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1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:04,220
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,256 --> 00:00:06,400
Woody, here's your dinner.
3
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,358
Oh, thanks, Carla.
4
00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:11,727
Boy, I'm going to be glad
when I drop this double load.
5
00:00:13,664 --> 00:00:15,598
My veins are killing me.
6
00:00:15,633 --> 00:00:16,933
Your veins, huh?
7
00:00:16,968 --> 00:00:18,701
Yeah, varicose veins.
8
00:00:18,736 --> 00:00:21,637
I had them stripped
twice already.
9
00:00:21,672 --> 00:00:22,833
How do they do that?
10
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:23,923
Surgically.
11
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,158
They cut a hole
12
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:29,629
in your leg, and
they pull the vein out.
13
00:00:29,665 --> 00:00:30,941
No kidding?
14
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:35,368
Yeah, it's like pulling
a long, slimy worm
15
00:00:35,404 --> 00:00:37,236
out of you flesh.
16
00:00:37,272 --> 00:00:40,106
Gee, imagine that.
17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,792
Can you believe maintaining
that postcoital tristesse
18
00:00:42,828 --> 00:00:44,393
is gender oriented.
19
00:00:44,429 --> 00:00:46,129
Do you mind, Dr. Crane?
20
00:00:46,164 --> 00:00:47,563
I'm trying to eat.
21
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,108
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
22
00:00:58,143 --> 00:01:01,111
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
23
00:01:01,146 --> 00:01:03,946
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
24
00:01:03,982 --> 00:01:07,049
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
25
00:01:07,085 --> 00:01:12,238
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
26
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:15,157
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
27
00:01:15,192 --> 00:01:20,079
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
28
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:25,317
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
29
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,319
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
30
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:30,322
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
31
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:35,094
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
32
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,230
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
33
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,366
♪ People are all the same ♪
34
00:01:40,402 --> 00:01:44,937
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
35
00:02:02,791 --> 00:02:05,069
Woody, does it look
like we're going to get
36
00:02:05,093 --> 00:02:06,771
a good turnout for our auction?
37
00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:07,927
Oh, yeah.
38
00:02:07,963 --> 00:02:09,796
I'll bet by now there
isn't anyone in Boston
39
00:02:09,831 --> 00:02:10,947
who doesn't know about it.
40
00:02:10,982 --> 00:02:13,102
What auction? We're
having an auction?
41
00:02:14,903 --> 00:02:16,969
It's terrific.
42
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,671
It's a benefit for
Children's Hospital.
43
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,139
All these women get together
44
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,185
and they bid for an
evening on the town
45
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:23,509
with eligible bachelors.
46
00:02:23,545 --> 00:02:25,645
Local celebrities, athletes.
47
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,291
They raise a lot of money,
they do it every year,
48
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,492
and it's a great deal of fun.
49
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,660
Where'd you hear about it?
50
00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:32,184
I must have been to one once.
51
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,536
Anyway, I told Mr. Drake...
52
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:34,571
Who'd you bid on?
53
00:02:35,473 --> 00:02:36,606
I told Mr. Drake
54
00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:38,319
I thought it would
be great publicity
55
00:02:38,343 --> 00:02:39,654
for Cheers. Who'd you bid on?
56
00:02:39,678 --> 00:02:42,478
And since it's for a
good cause, he agreed...
57
00:02:42,514 --> 00:02:43,313
Who'd you bid on?
58
00:02:43,348 --> 00:02:44,480
A hairy linebacker.
59
00:02:44,516 --> 00:02:45,615
Are you satisfied?
60
00:02:45,650 --> 00:02:46,982
Ooh. Oh!
61
00:02:47,018 --> 00:02:48,668
Were you?
62
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:50,937
The point is,
63
00:02:50,972 --> 00:02:54,240
Mr. Drake thinks
it's a great idea.
64
00:02:54,276 --> 00:02:55,992
Woody...
65
00:02:56,027 --> 00:02:58,661
So, Sammy, you going to
be taking part in this auction?
66
00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:00,113
Are you kidding me?
67
00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:01,480
I hate that stuff.
68
00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:03,415
It's one thing
69
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,095
for guys to bid
on chicks, but...
70
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,886
that's sick.
71
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:11,156
You know, as a matter of fact...
72
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,224
Here you go.
73
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,392
Excuse me.
74
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,639
Listen, I'm going to save
you the embarrassment
75
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,407
of asking and then
being turned down.
76
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,276
I'm not going to be
doing your auction.
77
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,044
So just forget it. No way.
78
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,179
Not me.
79
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,369
Fine.
80
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,404
We need to create a stage.
81
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,606
I think right there
82
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:27,840
as you walk in the door...
83
00:03:27,876 --> 00:03:29,520
Hey, what's "fine"
supposed to mean?
84
00:03:29,544 --> 00:03:32,444
Well, it means I hadn't planned
to ask you in the first place.
85
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,657
Oh, well, good, good.
86
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:36,093
'Cause I really don't
care for that stuff.
87
00:03:36,117 --> 00:03:37,082
All right.
88
00:03:37,118 --> 00:03:38,918
We need a podium.
89
00:03:38,953 --> 00:03:40,063
Because the emcee is going to be
90
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:41,131
standing at the podium,
91
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:42,466
and all the women will
be standing around...
92
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:43,767
Excuse me, one more time here.
93
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:44,757
Why...
94
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,092
why hadn't you
planned on asking me?
95
00:03:47,128 --> 00:03:48,806
Well, I guess I
just don't find you
96
00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:50,796
as irresistible as some do.
97
00:03:50,832 --> 00:03:53,298
You, for instance.
98
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,301
But if you want to participate,
you're perfectly welcome...
99
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,803
No, hey, forget it.
100
00:03:57,839 --> 00:03:58,916
I'm sorry.
101
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:00,567
It doesn't matter
to me either way.
102
00:04:00,591 --> 00:04:03,109
I'm only doing this for charity.
103
00:04:03,144 --> 00:04:06,378
You know, Vera has that
carved on our headboard.
104
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:10,282
So we're agreed then, right?
105
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,262
Just plain simple
gold wedding bands.
106
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,420
With an exquisite
marquise diamond on mine
107
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,755
so we can tell them apart.
108
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:17,090
You give me such glee.
109
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,268
Here we are.
110
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:19,592
Sit here, my betrothed.
111
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,105
I'll go get us
something to drink,
112
00:04:21,129 --> 00:04:23,569
and, oh, uh, exchange
a few lies with my buds.
113
00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:24,630
I understand.
114
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,365
Your daily dose of male bonding.
115
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,761
Well, not for much longer.
116
00:04:27,785 --> 00:04:30,603
You know what's are breaking
up that old gang of mine.
117
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,789
As a guess, I'd say
hypertension and cirrhosis.
118
00:04:36,428 --> 00:04:38,594
You're irrepressible.
119
00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:43,499
Sam, champagne, please.
120
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,335
Ah, guys.
121
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:47,437
Norm, Cliff.
122
00:04:47,472 --> 00:04:49,417
Won't be long now
before the boys of the bar
123
00:04:49,441 --> 00:04:51,218
are going to have to
manage without me.
124
00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:52,608
Can do.
125
00:04:52,643 --> 00:04:54,410
Yeah, no sweat, Fras.
126
00:04:57,382 --> 00:04:59,582
Champagne, huh?
127
00:04:59,617 --> 00:05:01,750
Well, wild romance
is a fictive term
128
00:05:01,786 --> 00:05:02,918
with no correlation
129
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,154
to any actual
physiological behavior.
130
00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:07,590
We, nevertheless, like
to humor convention
131
00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:10,626
by going through with
these preposterous rituals.
132
00:05:12,630 --> 00:05:15,164
Champagne, huh?
133
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:19,768
Hey, Frasier, can I
ask you something?
134
00:05:19,804 --> 00:05:21,554
When you and Lilith
wake up in the morning,
135
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:23,255
which one of you
is the first to scream,
136
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:24,724
"What have I done?"
137
00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:31,997
Well, my darling,
138
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:32,999
to us.
139
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:34,466
Thank you, darling.
140
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:38,437
It's been a lovely evening.
141
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,607
You've revealed previously
unsuspected depths
142
00:05:41,643 --> 00:05:42,875
of romanticism.
143
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,287
Well, Lilith, we
have a whole lifetime
144
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,623
of romantic
evenings ahead of us,
145
00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:46,790
but for now, we've got to plan.
146
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,025
We don't have much time.
147
00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:49,893
We've got to get
the wedding license,
148
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,528
have blood tests, see the lawyer
149
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,196
draw up the
prenuptial agreement,
150
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,464
invite the guests...
151
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,521
Excuse me.
152
00:05:57,058 --> 00:05:59,491
What prenuptial agreement?
153
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,561
Well, wherein we decide what
you are or are not entitled to
154
00:06:02,597 --> 00:06:03,896
in event of a divorce.
155
00:06:03,932 --> 00:06:05,042
It's merely a safeguard.
156
00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:07,166
You're already
planning for the divorce?
157
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:10,686
Have you selected
my cemetery plot also?
158
00:06:10,721 --> 00:06:11,916
Well, assuming we stay together,
159
00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:14,506
you'll be right between
me and Cousin Lemuel.
160
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,575
I cannot believe my ears.
161
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,028
This is your idea of romance?
162
00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:21,246
Lilith, man does not
live by romance alone.
163
00:06:21,282 --> 00:06:23,226
He also needs
hardheaded practicality.
164
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:26,202
If your head was any
harder, it would etch glass.
165
00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:28,432
Where are you going?
166
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:29,588
I have no intention
167
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:30,901
of spending the
rest of the evening,
168
00:06:30,925 --> 00:06:32,892
let alone the rest of my life,
169
00:06:32,927 --> 00:06:35,794
with a compulsive, anal
retentive, chowderhead.
170
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,914
Now, Lilith,
171
00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:39,866
let's just both stop right now
172
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:42,401
before we say something
to spoil the mood.
173
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:45,571
Why don't you go make
love to your accountant.
174
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,286
You know, if more people
followed that advice,
175
00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:52,078
this world would be
such a happier place.
176
00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:54,930
You know, I just figured out
177
00:06:54,966 --> 00:06:56,265
what you're doing here.
178
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,112
You're using reverse psychology.
179
00:06:58,136 --> 00:07:00,770
You really want me to
be in that auction of yours,
180
00:07:00,805 --> 00:07:02,216
so you're pretending
that you don't,
181
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,672
am I right?
182
00:07:03,707 --> 00:07:05,574
I don't care if
you're in the auction.
183
00:07:06,911 --> 00:07:09,378
I don't care if you're
not in the auction.
184
00:07:09,413 --> 00:07:10,913
Yeah, right.
185
00:07:10,948 --> 00:07:13,715
I have never felt more
honestly and passionately
186
00:07:13,751 --> 00:07:16,218
indifferent about
anything in my life.
187
00:07:16,254 --> 00:07:18,888
I really don't care.
188
00:07:18,923 --> 00:07:20,756
All right, okay, you win.
189
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:22,924
I'm volunteering, all right?
190
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,250
150. Do I hear 200?
191
00:07:31,286 --> 00:07:32,286
200.
192
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:32,768
I hear 200.
193
00:07:32,803 --> 00:07:33,920
275.
194
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:34,955
Three.
195
00:07:34,989 --> 00:07:36,289
Okay, I have 300.
196
00:07:36,324 --> 00:07:37,940
Anybody give me 350? I want 350.
197
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:39,459
No. Okay,
198
00:07:39,494 --> 00:07:40,460
300 it is.
199
00:07:40,495 --> 00:07:42,027
Going once... going twice...
200
00:07:42,063 --> 00:07:44,029
Sold for $300!
201
00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:48,301
Okay, okay, I'm
going to let you gals
202
00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:50,769
take a breather while
we get the next big hunk
203
00:07:50,805 --> 00:07:52,488
up here on the block.
204
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,126
Boy, oh boy, you can
call me a traditionalist,
205
00:07:58,162 --> 00:08:00,146
call me out of
step with the times,
206
00:08:00,181 --> 00:08:02,547
but I prefer to get my
women the old-fashioned way.
207
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,117
In a plain brown wrapper?
208
00:08:06,154 --> 00:08:07,370
Ah, women.
209
00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:09,216
They can talk all they
like about romance,
210
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,551
but what it really comes down to
211
00:08:10,575 --> 00:08:12,642
is just pure animal lust.
212
00:08:12,677 --> 00:08:15,310
Is that supposed to refer to me?
213
00:08:15,346 --> 00:08:19,031
If the shoe fits.
214
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,484
Things a little strained
between you two?
215
00:08:21,519 --> 00:08:23,553
Oh, why should
you ask that, Sam?
216
00:08:23,588 --> 00:08:26,622
Just because she's
a pigheaded witch?!
217
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:30,750
So you two kids set a date yet?
218
00:08:34,516 --> 00:08:35,681
This is great.
219
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,300
We're just $2,000 away
from breaking the record.
220
00:08:38,336 --> 00:08:39,730
How many guys do we have left?
221
00:08:39,754 --> 00:08:40,635
Just Sammy.
222
00:08:40,671 --> 00:08:41,737
Oh, well.
223
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,052
There's always next year.
224
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,741
$2,000?
225
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,644
Oh, gee, I might actually
have to comb my hair.
226
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:49,912
Come on, you guys,
227
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:52,815
there's no way he
can get that by himself.
228
00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:55,668
God, if we just
had one more hunk.
229
00:08:56,704 --> 00:09:00,238
All right, all right, all right.
230
00:09:02,477 --> 00:09:06,578
Mr. Clavin, that is a
really sweet gesture...
231
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,163
but, um...
232
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:11,701
isn't there some
regulation against, uh...
233
00:09:11,736 --> 00:09:13,336
government employees in uniform
234
00:09:13,371 --> 00:09:15,349
participating in
this kind of a thing?
235
00:09:15,373 --> 00:09:18,874
Oh, that is a
very salient point,
236
00:09:18,909 --> 00:09:22,044
and one which I came
within a hair of overlooking.
237
00:09:22,079 --> 00:09:24,230
I thank you.
238
00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:26,076
I shudder to think what
might have happened.
239
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,866
We all do.
240
00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:31,870
Woody. Woody, what about you?
241
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,651
You're young, single, cute.
242
00:09:33,675 --> 00:09:35,752
Come on, Woody, what do you say?
243
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,343
Oh, gosh, Miss Howe, I...
244
00:09:37,378 --> 00:09:38,589
Oh, come on.
245
00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:41,146
Come on, buddy.
246
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:43,048
I don't know, I'm going
to have to give this
247
00:09:43,084 --> 00:09:44,250
some very serious thought.
248
00:09:44,285 --> 00:09:45,429
There isn't time.
249
00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:47,587
That's okay. I'm
finished. I'll do it.
250
00:09:47,622 --> 00:09:48,870
Good!
251
00:09:48,906 --> 00:09:51,056
All right, man.
252
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,959
Shucks. I hope I'm
not making a mistake.
253
00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:55,895
Yeah, I know what you mean.
254
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:58,263
Being gawked at
and herded around
255
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,565
like a prized pig.
256
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,768
Gee, now that
you put it like that.
257
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:05,137
Yeah, sounds great.
258
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,940
Now we have a little
bonus for you ladies.
259
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:11,410
Please welcome our
next eligible bachelor...
260
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,178
Mr. Woody Boyd!
261
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,185
Good evening, ladies.
262
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:24,356
I happen to be a very good
chef, and your evening with me
263
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,593
will be a wonderful
home-cooked country meal
264
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,864
with all the fixin's from
my native land, Indiana.
265
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:33,749
And let me just mention
266
00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:36,785
my special ingredient...
267
00:10:36,821 --> 00:10:38,320
Pork.
268
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:44,359
And please remember,
this is for charity.
269
00:10:45,897 --> 00:10:47,213
Who'll start the bidding at 100?
270
00:10:47,248 --> 00:10:48,263
$100.100.
271
00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:49,281
125.125.
272
00:10:49,317 --> 00:10:51,951
Excuse me. 200.
273
00:10:51,986 --> 00:10:53,152
I have 200.
274
00:10:53,187 --> 00:10:55,154
Do I hear 250?
275
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:59,024
Uh, you know, I think pork
might actually be out of season.
276
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,025
250!
277
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:00,942
275.
278
00:11:00,978 --> 00:11:02,978
Three.
279
00:11:04,014 --> 00:11:05,797
I have 300. Do I hear 325?
280
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,444
I'm going to go out
on a limb here, Cliffie,
281
00:11:07,468 --> 00:11:09,618
and say this is not
her first time in a bar.
282
00:11:09,653 --> 00:11:11,670
I have $325. Do I hear 350?
283
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,188
350.
284
00:11:13,224 --> 00:11:14,189
375.
285
00:11:14,225 --> 00:11:15,958
Four.
286
00:11:15,993 --> 00:11:17,471
I have 400. Do I hear 450?
287
00:11:17,495 --> 00:11:19,194
450.
288
00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,187
You can't do that.
289
00:11:28,222 --> 00:11:29,471
Okay...
290
00:11:29,507 --> 00:11:30,889
400. Going once...
291
00:11:30,925 --> 00:11:32,091
going twice...
292
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,994
Sold to the lady
right over there.
293
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,216
How do you do?
294
00:11:41,251 --> 00:11:44,319
You better be good.
295
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,790
Yes, ma'am.
296
00:11:47,825 --> 00:11:49,958
Uh, will you excuse me a minute?
297
00:11:49,993 --> 00:11:52,861
I have to do a couple
things before we go.
298
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,296
Cute little gal there, Woody.
299
00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:02,154
Is it me, or is
she a little scary?
300
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,422
Woody,
301
00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:07,292
the electric chair
is a little scary.
302
00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:09,749
Hey, you know,
um, 400's not bad.
303
00:12:09,773 --> 00:12:11,851
Now Sam only has to reach 1,600
304
00:12:11,875 --> 00:12:13,175
to break the record.
305
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:16,878
The day any woman
pays 1,600 for Malone,
306
00:12:16,914 --> 00:12:19,848
I'll tattoo his name on my butt.
307
00:12:19,883 --> 00:12:21,316
Sammy,
308
00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:23,551
quick, loan me 1,600 bucks.
309
00:12:27,024 --> 00:12:29,675
And now, our grand finale.
310
00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:32,995
Former Red Sox great Sam Malone!
311
00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:35,196
Come on up here, Sam. Yeah!
312
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:36,765
The big gun! Whoo!
313
00:12:41,388 --> 00:12:42,566
Thank you, thank you.
314
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:43,733
Ladies, let's see.
315
00:12:45,092 --> 00:12:46,903
Your enchanted evening with me
316
00:12:46,927 --> 00:12:49,561
will begin with a
leisurely sunset drive
317
00:12:49,597 --> 00:12:52,364
up to a small,
secluded oceanside inn,
318
00:12:52,399 --> 00:12:54,566
where we will enjoy
319
00:12:54,602 --> 00:12:57,151
a candlelit, romantic
dinner for two.
320
00:12:58,439 --> 00:12:59,772
Yes, yes.
321
00:12:59,807 --> 00:13:01,851
And then this being the
beginning of the weekend,
322
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:04,075
who knows where
dinner will lead?
323
00:13:05,429 --> 00:13:07,329
Well, okay.
324
00:13:07,364 --> 00:13:08,931
Does anyone want
to start the bidding
325
00:13:08,966 --> 00:13:11,433
at, uh, say, $100?
326
00:13:11,468 --> 00:13:15,170
I meant $250.
327
00:13:15,206 --> 00:13:16,739
$250!
328
00:13:16,774 --> 00:13:18,340
I have 250.
329
00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:19,257
300!
330
00:13:19,293 --> 00:13:20,386
I have $300. Do I have $400?
331
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:21,927
500!
332
00:13:21,962 --> 00:13:23,155
We're rolling now! I see you...
333
00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:25,080
575.575.
334
00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:26,698
Do we hear $600? 600.
335
00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:28,767
Do I hear 650? You were saying?
336
00:13:28,803 --> 00:13:30,146
Okay, we have $600.
Come on, ladies,
337
00:13:30,170 --> 00:13:32,370
loosen those purse strings.
338
00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:33,872
They stopped at $600.
339
00:13:33,907 --> 00:13:35,407
Uh, no problem. $650!
340
00:13:35,442 --> 00:13:38,176
Carla, where are
you going to get $650?
341
00:13:38,212 --> 00:13:39,222
Don't need it.
342
00:13:39,246 --> 00:13:40,228
700.
343
00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:41,524
See? All you got to do
344
00:13:41,548 --> 00:13:43,360
is goose the
bidding a little bit
345
00:13:43,384 --> 00:13:44,883
when it starts going down.
346
00:13:44,918 --> 00:13:46,885
$900!
347
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,030
900! $900.
348
00:13:48,054 --> 00:13:49,454
Now, do we have 950?
349
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:51,723
Come on, ladies...
Hot stuff here!
350
00:13:54,962 --> 00:13:56,995
I have 900. Do I hear 950?
351
00:13:57,031 --> 00:13:59,914
That's it; they're
not going any higher.
352
00:13:59,950 --> 00:14:01,194
No problem. 950!
353
00:14:01,218 --> 00:14:02,651
Carla. I hear 950.
354
00:14:02,686 --> 00:14:03,918
$1,000!
355
00:14:03,954 --> 00:14:05,637
I have $1,000!
356
00:14:05,672 --> 00:14:08,257
You can keep
'em going all night.
357
00:14:08,292 --> 00:14:09,391
$1,100!
358
00:14:09,426 --> 00:14:10,392
1,100! We are rolling!
359
00:14:10,427 --> 00:14:11,459
1,200!
360
00:14:11,495 --> 00:14:12,895
1,200!
361
00:14:12,930 --> 00:14:14,780
Do I have 1,250? 1,250, anyone?
362
00:14:14,815 --> 00:14:17,182
Oh, come on, now, ladies.
363
00:14:18,518 --> 00:14:19,935
1,250!
364
00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:21,019
$1,250!
365
00:14:27,027 --> 00:14:29,962
Well, well, well.
366
00:14:29,997 --> 00:14:31,763
$1,300. Do I hear $1,300?
367
00:14:31,799 --> 00:14:32,976
That sly Rebecca, huh?
368
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,967
Quite a date you're
passing up, here, ladies.
369
00:14:35,002 --> 00:14:37,035
I said 1,250.
370
00:14:37,071 --> 00:14:39,571
Do I hear 1,300?
371
00:14:39,607 --> 00:14:43,141
Come on, now, ladies.
372
00:14:43,176 --> 00:14:44,977
You heard the young lady.
373
00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:46,377
Will anyone say 13?
374
00:14:46,413 --> 00:14:47,640
Not me. I'm out.
375
00:14:47,664 --> 00:14:50,515
She wants him more than I do.
376
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,050
1,250 going once...
377
00:14:52,086 --> 00:14:53,268
No, please, please...
378
00:14:53,304 --> 00:14:55,119
Going twice... Please.
379
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:57,138
1,250, going for the last time.
380
00:14:57,174 --> 00:14:59,274
I bid $2,000.
381
00:14:59,309 --> 00:15:00,309
Sold!
382
00:15:19,249 --> 00:15:21,382
Yes, we broke the
record, Mr. Drake.
383
00:15:21,417 --> 00:15:23,150
Sam, all by himself,
384
00:15:23,185 --> 00:15:24,618
got $2,000.
385
00:15:24,654 --> 00:15:28,088
Well, thank you very much.
386
00:15:28,123 --> 00:15:29,289
Good-bye...
387
00:15:29,325 --> 00:15:30,358
Mr. Drake.
388
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:32,738
Okay, well, here you go.
389
00:15:32,762 --> 00:15:35,763
It's called Larry's
Sanitary Tattoo.
390
00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:41,380
Make sure you ask for Frank.
391
00:15:41,404 --> 00:15:43,771
He likes to do it the
old-fashioned way.
392
00:15:43,806 --> 00:15:45,439
You'll scream a lot.
393
00:15:49,178 --> 00:15:50,956
What do you think you're doing?
394
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:52,946
Helping charity.
395
00:15:52,982 --> 00:15:55,516
Don't worry, it's just some
money I had put aside
396
00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:57,184
to buy you a ring.
397
00:15:58,721 --> 00:16:00,699
You are not actually
going to go off with Sam
398
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:02,501
to some inn on the
Cape for the weekend?
399
00:16:02,525 --> 00:16:03,624
Why not? Did we have
400
00:16:03,659 --> 00:16:05,225
a prenuptial agreement
to the contrary?
401
00:16:05,261 --> 00:16:06,304
No, of course not.
402
00:16:06,328 --> 00:16:07,494
Sam,
403
00:16:07,529 --> 00:16:09,313
I understand we're
going to the Cape.
404
00:16:09,349 --> 00:16:11,081
I'll just bring the car around.
405
00:16:11,117 --> 00:16:12,483
We can stop at my place,
406
00:16:12,519 --> 00:16:14,535
and I'll throw some
things in a bag.
407
00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:15,553
Actually, Lilith,
408
00:16:15,588 --> 00:16:17,332
you know, that
won't be necessary.
409
00:16:17,356 --> 00:16:20,224
Perhaps not, but I
believe in being prepared.
410
00:16:20,259 --> 00:16:22,025
I hope you do, too.
411
00:16:25,548 --> 00:16:26,992
Wha-ho!
412
00:16:27,016 --> 00:16:31,819
Sammy, looks like you're
going to get your lobster boiled.
413
00:16:31,854 --> 00:16:33,221
Ah, no, I'm not.
414
00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:35,323
She's just doing
that to bug Frasier.
415
00:16:35,358 --> 00:16:38,593
Well, you know, you could
always trade with Woody.
416
00:16:43,233 --> 00:16:46,967
I don't think her
intentions are honorable.
417
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:48,852
Sam, Sam, I...
418
00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:50,254
I-I've got to talk to you.
419
00:16:50,289 --> 00:16:51,889
You can't go through with this.
420
00:16:51,924 --> 00:16:53,869
Come on, man, she's just
doing it to make you jealous.
421
00:16:53,893 --> 00:16:55,159
Oh, God, I'm losing her, Sam.
422
00:16:55,194 --> 00:16:56,405
Oh, would you stop that?
423
00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,606
You're my friend.
424
00:16:57,630 --> 00:16:59,641
I'm never going to take
a woman away from you.
425
00:16:59,665 --> 00:17:00,864
What about Diane?
426
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,751
And didn't God punish
me with a vengeance?
427
00:17:08,324 --> 00:17:09,990
Well, yes, but gee whiz, Sam...
428
00:17:10,025 --> 00:17:11,169
Oh, come on.
429
00:17:11,193 --> 00:17:12,660
Listen, wait a minute.
430
00:17:12,695 --> 00:17:14,061
There's got to be...
431
00:17:14,096 --> 00:17:15,340
You know, I'll tell you what.
432
00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:17,175
You know, this ought
to be a chance for me
433
00:17:17,199 --> 00:17:18,911
to bring the two of
you together again.
434
00:17:18,935 --> 00:17:20,033
What do you mean?
435
00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:21,469
Well, all right, l-listen.
436
00:17:21,504 --> 00:17:24,004
I'll pretend to go along
with the date, right?
437
00:17:24,039 --> 00:17:26,151
I'll rent the room,
I'll get some wine,
438
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,386
and then I'll tell her
how great you are,
439
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:30,188
and then pow,
you burst in on us.
440
00:17:30,212 --> 00:17:32,747
I do? Yeah. Yeah, why not?
441
00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:34,376
I mean, you
followed us up there.
442
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,378
It'll prove how crazy
you are about her.
443
00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:37,879
She'll be putty in your hands.
444
00:17:37,903 --> 00:17:40,237
Well, it has a certain panache.
445
00:17:42,057 --> 00:17:43,123
Yeah, here you go.
446
00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:44,235
Here's the address.
447
00:17:44,259 --> 00:17:45,637
Now, uh, be up there by 9:00,
448
00:17:45,661 --> 00:17:47,639
and, uh, just throw
me out of there, man.
449
00:17:47,663 --> 00:17:48,740
Show me no mercy.
450
00:17:48,764 --> 00:17:50,230
By God, I'll send you packing!
451
00:17:50,265 --> 00:17:51,543
All right.
452
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:52,867
Ready to go, Sam?
453
00:17:52,902 --> 00:17:54,947
Yes, yes, you bet, yes, sirree.
454
00:17:54,971 --> 00:17:56,214
Coming.
455
00:17:56,238 --> 00:17:58,116
I'm eager to get
somewhere we can be alone.
456
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:01,500
Oh, not half as eager as I am.
457
00:18:03,145 --> 00:18:04,778
My God, look at
that, Cliffie, will you?
458
00:18:06,782 --> 00:18:09,617
She's smoked about
eight packs of cigarettes.
459
00:18:09,652 --> 00:18:11,418
Where does all the smoke go?
460
00:18:11,453 --> 00:18:15,122
I'm waiting to see
where it comes out.
461
00:18:17,627 --> 00:18:20,127
You guys got any
last-minute advice for me?
462
00:18:20,162 --> 00:18:22,663
Yeah, leave a trail
of bread crumbs.
463
00:18:27,503 --> 00:18:28,953
A little more bubbly here?
464
00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:30,454
Whatever you suggest, Sam.
465
00:18:30,489 --> 00:18:33,524
I'm agreeable to
anything you suggest.
466
00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:36,193
Ah, well, good, good, good,
because, um, quite frankly,
467
00:18:36,228 --> 00:18:38,863
I'd like to talk just a little
bit more about Frasier.
468
00:18:38,898 --> 00:18:40,943
You know, uh, one of the, uh,
469
00:18:40,967 --> 00:18:42,544
qualities that I
admire most about him
470
00:18:42,568 --> 00:18:43,767
is his reliability.
471
00:18:43,802 --> 00:18:44,901
He's always
472
00:18:44,937 --> 00:18:46,798
very punctual, isn't he?
473
00:18:46,822 --> 00:18:48,322
Frasier, Schmasier.
474
00:18:48,357 --> 00:18:49,957
Let's have some fun.
475
00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:52,974
Heck of a guy,
Frasier, I'll tell you.
476
00:18:54,297 --> 00:18:55,737
A lot of, uh,
remarkable qualities...
477
00:18:56,983 --> 00:18:58,594
Uh... you know,
478
00:18:58,618 --> 00:19:02,719
he's, uh, he's faithful,
he-he's devoted...
479
00:19:03,990 --> 00:19:05,856
And he's, uh, musical, too.
480
00:19:05,891 --> 00:19:07,135
Very musical guy, you know?
481
00:19:07,159 --> 00:19:08,870
He's always, uh,
whistling something
482
00:19:08,894 --> 00:19:09,960
or singing some tune.
483
00:19:09,996 --> 00:19:11,028
Or making that...
484
00:19:11,063 --> 00:19:12,307
that funny little
485
00:19:12,331 --> 00:19:14,548
chirping noise he
makes with his lips.
486
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,314
What are you doing?
487
00:19:18,338 --> 00:19:20,538
It's too bright.
488
00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:21,905
Talk about bright.
489
00:19:21,941 --> 00:19:25,209
I tell you, uh...
490
00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:27,945
Frasier's just about the
brightest guy I've ever met.
491
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,848
You don't mind if we turn
some of these back on, do you,
492
00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:33,116
in case we want to
read later, or something?
493
00:19:33,152 --> 00:19:35,386
Hey, you know, Frasier
reads a lot, doesn't he?
494
00:19:36,823 --> 00:19:39,223
Sam, we've talked
enough about Frasier.
495
00:19:39,258 --> 00:19:40,691
Let's talk about you.
496
00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:42,560
Oh, me, well, I'm just a...
497
00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:45,229
an ordinary guy who happens to
498
00:19:45,264 --> 00:19:46,497
respect and admire
499
00:19:46,532 --> 00:19:49,266
the hell out of
Frasier, I'll tell you.
500
00:19:49,301 --> 00:19:50,446
Smell good?
501
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:53,937
You bet; I sniff him every
time he comes in the bar.
502
00:19:55,842 --> 00:19:57,307
Listen to that music.
503
00:19:57,343 --> 00:20:00,110
Makes me want to
do uninhibited things.
504
00:20:02,865 --> 00:20:04,926
Well, you know, that just
about wraps up our date here.
505
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:07,150
Uh, I hope you don't feel
ripped off, or anything,
506
00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:08,952
but I think we ought
to be getting back.
507
00:20:08,987 --> 00:20:10,799
What's your hurry, sailor?
508
00:20:10,823 --> 00:20:12,289
Well, I just thought that, uh...
509
00:20:12,324 --> 00:20:13,524
All right, good, good, good.
510
00:20:13,559 --> 00:20:14,691
Yeah, check around the bed
511
00:20:14,727 --> 00:20:16,827
and make sure you
haven't left anything there.
512
00:20:16,862 --> 00:20:19,563
Uh, then, uh, you know,
513
00:20:19,598 --> 00:20:21,576
to tell you the truth,
it's getting kind of late.
514
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,199
I'd like to, uh, I'd
like to drive back.
515
00:20:23,235 --> 00:20:24,235
What are you, uh...?
516
00:20:24,269 --> 00:20:25,803
That's very funny.
517
00:20:25,838 --> 00:20:29,673
Lilith, may I, may I
have my keys, please?
518
00:20:29,708 --> 00:20:31,241
Lilith, stop it; I'm serious.
519
00:20:31,276 --> 00:20:33,944
Lilith, I want my...
520
00:20:33,979 --> 00:20:35,412
Lilith, I-I... don't...
521
00:20:35,448 --> 00:20:36,847
I'm very serious, now.
522
00:20:36,882 --> 00:20:38,794
Listen to the tone of my voice.
523
00:20:38,818 --> 00:20:40,094
Give me my car keys.
524
00:20:40,118 --> 00:20:42,285
Oh, don't...
525
00:20:42,321 --> 00:20:44,120
Why do you want to go back?
526
00:20:44,156 --> 00:20:46,857
We have such a nice room here.
527
00:20:46,892 --> 00:20:50,327
Nice? I wouldn't
let a dog sleep here.
528
00:20:50,362 --> 00:20:53,597
Maybe the curtains
aren't that bad.
529
00:20:55,601 --> 00:20:57,968
Feel that music, Sam.
530
00:20:58,003 --> 00:20:59,503
Lift me down.
531
00:20:59,538 --> 00:21:02,539
Oh, all right. Oh! Oh!
532
00:21:02,575 --> 00:21:04,875
Dance with me.
533
00:21:04,910 --> 00:21:07,578
Uh, I don't think that's
such a good idea.
534
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:13,790
Well, maybe just a little bit.
535
00:21:15,721 --> 00:21:17,966
Do you know what I
always have the urge to do
536
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:19,322
whenever I see you, Sam?
537
00:21:19,358 --> 00:21:20,824
Uh, please don't tell me.
538
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:22,070
Unbutton your shirt.
539
00:21:22,094 --> 00:21:23,861
Oh, oh, well...
540
00:21:23,896 --> 00:21:26,597
Uh, boy, they didn't,
uh, set the clocks back
541
00:21:26,632 --> 00:21:28,276
and forget to tell me, did they?
542
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,300
Did you read Lady
Chatterley's Lover?
543
00:21:30,335 --> 00:21:31,835
Uh, Lady Chatterley's Lover?
544
00:21:31,871 --> 00:21:34,304
Uh, yes, as a matter
of fact, I did read that.
545
00:21:34,339 --> 00:21:35,806
Or parts of it, at least.
546
00:21:35,841 --> 00:21:37,407
I have the strangest desire
547
00:21:37,442 --> 00:21:39,543
to twine flowers
in your chest hair,
548
00:21:39,578 --> 00:21:41,255
then deflower you.
549
00:21:41,279 --> 00:21:43,113
Listen, Lilith, uh...
550
00:21:43,148 --> 00:21:44,948
Mmm. Mmm.
551
00:21:44,984 --> 00:21:47,851
Oh, boy. Mmm...
552
00:21:53,592 --> 00:21:55,893
Aha! I found you...
553
00:21:57,763 --> 00:21:59,830
kissing!
554
00:21:59,865 --> 00:22:02,533
Got her all warmed
up for you, there, Fras.
555
00:22:02,568 --> 00:22:05,235
And yourself in
the process, I see.
556
00:22:05,270 --> 00:22:06,414
Oh, come on. Well, let's
557
00:22:06,438 --> 00:22:08,350
just step outside, settle
this like gentlemen.
558
00:22:08,374 --> 00:22:10,102
Oh, don't be ridiculous, man.
559
00:22:10,126 --> 00:22:12,092
At least do me the honor
of pulling up your pants.
560
00:22:12,128 --> 00:22:13,238
All right, I will.
561
00:22:13,262 --> 00:22:14,761
All right.
562
00:22:14,797 --> 00:22:15,908
Now, what is going on here?
563
00:22:15,932 --> 00:22:17,142
I might ask you the same.
564
00:22:17,166 --> 00:22:19,244
Look, I'll ask the
questions around here!
565
00:22:19,268 --> 00:22:21,601
Would you two stop
sniping, for goodness sake?
566
00:22:21,637 --> 00:22:24,104
Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you look?
567
00:22:28,777 --> 00:22:30,411
You two were
actually going to...
568
00:22:30,446 --> 00:22:31,589
Oh, of course not.
569
00:22:31,613 --> 00:22:33,108
That was only for your sake.
570
00:22:33,132 --> 00:22:35,632
What? You mean you
knew I was coming?
571
00:22:35,667 --> 00:22:37,913
Frasier, darling,
yin to my yang,
572
00:22:37,937 --> 00:22:40,282
I know your mind
as I know my own.
573
00:22:40,306 --> 00:22:42,706
Of course I knew you'd come.
574
00:22:42,742 --> 00:22:44,619
I knew you could do no other.
575
00:22:44,643 --> 00:22:46,943
Besides, I could hear
your muffler behind us
576
00:22:46,979 --> 00:22:49,446
all the way up Route 3.
577
00:22:49,482 --> 00:22:53,283
And what a joke on me.
578
00:22:53,318 --> 00:22:57,654
What a cruel,
wonderful joke on me.
579
00:22:57,690 --> 00:22:59,589
Why, Lilith, why?
580
00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:00,758
Because I was angry
581
00:23:00,793 --> 00:23:02,354
about that prenuptial agreement.
582
00:23:02,378 --> 00:23:04,411
Oh. And hurt.
583
00:23:04,446 --> 00:23:05,545
Look, I'm-I'm sorry
584
00:23:05,581 --> 00:23:07,948
I ever brought that
up in the first place.
585
00:23:07,984 --> 00:23:10,851
It's just that I've seen
so many failed marriages.
586
00:23:12,187 --> 00:23:14,304
I just wanted some
insurance, I guess.
587
00:23:16,526 --> 00:23:17,808
Of course, I...
588
00:23:17,843 --> 00:23:19,883
I forgot I'm marrying
the perfect woman.
589
00:23:24,249 --> 00:23:26,817
Don't forget that, Frasier.
590
00:23:26,852 --> 00:23:31,655
And I certainly didn't
mean to hurt you with Sam.
591
00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:34,325
By the way, what took
you so long getting here?
592
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,327
Oh, well, when I first arrived,
593
00:23:36,362 --> 00:23:37,995
I went to the wrong room.
594
00:23:38,030 --> 00:23:40,197
Uh...
595
00:23:40,232 --> 00:23:42,433
By the way, we're
having breakfast tomorrow
596
00:23:42,468 --> 00:23:45,135
with Jack and Peggy
in number eight.
597
00:23:45,170 --> 00:23:47,671
I'm paying.
598
00:23:47,706 --> 00:23:50,507
Frasier, you dear, sweet ninny.
599
00:23:51,977 --> 00:23:53,610
I do love you, you know.
600
00:23:53,646 --> 00:23:55,546
And I, you.
40763
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