:23:23,907
That's what you're stuck with.
538
00:23:24,944 --> 00:23:28,562
You're just going to
have to learn to live with it.
539
00:23:29,615 --> 00:23:32,482
Well, I guess I'm...
540
00:23:32,517 --> 00:23:35,152
big enough of a person
not to let your appearance
541
00:23:35,187 --> 00:23:37,147
get in the way of
our relationship.
542
00:23:37,890 --> 00:23:39,639
I'm glad.
543
00:23:39,675 --> 00:23:42,476
Besides, appearances
don't matter at all.
544
00:23:42,511 --> 00:23:44,811
Of course they don't.
545
00:23:44,847 --> 00:23:46,813
Like, it doesn't bother me
546
00:23:46,849 --> 00:23:49,816
that you wear those
funny white socks.
547
00:23:49,852 --> 00:23:52,219
Of course it doesn't.
548
00:23:52,254 --> 00:23:53,988
Or that it looks as if you trim
549
00:23:54,023 --> 00:23:55,990
your mustache
with a butter knife.
550
00:23:56,025 --> 00:23:57,669
Eh, another fine example.
551
00:23:57,693 --> 00:24:00,494
Cliff, have you ever
considered joining a gym?
552
00:24:00,529 --> 00:24:03,864
Oh, you ever
considered wearing flats?
553
00:24:04,867 --> 00:24:05,832
I can help you
554
00:24:05,868 --> 00:24:08,388
with that smoking
problem, you know.
38588
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